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Dwarf Fortress => DF Dwarf Mode Discussion => Topic started by: Telcontar on October 29, 2009, 04:08:41 pm

Title: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Telcontar on October 29, 2009, 04:08:41 pm
I received a notification recently that a kidnapper had made off with one of the children of my fortress - a baby actually. I was sad, but only because I thought I'd had the security part of my fortress pretty much on lock and apparently I was wrong. One less baby certainly ain't a big deal.

Then it stuck me that, as the victim was a baby, the goblin must have stolen it right out of the arms of its mother! Crazy!

But it gets worse. I tracked down the mother - and it was one of the speardwarves I had guarding the front door. Some goblin thief snuck up on my guards and snatched the kid out of the arms of its military mother whose sole purpose was keeping an eye out for goblins.

I took her out of the military, as that life certainly didn't seem to suit her. She will be tending the fields for the rest of her natural life.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Vlynndar on October 29, 2009, 04:10:40 pm
Whoa. That is one stealthy goblin.

I wouldn't be surprised that if harvest came around, the plump helmets would mysteriously disappear just as she's bending down to pick them.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Heliman on October 29, 2009, 04:13:21 pm
Note: try not to put anything less than champions on the outer reaches of your fort unless you can help it, the champion's legendary status lets them have super states enabling them to chase the little green bastards down easier.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: They Got Leader on October 29, 2009, 05:34:18 pm
I think that that dwarf is actually a goblin in disguise! They are getting smarter...

We need the million dwarfbuck dwarf!
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Telcontar on October 29, 2009, 09:24:27 pm
Too new of a fort for that, Heliman. My dwarves also have slow-learner to up the challenge as well.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Jude on October 29, 2009, 09:57:17 pm
I bet a goblin could wait till a dwarf is distracted by a legendary dining room and snatch the dwarf's entire family out from under her beard.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: h3lblad3 on October 29, 2009, 10:58:03 pm
Too new of a fort for that, Heliman. My dwarves also have slow-learner to up the challenge as well.
As if they aren't stupid enough without your help?
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: LeoLeonardoIII on October 30, 2009, 06:11:36 pm
With [SLOW_LEARNER], dwarves probably don't sit around and talk anymore. They just stand in the same corner altogether, staring at each other, sticking their bearded lips out trying to make sounds. And giggling when someone actually says a whole word.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Stargrasper on October 30, 2009, 07:40:44 pm
I received a notification recently that a kidnapper had made off with one of the children of my fortress - a baby actually. I was sad, but only because I thought I'd had the security part of my fortress pretty much on lock and apparently I was wrong. One less baby certainly ain't a big deal.

Then it stuck me that, as the victim was a baby, the goblin must have stolen it right out of the arms of its mother! Crazy!

But it gets worse. I tracked down the mother - and it was one of the speardwarves I had guarding the front door. Some goblin thief snuck up on my guards and snatched the kid out of the arms of its military mother whose sole purpose was keeping an eye out for goblins.

I took her out of the military, as that life certainly didn't seem to suit her. She will be tending the fields for the rest of her natural life.

You see? That, right there, is precisely why I keep wardogs at my front gate.  They may not be terribly strong, but never once have they failed to detect an enemy which the local miner or woodcutter could promptly slaughter all before I have a chance to deploy a military unit.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Count Dorku on October 30, 2009, 08:41:01 pm
We now have to worry about goblin ninjas. Let me know when the zombie troll pirates turn up.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: SquirrelWizard on October 30, 2009, 08:46:19 pm
heh that reminded me of a snatcher incident in ToolCrews.

Snatcher! Protect the Children.

A goblin bagged a child right in the midst of 8 of my champion marksdwarves (I had 16 in total, and was rotating them out)

I wonder what must have gone through that goblin's heads. Likely a couple +cat bone bolt+s
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Heliman on November 01, 2009, 09:08:54 pm
Too new of a fort for that, Heliman. My dwarves also have slow-learner to up the challenge as well.
Jesus, no wonder the gobbo got away. also when running a fort like that get the dwarves training up their wrestling first because of how easy it is to skill-up and avoid injuries from the near permanently dabbling recruits.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Count Dorku on November 13, 2009, 04:23:31 pm
I had a sneaky kobold in my last Dig Deeper fort...nicked the ammunition out of an Orc bowman's quiver!
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: shadowclasper on November 13, 2009, 04:28:00 pm
Hunting dogs. Seriously. They'll detect just about anything that isn't legendary ambusher skills equivalent, at least in my experience.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Blargityblarg on November 13, 2009, 06:17:16 pm
I had a bunch of raccoons steal an entire ambush of Shade Elves' (Assorted Silliness Mod) ammo.

All of it.
And the elves still weren't visible =D
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Kinoko_Otoko on December 07, 2009, 09:15:13 pm
That's nothing. I stationed my champion married couple outside after they slaughtered a whole goblin ambush with their bare hands, so that my other dwarves could safely harvest the resulting goblinite. A goblin babysnatcher managed to sneak up and steal my female champion's baby, and that particular champion is maxed out in every single stat (from years of wrestling naked with her husband).

Funny thing about these two was that they were immigrants (fish dissector and his peasant wife and child) and I didn't even realize they were married with a child until they were both champions. They were my only military, and the baby would occasionally take a roundhouse kick from daddy and fly across the barracks. My favorite error message is now

'Urist McMother cancels sparring in barracks: Seeking infant'
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Amalgam on December 07, 2009, 09:23:24 pm
I once had some snatchers. I killed them all dead. Or, at least, the ones I saw. It took me nearly a full year to realize that one of the only two children in the fort had mysteriously vanished, and when I remembered the snatchers I put two and two together.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: JoystickHero on December 08, 2009, 12:34:30 am
'Urist McMother cancels sparring in barracks: Seeking infant'
I will never look at the 'Seeking Infant' message the same again.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: silhouette on December 08, 2009, 12:47:54 am
from years of wrestling naked with her husband.

Are you SURE they are WRESTLING?
It would explain the baby.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: hexedmagica on December 08, 2009, 02:28:40 am
from years of wrestling naked with her husband.

Are you SURE they are WRESTLING?
It would explain the baby.
Yeah, but dwarves don't reproduce by "that". They reproduce through spores.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Yagrum Bagarn on December 08, 2009, 02:43:22 am
Every now and then I get a snatcher or thief that makes it past my chained wardogs and into the barracks.  No one has ever made it past the barracks, though.

On one hand, I admire the bastard for getting so far.  On the other hand I lock the doors of the barracks so he has nowhere to go.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: silhouette on December 08, 2009, 02:55:16 am
from years of wrestling naked with her husband.

Are you SURE they are WRESTLING?
It would explain the baby.
Yeah, but dwarves don't reproduce by "that". They reproduce through spores.
I FREAKING KNEW IT!
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: A-chana on December 08, 2009, 07:59:38 am
I had a pair of kidnappers attempt to kidnap children without a single person noticing until some Champions crossed paths with them and broke their skulls. Even I didn't realize what was going on until one kidnapper went unconscious and a child appeared on the same tile.

Five minutes later, the other goblin was caught with a baby and dealt with similarly. The mother was fooling around inside the barracks somewhere, a wrestler/axedwarf hybrid. There was never even a message about the goblin being sighted by her when the baby was taken.

Of course, that's the same mother who gave birth in her sleep and let her baby crawl all the way down a hallway before she decided to go pick him up. Maybe parenting just isn't her thing.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Grendus on December 08, 2009, 04:11:46 pm
I had four snatchers try to kidnap the same baby.

I don't use dogs as guards, since in Dig Deeper that means you'll go through two dogs a season. Instead, use champions to guard, and since I don't bother to check gender before recruitment (I draft anyone who would get a generic stonecrafter mood), that means I get a lot of champions carrying children into battle. One of my mother-champions was stationed at the front gates when four goblin thieves showed up. The first snatched her baby, but walked into another champion and was promptly brained by 8 champion hammerdwarves. As she's picking up her baby, another "Snatcher, protect the children!" message. She clobbers the goblin and knocks him 20 urists away. Not two seconds later, a third goblin thief has her baby and is discovered, this time by her husband who was also drafted. He kills the goblin, she picks her baby up. At this point she heads inside for a drink and, you guessed it, stumbles into a fourth snatcher, who she knocks clear to the other side of the top z-level of my fortress.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Amalgam on December 08, 2009, 06:29:34 pm
If dwarves reproduce by spores than how do they know who the father is? Dwarven bloodlines must be largely guesswork. And full of accidental incest. And rape. I mean, getting knocked up would be as easy as walking into a poorly ventilated room full of lonely men, and you wouldn't know what hit you until a baby falls out while you're sparring.

...God, that's disturbing.

Amalgam cancels Post: Busting out the brain bleach.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: inteuniso on March 04, 2010, 11:24:23 pm
They were my only military, and the baby would occasionally take a roundhouse kick from daddy and fly across the barracks.

Chuck Norris is in this game.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: NW_Kohaku on March 05, 2010, 01:48:41 am
If dwarves reproduce by spores than how do they know who the father is? Dwarven bloodlines must be largely guesswork. And full of accidental incest. And rape. I mean, getting knocked up would be as easy as walking into a poorly ventilated room full of lonely men, and you wouldn't know what hit you until a baby falls out while you're sparring.

...God, that's disturbing.

Amalgam cancels Post: Busting out the brain bleach.

Civ races have learned of a special screening process for spores so that they do not get impregnated by, among other things, their own parents, the way that other, lower creatures, like cats or cattle or mermaids do. 

Instead, they have a special imperviousness to all mating spores at birth, preventing any pregnancy.  Now obviously, this would result in extinction if they remained impervious to mating spores, so they undergo "marriage" to allow themselves to mate with their chosen spouse.  This is not the "marriage" people in our world know of, however, this is a special mating spore sac alignment marriage, although it does result in the sharing of a bed. 

Unfortunately, once the spore sacs are aligned, they are permanently aligned to just that one other member of their civ - all civ races mate for life.  Once their aligned spore sac bearer is dead, they will never again have children, causing great sorrow and torment, to the point where creatures like dwarves may go insane.

And that's why Armok designed dwarf brains to be almost permanently ecstatic if they eat in a dining room that has really neat stuff in it.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Cypress on March 05, 2010, 03:01:08 am
And that's why Armok designed dwarf brains to be almost permanently ecstatic if they eat in a dining room that has really neat stuff in it.
I thought he did it so that they wouldn't realize any of the things that we're talking about.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Mungrul on March 05, 2010, 06:52:55 am
The spoilered image below was the only entrance to my fortress.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A kobold got past the constant flow of traffic. Deftly tiptoed across the many cage and weapon traps. Crossed the green glass bridge with champions standing guard on it. Snuck past the chained black bears just after the bridge. Avoided all of the dwarves entering and exiting the barracks, went 2 screens deeper into the fortress, and made it out again with a clownite buckler stolen from my central armoury that constantly had dwarves pathing through it. Then he came back a few months later and stole a suit of clownite platemail.
For 2 years after that I had kobold ambush parties.
That kobold was possibly the greatest kobold thief ever.
Is there a way to track him down in Legends mode?
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Akura on March 05, 2010, 08:34:09 am
If dwarves reproduce by spores than how do they know who the father is? Dwarven bloodlines must be largely guesswork. And full of accidental incest. And rape. I mean, getting knocked up would be as easy as walking into a poorly ventilated room full of lonely men, and you wouldn't know what hit you until a baby falls out while you're sparring.

...God, that's disturbing.

Amalgam cancels Post: Busting out the brain bleach.

Civ races have learned of a special screening process for spores so that they do not get impregnated by, among other things, their own parents, the way that other, lower creatures, like cats or cattle or mermaids do. 

Instead, they have a special imperviousness to all mating spores at birth, preventing any pregnancy.  Now obviously, this would result in extinction if they remained impervious to mating spores, so they undergo "marriage" to allow themselves to mate with their chosen spouse.  This is not the "marriage" people in our world know of, however, this is a special mating spore sac alignment marriage, although it does result in the sharing of a bed. 

Unfortunately, once the spore sacs are aligned, they are permanently aligned to just that one other member of their civ - all civ races mate for life.  Once their aligned spore sac bearer is dead, they will never again have children, causing great sorrow and torment, to the point where creatures like dwarves may go insane.

And that's why Armok designed dwarf brains to be almost permanently ecstatic if they eat in a dining room that has really neat stuff in it.
Quote from: Mortar Team from Warcraft III
"And that's how baby dwarves are made."
"Ugh!!!"
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: BigD145 on March 05, 2010, 09:50:46 am
from years of wrestling naked with her husband.

Are you SURE they are WRESTLING?
It would explain the baby.

I'm pretty sure it's still called "wrestling." I had one female legendary wrestler that would spit out a kid every 3-4 seasons. For obvious reasons, she was constantly interrupted while wrestling.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Malibu Stacey on March 05, 2010, 11:26:48 am
The entrance to my fort is a 3 tile wide tunnel which has a pair of chains at the entrance with a war dog chained to each so there can only be a 1 tile wide space at most between the war dogs. I still see goblin snatchers being caught by the single line of cage traps I have as a failsafe just past my depot for such an occurance. I've now chained 2 war dogs per chain but am thinking whether 1 war dog & 1 hunting dog would be a better choice to detect intruders. I have a tower with marksdwarves patrolling well within shooting distance of the dogs so if they spot an intruder they're not expected to slaughter them all by themselves.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Don Blake on March 05, 2010, 03:08:44 pm
My barracks is set up right outside the only entrance to my fort, so intruders have to sneak past that, a line of cage traps, a guard jaguar and her brood before getting into my proper fort. 

The spoilered image below was the only entrance to my fortress.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A kobold got past the constant flow of traffic. Deftly tiptoed across the many cage and weapon traps. Crossed the green glass bridge with champions standing guard on it. Snuck past the chained black bears just after the bridge. Avoided all of the dwarves entering and exiting the barracks, went 2 screens deeper into the fortress, and made it out again with a clownite buckler stolen from my central armoury that constantly had dwarves pathing through it. Then he came back a few months later and stole a suit of clownite platemail.
For 2 years after that I had kobold ambush parties.
That kobold was possibly the greatest kobold thief ever.
Is there a way to track him down in Legends mode?

I think thefts might show up in engravings.  Alternatively, thefts do show up in legends mode, there's just not an easy way to search for them.  Check under your fortress under sites, and do a lot of scrolling.

Unless you just know his name, in which case, yeah, use that.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Sutremaine on March 05, 2010, 05:42:06 pm
Thefts will show up in engravings, although the odds of the engraver picking that particular event are small.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: kilakan on March 05, 2010, 08:11:56 pm
My best theif ever, snuck through barracks, dining hall, crafts shop, bedrooms, into my treasury, stole a artifact ruby, encrusted with ruby, and circled with adamantium, and got back out.... then I had a ton of seiges, damn theif.
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: NW_Kohaku on March 05, 2010, 10:22:38 pm
My barracks is set up right outside the only entrance to my fort, so intruders have to sneak past that, a line of cage traps, a guard jaguar and her brood before getting into my proper fort. 

The spoilered image below was the only entrance to my fortress.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A kobold got past the constant flow of traffic. Deftly tiptoed across the many cage and weapon traps. Crossed the green glass bridge with champions standing guard on it. Snuck past the chained black bears just after the bridge. Avoided all of the dwarves entering and exiting the barracks, went 2 screens deeper into the fortress, and made it out again with a clownite buckler stolen from my central armoury that constantly had dwarves pathing through it. Then he came back a few months later and stole a suit of clownite platemail.
For 2 years after that I had kobold ambush parties.
That kobold was possibly the greatest kobold thief ever.
Is there a way to track him down in Legends mode?

I think thefts might show up in engravings.  Alternatively, thefts do show up in legends mode, there's just not an easy way to search for them.  Check under your fortress under sites, and do a lot of scrolling.

Unless you just know his name, in which case, yeah, use that.

Actually, I think that if you just go down to the last age in your legends mode (at the very bottom of the main "legends" menu), it will show historical events in chronological order.  Since history stops for anything not relating to your fort, you just have to scroll through the parts of the age that your fort has actually been in existence for the "Theft at Fortname".
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: Spectre on March 07, 2010, 04:25:01 pm
I had a sneaky kobold in my last Dig Deeper fort...nicked the ammunition out of an Orc bowman's quiver!

A little late, but siged anyway   =D
Title: Re: Sneakiest Gobbo Ever
Post by: NW_Kohaku on March 07, 2010, 04:52:50 pm
Man, my kobolds are lazy.  They steal the wood or iron arrows human caravans shoot at random wildlife that I leave forbidden before sneaking off with their "treasure". 

Seriously, I've had three successful "thefts" at my fort, two arrows, and a dead elf merchant's sock.  Way to friggin' go, kobolds!