Bay 12 Games Forum

Finally... => Creative Projects => Topic started by: WorkerDrone on September 04, 2009, 03:15:41 am

Title: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 04, 2009, 03:15:41 am

ATTENTION: We have run out of space on the first page. Page 20 shall hold all of our other stories until it too runs out of space. At that time I will use another page. Will continually keep the updates page by page in the OP, so you can navigate with ease.

http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=41406.msg751733#msg751733

For all intents and purposes, this is here to make sure I don't back out of this Ridiculous venture, but also so I can build hype until tomorrow afternoon, where I'll have time to finally get all of these notes and ideas down onto...well not paper. But into actual text.

This will be a series of quirky stories that basically show you a pseudo-Gamer's hangout. In spaaaaaaace. More specifically, Bay 12, and how I perceive all of you, while also entertaining you with random events that satire how affairs are carried out in fluid conversations, most of which will poke fun at the idiotic random fads that stick around for god knows how long.

All of these short stories will be stand alone. There is no connection between which happens in another, and they will all proceed just as naturally as every single eventual derail and rerail that occurs on the board. Most will attempt at being clever, usually with me stopping mid comment and present a situation that is wholly unlikely, hilarious, and of course, Ridiculous.

The order of events will usually follow this course.

Presentation of the 'characters' > Equal presentation of an argument, discussion, or event, taking place in a first hand experience, displaying the satirical 'Bay Twelve', which for all intents and purposes, is a writer's canvas > a satirical commentary will follow suit, and almost always during this commentary, it will immediately break away to a sudden event that is designed to induce convulsions of overstatement and laughter. > Then breaking back into the same commentary as before as if uninterrupted, finishing the story.

Take it as you will, this is a rather not so serious attempt to entertain you all. I already have two planned out, with a third on the dry-dock. I'll keep making them as I please, whenever I have time or inspiration. All of the short stories shall be presented in similar format as Jackrabbit. Without further delay;

Tales:

Spoiler: The wheels also don't help. (click to show/hide)

There is no smell like the smell of syrup roast and fried kitten. It is both revoltingly disgusting and repellent in its manner of sweetness. There is no fouler gruel to be served, and in space, no one could hear you gag. Besides the eight or so thousand other people crammed into the same 'lounge' as you. Aqizzar began his brunch by dumping every last bit on top of ToonyMan's own tray, which he happily poked at with a fork. Resting a foot on the bench across from himself, and taking a bite out of a peperoni stick, squinting across the room a the commotion being caused as the daily knife fights started off. Mildly interested when WorkerDrone shoved a file into his face, he frowned, half swatting and half grabbing it. "What the..."

Its hardly a wonder as why so many spurious arguments present themselves when it also presented the opportune moment to see if your most wildest scheme was a plausible way to garner the attention you so craved. Bay Watcher A lurks in the darkness, and pounces upon B, C, and D. B and C argue just what idea was set forth and what it implicates, while D immediately hops on the bandwagon, assuming it as the appropriate response. C is swayed soon after with B sticking to his doubts, eventually drawing in E, F, G and H, all of which immediately break into a massive fist fight to see who happens to be right. While A gleefully basks in the drama acting as if he had not intended for this tortured hairbrain idiocy he spawned was not his fault in the first place.

Vester, Cthulhu, Jackrabbit, Duke 2.0, ChaoticJosh, and WorkerDrone sat together at a table, all taking random seats and picking up conversation where appropriate. Jackrabbit and WorkerDrone immediately began to discuss how a stand up fight would be so much more irrelevant if magma really was always the answer, and how the cupcakes served were actually muffins. Vester and Cthulhu giggled inanely at drawings of 'creative' Pokemon, whilst Duke poked his head past their shoulders pointing out that they were just 'oddly shaped', not at all inappropriate. ChaoticJosh was just there to sedate WorkerDrone if he got out of hand. ToonyMan slyly sneaked past Josh, brushed past Jackrabbit and his piles of chicken scratched notes that best not be described, and leaped up onto the table.

"Gentleladies." He tapped a thumb to his forehead. "There is a simple solution to all your problems. What we need to do is tear up those images of Lincoln in front of his Cabin, replace the cabin with a family of druids, and super impose images of Green Men in random places in the background! Give Lincoln an axe, and its all obvious!"

"What's obvious?" They all said collectively. ToonyMan gives that oh so charming grin yet again, attempting to sell it as if it all made sense. "The green men! Haven't you seen them?" Duke and Vester looked at the pictures, and then at the Toon. "Holy shit. Where did all of these Abe pictures come from!?" Duke exclaimed. Vester looked at Cthulhu, who merely shrugged and said "Uh oh?" Jackrabbit nodded sagely. Three Bay Watchers, having overheard their conversations, we're hoisting awfully redrawn pictures of famous events and places, with short green men dotted around the background, in crowds and in shadows. They hadn't even heard the wild explanation given shortly beforehand, simply assuming since all the "cool people" were talking about it, it must be the next big thing. The Toon had already vanished sooner than he came, his evil deed done, whilst thirteen new images had already been made in poor imitation.

When one begins to jump, the others ask why that one jumped, while others agree that there must be a good reason, with an odd number saying it was simply a twitch. A random assortment of of the lazy or misguided, or simply equally evasive immediately begin to jump around aswell, without further prompting from the one who had first jumped. Its as if a fried treat had just be tasted and thirty people at once immediately wanted more, and wanted to make the treat themselves. So most do just that, or settle for someone else doing it for them. Its an insane road where either you are idiotic, or crave the idiotic for the sake of a uproarious exchange with others, or simply to see what kind of creative inanity spawns from the mouths of others. The more that jump on the insanity wagon, the stronger it becomes, until it wears its own wheels down, forcing it to either be replaced, or abandoned in search of another ride.

WorkerDrone snatched the file back, and then, in anger, threw it down onto the table for all to see. The mortifying images only served to rouse the same fury that WorkerDrone had entered with. Aqizzar whistled. "Those can't be real." WorkerDrone snorted. "Oh their real..." He turned around at the sound of that voice. His fists clenched, and smoke rising from his nostrils.

A wave of nausea rose when she saw that smug grin from across the room. Buried in a crowd of idiots for target practice or debauchery infected comrades, she hoped to ignore the bile in her throat. He wouldn't say anything, she had found the cameras...and the artists...and the ninjas rifling through her clothes. Oh the bloodletting. She even made sure to burn the it all together! At least...she think she did. It got hazy after the third tranquilizer. A loud smack filled the air of the lounge as a tome hit Sofia in the back of the head. In a guttural voice, WorkerDrone shoved aside at least fifteen people whilst shouting rage conducing words. "PITY SEX...!?" Sofia turned heel, catching half a four letter word in her mouth when a fist flew into her face.

When the wagons begin to fall apart, its only eventual that the brightly mischievous began to make replacements. And its is equally eventual that Holy War shall break out in order to discern the simply question as to whether or not it really is just another bumpy ride.

The ride's always to be bumpy.

Spoiler: Jackrabbit's submission. (click to show/hide)

Many moons ago, at the dawn of… September, if memory serves, a great war was waged. People, Gods and annoying 40k enthusiasts fought for control over a scrap of land, devoid of resources, fast becoming harsh and inhospitable. This was known as the war of independence by some who had smoked to much and still believed that they actually wielded any power, whatsoever, at all.
   It was also known as the battle of Various Nonsense, the Nonsense wars and “That thing where a bunch of guys pretended to be a nation and dicked around”.
   As you can probably tell, it was an epic occurrence.
   It began, as many things do, with something happening.
   In this time the forums were an Oligarchy, with the power concentrated in the hands of the Toad and the… sloth? The name Threetoe suggests so. And there was widespread despair at their tyranny, and the taxes they levied and the widespread oppression.
   Actually, there were none of these things. The forums were a pretty cool place, and had been so since their creation. But history must have people who wish it were otherwise, and humanity must have people who love a spectacle. And so Inaluct travelled to the dwindling board known as Various Nonsense, and he took it for his own. Presumably because he thought it would be funny.

   Transcript of the hostile takeover of the board follows, recorded on the day by an unnamed correspondent.
   Inaluct- “Where should we do this? This epic feat, this colossal attempt to overthrow a tyrannical power, a – “
   Unknown- “Here?”
Inaluct- “Yeah, alright.’

Chilling stuff. The annexation of the board of Various Nonsense did not go unnoticed. As mentioned, people love a spectacle. Dozens flocked to join the new nation, abandoning their comfy homes in search of fame and recognition. Some, a few, achieved this. Workerdrone, Inaluct, and several others, including some guy with a boot who’s name was never recorded. He looked like an idiot anyway.
Two days after the separation of Various Nonsense from the Toady Domain, the new nation had grown to colossal proportions. Attempted border skirmishes with the Toady Domain proved unsuccessful. They were not strong enough to challenge him. Yet, for all that, Toady was benevolent and allowed the micro-nation to exist. And exist it did, and ever prosper, providing your definition for prosper is broader than the length of the Golden Gate Bridge.
A baron was elected, Aqizzar, who rose from being known and respected by everyone to being known and respected by everyone except now he had a really cool hat. Oh, and people waged war in his name, even though he didn’t ask them to.
Several factions arose. The God Armok attempted to gain control of the boards, Inaluct and Woose1 both constructed mobile battle fortresses from grit, spit and a whole lot of tired memes, the Baron’s ‘minions’ fought for him against his will and some really annoying dorks decided that pretending to be races from warhammer 40k and godmodding would turn them into comedic geniuses in the eyes of the populace, who promptly spat on them and went back to fighting.
At last, as the battles reached their peak and inhuman, illegal weapons of soft core pornography, irritating lolcat pyramids and some obnoxious smiley were unleashed, and one of the battlefortresses accidentally crashed smack into the Toady Domain Toady looked in and boomed:
“Uh, what are you guys doing in here? I’m trying to work.”
And the fighting stopped and everyone looked kind of embarrassed totally forgetting why they were there in the first place. Then Inaluct remembered and cried out:
“We are here to create a separate nation from yours, free from tyranny!” and people shuffled away from him and tried not to make eye contact.
And Toady said:
“What? Tyranny? What, exactly, have you been doing in here anyway? Look, just go home.”
And everyone did, mumbling apologies, flushing red, except for Aqizzar, who strode out of there, head held high, thanking God or whoever was up there that he didn’t have to deal his people waging war for no reason without his consent.
A Various Nonsense was trapped in a time lock created by the Toad, before disappearing forever.
And thus peace was reached and a war started for no apparent reason finished as Various Nonsense fell with an almighty PPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbt.
And Toady told Inaluct to pull his socks up and stop with this kind of nonsense.
And he did.

Spoiler: TNME's submission. (click to show/hide)

"No, it's not my fault!" I yelled, trying to make it very clear to the rabbity creature sitting across from me that I am not going to be blamed for this.

We were sitting at a smallish table, in the command room of that big flying saucer palace thing that prior to the interference of that rabbit-thing could have been called a home.

"If it's not your fault, then whose fault is it? Not mine, I wasn't anywhere near that giant glowy thing." he said, toying with a figurine on the table.

"It was the power core. It had at least three dozen warning signs on it!" I yelled, trying to make it clear that one of us had done something very, very stupid, and it wasn't me.

"Say, weren't you supposed to be monitoring the power core, making sure nothing like that happened? You even told me that you had to concentrate on it entirely." He pointed out, the signs of boredom not leaving his face, even for a moment.

"Bu.. I.... Erm-" I tried to explain, before he interjected with: "In fact, you said the same thing for everything that went wrong".

"Bru- uh.." He had me, I was supposed to have been watching everything, instead I had been distracted by an intriguing new usage of the cables that were trailing out of the back of my skull. Theoretically, they were supposed to connect me to the mainframe of the house, to allow for better monitoring and control. That had gone out the window the moment I had discovered that you could use these to access the internet.

"What?" He inquired, and I realized that I would either have to think of something, or tell him the truth. I gathered my considerable wits, and began to think of something. But I failed to think of anything, and I had to tell the truth or distract him somehow.

I looked around the room. To my back there was a wall, unremarkable save for the only door out. To my left and my right were the massive banks of consoles that in better times would have a mass of Martian citizens sitting in front of them. They curved inward, meeting up in front of me. They had a great window above them, cracked in places, and broken in others. I briefly considered trying to escape through it, but I still had scars from the last time I tried to escape through that window.

I had no choice. "Gah, I was using my cords to surf the internet." A rather simple way of putting it, that revealed nothing of what I was actually doing while being truthful. It was so sad that he had to ruin it by saying "What were you looking at that cou- oh."

So he still blamed me and I still blamed him, but that didn't do anything to change the facts of our predicament. A while passed before he asked "How much of this thing is missing?"

So I responded with "The entire rear section, including my bedroom, my computer banks, my collection of death rays and the ice maker. Not that it matters now, as once Aqizzar wakes up and sees what has happened, he'll have us executed! Or worse, given to Sofia."

We both shuddered at the thought. Once again, I looked at the window, and it suddenly occurred to me that exiting through it would be a terrible, terrible idea, as the gravity processor is located right in front of it, and the crash had made it somewhat less then stable. Having nothing else I could do, I asked him "How long do you think we have until he wakes up?"

"Maybe an hour, probably more knowing our luck. Tell me, why did you think that a lockdown that locks all doors and can only be turned off from the outside was a good idea?" He answered.

"It's not my fault that around the time I was programming it I discovered that these could access the internet." I said, indicating the cords that were not connected to anything in particular at the moment. With that, neither of us could think of anything to say for quite a while, until I spoke again, asking "Just how many dollars in damage do you think the crash did to his house?"

"Well, from what I could see and hear, it was probably at least half a billion, and that's if nothing else went wrong" He guessed.

"Ooooh crap. Why is his house so very expensive?" I said, with my hand over my eyes in an ancient gesture of worship to a little-known god of screw-ups whose name is lost in the mists of time.

"Well, he is the baron, after all." He responded, still sounding rather unconcerned with the consequences that were going to come down upon our heads soon. There was a reason for this, as I would discover much later to my anger and annoyance, but for now it made no sense.

As neither of us could think of anything to say, and the control room was sorely lacking in anything to do, I slept. This turned out to be a very bad idea, as I had been neglecting my sleep for a very long while. I slept through Aqizzar waking up, I slept through him hauling us off, I slept through the trial, the sentencing too, only waking up at the worst possible time in the worst possible place: Sofia's dungeon, right after she had been unable to get something she had wanted.

You see, I was sentenced to spend a week stuck with Sofia, with her being able to do anything that did not actually kill me. Right now it is important to note two things about cyborgs: 1. Viruses can do terrible, horrible things to them, and they don't usually leave any *Physical* damage, and 2. The implants have a terrible problem with them: removing them suddenly causes a burst of unimaginable agony. She had a lot of stress that week, and as I result I now no longer have memory of it, which is probably for the best. Well, at least it could have been worse, I don't know how, but it could have been worse.

The End.

Spoiler: Josh's piece. (I liked it. Alot.) (click to show/hide)

On the corner of Sixth Street and Main, two streets reserved almost exclusively for the commercial outlets craved by naive spendthrifts and floaty bints, a small, musty looking shop sits. "Joshua's Retail Robotic Companions" embossed across the entrance in white letters, and life-like mannequin figures rest in pleasing poses in the window.

Gazing, very curiously at the human-figures in the window were one blonde hair woman with a evil look in her eye, and greying older gentleman trying his damndest to keep her in line. After some very evident (as the shopkeeps that do business across the street can attest to) whining and ostracizing, the woman successfully drags the gentleman into the store. Immediately surprised by the loud zaps and sparks emanating from the counter, they see a man lifts his head upon hearing the jingle of the front door being opened. "Oh, hey! How are you? I'm Joshua, the owner of this establishment." he says as he flicks off his soldering gun, and reaches out to shake the young lady's hand, only to be completely ignored. The lady, completely beside herself, stood in awe of the row of completely, and painstakingly realistic human automatons that stood in a row along the walls.

Not one to let a warm welcome go unappreciated, the grey gentleman quickly approached and shook Joshua's hand in the lady's stead. "Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name's Duke, and this is Sofia. She's suddenly become interested in a Robotic Companion, you see..." the man said in an apologetic tone. "Ah!" Joshua says, turning his back to the heap of metal and silicone sitting on the counter, "I was just finishing up the chest frame of a recent order, can you tell me what kind of companion she'd like?", "Well, I'm not sure exactly, but perhaps..." "Hey Lady! Don't touch the merchandise!" Joshua quickly interrupted, and Duke turned to Sofia, only to see her running her hand down the bosom of one of the more attractive female companions.

Quickly pulling her hand away from the companion, Duke shows clear frustration with his accomplice "Sofia, don't do that!" "But she's so pretty! I couldn't help myself!" Joshua interjects, "Miss, please refrain from touching any of the companions. These are all custom models, and are quite expensive." Sofia restrains herself, only to quickly give the lineup of robots a more thorough look once free again.

The expressions which ranged from mopish to cheerful, the way the hair was held and styled, the placement of the features, and the way they stood, there was no way an item could be made to be this human-like and get away with it. "So, these are robots heh?", addressing the proprietor directly this time. "Yep, why in fact.." "No, that can't be right. Are you sure these aren't all real people you hired to just stand real still in your store?" "Amazing, isn't it? The latest models of robotic companions are made to be as realistic as possible, to be completely indistinguishable from real people." "Then how do I know YOU'RE not a robot!?" "The companions are life-like Miss, but they're not sophisticated enough to..." He had let his guard down for an instant, but that was all it took for Sofia to grab the owner's arm and squeeze with an unusual amount of strength for a woman. "Ah! What are you doing!" "Seeing if you're a robot!"

At this point, Duke was very quick to grab Sofia's wrist, and wrest her normally implacable grip from the man's arm. "Now now Sofie, we don't want this to be a repeat of the clothing store..." turning towards Joshua, "I'm very sorry, she doesn't think sometimes." "Oh, it's no problem..." pretending that that didn't hurt, "the companions do tend to offput people that see them for the first time." "Alright Sofie, now that you've gotten a closer look at the..." And Sofia was nowhere to be seen, as she had made her way deeper into the store, to look at a male model that was receiving it's finishing touches by another employee. "Wow, they're so amazing. They feel just like real people too, if you don't squeeze too hard and feel the metal inside."

The employee, however, ignores her opinion on the matter, and continues gently applying the paint to give the synthetic skin a more appealing tone. "I heard they can move around just like real people too! I think that one celebrity... eh... Ricardo whats-his-face has one. Looks like a real girl too!" Once again, the employee ignores her completely, as he diligently continues his job. "Hey, listen to me why don't ya!"

And as she reaches out to pester him, her hand is snatched by Joshua. "Alright, now THAT'S a companion!" "What!?" "Yeah, let me show you." And with a tap on his shoulders, he stops his job immediately, and then with a flick of a hidden switch behind the ears, carefully hidden seams reveal themselves, and his face opens up, showing the very not human wires and circuitry that lies underneath! Sofia nearly stumbles backwards in astonishment. "I've programmed this one to do custom toning and shading on the synthetic skin, which is very tedious and difficult to do by hand."

Regaining her composure, Sofia peered into the mechanical face of the companion with intrigue."So... these things, can like, do stuff?""Yeah, they can do all sorts of stuff. They've been used for lifting things, cleaning, helping the disabled, and some of the best programmed act as chauffeurs. They can pretty much be made to do anything that follows clear rules, but any elements of randomness can throw them off pretty hard."

"They aren't that great, I saw a spoiled brat just the other day that had one of these, and it kept falling over.""That was probably a Dummy, those are usually pretty bad at everything.""Dummy?""Oh, that's lingo for the types that are mass produced, and come in boxes. They're more poorly made, and are generally only good at following, smiling, and holding broken conversations, and sometimes not even that." "Is that so..."

Then an odd quiet settled between them. She looked at the companion ever more closely, and slowly, an absolutely devilish look overtook her features as an unhealthy grin seized her face. Duke peered into the room nervously."Don't cause any trouble in there Sofia, these things DO look expensive!""Don't worry, I'm not causing noone any trouble!"Duke's eyes nearly roll at the irony of the double negative, and he grows impatient."Well, get out of there, we need to go anyhow!"

"Hold up..." as the smile on her face stretches even wider, "I think I might have found myself a new toy... Hey, eh, Joshua was it?""...Yes?" "These things can be made to do anything right?" "Well, not anything, but it depends on what you're talking about."The look in her eyes becomes even more menacing, as though hinting at something devious."And they can be made to look however I want right?""Well..." Joshua suddenly getting nervous, "Yes, we do custom models. It's just more expensive, and you'll have have to wait until we finish, which might take a fair while."

Without even responding, she walks out of the backroom, satisfied with his answers, and takes to examining the front room models again. Duke approaches her trepidatiously, sensing her obviously impure intentions escalating."What are you up to Sofia?""Oh, you'll see Duke... you'll see."and with that she sets her focus to a brown-haired male model, made up to look like a preppy guy. Reaching out to touch his hair, Josh behind the counter is quick to interrupt her."Miss, what'd I say about touching the models!" "Oh, sorry. It's just that, all I've seen of these 'companions' as you call them, is that thing spraying the the other one in the back, and he wouldn't even talk to me. How do I know these are as good as you say they are, can you give me demonstration? Like, for instance, with this one?" Referring to the preppy companion."Of course, these are all functioning models that I've worked on myself."Getting out from behind the counter, and stands in front of the companion."Companion 510 Brian, exit sleep mode. Assume regular full companion mode." And with that, the slightly glossed over eyes blink, and attain a more human shine. It steps away from it's spot on the wall, and after fully acknowledging the existence of his owner, he notices both Duke and Sofia.

"Hello Joshua, how are you today? May I ask who your friends are?" "I'm terrific Brian. This is Duke and Sofia.""Yes, hello Duke and Sofia, it's a great honor of mine to meet you." "Duke and Sofia would like to talk to you for a little bit, would you please conversate with them as they please?" "Why yes, of course!" Duke appreciates the simulated sentiment, but is more worried about what Sofia might do. Sofia approaches the companion, squaring up with it, and making eye contact. In accordance with it's programming, it makes eye contact back, and gives a soft smile.

Several moments pass, Sofia scrutinizing it's unchanging expression. The companion, continuing to blink and simulate breathing, single mindedly continues staring back, allowing Sofia to start the conversation. However, when some more moments pass, it's instructions informs it that eye contact this long means that it's being addressed, and that it should ask accordingly."Is there anything I can help you with Duke?""Duke?!"Joshua, very fast to mend his mistake, jumps into the conversation. "No Brian! That is Sofia, and this is Duke!" "My humblest apologies Sofia." "You should be sorry, don't mix me up with an old fogy like him!""Mr. Joshua said you would like to conversate with me?" "Uh, yeah, what's it like being a robot?" "It's very nice." "Do you know things?""I have encyclopedic knowledge." "Of what?" "Of the Encyclopedia Brittanica." "So you're a know-it-all!" "If you would like to put it that way." "Tell me about the weather!" "Weather where?" "Where?! Here!" "It's sunny, with light clouds, and a zero chance of precipitation." "No, it's raining right now!" The companion, taken back by this, immediately wirelessly connects it's digital brain to 8 more sources of weather watching on the internet, and collects that what Sofia is telling him is a lie, however, his programming forbids him from disagreeing with her, making the entire effort moot. "Of course, Ms. Sofia." "Ha! You don't know-it-all after all!" "I guess you're right." "How do I turn you off? I'm done talking to your dumb face!""It was a pleasure talking to you."

Joshua, internally offended that one of his creations is treated so harshly, is even more worried that he might lose a potential customer. Every one counts afterall!"Did you not like him Ms. Sofia?""He's alright.""This one's a bit older than the others. Wonderfully made, in my opinion, but has some interesting glitches with it's AI, and how it perceives the world.""You're telling me!""Well, these are simply limitations on the hardware at the time, the newer ones are a bit better."Once again, she ignores him, preferring to go deep into thought. Duke finally confronts her."Alright Sofia! You've played around for long enough! I'm not sure what you're intending, but it'll have to wait. We're late afterall!""Shut the hell up! I'm thinking!"Some more moments pass, and she finally reaches her conclusion."So, you can make these look however you want?" Addresing Joshua this time."Of course."

Rummaging through her pocket, Sofia picks out a photo and hands it to him."I want my companion to look exactly like that!" Joshua looks at the photo, and is completely dumbfounded. He takes a close look at it, electing to hold it up to his face, holding it sideways, taking it to his counter, and holding it under a light, and then a magnifying glass. He calls in a filipino woman with the nametag "Vester" from the backroom and has her look at it, who also elects to hold it to her face, under a light, and then a magnifying glass.They move to a computer, where they quickly jot in some details, and they furiously analyze the picture in the time frame of only a minute or so. Then after consulting with the computer, they can only shake their heads as they approach Sofia with the results.

"Sorry Ms. Sofia, I can't do this.""Why not?! I have money!" "Well, the squinty eyes, the broad shoulders, and the muscular physique, these are all possible. However, this... this... Chin! it's much too large!""And what's wrong with it?""Well, for one, nobody makes chins this big! I'd have to make it myself, but neglecting that entirely, it'd give the head an odd center of gravity.""So?""Well, it may not seem like much, but the companions rely on a little gyroscopes in tandem with special programming to keep themselves balanced, they're called gyrobalancers. It's just that, frankly, with the center of gravity this chin would have, there isn't a gyrobalancer in the world that would allow it to walk. It may seem insignificant, but that's reality. Plus, while stubble is possible, nobody makes green stubble. I'd have to call in the factory where artificial hair is made to special order it."

Seeing her request crushed by the heel of practicality, Sofia shrugs her shoulders, and takes the photo back."Oh well, let's go Duke." she says, while playfully pulling an imaginary leash as she walks out the door."Sorry for any trouble we may have caused you." affirms Duke as he follows her, and they both disappear into the crowded sidewalk."How unusual..." thinks Josh as he ponders what the hell just happened, or what the hell that woman had planned for the companion she wanted."Brian, stand at position 11, facing away from the wall, and enter hibernation mode.""Yes Mr. Joshua" as he returns to his original spot against the wall. Joshua returns his seat behind the counter, takes out the chest frame he had been working on, and flicks his soldering gun back on."Who were those people?" Vester asked meekly."Just some eccentrics" answered Josh, not really knowing himself.They never came back, but that was just business as usual for Joshua's Retail Robotic Companions.

(There's really only one rule, except for having a similar Stand Alone format as mine, though nonsense and ridiculousity is not required. There will be no two parts, only one part to each story, so everything goes together. You want two spoilered stories? Make a second story. TNME's just looked like the most completed, besides Jackrabbit's. )

Art by Vester:

Spoiler: The hard way. (click to show/hide)

(http://i28.tinypic.com/1zwhvlg.jpg)

Spoiler: HUEG sized. (click to show/hide)

(http://i26.tinypic.com/11jyrgz.jpg)

Spoiler: Fowl Play: The Rise of Inaluct (click to show/hide)

(http://i32.tinypic.com/14azi3p.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 04, 2009, 03:20:48 am

Curses, once again my insomnia has dealt me a cunning blow!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Mulch Diggums on September 04, 2009, 03:57:43 am

Haw haw haw. I'll be looking forward to this.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 04:41:58 am

Yeah, this should be interesting... I'll keep reading up on this.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Archangel on September 04, 2009, 05:21:19 am

I'll be interested to see these!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 04, 2009, 05:27:16 am

Yeah, I'm in. And by similar style as me, do you mean the stuff I did for that story Remember, or the fact that I update only upon having an epiphany and I'm fast running out of hallucinogenics?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 04, 2009, 05:40:33 am

Jackrabbit, I think I speak for all present when I say you need more drug money.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Neruz on September 04, 2009, 05:52:12 am

If Jackrabbit is running low on drugs then that answers alot of questions.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Mulch Diggums on September 04, 2009, 05:54:57 am

Neruz your avatar frightens me. In good ways.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 04, 2009, 05:55:25 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 04, 2009, 05:27:16 am

Yeah, I'm in. And by similar style as me, do you mean the stuff I did for that story Remember, or the fact that I update only upon having an epiphany and I'm fast running out of hallucinogenics?

I meant that I would be updating as I pleased and when I had time, and that I would be putting them all in spoilers.

Might have mentioned that, but no, I won't be borrowing your writing style. I like mine more.  Heh.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 04, 2009, 05:55:51 am

Don't make these THREAD WHEN I SLEEP.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 06:00:20 am

Ya knowe, the Bay 12 community scares me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 04, 2009, 06:36:15 am

And yet you stay. Well done.

 We're a tight nit group. You'll understand more over time.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Enzo on September 04, 2009, 12:44:33 pm

This thread is relevant to my interests.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 04, 2009, 12:48:20 pm

Ridiculousity?

But yeah, first stor[y](ies) to come either four, or five hours from now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 04, 2009, 01:11:53 pm

A semi-historical styled narrative commentary on the board, about the board, written by your interpretation of board members as literary characters?  In nonsequencial episodic format, updated by nights?  What devilry!

Well, my gargantuan ego does require further supplication, and I know I'll have a staring role in every installment.

Proceed.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: qwertyuiopas on September 04, 2009, 01:25:28 pm

Will it devolve into recursion?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 04, 2009, 01:30:10 pm

We can only hope.  Eventually, WorkerDrone, or better yet another author entirely, will wind up writing fictional commentary on the board's reaction to fictional commentary.  Then, the entire forum will collapse in a existential cynical singularity.  A MetaForum Hole if you will.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Strife26 on September 04, 2009, 03:37:03 pm

Cool! It's between four and five hours right now!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Armok on September 04, 2009, 03:44:06 pm

If(!thread >= win) Eye_honesty==0;

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 04, 2009, 03:52:34 pm

It's tomorrow afternoon!  I want to read about the hilarious exploits of the bay12ers!  Where is it!?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 04, 2009, 04:12:03 pm

4-5 hours from 2PM forum time, so an hour or two from now.  Probably.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: redacted123 on September 04, 2009, 05:53:25 pm

goddamnit, I'm stuck here in the British summer time zone, rapidly approaching late at night, while everyone else doesn't even need to stay up. By the time it's out, I'll have fallen asleep and missed the whole thing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ousire on September 04, 2009, 06:17:13 pm

i hope they pop up soon. definatly want to see how this happens XD

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 04, 2009, 06:27:53 pm

Heh? What? What's going on here? Why am I inexplicably interested?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 04, 2009, 06:28:46 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 04, 2009, 06:27:53 pm

Heh? What? What's going on here? Why am I inexplicably interested?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'LL BE INVOLVED SOMEHOW.

IT'S THE MIND AT WORK.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Leafsnail on September 04, 2009, 06:32:01 pm

You realise there will be an episode about the reaction to this thread.

Probably.

Incidentally, my real character is dramatically different to the character I display here (not intentionally, but it is interesting to see the difference).

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 06:37:59 pm

Well, this is an online forum.

You could say you were a 97 year old neurosurgeon on a multi-million dollar salary who has won a nobel prize in economics and parkours with the likes of Sebastien Foucan n' us at Bay12 wouldn't be none the wiser.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Leafsnail on September 04, 2009, 06:42:24 pm

I'm not.  Nor is my real life character dramatic, awesome or manly.

EDIT: Wait, not implying that I am here.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Strife26 on September 04, 2009, 09:32:54 pm

Quote from: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 06:37:59 pm

Well, this is an online forum.

You could say you were a 97 year old neurosurgeon on a multi-million dollar salary who has won a nobel prize in economics and parkours with the likes of Sebastien Foucan n' us at Bay12 wouldn't be none the wiser.

It was chemistry, actually.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 04, 2009, 09:36:51 pm

Quote from: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 06:37:59 pm

Well, this is an online forum.

You could say you were a 97 year old neurosurgeon on a multi-million dollar salary who has won a nobel prize in economics and parkours with the likes of Sebastien Foucan n' us at Bay12 wouldn't be none the wiser.

We'd ask for pictures. Believe is not instant and total, though no-one has seemed to notice I'm actually under 18 alright, everyone knows.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Enzo on September 04, 2009, 11:56:04 pm

Alright, I admit it. Secretly I am eleven.

Also where's the update?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 05, 2009, 12:04:41 am

It is a secret of mine that I am but a scant 15. Oh, well. In any case, me want update.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 05, 2009, 12:18:35 am

I have a confession, I'm actually 5 years old. I'm sorry I've been lying to you all for so long.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 05, 2009, 12:22:21 am

Well, as long as we're airing all of our lies about WHO WE ARE ON THE INTERNET, I have a confession.

I'm not actually a man.  I'm still not a woman though, so don't freak out.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ousire on September 05, 2009, 12:22:59 am

i havent been hiding it, but sence i dont think it came up before, im 15.

but i shall hit the 16 mark in 2 months!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 01:21:07 am

I will consistently hide it, unless I get my book published and someone notices, in which case I won't.

But rest assure, I'm no older than 8.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ousire on September 05, 2009, 01:57:27 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 01:21:07 am

I will consistently hide it, unless I get my book published and someone notices, in which case I won't.

But rest assure, I'm no older than 8.

i seriously doubt you could be 8. you seem far more mature then the average 8 year old. (well, as mature as we get on this forum :P)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 01:58:34 am

Of course I'm not 8.

I'm 9.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 05, 2009, 03:03:08 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 05, 2009, 12:22:21 am

I'm not actually a man.

Arghhhhhhhh! My faith is shaken! Aqizzar, the most manliest of bay watchers is not a man!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 05, 2009, 03:05:13 am

Quote from: Aqizzar

I'm not actually a man.

I MUST Sig this!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 05, 2009, 05:57:35 am

Don't be stupid, he's a man.  I still have the pictures he uploaded back in the pictures of yourself thread so long ago.  I put them in a small shrine made of beef jerky and Clint Eastwood movies.

He's a very manly man.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 06:19:41 am

Workerdrone, I know I deserve every single thing you throw at me about my slowness, but regardless this looks awesome and I want to see it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 09:04:39 am

I'm not really crazy.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 09:15:29 am

Quote from: Strife26 on September 04, 2009, 09:32:54 pm

Quote from: Killas[SiN] on September 04, 2009, 06:37:59 pm

Well, this is an online forum.

You could say you were a 97 year old neurosurgeon on a multi-million dollar salary who has won a nobel prize in economics and parkours with the likes of Sebastien Foucan n' us at Bay12 wouldn't be none the wiser.

It was chemistry, actually.

This man speaks the truth, we were comparing our exploits on our flying laser yachts the other day about this. I suppose I had better go pester those Space Ship Two guys to start working faster. If my cat isn't going to get into space by her eleventh birthday, then things are going to get messy.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 05, 2009, 09:25:56 am

Ooh, which variety do you prefer? I'm all for the Zaminci Slicemaster myself. It may be a bit slow, but it looks like it could cut through the fabric of space and time itself!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Org on September 05, 2009, 09:36:50 am

Since everyone is confessing, I must say this.

Im actually a SPESH MAHREENE of the future. Come to warn you all of the oncoming doom.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 05, 2009, 10:51:30 am

I am highly interested In this series, dispite the fact I am niether prolific nor memorable enough to get in.

Also, I am a fetus. I write to you with a laptop.
stop giving away your age on the internets. They are watching.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:53:04 am

Ha, I'm memorable to WD, so despite not really contributing to this forum in any way I'll probably get it.

Ahhhhh.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 05, 2009, 10:55:27 am

I wonder if I shall get in...... Nah, probably not, but you never know.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 10:55:57 am

 Living in a dimension above the fourth, I cannot portray something like Age, as time works in ways here that you guys down in the third and a half dimension would not comprehend.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:56:32 am

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 10:55:57 am

Living in a dimension above the fourth, I cannot portray something like Age, as time works in ways here that you guys down in the third and a half dimension would not comprehend.

GET ON TF2 DUCK.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:57:10 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:56:32 am

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 10:55:57 am

Living in a dimension above the fourth, I cannot portray something like Age, as time works in ways here that you guys down in the third and a half dimension would not comprehend.

GET ON TF2 DUCK.

A DUCK? WHERE? WHAT DIMENSION DOES IT RESIDE IN?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:57:48 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:57:10 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:56:32 am

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 10:55:57 am

Living in a dimension above the fourth, I cannot portray something like Age, as time works in ways here that you guys down in the third and a half dimension would not comprehend.

GET ON TF2 DUCK.

A DUCK? WHERE? WHAT DIMENSION DOES IT RESIDE IN?

MY DIMENSION, I KNOW YOu'RE THERE DUCK.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 05, 2009, 10:58:25 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:57:48 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:57:10 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:56:32 am

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 10:55:57 am

Living in a dimension above the fourth, I cannot portray something like Age, as time works in ways here that you guys down in the third and a half dimension would not comprehend.

GET ON TF2 DUCK.

A DUCK? WHERE? WHAT DIMENSION DOES IT RESIDE IN?

MY DIMENSION, I KNOW YOu'RE THERE DUCK.

But if that's where the duck is... where is the beaver?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 05, 2009, 11:10:41 am

I will make myself a avatar in paint! And it will be.... MICROCLINE!
Why?
because my plump helmets better than your plump helmet.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 05, 2009, 11:25:13 am

Come on Workerdrone.  We need your story!

Everyone's getting restless and the LOL SO RANDUM XD is leaking in.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 11:27:52 am

Despite the fact I seem to perpetuate it, RANDUM really annoys me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 05, 2009, 11:32:09 am

Is everyone else getting a red x for my avatar? It's supposed to be a crazed-looking dwarf.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 05, 2009, 11:40:38 am

Quote from: Karnewarrior on September 05, 2009, 11:10:41 am

I will make myself a avatar in paint! And it will be.... MICROCLINE!
Why?
because my plump helmets better than your plump helmet.

Go to the Custom Avatards thread and I will make you one.

Quote from: Karnewarrior on September 05, 2009, 11:32:09 am

Is everyone else getting a red x for my avatar? It's supposed to be a crazed-looking dwarf.

I see NO avatar.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 12:34:00 pm

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 11:27:52 am

Despite the fact I seem to perpetuate it, RANDUM really annoys me.

It wasn't random!  ME AND DUCK HAD FUN.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 05, 2009, 02:44:23 pm

So, before this starts, let me get this straight. WD'll start the story, then someone else will continue it, and someone will continue where they left off, and so on and so forth until the end, as stipulated by the structure he set forth already? Do I have that right?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 05, 2009, 03:13:06 pm

I got the Impression that Workerdrone was writing the whole thing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 05, 2009, 08:47:34 pm

Oh yeah, I just bothered to reread the OP and this is his perspective of us. I can't wait.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 05, 2009, 09:02:03 pm

Neither can I.  So whar post?!  Want post!

I think he buggered off in fear or something.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 09:15:20 pm

We scared him away?

Oh boy!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 05, 2009, 09:17:55 pm

Who haven't you scared away in fear?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 09:23:00 pm

Aqizzar.

And Workerdrone. Despite what you think, he never runs.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 09:26:38 pm

 Indeed, there are many on these forums who would never truly leave this place.

 Fenrir still looks over us with, waiting for the day of his glorious return in the middle of a crisis to solve all our problems.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 09:27:18 pm

After which he will immediately depart.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 09:28:19 pm

 Only to appear again in a few hours to solve our next crisis.

 Such as the crisis of us still poking fun at Fenrir.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cheeetar on September 05, 2009, 09:40:18 pm

Part of me desperately hopes that I'll be in this.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Reasonableman on September 05, 2009, 10:17:30 pm

Quote from: Cheeetar on September 05, 2009, 09:40:18 pm

Part of me desperately hopes that I'll be in this.

Don't we all?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 05, 2009, 10:18:01 pm

Jesus fucking Christ, four pages, and nonsensical...nonsense in my thread?

Do you WANT me to go into catatonic rage?

Anyway, I was without internet connection for an entire day, and then had to do something most of THIS day, so I'll throw you guys a bone and start writing RIGHT now.

Also, I won't confirm that you will be included in any grand form at all what so ever. In fact most of you will be used as ammunition for my Comedy Cannons.

That only thing I CAN confirm is that Aqizzar's first post in this topic is pretty much totally right. I will shamelessly begin almost every single piece with him in some sort of witty or in flourished manner. It depends how hammered I am.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 10:19:48 pm

Noh officer, I ain't slurrying me words.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:24:58 pm

You promised us writing and then failed to deliver. Even though you have a valid reason, this is Bay12, there's going to be nonsense. Your appearance will probably prevent more.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 05, 2009, 10:32:48 pm

I sure hope they don't like molasses!

hur.... hur?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 10:35:45 pm

Aaaaand now WD's going to fire you out a cannon. Pray it's only in the story.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 05, 2009, 10:38:48 pm

Too late, my Comedic Irony Cannon is malfunctioning, and therefore it will never fit in.

(rimshot?)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Neruz on September 05, 2009, 10:52:19 pm

You people have way too much time on your hands.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 05, 2009, 11:20:28 pm

Finished.

I think it sucked.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 11:27:15 pm

It's pretty good. A few sentences don't make sense and you mix up your theres and wheres but I do that so I shouldn't complain. I laughed. Will you be doing guest updates?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 05, 2009, 11:33:22 pm

There's some grammar things to be sorted out, and I don't exactly get the second to last paragraph with Sofia where you yell "PITY SEX...!?". I'm not sure what's happening...

Not sure if I want to know.

And I'm glad that I'm only around to sedate you WD.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 05, 2009, 11:34:18 pm

GENTLEMEN.

GEORGE WASHTON WAS A ROBOT.

(http://www.badmovieplanet.com/unknownmovies/pictures/sweeper4.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 05, 2009, 11:39:15 pm

Should have gone in to more detail about the knife fights.  ::)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 05, 2009, 11:39:49 pm

The joke can be interpreted anyway you please, but really its more of a ridiculous joke I thought of when I played one to many hours of this one game I'm now addicted to. Mostly, the update was for ToonyMan.

Do it for The Toon.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 05, 2009, 11:44:47 pm

 Nice first. I'll be glad to see the next 'oddly shaped' update.

 And what green men? I just see hastily scrawled people on those photos.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 05, 2009, 11:48:10 pm

Do you mind if I write a little story as well?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 05, 2009, 11:49:51 pm

Mah question, ah asked first, ah say, ah asked first.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 05, 2009, 11:57:39 pm

I don't know what's actually going yet.  I need plot!  And I like the 1960's style exposition, like the story itself is a character that knows it's being read.  Takes me back.

Spoiler: Real writing criticisms (click to show/hide)

The style and nature of the writing is all well and good.  I thought the heavy-handed explanation of the theory behind everything was a little much, but like I said it reminds me of an older style of writing.  Although a little subtlety wouldn't hurt either.  Mostly though, it just has the marks of being written too fast, missed or repeated words and funky constructions like-

"While A gleefully basks in the drama acting as if he had not intended for this tortured hairbrain idiocy he spawned was not his fault in the first place."

It sounds like you were writing one sentence, and then it turned into another sentence halfway through.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:01:56 am

Guest Short Stories? Only if I can put them up in the opening post. Hur. Excuse me while I try and catch eight hours. Might write the other one tomorrow, but honestly, I barely managed to pull this one together, so it must mean that having lost almost two days to write both, I have forgotten most of my ideas that I had forgotten to write down. Its 11 PM and I just wanted to give you all the stuff I remembered about what I thought would be a good jolly. Next time I'll try harder, and try avoiding the heavy handedness and the train-wreck structure. This might have gone better if I still remembered a third of the jokes I had going all of a sudden.

Note To Self: When something funny or creative enters my head, I MUST make a note of it. Always. And have backup copies.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 06, 2009, 12:07:13 am

Alright, I don't mind if you post it on the main page, but keep any "Written by *name* effects, so we know exactly who wrote it. It's something one would expect by virtue of you doing it, but I just want to be sure.

I'll get to writing mine right now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:10:35 am

Why WOULDN'T I label them by name?

Hrm, but yes, you are clear on everything there Josh. You write it you take the blame for it.

So if people complain they don't appear in "So and so's" Short story often enough, you can explain to them why they didn't fit.

Meanwhile, apparently I'm a magic genie who's got to eventually go back and fix a few broken tracks on that railroad of writing I just made. Later.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 12:11:28 am

Huzzah! Another chance for me to slack off!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 12:13:04 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:10:35 am

Why WOULDN'T I label them by name?

Memory is a finniky thing, particularly to people who, as you admit, are rather low on sleep.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:14:49 am

I CAN STILL TYPE DAM...DUNE...DUCk...DUKE NUKE 'EM...

Yeah that might be a problem. Josh, you still have that sedative?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 12:17:08 am

MMMMMMMM AQIZZAR APATHIC MMMRRRRRRRR

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 06, 2009, 12:18:41 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:14:49 am

I CAN STILL TYPE DAM...DUNE...DUCk...DUKE NUKE 'EM...

Yeah that might be a problem. Josh, you still have that sedative?

Injecting now...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:20:13 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 12:17:08 am

MMMMMMMM AQIZZAR APATHIC MMMRRRRRRRR

You spelled apathetic wro-*HURK*

*Gurgle* *Angry convulsions*

*K.O*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duck 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 12:20:49 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:20:13 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 12:17:08 am

MMMMMMMM AQIZZAR APATHIC MMMRRRRRRRR

You spelled apathetic wro-*HURK*

*Gurgle* *Angry convulsions*

*K.O*

Damn, and I was gonna freak him out.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 12:21:42 am

Toonyman, is that you under there? Why did you write I AM TOONYMAN SHHH on your forehead in magic marker?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 06, 2009, 12:22:33 am

That was bizarre and hilarious.

Also: Green Men for the win.

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 12:21:42 am

Toonyman, is that you under there? Why did you write I AM TOONYMAN SHHH on your forehead in magic marker?

For the sake of justice?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 12:22:41 am

 ...He had that old duck avatar of mine? How the heck? Unless he snuck onto my photobucket... but still.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 12:23:07 am

Quote from: Duck 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 12:20:49 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 12:20:13 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 12:17:08 am

MMMMMMMM AQIZZAR APATHIC MMMRRRRRRRR

You spelled apathetic wro-*HURK*

*Gurgle* *Angry convulsions*

*K.O*

Damn, and I was gonna freak him out.

Next kill is yours.

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 12:21:42 am

Toonyman, is that you under there? Why did you write I AM TOONYMAN SHHH on your forehead in magic marker?

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 06, 2009, 03:37:16 am

I'm a sucker for Scifi, and I've been thinking of something cool, and this is the end product:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

On the corner of Sixth Street and Main, two streets reserved almost exclusively for the commercial outlets craved by naive spendthrifts and floaty bints, a small, musty looking shop sits. "Joshua's Retail Robotic Companions" embossed across the entrance in white letters, and life-like mannequin figures rest in pleasing poses in the window.
Gazing, very curiously at the human-figures in the window were one blonde hair woman with a evil look in her eye, and greying older gentleman trying his damndest to keep her in line. After some very evident (as the shopkeeps that do business across the street can attest to) whining and ostracizing, the woman successfully drags the gentleman into the store. Immediately surprised by the loud zaps and sparks emanating from the counter, they see a man lifts his head upon hearing the jingle of the front door being opened.
"Oh, hey! How are you? I'm Joshua, the owner of this establishment." he says as he flicks off his soldering gun, and reaches out to shake the young lady's hand, only to be completely ignored. The lady, completely beside herself, stood in awe of the row of completely, and painstakingly realistic human automatons that stood in a row along the walls. Not one to let a warm welcome go unappreciated, the grey gentleman quickly approached and shook Joshua's hand in the lady's stead.
"Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you. My name's Duke, and this is Sofia. She's suddenly become interested in a Robotic Companion, you see..." the man said in an apologetic tone.
"Ah!" Joshua says, turning his back to the heap of metal and silicone sitting on the counter, "I was just finishing up the chest frame of a recent order, can you tell me what kind of companion she'd like?",
"Well, I'm not sure exactly, but perhaps..."
"Hey Lady! Don't touch the merchandise!" Joshua quickly interrupted, and Duke turned to Sofia, only to see her running her hand down the bosom of one of the more attractive female companions. Quickly pulling her hand away from the companion, Duke shows clear frustration with his accomplice
"Sofia, don't do that!"
"But she's so pretty! I couldn't help myself!"
Joshua interjects,
"Miss, please refrain from touching any of the companions. These are all custom models, and are quite expensive."
Sofia restrains herself, only to quickly give the lineup of robots a more thorough look once free again. The expressions which ranged from mopish to cheerful, the way the hair was held and styled, the placement of the features, and the way they stood, there was no way an item could be made to be this human-like and get away with it.
"So, these are robots heh?", addressing the proprietor directly this time.
"Yep, why in fact.."
"No, that can't be right. Are you sure these aren't all real people you hired to just stand real still in your store?"
"Amazing, isn't it? The latest models of robotic companions are made to be as realistic as possible, to be completely indistinguishable from real people."
"Then how do I know YOU'RE not a robot!?"
"The companions are life-like Miss, but they're not sophisticated enough to..."
He had let his guard down for an instant, but that was all it took for Sofia to grab the owner's arm and squeeze with an unusual amount of strength for a woman.
"Ah! What are you doing!"
"Seeing if you're a robot!"
At this point, Duke was very quick to grab Sofia's wrist, and wrest her normally implacable grip from the man's arm.
"Now now Sofie, we don't want this to be a repeat of the clothing store..." turning towards Joshua, "I'm very sorry, she doesn't think sometimes."
"Oh, it's no problem..." pretending that that didn't hurt, "the companions do tend to offput people that see them for the first time."
"Alright Sofie, now that you've gotten a closer look at the..."
And Sofia was nowhere to be seen, as she had made her way deeper into the store, to look at a male model that was receiving it's finishing touches by another employee.
"Wow, they're so amazing. They feel just like real people too, if you don't squeeze too hard and feel the metal inside."
The employee, however, ignores her opinion on the matter, and continues gently applying the paint to give the synthetic skin a more appealing tone.
"I heard they can move around just like real people too! I think that one celebrity... eh... Ricardo whats-his-face has one. Looks like a real girl too!"
Once again, the employee ignores her completely, as he diligently continues his job.
"Hey, listen to me why don't ya!" and as she reaches out to pester him, her hand is snatched by Joshua.
"Alright, now THAT'S a companion!"
"What!?"
"Yeah, let me show you."
And with a tap on his shoulders, he stops his job immediately, and then with a flick of a hidden switch behind the ears, carefully hidden seams reveal themselves, and his face opens up, showing the very not human wires and circuitry that lies underneath! Sofia nearly stumbles backwards in astonishment.
"I've programmed this one to do custom toning and shading on the synthetic skin, which is very tedious and difficult to do by hand."

and I suppose I'll finish it up tomorrow, it's 4:30 A.M. where I am, and I didn't imagine writing this would take this long. I think it's really boring, as I'm trying to do a smooth, and natural infodump on these robots I thought of. The idea of realistically human, commercially available robots is really interesting to me, so I'll most likely finish this little story. CAN ANYONE GUESS HOW THIS IS GOING TO END?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 03:58:29 am

Huh, I just did a historical piece and PM'd it to Workerdrone.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 05:35:21 am

And now its on the front page for all eyes to see.

@Josh: Also your short story absolutely strikes terror into my sleep-addled brain. I simply must know what happens next. Its gotta be a twist.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 06, 2009, 05:39:16 am

I wondered what happened back in those days.

Now I know.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 05:43:19 am

It's fairly accurate too, except Inaluct didn't want to challenge Toady.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 06, 2009, 06:08:01 am

Something from me:

Spoiler: An atypical conversation. (click to show/hide)

"No, it's not my fault!" I yelled, trying to make it very clear to the rabbity creature sitting across from me that I am not going to be blamed for this.

We were sitting at a smallish table, in the command room of that big flying saucer palace thing that prior to the interference of that rabbit-thing could have been called a home.

"If it's not your fault, then whose fault is it? Not mine, I wasn't anywhere near that giant glowy thing." he said, toying with a figurine on the table.

"It was the power core. It had at least three dozen warning signs on it!" I yelled, trying to make it clear that one of us had done something very, very stupid, and it wasn't me.

"Say, weren't you supposed to be monitoring the power core, making sure nothing like that happened? You even told me that you had to concentrate on it entirely." He pointed out, the signs of boredom not leaving his face, even for a moment.

"Bu.. I.... Erm-" I tried to explain, before he interjected with: "In fact, you said the same thing for everything that went wrong".

"Bru- uh.." He had me, I was supposed to have been watching everything, instead I had been distracted by an intriguing new usage of the cables that were trailing out of the back of my skull. Theoretically, they were supposed to connect me to the mainframe of the house, to allow for better monitoring and control. That had gone out the window the moment I had discovered that you could use these to access the internet.

"What?" He inquired, and I realized that I would either have to think of something, or tell him the truth. I gathered my considerable wits, and began to think of something. But I failed to think of anything, and I had to tell the truth or distract him somehow.

I looked around the room. To my back there was a wall, unremarkable save for the only door out. To my left and my right were the massive banks of consoles that in better times would have a mass of Martian citizens sitting in front of them. They curved inward, meeting up in front of me. They had a great window above them, cracked in places, and broken in others. I briefly considered trying to escape through it, but I still had scars from the last time I tried to escape through that window.

I had no choice. "Gah, I was using my cords to surf the internet." A rather simple way of putting it, that revealed nothing of what I was actually doing while being truthful. It was so sad that he had to ruin it by saying "What were you looking at that cou- oh."

So he still blamed me and I still blamed him, but that didn't do anything to change the facts of our predicament. A while passed before he asked "How much of this thing is missing?"

So I responded with "The entire rear section, including my bedroom, my computer banks, my collection of death rays and the ice maker. Not that it matters now, as once Aqizzar wakes up and sees what has happened, he'll have us executed! Or worse, given to Sofia."

We both shuddered at the thought. Once again, I looked at the window, and it suddenly occurred to me that exiting through it would be a terrible, terrible idea, as the gravity processor is located right in front of it, and the crash had made it somewhat less then stable. Having nothing else I could do, I asked him "How long do you think we have until he wakes up?"

"Maybe an hour, probably more knowing our luck. Tell me, why did you think that a lockdown that locks all doors and can only be turned off from the outside was a good idea?" He answered.

"It's not my fault that around the time I was programming it I discovered that these could access the internet." I said, indicating the cords that were not connected to anything in particular at the moment. With that, neither of us could think of anything to say for quite a while, until I spoke again, asking "Just how many dollars in damage do you think the crash did to his house?"

"Well, from what I could see and hear, it was probably at least half a billion, and that's if nothing else went wrong" He guessed.

"Ooooh crap. Why is his house so very expensive?" I said, with my hand over my eyes in an ancient gesture of worship to a little-known god of screw-ups whose name is lost in the mists of time.

"Well, he is the baron, after all." He responded, still sounding rather unconcerned with the consequences that were going to come down upon our heads soon. There was a reason for this, as I would discover much later to my anger and annoyance, but for now it made no sense.

As neither of us could think of anything to say, and the control room was sorely lacking in anything to do, I slept. This turned out to be a very bad idea, as I had been neglecting my sleep for a very long while. I slept through Aqizzar waking up, I slept through him hauling us off, I slept through the trial, the sentencing too, only waking up at the worst possible time in the worst possible place: Sofia's dungeon, right after she had been unable to get something she had wanted.

You see, I was sentenced to spend a week stuck with Sofia, with her being able to do anything that did not actually kill me. Right now it is important to note two things about cyborgs: 1. Viruses can do terrible, horrible things to them, and they don't usually leave any *Physical* damage, and 2. The implants have a terrible problem with them: removing them suddenly causes a burst of unimaginable agony. She had a lot of stress that week, and as I result I now no longer have memory of it, which is probably for the best. Well, at least it could have been worse, I don't know how, but it could have been worse.

The End.

Aaand, done! Also, the viewpoint character is me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 06:10:10 am

Who could this rabbity person be?

...

I got nothing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 06:19:55 am

That's more than I got.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 06, 2009, 06:41:39 am

Good stuff.

I can tell that Sofia is going to get alot of mentions.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 06:46:06 am

She's...kinda memorable.

Not as iconic as Aqizzar however! He'll pretty much get a mention in every single one. I mean come on. He's pretty much Bay12Game's resident Awesome Dude. Everyone who's anyone who wants to be someone know who he is!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 09:26:02 am

I'd right story today dah.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: sonerohi on September 06, 2009, 09:44:08 am

I'm unnoticable apparently. Transparent like I bathed in windex.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 06, 2009, 09:46:41 am

Quote from: sonerohi on September 06, 2009, 09:44:08 am

I'm unnoticable apparently. Transparent like I bathed in windex.

I know the feeling.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 06, 2009, 09:55:45 am

How often have you bathed in windex?

I simply feel transparent as if I ate a pound of clear glass.

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 03:58:29 am

Huh, I just did a historical piece and PM'd it to Workerdrone.

You forgot the penguins and the disco party.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 06, 2009, 10:14:37 am

I was in it yay!  All I did was giggle at pictures of Pokemon.  Is that what you think I do all day, WorkerDrone?!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 11:20:45 am

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 1

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Voices echo throw area.

STEAK SAUCE!  APPLE SAUCEERS!!
STEEK SAUCE!  APPLE CIDERRRR!!!
STAAK SAUCE!  NO IT'S APPLE RANCE!
I'M TELLING YOU IT'S STEAK SUGER!  NO, IT'S APPLE JUICE!

"Hey now, what's all hub bub?"  Saws Duck.

"ToonyMan is beein' a douche bucket!"  SCREAMS ORG.

"YOU DON'T J-KNOW THE WRIGHT TASTE."  SCREM TOONY BACK.

"Now now you two, you SHOULD BE CIVIL, DO EERTTTT."  SCREEEEEM  DUCK.

The arrangement went long and hard, tow sides battle for what they THOUGHT was WRIGHT.  Org's team thought Steak Sauce was better on steak.  ToonyMan's team thought Apple Sauce was better on steak.  The answer was clear, however some have very foggy judgment.  APPLE JUICE IS BETTER DOOOOOOD.  Each team had one member.  Like always.

"OK, LET ME EXPLAIN TO CHOO IN BEST WAY PROBABLY."  Explained Toony in a calm voice.  "You put apple sauce on steak, you DO NOT put steak sauce on steak.  IT'S MAKES NO SINCE."  FINSIH IT TOONY.

"lolwut"

"NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT JUST NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW."  TOONY WAS IN SHAMBLES.

What ORG just did was call in strike.  THERE ESCAPE IS NOne.  ToonyMan pulls out a walky-talky to make contact with his base.

"Hello?!  HELLO?!  ORG JUST CALLED IN A FREAKIN' NUKE!!!  I NEED RAPID TRANSPORT NOOOOOOW."  His knuckles were white form the cliche.

The walky talky remains silent, ToonyMan almost loss hope when...

"Hey Toon."  Says a trio of mystery voice.  But Toon know that voice.

"IT'S YOU THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  YU GUYS CAN SAVE MEEEEEEEEEE."

"Admiral Sonerohi, I wants choos to fly the copper.  Hawkfrost will plan thou counter-strike and BARBAR SEAL GOD (BSG) will stay at base and call for my enforcements."  ToonyMan thought that THIS WAR MIGHT NOT YET BE OVER MAYBE.

Toon started running away from horde of evil forgeting about his new recruit Duck, that word will for every be implemanted into his head.  "lolwut"  Just the sound will kill grown Aqizzars.  Poor Aqizzar, he was the first to be lolwut'd.  His popularity made him an easy target, he spends the rest of his days crouching in a corner SCREAMING "LOLWUT".  Luckly, Toony came prepared for battle with headphones that aren't on him.  DAMMMMMMMM, THE DAM WILL BURST, SCREAMED TOWNY IN HIS HEAD.  He found his airboat and ran off back to base HL2 style.  WITH ORG'S EVIL HORDE ROFLCOPTER CHASING CLOSE BEHIND.

TO BE CONTINED

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 11:24:16 am

Quote from: Cthulhu on September 06, 2009, 10:14:37 am

I was in it yay!  All I did was giggle at pictures of Pokemon.  Is that what you think I do all day, WorkerDrone?!

...
*Hides images of hilariously edited Pokemon*

 And Toonymans story was a marvel of Toonymanness.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 06, 2009, 11:35:34 am

Quote from: sonerohi on September 06, 2009, 09:44:08 am

I'm unnoticable apparently. Transparent like I bathed in windex.

I remember you as MJ eating popcorn. I wonder why.

@ toonyman:
   flatwut?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: sonerohi on September 06, 2009, 12:23:04 pm

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 11:20:45 am

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 1

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Voices echo throw area.

STEAK SAUCE!  APPLE SAUCEERS!!
STEEK SAUCE!  APPLE CIDERRRR!!!
STAAK SAUCE!  NO IT'S APPLE RANCE!
I'M TELLING YOU IT'S STEAK SUGER!  NO, IT'S APPLE JUICE!

"Hey now, what's all hub bub?"  Saws Duck.

"ToonyMan is beein' a douche bucket!"  SCREAMS ORG.

"YOU DON'T J-KNOW THE WRIGHT TASTE."  SCREM TOONY BACK.

"Now now you two, you SHOULD BE CIVIL, DO EERTTTT."  SCREEEEEM  DUCK.

The arrangement went long and hard, tow sides battle for what they THOUGHT was WRIGHT.  Org's team thought Steak Sauce was better on steak.  ToonyMan's team thought Apple Sauce was better on steak.  The answer was clear, however some have very foggy judgment.  APPLE JUICE IS BETTER DOOOOOOD.  Each team had one member.  Like always.

"OK, LET ME EXPLAIN TO CHOO IN BEST WAY PROBABLY."  Explained Toony in a calm voice.  "You put apple sauce on steak, you DO NOT put steak sauce on steak.  IT'S MAKES NO SINCE."  FINSIH IT TOONY.

"lolwut"

"NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT JUST NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW."  TOONY WAS IN SHAMBLES.

What ORG just did was call in strike.  THERE ESCAPE IS NOne.  ToonyMan pulls out a walky-talky to make contact with his base.

"Hello?!  HELLO?!  ORG JUST CALLED IN A FREAKIN' NUKE!!!  I NEED RAPID TRANSPORT NOOOOOOW."  His knuckles were white form the cliche.

The walky talky remains silent, ToonyMan almost loss hope when...

"Hey Toon."  Says a trio of mystery voice.  But Toon know that voice.

"IT'S YOU THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  YU GUYS CAN SAVE MEEEEEEEEEE."

"Admiral Sonerohi, I wants choos to fly the copper.  Hawkfrost will plan thou counter-strike and BARBAR SEAL GOD (BSG) will stay at base and call for my enforcements."  ToonyMan thought that THIS WAR MIGHT NOT YET BE OVER MAYBE.

Toon started running away from horde of evil forgeting about his new recruit Duck, that word will for every be implemanted into his head.  "lolwut"  Just the sound will kill grown Aqizzars.  Poor Aqizzar, he was the first to be lolwut'd.  His popularity made him an easy target, he spends the rest of his days crouching in a corner SCREAMING "LOLWUT".  Luckly, Toony came prepared for battle with headphones that aren't on him.  DAMMMMMMMM, THE DAM WILL BURST, SCREAMED TOWNY IN HIS HEAD.  He found his airboat and ran off back to base HL2 style.  WITH ORG'S EVIL HORDE ROFLCOPTER CHASING CLOSE BEHIND.

TO BE CONTINED

Never leave us Toony. We love you too much.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 06, 2009, 01:39:27 pm

It makes sense for about half the story, then everything gets kind of hazy and I'm not sure who's doing what, or why.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 06, 2009, 02:01:45 pm

Quote from: Cthulhu on September 06, 2009, 01:39:27 pm

It makes sense for about half the story, then everything gets kind of hazy and I'm not sure who's doing what, or why.

Exactly.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Leafsnail on September 06, 2009, 02:17:38 pm

I quite enjoyed most of it (WD's one) but towards the end even the general message seems to have been lost to incoherence.  Perhaps that's the message, but still...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 04:18:43 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 06, 2009, 09:55:45 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 06, 2009, 03:58:29 am

Huh, I just did a historical piece and PM'd it to Workerdrone.

You forgot the penguins and the disco party.

As memorable as it might have been, I wasn't part of the disco and the less about Mr. Strap on penguin the better.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 07:27:43 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 2

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

ToonyMan's hair flew back in wind as he droove.  The sound of rolfcopters filled the air behind him.  This was not look good.  There not enough time or speed.  HE SPED UP.  AND PULLED OUT WALKY TALK.

"Fox, what are the cordials to the base again?!"  He SCREEMED.

"Let me push them up." SAY Fox.

"HORRY.  TIME IS RUNNING SHORT."  ToonyMan was exasperated.

SUDDENLY ONE OF THE ROFLCOPTERS "lolwut" SMASHES INTO BACK OF AIRBOAT.  THE SHOCK CAUSE TREMBLES.  ToonyMan starts spazzing.

"I'VE BeeN HIt tOM CrUISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  TOONYMAN YELLS OUT IN PAIN.

"Toon, are you alright, reading have say that you've been hut."  It's Barbar, still back at the base doing ENFORCEMENTS.

"NOOOOO, TELLA PHONE MY SUN THAT I LOVED HIMM."

Toon starts swerving around the water before crashing into dam that was so damn hard.  The explosion shakes the EARTH CORE.  Toon lie dead next far away.

"NOOOOOOOOOO, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON."  Scream the audience.

But wait!  He's twitching......and he's twitching..........and no he's not.  A dark cloud forms over Bay12.  A lone airboat speeds towards the crash sight, it's DUKE.  He must be coming for HIs SUN DUCK, but he's dead, go away.  Wait, no, he's GOING TO TOONY.  He's there now and looking over body and now he's he's he's he's/-*\-=*-/

TOONS LIVE AGAIN.  I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.

"It's OK Toon for I have healed you with liver, it's like Eagle Up."  Says Duke.

"I am sorry for your sun lose."  Say Toony back to Duke.

"No it OK, he was a douche."  Say Duke back to Toon.

"Where to next said Toon?"  HEY THAT'S WHAT I DO.

"Well, your Walky Talk is borken so we must walk back to Base."

"Sadly yes."  We must walk.

Duke and Toon begin walking back to base forgeting about the Roflcopters and Org.  WILL THE COUNTER-STRIKES COME IN TIME?  OF COURSE THYE WILL.  DUHHH.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 06, 2009, 07:33:58 pm

LOL SO RANDUM XD

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 06, 2009, 07:38:20 pm

 I feared that last part would have ended in a horrible, horrible fanfic.

 I'm sure Toony would not make one, but I would not put it past him to make a parody of it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 10:00:31 pm

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 06, 2009, 07:27:43 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 2

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

ToonyMan's hair flew back in wind as he droove.  The sound of rolfcopters filled the air behind him.  This was not look good.  There not enough time or speed.  HE SPED UP.  AND PULLED OUT WALKY TALK.

"Fox, what are the cordials to the base again?!"  He SCREEMED.

"Let me push them up." SAY Fox.

"HORRY.  TIME IS RUNNING SHORT."  ToonyMan was exasperated.

SUDDENLY ONE OF THE ROFLCOPTERS "lolwut" SMASHES INTO BACK OF AIRBOAT.  THE SHOCK CAUSE TREMBLES.  ToonyMan starts spazzing.

"I'VE BeeN HIt tOM CrUISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  TOONYMAN YELLS OUT IN PAIN.

"Toon, are you alright, reading have say that you've been hut."  It's Barbar, still back at the base doing ENFORCEMENTS.

"NOOOOO, TELLA PHONE MY SUN THAT I LOVED HIMM."

Toon starts swerving around the water before crashing into dam that was so damn hard.  The explosion shakes the EARTH CORE.  Toon lie dead next far away.

"NOOOOOOOOOO, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON."  Scream the audience.

But wait!  He's twitching......and he's twitching..........and no he's not.  A dark cloud forms over Bay12.  A lone airboat speeds towards the crash sight, it's DUKE.  He must be coming for HIs SUN DUCK, but he's dead, go away.  Wait, no, he's GOING TO TOONY.  He's there now and looking over body and now he's he's he's he's/-*\-=*-/

TOONS LIVE AGAIN.  I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.

"It's OK Toon for I have healed you with liver, it's like Eagle Up."  Says Duke.

"I am sorry for your sun lose."  Say Toony back to Duke.

"No it OK, he was a douche."  Say Duke back to Toon.

"Where to next said Toon?"  HEY THAT'S WHAT I DO.

"Well, your Walky Talk is borken so we must walk back to Base."

"Sadly yes."  We must walk.

Duke and Toon begin walking back to base forgeting about the Roflcopters and Org.  WILL THE COUNTER-STRIKES COME IN TIME?  OF COURSE THYE WILL.  DUHHH.

TO BE CONTINUED.

What is this, I don't even, who would do something so, I can't even.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Heron TSG on September 06, 2009, 10:11:47 pm

I'm so glad I get to ENFORCEMENTS!  ;D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 06, 2009, 10:55:05 pm

I really like your story thus far TNME. I presume one of them is an android or something?

I'm writing the continuation to my story right now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 06, 2009, 11:10:54 pm

I've added most of, I'm guessing, of TNME's story to the first page. I've also made a new rule. You will not get a second spoiler or a third if you do your short stories in parts. They will all go together. If you make a new story however, you will get another submission slot, of course.

Anyway, as soon as Josh finishes his I'll add it to the front page, for now I'll just try and think of a few concepts and see where it goes from there. I've all but lost the second planned story I had, so I'll see if I can cook something better, without to many confusing things thrown in.

And a plot. When the Baron requests a plot, he gets one.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 12:18:19 am

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 3

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The low sun darkens as it lowers more.  Toon and Duke walk alone, after stealthy sneaking out of Org's detection.  The pair have no means of communication and have no means of transportation, except walking, which hardly qualifies.  Their base is a longs way away.

"So, what made you come to my rescue?"  Toony finally says.

"Ah, well..." Duke pulls out a electronic device.

"I keep on bug on you to know if you're in trouble.  Can't have you killing yourself over Tom Cruise or anything."  Duke explains.

Toony shakes his head, "I KNEW you would do something like that."

Time passes again as the duo keep a steady pace home.  The moon appears in the night sky, illuminating their path.

"I wonder what happened with the counter-strike...or the reinforcements for that matter.  I guess we'll know when we get back."  Toon sighs.

"We'll win."  Says a confident Duke.

Silence fills the air again, except for the buzzing of nearby noise.

"You know, it's been bugging me."  Says Toony, obviously waiting for a response.

"What?"  Says Duke.

Toon takes a deep breath before continuing, "Doesn't anything seem a bit OFF?  I mean, like DIFFERENT?"

"Ah, well, hmmmm, yes actually.  Something DOES feel a little off."  Replies Duke.

"ALOT off."  Says a worried Toony.

"What do you think it is?"  Duke's brow lowers into his head.

"EVERYTHING IS MAKING SENSE."  ToonyMan shouts at the top of his voice.

"SHHHHHHH!"  Says a shushing Duke.

"NO, THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES THE SLIGHTEST NOT SENSE IS THE NARRATOR'S FIRST SENTENCE FOR THIS PART."  Screams a Toony.

"SHHHHH!!  DO YOU WANT US TO BE FOUND OUT!"  Yells Duke back.

...

"What fools, you simpletons."  A mysterious voice fills the wet air.

"It's one of Org's men."  Whispers Duke.  "It's Pandarsenic."

A penguin armed with two handguns walks up to them, followed by 2 lolwut androids.

"How did you--"  Says Toony before being disrupted.

"Anti-toon ecoliser."  Explains Pandar.

"Anti-what?!"  Explains Toony.

"It sets insanity levels to 0, we had a slight hiccup at the beginning, but it worked out quite well, only took us 2 hours before you begin becoming paranoid."  Says Pandar, grinning.  "Androids, take these two hostage, we need to sterilize them."

"YES SIR."

The androids approach Toon and Duke, armed with nothing, the two have to surrender to the robots.  Is this the END?

TO BE CONTINUED.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 12:21:31 am

My favorite part was where it asked you IS THIS THE END?!

And literally right after: TO BE CONTINUED.

Otherwise its all just Durhurhur.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 12:48:25 am

I am angered that my miniscule and unimportant communist martian penguin party go unmentioned. Other then that its... very much your style, toony.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 12:52:15 am

I can't do everybody.  :V

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 12:54:02 am

Well of course you can't. Say, who was it who got made into an honorary penguin again?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 01:06:46 am

Cheeetar

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 01:08:22 am

Right. Is he still around?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 01:24:38 am

I saw him posting somewhere recently.

Also:

"We need to sterilise them."

(http://i28.tinypic.com/1zwhvlg.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 01:26:37 am

;-D

Ah, that's hilarious.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 01:27:46 am

I laughed. Alot.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 01:42:03 am

(http://i31.tinypic.com/ogxo1.png)

YOU CAN'T CATCH ME WHEN I'M ON FIREEEEEZZZZZZZZZ

or maybe I'm wearing a red shirt

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 07, 2009, 03:22:05 am

Here ya go, the second part of my story!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Regaining her composure, Sofia peered into the mechanical face of the companion with intrigue.
"So... these things, can like, do stuff?"
"Yeah, they can do all sorts of stuff. They've been used for lifting things, cleaning, helping the disabled, and some of the best programmed act as chauffeurs. They can pretty much be made to do anything that follows clear rules, but any elements of randomness can throw them off pretty hard."
"They aren't that great, I saw a spoiled brat just the other day that had one of these, and it kept falling over."
"That was probably a Dummy, those are usually pretty bad at everything."
"Dummy?"
"Oh, that's lingo for the types that are mass produced, and come in boxes. They're more poorly made, and are generally only good at following, smiling, and holding broken conversations, and sometimes not even that."
"Is that so..."
Then an odd quiet settled between them. She looked at the companion ever more closely, and slowly, an absolutely devilish look overtook her features as an unhealthy grin seized her face. Duke peered into the room nervously.
"Don't cause any trouble in there Sofia, these things DO look expensive!"
"Don't worry, I'm not causing noone any trouble!"
Duke's eyes nearly roll at the irony of the double negative, and he grows impatient.
"Well, get out of there, we need to go anyhow!"
"Hold up..." as the smile on her face stretches even wider, "I think I might have found myself a new toy... Hey, eh, Joshua was it?"
"...Yes?"
"These things can be made to do anything right?"
"Well, not anything, but it depends on what you're talking about."
The look in her eyes becomes even more menacing, as though hinting at something devious.
"And they can be made to look however I want right?"
"Well..." Joshua suddenly getting nervous, "yes, we do custom models. It's just more expensive, and you'll have have to wait until we finish, which might take a fair while."
Without even responding, she walks out of the backroom, satisfied with his answers, and takes to examining the front room models again. Duke approaches her trepidatiously, sensing her obviously impure intentions escalating.
"What are you up to Sofia?"
"Oh, you'll see Duke... you'll see."
and with that she sets her focus to a brown-haired male model, made up to look like a preppy guy. Reaching out to touch his hair, Josh behind the counter is quick to interrupt her.
"Miss, what'd I say about touching the models!"
"Oh, sorry. It's just that, all I've seen of these 'companions' as you call them, is that thing spraying the the other one in the back, and he wouldn't even talk to me. How do I know these are as good as you say they are, can you give me demonstration? Like, for instance, with this one?" Referring to the preppy companion.
"Of course, these are all functioning models that I've worked on myself."
Getting out from behind the counter, and stands in front of the companion.
"Companion 510 Brian, exit sleep mode. Assume regular full companion mode."
And with that, the slightly glossed over eyes blink, and attain a more human shine. It steps away from it's spot on the wall, and after fully acknowledging the existence of his owner, he notices both Duke and Sofia.
"Hello Joshua, how are you today? May I ask who your friends are?"
"I'm terrific Brian. This is Duke and Sofia."
"Yes, hello Duke and Sofia, it's a great honor of mine to meet you."
"Duke and Sofia would like to talk to you for a little bit, would you please conversate with them as they please?"
"Why yes, of course!"
Duke appreciates the simulated sentiment, but is more worried about what Sofia might do. Sofia approaches the companion, squaring up with it, and making eye contact. In accordance with it's programming, it makes eye contact back, and gives a soft smile.
Several moments pass, Sofia scrutinizing it's unchanging expression. The companion, continuing to blink and simulate breathing, single mindedly continues staring back, allowing Sofia to start the conversation. However, when some more moments pass, it's instructions informs it that eye contact this long means that it's being addressed, and that it should ask accordingly.
"Is there anything I can help you with Duke?"
"Duke?!"
Joshua, very fast to mend his mistake, jumps into the conversation.
"No Brian! That is Sofia, and this is Duke!"
"My humblest apologies Sofia."
"You should be sorry, don't mix me up with an old fogy like him!"
"Mr. Joshua said you would like to conversate with me?"
"Uh, yeah, what's it like being a robot?"
"It's very nice."
"Do you know things?"
"I have encyclopedic knowledge."
"Of what?"
"Of the Encyclopedia Brittanica."
"So you're a know-it-all!"
"If you would like to put it that way."
"Tell me about the weather!"
"Weather where?"
"Where here!"
"It's sunny, with light clouds, and a zero chance of precipitation."
"No, it's raining right now!"
The companion, taken back by this, immediately wirelessly connects it's digital brain to 8 more sources of weather watching on the internet, and collects that what Sofia is telling him is a lie, however, his programming forbids him from disagreeing with her, making the entire effort moot.
"Of course, Ms. Sofia."
"Ha! You don't know-it-all after all!"
"I guess you're right."
"How do I turn you off? I'm done talking to your dumb face!"
"It was a pleasure talking to you."
Joshua, internally offended that one of his creations is treated so harshly, is even more worried that he might lose a potential customer. Every one counts afterall!
"Did you not like him Ms. Sofia?"
"He's alright."
"This one's a bit older than the others. Wonderfully made, in my opinion, but has some interesting glitches with it's AI, and how it perceives the world."
"You're telling me!"
"Well, these are simply limitations on the hardware at the time, the newer ones are a bit better."
Once again, she ignores him, preferring to go deep into thought. Duke finally confronts her.
"Alright Sofia! You've played around for long enough! I'm not sure what you're intending, but it'll have to wait. We're late afterall!"
"Shut the hell up! I'm thinking!"
Some more moments pass, and she finally reaches her conclusion.
"So, you can make these look however you want?" Addresing Joshua this time.
"Of course."
Rummaging through her pocket, Sofia picks out a photo and hands it to him.
"I want my companion to look exactly like that!"
Joshua looks at the photo, and is completely dumbfounded. He takes a close look at it, electing to hold it up to his face, holding it sideways, taking it to his counter, and holding it under a light, and then a magnifying glass. He calls in a filipino woman with the nametag "Vester" from the backroom and has her look at it, who also elects to hold it to her face, under a light, and then a magnifying glass.
They move to a computer, where they quickly jot in some details, and they furiously analyze the picture in the time frame of only a minute or so. Then after consulting with the computer, they can only shake their heads as they approach Sofia with the results.
"Sorry Ms. Sofia, I can't do this."
"Why not?! I have money!"
"Well, the squinty eyes, the broad shoulders, and the muscular physique, these are all possible. However, this... this... Chin! it's much too large!"
"And what's wrong with it?"
"Well, for one, nobody makes chins this big! I'd have to make it myself, but neglecting that entirely, it'd give the head an odd center of gravity."
"So?"
"Well, it may not seem like much, but the companions rely on a little gyroscopes in tandem with special programming to keep themselves balanced, they're called gyrobalancers. It's just that, frankly, with the center of gravity this chin would have, there isn't a gyrobalancer in the world that would allow it to walk. It may seem insignificant, but that's reality. Plus, while stubble is possible, nobody makes green stubble. I'd have to call in the factory where artificial hair is made to special order it."
Seeing her request crushed by the heel of practicality, Sofia shrugs her shoulders, and takes the photo back.
"Oh well, let's go Duke." she says, while playfully pulling an imaginary leash as she walks out the door.
"Sorry for any trouble we may have caused you." affirms Duke as he follows her, and they both disappear into the crowded sidewalk.
"How unusual..." thinks Josh as he ponders what the hell just happened, or what the hell that woman had planned for the companion she wanted.
"Brian, stand at position 11, facing away from the wall, and enter hibernation mode."
"Yes Mr. Joshua" as he returns to his original spot against the wall. Joshua returns his seat behind the counter, takes out the chest frame he had been working on, and flicks his soldering gun back on.
"Who were those people?" Vester asked meekly.
"Just some eccentrics" answered Josh, not really knowing himself.

They never came back, but that was just business as usual for Joshua's Retail Robotic Companions.

I hoped you liked it, I thought it was sort of flat. Plus, I didn't bother to proofread it, so it's probably ridden with grammatical errors.

Also, absolutely awesome picture Vester.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 07, 2009, 03:28:02 am

 I sincerely appreciate you using the term Foggy as opposed to Froggy, as that was the picture I was expecting her to show.

 And don't we all want an Aqizzar-bot that constantly falls forward?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 03:43:33 am

Implications can only hang for so long.  Their arms get tired you know.


"EVERYTHING IS MAKING SENSE."  ToonyMan shouts at the top of his voice.

"SHHHHHHH!"  Says a shushing Duke.

"NO, THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES THE SLIGHTEST NOT SENSE IS THE NARRATOR'S FIRST SENTENCE FOR THIS PART."  Screams a Toony.

Would that I had any ability to make Gary's Mod movies.

Or that I had the wherewithal to write a story myself.  I feel like I owe some kind of contribution to this crazy effort.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 03:45:46 am

And then we'd have a story that didn't glorify Aqizzar.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 03:55:15 am

I finished up my story, it's in the original post. Also: That story makes me laugh. I'm not exactly sure why.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 03:57:36 am

Yes.

He is the baron.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 07, 2009, 04:01:35 am

I keep reading the title of the thread as "Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery" as though it were a verb instead of a noun.

What do you think of my story by the way?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 04:04:41 am

It was excellent, and I would like to appear in your next, just for a cameo.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 04:12:07 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 07, 2009, 04:01:35 am

I keep reading the title of the thread as "Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery" as though it were a verb instead of a noun.

What do you think of my story by the way?

It was pretty good, and it wasn't flat at all. Sofia. Is. Scary.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 04:16:49 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 07, 2009, 04:01:35 am

I keep reading the title of the thread as "Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery" as though it were a verb instead of a noun.

Bay Twelvery is now a verb.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 04:18:37 am

Yes, Sofia is indeed rather frightening. Also, you really ought to get your avatar to a hospital, Neruz.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 04:20:43 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 04:16:49 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 07, 2009, 04:01:35 am

I keep reading the title of the thread as "Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery" as though it were a verb instead of a noun.

Bay Twelvery is now a verb.

An extraordinarily useful one at that, to describe the self-conscious idiocy we get into sometimes.  Like lately.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 04:24:12 am

We only do it because we don't know any better, and it's fun, and we're bored.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 04:26:27 am

Quote from: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 04:18:37 am

Yes, Sofia is indeed rather frightening. Also, you really ought to get your avatar to a hospital, Neruz.

Nah, she'll be right, it's just a bit of wear and tear, no biggie.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 04:41:50 am

Okay. Updated the first page once again.

Josh's submission has been added. And TNME's has also been touched up, with the missing bit added in appropriately where it left off.

I liked the feel of your short Josh.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 04:50:02 am

This is based on WorkerDrone's first story, the part directly before everything blows up in violence.

Spoiler: Warning: HUEG (click to show/hide)

(http://i26.tinypic.com/11jyrgz.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 04:51:57 am

I love you.

I MEAN...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 04:52:53 am

No, really, words cannot describe the awesome.

Make Max more crazy though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 04:59:59 am

Also. Twelvery is indeed now officially a verb.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 05:04:11 am

Quote from: Vester on September 07, 2009, 04:50:02 am

This is based on WorkerDrone's first story, the part directly before everything blows up in violence.

[Righteous Pic]

Is that my head on fire?  I don't remember my head catching on fire.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:06:35 am

That's ToonyMan actually.

He constantly mentions being set aflame.

Also, everyone must accept the new verb.

YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:12:45 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 05:04:11 am

Is that my head on fire?  I don't remember my head catching on fire.

With your head on fire, one expects you wouldn't.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 05:16:13 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:06:35 am

That's ToonyMan actually.

He constantly mentions being set aflame.
[/spoiler]

That willy shapeshifter strikes again!  Stop being me Toony!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 05:18:36 am

It's actually easy to tell him apart from you.

He's always on fire.

I'm going to muck around and see if there's anything else in the short stories that I can draw.

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:06:35 am

That's ToonyMan actually.

He constantly mentions being set aflame.

Also, everyone must accept the new verb.

YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

Bay Twelvery: To behave in the manner of a Bay Twelver. See also Bay Twelve, B12, and Batshit Insane.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:19:38 am

I've gone insane then.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:21:30 am

"Gone Insane" implies that there was a time prior when you were not insane.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:26:18 am

STOP!

YOU GUYS ARE HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:26:59 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:21:30 am

"Gone Insane" implies that there was a time prior when you were not insane.

It was before VN. I was rather sane enough at that time.

Also, you can have fun with us on the condition that you stop excessively using the Capslock and exclamation mark keys.

Otherwise, go and do that in ToonyMan's thread.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:28:42 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:26:59 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:21:30 am

"Gone Insane" implies that there was a time prior when you were not insane.

It was before VN. I was rather sane enough at that time.

Also, you can have fun with us on the condition that you stop excessively using the Capslock and exclamation mark keys.

Otherwise, go and do that in ToonyMan's thread.

Liar. Pics or it didn't happen.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:29:52 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 05:26:59 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:21:30 am

"Gone Insane" implies that there was a time prior when you were not insane.

It was before VN. I was rather sane enough at that time.

Also, you can have fun with us on the condition that you stop excessively using the Capslock and exclamation mark keys.

Otherwise, go and do that in ToonyMan's thread.

_{right... i'll start using lower-case letters then
btw, anyone hating me? i hat i7 1f 3vEry0n3 f0rg0tt3n ab0t mi, l0l.}

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:36:45 am

Well, I didn't hate you before, but I'm beginning to now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:38:38 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:36:45 am

Well, I didn't hate you before, but I'm beginning to now.

gut!

I don't want to be forgotten into oblivion. Who would?

BTW, can I use brainfuck GRIMDARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKekekekekeke?

Anyway, going to pick up DoW soon. Which one should I get?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:40:38 am

No, see, your posts make no real sense, you use tired memes and you seem excitable.

Sure I like you, but cut down on the frigging LOL RANDUM and capslock.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:42:33 am

I see...

I think I am Toonyman's lost cousin. Sure, I am intelligent, but I can't stop alienising people..........................................

Yeah, I suck at LCS because of exactly that reason.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:43:17 am

See, that post worked!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 05:45:46 am

Quote from: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:42:33 am

I see...

I think I am Toonyman's lost cousin. Sure, I am intelligent, but I can't stop alienising people..........................................

Yeah, I suck at LCS because of exactly that reason.

If you were ToonyMan's cousin, you'd probably also be constantly bursting into flames.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 05:46:28 am

You being related to ToonyMan does make a kind of sense, yes.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 05:48:06 am

An insane kind, which fits.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 05:48:47 am

This is from Jackrabbit's. I dunno if Org actually fought in that war, but oh well. Needed a pengoid minion for Inaluct.

Spoiler: Fowl Play II: The Rise of Inaluct (click to show/hide)

(http://i32.tinypic.com/14azi3p.jpg)

(Someone grab it and make it into a movie poster. :D)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:48:57 am

Awesome.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 05:49:27 am

I'm going to overdose on awesome and die, you know.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 05:50:15 am

Now this i have to see.

How would one die from an overdose of Awesome, hmm, i'd say most likely your head asplode.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 05:50:41 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 05:46:28 am

You being related to ToonyMan does make a kind of sense, yes.

See? Great minds think alike.

Nah, I should probably just train my recorder-skillz (the flute one, not recording music).
Also, I'm opening my fast here!

@Vester: OH GOD-DAMNIT. /me has died from bloodloss from seeing an awesome engraving of gentlepenguin and axepenguin!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 05:55:58 am

Vester, that is astounding. It has an air of sinister Gentlemanry that I find amazing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 06:05:53 am

Reminds me of a certain batman villain...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 06:09:09 am

That's because Inaluct killed him.

With his beak.

And then stole his monocle.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 06:11:11 am

Inaluct killed the Penguin?

This cannot be forgiven!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 06:12:37 am

So, it was spheniscide, eh? Oh wait. In any case, we need a new case of monocles.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 06:17:53 am

Someone still got the old VN map made by Akroma?

I want to see what the extent our nonsense-brain are capable of.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 06:20:37 am

Don't challenge the Internets.

It will win.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 06:26:39 am

Quote from: Vester on September 07, 2009, 05:48:47 am

This is from Jackrabbit's. I dunno if Org actually fought in that war, but oh well. Needed a pengoid minion for Inaluct.

Spoiler: Fowl Play II: The Rise of Inaluct (click to show/hide)

(http://i32.tinypic.com/14azi3p.jpg)

(Someone grab it and make it into a movie poster. :D)

I'd pay nine dollars to see that movie.

Hell, I'd pay ten as long as I still had money for popcorn.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 06:28:45 am

And here in Australia, we'd be forced to pay 15.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 06:30:13 am

Nah, it'll be 17, they'll throw on an extra $2 fee for the trouble of coming all the way down here.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 06:52:24 am

Oh yes.

BASTAAAARDS!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:07:59 am

On the upside, we're one of the few western countries with legalised prostitution, so it all balances out.

Plus, you know, we're substantially more awesome than everyone else.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:10:43 am

So when you pay for your STDs you're stimulating the economy.

Hooker taxes...man this joke is in poor taste.

I should just stop typ

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:10:56 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:07:59 am

On the upside, we're one of the few western countries with legalised prostitution, so it all balances out.

Plus, you know, we're substantially more awesome than everyone else.

'Cept New Zealand.

I don't know why. I guess I just count utterly spectacular presentation of nature's beauty as awesome.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:11:37 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:10:43 am

So when you pay for your STDs your stimulating the economy.

Hooker taxes...man this joke is in poor taste.

I should just stop typ

Well you see the advantage of having liscenced prostitution is that you don't get STDs. Frequent health checks and high sanitation requirements you know.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:13:47 am

This country is strange to me. A nation full of hookers who aren't foul with more diseases than a inbred cow.

Tell me.

Are ICEEs free there? Because if they are, I'd totally pack my bags right this second.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:14:35 am

ICEEs?

I don't... believe eye care is free. Nor are icecreams.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:16:10 am

I'm going to guess he means the ice cream company.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:16:41 am

Ice creams are also not free.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:17:14 am

Frozen food coloring is everything to me.

Right now atleast. In five minutes it'll probably be cake. Or bacon.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:19:51 am

(http://www.royalbaconsociety.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/bacon-cake-4.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:20:22 am

Cake and bacon.

Bacon baked right into the cake, or at least on the side.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:21:35 am

Hey, we've got that in Australia! We've got everything that can kill you and more!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:22:03 am

I heard. Your ants are more deadly than my ants too I hear. And twice as big.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:23:09 am

Nah, the ants aren't all that bad; the spiders have eaten them all.

The spiders ate all the snakes too. In fact just about the only things the spiders havn't eaten are the saltwater crocs (which are too big, even for our spiders) and the jellyfish.


Oh, and the Magpies, because you don't fuck with Magpies.



Terry Pratchett has been famously quoted saying that the only animals in Australia that are not deadly are "Some of the sheep."

Note Some.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:24:57 am

Except the snakes, who eat everything and then EAT THEMSELVES. You know the top ten most poisonous snakes in the world? We got 'em all.

As for ants.

_









_

Measure that. Biggest ant I ever saw. Did not take picture. Ran.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:25:41 am

You know the spiders in the world that can kill you? We have 90% of them.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 07:27:19 am

Australia is as close to a death world as you can get in this day and age.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:27:27 am

You know New Zealand has no wild animals that are poisonous or even posses that much of a threat?

It's because they're better.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:28:33 am

Here's one of my favorite Australian Wildlife photos; taken in Queensland.

(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01080/earth-graphics-200_1080291a.jpg)



Do not fuck with our wildlife, it will eat you.

New Zealand is full of pussies, and sheep.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 07, 2009, 07:29:14 am

New Zealand has them funny-looking walking birds.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:30:21 am

New Zealand has no need for a standing army, or planes, or a navy because we have our pure manliness, our sheep, and our pride.

Kiwis don't kill things though. YET.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:30:33 am

Alright. While this has been an interesting conversation that's bounced and jumped, unless your gonna talk about the stories, talk about writing a story, or find yourself obligated to demanding that I start writing a second one, we'll just leave off from there.

Most of you probably fall into the third category.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:32:08 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:30:21 am

New Zealand has no need for a standing army, or planes, or a navy because we have our pure manliness, our sheep, and our pride.

Kiwis don't kill things though. YET.

New Zealand, 100% There for the taking. (http://www.invadenewzealand.com/)
(Also, since when did New Zealand have pride? Do i need to start the sheep jokes?)

Don't get upset WorkerDrone, we're just engaging in Bay Twelvery; the very act that this thread is about.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:34:48 am

Please no sheep jokes.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:34:53 am

No, I've heard all the sheep jokes. Little known fact, but we have

• Kangaroo
• Koala
• Wombat

and Kookaburra jokes. Ha.

Anyway, stopping now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:35:55 am

I didn't mind the Bay Twelvery thirty minutes ago from then 'till now, and I COULD continue not to mind, but yeah, no sheep jokes.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 07:36:28 am

Why would anyone want to invade New Zealand?  It's Australia's Canada, it's cold, boring, and no one lives there.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:36:48 am

WORKERDRONE SECOND STORY NOW, WRITING SLAVE.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:37:25 am

IT'LL GET WROTE WHEN IT GETS WROTE.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:38:05 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 07:36:28 am

Why would anyone want to invade New Zealand?  It's Australia's Canada, it's cold, boring, and no one lives there.

Heeeeey. It's beautiful, resource plenty and it over half of the country won't freeze your balls off and kill you and you balls in short succession.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:39:03 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 07, 2009, 07:36:28 am

Why would anyone want to invade New Zealand?  It's Australia's Canada, it's cold, boring, and no one lives there.

Because we can?

Btw, that vidjeo was actually made by our military's PR department :P

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:40:42 am

Seriously. I thought it was made by those guys on that show about advertising. And besides, invade New Zealand and you know America is going to find some way to get involved and try and be the hero and save us.

Problem is, they probably would.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:43:39 am

Seriously, hence the website.


If i recall correctly the Chasers had a competition to see who could do the best 'invade New Zealand' propaganda vidjeo, and the military PR department went "Lets do this shit" and won it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:45:12 am

No, I actually have the episode somewhere. It was... I forget the name, but the shows all about advertising. It wasn't the chasers. Wait.. aha! The Gruen Transfer. That was it.

Oh, and this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8Q36-9UUQE) one won.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 07:47:26 am

Ah yeah, Gruen Transfer, not chasers, my bad.

Further research has revealed it was the 303 Agency who did the ad, mah bad. I will admit i really didn't care enough until now :P

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 07, 2009, 07:48:27 am

This thread is awesome... Beyond Quality.

By the way, Vesters drawings should be inserted into the relevant stories in the OP.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 07:50:11 am

Oh hell yeah.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 07:59:44 am

Every year, you can crack a beer, to the day you smashed the Kiwis.

Only the irony is your an Australian born in New Zealand.

Also, tossing those two pictures into the First Page, because I really hadn't thought of it, and its appropriate enough.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:00:58 am

You never know, one day Australia might have more strategic importance than a badly-positioned grapefruit, and then we'll invade you all with our spiders and fuck you up.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 08:04:46 am

Oh ho! That'd be more China or Korea though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 08:06:36 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:00:58 am

You never know, one day Australia might have more strategic importance than a badly-positioned grapefruit, and then we'll invade you all with our spiders and fuck you up.

Nah, we'll invade you first.

Come on, 240 million people already, + 6% a year.

Oh, we're fucked.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:09:05 am

Quote from: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 08:06:36 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:00:58 am

You never know, one day Australia might have more strategic importance than a badly-positioned grapefruit, and then we'll invade you all with our spiders and fuck you up.

Nah, we'll invade you first.

Come on, 240 million people already, + 6% a year.

Oh, we're fucked.

That's right, invade us, fight our spiders on their home turf. Good luck.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:11:06 am

Supposedly, you have more people than you have guns for.

I'm glad I'm in the food good old US of A. We're kind of located on the otherside of the planet, have statistically the world's most powerful military force, and have about ten thousand more Nukes than everyone else.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:13:28 am

You mean the US of A that's slowly falling down around itself into a rather sad looking mess of politics, economics and stupidity?

Me, i'm pretty happy we're on fairly good terms with the Chinese, who look to be the next world player.


Plus, we don't need guns, anyone crazy enough to want to invade Australia is entirely welcome here, once they've seen the spiders and decided they really want to live here.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 07, 2009, 08:16:02 am

Okay, I declare the country dick waving over!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:17:35 am

Bah, you're no fun.

What are we supposed to do if we can't wave our dicks around?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelve
Post by: Cthulhu on September 07, 2009, 08:18:10 am

Quote from: Vester on September 07, 2009, 04:50:02 am

This is based on WorkerDrone's first story, the part directly before everything blows up in violence.

Spoiler: Warning: HUEG (click to show/hide)

(http://i26.tinypic.com/11jyrgz.jpg)

DAT HAT

I'm gonna have to get a real one of those.  It's so classy.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:24:41 am

I agree that the dickwavings over.

Also, you used stupidity in a generalized form. Therefore, your calling me stupid. For being an American.

I'm in a good mood, so I'm kind of ignoring that.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWS-FoXbjVI

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:29:13 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:24:41 am

Also, you used stupidity in a generalized form. Therefore, your calling me stupid. For being an American.

Finally, something i can agree with.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:39:09 am

I'd like to dedicate this punch to Neruz's face for being an idiot.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 07, 2009, 08:40:40 am

 Remember folks: Boasting how cool a country is is alright. Most countries have something to boast about. However, trashtalking other countries only breeds malice and flames. Please folks, if you really want peace, then stop this dickery.

 And holy hell have you guys posted a lot in the morning.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:43:40 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:39:09 am

I'd like to dedicate this punch to Neruz's face for being an idiot.

Hey, i never said i didn't expect you to be an idiot, or that being an idiot is a bad thing. Some of my best friends are idiots and i've been known to be an idiot plenty of times. Idiocy is just something you live with. Some people have more of it than others, some people grow out of it.


Also, it's the evening for me, bed tiem now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 08:45:44 am

It's 8:30 PM here.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:49:17 am

I could rant and rave about how retarded that sounds (the generalization of all Americans being stupid) but I've already been beaten to the punch, and I really shouldn't fume.

Enough. Either switch conversation or I threadlock between new short stories, forcing people who want to submit to do it through PM. Though that sounds easier, it means no one can talk about the stories, and the point was to have a laugh in this thread.

Neruz, its easy to irk WorkerDrone.

WorkerDrone has problems with anger he is currently trying to work on. Please.

For the love of god. Don't make WorkerDrone angry on purpose.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 07, 2009, 08:50:02 am

I see, very well, good night then. Presumably there will be something different to talk about in the morning.

I do however, entirely neutrally, reccomend that you remember that the Internets is very rarely serious buisness. I've found myself enjoying Internet discussions far more once i worked out that the vast majority of what you see on the Internets is, well, entirely unserious.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 08:52:45 am

Heh.

Internet is always serious business, at least for WD :P

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:54:01 am

The internet is intelligent and civil conversation for WorkerDrone. Always.

Unless you want me to rip you in half.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 08:56:03 am

Wait wait wait.

Intelligent and civil conversation? With smurf?

I failed to see the logic behind this :P

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 08:56:59 am

Obviously.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 07, 2009, 08:58:10 am

It probably has something to do with the fact that he's not a smurf.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 09:02:09 am

I guess the avatar wasn't enough of a clue.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 09:03:44 am

Oops.
OKay, my geekness has reached it's limits.

Well, to me (aspiring-tau-and-ork player) chapters of space marines all acts the same, so I call all of them smurfs :P

Oh, well, Black Templar. There, happy?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 09:05:17 am

All act the...

You have six point three seconds to get as far away from me and my chainsword as possible.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 09:09:27 am

Allright, allright.

Don't blame me for not ever seeing a WH40K rulebook, or a tableset.

Blame mah country of origin.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 07, 2009, 09:54:21 am

 Oh no, lets not dive back into that bucket of worms.

 The only experience with 40K is you guys, so I have no real objective views on it. Not having any real info on it, I decline from making comments that I know will be false and cause problems and make me look like an idiot.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 10:03:27 am

I rarely mention 40K out of nowhere. Someone has to bring it up for me to jump on that wagon.

Also, yes, I've stated it, I'm also guilty of many accounts of 'Twelvery' myself, but usually provoked Twelvery!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 10:04:44 am

The most severe Twelvery I've done was in the "Legendary Cougars" thread.

It got Okenido banned. :'(

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 07, 2009, 10:09:05 am

Alright...

Next topic:

JAPONESE ARE JEWS?????????????????????????????????????????????????

Well, fuck /jp/, I'm going to sleep.

Also, my dad is raging about CoD4. It's too hard for him... :P Well, he's learning.


@Vester: Oh you.....

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Leafsnail on September 07, 2009, 10:11:52 am

Quote from: Vester on September 07, 2009, 10:04:44 am

The most severe Twelvery I've done was in the "Legendary Cougars" thread.

It got Okenido banned. :'(

Yeah, because we all know it's impossible for someone to show self control...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 10:12:42 am

CoD4 on Veteran.

I weeped.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 07, 2009, 10:14:38 am

Quote from: Leafsnail on September 07, 2009, 10:11:52 am

Quote from: Vester on September 07, 2009, 10:04:44 am

The most severe Twelvery I've done was in the "Legendary Cougars" thread.

It got Okenido banned. :'(

Yeah, because we all know it's impossible for someone to show self control...

Twelvery by definition is a lack of self control. ;)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 07, 2009, 11:04:21 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 10:12:42 am

CoD4 on Veteran.

I weeped.

I can't remember how far I got on Veteran.  I think I was at the mission where the tank is broken down in the trashy place and you have to defend it.  I'm not sure.

Also,  NewerMartianEmperor!!

Check your messages!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 02:59:21 pm

I beat every single last act.

And the epilogue.

And then did it again on the level challenges and a third time on the entire playthrough challenge.

After the third time I never picked up CoD4 again. CoD5 sure. 4? No...never...never again.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 07, 2009, 03:15:02 pm

Poem Time! (A 575 Haiku!)

The Chin
Aqizzar's big chin
The symbol of bay 12 funk
Coated in green gunk

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 03:28:50 pm

OK, I've been sleeping for 13 hours and we get all these pages all of sudden.
Let me get to work on the fourth part.

@Vester:

Nice pictures.  Being profiled as an Aqizzar with his hair on fire is GOOOD.


EDIT:  Even though I'm actually going super-sayian.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 04:04:46 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 4

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Five bipeds walk through the cold night, silent.  ToonyMan knows that if they get captured it will be over, he has to think of a plan.

"So I see the Anti-Toon Ecoliser is still running?"  Says a sneaky Toon.

"Yes."  Says Pandar bluntly.  "We don't want you escaping by some crazy feat."

"Well....."  Toon needs to know where this thing is.  "Where is it?"

"Like I'd tell you!"  Panda laughs at the thought.  "It's the only thing holding you back!"

Duke listens to them arguing about where the machine is and starts thinking about a plan of his own.  He can't tell Toony what it is, but hopefully he'll play along.

Duke shouts at the top of his lungs, "I HAVE TO GO POTTY."  Panda and Toon winse back, the androids don't care.

"No, there is no bathroom breaks on this trip."  Replies an aggravated Pandar.

"I HAVEZ TO GO TOO."  Says Toony, catching on.

The two begin screaming about having to go to the potty, times passes as they walk along, why didn't Pandar's team have a means of transports?  Who knows.

"ALRIGHT, FINE, FOR GOOD ARMOK'S SAKES GO TO THE BATHROOM."  SCREEM Pandarsenic.

"The two of you" he points to the androids, "go escort them somewhere."

"YES SIR DOOD."  Replies Androids.

"Something weird a'brewin."  Whispers Panda to penself.

"OK ANDROIDS WE GO POTTY HERE."  Toon points to the river nearby.

"THE RIVER?  WOULDN'T A TREE BE SUITED BET---"

"WE GO TO THE RIVER."

"YES SIR DOOD."  Replied frightened androids.

The two androids bring the hostages to the river, with some smooth moves the two throw the robots into the riv--RARR!!!

"wat you do?"  SCREEM PANDAR AT THE PEAR.

"SO THOSE ROTORS WHERE THE SOURCE OF YOGURT."  Says witty Duke.

"YES AND NOW THERE'ER GOOOSE."  Pandar-senic pulls out I"MA BREAKIN IN.

Pandarsenic pulls out his two handguns, only to see two can of hairspray to take their place.  BUT pandarsenic is serious bessiness, he begins charges witrh the harispray drewn, firing awaya with his spray.

THIS IS WHEN DUKE PULLS OUT MATCH SLOWLY AND LIGHT IT ON HIS BEARD BEFORE THROWING IT AT PANDARSENIC CAUSING IT TO EGNIGHT BLOWING HIM AWAY WITH INGEYDOUS.

"If you can't take the heat, stay out of shower."  Syas Duek.

"Letz get move in da."  Russain Toony puts on russian hat to show russsainess.

"WRONG NATIONALITY."  Critized Duek.

The two begin moving in, but which way is which, THER'ER lost, AHHHH.  THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE,  WILL THE SURVIVE?!?!

Too Be COntinued.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 07, 2009, 06:56:32 pm

Prinny androids?

Sounds like an awesome idea.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 07, 2009, 07:09:37 pm

GIVE LOACATION AND I ENFORCEMENT!

And Toonyman's story is becoming awesome-er by the post.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 07:39:46 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 5

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Barbar sat at his desk, grunting.  He couldn't locate what happened to Toony after the crash, it's been a few hours and no scouters can pin-point his location, "IT MUST BE OVER 9000"  he thought.  He starting eating some more Polar Bear Icecream while he worked, it was GOOD.

"How's progress?"  A voice pooped into Barbar's head, it was Sir Josh, leader of the resistance.

"Fine, fine."  Replied Barbar.

"More specific please."  Sir Josh pushed.

"Well, I WASN'T EXPECTING ORG TO INTESTATE WAR SO QUICKLY.  We were in pretty much a scatter at first, luckily though Duke went out on his own mission, which proved to help.  All I know right now is that Toon and Duke are out there somewhere, Sonerohi is out there looking for them in his copter and Hawkfrost is fighting against Org's army."  Barbar begin munching on his icecream again.

"Hmmm, we aren't going to be able to win this war if it goes on like this, we will need help."  Said Sir Josh thoughtfully.

"I KNOW, I'm looking for some third-party to help join us."  Said Barbar.

"We should contacts Mars."  Said Sir Josh.

"NOOOOOOOO, ARE YOU CRAZY."  Yelled Barbar.  "The Martians are insane.  They may forget which side they're on in the middle of battle."

"They're easy to negotiate with though, they'll join our side over a burrito."  Barbar imagined Sir Josh playing out the scene.

"Fine.  Making contact with Mars."

The room became dark and everyone around stared at the middle of the room, where TheNewerMartianEmperor's hologram stood, or should I say sat, in a big throne.

TOO BE CONTINUED

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 07, 2009, 09:09:20 pm

In case you were wondering why Toony's...masterpieces...aren't on the front page, its just because of what I said about no several spoilers, and that I don't want to update his thing again and again.

So yeah, Toony, I hope you have an ending in mind and then want to work on a new story, because you only get one slot to each story, I don't do parts and day by day updates. Their called short stories for a reason.

But as soon as you finish, I will TOTALLY put it there. Can't deny that there wasn't effort put into it...ooooh hoooo the effort.

I bet he does some sort of ritual before posting Toonish stuff. For maximum crazy from the Crazy Gods.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 07, 2009, 09:19:05 pm

You'll note I only activate the Toon ritual when ToonyMan is nearby where the story is taking place.  The only exception is when Pandar used the anti-Toon ecoliser.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 01:33:44 am

As you may have guessed, I'm liking the direction this story is taking.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 08, 2009, 01:54:06 am

I read the continuation of your story TNME, and I would like to offer constructive criticism the best I can.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

From where your story was unfinished, I was really getting into your characterization, and the dialogue, and the environment they were in, and I wanted to learn more. Then, however, I was let down when you actually continued it with basically "And then they were tortured by Sofia." and that's it. I wanted to learn what the heck was up with the house they were in, and the odd high tech feel you gave everything, so I feel it was disappointing that the ending was so abrupt. I think it would have been better had you not left your audience nonplussed.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 01:57:35 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I actually put a period at the end instead of the comma where he was to leave off and finish it later. When I reread it to see if the tags weren't messed up, I noticed it did end better that way, and now that I think about it, reading the ending again, it would have been better simply leaving off if it wasn't going to elaborate further.

But its better than my crap. Speaking of my crap, still thinking, I'll try and get back to writing a bit soon. More work.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 02:05:51 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yeah, the rather sudden end was a bit of a letdown, but I can't do a good courtroom setting. Also, I was trying to make it so that if you read it closely you can work out what happened, but do tell me if you want it explained.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 03:48:33 am

Elaboration is always good.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 04:03:00 am

Very well then.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Jack was messing with the power core despite numerous insistences that this would be a very bad thing to do. Theoretically I was supposed to prevent things like this, but I was distracted and didn't notice until it went boom. This took out the back half of my saucer, causing it to crash into aqizzar's roof. This also caused the emergency lockdown to activate, which due to a security glitch caused by my being distracted by the same reasons as before could only be turned off from the outside. Things went downhill from there.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 04:03:33 am

Why did you let me on in the first place, you fool!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 04:12:54 am

I wanted to impress you with my new experimental power core. In retrospect it was not the best of ideas.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 08, 2009, 07:07:32 am

Okay, lemme give this a shot.

Spoiler: The Battle of Texas: Prologue (Expect Character Derailment) (click to show/hide)

   The silence in the air was palpable. There were five people sitting at the conference room’s table – although three of them were only people in the roughest sense of the word. At the table’s head sat a man whose predominant feature was his gigantic head, which was nothing more than a green, glowing U. The serial number emblazoned on the front of his shirtpocket said Duke 2.0, in similarly radioactive letters. He made a move to speak.
   “Gentlemen,” he began.
   There was a quiet cough from his left. He turned to look, blanched, and turned back to face the rest.
   “Gentlemen,” Duke said, “and Vester, who we sometimes mistake for a gentleman due to the size of her-“
   “BOOBS” shouted one of them, immediately bursting into flame.
   “Chin,” continued Duke pointedly. “And put yourself out, ToonyMan, or you’ll kill us all.”
   “Psh,” said ToonyMan, dousing his head with the nearby bucket of water that they kept on hand for precisely that purpose. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you.”
   Duke would have stuck his tongue out at him, if he had anything resembling a tongue. “As I was saying. Gentlemen and lady, we are screwed.”
   There was a murmur of discontent.  One of the others stood abruptly, the spider on his shirt squeaking in annoyance at the sudden movement.  “Duke, I resent that. You can’t just declare that we’re screwed without going through the proper diplomatic channels. In fact-”
   “Sit down, Josh,” said Duke. “I have already done so. Our screwedness is confirmed.”
   The hulking shape to his right gave a growl of malevolence, removing its bowler hat with one green tentacle. “Pics,” he rasped, “or it didn’t happen.”
   “Oh, it happened all right,” replied Duke. “Look!”
   A flickering beam blazed out from where his forehead should have been, bathing the opposite wall in a faint light. An image of a tall, red skinned figure with glowing eyes appeared. He wore what could most accurately be described as ‘the most pimpin’ pope hat in existence’, and an ermine robe that appeared to have been sewn with human hair. There was a gasp.
   “The Enemy,” muttered Vester.
   “Actually,” said Duke, “The NME.”
   The spider on Josh’s shirt squeaked loudly and shook its head. “I agree,” Josh said, stroking his beard. “What does the Emperor of Mars have to do with us being well and proper screwed?”
   “Hmph,” scoffed the abomination, fluttering his wings. “Nothing, I suppose. He fears my Elder might.”
   “That’s where you’re wrong, Cthulhu,” Duke said, thanking his makers that no trace of fear could show itself on his odd face as he spoke its unholy name. “He has everything to do with our screwedness. Take a look at this.”
   Another image replaced that of the Emperor.
   “What the hell is that?” shouted Josh.
   Vester threw her vest over her head. “My eyes!”
   “Huh,” said ToonyMan, tilting his head sideways. “That’s… odd.”
   “Put that thing away,” rumbled Cthulhu, “or I’ll put you away.”
   “What’s wrong with you people?” said Duke. “It’s just a picture of- oh. Uh. Whoops. Someone must have been fiddling with my settings.”
   The unspeakable image faded away. A new one took its place. It looked like a map of a huge and barren wasteland. The people seated at the table gasped.
   “Behold!” said Duke. “Texas. The NME has announced his intentions to lay claim to this state, due to its rich oil fields, its sprawling terrain, and its women.”
   “Why its women?” said Josh.
   “Mars needs women,” whispered Vester. “It’s an unspoken rule. So don’t speak of it.”
   “Ah.”
   “IT NEEDS THEM FOR SEX,” chimed in ToonyMan. Coils of smoke began to peel off his forehead.
   “I get it, already.”
   “The point is,” said Duke, “that we simply cannot allow foreign interests to take control of a sovereign state of Earth.”
   “He wouldn’t dare risk it,” said Josh. “Texas is guarded by the SuperDevil.”
   There was an awkward silence.
   “What?” he said.
   “Um,” rumbled Cthulhu. “Not anymore.”
   “Why not?”
   “Cthulhu kind of stepped on him,” said Duke.
   “What was he doing in Texas?” asked Josh curiously.
   “The point is,” said Duke, cutting him off, “we can no longer rely on SuperDevil to deter Martian aggression, nor can we risk open war with the Empire of Mars.”
   “I say we kill all the Martians,” yelled ToonyMan. “WITH GUNS.”
   “No,” said Vester. “They would wipe us out if it came to that. They have the power of Science.”
   “Exactly,” said Duke. “Which is why I propose we fight them with a combination of Politics and Science. You know. For irony.”
   “Your puny human politics are nothing to the Elder Gods,” said the resident Elder God. “But I see the wisdom of this course of action. We must install a King in Texas. The NME would never attack a monarch who passed muster.”
   “Who will be King?” said Josh.
   There was a moment of silence.
   Suddenly, they heard the roar of an incoming motorcycle, racing towards them at full throttle. The roar stopped just outside the door of the conference room, and the door abruptly imploded as a thick-soled boot came crashing through it.
   The figure stepped into the room, the light from the hall at his back like a halo.
   His name passed around the room in hushed tones. “Aqizzar…”
   The Baron put his steel crowbar away and squinted at them. “Did I hear someone say ‘King’?”

---

   Duke, ToonyMan, and Josh sat up long into the night, working on the plan to avert a Martian invasion. Understandably, tensions were high, especially because ToonyMan’s head had a propensity for exploding every five seconds.
   They had determined that there was only one way to create a King in this modern age of democracy. It was the oldest way. The best way.
   To become King, the aspirant would have to slay a Dragon.
   Right after this, the other three had cleared out. Vester had gone to find a Princess, claiming that there could be no Dragonslaying without a proper damsel in distress. Aqizzar had ridden out the window in a cloud of smoke and awesome. Cthulhu had flown away, taking a significant chunk of the ceiling with him, and leaving them to wonder how he could possibly be flying with those tiny wings of his.
   “I think the real problem here is finding a dragon, honestly,” said Josh, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his spider. Once we’ve got one of those, Aqizzar would have no problem killing it.“
   “That’s the thing.” Duke turned, flashing faster in agitation. “If Aqizzar slays the dragon too quickly, the populace won’t make him King. It’s the sort of thing they’re used to seeing him do. What we need is a challenge. We need him to be down and out for a bit, and then rally back and kill it in the sort of dramatic moment you see in movies.”
   Silence ruled for a moment. The intermittent flashing of Duke’s face and ToonyMan’s constant pyrotechnics began to wear on Josh’s nerves. “You know, that’s all well and good, but the last dragon was slain years ago.”
   Duke scratched his glowing face. “That is a bit of a problem, I guess.”
   “Yeah. It’s not as though we can just make a dragon out of-”
   ToonyMan interrupted him with an explosion of flares that singed the ceiling and blew off part of Josh’s beard. “THAT’S BRILLIANT!”
   “What is?” asked Duke.
   “LET’S MAKE OURSELVES A DRAGON!”
   “You might actually be onto something,” said Duke, ignoring Josh for the moment, who was busy trying to find enough bits of hair to glue back onto his face.
   “All we need is a base creature,” said Josh, sticking patches of charred beard hair to his chin “I say we use a Gila Monster. I heard Aqizzar killed one of those once.”
   “Where would we get a geneticist, though? And a lab? I imagine creating a Dragon would require both of those.”
   “Genetics? GENETICS?” said ToonyMan. “What’s wrong with the two of you? Genetics is for PANSIES.”
   “Well,” said Josh, “How are we supposed get a Dragon without-“
   “GIMME THAT GLUE!”
   He yanked the bottle out of Josh’s hands and ran off.
   “Oh damn,” said Duke. “You realize he’s just going to find as many Gila Monsters as he can and glue the poor bastards together.”
   “It’s a shame,” said Josh. “Now about our Dragon…”
   “Ah, yeah,” said Duke. “I figure we’ll feed it nothing less than a steady diet of meth heads. That’ll swell any lizard to abnormal sizes. It’ll probably pick up fire breath along the way, and… huh.“
   “What?” said Josh.
   “Um.”
   “What is it?”
   “Well, I don’t mean to pry, but… why is your spider glued to your face?”
   Josh frowned at him. “You don’t have a beard. You wouldn’t understand.”
   “I don’t even have facial features,” said Duke pointedly. “But yes, I don’t understand. Nor do I want to. Now, let’s get to work.”
   “I call meth head duty!”
   As they set about creating themselves an offense against the universe, neither of them noticed the tiny camera and microphone stuck to Josh’s spider.

---

   The lone figure stood out in the middle of the desert, tinkering with a device on the side of its helmet. It wore bright green body armor, glinting in the light of the full moon, and carried a heavy white shield. The glow of its red eye scanner cast dim shadows around the cacti.
   There was a dim rustling overhead, and the desert animals went silent in the dim hush of fear. He had come, and they knew that he was not of this Earth, nor any other.
   Cthulhu set himself down on a high sand dune, just across from where the armored figure was standing. “I didn’t expect to see you wearing your old outfit,” he rasped. “Are you afraid to look at my face? Silly human.”
   The voice that issued from behind the helmet was monotonic, but carried with it a definite hint of malevolence. “Cut it. You know why I called you.”
   The Elder God chuckled. “Refresh my memory.”
   “They’re planning something. Something big. I want in on it.”
   Cthulhu stopped and glared at the figure. “How could you, puny human, possibly know of something like that?”
   “I hear things, you know. I have spies in places you couldn’t possibly imagine.”
   “Don’t insult me,” growled Cthulhu. “The things I can imagine would shatter your fragile mind into a thousand forever screaming pieces. You could not hide your transmitters in any place that I would not be able to find them.”
   “Oh?” said the armored figure. “Look again.”
   “What do you-“ started the abomination, then stopped. He reached around with one of the tentacles on his face and prodded what he had long assumed to be an Elder Pimple on his back. It felt hard. He ripped it out of his skin with a flick of a tentacle and held it up to his gleaming red eyes. It looked like a remote transmitter.
   “Oh, you’re good,” he rasped. “Very good.”
   “Of course I am,” said the figure flatly. “That’s why I want in on this.”
   “In?” rumbled the Elder God. “There is no ‘in’. This is merely a measure to prevent the invasion of the puny Martians.”
   “Is that so?” said the figure. “Then why are you planning to slay that Dragon before Aqizzar does?”
   “Lies,” said Cthulhu, turning away.
   “Oh?” said the figure. “Then why is SuperDevil dead? What were you looking for while you were there in Texas?”
   “Silence. I am an Elder God. What use would the Kingdom of Texas be to me?”
   The figure whipped off its helmet, revealing long hair and a mad grin that spoke of all the insanity an Elder God could bring to the table and more. “Kingdom? KINGDOM? FUCK the Kingdom. When I’m done with it, it’ll be a Queendom, under me, Queen Sofia!”
   With that she chucked her helmet at Cthulhu. It struck him where his butt should have been, although his butt did not conform to Euclidean Geometry. He whipped around as fast as he could, enraged.
   “My noneuclidean butt is not yours to strike,” he rasped. “Give me one good reason not to devour you and this entire worthless desert right now.”
   “Just one? Okay. How about a deal?” said Sofia, grinning widely.
   “What sort of deal could you possibly propose,” growled the Elder God, “that would not end badly for myself? I’ve dealt with you before. It always ends with me being sodomized by the Goat with a Thousand Young. Repeatedly.”
   “Aw, but I thought that was the kind of thing you were into,” said Sofia, pouting.
   “I,” rumbled Cthulhu, “am an ancient being with powers and an intellect far beyond your wildest dreams, not a sexual deviant.”
   “Right, that’s me, I forgot.” She crossed her arms and smiled a smile that would have made the bravest of men wet their pants. “Well, this time we’ll both get what we want.”
   The abomination considered this for a moment. “Very well,” he said. “I will hear your deal. If it’s not to my liking, I’ll devour you.”
   “Please do,” Sofia muttered to herself.
   “What was that?”
   “Nothing. Here’s the deal. You help me take out the Dragon before Aqizzar does. This saves you the trouble of having to fight both him and a mutated superlizard.”
   “I see no further benefit to myself,” said Cthulhu.
   “Wait for it. As Queen of Texas, I’d grant you leave to do anything you want in my Queendom, which includes looking for… whatever it is you’re looking for.”
   Cthulhu pondered this for a while. “Still no deal, unless you can guarantee that previous misfortunes will not repeat themselves.”
   Sofia threw her hands up in the air. “Fine. I promise that you will not be raped by Shub-Niggurath. This time.”
   “It is good,” rumbled the Elder God.
   “Shake on it,” said Sofia, spitting onto her palm and offering it to him.
   “No. And we shall not speak of the last time you shook my hand either,”  said Cthulhu, and flew off, flattening several sand dunes with the gust from his muscular, tiny wings.
   “He’s a waste of tentacles, if you ask me,” said Sofia to herself, picking up her helmet from where it lay and walking into the desert, laughing madly all the while.
   Clouds began to gather on the horizon. A storm was coming.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 07:15:00 am

Okay, I declare that, officially, the best one. Nope, no, you don't get any appeal, despite lack of me, that one is the best here.

Period.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 07:21:46 am

That is the greatest. I do declare it the grandest, in all the realms!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 07:22:29 am

And if anyone contests it, I will slay them.

I'm talking a soul drinking here. I will drink your SOUL.

EDIT:

As it turns out we have now exceded our Character Limit on the first page.

Spoiler: Vester's Awesome Submission. (click to show/hide)

The silence in the air was palpable. There were five people sitting at the conference room’s table – although three of them were only people in the roughest sense of the word. At the table’s head sat a man whose predominant feature was his gigantic head, which was nothing more than a green, glowing U. The serial number emblazoned on the front of his shirtpocket said Duke 2.0, in similarly radioactive letters. He made a move to speak.
   “Gentlemen,” he began.
   There was a quiet cough from his left. He turned to look, blanched, and turned back to face the rest.
   “Gentlemen,” Duke said, “and Vester, who we sometimes mistake for a gentleman due to the size of her-“
   “BOOBS” shouted one of them, immediately bursting into flame.
   “Chin,” continued Duke pointedly. “And put yourself out, ToonyMan, or you’ll kill us all.”
   “Psh,” said ToonyMan, dousing his head with the nearby bucket of water that they kept on hand for precisely that purpose. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you.”
   Duke would have stuck his tongue out at him, if he had anything resembling a tongue. “As I was saying. Gentlemen and lady, we are screwed.”
   There was a murmur of discontent.  One of the others stood abruptly, the spider on his shirt squeaking in annoyance at the sudden movement.  “Duke, I resent that. You can’t just declare that we’re screwed without going through the proper diplomatic channels. In fact-”
   “Sit down, Josh,” said Duke. “I have already done so. Our screwedness is confirmed.”
   The hulking shape to his right gave a growl of malevolence, removing its bowler hat with one green tentacle. “Pics,” he rasped, “or it didn’t happen.”
   “Oh, it happened all right,” replied Duke. “Look!”
   A flickering beam blazed out from where his forehead should have been, bathing the opposite wall in a faint light. An image of a tall, red skinned figure with glowing eyes appeared. He wore what could most accurately be described as ‘the most pimpin’ pope hat in existence’, and an ermine robe that appeared to have been sewn with human hair. There was a gasp.
   “The Enemy,” muttered Vester.
   “Actually,” said Duke, “The NME.”
   The spider on Josh’s shirt squeaked loudly and shook its head. “I agree,” Josh said, stroking his beard. “What does the Emperor of Mars have to do with us being well and proper screwed?”
   “Hmph,” scoffed the abomination, fluttering his wings. “Nothing, I suppose. He fears my Elder might.”
   “That’s where you’re wrong, Cthulhu,” Duke said, thanking his makers that no trace of fear could show itself on his odd face as he spoke its unholy name. “He has everything to do with our screwedness. Take a look at this.”
   Another image replaced that of the Emperor.
   “What the hell is that?” shouted Josh.
   Vester threw her vest over her head. “My eyes!”
   “Huh,” said ToonyMan, tilting his head sideways. “That’s… odd.”
   “Put that thing away,” rumbled Cthulhu, “or I’ll put you away.”
   “What’s wrong with you people?” said Duke. “It’s just a picture of- oh. Uh. Whoops. Someone must have been fiddling with my settings.”
   The unspeakable image faded away. A new one took its place. It looked like a map of a huge and barren wasteland. The people seated at the table gasped.
   “Behold!” said Duke. “Texas. The NME has announced his intentions to lay claim to this state, due to its rich oil fields, its sprawling terrain, and its women.”
   “Why its women?” said Josh.
   “Mars needs women,” whispered Vester. “It’s an unspoken rule. So don’t speak of it.”
   “Ah.”
   “IT NEEDS THEM FOR SEX,” chimed in ToonyMan. Coils of smoke began to peel off his forehead.
   “I get it, already.”
   “The point is,” said Duke, “that we simply cannot allow foreign interests to take control of a sovereign state of Earth.”
   “He wouldn’t dare risk it,” said Josh. “Texas is guarded by the SuperDevil.”
   There was an awkward silence.
   “What?” he said.
   “Um,” rumbled Cthulhu. “Not anymore.”
   “Why not?”
   “Cthulhu kind of stepped on him,” said Duke.
   “What was he doing in Texas?” asked Josh curiously.
   “The point is,” said Duke, cutting him off, “we can no longer rely on SuperDevil to deter Martian aggression, nor can we risk open war with the Empire of Mars.”
   “I say we kill all the Martians,” yelled ToonyMan. “WITH GUNS.”
   “No,” said Vester. “They would wipe us out if it came to that. They have the power of Science.”
   “Exactly,” said Duke. “Which is why I propose we fight them with a combination of Politics and Science. You know. For irony.”
   “Your puny human politics are nothing to the Elder Gods,” said the resident Elder God. “But I see the wisdom of this course of action. We must install a King in Texas. The NME would never attack a monarch who passed muster.”
   “Who will be King?” said Josh.
   There was a moment of silence.
   Suddenly, they heard the roar of an incoming motorcycle, racing towards them at full throttle. The roar stopped just outside the door of the conference room, and the door abruptly imploded as a thick-soled boot came crashing through it.
   The figure stepped into the room, the light from the hall at his back like a halo.
   His name passed around the room in hushed tones. “Aqizzar…”
   The Baron put his steel crowbar away and squinted at them. “Did I hear someone say ‘King’?”

---

   Duke, ToonyMan, and Josh sat up long into the night, working on the plan to avert a Martian invasion. Understandably, tensions were high, especially because ToonyMan’s head had a propensity for exploding every five seconds.
   They had determined that there was only one way to create a King in this modern age of democracy. It was the oldest way. The best way.
   To become King, the aspirant would have to slay a Dragon.
   Right after this, the other three had cleared out. Vester had gone to find a Princess, claiming that there could be no Dragonslaying without a proper damsel in distress. Aqizzar had ridden out the window in a cloud of smoke and awesome. Cthulhu had flown away, taking a significant chunk of the ceiling with him, and leaving them to wonder how he could possibly be flying with those tiny wings of his.
   “I think the real problem here is finding a dragon, honestly,” said Josh, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his spider. Once we’ve got one of those, Aqizzar would have no problem killing it.“
   “That’s the thing.” Duke turned, flashing faster in agitation. “If Aqizzar slays the dragon too quickly, the populace won’t make him King. It’s the sort of thing they’re used to seeing him do. What we need is a challenge. We need him to be down and out for a bit, and then rally back and kill it in the sort of dramatic moment you see in movies.”
   Silence ruled for a moment. The intermittent flashing of Duke’s face and ToonyMan’s constant pyrotechnics began to wear on Josh’s nerves. “You know, that’s all well and good, but the last dragon was slain years ago.”
   Duke scratched his glowing face. “That is a bit of a problem, I guess.”
   “Yeah. It’s not as though we can just make a dragon out of-”
   ToonyMan interrupted him with an explosion of flares that singed the ceiling and blew off part of Josh’s beard. “THAT’S BRILLIANT!”
   “What is?” asked Duke.
   “LET’S MAKE OURSELVES A DRAGON!”
   “You might actually be onto something,” said Duke, ignoring Josh for the moment, who was busy trying to find enough bits of hair to glue back onto his face.
   “All we need is a base creature,” said Josh, sticking patches of charred beard hair to his chin “I say we use a Gila Monster. I heard Aqizzar killed one of those once.”
   “Where would we get a geneticist, though? And a lab? I imagine creating a Dragon would require both of those.”
   “Genetics? GENETICS?” said ToonyMan. “What’s wrong with the two of you? Genetics is for PANSIES.”
   “Well,” said Josh, “How are we supposed get a Dragon without-“
   “GIMME THAT GLUE!”
   He yanked the bottle out of Josh’s hands and ran off.
   “Oh damn,” said Duke. “You realize he’s just going to find as many Gila Monsters as he can and glue the poor bastards together.”
   “It’s a shame,” said Josh. “Now about our Dragon…”
   “Ah, yeah,” said Duke. “I figure we’ll feed it nothing less than a steady diet of meth heads. That’ll swell any lizard to abnormal sizes. It’ll probably pick up fire breath along the way, and… huh.“
   “What?” said Josh.
   “Um.”
   “What is it?”
   “Well, I don’t mean to pry, but… why is your spider glued to your face?”
   Josh frowned at him. “You don’t have a beard. You wouldn’t understand.”
   “I don’t even have facial features,” said Duke pointedly. “But yes, I don’t understand. Nor do I want to. Now, let’s get to work.”
   “I call meth head duty!”
   As they set about creating themselves an offense against the universe, neither of them noticed the tiny camera and microphone stuck to Josh’s spider.

---

   The lone figure stood out in the middle of the desert, tinkering with a device on the side of its helmet. It wore bright green body armor, glinting in the light of the full moon, and carried a heavy white shield. The glow of its red eye scanner cast dim shadows around the cacti.
   There was a dim rustling overhead, and the desert animals went silent in the dim hush of fear. He had come, and they knew that he was not of this Earth, nor any other.
   Cthulhu set himself down on a high sand dune, just across from where the armored figure was standing. “I didn’t expect to see you wearing your old outfit,” he rasped. “Are you afraid to look at my face? Silly human.”
   The voice that issued from behind the helmet was monotonic, but carried with it a definite hint of malevolence. “Cut it. You know why I called you.”
   The Elder God chuckled. “Refresh my memory.”
   “They’re planning something. Something big. I want in on it.”
   Cthulhu stopped and glared at the figure. “How could you, puny human, possibly know of something like that?”
   “I hear things, you know. I have spies in places you couldn’t possibly imagine.”
   “Don’t insult me,” growled Cthulhu. “The things I can imagine would shatter your fragile mind into a thousand forever screaming pieces. You could not hide your transmitters in any place that I would not be able to find them.”
   “Oh?” said the armored figure. “Look again.”
   “What do you-“ started the abomination, then stopped. He reached around with one of the tentacles on his face and prodded what he had long assumed to be an Elder Pimple on his back. It felt hard. He ripped it out of his skin with a flick of a tentacle and held it up to his gleaming red eyes. It looked like a remote transmitter.
   “Oh, you’re good,” he rasped. “Very good.”
   “Of course I am,” said the figure flatly. “That’s why I want in on this.”
   “In?” rumbled the Elder God. “There is no ‘in’. This is merely a measure to prevent the invasion of the puny Martians.”
   “Is that so?” said the figure. “Then why are you planning to slay that Dragon before Aqizzar does?”
   “Lies,” said Cthulhu, turning away.
   “Oh?” said the figure. “Then why is SuperDevil dead? What were you looking for while you were there in Texas?”
   “Silence. I am an Elder God. What use would the Kingdom of Texas be to me?”
   The figure whipped off its helmet, revealing long hair and a mad grin that spoke of all the insanity an Elder God could bring to the table and more. “Kingdom? KINGDOM? FUCK the Kingdom. When I’m done with it, it’ll be a Queendom, under me, Queen Sofia!”
   With that she chucked her helmet at Cthulhu. It struck him where his butt should have been, although his butt did not conform to Euclidean Geometry. He whipped around as fast as he could, enraged.
   “My noneuclidean butt is not yours to strike,” he rasped. “Give me one good reason not to devour you and this entire worthless desert right now.”
   “Just one? Okay. How about a deal?” said Sofia, grinning widely.
   “What sort of deal could you possibly propose,” growled the Elder God, “that would not end badly for myself? I’ve dealt with you before. It always ends with me being sodomized by the Goat with a Thousand Young. Repeatedly.”
   “Aw, but I thought that was the kind of thing you were into,” said Sofia, pouting.
   “I,” rumbled Cthulhu, “am an ancient being with powers and an intellect far beyond your wildest dreams, not a sexual deviant.”
   “Right, that’s me, I forgot.” She crossed her arms and smiled a smile that would have made the bravest of men wet their pants. “Well, this time we’ll both get what we want.”
   The abomination considered this for a moment. “Very well,” he said. “I will hear your deal. If it’s not to my liking, I’ll devour you.”
   “Please do,” Sofia muttered to herself.
   “What was that?”
   “Nothing. Here’s the deal. You help me take out the Dragon before Aqizzar does. This saves you the trouble of having to fight both him and a mutated superlizard.”
   “I see no further benefit to myself,” said Cthulhu.
   “Wait for it. As Queen of Texas, I’d grant you leave to do anything you want in my Queendom, which includes looking for… whatever it is you’re looking for.”
   Cthulhu pondered this for a while. “Still no deal, unless you can guarantee that previous misfortunes will not repeat themselves.”
   Sofia threw her hands up in the air. “Fine. I promise that you will not be raped by Shub-Niggurath. This time.”
   “It is good,” rumbled the Elder God.
   “Shake on it,” said Sofia, spitting onto her palm and offering it to him.
   “No. And we shall not speak of the last time you shook my hand either,”  said Cthulhu, and flew off, flattening several sand dunes with the gust from his muscular, tiny wings.
   “He’s a waste of tentacles, if you ask me,” said Sofia to herself, picking up her helmet from where it lay and walking into the desert, laughing madly all the while.
   Clouds began to gather on the horizon. A storm was coming.

------

A huge crowd had gathered on an open field by the Bay, milling about restlessly as they waited for Duke to come up on the makeshift stage that had been constructed for that day’s event. Most of them could not help but notice the titanic rectangular object just behind the stage, covered by a tarp. It looked like, and in fact was, a huge cage.
   Josh stood on a nearby hill, watching the proceedings while Pablo the spider clambered all over his shirt. He was there for two reasons. Firstly, to make sure everything proceeded as planned. And secondly, to make sure that whenever ToonyMan came back, he didn’t come back with something that would break most of the laws in existence.
   Duke walked around from behind the object and mounted the stage. He paused to clear his throat, then stopped when he remembered he didn’t have one. He settled for adjusting his necktie, and began.
   “Forumites,” he said. “by now all of you are aware of the danger posed to Earth by the Martians.”
   There was a rising cry of ‘lolwut’ as what Duke was saying began to sink in. He raised his hands for silence.
   “I know, I know. It seems ridiculous. However the threat is real and very, very close now. The Martian Empire has begun mobilizing battle fleets for a colonization attempt in Texas…” here Duke crouched, and said in a low tone that carried to every corner of the field, “And they say The NME himself will be accompanying them.”
   A moment of silence followed this proclamation. The crowd began to murmur to themselves. Some of of them began to edge away.
    “But!” shouted Duke. “We have a solution! Ladies! Gentlemen! Um. Penguins! I give you your Baron, and the future King of Texas!”
   A Chin, and the Aqizzar attached to it, made its way onstage in a cloud of manliness. The crowd went wild with cheering and applause. Several of the female members of the audience swooned. Most of the male audience did so as well. He nodded approvingly.
   One member of the audience, however, did not. “Bah!” scoffed one of the penguins, hefting his gold-tipped walking stick and adjusting his monocle. “King? That way lies madness. And not the good kind of madness, either.”
   “Settle down, Prime Minister,” said Duke, as soothingly as he could. “It’s only a temporary measure. With a King in Texas, The NME has no right to lay claim.”
   “Hmph,” said the Prime Minister.
   “Now, then!” said Duke. “Here is what we’ll do. To become King, Aqizzar must face a trial of manhood.”
   “Manhood? Aqizzar IS manhood!” shouted one of the crowd members. There was a roar of assent from the entire assembly. Chaos reigned.
   Duke turned to Aqizzar. “They’re not going to go for it,” he whispered. “At this rate, they’re going to make you King without due process, by which I mean slaying the damn dragon.”
   The Baron frowned. “Is that bad?”
   “Yes,” said Duke. “Without due process, the Martian Empire still has every right to claim Texas. Can you get this crowd to settle down?”
   “I’ll try,” Aqizzar said. He gave the audience a look.
   The entire crowd went silent.
   “Thanks.” Duke prepared to speak again. “As I was saying. A trial of manhood will give Aqizzar the right to be King.”
   “Not that I support this idea – very much the opposite, in fact,” said the Prime Minister. “But what manner of trial?”
   “It is simple,” said Duke. “The Baron must slay a Dragon.”
   “Capital idea!” said the Prime Minister, laughing. “Except there are no more dragons to slay!”
   “Is that so? Well, how about this!” said Duke, running back to the cage and whipping the tarp off with a flourish. “I give you PointZilla the Dragon!”
   There was a collective gasp. Somewhere in the back of the crowd a baby began to cry. With what could have been a grin, Duke turned to face that monstrosity he and Josh had created.
   It wasn’t there.    What was there was even worse.
   Inside of the cage was ToonyMan, his head freshly ablaze, holding what appeared to be a squirming mass of red and black lizards. They had been wrapped in a few strips of duct tape. Some of them were quite dead, and the ones that weren’t didn’t look very happy at all, much like Duke.
   “Where,” he said. “is the Dragon?”
   “The Dragon? What, are you blind? It’s right here!” said ToonyMan. He leaned closer to Duke and whispered, “I ran out of glue along the way so I had to stop by a hardware store for tape.”
   “No,” said Duke. “Where’s my Dragon?”
   “Let’s be honest with each other, Duke,” said ToonyMan, dropping his ‘Dragon’ and clapping Duke on the shoulder. “Do you really want your Dragon?”
   “No, but-“
   “Exactly!” shouted ToonyMan. “You don’t. This one will do just fine.”
   “No. No it won’t. Where is the Dragon?”
   ToonyMan looked around sheepishly. “I’ll be honest. I haven’t got a clue.”
   Duke rubbed his U. “Then what where you doing inside the cage?”
   “I got in through the enormous hole in the back.”
   “WHAT!?”
   They were interrupted by Josh, running towards them at full tilt. “Guys!” he shouted. “We may have a teensy problem.”
   “I guessed that,” said Duke. “Did you see it get out?”
   “No, Pablo did,” said Josh. “He was trying to get my attention, but then Aqizzar arrived, so I was out of commission for most of your speech. He says it’s heading North.”
   “North?” said Duke. “Well, then so are we.”

---

   Sofia sat atop a tank, rolling through Texas in style. The sun was beginning to rise over the edge of the horizon, casting her armor in a faint orange light. With a frown she triggered her visor and leaned back.
   Suddenly a high-pitched voice interrupted her reverie. “Miss Sofia!”
   Sofia sighed and flipped her visor back up. “What is it, Sergeant?”
   The tank’s hatch popped open and out clambered a waist-high green creature. He was wearing a hat, and with his bulging eyes and floppy hat, he bore a superficial resemblance to a very large frog. “Miss Sofia, the plan has gone forward!”
   “Your platoon released the Dragon-thing, then?” said Sofia. “Good…”
   “Not so good, Miss Sofia!”
   Sofia sniffed. “Why not, Sergeant?”
   “Well,” said the sergeant, twiddling his fingerless hands.
   “You’ll tell me, won’t you?” Sofia said sweetly, but the look in her eyes was more akin to that of a cat. A hungry one. “Do you want what happened to Giroro to happen to you?”
   “No, Miss Sofia! Anything but that!”
   “Then you’ll fucking tell me what happened!” she screamed, smacking the Sergeant in the back of the head.
   “Yes, Miss Sofia,” he said frantically as he regained his balance. “The Dragon has been released, but in entirely the wrong direction!”
   “What?”
   “It has headed north, Miss Sofia!”
   She paused for a while to let this information sink in. As she did, a thought struck her. “Sergeant, who the hell is driving this tank?”
   “Me, Miss Sofia!”
   “Then what are you doing up here talking to me?”
   Stricken, the frog creature scrambled back down the hatch. The tank, which had been ambling left for the past few minutes, now righted its course.
   “Fucking idiots,” Sofia muttered. She fiddled with the receiver on her helmet until it picked up a signal. There was a jumble of static, then voices.
   “zzzzat-uys ready yet? If we’re going to lead this thing towards Texas, we’ll have to travel light.”
   “Ready? TOONYMAN IS ALWAYS READY.”
   “Put your pants on, for god’s sake.”
   “Yes Toony. Please.”
   “Pants? THEY’RE ALSO FOR PANSIES.”
   “The Baron wears pants.”
   “FINE.”
   “Wait. What the hell is that?”
   “Pablo says – oh God. It’s coming back!”
   A dim roar came over the transmitter.
   “Run! Run, dammit!”
   “Run? TOONYMAN NEVER RUNS.”
   “We’re the bait. Run for the-”
   The signal cut off. Sofia frowned. She sat up and adjusted the receiver.
   “-damn it all! It ate Org! Damn you, Pointzilla!”
   “What are they still doing here? ToonyMan, get it away from the crowd!”
   “How?”
   “I don’t know! Just… set it on fire or something!”
   “I can only do that to myself!
   “I don’t care, just do something.”
   “Where’s Aqizzar?”
   “He’s probably halfway to Texas already! He can’t help us now!”
   “Duke, ToonyMan’s got its attention!”
   “Okay. Get out of here, Josh, we’ll wrangle this thing. ToonyMan! Let’s go! Head for the border as quick as you can! Go! GO!”
   The voices were replaced by what sounded like a stampede. Sofia decided that Josh and Pablo, to whom the transmitter was attached, must have been swallowed up by the crowd of Forumites, making any further listening pointless. She could still hear the Dragon-thing roaring, but it was getting softer and softer, presumably as Duke and ToonyMan drew it away from the rest.
   Sofia reached for the transmitter, dialing in a set of numbers that interacted in no way possible with human mathematics.   
   There was a click. “ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl- Yes?” rasped a voice out of the darkest reaches of space.
   “Cthulhu. It’s me.”
   “So I gathered,”  came the reply. “What do you want? We have our deal.”
   “You’re going to have to intervene a little earlier, I think,” said Sofia.
   The growl that followed threatened to shatter her receiver. “What went wrong?”
   “My minions are idiots,” Sofia said, casting an irritated glance at the tank hatch. “That’s what went wrong. The Dragon is headed towards Texas now, but there’s no one to restrain it.”
   “And you wish me to do this for you? Not a chance, puny human. I promised to help you fight it, not play baby-sitter to a mutant lizard.”
   “I have her on speed dial, you know,” Sofia said softly.
   There was a pause. “Fine, then,” Cthulhu grunted. “I will meet you in Texas.”
   Sofia turned the receiver off and set her helmet by her side. Before long she was asleep, dreaming dreams that, Elder God or not, would have made even Cthulhu wet his nonexistent briefs.

Spoiler: Second piece by me. (click to show/hide)

"Apparently you also don't PAY for drinks." Duke frowned at Sofia when WorkerDrone held the bill in front of her. She mumbled inaudibly. WorkerDrone, easily angered interjected. "What?" He barked irritated. "I just forgot!" She said honestly. "Who forgets money?!" Sofia grinned. "Lots of people." ToonyMan decided to jump into the conversation. "I know I forget money. Quarters and dimes and dollars and pounds and yen and..." WorkerDrone sighed. "THE POINT IS I'm running out of money here." Sofia tilted her head at that concept. "No more money?" WorkerDrone frowned too. "Its doesn't grow on trees." Duke tried to avoid an obvious joke, while ToonyMan did nothing of the sort.

Aqizzar finally spoke up. "Didn't you have something to say metal head?" WorkerDrone frowned again. "Yeah I did Big Chin." They both traded unrelenting glares before Sofia started to get fed up with their super macho staring contest. "Well spit it out already Worky!" WorkerDrone glared at her. "Don't call me that!" She grinned again, making faces at him. Josh, finally speaking up when he noticed WorkerDrone's rousing anger, quickly added into the fray; "Hey, hey, hey! Weren't we here for poker night?" WorkerDrone pointed at the clock. "That's the thing! We're still missing people. Person. Perci..." There was a following silence.

"Well, who?" Duke responded. "Yeah, who are we missing?" Cthulhu appeared, entering the darkly lit room, one of his comparatively tiny wings getting caught on the bathroom door. "Well you for one thing Abomination." WorkerDrone said mildly. Well mildly enough. "Not sure if Vester will show." There was a large ruckus as the last ones late to the party came into the room, Vester, along with The Newer Martian Emperor (Emperor of New Mars! Or what's left of it) Jackrabbit, who leapt into the chair next to WorkerDrone after literally BOUNCING off the ceiling. Barbarossa took a seat next to ToonyMan, CJ1145 took the seat farthest from WorkerDrone, where they in five seconds had an epic mental battle that was cut short by ToonyMan loudly belching, kinda ruining the moment.

Duke, being a U-Man was standing, rather than sitting, having no legs...or a behind in the usual sense...in fact here was rather floating. It would have counted for two players on Josh's part, him having a Spider On His Shirt, but everyone mostly discounted the Spy Factor that might have, them not playing with real money at anyrate, everyone being flat broke. ToonyMan was forced to sit at the far end of the table, with a bucket of water, and was the reason they were playing with flame retardant cards. Aqizzar, taking the deck of cards into hand, expertly shuffling them with scrutiny that would make pretty much make anyone quiver, finally dealt out the cards.

Jackrabbit grinned that universe destroying grin whether or not he had a good hand or a bad hand, so it was irrelevant that you thought he was bluffing. Jackrabbit could ALWAYS be bluffing. Many arguments were had following as to whether or not WorkerDrone possessed X-Ray vision installed in his helmet, where for several minutes Sofia and The Newer Martian Emperor hassled him to take it off. He refused on the grounds that he never took off his helmet, and that x-rays would irradiate his EYES.

Though that was mostly an excuse.

The clamorous din of the night faded away as the door slid closed, revealing a dusty old sign, reading Various Nonsense. The door flew open again, slowly, revealing nothing there but dusty old furniture, and a deck of cards, set down in the middle of the an cleared table.

Spoiler: Another from Jackrabbit. (click to show/hide)

“So, yeah. That’s basically why you shouldn’t do that,” finished Jackrabbit. He was a four foot high lagomorph, white, furry, cute and had a grin that was fucking insane.
“Have you noticed,” said Workerdrone, slowly, “that people always seem to say ‘so, yeah’ after explaining something no one else could hear?” He was almost the total opposite of Jackrabbit, an imposing Black Templar Space Marine. His voice was metallic and cold, yet impassioned at the same time.
“Oh yes,” nodded Jackrabbit. He waved his hand and a portal appeared in front of their faces. “It’s a trope, actually.”
“Close that,” admonished Workerdrone. “You want to be trapped in there forever?”
“Sorry, sorry.” said Jackrabbit. He clicked his fingers and the portal disappeared. “Hey, what do you think would happen if you downed a whole jug of coffee and surfed that place all night?”
“That’s… the stupidest I’ve ever heard you say,” replied Workerdrone.
“No, I remember when – wait,” said Jackrabbit. They were both reclining on lounge chairs that looked like those leather chairs physiatrist’s use, in front of a warm, Victorian-era fire, which was the source of the only light in the book filled room. A sign over the door said ‘General discussion: Topic:’ but the rest was obscured by darkness. It was the late end of forum activity and few people were on, all in other chambers. Jackrabbit sat bolt upright, not getting much farther off the floor than he was when he was lying down. Workerdrone sat up in turn, towering over him.
“Wha – oh. You know, technically I’m the one with the modified ears attached to my head. I should have heard that first,” said Workerdrone, slightly upset.
“Yeah, yeah,” responded Jackrabbit. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my ears extend about half a foot from my head.”
He walked over to the door, opened it and peeked out. Slamming it shut, he turned back.
“They have a cave troll,” he said, simply.
“Nice reference,” observed Workerdrone.
“Thank you,” replied Jackrabbit. “But seriously. Trolls. A shitload of them.”
“Damn,” said Workerdrone. “That’s new. What do you reckon?”
“From the markings? A 4… place raid.” He seemed unable to say the name.
“Damn,” cursed Workerdrone.
“Ah, we can take ‘em. Hang on,” said Jackrabbit, reaching behind his back. He paused. “Shit.”
“What?” asked Workerdrone.
“I forgot! I don’t have my luger! Damn lawyers took it off me!” said Jackrabbit, searching in vain for the butt of the gun.
“Really? The wealth of copyright violation laid out before them and they took your gun? Harsh.”
“I’m surprised you’ve still got your bolter,” said Jackrabbit.
“Oh, they tried to take it off me,” responded Workerdrone, absently readying it.
“Oh? What happened?” asked Jackrabbit.
“I happened,” said Workerdrone. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m a six foot power armoured genetically enhanced super-soldier.”
“Gah. I hate being short. I would have ripped his throat out, but he had these guys with him. Bastards,” said Jackrabbit, mournfully.
The door shook. Behind it came cries of ‘kekekekeke!’ and ‘lolzers!’. Jackrabbit shuddered, his grin never leaving his face. It didn’t seem to be able too.
“Want a chainsword?” offered Workerdrone, holding one out. Jackrabbit took it doubtfully. It was bigger than him.
“I don’t think –” he began, before activating it. He fell forward and the sword was buried up to the hilt in the floor, still roaring. It stopped.
“Uh,” said Workerdrone, “maybe not.”
“Y’think?” grunted Jackrabbit, standing up.
“Let me… oh! Hang on.” Workerdrone crossed the room, knelt and lifted a heavy bolter up. Grunting, he placed it on one of the couches, which he angled towards the door.
“And you said I wouldn’t need it,” he grinned. Jackrabbit’s grin widened in turn and he jumped up behind the massive gun. The door was shaking quite hard now. Cries of ‘desu desu desu!’ and ‘OMFG WTF LOL’ were getting louder.
“Let them come,” said Workerdrone.
“Oh great, here we go,” muttered Jackrabbit, leaning on the gun.
“They will fall to our steel! Let them think themselves innumerable, we shall teach them –”
The door blew in. Workerdrone and Jackrabbit began to fire, the bullets lancing into the hordes of meme bloated ghouls rushing to meet them. After a mere few minutes, all was quiet. The bodies of the enemy lay defeated, their avatars soon to be sucked back to whence they came.
“That was fun,” said Workerdrone, pointing his bolter at the floor. “C’mon, we’ll see how everyone else fared.”
They began to leave the room when Aqizzar poked his head round the doorway.
“Wh – oh, hey guys. You too, huh? Pretty nasty raid. I’m heading over to the DF section to see what’s what. You guys need a hand?” he asked.
“No, we’re fine,” responded Workerdrone. “Have fun. Where were you, by the way?”
“Oh, I was in the Atheists section,” said Aqizzar.
“What? I thought you didn’t go in for that sort of thing,” said Jackrabbit.
“Just looking around. Nasty. Attracted trolls like a light attracts moths. Still, we pulled through. Sofia was looking through as well.”
Both Workerdrone and Jackrabbit winced in succession. Aqizzar nodded.
“Yeah. Anyway, see you. Have fun, stick together.”
After he had left, Jackrabbit turned to Workerdrone.
“Got a hellpistol?” he asked.
“Only because I think it’s hilarious,” said Workerdrone, pulling it out and handing it to him. “It’s so cute! Lookit, little flashlight pistol!”
“That’s nice. Let’s go check the place out.”
“Yeah, okay. Man, raid, huh? I can’t remember when we last had one of those.”
“I know.”
They walked over the corpses and out, into the darkened corridor.

Spoiler: TNME's second submission. (click to show/hide)

The figure advanced through the narrow corridor he found himself in. As he went, he came to the realization that there was a surprising lack of resistance to his incursion. Sure, there had been hundreds of soldiers, but a complete and total lack of any tanks, mechs, aircraft or anything other then basic infantry. This worried him, as the only reason he could think of for their absence was if something extremely dangerous, requiring all the heavy firepower they could muster was rampaging around the place. The only thoughts he had towards that focused more on how this would affect his mission, rather then what it would do to him if it were to chance upon him. This was because he was somewhat over-confident in his ability to hear any who dare approach him, coupled with a resolute belief that something that destructive must be really, really big; an attitude that should have been vanquished the moment he met Sofia.

Nevertheless, he choose to continue down the hallway until he came to a steel door, already ajar. Moving as silently as he could, he came up to the door and peeked through the crack. Unfortunately, the room on the other side was completely empty, save for a maintenance bot which had powered down. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about someone else getting in his way. With his entering the building, he began a meandering trek up to it's higher floors, made all the more long and meandering due to his forgetting to bring a map. The complete lack of guards, or indeed, anyone at all; only made it all the more tedious. Within fifteen minutes he was bored out of his skull.

Luckily, he had chanced upon a sliding door that lead to a low balcony, overlooking a large courtyard between the building and it's opposite. There a battle between jackrabbit, who had somehow acquired a mech and the guards, who had actually brought tanks this time, was taking place. As far as he could see from this vantage, Jackrabbit was clearly winning. Once again, the figure had arrived too late to see the fight when it was still interesting, with the soldiers having mostly deserted the field. At least the way Jackrabbit used a tank to smash other tanks was entertaining, but he still had to get to his target, and so he turned back and began to enter the building once again.

But he ran into none other than Joshua and his pet spider Pablo, who was perched upon his head.

"Joshua? What are you doing here?" The figure blurted out.

"Hey, NME. I'm just here to watch the show, what are you here for?" He asked.

"Oh, I have business to do upstairs.... What fight are you talking about? Do you mean the one that Jack just had? Because that's not nearly worth the effort needed to get in here." NME replied.

"Yeah, it was good, but it's not what I came for. If you wanna know, just wait a bit and you'll see." He said, now watching jack as he used his stolen mech to jump over the courtyard wall and go onto someplace with more stuff to blow up.

"I'd rather not, what I'm here to do is pretty important." NME told him.

"Eh, your loss. See you later Mars." Josh said, before walking back inside and heading down the corridor that NME had come through.

With nothing more to occupy his time, NME continued his climb up the building, something that brought him nothing but annoyance and tired feet. Right up until he heard a massive BLAM from far away, and rushed to find the nearest door to a viewing deck or balcony. When he finally managed to find a way outside, he saw that it was none other then Workerdrone, wreaking havoc armed with his favorite chainsword and trusty bolter, which he had presumably used to make that gaping hole in the compound wall that was big enough to allow anything short of a small titan through. He was far away from the building though, but NME had recently acquired himself a cybernetic eye, that could zoom. It was nowhere near perfect though, with touchy focus and a specialized contact lens that kept dropping out at the worst times, rendering it unable to see. Right now the focus on it was acting up, and he was in no mood to mess with it until it worked properly. So he went back inside the building to resume his ascent, all the while listening to the muted sounds of battle and thinking "Why does it seem like everybody in the whole damned city choose tonight to attack?"

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 07:25:12 am

And I shall drink their delicious earthling blood. Mmmm... cake.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 08, 2009, 07:34:20 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 07:15:00 am

Okay, I declare that, officially, the best one. Nope, no, you don't get any appeal, despite lack of me, that one is the best here.

Period.

QFT.

And I do not appear too. I am offended by this action, since we're both came from the same Earth-region, and I could easily FedEx you a couple of 'dirty bombs'.

:)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 08, 2009, 07:39:40 am

Thanks guys. ;D

Quote from: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 08, 2009, 07:34:20 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 07:15:00 am

Okay, I declare that, officially, the best one. Nope, no, you don't get any appeal, despite lack of me, that one is the best here.

Period.

QFT.

And I do not appear too. I am offended by this action, since we're both came from the same Earth-region, and I could easily FedEx you a couple of 'dirty bombs'.

:)

It's the prologue. In Tejas! [Texas], the first three pages were pretty much this, except for Sofia and Cthulhu making some arcane pact.

Also The NME came in earlier than that.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 08, 2009, 07:44:20 am

Hey WorkerDrone, you might want to put a link to the new spillover post in the OP.  And break up josh's entry as best you can, it's just ENDLESS WORDS right now.  Crazy awesome project though.


My characterization appears to have taken on a life apart from me completely.  Can't wait to see the rest of Tejas.

Aqizzar rockets off on his flaming motorcycle in a cloud of cigar smoke and particulate cool.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 07:53:44 am

Try to make me ina pulp super-villain style, but scary!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 08, 2009, 07:56:34 am

This thread contains copious verbage of a humerous nature. I hereby give it the Neruz Stamp of Approval.

Or i would, except Duke ate my stamp dispenser, so i'll just have to give you a verbal stamp. *Stamp*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 08:00:49 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 08, 2009, 07:44:20 am

Hey WorkerDrone, you might want to put a link to the new spillover post in the OP.  And break up josh's entry as best you can, it's just ENDLESS WORDS right now.  Crazy awesome project though.


My characterization appears to have taken on a life apart from me completely.  Can't wait to see the rest of Tejas.

Aqizzar rockets off on his flaming motorcycle in a cloud of cigar smoke and particulate cool.

I did the first, and I promise to do the other thing too. I was just...lazy.

Also, wrote something new. You can read it. Or not I guess. Its in the spillover.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 08, 2009, 08:03:13 am

It's great, and it makes me just a bit sad.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 08:17:17 am

I've tried restructuring Josh's story to the best of my ability. I didn't change it at all, besides spacing a few periods. If you don't like it the way it is, I suppose YOU could try breaking it up yourself.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 08, 2009, 09:47:12 am

Your second one is nice, it did make me feel sad.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 08, 2009, 11:16:34 am

So what, we're ghosts?

I don't get it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

 The Poker Table story, if it was of VN, was missing a few people prominent then. Like the banned ones.

 And the second installment of the Tejas war had better include organs that were never supposed to exist, for purposes that even Cthulhu would be left with wonder about. Non-euclidean? These opposite of plural things violate all laws ever dreamed by the crack heads that they fed off of.

 I'm not even sure how Cthulhu got it pregnant.

 Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 08, 2009, 12:47:40 pm

I got it pregnant?

When did that happen?

Also, my wings don't have to be tiny.  I can change my proportions, shrinking my body and growing my wings until I can fly normally, although that would make me look silly.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 02:21:01 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 6

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tooneh throw his hands in air.  He was anger.

"WE'VE BEEN WALKING FOR HOUSES DUEK."  YELF TOONY.

"It's very hard to find where we are going, WHEN THERE IS NO LIGHT."  Said Duek impermanently.

"MAKE IT BREETER DUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEE."  Toony Screeched.

"Shush, do you want us to be caught again, oh wait, why did we get caught in the first place?  Your'es always loud and obnoxious whatever you may be."  Duke pulled out a revolver he had hidden in his poncho.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S MY CHARACTER."  ToonyMan's head begin to glow and smolder.

"And what's with the head catching on fire bit?  It's got old 2 days ago."

"SHUT UP.  Wait, WHY DO YOU HAVE REVOLVER THIS WHOLE TIME?"  ToonyMan yelled.  "YOU COULD O FUSED THAT ON PANDA BEAR."

"No, I couldn't, wait, DID YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP?  I'M DUKE EASTWOOD.  Greatest gun mudslinger in the east.  That's why my last name is "east"wood."  Duke replied.

"More like "least"wood."  Toony retorted.

"You want to go?"  Duke stared anger.

"AND ANOTHER THING, I'M SICK OF YOU FLASHING ALL THE ARMOK DAMN TIME."  Toony screemed.

"What are you going to do about it?!"

"THIS!"  Toony grabbed a nearby bucket full of water and throw it to Duke, it splashed all over him, he begun to spark.

Spark?

Yes spark, it's to reveal he was actually a robot that was sent by Org to capture ToonyMan, he could never resists Duke's persuasion.

Toony gasped in horror, "DUEK WAS ROBOT?!"  He begun too think hardly.

"I've BEEN SET UP."  He realized.

"Curses!  And I*bzzt*thought I could get*bzzt*you to Org's base in one*bzzt*piece."  Robot Duke aims the revolver at Toony.  IS THIS THE END?

TOO BE CONTINUED

Also, every bodies stories have been real great so far, I guess I'm portrayed as an insane lunatic that lights on fire instantaneously.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 08, 2009, 04:00:09 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

He wanted to be a little girl. (Awesome stories)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 08, 2009, 04:01:58 pm

I wanna twy!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ridiculous Tales of Bay Eleventry

  KarneHippie sat serenely on the grass, just outside of the forum. the rest of them went on talking of mundane topics, such as the best ways to drop trees on Dwarves and the most elvey way to make machines.
  There were very few days KarneHippie did not sit outside the forum, watching people like Shirter (Her tagline said "Its a +Cave Spider Silk vest+ ") and Duke 1.5 argue softly in the corner.
  But now it was different. There was a troublemaker about, by the name of Outiluct. He seeked to overthrow the great Froggy One, and his brother Sixtoe. He had already taken down the Vertical Nonsense board, and was silenced by Froggy, but his influence still seeped through by the raptors worn by his followers.
  One of the most outspoken was JuiceyMan, whose odd customs and dizzily spinning avatar made most forum goers sick. One day he was giving a speech on How the dwarves were eating Plump Helmets and other rather phallic things, rileing up the populace and generally being a problem.
  "They munch and they crunch but they do fall down!" Screamed JuiceyMan at the top of his lungs, to the delight of the crowd.
  "But we are elves! The dwarves do nothing but bring useless stone! We must cull ---" CRACK!!
  The Gunshot rang out, leading the entire crowd to look at the small, female Anime avatar casually holding a revolver.
  "I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" said Sniper James casually.

Lulz. I just figured she would be weird everywhere, even a perversion of Bay 12. Who's Sniper Joe?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 08, 2009, 04:16:26 pm

Sniper Joe is Sofia. She had a name change.

▼One of the forum settings will ask you to reconsider if that happens.  Don't know why you would turn it off.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 08, 2009, 04:17:10 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

Sniper Joe changed her name to Sofia.


EDIT:Ninja'd.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: redacted123 on September 08, 2009, 04:53:49 pm

Quote from: zchris13 on September 08, 2009, 04:16:26 pm

▼One of the forum settings will ask you to reconsider if that happens.  Don't know why you would turn it off.

for the small thrill of desperately trying to answer first.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 08, 2009, 04:55:51 pm

Yeah, but if you have it on, you still get that, but the world doesn't have to see your failure.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 08, 2009, 05:00:34 pm

Quote from: Rashilul on September 08, 2009, 04:00:09 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

He wanted to be the little girl. (Awesome stories)

And he did that.
Successfully :|

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 08, 2009, 05:13:59 pm

Quote from: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 08, 2009, 05:00:34 pm

Quote from: Rashilul on September 08, 2009, 04:00:09 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

He wanted to be the little girl. (Awesome stories)

And he did that.
Successfully :|

It only hurt for a couple days.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 05:24:23 pm

Quote from: Hawkfrost on September 08, 2009, 04:17:10 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 03:48:30 pm

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 12:08:02 pm

Edit: Also, looking back a lot of people are not here anymore. Where are you Akroma?

Yeah.  Say, whatever happened to Sniper Joe?

Sniper Joe changed her name to Sofia.

Oh.
On the subject, what happened to inaluct?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 08, 2009, 05:31:20 pm

OMGWTFBBQLULZ


I now have to edit my story for this new peice of information more disturbing than Plump Helmets.

-[EDIT]- done.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 08, 2009, 05:39:20 pm

Quote from: LegoLord on September 08, 2009, 05:24:23 pm

On the subject, what happened to inaluct?

I believe he returned to antarctica. He will return once he has amassed an army of likeminded penguins, ready to wage war on the realms of man.

Finally got around to reading the non-Workerdrone stories. Josh's and Jackrabbits were both pretty great, in completely different ways. TNME's was good too, although it seemed rushed, or something. Toonymans...yeah. Just yeah. I'd write one too, but I feel like I'm still too new to have witnessed any truly dramatic events.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 06:06:06 pm

I do NOT talk to phalluses!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 06:57:59 pm

Oh ho ho ho Duke, you think you can bring funny out of this thread?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 07:26:51 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 7

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Toony stood eye to eye with revolver and robot Duke behind it.  He felt the rasp of his throat and the sweat down his imaginary beard.  "This was it."  He thought.  "I couldn't save us from Org."  A gun shot was heard.  Robot Duke feel over, in animated.

"Huh?"  Toony looked at himself and saw no dead.

A figure emerges from the shadow, it's Pandarsenic!  Wait--no....he's pulling his face off, it's Duek!

Hoo-ray!

Who the hell are you?!

Toony signed me onto the contract, I'm suppose to represent the audience.

Well you suck at it, go away.

NOOOO.  I need to feed my lower cases!

They can feed each other, GET OUT A HERE

*sobs*  OK FINE SEE IF I CARE FOR YOUSE.

Back to the story....Pandarsenic is revealed to be Duek!

"How--?  wat.  I don't get."  Says a confused Toony.

"I had to confuse the Robot Duke so I could catch him off guard."

"COULDn'T YOU JUST SHOT HIM THEN???"

"No, it wouldn't make a good story."

"RAAAAAEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGG."  ToonyMan's head lit up.

"Now now Toony, everything is going to be OK now."  He begun to walk towards him.

"GETTTTTTTT AWAAAAAYYYY FROOOOOOMMMMMM MEEEEEEEEEE"  He headbutted Duke in the face, which then proceeded to melt his face off, what, wait, "MELT HIS FACE OFF"?

Yeah, he isn't really Duke disguised as Pandarsenic, he's also an assassin to capture/kill Toony.

This is stupid.

DON'T MAKE ME FIRE YOU.

OK, OK, OK, don't do anything drastic.

"ARRRGHHHHHH MYYY FACEEEEE."  Screemed Robot Duke #2.

"MYYYYYY WONDERFULLLLL FACEEEEEEEEEEE"  Robot Duke #2 has an unhealthy addiction to his face.

"YOUR A ROBOT TOOOO, I CAN'T TRUST NOBODY!!!!!!"  Toony started bashing Robot Duke #2 in the face somemore, before Robot Duke #2 finally fell over, in animated.  Toony grabbed the two revolvers from both Robot Duke's and started running away, AWAY FROM THIS MADNESS.

TOO BE CONTAINED

This is the first one where I actually laughed out loud.  XD

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 08, 2009, 08:14:24 pm

Wait, Duke changed his avatar to the blinky Matrix U? *Dramatic Music*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 08, 2009, 08:51:23 pm

Awesome. Any lime to be added?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 09:13:56 pm

What manner of tomfoolery is this?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 09:16:24 pm

Double negative make positive.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 09:21:26 pm

TOO-NY! ELIMINATE TOO-NY! DESTROY! DESTROY!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 08, 2009, 09:30:15 pm

(http://i32.tinypic.com/i1i88n.png)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 08, 2009, 09:51:03 pm

I read the first installment of your story Vester, and I'm enjoying ALOT thus far.

I feel the need to tell you that my spider's name is Pablo though. It's named after my grandpa, because they're both poisonous.

I don't remember the last time Sofia has posted around here, so I feel sort of bad that we're all writing stories with her in them, yet she isn't here to admonish us for them.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duck 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 10:01:29 pm

 I'll save you Toony! Duke powers activate!

 *Pulls out MACHINEGUN*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 08, 2009, 10:02:52 pm

Man, now I want to make a secret fake account.  Everyone has one.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aquizzar on September 08, 2009, 10:05:52 pm

NOT TRUE DOOD.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 10:12:23 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 08, 2009, 09:51:03 pm

I don't remember the last time Sofia has posted around here, so I feel sort of bad that we're all writing stories with her in them, yet she isn't here to admonish us for them.

She returns.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 08, 2009, 10:52:14 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 08, 2009, 09:51:03 pm

I read the first installment of your story Vester, and I'm enjoying ALOT thus far.

Oh man, I didn't even see that one. So awesome. So many references.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 08, 2009, 10:54:06 pm

Wow, this is ONE HELL OF A TOPIC so far. And I still need to read more of this.


Also I second that Vester's HAS to be the best one so far. It's just... Wow.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 11:32:23 pm

Sofia! We missed you.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 08, 2009, 11:36:36 pm

*Removes robotic mask*

 You know, I never liked this robot fad. What I did to Neruz is nothing compared to the wreck yer gonna be.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 11:38:31 pm

A-waa?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 08, 2009, 11:39:00 pm

I would try to make one of these... Somehow, but I am SURE ill get banned if I do! XD

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 11:41:23 pm

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 11:32:23 pm

Sofia! We missed you.

I missed her more.

*Psst*Now go update your Ascii Sector story.*Psst*

Hur.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 08, 2009, 11:42:53 pm

Within the next two days. Too tired and stuff right now to write.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 08, 2009, 11:46:23 pm

Quote from: Sofia on September 08, 2009, 11:42:53 pm

Within the next two days. Too tired and stuff right now to write.

I figured.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 08, 2009, 11:48:44 pm

She's stealing from my supply of excuses!

Hisssss!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 09, 2009, 12:47:06 am

Dear sweet god, she's back! I need to change into my Kevlar vest and energy shield!

Edit: I have thought up a story, set when the Androids ruled the earth! Forum, whatever.

Spoiler: Fighting, fighting everywhere, part 1. (click to show/hide)

A figure stood atop the wall that surrounded the android's great compound, watching the slaughter below with some confusion. He watched as the white-furred lagamorph ripped apart androids, jumping from the fallen as the life drained from them, right into the faces of their comrade. Soon, there were none of them left, and Jack had broken down the doors into the nearest building. Very thick steel doors. The figure had just gotten over his surprise at Jackrabbit doing such a thing, and had moved onto more practical matters, such as whether anyone had seen him.

Deciding that among the twisted piles of metal and plastics there could not possibly be anything that could give detect his presence, he climbed off the wall, and began sneaking towards the massive structure that occupied the center of this place. That was the plan, too bad it didn't go so smooth, as he ran straight into a patrol, which raised an alert. Before he knew it, he was surrounded by too many soldiers to count. Luckiness, he was prepared, and fought back with the signature weapon of the martians: the heat ray.

In a few scant minutes, there was a firefight of massive proportions, with such nightmarish sights as great mounds of melted mechanical bodies, all the more disturbing for the parts that were still almost human, the fluids of those departed depositing to a lake of strange, acrid colors of such proportions as to be almost unimaginable, bearing in it it's own kind of terror, and a strange smog, tributed to by the nigh-omnipresent gunfire, grown to the point of blocking out the stars overhead; all growing to encompass the surrounding landscape. After there was no more to fell, the figure entered the structure, having found the entrance some time before.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 03:41:13 am

This thread is like some horrific bloated pulsating mass that vomits fourth great globs of hilarity.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 03:44:43 am

That's right, you don't mess with the lagomorph, bitches.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 09, 2009, 03:46:31 am

Lagomorph:

n.

Any of various plant-eating mammals having fully furred feet and two pairs of upper incisors and belonging to the order Lagomorpha, which includes the rabbits, hares, and pikas.

Sounds horrifying.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 03:47:07 am

Dammit, I knew it had an o.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:05:02 am

I did one I'm quite proud of. Just me and WD, with an appearance from Aqizzar because every single story needs one by law.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

“So, yeah. That’s basically why you shouldn’t do that,” finished Jackrabbit. He was a four foot high lagomorph, white, furry, cute and had a grin that was fucking insane.
“Have you noticed,” said Workerdrone, slowly, “that people always seem to say ‘so, yeah’ after explaining something no one else could hear?” He was almost the total opposite of Jackrabbit, an imposing Black Templar Space Marine. His voice was metallic and cold, yet impassioned at the same time.
“Oh yes,” nodded Jackrabbit. He waved his hand and a portal appeared in front of their faces. “It’s a trope, actually.”
“Close that,” admonished Workerdrone. “You want to be trapped in there forever?”
“Sorry, sorry.” said Jackrabbit. He clicked his fingers and the portal disappeared. “Hey, what do you think would happen if you downed a whole jug of coffee and surfed that place all night?”
“That’s… the stupidest I’ve ever heard you say,” replied Workerdrone.
“No, I remember when – wait,” said Jackrabbit. They were both reclining on lounge chairs that looked like those leather chairs physiatrist’s use, in front of a warm, Victorian-era fire, which was the source of the only light in the book filled room. A sign over the door said ‘General discussion: Topic:’ but the rest was obscured by darkness. It was the late end of forum activity and few people were on, all in other chambers. Jackrabbit sat bolt upright, not getting much farther off the floor than he was when he was lying down. Workerdrone sat up in turn, towering over him.
“Wha – oh. You know, technically I’m the one with the modified ears attached to my head. I should have heard that first,” said Workerdrone, slightly upset.
“Yeah, yeah,” responded Jackrabbit. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my ears extend about half a foot from my head.”
He walked over to the door, opened it and peeked out. Slamming it shut, he turned back.
“They have a cave troll,” he said, simply.
“Nice reference,” observed Workerdrone.
“Thank you,” replied Jackrabbit. “But seriously. Trolls. A shitload of them.”
“Damn,” said Workerdrone. “That’s new. What do you reckon?”
“From the markings? A 4… place raid.” He seemed unable to say the name.
“Damn,” cursed Workerdrone.
“Ah, we can take ‘em. Hang on,” said Jackrabbit, reaching behind his back. He paused. “Shit.”
“What?” asked Workerdrone.
“I forgot! I don’t have my luger! Damn lawyers took it off me!” said Jackrabbit, searching in vain for the butt of the gun.
“Really? The wealth of copyright violation laid out before them and they took your gun? Harsh.”
“I’m surprised you’ve still got your bolter,” said Jackrabbit.
“Oh, they tried to take it off me,” responded Workerdrone, absently readying it.
“Oh? What happened?” asked Jackrabbit.
“I happened,” said Workerdrone. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m a six foot power armoured genetically enhanced super-soldier.”
“Gah. I hate being short. I would have ripped his throat out, but he had these guys with him. Bastards,” said Jackrabbit, mournfully.
The door shook. Behind it came cries of ‘kekekekeke!’ and ‘lolzers!’. Jackrabbit shuddered, his grin never leaving his face. It didn’t seem to be able too.
“Want a chainsword?” offered Workerdrone, holding one out. Jackrabbit took it doubtfully. It was bigger than him.
“I don’t think –” he began, before activating it. He fell forward and the sword was buried up to the hilt in the floor, still roaring. It stopped.
“Uh,” said Workerdrone, “maybe not.”
“Y’think?” grunted Jackrabbit, standing up.
“Let me… oh! Hang on.” Workerdrone crossed the room, knelt and lifted a heavy bolter up. Grunting, he placed it on one of the couches, which he angled towards the door.
“And you said I wouldn’t need it,” he grinned. Jackrabbit’s grin widened in turn and he jumped up behind the massive gun. The door was shaking quite hard now. Cries of ‘desu desu desu!’ and ‘OMFG WTF LOL’ were getting louder.
“Let them come,” said Workerdrone.
“Oh great, here we go,” muttered Jackrabbit, leaning on the gun.
“They will fall to our steel! Let them think themselves innumerable, we shall teach them –”
The door blew in. Workerdrone and Jackrabbit began to fire, the bullets lancing into the hordes of meme bloated ghouls rushing to meet them. After a mere few minutes, all was quiet. The bodies of the enemy lay defeated, their avatars soon to be sucked back to whence they came.
“That was fun,” said Workerdrone, pointing his bolter at the floor. “C’mon, we’ll see how everyone else fared.”
They began to leave the room when Aqizzar poked his head round the doorway.
“Wh – oh, hey guys. You too, huh? Pretty nasty raid. I’m heading over to the DF section to see what’s what. You guys need a hand?” he asked.
“No, we’re fine,” responded Workerdrone. “Have fun. Where were you, by the way?”
“Oh, I was in the Atheists section,” said Aqizzar.
“What? I thought you didn’t go in for that sort of thing,” said Jackrabbit.
“Just looking around. Nasty. Attracted trolls like a light attracts moths. Still, we pulled through. Sofia was looking through as well.”
Both Workerdrone and Jackrabbit winced in succession. Aqizzar nodded.
“Yeah. Anyway, see you. Have fun, stick together.”
After he had left, Jackrabbit turned to Workerdrone.
“Got a hellpistol?” he asked.
“Only because I think it’s hilarious,” said Workerdrone, pulling it out and handing it to him. “It’s so cute! Lookit, little flashlight pistol!”
“That’s nice. Let’s go check the place out.”
“Yeah, okay. Man, raid, huh? I can’t remember when we last had one of those.”
“I know.”
They walked over the corpses and out, into the darkened corridor.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:06:32 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:05:02 am

I did one I'm quite proud of. Just me and WD, with an appearance from Aqizzar because every single story needs one by law.

You"LL NEVER CATCH ME COPPERS.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:07:40 am

OH WE WILL. WE WILL.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 06:10:45 am

The Internet Police are coming for you Toony, better head for the hills while you still can.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:21:07 am

Place...evil...depraved...abominations...FILTHY, DIRTY...

*Releases fist choking Jackrabbit*

Oh, sorry Jack.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:21:48 am

Why... must... you... do... that...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:24:39 am

My fury knows no bounds.

Also, your story has been added to page 20. Quite the enjoyable read.

For some reason, imagining me sitting in that chair is funny, because its probably crushed into the ground and two sizes to small for me, next to a four foot tall 'rabbit-like' creature who probably sinks into the cushion.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:27:10 am

Ah, but the forum accommodates. Yours is reinforced with plasteel.

Mines just frikking enormous.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:55:37 am

Remember how I said I only needed one shot?

It might have to do with the fact that I fire .75 shells with Depleted Uranium cores and Diamantine tips.

That explode.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 06:57:46 am

Must cost a buttload.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:59:20 am

It costs 400,000 Tithes to fire this gun...for twelve Parsecs.

Ba-Dum-Tish.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 07:11:56 am

I see your bolter rounds and raise you a Talisman of Vaul Warp Cannon.


Alternately, if that's too big for you, i'll raise you a Particle Whip.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:14:03 am

I raise you one exterminatus, good sir.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:22:17 am

Hey now! No betting!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:23:00 am

Fine, fine. I give you one exterminatus, good sir.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:24:26 am

Your offerings please WorkerDrone.

Momentarily.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 07:30:48 am

Fine, i see your Exterminatus raise you a World Engine.

(Anyway, Blackstone Fortress trumps Exterminatus. Blackstone Fortress trumps stars.)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:37:47 am

Are you planning on actually.

You know.

WRITING a story Neruz? 'Cause I'll put it up along with the others.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 07:41:45 am

On the one hand, it would be amusing to actually do something with all those Literature classes i took, on the other and i'm not sure i really know everyone on this board well enough to do a story justice, and on the gripping hand i'd need to find some nice powerful inspiration to overcome my natural laziness.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:45:50 am

Heresy grows from idleness.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 07:47:18 am

I'm a Necron, it would be quite difficult for me to be more heretical than i am already.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:50:23 am

Please no Necron jokes. SPHEEZ MARHEENS as Org likes calls them are kind of alright I guess, but after 612, we kind of mutually agreed, no more fucking Necrons.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 09, 2009, 07:51:10 am

Yes, I am angered by the prospect of those two together even now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:51:29 am

We really hate necrons. I'm sorta okay with them, but talking about them? Hell no. 612 ruined it for us.

SPHEEZ MARHEENS, Da Boyz and the IG are all okay.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:53:53 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:51:29 am

612 ruined it for us.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.RuinedFOREVER (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.RuinedFOREVER)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 09, 2009, 07:54:24 am

Well, maybe not forever, but a couple centuries at least.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:58:11 am

He ruined it because he WOULD NOT SHUT UP. It was like I was 5 again and people were going 'I shot you!'
'nu-uh, deflection!'
'nu-uh!'

Ruined for a bloody long time, at the very least.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 08:01:31 am

...So anyway.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 08:02:10 am

Jeez, what the hell did he do to you guys?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 08:04:23 am

Honestly? Nothing much. It's just fun to overreact.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 08:06:35 am

Ah, i see, Internets strikes again.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 08:07:24 am

Well, insofar as I can remember, people were roleplaying and he was godmodding and bugging the hell out of everyone.

But nothing much, overall.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 09, 2009, 08:22:06 am

Yeah, he god-modded out of getting his necron army smashed to bits by the Glorious Pengu Empire and SOVIETS STRIKES BACK!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 08:45:05 am

I'm interested now, what'd he do? Considering how rediculously, stupidly overpowered the Necrons tend to be in the fluff, he might have actually been playing them true to form.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 08:49:10 am

We'd have to tell you about VN.

I don't like talking about something that makes everyone sad.

And insane.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 08:49:49 am

Duu Eet.


Or you could link me to the thread, unless it doesn't exist anymore. I know there used to be a forum called Various Nonsense and that Toady buttraped it into oblivion when it went out of control, i hear Inaluct had something to do with it, but that's about the extent of my knowledge, and i'm more interested in what 612 was up to.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 09, 2009, 08:57:48 am

(http://i30.tinypic.com/2eulqmu.png)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 09, 2009, 08:59:36 am

>Toady
>Buttraped

Oh, funny jokes [/anon]

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 09, 2009, 09:03:39 am

That appears to be some kind of powered chinsword. If this is true, then that is one of the more awesome things i have seen today.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 09, 2009, 02:08:17 pm

Oh man, WorkerDrone's story makes me realize.

Bay12 Poker Nights would rule.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Leafsnail on September 09, 2009, 02:10:50 pm

Quote from: Cthulhu on September 09, 2009, 02:08:17 pm

Oh man, WorkerDrone's story makes me realize.

Bay12 Poker Nights would rule.

I raise a pointless flame and a metaphorical punch on the jaw.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Org on September 09, 2009, 03:45:48 pm

I want to be in it. :I

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 04:29:26 pm

Quote from: Cthulhu on September 09, 2009, 02:08:17 pm

Oh man, WorkerDrone's story makes me realize.

Bay12 Poker Nights would rule.

*Toony sees that he hold 5 aces in his hand*

"I bet you have a good hand Toony."  Said Duek.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO." 

ToonyMan's hairhead bursts into flames.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 04:33:45 pm

Armok, spoiler that fucking shit before I go into catatonic rage.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 04:37:27 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 04:33:45 pm

Armok, spoiler that fucking shit before I go into catatonic rage.

...let.....go......offf......MY........NECKKKKKK

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 09, 2009, 04:38:02 pm

What does a catatonic rage look like anyhow?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 04:38:08 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 04:33:45 pm

Armok, spoiler that fucking shit before I go into catatonic rage.

Again.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 04:39:25 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 09, 2009, 04:38:02 pm

What does a catatonic rage look like anyhow?

Horrifying.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 04:41:25 pm

...............hhhh..............eeee......

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 09, 2009, 05:10:33 pm

It looks exactly like his avatar.  It never moves, it just sits there, frozen in a position of rage.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 05:47:52 pm

Forever. Frozen in an endless cascading nuclear explosion of rage suspended in the ether, waiting to be unfrozen from its otherworldly restraints to overwhelm all things.

DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN? EVERYTHING GONE?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 05:55:16 pm

...........*snap*..............

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 09, 2009, 05:58:52 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 05:47:52 pm

Forever. Frozen in an endless cascading nuclear explosion of rage suspended in the ether, waiting to be unfrozen from its otherworldly restraints to overwhelm all things.

DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN? EVERYTHING GONE?

It worked for VN.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 09, 2009, 06:01:01 pm

Quote from: zchris13 on September 09, 2009, 05:58:52 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 05:47:52 pm

Forever. Frozen in an endless cascading nuclear explosion of rage suspended in the ether, waiting to be unfrozen from its otherworldly restraints to overwhelm all things.

DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN? EVERYTHING GONE?

It worked for VN.

^ BLEEDING EDGE SATIRE  :P

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:05:17 pm

Laughing my ass off.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Killas[SiN] on September 09, 2009, 06:14:28 pm

This is awesome.
Period.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Sensei on September 09, 2009, 06:17:41 pm

Catatonic rage? What's it look like?

Well... you ever beat Half Life 2?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:24:23 pm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://img115.imageshack.us/img115/3186/cheneyangry8dg.jpg)

Reminds me of someone....

THAT SNAPS NECKS

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:25:30 pm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/84/angryblacktemplar.jpg)

VS.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://img115.imageshack.us/img115/3186/cheneyangry8dg.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:26:39 pm

Okay now I'm just getting angry. Spoiler these big pictures or I will explode into a million pieces. Taking you all with me in a wall of fire.

Also, Don't double post, there's a fucking Edit button Toony.

Oh man...I think I'm gonna take a breather. Before I devour another person's soul.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:27:24 pm

Is your default resolution 640x480?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:28:52 pm

You know what Toony, this isn't a thread to spam up in the first place.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:31:23 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:28:52 pm

You know what Toony, this isn't a thread to spam up in the first place.

I'm sorry you feel that way against me.  DISCREEMINATER.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:33:18 pm

One...two...three...four...five...

...Six...

Grip tightens around ToonyMan's neck.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:34:12 pm

You don't have six fin---*HURK*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 09, 2009, 06:37:58 pm

The irony is, if this silly exchange was condensed into one post under a spoiler tag, it would be hailed as a hilarious contribution.  Just throw in some narration and it's right there with your other writing.  And in character!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aquizzar on September 09, 2009, 06:45:09 pm

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 09, 2009, 06:37:58 pm

The irony is, if this silly exchange was condensed into one post under a spoiler tag, it would be hailed as a hilarious contribution.  Just throw in some narration and it's right there with your other writing.  And in character!

Hey, you're right brethren!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 09, 2009, 06:47:34 pm

*FACE-FACE!

(read headbut)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Org on September 09, 2009, 06:49:26 pm

Quote from: Org on September 09, 2009, 03:45:48 pm

I want to be in it. :I

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:55:42 pm

Heh. Org, you don't exactly have a character. In fact your entire role in any story anyone would write would consist of one sentence and barely any action from you on your part what so ever.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:56:40 pm

Org, you're the main antagonist in my story!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on September 09, 2009, 06:57:25 pm

Quote from: Aquizzar on September 09, 2009, 06:45:09 pm

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 09, 2009, 06:37:58 pm

The irony is, if this silly exchange was condensed into one post under a spoiler tag, it would be hailed as a hilarious contribution.  Just throw in some narration and it's right there with your other writing.  And in character!

Hey, you're right brethren!

What.  Is this Aqizzar's evil twin or something?  They look exactly the same . . . only one is lying about the "u"! :o

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:00:08 pm

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 06:56:40 pm

Org, you're the main antagonist in my story!

Exactly, he has about one sentence's worth of actual dialogue and barely any actions in your story at all.

HE'S LIKE A CARD BOARD PROP. (http://209.85.48.11/13578/93/emo/awesomexq8.gif)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Strife26 on September 09, 2009, 07:14:00 pm

Sheesh, am I expected to only read the stories or the entire thread?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Org on September 09, 2009, 07:14:20 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 06:55:42 pm

Heh. Org, you don't exactly have a character. In fact your entire role in any story anyone would write would consist of one sentence and barely any action from you on your part what so ever.

Whys that?

Man, why are you guys such bullies? ALL I WANTED IS A PART

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:15:54 pm

Well write your own. Ask and ye shalt not receive. I'm not writing you in unless I feel it would work,

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 09, 2009, 07:18:34 pm

Quote from: Strife26 on September 09, 2009, 07:14:00 pm

Sheesh, am I expected to only read the stories or the entire thread?

Yes.

These ways lie madness...  All these ways...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 07:20:18 pm

Read the thread for... strangeness. Read the stories for... marginally less strangeness.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 09, 2009, 07:21:43 pm

Would you like me to write you a story Org, with you as the main character?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Org on September 09, 2009, 07:24:17 pm

Sure Josh. Thanks.  :)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 07:28:10 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 09, 2009, 07:21:43 pm

Would you like me to write you a story Org, with you as the main character?

THIS.

I have GOT to see.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Luke_Prowler on September 09, 2009, 07:38:55 pm

I too must see this, if only for a quick chuckle.

What? I can be sophisticated.

**** all of you.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 09, 2009, 08:14:54 pm

Before Org's story, I wrote this in the "Do you have enemies?" thread as a joke:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 09, 2009, 04:37:22 pm

Quote from: Rashilul on September 09, 2009, 01:28:33 pm

Wait...you sued a 5 year old for slander?!

Noooooo. He just got into trouble, really. And never forgave me. Presumably he still hates me but I don't live in NZ anymore.

The night is dry in Australia, and dreams rustle and bustle inside the mind of one of it's residents, only to awake him in sweaty terror at every quarter hour. Jackrabbit's foot itched, and being a rabbit, this were something of an occurrance that only happened during on blue moons, after eating maraschino cherries, or if mortal danger were nearby. The pitch blackness made everyone awares that there was no moon tonight, and maraschino cherries were a delicacy that had not grazed his lips in many a month. The air was tense, and the halls of his home were dark, reaking of danger, even when well-lit. This is not a phenomena spawning from his paranoia, or nature, something in his home was lying in wait. To the end of finding it, he called his friend, Workerdrone, a perpetually enraged certified space marine that specialized in filling things with holes, beating things to death, and doing both of those while screaming his mind out. Jackrabbit trusted him however, ever since the incident in Tejas, and he felt that allowing him to rummage through his home as an infinitely better alternative to inaction.
"I've looked Jack, there's nothing wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I've looked in every room, making sure to lock the door behind me so no evildoers might sneak out, and scanned every nook and cranny for life signs. Nothing is out of place, and the area surrounding your house, which has been constantly scanned since my arrival, are equally devoid of life, save for the occasional giant spider, dingo, and dingo-eating giant snake. Those are usual though, and nothing to be this alarmed about. I did find these odd magazines though..."
Jack snatches the magazines from his hand, to quickly fold them and hide them under his arm.
"My hair's standing up though! My feet are itching! Nothing natural is causing this! Are you sure you checked everywhere?!"
"Positive, the crawlspace under your home has been searched with equal vigilance. Whatever attic there is is just as lifeless as everything else. The space between the walls have not escaped me either, and I can assure you, that the only things hiding in this house are common insects, which are not interesting in the least."
"Well, could you atleast stay the night? My rabbity instincts are telling me... telling me that something is definitely wrong with tonight, and I don't feel safe."
"Just go to sleep you wuss. There's nothing here that can kill you, besides the usual things, which would have done so already if they had wanted to. You're perfectly safe."
And with that, he packed his high-tech devices, got into his vehicle, and sped off to adventures unknown, leaving Jackrabbit to fend for himself. Silence falls over the house, except for the tick-tocking of the clock, providing a clear rhythm to punctuate his creeping terror.
Peace of mind would never come to him however, and so Jackrabbit resolved to place some trust in Workerdrone's analysis, and set himself to bed. Glaring at the clock, it indifferently declares that it's a quarter after midnight. He rests his head on the pillow, seeking comfort in knowing that nothing could possibly approach him without alarming him, seeing as all the doors are closed, and thoroughly squeaky, and the hardwood floors equally creaky and sensitive to even the slightest movement. The bugs and wildlife outside would be aroused and alarmed by anyone's movement, and would warn of any outsider sneaking about. Every entrance to his home was locked and secured in every sane way, and most insane ways, insuring that any would-be intruder would have a hell of a time getting in. The more he thought about it, the more relaxed he felt about his safety, he let his eyes feel heavy, and darkness overcome the recesses of his mind.
Sleepfulness slowly overtook Jackrabbit's senses, and a night's rest was but a few moments away.
There was not a squeak, creak, rustle, crunch, crash, bash, yap, or squeal in those next few moments, not a single one, which made it all the more jolting to Jack's senses when the cold point of gunmetal was jabbed into his eye.
"Hey there JACKY!"
How could he? How was this possible? How could he have overcome every single precaution he took?
"...who... who are you, how did you get in..?"
"Now now, I didn't come here to explain my magic tricks to you, but I've been waiting a very long time for this moment, and so I'm just dying to know: Do you still remember me?"
"Uh...uh..." Jack's mind raced, but every thought was clouded with terror, "I... don't..."
"That's fine, it's not as though it would change the outcome of this moment. I do, however, want a memory roll over you before you die. 19 years ago, New Zealand, 5 year old boy."
"OH SHI!"
and the loud bang, like a door being slammed with great force, echoed throughout the night. A dingo watches as a dark silhouette escapes from the house's back door, and makes his way into the night with his thirst for revenge sated. Whatever qualm there had been between these two individuals, it was now at rest, with it's victor escaping to live the rest of his life. He now had peace of mind, but not a clear conscience. It's something... he can definitely live with though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 09, 2009, 08:34:25 pm

Quote

A dingo watches as a dark silhouette escapes from the house's back door, and makes his way into the night with his thirst for revenge sated.

Poor Jackrabbit...if only Workerdrone had listened to him.

Now he will never get his updates.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 09, 2009, 08:42:00 pm

 In the big reveal, it is Jackrabbit that killed the grown-up kid.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

What's with all the duplicate accounts?

Quote from: Org on September 09, 2009, 03:45:48 pm

I want to be in it. :I

I wanna be in a story. (You know, as someone other than someone who calls in enforcements or someone who went to VN and played cards.)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on September 09, 2009, 08:54:48 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

What's with all the duplicate accounts?

I thought the Toonyman/Aquizzar were the only ones?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 08:57:04 pm

Infront of Enemy Limes:  Part 8

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sonihero scanned the ground as he flew fast.  His hands were a bit slippery from all that buttercorn he ate before the mission.  He had to find Toony, and bring him back to Sir Josh, about an hour after his started the search he received some new information.  The Martians were going to help fight with the resistance, but only if they were to see ToonyMan in person.  "Why would they want to do that?"  thought Sonihero.

BEEP BEEP BLIP BEEP

The copter begun speaking.

LIFE-SIGN DETECTED 9.3278 KILOMETERS NORTH-EAST FROM HERE

"Thanks Tuesday."  Said Sonihero, even though it wouldn't matter.

That's probably ToonyMan, I wonder how he's doing, from the readins he's all by himself.  Two minutes passed before reaching their destination.  Sonihero slowed to a stop in mid-air, scanning the ground.  What he saws in thy distances were inane.  Toony was swinging two revolvers around, screeming at some trees that were surrounding him, he could almost hear what he were saying.

"BEK OF DUEK ROTORS."  He fired a shot into one of the trees.

"THAY NEVER STOOPP."  He charged at one of the trees, head first, head lit up.  The thud shook the area around, before he fell over, probably unconscious given the comedy of the story.

What the hall?  He's yelling at threes.  Sonnyhero thought for a minute.  And why am I thinkin funny?  He went to press the transmitter button to tell everyone that he found Toony when he accidentally slipped (curse those plot causing fingers!) and press the self-destruct button right next to it.

BEEP BEEP BLIP BEEP

SELF-DESTRUCT IN 1---*BOOM*

TOO BE CONTINUED

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: qwertyuiopas on September 09, 2009, 08:59:03 pm

I want to be in a story, but realized that as my avatar has no unique personality, it is unlikely that I'll be included. Then a few days ago, inspiration struck, and finally I knew what was at the end of the tunnel.

In two updates.

Both coming ASAP(Possible in this case also requiring lack of laziness)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 09, 2009, 08:59:51 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

Quote from: Org on September 09, 2009, 03:45:48 pm

I want to be in it. :I

I wanna be in a story.

Gah, this is going to be the tropes thread all over again.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE DO MEEEEEEE"

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 09:01:20 pm

Quote from: kinseti on September 09, 2009, 08:59:51 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

Quote from: Org on September 09, 2009, 03:45:48 pm

I want to be in it. :I

I wanna be in a story.

Gah, this is going to be the tropes thread all over again.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE DO MEEEEEEE"

Tropes thread?

Like this? (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThyToonyman)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: qwertyuiopas on September 09, 2009, 09:01:58 pm

Quote from: kinseti on September 09, 2009, 08:59:51 pm

Gah, this is going to be the tropes thread all over again.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE DO MEEEEEEE"

At least I know why and am taking action against it...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 09, 2009, 09:02:54 pm

I'd take a fence to that kinseti.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://z.about.com/d/inventors/1/0/3/0/1/barbedwire2.jpg

AND STAY OUT!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 09, 2009, 09:07:54 pm

Quote from: qwertyuiopas on September 09, 2009, 09:01:58 pm

Quote from: kinseti on September 09, 2009, 08:59:51 pm

Gah, this is going to be the tropes thread all over again.

"WHY WON'T ANYONE DO MEEEEEEE"

At least I know why and am taking action against it...

Yeah, that wasn't directed at you.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 09, 2009, 09:52:55 pm

Can we not turn this into a contest? I love this topic so far and I don't wanna see it derail into a "Me next!" contest.

Come on guys! More writing and less "me too!".

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 09, 2009, 09:54:31 pm

I agree with Sofia, think up stuff people!

I'll write more tomorrow. I have to go to bed.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 09:59:16 pm

My newest part is just a cliffhanger to hold you at your edge of seat.  I'll finish it tomorrow after yaddha yaddha.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 09, 2009, 10:40:00 pm

He climbed over the rubble, his M16 casually resting in his hand and with only half the rounds remaining.
The smoke of his cigarette mixed with the smoke of his rifle to leave a slight mist trailing around his face, the jawline set with a grimace.
His foot splashed into a puddle of blood, drawing a growl and a quick shake of his boot.

The sun shone through clouds, making an orange glow that stretched across the wastes before him.
He lifted his sunglasses and peered around, looking for signs of life.

A sudden shifting of some loose stones had his gun razing a line of fire, blasting holes through rock and into whatever moved beneath.

With a great flex of his legs he leapt across the ruined ground to the pile of stone, and with a lunge of his arm grabbed whatever lay beneath.
A loud groan echoes across the wastes as he recognized the limp form hanging from his grasp.
"Another damn giant cave spider. I'm really getting tired of all these bastards hanging around."

A sigh escaped his lips as he tossed the corpse over the nearest building and out of sight and strode back to his motorcycle, the fire dancing along it showing it easily among the shadows as the sun set behind his back.
Kicking it into drive, Aqizzar blazed a trail the same colour as the sky above him, the orange of his path mixing with the orange of the heavens.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 09, 2009, 10:57:14 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

I wanna be in a story. (You know, as someone other than someone who calls in enforcements or someone who went to VN and played cards.)

You were a part of the chaos in Texas, which means you're ending up in mine. :D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 09, 2009, 10:58:31 pm

Quote from: Vester on September 09, 2009, 10:57:14 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 08:44:21 pm

I wanna be in a story. (You know, as someone other than someone who calls in enforcements or someone who went to VN and played cards.)

You were a part of the chaos in Texas, which means you're ending up in mine. :D

-SPOILED-

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 09, 2009, 11:02:40 pm

Gah! No spoilers! >:(

Hehe. Actually all anyone has to do to see what's going to happen to who is check the Texas thread. Although I'm going to have to give it a proper ending, of course, which means putting in people who weren't there.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 11:03:17 pm

I AM BEING INSPIRED...PERHAPS A STORY IS IMMINENT?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 09, 2009, 11:17:15 pm

Oh yeah.

Anyways, another Poem.

Trends of the Bay
There once was a forum named Bay Twelve.
In it, there were many who liked to delve.
In this place, a number of people dwelt.
They ALL loved to smelt.
They posted topics about dwarves,
And how they would like to have wharves.
Many wished for the addition of the wheel.
Some people get mad, but it's no big deal.
Flightless birds became a fad,
But honestly, are fads all that bad?
Soon after, there were many trends.
Most, however, had rather disappointing ends.
The green bands faded,
leaving the holdouts jaded.
The penguins became otherwise.
Some turned to mechanical lies.
But soon, these too would get bored.
And all of a sudden, everyone was floored.
All over the place were doppelgangers!
Fairly soon, everyone had gone bananers.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 11:23:34 pm

Meh.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 09, 2009, 11:26:40 pm

Wow, that is the trolliest post you've ever made.

One monosyllabic grunt does not convey meaning. USE YOUR WORDS.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 09, 2009, 11:28:41 pm

Me Effing Hungry

WorkerDrone conveys a lot of meaning in one word grunt.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 09, 2009, 11:31:00 pm

It's not even a WORD.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 09, 2009, 11:53:04 pm

It is.

In some parts of the world.

And I really am hungry.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 12:16:51 am

There's a lot of Sofia in this one. Also a lot of Duke and ToonyMan.

(looking back through old threads I saw a lot of references to Keroro, mostly in conjunction with Sofia, which is why the second section of this part has him.)

Spoiler: The Battle of Texas: PointZilla Unleashed (click to show/hide)

   A huge crowd had gathered on an open field by the Bay, milling about restlessly as they waited for Duke to come up on the makeshift stage that had been constructed for that day’s event. Most of them could not help but notice the titanic rectangular object just behind the stage, covered by a tarp. It looked like, and in fact was, a huge cage.
   Josh stood on a nearby hill, watching the proceedings while Pablo the spider clambered all over his shirt. He was there for two reasons. Firstly, to make sure everything proceeded as planned. And secondly, to make sure that whenever ToonyMan came back, he didn’t come back with something that would break most of the laws in existence.
   Duke walked around from behind the object and mounted the stage. He paused to clear his throat, then stopped when he remembered he didn’t have one. He settled for adjusting his necktie, and began.
   “Forumites,” he said. “by now all of you are aware of the danger posed to Earth by the Martians.”
   There was a rising cry of ‘lolwut’ as what Duke was saying began to sink in. He raised his hands for silence.
   “I know, I know. It seems ridiculous. However the threat is real and very, very close now. The Martian Empire has begun mobilizing battle fleets for a colonization attempt in Texas…” here Duke crouched, and said in a low tone that carried to every corner of the field, “And they say The NME himself will be accompanying them.”
   A moment of silence followed this proclamation. The crowd began to murmur to themselves. Some of of them began to edge away.
    “But!” shouted Duke. “We have a solution! Ladies! Gentlemen! Um. Penguins! I give you your Baron, and the future King of Texas!”
   A Chin, and the Aqizzar attached to it, made its way onstage in a cloud of manliness. The crowd went wild with cheering and applause. Several of the female members of the audience swooned. Most of the male audience did so as well. He nodded approvingly.
   One member of the audience, however, did not. “Bah!” scoffed one of the penguins, hefting his gold-tipped walking stick and adjusting his monocle. “King? That way lies madness. And not the good kind of madness, either.”
   “Settle down, Prime Minister,” said Duke, as soothingly as he could. “It’s only a temporary measure. With a King in Texas, The NME has no right to lay claim.”
   “Hmph,” said the Prime Minister.
   “Now, then!” said Duke. “Here is what we’ll do. To become King, Aqizzar must face a trial of manhood.”
   “Manhood? Aqizzar IS manhood!” shouted one of the crowd members. There was a roar of assent from the entire assembly. Chaos reigned.
   Duke turned to Aqizzar. “They’re not going to go for it,” he whispered. “At this rate, they’re going to make you King without due process, by which I mean slaying the damn dragon.”
   The Baron frowned. “Is that bad?”
   “Yes,” said Duke. “Without due process, the Martian Empire still has every right to claim Texas. Can you get this crowd to settle down?”
   “I’ll try,” Aqizzar said. He gave the audience a look.
   The entire crowd went silent.
   “Thanks.” Duke prepared to speak again. “As I was saying. A trial of manhood will give Aqizzar the right to be King.”
   “Not that I support this idea – very much the opposite, in fact,” said the Prime Minister. “But what manner of trial?”
   “It is simple,” said Duke. “The Baron must slay a Dragon.”
   “Capital idea!” said the Prime Minister, laughing. “Except there are no more dragons to slay!”
   “Is that so? Well, how about this!” said Duke, running back to the cage and whipping the tarp off with a flourish. “I give you PointZilla the Dragon!”
   There was a collective gasp. Somewhere in the back of the crowd a baby began to cry. With what could have been a grin, Duke turned to face that monstrosity he and Josh had created.
   It wasn’t there.    What was there was even worse.
   Inside of the cage was ToonyMan, his head freshly ablaze, holding what appeared to be a squirming mass of red and black lizards. They had been wrapped in a few strips of duct tape. Some of them were quite dead, and the ones that weren’t didn’t look very happy at all, much like Duke.
   “Where,” he said. “is the Dragon?”
   “The Dragon? What, are you blind? It’s right here!” said ToonyMan. He leaned closer to Duke and whispered, “I ran out of glue along the way so I had to stop by a hardware store for tape.”
   “No,” said Duke. “Where’s my Dragon?”
   “Let’s be honest with each other, Duke,” said ToonyMan, dropping his ‘Dragon’ and clapping Duke on the shoulder. “Do you really want your Dragon?”
   “No, but-“
   “Exactly!” shouted ToonyMan. “You don’t. This one will do just fine.”
   “No. No it won’t. Where is the Dragon?”
   ToonyMan looked around sheepishly. “I’ll be honest. I haven’t got a clue.”
   Duke rubbed his U. “Then what where you doing inside the cage?”
   “I got in through the enormous hole in the back.”
   “WHAT!?”
   They were interrupted by Josh, running towards them at full tilt. “Guys!” he shouted. “We may have a teensy problem.”
   “I guessed that,” said Duke. “Did you see it get out?”
   “No, Pablo did,” said Josh. “He was trying to get my attention, but then Aqizzar arrived, so I was out of commission for most of your speech. He says it’s heading North.”
   “North?” said Duke. “Well, then so are we.”

---

   Sofia sat atop a tank, rolling through Texas in style. The sun was beginning to rise over the edge of the horizon, casting her armor in a faint orange light. With a frown she triggered her visor and leaned back.
   Suddenly a high-pitched voice interrupted her reverie. “Miss Sofia!”
   Sofia sighed and flipped her visor back up. “What is it, Sergeant?”
   The tank’s hatch popped open and out clambered a waist-high green creature. He was wearing a hat, and with his bulging eyes and floppy hat, he bore a superficial resemblance to a very large frog. “Miss Sofia, the plan has gone forward!”
   “Your platoon released the Dragon-thing, then?” said Sofia. “Good…”
   “Not so good, Miss Sofia!”
   Sofia sniffed. “Why not, Sergeant?”
   “Well,” said the sergeant, twiddling his fingerless hands.
   “You’ll tell me, won’t you?” Sofia said sweetly, but the look in her eyes was more akin to that of a cat. A hungry one. “Do you want what happened to Giroro to happen to you?”
   “No, Miss Sofia! Anything but that!”
   “Then you’ll fucking tell me what happened!” she screamed, smacking the Sergeant in the back of the head.
   “Yes, Miss Sofia,” he said frantically as he regained his balance. “The Dragon has been released, but in entirely the wrong direction!”
   “What?”
   “It has headed north, Miss Sofia!”
   She paused for a while to let this information sink in. As she did, a thought struck her. “Sergeant, who the hell is driving this tank?”
   “Me, Miss Sofia!”
   “Then what are you doing up here talking to me?”
   Stricken, the frog creature scrambled back down the hatch. The tank, which had been ambling left for the past few minutes, now righted its course.
   “Fucking idiots,” Sofia muttered. She fiddled with the receiver on her helmet until it picked up a signal. There was a jumble of static, then voices.
   “zzzzat-uys ready yet? If we’re going to lead this thing towards Texas, we’ll have to travel light.”
   “Ready? TOONYMAN IS ALWAYS READY.”
   “Put your pants on, for god’s sake.”
   “Yes Toony. Please.”
   “Pants? THEY’RE ALSO FOR PANSIES.”
   “The Baron wears pants.”
   “FINE.”
   “Wait. What the hell is that?”
   “Pablo says – oh God. It’s coming back!”
   A dim roar came over the transmitter.
   “Run! Run, dammit!”
   “Run? TOONYMAN NEVER RUNS.”
   “We’re the bait. Run for the-”
   The signal cut off. Sofia frowned. She sat up and adjusted the receiver.
   “-damn it all! It ate Org! Damn you, Pointzilla!”
   “What are they still doing here? ToonyMan, get it away from the crowd!”
   “How?”
   “I don’t know! Just… set it on fire or something!”
   “I can only do that to myself!
   “I don’t care, just do something.”
   “Where’s Aqizzar?”
   “He’s probably halfway to Texas already! He can’t help us now!”
   “Duke, ToonyMan’s got its attention!”
   “Okay. Get out of here, Josh, we’ll wrangle this thing. ToonyMan! Let’s go! Head for the border as quick as you can! Go! GO!”
   The voices were replaced by what sounded like a stampede. Sofia decided that Josh and Pablo, to whom the transmitter was attached, must have been swallowed up by the crowd of Forumites, making any further listening pointless. She could still hear the Dragon-thing roaring, but it was getting softer and softer, presumably as Duke and ToonyMan drew it away from the rest.
   Sofia reached for the transmitter, dialing in a set of numbers that interacted in no way possible with human mathematics.   
   There was a click. “ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl- Yes?” rasped a voice out of the darkest reaches of space.
   “Cthulhu. It’s me.”
   “So I gathered,”  came the reply. “What do you want? We have our deal.”
   “You’re going to have to intervene a little earlier, I think,” said Sofia.
   The growl that followed threatened to shatter her receiver. “What went wrong?”
   “My minions are idiots,” Sofia said, casting an irritated glance at the tank hatch. “That’s what went wrong. The Dragon is headed towards Texas now, but there’s no one to restrain it.”
   “And you wish me to do this for you? Not a chance, puny human. I promised to help you fight it, not play baby-sitter to a mutant lizard.”
   “I have her on speed dial, you know,” Sofia said softly.
   There was a pause. “Fine, then,” Cthulhu grunted. “I will meet you in Texas.”
   Sofia turned the receiver off and set her helmet by her side. Before long she was asleep, dreaming dreams that, Elder God or not, would have made even Cthulhu wet his nonexistent briefs.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 01:36:38 am

Holy crap post explosion.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 10, 2009, 01:41:31 am

Quote from: Vester on September 09, 2009, 11:02:40 pm

Gah! No spoilers! >:(

Hehe. Actually all anyone has to do to see what's going to happen to who is check the Texas thread. Although I'm going to have to give it a proper ending, of course, which means putting in people who weren't there.

Your story rocks. Socks also may be involved. I'm just sad now that I didn't take a more active part in the Tejas thread. I came in too late.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 01:52:11 am

Vester, once again you prove yourself to be a masterful writer. In any case, I have written more for my story:

Spoiler: Fighting, fighting, everywhere (click to show/hide)

The figure advanced through the narrow corridor he found himself in. As he went, he came to the realization that there was a surprising lack of resistance to his incursion. Sure, there had been hundreds of soldiers, but a complete and total lack of any tanks, mechs, aircraft or anything other then basic infantry. This worried him, as the only reason he could think of for their absence was if something extremely dangerous, requiring all the heavy firepower they could muster was rampaging around the place. The only thoughts he had towards that focused more on how this would affect his mission, rather then what it would do to him if it were to chance upon him. This was because he was somewhat over-confident in his ability to hear any who dare approach him, coupled with a resolute belief that something that destructive must be really, really big; an attitude that should have been vanquished the moment he met Sofia.

Nevertheless, he choose to continue down the hallway until he came to a steel door, already ajar. Moving as silently as he could, he came up to the door and peeked through the crack. Unfortunately, the room on the other side was completely empty, save for a maintenance bot which had powered down. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about someone else getting in his way. With his entering the building, he began a meandering trek up to it's higher floors, made all the more long and meandering due to his forgetting to bring a map. The complete lack of guards, or indeed, anyone at all; only made it all the more tedious. Within fifteen minutes he was bored out of his skull.

Luckily, he had chanced upon a sliding door that lead to a low balcony, overlooking a large courtyard between the building and it's opposite. There a battle between jackrabbit, who had somehow acquired a mech and the guards, who had actually brought tanks this time, was taking place. As far as he could see from this vantage, Jackrabbit was clearly winning. Once again, the figure had arrived too late to see the fight when it was still interesting, with the soldiers having mostly deserted the field. At least the way Jackrabbit used a tank to smash other tanks was entertaining, but he still had to get to his target, and so he turned back and began to enter the building once again.

But he ran into none other than Joshua and his pet spider Pablo, who was perched upon his head.

"Joshua? What are you doing here?" The figure blurted out.

"Hey, NME. I'm just here to watch the show, what are you here for?" He asked.

"Oh, I have business to do upstairs.... What fight are you talking about? Do you mean the one that Jack just had? Because that's not nearly worth the effort needed to get in here." NME replied.

"Yeah, it was good, but it's not what I came for. If you wanna know, just wait a bit and you'll see." He said, now watching jack as he used his stolen mech to jump over the courtyard wall and go onto someplace with more stuff to blow up.

"I'd rather not, what I'm here to do is pretty important." NME told him.

"Eh, your loss. See you later Mars." Josh said, before walking back inside and heading down the corridor that NME had come through.

With nothing more to occupy his time, NME continued his climb up the building, something that brought him nothing but annoyance and tired feet. Right up until he heard a massive BLAM from far away, and rushed to find the nearest door to a viewing deck or balcony. When he finally managed to find a way outside, he saw that it was none other then Workerdrone, wreaking havoc armed with his favorite chainsword and trusty bolter, which he had presumably used to make that gaping hole in the compound wall that was big enough to allow anything short of a small titan through. He was far away from the building though, but NME had recently acquired himself a cybernetic eye, that could zoom. It was nowhere near perfect though, with touchy focus and a specialized contact lens that kept dropping out at the worst times, rendering it unable to see. Right now the focus on it was acting up, and he was in no mood to mess with it until it worked properly. So he went back inside the building to resume his ascent, all the while listening to the muted sounds of battle and thinking "Why does it seem like everybody in the whole damned city choose tonight to attack?"

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 10, 2009, 02:30:38 am

Eh, guys, I can't make stories.

Alright, I can, but I am just THAT lazy...

Well, expect a garbled-up text messages shortly.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Archangel on September 10, 2009, 05:17:29 am

I have a setting and characters, and sort of an idea for the start of story. It will be in the Bay12 Barracks. I might get your personalities wrong, but the characters will be Luke_Prowler, Strife, WorkerDrone, me and Phantom. Guess who the meatshield will be.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cheeetar on September 10, 2009, 05:19:37 am

If only that wasn't a rhetorical question. I like getting things right :(

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 10, 2009, 05:22:40 am

Try our new ChainChin^TM series!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i28.tinypic.com/9jepnr.png)

It has the many paint!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i28.tinypic.com/fac46t.png)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 05:27:41 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 10, 2009, 01:41:31 am

Quote from: Vester on September 09, 2009, 11:02:40 pm

Gah! No spoilers! >:(

Hehe. Actually all anyone has to do to see what's going to happen to who is check the Texas thread. Although I'm going to have to give it a proper ending, of course, which means putting in people who weren't there.

Your story rocks. Socks also may be involved. I'm just sad now that I didn't take a more active part in the Tejas thread. I came in too late.

Well, I did get the "Chin (and the Aqizzar attached to it)" joke from you. ;D

Quote from: Jackrabbit on August 18, 2009, 08:27:11 pm

So, our choices seem to be

• Eaten by gila monster
• Exterminated by Martians
• Ruled benevolently by a Chin and the Aqizzar that is attached to it
• Enslaved by Sofia

I know which I'd prefer. And either way, I love this forum.

See?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 05:33:31 am

It should be noted that we never wanted to exterminate you. Just to conquer you and harvest your blood for it's delicious food additive properties.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 05:40:37 am

You expect me to believe the words of The Enemy!?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i30.tinypic.com/30mny50.jpg)

Although you do have a nice hat.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 05:43:27 am

I may be the enemy, but I'm not a liar. Anymore.

Edit: Say, weren'y you the one who pointed out that we need a slave population?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 10, 2009, 05:44:18 am

Ready.  Set.  LIFT-OFF.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 05:46:06 am

Quote from: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 05:43:27 am

I may be the enemy, but I'm not a liar. Anymore.

Edit: Say, weren'y you the one who pointed out that we need a slave population?

I may be a traitor to humanity, but I'm not a...

Oh damn.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vlynndar on September 10, 2009, 05:53:49 am

...How did I miss this for so long?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 05:55:29 am

THE POPE IS A MARTIAN!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: A­qizzar on September 10, 2009, 05:59:41 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

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Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 06:01:48 am

Oh dear, another impostor.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: A­qizzar on September 10, 2009, 06:03:02 am

Heh, i was just testing to see if my name-fu would work.

It totally did. Try and tell me apart from the real one now! :P

(Hint: There's only 2 ways i can think of.)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 06:03:47 am

Quote from: A­qizzar on September 10, 2009, 06:03:02 am

Heh, i was just testing to see if my name-fu would work.

It totally did. Try and tell me apart from the real one now! :P

Toady is cracking down on the alts, just for the record.

http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=41694.90 (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=41694.90)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: A­qizzar on September 10, 2009, 06:05:02 am

I don't intend to actually do anything with this account, i just wanted to see if the site would accept this name.

Now my curiousity is satisifed, back to my real account.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 06:05:50 am

And we're back. That was interesting. I wonder if i should tell Toady about that potential bit of alt-abuse.

Also:
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Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 10, 2009, 06:16:34 am

Bye all.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 10, 2009, 06:24:08 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 10, 2009, 06:16:34 am

Bye all.

WHAT
DOn'T LEAVE uS!

MY COUSIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cheeetar on September 10, 2009, 06:27:39 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 10, 2009, 06:16:34 am

Bye all.

What no.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 06:30:25 am

Did i miss something? Why is Toony leaving?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 06:31:36 am

He thinks he may be banned for making the 'Aquizzar' account. :-[

I hope he won't be.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 06:33:39 am

Neither do I, but I think this is more along the lines of that battle fortress incident.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 06:34:55 am

That was more large-scale and Toady didn't ban Inaluct for it. (yes, I know I wasn't around for it, but I looked around in VN)

Anyway Toady said he would ban someone if they were maliciously impersonating another forumite, there wasn't any malice in what Toony was doing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: IndonesiaWarMinister on September 10, 2009, 06:35:45 am

Quote from: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 10, 2009, 06:33:39 am

Neither do I, but I think this is more along the lines of that battle fortress incident.

That...

Is in April, 5 months ago.
Very, very, OLD, internet-age-wise,

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 06:37:46 am

Toady did say in that thread that he would be banning dupe accounts that were used for abuse, and neither Toony's Aquizzar account or my 3 post Aqizzar account were used for abuse; merely for some light entertainment.

If Toony was running around with the account posting objectionable material and porn all over the forums then i'd expect him to be bannerated, but he wasn't. It's all been in good fun so far and banning Toony would be a pretty big overreaction on Toady's part.


It also seems unlikely, as Toady appears to be one of the few people who actually understand that laws and rules are meant to be applied along with, not in defiance of, common sense.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 10, 2009, 06:39:51 am

 He also knows when things are getting out of hand and does something about it, despite no explicit rule against it.

 So yeah, Toonyman should be safe.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 10, 2009, 07:52:19 am

I'd feel terrible if I (indirectly) got Toonyman banned.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 10, 2009, 08:04:15 am

Why are there no comments on my chinsword?!?!  :'(

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 10, 2009, 08:07:47 am

I commented on it like 6 pages ago.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 10, 2009, 08:11:00 am

You did a what?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 08:11:37 am

Quote from: Armok on September 10, 2009, 08:04:15 am

Why are there no comments on my chinsword?!?!  :'(

WorkerDrone did.

Though it was more an appeal for you to spoiler the original one.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on September 10, 2009, 08:39:04 am

Quote from: Armok on September 10, 2009, 08:04:15 am

Why are there no comments on my chinsword?!?!  :'(

Because I have no idea what it has to do with the thread topic or the current discussion.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 10, 2009, 09:56:10 am

What the heck's with the haunter anyhow? Should I try to capture it?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 10, 2009, 11:19:02 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 10, 2009, 09:56:10 am

What the heck's with the haunter anyhow? Should I try to capture it?

Quick, trade it with someone.
Gengar is awesome.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 10, 2009, 01:30:36 pm

Everyone is saying I'll be OK, but I don't know.  It seemed directed at me and Duke.

I'm going to lay low for a while.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 10, 2009, 01:36:34 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 11:17:15 pm

Oh yeah.

Anyways, another Poem.

Trends of the Bay
There once was a forum named Bay Twelve.
In it, there were many who liked to delve.
In this place, a number of people dwelt.
They ALL loved to smelt.
They posted topics about dwarves,
And how they would like to have wharves.
Many wished for the addition of the wheel.
Some people get mad, but it's no big deal.
Flightless birds became a fad,
But honestly, are fads all that bad?
Soon after, there were many trends.
Most, however, had rather disappointing ends.
The green bands faded,
leaving the holdouts jaded.
The penguins became otherwise.
Some turned to mechanical lies.
But soon, these too would get bored.
And all of a sudden, everyone was floored.
All over the place were doppelgangers!
Fairly soon, everyone had gone bananers.

I keep getting tripped up on this. I'm not sure what the rhythm is supposed to be, so I keep trying to read it like a limerick and I stumble on every 5th line.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 10, 2009, 03:23:20 pm

Page 20 spillover has been edited to include TNME's second piece, and I have also edited in Vester's second part to her first submission.

If we run out of room, I might have to move some posts from the second spillover to the third, so Vester can complete her short story. I hope it won't be more than 40'000 words.

Really awesome stuff guys.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 10, 2009, 03:35:01 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 10, 2009, 03:23:20 pm

Page 20 spillover has been edited to include TNME's second piece, and I have also edited in Vester's second part to her first submission.

If we run out of room, I might have to move some posts from the second spillover to the third, so Vester can complete her short story. I hope it won't be more than 40'000 characters.

Really awesome stuff guys.

There's a difference between words and characters.

/pedantry

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 10, 2009, 04:09:26 pm

I MEANT CHARACTERS ITS JUST SOMETIMES MY BRAIN DOESN'T THINK THE RIGHT THINGS.

RAEG.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: deadlycairn on September 10, 2009, 06:54:23 pm

Hope you guys like this - I was struck with inspiration at an ungodly hour, so that's my excuse if ya don't :P

It's more of a background than a story, by the way.

The Religion of Bay 12:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

   

- A person has no religion who has not slowly and painfully gathered one together, adding to it, shaping it, and one's religion is never complete and final, it seems, but must always be undergoing modification. -

In a small isle, in seas uncharted and rarely travelled, is a bay, known only to its occupants as the Bay 12. Long ago, a man, and yet more than a man, travelled to this lonely place and created this sanctuary, a haven for all those seeking escape from the the terrible EA, and the foul maelstrom of 4chan. This man is known only as the Toady One. At first, he was alone, save from his brother, called Threetoe. Singlehandedly, he carved the barren rock of the isle into a magnificent city, called the 'Forums'. Here, he set himself up a palace, Dwarf Fortress, and slowly the migrants arrived. Desolate, fleeing in terror from EA, they clung to the hope of freedom Toady offered. Seeing all the things he had done, they bowed to him, worshipped him, and magnified him to deity hood. His emerald robes, adorned with his amphibious namesake, became a symbol of peace and freedom. And still his palace grew ever larger, ever greater, ever more magnificent, a shining beacon to the lands beyond. But religion is a fickle thing, and lately Toady has been locked away in his palace, designing architectural marvels and weapons of war to stave off pirates and invaders. His followers grow restless without his presence, demanding that Toady reveal his new palace now. As their impatience builds, the presence of the enemy grows stronger. The pristine city stands near-empty, the ramshackle slums of 'Finally' grow ever larger. People still speak in hushed whispers of the rebellion of VN, a district of Finally that grew too large, too unruly. It adopted the holy green of Toady as their own symbol of freedom, and prepared to wage war, even giving city secrets to 4chan, allowing them to breach Toady's defences. In his pious wrath, Toady smote VN from existence, the leaders of the resistance only barely escaping his ire.

Among the slums of Finally the hapless peasants have turned to new men, new Gods.
Look, here you can see them now. Head and shoulders above the rest stands the Baron, Aqizzar. Known for his involvement in the resistance, he still openly supports Toady, and acts as a policemen amongst us Forumites if need be. His manliness and authority calm most quarrels, and it's rumoured that if that doesn't work, he'll beat you senseless with his chin.
His right hand 'man' stands nearby, towering over the puny humans - his name is Cthulhu, and he has come from lands even 4channers rarely tread. His betentacled face and non-Euclidean body strike madness into his foes, although he is more often found speaking wisdom into arguments amongst the taverns of General Discussion.
Though believers say Cthulhu is an Elder God, a being of chaos, the true God of Chaos here is ToonyMan, a refugee from VN. Where he goes, argument and senseless fighting soon follow - the Eye of Toady One watches him closely. His very presence distorts and bends the rules of Grammar, causes followers to spin maddeningly and spontaneously combust. His latest antics have been the creation of doppelgangers - this attracted the ire of Toady, and now he hides in fear of His holy wrath.
See the crowd parting? They make way for Sofia, Goddess of Terror. Another leader of the VN rebellion, her sexual deviance and horrifying brutality soon earned her the fear of the other Forumites. Despite this, she is accepted amongst the Gods, and has, thankfully, toned down her actions since the destruction of VN.
Although you will not see him here, a few of his flightless followers remain - the God of Death, Inaluct. At one time, he was the mightiest Forumite, some say second only to the Toady One himself. Unfortunately, he was swept up in the rebellion. Armies of his followers, bearing his symbol of the flightless bird, marched upon the slums of Finally and even on the main city of the Forums. Although he survived the resulting purge, he was greatly weakened by the loss of so many of his followers, and shortly thereafter left without a trace. Some of the more pious say that he is simply going to amass an army, that he will return one day with a glorious legion, reviving VN and bringing it to victory.
Look! The New Goddess Vester! A recent migrant, Vester soon arose to fame, hailed as the Goddess of Creativity. Many Forumites proudly bear her artwork, based on, and magnifying, the glory of Dwarf Fortress. As of yet, her true intentions seem unclear, but she speaks only of peace and creativity. Some say she came to fill the void left by Inaluct, who was also once hailed as a master of the arts.
Oh no - see that black shadow? Armok comes. He is the False God, the Trickster God. He changes from day to day. Some say he is a living Avatar of VN - that in its destruction, the district attained sentience and became Armok. Others remember that Armok has been around since long before that - perhaps VN was the Avatar of Armok. Either way, it is best to stay away. With him lies madness - he already challenged Vester to an artwork normal man could not complete. However, she foiled him by succeeding, creating it through the hands of her believer Fault, truly establishing herself as Goddess of Creativity.

Those are the Gods of Finally - men and women raised to deity hood by their actions and revered almost as highly as the great Toady One - but there are others. Greater than us lesser Forumites, lesser than the Gods. They wander all over Bay 12, heroes and adventurers, but not Gods.
Known well by many are the brothers - Captain and Mike Mayday. They are intimately involved with the defence of Dwarf Fortress, and of the Forums. Both have had a hand in the creation of the palace - Mike painted it, and the Captain engraved it with tales of mighty heroics. In addition, they have a strong presence amongst new Forumites, helping them settle in. They are truly great men.
Wandering idly all over Bay 12, and also over lands beyond, is our resident footpad, Kagus. Known as the travelling prophet, he is forever on the move, stopping only to speak wisdom into the hearts and lives of men. He speaks of himself modestly, as nothing more than another Forumite, but we know him to be far more than that.
Furthering Kagus' cause of enlightenment is the one known as Duke 2.0 - no one knows what happened to the original Duke. He appears to have no emotions - only rational thought. His presence spreads far and wide over Bay 12 - particularly with his latest assimilation of many of the Forumites, 'enhancing' them with mechanical implants. Some say he is close to achieving Godhood.
Finally, the Prophets of Battle and RP. This religious group has members throughout the Forums - I myself am an acolyte. For this reason, I shall list only the Heads of the Order - WorkerDrone, Strife26, Luke Prowler, Org, The Newer Martian Emperor (called by some The NME, or enemy) and Jackrabbit. Their antics are known far and wide - they adhere to a religion of both comedy and violence - and their followers are many.

I hope you found my text useful, Forumite. Its purpose was to aid you in better understanding the politics of the Gods of this isle, as I fear VN is resurfacing, more twisted than before. Pray to Toady that Dwarf Fortress is updated soon...

Criticism appreciated - that was far too much effort for 1300 words. Oh, and NEVER write in Notepad. Damn double lines...

EDIT1: Damnit. Is that better? Betcha there's more to come, too.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 10, 2009, 07:10:22 pm

:(

I haven't completed Armok's bizarre request yet. Fault has, though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 10, 2009, 07:13:40 pm

Quote from: Vester on September 10, 2009, 07:10:22 pm

:(

I haven't completed Armok's bizarre request yet. Fault has, though.

Once (if) you do post it here. (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=41200.msg752040#msg752040)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 10, 2009, 11:28:42 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 10, 2009, 01:36:34 pm

Quote from: Barbarossa the Seal God on September 09, 2009, 11:17:15 pm

Oh yeah.

Anyways, another Poem.

Trends of the Bay
There once was a forum named Bay Twelve.
In it, there were many who liked to delve.
In this place, a number of people dwelt.
They ALL loved to smelt.
They posted topics about dwarves,
And how they would like to have wharves.
Many wished for the addition of the wheel.
Some people get mad, but it's no big deal.
Flightless birds became a fad,
But honestly, are fads all that bad?
Soon after, there were many trends.
Most, however, had rather disappointing ends.
The green bands faded,
leaving the holdouts jaded.
The penguins became otherwise.
Some turned to mechanical lies.
But soon, these too would get bored.
And all of a sudden, everyone was floored.
All over the place were doppelgangers!
Fairly soon, everyone had gone bananers.

I keep getting tripped up on this. I'm not sure what the rhythm is supposed to be, so I keep trying to read it like a limerick and I stumble on every 5th line.

The point is that it all makes sense (it appears as a limerick, and it RHYMES.), but it never actually does.

Clever, eh?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 10, 2009, 11:32:25 pm

I don't mean to be rude, but rhyming unfortunately does not equal cleverness. It's very awkwardly paced and, while I'm not an aficionado in this subject, very difficult to follow.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 10, 2009, 11:41:21 pm

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 10, 2009, 11:32:25 pm

I don't mean to be rude, but rhyming unfortunately does not equal cleverness. It's very awkwardly paced and, while I'm not an aficionado in this subject, very difficult to follow.

You misunderstand, good sir.

The point of the "Clever" Was how I made my poem describe Bay12 in the metaphorical as WELL as physical sense.

The lack of rhythm is intended. You THINK you understand, (limerick, rhymes, etc) but the poem (Bay12) always throws you off.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 02:23:21 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 10, 2009, 09:56:10 am

What the heck's with the haunter anyhow? Should I try to capture it?

You'll never catch haunter, he can walk float through walls!

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 10, 2009, 03:23:20 pm

Page 20 spillover has been edited to include TNME's second piece, and I have also edited in Vester's second part to her first submission.

If we run out of room, I might have to move some posts from the second spillover to the third, so Vester can complete her short story. I hope it won't be more than 40'000 words.

Really awesome stuff guys.

Vester is of the female persuasion?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 11, 2009, 02:27:10 am

....

You thought I was a guy?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 02:31:29 am

I assume everyone on the intertubes is male unless given reason to suspect otherwise. This is the first time i've seen anyone use a gender-specific pronoun in relation to you.

Also, there's no such thing as girls on the internets! [/Silly]

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Luke_Prowler on September 11, 2009, 02:34:44 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 02:23:21 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 10, 2009, 09:56:10 am

What the heck's with the haunter anyhow? Should I try to capture it?

You'll never catch haunter, he can walk float through walls!

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 10, 2009, 03:23:20 pm

Page 20 spillover has been edited to include TNME's second piece, and I have also edited in Vester's second part to her first submission.

If we run out of room, I might have to move some posts from the second spillover to the third, so Vester can complete her short story. I hope it won't be more than 40'000 words.

Really awesome stuff guys.

Vester is of the female persuasion?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/picard-facepalm.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 02:35:52 am

I don't look at profiles, so shoot me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Aqizzar on September 11, 2009, 03:32:54 am

Her avatar has breasts.  This has been pointed out several times, including by her.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 11, 2009, 03:37:19 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 11, 2009, 03:32:54 am

Her avatar has breasts.  This has been pointed out several times, including by her.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

“Gentlemen,” Duke said, “and Vester, who we sometimes mistake for a gentleman due to the size of her-“
   “BOOBS” shouted one of them, immediately bursting into flame.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 11, 2009, 06:42:35 am

Quote from: deadlycairn on September 10, 2009, 06:54:23 pm

Oh no - see that black shadow? Armok comes. He is the False God, the Trickster God. He changes from day to day. Some say he is a living Avatar of VN - that in its destruction, the district attained sentience and became Armok. Others remember that Armok has been around since long before that - perhaps VN was the Avatar of Armok. Either way, it is best to stay away. With him lies madness - he already challenged Vester to an artwork normal man could not complete. However, she foiled him by succeeding, creating it through the hands of her believer Fault, truly establishing herself as Goddess of Creativity.

Huh?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 11, 2009, 06:45:41 am

Quote from: Aqizzar on September 11, 2009, 03:32:54 am

Her avatar has breasts.  This has been pointed out several times, including by her.

First one to do it was, I think, blah. In such a classy way too.

(He cropped 'em out of my avatar, enlarged the picture, then posted it.)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 10:35:41 am

Oh so that's what that line was supposed to be, i thought it was a crease or something.

Actually i didn't pay any attention to it whatsoever, but had i noticed it i would have thought it was a crease.


Although, even after it's pointed out to me, that avatar still doesn't look like a girl.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Hawkfrost on September 11, 2009, 11:45:52 am

Quote from: Neruz on September 11, 2009, 10:35:41 am

Oh so that's what that line was supposed to be, i thought it was a crease or something.

Actually i didn't pay any attention to it whatsoever, but had i noticed it i would have thought it was a crease.


Although, even after it's pointed out to me, that avatar still doesn't look like a girl.

You walk a dangerous line my friend.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 11, 2009, 11:47:59 am

It's probably just because of the chin.
^{And it looks exactly like female Brock.}

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 11, 2009, 12:00:37 pm

 I've had enough experience (http://www.emanueleferonato.com/2007/09/05/the-best-flash-game-creation-tutorial-sites/) with portraits of that style to know genders obscured by exaggerated features.

 I'm thinking of a story to start, but it depends on how much time next week has. what with my first rounds of tests and all.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Leafsnail on September 11, 2009, 12:46:55 pm

Actually, I thought the face looked quite female, although I suppose you could just about see it as a feminine man.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Enzo on September 11, 2009, 12:53:56 pm

Vesters avatar was originally a badass axe, wasn't it? It was pretty manly, I thought she was a dude for a good while after she changed avatars, until people starting mentioning the boobs.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 11, 2009, 12:58:40 pm

In fact, she probably has the second biggest chin here.
^{And she looks exactly like female Brock.}

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 11, 2009, 02:19:47 pm

Jeez, I'm gone for two days and look at all this stuff that happens.

Also, Armok, no one commented on your chinsword because it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 11, 2009, 02:25:43 pm

In neruz's defence, I went unawares for a couple of weeks, then I was like, hey.... :-[

sorry Vester.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 11, 2009, 05:34:25 pm

ToonyMan has returned from a fell mood!

Infront of Enemy Lime: Part 9

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ToonyMan woke up in a daze,

"Where am I again?"  said Toony to himself.  He look around.

He was on a bed roll next to a fire, tin cans were cooking over them, probably with soup inside them.  There was a second bed roll nearby, neatly tucked in like someone would never do.  It was in the middle of the afternoon Toony judged, he got up from his mattress and went over to the fire.  The tin cans weren't done, but sure looked good, the soup part, atleast.

"What did trees ever do to you?"  A voice came from behind.  ToonyMan turn quickly to see Sonihero standing before him, smiling a smurky smurk of smurk.

"AHHHHHHHH."  ToonyMan yells again at person.  "I DON'T TRUST NOBOY."  Toony grabs a nearby stick on the ground.  "BACK OFF."

"Why are you so paranoid?!"  Sonihero raises his arms.

"OK, ever person I have run into so far was a robot in someway or anyother.  I have had robots rescue me, robots take me hostage, robots save me, robots trying to kill me.  NO MOAR ROTORS."  Toon starts swinging the large branch back and forth.

"I am not Duke, OK?"  Sonihero says?

"..."  ToonyMan pauses for a minute.

"YOU.....WHAT."  Toony trys to word what he has to say in his head.

"AH SCREW IT."  Toon swings the branch as hard as he can at TOO-STOOPID-TO-REMEMBER-HE-SHOULDN'T-KNOW-ABOUT-DUKE-BEING-ONE-OF-THE-ROBOTS.

Sonihero isn't fast enough to reply, his head is cut clean off by the blunt branch.  Wires fly out everywhere.

"These assassians are becoming stupider and stupider."  Toony dropped the branch and tired to think of what to do.

"The soup is probably poisoned or something."  He scratched his charred hair.

"Maybe I should just check out the robot or something."  ToonyMan reached over to the robot Sonihero, he should be grounded now.  HUR HUR HUR.  Toony reached into his pockets and to if anything was---

"WOAH, LOOK AT THIS."  I wasn't finis---

"IT'S A ELECTROINC MAPS."  YES TOONY, LET M---

"Maybe I CAN FIND OUT WHERE TO GO FROM THSI."  Whatever.

"Seeing that my narator doesn't feel like talking I'll have to figure it out myself."

"It's awfully quiet......aw well."

"The map seems to to show the immediate area includin---"

"mmmrrrrrrrrrr"

"What was that?"

"MRRRRRRRR"

"It's getting louder......"

"MMMMRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

"AHH, IT'S THE NARATOR!!  HE'S GOT A BASEBALL CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*thawk thawk thawk thawk*

".........aaggg........."

"DON'T YOU EVER INTERUPT ME EVAR."

".............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKK..............."

"I'll take that as a yes, don't let me catch you doing that again."

".......yyyeeess..........."

".....he'ssss.......goooooon.............."

Toony layed on the ground, an acorn from the tree above fell and hit him on the head, knocking him over in shock.  The fall caused bruises and welts all over his body.  He pondered on what this meant.

"NEVER AGAIN."  He screemed into the air.

"NEBER.  NEBER NEBER NEBER."  Toon started to slir his words.  ToonyMan looked at his electronic map, it was broken from the fall.

"NOOOOOO.  I LOATHE YOU [censored] YOU [censored] [censored]."  Toony swore into the sky, for no reason like always.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO NOW [censored]?!?!?"  Toony blurted.

Suddenly, another moan was heard.  Toony looked around, bugged eyed like an insane lunatic with a baseball bat would come out at anytime.

"WHO'S THERE?  IS IT [censored]??!"  Toony has a dirty mouth.

The sound was coming from inside one of the trees, Toon walked towards one....or should I say staggered.  HE circled the tree, nothing he saw caught his eye, another moan came forth.  ToonyMan was confused.

"Hello?  Are you inside the trees?"

"MMMMMMMM."

Toony noticed a handle concealed attached to the tree, he pulled it cliche-y.  It revealed a downstair case, or a '>' for you DF folks.  ToonMan begun to walk down the '>', into the darkness below....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Toon seeps back into a fell mood.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Archangel on September 11, 2009, 06:02:46 pm

To me, her avatar looks like a tomboy, so I don't find this conversation particularly surprising.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: deadlycairn on September 11, 2009, 06:30:19 pm

Quote from: Armok on September 11, 2009, 06:42:35 am

Quote from: deadlycairn on September 10, 2009, 06:54:23 pm

Oh no - see that black shadow? Armok comes. He is the False God, the Trickster God. He changes from day to day. Some say he is a living Avatar of VN - that in its destruction, the district attained sentience and became Armok. Others remember that Armok has been around since long before that - perhaps VN was the Avatar of Armok. Either way, it is best to stay away. With him lies madness - he already challenged Vester to an artwork normal man could not complete. However, she foiled him by succeeding, creating it through the hands of her believer Fault, truly establishing herself as Goddess of Creativity.

Huh?

Sorry Armok. I didn't really know what to put for you - although you're the only one with a proper God name. So I took what I knew - you have the name of a DF God of Blood, even though you hug people and make nice threads (the trickster/False God part), you had a very large presence in the old (and new) VN and you posted that insane image request to Vester. I just embellished those a little to make it interesting  ;D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 11, 2009, 07:49:44 pm

 Some say if you speak his true name under the full moon while playing the national anthem of the forums on a flute made of tower cap wood, you can have Armok appear and reveal the wisdom of the old days.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on September 11, 2009, 07:57:46 pm

But you have to draw something stupid for him, first.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: deadlycairn on September 11, 2009, 08:19:39 pm

My point exactly  ;D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 11, 2009, 11:43:17 pm

Hey Org, I'm writing your story up right now, I'm just trying to not make it so it sounds really mean. I hope you can take a little satire.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 01:38:20 am

Quote from: Duke 2.0 on September 11, 2009, 12:00:37 pm

I've had enough experience (http://www.emanueleferonato.com/2007/09/05/the-best-flash-game-creation-tutorial-sites/) with portraits of that style to know genders obscured by exaggerated features.

Yar, when you're doing cartoons you really need to exxagurate gender or you just end up with something that looks either androgynous, or male.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 04:04:00 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 11, 2009, 11:43:17 pm

Hey Org, I'm writing your story up right now, I'm just trying to not make it so it sounds really mean. I hope you can take a little satire.

Dear oh dear, I predict pain!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 12, 2009, 05:55:24 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 04:04:00 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 11, 2009, 11:43:17 pm

Hey Org, I'm writing your story up right now, I'm just trying to not make it so it sounds really mean. I hope you can take a little satire.

Dear oh dear, I predict pain!

Horrible pain.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 05:56:36 am

Quote from: WorkerDrone on September 12, 2009, 05:55:24 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 04:04:00 am

Quote from: chaoticjosh on September 11, 2009, 11:43:17 pm

Hey Org, I'm writing your story up right now, I'm just trying to not make it so it sounds really mean. I hope you can take a little satire.

Dear oh dear, I predict pain!

Horrible Wonderful! pain.

Fixed that for you.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 12, 2009, 05:58:12 am

Uh. No.

Just regular horrible pain.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 06:10:53 am

Pfft, how boring.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 06:17:16 am

How can pan be wonderful?

MASOCHIST.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 07:01:17 am

The pain of others.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 07:01:49 am

Wait, no, pans are wonderful.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 12, 2009, 07:07:43 am

what abaut pens?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 07:08:40 am

Eh, not nearly as misspelled.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 08:54:11 am

Oh hey, i didn't even notice that.

Excellent question oh Rabbity friend of mine. How can pans be wonderful?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 12, 2009, 08:55:24 am

Pans are wonderful because they contain delicious food.


Pain is better though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 08:55:54 am

I was thinking more about hitting people.

But I hope the entire thread digresses.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 08:58:45 am

The thread is about Bay Twelvery, it would technically be impossible for it to digress.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 12, 2009, 09:01:58 am

Yup, nothing to see here folks. Move along...

...



I SAID MOVE ALONG YOU FUCKERS!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 12, 2009, 09:02:52 am

I can't, somone glued me to this chair.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 12, 2009, 09:04:10 am

Is anyone out there actually working on a story at this point?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on September 12, 2009, 09:04:32 am

Probably, Josh at least.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 09:06:51 am

I started, but then I worked on the one that people actually expect my to update and updated that instead.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 12, 2009, 09:24:02 am

Now for more of my story, which I have not finally gotten myself to finish.

Spoiler: Fighting, fighting, everywhere part 3 (click to show/hide)

A short while later, the NME had reached the upper floors of the building, all windswept corridors and rooms devoted to strange, massive devices. He would have loved to investigate them further, but he needed to move fast if he was going to get out of here before it all went to hell in a hand basket; a process that neared completion, if the omnipresent sounds of violence filtering in from outside were any judge.

At last, the NME had reached the roof. It was then that he placed his palm over his face and groaned: He had screwed up royally by climbing the wrong building. At least there was a good view from up here. He could see the gigantic battle that consumed the entirety of the compound.

From here he could see that the battle had definitely grown in scale since he last saw it, with the dreaded Sinistar hovering overhead, unleashing great swarms of automated death onto the field below, and Great Cthulhu himself, his inconceivable form made all the more terrible for it's cold, robotic fixtures dwarfing a great number of the buildings on the side of the cyborgs.

The other side was somewhat less visible in form, but no less effective. Luckily, his cybernetic eye was feeling amiable at the moment, and after a short period of searching he was able to spot workerdrone massacring everything he could see, a prospect that would be more impressive were it not for the fact that he was engaging Cthulhu in close combat with his chainsword. Not that that stopped him from annihilating anything that tried to move in hearing range, but it did cut down on the intimidation factor somewhat.

Then, he saw a few of the others, startling him and almost making him fall off the side of the skyscraper. He had just seen the chin himself, with the baron behind, riding his motorcycle around the place and making anything unlucky enough to be in his way go flying. This was impressive by itself, but not that shocking. No, that honor belonged to his rider, Sofia, who was currently wielding a weapon officially designated the "17X-Mass Disruptor and wide-beam scourer", informally known as the "apocalypse". It was a weapon designed for transgenic designer soldiers five times her stature, with three back-up spines. She was using it as an ordinary soldier would use a common rifle. Considering this, it was an impressive feat that NME didn't faint.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on September 12, 2009, 09:53:46 am

I'll write something when I think of something.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 12, 2009, 12:03:22 pm

I have a whole outline for my book now.

It's titled, "The 'lolwut' War."

It's going to be 10 chapters, I'm still on the first one so far.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 12, 2009, 11:07:14 pm

I'm bored so I'm going to try an experiment, I'm going to keep typing until I find a theme to it, fun no?  OK, let's start right about......NOW.  I've been watching Team Fortress 2 videos all day along today, suppose to write essays to my 1800's Brooklyn cousin, but I'm too busy for that.  Saw some really funny videos.  Lots of spy videos, that's for sure.  They're EVERYWHERE.  Lots and lots and lots.  I guess you need awesome skill to be spy.  I saw this one guy, Wingspett or something and he had some good videos, espeically with how funny what he said was, heh.  I side-tracked a bit and saw a The Office bloopers video which was quite hilarious, HELLO EVERYBODY.  HUR HUR HUR.  Then you have to abort the mission if you run into bear urine or something.  Mountain dew mountain dew.  I had alot of that, my cat pooped next to me and stuff and it stunk.  I was like, "Yo dawg, why you be pooping next to me?"  and he be like, "I can't talk, remember?" and I'll be, "Oh yeah."  The real thing gets complicated real quick.  AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  You have that kid that's always next to you swearing like a kid!  F F F F F F S S S S F F FF S S S S S   FS F SF   AA F S FS FSF FS FS .  Yep.  Stores in Disgaea are expensive, I wonder why.  Ha ha.  I want to punch that kids face in now or somesuch right about NOW.  SHUT UP STOP{ SWEARING YOU ELMENTARY.  EVerything I say is true, true.  This laptop is crummy, but a nice gift yep.  YEAH, my mounrain dew was stolen half way.  I bought it with my own money money and half is empty when I first touch it.  AND THE HINGE ON THE LAPTOP IS LOOSE.  It keeps swinging back and forth, ok now now.  Let me tell you a story if I can rememeber.  We be in shop when it's early and when it be talking when SHOOP a bird flews in, everybody is like AHHHHHH, but not me.  My first thought is to open a nearby door and let it fly out.  Everybody elses first thought is to see if they can hit it out of the air, needless to say, someone didn'tget hurt.  I HATE THAT.  The stupidess people live the st HEY stupiest JUNK.  "OH LOOK AT ME I'M DRUNK AND DRIVIN REAL FAST INTO COLLGGE HIGH STANDARDS ME.  I WIL LIVE WITHOUT HURT AND OTHER GOOD SINLESS KID WILL DIE IN WORST WAY POSSIBLE."  I hate all this 9/11 junk, AHH LOOK AT ME I AM OFFENED BY SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T AFFECT ME AT ALL."  The media and president didn't help, here's Bush, "WE MUST DESTROY THUS SCUM, WE WILL FIGHT FORHONOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  hahahahah,  *makes me want to take out gun*.  Yes.  I've been having a real mic problem with my comps.  They be all like, "WE BUST YOU UP."  Yep.  I asked for spare change, but nah ah.  I need to narrow my mind a bit now.  You now about the yeah yeah yeahhhhh.  This isn't very funny.  Maybe I need more than one person.
Hello.
Why hello other person who will talk to I.
DO you have a drug problem?
No officer, what do ya mean?"
You have been awfully slirry with your words.
That'swhat YOU thnk.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to make you do a breath-o-lazer test.
I have a question officer.
Yes?
If I was a spy, would I really be on your side?
I'm afraid I don't understand.
Look at it this way, if I was a spy, would I be on YOUR side or the OTHER side?
What is this?  Are you be trippen?
YES YOU BE TRIPPEN.
Take the breath-o-lzaer.
OK.
Ok now, well, let's see here, nope, nope, yep, ok, you're not drunk.
I knew that.
I didn't.
WHy not?
BECAUS I'M SPY.  *stab*
*zap*
NO, YOU HAVE RAZOR BACK.
Good bye to your head, wanker!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
*gurgle*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 12, 2009, 11:27:04 pm

That was one of the most deepest things I have ever read.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 13, 2009, 12:58:34 am

It was beautiful.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on September 13, 2009, 02:45:31 am

I'm sorry if this is so bad it's terrible, because I was aiming for so bad it's good.

Org's Day

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The sun rises in solemn reverence, and deep in the heartland of America, an alarm clock goes off playing an unusual altered version of America, Fuck Yeah!
"OOOOOORRRG Fuck Yeah!"
Org, awake within an instant, pushes aside the super models that act as his blankets and pillows, and goes from laying to flying towards the clock just as it reaches "Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day ya!" and he slaps it off. With one mighty backflip, Org exits his room, goes down the hall, into his bathroom, and then bathtub. The morning shower is predictably quick, as not a single drop of water dare miss under Org's watchful eye. The shave of whatever hair dare entreat onto his face is fixed with a quick "BOO!" and the hair retreats back into his face. Another mighty backflip, and he's in the kitchen, only to see that his breakfast has made itself for fear of incurring his ire. Rather than waste time eating however, he casts a quick glare and the meal hands over all the nutrients.
Another backflip, and is fully dressed somehow. A tug at the hand of his Musashi Miyamoto cardboard cutout, and the floors opens and he falls into his totally awesome transportation tube. He hurtles down, deep into the Earth, then uses the gravitational pull of the Earth to somehow hurtle himself back up a totally different tube, and bam, he's at school. He then proceeds to ace each class in the span of around 20 minutes, which is easy when you use a pen full of magma. After getting full honors, he backflips through the roof, and into his Ferrari. He revves the patented explosion engine he invented himself. Unlike the combustion engine which runs on gasoline, the explosion engine runs on TNT. Exploding to his next destination, Org spots a burning house, then blows it out. Org spots a cavernous crack in the road, and fixes it with his smile. Org spots a disaster and then arbitrarily fixes it.
He flies out of his car, through the skies and clouds, torments a plane dressed as a gremlin, and then goes to pursue his secret life as the president of Uruguay, even though Uruguay is a republic.
He fixes the rampant social and economical problems that probably exist, but didn't do the research to find out if they actually exist. If they did, they don't exist now, if they didn't, then they don't exist even more! Any problems he might have accidentally caused from drastically altering policies or laws are explained to the populace entirely in body language, to which they understand completely and forgive him.
Catapulting himself across the border, Org returns home, goes onto his favorite forum, Bay12 Games Forum, and then types some one sentence replies to his favorite threads, being absolutely sure to be as vague and nondescript as possible. Then, after such a tiresome day, he finishes by retiring to his his luxurious luxurious bed with his many super model girlfriends.
This is a bad satire.

From concept to finish, I'm very disappointed in myself, and I'm very sorry. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings Org, because I hurt mine.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 13, 2009, 02:51:44 am

I think my eyes just imploded.... I'm not quite sure why.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 13, 2009, 04:12:34 am

Reading that has caused a remarkable piercing pain in my lower intestines.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Luke_Prowler on September 13, 2009, 08:48:02 am

I think my brain is shutting down. Blubasaasjdfnafl;a

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 13, 2009, 08:49:48 am

I have always imagined Org this way.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 13, 2009, 09:05:05 am

At least he wasn't a penguin in this one. :D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 13, 2009, 09:10:50 am

Really? I pictured him as an axepenglin the entire time.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 13, 2009, 10:34:17 am

As did I.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Leafsnail on September 13, 2009, 11:20:04 am

Yup, so did I.

A mafia axe penguin, due to Vote Mafia.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 13, 2009, 11:21:21 am

You shouldn't have made him sleep.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on September 14, 2009, 02:08:34 pm

Quote from: ToonyMan on September 13, 2009, 11:21:21 am

You shouldn't have made him sleep.

What's this? a sane post by toonyman? Alas, but to save the world I must....

 WITH THE SKY POWER OF BALROGG, I AM

SHE-MAN! *bwowbwowbwoowo*

GRAHHHHHHHH!

Ahhh, the balance of the world has been restored.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 14, 2009, 02:13:40 pm

Ah whoops!

*Pulls out shaver*

Let me fix that!

*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  The elephant wants my biscuit!  THE ELEPHANT WANTS MY BISCUIT.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 14, 2009, 02:17:57 pm

I'm trying so hard not to laugh, I just got swine flu.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 14, 2009, 02:24:20 pm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i25.tinypic.com/3464w8i.gif)

OM NOM NOM NOM

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 14, 2009, 02:26:34 pm

Wait what.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 14, 2009, 07:34:15 pm

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://coachrouse.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/swine-flu-gets-viral.jpg)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 14, 2009, 11:55:17 pm

I'm doing this to avert a YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH spiral.

Spoiler: The Battle for Texas Part 3: Roar! Great Battle of Super Fighting! Duke versus Pointzilla! For Great Justice! (click to show/hide)

   The Baron Aqizzar rode South, the sun climbing steadily from his left, the wind blowing through his hair and the dust billowing in his face. He didn’t mind. His stubble was far grittier than anything natural, and he had in fact once used it to sand a surfboard. Unfortunately the board had not survived the experience, exploding into pieces upon contact.
   He in fact had no interest in surfing, but it seemed like something to do with his time. It was necessary, after all, for him to keep distracted these days. Sometimes the lines began to blur, and the distinction between Chin and Aqizzar disappeared. Sometimes it was attached to his face, and sometimes he was attached to it.
   A casual observer would notice nothing unusual about him, save for the fact that he radiated an aura of supreme manliness that, at a glance, would knock the weak-willed unconscious. If said observer were tough enough to withstand the initial shock, he would begin to notice other things – the set of his shoulders, far wider than most normal men, the narrowness of his waistline, the extreme squareness of his jaw, and his eyes, which he never seemed to open.
   There was also the fact that his motorcycle didn’t seem to touch the ground when he rode it, but most of them couldn’t manage to look that close. Soaring over the road, he gunned the engine. It roared, and the speedometer’s needle went as high on the dial as was physically possible.
   Something roared back even louder.
   Aqizzar turned and squinted at the source of the tumult, and found he had to swerve to the left as a blazing ToonyMan, using the flames constantly erupting from his head as some bizarre form of jet propulsion, came rocketing past, carrying Duke. A huge yellow blur followed closely behind, unleashing another deafening roar, and lashing around with what appeared to be its tail.
   The Baron frowned. After a moment’s thought he revved his motorcycle up and raced after them.

---

   “He’s FAST,” said ToonyMan, as he blazed across the expressway with PointZilla the Dragon hot on their heels.
   “We made him that way,” said Duke. He sounded short of breath, which was in itself an indicator of how supremely screwed they were, especially considering that ToonyMan had been carrying him for the past hundred miles. “He was supposed to be a challenge for Aqizzar. There was no way to make something anywhere near as strong, so we made it very, very quick.”
   “Normally I’m not the one to point out things like this,” said ToonyMan, “But you’re INSANE. This thing could destroy the entire state in a day!”
   As if to illustrate his point, PointZilla let out a tremendous roar, accompanied by its spewing a gob of what appeared to be radioactive phlegm. The ball of phlegm rocketed past them, narrowly missing ToonyMan’s head, and impacted a sign by the roadside. It disintegrated in short order.
   “So cool,” said ToonyMan, avoiding the residual slag. “Say, Duke?”
   “What? And try not to get us killed!”
   “This thing has acid loogies.”
   “So?”
   “How’d you manage to keep it caged?”
   Another gob of phlegm spiraled past them, this time spattering against the road and burning a crater in the asphalt.
   “With Science,” said Duke irritably.
   “That doesn’t-“
   “Shush, I’m trying to think of a way out of this.”
   ToonyMan shushed, and focused on flying. His head was similar to a self-contained nuclear reactor that supplied him with nearly unlimited flight time, among other things, but he could already see the city on the horizon. The last time he had used his full combustion, as he was doing now, in an inhabited area, bad things had happened.
   They zoomed along, the Dragon closing steadily, Duke’s legs almost brushing the road. He would have chastised ToonyMan for  cutting it so close, but he was deep in thought.
   He sighed. There are worse ways to die, he told himself, than saving the world from Martians. Even if the way we do it is a bit dodgy.
   “ToonyMan!” he shouted over the raging winds.
   “What?”
   “Drop me!”
   “What!?”
   “You heard me!”
   “I’ve already said this, but you’re INSANE.”
   “It’s right where we want it!” Duke said. “This is the geographic center of Texas. I’ll hold it here until the Baron arrives.”
   ToonyMan snorted. “Hell no! This thing will murder you.”
   “That doesn’t matter,” he said. “Dukedom will persevere, even if Duke 2.0 doesn’t.”
   “Referring to yourself in third person isn’t helpful!”
   “Just drop me, Toony! For humanity!”
   ToonyMan gritted his teeth. “Duke, don’t make me do this!”
    “Screw it,” said Duke, and kicked his way out of ToonyMan’s grip.
   “Duke!” ToonyMan shouted. As the U-man rolled away along the road, ToonyMan swerved to pick him back up, but the Dragon was too fast. It flicked its tail around and struck ToonyMan in the chest, sending him spiraling away, unconscious.
   “Sorry, Toony,” Duke said. He got to his feet. Despite hitting the road at more than ninety miles an hour, he was none the worse for wear. He had a feeling that was about to change, though, as the Dragon wheeled around to face him.
   It bellowed. “GWAR!”
   Acrid fumes rose from its cavernous mouth. The sun glinted off its yellow scales as it shifted its huge splayed feet. Its red eyes blazed, not with hunger, but with a malicious need to kill and destroy all in its path. That was, after all, what it was made for.
   Duke nodded. He stretched out his arm and made a fist. A shimmering, curved shape appeared in it, a bow made out of pure energy. He made as if to nock an arrow to it, and a shaft materialized in his hand as well.
   “Come and get me,” he said.
   With an earthshaking roar, PointZilla did as it was told.

---

   Aqizzar hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road just as one of Duke’s arrows hit the Dragon in the face. The glowing shaft exploded, prompting the huge lizard to roar and spit another gob of phlegm at him, which he dodged easily.
   At first glance it looked nothing like a Dragon. It hardly even looked like a Gila Monster anymore, but that was partly due to it being bright yellow. There was something about the angular set of its head, or the splayed, five-toed feet that, or maybe the lashing tail, but whatever it was, it gave off a fundamental aura of wrongness. It reached out tendrils past three-dimensional space, seeping its way into the fabric of reality. To look at it was to see everything that was wrong with the universe.
   Perhaps even Duke didn’t know the full extent of what he had created.
   Aqizzar didn’t need to know what it was. All he needed to know was that it was there, and that he could kill it. That was, after all, why he was Baron. He ran towards the Dragon and took a swing at it with his crowbar. The blow tagged it in its massive flank and sent it staggering away, bellowing.
   “Not yet!” said Duke, whirling to face The Baron. “If I help you kill it, it doesn’t count!”
   Aqizzar frowned at him. “If you don’t help me kill it, it’ll kill you.”
    Duke stared at him for a second. He let his arms fall to his side. The bow in his hand dematerialized.
   “What are you doing?” said The Baron.
   The Dragon came rushing back at Duke with a roar. Aqizzar could have sworn he saw the ghost of a smile on Duke’s face.
   “Me?” said Duke. “I’m doing what I have to to save the world from Martians.” He faced PointZilla and flipped it the bird. “And you’ll do what you have to do, Baron.”
   Before Aqizzar could do anything, PointZilla’s tail flicked around, striking Duke in the lower body. It exploded in gore and Duke’s upper half was sent flying a fair distance away.

---

   Duke hit the ground, hard, sending a puff of brown dust up into the air. He was dimly aware of a ringing sensation where his ears would have been. He could hardly hear anything over the din, and decided to shut off his auditory input. They wouldn’t be doing much good for him for the next few minutes he had to live.
   There was, unsurprisingly, quite a lot of pain. He assumed that that was what happened when you got cut in half by a giant lizard. Although he shouldn’t have been conscious either, but that was the advantage of having a glowing U for a head.
   He felt a thump beside him, and the temperature began to rise. He turned his head to look. It was ToonyMan. Steam was rising from his eyes and his flaming head.
   “Are you crying?” Duke asked, somewhat amused.
   ToonyMan began to say something, but Duke didn’t hear. He turned audio on.
   “-ing’s for pansies,” ToonyMan said, trying to grin.
   “So is dying,” said Duke, and leaned back. “This is really my fault, you know.”
   “No it’s not,” said ToonyMan.
   “Yes it is,” said Duke. “I should have planned for PointZilla escaping. Should’ve planned for a Martian invasion, a long time ago.”
   “You’re not psychic,” said ToonyMan.
   “I really should be, though,” Duke said sadly. “You know how people are going to remember me?”
   “How?”
   “They’re going to remember me as a failure who couldn’t even make a Dragon right.”
   “Naw,” said ToonyMan, patting him on the shoulder. “At least I won’t.”
   “How will you remember me, Toony?”
   ToonyMan thought for a second.
   “I’ll remember you as an awesome dude.”
   Duke laughed a little. Everything was fading now. He could feel his U-brain shutting down from the blood loss. No use fighting it, anymore.
   “That’s good enough,” he said. “Say hi to Josh and the rest for me.”
   His head stopped glowing.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 15, 2009, 12:06:15 am

...
 Screw it. Time to go Duke 3.0.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 15, 2009, 12:10:32 am

I like it, but why is it Duke dies instead of gets eaten?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 15, 2009, 12:12:49 am

Beneath this U there is more than flesh. Beneath this U there is an idea, Mr. Barbarossa, and ideas are monster-proof.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 15, 2009, 12:13:57 am

Canonically, Duke's lower body did explode in gore.

Did he get eaten? I don't remember.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I remember Toony and Aqizzar did, during the free-for-all between Sofia, PointZilla, Sonerohi, Aqizzar, and Barbarossa's seal minions. And then the thread ended somewhere around there. So this is going somewhere else entirely.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on September 15, 2009, 12:17:15 am

For the short while I participated, Duke was in the interior, attempting to slaughter it from the inside. ([doomcomic]RIP AND TEAR![/doomcomic])

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 15, 2009, 12:18:39 am

I thought that was Aqizzar on the inside, posting from the belly of the beast.

He's the bulge in thatguyyaknow's sig. ;D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 15, 2009, 12:19:03 am

It was awesome. I can't wait to see the rest of it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Rashilul on September 15, 2009, 12:44:54 am

Yet another awesome installment. It would be even better if it was illustrated.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 15, 2009, 07:54:19 am

(http://i30.tinypic.com/suynfc.jpg)

Do you know how good it feels to be able to draw again, with no stupid exams over my shoulder?

IT FEELS DAMN GOOD.

EDIT: It's Duke 2.0, Uman Archer.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on September 15, 2009, 07:55:49 am

Nice to see you're back in action.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 15, 2009, 07:58:04 am

I feel a avatar change coming on for Duke.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 15, 2009, 08:39:16 am

Vester, you are made of awesome! ^_^

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 15, 2009, 02:32:09 pm

DUKE.  GET ON MA BACK NAO.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: zchris13 on September 15, 2009, 03:12:38 pm

Someone needs to set Ed's head on fire.  Wait, I forget.  Which Ed(d)(dy) is your avatar, ToonyMan?

Obviously not Eddy.

So it is Ed? Alright.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 15, 2009, 03:14:06 pm

Yes, setting Ed's head on fire would be grand.  Not now though.  Senitive pads don't do well.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on September 19, 2009, 03:06:12 am

... Does anyone else have writingy things?

(I'm stuck, plotwise...)

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on September 19, 2009, 11:18:42 am

Me too.  I don't know what my protagonist is going to find down underground.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on September 19, 2009, 11:51:44 am

Quote from: Jackrabbit on September 15, 2009, 07:58:04 am

I feel a avatar change coming on for Duke.

How I wish. It is stupidly difficult to crop an animated GIF, even one as simple as blinking.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on September 19, 2009, 01:10:53 pm

Can't you just break it appart, crop each frame separately, and then make a new gif from those?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on September 19, 2009, 03:23:42 pm

I'm finished with mine now.

Spoiler:  Fighting, fighting everywhere conclusion (click to show/hide)

He would have continue watching the battle, if it were not for the momentary distraction of something blocking his vision for a split-second as he followed Sofia on the warpath. Re-adjusting his vision, he zoomed out and saw that it was a massive, thick, cable going from the building he was on to near the top of the monolithic edifice that was supposed to be his target. He realized what he would have to do and sighed; this was going to take a while. With great hesitance he began to go down the stairs behind him and moved through the still eerily empty building to a window two floors down.

From here he was just beneath where the cable came out of the building, and he started to grab a hold of it. It was then that he really began to realize that it would be a miracle if he could pull this off, but it was just about the only way he could think of. With that, he began the tedious, slow climb. Since not everyone wishes to hear about how he ever-so-slowly made his way along the cord, it shall be skipped entirely, as it's far long and about as interesting as watching paint dry.

Now we come to him climbing up the side of the target building. It seems that someone has locked and reinforced every single window up here, so he is now forced to navigate the exterior, it's amazing that he has not already fallen off. He climbs up and up the building, unable to find even a single window that he can enter until he's just a single floor from the top, where he can see that the final floor has a wide window on his side that gives a ledge big enough for him to stand on. As he clambered up he smiled, he was there. It was just too bad that Cthulhu slammed into the building, causing him to lose his footing and fall.

It was not the fall that killed him, it was the kinetic energy of the fall almost liquefying him on impact with the ground, followed by a bomb designed to dispose of his body and equipment in case of something like this. Although he himself was unable to complete the mission, the same outcome was achieved by the building being completely destroyed later in the battle. In any case, when the bomb went off a few lights changed on handful of computers back at the spacecraft he called home, and a timer began to count down on an edifice that bore the generic look of every cryotube, humanoid specimen jar and cloning tank in every science fiction production ever.

The first thought that went through the newly cloned Martian's head was "I'm just going to grow myself a new eye this time."

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on October 05, 2009, 11:28:34 pm

Well, seeing that nobody has any stories to share I guess I'll jump start this thread with one of my school work essays.  I thought it was particularity dwarven so I'm showing it off guy.

Triangle Shirtwaist Factory

   The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory was not the brightest moment in US History.  On March 28, 1911 143 people were killed by horrible and shoddy working conditions.  Blanek and Harris the factory owners should have been charged with SOMETHING, but sadly no.  They were free to go on their ways after murdering 143 people.  Why you might ask?!  Simple, they said the workers has the right to not work there, but they did.  How screwed up is that?!
   First of all, the building wasn't built up to snuff.  It was a 9 story building with crowded passage ways and few exits.  They designed it so they could jam as many bodies as they could in there to kill.  People literally had to climb over each other during a normal day.  No wonder so many people jumped, so there could possibly be saved instead of getting trampled and smoke lunged.
   Second, the damn front door was locked during the fire.  I'm pretty sure THAT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE UNLOCKED.  One of the reasons Blanek and Harris got away with it is that they "didn't know" the front doors were locked.  I bet the back and side doors were too!  Why they locked?  I don't know, but I bet it was planned from the beginning.
   Thirdly, the only reason these two got off the hook is because they're rich, white folk.  They hired one of the best defense attorneys in the world (seriously, how?) and were able to put enough doubt in the juries mind that the two slime balls got a not guilty verdict.  In think this "doubt" is the fact that the survivors of the fire didn't have matching testimonies.  WELL OF COURSE.  Do you believe a sweat shop worker in a smoke filled madhouse will remember anything?!  CRAZY.
  Well, just to say, the two guys eventually had to pay for their murders after 3 YEARS.  You know what the fine was?  $75 per person.  This was back in the 1910's, but I mean COME ON.  These guys make this much money in a week!  The court only did it so the widows would be a little be happier.  AFTER THREE YEARS.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on October 06, 2009, 02:35:28 am

I can't tell if the horrible grammar is on purpose or not, but it probably is.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on October 06, 2009, 05:54:00 am

What horrible grammar?!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on October 06, 2009, 07:48:57 am

Oh god this thread is back.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on October 06, 2009, 03:55:12 pm

Because barbosa dosn't seem to update the collections any more, could someone make a list of all the mayor story posts?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on October 06, 2009, 10:17:44 pm

Quote from: Armok on October 06, 2009, 03:55:12 pm

Because barbosa dosn't seem to update the collections any more

Whatchu talkin' bout?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on October 07, 2009, 07:35:43 am

he's back! At long last, after all those aeons the lord has retuned! :D ;)

Well, the series, evrything posted in the thread is not listed in the first post/the post linked fom there. For example the "Fighting, fighting everywhere" I can't seem to find, and I think there were another multi part story like that.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on October 07, 2009, 07:53:46 am

I'm fairly certain Workerdrone was in charge of his posts.  :o

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on October 07, 2009, 03:19:58 pm

I'll add on to the direct link if I've already run out of room.

But not right now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 27, 2010, 12:38:06 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This story was SHITTY.

And not the good kind of shitty.

Necro'd as requested, good sir!

EDIT: Did Duke 2.0 have that avatar ten minutes ago? I can't have been perusing this thread and come across that picture just as it became his avatar, could I?

Are you just dicking with me using PSYCIC ENERGY Duke? ARE YOU?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Neruz on January 27, 2010, 02:52:26 am

Wat

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 27, 2010, 02:54:36 am

Duke 2.0 is suspected of shenanigans.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on January 27, 2010, 03:12:52 am

Look at that face, jackrabbit. Does that look like the face of a man who would commit "shenannigins"?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 27, 2010, 03:13:35 am

I had no idea this thread existed.
I would post something, but I can't think of anything.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on January 27, 2010, 07:39:37 am

In any case, there must be more of these. I'd write some, but, I don't want to destroy any of the bay12 relic tropes, such as flaming toony, or dUke 1.0

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 27, 2010, 07:41:17 am

Dude, who cares, go go go.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 27, 2010, 11:44:09 am

DO EET!
DO EET NOOWW!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 27, 2010, 03:01:10 pm

If I remember correctly the narrator beat the protagonist with a pipe and fled the scene.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 27, 2010, 04:27:06 pm

Damn, I want to write something for this but I have absolutely no ideas...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 28, 2010, 02:30:48 pm

This is terrible, do not read this...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WorkerDron was in hospitak because hew as the sik ad he cudnt fite. But Jackarbbit was coming to kills him and he wated to figt but he didnt5… suudenlys the powar was the bak and he fohts the jAkrarbit but Jackraabbits was the powrefuls moar./ so WORkerDorn whent to the back time and arksde Toooonymans to give him the powerfuls but toonerman sid “NOES I WIL DYE IF I GI’VES
so then WrokeDrobne soted toonyman in the hed amd wents fraword in times but him went to the frar and he saw hisdelf and was alll lik “OMGS ur me in frutre!111 and was said” and then when bac too the presents and sad “u r the powerfals but not mor!” and he shot the rokkit and blowned up jarkabbits heads and he was happyys.,.
ENDED?

...
...
I told you...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:43:48 pm

Jesus Christ, Workerdrone. I leave for a month or two, and you completely forget old man Splenda. I mean completely. Not a mention of me anywhere. Like I never existed. I thought we were friends. Or perhaps it was enemies? Something like that. How soon the lion forgets the cub. *Sigh*

Nice to see you all though.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 28, 2010, 02:44:49 pm

Hello old man Splenda.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:46:01 pm

That's not gonna be a nickname, clear?

and hi.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on January 28, 2010, 02:49:34 pm

 We remember. Your lack of activity, however, has made it difficult to relate your effects in recent events.

 And we don't speak of those far southern areas anymore.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:52:50 pm

Alas I've been traveling. No computer, no cellular device. No toilet paper. Ah, the wonders I have beheld!

Far... Southern?
I'm afraid I don't take your meaning, Duke.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 28, 2010, 02:56:08 pm

I remember your avatar.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:57:49 pm

Yours has changed.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on January 28, 2010, 03:30:49 pm

Quote from: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:43:48 pm

Jesus Christ, Workerdrone. I leave for a month or two, and you completely forget old man Splenda. I mean completely. Not a mention of me anywhere. Like I never existed. I thought we were friends. Or perhaps it was enemies? Something like that. How soon the lion forgets the cub. *Sigh*

Nice to see you all though.

Dohoho.

Sorry to say but the student has surpassed the master.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on January 28, 2010, 03:40:18 pm

You know I totally forgot about Splendiferous till now.

...

Who is he again?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on January 28, 2010, 03:41:30 pm

Oh just some guy from some place.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on January 28, 2010, 03:43:29 pm

Wait.

Was he the whiny guy in Various nonsense? I remember a whiny monkey.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 28, 2010, 04:26:14 pm

I vaguely remember you but I guess I've moved on.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 04:41:51 pm

He said to the monkey with a gun to his own head.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 28, 2010, 04:44:00 pm

I fail to see an reason for me to be alarmed if your avatar wishes to kill itself. It's an avatar.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 04:46:09 pm

just a joke. Good to speak to you, Jackrabbit. Still feisty, I see.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 28, 2010, 06:17:09 pm

Splendiferous? That's you? You're back!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Vester on January 28, 2010, 06:36:52 pm

Yeah, welcome back!

...

I don't think we've ever interacted.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on January 28, 2010, 06:50:16 pm

Like I said, just some guy from some place.

So hey, might write something new now that I think about it.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: JoshuaFH on January 28, 2010, 08:04:47 pm

Quote from: Splendiferous on January 28, 2010, 02:43:48 pm

Jesus Christ, Workerdrone. I leave for a month or two, and you completely forget old man Splenda. I mean completely. Not a mention of me anywhere. Like I never existed. I thought we were friends. Or perhaps it was enemies? Something like that. How soon the lion forgets the cub. *Sigh*

Nice to see you all though.

Nice to see you again Splendiferous.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Heron TSG on January 28, 2010, 08:28:07 pm

Welcome back!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 29, 2010, 05:03:27 am

Quote from: Taco Dan on January 28, 2010, 02:30:48 pm

This is terrible, do not read this...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WorkerDron was in hospitak because hew as the sik ad he cudnt fite. But Jackarbbit was coming to kills him and he wated to figt but he didnt5… suudenlys the powar was the bak and he fohts the jAkrarbit but Jackraabbits was the powrefuls moar./ so WORkerDorn whent to the back time and arksde Toooonymans to give him the powerfuls but toonerman sid “NOES I WIL DYE IF I GI’VES
so then WrokeDrobne soted toonyman in the hed amd wents fraword in times but him went to the frar and he saw hisdelf and was alll lik “OMGS ur me in frutre!111 and was said” and then when bac too the presents and sad “u r the powerfals but not mor!” and he shot the rokkit and blowned up jarkabbits heads and he was happyys.,.
ENDED?

...
...
I told you...

I'm actually sort of glad nobody read that, it's so horrible.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on January 29, 2010, 05:08:11 am

I read it Taco. It was horrible. But. You've got Talent, Kid. I was confused after the first sentence.
Well, time for my horrible story, too, I guess.

____________________________________________________________
Warning. Will offend Absolutely everyone, either through their mention, or through their lack of mention. It even offends me.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"So, new guy, huh?"
I look down in surprise, my gaze torn from the glistening port with the parks of green grass and yellow sand, with a little kiddy-swing upon which a bespectled female sits while she idly glares at all within a five meter radius. Below me appears to be some sort of three foot tall rabbit, with homocidal teeth and a suprisingly amiable manner. Guiding me to one of the spotless park benches, he encourages me to sit, before continuing."So. Do you have any papers? Oh, wait, I forgot, we don't need them any more. Uh... In that case, Welcome, I guess. You're from the Upper Forums, right?" I nod, ever so slightly bewildered "Well, you'll find us all to be nice folks and all that. Though, Upper Forum people tend to find us a little strange." As his monologue goes on, my gaze wanders, idly flicking past the old man leaning on his crowbar, before settling upon a man with triangular glasses and a 'brosome' aura. Sensing the inevitable pique of my interest, he saunters over. "Hi, new guy. How are you today? I hope you fit in with this forum, We're all quite nice people. By the Way, Have you ever read MSPA? At a shake of my head, his interest seems to drain completely. Giving a small 'huh', he wanders off in search of someone else to chat amiably with."So... Who was that guy?" I ask my bouncy little guide. "Oh, Him? That's Toonyman. Or. What's left of him, I guess. Ever since they took away his caps lock he's been a little... dejected. And now that he's started talking in full sentences, it's almost like I don't know him anymore." I nod, lost in thought, before the rabbit (Who introduced himself as Jackrabbit) continued. "But, he's still the same person, you know? We're all just more... amiable... now. I mean, take Aqizzar over there, for example" My gaze wanders over to the afore mentioned old man, who stands on his bay-front porch and waves his crowbar at a group of rather bewildered younglings. "Get off my grass! I should lock this grass! Somebody lock this grass! Don't you dare derail my path!" As I look back at Jackrabbit, I raise an eyebrow, to be met by his resigned sigh "Well, he's... he used to be a baron, you know? Well, he still is, but, it's a name now, not a title. But, he can still be fun sometimes, I guess"
"What on earth happened to this place?"
"What? Oh, it got Cleaned Up. I mean, This is General Discussion, Tack. We can't go on with the Various Nonsense we used to."
"Various Nonsense? Didn't that used to be a-" In a flash, a black clad figure with a cat-like face jumps out from a until herefore unnoticed nook, scrambling onto the table and shouting "IT'S ALIVE" In my face, before shoving a red-hot link into my hands, and jumping away into a nearby alleyway. Without batting an eyelid, Jackrabbit reaches over the table and pulls the link from my unresisting hands, dropping it and firmly grinding it under his foot, before placing it in a nearby bin. "In any case. The place is still good for... General Discussion, and the like. We just have to be more, Amiable, I guess. I mean we used to be chill before, but, now we have to be responsibly chill, and Most of us take that responsibility seriously, y'know?" As my gaze pans once more across the bay, I ask out of the corner of my mouth to Jackrabbit "So... is anyone still the same as they were before?"
"Well, yeah, sure... There's Duke... Well... sorta. And... Vester. Vester is still the same.
"Exactly the same"
"Well, a little more sensible, I guess"
"..."
"But her drawing's improved! Not that it was, you know, anything but spectacular to start with. But, you know..." I stare, dumbfounded, as he lapses into embarassed silence. While my gaze is on Jackrabbit, another person turns up to the table. This one is a girl, more or less. As she walks, she changes from moe to moe, her bunny ears reforming into cat ears, while different types of fangs wax and wane. Walking up to the table, she gives a lavicious smile to me, before enfulging Jackrabbit in a hug, whereupon he starts having seisures. As I stare, slightly more incredulously, the black-clad figure jumps back out of the alleyway, and seeing a hug, immediately shouts "HUGS" before a look of extreme concentration screws up on his cat-like face. Pulling his arms in, he releases a gigantic pink shockwave of HUGness, which roils its way across the bay, hitting me and enveloping me in a feeling of serenity and slight annoyance. Once again, Jackrabbit starts going into convulsive spasms, as everyone simultaneously stops, and starts looking around for the culprit, who, once again seems to have disappeared into thin air. The lady, ignoring, and seemingly immune to the powerhug, simply turns and walks away. As my gaze and 90% of my attention walk away after her, I mumble to Jackrabbit. "Well... she is nice" A random space marine sitting some five meters away scoffs a rich, baritone laugh. "Forget it, son. She would eat you alive. She used to be a man, did'ya know?" As I turn towards Jackrabbit, I see him hunched up in roils of laughter. As I ask what he's suddenly contracted, he turns his face up to me. "Sniper Janet? Nice? Haha. She used to... She'd... We would all..." His face suddenly turns grave, and he props his head upon the table. "Geez, but do I miss the old days."
"Can't you bring the old days back?"
"No. We... It's a long story."
Looking around, I prop my arm on the table and give a sigh, before replying. "Well, looks like I've got a long time. Why not just come out with it?"
"No. Any story longer than three minutes is bound to be derailed, and therefore, is a threat to the security of our bay"
I stop, stunned, before continuing. "Wait. So, you're saying that because you have guessed to the conclusion that this conversation is going to have to topic changed, you feel that it's better to never begin it?
"Indeed" Standing, he goes to move away, before turning back to me.
"Welcome to General Discussion"

Well... Let me know if I've trodden on any toes. I'll be sure to help pay for the medical bill.



V: Technically, Akroma is in before you, Jackrabbit.
    Did everyone get that it was Akroma?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 29, 2010, 06:04:13 am

I don't miss the old days.

But apart from that, hah, I like it. Because I rate how you use me in the story before anything else, and therefore, hah.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 29, 2010, 07:10:38 am

I like it, I can understand why I wasn't there, I'm relatively new, and wouldn't have any place talking about the "old days" because I wasn't around then.
I'm also sort of confused, is the cat-like thing supposed to be Armok?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on January 29, 2010, 01:17:34 pm

Why is the space marine random?

I hate that.  I hate random things so hard they die.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 29, 2010, 02:33:07 pm

I DON'T TAlk with cap locks what do you mean?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 29, 2010, 03:55:44 pm

Tack... That was beutiful, I think thats the best deliberate metaforumstory I'ved read yet. Just beutifull... Just. So. True.

You should make a sequel, in which the following is translated into the metaphor: Once I wake check the thread next time, I begin raving about how the old times cant be gone and can indeed be brought back, exactly as the newcomer said, and tries to bring them back. Cue much Fun.
And of cores mostly other stuff, it's your story after all.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Akroma on January 29, 2010, 04:13:08 pm

dear god, topics like that exist in creative projects?

I have yet to come up with a proper fascial expression for this one

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: LegoLord on January 29, 2010, 04:29:44 pm

Splendiferous was gone?  Huh.  I hadn't noticed.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on January 29, 2010, 04:41:13 pm

Quote from: Armok on January 29, 2010, 03:55:44 pm

Tack... That was beutiful, I think thats the best deliberate metaforumstory I'ved read yet. Just beutifull... Just. So. True.

You should make a sequel, in which the following is translated into the metaphor: Once I wake check the thread next time, I begin raving about how the old times cant be gone and can indeed be brought back, exactly as the newcomer said, and tries to bring them back. Cue much Fun.
And of cores mostly other stuff, it's your story after all.

No.  No one wants to read a story about VN.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Akroma on January 29, 2010, 04:49:55 pm

why not ?

the funnest parts of the bible where still cities like babylon, or more fittingfor VN, sodom

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on January 29, 2010, 04:53:10 pm

Alright.  If people want to read stories about VN, they should write them, instead of telling Tack to write them.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 29, 2010, 04:59:23 pm

I would, but I really, really can't write like that.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on January 30, 2010, 02:31:46 am

Well, then, the story won't be made, then, will it.
I'm not going to go singing the praises of VN. That generally pisses off a vast quantity of people.

In fact, I'm amazed Aqizzar hasn't defaceitated me yet.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 31, 2010, 02:34:13 am

Tack, your story was depressing. I wasn't around for VN. Sadness?

Spoiler: Reprogram:Entrance (click to show/hide)

I'm not good with starts. I wasn't really good at anything really, exepting most video games, and those don't count. I mean, I can end. I can end alot of things, things like stories, conversations, lives.
My screen name is Karnewarrior. That's all you'll get out of me. Probably all you'll get out of the others too. Even Jackrabbit lost his humor. That's a screenname too.
Still, I have to start somewhere. I geuss I'll start with the first thing I remember.

Cold grass pressesd against my face, soft birdsong faded into my consciousness, and wind blew hairlike seeds into my face. I lay there for a while, letting the air caress me before rising to face this nightmare. I knew it was a nightmare, because there was no way in hell I just teleported through my computer. I only rose up, actually, because I heard someone cursing just over the ridge, and it sure as hell didn't sound like what I thought it would be.
Maybe I should explain my thoughts. I was sitting at my computer, running both DF and the forums at the same time, when I was here. There was no ominous humming, or creppy flashes, just one second, and the next.
Anyway, I Slowly picked my way over a small ridge, which was obscuring my vision of the cursing woman. As I crested it, I smiled, because I not only recognized her visage, but her accent as she was now speaking in english. Only two people I know would have that accent. My aunt, and one of the more famous forumites. Thank god, I had a probable ally in my escape.
Thank god, Vester was cursing out one gangly teenager, who was also speaking english.
"ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU CAN'T GET ME OUT OF HERE? I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET SOME SNOT-NOSED LITTLE BOY RUIN MY LIFE BECAUSE HE CAN'T FIX WHAT HE'S DONE!"
"Vester, I-"
"IF YOU INTERRUPT ME ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR I'LL TEAR YOUR FU-"
I decided it was time to intervene. I mean, Vester was normally pretty civil on the forums. I knew that wasn't a good gauge of personality, but neither was the situation we were in.
"Vester!" I cried, before she could finish.

That's it. That's all. I'll have more tomorrow, and don't bother pressing any of the others for it. We all had our heads wiped clean. I had it written down. Thank god, I wouldn't be able to get this out there otherwise.
No, thank god? Thank Armok. He's done a hell of alot more.

Damn it, Dad cut me off.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 31, 2010, 11:02:51 am

Hmm... I wonder who the teenager is...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 31, 2010, 01:23:06 pm

Quote from: Taco Dan on January 31, 2010, 11:02:51 am

Hmm... I wonder who the teenager is...

Dunno yet. At first I was thinking Jackrabbit, whom I belive is 15-16, but now I'm not so sure. Suggestions.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on January 31, 2010, 01:25:55 pm

I am gangly.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 31, 2010, 01:31:01 pm

You will definitely be in, it's just wether or not your in now, or hangin' with Aquzzar at the bar. Guess it's your choice, man.

I'm going for novel style too, so don't expect anyone to get out without a few scars. And by anyone, I mean anyone.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 31, 2010, 04:39:54 pm

That story is REALLY promising, I cant wait for the rest...  :D

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Errol on January 31, 2010, 04:55:01 pm

I express uneasiness due to the fact of being just a random forum redshirt.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 31, 2010, 04:57:30 pm

Me and Jackrabbit are the same age.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 31, 2010, 05:32:59 pm

Quote from: ToonyMan on January 31, 2010, 04:57:30 pm

Me and Jackrabbit are the same age.

Well, you're older than me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Lord Dakoth on January 31, 2010, 07:51:13 pm

These stories are all very amusing. I'll take a shot at writing one.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 31, 2010, 07:57:39 pm

Quote from: Karnewarrior on January 31, 2010, 02:34:13 am

Damn it, Dad cut me off.

"No! I must write the stories!" shouted Karnewarrior. His dad said "No, Karnewarrior. You are the stories."
And then Karnewarrior was a fanfiction.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 01, 2010, 12:36:03 am

Quote from: ToonyMan on January 31, 2010, 04:57:30 pm

Me and Jackrabbit are the same age.

Bullpies. Either your dashing evening outfit makes you look older or I'm at least a year or two younger than you.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 02:16:27 am

 You both look older than I did at your age. Don't worry about it.

 Also, in an attempt to make sure the Bay 12 High topic(Which should be been in here anyway) died, I'm going to start a Cannon fanfic to blow that damn topic to the sky. Of course I lack the time or energy to do it now, but perhaps after class tomorrow.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 02:23:54 am

Y'know what Duke, yeah.

If you fucking blow my pants off with your freaking AMAZING thread, I will never touch that thread again.

I dare you. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU MOTHER-U-ER. SAY U AGAIN. SAY IT.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

THERE IS NO 'U'.

Speaking of which, I have a role playing entry longer than AQIZZAR'S BEARD. Don't try me.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Gunner-Chan on February 01, 2010, 02:25:46 am

You're boring duke. All Ill say on the matter.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 01, 2010, 02:31:51 am

Oh snap. The situation indicates that 'it will be on' at some point in the near future.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: TheNewerMartianEmperor on February 01, 2010, 02:32:49 am

I can't bear to watch.... without snacks.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 02:38:37 am

 Your hostility assumes I have an affinity for my own thread. I was actually planning on locking that tonight when nobody was looking. I just don't like all this self-reference, as it reminds me of that place. Both the old locked forum and another place I really didn't like.

 And yeah, I really need to start working on something not involving so much self-reference, and thus actually do some crap instead of wining about people on the sidelines.

 Actually, screw the cannon. I have a better idea.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 02:40:14 am

In the meantime.

Try blowing this outta the water, Dukey.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 "Leave this Chapel Colonel. Now." He responded, with oddly little emotional retort in his voice. The usual pretentious readings were missing, and any sign of remaining ire was oddly beaten out of his voice. The Chaplain continued to mutter an unfinished prayer, his voice masked in near silence. No further attention was drawn to the colonel, on to the statue before him as he was caught in the trance of utterly conflicted thought process.

This was neither a unusual sight for most of the remaining faithful, the doggedly, mad, and even insanely devoted willful. But it was the last thing keeping them from rending every stupid, sodding, utterly misunderstanding Imperial officer, who's cynicism did not allow them to feel what the Astartes feel. To know what the Astartes knew.

The death of a planet was the anguish of the Imperial Officer. The death of a planet was the statistical victory for the Astartes. The death of a family was the anguish to the Imperial guardsmen. The death of a family was the wave to the Emperor, where each Astartes hoped to join them. The death of the Emperor was a complete tragedy to Colonel Dragus Griffin.

The Death of The Emperor was each Black Templar's failure. And no one else but Chaplain Ferras knew this better.

----------------

Black Templars Castellan Andreus Philemon stood silently as the hulking battle barge cruised through the asteroid field. Rocks of immense size, powerful enough to tear the ship in two, passed by the shielded view-ports. He wasn't worried about those. The Fury's crew, experienced soldiers and officers of dozens of campaigns, guided the ship seamlessly through the field, with the gracious aid of it's hallowed Machine Spirit.

The situation was dire indeed, to put it meekly. It was only a year before when he had led his Fighting Company, a full hundred of his brothers, into battle against the enemies of the Imperium on his own terms. Look how the tables had turned. The stable government known as the Imperium of Man has all but collapsed, and the Great Enemy now roamed free across what was once secure Imperial Space, slaughtering and killing all those they find. It made the venerable Castellan sick to his stomach.

But not as sick as when he thought of the Emperor. No words, in any tongue, could ever describe the bile in his stomach that rose whenever he thought of that topic. Like all the surviving Astartes, he blamed himself personally for the Tragedy of Holy Terra. It was his fault, his doing, his...heresy. After all, what was a Space Marine without an Emperor?

But he would not take his life, like so many of his brothers did. No, when he thought of the Emperor's tragic demise, he did not feel the great sorrow and fear some his brothers did. No, his sadness was replaced with a deep, burning desire.

A desire for revenge.

And revenge was exactly their mission. His ragtag force, damaged by an assortment of traitor and Xeno raids, had been drifting aimlessly, gathering the survivors of the Imperium to it, the latest edition being a black Inquisitorial cruiser belonging to an Inquisitor...Karah? Well, whatever his name, his ship contained a full compliment of the dreaded Inquisitorial Stormtroopers, but the real prize had laid with the Astartes on board. A Chaplain, from his own chapter no less! The two had spent two days together, while the Chaplain told him of his adventures. Since then, the Chaplain had spent almost a week in the chapel, and wasn't seeing anyone. Well, he certainly had a good reason to do so. But there was still much to do.

It wasn't long after they found Ferras then they had received an astropathic communication, instructing those "Faithful to Humanity" to gather at the Armageddon system. Chances was, someone was mustering the remaining Imperials to a single location.

Was it a trap? Most likely. In fact, it probably was a trap. But Andreus Philemon was going to go there, anyway. If he was going to die, at least it would be in battle.

"Castellan." Captain Simeon Micah approached him. An Imperial Fist, his golden yellow power armor struck a sharp contrast to the Castellan's black. The second highest ranking Astartes officer present on the ship, he had assumed the position of second-in-command. It just went to show how disorganized everything was at the moment. The ship itself, a Black Templar's battle barge, had lost it's captain during the Tragedy at Terra.

"What news, Simeon?"

"We are approaching the Armageddon System. We're preparing for the Warp transition now."

Warp-based travel had become a lot harder since the Tragedy, the safety and protection provided by the Astronomicon all but lost. However, that did not mean it was totally impossible. By taking a 'dive' into the Warp, the fleet is able to touch only the surface of the dimension, effectively flinging the ship a great distance like a stone from a catapult. While this was much safer then the warp travel of old, it was also much slower. However, the Armageddon system was only a few systems away, so it wouldn't take too long.

Philemon turned his head toward his subordinate. "Summon the Chaplain."

The Captain bowed slightly, before turning on his heel and marching from the bridge, his power armor clanking on the metal grille.

----------------

Cross his mind on topics vast, what was the prayer that exited his mouth? To a dead God? What was a Chaplain with no holy device with which to impart on the willing? And what was the rage that fueled the crusade? The rage. It must be the rage. But why this rage, why when it was known...

Of course. All along, it was them. They started the first corruption. They took their Chapter's father, Rogal Dorn. They took the Emperor, with which each Black Templar held a ten thousand year long crusade for, a never ending wave of battles that killed who took part or made them into champions, worthy of any foe. Live or die, they crusaded. And they had never stopped.

Why did they Crusade? For the Emperor. The Emperor is dead. But the crusade continues? That doesn't make sense. Why do we kill all xenos? To keep our kin safe from corruption. But the Xenos have been silent since the Emperor's death throes. Do they perhaps seek parlay? No. Not every Xeno is like the other, despite the misgivings. Some may not be reasoned with. The dark end. Necrons. They seek no parlay. They must be entrapped with blood and soil again, for however long possible. The Tau. Naive, foolish, proud, perhaps cunning, but untrustworthy foes. They must be taught to hold breath or hold for all. In death. Only in unagressed silence and the Rites of the Imperium, given on to each traitor human that had sided with the Xenos.

But what of these humans? They did not believe in the Emperor? Heresy. But the Emperor is dead. Perhaps they knew this would happen, and they went to the Xenos for aide. Unlikely. The Chaplain had heard of how each human was treated within the Tau Empire. Trained as shock troops to be disposed of on the first waves of battle, used as a workforce, and worse, sterilized, taken their gene passing, something which the Space Marine, unable to bear the same traits, could not understand fully, yet the sentiment of your gene being utterly useless from there forth was...understandable enough. Such fury for these Xenos was understandable, yet the fury directed, could be more powerful. What of them? They are a foolish race, and the jaw set of an Imperial could not sit in peace with them. Perhaps. Or perhaps not.

What of the Eldar, the dying breed? Kept alive on their artificial constructs sung from other ghostly material, vanishing from whence to where. They certainly could not be trusted. That was actually a serious thought. The Eldar cared to protect their kin, and not only are they willing to fight Imperials for it, they are wholly willing to use Imperial deaths to their own gain. If there is something to be gained from something, they will be there to reap the reward, from the webway. Besides being caught up with destroying or protecting dangerous artifacts, stopping Daemon Princes from reawakening from their sleep, or keeping planet hidden from the eyes of the so called gods, they offered no practical aide unless entirely unavoidable. They were best avoided and fought where needed. At least in the Chaplain's mind. Resources however were better spent on the great problem.

As to a last for Xenos, one thing was comforting, in that the behavior of Orks would not change, God-Emperor or not. They were the same enemy, and they were still a worthy foe to slay, without discrimination; Such few unchanged things were so far between, that you grab hold of such ideas by the neck and squeeze the life out of them.

It was little oversight though. Xenos were not the problem now. The Legions of Chaos must be restored with order. But how? They had failed. Their Emperor is dead. The shame on every single Astartes' shoulders weighs them down greatly.

Returning to some semblance of sanity, Chaplain Ferras stood, and darkly thought.

Besides. What are they going to do with only twelve ships?

----------------

Initiate Gabriel Demos marched silently through the corridors of the ship, his bolter held pointing downward. He had only been promoted to the rank of Initiate a few weeks ago, after a shortage of fighting individuals forced them to press what Neophytes they had into service. While already veterans in combat, Demos did not certainly feel like a Space Marine.

Oh no. A Space Marine had an Emperor.

He stopped at the door of the chapel, pushing open the massive doors with his armored hand. Light flooded into the room, illuminating two figures near the altar.

"Chaplain." He said, bowing politely. "The Castellan summons you."

Ferras turned around. Slowly. "Yes. Neophyte Demos? From Riker III? The one who crushed the skull of that Caldarian behemoth who should have passed from hopeful to Neophyte, except not for if he was killed by your hand? Well. At least some can hope for a passing. Inform Quarter Master Pontius that the Chaplain saw him discarding his Aquilla. Space Wolf bastard." The Chaplain walked past the Initiate, putting a hand on his shoulder, his red visored eyes staring at the initiate with great intensity.


"Isn't it your fifteen minutes?" The Chaplain looked back at the Statue, and then back to the Marine again. "Unless you had something else to do..."

Demos' eyes widened a little bit, and he flinched a little as the Chaplain's large, armored glove touched his shoulder plate. He was surprised that he remembered his name, even after all these years. While only an Initiate, Demos already had more skill in combat then most Imperial Guardsmen. He looked into the darkened chapel, then back at the Chaplain, then did it again for good measure. He could pray there for his time, but what was the meaning? There was no Emperor to hear his prayer.

Wasn't it all pointless?

But, however pointless, he still had a duty to do. Regaining his composure, he nodded and stammered "R-Right away, Chaplain."

The Chaplain nodded, taking his hand off of the Initiate's shoulder, leaving the chapel, but not before opening the doors wider, sending withering stares at passing Marines who did not enter during their Sanctioned time slot. A few even fled into the chapel to escape a possible, if unlikely, reprimanding. Nodding again, he made for the bridge, to meet the Castellan who had met with the Chaplain on that Cruiser, and discussed topics the Chaplain hardly gave attention to in his weary trance.

Finally escaping such a trance, he walked with purpose, to meet his summons. The Castellan probably had something important to say at anyrate.

----------------

 The bridge of the Relentless Fury was a massive room with a high marble, arched ceiling. It's walls were lined with cogitation machines and the sort of techno-sorcery that was expected to keep a ship alive. At the panels of these machines sat several crewman from different Chapters, their eyes fixed on their screens. Servitors, directly infused into their machine, sat in others, their bodies linked to the ship through a complex series of cables and wires. An emtpy command throne stood in the center, elevated by three steps, each step fifteen centimeters in length, while an Actuality Sphere sat de-activated a few meters in front of it. The entire front of the bridge was a shielded and reinforced viewport, with two console machines directly in front, manned by Black Templars.

Captain Micah looked over as the Chaplain entered, nodding in greeting, and gesturing towards the Castellan, who was standing in front of the view-port, arms folded, and legs apart.

"Brother." Micah greeted. "The Castellan will see you now."

Approaching the Castellan, Ferras would notice that the asteroid field was clearing out, the last bits or rock clearing out. Their speed had slowed, while the ships were re-grouping, preparing to make their jump into the Warp. Well, half-jump. They couldn't risk a full jump anymore.

As Ferras approached, the Castellan's gaze remained fixed into space.

"Why do we fight, brother?" Castellan Philemon suddenly said, not moving an inch.

"What are we but warriors Castellan? Answer me this. Why did you not kill yourself? Do you really think that rage and lust for vengeance is the reason? Really? No. Tell me. Why do we live when we have nothing to crusade for? Its our nature? No. Because it is Order. Instilled into every single on of us, what are we taught first? Order. Natural or martial. The small and weak are protected by the big and strong. This is the first lesson of order we are taught. The big and strong are guided by the smart and cunning. The smart and cunning are kept in place by the Practical and the Wise. And Practical and the Wise..." The Chaplain let that hang in the air, as if he was contemplating whether to laugh for instilling a value into the Castellan, instead continued. "Are also guided. By either the Tyranical, or the Magnificent. We believe in this order more than our lives, and all of those fools who took their lives momentarily forgot of Order."

"Tell me Castellan, let me answer your question with another. Who is the one enemy of Order?"

"Order is Tradition. Order is Loyalty. Order is Duty. Order is Honor. Order is Hope. Order is a Battle. Order is a Trial. Order is a Divine Comedy. Order is a War. Order is a Victory. Order is a Defeat. Order is a Stranglehold. Order is a Charity. Order is a Fortress. Order is a Siege."

"Order is being Human. But. We aren't Human. Are we Castellan? Is this your point? That the only thing tying you to the pathetic and hopeless, to the defenseless and the weak, was the Magnificent? And now that the Magnificence is gone, all of these things, no longer matter to you? I can't make you believe in destiny, in survival, in valor and in good deeds for the sake of good deeds, but this is merely a question of what person you are. Are you really telling me that your personality, your heart, or hearts as it were, mean nothing, and only the Emperor is what you were? We believe in the Emperor, his Mortal, yes, mortal, holiness, godhood, was real. He is gone. But you are still here."

"So tell me Castellan. Are you, a Champion? Because..."

Ferras turned shoulder, matching the Castellan's position, and stare, out to space, before they made the jump. "We need as many Champions as we can get."

All stars fall away to darkness eventually.

Perhaps.

 The last few words rang clear in the Castellan's mind as a slight jump rocked the ship. The Navigators and Astropaths have put the finishing touches on their path, and the ship transited into half-warp.

"Humph." The Castellan grunted, annoyed at the prospect of not being able to use genuine warp-travel anymore. It was insulting. Something the Imperium has used faithfully for thousands of years, rendered useless in a matter of seconds.

"A champion..." He continued, before finally turning to face his brother. "...or a revenge-seeker. Only time will tell." He stated into the Chaplain's face with a hard, serious glare, before letting out a monstrous laugh. Forced, that is. There was nothing to be laughing about right now. "Well met, my brother." He slapped the Chaplain's shoulder plates with his massive, black gauntlets. "I trust you are well in these dark times?"

"As well as one can be. Only time will tell how well my meditation has kept me. But enough of that subject, Brother, I need you to understand something."

This could only mean the Chaplain wasn't yet done with the Castellan...

"On a level, you and I. Normally, between my own Castellan, and the my extra services aboard the Lord High Marshall's ship...if it even still exists...I would respect my commander as much as his Second should. But seeing as how I am quite literally a lost dog taken aboard a port in a warp storm, let me tell you what needs to be done."

"It has come to my attention that you have mixed Chapters together. I've been noticing more than a few transgressions, and all from one simple walk to the bridge. Was it wise mixing crews to Quarters and anything but Alert drilling and..." The Chaplain held his peace, stopping himself from mentioning Mass. There hadn't been a complete Mass in over the week the Chaplain had been aboard the Battle Barge. He'd seen few wander in, and most of these were under order to persuade the Chaplain out. One even offered mock combat as a means to get the Chaplain away from that statue.

"At anyrate, your decision is yours alone. But if we are to all work together, Brothers United as we should be, then give me one chance. Send everyone not immediately required for maintenance to the Chapel. And have this done on each ship. As a request. We'll link Vox feeds, wire them into congregations aboard all twelve."

"This needs to happen Brother. We either fight together like brothers, or we die like enemies. Imperial Fists. Salamanders. Iron Hands. And even the few Space Wolves who were brought along by the Fists. Together, with the Black Templars. The Emperor's Finest. Along with the Emperor's Shield, the Imperial Guard Remnants. The 437th. The 24th. We're all in the same boat. Now we can either charge out of that boat together in phalanx or in tangled mass."

The Castellan's friendly features hardened into a stone, firm look. The look that had faced down an entire Ork Waaaagh!, legions of Warp-Spawned Daemons, and countless other aliens and beasts this galaxy had thrown at his three-hundred and fifty-two years of service to the Imperium. Ferras knew that look well.

"Your words are not without merit, Brother. Our numbers have dwindled such as we have to resort to mixed chapters and crews, and we have not the proper time required to integrate everyone properly. We haven't even had time to hold such an ev-"

Before he could say 'event such as Mass', he was suddenly interrupted by a sudden shout of "Castellan!" followed by several shuffling feet as the doors to the bridge slid open once again, and a heavy-set man in an Imperial Guard uniform stormed in. He was tall, and well-built, with a balding head, and a black eyepatch over one eye. Apparently, he didn't bother to have it replaced. Maybe he didn't want to. Whatever the reason, he stormed into the room, followed by a smaller, leaner individual with a black greatcoat and a tall hat. A few faces turned to stare at him as he made his way across the bridge. Sidestepping Captain Micah as he moved to stop him, he approached the Castellan directly.

"Colonel Sedichi." Castellan Philemon turned to look down at the pair of Guard Officers that intruded on their conversation, while stopping Micah's advance with a wave of his hand. While a large man by any standards, the Colonal was still dwarfed by the massive Space Marine.

"This is the last straw, Castellan." He said angrily, keeping his ground as he glared up at Philemon. "I will no longer tolerate the behavior my guardsmen receive at the hands of your Astart-"

Of course, before the Colonel could say something along the lines of 'your Astartes!' He thought was broken by another clamping of feet as the bridge doors slid open once again. In stepped a Space Marine, a Space Wolf by the looks of his armor, stormed in, followed by a pair of his battle-brothers. They certainly cut an imposing figure as they stormed their way towards the Castellan, Chaplain, and Guard officers.

"Castellan!" The head Marine boomed, turning more heads then the beleaguered Colonel did. "Do not believe his words, don't blame us if his men cannot stomach some banter!"

The Castellan turned his head to the Chaplain with a 'is this what you mean?' look written across his features.

Heh.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 02:54:16 am

 I'm not here to compete. I simply dislike something that is happening. Not to mention I have no intent on typing a wall of paragraphs, as such is not my basis of quality. I don't wish to fight, but I do wish to express my distaste in the current way things are.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 02:56:50 am

I take that as a literary challenge!

You insult my handywork, AND my honor!

HAVE AT YE THEN.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 03:00:41 am

 D:

 My literary skill lies in using Paint on images to achieve humor. Surely you would fight an unarmed man?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 03:03:18 am

I'm actually joking here, but hey, saying that my blocks of text was just a big wall of crap made my sick sleep addled brain cry on the inside.

I put a lot of work into that wall of crap!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 03:07:06 am

 It was a comment on the massiveness, not on the quality of the internals. I really am not qualified to judge anything involving 40K, as I find it somewhat boring.

 *Brings up a shield*

 YES I SAID IT.

 But yeah, the only thing putting me off is the subject matter. And note despite this disinterest I don't really see anything crappy in the quality.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 03:10:31 am

I should punch you for that you git.

But everyone is entitled to their opinions.

For example.

IT IS OF MY OPINION THAT THE CREEPY ASS SHIT I'M HELPING CREATE IS BOTH ENTERTAINING AND FUNNY.

*Brings up a SWORD*

YES I SAID IT.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 03:15:22 am

 Alright then. I'm glad we are in an understanding.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 03:38:12 am

I suppose this thread still has it's uses, but don't mind my tomfoolery in that thread you dislike so much.

No one's MAKING you read the spoiler'd entries of course...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on February 01, 2010, 04:05:21 am

Duke. You're allowed to dislike a thread. By all means, you're allowed to not read it, or even post about it in the sad thread or something. But don't ruin everyone else's fun, please?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Duke 2.0 on February 01, 2010, 04:10:31 am

That is just the thing, unless we have some sense of constraint then there will be a lot less fun than what I could ever take away. The only reason I'm like this now is recent... issues we have been having. Normally I would be fine as we all show some restraint.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on February 01, 2010, 03:23:56 pm

I think my post was the last one on topic.
This makes me sad.
But I have homework, so no re-railing.

P.S: HOLY SHIST WORKERDRONE, THAT STORY IS HUGE!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 01, 2010, 04:28:29 pm

Damn straight.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Lord Dakoth on February 01, 2010, 10:16:16 pm

Wow. Awesome story, Drone. I'd try writing one, but at this hour, I'd probably be making about as much sense as an inebriated llama.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on February 01, 2010, 11:03:26 pm

...

That last sentence filled me with unimaginable joy. Please, sir. Please write one now.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on February 02, 2010, 11:26:19 am

That story wasn't really forum fiction, it was W4K fiction.
Ever thought of submitting it to fanfiction.net?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on February 02, 2010, 03:14:55 pm

Hell no.

And it was technically an old Role Play entry I did for a Rogue Trader game Aqizzar buggered on.

I'll probably replace it later with something else when I give a shit.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on February 02, 2010, 08:27:09 pm

Quote from: WorkerDrone on February 02, 2010, 03:14:55 pm

Hell no.

And it was technically an old Role Play entry I did for a Rogue Trader game Aqizzar buggered on.

I'll probably replace it later with something else when I give a shit.

Which means never.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on February 02, 2010, 08:35:51 pm

WD gives a shit about Nothing.

It's all part of his genius.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on February 03, 2010, 12:09:50 am

WD Gives a shit about something, and that something is Nothing, which means he doesn't give a shit about anything.
...
...
...
I think I'm high...

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Urist is dead tome on January 17, 2011, 07:44:54 pm

I've been know to make unclear posts. That's pretty wacky and whimsical, right?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 17, 2011, 08:05:24 pm

Quote from: Urist is dead tome on January 17, 2011, 07:44:54 pm

I've been know to make unclear posts. That's pretty wacky and whimsical, right?

You have all the fame.  -1 fame.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Tack on January 17, 2011, 08:49:44 pm

That was a hell of a necro.

... Why?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 18, 2011, 03:26:12 pm

Quote from: Tack on January 17, 2011, 08:49:44 pm

That was a hell of a necro.

... Why?

Miracles. That's why.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: nenjin on January 19, 2011, 12:44:40 pm

Recognition. Clearly the way to get people to put you in your sigs and sing your praises around here is to post in any thread that was at some time popular.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Taco Dan on January 21, 2011, 08:22:04 pm

I see this thread as a dead guy, and everyone else is in denial that he's dead. They keep propping him back up on his feet and try to feed him some mashed potatoes, but he keeps falling forward into the pudding. LET HIM STAY IN THE PUDDING PEOPLE.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 21, 2011, 09:08:08 pm

NONSENSE! More potatoes! We mustn't let this thread die!

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: ToonyMan on January 21, 2011, 09:09:21 pm

It doesn't serve a purpose now.  Getting it back to full steam would also be difficult.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 22, 2011, 06:43:12 am

*cuts the pudding man open and ducktape servos to his joints, and hook them all up to an Arudino(sp?) with randomized output.*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: sonerohi on January 22, 2011, 02:10:15 pm

So that he can flail wildly on a floor covered in his own congealed blood and vomit?

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 22, 2011, 02:26:18 pm

Yea! Now translate it back to the metaphor of being this thread.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Karnewarrior on January 22, 2011, 02:28:12 pm

Quote from: Armok on January 22, 2011, 02:26:18 pm

Yea! Now translate it back to the metaphor of being this thread.

So... Random topics?


HEY GUIS YOU KNOW PLUMP HELMET SOUNDS LEIK AN PENIS.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Cthulhu on January 22, 2011, 02:42:04 pm

He's dead.  He will never be alive again.  Stop defiling him.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 22, 2011, 02:52:15 pm

*defiles corpse*

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Urist is dead tome on January 22, 2011, 03:11:52 pm

And the worst part is that this is my fault.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: Armok on January 22, 2011, 03:27:47 pm

And the best part is that this isn't my fault.

Title: Re: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery
Post by: WorkerDrone on January 22, 2011, 03:53:05 pm

Locked.