ADVENTURE PEASANT
(http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/5341/titlepicture.jpg)
FUCK YEAH
FEATURING:
-BLATANTLY LAZY 'ART'
-BLATANTLY LAZY EVERYTHING ELSE
-LUDICROUSNESS
-RULES APPLIED WITH ARBITRARY STRICTNESS
-PEASANTS
-ADVENTURE
-Help I am trapped in this guy's basement
-AND MUCH MORE!
ARE YOU MAN, WOMAN, OR OTHER ENOUGH TO JOIN?
THREE APPLICANTS WILL BE ACCEPTED
ALL CAPS POSTS ARE NOT REQUIRED!
HOLY SHIT A WAITING LIST
-tombthedwarf
-NRN_R_Sumo1
-Renault
-Archangel
-Ottofar
-
Halmie-Spartan117
-Demonic Spoon
-Armok? Maybe?
-BACKSTABBING TRAITOR, TAINT OF THE EARTH, MURDERER OF INNOCENT BYSTANDERS
HIGH SCORES:
HAIKA:
Died in 5 turns. Did some sweet stuff, but negated it by getting killed pretty fast.
Last Words: heh, well that ended rather blegh.
SCORE: 3
NUKE9.13 and affiliates do not guarantee explosions
Roit then. Note to self: Holy moly size down them images. There's little enough to see anyway, without you spreading it all over the place.
PEASANTIA
THE HUMAN TOWN OF REGIT
WEDENESDAY
JUST BEFORE LUNCH
Shadow, Haika, and ExKirby are rudely dragged from their shacks to the palace in the center of town. They now stand in an empty hall awaiting the president's attention.
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/2637/act1scene1.jpg)
The guy on the left is Shadow. Middle man is Haika. Square-eyes is ExKirby.
After standing perfectly still doing absolutely nothing for an indeterminate period of time, a second guard, indistinguishable from the guard guarding you, summons you forth to the SHAPED OFFICE. The PRESIDENT addresses you within;
(http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/5396/regitoffice.jpg)
"You! Peasants! Get to work!
These letters to my dear friend, the DIRECTOR of the INSANE ASYLUM will not deliver themselves!
You may ask why I have tasked three of you to perform this simple task. However, if you do so, you will be executed!
Nevertheless; the reason is that you peasants are so worthless that even such a simple task is a titanic effort to you. But if my predecessor taught me anything, it's that throwing enough peasants blindly at a problem will make it go away!
Now take a copy of this letter each and TEN COPPER PIECES and take the road NORTH out of town until you reach the ASYLUM. You can't miss it!"
A guard hands you a letter and a pile of coins each.
(http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/9892/letterinv.jpg)
The adress on the letter reads 'S.H.Template, Director's Office, The Insane Asylum, Peasantia' Beneath it is an Email adress; 'SHTDir@InsaneRelay.PT' ((You can click that, and probably even send an email to it, but nothing will happen. It's just automatic thingamajiging))
(http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/5507/copperinv.jpg)
These coins are not very shiny. But hot damn, this is more than you would earn in thirty years, by which you mean, your entire life!
Statuses:
Shadow: A-ok
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
Haika: Feelin fine
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
>What do you do now?_
ROARSOMESAUCE. Fact: Ants are awesome
Find a church.
You knows of two locations in Regit that could be called churches, but the shrine probably doesn't really count. So, off to the church with the pointy orange roof!
Wielding a copper coin to indicate that, despite appearance and smell, he is not a mere peasant, he walks in.
(http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/2798/xkirbyt1.jpg)
A... priest? in an orange shirt welcomes you.
"Uh, Hey?
Welcome to the church of Reely?
Apparently Reely is also known as Reely the vaguely puzzled? On account of his constant bemused expression, and unquenchable thirst for knowledge?
Reelyites tend to ask questions a lot? Sometimes Reely helps them get answers, they say?
Um, would you like to join the church?
And, how come you have money, peasant?
And why are your eyes all funny?
Why are you so tall?"
>_
Crawl out of the building like a newt.
(http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/8211/shadowt1.jpg)
The guards pay you no attention because you are only a peasant.
You have gotten dusty from crawling over the floor.
>_
Then go buy a wench with my coinage.
You head off for the store.
(http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/1306/haikat1.jpg)
You ask the shopkeeper if he has a wench.
"I am the sane shopkeeper", he replies.
"Alone amongst my colleagues, I have no kooky quirks or amusing anecdotes. My life is free of irregularity that defines those of the insane man. Though the world besieges me constantly with enough craziness to turn lesser men mental, I have erected defences against such baleful influences.
To continue idle conversation, say 'one'.
To purchase items or receive more information, say 'two', followed by the name of the object in question and 'purchase' or 'information'.
To talk about something else, say 'three'
To end conversation, say 'Goodbye' "
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Slightly dusty
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
Haika: Feelin fine
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-one copper coin (right hand)
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-6 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
I declare my self a member of the church, or should I? Why was I selected to be a member of this meaningless quest? Why am I using so many questions? It raises my favor with Reely, right?
Maybe?
You ask to be a Reelyite.
"Oh, that's good, right? Have a badge, I guess?
Um, you can now read from the book of Reely, over by the altar, if you want.
It says what a Reelyite should do, I think?"
The priest hands you an orange badge.
(http://img693.imageshack.us/img693/7872/exkirbyt2a.jpg)
Such beauty. The inscription reads 'Huh'
>_
I say, 'Two, Knife' Then purchase said knife, stab the shopkeeper with it, and steal everything else. Making sure to dress myself unlike a peasant afterwards.
You ask for the knife.
ACTION SEQUENCE
(http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/5567/moneychanginghands.jpg)
Money changes hands
(http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/6825/haikat2a.jpg)
You HAVE the knife
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/9684/haikat2b.jpg)
You HAVE it
(http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/8803/haikat2c.jpg)
*wooosh*
(http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/9166/haikat2d.jpg)
You stab the shopkeeper, dealing [D6=5] 5 damage.
The shopkeeper sort of glides backwards into the back room and shuts the door. You hear a bell being rung.
You nick everything except a yellow shirt and the box of shirts. You take off your rags (which crumble into dust) and don the red shirt. No one would suspect you were a peasant now, unless they had a working pair of nostrils.
(http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/756/haikat2e.jpg)
>_
Crawl into the church like a newt and flick my tongue around the place because I think newts do that.
(http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/7526/shadowt2.jpg)
ExKirby and a priest are here, apparently discussing hereditaryness.
"Hey, why are you crawling around? Are you allergic to birds? Do you think ExKirby takes after his father's length or his mother's? Have you come to join the church?"
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Slightly dusty
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
Haika: One star
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Big jar of keys
-Roll of string
-Encyclopedia
-Bottle of Wine
-Undead Yak milk
-Valuable egg
-Blue shirt
-Green shirt
Equipped:
-Redshirt
-Bloody Knife (+0 dagger)
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Reelyite Novice badge
Would like to go a peasanting!
You join the waiting list of the damned!
!
Now in colour! hisssss pschauw fchugh fchugh oh gods i am on fire fchugh
I will quickly replace red shirt with green shirt, as redshirts always DIE. I know this. Green is a better color for a garden hose anyway. Afterwards, I shall quickly, make my way away from here. To quest, and adventure, and hopefully not to guards and prison...
You swap shirts.
(http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/5008/haikat3a.jpg)
Then you quickly, make your way away, out of the shop. Two guards are running towards you from the palace so you flee south.
COIN FLIP: ...TAILS
Unfortunately you meet two guards coming the other way.
(http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/4066/haikat3b.jpg)
Hint: You are fucked.
>_
Can I get a 6 for stomping on my companion's face? Maybe it will teach him to stand upright?
You kick Shadow.
(http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/1342/exkirbyt3.jpg)
Dealing [D6-2=0] no damage.
Hint: Untrained, unarmed combat deals D6-2 damage.
>_
Blow a raspberry.
You make with the insulting actions.
...
(http://img377.imageshack.us/img377/8507/shadowt3.jpg)
You have been kicked out of church.
This is a new low for peasant kind.
Hint: Perhaps you should deliver the letter already?
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: A disgrace to his mother.
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
Haika: One star
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Big jar of keys
-Roll of string
-Encyclopedia
-Bottle of Wine
-Undead Yak milk
-Valuable egg
-Blue shirt
-Red shirt
Equipped:
-Green shirt
-Bloody Knife (+0 dagger)
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Reelyite Novice badge
Waaaiting liiist
Right you are, nutjobs.
What time is it?
It are SOUL HARVESTING TIME
BWAHAHAHAch hach.
Crawl around sobbing because the GM made me a disgrace to my mother.
Also look for shiny things.
(http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/5388/shadowt4a.jpg)
You cry a single tear for your beloved mother.
Then you head to the place to look for shiny things; the Scavenger's Guild
(http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/72/shadowt4b.jpg)
What a curious building. It appears to be made out the bits of several other buildings hastily stuck together.
You head in.
(http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/8688/shadowt4c.jpg)
A curious apparition greets you.
"Hey, peasant, what are you doing here? Oh, you are on a quest. Ok then.
Welcome to the Scavenger's Guild. Everything on display costs one copper. If you want something else, it costs extra, cos we have to spend a few hours looking for it in the cellars. Though exciting breakthroughs are being made on that front what with the RUS readings on the QPF being through the roof and all this AEM coming through.
Anyway.
How can I help you?"
>_
"Hello there good fellows, I am on a quest for the King, what seems to be the trouble?" IE: bluff like mad, hiding the bloody knife and hoping to worm my way out of this.
You hide your knife and start to spin some fantastic tale about kings and shit.
COIN FLIP: TAILS
Unfortunately one of them sticks you, in the modern 'stab first, ask questions later, by necromancy if necessary' manner
(http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/6201/haikat4a.jpg)
[D6+5=6+4:Bonus:5=15] The guard deals 15 damage. You have 5 life left. Also, you better not try to do any fancy digestin'
(http://img532.imageshack.us/img532/2316/haikat4b.jpg)
Before they stick you again, you start to jabber about the king giving you a quest or some shit.
COIN FLIP: HEADS
The guards are suddenly curious.
"What king? You a spy, kid?"
Keep it up, and you might get away with lifelong imprisonment for espionage. Yeah with tails they would ha' stuck you again and you would be ded
>_
Shopping time, no?
(http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/7415/exkirby4.jpg)
No.
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: A bigole crybaby.
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
Haika: 1/4 alive. Or 3/4 dead. (5/20)
-Letter
-6 copper coins (not shiny)
-Big jar of keys
-Roll of string
-Encyclopedia
-Bottle of Wine
-Undead Yak milk
-Valuable egg
-Blue shirt
-Red shirt
Equipped:
-Green shirt
-Bloody Knife (+0 dagger) (up sleeve)
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Reelyite Novice badge
Whatever I'm in!
Hmm.. so far I have been using computers at work to access the internet.
So perhaps I should wait with joining as a pesant untill wednesday-thurstayish.. as I would have access to the internet from home.
(The internet service here in Greenland is kinda messed up..)
Tough.
You are standing at the back of the palace. Some guards just dumped this headless body here. You are considering searching the pockets.
(http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/4935/ultimuht5a.jpg)
Hmmm.
(http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/4172/ultimuht5b.jpg)
Hmmm.
(http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/1757/ultimuht5c.jpg)
Hmmm...
Yeah, why not.
There are six copper coins and in the pockets and a knife up a sleeve. Everything is covered in blood.
As you turn to leave, you notice a letter on the ground. There is a note paperclipped to the letter:
DELIVER TO THE INSANE ASYLUM (just north out of town) OR DIE FOR GRAVE ROBBING.
-Signed, The President.
Hmmm
You steal the letter.
>_
"Is there a shirt in there I can have? I can pay for it if you want?"
(http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/5364/exkirby5.jpg)
"No. Go away. The shop will open again soon."
>_
I want that hat, buy the hat!
With the hat, I can accomplish anything!
(http://img185.imageshack.us/img185/7538/shadowt5.jpg)
Dashing.
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Dashing
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Greenlandish
-Letter w/paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
Equipped:
-Rags
ExKirby: HEALTHY
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Reelyite Novice badge
Is there a waiting list? If yes, put me on it.
Tulips
Nuke, you are a artist will blood. You may suck at every thing else but you truly shine with blood.
Needs more guts though...
The trick is airbrush and bad .jpg compression.
GASP! Mysterious happenings!
Three, can I inquire about your shirts?
"...
We sell a selection of shirts in a wide range of colours. The shirts on display are merely examples of the many available colours. Our shirts are made from: Cotton, tulip-based dyes. May contain nuts. Our shirts are made in, Endeavour, Slavistan, by, Garment incorporated.
Our shirts cost, two, copper pieces each. One size fits all."
You have learnt about their shirts. Reely is pleased.
>_
Oh fine...
I start walking North, knowing full and well I completely forgot everything I was supposed to do besides 'North'.
You stop slouching and head north out of town. You can see the asylum in the distance.
You leave the buildings of Regit behind.
You arrive at the-
um
(http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3884/shadowt7.jpg)
asylum?
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Dashing
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Greenlandish
-Letter w/paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
Equipped:
-Rags
ExKirby: Divine suck-up
-Letter
-10 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Reelyite Novice badge
Alright... BACK to Rubik...
You sigh, shake your head, and turn round and walk inswise to Rubik.
(http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/6654/shadowt8a.jpg)
Um.
You walk ouscross again, and walk back to REGIT.
(http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/4785/shadowt8b.jpg)
Somebody has left a map on the road! It was not here a moment ago.
>_
Blink VERY SLOWLY.. so.. hungry...
And.. what? a letter on the ground?
So hungry.. Maybe I could nibble abit on it's corner?
(http://img532.imageshack.us/img532/5642/ultimuht2a.jpg)
>_
Can I buy a shirt in orange please?
You buy an orange shirt. You put it on. Your rags crumble to dust.
(http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/9980/exkirbyt7.jpg)
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Now in 5D!
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Hungry
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
ExKirby: Divine suck-up
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Three were given to the spiky-teethed men, teethiest of all beings
Seven to the green-skinned men, great detectives of the dark fortresses
And nine... nine tulips were gifted to the race of men who, above all else, desire hats with flowers in them.
._.tulips
Get on the ground next to the map, read it while waving my legs around in the air and holding my head in my palms like a young lady.
You lie on the ground like a girly and read the map.
(http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/3899/shadowt9an.jpg)
The map (a MAP9000) is blank to start, but as you watch, lines spread out from the center, like some kind of fast growing mold.
(http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/1520/shadowt9b.jpg)
It settles into a map of Regit
-Church (Reely)
-Palace
-Tavern (TDK)
-Shop
-Relay Tower
-Guild (scavenger's)
-Shrine (Adventure Peasant)
And, on demand, a map of the route from Regit to Hukia
The Most Interesting Road (1 turns)
The Boring Road (3 turns)
SPOOKY. But convenient.
>_
Get on the ground next to the map, read it while waving my legs around in the air and holding my head in my palms like a young lady.
(http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/2715/exkirbyt8a.jpg)
You have the cleaver.
(http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/6346/exkirbyt8b.jpg)
You HAVE it.
>_
Now I'll be tipping over theese garbage bins and look for anything of use.
You kick the other trashcan.
(http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/6830/ultimuh3a.jpg)
There is rubbish in it. Nothing of 'use'
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Ladylike
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Hungry
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
ExKirby: Divine suck-up
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Maybe I should study a tree for info on how bark grows?
You find a tree on the outskirts of town.
(http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/4333/exkirbyt10.jpg)
Unfortunately, this tree already has bark.
>_
Grab the lid by it's handle, as it if was a shield and walk outside, I need a weapon if I have to fight some bandits.
You run outside, wielding your 'shield'.
(http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/4677/ultimuht5d.jpg)
Now what?
>_
STOP! Run off with a duck, keep with the path though.
You sneak up to a duck. Before you can grab it, the duck farmer sees you.
"Oi!" says he.
"Oi? says he, espying your hat.
"Oi!" says he once more. Then he grabs a duck and hands it to you.
(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/8065/shadowt12a.jpg)
He starts talking about... something.
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Dashing
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Still hungry
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
ExKirby: Very Amateur Treeologist
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Back on my path then...
You walk for half a turn. You begin to see some grain farmers, then you walk north across the fields and into the woods.
(http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/1558/shadowt13a.jpg)
This is a brilliant plan
(http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/50/shadowt13b.jpg)
What
(http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6010/shadowt13c.jpg)
Could possibly (symbol carved into the bark of that tree)
(http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/1906/shadowt13e.jpg)
Go wrong?
(http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/8085/shadowt13f.jpg)
...oops.
>_
Hmm.. it could be sharpened at some time..
Now I'll search for something that looks like a helmet..
Where are you going to find a helmet, or something that looks like one. Honestly, the chances of-
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/4476/ultimuh7a.jpg)
...
>_
Considering I have a cleaver and I want to examine bark, don't you think it's a little obvious what my action will be?
(http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8543/exkirbyt11a.jpg)
(http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/7196/exkirbyt11b.jpg)
A wind blows through the tree, making it shiver, as if in pain.
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Lost
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: Lucky
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
ExKirby: Very Amateur Treeologist
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Maybe I need to hack more? Or study the color of sap?
Hey, yeah. Why the hell not.
(http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/1992/exkirbyt12a.jpg)
thwack
Boy it sure is windy.
(http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/8827/exkirbyt12b.jpg)
Also should the tree be glowing like that
The tree is seriously shaking and glowing and everything. You back away a bit.
(http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/622/exkirbyt12c.jpg)
There is some serious creepy occult shit going down. It even looks like a woman is coming out of the tree.
(http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/3043/exkirbyt12d.jpg)
...
There is a tree woman. She looks seriously pissed.
Hint: See reply 27, haika's turn.
>_
I'll put the helmet on my head, then I'll raise the shield and spear while makeing a victorius shout.
You take the helmet. You stand in the most impressive manner possible.
(http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/2669/ultimuht8.jpg)
That is, you don't change your stance at all
Enter Victorious Shout:
>_
Glance at the mark on the tree, look shocked, shed a tear.
You will surely win an oscar.
(http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/9653/shadowt14.jpg)
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: would like to thank his agent and his loving wife and family for their support
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Ultimuh: not very impressive
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Very Amateur Treeologist
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Can you please add me to the waiting list?
NEVER!
To be or not to be; that is the question. ~Charles Dickens (circa.1562)
Bow to the audience!
Exit stage That-a-way...
You take a bow to the woods. The reaction is sub-par.
You exit stage inswise.
(http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/4783/shadowt15a.jpg)
How about that? Rubik again.
Well, better head ba-
(http://img389.imageshack.us/img389/7553/shadowt15b.jpg)
...
(http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/6708/shadowt15c.jpg)
floating cube. the duck is not impressed.
>_
Maybe it's worth RUNNINGLIKEASEAL*? Oh, and does Reely know about my discovery of tree wuminz?
*Total Wipeout. Look it up on the BBC iPlayer.
Your search did not return any results. Referencio* is pissed.
You make with the running
(http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/4333/exkirbyt13.jpg)
Also. Merely stumbling upon tree wimin does not impress Reely; at the very least a short examination will be required, which in turn would require stopping with running, which would almost certainly lead to death.
>_
Skip the victory shout, I need booze before I can come up with something.
I'll head over to the nearest tavern.. or Liquir store, or hatever place which serve alcoholic bevarages.
You head over to the tavern.
(http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/9460/ultimuht9.jpg)
Demonic Altar
(http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/8518/ultimuht9b.jpg)
You enter the tavern.
The bartender greets you;
"Hi there! Welcome to The Drunken Triceratops!
I'm Fred the bartender. Can I get you something?"
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: In 3D, but not the normal ones.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat (with duck)
Ultimuh: whoosh
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-6 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Running like a regular peasant, thank you very much.
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
As it may be a while before I get it all fixed up, though it pains me to do, allow me to present this copout imageless turn.
Can my discovery become Reely's loophole?
What do you mean by this?
Please clarify your intention.
>_
I'll ask for a cheap ale, cheap but tasty. Then ask for something to satiate my hunger. Mighty warriors need their daily booze and stomach fillings.
You exchange one copper for a mug of ale which is, at the very least, palatable, and a plate of leftovers.
You consume both in a boring way. The bartender talks about a way to clean coins using bear piss. You aren't paying attention, but when he drops the coin into a mug of yellow liquid, you make a mental note not to accept change from this guy.
>_
Grab that Rubik's cube, turn the far yellow section counter clockwise(or clockwise from my avatar's viewpoint)
Um... I think a diagram is in order...
You grab the cube. It refuses to be moved more than a foot away from the pedastal, so you leave it there.
You try to turn it. It refuses to budge.
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: In 3D, but not the normal ones.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat (with duck)
Ultimuh: hunger, thirst: sated.
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Running like a regular peasant, thank you very much.
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Hey, what?
The COMPETITION (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=51461.msg1159933#msg1159933) is real, people. FABULOUS PRIZES are waiting to be won. By ANYONE. Get cracking, chaps!
WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER
(http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/7032/wethoughitwasallover.jpg)
BUT IT WAS ONLY JUST BEGINNING
(http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/3559/butitwasonlyjust.jpg)
THIS SUMMER.
(http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/2130/thissummer.jpg)
THREE PEASANTS
(http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/9005/threepeasants.jpg)
WILL RESUME THEIR EPIC QUEST
(http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/7961/epicquest.jpg)
TO DELIVER A LETTER TO THE ELUSIVE INSANE ASYLUM
(http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/440/imagenotfound.jpg)
...OR JUST MESS ABOUT WITH THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE
(http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/182/eitherwayisgoodreally.jpg)
EITHER WAY IS GOOD
I'M BACK
ART THOU READY TO ROOMBLAY?
And lo, The Lord came down from the heaven, and spake unto them; "lo", said he, "shut up already, I don't care about you or your bloody famine." And lo, they praised his name and made a statue of him and he was all like "what, are you trying to bribe me, I'm god, you cannot do- Ooh, is that ivory?"
Look around in a paranoid fashion.
You glance around nervously.
(http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/2672/shadowt17a.jpg)
There is nothing to see
(http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/6663/shadowt17b.jpg)
Raise my spear into the air and give out a victorious shout with no regard to people who might give me strange looks.
"GLABOGL!", cry you, in a victorious manner.
(http://img72.imageshack.us/img72/3797/ultimuht11.jpg)
A passing peasant gives you an odd look.
Coin flip:TAILS
You regard it, and find it slightly unsettling!
Time for more RUNNINGLIKEASEAL, no?
You tear yourself away from the grass, and start to run!
Coin flip: HEADS
The dryad, who had assumed you were insane, is unprepared to stop you! You manage to escape her barky talons.
(http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8754/exkirbyt15.jpg)
You cannot run like this for much longer!
Statuses:
Shadow: Does not have an appendix.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: Nonplussed
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
In Shadow's hands, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: UNSETTLED
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Dryad scratches! These will make some sweet scars
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Put me on the waiting list please.
Apply bearman to waiting list.
(http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/8667/bearmaninthewaitinglist.png)
I kid, I kid. The real moral is don't do drugs; bearman will kill you. acutaly those are two, serpeate morals.,
Reely, can I have my flight now?
You scrunch up your eyes and pray for flight. Nothing happens.
The dryad attacks! (Dealing [d6=2] two damage!)
(http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/4231/exkirbyt17a.jpg)
She punches you in the face.
(http://img203.imageshack.us/img203/3964/exkirbyt17b.jpg)
Your Sanguine PointVial takes a hit!
Shieldbash the suspicious looking person in orange to the ground (not to death tough) and ask the fair maiden in green if the person have been bothering her.
A reminder: You do not actually possess a shield; you are merely prancing about with an old dustbin lid.
(http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/6807/ultimuht13.jpg)
COINFLIP: HEADS
Nevertheless, the blow is good, and the probable brigand is knocked unconscious, dropping the stolen Lucky HammerCleaver
(http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/6379/ultimuht13b.jpg)
At least you have achieved light headedness; one step closer to flight!
The fair maiden seems a little confused by this turn of events.
Check the pedestal. Is it fully purged of evil yet?
Hmm.
(http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/8470/shadowt18.jpg)
The cube does not appear to be any different; although the duck is become more and more plussed (as opposed to nonplussed).
Statuses:
Shadow: Does not have an appendix. We may never know why.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: not very plussed
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
In Shadow's hands, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: UNSETTLED, Mugger
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Unconscious! 17/20 HP
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Can I eat dirt to see how it tastes?
Maybe you can.
(http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/3387/exkirbyt18.jpg)
Tastes like humiliation (sort of spicy vanilla)
Start waving away the smoke or whatever those black lines are with the hat. It's probably getting stuffy...
(http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/2646/shadowt19.jpg)
The WISPS of PURE EVIL disperse easily. The cube appears to be unharmed, as does the duck.
Stand there with my "sheld" in one hand, and my spear in the other, smiling awkwardly at the fair maiden.
Not really sure what to do next, since it's the first time I ever rescued one from a savage bandit.
You stand around sheepishly.
(http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/5741/ultimuht14.jpg)
Eventually you break the silence.
"So, um. I've never done this before", you admit.
"Oh, right. Me neither", says she, relieved.
You share a nervous laugh.
Statuses:
Shadow: Still in Rubik.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: Unharmed
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
In Shadow's hands, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: Inexperienced in the ways of the world.
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Unconscious! 17/20 HP
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
JPEG artifacts. NNNG.
Are you jealous. Are you jealous of my thirteen-hundred-and-thirty-seven art skills.
It is ok.
Many people are jealous of me.
You are not alone.
Can I join as the fair maiden?
No. You may join the waiting list, if you prefer.
How come I only saw this just now?! I commend you, Nuke, on a worthy PA-successor!
Waiting list! (although I expect to die within one microsecond, since NUKE is a dirty smelly backstabbing peasant)
What? No! Whilst I may jest about how I still hold a grudge against you for BRUTALLY MURDERING ME whilst I was in THE PEAK OF MY PERFORMANCE with NO MEANS OF DEFENDING MYSELF, I have long since let those things slide.
As a sign of my forgiveness, I will let you skip the waiting list, and join the game immediately!
(http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/6667/nohardfeelings.jpg)
You are a PEASANT. You recently fell into a VOLCANO. There is no way you can escape the jagged rocks or molten magma below; you posses only FRIDGE MAGNETS and SOFTCORE PORNOGRAPHY.
WHAT DO YOU DO, YOU BACKSTABBING TRAITOR
Alright, put the hat and duck back.
Bite the cube, try wrenching it one way or the other. FORCE.
Also lots of 'omnomnom' noises.
You attempt to eat the cube
(http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/2167/shadowt20.jpg)
No matter what you do, none of the sections of the cube will rotate.
You only manage to lose some of your rotten peasant teeth. Though most of the nerves in your gums have long since dissolved, it hurts like the blazes. -1 health.
COIN FLIP: HEADS
You feel like you have avoided some piece of misfortune.
Poke the orangely dressed brigand with the blunt end of the spear, is he alive? Did I hit him to hard?
(http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/8958/ultimuht15.jpg)
Nope, he's fine. Looks like he is enjoying himself, actually.
EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
(http://img176.imageshack.us/img176/2497/exkirbyt19.jpg)
You eat some dirt. It still tastes like humiliation. You feel humiliated.
Statuses:
Shadow: Missing some teeth.
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: Chillin'
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
On shadow's head, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: Inexperienced in the ways of the world.
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Humiliated. 17/20 HP
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Ask the fair maiden what I should do with this.. Ooh! I forgot the hammer!
Take hammer and return it to the smith post haste!
Wait.. The letter! I need to give the letter to.. who was it again I should give it to?
You take the hammer/cleaver.
Haha! Side quest completed. Now to deliver it to the smith.
BUT WAIT
You also have to hang on deliver this letter to the insane asylum on the road east out of Hukia.
CHOICES CHOICES
(http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/8383/ultimuht16.jpg)
>_
Alright screw this...
I move to the edge of Rubik and carefully look over the edge.
You walk (carefully) to the edge of Rubik.
(http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/3973/shadowt21a.jpg)
The face below you appears to be mostly green, with some sort of device in the corner.
You step a little closer to the edge to get a better look and-
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/7027/shadowt21b.jpg)
ohshit-
(http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/4676/shadowt21c.jpg)
ohshit-
(http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/5645/shadowt21d.jpg)
ohshiiii-
(http://img697.imageshack.us/img697/3976/shadowt21e.jpg)
(paf)
>_
Statuses:
Shadow: Does not understand the simplest of multi-dimensional physics. (19/20 health)
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: Does understand aforementioned physics but is either incapable of explaining due to a speech impediment or does not want to explain because it is haughty.
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
On shadow's head, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: DILEMMA'D
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Trashcan lid
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Inactive 17/20 HP
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Apply duck to pedestal!
...
Seriously, ok, seriously, what.
...
FINE.
(http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/9969/shadowt24a.jpg)
A cube, radiating destiny.
(http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/9840/shadowt24b.jpg)
A man, absorbing destiny like some sort of destiny-sponge.
(http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/2131/shadowt24c.jpg)
You reach out for the cube (sigh) duck.
The duck is not sure where this is going, but it does not like it. It does not hold with destiny.
(http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/1750/shadowt24d.jpg)
You push the duck into the cube. The duck is not nonplussed. It is plussed- so plussed, you guys- it is superplussed. Uberplussed, with the dots on it.
Oh, and there is crazy amounts of evil pouring off of the cube. It's getting pretty stuffy.
(http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/1479/shadowt24e.jpg)
Pretty stuffy indeed.
AND PRESENTLY
A VOICE FROM THE MIST!
In a sort of hissing, punctuated with clicks, it speaks to you. It sounds pretty pissed:
"Oakay ssssseriously what arrrre you doooing? Just ssssolve the cube already! We will tear the flesh off of your bonesss if you do not!"
>_
Hold my shield up in both my hands and let a victorious tune sound from the heavens.
(*cough*legendofzelda*cough*)
You hold up your shield in a pixelicious way.
(http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/4078/ultimuht19.jpg)
You shout something 8-bit. No one can make out the words.
(http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/2014/ultimuht19b.jpg)
Statuses:
Shadow: Reckless Lever Puller (19/20 health)
-Letter
-9 copper coins (not shiny)
-Map
-7 free spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shoddy Hat
Duck: UBERPLUSSED WITH DOTS ON
Inventory: Bearmna cape. Grants power of magma diving.
Against the cube, Somewhere in Rubik, Rubik.
Ultimuh: Pixellated
-Letter (chewed)
-paperclip'd note
-5 copper coins (bloody)
-Bloody Knife
-6 empty spaces
Equipped:
-Rags
-Shiny Shield
-Sharp Stick
-Shiny Helmet
ExKirby: Inactive 17/20 HP
-Letter
-8 copper coins (not shiny)
-8 free spaces
Equipped:
-Cleaver (tree sap covering)
-Orange Shirt
-Reelyite Novice badge
Put dook on hat, turn cube.
y y p
y y p r
y y p r r
g g y r r r
g g y r r
g g y r
^
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