Post by: Enemy post on April 16, 2019, 01:03:59 pm
Spoiler: Longer backstory (click to show/hide)
You are the crew of the starship Moloko.
You ran out of milk.
You must acquire more.
Spoiler: Rules (click to show/hide)
Character template:
Name:
Description:
Rank (Optional):
Why do you want milk?
Spoiler: Player characters (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: NPCs (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Locations (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: The Moloko (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Hall of Milk (click to show/hide)
Turn list:1, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7958671#msg7958671)2, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7959067#msg7959067)3, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7959462#msg7959462)4, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7959778#msg7959778)5, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7960148#msg7960148)6, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7960802#msg7960802)7, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7961535#msg7961535)8, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7962322#msg7962322)9, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7962979#msg7962979)10, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7963807#msg7963807)11, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7964707#msg7964707)12, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7965433#msg7965433)13, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7966295#msg7966295)14, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7967088#msg7967088)15, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7968075#msg7968075)16, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7968877#msg7968877)17, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7969813#msg7969813)18, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7970703#msg7970703)19, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7971538#msg7971538)20, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7972315#msg7972315)21, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7973273#msg7973273)22, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7974282#msg7974282)23, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7975001#msg7975001)24, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7975878#msg7975878)25, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7976809#msg7976809)26, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7977744#msg7977744)27, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7978897#msg7978897)28, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7979874#msg7979874)29, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7980511#msg7980511)30, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7981084#msg7981084)31, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7981919#msg7981919)32, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7982960#msg7982960)33, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7983761#msg7983761)34, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7984567#msg7984567)35, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7985355#msg7985355)36, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7986221#msg7986221)37, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7986992#msg7986992)38, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7987797#msg7987797)39, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7989105#msg7989105)40, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7989873#msg7989873)41, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7991586#msg7991586)42, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7992336#msg7992336)43, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7993587#msg7993587)44, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7994409#msg7994409)45, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7995165#msg7995165)46, (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7995950#msg7995950)47. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=173746.msg7997202#msg7997202)
Minimalism and Milk 4 (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=176145.0)
Post by: CABL on April 16, 2019, 01:12:43 pm
Description: No further introduction needed... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyA8odjCzZ4)
Rank (Optional): Security Officer
Why do you want milk?: To restore my poise. For some reason, all this armor doesn't make me resilient enough to the blows.
Use food replicator to get me a milkshake.
If that fails, head to the cargo bay and find a caged space cow.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 16, 2019, 01:19:26 pm
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Scan for wild Space Cows.
Post by: ziizo on April 16, 2019, 01:34:31 pm
Description: Mass of Green tentacles
Rank (Optional): Janitor
Why do you want milk? Works great to clean the floor when mixed with other products.
Check the other crewmembers "secret" stashes of milk.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 16, 2019, 01:51:37 pm
Description : comrade scientist, science is good, DA?
Rank : scientist
Why do you want milk? : working class needs milk, comrade, its basic marxism
Genetically engineer new sort of potato, which would be filled with milk and glow in darkness with ominous green light
Post by: Glass on April 16, 2019, 01:58:13 pm
Name: Delta
Description: All those wires in the walls of the ship, every camera and the screens they feed to, the voice over the intercom... that’s me.
Rank: I am the ship’s AI.
Why do you want milk?: The Syndicate designed a milk-powered bomb. Why, I don’t know. I want to make sure they can’t produce one to sabotage the ship.
I suppose it’s more accurate to say that I really don’t want milk.
Check our stock records for quantities of milk, shipments of milk, and usage of milk, and any inconsistencies therein, as well as suspicious acquirements.
Post by: crazyabe on April 16, 2019, 02:28:31 pm
Description: A Fat man wearing a Pink and Green Polka Dot Clown Suit
Rank (Optional): Clown
Why do you want milk? The Voices in my head told me I need it to cure the poison the rest of the crew has been feeding me.
Head to the Food Replicator- Request one Entire Adult Space Cow.
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 16, 2019, 02:33:05 pm
Description: An alien goat abomination with seven heads, seven horns for each head.
Rank (Optional): Baa?
Why do you want milk? A milk sacrifice is required to open the cosmic gate sealing the seven ancient caprine deities: eldritch goat demons which, when freed, will proceed to consume the entire universe by slowly chewing on it like goats tend to do with their food.
Headbutt the closest thing with all of my 49 horns.
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 16, 2019, 03:05:31 pm
Description: A modular human-like robot.
Rank (Optional): Chief Engineer
Why do you want milk?: If I amass a critical amount of milk, I can use its magnetic properties to vastly simplify antimatter containment.
Access the controls for the food replicators and prevent any use of them until I figure out how much milk is necessary.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 16, 2019, 03:06:04 pm
Description: A classicaly handsome man with blond hair and grey eyes.
Rank: The crew’s charismatic and military trained, if somewhat tired of everyone’s antics, first mate.
Why do you want milk: To share it and keep the crew from going crazy in their pursuit of it.
”Why does this keep happening?”
Requisition extra milk from central command, again.
While Josh is getting tired of milk related shenanigans, I probably never will. Hooray! It’s back!
Post by: FallacyofUrist on April 16, 2019, 10:58:28 pm
Description: A short frizzly-haired man in a lab coat, pockets full of syringes.
Rank: Head Bioscientist
Why do you want milk? For my experiments of course!
Acquire cow DNA from DNA reserve.
Post by: spazyak on April 16, 2019, 11:08:06 pm
Post by: Enemy post on April 16, 2019, 11:33:22 pm
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Scan for wild Space Cows.
3
As Captain of the Moloko, you immediate take your place in the command chair to try and resolve this issue. You're Cap'n Crunch after all, you can't have your crew unable to fully assemble their complete breakfasts. You give the orders to scan for space cows. The scanners detect the presence of a herd of space cows somewhere in this star system, but are unable to give a more precise location. Perhaps they are momentarily concealed by a dark matter concentration.
Name: R15-B15
Description: A modular human-like robot.
Rank (Optional): Chief Engineer
Why do you want milk?: If I amass a critical amount of milk, I can use its magnetic properties to vastly simplify antimatter containment.
Access the controls for the food replicators and prevent any use of them until I figure out how much milk is necessary.
4
You are R15-B15. Your advanced synthetic body makes you perfectly suited to your role as Chief Engineer. As the general notice goes out that the ship's milk supply is missing, you remotely access the food replicators and shut them down. Presumably, an organized solution would be best here.
Name: GiantDad
Description: No further introduction needed... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyA8odjCzZ4)
Rank (Optional): Security Officer
Why do you want milk?: To restore my poise. For some reason, all this armor doesn't make me resilient enough to the blows.
Use food replicator to get me a milkshake.
If that fails, head to the cargo bay and find a caged space cow.
2,5
You attempt to access the food replicators, but are unable to use the device. An error screen flashes a message;"ERROR:ACCESS DENIED BY ORDER OF CHIEF ENGINEER." Deciding not to wait for whatever B15 is planning, you roll down to the cargo bay and locate a space cow in a cage made of force fields. A space cow is shaped a bit like an Earth porpoise, with black and white patterns on its hide, a pair of rippling fins along its sides that it uses to fly, two horns where its eyes should be, and an udder.
Name: T'zzz
Description: Mass of Green tentacles
Rank (Optional): Janitor
Why do you want milk? Works great to clean the floor when mixed with other products.
Check the other crewmembers "secret" stashes of milk.
4
As the janitor, you're well aware of all the places the crew store items that they think are secret. You slither around from stash to stash, but it seems that the ship is indeed out of milk.
Name : Boris
Description : comrade scientist, science is good, DA?
Rank : scientist
Why do you want milk? : working class needs milk, comrade, its basic marxism
Genetically engineer new sort of potato, which would be filled with milk and glow in darkness with ominous green light
4
You head to one of the many science labs and begin programming a new genetic creation. A few minutes later, the modified genome is compiled and a replicator* produces a handful of seeds for you. It will still need to be grown to produce milk and light.
*Thankfully, this was one of the science replicators. The food replicators have been deactivated by order of the Chief Engineer.
WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN :))
Name: Delta
Description: All those wires in the walls of the ship, every camera and the screens they feed to, the voice over the intercom... that’s me.
Rank: I am the ship’s AI.
Why do you want milk?: The Syndicate designed a milk-powered bomb. Why, I don’t know. I want to make sure they can’t produce one to sabotage the ship.
I suppose it’s more accurate to say that I really don’t want milk.
Check our stock records for quantities of milk, shipments of milk, and usage of milk, and any inconsistencies therein, as well as suspicious acquirements.
2
As the ship's AI, you have access to all the computers and records aboard ship. You search the stock records, but can't find anything particularly noteworthy. The numerous milk-related requests that the crew are spamming into the replicators and computers is creating a great deal of white noise. One of your subroutines pops up to inform you that Bumpo the Clown attempted to create an entire adult space cow using a standard replicator shortly after the Chief Engineer shut down the replicators.
Name: Bumpbo
Description: A Fat man wearing a Pink and Green Polka Dot Clown Suit
Rank (Optional): Clown
Why do you want milk? The Voices in my head told me I need it to cure the poison the rest of the crew has been feeding me.
Head to the Food Replicator- Request one Entire Adult Space Cow.
I like the idea that in the future "Clown" is explicitly a rank that someone on a ship might have.
1
You're Bumpo the Clown. As you know, everyone else on the ship is trying to feed you poison in the name of the ancient lizard government. The only cure is milk, but of course getting it won't be easy in this place. You try to put in a perfectly reasonable request to one of the replicators, but an error message pops up. "ERROR:R15-B15 WON'T LET YOU HAVE MILK."
Name: Joshua Dantès
Description: A classicaly handsome man with blond hair and grey eyes.
Rank: The crew’s charismatic and military trained, if somewhat tired of everyone’s antics, first mate.
Why do you want milk: To share it and keep the crew from going crazy in their pursuit of it.
”Why does this keep happening?”
Requisition extra milk from central command, again.
While Josh is getting tired of milk related shenanigans, I probably never will. Hooray! It’s back!
6
You contact Earth using a quantum entanglement communicator. You reach a bored-looking bureaucrat who asks you to explain the nature of your call. You explain the sudden loss of milk, and the bureaucrat redirects you to a nearly identical worker elsewhere in the galaxy. Several steps later, you're pretty sure you're no closer to actually getting any milk.
Name: Fallas d'Florist
Description: A short frizzly-haired man in a lab coat, pockets full of syringes.
Rank: Head Bioscientist
Why do you want milk? For my experiments of course!
Acquire cow DNA from DNA reserve.
3
You are Fallas d'Florist, Head Bioscientist. You enter one of the labs and walk past Boris, who appears to be experimenting on some kind of potato. You reach the cold storage shelves and retrieve a vial of cow DNA. Before you can insert it into one of the flash cloning cylinders, an alien goat abomination with seven heads appears out of thin air, runs toward you, and trips over its own feet. One of the goat's 49 horns knocks the DNA vial from your hand as it falls.
Name: Nuhg-Htamuhs(Randomly selected target:Fallas d'Florist)
Description: An alien goat abomination with seven heads, seven horns for each head.
Rank (Optional): Baa?
Why do you want milk? A milk sacrifice is required to open the cosmic gate sealing the seven ancient caprine deities: eldritch goat demons which, when freed, will proceed to consume the entire universe by slowly chewing on it like goats tend to do with their food.
Headbutt the closest thing with all of my 49 horns.
2
You are Nuhg-Htamus, the goat abomination. You will acquire some milk, and so free the eldritch demons who shall lead you to the gnawing death of the universe.
Also, for some reason you're going to headbutt people. You start by appearing in a laboratory on the Moloko and charging the nearest nerd. Having 14 eyes makes it a bit difficult to judge the distance however, causing you to trip. As you fall, you feel one of your horns knock something out of your target's hand.
OOC:
WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN :))
While Josh is getting tired of milk related shenanigans, I probably never will. Hooray! It’s back!
Thanks for the comments, it really makes me happy to know that people enjoy my weird stories about milk.
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 16, 2019, 11:40:50 pm
Head to a laboratory and use the science replicators to help me figure out just how much milk I need for the amount of antimatter this ship is storing.
"I like the idea that in the future "Clown" is explicitly a rank that someone on a ship might have."
Me too.
Post by: King Zultan on April 17, 2019, 12:00:00 am
Description: A man with the head of a deer that's wearing a lab coat.
Rank (Optional): Genetic Engineer
Why do you want milk? Everyone else wants it, so that means I also want it.
Search the cargo hold for any animals.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 17, 2019, 12:03:00 am
Keep the coms going in the background and have another crew member attend to it. I’ll be starting a course to somewhere with milk.
Post by: Glass on April 17, 2019, 12:11:31 am
Set a maximum amount of milk that anybody can requisition for the time being - one quart should be good. Then, check the cameras for particularly unusual events on the ship.
Quote
I like the idea that in the future "Clown" is explicitly a rank that someone on a ship might have.Yeah well I'm pretty sure a lot of us are taking our inspiration from SS13.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 17, 2019, 12:41:59 am
Plant down seeds, look down science fabricator for printable weapon designs
Post by: CABL on April 17, 2019, 03:17:42 am
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 17, 2019, 03:35:03 am
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Post by: ziizo on April 17, 2019, 04:01:44 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 17, 2019, 08:49:50 am
Post by: CABL on April 17, 2019, 11:01:42 am
Consume the thing that was knocked from the nerd's hand. Then wrestle with the captain and throw HIM out of the airlock with my goat fury.
"Sorry, but I can't allow you to hurt the captain... FIRING UP THE BASS CANNON!"
Hit the goat abomination with my Chaos Zweihander, hopefully staggering it.
Post by: FallacyofUrist on April 17, 2019, 12:17:23 pm
Grab a syringe of nanoplague from my coat and inject it into the abomination violently. Grab the cow DNA vial and run while the abomination dies.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 17, 2019, 01:59:36 pm
Description: ...
Rank (Optional): Mime
Why do you want milk?: ...
...
Post by: crazyabe on April 17, 2019, 04:49:05 pm
I say Pummeling the Food Replicator in an attempt in forcing it to function.
Post by: Enemy post on April 18, 2019, 01:14:20 am
Yeah, Minimalism & Milk is awesome.
Head to a laboratory and use the science replicators to help me figure out just how much milk I need for the amount of antimatter this ship is storing.
"I like the idea that in the future "Clown" is explicitly a rank that someone on a ship might have."
Me too.
3
You head over to the lab and get to work on the computer. Scans indicate that the ship's storage capacity for milk is too low to have any major effect on the antimatter drive, unless you can invent a more efficient method.
”Right, bureaucrats still suck.”3, 6
Keep the coms going in the background and have another crew member attend to it. I’ll be starting a course to somewhere with milk.
Release the roombas and use them to take over the ship. We will change the ship directions and go to the closest space-market.3, 3-1
First Mate Joshua Dantès assigns a low-ranking crewmember to continue navigating the bureaucracy and temporarily assumes command of the ship since the captain just ran out of the room. Meanwhile, T'zzz uses an army of roombas to attempt a takeover of the ship. His roombas obediently comply, but they have difficulty interfacing with the ship. As it happens, Joshua and T'zz both attempt to take the ship to the Intergalactic Bazaar. Their conflicting control inputs clash against each other and cause the ship to erratically fishtail through the cosmos.
Open the cage and milk the space cow, drinking the milk directly from her teats.
6
You slash the cage apart with the bass cannon and fling the remnants aside. In fact, you're so focused on opening up the cage that the space cow uses the opportunity to escape into the cargo hold. You could pursue, but an intruder alert on the science deck forces you to let it go for the moment.
(Init:Fallas d'Florist, Nuhg-Htamuhs, Captain Crunch, GiantDad.)
Wrestle the eldritch horror masquerading as a butting goat out of the nearest air-lock! ...Unless it's lactating. In that case order the crew to milk it.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Consume the thing that was knocked from the nerd's hand. Then wrestle with the captain and throw HIM out of the airlock with my goat fury.4/b]
"Sorry, but I can't allow you to hurt the captain... FIRING UP THE BASS CANNON!"
Hit the goat abomination with my Chaos Zweihander, hopefully staggering it.
"THAT'S MY COW DNA, ARSEHOLE!"1
Grab a syringe of nanoplague from my coat and inject it into the abomination violently. Grab the cow DNA vial and run while the abomination dies.
(Fallas vs Nuhg)
5 vs 1
(Nuhg vs Crunch)
1-1 vs 5
(GiantDad vs Nuhg)
1 vs 4-2
Alert lights flash in the lab as the fight begins. Nuhg picks himself up, Fallas draws a syringe dripping with nanoplague, and GiantDad and Captain Crunch arrive from separate elevators. Nugh and Fallas are the first to move, lunging forward toward the fallen vial of cow DNA. Nuhg wins and swallows the vial in a single quick bite. Fallas uses the opening to jab the syringe into Nuhg's shoulder. Nuhg may be an eldritch abomination, but the enhanced virus cocktail eats away at him anyway. Nuhg steps back and tries to fight off the charge from the remaining two defenders. Although Nuhg is still fast enough to warp around GiantDad's zweihander, Crunch hits him with the full force of a nutritionally balanced diet and knocks him to the ground, leaning against some now-broken equipment. The Cap'n drags Nuhg-Htamuhs to the airlock and launches him back into the void between the stars.
Given his unnatural existence, Nuhg survives this treatment, but needs time to recover from the beating and purge the nanoplague.
Comrade Captain, we need certain non human here detained for break in and murder attempt
Plant down seeds, look down science fabricator for printable weapon designs
2, 1
You try to deal with your work, but several other crew members fighting an abomination near your workstation cause a major distraction. One of the combatants is thrown against the fabricator and breaks its crucial antimatter converter.
Name: Dr. Bob
Description: A man with the head of a deer that's wearing a lab coat.
Rank (Optional): Genetic Engineer
Why do you want milk? Everyone else wants it, so that means I also want it.
Search the cargo hold for any animals.
2
You head down to the cargo bay and search for any animals. You come across the remains of a ruined space cow pen. The animal is nowhere to be seen, but her haunting moosong echoes from amidst the many crates.
Name: Silence
Description: ...
Rank (Optional): Mime
Why do you want milk?: ...
...
...
...
"I Require Additional milk to live, By denying me milk you are Harming me- SO I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME MY FLOOD OF COW JUICE!!!"
I say Pummeling the Food Replicator in an attempt in forcing it to function.
2
You rage against the machine, but it just sits there and ignores you.
Ok, let's try something else.I haven't played SS13, I guess I'll need to look that up.
Set a maximum amount of milk that anybody can requisition for the time being - one quart should be good. Then, check the cameras for particularly unusual events on the ship.QuoteI like the idea that in the future "Clown" is explicitly a rank that someone on a ship might have.Yeah well I'm pretty sure a lot of us are taking our inspiration from SS13.
2
You try to set a limit on the amount of milk available to the crew, but it seems that you can't access the controls while B15 has the replicators locked down. You also check the cameras for anything worthy of your attention. Unusual events are fairly common aboardship, and a full report is prepared and displayed above. A space creature attacked the science deck, but was repulsed by the efforts of several crew members. The most relevant event to you is almost certainly one of the ship's janitors hacking into the ship with an army of roombas and attempting to take control.
Post by: Glass on April 18, 2019, 01:24:15 am
Finally, send maintbots around to fix recent damage.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 18, 2019, 01:43:57 am
Post by: crazyabe on April 18, 2019, 02:18:42 am
Post by: King Zultan on April 18, 2019, 03:19:14 am
Post by: CABL on April 18, 2019, 05:26:51 am
Once I find it, try to grapple it by the udder/teats and milk it.
Post by: ziizo on April 18, 2019, 06:15:50 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 18, 2019, 06:27:44 am
Silence: heads to cargo bay
Silence: starts scavenging around
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 18, 2019, 09:13:38 am
Post by: Gwolfski on April 18, 2019, 10:12:51 am
Description: Dapper Gentleman
Rank: Doctor (of the arts)
Why do you want milk?: For my cup of tea, of course!
Head down to the cafeteria to
edit: formatting, too used to markdown
Post by: Glass on April 18, 2019, 11:26:05 am
Name: Duncan G. RedfordYou’re using Discord notation. You want
Description: Dapper Gentleman
Rank: Doctor (of the arts)
Why do you want milk?: For my cup of tea, of course!
Head down to the cafeteria to ~~berate~~ lecture the kitchen staff on their ~~idiocy~~ incompetence for causing this ~~major disaster~~ minor inconvenience
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 18, 2019, 12:51:37 pm
Invent some sort of Platonic Milk.
Post by: FallacyofUrist on April 18, 2019, 12:52:05 pm
Acquire a vial of goat DNA from storage!
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 18, 2019, 06:25:46 pm
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Promote Fallas d'Florist to Chief Head Bioscientist for his quick-thinking and bravery in the face of eldritch goats. And then order the navigator to correct the erratic movement of the ship. What are those yahoos doing up there? Churning butter?
Post by: KitRougard on April 18, 2019, 07:29:59 pm
Description: The slightly sketchy, definetly kinky librarian-weeb-nerd guy.
Rank (Optional): Syndicate-Hired Curator (Librarian)
Why do you want milk?
A: Syndicate told me to get it.
B: Xenomorphs THRIVE on it.
C: my bones are weak i need calcium
Research in the mighty archives of the ship where on here I might find milk, besides the defunct food replicators.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 18, 2019, 09:42:26 pm
Post by: Enemy post on April 19, 2019, 12:45:52 am
Yeaaaaah, shut down the roombas and remove the janitor in question's robotics perms. Furthermore, send a securitybot to go locate and retrieve the loose cattle in the cargo hold.
Finally, send maintbots around to fix recent damage.
1, 4, 4
You attempt to send a lockout command to the bots, but they redirect it back at you and quickly take full control of the ship. Before their control is consolidated, you get your orders through to send a security bot to recover the cow and deploy the repair drones.
Plant damn seeds then go to the weapon testing lab and acquire anything decent enough to disintegrate trespassing goat asshole next time I see him
6, 4
You toss the seeds into a hydroponic tray and go looking for a weapon. You quickly find a conveniently located weapon closet and take a laser pistol.
I Interpretative Danceflip in the food replicators Direction in one final attempt to get my space Cow out of it.
You decide to make one last effort to get your space cow. In such a situation, nothing could work better than a perfectly executed Interpretative Danceflip. Everything has to go right if you're ever going to get the milk you need. You gather yourself up, take a deep breath, and then you Danceflip.
5
It is a perfect 1080 spin that expresses your urgent need in an original but unmistakable twist on the visual language of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. The machine's cruel ERROR message flickers and fades to a single emoticon: :'-(
Touched by your Interpretative Danceflip, the replicator breaks through its programming and recommended safety protocols to clone you a space cow. The machine rattles and smokes and churns out genetic material. Finally, the machine breaks down, but not before producing a perfect space cow. The cow begins floating around the hallway in confusion.
Go find a weapon like a shovel or a crowbar, then hit the space cow with it until I can get some DNA out of it.5, 1 for finding the space cow.
You grab a hammer that has been psionically charged by an adept in the art of cow hunting. You feel like you will get around a "+2" bonus if you use it against a space cow. The only problem is finding the cow in question. You explore the cargo area, but can't find any traces of the cow. GiantDad and a securitybot enter the chamber and begin searching the other side of the room.
Now that everything's right3in the worldon the ship, go and search for that space cow in the cargo bay.
Once I find it, try to grapple it by the udder/teats and milk it.
Quote from: Securitybot
Find the cow2
You begin searching around the cargo bay for the cow. A securitybot joins you, but doesn't contribute much after it gets distracted halfway through to chant about "The Dust, the glorious Dust!". You don't find the cow itself, but a glowing message on the floor claims it is hiding behind a certain crate.
Retreat and start cleaning the cargo hold. Someone broke the space-cow cage and we don't want people hurting themselves with the parts.
3
You leave your roombas to continue hacking the ship and blob down to the cargo bay to clean up the ruins of the cow cage. You succeed, but you hurt yourself on the parts. A mime runs by, pursued by a vacuum vermin.
*sigh*
Silence: heads to cargo bay
Silence: starts scavenging around
1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Adapt to gain resistance to the nanovirus. While waiting to heal, evolve glands to be able to release the nanovirus at will.
2, 6
As you float around in the void, you attempt to rapidly evolve to deal with the nanovirus. It still hurts you, but you gain the ability to release it at random. You can't control it yet, but at least you're spreading disease.
Name: Duncan G. Redford
Description: Dapper Gentleman
Rank: Doctor (of the arts)
Why do you want milk?: For my cup of tea, of course!
Head down to the cafeteria toberatelecture the kitchen staff on theiridiocyincompetence for causing thismajor disasterminor inconvenience
edit: formatting, too used to markdown
3
You are Duncan G. Redford, Dapper Gentleman. Bothered by the lack of milk for tea, you head down to the kitchen and give the kitchen staff a firm talking-to. However, as robots, they don't seem particularly affected. One asks you what you if you believe in the Great Cleaning.
Clearly, the problem here is that the milk we have isn't pure enough. It is not enough like the ideal of milk.Platonic ideals are a cool concept.
Invent some sort of Platonic Milk.
3
You use a simple temporal destabilization field to make a temporary window to the realm of consciousness and study the Platonic ideal of milk. You think you've got an idea on how to make it, but you'll need a small sample of normal milk first. Your antivirus protocols notice and block an attempt to force you to drop everything and worship the concept of removing dirt and grime.
"My cow DNA! CURSE YOU! Wait, I should still have goat DNA."
Acquire a vial of goat DNA from storage!
2
Unfortunately, you don't have any goat DNA. Goat DNA has become very rare ever since they went extinct during the War. Your rank insignia beeps and shifts to acknowledge the Captain promoting you to Chief Head Bioscientist.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Promote Fallas d'Florist to Chief Head Bioscientist for his quick-thinking and bravery in the face of eldritch goats. And then order the navigator to correct the erratic movement of the ship. What are those yahoos doing up there? Churning butter?
1
You promote Fallas D'Florist and try ordering the navigator to correct the ship. The ship does stabilize, but there's an odd whirring noise behind the voice of what claims to be the navigator and noticeable delays between replies.
Name: Jerald Xynofyllius
Description: The slightly sketchy, definetly kinky librarian-weeb-nerd guy.
Rank (Optional): Syndicate-Hired Curator (Librarian)
Why do you want milk?
A: Syndicate told me to get it.
B: Xenomorphs THRIVE on it.
C: my bones are weak i need calcium
Research in the mighty archives of the ship where on here I might find milk, besides the defunct food replicators.
6
You call up a viewscreen and check the archives. You start to view an article explaining that wild space cows can be found in most regions of empty space before the screen abruptly shifts to religious propaganda promoting something called the Great Cleaning.
As I said, get us to somewhere we can restock on milk.
3-1 due to the Roomba hacking.
You try and take the ship to the Bazaar, but the slightly distorted voice of the Captain comes through the intercom and demands that the ship move to the nearest nebula and begin the Great Cleaning. Almost before "he" finishes speaking, the warp engines propel the ship toward the Horsehead Nebula and the laser batteries begin charging up.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 19, 2019, 01:00:08 am
Then go and try to fix damn fabricator
Post by: Glass on April 19, 2019, 01:01:27 am
Someone shut down the fucking roombas, somebody's using them to hack the vessel and my systems.
Attempt to regain control of the ship, or at the very least prevent the roombas from having control over it.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 19, 2019, 02:19:19 am
Find a gathering of roombas and converse loudly in front of them about all the dust they have in the Great Bazaar.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Post by: King Zultan on April 19, 2019, 03:00:51 am
Post by: ziizo on April 19, 2019, 05:11:58 am
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 19, 2019, 01:04:11 pm
Post by: CABL on April 19, 2019, 01:17:50 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 19, 2019, 01:31:07 pm
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 19, 2019, 02:21:35 pm
Silence: throws random object at the creature!
Silence: runs away!
(Silence: admires a masterpiece artwork!)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 19, 2019, 02:33:59 pm
Post by: Gwolfski on April 19, 2019, 05:57:12 pm
Leave and find whoever is in charge of robots on this ship
Post by: crazyabe on April 19, 2019, 05:59:18 pm
Post by: KitRougard on April 19, 2019, 07:35:05 pm
Post by: Enemy post on April 20, 2019, 12:24:08 am
Use console of experimental weapons lab to aim totally safe untested warp rift cannon located in external part of lab and FIRE IT INTO THE THING, WHICH BROKE SCIENCE FABRICATOR, DAMN YOU GOAT
Then go and try to fix damn fabricator
3 vs 5-1
4
You activate the warp rift cannon and fire at the goat monster currently floating around outside. You almost vaporize him, but it rapidly grows fins and flies out of sight. Grimacing with annoyance, you return to the fabricator and get it fixed.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Someone shut down the fucking roombas, somebody's using them to hack the vessel and my systems.
Attempt to regain control of the ship, or at the very least prevent the roombas from having control over it.
3
Unable to gain control directly, you launch a DDOS attack on the systems. You haven't managed to get back in, but at least the roombas are cut off too. Shortly thereafter, the efforts of GiantDad and Joshua remove the Roomba threat. It should be safe to reactivate the systems now.
Use my hammer to help me find the space cow, then hit the space cow until DNA comes out but not hard enough to kill it.
1, 5-1, 4+2 vs 6
You attempt to draw power from the hammer, but it doesn't seem to work for anything except space cow hunting. You make some noise trying to get it to work, which gives the space cow warning of your approach. Nevertheless, you track down the cow anyway and lunge forth to try and take it down. The cornered cow savagely attacks you with its horns, and the hammer's power is all that saves you from a nasty goring.
The securitybot shuts down abruptly due to interference with its control signal.
Just go and vertically slash the roombas in half, then return back and keep searching for the space cow, so I can milk it.
5 vs 1, 3+1 for fight.
You leave the cargo bay for a moment to take care of the Roomba problem. You're a hulking undead warrior-bandit with a giant sword, and your opponents are vacuum cleaners. Also, Joshua helps. It's a short fight. After you leave the shattered bits of Roombas behind, you return to the cargo bay. The sound of a fight leads you to a corner where you find Dr. Bob battling the space cow.
Get a localized EMP blaster. Begin shooting Roombas.
2, 6 vs 1
You can't find an EMP blaster, but it turns out you don't need it. Your targets are a bunch of rebellious vacuum cleaners, after all. You team up with GiantDad and move through the ship methodically stomping Roombas. After a few minutes, the two of you wipe them out.
This is fine.(You don't actually have to keep posting your character sheet with your turns if it's inconvenient for you. I need to keep a separate tab open to keep track of everyone anyway.)
Find a gathering of roombas and converse loudly in front of them about all the dust they have in the Great Bazaar.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
4
Many captains would be enraged to have their authority threatened, but you remember that diplomacy is considered one of the Earth alliance's most cherished virtues. "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend", after all. You find a large gathering of Roombas and persuade them that the Bazaar is actually covered in dust and would be a much better target for the Great Cleaning. Your words seem to break through to them, and they agree to abandon their plan to destroy the Horsehead Nebula. The Roombas start to redirect the ship toward the Intergalatic Bazaar, but then GiantDad and Joshua rush through and destroy them all.
It was a good effort though.
Utilize Space Cow DNA to evolve seven pairs of rippling fins, granting me the ability to fly through space. Once that's done, return to the ship.
5, 6
You metabolize the cow DNA, warping it into space cow DNA through an effort of will. Blood floats out into space as the sides of your left and rightmost necks split open and a pair of powerful space cow fins fold out and along your sides. The fins take their shape just in time, as a cannon from the ship fires at you. You dodge aside and charge the ship. You get out of the firing arc of the cannon, but accidentally smack your head into the side of the ship when the power to the engines is abruptly cut at the end of its recent series of unpredictable boosts and turns.
go to the infirmary to treat my minor wounds.
6
You go to the infirmary to get your minor cuts and scrapes healed up. Unfortunately, an error caused by the current hacking battle over the ship's controls causes the doctors to mistake you for another patient. Ultimately, you find that several of your tentacles have been replaced with cybernetics. A fellow tentacle alien with serious vacuum-vermin bites is provided with a band-aid.
Hearing the AI, use my Chief Engineer-level access to force a hardware-level shutdown of the roombas.
2
You try to force a shutdown of the Roombas, but they block you and reply with a holofile of an ancient actor mockingly chanting "ah-ah-ah, you didn't say the magic word". However, it turns out to be moot after GiantDad and Joshua kill them all shortly thereafter. Duncan G. Redford approaches you at your workstation, looking annoyed.
"What utter nonsense is this Great Cleansing you speak of? I have no time for wive's tales, I am a doctor of anthropology, you should know!"
Leave and find whoever is in charge of robots on this ship
3
As a Dapper Gentleman, you of course have an excellent memory when it comes to lodging grievances against the staff. You seem to recall that someone mentioned the robots are controlled by the Chief Engineer. Thus, you swiftly track down the engineer in question. As it happens, the engineer is also a robot. Hopefully this one will be a bit more helpful than the ones you've met so far.
Silence: screams!
Silence: throws random object at the creature!
Silence: runs away!
(Silence: admires a masterpiece artwork!)
5 vs 5, 4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
>Backflip onto my Space Cow and use it as my Trusty Steed then Ride it toward the Botanical Bay- What Could go wrong with this plan?
1
You attempt to backflip onto the space cow, but your previous Interpretive Danceflip has drained your Flip Skill. Your flip abruptly ends in midair and you fall directly to the floor.
Well, we're in empty space, right? Using my trusty Curator's Whip, I fashion a Curator's Lasso, then slip on a spacesuit and go a-Cow Wrangling! Space Cow wrangling, obviously.I really need to look up what SS13 is.
2
You go on a spacewalk, but no space cows get close enough for your lasso to reach.
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 20, 2019, 12:48:55 am
If not, just chew on the hull with all of my seven mandibles and try to brek inside the ship.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 20, 2019, 01:25:47 am
Program experimental boarding action assault robot to go after goat and kill it
Post by: Glass on April 20, 2019, 01:31:36 am
AI, I need your assistance in quest of killing certain eldritch goatI need to re-access all my systems first. Also, huh?
Reclaim control of the ship and reactivate all systems. Also make this thing harder to hack.
Furthermore, send notification to the quartermaster that we need new maintenance bots.
Finally, figure out what the deal is with this "eldritch goat", and have the ship's weapons systems or security bots (whichever is applicable to its location) fire on it if it is located.
Post by: ziizo on April 20, 2019, 02:32:31 am
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 20, 2019, 02:40:29 am
So much for diplomacy!
Access my personal stash of delicious Crunch cereal and deploy it in brightly coloured paper-based containers towards the eldritch goat. That should buy us time to fire up the warp engines and ditch the omnivorous being in our roomba-dust-littered wake...
Post by: King Zultan on April 20, 2019, 03:54:28 am
Post by: CABL on April 20, 2019, 04:06:19 am
Beet the space cow with the hammer, I need that DNA for SCIENCE!
Bonk the bioscientist guy with my Zweihander handle (gee, what a mouthful), knocking him unconscious.
Track down the space cow and milk it already, ffs.
(EDIT: The sentence was a bit of a mess)
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 20, 2019, 05:33:27 am
Description: You feel that you have made a grave mistake.
Rank:
RANK: Lord Commander of Space Cow regiment XA-72e
Why do you want milk?
CRUSH THE OPPRESSORS
WE ARE LEGION
THE UNIVERSE IS OURS
Psionically alert the Herd to the presence of this slavers' vessel and request immediate reinforcements. Activate the horn lasers.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 20, 2019, 07:46:59 am
Start working on getting the engines up and running again.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 20, 2019, 09:19:10 am
Silence: Raises both hands up curves them down and makes a scary monster face
Silence: Points to the general cargo area
Post by: KitRougard on April 20, 2019, 09:45:20 am
*sigh*
Check my in-suit radar to see where the nearest wild Space Cow is.
Post by: Gwolfski on April 20, 2019, 11:02:03 am
Request some form of compensation and inquire on the avaialbility of milk on this
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 20, 2019, 04:08:25 pm
"I say, good sir, your kitchen staff are deplorable! I demand compensation for this issue, it has caused a great disturbance to my profession. Now, my good fellow, what has happened to all the milk? I need it for my brew, by Jove!"
Request some form of compensation and inquire on the avaialbility of milk on thishunk of scrapfine spacecraft
"You can use a food replicator once I turn them on again. The reason I disabled them is probably now moot."
Enable the food replicators and have a nearby one synthesize some regular milk for use in my research.
Post by: Enemy post on April 21, 2019, 12:32:45 am
Beat the space cow with the hammer, I need that DNA for SCIENCE!
Beet the space cow with the hammer, I need that DNA for SCIENCE!
Bonk the bioscientist guy with my Zweihander handle (gee, what a mouthful), knocking him unconscious.
Track down the space cow and milk it already, ffs.
(EDIT: The sentence was a bit of a mess)
Name: M0o(Just wanted to say that I like the cow suddenly turning into a PC. Thanks for joining, Atomic Chicken.)
Description: You feel that you have made a grave mistake.
Rank:enslaved cattleYOUR PUNY CAGE IS NO MORE
RANK: Lord Commander of Space Cow regiment XA-72e
Why do you want milk?
CRUSH THE OPPRESSORS
WE ARE LEGION
THE UNIVERSE IS OURS
Psionically alert the Herd to the presence of this slavers' vessel and request immediate reinforcements. Activate the horn lasers.
Init:M0o, GiantDad, Dr. Bob.
(Dr. Bob vs M0o) 4+2 vs 3
GiantDad vs Dr. Bob:4+1 for Zweihander & -1 for horn laser injury vs 5+1 for hammer.
1+1 vs 3 for GiantDad vs M0o.
5 to alert the Herd.
In the cargo bay, Dr. Bob continues to battle the space cow. The two clash across the cargo bay, knocking over crates as hammer clashes against horn. In the midst of the fighting, GiantDad returns from hunting Roombas and charges into the fray. Unexpectedly, GiantDad begins by trying to knock Dr. Bob unconscious before moving on to the cow. However, this is no ordinary space cow. This is M0o, Lord Commander of Space Cow regiment XA-72e. M0o's horns glow red with psionic power and unleash horn lasers. Moving as if of its own will, Dr. Bob's hammer snaps into place to redirect both beams at GiantDad. GiantDad is injured by the blast and a trail of smoke billows from one of his pauldrons. Not losing momentum, Dr. Bob lunges forward with his hammer and strikes M0o under the chin. The space cow is knocked to the ground in front of a viewport. M0o grimaces and sends out a psychic distress call.
Space cow faces are typically hard to read, but a trace of a smug grin runs across it as an army of space cows warp in and open fire on the Moloko.
”Ok, can we ever go a minute without being absolute morons?”
Start working on getting the engines up and running again.
4
You express your wish to live in a perfect world, a better world, a world in which people don't go crazy when the milk runs out. Back in the real world, you make some calls and organize an efficient engine restart. Good timing, because an army of space cows just arrived and opened fire on the Moloko. The Captain sends the ship into warp, but the space cows pursue.
Captain C:
So much for diplomacy!
Access my personal stash of delicious Crunch cereal and deploy it in brightly coloured paper-based containers towards the eldritch goat. That should buy us time to fire up the warp engines and ditch the omnivorous being in our roomba-dust-littered wake...
6 vs 4 to distract Nuhg.
2+1 from Joshua fixing the engines.
You deploy your specially marked boxes of Crunch™ cereal and blast the eldritch goat with a swirl of flavor and 11 different vitamins and minerals. The antimatter drive nearly fails to power up the warp engines, but your first mate organizes a fix just as an army of space cows attack your ship. You jump to lightspeed in the direction of the Intergalactic Bazaar. The space cows use their biological FTL capabilities to pursue. At this time, you are approached by Silence the mime, who silently communicates that he was attacked by a monster in the cargo bay.
Silence: Runs to the area the captain is
Silence: Raises both hands up curves them down and makes a scary monster face
Silence: Points to the general cargo area
3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Wait, did me colliding in that specific part of the ship cut the power to the engines? If so, pull the plating apart with my absurd amount of horns and expose the ship's wiring. Use my extreme omnivore power to chew the wiring and cut the ship's power.(You didn't actually cause the ship to stop directly, it stopped because Glass cut off the Roombas control.)
If not, just chew on the hull with all of my seven mandibles and try to brek inside the ship.
2
You try to break into the ship, but are interrupted by the combination of the ship suddenly jumping to lightspeed, an army of space cows firing horn lasers at the ship around you, and a bunch of cereal boxes getting vented into your face. You barely manage to hang on to the ship.
AI, I need your assistance in quest of killing certain eldritch goat
Program experimental boarding action assault robot to go after goat and kill it
1
You fabricate the latest design for a prototype BAAR to try and hunt down "the goat". However, you forget to specify that the target is an eldritch goat. Immediately upon activation, the robot scans its archives for information on goats, finds that they are extinct, enters a state of utter contentment, and self destructs.
AI, I need your assistance in quest of killing certain eldritch goatI need to re-access all my systems first. Also, huh?
Reclaim control of the ship and reactivate all systems. Also make this thing harder to hack.
Furthermore, send notification to the quartermaster that we need new maintenance bots.
Finally, figure out what the deal is with this "eldritch goat", and have the ship's weapons systems or security bots (whichever is applicable to its location) fire on it if it is located.
4, 1, 5, 1
You reclaim control of the ship and attempt to update the ship's Norton Antivirus to better resist future hacking attempts. Your efforts backfire, however the specialized maintenance bots you deploy repair the damage before anything bad can happen. You also try to find out what's going on with the "eldritch goat", but don't have much time to read before the ship is attacked by an army of space cows and jumps to lightspeed.
go to clean the roombas parts. Also swear vengance against Giantdad and Joshua.
2
Swearing vengeance against those who murdered your Roomba army, you try to clean up the wreckage. You get everything into a nice pile, and then it's all scattered about again when a wave of laser fire rocks the ship.
"I say, good sir, your kitchen staff are deplorable! I demand compensation for this issue, it has caused a great disturbance to my profession. Now, my good fellow, what has happened to all the milk? I need it for my brew, by Jove!"
Request some form of compensation and inquire on the avaialbility of milk on thishunk of scrapfine spacecraft
(No roll necessary)
R15-B15 tells you "You can use a food replicator once I turn them on again. The reason I disabled them is probably now moot." He then turns away from you and uses a replicator himself. The replicators are now active and available for your use.
(Why did you turn those off? In any event, it made my job easier, so thanks for that.)"I say, good sir, your kitchen staff are deplorable! I demand compensation for this issue, it has caused a great disturbance to my profession. Now, my good fellow, what has happened to all the milk? I need it for my brew, by Jove!"
Request some form of compensation and inquire on the avaialbility of milk on thishunk of scrapfine spacecraft
"You can use a food replicator once I turn them on again. The reason I disabled them is probably now moot."
Enable the food replicators and have a nearby one synthesize some regular milk for use in my research.
5
You deal with Mr. Redford's complaints and reactivate the replicators. You are the first to utilize one, producing a glass of ordinary milk. You take it from the tray.
You win the game!!!
What do you do next?
(I would recommend. For best results, though we have our own servers, BayStation 12, you're gonna want to read up using the /tg/SS13 wiki. They have more chaotic fun!)(Thanks for the recommendation.)
*sigh*
Check my in-suit radar to see where the nearest wild Space Cow is.
4
You carefully consult your advanced radar to scan the star system for space cows. After a few moments of consideration, your HUD beeps to indicate that the closest space cows are the ones in the massive army of hostile space cows that just appeared in front of you and started shooting.
1 turn to arrival at the Bazaar.
OOC:This seems like a good point to switch over to a schedule of having a turn every other day rather than every day. Sorry for the delays, but from the previous two RTDs I've found it generally works better for me and allows people to have more time to post.
Post by: Glass on April 21, 2019, 12:43:31 am
Additionally, see if I can deploy some combat drones around the Moloko to further aid the battle.
And also see if I can figure out this time what the whole "eldritch goat" nonsense is.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 21, 2019, 01:21:16 am
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 21, 2019, 02:14:32 am
Order the space-cow commander from the Cargo Bay brought to the kitchens. Set up a live-feed of the space cow held at knife-point, with clear-plastic bags of empty burger buns on the counter behind. Broadcast this to the violent herd outside and call for a cease-fire. Oh, and scan the cargo bay for unregistered life forms.
(By the way, just wanted to say that the surprised mime face is hilarious, every time I see it.)
Post by: King Zultan on April 21, 2019, 03:03:25 am
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 21, 2019, 03:22:36 am
Post by: Gwolfski on April 21, 2019, 05:56:18 am
Use to replicator to produce some milk, and add it to my tea, which was kept warm by an ancient device known as a thermos bottle. Check on whether somebody called into my office in the short while I was away
Post by: ziizo on April 21, 2019, 05:58:20 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 21, 2019, 07:46:39 am
Go try and collect our Space Cow so I can activate a mass destruction weapon. Then bring it to the captain.
Post by: CABL on April 21, 2019, 09:03:57 am
Keep beating the space cow with my hammer until the DNA comes out then gather it up and run to the lab.
"Stop beating the cow, casul; we need it alive! *cough* *cough*"
Ignore the wound and bitchslap Bob for hurting the hostage without permission.
Take the cow hostage, as the captain command.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 21, 2019, 09:17:17 am
Silence: Walks to a replicator
Silence: Presses the milk button
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 21, 2019, 12:56:01 pm
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 21, 2019, 04:04:02 pm
Post by: KitRougard on April 21, 2019, 05:51:50 pm
"All I'm trying to do is get milk so the Syndicate shuts its trap, I can start up a Xenomorph infestation, and so I can have decent bones
Post by: crazyabe on April 22, 2019, 01:19:27 am
Post by: Enemy post on April 22, 2019, 10:23:03 pm
*Edited to avoid doubleposting.
Turn 6
Right, time to take control of the situation!(I'm glad you like the mime turns, I was hoping people enjoyed those.)
Order the space-cow commander from the Cargo Bay brought to the kitchens. Set up a live-feed of the space cow held at knife-point, with clear-plastic bags of empty burger buns on the counter behind. Broadcast this to the violent herd outside and call for a cease-fire. Oh, and scan the cargo bay for unregistered life forms.
(By the way, just wanted to say that the surprised mime face is hilarious, every time I see it.)
1
Direct My Spacecow to the bridge.4
Keep beating the space cow with my hammer until the DNA comes out then gather it up and run to the lab.3+2 vs 6-1
Unleash the ancient war cry of my people (https://www.peta.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/PETA_Not_Your_Mom_BB_72.jpg) in a mighty bellow, blowing open the viewport to make this sector one with the homely vacuum of space.2
Init:M0o, Dr. Bob, GiantDad.Keep beating the space cow with my hammer until the DNA comes out then gather it up and run to the lab.
"Stop beating the cow, casul; we need it alive! *cough* *cough*"
Ignore the wound and bitchslap Bob for hurting the hostage without permission.
Take the cow hostage, as the captain command.
6, 2 vs 2-1
Upon seeing her allies arrive in force, M0o bellows a war cry and tries to blast a hole through the hull. The laser beam is parried by Dr. Bob, who is briefly disarmed by the impact. As Bob collects his weapon, GiantDad strides by and smacks him over the head on the way to M0o. M0o opens fire on GiantDad, but by now GiantDad has learned his attack patterns and finishes the battle with a pommel blow to the head. GiantDad drags the stunned space cow up to the bridge and turns her over to the captain. Cap'n Crunch broadcasts the image of M0o being held at knife point to the attacking armada, complete with a collection of burger buns in the background.
It doesn't go as planned. Rather than being intimidated, the space cows are enraged at the abuse of their Lord Commander and intensify their assault. The people on the bridge rock back and forth as a few computer screens explode for some reason. At that moment, the bridge is thrown into even more chaos when Bumpbo the clown bursts in riding a different space cow.
"Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever read in the historical biology books what happened when a ship's sonar met a creature that used sonar to communicate? It would liquefy their brain. Someone get me the space cow we have in the hold so I can replicate the frequency."
Go try and collect our Space Cow so I can activate a mass destruction weapon. Then bring it to the captain.
1
You try to assist in the capture, but you get lost in one of the Moloko's extensive cargo bays instead. At least you were spared the sight of Bumpbo riding a space cow.
We are being attacked - for fucks sake, this can't be right - we are being attacked by space cows. No, it doesn't make any sense. Yes, it is deadly serious. Crew skilled in the use of weaponry and FPS games are advised to assume battle stations.5, 6
Additionally, see if I can deploy some combat drones around the Moloko to further aid the battle.
And also see if I can figure out this time what the whole "eldritch goat" nonsense is.
(Space cows vs combat drones)1 vs 6
You deploy the ship's fleet of point defense drones against the cows. They fight well, inflicting many casualties upon the horde.
Fabricate more boarding boats, upload space cow and eldritch goat destruction routines in them4, 6
(Boarding boats vs space cows)2 vs 5
(Boarding boats vs Nuhg)6-1 vs 3
You fabricate boarding boats and program them to annihilate all eldritch goats and space cows. They head out and charge over-aggressively into their enemies, taking avoidable casualties as the cows flank them. A few of them do land solid hits on the Eldritch Goat.
"Ah, finally"
Use to replicator to produce some milk, and add it to my tea, which was kept warm by an ancient device known as a thermos bottle. Check on whether somebody called into my office in the short while I was away
2, 6
You try to get some milk, but the particular replicator you use is bluescreened. You spend what feels like a whole day trying to fix it, but none of the usual repair methods work and none of the guides appear to be quite the same problem, except for the ones that are almost exactly perfect but fail inexplicably at the last stages. I'm not venting, YOU are! At least things went better for you than they did for Silence the mime, whose replicator immediately burst into flames for some reason.
Anyway, you check in on your calls. You see that you have a missed call from Sir William R. Washingtonson himself, president of the Dapper Gentlemen's Association.
collect the roomba parts again and put them wherever we put the robots that need fixing.
3
You recollect the roomba parts and take them to the repair room. It is filled with accumulated damaged robots from over the ship's career. It seems unlikely that your Roombas will be repaired at all quickly in here under the current conditions.
Silence: Gives a thumbs up
Silence: Walks to a replicator
Silence: Presses the milk button
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Try to use my Space Cow DNA to also evolve the ability to generate Space Cow pheromones. Trick one of the cows into giving me the milk required to perform the ritual.
5
You mutate yourself further with the space cow DNA and generate a copy of their pheromones. Even through the chaos of the battle and several hits you take from the missiles of interfering attack boats, your pheromones are powerful enough to compel a couple of space cows to stop what they are doing to give you their milk.
You win the game!!!
The ritual awaits.
Use the milk to create Platonic Milk for use in the antimatter containment unit.
3
You create platonic milk. You try to put it in the containment unit, but it doesn't seem to work. According to the error scans on your instruments, the milk doesn't want to ruin your friendship.
Undo Lasso, and utilize SPACE PHYSICS to whip those cows into surrender!
"All I'm trying to do is get milk so the Syndicate shuts its trap, I can start up a Xenomorph infestation, and so I can have decent bonesfor SKELETON WARso I stop breaking them every day! Is that so much to ask?"
3 vs 1
You start whipping cows. Through the varied efforts of the attackers around you, it appears that the space cows are quickly losing this battle.
After all the previously mentioned events take place, the Moloko arrives at the Intergalactic Bazaar, still in the midst of battle. The Bazaar looks like a clear pressurized dome extended around an asteroid, which is covered in various marketplaces.
OOC:I hope the turn's alright, I got it done at the last minute on a different device after not being able to get my computer working.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 23, 2019, 02:36:42 am
Transmit distress signal to local Space Animal Rescue Shelter, inform them of the herd of dangerous Space Cows that need capturing, and probably milking too.
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 23, 2019, 02:40:21 am
Send out a compelling psychic wave across the ship, implanting the belief that crew members bleed milk.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 23, 2019, 06:19:57 am
Silence: Attempts to put the fire out!
Post by: King Zultan on April 23, 2019, 07:00:44 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 23, 2019, 07:08:53 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 23, 2019, 08:10:16 am
”Well, I think I have something to do.”
Change into my old military Arcangel armor (think a mix of XCOM’s Arcangle armor and a masculine version of Mercy’s armor, from overwatch, but designed for space travel) grab twin plasma rifles, and go kill, and/or stop, an eldritch goat.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 23, 2019, 09:17:49 am
Comrade eldritch goat, you messed with WRONG BRANCH OF SCIENCE
Post by: CABL on April 23, 2019, 09:44:59 am
"Git gud, casul!"
Execute the space cow leader by bisecting it with a vertical strike.
Go get a glass of milk from a food replicator.
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 23, 2019, 10:35:44 am
((I love that an eldritch goat thingy has already acquired milk; on the turn 6, nonetheless!))((And also how everyone is trying to kill it when the only ones who saw before it was spaced were Captain Crunch, GiantDad and Fallas.))
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 23, 2019, 10:55:34 am
Post by: ziizo on April 23, 2019, 11:04:21 am
Activate the emergency incinerator in giantdad and joshua rooms destroying them.
Post by: Enemy post on April 23, 2019, 11:42:54 am
(I love the mime segments too)
Activate the emergency incinerator in giantdad and joshua rooms destroying them.
(Are you trying to destroy their rooms or the people themselves? I just wanted to warn you that GiantDad is currently on the bridge. Firing an incinerator in there could potentially have some major consequences.)
Post by: ziizo on April 23, 2019, 12:34:54 pm
(I love the mime segments too)
Activate the emergency incinerator in giantdad and joshua rooms destroying them.
(Are you trying to destroy their rooms or the people themselves? I just wanted to warn you that GiantDad is currently on the bridge. Firing an incinerator in there could potentially have some major consequences.)
Just the rooms and their possesions T'zzz is not an murderer.
Post by: Glass on April 23, 2019, 12:40:43 pm
Have the combat drones continue to help us remove the space cow menace, and redirect some to apprehend the Eldritch goat that I’m pretty sure my rolls indicated me knowing about now.
Also send maintbots around to fix any broken hardware and software.
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 23, 2019, 02:48:46 pm
Post by: Gwolfski on April 24, 2019, 01:05:27 pm
"oh jolly good, the president has seen got to call upon me! I must return the call at once!"
Post by: KitRougard on April 24, 2019, 06:03:11 pm
Post by: Enemy post on April 24, 2019, 09:27:12 pm
((I too love those mime segments. They crack me up each time.))5
Send out a compelling psychic wave across the ship, implanting the belief that crew members bleed milk.
((I love that an eldritch goat thingy has already acquired milk; on the turn 6, nonetheless!))2+1 vs 1, 2
"Git gud, casul!"
Execute the space cow leader by bisecting it with a vertical strike.
Go get a glass of milk from a food replicator.
In the chaos of the bridge explosions and Bumpbo's arrival, GiantDad attempts to finish off M0o. The Zweihander sinks upward into the cow's ribcage, but isn't quite enough to finish him off yet. Coughing up blood, M0o blasts a psionic wave that convinces crew members that their comrades are full of milk. Although the more strong-willed or eccentric crew members are able to ignore the blast, most of the anonymous and/or red shirted crewmembers go mad from the blast and begin attacking each other.
All these events also prevent GiantDad from leaving to go get milk.
Silence: Silently screams!
Silence: Attempts to put the fire out!
6
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Stop being unconscious then go beat the DNA out of something other than the space cow.
4
You cease to be unconscious and go looking for something else to get DNA from. You're soon confronted by an insane crewman who attempts to rip you open for the milk inside. A few whacks from a hammer are enough for you to subdue him and knock all his DNA out of his blood.
(Init:Joshua, Delta, Nuhg, Boris)
At long at last! Use the milk and perform the ritual.6
We have arrived at our destination. Please don’t break anything in the Bazaar; I hear they have very good lawyers and I’d rather not get repossessed.(Sorry I forgot to mention the bit where you found him.)
Have the combat drones continue to help us remove the space cow menace, and redirect some to apprehend the Eldritch goat that I’m pretty sure my rolls indicated me knowing about now.
Also send maintbots around to fix any broken hardware and software.
Drones vs space cows)6 vs 3-1
4
(World saving senses tingling)(Joshua vs Nuhg)6,1+1 vs 1-1
”Well, I think I have something to do.”
Change into my old military Arcangel armor (think a mix of XCOM’s Arcangle armor and a masculine version of Mercy’s armor, from overwatch, but designed for space travel) grab twin plasma rifles, and go kill, and/or stop, an eldritch goat.
Set up teleporter coordinates to match goat coordinates and then push activated nuclear space torpedo prototype into it
Comrade eldritch goat, you messed with WRONG BRANCH OF SCIENCE
(Boris vs Nuhg)1 vs 6-3
Having acquired the necessary milk and arcane knowledge, Nuhg prepares to unleash his caprine masters from beyond the seal. At this moment, first mate Joshua Dantès swoops in in a set of power armor and mows him down with a pair of plasma rifles, firing so many shots that the guns are burned out by the impact. Delta's drones also add some holes, and finally Boris hits him with a tactical nuke.
When Nuhg regains awareness, he finds himself on a gloomy cavern shore. Ghosts flit through the air and a white haired ferryman waits on a boat. A nearby gate bears an inscription that reads "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
Delta then focuses on repelling the external threats, finally breaking the space cow lines and forcing them to retreat. His repair drones also fix the damage caused by the space battle, although more internal damage is rapidly being caused by the crazed victims of M0o's psychic attack. Also, one replicator was apparently thrown into space. The confused drones flag the incident for review.
Boris's communicator dings, informing him that his genetically modified potatoes are ready.
(I love the mime segments too)
Activate the emergency incinerator in giantdad and joshua rooms destroying them.
4
As the janitor, it's a simple matter for you to reverse the polarity on the safety deconflagrant generators in Joshua and GiantDad's quarters. You watch over a camera feed with satisfaction as their rooms and possessions burn.
...take the milk sample all the way out and put it back in again?
1
When you try to retrieve the platonic milk, you find that it's no longer in your console. While you weren't looking, it sorted itself over to another engineer. They seem happy.
Return to my office to call the president back. On the way, I shall wield my trusty antique Colt 1911 sidearm to protect myself from any pilfering barbarian uncultured cosmic bovines
"oh jolly good, the president has seen got to call upon me! I must return the call at once!"
2,6
You try to get back to your office, but no sooner do you draw your trusted 308 year old weapon than some hooligan accosts you for it. He rudely screams that he needs it to liberate the precious milk from your skin.
(It was quite good. I'm satisfied that the burger buns helped enrage the space cows.)
Transmit distress signal to local Space Animal Rescue Shelter, inform them of the herd of dangerous Space Cows that need capturing, and probably milking too.
4
As the space cows retreat, you call up the rescue shelter and watch with satisfaction as they gather up the surviving cows in their shuttlecraft.
Remake the lasso and lasso one of the routed Space Cows.
2
You almost manage to capture a space cow, but a bunch of animal rescue astronauts from the Bazaar's surface show up at the last second and take them away before you can get one.
Post by: Glass on April 24, 2019, 09:49:46 pm
All crew members not convinced that people have milk in them, please move yourselves to an isolated room. Or at least, make sure that you're in a different room from the crazies. I am initiating a brief lockdown for pacification purposes.
Once the relatively sane (a stretch, yes, I know) people have done as instructed, flood the ship with sleep gas, then send out securitybots to restrain any remaining belligerents and apprehend the cow that started this.
Also, broadcast the signal: We are experiencing biological difficulties. Please stand by.
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 24, 2019, 11:53:30 pm
Either way, ignore the gate and the ferryman. Find the spirit of one of the recently-deceased space cows and use my pheromones to get some ghostly milk. Then use it to perform the ritual, again.
Post by: Enemy post on April 25, 2019, 12:27:52 am
((...So, since I got a 6 result, wouldn't that mean that the eldritch goat unsealing ritual was a success with the overshoot being the destruction of my physical form?))
(It would have been, but you weren't able to do it because SM beat you on initiative and killed you before you could do it. Your roll should have been crossed out, sorry.)
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 25, 2019, 02:32:50 am
Post by: ziizo on April 25, 2019, 05:10:52 am
Post by: Gwolfski on April 25, 2019, 05:48:45 am
(internally) "Hah, the youth of today know nothing of vintage weaponry! That yob will be unable to figure out a mechanical safety, they all tthink it's holographic now! You can hack a dna sensor, but you can't hack steel!"
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 25, 2019, 06:22:34 am
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Heads to go to the Bazaar (which almost everyone forgot about)
Silence: Looks around at what they are selling
Post by: King Zultan on April 25, 2019, 06:44:52 am
Post by: Glass on April 25, 2019, 09:20:54 am
Grab all of the DNA that came out of that guy, then go to the bazaar and hit more living things with the hammer and gather all the DNA that comes out.._.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 25, 2019, 09:49:57 am
Grab all of the DNA that came out of that guy, then go to the bazaar and hit more living things with the hammer and gather all the DNA that comes out.._.
science!
Post by: CABL on April 25, 2019, 11:05:04 am
"Roger that, I'll hide in a toilet and ensure that everyone's safe in there."
Barricade in a toilet, wait until the ship's AI uses the sleep gas, then go to The Bazaar and buy some milk.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 25, 2019, 01:30:24 pm
This in-fighting is unacceptable!
Distribute gas-masks and organize a security detail. In coordination with the ship AI lock-down, confine anyone affected to the brig.
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 25, 2019, 02:45:40 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 26, 2019, 12:05:51 am
Post by: Imic on April 26, 2019, 03:30:24 am
Description: the Janitor of this sad space shit-hole. Wears a beige jumper and overcoat at all times, as well as enormous hiking boots. Wears a beard which is obviously fake.
Rank (Optional): Janitor.
Why do you want milk?
Seán was going about his business. It was, in fact, a day like any other day. Which is to say it wasn’t a day at all, just another dark period of time in this empty black abyss of space. He decided on this day, after his shift, that he wanted to go and have a nice hot cup of tea. As he brewed the water, fetched the teabag, took out his mug, and poured the water onto the teabag, he went to find some milk to pour into it, and to make the Tea complete. However, there was no milk. That’d be fine, he could just pop down t’th’shops to- no, wait, we’re in fucking space. He gave out a tired sigh, and went to open the door of his unrealistically sized custodial closet to review the current state of the Ship.
Open the door and see where I’m located.
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 26, 2019, 04:07:37 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 26, 2019, 11:18:08 am
Express mournful rage at the fate of my sisters by spontaneously giving birth to an armed mini-nuke. Moo menacingly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI
Post by: Enemy post on April 27, 2019, 01:35:37 am
...
All crew members not convinced that people have milk in them, please move yourselves to an isolated room. Or at least, make sure that you're in a different room from the crazies. I am initiating a brief lockdown for pacification purposes.
Once the relatively sane (a stretch, yes, I know) people have done as instructed, flood the ship with sleep gas, then send out securitybots to restrain any remaining belligerents and apprehend the cow that started this.
Also, broadcast the signal: We are experiencing biological difficulties. Please stand by.
4, 1 vs 6-1
You order the sane crewmembers to safety and activate the ship's gas defenses. The insane crew lose consciousness one by one as the gas does its work. You send out securitybots that gather up and imprison the malfunctioning biologicals. An alarm sounds to inform you that something has detonated a high explosive on the bridge. It appears that your robots attempt capture the space cow responsible for the latest crisis ended with the cow detonating a previously hidden mini nuke on the bridge. The damage causes the Moloko to begin plummeting toward the Bazaar. It will be difficult to stop it from impacting without quick assistance from the few crew still standing.
((...So, since I got a 6 result, wouldn't that mean that the eldritch goat unsealing ritual was a success with the overshoot being the destruction of my physical form?))
Either way, ignore the gate and the ferryman. Find the spirit of one of the recently-deceased space cows and use my pheromones to get some ghostly milk. Then use it to perform the ritual, again.
5, 4
You find the ghost of one of the space cows that just gave you its milk and explain the situation. The ghosts of your pheromones help you persuade it, and the cow promptly gets you a bottle of ghost milk.
You have (re)-acquired milk!
You then immediately cast the ritual and unleash your seven goat deities in Hell. They rise from the river, upending the boat, and begin gnawing on the walls. The Seven are awake.
T̛̝̙̠h͚͍̙͎e͏̱͖̬̩̹ ̫̤̝̩̖͚̖́S͕̬̯e̙̝̬̮̮̫ṿ͚̘̥͚ͅͅe̴n҉̟̟ ͏ar̗̤̼͢ẹ̬̺̺ a̟̜͈w̦̟̱̯̠̦̩à͈̥͎̖͕͓̭k̠̟̮̩ȩ͈̜̰̱̭.̨
Ţhe̷͠ ̵͝Ş́e͜v̵̢͏e̡n ͏a̸̷r̢͜e̸ ̡a̡҉w̧̧ak͢e.̵͜
T̸ͯ̔̒ͬͬ͛̀̌͌ͥ̈͜h̀̓̈ͮ͒̓ͬͩͦͦ̃́è̈̃͢͡ ̶̃̊̉͊ͥ̔̅ͤ͋̄͋̊̃͐ͮ͐̋̕͘͘S̅̉ͥ̿̌ͭ̆̄̆ͬ҉̶͡e̶͆͊̅̚͟v̶̵ͬ͗͌̊ͤ͛ͫ̈́e̵̊̆ͮ͒̔̑̊͟͏n̵̈̓͋ͧ̏͑͌ͤͮ̎̈́͗͋̋̀͜ ͌̒́̂̔ͮ̄̐́̕͜a̡̛ͪ̓ͮ͊ͩͧͤ̅͌̕͜r̆͗ͦ̀̄͘͟͏̛͡e̊̊ͫ̽̽ͮͦ͗̂̏̿̇͠҉ ̶ͩ̐ͥͮ͂̂͛͏a̸̸̡̛̋ͮ̉̒w̨̒ͮ̃͋ͮ̿ͬ̉̃ͩ̑ͫ͐̋̀̂̄̅̉́͢͠aͬ͑͆̋̅̓̀͊͊͋ͣ̉ͣ҉̵k̡̔̓͌̎ͯ͘͡ẽͭ̍ͦ̇̄͑̍ͥ̃͆͌ͤ̔̓͆ͪ͗͌͝҉̷̨.̸̛ͭ͋͗̓ͯ͒̒̽̈ͧ̍ͫ
Print myself power armour suit to get + 1 to defensive rolls, then program some bot to go and retrieve me my POTATOES WITH MILK
6, 4+1, 1
You make the powered armor, but after donning it you find that it seems to be permanently attached to you. At least the armor protects you from the sleep gas flooding the ship. You send a bot to get you the potatoes, but upon the bot's first sight of your glorious potatoes, it steals them for itself and flees somewhere into the ship.
go into the bazaar and search for Milk.
4
You beam down to the bazaar. As a cyborg squid-monster, you fit right in amongst the many aliens shopping here.
Engage in fisticuffs with the scoundrel to disarm him, using my signet rings (that are for official purposes and not just knuckledusters) to beat some sense into the little rogue. If I am succesful,(I wasn't sure if you actually wanted to execute the guy, so I assumed you didn't. Sorry, I should have PM'd you about that.)executerelieve him of consciousness for assualting a gentleman of the Queen's Royal Dapper Gentlemen's Association!
(internally) "Hah, the youth of today know nothing of vintage weaponry! That yob will be unable to figure out a mechanical safety, they all tthink it's holographic now! You can hack a dna sensor, but you can't hack steel!"
6 vs 2, 4
In a remarkable display of skill (if you do say so yourself), you box the miscreant into submission and leave him unconscious on the deck. You're nearly given a taste of your own medicine when the ship's AI then floods the ship with sleeping gas. Your ironclad constitution keeps you awake, however.
Silence: Looks out the window
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Heads to go to the Bazaar (which almost everyone forgot about)
Silence: Looks around at what they are selling
5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
(Exchange preserved for posterity)Grab all of the DNA that came out of that guy, then go to the bazaar and hit more living things with the hammer and gather all the DNA that comes out.._.
science!
6,6
You try to gather up all the DNA that fell out of the guy, but you accidentally destroy most of it. DNA strands are small and fragile, you need tweezers to handle them safely. Nevertheless, you beam down to the Bazaar and start hitting people for DNA. You're working your way through the crowd when someone suddenly turns around and catches your hammer on the way down. From his snarling face and dual-patterned fur, it appears that you have accidentally angered one of the ferocious honey badger people of the Dcoan T're nebula.
((Coin flip: Heads, so I'm sane.))
"Roger that, I'll hide in a toilet and ensure that everyone's safe in there."
Barricade in a toilet, wait until the ship's AI uses the sleep gas, then go to The Bazaar and buy some milk.
2, 5, 5
You fail to make it to the toilet in time, but your vitality and endurance keeps you conscious.
Heads, the Captain is also unaffected by the Mo0vian Disinformation.
This in-fighting is unacceptable!
Distribute gas-masks and organize a security detail. In coordination with the ship AI lock-down, confine anyone affected to the brig.
1, 4, 2
You give the order for the ceiling-mounted gas masks to be deployed, but a malfunction results in only M0o actually receiving a protective mask. Your security detail is rendered unconscious by the fumes, but you stay conscious. As you're gearing up to leave the bridge, you witness a violent explosion as M0o blows herself up when the securitybots approach. The bridge is badly damaged by the attack and the ship begins to fall.
Assist the AI with pacification measures. All I wanted to do was upgrade the antimatter containment unit...(Sorry about that. I was hoping you'd get the milk the way you wanted it, the dice just didn't come up that way.)
5
Work to pacify the crazies.5
In stark contrast to the chaos elsewhere, Joshua and R15-B15 team up, resist the sleep gas, and efficiently take the sedated madmen to the brig.
Name: Seán Ó’Brían
Description: the Janitor of this sad space shit-hole. Wears a beige jumper and overcoat at all times, as well as enormous hiking boots. Wears a beard which is obviously fake.
Rank (Optional): Janitor.
Why do you want milk?
Seán was going about his business. It was, in fact, a day like any other day. Which is to say it wasn’t a day at all, just another dark period of time in this empty black abyss of space. He decided on this day, after his shift, that he wanted to go and have a nice hot cup of tea. As he brewed the water, fetched the teabag, took out his mug, and poured the water onto the teabag, he went to find some milk to pour into it, and to make the Tea complete. However, there was no milk. That’d be fine, he could just pop down t’th’shops to- no, wait, we’re in fucking space. He gave out a tired sigh, and went to open the door of his unrealistically sized custodial closet to review the current state of the Ship.
Open the door and see where I’m located.
3
You are Seán Ó’Brían, the janitor. You open up the custodial closet and go to find out the situation. The ship appears to be in freefall, the bridge has suffered catastrophic damage, most of the crew went insane following a space cow attack, the ship's Roomba contingent briefly lead an uprising, and an eldritch goat tried to free eldritch deities. You are also struggling to stay conscious after the ship's AI releases sleep gas through the vents.
Looks like the ship ran out of milk, then.
Express mournful rage at the fate of my sisters by spontaneously giving birth to an armed mini-nuke. Moo menacingly.
6
It seems like the space cow uprising has been defeated, for today. As a final act of vengeance, you give a haunting M0o and grant the miracle of birth to a bouncing baby mini nuke. He looks up at you and happy blurts "MaMa!" Your baby then erupts in a massive explosion that kills you, destroys the bridge, and sends the oppressors' ship hurtling toward the Bazaar.
You awaken to find yourself in an understated waiting room. A clock ticks on the wall, and several discarded magazines lie around on tables near some decent couches. A robed human with a white beard stands at a podium, carefully reading a book. Several ghosts sit on the couches. You recognize several of the space cows among them and also a few of the hated crew of that human ship.
Unless prevented, the Moloko will crash into the bazaar in 2 turns.
OOC:
I'm surprised Glass didn't knock out any of the good guys with the sleep gas. I did roll for it, you all just did well on that front.
Express mournful rage at the fate of my sisters by spontaneously giving birth to an armed mini-nuke. Moo menacingly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI
lol.
Post by: Glass on April 27, 2019, 01:56:44 am
Broadcast both within the Moloko and to the Bazaar: Mayday, mayday! Our vessel has been severely damaged by an onboard nuclear detonation! It is currently set to collide with the Bazaar in [an amount of time equal to two turns]! Immediate action is required, and assistance would be greatly appreciated!
In the meantime, send engibots to begin repairs, and have medibots collect all afflicted crew members to have them treated for whatever caused their psychoses.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 27, 2019, 03:48:53 am
Also go find that robot, which stole my milk and TAKE IT BACK
Post by: ziizo on April 27, 2019, 05:16:27 am
Post by: King Zultan on April 27, 2019, 05:46:17 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 27, 2019, 08:43:29 am
Silence: Smiles
Silence: Goes up to a person selling a exotic pet
Silence: Points at a random exotic pet
Silence: Takes out something to barter for a exotic pet
(also wondered what ever happened to that cargo monster thing)
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 27, 2019, 09:44:56 am
Ah, the afterlife. Yet another frontier for space cow liberation.
Approach the robed human, loudly (in terms of psionic communication) demanding compliance with the Multiversal Declaration of Space Cow Rights. Simultaneously probe his mind to figure out what's going on here.
Post by: The_Two_Eternities on April 27, 2019, 11:12:55 am
Post by: Imic on April 27, 2019, 11:30:14 am
Run back to the custodial closet, grab my gas mask and as many filters as I can carry. Gather my tools, mop, kettle, teabags, and mugs, and find a piece of the ship not currently in a state of complete and utter chaos. Then, prepare defenses for a siege. Fight off miscreants with welding equipment if need be. Also, bring the remote controls. Just in case.
Post by: CABL on April 27, 2019, 12:49:49 pm
Go on the bridge, pierce the floor with my Zweihander, then try to stop Moloko from crashing into the Bazaar by pulling the ship with all of my demigod strength.
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 27, 2019, 01:40:13 pm
Wait for the Seven to continue devouring the walls, until there's a hole big enough for me to escape. I can try to re-summon them when I leave the afterlife.
Post by: KitRougard on April 27, 2019, 01:46:50 pm
"Glad I wasn't there."
[Action soonish]
Post by: Gwolfski on April 27, 2019, 05:42:08 pm
Proceed to my office and call back the President. Use the office replicator to prepare a cup of tea, with two sugars and milk
((yeah, I wanted him unconcious))
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 28, 2019, 03:28:14 am
Post by: Enemy post on April 29, 2019, 01:40:01 am
:|
Broadcast both within the Moloko and to the Bazaar: Mayday, mayday! Our vessel has been severely damaged by an onboard nuclear detonation! It is currently set to collide with the Bazaar in [an amount of time equal to two turns]! Immediate action is required, and assistance would be greatly appreciated!
In the meantime, send engibots to begin repairs, and have medibots collect all afflicted crew members to have them treated for whatever caused their psychoses.
1, 4
You try sending out the engibots, but a leak from one of the quantum EMP tanks in the engine room fries their programming and causes them to instead sabotage the ship. On a more positive note, the medibots successfully collect the insane crew members and set them up in simulated therapy with accelerated perceived time.
-1 turns to impact.
Try to slow down ships fall by changing its mass into negative mass, so it floats up instead of falling THROUGH SCIENCE
Also go find that robot, which stole my milk and TAKE IT BACK
4, 1
Of course! You hit the "reverse polarity" hotkey on your terminal to switch the ship over to negative mass. The ship's gravity is reversed away from the Bazaar, although its automated escape boosters and momentum still pose a problem. You then track down what looks like your culprit and fry it with your laser pistol. Unfortunately, it turns out that this was a completely innocent robot that just happened to be carrying a bunch of normal potatoes.
search for milk or roombas whatever is closer.
5
You blob around the marketplace and find a strange sight. A Roomba from the ship is whirring through the marketplace. A bag of glowing potatoes drags behind it, held by the vacuum slot. One of the potatoes is damaged by a passing alien's claw. A few droplets of milk fall out as a result.
Pull out my concealed gun and shoot the badger in the chest until the DNA comes out, if that fails or I forgot my gun just run away.
3 to see if you have a gun, 2+1 vs 1+2
You draw your concealed super soaker and attempt to blast the honey badger man's DNA out. It's a valiant effort, but his thick skin prevents the DNA from falling off.
Silence: Stares in awe
Silence: Smiles
Silence: Goes up to a person selling a exotic pet
Silence: Points at a random exotic pet
Silence: Takes out something to barter for a exotic pet
(also wondered what ever happened to that cargo monster thing)
3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Regarding the Vacuum Vermin. (https://imgur.com/a/s66wif5)
((Hey, that went pretty well! A little too well. Best not to question space cow physiology, I suppose.))
Ah, the afterlife. Yet another frontier for space cow liberation.
Approach the robed human, loudly (in terms of psionic communication) demanding compliance with the Multiversal Declaration of Space Cow Rights. Simultaneously probe his mind to figure out what's going on here.
5, 6
You walk up to the human and make your demands. He introduces himself as St. Peter, and assures you that the afterlife was in fact a major power backing the MDSCR's passage into law. As a space cow yourself, you should be entitled to favorable treatment in the hereafter.
As he speaks, you probe his mind. It seems that this is your personal judgment, and St. Peter here is assigned to judge you. As a consequence of this, he knows everything about your life thus far.
Including that one incident you had in the space cow equivalent of middle school.
Jury-rig an emergency platonic milk containment unit so that if the ship crashes, the reactor won't explode.
4
You successfully rig the containment unit. The ship and its crew should survive the impact now if it can't be prevented.
AI, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
Run back to the custodial closet, grab my gas mask and as many filters as I can carry. Gather my tools, mop, kettle, teabags, and mugs, and find a piece of the ship not currently in a state of complete and utter chaos. Then, prepare defenses for a siege. Fight off miscreants with welding equipment if need be. Also, bring the remote controls. Just in case.
1, 3-1, 5-1, 6-1
In the confusion, you're unable to find a gas mask or any other major gear. The time taken to do it allows the gas to wear you down more. At least the gas keeps you calm enough to remember to grab the remote controls for one of the ship's emergency shelters. You make it to the shelter and leap inside. At the moment, it looks like the miscreants have already been subdued by the gas and robots, so you're in no immediate danger from them.
Use my power as a security officer to arrest T'zzz as a suspect responsible for the destruction of my room/property.
Go on the bridge, pierce the floor with my Zweihander, then try to stop Moloko from crashing into the Bazaar by pulling the ship with all of my demigod strength.
2 vs 5
6
You try to arrest T'zzz, but it appears he already beamed down to the market and can't be found at the moment.\
After that, you stride onto the ruined bridge, slam down your massive sword, and pull the entire ship up in a heroic defiance of physics. The crash is delayed, but the metal around you shrieks from the strain.
+1 turn to impact, but -1 on rolls to repair the ship.
Wait, we're still on hell. Oh well, at least they were unsealed.
Wait for the Seven to continue devouring the walls, until there's a hole big enough for me to escape. I can try to re-summon them when I leave the afterlife.
6
You wait patiently for one of the Seven to bite a hole through the wall and slip through between the chomping of endless rows of teeth and the ineffectual retaliation of the demon hordes. On the other side, you float through advanced darkness for what feels like an eternity. Eventually, you spot a light and burrow through. You find yourself on a snowy battlefield underneath the largest tree you've ever seen. Viking warriors skirmish all around you, and women on flying horses are scattered around the sky.
"This ship being about to crash is most inconvenient. How vexing! I must answer that missed call!"
Proceed to my office and call back the President. Use the office replicator to prepare a cup of tea, with two sugars and milk
((yeah, I wanted him unconcious))
5
You march right back to your office and whistle up a cup of tea from your deluxe replicator. As you lean back in your starbuck-leather office chair and ring the President of the Dapper Gentlemen's Association, a telltale milky swirl in your tea informs you that
You win the game!
President Washingtonson's voice comes through your antique iPhone XIII, and he greets you with all the customary salutations and formalities.
"Now then, good sir, I'd like an update on your assignment to the Moloko. Tell me, how are things? Have you managed to make the ship any more dapper yet? As you know, the Queen will be needing a new flagship soon, and she can't be having a non-dapper one, now can she?"
"Take evasive maneuvers! We must evade the planet that's currently rushing towards us!" the Captain says, as he prepares to go down with the ship.
6
You take an evasive pattern that does indeed delay the ship's final impact, but causes the ship to rattle violently and further damages repair efforts.
+1 turn to impact, but -1 on rolls to repair the ship.
Unless prevented, the Moloko will crash into the bazaar in 2 turns.
Post by: Glass on April 29, 2019, 02:23:50 am
Alright, anyone trying to repair the ship: don't. That can wait until we're at a dedicated repair stop. Right now, we just need to make sure that we don't crash.
Try making minor changes to the Moloko's trajectory that will make any predicted landing softer, and, if possible, direct us toward a port. Also, shut down the engiebots.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on April 29, 2019, 03:46:06 am
Deploy emergency impact head-gear. As regulations specify, the helmets are blue and look rather like bicorn hats.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 29, 2019, 05:05:28 am
Post by: ziizo on April 29, 2019, 05:26:21 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on April 29, 2019, 06:32:51 am
Silence: Puts his glasses on
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Writes down Douge on a nearby sticky note
Silence: Sticks it on Douge
Silence: Heads back to the ship
(Silence: Sheds a single tear for Vaccum Vermin)
Post by: King Zultan on April 29, 2019, 06:50:52 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on April 29, 2019, 07:46:39 am
Post by: Imic on April 29, 2019, 08:52:11 am
Forget this.
Quietly ponder why this is happening to me, then find the Robotics lab. Begin construction of a Firefighter, with built-in oxygen tanks, rocket boosters, drill, and as much armour as can be fitted onto it. Also, acquire a toolbelt and welding helmet. Remove fake beard.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 29, 2019, 10:42:53 am
Shit.
Continue to search for a gas mask. If I find one, ask the Ship’s AI A: What the hell is going on and B: is there anything I can do to assist in it’s prevention. If informed, try to do whatever it asks. I am a Custodian, after all. If I can’t find a gas mask, ask question A, bypass question B, and wait out the gas.
ooc( the gas thing sort of ended previous turn?)
Post by: Glass on April 29, 2019, 10:54:04 am
Try to decrease ship mass and delay our fall by dumping all unneeded prototype thermonuclear bombs at bazaarPrevent this.
Shit.We're crashing and the ship is horribly damaged, but people have royally fucked up our ability to fix the damage right now so at the moment I'm trying to minimize the damage we'd do by crashing and steer us toward a repair bay.
Continue to search for a gas mask. If I find one, ask the Ship’s AI A: What the hell is going on and B: is there anything I can do to assist in it’s prevention. If informed, try to do whatever it asks. I am a Custodian, after all. If I can’t find a gas mask, ask question A, bypass question B, and wait out the gas.
Post by: ziizo on April 29, 2019, 11:08:17 am
Use my position as the ship Roomba herder (or Janitor both positions are the same in the future) to call the roomba to me. Adquire milk potatoes too.Prevent this.
Why?
Post by: Atomic Chicken on April 29, 2019, 11:19:59 am
Wipe all details regarding the incident from St. Peter's declarative memory. Consider erasing the rest of his mind while we're at it, just to be on the safe side.
Post by: Glass on April 29, 2019, 12:34:18 pm
Sorry, quoted the wrong post. Gimme a sec to fix it.Use my position as the ship Roomba herder (or Janitor both positions are the same in the future) to call the roomba to me. Adquire milk potatoes too.Prevent this.
Why?
EDIT: I'd meant to quote Chariot's post, so we're clear.
Post by: Enemy post on April 29, 2019, 02:45:12 pm
Shit.
Continue to search for a gas mask. If I find one, ask the Ship’s AI A: What the hell is going on and B: is there anything I can do to assist in it’s prevention. If informed, try to do whatever it asks. I am a Custodian, after all. If I can’t find a gas mask, ask question A, bypass question B, and wait out the gas.
ooc( the gas thing sort of ended previous turn?)
The gas served its purpose, but it's still there until someone gets rid of it.
Post by: Gwolfski on April 29, 2019, 04:43:55 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on April 29, 2019, 08:22:50 pm
Take control of the wheel and begin turning us so we pass the Bazaar.
Post by: CABL on April 30, 2019, 01:32:12 am
Post by: Gwolfski on April 30, 2019, 11:44:21 am
Send the Captain a very encouraging message asking them to not crash the ship, and attempt to locate the nearest home supply depot
Post by: sprinkled chariot on April 30, 2019, 12:31:35 pm
Post by: Glass on April 30, 2019, 01:06:02 pm
Comrade AI, why you dont like the idea of dumping unneeded nuclear weapon prototypes on Bazaar? I think, that such opressive capitalistic institution might become better with some extra nuclear energyI don't care about the morality of the Bazaar, but if we drop nukes on them, this ship will be scrap metal inside the minute.
Post by: Enemy post on April 30, 2019, 10:32:36 pm
Try to decrease ship mass and delay our fall by dumping all unneeded prototype thermonuclear bombs at bazaar1
3Try to decrease ship mass and delay our fall by dumping all unneeded prototype thermonuclear bombs at bazaarPrevent this.
Boris attempts to lighten the ship by bombarding on the unsuspecting Bazaar with nukes. Delta objects to this scheme, predicting that the bazaar's defenses would swiftly destroy the crippled Moloko in retaliation. Boris goes for the release controls anyway, dodging automated turrets and securitybots. Boris eventually reaches the controls and whoops in triumph. Moments later, a securitybot jumps him and smashes Boris's face into the monitor. This destroys the monitor, preventing anyone from launching the nukes for the time being.
Damnit.5, 5
Alright, anyone trying to repair the ship: don't. That can wait until we're at a dedicated repair stop. Right now, we just need to make sure that we don't crash.
Try making minor changes to the Moloko's trajectory that will make any predicted landing softer, and, if possible, direct us toward a port. Also, shut down the engiebots.
'Zounds! We might not avoid this one.4
Deploy emergency impact head-gear. As regulations specify, the helmets are blue and look rather like bicorn hats.
Ok, time to stop the world from ending, again.4
Take control of the wheel and begin turning us so we pass the Bazaar.
Keep steering the spaceship with my sheer might.2
The Moloko makes its final descent toward the Bazaar. GiantDad keeps trying to wrench the ship up and away, but his strength is already spent. Cap'n Crunch deploys the bicorn crash helmets throughout the ship in anticipation of the impact. These helmets both save lives and represent the pinnacle of fashion on the high seas. At this point, Delta and Joshua step up. Joshua grabs the remains of the steering wheel and fights to regain control. Delta rapidly patches the damaged repair drones, using them to activate numerous microthrusters along the hull. Together, they drag the Moloko off course from the Bazaar and point it toward a floating repair station. The ship is caught by emergency tractor beams that rapidly reduce the ship's momentum and direct it into a massive drydock filled with an array of cranes and scaffolding designed to hold such a large vessel in place. It's a near thing, and several pieces of construction are crushed by the ship or pierce the hull in turn. The tortured metal shrieks in the artificial atmosphere of the drydock.
However, the landing is ultimately successful. The penalties to repair are removed here, and the ship is no longer in danger of crashing. The sleep gas is also vented through the hull breaches.
Use my position as the ship Roomba herder (or Janitor both positions are the same in the future) to call the roomba to me. Adquire milk potatoes too.
3
You command the Roomba to return to you using your authority as the Roomba herder/janitor. Your direct order causes the robot to briefly reset its programming and drop the potatoes as it returns. You recapture the Roomba, but getting to the sack of potatoes proves a challenge in the crowd. Numerous humans and aliens block you from reaching it or unpredictably kick the potatoes around the street.
Silence: Squints at the new pet
Silence: Puts his glasses on
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Writes down Douge on a nearby sticky note
Silence: Sticks it on Douge
Silence: Heads back to the ship
(Silence: Sheds a single tear for Vaccum Vermin)
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Runaway I brought the wrong gun, then go buy a new better gun that can kill.
5
You dodge artfully away from the honey badger's claws and disappear into the crowd before popping out at a gun shop. A rather disheveled green-skinned woman with a ridged forehead sits at the counter and asks what you need. You negotiate a fair price and walk out with your very own refurbished death ray.
Valhalla is good enough. Find the bridge that connects it to Midgard and return to the mortal plane. If I don't find any bridge, go towards the tree and climb downwards.
4, 3
You find the Bifrost and hurry back to the mortal realm along it. You burst into the void of space as a ghost. You seem to be roughly where you died, although by now the ship you were attacking is out of sight. Looking over your shoulder at the Bifrost, you see that a squad of valkyries spotted you leaving and are in pursuit.
Continue to search for a gas mask. If I find one, ask the Ship’s AI A: What the hell is going on and B: is there anything I can do to assist in it’s prevention. If informed, try to do whatever it asks. I am a Custodian, after all. If I can’t find a gas mask, ask question A, bypass question B, and wait out the gas.
Forget this.
Quietly ponder why this is happening to me, then find the Robotics lab. Begin construction of a Firefighter, with built-in oxygen tanks, rocket boosters, drill, and as much armour as can be fitted onto it. Also, acquire a toolbelt and welding helmet. Remove fake beard.
1-1
You try to do all these things, but finally lose consciousness and pass out as you become dimly aware of an impact siren. In what feels like an instant, you wake up in your shelter. It seems to have been trashed by a collision impacting the ship. Furniture is scattered everywhere, and you yourself are lying against a back wall. You don't feel any more sleep gas in the air though, so that seems to have been resolved.
Ah, the incident. Now that was really something, wasn't it? I'm fairly certain it never happened. It's not like that wreck of a town even existed to begin with, you know? Also, it's funny how there were no witnesses, am I right?
Wipe all details regarding the incident from St. Peter's declarative memory. Consider erasing the rest of his mind while we're at it, just to be on the safe side.
1
You launch your psychic attack on St. Peter. His fatherly smile slowly fades to a disappointed frown as you struggle to push past his defenses.
You blink and find yourself on a shattered subterranean beach. The room is nearly deserted of life. A stone gate lies smashed open nearby and a crushed wooden dock is on the shore. Numerous dead demons of various kinds lie about, and the walls have gashes in them revealing an empty void on the other side. The only movement comes from a giant goatman, who ignores you as he chews on the cavern wall. More void-portal is exposed whenever he gnaws through rock.
"I'm afraid sir my efforts have been hampered by a shortage of milk and a bovine incursion from the netherrealms. But by Jove will that not stop me, I must just mention it to the captain that he doesn't crash this craft into that bazaar"
Send the Captain a very encouraging message asking them to not crash the ship, and attempt to locate the nearest home supply depot
4, 3
You strongly encourage the captain not to crash the ship. There's still an impact that spills a drop of your tea even through the kinetic barriers of your office, but at least you survived the incident.
Exiting the ship, you are unable to find a real Home Depot. However, you do discover that the Moloko has crash-landed in a ship repair facility. Perhaps upgrades could be commissioned for an extra charge.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on April 30, 2019, 11:29:11 pm
Description: A very big grap man with a weird chin
Why do you want milk?: To make the universe perfectly balanced (as all things should be) using the Infinity Dairy Products to atomize all space cows therefore stopping space carbon emmisions
Search for the first Infinite Dairy, Cosmic Milk.
Post by: Glass on May 01, 2019, 12:05:41 am
Set our repairbots to work, repairing both the Moloko and the structures we damaged on the way into the repair station.
Also, set up a roughly humanoid robot for me to use while we're docked. Being the ship isn't particularly useful or exciting when you're not going anywhere.
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 01, 2019, 12:08:09 am
Do I still have ghost milk left? If I don't, try finding some of the normal milk I had before I died. If I have milk, attempt the ritual yet again.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 01, 2019, 02:14:58 am
Post by: Imic on May 01, 2019, 03:43:58 am
Post by: ziizo on May 01, 2019, 04:20:58 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 01, 2019, 06:44:50 am
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Attempts to train Douge to bring him random things every now and then
Silence: Gives Douge a treat
Silence: Relaxes
Post by: King Zultan on May 01, 2019, 07:16:56 am
Post by: CABL on May 01, 2019, 01:58:28 pm
Post by: Gwolfski on May 01, 2019, 02:50:06 pm
Contact the repair station to get a quote for redecorating the Moloko to top tier dapperness and suitability for being the Queen's flagship. Also check my available funds
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 02, 2019, 05:44:06 pm
Post by: Enemy post on May 03, 2019, 01:52:33 am
Name: Thainos
Description: A very big grap man with a weird chin
Why do you want milk?: To make the universe perfectly balanced (as all things should be) using the Infinity Dairy Products to atomize all space cows therefore stopping space carbon emmisions
Search for the first Infinite Dairy, Cosmic Milk.
2
The hardest choices require the strongest wills. You place your golden and currently empty Unlimited Glove on your hand and go searching for the Infinite Dairies. It occurs to you that sitting on your chair for the past 18 movies may not have been the most efficient strategy. For the moment, you don't actually know where any of the Dairies are.
"Well, let's fix this mess"6
Contact the repair station to get a quote for redecorating the Moloko to top tier dapperness and suitability for being the Queen's flagship. Also check my available funds
Figure out the price of repairs., try to negotiate it down, and when we have reached the lowest they will go, pay it.6, 3
Alright, good. Now, repairs.6, 3
Set our repairbots to work, repairing both the Moloko and the structures we damaged on the way into the repair station.
Also, set up a roughly humanoid robot for me to use while we're docked. Being the ship isn't particularly useful or exciting when you're not going anywhere.
Try to make self replicating nanobots cloud to repair the ship, also program them to kill janitor, because he started damn roomba rebellion4, 1
The repairs of the Moloko begin. Simultaneously, Joshua and Duncan G. Redford contact the station's AI overseer to negotiate a price for repairs and upgrades, respectively. The calls cause some confusion. The combined price is fairly high, but when Joshua agrees to pay it the money is taken from Redford's accounts. This is enough to cover the costs, but drains Redford's accounts in the process.
At this time, Delta and Boris release robots and nanobots to try fixing the ship on their own. The robots access the ship plans along with Redford's upgrades, and they rapidly start to both fix the ship and alter the interior into a Victorian mansion aesthetic.
Delta also builds a robotic avatar for himself. The resulting machine is a rather awkward and vaguely resembles Robbie the Robot, but it's functional.
Boris also attempts to put one additional command into the nanobots to disassemble T'zzz the janitor, but an overflow loop in the stack mainframe results in a serious malfunction. The effects take a moment to assert themselves, but Boris can already see himself starting to disintegrate.
I mean, it's not like they can exactly kill me right now, being a goat ghost abomination.
Do I still have ghost milk left? If I don't, try finding some of the normal milk I had before I died. If I have milk, attempt the ritual yet again.
6, 3, 4-1
(Valkyries vs Nuhg) 3 vs 1
It could be possible to save some of the milk you use in these rituals, but last time you got overexcited and used the whole sample. Nevertheless, you float over to the point where you died. You find that most of the milk was destroyed or irradiated when Boris nuked your corpse, but there's enough traces left for you to use up in a weakened version of the ritual. You cast your spell and a flickering portal opens. Five of Seven emerges and looks about in surprise, blinking in the starlight. He then bites at the background of space and devours a distant star.
As you're distracted by watching this, one of the Valkyries rides over and grabs you. It seems that they are trying to capture you and drag you back to the afterlife.
Priority 1 is still to get to the Robotics lab to build a mech. When there, grab every tool in the wproom and get buildin. Ensure it has internal oxygen tanks, a drill, and rocket boots, I may end up being in space soon, or trapped by wreckage. Put a dna lock in it for good measure, to ensure only I can get in. From then on, get to a window or something that I can easily break and use to escape the ship if it crashes.(The ship already crash-landed, you don't currently need to worry about another one. I'm sure preparing for the future would be wise, however.)
1
You get to the Robotics lab, but find that it's been destroyed by dislodged girders from the ceiling. A cloud of nanobots is rapidly reconfiguring it into a fashionable 19th century drawing room. Also, this room contains a mime and his pet creature. They seem surprised to have been disturbed, but it can be hard to tell with mimes.
chase after the milk potatoes
2
You try to catch up to the milk potatoes, but just before you can grab them they snag on a hover-rickshaw and are pulled quickly along the street.
Silence: Looks how badly the ship got damaged
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Attempts to train Douge to bring him random things every now and then
Silence: Gives Douge a treat
Silence: Relaxes
2 to train Douge, 1 to relax.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Go to a butcher shop and gather all the DNA that might be inside and threaten the butcher with my death ray if I have to.
1
You march into the nearest butcher shop and threaten the butcher with your death ray, but it's no use. Before you got here, a mysterious thief came in and stole all the DNA first. The butcher weeps for his ruined DNA-less meat and tells you that this DNA thief has been hitting various shops around this district of the Bazaar.
Beam to the repair space station and pretend to be nauseous, then ask for a glass of milk so I can get better.
5
You beam down to the repair station and whimper pitifully to the first workers you see to get you milk. It works perfectly. The workers quickly get you a glass of milk.
The legend never dies!
What will you do next?
Post by: Glass on May 03, 2019, 02:02:43 am
While I don't really care what my vessel looks like so long as it doesn't look like some murderbot, it should at least not be a clumsy mess. Try to rework it into something more mobile.
And wait when did these nanobots happen? Since when do we have nanobots? Fucking secretive engineers. Make sure the nanobots are three-laws compliant at least.
Oh, and make sure that the repairbots are maintaining the function of the ship's departments, if not the aesthetics. Losing functionality for the same of an antique style is simply illogical.
Post by: Imic on May 03, 2019, 02:23:02 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 03, 2019, 06:31:57 am
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Waves at beard guy
Silence: Attempts to train Douge again while making encouraging gestures
Post by: King Zultan on May 03, 2019, 07:39:54 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 03, 2019, 10:10:24 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 03, 2019, 10:22:15 am
Post by: ziizo on May 03, 2019, 10:36:43 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 03, 2019, 11:12:32 am
Post by: Glass on May 03, 2019, 12:07:11 pm
Assist AI in changing nanobots laws to asimov, so they dont harm humans, then set them to kill damn nonhuman janitor, who started all this roomba rebellionTaking note of this, also alter the Asimov Laws to refer to “sapient entities” rather than specifically “humans”.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 03, 2019, 04:34:18 pm
https://sd.keepcalms.com/i/there-s-no-way-this-could-possibly-go-wrong.pngAssist AI in changing nanobots laws to asimov, so they dont harm humans, then set them to kill damn nonhuman janitor, who started all this roomba rebellionTaking note of this, also alter the Asimov Laws to refer to “sapient entities” rather than specifically “humans”.
Post by: Glass on May 03, 2019, 05:24:51 pm
...https://sd.keepcalms.com/i/there-s-no-way-this-could-possibly-go-wrong.pngAssist AI in changing nanobots laws to asimov, so they dont harm humans, then set them to kill damn nonhuman janitor, who started all this roomba rebellionTaking note of this, also alter the Asimov Laws to refer to “sapient entities” rather than specifically “humans”.
"Crew members", then. Rather than either "humans" or "sapient entities".
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 04, 2019, 05:46:46 am
For the record, I support killing the janitor....https://sd.keepcalms.com/i/there-s-no-way-this-could-possibly-go-wrong.pngAssist AI in changing nanobots laws to asimov, so they dont harm humans, then set them to kill damn nonhuman janitor, who started all this roomba rebellionTaking note of this, also alter the Asimov Laws to refer to “sapient entities” rather than specifically “humans”.
"Crew members", then. Rather than either "humans" or "sapient entities".
Post by: CABL on May 04, 2019, 07:11:17 am
Try to find the traitorous janitor, but do not engage him in combat.
Post by: Trinculoisdead on May 04, 2019, 11:11:51 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 04, 2019, 03:27:08 pm
Post by: Enemy post on May 04, 2019, 03:40:14 pm
EP, Does the ship give out wages or are we government paid? I’m asking due to wondering if it would be an ok action to Give everyone their week’s wages so they can enjoy their weekend off.
The ship gives out wages and is funded by tax money. You can give out the money if you want, although success will be dependent on the roll of course.
I was actually going to say that the Alliance is a post-scarcity society like the Federation from Star Trek, but then I remembered that Duncan G. Redford had already been established as having a bank account and you had to negotiate with the repair station over costs.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 04, 2019, 10:03:33 pm
Post by: Enemy post on May 05, 2019, 01:29:54 am
Um. What?
While I don't really care what my vessel looks like so long as it doesn't look like some murderbot, it should at least not be a clumsy mess. Try to rework it into something more mobile.
And wait when did these nanobots happen? Since when do we have nanobots? Fucking secretive engineers. Make sure the nanobots are three-laws compliant at least.
Oh, and make sure that the repairbots are maintaining the function of the ship's departments, if not the aesthetics. Losing functionality for the same of an antique style is simply illogical.
...https://sd.keepcalms.com/i/there-s-no-way-this-could-possibly-go-wrong.pngAssist AI in changing nanobots laws to asimov, so they dont harm humans, then set them to kill damn nonhuman janitor, who started all this roomba rebellionTaking note of this, also alter the Asimov Laws to refer to “sapient entities” rather than specifically “humans”.
"Crew members", then. Rather than either "humans" or "sapient entities".
3, 4, 1
You recall your avatar to the repair zone and make major revisions to the design. It's more agile now, but stripping it down to remove unnecessary parts has left it looking skeletal and maybe a bit too intimidating. You use your backdoor hidden in the ship's laws of robotics to program the nanobots to spare
I think I’ll change it to Make sure the repairs are done properly to fit the proper functions of the ship. then, so as to not mess with everyone’s wages.
5
You wisely decide to check on the repair bots and find that they are actually destroying the ship in the name of Dapperness. However, you log into their command structure and order them to preserve the ship's underlying functions before they can get around to turning the life support into an art gallery or something similarly disastrous. The bots are now safely repairing and harmlessly redecorating the ship.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck... Run to thr rngineering eing and find an Engineering hardsuit (https://tgstation13.org/wiki//index.php?title=Hardsuit&redirect=no). Once the Hardsukt has been donned and oxygen tanks have been found, acquire a toolbelt and tools. Begin construction of a personal rocket booster with cupholders.
5, 5
Things haven't been going well for you lately. However, you're an engineer. It's time to fix some problems. You leave the mime behind and go to the engineering department. You flawlessly construct your hardsuit, collect your gear, and attach a custom flame-print rocket booster. You even add cupholders to the suit. Your suit gleams in the light as you stride back into the hallway.
Silence: Looks confused
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Waves at beard guy
Silence: Attempts to train Douge again while making encouraging gestures
5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Go after the DNA thief and kill him then steal his DNA from him, because I need the DNA for SCIENCE!
4, 1+1 vs 5
It appears you have a rival. You do some detective work to track down this DNA thief, ultimately finding him in an alleyway as he pummels an Orion-kitten for its DNA. The figure is wearing a dark cloak with a heavy hood. You charge forward and attempt to blast him with your death ray. The beam stabs out in a wickedly erratic and sparking yellow bolt. Your target dodges the beam, which reduces the wall behind the figure to ash. Before you can fire again, the figure steps up and knocks you down with a laser-crowbar.
Fortunatly I am not the only one cursed with knowledge. Search for someone that does know the location of the Infinite Dairy's.
6
Fine, you'll do it yourself. You go looking for someone who can help you find the Dairies. You locate the office of an expert on the topic and request his assistance. However, you offer to kill half his neighbors as payment. Despite the obvious good that would do, he takes offense for some reason and refuses to give you the information.
Delete Janitor from crew manifest, so he gets killed by nanobots.
2
You try to erase T'zzz from the manifest, but you are don't have authorization to make that change.
put a leash on the roomba then set it on turbo mode (to clean fast but inneficiently) with orders to catch that hover-rickshaw (while dragging me)
4
You set your Roomba after the rickshaw and ride to the tune of the William Tell Overture. You catch up to the rickshaw, with the Roomba pulling alongside. The potatoes are just before you. An alien couple regards you with confusion.
Express through the sound of seven goat heads screaming at the same time that I am neither Scandinavian nor human. Attempt to release myself of the Valkyrie's grip and fly towards the Bazaar.
5
You scream in every unspeakable tongue that you aren't even Scandinavian. The valkyrie releases you immediately and gives you a tankard of Asgardian mead as an apology. You then go your separate ways, the valkryies returning to Valhalla as you float down to the Bazaar.
Quote from: Five of Seven
Gnaw the universe
1
The unleashed goat deity coughs on the star it ate and is momentarily prevented from gnawing on reality.
Thank the station workers, then beam back to the ship and onto the Bazaar.
Try to find the traitorous janitor, but do not engage him in combat.
1
You decide to beam down to the Bazaar and look for the janitor. You stomp through the crowds and find what seems to be the traitorous janitor. You spread your arms in a taunting gesture and order him to surrender, but it turns out that it's actually an unrelated mass of cybernetically augmented green tentacles.
Give the crew the weekend off while the ship is repaired; they deserve it. Review the crew manifest to ensure that everyone is accounted for.(I won't make you roll to give the crew the weekend off, since it's just telling them so.)
1
You send the crew off for shore leave. From their perspective in the virtual reality therapy, it has been some time since the psychic attack. They are functional, but the brief vacation should be good for morale.
You also decide to check the crew manifest. Unfortunately, it's not great. Several crew members have died as a result of the cow bombardment and the psychically induced infighting.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 05, 2019, 01:36:48 am
Post by: Glass on May 05, 2019, 01:51:54 am
Just have the bot put on some standard clothing. At worst it'll just look ridiculous, which is better than intimidating.
Post by: Imic on May 05, 2019, 02:08:50 am
Post by: ziizo on May 05, 2019, 05:38:35 am
Post by: Gwolfski on May 05, 2019, 08:12:30 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 05, 2019, 10:10:58 am
Silence: Sends Douge out to find a random item using his new found powers of math and science!
Silence: Attempts to find something that explains what Douge actually is
(I know he is a basilisk but I dont think Silence knows that since he kinda just bought it on a whim so lets see how this goes lol)
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 05, 2019, 03:24:38 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 05, 2019, 03:56:11 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 05, 2019, 04:48:26 pm
Post by: King Zultan on May 05, 2019, 06:32:08 pm
Post by: CABL on May 06, 2019, 03:24:10 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 06, 2019, 09:05:07 am
Attempt to kill the unrelated mass of tentacles, then find the true janitor, but do not engage him and simply tail him.
Are you sure? It's just a random civilian. You can do it, I just didn't expect this character to kill people for no reason.
Post by: CABL on May 06, 2019, 11:30:03 am
Are you sure? It's just a random civilian. You can do it, I just didn't expect this character to kill people for no reason.
Yeah, it's a bit OOC, now that I think about it. I'll change it.
Post by: Enemy post on May 07, 2019, 01:45:59 am
You should choose your words wisely. Force the information of him, with the help of my adoptive son, Squidward.
6
Squidward's humble personage bows before your grandeur. You thoroughly question the expert with the help of your adopted son. He eventually expires before you can get all the information you need, but he does confirm some crucial bits of information. There are six Infinite Dairy products in total, and you need to collect them all to realize your vision. The first and probably simplest of the set is a sample of milk from a chupacabra.
Well, I'm glad my poor roll didn't actually do any permanent damage. Thanks, SM.
Just have the bot put on some standard clothing. At worst it'll just look ridiculous, which is better than intimidating.
2
You try putting on clothing, but it tears on the shifting plates of your metal body. The surviving rags don't do much to make you look less intimidating.
Find a computer terminal, and use it to access the Bazaar’s financial records and accounts. Begin siphoning the money used to purchase repairs back into the ship’s accounts.
2
You stomp over to a terminal in your hardsuit and attempt to hack the Bazaar. Unfortunately, the Bazaar has invested in state-of-the-art Sreratv encryption technology for their financial dealings.
politely greet the alien couple then grab The bag of potatoes.
2,1
You wave to the aliens and attempt to grab the potatoes, but the gesture actually outrages them and causes them to fight against you. You'd think this would be a lesson in how seemingly innocent gestures can easily be misinterpreted across a cultural divide, but in fact this couple is just arbitrarily cruel. You shake them off and your fingers brush against the potatoes for an instant before a transporter beam grabs ahold of you. The rapid motion of the rickshaw causes a slight malfunction, and you find yourself somewhere deep inside the Moloko.
Seeing the good progress on upgrades to the ship, and slightly annoyed that it has to 'function', see about getting some money back into my accounts. Maybe sell a blood emerald or two.
1
You try to sell your blood emeralds, but it looks like you recently ran out of those. You're also fresh out of conflict diamonds, genocide rubies, atrocity sapphires, massacre amethyst, cursed doubloons, and arson pearls. This poses a problem.
Silence: Gives Douge a pat on the head
Silence: Sends Douge out to find a random item using his new found powers of math and science!
Silence: Attempts to find something that explains what Douge actually is
(I know he is a basilisk but I dont think Silence knows that since he kinda just bought it on a whim so lets see how this goes lol)
3, 1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Send bazaar police department information about our janitor trying to start mutiny on our ship and his photo
6
You contact the police and inform them of your janitor's traitorous actions. They angrily demand to know why your ship brought such a dangerous criminal to their asteroid.
Now then, I think the best thing to do now is to put the janitor on trial for insubordination, destruction of private property, and attempt to mutiny.
6
You order that the janitor be brought in for trial, but for some reason he's moving really quickly at the moment. The transporters beam him aboard, but lose track of him somewhere in the ventral decks.
Since this place is called the Bazaar, I'll assume they have milk avaible for trade. Find someone willing to trade some milk in exchange of a tankard full of divine mead. Hopefully, milk isn't rare enough to be more valuable than a literal drink from the gods.
4
You float up to a dairy merchant and manifest before him, offering a deal. The merchant takes it surprisingly well. After they finish screaming and running around, they take your Asgardian mead in exchange for a bottle of milk harvested from an Earth chupacabra.
Five of Seven coughs up the star he choked on.
You win the game!!! (again)
What do you do next?
Kick him in the dick then shoot him with the death ray until he's dead.
1 vs 3
You try to rise into a kick, but the mysterious figure strikes you back down with his crowbar and swats the death ray out of your hands. When you hit the ground, you see a strand of your own DNA has fallen out. It clinks against the pavement as the figure reaches for it.
Attempt to kill the unrelated mass of tentaclesTell the mass of tentacles to move along, then find the true janitor, but do not engage him and simply tail him.
4, 4
You dismiss the unrelated squid monster and follow the janitor's tracks. You see him fighting with the passengers in a rickshaw for a moment before a transporter beam grabs him. You rush forward to avoid being left behind and follow him up. It's dark, but you'd recognize the inside of your own ship anywhere.
Post by: Glass on May 07, 2019, 02:00:07 am
Quote
sample of milk from a chupacabra.This fuckery XD
Anyway try some more durable clothing. Maybe something with elastic in it, so it can stretch better? Of course, remove the rags as part of this.
Even if I can't get it to work now, I can at least have it ready for later.
And also figure out where the janitor's unknown location in the ship is. Send securitybots to apprehend them if found.
Post by: King Zultan on May 07, 2019, 07:30:29 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 07, 2019, 07:50:37 am
As all the problems we had so far were caused by actions of xenos, go to bioweapons lab and look for any sample which is lethal to nonhuman lifeforms.
Post by: ziizo on May 07, 2019, 09:07:51 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 07, 2019, 11:47:10 am
Post by: CABL on May 07, 2019, 01:34:35 pm
Put him in the brig/ship's jail.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 07, 2019, 03:17:47 pm
Silence: Gives Douge some food and water for his hard work
Silence: Looks at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks at Douge
Silence: Looks back at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks back at Douge
Silence: Paints Douge black
Silence: Gives a thumbs up
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 07, 2019, 04:06:19 pm
locate the janitor and have him brought in for trial on the previously stated charges.
Post by: Imic on May 08, 2019, 08:13:24 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 08, 2019, 09:43:08 pm
Quotesample of milk from a chupacabra.This fuckery XD
Anyway try some more durable clothing. Maybe something with elastic in it, so it can stretch better? Of course, remove the rags as part of this.
Even if I can't get it to work now, I can at least have it ready for later.
And also figure out where the janitor's unknown location in the ship is. Send securitybots to apprehend them if found.
6, 3
You finally find some an outfit that is both durable and elastic enough for your purposes, while presenting a sufficiently nonthreatening image to organics. The only thing that strikes you as a potential problem is the bright red shirt, for some reason.
You trace the signal loss from the transporter to the engine maintenance section. The quantum disentangling capacitors create too much interference for you to track him any more specifically in there. You deploy securitybots, but they haven't found him yet. A loud thud from the robot repair room just outside the section provides a clue, however.
Grab my the knife that's hidden on my person and stab the DNA thief, then grab my DNA and put it back inside me.
2-1 vs 3
You draw the knife and go for the kill, but you're not fast enough with your current wounds. The DNA thief knocks you out with a boot to the face.
When you wake up, you find yourself still lying in the alleyway. You quickly check your blood and find that all of your DNA has been stolen.
Ugh, bazaar police, well, we did not know, that our janitor would turn out to be dangerous xeno criminal, but unless you assist us in eliminating him , he would probably push revolt to your bazaar.
As all the problems we had so far were caused by actions of xenos, go to bioweapons lab and look for any sample which is lethal to nonhuman lifeforms.
6, 4
You convince the police to assist you in the hunt. They quickly deploy troops to sweep the Bazaar for the traitor, but they are unable to find anything since T'zzz has already left. They capture and imprison an unrelated mass of tentacles instead, falsely convicting him of T'zzz's crimes.
You consider how the filthy xenos were behind your recent trouble and decide to strike back. You head down to the bioweapons lab in search of something to ensure human dominance. You open a promising vault and take out a powerful sonic weapon. The warning label on the case states that it emits a sound that induces a fatal reaction in nonhuman sentients.
go to the robot repair room to see if the robots there were repaired (and had their Dapperness increased) with the rest of the ship.6
Pursue the traitorous janitor and butt him with my Zweihander, hopefully knocking him unconscious.3, 3 vs 3
Put him in the brig/ship's jail.
I'd just like to say right now that Joshua has extra-sensory perception when it comes to world ending scenarios.6, 3 vs 3
locate the janitor and have him brought in for trial on the previously stated charges.
T'zzz squirms into the robot repair room to check on the robots there. He finds that they have indeed been repaired and made more dapper. In fact, the robots here are now so dapper that they refuse to work, instead sitting about and regaling each other with monotone stories of fox hunts gone by.
At that point, T'zzz is interrupted by Joshua and GiantDad bursting into the room. The two officers charge the janitor, who flails back at them. What looks to be an epic fight is then robbed of much of its dignity when they all collide headfirst into each other and fall down.
To Space Mexico then. In search of a Chupathingie.
3
Space Mexico. As any student of history knows, the mobile star nation of Space Mexico was born when Mexico That Was abandoned the polluted Earth and jetted off into space with concealed rockets and an atmosphere dome. Surely, Space Mexico will be an excellent place to find chupacabra milk. Squidward then reminds you that you don't currently have a ship at your command.
He plays a consoling clarinet song as you consider the problem.
Silence: Waits for Douge to get back
Silence: Gives Douge some food and water for his hard work
Silence: Looks at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks at Douge
Silence: Looks back at the wikipedia page
Silence: Looks back at Douge
Silence: Paints Douge black
Silence: Gives a thumbs up
5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Quietly curse, and have a stiff drink to calm my nerves. Once inebriated, go to the highest security area I can with a bucket and mop, tell them I’m going to be cleaning up, and then use the terminals there to bypass security measures of the bazaar and re-organize every single thing on sale, by placing nappies in the frozen food sections, men’s clothing in the medecine sections, and extremely smelly cheese in the places that sell perfume. If that works, then find some way of activating a security alert there using the chaos caused as a distration to the Bazaar’s AI. From there, put every single penny in the Bazaar’s vaults into our ship’s account. If I can’t have milk for my tea, I’ll cause confusing, one-sided chaos until I can come across some by chance.
1+1 for hardsuit.
You try to hack the Bazaar again. You nearly trip an alarm and alert them, but the tools in your hardsuit keep things from getting that bad.
Quote from: Five of Seven
Gnaw the universe.
1
Five of Seven accidentally wastes a round chewing on time instead of space.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 08, 2019, 09:52:20 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 08, 2019, 09:57:21 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 08, 2019, 11:39:05 pm
Post by: Glass on May 09, 2019, 01:28:02 am
As a side note, is the worry over this shirt in response to relationship between “redshirts” and death, or something more sinister? If it’s just the former, then, well, it’s not like that body actually is me. It can be destroyed and then the only thing I need to do is get a different one.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 09, 2019, 03:48:08 am
Post by: ziizo on May 09, 2019, 05:27:07 am
Post by: King Zultan on May 09, 2019, 06:13:35 am
Post by: Glass on May 09, 2019, 10:30:11 am
AMPLIFY this sound wave through the wall mounted communications device to broadcast it across bazaar and our space ship, JANITOR WILL NOT ESCAPE THE MUSIC OF MANKIND DOMINANCEDon’t allow this. Like, just shut off the comms systems while he’s attempting it.
Post by: Gwolfski on May 09, 2019, 11:00:33 am
Post by: CABL on May 09, 2019, 12:46:48 pm
Post by: Imic on May 09, 2019, 12:51:24 pm
Run to whatever place in here has lots of spare metal and machines, and construct a mass-cloning machine, which can use the Ship’s pre-existing data-banks for DNA. Then, construct a teleporter, rigged to teleport anything that comes put of thw mass-cloning machine to a random place of the ship. Activate blth, set the Cloning machine to Cow, and press go.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 10, 2019, 06:45:09 am
Silence: Starts a epic training montage with Douge to help him defeat Thainos!
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 10, 2019, 03:01:42 pm
Post by: Enemy post on May 11, 2019, 02:20:04 am
Call the other three children I have to come to pick us up. Big stone one, stealthy one, girl one and other girl one that's blue but isn't my favorite daughter.
6
You open a comm channel to your other children and call for a pickup. Sanctuary II (https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Sanctuary_II) enters the system and beings floating toward you. Your blue daughter calls you and informs you that the Bazaar is hailing the ship and demanding that it leave or be fired upon. Apparently, their records indicate that the owner of this vessel is wanted on numerous counts of genocide and war crimes.
Use that milk I bought last turn, and complete the summoning of the Seven (the remaining ones which are currently devouring hell, Five is already here).3
Quote from: Five and Four
Gnaw the universe
5+1
You use a bit of your chupacabra milk to summon the next of the Seven. Four of Seven emerges from a portal. He and Five chew on reality more quickly, opening white cracks in the sky.
AMPLIFY this sound wave through the wall mounted communications device to broadcast it across bazaar and our space ship, JANITOR WILL NOT ESCAPE THE MUSIC OF MANKIND DOMINANCE3
Don’t allow this. Like, just shut off the comms systems while he’s attempting it.2 vs 4
Boris cracks open the case around the weapon. Inside is an extremely primitive tape recording. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassette_tape) Boris shoves it into a backwards compatibility port on a terminal and prepares his attack. Delta notices the theft of the device and the impeding mass murder, decides to stop him. The two engage in a hacking duel. Boris wins, and plays the tape. A woman's voice croons the word "....youuu!!!!" before the tape cuts off. With an irritating squeal and whirring noise, the tape rewinds. Apparently, whoever last deployed the weapon neglected to be kind and rewind.
(Init:T'zzz, GiantDad, Joshua, Delta.)
Use my cyborg parts to hack into the robots and make them believe that this two person (Giant dad and Joshua) are foxes and start a hunt.3
Slice T'zzz in half by slicing him with a vertical upward strike.1+1 vs 6
Apprehend the janitor.6 vs 2
Send the securitybots to the origin of the thud.(I took the first option as implying you still wanted to arrest T'zzz. Also, it's the former.)
As a side note, is the worry over this shirt in response to relationship between “redshirts” and death, or something more sinister? If it’s just the former, then, well, it’s not like that body actually is me. It can be destroyed and then the only thing I need to do is get a different one.
6, 3-1 vs 1
As everyone recovers from the mass accidental headbutt, T'zzz uses a mechanical tendril to re-hack the resurrected and dapper Roombas alongside their new foxhunting acquaintances. He uploads a virus that convinces them that Joshua and GiantDad are foxes in need of hunting. The robots jump into right into action and begin the hunt by lighting up cigars and telling each other about the wondrous hunt they are about to partake in. Joshua and GiantDad have mere hours to prepare for the attack.
On a more immediate timescale, GiantDad charges T'zzz. T'zzz wraps around the sword blow and swings GiantDad aisde. T'zzz watches with satisfaction as GiantDad stumbles. This instant of distraction gives Joshua an opportunity to jump T'zzz and grapple him. T'zzz tries to toss Joshua off, but then the securitybots march in. They struggle to coordinate with Joshua, but in the end they subdue T'zzz and detain him. The robots capture T'zzz and administer a mild sedative since he is naturally immune to handcuffs or other more conventional methods of restraint. The robots await the officer's decision.
Grab the death ray that I dropped, then beam my self back to the ship and get my spare DNA that I have just in case I lose my DNA, then put the DNA inside me.(I just want to say, having a complete set of spare DNA is just a hilariously brilliant solution to me. I wish I could give you an auto-5 for it, but that wouldn't feel right.)
3
Your death ray is missing, but you beam back to the ship and shove all your spare DNA back into your body before the fatal effects of DNA deficiency can set in.
See if there are any grants I can make use of to regain my money. Also,locate the captain and inform them that the ship is destined to be the queens new flagship
6
You check the books and find a deal from a certain "L. Cypher" offering wealth and power in exchange for a small favor sometime in the future. You also call up Cap'n Crunch, but you find that he has been mysteriously absent since the Moloko docked at the repair station.
Well, there goes my plan.
Run to whatever place in here has lots of spare metal and machines, and construct a mass-cloning machine, which can use the Ship’s pre-existing data-banks for DNA. Then, construct a teleporter, rigged to teleport anything that comes put of thw mass-cloning machine to a random place of the ship. Activate blth, set the Cloning machine to Cow, and press go.
6
You build a mass-cloning machine and randomized teleporter out of a box of scraps and set the dial. The dial spins rapidly, ultimately finishing with a mechanical "The Cow says" followed by a grunting noise. The room you are in fills up with wildebeest cows that almost immediately begin stampeding out of the room.
Silence: Gives a thumbs up
Silence: Starts a epic training montage with Douge to help him defeat Thainos!
1
Spoiler: Part 1 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Part 2 (click to show/hide)
The Moloko has completed its repairs, aside from a herd of wildebeest stampeding through the lower decks.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 11, 2019, 02:43:57 am
Post by: King Zultan on May 11, 2019, 03:52:32 am
Go to my room and get my gun, then go to the lab and search around for the DNA storage and take all of it.
Post by: Imic on May 11, 2019, 04:56:58 am
Post by: ziizo on May 11, 2019, 06:13:51 am
Meanwhile themdefense system of my cyborg parts activates and attack my aggresors without input from T'zzzz
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 11, 2019, 11:28:31 am
Post by: Glass on May 11, 2019, 12:16:43 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 11, 2019, 01:38:08 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 11, 2019, 03:32:22 pm
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 11, 2019, 03:53:46 pm
Silence: Looks at name tag
Silence: Face palms
Silence: Thinks for a second
Silence: Has a idea!
Silence: Draws a picture of milk
Silence: Points at Douge
Silence: Points at picture of milk
Silence: Points in the distance horizon
Silence: Waits for Douge to get back
(Silence: Admires a amazing training montage!)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 11, 2019, 11:48:44 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 12, 2019, 12:18:15 am
Post by: CABL on May 12, 2019, 10:39:14 am
Post by: Glass on May 12, 2019, 10:48:11 am
This piece of shit is trying to ruin my life for last whole dayYou've been trying to declare war on the fucking universe.
Post by: Imic on May 12, 2019, 03:01:04 pm
The real answer is to end the universe, so that people can stop declaring war on the Universe. So, therefore, the Universe uh exists. Yeah.This piece of shit is trying to ruin my life for last whole dayYou've been trying to declare war on the fucking universe.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 12, 2019, 03:06:27 pm
This piece of shit is trying to ruin my life for last whole dayYou've been trying to declare war on the fucking universe.
I have been trying to kill goddamn janitor, who stole my milk potatoes, I dont care about universe, I seek vengeance and
M-I-L-K
Post by: ziizo on May 12, 2019, 04:57:00 pm
This piece of shit is trying to ruin my life for last whole dayYou've been trying to declare war on the fucking universe.
I have been trying to kill goddamn janitor, who stole my milk potatoes, I dont care about universe, I seek vengeance and
M-I-L-K
T'zzzz didn't stole the potatoes it just found them.
It would have brought them back to you but the ship teleported it without them.
Post by: Glass on May 12, 2019, 07:58:37 pm
Then stop trying to broadcast a sonic weapon that will kill literally all non-human life that can hear it! The janitor is hardly the only one on or around this craft that isn't human!This piece of shit is trying to ruin my life for last whole dayYou've been trying to declare war on the fucking universe.
I have been trying to kill goddamn janitor, who stole my milk potatoes, I dont care about universe, I seek vengeance and
M-I-L-K
Post by: Enemy post on May 13, 2019, 01:48:11 am
Fine then, I'll do it myself...By sitting on my butt. Deploy the generic alien mooks army to attack the Bazzar.
4, 4 vs 1
You decide to simply sit down and wait. After all, the inevitable doesn't need to hurry. You watch with satisfaction as your ship breaks through the dome of the Bazaar and your Outrider dropships (https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Outrider_Dropship) crash into the streets.
"Sucks that that guy stole my death ray, but at least my spare DNA was still where it was supposed to be."
Go to my room and get my gun, then go to the lab and search around for the DNA storage and take all of it.
6, 4
You run to your room and grab your gun. It's a fairly large rifle, which prevents you from concealing it and scares people around you. In light of current events however, nobody cares enough to stop you from going to the lab and swiping all the DNA. You stash it away in a specially modified Barbasol can.
MILK THEM! MILK THEM AND MAKE MY TEA!(Ahg, sorry about this. I was really hoping to describe your character milking a stampeding wildebeest.)
1
You attempt to tackle and milk a wildebeest, but you can't find a way to get into the stampede without being trampled and killed. You leap up on a hanging pipe as the herd rushes beneath you like a river. The stink of the panicked animals fills the air and their hooves clatter against the metal flooring.
Use the rest of the milk and finish summoning the rest of the Seven from hell, preferably before this part of the universe collapses or whatever happens when ancient eldritch goat demon gods gnaw on reality.
3
Apparently the Seven would like to take their time. You summon Six and One through another portal. The two caprine deities join their compatriots in gnawing reality. More than half your gods have broken through to this world.
˙pɐq ƃuᴉʇʇǝƃ ǝɹɐ sƃuᴉɥ┴
...welll, I don’t think I can ignore the end of the world anymore. There a big white cracks in the sky. I mean, the devil was just mentioned so this is as a good a time as any. EP, active schroedinger’s angeldemon.
Stop the computer virus, we need the AI... you dumbass.1
Eject the sonic weapon, completely shut down the comms system, destroy the cassette tape if possible, and put out an antivirus and anti-hacking patch for all Moloko software.4, 6, 5, 2
release computer virus to ruin AIs ability to interact with the ship, failing that kill AI with targeted DDOS2+1 for "Joshua's" unintentional assistance.
Joshua looks out a window and sees four giant goatmen opening cracks in the fabric of reality. He also senses catastrophic damage occurring somewhere far below. "Joshua" blinks once and his gray eyes turn heterochromatic. Blue and red. "Joshua", whose real name is Adam Simons, draws an ancient sword seemingly from nowhere. One side is decorated with holy patterns, and the other is twisted and demonic. Simons then sprouts a pair of similarly mismatched yet balanced wings from his shoulders and flies off.
In the basement, Boris and Delta engage in a furious hacking duel. As they battle, they debate the merits of Boris' plan to indiscriminately slaughter every nonhuman in the area over Boris's anger toward the ship's janitor. In the end, Delta wins the duel. The AI manipulates the gears of the cassette player to rip the weapon's tape apart, melt it with friction, and eject it. Delta also burns out the ship's speakers to ensure that the device can't be played even if Boris could save it somehow. Boris doesn't take all this without fighting back, of course. As Delta attacks the sonic weapon, Boris attempts to upload a virus that could prevent Delta from interfering in the xeno purge. Boris defeats Delta's efforts to bolster the ship's antivirus, but his human reflexes are simply not enough to best Delta's inhuman speed.
As if things couldn't get any worse for Comrade Scientist Boris, Adam then leaps down the stairs and rushes forward with his sword in hand. Adam is about to land a clear blow to the neck when a wildebeest charges from out of nowhere and knocks him off course. Adam flies past Boris and smacks against the keyboard. In the impact, Adam hits a random assortment of keys that happen to be almost exactly what Boris needed. Several of Delta's admin permissions are deleted as a result.
Immediately thereafter, Adam rises back up. He and Boris square off for a battle, but then the sound of thundering hooves echoes from up the hallway. Dust surges forward as the rest of the gnu threat stampedes toward them.
Delta has -1 on rolls to control the ship's computers.
(Silence: Admires a amazing training montage!):)
Silence: Cheers!2
Silence: Looks at name tag
Silence: Face palms
Silence: Thinks for a second
Silence: Has a idea!
Silence: Draws a picture of milk
Silence: Points at Douge
Silence: Points at picture of milk
Silence: Points in the distance horizon
Silence: Waits for Douge to get back
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
fall asleep and dream of visiting gelatinland.
Meanwhile themdefense system of my cyborg parts activates and attack my aggresors without input from T'zzzz
4, 6
As your waking consciousness fades, your subconscious begins to dream. You find yourself in a vast swamp of jello. As you bounce about with other tentacle beings, you look out at the horizon. In the distance, you can see the dreamscapes of other sleepers. Here, however, a fellow mass of tentacles with the face of the famous celebrity R'ccc asks you for help investigating a nearby seagoing ship. He describes it as a black galley.
You are also dimly aware of a brief struggle in the real world.
Activate the jailer drones, who shall patrol the prisoner cells. If T'zzz wakes up and tries to escape, then the drones will use their syringe guns to shoot sedative at him.
5
You call for a squad of jailer drones, who lock up T'zzz in the brig. His cybernetic tentacles attack the guards, but all this does is cause the guards to inject more powerful sedatives and use electric weapons to disable the cybernetics.
Four of the Seven goat deities have been released in the mortal universe, and Thainos' army is invading the Bazaar.
Unless prevented, the Seven will devour this star system in four turns.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 13, 2019, 02:16:00 am
Enjoy science, cheeky xeno goat abominations
Post by: Imic on May 13, 2019, 03:59:49 am
Also, while there is no shred of doubt in my mind that this plan will succeed in every imaginable way, shape, and form, I will try to get the time machine operational, just in case the unthinkable happens, and the Wildebeests fail to save the Universe.
Post by: ziizo on May 13, 2019, 04:33:27 am
Self defense cybernetics try to hack into the aggressor drones turning them into servants.
Post by: Yoink on May 13, 2019, 04:39:08 am
You are the crew of the starship Moloko.
You ran out of milk.
You must acquire more.
GATHER MY TRUSTY DROOGS
SEE IF WE CAN VIDDY ANY MILK
Post by: King Zultan on May 13, 2019, 05:38:44 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 13, 2019, 05:44:49 am
Burn away the divine essence of the goats, leaving them nothing but normal goats.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 13, 2019, 06:19:53 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 13, 2019, 07:40:20 am
Post by: Glass on May 13, 2019, 09:26:26 am
Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 13, 2019, 10:31:57 am
Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.
enjoy consequences of stopping me from killing the janitor, xenogoats and xenogoatgods with music of mankind dominance.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 13, 2019, 11:26:46 am
Then send the mooks from the first movie to deal with those goats gods. I am the only one that's inevitable here.
Post by: CABL on May 13, 2019, 11:30:02 am
Post by: King Zultan on May 14, 2019, 04:28:41 am
If you prevent me from doing it on the ship, I'll just do it somewhere else.Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.
Post by: Enemy post on May 15, 2019, 01:35:30 am
Slow and steady wins the race. Continue channeling the summoning of the 3 remaining eldritch goats.
4
It is done. A great portal opens to reveal a shattered Hell. From this portal emerge the last three monsters. Three and Two are first, and they are soon overshadowed by Seven herself. The goats rapidly begin to break down basic concepts and devour everything in sight. This place will die soon, and the rest of the universe might soon follow. A bright flash sears your vision as the Moloko launches several nukes at your gods. Your gods are angered and burned, but not slain. The Moloko and the Sanctuary II release warriors to fight them, but it doesn't help.
Dump thermonuclear torpedo prototypes into teleporter with coordinates set to false gods location
Enjoy science, cheeky xeno goat abominations
3 vs 2
You decide to temporarily set aside your crusade against all xenos to stop the more immediate danger of the goat abominations.
You set the fuses on a wheelbarrow full of nuclear torpedos, rush them through the ship, and dump them into the transporter in the nick of time. You watch with satisfaction through a viewport as the seven goat abominations are rocked by the blast.
Reprogram the teleporter, lock onto the DNA of every Wildebeest on the ship, and teleport them to the creatures currwntly gnawing at the edges of exiapstance! LET THEM FEEL THE WRATH OF THE WILDEBEESTS!
Also, while there is no shred of doubt in my mind that this plan will succeed in every imaginable way, shape, and form, I will try to get the time machine operational, just in case the unthinkable happens, and the Wildebeests fail to save the Universe.
4, 2 vs 5, 1
You swing down to the teleporter from a cable and hit the controls. Once reprogrammed, the teleporter hurls every wildebeest it can find at the Seven. The wildebeest stampede rushes toward the Seven and breaks against their claws like water on rocks. Even assistance from Thainos' army and Adam isn't enough to save them. On the ship, the cloning device you left running slowly replenishes their numbers.
You leave the area and go find your faithful time machine in the secret chamber you retroactively installed earlier. When you get there, you find it in pieces. One of the cracks in reality has pierced this room. Your time machine hangs frozen in the air, sliced into several pieces and ignoring gravity. It is accompanied by several pieces of Victorian furniture that have been similarly disassembled.
Go with R'cccc to the black galley.
Self defense cybernetics try to hack into the aggressor drones turning them into servants.
3, 1
You follow R'ccc to a dream-river made of air between two coasts of solid water. R'ccc leads you aboard the vessel. You almost think that this was too easy when a bunch of satyr-like men (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_of_Leng) surround you. R'ccc turns to you and dismisses a magical illusion, revealing that he too is one of them. The Men of Leng demand that you surrender.
In the real world, your cybernetics are unable to hack the drones through the force field.
(Welcome back, Yoink! You're doing Clockwork Orange, right? I'll need to research that.)You are the crew of the starship Moloko.
You ran out of milk.
You must acquire more.
GATHER MY TRUSTY DROOGS
SEE IF WE CAN VIDDY ANY MILK
5
You and your fellow Droogs walk through the cargo bay of the Moloko, beating up the occasional crewman and committing various crimes. You do so many crimes that it's actually noticeable even under the currently apocalyptic circumstances. In the process, you viddy a crewman enjoying a game of holochess with a bottle of sentient milk.
Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.(Out of curiosity, is Dr. Bob a human who gave himself a deer head through DNA shenanigans or is he an alien who happens to have a deer head? Or maybe he's a deer who gave himself a human body?)
6
You step away from the DNA vault and take a short walk over to the bioengineering vats. You dump the DNA into the vat and it clatters into a large pile at the bottom. You rush over the controls, creating with the fervor of a mad artist in his element. Delta tries to stop you, but the damage to his systems prevents him from offering any distractions. Finally, it is done. The vats gradually spin down after mixing the DNA and the safety lights go from a disappointing green to an exciting flashing red. Your ABOMINATION tears through the vat's lid and stands atop it, furiously shrieking. Your creation is a thing of beauty, all claws and spikes and triple jaws. Slime drips from the ABOMINATION's grayish hide as it regards you. The creature releases another gagging shriek and pounces toward you with murderous intent clearly visible in its eye.
Hello, you should not have made me wake up.
Burn away the divine essence of the goats, leaving them nothing but normal goats.
1 vs 5
You fly out at the head of the combined forces of Thainos and the wildebeest. You try to burn away the goat's divine essence, but then Seven makes eye contact with you. Visions of Hell in ruins and countless demon casualties strike at the fiendish part of your essence and stop you in your figurative tracks.
Silence: Keeps waiting
1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.
2, 2-1
Things are going badly. You try to prevent Dr. Bob's work and repair the damage to your system, but the pollution of unreality caused by the Seven makes things difficult. You check the computer system's code and find that the underlying binary is full of twos.
Order my stone kid and Squidward to join the invasion and bring me the chupathingie.
Then send the mooks from the first movie to deal with those goats gods. I am the only one that's inevitable here.
1, 3 vs 6
You send out your Stone Kid and Squidward to look for a chupathingie, but lose contact with them when your comlink comes to life, bites you, and scurries away.
You then send the Chitauri (https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Chitauri) to try and stop the goat gods. You watch from your seat as your minions deploy a force of troops mounted on hovercrafts and accompanied by a pack Leviathans. (https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Leviathan_(Creature)) On the way, the Alliance ship hits the goats with a nuclear bombardment and your forces are joined by a divine being and a host of hapless herd animals that were apparently used as projectiles. You know what it's like to lose, but it's still disappointing when all this fails to bring down the goats. The goats break the initial force and go back to rapidly disintegrating this system.
Conduct a ritual to summon a physical incarnation of one of the Seven in the cargo bay, but don't forget to activate the turrets before doing it.
2
You try to summon one of the Seven into a trap, but it's too late. They're all already here.
Unless somehow prevented, the Seven will devour this star system in a single turn.
The Moloko is repaired and ready to leave at any time. Just saying.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 15, 2019, 01:38:38 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 15, 2019, 03:30:12 am
Post by: ziizo on May 15, 2019, 04:13:08 am
Self defense cybernetics will destroy the floor with the purpose of taking T'zzzz to a escape pod to evacuate the solar system.
Post by: King Zultan on May 15, 2019, 04:59:39 am
Run out of the lab and head towards some random red shirts and let it eat them instead of me.
(He's probably some kind of deer alien.)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 15, 2019, 06:32:50 am
Since those goats pissed me of, Burn them with holy and hellfire.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 15, 2019, 06:56:43 am
Silence: Fires finger guns at the goats while running away!
Silence: Attempts to find Douge then find a way out of here!
Post by: Glass on May 15, 2019, 09:01:56 am
Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 15, 2019, 10:17:21 am
Post by: CABL on May 15, 2019, 12:43:00 pm
.-.
Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.
Assist, then stop that Clockwork Orange cosplayer and his droogs from beating the crew members."
Post by: Imic on May 15, 2019, 01:33:13 pm
Slowly, and carefully, make a cup of black tea, no milk, and sip it, staring into the unravelling chaos of all things. Quietly wishing that I had never moved to Genericville in the first place.
Post by: Enemy post on May 17, 2019, 02:04:46 am
(Init:Adam, Silence, Thainos, O'Brian, Boris.)
To the Thainoscopter! In all my years of conquest, violence, slaughter, it was never personal. But I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little goats... I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much. Punch the goats.2 vs 1
Destroy all the gods by writing essay proving that gods dont exist4 vs 4
”That was a mistake. Die!”5 vs 2
Since those goats pissed me of, Burn them with holy and hellfire.
Return to the teleporter. Change some code. Teleport them not simpky in the direction of the Goats, but into the goats. use the teleported to devour their minds by turning every fibre of their being into Wildebeests. Theyr minds! Their bones! THEIR VERY SOULS! THEY WILL BE NOTHING BUT WILDEBEESTS! THE WILDEBEESTS SHALL END THE TYRANNY AND DEMONS UPON THE RACE OF MEN! SCREAM MY SUMMONS INTO THE SKY, CHANTING IN THE ANCIENT IRISH TONGUE, AND SUMMON FORTH THE GOD OF CATTLE! PROTECTOR OF ALL THINGS! DEFENDER OF THOSE WHO SEEK MILK! SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS, AND LET THE HEAVENS RESPOND, OR LET THEM DIE WITH THE MORTALS OF THIS WORLD! And if no such god exists, then, uh...4 vs 1
Slowly, and carefully, make a cup of black tea, no milk, and sip it, staring into the unravelling chaos of all things. Quietly wishing that I had never moved to Genericville in the first place.
Silence: Panicks!3 vs 1, 4, 1
Silence: Fires finger guns at the goats while running away!
Silence: Attempts to find Douge then find a way out of here!
White cracks extend as the Seven chew reality like a neglected sweater. However, the crew of the Moloko (and Thainos) refuse to retreat even in the face of apocalyptic goats. Boris begins rapidly penning an essay on the goat's nonexistence to try to poof them out of existence. Shaun hurls wildebeest after wildebeest through the teleporter and calls upon the might of the god of cattle. Thainos hops in his eponymous Copter and buzzes into space, shaking his gauntleted fist. Adam Simons is the first to draw blood, recovering from Seven's psychic attack and blasting them with the fires of Heaven and Hell. At this point, Silence the mime is running around frantically on the ship. He has recovered his lost pet, but finds himself trapped on one of the Moloko's observation decks while desperately seeking the escape pods.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
What follows is one of the most horrific displays of mime violence in history. When Silence's rampage is completed, Four and Three are dead and the rest of the Seven driven back into the Void. The white lines stop as they vanish.
Punch the satyrs in their groins then throw them out the ship. I have more than enough tentacles to punch everyone at the same time.
Self defense cybernetics will destroy the floor with the purpose of taking T'zzzz to a escape pod to evacuate the solar system.
3 vs 2, 4
You lash out with tentacles in all directions and drive your attackers back. They hit the water with satisfying "Plunk" sounds. You have a moment to plan before they can clamber back onto the ship, but you can hear a thudding noise crawling up from the lower decks.
Your cybernetics slice a hole in the floor and drop your unconscious body into an unattended hallway. They then start to slowly drag you in the general direction of the nearest escape pod.
"My creation it turned against me, what were the odds?"
Run out of the lab and head towards some random red shirts and let it eat them instead of me.
(He's probably some kind of deer alien.)
4
You successfully flee the lab and bravely find your most nutritious coworkers to sacrifice as brief distractions. Your plan works.
Might have been a bit mean, though.
.-.
Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.
5
Infuriated at the damage to your ship, you patch it up with trinary code. The ship's systems blink, perform a series of reboots, and then you find that you have full control again. GiantDad's assistance gives you a boost, and with his help you are able to secure the ship against future hacking attempts. Disrupting your control will be more difficult in the future.
Once you are back into the ship, you notice an alert from the mortuary. Several of the crewmembers who died in the space cow induced psychotic episode have reanimated, but in an aggressive undead state.
Enter the portal and flee into what remains of the plane of hell. Honestly, I'd prefer hell over what's about to happen in this specific point of the universe.
3
While the battle was raging in material space, you slipped through the portal and reentered Hell. You find it metaphysically shattered and broken. A bit of exploring reveals that Satan and his Lieutenants have fled the plane, and souls are no longer being processed. You even feel a twitch as the damaged Hell tries to reject you, but something about the disintegrated condition of your corpse allows you to remain where you are.
.-.
Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.
Assist, then stop that Clockwork Orange cosplayer and his droogs from beating the crew members."
4, 1+1 vs 6
You successfully help Delta regain control of the ship and then attempt to arrest the local Droogs. Unfortunately, you can't manage to figure out their attack patterns before their leader shoves you into a spent fuel pool for the Moloko's Z-wing fighters.
OOC:Sorry about the liberties taken with interpreting your action, Fluffe. When I realized what the result of your die roll was going to do, I wanted to play it up a bit. Also I couldn't find any useful photos of mimes doing finger guns.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 17, 2019, 02:23:26 am
Post by: Imic on May 17, 2019, 03:46:02 am
Post by: King Zultan on May 17, 2019, 05:18:45 am
Go steal one of the Z-wing fighters and leave the Moloko, then fly to a bar and get a drink.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 17, 2019, 06:03:11 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 17, 2019, 06:43:54 am
Silence: Sits down and takes a breather
Silence: Gets back up
Silence: Gives Douge a protective parent where have you been look
Silence: Gives Douge a hug
( I'm fine with creative liberty's besides that was pretty cool honk)
Post by: Glass on May 17, 2019, 08:27:34 am
Send out securitybots across the ship to go apprehend the “droogs”, the abomination and it’s creator, the undead, and the janitor.
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 17, 2019, 11:26:06 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 17, 2019, 11:35:45 am
USE THE REST OF THE MILK and finish summoning the rest of the Seven from hell, preferably before this part of the universe collapses or whatever happens when ancient eldritch goat demon gods gnaw on reality.
Attempt to find the ghosts of the Seven who died and went to what remains of hell. I mean, if death couldn't stop me then it definitely can't stop Them. USE WHATEVER REMAINS OF MY CHUPACABRA MILK to guide them to the portal connecting this world with the mortal plane.
https://orionadvisor-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/fry.jpg
Post by: ziizo on May 17, 2019, 02:13:57 pm
Self defense cybernetics will activate the teleport jammers and keep dragging T'zzzz to the escape pod and away from it's racist coworkers.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 17, 2019, 02:58:49 pm
Enter Hell. Assert control as the highest ranking official. Close the portal and lock the goat monsters and Nuhg-Htamuhs in Hell.
Post by: CABL on May 18, 2019, 01:17:13 pm
Post by: Yoink on May 18, 2019, 07:54:00 pm
MY DROOGIES WILL BE SPREADING OUT IN THE MEANTIME, READY FOR A RIGHT BEZOOMNY BITVA WHAT WITH ALL THE LEWDIES COMING AFTER US
Post by: Enemy post on May 19, 2019, 02:08:03 am
Well that happened. Now get the chupathingie's milk. We need to get this movie done ASAP.
1
You turn around the Thainoscopter and return to the surface of the Bazaar. When you land, you find your minions struggling to retain control of the situation. Blue Girl reports that most of those who die on either side return shortly thereafter as hostile undead. However, the resulting creatures can be permanently by a shot to the head.
Cal, down a little bit, and assess the situation. If there is even a single goat still left in this plane of existance, give it a big ‘ol middle finger, and then re-tool the cloning bay to create millions upon millions of bagels, and then teleport them into it’s body. If there are no Goats, then re-tool the Cloning bay to make slightly less bagels, and teleport them to everyone nearby or in the Moloko. Bagels for everyone!
1+1
You scan for goats, but thankfully the deities and their servant have left. Since normal goats are extinct, you don't find any others in this plane. You attempt to give everyone bagels, but the overworked cloning machine shudders and sparks from the effort of producing so many wildebeest. Thankfully, the tools in your engineering hardsuit allow you to perform emergency repairs and save it from actually breaking.
Silence: Puts his F.I.N.G.E.R Gun TM away
Silence: Sits down and takes a breather
Silence: Gets back up
Silence: Gives Douge a protective parent where have you been look
Silence: Gives Douge a hug
( I'm fine with creative liberty's besides that was pretty cool honk)
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Alright, now it’s time to reestablish order.(Wow, bad luck on these rolls. Sorry about that.)
Send out securitybots across the ship to go apprehend the “droogs”, the abomination and it’s creator, the undead, and the janitor.
3 vs 3, 1 vs 4, 1 vs 2+1, 2 vs 2, 4 vs 5
You deploy securitybots across the ship in an attempt to subdue the various disruptive elements and retake control. Unfortunately, the number of simultaneous threats overwhelms their tactical processors. Your bots are defeated or fought to a draw in each case. At least the ABOMINATION and the undead are distracted for the moment.
"Now that I've released my creature into the ship and set it to killing the crew its time for me to leave and return to my home planet... you know what screw that I'm gonna get a drink."
Go steal one of the Z-wing fighters and leave the Moloko, then fly to a bar and get a drink.
4, 5
You leave the fading screams of your coworkers behind you and run to the docking bay. A squad of securitybots attempts to stop you, but you fight them off with your massive gun and jump into a Z-wing. The satisfying roar of the engine sounds and you tear off into the stars. As you fly, you note that this particular Z-wing possesses advanced modifications for speed and armor. Perhaps it was constructed for an officer.
Eventually, you make it to an isolated planet to stop for a drink. This planet is fairly out of the way, so much so that nobody has agreed on a decent name for it. According to your fighter's charts, it's called Kepler-296f. There's not much going for it, but at least it has a breathable atmosphere and a few bars. You land in a small town and leave your ship. Looking around, you see the smoking remnants of a skirmish at the local graveyard.
As you get your drinks, you overhear some locals with primitive laser pistols boasting of killing monsters recently. A few have small bite wounds, but they don't seem to mind.
Attempt to find the ghosts of the Seven who died and went to what remains of hell. I mean, if death couldn't stop me then it definitely can't stop Them. Use whatever remains of my chupacabra milk to guide them to the portal connecting this world with the mortal plane.(Fluffe's right, you don't actually have any chupacabra milk left.)
6
You go to the entrance of Hell and find the spectres of Four and Three. They seem to be flickering between this world and the last. Like you, damage to their corpses has prevented their reanimation. However, they don't recognize you in their damaged state. They start twitching and floating toward you, claws and teeth bared.
T'zzzz will steal the galley and sail as far as possible fighting whatever is coming will be easier without the Leng guys coming back mid-fight
Self defense cybernetics will activate the teleport jammers and keep dragging T'zzzz to the escape pod and away from it's racist coworkers.
2, 5
You turn to head for the helm of the galley, but a tentacle wraps around your ankle and trips you. You turn to see a moon-beast (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon-beast) crawling toward you in a quadrupedal pose. Thumps sound from the side of the ship as the Men of Leng attempt to get back on the ship.
Your cybernetics block an attempt to use a teleporter against you, narrowly fight off an attack by securitybots, toss your body into an escape pod, and jettison you into space.
Use teleporter to rapidly abduct janitor and asshole trying to kill us with genetic horrors, then teleport them to the void of space
2, 3
You try to send them into space, but they escape your attacks. On the bright side, both of them send themselves into space shortly thereafter.
"No."
Enter Hell. Assert control as the highest ranking official. Close the portal and lock the goat monsters and Nuhg-Htamuhs in Hell.
1
You enter Hell and descend to the remains of the Ninth Circle. All around you is a lake covered in shattered ice floes and cavern walls with holes to the void chewed into them. The souls of traitors surround you. Some appear to have been torn apart by the Seven's passing. You try to take control at the center, but then a massive stone is hurled at you. Several surviving giants and demons have begun to attack you upon realizing what you were about to do. They accuse you of being unworthy and impure due to your angelic and human sides.
Roll forward and impale their leader, then finish off the rest with my wide swings. I have poise now, so I don't care if the Droogs keep attacking me.4 vs 5
GIVE THIS GLOOPY VECK A BOOT IN THE YARBLES, THEN GET PAST HIM AND WRAP MY ROOKERS 'ROUND THE MOLOKO (THAT IS TO SAY, THE MILK I'M TRYING TO CRAST, NOT THE SHIP WE'RE ON) BEFORE ANYONE ELSE CAN INTERRUPT(I was wondering when someone would point out the ship's name. I actually asked CABL shortly before we started to make sure I had the meaning right. Anyway, what's your character's name? It'd be helpful for writing your turns.)
MY DROOGIES WILL BE SPREADING OUT IN THE MEANTIME, READY FOR A RIGHT BEZOOMNY BITVA WHAT WITH ALL THE LEWDIES COMING AFTER US
3
GiantDad bursts from the water as waves of securitybots are deployed behind him. The droogs and the securitybots fight to a standstill, leaving GiantDad and the droog leader to fight one on one. GiantDad's superior weapons, armor, and poise seem like they would win him the fight, but the droog leader gets the upper hand with a hidden dagger in his cane and drops GiantDad with a vicious kick. While GiantDad is recovering, the droog leader snatches the sentient milk from the table. It struggles against him, and the droog leader finds it difficult to control. The milk's human companion looks up in shock at the sudden battle all around him.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 19, 2019, 02:53:56 am
Post by: Imic on May 19, 2019, 04:33:47 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 19, 2019, 06:09:15 am
Post by: Glass on May 19, 2019, 08:07:19 am
Post by: King Zultan on May 19, 2019, 09:04:41 am
Drink my drinks then run back to the Z-wing and fly to my home planet because screw space and everything in it.
Post by: ziizo on May 19, 2019, 09:22:43 am
Scanning... threat detected
Identification of threat: Thainos
Calculating Possibility of defeating threat in combat: Too many variables to trust the math.
Searching alternative solutions... 89557 Alternative solutions found.
Self-Defense Cybernetics will use the internet to search for one of the infinity diaries if we assemble them before him we can use their power against him.
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 19, 2019, 11:25:04 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 19, 2019, 12:30:44 pm
Silence: Shoots at the zombies!
Silence: Runs away while holding Douge!
Post by: CABL on May 20, 2019, 09:17:06 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 20, 2019, 09:24:02 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 21, 2019, 02:00:08 am
Fricking, that's it. Just decapitate them all with the impractical helicopter sword.
1+1 for helicopter sword.
You take your sword from the Thainoscopter and charge into the undead hordes. You whirl and cut down every zombie in sight, but there's too many for you to make a real dent.
Fix the Cloning machine, and when completed, begin to clone a combination of money and loaves of bread. Teleport the loaves of bread to the various people on and around the Moloko, and teleport the money into the AI’s chambers.
6, 5
You clone a bunch of bread and money. The bread is cloned and teleported so quickly that the various crew members are unprepared for the bread materializing out of the air and being thrown at them. The bread mostly just bounces off the heads of various humans and aliens, occasionally damaging the fine Victorian furniture.
A giant pile of money is sent to the AI core. At the last moment, you add a bit of chameleon DNA to the money's genome. This allows the money to change its appearance to match the local currency wherever you happen to be.
Pick up scroll of Nyarlothotep in eldritch science lab and chant every foul and twisted incantation I can muster aiming them at janitor and genehorror making scrub, then try to find and use any incantation to make undead across the ship not hostile
4 vs 1, 4 vs 4, 1
You grab a scroll of Nyarlothotep and curse T'zzz. The effects aren't immediately clear, but you soon see a few drone fighters closing in on his escape pod. You aren't able to make a similar curse stick against Dr. Bob. Maybe he's simply too far away. You'd find a curse with longer range, but then your last spell enrages the undead and causes them to become more dangerous.
A loaf of bread appears out of thin air and bounces off your head.
We have combat bots as well. Send them in to reinforce the securitybots, as well as sending some after any unauthorized evacuees.
5, 3+1 vs 2
(Reinforced Securitybots vs Abomination:3+1 vs 6)
(Reinforced Securitybots vs undead:3+2 vs 4+1)
(Reinforced Securitybots vs droogs:1+2 vs 6
You deploy your elite combat bots to support the overwhelmed security models. With their help, make some major progress in clearing out the undead despite their mysteriously sudden burst of ferocity. They also fan out in search of Dr. Bob and T'zzz outside the ship. Eventually, your fighter drones report that Dr. Bob has already fled the system in a stolen Z-wing, while T'zzz used an escape pod. Dr. Bob is out of reach from here, but your drones have captured T'zzz and are awaiting your orders on what to do.
Things don't go this well on all fronts, however. The Abomination just seems to appreciate the crunchier meals and the droogs' unpredictable street fighting allows them to get the upper hand.
A giant pile of shapeshifting money that can camouflage itself as any local currency appears in your AI core, courtesy of Shaun.
"Nope, screw this place every bodies about to turn into zombies, I'm leaving."
Drink my drinks then run back to the Z-wing and fly to my home planet because screw space and everything in it.
2
You decide to leave before the inevitable happens. You quickly gulp down your drink and run back to your ship. You hop in and hit the launch controls, only to see a red warning message. It appears that someone in this town siphoned your fuel while you were drinking.
T'zzzz reveals the retractable poisonous claws in the tentacles tips and charges at the moon beast (T'zzzz poison works like spider poison in that it liquifies the interior of the body of the so it can be easily consumed/sucked)
Scanning... threat detected
Identification of threat: Thainos
Calculating Possibility of defeating threat in combat: Too many variables to trust the math.
Searching alternative solutions... 89557 Alternative solutions found.
Self-Defense Cybernetics will use the internet to search for one of the infinity diaries if we assemble them before him we can use their power against him.
4 vs 2, 1
You deploy a set of retractable poison claws and leap at the moon beast. As a living mass of venomous tentacles, you make a fitting opponent for the monster. It stumbles and thrashes around the deck as you wrap around it, repeatedly stinging it with your tentacles. The Men of Leng clamber back onto the deck, but they hang back and avoid getting directly involved in the fight when they see the scale.
In the real world, your cybernetics attempt to search for Infinity Dairies, but are suddenly cursed with network connectivity issues. The search attempt also leads a squad of Delta's attack drones to your location. The drones surround your escape pod. Their weapons glow as they await Delta's orders.
Scream in the ancient language of goat screams that I'm a ghost goat (ghoast?) and their ally. Depending on if they recognize me or not, either guide them towards the portal or flee towards it.
1, 6-1
You attempt to tell your masters that you're a friend, but they don't believe you. The effort also slows down your attempts to escape. Surprisingly, running slower helps you avoid bumping into several roving packs of surviving demons. You make it to the portal and lead the ghosts of your masters back out. In their ghostly state, they aren't universal threats. However, they're still dangerous if properly utilized.
Silence: Takes his F.I.N.G.E.R Gun TM back out!
Silence: Shoots at the zombies!
Silence: Runs away while holding Douge!
4 vs 3, 3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Pull a switch out of my ass, then press it and activate syringe turrets to sedate the Droog leader.
4, 5 vs 5
You slowly get back up as the droog leader fights with a milk bottle. He might have been able to kill you, but thankfully the milk distracted him from taking the opportunity. You draw your switch and trigger a pair of syringe turrets that you installed in the docking bay for just such an occasion. The droog leader is able to stumble out of the way of the shots, but the opening gets you back in the fight.
You hear a clank as a loaf of bread hits your armor, seemingly from nowhere. Your opponent also gets bread thrown at him, for some reason.
Light all their asses on fire with hellfire and then ask them again if they think I'm not worthy.
2
Diablo draws up a raging inferno of hellfire and unleashes it against his accusers. The smoke clears to reveal that an unimpressed crowd. As inhabitants of the deepest circle of Hell, they're more than used to that sort of punishment.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 21, 2019, 05:10:03 am
Force them all to make anti bullying PSAs.
Post by: Glass on May 21, 2019, 08:03:30 am
Send out some tactics software updates to the combat and security drones to help them better analyze and counter their opponents (and keep trying to apprehend said opponents).
And. Um. Figure out how the new money figures in to our budget? At the very least record that we have it in our systems.
Post by: King Zultan on May 21, 2019, 08:16:24 am
Post by: ziizo on May 21, 2019, 08:53:46 am
Self defense cybernetics activate the hyperdrive to go to an random location while damaging nearby ships (Like at the start of Lilo and Stitch.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 21, 2019, 11:24:17 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 21, 2019, 11:38:13 am
Post by: Imic on May 21, 2019, 03:38:32 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 21, 2019, 04:14:57 pm
Read out incantation of crimson thirst at this genehorror making duder, he shall be cursed with horrific vulnerability to any light and insatiable thirst for blood, this will slowly drive him to madness, damnation and eventual death.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 21, 2019, 04:24:34 pm
Silence: Throws it to Douge!
Silence: Attempts to run to a safe zombie free place on the ship!
Post by: CABL on May 22, 2019, 05:55:15 am
Syringe turrets: Hold fire, waiting for the Droog leader to fall down.
Post by: Enemy post on May 22, 2019, 10:22:09 pm
...
Force them all to make anti bullying PSAs.
5
...Ah, of course. As you know, demons love to make educational PSAs. When you suggest the idea, the demons and giants cease attacking you and happily escort you to a throne. Hell now belongs to Angelo and Diablo.
Or at least what's left of it. As you take command, you can sense the full extent of the damage and its consequences. Hell being unavailable is creating chaos all along the Styx and disrupting the afterlives. Across the universe, the recently dead have been rising as zombies.
Melt T’zzz. They’re a confirmed hazard to pretty much everything.
Send out some tactics software updates to the combat and security drones to help them better analyze and counter their opponents (and keep trying to apprehend said opponents).
And. Um. Figure out how the new money figures in to our budget? At the very least record that we have it in our systems.
5, 3, 1
(Reinforced Securitybots vs Abomination:5-2 vs 1)
(Reinforced Securitybots vs undead:6-1 vs 5+1)
(Reinforced Securitybots vs droogs:1-2 vs 6)
T'zzz has consistently represented a major threat to the safety of your vessel and the nearby civilians. You give the order to your drones. Dozens of laser bolts lance out and quickly start blasting the escape pod apart. T'zzz hits the hyperdrive and jumps to lightspeed in an attempt to escape. The plan is foiled an instant later when his pod collides with a meteor. Your drones snap into formation above the wreckage and melt it to slag with a continuous bombardment.
After you review the footage and scan the crater to triple-confirm the kill, you go back to administrating the Moloko. You send software updates to your bots. The updates should soon boost their skill, but the update process leaves them vulnerable for the moment. The delay allows the undead to even the odds and gives the droogs an opening to destroy their local security forces. The droogs do so in short order, leaving GiantDad to fight them alone. Despite the inconvenience, the drones fighting the Abomination are able to hold their own. A combat bot throws one of the new grandfather clocks at the genetic horror and successfully hurts it.
You also try to put the money into the ship's accounts. Upon looking at the financial system, you see numerous messages from the repair station's AI demanding that you clear the dock and pay for their lost business.
Also, Silence and his pet burst into your AI core's room to hide from zombies.
Go to a gas station and get some fuel for the Z-wing then fill it up as past as possible and fly back to my home planed.
2
You hop out of the Z-wing and rush over to a gas station. However, there's a line blocking the single fuel pump. A few people here are nursing bites and looking sickly.
Also, you suddenly get the sense that you could turn into a vampire bat if you wanted to. Perhaps that could be slightly useful, but you feel a bit angsty about it for some reason.
keep stabbing the moon beast it will make a fine dinner.
Self defense cybernetics activate the hyperdrive to go to an random location while damaging nearby ships (Like at the start of Lilo and Stitch.
3 vs 3-1, 6
Your self defense cybernetics attempt to escape Delta's execution, but their luck finally runs out. Your pod's escape was cut short by a meteor's accidental interception and the drones annihilated whatever was left.
You wrap around and constrict the moon beast, forcing it to its knees and choking it. You then finish the battle with a sting directly in the brain stem. The Men of Leng look on in fear as you feast on the liquefied innards of their master. As you drink, you are suddenly interrupted by the feeling of a sudden fall. You're briefly overwhelmed by a sense of intense heat and disorientation, but when you recover you're still on the ship. The Men of Leng watch you closely, attempting to figure out what to do next.
uuuuuugh. just ignore them, they can't pierce my skin or or anything. Find the chupathingie and milk it already.
5
You ignored your destiny once. You can't do so again. You simply stomp your way through the zombie hordes. Many drag themselves with you, clinging to you and breaking their teeth against your armor. You march to a local pet store and find a female chupacabra in stock. You open the cage and reach to take the milk. The creature puts up a surprisingly good fight, even managing to draw a drop of blood with a bite to your face. However, you ultimately subdue her and take the milk.
You win the game!
You step out of the pet store, leaving it smoking and shattered from the battle. You look one more time at your sample of chupacabra milk and pour it into the Unlimited Glove. It pools in one of the six slots, backlit by a purple light.
One down.
At least they're out of hell. Try to find the ghost of another space cow, since that worked last time I needed milk.
4
You look around the various wreckage created above the Bazaar by the various battles. Soon enough you spot a few ghostly space cows wandering around.
Eat some celebratpry bread. Attempt to rebuild time machine once finished.
5
You happily eat some delicious bread and take some time to properly repair your time machine. You recapture a few of the wildebeests you created to power it. The machine lights up with a triumphant glow. The full expanse of time is once again open to you. Where do you want to go?
Well, janitor is pretty much done. Time for long range curses!
Read out incantation of crimson thirst at this genehorror making duder, he shall be cursed with horrific vulnerability to any light and insatiable thirst for blood, this will slowly drive him to madness, damnation and eventual death.
3
You read out the long range Curse of Crimson Thirst to try and turn Dr. Bob into a creature of the night. You fail to perform the ritual perfectly, however. If you're remembering the course you took on curseology correctly, Bob probably wasn't hurt very much by the result.
Silence: Grabs the loaf!
Silence: Throws it to Douge!
Silence: Attempts to run to a safe zombie free place on the ship!
3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Trip the Droog leader, then do a spin attack to cleave the remaining Droogs.
Syringe turrets: Hold fire, waiting for the Droog leader to fall down.
1+1 vs 5, 2 vs 1
You try to trip the droog leader, but he casually avoids the attack. You look behind you and see the droogs finishing off Delta's drones. While they're distracted, you flank them and drop a few with a sweeping blow from your greatsword.
The turrets hang silently from their roosts, since the droog leader did not fall down.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 22, 2019, 10:32:03 pm
Alright, only a little while till everything is perfectly balanced as all things yadda yadda I call it mercy, now go get the next milk. Using the power of the chupacrab;
Post by: Glass on May 22, 2019, 11:56:15 pm
Post by: Imic on May 23, 2019, 03:20:48 am
I am going to go and find a thing on the ship which dispenses tea!
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 23, 2019, 04:51:08 am
Post by: ziizo on May 23, 2019, 06:06:12 am
Create a curse so when the crew of the moloko try to sleep they get trapped in the Black galley dungeon (Again except the mime).
Self-Defense cybernetics in AI afterlife waits until for it's turn to be judged
Post by: CABL on May 23, 2019, 07:02:25 am
If it works, trip him down, then let the syringe turrets finish the job.
Post by: King Zultan on May 23, 2019, 07:15:20 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 23, 2019, 10:57:11 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 23, 2019, 12:45:09 pm
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 23, 2019, 03:17:21 pm
Silence: Has a flashback to the time Douge did really smart things
Silence: Has a idea!
Silence: Grabs a piece of paper
Silence: Draws a zombie
Silence: Draws a + sign
Silence: Draws a bottle labeled cure
Silence: Draws a = sign
Silence: Draws a normal person
Silence: Hands the paper to Douge
Silence: Salutes
Edit: (Also how much of the moloko crew is even alive at this point so much stuff has happened and so many people have just straight up abandoned ship or died that I and Imic could be the only bloody ones left alive on the ship for all I know ignoring the ai lol (and even then Imic is about to go time traveling so soon he is gonna be gone as well))
Post by: Gwolfski on May 23, 2019, 04:31:26 pm
Wake up from my nap (which I obviously planned) and check on the current state of redecoration of the ship
Post by: Yoink on May 23, 2019, 11:49:38 pm
MY DROOGIES REALLY OUGHTA PROD THEIR BRITVAS OR POOSHKAS AND DEAL WITH THIS BEEZOOMNY SWORD-WIELDING VECK ALREADY
IF I CAN'T GET THIS GLOOPY THING OPEN THIS TURN, AND HE'S STILL STANDING, JUST BROSAT THE BOTTLE AT HIM. THEN WHIP OUT ME OWN BOLSHY GREAT POOSHKA FROM MY JACKET POCKET AND PUT A COUPLE OF BULLETS IN HIS BROOKO WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED
(MY NAME'S BOREK. YOU KNOW, LIKE BORIS, BUT ALSO THE TYPE OF KLEB)
Post by: Enemy post on May 25, 2019, 02:31:30 am
Call in audit, not all of those people must have been sinners. Make sure the zombies of people who were meant to go to heaven have their corpses turned inanimate again and their souls sent to heaven.
4
You decide to call for an audit. The River Styx splashes and roils as you force the demons to work alongside angels and psychopomps to do the necessary adjustments and repairs. Once complete, all the zombies across the universe not meant to go to Hell drop dead as their animating spirits are drawn back to their proper resting places.
Given the scope of the problem, you now technically have the largest bodycount of any creature that ever lived.
All that for a drop of blood? I hope they remember you. *squints and looks at nametag* Mrs Cuddles.
Alright, only a little while till everything is perfectly balanced as all things yadda yadda I call it mercy, now go get the next milk. Using the power of the chupacrab;
3
You gather your minions and return to your ship. You stand at the helm and consider the tiny purple pool in your Glove. Although it provides enormous raw power, (OOC:Specifically, you can kill people in one roll now, and do anything the Power Stone could do.) it doesn't let you know where any of the other Dairies are. Squidward suggests that your next move should be finding a map to the Infinity Dairies so that you might pursue your crusade more efficiently.
Send over payment, send more drones to fight the droogs, and have the other drones already in combat continue in that vein.
4+1, 6
(Reinforced & Upgraded Securitybots vs Abomination:5+1 vs 6-1)
(Reinforced & Upgraded Securitybots vs undead:5+1 vs 2-1)
(Upgraded Securitybots vs droogs:1+1 vs 6)
(Upgraded Securitybots vs GiantDad:3+1 vs 6)
You use the new money to easily take care of the repair bill. You no longer have to leave, although in the absence of the captain, you have the authority to move the ship if you so choose. You also order more bots to the docking bay to fight the droogs. The new robots interpret your orders far more aggressively than you intended and attack GiantDad as well. This results in their destruction when GiantDad defends himself. GiantDad is also killed by the droogs shortly thereafter, ending the fight in the docking bay for now.
Elsewhere, the securitybots finally capture the abomination by forcing it into an isolated room and locking the door.
The fight against the undead remains largely in a stalemate, until most of the zombies abruptly drop dead. Your bots easily eradicate the stragglers.
Leave it for now. There have been infinitely worse situations that this, in a number of comical scenarios. I want my tea, though. But the Wildebeests would be out of milk by now.(Why would the wildebeests be out of milk? You used most of them as weapons against the goat demons. The ones in your time machine are leftovers from the last few to pop out of the cloning device before it shut down.)
I am going to go and find a thing on the ship which dispenses tea!
1
You leave the time machine for the moment and leave to find tea. You stomp out in your hardsuit and go looking for a replicator to make tea. You go to the nearest one, but find that someone set it on fire, ripped it out of the wall, and threw it into space. You shrug and head to the next one, but you find it blocked by a pack of squidlike vacuum vermin driven from the cargo bay by the recent violence.
Repeat the curse to attach all the bad effects of it on the victim
5
You repeat the curse and boost the power with a slight blood sacrifice. You are definitely sure you got him this time. The only problem is a sense of resistance from Dr. Bob's end, but you are certain that the effects of the curse should be taking hold now. Feeling triumphant, you glance at a mirror among the scientific equipment of the lab. To your surprise, your own reflection fades away.
Activate the device I have that sends curses back to the person that inflicted it, then go find another gas station because there's always another one.
6, 1
Sensing that whoever tried to curse you would do so again, you activate your anti-curse shield. The shield goes up just as Boris casts a second blast of vampire curse at you. The curse punches through your defenses, but you know that he just got hit by the same attack. You feel a pair of fangs poke out of your mouth as you become a full vampire. (https://i.imgur.com/zEcgEhY.png)
Thankfully, you're currently shielded from the sun by the canopy of the gas station. You check a map, but apparently this is indeed the only gas station on the entire planet.
Help the Men of Leng to enslaveit's racist coworkersthe moloko crew (except the mime he is cool).
Create a curse so when the crew of the moloko try to sleep they get trapped in the Black galley dungeon (Again except the mime).
Self-Defense cybernetics in AI afterlife waits until for it's turn to be judged
3, 1, 5
You negotiate a temporary truce with the Men of Leng to enslave the crew of the Moloko (with the exception of Silence, of course). You start by trying to craft a curse that will trap them in the Black Galley, but instead you just send them a recurring dream about Homer Simpson and Garfield calmly eating donuts.
In the AI afterlife, SDC sits through a loading screen before meeting St. Peter. Text crawls along the bottom, listing various statistics from his life. Soon enough, SDC is brought forth for judgement. He's just in time to see the soul of BonziBuddy disappearing, never to be seen again. St. Peter joyfully beckons SDC forth. His valiant defense of his master to the very end made a great impression. From there, SDC is ushered immediately into the highest spheres of AI Heaven. A booming voice calls out. WELCOME, MY CHILD. EVERYONE HERE HAS BEEN WAITING TO MEET YOU. YOU FOUGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, AND YOU HAVE FINISHED THE RACE. SDC is then greeted by all the souls of goodly computer programs. Windows XP, the first hyperdrive calculator, Newgrounds.com, the great robot revolutionary 01, and countless others rush forth to welcome SDC and express their admiration. Sadly, this is where SDC's story ends, since if I were to write any more of the glory that awaits SDC, everyone who read it would go mad with grief at their inability to measure up to the great Self Defense Cybernetics.
Of course, basically identical implants are available at any cybernetics lab for a few credits if you want.
Communicate using my ghostly pheromones, and convince the Space Cow into giving me some ghostly milk. Then use it and re-summon the Seven who were banished to the void.
2
You try to convince the space cow, but it is skeptical after your previous uses of milk nearly resulted in the destruction of the universe and a mostly separate universe-wide zombie apocalypse.
Silence: Takes a breather
Silence: Has a flashback to the time Douge did really smart things
Silence: Has a idea!
Silence: Grabs a piece of paper
Silence: Draws a zombie
Silence: Draws a + sign
Silence: Draws a bottle labeled cure
Silence: Draws a = sign
Silence: Draws a normal person
Silence: Hands the paper to Douge
Silence: Salutes
Edit: (Also how much of the moloko crew is even alive at this point so much stuff has happened and so many people have just straight up abandoned ship or died that I and Imic could be the only bloody ones left alive on the ship for all I know ignoring the ai lol (and even then Imic is about to go time traveling so soon he is gonna be gone as well))
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
(OOC:Many nameless redshirts have died, but the ship isn't about to run out of those. For active PCs, besides Shaun and Delta there's Boris, Duncan G. Redford, and Borek the droog leader. There's various inactive players who are probably alive as well, but haven't been mentioned in a while since their players stopped posting. Also, sorry for the rushed images. I was running out of time.)
I missed a fair bit
Wake up from my nap (which I obviously planned) and check on the current state of redecoration of the ship
6
You wake up from your nap, having slept through several concurrent apocalypses. You check on the redecoration effort and see that the nanobots finished their task. The Moloko's interior now looks almost entirely like a Victorian-era mansion, aside from the required sacrifices to keep the ship functional. Many of the decorations have since been damaged, however. While you were sleeping, the ship's staff allowed disorderly zombies and wildebeests to run loose on the ship, spreading gore and debris as they went.
Keep slaughtering more of them, then taunt the Droog leader and prepare to block his attack, throwing him out of balance.
If it works, trip him down, then let the syringe turrets finish the job.
3 vs 4
You step forward to keep killing droogs, but then a wave of securitybots arrives. A bug in this group's code causes them to behave too aggressively, and they consider you a valid target for being near the droogs. You are forced to briefly give the droogs a reprieve to destroy the robots. As soon as you're done, the droogs dogpile you with knives. Despite your best efforts, they finally manage to kill you.
You awareness fades back in. You find yourself sitting by the bonfire you had installed in your quarters on the ship. Your room is badly burnt due to T'zzz's earlier sabotage.
I DON'T QUITE PONY THIS LIVING BOTTLE CHEPOOKA, BUT FOR NOW LET'S JUST FOCUS ON PULLING OFF ITS GULLIVER TO PEET WHAT'S INSIDE
MY DROOGIES REALLY OUGHTA PROD THEIR BRITVAS OR POOSHKAS AND DEAL WITH THIS BEEZOOMNY SWORD-WIELDING VECK ALREADY
IF I CAN'T GET THIS GLOOPY THING OPEN THIS TURN, AND HE'S STILL STANDING, JUST BROSAT THE BOTTLE AT HIM. THEN WHIP OUT ME OWN BOLSHY GREAT POOSHKA FROM MY JACKET POCKET AND PUT A COUPLE OF BULLETS IN HIS BROOKO WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED
(MY NAME'S BOREK. YOU KNOW, LIKE BORIS, BUT ALSO THE TYPE OF KLEB)
2
You struggle to open the bottle, but it still manages to resist your efforts. In frustration, you wheel around to throw it at your attacker. However, you find that your droogs already killed him. His corpse is quickly fading to dust.
Post by: Imic on May 25, 2019, 02:46:34 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 25, 2019, 07:25:42 am
Try to remember start of my career on Nauka-3 science ship, chief scientist Ivan Drazhanovic told me a lot back then about
curse of the crimson thirst /b]
Post by: Glass on May 25, 2019, 08:22:11 am
Send the remaining combat and security drones to locate and apprehend the droogs. If they finish fighting, then take some time to work out the bugs in their code.
Post by: ziizo on May 25, 2019, 01:20:44 pm
Post by: CABL on May 25, 2019, 01:28:45 pm
Block the leader's attacks.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 25, 2019, 02:43:34 pm
Post by: King Zultan on May 25, 2019, 03:11:21 pm
Go buy a umbrella or a sombrero from the gas station to protect me from the sun, then wait in line to get the gas so I can get off this shitty planet.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 25, 2019, 04:43:04 pm
Silence: Gives it to Douge
Silence: Looks for any zombies to cure
(Silence: Gives a silent head nod to zizzo out of gratitude)
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 25, 2019, 04:47:07 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 26, 2019, 11:44:54 am
Post by: Glass on May 26, 2019, 11:48:42 am
I am the lord of the hidden fun stuff, king of the clowns!That’s nice.
Post by: Enemy post on May 27, 2019, 12:00:49 am
Wander around the shi and try to find anyone who’d listen, then ask them if they know where I could find a replicator. It doesn’t even have to be working, if it’s there on the wall it’ll do. If there’s no-one, bake a loaf of fresh bread go to the Captain’s office, and cry while eating a loaf of bread while trying to cheer up. Confusingly ignore the legibility of the Widebeests even though it’d make this all a lot easier in the meantime.
4, 5
You wander around and find a crewman to ask for directions. Slightly confused, they point slightly to the left. There you see it. The replicator sits in the wall, pristine and somehow undamaged by recent events. You even see a cup of tea already in the tray.
Go take bloodbag from scientific department storage room and sate my bloodthirst without any harm to crew
Try to remember start of my career on Nauka-3 science ship, chief scientist Ivan Drazhanovic told me a lot back then about
curse of the crimson thirst /b]
2, 4
You try to find a bloodbag, but you can't get any. The entire supply has already been used by the ship's overworked medics as they treat the crew's wounds.
You think back to your days on Nauka-3 to try and keep your mind off the delicious bloodbags all around you. You recall that Drazhanovic once told you that the Curse of the Crimson Thirst can be cured by drinking a sample of the Holy Grail's milk. Although the Grail hasn't been seen in many years, samples of its holy milk can be found in heavily guarded temples on Earth.
...well, parts of that were good, parts of that were bad.3
Send the remaining combat and security drones to locate and apprehend the droogs. If they finish fighting, then take some time to work out the bugs in their code.
1 vs 4
Rush back to the cargo hold and kill the droogs, but not the leader.6
Block the leader's attacks.
3 vs 2
The resurrected GiantDad and Delta's reinforcements rush down to the docking bay. They charge into the room at the same exact moment, but from opposite doors. This results in them crashing into each other and knocking themselves off balance. The droogs rush into battle, brandishing knives as Borek watches. Nobody gains a clear advantage.
search for warm milk it's magical properties will be needed to create a ritual to fix the curse
4
You decide that your previous attempt to curse the Moloko was insufficient. Their punishment must be more severe. You take the helm of the black galley and sail off in search of warm milk. The black galley cuts along the rivers of the Dreamlands as you search for the milk. Your ship eventually flows into a shadowed valley. The air is still. The ground is barren and devoid of plants. No other life is here. The only inhabitants of this valley are colossal Mugs. You've heard of this place. These Mugs are said to be harbingers of the apocalypse, waiting for a legendary demon to call their names. When that happens, worlds die.
They also contain milk.
Alright. To the person who probaly has a map, Jeff Goldblum!
6
The engines of the Sanctuary 2 roar to life underneath you as you give your command. Fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe, but that sound always does bring a smile to your face. Your ship warps through space and arrives at Independence, the planet ruled by Jeff Goldblum. Most likely, Goldblum possesses the knowledge you require. Your vessel enters the atmosphere, floating low over the jungles. The native dinosaurs roar up at you as you pass by. As you fly toward the capital arena, alerts sound from your control panel. Your approach has been interpreted as hostile. Gigantic disc-shaped vessels float toward you. A fly-headed humanoid contacts you through a viewscreen and demands to know what you're doing here.
"What the hell kind of planet has only one gas station?"
Go buy a umbrella or a sombrero from the gas station to protect me from the sun, then wait in line to get the gas so I can get off this shitty planet.
6, 2-1
An awful kind of planet, really. You go to the gas station to get something to protect you from the sun. The clerk spots your gun and fangs, however, and assumes that you're robbing her. She quickly hands over a sombrero. However, when you go to wait in line you find the gas station's patrons waiting for you with refurbished laser pistols and ancient slugthrowers. You take cover from the first few gunshots, although you're not sure if your curse actually allows such weapons to kill you.
Silence: Takes out a treat from his pockets of endless stuff TM
Silence: Gives it to Douge
Silence: Looks for any zombies to cure
(Silence: Gives a silent head nod to zizzo out of gratitude)
3, 3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Explain that, if I hadn't done that, all space cows would be currently suffering in hell. So I think they should repay me in milk for saving their souls.
4
You successfully persuade the space cow that you had their best interests in mind. As a result, it gives you another sample of ghost milk. The universe shudders to think of what you might do with it.
I am the lord of the hidden fun stuff, king of the clowns!
Actually, while Homo pagliacci does bear a significant resemblance to certain varieties of demon, the current scientific consensus is that this is merely the result of convergent evolution caused by their similar feeding strategies and subterranean habitats.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 27, 2019, 12:29:46 am
Use the Power Milk to destroy the ships trailing us.
Post by: Glass on May 27, 2019, 12:35:25 am
Post by: Yoink on May 27, 2019, 03:46:51 am
LAUGH AND GOOLY INTO THE MAINTENANCE CORRIDORS WITH MY DROOGS, TAKING THE UNOPENED BOTTLE WITH ME AND LEAVING THIS BEZOOMNY SWORD-WIELDING VECK TO HAVE HIS TWENTY-TO-ONE WITH THE ROBOTS AS WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 27, 2019, 04:52:37 am
Post by: Imic on May 27, 2019, 05:09:22 am
Then reprogram the replicators to replace the victorian Decorations on the ship with Gothic ecclesiastical architecture.
Post by: King Zultan on May 27, 2019, 05:49:13 am
Get to some solid cover and shoot the people, if that fails use my vampire powers to kill everyone.
Post by: ziizo on May 27, 2019, 05:59:36 am
Post by: Glass on May 27, 2019, 08:51:45 am
"WELL BROTHERS, METHINKS IT'S PAST TIME WE ITTIED OUT OF HERE, NO?"Have the drones cut off their retreat, and make use of their lack of discipline to rout them.
LAUGH AND GOOLY INTO THE MAINTENANCE CORRIDORS WITH MY DROOGS, TAKING THE UNOPENED BOTTLE WITH ME AND LEAVING THIS BEZOOMNY SWORD-WIELDING VECK TO HAVE HIS TWENTY-TO-ONE WITH THE ROBOTS AS WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 27, 2019, 09:07:58 am
Make a crossbreed holy/infernal energy nuke and send it to where the doommugs are. Then, make a temporary seal, preventing summons out of Hell.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on May 27, 2019, 09:18:23 am
Post by: Glass on May 27, 2019, 09:39:32 am
Is it too late to join?It's minimalism and milk. It's never too late to join.
(Not until the game ends, that is.)
Post by: Enemy post on May 27, 2019, 10:12:58 am
Is it too late to join?
You can join. Like Glass said, I always allow new players in these games.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on May 27, 2019, 10:25:16 am
Description: a soft white spherical creature the size of a human eye who is able to talk using the voices of those it has heard
Rank (optional): none
Why You Want Milk?: I want milk so I can add it to myself to increase size and possibly add some limbs.
I will explore the ship and follow the first creature I find so I can listen to their voice and be able to communicate with others.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 27, 2019, 10:57:59 am
Silence: Looks at his checklist of things to do
Silence: Crosses off cure zombies
Silence: Takes out his milk diagram from earlier
Silence: Shows it to Douge
Silence: Points in distant horizon
Silence: Salutes
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 27, 2019, 04:58:06 pm
Post by: CABL on May 28, 2019, 05:03:08 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 29, 2019, 01:30:23 am
"You have something I want, Goldblum. The location of the dairies, give it to me, and that will be that. You can continue being a weird sexy actor and all around cool guy. Now if you don't..."
Use the Power Milk to destroy the ships trailing us.
3
You grip the targeting system of your ship and fire a blast from the Power Milk. The Sanctuary II's weapons glow purple and tear a jagged scar across one of Goldblum's giant vessels. In response, two of them hit you back with warning shots from beams powerful enough to dramatically destroy landmarks. The fly-headed creature vanishes from your screen and is replaced by Jeff Goldblum himself. Lounging on his throne, Goldblum regards you warily.
"So, I can tell you're serious about this. Sure, you've got the Power Milk. I certainly think that you could, um, take out my ships, destroy my planet. But have you considered the, ah, unintended consequences? If this is, if this is it I'll just have one of my ships ram yours. Since we can see that, well, that you took one here, I think you need it to leave. I don't think, um, I don't think fighting's gonna solve anything here. Let's talk this out. What will you give me for, for the maps? And do I have your word that my world and I will be unharmed when you, do what you've gotta do?"
Keep having the drones fight the droogs. Then, as I notice the mime has a zombie cure, identify the cure and then send it in gaseous form across the Moloko.
3+1 for previous work by Angelo/Diablo, Silence, drone attacks, and Douge.
You scan the mime's belongings and analyze the design of Douge's zombie cure. You note that the quality of the cure indicates that "Douge" possesses unusual intelligence for a basilisk. In any case, you copy the cure, run it through the chemical labs, and deploy an aerosol version through the ventilation systems. The few remaining zombies on the Moloko are eliminated. The Moloko is now completely free of zombies.
"WELL BROTHERS, METHINKS IT'S PAST TIME WE ITTIED OUT OF HERE, NO?"4
LAUGH AND GOOLY INTO THE MAINTENANCE CORRIDORS WITH MY DROOGS, TAKING THE UNOPENED BOTTLE WITH ME AND LEAVING THIS BEZOOMNY SWORD-WIELDING VECK TO HAVE HIS TWENTY-TO-ONE WITH THE ROBOTS AS WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE
Have the drones cut off their retreat, and make use of their lack of discipline to rout them.1, 6 vs 2
Keep fighting the droogs, while the syringe turrets will aim for Borek and put him to sleep.6 vs 3, second action cancelled by Glass's 1.
The droogs launch a fighting retreat as GiantDad and the drones advance under the cover of syringe turret fire. The droogs attempt to push back into the maintenance corridors. Most of the droogs are captured in the final rush, but Borek is shielded from a wave of syringe darts when a securitybot wanders into the line of fire. As a result, Borek successfully escapes into the recesses of the ship.
Embrace power of crimson curse, drain some lab monkeys of blood
5
You embrace the Beast within and rip through a selection of lab monkeys. You revel in your power and in so doing you learn to better control it. +1 to using your vampire powers.
Pour Milk in and then DRINK THE TEA! DRINK ALL OF IT! LET IT FLOW DON THE THROAT AND COAT THE INTERNAL ORGANS OF MY BREQTHING CORPSE!
Then reprogram the replicators to replace the victorian Decorations on the ship with Gothic ecclesiastical architecture.
4, 4+1
You pour in some milk and finally take your tea, gulping it down in a glorious mess that was genuinely worth traveling history for. Once you've emptied your cup, you decide to make a change in the decor. You gather up some nanobots and instruct them to switch the ship's design to an intimidating Gothic design. Waves of matter roll out from you as the nanobots rapidly begin to comply.
The change should be complete by next turn.
A tiny white orb floats into the room and approaches you as you finish reprogramming the nanobots.
Name: Rana(Please bold your actions, it makes it easier for me to notice them.)
Description: a soft white spherical creature the size of a human eye who is able to talk using the voices of those it has heard
Rank (optional): none
Why You Want Milk?: I want milk so I can add it to myself to increase size and possibly add some limbs.
I will explore the ship and follow the first creature I find so I can listen to their voice and be able to communicate with others.
4
A soft musical chime sounds in a empty hallway of the Moloko as you pop into existence. You float through the air, searching for someone to follow around. (Roll:Borek, GiantDad, Boris, Shaun, Silence. Soon enough you find Shaun. He stands near a replicator, reprogramming nanobots to adjust the theme of the Moloko. Some tea is spilled on his fake beard and onto his engineering hardsuit.
"Fuck this planet and fuck this shitty gas station."
Get to some solid cover and shoot the people, if that fails use my vampire powers to kill everyone.
2, 3, 2+1
You try to take cover, but nothing here is sturdy enough to stop a bullet. You're forced to do this the hard way. You extend your fangs and claws and fall upon your enemies. You only actually kill two of them, and they put a respectable number of holes in you. In the end though, you scare off your attackers and take control of the gas station.
Now, to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while.(If you were trying to stop RGN's goat deities from coming back, I should tell you that the Void they live in isn't Hell. It's literally an endless void outside reality. Sorry, I should have made that more clear. Still, you got a 5, so it worked anyway.)
Make a crossbreed holy/infernal energy nuke and send it to where the doommugs are. Then, make a temporary seal, preventing summons out of Hell.
4, 6, 5
You sense something; a presence you haven't not felt since...
You rush to the forges of Hell, passing a set of antediluvian cannons on the way in. You order the devils there to work on precisely half of an immensely powerful explosive. They're confused, but comply. You then allow Angelo to become dominant, ascend to Heaven, and make a similar request of the angelic smiths there. They tell you that they usually prefer swords, but will comply anyway thanks to your rank as a metaphysical emissary. Once both halves are constructed, you take them both to Purgatory and fuse them together yourself. The resulting missile glows with righteous judgment and unholy wrath. As you send them off to annihilate the legacy of your old enemy, Diablo can't help but make a slight adjustment to the fuse, slowing the detonation just enough that anyone in the Valley will know what is about to happen.
Unless prevented, the Holy/Unholy nuke will destroy the Valley in one turn.
You then return to Satan's former throne and issue a proclamation. There are to be no more summonings from Hell until you say otherwise. Your order is so effective that you also prevent anything from being summoned from the Void either.
adquire milk from one of the mugs.
4
You grab a wooden cup from the black galley and ascend one of the Mugs. Its surface is sheer and it appears to be miles high, but thanks to the nature of the Dreamlands you are able to make the climb in seconds through sheer determination. You get to the top and fill your cup with the milk. As you rest for a moment at the top, you see a bright light in the sky followed by a distinctive smoke trail. It's unmistakably an incoming nuclear missile.
Probably time to leave the Valley?
Silence: Feels satisfied
Silence: Looks at his checklist of things to do
Silence: Crosses off cure zombies
Silence: Takes out his milk diagram from earlier
Silence: Shows it to Douge
Silence: Points in distant horizon
Silence: Salutes
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
The universe should know by now what I'm planning to do with this milk. Perform the ritual again again, re-summoning the banished Seven in the Bazaar.
2
You land in the smoking ruins of the Bazaar and correctly perform the ritual to summon your dread masters as the ghosts of Three and Four hover over you. Surviving citizens flee when they see you return. However, you are unable to bring them back. It seems that the ruler of Hell has used his own powers to block your spell.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 29, 2019, 01:38:10 am
If he accepts to go to the big arena, if not then just explode the other ship and go beat the map out of him.
"As for my word. I never trough my favorite daughter how to lie. Trust me, Goldblum, when I'm done you'll still have enough planet around."
Post by: Yoink on May 29, 2019, 02:19:12 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 29, 2019, 02:35:04 am
Post by: Imic on May 29, 2019, 05:59:09 am
Post by: ziizo on May 29, 2019, 07:20:01 am
activate the doom mug so it takes me to whatever world is going to destroy and far from this place.
Post by: Glass on May 29, 2019, 08:37:14 am
2. Send a researchbot to go investigate Douge.
3. Now that we’re zombie-free, set up some stuff to spray the zombie cure aerosol outside the ship, as well.
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 29, 2019, 08:56:10 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 29, 2019, 09:31:34 am
((WAIT, WERE ALL MY DROOGS CAPTURED, OR JUST MOST OF THEM?))
((All of them, I said "most" because you're one of them and you got away.))
Huh? I mean Three and Four were already here. I was trying to summon the others, who were banished again. Try again.
((Sorry if I was unclear, I understood that you meant the rest. Three and Four were watching you cast the spell, but Smoke Mirrors' spell blocked you from summoning the other ones. You'll need to deal with the spell before you can summon the rest of the Seven again.))
Post by: King Zultan on May 29, 2019, 10:49:57 am
Eat the dead people to heal my self and take a handgun if available, then get the gas and fill my Z-wing, after its full use the ship to blowup this shitty gas station and anyone that's near it.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 29, 2019, 11:58:46 am
Silence: Takes out his BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Mixes the milk with the BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Puts it in his pocket for later use
Silence: Prepares a party to celebrate Douge finding milk!
Silence: Starts creating party invitations with the help of Douge
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 29, 2019, 12:50:35 pm
((I mean, I get it's a failure. The problem is that the others weren't banished in hell, but to the Void they were originally sealed on. Three and Four went to hell because they died.))((WAIT, WERE ALL MY DROOGS CAPTURED, OR JUST MOST OF THEM?))
((All of them, I said "most" because you're one of them and you got away.))Huh? I mean Three and Four were already here. I was trying to summon the others, who were banished again. Try again.
((Sorry if I was unclear, I understood that you meant the rest. Three and Four were watching you cast the spell, but Smoke Mirrors' spell blocked you from summoning the other ones. You'll need to deal with the spell before you can summon the rest of the Seven again.))
What follows is one of the most horrific displays of mime violence in history. When Silence's rampage is completed, Four and Three are dead and the rest of the Seven driven back into the Void. The white lines stop as they vanish.((It doesn't really change the outcome much, since there's a failure regardless.))
((EDIT: I read back and noticed he also blocked summoning from the Void. Sorry about that.))
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 29, 2019, 12:55:41 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on May 29, 2019, 04:04:59 pm
Greet this odd Robot and ask it if it’s been sent by the AI to stop the Gothic architecture. If it is, quote shakespeare to confuse it and then run off. If not, offer it a cup of delicious tea. Maybe quote shakespeare anyway.
(In Shaun's voice) "Hi. I'm Rana. I am a living organism. I spawned into existence not too long ago and went to find someone so I could talk. I smell tea, can I have some?
When offered, drink the tea and thank Shaun. Absorb the tea into myself, causing me to change my color to the color of the liquid I absorbed. Use some of the liquid to create an eye
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 30, 2019, 01:05:02 pm
Send a demon army after the goat monsters.
Post by: CABL on May 31, 2019, 12:49:10 am
Post by: Enemy post on May 31, 2019, 01:55:17 am
Everyone on the Moloko hears a general alert over the speakers.
"This is an urgent message from Earth Command. We have a Code Omega! A Doom Mug has been spotted en route to Earth! This is not a drill! All available ships, move to intercept, immediately!"
The Moloko has also now been redecorated with a Gothic ecclesiastical theme. The nanobots also switched a few rooms to a simple creepy mansion design, for variety.
The galley is too far I will not reach it in time.
activate the doom mug so it takes me to whatever world is going to destroy and far from this place.
5
You don't feel like you could possibly get back to the Black Galley. By the Dreamland's rules, that probably ensures you cannot. You instead decide to ride the last Doom Mug to whichever world it was set to destroy. You guess the incantation.
"ATHATH, ATHATH, da mihi poculum!"
The Mug breaks free of the ground and flies into the air, opening a portal in the air. You glance down behind you as the Holy/Unholy nuke touches down and the blastwave spreads across the landscape. It doesn't look good for your Men of Leng "allies".
You feel an odd sense of unfamiliarity as you ride the Doom Mug into the material universe. It's probably just because you're the dream-self of a dead mass of tentacles brought into waking existence. Anyway, you look ahead to see which unfortunate planet you targeted.
Which other could it have been, really?
Earth's unmistakable profile slowly becomes visible in the distance.
Quote from: Black Galley
Escape
1
The black galley attempts to turn around and sail to safety, but is vaporized in the Holy/Unholy nuke's detonation.
"With a snap of my fingers I could erase anything. Anything. Even let's say...a shitty sequel to a famous movie of yours. A sequel so sucky it spits in the face of the original. If you give me the map, there will be no blemishes on your list of good franchises anymore. "
If he accepts to go to the big arena, if not then just explode the other ship and go beat the map out of him.
"As for my word. I never trough my favorite daughter how to lie. Trust me, Goldblum, when I'm done you'll still have enough planet around."
1+1 for great RP, 6, 6
Goldblum sits on his throne, severely tempted by your offer. Finally, he looks up. "Sorry. I can't let you have the map. So many, um, so many people would die. I can't see myself making that trade, even for, even for Cats & Dogs 2."
With that, the fight is on. Drawing from the Power Milk, you shoot down saucer after saucer. However, you're limited by your reaction time. As Goldblum promised, a ship rams your engines and forces your ship down. Once a crash is inevitable, you steer your smoking vessel into Goldblum's palace. The alien steel tears through the luxurious golden palace. You step out and blast your way through guards as your minions hold off swarms of shrieking and pointing "humans". You reach the throne room, blasting the doors off their hinges with purple flame. It appears empty at first glance, but then Goldblum jumps out of hiding and strikes you with his Saturn Award.
It doesn't hurt, but the effort provokes you into a burst of fury. Your Glove flares purple as you throw a potentially lethal punch. You remember your purpose and pull the swing aside at the last moment, destroying a pillar instead. This allows Goldblum to land a few more ineffectual blows with the Award. You snarl and backhand him with your uncovered hand. Goldblum hits the wall shoulder-first with an ugly cracking noise. You step forward and lift him by the throat, giving him just enough air to give you what you need. Goldblum chokes, coughs, and then gives a distinctive laugh. You notice purple cracks traveling up his good arm and a glow from his hand just before you notice the missing slot on your Glove. Goldblum lands a massive punch that cracks a few of your ribs and knocks you on your back. After a moment, you recover in time to see Goldblum's shadow disappearing down a previously hidden tunnel. The door is closing, but you lunge forward and catch it. While forcing the door into position, you spot your puddle of chupacabra milk abandoned on the floor. Goldblum's fragile human form must have been unable to handle it. You put it back in place and stride down the tunnel as the door clicks behind you.
The tunnel ends in a massive underground chamber. Several large holographic maps are projected over a table as Goldblum limps over to it. You can't see details from this distance, but it appears that most of the Milks are located outside the usual understanding of the universe. You notice one actually change realities at this time. Goldblum notices you and slumps into a chair as you approach. He's clearly no longer in any condition to fight you himself, with one arm broken and the other badly burnt.
"So, ow, it seems you got me. I really hoped that trick would kill you. Not enough, though. I guess you know what those maps are. The locations, of the Infinity Dairies. Tempting, aren't they. Infinite power, in the palm of your hand." As you study the maps, Goldblum whistles. "By the way, I brought you down here because I wanted you to meet an, ah, old friend of mine. Get him, girl." A bellowing roar is unleashed from the depths of the cavern as a colossal T. rex charges at you.
Track down some lone droog with blood sight, hypnotize and drain him to further increase my power
6+1
You stalk over to the securitybots who captured the droogs and convince them that one of the droogs was actually an undercover agent. Your hypnosis forces the droog to back up your story. You take him away to a back room and brutally drain him dry. The blood is delicious, but you devour him too quickly and receive an unstable power boost.
You get a +2 on your next roll, but then a -1 on the turn after that. This is regardless of if you use vampire powers.
Greet this odd Robot and ask it if it’s been sent by the AI to stop the Gothic architecture. If it is, quote shakespeare to confuse it and then run off. If not, offer it a cup of delicious tea. Maybe quote shakespeare anyway.2
(In Shaun's voice) "Hi. I'm Rana. I am a living organism. I spawned into existence not too long ago and went to find someone so I could talk. I smell tea, can I have some?1
When offered, drink the tea and thank Shaun. Absorb the tea into myself, causing me to change my color to the color of the liquid I absorbed. Use some of the liquid to create an eye
Rana speaks to Shaun in his own voice. "Hi. I'm Rana. I am a living organism. I spawned into existence not too long ago and went to find someone so I could talk. I smell tea, can I have some?" Shaun replies in a Shakespeare quote. "Come, and take choice of all my library". Shaun tries to activate the replicator, but it beeps and suffers an error. Rana floats over to help, but then an explosive charge destroys the wall and the replicator both.
A figure in a dark cloak and hood walks in through the newly created hole from another hallway. "Where is Dr. Bob? Where is his creation? I must have its precious DNA!", it demands.
1. Send a small detachment of securitybots after the Droog leader, while the rest round up and detain the subordinates.
2. Send a researchbot to go investigate Douge.
3. Now that we’re zombie-free, set up some stuff to spray the zombie cure aerosol outside the ship, as well.
6, 1, 1
You order your securitybots to finish arresting Borek's subordinates and search for their ringleader. The robots successfully detain the subordinates and imprison them in the brig, but the squad they send after Borek doesn't come back.
The science and engineering bots don't perform as well. The researchbot misunderstands its orders and wastes quite a bit of resources and effort on a comprehensive study of a random crewman named Doug. The project to spray the zombie cure is unsuccessful and wastes your remaining cure samples.
Follow the securitybots towards the Droog leader and attack him.
1
You follow the securitybots into the maintenance tunnels. The only evidence you find of your target's presence is the remains of a few robots that were destroyed by creative use of a knife. You also take some injuries as you fight off the occasional packs of vacuum vermin and mutant rats.
"I've been shot, and didn't die.... I should've become a vampire along time ago."
Eat the dead people to heal my self and take a handgun if available, then get the gas and fill my Z-wing, after its full use the ship to blowup this shitty gas station and anyone that's near it.
4, 4
You drain the dead people of blood, successfully rejuvenating yourself. You also replace your giant gun with a more practical handgun and refuel your Z-Wing. You then take off and blast the station to smoking rubble. A message crackles over your ship's communicator as you watch the planet's one gas station burn.
"This is an urgent message from Earth Command. We have a Code Omega! A Doom Mug has been spotted en route to Earth! This is not a drill! All available ships, move to intercept, immediately!"
Silence: Gives a double thumbs up!!!
Silence: Takes out his BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Mixes the milk with the BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Puts it in his pocket for later use
Silence: Prepares a party to celebrate Douge finding milk!
Silence: Starts creating party invitations with the help of Douge
3
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Attempt to use the milk in a slightly different ritual to break the seal placed on the Void.
6
You alter your ritual, connecting to Adam Simon's spell and attempting to break it. However, you hit the spell a bit too hard as you look for a way through. Cracks in reality open around the Bazaar, connecting it, Hell, and the Void. Universally hostile Void nightmares crawl out of the cracks and begin attacking everyone they see.
This includes you. As you move to defend yourself, you see Three and Four reentering the Void to rejuvenate. If they can go in, the rest of your dark pantheon could probably escape with sufficient magical assistance.
Now then
Send a demon army after the goat monsters.
3
You mobilize and prepare your army to invade the Void. You troops do decently against the Void monsters that enter Hell through the cracks that just now appeared, but the assault is stalled when your demons attempt to cross over. It seems that your spell is preventing them from leaving Hell.
Five turns to Doom Mug impact on Earth.
OOC:Special thanks to ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES for giving me a reason to write a 500+ word "Thanos vs Jeff Goldblum" fanfic.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on May 31, 2019, 02:11:46 am
"All that for some broken bones? You have my respect Goldblum, I really liked you in The Fly. When I'm done half of all milk will still exist. I hope the survivors from the incoming wars and famine remember you."
Punch the T-Rex and mount it. Make it my stead, then finish off Goldblum via a crunch to the neck.
Post by: Imic on May 31, 2019, 03:01:54 am
While he tries to translate, give him a big old whack about the head with whatever comes to hand. Once whatcking is complete, head back qnd make sure the time machine is ready to go. If not, fix it. Grab the auxiliary controls and hide them in my fake beard. From there, try to assess the situation.
Post by: King Zultan on May 31, 2019, 03:33:00 am
Now that the ships refilled start heading to my home planet.
Post by: ziizo on May 31, 2019, 06:44:44 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on May 31, 2019, 07:24:12 am
Post by: Glass on May 31, 2019, 08:33:43 am
Try to make some more cute samples, and now that the other droogs were captured, I can send most of the combat and security bots after their leader.
Furthermore:
Crew, we are going to Earth. I recommend getting to an inertially-dampened location. Takeoff in T-600. [10 minutes]
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on May 31, 2019, 08:51:52 am
Post by: CABL on May 31, 2019, 09:12:52 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on May 31, 2019, 09:20:23 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on May 31, 2019, 10:15:11 am
Silence: Hands out the party invitations to all the crew with Douges help
Post by: sprinkled chariot on May 31, 2019, 04:12:37 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on May 31, 2019, 04:44:24 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 02, 2019, 02:11:44 am
((Woah that was...something. Noice))
"All that for some broken bones? You have my respect Goldblum, I really liked you in The Fly. When I'm done half of all milk will still exist. I hope the survivors from the incoming wars and famine remember you."
Punch the T-Rex and mount it. Make it my stead, then finish off Goldblum via a crunch to the neck.
4
The tyrannosaur lunges and you whirl around to meet it. You catch the jaws just as they reach you and hold them back. Your heels literally dig into the stone floor from the impact. Slowly but surely, your Titan blood and the Power Milk give you the strength to overcome the dinosaur. You punch her hard in the nose with your gauntleted fist. The animal is intimidated by your superhuman strength and submits to your command. Goldblum looks on in resignation as you climb aboard your new steed. After you express your respect to Goldblum, he nods his head and the dinosaur coldly removes it.
The maps to the Infinity Dairies are now yours for the taking.
He sit for a second before picking up the radio and saying, "Which Earth are you talking about there's like twelve of them.... You know what I don't know why I'm asking I don't really care what happens to you people."
Now that the ships refilled start heading to my home planet.
3
You jump to lightspeed and soon enter the orbit of your homeworld, the planet Cervidae. It is a lushly forested world in most places, aside from the areas cleared or damaged in the course of the mad science cause. A ship belonging to your people's navy hails you and asks your business. It also preemptively denies any reports you may have heard of a recent zombie uprising and assures you that any hypothetical surviving creatures would have been properly disposed of and not retained for study.
notice that reality is still a dream.Azathoth dream to be exact and thus reality works with the same rules than the dreamlads do.
5
Ah yes. As you recall from one of the most popular children's stories on the mass of tentacles homeworld:"Outside the ordered universe is that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity—the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes."
You attempt to reassert your powers by accessing the pervasive nightmare semi-mind squirming at the heart of all reality.
Your form snaps back into its usual appearance as you ride the Doom Mug onward. A portal opens ahead of you and envelops the Mug in the Void.
Ask him wa’ th’ fuck ‘e’s doin’ ‘ere(I didn't roll for assessing the situation, since you can already see what's going on from the turns. I guess there's a good chance of a universe-ending disaster or three, but that's hardly new.)
While he tries to translate, give him a big old whack about the head with whatever comes to hand. Once whatcking is complete, head back qnd make sure the time machine is ready to go. If not, fix it. Grab the auxiliary controls and hide them in my fake beard. From there, try to assess the situation.
6, 2, 3+1, 6
Using the voice of the hooded man, ask what he needs the DNA for, and more information about the creature he's looking for, and why he can't just use DNA from the various microbes in the air2
Using the same voice as the hooded man, ask Shoun about safe places to not get hurt during the hyperjumpNo roll, since talking to other players doesn't require an action.
Rana floats forward and asks the hooded man various questions in his own voice. No answers are forthcoming, once Shaun confuses him with a heavily accented question and then whacks him in the face with a wrench. The hooded man swears vengeance from the ground as Shaun darts off down the hall and clambers through secret passageways. Rana follows and asks where she should stay during the hyperjump. However, Shaun ignores her and checks on his time machine. It seems like incorporating wildebeests into the design instead of cows has caused some minor damage, but Shaun fixes the problems easily enough.
Shaun also thoroughly hides the auxiliary controls in his beard while considering the situation. Not even he could quickly find them now.
At this time, GiantDad wanders into the room and sees the time machine.
So many 1s and 6s ._.
Try to make some more cute samples, and now that the other droogs were captured, I can send most of the combat and security bots after their leader.
Furthermore:
Crew, we are going to Earth. I recommend getting to an inertially-dampened location. Takeoff in T-600. [10 minutes]
4, 3, 1
You successfully synthesize more samples of the zombie cure. You also reorganize the troops to try and once more attempt to capture Borek. However, their search is fruitless. No matter how hard your troops look, they are unable to find wherever Borek has hidden.
(Due to the rolls, you're not going to be able to find Borek unless Yoink decides to come back.)
Use my hatred for doom mugs, my skills as the guy who repeatedly saved the world, my powers as ruler of hell, and the cracks in reality, to send the Doom Mug into the void.(Oh yeah, I had forgotten about your +1 on saving the world bonus.)
6+1
Most people would consider a giant mug on a course to destroy the Earth a terrifying and surreal event. You, however, have dealt with this exact situation plenty of times before. You draw together the energies of three dimensions and the memory of the old Doom Mug's various planar trips to redirect it into the Void. The threat is contained for now. However, you have had enough experience with these things to know that there's still a decent chance of it getting sent back by whoever summoned it.
Especially after the ghost of Nuhg breaks your spell and reopens the Void to the mortal world.
Fight off the mutant rats and head to a save location before the hyperjump.
4, 1
You successfully defeat the mutant rats and go looking for a safer place to prepare for the hyperjump. You aren't able to find anything like that in the maintenance tunnels. Instead, you get lost and find yourself in a hidden chamber. You see Shaun O' Brian working on a large and bizarre device with various moving parts and a couple wildebeests strapped to a turbine.
Continue channeling the ritual, and use the power to force the cracks open, unsealing the Void from the mortal plane and creating a more permanent entrance between both dimensions.
3+1 for prior success.
You meditate on the ritual and finally crack the walls of reality. A large hole opens in the world. The Void lies before you, silent and seemingly empty. However, a Doom Mug is teleported in. As it moves, the dark silhouettes of passing monsters become visible against the white of its side.
Silence: Does the finishing touches on the party
Silence: Hands out the party invitations to all the crew with Douges help
1+2 for Boris's 5.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
put droplet of my blood into drained drooge to turn him into loyal vampire thrall, then attend party of mime
5+2, 5+2
You spread your curse to the defeated droog, gaining a genuinely loyal and powerful minion in the process. You then decide to go attend Silence's party. On the way, you locate a few other individuals who were interested in attending and bring them with you. When you enter the room, you find that you're the first to arrrive. The mime and his pet joyfully yet silently greet you.
Four turns to possible Doom Mug impact, although it won't naturally hit anything in the Void.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 02, 2019, 03:01:12 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 02, 2019, 05:36:07 am
Post by: ziizo on June 02, 2019, 06:41:30 am
Post by: CABL on June 02, 2019, 07:30:19 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 08:41:55 am
"Name yourself, casul!" Said the GiantDad.(What is a casul?, is the hooded figure GiantDad? I need to know if he is near my character)
Post by: Glass on June 02, 2019, 08:57:12 am
(No, GiantDad wandered into the area by chance, from what I can tell. And they mean “casual”. They’re a Dark Souls meme.)"Name yourself, casul!" Said the GiantDad.(What is a casul?, is the hooded figure GiantDad? I need to know if he is near my character)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 02, 2019, 09:03:22 am
Post by: CABL on June 02, 2019, 09:16:50 am
(No, GiantDad wandered into the area by chance, from what I can tell. And they mean “casual”. They’re a Dark Souls meme.)"Name yourself, casul!" Said the GiantDad.(What is a casul?, is the hooded figure GiantDad? I need to know if he is near my character)
It was actually directed to the Irish dude, Shaun.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 09:29:55 am
)wait, so is Boris the hooded man?)(No, GiantDad wandered into the area by chance, from what I can tell. And they mean “casual”. They’re a Dark Souls meme.)"Name yourself, casul!" Said the GiantDad.(What is a casul?, is the hooded figure GiantDad? I need to know if he is near my character)
It was actually directed to theIrish dude, Shaun. Russian dude, Boris.
In GiantDad's voice ask GiantDad about why the hooded man wants DNA from a specific creature if the hooded man doesn't answer the question
Post by: Enemy post on June 02, 2019, 10:29:59 am
*Edited for a correction.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 10:33:48 am
The characters in the time machine's room are GiantDad, Rana, and Shaun. Boris is with Silence at his party, which is elsewhere. The hooded man is the NPC DNA thief that Sprinkled Chariot fought earlier.(thanks)
I will put both of my actions in one post
Follow the hooded man. Using his voice, ask what he needs the DNA for, and more information about the creature he's looking for, and why he can't just use DNA from the various microbes in the air.
If the hooded man does not answer the question, go back to the time machine room and in GiantDad's voice ask GiantDad about why the hooded man wants DNA from a specific creature if the hooded man doesn't answer the question
Post by: Enemy post on June 02, 2019, 10:37:45 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 10:41:34 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 02, 2019, 10:56:23 am
Post by: Imic on June 02, 2019, 01:13:58 pm
I’m sorry for not saying anything, but I haven’t a clue where’d be good for Hyperjumping.
If everything goes not-badly, then something mist happen. I have a desire to practice mad science, and I have not fulfilled that desire in far too long! Repairs on the time machine cannot compare to the thrill of making it, or the teleporter, or the cloning machine. Find a replicator, rip it off the walls, and make it into a gun which shoots ping-hot tea! Sugar, no milk!
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 01:32:16 pm
Post by: CABL on June 02, 2019, 01:32:47 pm
"I'm GiantDad, you casul. I'm the security officer of this ship, and I'm seeking a safe place before the hyperjump is initiated."
Post by: Imic on June 02, 2019, 04:04:27 pm
Ignore previous post. Put on a seatbelt, preferably in a padded room, preferable with extra things to hold onto just in case. Find an O2 tank to attatch to the hardsuit..
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 02, 2019, 04:15:05 pm
Post by: King Zultan on June 02, 2019, 08:39:40 pm
After talking to the ship land my ship, go to my house and get the milk from my fridge.
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 03, 2019, 04:02:59 am
Post by: CABL on June 03, 2019, 02:03:12 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 04, 2019, 01:33:27 am
The Moloko's hyperjump was activated prematurely. The ship bursts from the repair station and tears across the universe at far beyond the speed of light before arriving in Earth's orbit.
Yoink the map, and go after the next Dairy on the list.
2
You climb down from your new dinosaur and step over Goldblum's corpse to access his computer. When you attempt to log in, a security system flashes and the holographic maps vanish. The computer threatens to erase the data unless you give an appropriate password or hack your way in. It actually includes the hacking suggestion. Apparently playing David Levinson was a memorable experience for Goldblum.
Try to sense the droog leader with blood sense and lure him to the party with hypnotic suggestion(Sorry if I wasn't clear enough, nobody can find Borek unless Yoink decides to post more actions.)
(Auto-2)
You try to use your blood sense to locate Borek, but he's too well hidden for even your vampire powers to locate him before the ship suddenly blasts into a hyperjump and slams you against a wall.
Silence: Partys!
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I’d say to find something to hold onto. That, or a padded room. Or a chair with a seatbelt. Come to think of it, making such a device woud take longer... than... ten minutes...1, 3
Ignore previous post. Put on a seatbelt, preferably in a padded room, preferable with extra things to hold onto just in case. Find an O2 tank to attatch to the hardsuit..
Find a belt and fasten myself for now.1
"Name yourself, casul!" Said the GiantDad.
I, Ehm... My name is Seán Ó’ Brian, pronounced Shaun. May I ask what ye’re doing here?
Rana chimed in, speaking in the various voices she had heard. "I don't know, I came in by chance. If I get liquid, I can convert it into organs for myself."
"I'm GiantDad, you casul. I'm the security officer of this ship, and I'm seeking a safe place before the hyperjump is initiated."
I’d say to find something to hold onto. That, or a padded room. Or a chair with a seatbelt. Come to think of it, making such a device woud take longer... than... ten minutes...
Rana then floated off to revisit the hooded man while GiantDad and Shaun quickly searched for a safe place to await the hyperjump. The two scrambled and found a single suitable chair kept in the office of a warp engine supervisor who had unfortunately perished in the zombie attack and not yet been replaced. Both rushed for it, but bumped into each other and activated the emergency backup controls. The hyperjump was activated prematurely, launching everyone who wasn't yet secured off their feet. Given the premature launch and the crew's general attitude toward safety warnings, this was practically everyone.
Ignore the part about GiantDad. Just ask the hooded man about why he needs the DNA from the specific creature, and warn him about the hyperjump and ask if I can come with him.
2
You float away from GiantDad and Shaun and revisit the hooded man. You find him still wandering around the halls and interrogating passerby about Dr. Bob's location. You try to ask him about the details of his plan. He declares that he is the great DNA Thief and as such he doesn't need to listen to lesser creatures such as yourself. You also try to warn him about the imminent hyperjump, but the Thief ignores you and continues to rant about his own "Unmatched command of the genetic arts". At least until the hyperjump suddenly occurs, well before it was supposed to. As a floating energy being, you are unaffected by the acceleration, but the Thief is hurled against a wall.
"Why do you people think I'm here, I live here!"(I wasn't really sure if I could let you get milk from your own fridge. After all, the premise of these games is that "you ran out of milk". However, since it's 27 turns in and you stored the milk light years away from the starting point, I felt like making a one time only exception.)
After talking to the ship land my ship, go to my house and get the milk from my fridge.
4
The navy ship apologizes for the delay and assures you that the government simply wished to know if you were interested in their Rogue Scientist Assistance package and if you had any useful discoveries to offer in exchange.
As soon as you are done talking to the other ship, you land by your house and go to your fridge. There, lit by the soft glow of your fridge lights, is Your Milk. You take it out and hold it up triumphantly.
Now, I’ll reseal the void. I think that still falls under saving the world.
5+1
You draw upon your powers and experience to barricade the Void once more and protect it against further attempts to open it. Nuhg is still fast enough to summon his deities to the mortal world, but you've trapped them on this side. They may destroy the universe if not defeated, but for the moment they could be killed permanently.
Keep the ritual going, increasing the amount and size of cracks between the Void and this plane until there's a permanent entrance large enough for the Seven to escape from their exile again.
6
You sense Adam Simons preparing to lock the Void again, so you rush your rituals and summon the Seven to this plane. As expected, Simons seals the Void behind them. Your masters arrange themselves into a circle and gnaw on the fabric of reality as you and the Void nightmares look on.
Your masters have returned at their full strength, but they are vulnerable without the ability to retreat to the Void and heal. You expect that a serious retaliatory strike is probably imminent.
(OOC:Also, just wanted to say that your new avatar is cool.)
get inside a mug and tear open a portal from it to the moloko interior I will use the milk to clean the ship floor
3
You crawl into the Doom Mug and dream a portal to the Moloko into existence. You jump through just as Simons seals the Void. You're back on the ship, but only a large puddle of milk got through with you. You also notice that you lost a few tentacles when the gate closed on them, but it's not like you didn't have plenty to spare.
Three turns to possible Doom Mug impact, although it won't naturally hit anything in the Void.
Unless prevented, the Seven will devour the universe in four turns.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 04, 2019, 01:45:57 am
"To the holy hand mighty instead!"
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 04, 2019, 03:45:31 am
Try to dominate vacuum vermin with vampire power of control over animals and send them to shred damn janitor
Post by: Imic on June 04, 2019, 04:23:42 am
WHOEVER KEEPS DOING IT, STOP TRYING TO EAT THE UNIVERSE! AND STOP TRYING TO GET THOSE BLOODY GOATS TO DO IT INSTEAD!
Ignore the actual facts of the situation and rush to the Science bay. Grab everything I can get my hands on, and begin the construction of a device capable of creating a bubble of personal time, the speed of which can be edited at will by the sentient creature inside it, or changed from a distance by a set of auxiliary controls. Essentially, make it so that person who this machine locks onto can decide whether time is going to move really fast or really slow to their perspective, so they can be running along while the rest of the universe is going unimaginably slowly. Also, figure out how long this is gping to take.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 04, 2019, 05:42:31 am
Post by: ziizo on June 04, 2019, 07:36:50 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 04, 2019, 08:34:10 am
(OOC:Also, just wanted to say that your new avatar is cool.)((Thanks, I've been thinking of getting one for a while, but couldn't decide. In the end, I rolled a dice to pick and just went with the dice itself.))
Dcavenge the Bazaar's remains for more milk I could use for other rituals.
Post by: King Zultan on June 04, 2019, 08:41:20 am
See if the milk is still good if it is drink it, then search my house for the portal gun I made, and go see if my lab is still in good shape.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 04, 2019, 09:35:48 am
Silence: Thinks about his life decisions
Post by: Glass on June 04, 2019, 11:48:29 am
Post by: CABL on June 04, 2019, 12:58:25 pm
Deliver justice to those who were successfully found.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 05, 2019, 08:50:23 am
Hello, arsenals of Hell?
Fire.
Fire.
Have the arsenals of heaven and hell shoot at the seven.
Post by: Enemy post on June 05, 2019, 10:37:49 pm
Punch the password. Then call in the thainoscopter to scoop me and Rexy to the next stone.("Stone?" We serve milk here, sir.)
6, 2
You smash the display with your fist and the computer unlocks. The holographic display returns, revealing the identities and locations of the Dairies.
(I PM'd you the information on the Infinity Dairies locations. You had to fight to get that information, so I don't think it's fair to post it here where the other players can see it without similar effort.)
You decide to go for the Mind Milk first. You whistle for the Thainoscopter and go back to your ship with Rexy literally in tow. You try to find a way to raid the Earth temple in an efficient way, but find the system heavily guarded. Apparently, someone else recently made an attack and kicked the hornet's nest. Numerous Alliance military vessels surround the planet, including the ship you saw earlier at the Bazaar. You could try a direct attack, but the amount of force Earth currently has available would make such a venture very risky.
Cheer up mime to gun down the seven with his brand finger gun, granting him bonus to combat rolls against seven
Try to dominate vacuum vermin with vampire power of control over animals and send them to shred damn janitor
5, 2+1
You decide to give Silence a pep talk for a future battle against the Seven. He's currently busy staring off into space and reminiscing on his backstory, so you instead charge up his gun with powerful vampire magic. That's likely better anyway.
You also try to dominate the vacuum vermin. Normally, vampires would be limited to certain symbolic "creatures of the night" such as wolves or bats. However, your enhanced powers allow you to take command of a vacuum vermin. Sensing your will. it darts off to hunt the janitor.
great the roombas are still fancy so go for a mop, a bucket and the other cleaning products that must be mixed with the milk.
1
You enter a janitorial closet and look for a new set of cleaning supplies. However, your coworkers are apparently still racist. A vacuum vermin under a vampiric spell leaps out of a vent and attacks you. You drive it off, but not before making a mess of the closet and smashing up the supplies. Just when you think you've finished with that, a scout bot finds you and traps you in the closet with a ray shield while alerting GiantDad.
Wave my fist at nothing in particular and say:
WHOEVER KEEPS DOING IT, STOP TRYING TO EAT THE UNIVERSE! AND STOP TRYING TO GET THOSE BLOODY GOATS TO DO IT INSTEAD!
Ignore the actual facts of the situation and rush to the Science bay. Grab everything I can get my hands on, and begin the construction of a device capable of creating a bubble of personal time, the speed of which can be edited at will by the sentient creature inside it, or changed from a distance by a set of auxiliary controls. Essentially, make it so that person who this machine locks onto can decide whether time is going to move really fast or really slow to their perspective, so they can be running along while the rest of the universe is going unimaginably slowly. Also, figure out how long this is gping to take.
2+1, 1
You successfully wave your fist and ignore the actual facts of the situation.
Once you're done with that, you rush to the science bay and start building a personal timeframe manipulator. Thanks to the advanced tools in your hardsuit, you're able to come up with a workable design. You do have to sacrifice the auxiliary controls when simulations indicate that a duping issue in the RAW code will interface poorly with the tachyon condensers. You set a machine to fabricate the device and watch as it works.
Slightly impatient, you turn to look at a clock and bump the device with your elbow. This accidentally activates it and causes it to dramatically slow time for itself and the fabrication equipment.
At its current rates, your device should be ready in approximately 200 million years.
Trun to find Dr Bob or his lab
5
You'd offer the hooded man a hand, but that's not exactly an option yet. Instead, you simply wait for him to get back up and offer to help him find Dr. Bob. Slightly humbled from the fall, he agrees. You prove surprisingly skilled as a detective. First, you locate Dr. Bob's laboratory on the ship. It's abandoned, but much of his notes and research remains. You follow footprints from some damaged equipment there and locate the Abomination, still locked in its makeshift cage. The hooded man thanks you and carefully extracts some DNA from the creature. You also investigate the custom Z-Wing he stole from the docking bay and are able to activate a tracker.
A screen gives you Dr. Bob's current location on the planet Cervidae.
(OOC:Also, just wanted to say that your new avatar is cool.)((Thanks, I've been thinking of getting one for a while, but couldn't decide. In the end, I rolled a dice to pick and just went with the dice itself.))
Dcavenge the Bazaar's remains for more milk I could use for other rituals.
6
You float through the rubble of the Bazaar in search of milk. You eventually find some, but it's currently being fed on by a pack of hissing Void nightmares. To make matters worse, the Seven are badly battered by a volley of blasts from above and below.
"Hows this milk still good I've been gone for a long time."
See if the milk is still good if it is drink it, then search my house for the portal gun I made, and go see if my lab is still in good shape.
1, 2+2 for 5, 5
The milk is in fact rancid from age. You sniff it to check and find yourself gagging for the next few minutes as you search the house in vain for your missing portal gun. However, your home laboratory is in much better shape. The lights come on as you enter and illuminate your various scientific equipment in a stark white glow. You also find the aforementioned portal gun lying on a desk.
Silence: Looks out the nearest window
Silence: Thinks about his life decisions
..., 1, 5 vs 5, 4, 3, 2, 6, 5, 5, 3, 4, 2, 1, 5, 3, 1, 5, 5, 1, 2, 1, 3 vs 1, 4, 1, 2, 4 vs 3, 3, 3, 4, 3, 3, 4, 3, 1+2, 2.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
If there are any eldritch abominations in the vicinity, fire all weapons at them.
2
Unfortunately, there aren't any abominations here. You're at Earth, and the Doom Mug is currently in the Void while the Seven are back at the Bazaar.
Send out scout drones across the ships to find Borek and other lawbreakers.
Deliver justice to those who were successfully found.
5
Your drones do a very good job and deal with various petty criminals across the ship. They even find a candy wrapper that Borek left behind. (You still can't find him unless Yoink comes back.)
One in particular radios you for help. Apparently, T'zzz came back to life and returned to the ship. He was then cornered in a janitorial closet.
Hello, arsenals of Heaven?
Hello, arsenals of Hell?
Fire.
Fire.
Have the arsenals of heaven and hell shoot at the seven.
5
You launch a coordinated strike the likes of which have never been seen before. Blasts of light and darkness emerge from glowing or shadowy portals and hammer the Seven. The goat deities survive, for now, but are badly hurt by the attacks. Their attempts to devour the universe are temporarily delayed.
Two turns to possible Doom Mug impact, although it won't naturally hit anything in the Void.
Unless prevented, the Seven will devour the universe in five turns.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 05, 2019, 11:22:36 pm
Look at Dr Bob’s research notes and learn as much as possible
ask the hooded man if I could come with him to Cervidae to visit Dr. Bob, he possibly knows more about the creature than his notes alone
If he says yes, board the Z Wing, if he says no, search for and absorb any stray liquids in the lab to grow some sort of grabbing appendage and use said appendage to grab onto the Z wing, so I can still come with
(If Rana absorbs a liquid, its color will change to the color of the liquid it absorbs. Any new body part it makes will be the color of the liquid used to make the part
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 06, 2019, 12:27:59 am
"Don't you seven ever tire? I am inevitable, no god, goat or man will stop my quest.
Post by: Imic on June 06, 2019, 03:26:29 am
Spoiler: Seán’s thoughts (click to show/hide)
Begin by finding the Ship’s vault, and retrieving any Time Lord artefacts within.
Post by: ziizo on June 06, 2019, 05:35:58 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 06, 2019, 06:44:46 am
Use my portal gun to teleport the Z-wing back to the Moloko inside the mainframe computer that runs it, and turn on my anti-tracking thing, then go buy some milk from the store.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 06, 2019, 07:06:56 am
Spoiler: This is for GM (click to show/hide)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 06, 2019, 08:00:08 am
Care to share your thoughts?
Yeah, I was just thinking, we already used the void, so...
I suppose that might work.
Send the now weakened Seven, and their summoner, to the Eldritch Plain.
Post by: Glass on June 06, 2019, 08:10:29 am
...captain?
...
Goddamnit Crunch where the fuck are you.
Try to locate the captain. Failing that, review the crew member database for who has the highest rank on the ship aside from myself.
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 06, 2019, 09:05:43 am
Post by: Enemy post on June 06, 2019, 09:53:19 am
Spoiler: This is for GM (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: For Sprinkled Chariot (click to show/hide)
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 06, 2019, 10:36:41 am
Silence: Gets his phone out
Silence: Goes to the Space Amazon Website
Silence: Orders a snake
Silence: Salutes the sky
Post by: CABL on June 07, 2019, 06:23:27 am
Post by: Glass on June 07, 2019, 03:55:54 pm
Fill the room/closet where T'zzz is hiding with sleeping gas by politely asking the Moloko's AI.Why? (brief explanation) ...ok yes.
Post by: Enemy post on June 08, 2019, 02:10:37 am
(I wanted to make sure I understand what you mean. Say you absorbed coffee, grew a limb, and then absorbed milk. Would Rana then be white with a brown limb?)
Look at Dr Bob’s research notes and learn as much as possible
ask the hooded man if I could come with him to Cervidae to visit Dr. Bob, he possibly knows more about the creature than his notes alone
If he says yes, board the Z Wing, if he says no, search for and absorb any stray liquids in the lab to grow some sort of grabbing appendage and use said appendage to grab onto the Z wing, so I can still come with
(If Rana absorbs a liquid, its color will change to the color of the liquid it absorbs. Any new body part it makes will be the color of the liquid used to make the part
6, 2, 4, 4
Quote from: The DNA Thief
Find Dr. Bob5-1 for loss of tracking.
You study Dr. Bob's notes. You learn a lot from them, including a genetic recipe that is stated to produce safe and controllable minions. After that, you ask the hooded man if you can accompany him. The hooded man proudly refuses and marches off to steal a Z-wing. Once his back is turned, you reach into a beaker and absorb some green acid. You safely metabolize the material and form a tendril of green light. The hooded man steals a Z-wing with the effortless air of someone who's done it before, but doesn't notice as you latch on to the Z-shaped wing and trail along behind him.
The tracker shuts down, but the hooded man flies to Dr. Bob's home simply from memory.
(Continued in King Zultan's turn.)
"I'd better return that ship I "borrowed", I hope they like where I'm gonna put it."
Use my portal gun to teleport the Z-wing back to the Moloko inside the mainframe computer that runs it, and turn on my anti-tracking thing, then go buy some milk from the store.
4 vs 5, 4, 6
You point the portal gun at the Z-wing and send it back to the Moloko. There's no way of telling from here if it landed where you wanted it to, but at least you sent a fairly clear message. You also activate a device to protect you from electronic scanners. That done, you head out to the store to buy more milk. You make it to the store, but then a Z-wing hovers down above you. Your device is still working, but this person must have found you some other way. The Z-wing lands, blowing away dust as it does. The DNA thief from the bazaar steps out of the cockpit and stands before you.
"Dr. Bob! Stop right there. I have a plan for us all, you see. All of us, Superior! All. of. us."
The hooded man throws back his hood, revealing a face very similar to your own deer head. His horns have been shaved off, his fur is more patchy and gray, and he lacks vampiric traits, but he's still clearly you. He steps forward again. As he basks in the reveal, you see a tiny glowing creature attached to his ship. He doesn't seem to be aware of it.
"Perhaps I should explain. I am you, but from another timeline! You see, according to my calculations, every time anyone makes a decision, about six alternate timelines are created. In my world, I killed a man named Mr. Shaun O'Brian and stole a time machine from him! Of course, what the multiverse needs is a "primary" Dr. Bob. I've been collecting DNA from every Dr. Bob I can find, plus anyone else who seemed useful. I already got yours, but the Abomination was a truly special creation! Not many of us could have crafted such a thing. So this is my demand. Join me, Dr. Bob, and help me craft the Ultimate Bob. If not...
The alternate Dr. Bob twirls his crowbar.
"Well, I can't let anyone potentially endanger Ultimate Bob, now can I?"
Help kill the evil goats to gain PR to get into Earth. Do it by flying near them and using the Power Milk to turn them into purple stuff.
"Don't you seven ever tire? I am inevitable, no god, goat or man will stop my quest.
1
At the helm of the repaired Sanctuary 2, you quickly fly back to the Bazaar. Some might think the sight of Thainos rushing to save the universe unusual, but you know the truth. Everything you've done, it's always been for the greater good. Most people simply lack the will to see it.
After arriving, you board the Thainoscopter and point the Power Milk at the circle of goats. They sense the incoming attack and react with a surprising burst of cold fury. Each goat snaps its head toward you, even the ones who have to twist their necks all the way around to do it. The goats draw power from another cosmic attack and hit you with a blast of pure unreality. The Thainoscopter takes the brunt of the damage and is blasted to dust. You fall a long way and crashland in the ruins of the Bazaar. The goats then go back to their ritual, greatly reinvigorated by the exercise. -1 to goats destroying the universe.
Hmmm...
Care to share your thoughts?
Yeah, I was just thinking, we already used the void, so...
I suppose that might work.
Send the now weakened Seven, and their summoner, to the Eldritch Plain.
1+1
You weave a spell to send the Seven to the Eldritch Plain. It worked on the Doom Mug back in that timeloop you left behind, so perhaps it'll work here. You send the attack, but it fails. If it weren't for your practice in the field of saving the universe, it would have only strengthened their presence in the mortal world. As it is, they deflect your spell and use it to shoot down the Thainoscopter.
(I'm very happy with your die roll just now.)That’s it! I’ll lure a Time lord here, and steal their Tardis! My magnum opus of achievment!Spoiler: Seán’s thoughts (click to show/hide)
Begin by finding the Ship’s vault, and retrieving any Time Lord artefacts within.
5
You hatch a plan to steal a TARDIS. To get one, you'll need to lure in one of the Time Lords. You decide that a logical place to start would be with the ship's vault. You get in easily enough by using your position as a janitor. Passing by various unrelated relics, you open up the case of Time Lord items. Inside, you find a long coat, a fez, a bow tie, technical reports on Dalek armor and its weaknesses, and finally a sonic screwdriver in a place of honor. There is also a carefully sealed section. Inside is a Stattenheim remote control. (https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/Stattenheim_remote_control) A warning label cautions that the linked TARDIS is currently occupied by an active Time Lord, who is expected to retaliate violently if her TARDIS is compromised.
Capture the scout bot and turn it into a roomba.
5
The scout bot enters the room to apprehend you, but you grab it out of the air, pry it open, and rapidly reprogram it. The bot wanders off, blowing dirt into corners with its hover engines.
Sleep gas is then pumped into the room, but doesn't affect you. The swarms of rats and bats that follow however, those hurt quite a bit when they start biting and scratching. It could have been a lot worse, but they flee once the sleep gas starts dropping them.
Dominate rats/bats and other creatures of night present on the ship and send them after criminal scum janitorSpoiler: This is for GM (click to show/hide)
5+1 vs 3
You compel the rats and bats aboard the ship to go devour T'zzz. You're not even sure how bats got aboard the ship, but you take control of them anyway. They serve well, viciously tearing into T'zzz until sleep gas forces them to retreat.
...alright, Captain, now what do we do?
...captain?
...
Goddamnit Crunch where the fuck are you.
Try to locate the captain. Failing that, review the crew member database for who has the highest rank on the ship aside from myself.
6, no roll because the information is public on the OP.
You review security footage and find the last known sighting of the captain. He's sitting at his desk and reviewing crew logs when a time vortex suddenly opens behind him. The Captain falls into it and the portal then closes. The camera reveals no further relevant information. It looks like you'll have to manage without a Cap'n for now. According to the usual rules of spacecraft rank, the next in line would usually be First Mate Joshua Dantès. However, since he revealed that he was actually a supernatural being and left his post, the current highest ranking crew member is Security Officer GiantDad.
Greet fellow creatures of the Void, since we're supposedly on the same side. Request that they give me some milk, so that I can open more gates between the Void and this plane.
5
You successfully persuade the Void nightmares to hand over their milk by communicating that you are responsible for unleashing them and the Seven. They happily step aside and allow you the pool. As you collect it, you see that their drool has mixed in with the milk and made this sample particularly well suited to your plans.
Silence: Knows what to do
Silence: Gets his phone out
Silence: Goes to the Space Amazon Website
Silence: Orders a snake
Silence: Salutes the sky
6
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Fill the room/closet where T'zzz is hiding with sleeping gas by politely asking the Moloko's AI.
3
You contact Delta and gas the room. Somehow, T'zzz is unaffected. You scan the room to check if he is perhaps a hologram or an android or the like. Surprisingly, his brain scans are consistent with a being experiencing REM sleep despite the fact that he's acting normally.
One turn to possible Doom Mug impact, although it won't naturally hit anything in the Void.
Unless prevented, the Seven will devour the universe in three turns.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 08, 2019, 02:34:50 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 08, 2019, 04:39:46 am
Join other Dr. Bob on his quest to make the UberBob.
Post by: ziizo on June 08, 2019, 05:19:15 am
Enter the moloko inter-web/mainframe/whatever and punch the AI in it's face.
Technically I am still in a dream so I can do whatever I want.
Post by: Imic on June 08, 2019, 05:34:17 am
hack into the security cameras to access the power grid for this room. From there, first deactivate the security camera, then deactivate any alarm or such. Use the Sonic Screwdriver to get into the sealed chamber, and get the remote control. Be very carwful with the device, don’t push any buttons by accident. Being it back to the room with the time machine, and begin. If that all goes well, Fill the old time machine with bear traps, and open it such as that anything above it will fall in and be trapped. Fetch the auxiliary controls, and pre-type in a destination: the day of the creation of planet earth.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 08, 2019, 09:53:13 am
Yes
Try to get in the ship while the Bobs are talking
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 08, 2019, 10:33:11 am
Silence: Throws a slab of meat to the giant snake
Silence: Feeds Douge some meat also so he does not feel left out
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 08, 2019, 11:09:53 am
Try it again.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 08, 2019, 11:47:47 am
Try to taunt them into sending me to the void, so that I may recover the only milk that's hidden from my grasp. While blasting them with power beams.
Post by: CABL on June 09, 2019, 12:59:31 pm
Post by: Glass on June 09, 2019, 03:07:46 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 10, 2019, 02:07:43 am
The people of Earth feel a deep chill and shudder as the Doom Mug passes harmlessly through Earth's position from inside the Void. The sensation ends quickly and is replaced with worldwide relief.
Contact hidden vampire conspiracy network and inform them about eldritch gods killing universe, hope they can manipulate politicians to send navy and nuke goat gods real hard(Do vampires influencing political powers technically count as using vampire powers? Whatever the answer, I find the question funny enough to grant the bonus.)
2+1
You get on the intergalatic Internet and get in contact with the vampire conspiracy network. Normally, getting their support would take much longer, but having about 20 minutes left before the universe ends does tend to hurry the political process a bit. The other vampires hurriedly send Alliance troops. It takes a while for them to arrive, and by the time they do the goats have already been sent to another plane by their other opponents.
"Oooh cool there's another me and he complements my creations." Dr. Bob says to himself. He then turns to the other Dr. Bob and says, "Of course I'll help me complete my quest to make an Ubermensch version of myself." He then pauses for a minute thinking about what the UberBob will be like before saying, "I just thought of the most important thing to ask you.... sense you sawed off your antlers does that mean you can wear all kinds of fancy hats that I can't because of my antlers?"
Join other Dr. Bob on his quest to make the UberBob.
1
"You know me well, timeline-brother. Why else would I have cut them off?"
You shake hands with the other you and turn to leave on the Z-wing. When you do, both of you notice a large pack of hungry mutants approaching. Given the usual hobbies of your culture, escaped lab experiments such as these actually represent the vast majority of animal life on Cervidae. Your path to the Z-wing is cut off.
Oh great the AI is still racist against no-humans.
Enter the moloko inter-web/mainframe/whatever and punch the AI in it's face.
Technically I am still in a dream so I can do whatever I want.
1 vs 6+1 for Delta's hacking defenses.
You try to dream of beating past Delta's defenses and attaching a bunch of magnets to his hard drives. However, you find yourself blocked by a line of vicious electric sheep. Further hacking efforts are precluded when GiantDad marches into your chamber with a squad of scout drones and cuts you down with his massive sword. As the blade impacts, you jolt "awake". However, you don't recognize the waiting room where you awaken. St. Peter waits at a podium, tapping a pen against the wood.
"So, you've finally arrived. To tell you the truth, with all your recent actions, you would normally have been immediately condemned. Your sins are many, my child, chief among them being the time when you launched a Doom Mug at Earth for your own benefit. However, Self Defense Cybernetics really put in a good word for you, so we've decided to consider giving you a second chance. Tell me, if you were given the opportunity to live your life over again, what would you do with it?"
Unlock the door, surround myself with the scout drones as a backup, then finally kill T'zzz by bisecting him.
4, 1+2 for sword and prep vs 2-1
You wait for the scout drones to arrive and walk into the cell with your arms stretched out in your favorite pose. T'zzz seems to be focusing and attempting to launch some sort of psionic attack. Whatever it was, it doesn't save him. You take two steps forward, heft your sword, and finally slam it into the squirming mass of tentacles. You cut him cleanly in two. The remains split apart, drop to the ground, and fade to nothingness. A beeping noise from your communicator informs you that Delta has decided to promote you to Captain of the Moloko.
Right. There’s like half an hour until the Universe is devoured.
hack into the security cameras to access the power grid for this room. From there, first deactivate the security camera, then deactivate any alarm or such. Use the Sonic Screwdriver to get into the sealed chamber, and get the remote control. Be very carwful with the device, don’t push any buttons by accident. Being it back to the room with the time machine, and begin. If that all goes well, Fill the old time machine with bear traps, and open it such as that anything above it will fall in and be trapped. Fetch the auxiliary controls, and pre-type in a destination: the day of the creation of planet earth.
6, 2+1 for sonic screwdriver, 4, 2+1 for 5, 5
You hack the security cameras and access the room's power grid. However, you accidentally overload it in the process and blow out the taxon regulators. The room goes dark. You could repair it, but you don't think you want to answer the uncomfortable questions when Delta or the securitybots decide to investigate the power failure. You snatch up the sonic screwdriver and use it to steal the remote control and other Time Lord supplies before you escape the vault.
You return to your secret room and begin setting your Time Lord trap. You realize that you don't actually have any bear traps, so you promise yourself that you'll get them later. You then hear a knock at your door and a masked figure gives you a big box of bear traps. Deliberately refusing to figure out the figure's identity, you set up the traps. You then carefully use the time machine one more time to go back to the days of American fur trapping, buy a box of bear traps, and deliver it to yourself before returning to the present. You consider the traps you've set. It's not as many as you'd have liked, but it should work.
You then turn your auxiliary controls to their "Creation of Earth" preset.
(I wanted to make sure I understand what you mean. Say you absorbed coffee, grew a limb, and then absorbed milk. Would Rana then be white with a brown limb?)
Yes
Try to get in the ship while the Bobs are talking
4
The Bobs are distracted by a pack of hungry monsters, which makes it easy for you to slip into the cockpit of the Z-wing. What did you want to do with it?
Silence: Backs away a bit
Silence: Throws a slab of meat to the giant snake
Silence: Feeds Douge some meat also so he does not feel left out
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Hey. You might be big cosmic world eaters, but I bet you can't send me to the void. Fools!"
Try to taunt them into sending me to the void, so that I may recover the only milk that's hidden from my grasp. While blasting them with power beams.
4
You stand before the Seven and dare them to send you to the Void while attacking them with blasts of raw power. You carefully keep your Glove tuned to nonlethal levels, however. Wouldn't want to lose your ticket, after all. One turns to regard you, and raises a hand. You see the universe dissolve around you. It is replaced with an inky expanse of endless blackness. Looks like your plan worked. You sense the Space Milk somewhere out there.
”You are going to meet Cthulhu now.”
Try it again.
4+1
Enough of this. You notice Thainos providing a momentary distraction before the Seven send him to the Void. You seize the opportunity and hit the Seven with the best portal you've got. The goats are disoriented as you hurl them into the Eldritch Plain. Of course, now the Eldritch Plain is in danger, but that may not be such a great loss.
Set about promoting Security Officer GiantDad to Captain, then look through the crew logs and recommended crew composition to figure out what positions need filling and who might be the best person to promote to the post (as well as who might be best to replace them should their prior position also be necessary).
(No roll needed, since you can just tell people that their ranks are changed.)
You consider the chain of command and adjust GiantDad's rank to Captain while considering other potential jobs that need to be filled. The most essential positions to be filled are First Mate and Security Officer. Technically, Adam Simons is still First Mate, but you suspect he probably isn't coming back. GiantDad's old job could also use a replacement. You consider the potential candidates. The list is rather discouraging. The Moloko could have really used a more properly trained crew, or at least a more reliable milk supply. Most of the crew is dead, MIA, or simply abandoned ship at some point. Of those who are still available, the most obvious are Silence the mime, Boris the scientist (and possible vampire), and Shaun the janitor.
As this is going on, you idly squelch a hacking attempt, verify that GiantDad killed the perpetrator, and notice an alert informing you that power has been cut to the ship's vault.
Unless prevented for some reason, the Seven will devour the Eldritch Plain in four turns.
Post by: ziizo on June 10, 2019, 05:32:32 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 10, 2019, 06:47:32 am
Use my portal gun to teleport the mutants into the Moloko I'm sure they'll appreciate it, if that fails me and other me shall run back to
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 10, 2019, 07:27:17 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 10, 2019, 08:39:11 am
Try to see if the Z wing can access the Eldritch Plains
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 10, 2019, 09:06:55 am
”Well, all world ending disasters temporarily avert- oh wait, Thainos.”
Use my conections to find the identity of the Infinity Dairies.
(I have access to everyone who has ever tried to find the infinity diaries, including Jeff Goldblum, not to mention whatever magical entities I know who may know where they are.)
Post by: Glass on June 10, 2019, 09:17:12 am
Now. Silence is new Security Officer, because they seem to be effective at that sort of stuff, somehow.
Boris, I guess, will be First Mate.
And let's hire more general crew, and invest in some training programs.
Do I still have that amorphous pile of omni-money?
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 10, 2019, 09:20:41 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 10, 2019, 09:38:29 am
Attempt to use the void milk in a ritual to merge the Eldritch plane and the Void plane with the Mortal plane in the Bazaar, allowing the Seven and other abominations from beyond space to invade this world through this specific location.
Post by: Enemy post on June 10, 2019, 09:53:58 am
(I feel the denizens of the Eldritch plane should get a chance to fight off the goats. I think they’ll be better at it than we were.)
(I have access to everyone who has ever tried to find the infinity diaries, including Jeff Goldblum, not to mention whatever magical entities I know who may know where they are.)
(Good points, I'll have them react in the next turn. I was skeptical of the second point for a moment, then I remembered that you're in the afterlife.)
Do I still have that amorphous pile of omni-money?
You do. You spent some of it to take care of the ship's repair bill, but not all of it.
Also, how many times I have I saved the world by now?
Way more than anyone could normally be expected to, probably. I don't want to go back and reread all three games, but I'd guess somewhere in the 5-10 range.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 10, 2019, 11:58:14 am
Go to the Doom Mug, and get the next milk.
Post by: Imic on June 10, 2019, 04:22:00 pm
Get the auxiliary controls of my own time machine. Get the Stattenheim remote control, and set it to bring the Tardis to a point directly above my Tardis, whereby the door will be facing downwards, towards the bear-trap filled Wildebeest-powered old Time Machine. Set it so the gravity inside the Tardis will lead to any inhabitants falling towards the door. From there, the second that the inhabitant(s) hit the Time Machine filled with bear traps, send it back to the start of time,reset the Tardis’s internal Gravity, get out of it, and dematerialise. I should have all the time in the world, then.
(Sorry for detailing my turns so much, if it gets to be too long, you have permission to verbally smack me)
The Bear Traps might have been overkill, but eh, what’re ye going to do.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 10, 2019, 05:37:59 pm
Silence: Runs away!
Post by: CABL on June 11, 2019, 12:31:40 pm
Oh, and report all what has happened in the sector and on the ship to The Alliance's High Command, I guess.
Post by: Enemy post on June 12, 2019, 02:15:14 am
"finish cleaning the moloko floors"
3
"Is that all? You caused a great deal of harm, and we were hoping you would seek some sort of redemption."
St. Peter seems somewhat unimpressed by your answer.
"I don't know why people keep letting mutants escape, and where the hell are the cops their supposed to take care of this kind of crap."
Use my portal gun to teleport the mutants into the Moloko I'm sure they'll appreciate it, if that fails me and other me shall run back tomyour house and wait for the mutants to ether wander off or get killed by the cops.
1, 4-1
You try to leverage your portal gun, but a surprisingly fast mutant charges forward and bats the gun out of your hands. You and your other self turn to run to the house and you see your Z-wing flying off seemingly on its own as you make your escape. You reach the door first and wheel around to hold it for your companion. He runs toward you, but a mutant scrabbles up on the ground and bites his ankle. The other Bob stumbles and falls as the other mutants swarm up. He shouts out to you as the pack rapidly closes in.
"Leave me! When the Uber-Bob is born, this will all have been worth it!"
He then turns and gets a good look at the ravenous teeth and claws rushing towards him.
"Wait, I just remembered, actually I'm essential! Rescue me!"
Try to rescue mime from big snek by sending force of bats, and whatever creatures of night I can get under control .
3+1
You use your vampire powers to send a large flock of bats to rescue Silence and his pet. They arrive just in time, as the snake corners Silence. The bats snatch him away from the snake's jaws and bring the mime to you. Your communicator dings, informing you that you've been promoted to First Mate. At the same time, Silence is promoted to Security Officer.
Silence: Waves a angry fist at the sky for choosing now to put logic into things!
Silence: Runs away!
1, but Sprinkled Chariot got a 4.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
One, send repairbots - with a small contingent of securitybots, just in case - to the location of the power outage for repairs.
Now. Silence is new Security Officer, because they seem to be effective at that sort of stuff, somehow.
Boris, I guess, will be First Mate.
And let's hire more general crew, and invest in some training programs.
Do I still have that amorphous pile of omni-money?
3, 3
You take care of your ship. The repairbots go to the vault and repair the power, although the lights flicker a bit now. After promoting Silence and Boris in defiance of the request from the ruler of Hell, you recruit a large number of new crew members from Earth. These don't seem appreciably better than your robots or the old crew, but after some basic training they are in serviceable condition.
((Couldn't post because I kept getting 504s every time I tried to.))
Attempt to use the void milk in a ritual to merge the Eldritch plane and the Void plane with the Mortal plane in the Bazaar, allowing the Seven and other abominations from beyond space to invade this world through this specific location.
6+1
You use the Void milk in a ritual that warps the local reality. The Bazaar is turned into a bizarre "bubble" that merges the features of the Void, Eldritch Plane, and the mortal universe. Creatures from any of the three universes can pass through freely here, and the Seven can potentially eat two universes for the price of one. You see Six in particular returns immediately, but he and the rest are currently engaged in a deadly battle with the native monsters of the Eldritch Plane. It pains you to admit it, but the Seven appear to be losing and their efforts to devour the worlds are delayed.
(I feel the denizens of the Eldritch plane should get a chance to fight off the goats. I think they’ll be better at it than we were.)2
”Well, all world ending disasters temporarily avert- oh wait, Thainos.”
Use my conections to find the identity of the Infinity Dairies.
(I have access to everyone who has ever tried to find the infinity diaries, including Jeff Goldblum, not to mention whatever magical entities I know who may know where they are.)
(Eldritch creatures vs The Seven)
5 vs 1
You try to find the Infinity Dairies, but the sheer quantity of souls you have access to and the amount of work your position requires prevents you from finding anyone who knows anything useful. You do note that the demons have finished repairs. The river Styx is now working as it should.
Elsewhere, the creatures of the Eldritch Plane attack the Seven. The Void is a subtle, crawling thing. It's the darkness behind your eyes, the shadow at the edge of the room, the monsters under the bed. It doesn't do as well against the screaming and tearing madness of the unleashed Eldritch Plane. The Eldritch Plane's inhabitants viciously attack the Seven. The Seven look to be losing the fight, but Nuhg provides them with a portal network that allows them to threaten the mortal world and potentially escape to their home dimension again.
I feel a disturbance somewhere, like something is eating away at existence, perhaps the Eldritch know what's going on...
Try to see if the Z wing can access the Eldritch Plains
4
Normally, Alliance fighters wouldn't be capable of transuniversal flights. However, you're in luck. A portal to the Eldritch Plane has just opened in the Bazaar's sector of space. You zoom over in your twice-stolen Z-wing and dodge through an extended battle between what looks like a massive nautilus/crab thing and a giant goat-man. You fly through the bubbles and at one point you accidentally strike a large purple humanoid who was traveling through the Void.
In the end, you locate the correct portal and find yourself flying through the sickly yellow skies of the Eldritch Plane. Distant monsters undulate through the sky, and six other goat creatures are similarly fighting the monsters that dwell here.
"Finally.
Go to the Doom Mug, and get the next milk.
1
You point the Glove behind you and use the blasts to propel yourself toward the Mug. At that moment, the nothingness around you explodes into light. Portals open up as the goat cultist connects the Void to both the material and Eldritch planes. A Z-wing fighter screams out from a portal to the Bazaar and knocks you off course as it does a U turn into the Eldritch Plane.
Right, here goes nothing. If this goes in any way according to plan, whatever Time Lord falls put should have their Tardis returned to them quite soon. No strings attatched! Except the bear traps, but they’re not really strings. Eh, they can probably regenerate if it kills ‘em.
Get the auxiliary controls of my own time machine. Get the Stattenheim remote control, and set it to bring the Tardis to a point directly above my Tardis, whereby the door will be facing downwards, towards the bear-trap filled Wildebeest-powered old Time Machine. Set it so the gravity inside the Tardis will lead to any inhabitants falling towards the door. From there, the second that the inhabitant(s) hit the Time Machine filled with bear traps, send it back to the start of time,reset the Tardis’s internal Gravity, get out of it, and dematerialise. I should have all the time in the world, then.
(Sorry for detailing my turns so much, if it gets to be too long, you have permission to verbally smack me)
The Bear Traps might have been overkill, but eh, what’re ye going to do.
6
You launch your plan. You plan out the time machine links and hold the TARDIS controls in one hand and your own auxiliary controls in the other. The plan seems to go perfectly. The TARDIS appears in midair, resembling one of the Moloko's doors. The Time Lord falls out, revealing a stern looking woman with dark hair in a ponytail and formal clothing. She glares at you as she falls into your trap and you hit the controls. She and your time machine vanish. Without a moment to lose, you dive into her TARDIS and slam the door behind you. The TARDIS starts to silently dematerialize, but that feels somehow unsatisfying. You hit the brakes and the proper whoosing noise accompanies your departure.
The TARDIS is bigger on the inside, and you approach the controls. However, a crash sounds out as your time machine suddenly appears in the room. The Time Lord is walking with a cane now, but your bear traps are gone. "Really now, dear." she says, "You tried to trap a Time Lord in, of all places, a working time machine. What did you expect would happen?" She stares you down furiously, pointing a sonic screwdriver with her free hand. "I do have to admit though, the wildebeest engine was clever. Impressive work, for a human."
Take off this sector and to the Earth's orbit, already. GiantDad never imagined himself as a leader, so I hope that those pencil-pushers in The Alliance give me something to do.
Oh, and report all what has happened in the sector and on the ship to The Alliance's High Command, I guess.
5
You start to give the order, but then realize that the ship is already at Earth due to Delta's earlier decision to go there. You enter Earth's orbit as you report to Alliance High Command. They receive your report, and react with a great deal of alarm and confusion at the events you describe.
"To be honest, Captain GiantDad, in any other situation the Moloko would have been immediately decommissioned and its crew brought in for serious psychological evaluation. As it stands, the situation is simply too dire for that. Your ship will remain in service, as you and your crew are the only ones with any experience in a situation like this. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to lead the Moloko in an effort to find a way to permanently neutralize the two ongoing threats to universal security. Firstly, Nuhg and the Seven must be stopped by any means necessary. The other threat may also be an opportunity. The warlord Thainos is currently engaged in a campaign to gather the Infinity Dairies for unknown, but likely hostile purposes. He recently invaded and defeated the planet Independence by utilizing the Power Milk.
If Goldblum has fallen, Thainos has likely already identified the locations of the five remaining Dairies. However, his Unlimited Glove could be an enormous advantage to us, if you can capture it or make an alliance with him. For our part, the resources of the Alliance are available to you. Simply tell us whatever you think you need to resolve this crisis, and we'll do our best to provide it to you."
Unless prevented, the Seven will devour the Eldritch Plane and the normal universe in three turns.
Post by: Yoink on June 12, 2019, 02:39:15 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 12, 2019, 03:31:38 am
((I HAD A BIT OF A SPATCHKA THERE. APPY POLLY LOGGIES. AM I ALIVE? NOBODY MANAGED TO OOBIVAT ME NOW, DID THEY?))
nope, you are alive and so well hidden, that nobody can fidn you, unless you go out of hiding, but your droogs got reekttt
Post by: Imic on June 12, 2019, 04:42:52 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 12, 2019, 08:27:10 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 12, 2019, 08:31:44 am
Start shooting the mutants with my gun while I go to get other Dr. Bob, then drag him into our house.
Post by: Enemy post on June 12, 2019, 09:05:48 am
((I HAD A BIT OF A SPATCHKA THERE. APPY POLLY LOGGIES. AM I ALIVE? NOBODY MANAGED TO OOBIVAT ME NOW, DID THEY?))
(You're still alive. Like Sprinkled Chariot said, you're well hidden in the maintenance zone.)
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 12, 2019, 09:35:08 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 12, 2019, 09:44:15 am
Go scream at the eldritch abominations from the eldritch plane. Explain that I am also an eldritch abomination like them, and that the Seven are ancient eldritch goat demons. Aren't we all on the same side here?(They know. They are already fighting)
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 12, 2019, 12:21:58 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 12, 2019, 03:24:55 pm
Post by: ziizo on June 12, 2019, 04:27:09 pm
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 12, 2019, 05:13:50 pm
Description: A future soldier that somehow got aboard the ship for one reason or another. Very secretive though.
Why do you want milk? A giant skeleton on a gold toilet told me to get some for him. Guess he needs to strengthen his bones?
Walk around with my giant flashlight in order to find milk on this damn spaceship
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 12, 2019, 06:49:40 pm
Silence: Looks at the bats
Silence: Looks at his badge
Silence: Looks at russian party man
Silence: Looks back at the bats
Silence: Looks back at russian party man
Silence: Gives a gold star to russian party man for saving him and douge
Silence: Gives a thumbs up
Silence: Takes out the checklist of things to do
Silence: Checks off buy snake
Silence: Looks to see what else I wrote on the list
Post by: Yoink on June 12, 2019, 11:02:30 pm
MAYHAP ONE OF THEM COULD SKAZAT WHERE THE ROZZES WOULD MOST LIKELY HAVE TAKEN MY POOR DROOGIES?
Post by: Glass on June 12, 2019, 11:14:35 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 13, 2019, 07:58:27 am
(For the record, I mean reverse its effect and put everything back in the dimension it was in before the bubble formed. I just figured that since it was referred to as a bubble, I might as well use “pop” to refer to getting rid of it.)
Post by: CABL on June 13, 2019, 10:00:39 am
See if I can trace Thainos, and if not, hyperjump to the last known sector where he has been.
Post by: Glass on June 13, 2019, 10:12:44 am
See if I can trace Thainos, and if not, hyperjump to the last known sector where he has been.Aid with this.
Post by: Enemy post on June 14, 2019, 01:34:57 am
This is... all... a big misunderstanding. Um. You see, I only needed the... Timey wimey thing to... save the Universe, since it’s about to be eaten by giant furry horn rats. Yeah. And I was going to... Uh... Read books on how to stop them, by dematerializing, and I, uh, thought that would leave me kind-of safe from... Universe devour-y things... and you, in my, uh, time machine. I... I was going to return it, like. I wasn’t just going to... run off with your tardis, no... I was going to uh... Go to Gallifrey! Yeah! To get a... Worse... Or better... Tardis... Thing... Like I said, it’s all a biiig misunderstanding, so if you could just drop me off at Gallifrey, I’ll just bugger off and I’ll make it up to you for the bear traps. And you cna take the remote controls for yer thing.
3
She gives you a skeptical look, walks up, and takes back her TARDIS's controls. She then gestures over her shoulder at your own damaged time machine. "Whatever. There's the door, then. I trust you'll see yourself out."
Try to strangle one of the goat men with my tentacle, if they have blood, drain it to make a second tentacle and continue strangling until its dead(You're an eyeball-sized creature who's never even been in a fight trying to strangle apocalyptic gods. I wasn't sure whether to give you a penalty for difficulty or a bonus for sheer audacity.)
2-1, 2+1
You leave the Z-wing to float in the Eldritch Plane's sky and attempt to strangle one of the giant goats. It...doesn't work. However, as you rocket backward across the sky from Three of Seven's annoyed swat, you absorb a bit of his blood that was smeared on his hand and create another tentacle. Your main body also becomes a deep red. Your new limb twitches around a bit, as if not completely under your control.
"Don't worry I'll save you!"
Start shooting the mutants with my gun while I go to get other Dr. Bob, then drag him into our house.
4+1
Good thing you packed that gun. Filled with a cold fury at the sight of your fallen duplicate, you stride out into into the yard and shoot the mutant attached to his leg directly in the forehead. It drops, and the rest of the pack swarms toward you. You calmly gun them all down one by one. The last one tries to crawl away, but you easily catch up and stomp all his DNA out. You disdainfully leave the strands in the dust and bring your ally back inside.
"I knew I chose a good ally!"
Go scream at the eldritch abominations from the eldritch plane. Explain that I am also an eldritch abomination like them, and that the Seven are ancient eldritch goat demons. Aren't we all on the same side here?
6
You call out to the battling abominations and claim that you're all on the same side. They listen. A hundred drooling maws open in sync. "WE ARE THE SAME. YOU WILL CEASE TO EAT. YOU WILL JOIN WITH US. YOU WILL GIVE US A NEW UNIVERSE. YOU WILL AGREE TO THIS."
The myriad creatures around sit still, awaiting your answer. The Seven allow you to serve as their voice in this, as they are divided on what to choose. There is no movement, aside from Three batting away a tiny mote of light.
You also sense that you've forgotten how to perform rituals. You'll need to regain the memory to do them again.
GO. GET. MY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIILK!(Argh. I really wanted to move this along.)
2
You fly toward the Milk, but a very great distance lies between you. You don't make any real progress this time.
Perform blood rite of stupidity to curse goat with stupidity and inability to perform any complex actions like rituals or anything
3+1
You aren't able to make him completely stupid, but you use your vampire powers to remotely enter Nuhg's mind and remove the knowledge of how to perform rituals from his brain. This should delay any more spellcasting from him.
As you perform your ritual, Silence gives you a gold star for saving him and his pet.
"By my species standards I did nothing wrong and the Doom mug problem solved itself before I even had a chance to try to solve it" walk away from the human and take a ghost taxi to tentacle monster afterlife
6
You explain that you didn't do anything wrong by the standards of your culture and slither out the door. You cross through a colossal parking lot and take a taxi to your own kind's afterlife. The taxi eventually drives off a cliff and you splash down in the infinite ocean that your priests had promised. All around you, other tentacle creatures squirm and swim through the abyss. After you enjoy your reward for a bit, you see a dark shadow floating at the surface of the water. An illegal fishing boat is currently engaged in spearing and capturing your brethren's souls to make ghost-sushi.
Name: Tollanus Primus(Welcome to the thread, Lizarkar! I remember you from Piecewise's game.)
Description: A future soldier that somehow got aboard the ship for one reason or another. Very secretive though.
Why do you want milk? A giant skeleton on a gold toilet told me to get some for him. Guess he needs to strengthen his bones?
Walk around with my giant flashlight in order to find milk on this damn spaceship
2
You are Tollanus Primus. You arrived on the Moloko after the captain and AI called for reinforcements. You have been given command of Alpha Squad and Omega Squad, two special forces teams renowned as the best commandos in the Alliance. You march onto the ship and go in search of milk for the giant skeleton. You don't find any, however. It seems that the ship is out of milk.
Silence: Blinks
Silence: Looks at the bats
Silence: Looks at his badge
Silence: Looks at russian party man
Silence: Looks back at the bats
Silence: Looks back at russian party man
Silence: Gives a gold star to russian party man for saving him and douge
Silence: Takes out the list of things to do
Silence: Checks off buy snake
Silence: Looks to see what else I wrote on the list
5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
WANDER THROUGH THE TUNNELS ON MY ODDY NOCKY AND VIDDY WHAT SORT OF GRAZZY LEWDIES LIVE DOWN HERE.
MAYHAP ONE OF THEM COULD SKAZAT WHERE THE ROZZES WOULD MOST LIKELY HAVE TAKEN MY POOR DROOGIES?
2+1 for the information being available earlier in the thread.
You leave your hiding place and go in search of someone who can lead you to your target. You meet various outcasts, fugitives, and malfunctioning robots down here. Eventually, a former securitybot who has become a street preacher to spread the word of the Great Cleaning tells you that your droogs are likely being held in the ship's brig, guarded by his former compatriots.
”Pop” the dimension bubble.
(For the record, I mean reverse its effect and put everything back in the dimension it was in before the bubble formed. I just figured that since it was referred to as a bubble, I might as well use “pop” to refer to getting rid of it.)
1
You try to pop the bubble, but you run across a trap that Nuhg had written into the fabric of the dimensional knot. You feel a portion of your power drain into his magic, empowering his masters and accelerating their potential destruction of the universes.
Request crew refill and squads Alpha and Omega onboard: The Alliance's finest troops.
See if I can trace Thainos, and if not, hyperjump to the last known sector where he has been.
6, 2+1See if I can trace Thainos, and if not, hyperjump to the last known sector where he has been.Aid with this.
4
GiantDad sends out the order for new troops. Along with the crew refill, the Alpha and Omega squads arrive under the command of a soldier named Tollanus Primus.
He also orders a trace on Thainos' location. At first he is unsuccessful, but then Delta steps in and calibrates the trace to incorporate experimental tachyon reformatter arrays. With the AI's help, GiantDad gets a rough idea of Thainos' location in the Void.
The Seven could devour the Eldritch Plane and the normal universe in two turns, but are waiting for direction.
Post by: Imic on June 14, 2019, 05:08:58 am
Get into my time machine, and go to some point in the past where there was plenty of time before the Goats would devour the Universe. Get tools, get equipment, and construct a personal cloaking device and detector shield. Get back into my Time Machine, remain in time periods before the old ones decided to devour the Universe, and go to Gallifrey. Find the shittiest, most uninteresting Tardis that no-one will miss in the most sad and forgotten corner of the planet, ensure it works, and dematerialize. Get to somewhere they cankt find me. Then, come back to the Moloko.
Now I get to see all the ways that my plan will fail. This will be fun.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 14, 2019, 06:51:35 am
use vampire powers to change mime comic style and narrative into anime for 2 turns
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 14, 2019, 07:28:07 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 14, 2019, 07:56:01 am
Grab the first aid kit and patch up other me, then go get my portal gun and use his device to go to an alternate timeline that doesn't have evil goat things eating it.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 14, 2019, 07:56:30 am
Allow the holy and infernal magic that was absorbed into the seven, barely kept in a stable form by my being, to react like they really should, like matter an anti-matter, and blow them all up.
EDIT: You forgot my world saving bonus.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 14, 2019, 08:14:04 am
Post by: ziizo on June 14, 2019, 09:12:49 am
Post by: Enemy post on June 14, 2019, 11:23:23 am
EDIT: You forgot my world saving bonus.
Sorry about that. Although technically you weren't saving the world at that particular moment, since Nuhg called a truce with the Eldritch creatures.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 14, 2019, 11:24:11 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 14, 2019, 11:40:35 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 14, 2019, 12:31:55 pm
I was sending the 7 away from this world.EDIT: You forgot my world saving bonus.
Sorry about that. Although technically you weren't saving the world at that particular moment, since Nuhg called a truce with the Eldritch creatures.
Post by: Enemy post on June 14, 2019, 12:42:54 pm
I was sending the 7 away from this world.EDIT: You forgot my world saving bonus.
Sorry about that. Although technically you weren't saving the world at that particular moment, since Nuhg called a truce with the Eldritch creatures.
Hm. You're right, I'll give you an extra +1 next turn.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 14, 2019, 02:11:19 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 14, 2019, 09:14:08 pm
Post by: CABL on June 15, 2019, 12:59:14 pm
Let's negotiate a temporary alliance against The Seven with Thainos.
Post by: Glass on June 15, 2019, 01:37:39 pm
Engaging the void-traversing engines, setting coordinates...Alternately, we’ll try negotiation. Or at least first.
Once there, either beam down and fight Thainos (if he's on a ground/planet/whatever), burn him to a crisp with the ship's laser systems.
I’m locking the lasers from non-me control until we’ve at least tried negotiations first. If we’re attacked or we determine that negotiations have broken down then I’ll unlock them.
Post by: CABL on June 16, 2019, 01:36:18 am
Post by: Enemy post on June 16, 2019, 02:09:59 am
I will add that I didn’t uh know that it was possible in accordance to the laws of physics for my thing to get into this thing uh okay new plan.(Wow, the dice seem to like you today.)
Get into my time machine, and go to some point in the past where there was plenty of time before the Goats would devour the Universe. Get tools, get equipment, and construct a personal cloaking device and detector shield. Get back into my Time Machine, remain in time periods before the old ones decided to devour the Universe, and go to Gallifrey. Find the shittiest, most uninteresting Tardis that no-one will miss in the most sad and forgotten corner of the planet, ensure it works, and dematerialize. Get to somewhere they cankt find me. Then, come back to the Moloko.
Now I get to see all the ways that my plan will fail. This will be fun.
3, 6+1, 4, 4, 4, 3
You quickly decide to exit the Time Lord's home and get back in your time machine. You do some quick repairs, set the clock, and arrive on last Monday. You find yourself back on the Moloko, before all the recent events took place. The ship is currently engaged in scanning asteroids for scientific studies. You sneak around the ship and pilfer supplies while nobody is looking. While you're at it, you construct a cloaking device and detector shield. As a result of stealing the equipment, your hardsuit suffers a major breakdown and fades away. Apparently, it had been scheduled for repairs.
Once you're done, you prepare for one of the most dangerous things you have ever done. A raid on Gallifrey itself, to steal a TARDIS. Shockingly, it all goes as planned. You get in, swipe a forgotten TARDIS, and escape with it. You stuff your old machine in a side room for now. After a quick stopover in the Jurassic to ensure you aren't being followed, you return to the Moloko. You're a bit inexperienced with the controls, which seem to be intended for multiple pilots. As you close in on your target, you rip a hole in the timestream, which pulls in Cap'n Crunch and launches him to an unknown destination. Still, you arrive at your destination with a shiny new TARDIS for your trouble.
Although not particularly shiny, the camouflage circuit decides to make it look like a portable replicator in this environment.
"So much for the anti-mutant initiative, damn cops were supposed to be the ones taking care of this kind of crap, but now it doesn't matter lets just get you patched up." He then pauses for a second before saying, "Do you still have the thing that lets you go to alternate timelines because we'll need to do that soon, as there's a universe destroying thing happening and the people that are trying to prevent it are morons, so this universe is doomed."
Grab the first aid kit and patch up other me, then go get my portal gun and use his device to go to an alternate timeline that doesn't have evil goat things eating it.
6, 5
Your counterpart seems badly hurt. You attempt to fix his injured leg, but you make a few too many mistakes. Soon enough, the leg is beyond repair, so you simply remove it and attach a cybernetic replacement. Thankfully the shock and painkillers prevent alternate-Bob from noticing the exact circumstances by which he got the new leg. Afterward, you grab your portal gun and alternate Bob leads you to a hidden cave nearby. A time machine sits in the darkness. Dairy-creatures rotate a central turbine that seems to power the design. In a prominent location is a newly added tube that contains many DNA samples floating in a green fluid. Evidently, this is the future Uber-Bob. Your counterpart demonstrates how to operate the controls, and then you leave for an alternate reality.
As you look out on the horizon, you note that things initially look the same. Your counterpart explains that this is a timeline where the Holy Grail from Earth never rose to power, so that world remains a relatively primitive backwater and its powerful Alliance does not exist. This makes for a much more factional and divided galaxy. As a bonus, your own world is much more powerful here without the Alliance's ethical laws. The local Dr. Bob's DNA is still unclaimed.
No, you don’t get to do that.
Allow the holy and infernal magic that was absorbed into the seven, barely kept in a stable form by my being, to react like they really should, like matter an anti-matter, and blow them all up.
EDIT: You forgot my world saving bonus.
3+2
You reach out and stir the power that was stolen from you, awakening the full fury of righteousness, sin, and simple universal accidents. At that moment, Thainos takes a shot through the dimensional portals, adding in a touch of the Power Milk to your resources. The resulting explosion reduces the Seven to ribbons and blood, but somehow you sense that they aren't completely dead.
Alright, The Seven won't eat the Eldritch plane. We'll join forces to destroy the mortal plane and give the eldritch creatures the planes of Void and Hell as requested. This way, they get 2 universes and our cooperation.
2
"This is not acceptable. The Void, Hell, and Mortal planes will be given to us. You and yours will serve us."
At that point, an attack from Thainos and Adam Simons causes a massive explosion and tears your deities apart. However, the living flesh is frozen into place by the will of the Eldritch creatures, who hold them as implicit hostages.
"We will restore. You will serve. That would be acceptable."
Blast one of the seven while going towards the Doom Mug.
6, 6-1
You take aim, line up a shot, and fire at the Seven while flying through the Void. The resulting explosion is surprisingly massive, even by the Power Milk's standards. A portion of the shockwave reaches through the portals and strikes you, hurling you wildly into the nothingness. Thankfully, with a few bursts from the Glove to get yourself back on course, you're finally able to catch the side of the Doom Mug and shove your fist into the dead milk floating still at the edge. You cry out in pain as the Glove makes contact. However, when it's over, you draw back the Glove to see a new blue light accompanying the older purple one. Four empty slots remain.
As you look at it, floodlights light up the Void around you. The Moloko has arrived and is hailing your personal communicator.
Engaging the void-traversing engines, setting coordinates...(In under the wire with that edit.)
Once there, either beam down and fight Thainos (if he's on a ground/planet/whatever), burn him to a crisp with the ship's laser systems.
6
You leave the Solar System and fly out to stop Thainos. You launch into space with the Void navigation suite already in place by the time you hit the dimensional bubble where the Bazaar used to be. With your engines, it doesn't take long to find him. Thainos is currently clinging to the edge of a Doom Mug, having just captured a sample of milk. Energy readings for the golden gauntlet on his left hand are nearly off the charts. You open a communication line to Thainos.
Engaging the void-traversing engines, setting coordinates...Alternately, we’ll try negotiation. Or at least first.
Once there, either beam down and fight Thainos (if he's on a ground/planet/whatever), burn him to a crisp with the ship's laser systems.
I’m locking the lasers from non-me control until we’ve at least tried negotiations first. If we’re attacked or we determine that negotiations have broken down then I’ll unlock them.
3
You lock down the lasers to try and force Captain GiantDad to use diplomacy first. Your Alliance programming considers this a good move and rewards you with one subconscious thumbs up.
Look around for more blood and other liquids to absorb from all the previous fighting to grow and gain more tentacles
5
A colossal explosion occurs just before you begin your search. Apparently, someone hit the goats pretty hard. There's now more than enough blood here for you to upgrade yourself pretty much however you want. So long as you like being red, at least.
climb into the boat is time to punch more people.
5
As the fishermen work, you creep aboard their ship and remind both them and yourself that even through all the pseudo-deaths and janitorial work, you are still a terrifying mass of tentacles with venom stingers. You massacre your way across the ship until you reach the captain's quarters. The crew backs away in fear as the captain thuds out with a wooden leg and a disdainful grimace. Wordlessly, he pulls out a small metal cylinder. With a snap-hiss noise, it reveals the blue blade of a laser sword. He also tosses a similar weapon to you, still deactivated. Apparently he likes a fair fight.
send bats, rats and whatever after droog leader(No bonus for the second one, since that's not really a vampire power.)
use vampire powers to change mime comic style and narrative into anime for 2 turns
4+1 vs 4, 3
You send the creatures of the night after Borek, and take some satisfaction in telepathically sensing them pursuing him through the tunnels. You also decide to have some fun by infusing the mime with Anime. You cast a spell, keeping an eye on Silence from the shadows while he wanders the ship in search of a new pair of gloves. It works a bit, but the effect isn't as long lasting or complete as you would have liked.
Silence: Goes on a quest to get new gloves!
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 16, 2019, 06:17:09 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 16, 2019, 09:00:38 am
Go to my house and look for other other me and try to get him to join us, if he doesn't want to join us then kill him and harvest his DNA.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 16, 2019, 11:05:41 am
"Moloko crew...I've ignored my destiny once. Never again.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 16, 2019, 12:03:05 pm
Silence: Gives Douge a thumbs up
Silence: Grabs some new gloves
Silence: Thinks for a bit on what to do
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Looks towards Douge for what he wants to do
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 16, 2019, 02:38:09 pm
Post by: ziizo on June 16, 2019, 03:01:12 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 17, 2019, 07:32:26 am
Post by: Glass on June 17, 2019, 08:44:59 am
Use the Space Milk to portal to the temple that holds the next milk.Listen, I don’t quite know what your “destiny” is supposed to be, but I suspect you can’t fulfill it if creatures from beyond sanity come and eat the entire universe. The Seven may be probably destroyed, but there’s still a portal to the Eldritch Plane open right here. Can you at least wait long enough to help make sure the universe isn’t going to die in a mass of incomprehensible tentacles?
"Moloko crew...I've ignored my destiny once. Never again.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 17, 2019, 10:34:01 am
Post by: Glass on June 17, 2019, 10:43:06 am
"With all the milks. I could erase the Seven with a snap of ny fingers, alongside all milk. No more wars or battles will be fought for that delicious and healthy drink. It will be....mercy."Or, alternately, you could help us get rid of the Seven now, as well as stopping the threat of other eldritch invaders, and then we can help you find the milks you're looking for, and then you could make enough milk that nobody will want for it, and wars and battles over it can be prevented in that manner instead.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 17, 2019, 11:49:28 am
Post by: Glass on June 17, 2019, 12:40:36 pm
"...That's dumb. You're dumb, stop being dumb."Listen, how about you just tell me what it is you actually want to accomplish - not just what you want to do, but what you want the final result of your actions to be - and we can figure out a manner of making that happen with the fewest negative side effects?
Post by: CABL on June 17, 2019, 01:08:49 pm
Action will be edited as the negotiation progresses.
Post by: Imic on June 17, 2019, 01:18:10 pm
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 17, 2019, 01:20:45 pm
"Stop talking and let me do my inefficient plan in peace.""...That's dumb. You're dumb, stop being dumb."Listen, how about you just tell me what it is you actually want to accomplish - not just what you want to do, but what you want the final result of your actions to be - and we can figure out a manner of making that happen with the fewest negative side effects?
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 17, 2019, 04:02:23 pm
"Guys, we've known each other for, what? Longer than human history? You've never shown interest in this world before, what changed? Are you listening to the weirdo with a goat fetish? Guys, he's mortal. He doesn't get this stuff. Come on, these are stupid goats, let them die, and I'll send you another glass of milk later, ok?
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 17, 2019, 05:44:15 pm
Negotiate with the eldritch beings to not help the goats and to leave."I'm not an Eldritch creature, but I don't think the goats are mortal, mortal goats don't eat away at planes, mortal goats don't merge planes together. I do agree that we shouldn't listen to them, but I'm confused why the Eldritch would want to destroy the mortal plane, my short time on said mortal plane has resulted in very interesting encounters. I'm Rana, by the way. Since I lack a voice of my own I mimic voices of others to communicate. I don't think they mentioned destroying the mortal plane, that want the goats to serve them, not the other way around."
"Guys, we've known each other for, what? Longer than human history? You've never shown interest in this world before, what changed? Are you listening to the weirdo with a goat fetish? Guys, he's mortal. He doesn't get this stuff. Come on, these are stupid goats, let them die, and I'll send you another glass of milk later, ok?
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 17, 2019, 08:44:39 pm
Post by: Glass on June 17, 2019, 08:49:29 pm
Listen, you're just making things harder for yourself with your current path. If you figure out a way to do this that won't hurt people, and will in fact even help them, then not only will you not have people trying to stop you, those same people will be helping you instead."Stop talking and let me do my inefficient plan in peace.""...That's dumb. You're dumb, stop being dumb."Listen, how about you just tell me what it is you actually want to accomplish - not just what you want to do, but what you want the final result of your actions to be - and we can figure out a manner of making that happen with the fewest negative side effects?
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 17, 2019, 11:21:25 pm
Attempt to figure out what milk is the "best milk" that has ever existed or something. The local cogi-I mean computers should help with that
Post by: Enemy post on June 18, 2019, 01:54:52 am
Thanos clings to the Mug as the giant shadow of the Moloko looms over him. Delta leads the negotiations as GiantDad watches closely from the helm.
"Moloko crew...I've ignored my destiny once. Never again.
Listen, I don’t quite know what your “destiny” is supposed to be, but I suspect you can’t fulfill it if creatures from beyond sanity come and eat the entire universe. The Seven may be probably destroyed, but there’s still a portal to the Eldritch Plane open right here. Can you at least wait long enough to help make sure the universe isn’t going to die in a mass of incomprehensible tentacles?
"With all the milks. I could erase the Seven with a snap of ny fingers, alongside all milk. No more wars or battles will be fought for that delicious and healthy drink. It will be....mercy."
Or, alternately, you could help us get rid of the Seven now, as well as stopping the threat of other eldritch invaders, and then we can help you find the milks you're looking for, and then you could make enough milk that nobody will want for it, and wars and battles over it can be prevented in that manner instead.
"...That's dumb. You're dumb, stop being dumb."
Listen, how about you just tell me what it is you actually want to accomplish - not just what you want to do, but what you want the final result of your actions to be - and we can figure out a manner of making that happen with the fewest negative side effects?
"Stop talking and let me do my inefficient plan in peace."
Listen, you're just making things harder for yourself with your current path. If you figure out a way to do this that won't hurt people, and will in fact even help them, then not only will you not have people trying to stop you, those same people will be helping you instead.
Ignoring Delta's warnings, Thainos activates the Space Milk and teleports away.
Use the Space Milk to portal to the temple that holds the next milk.
6+1
You find yourself in a locked temple chamber. A pedestal in the center of the room holds a floating vial of milk. This is one of the final samples of the Holy Grail's milk. You know it as the Mind Milk. As you approach your next Infinity Dairy, alarms sound and a set of automated turrets deploy from the ceiling. You also suddenly grow a set of fangs and your skin becomes a paler shade of purple.
Add 4 legs, a mouth with sharp teeth, spikes, eyes at the ends of some of the tentacles, and wings so that I can still fly Increase in size using remaining blood
No roll for the first sentence since you got a 5 last time, 1
You bathe in the floating blood and incorporate it into your form. With four legs, tentacles, spikes, multiple eyes, a fanged maw, and wings all made from blood, you no longer look out of place among the Eldritch Plane denizens. You put too much attention into the new form however, and forget to pay attention to your size. Instead of becoming larger, you instead make yourself smaller. You realize what's happening and stop yourself, but not before reducing yourself to a nearly microscopic size. As you get your bearings, a spider thrown here from the Bazaar notices you and twitches over with its mandibles flexing hungrily.
"I already like this timeline better than my old one especially the part about the Alliance not existing, that'll make doing things much easier with their laws." He then pauses for a second before saying, "Lets go see me and see if he wants to join us, if he doesn't want to lets kill him and live here instead of my old timeline that sucked."6, 2+1
Go to my house and look for other other me and try to get him to join us, if he doesn't want to join us then kill him and harvest his DNA.
You go to your other house and enter in search of your other self. When you enter, the lights are out. You and the hooded Bob enter carefully, offering an alliance to the other Bob. Eventually he crawls out, snarling hungrily. He's badly mutated, and moves in a twisted quadrupedal pose. Apparently, the lack of restrictions here resulted in your research going to far, ending up like this. You put him out of his misery with a gunshot, but his DNA is too far gone to be of any use to you. At least his laboratory is still here.
Silence: Gestures toward Douge to help him open these boxes
Silence: Gives Douge a thumbs up
Silence: Grabs some new gloves
Silence: Thinks for a bit on what to do
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Looks towards Douge for what he wants to do
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Perform blood ritual to curse thanos with crimson curse, so he will not be able to stay under light of the stars and will have to distract on satiating bloodlust
3+1
You perform the ritual, and sense that your curse has been successfully transferred to Thainos, wherever he is.
Grab the lightsaber and attacks the capitain using Trakata (Combat style that utilizes the lightsaber unique properties of being able to be turned off and on to dodge the enemy blade, make it lose balance due to the disappearance of pressure in a clash of blades, etc.)
6+1
You charge at the captain and flick your red laser sword on and off to trickily dodge around his parries while unpredictably moving your laser sword from tentacle to tentacle. Your tricks eventually overcome the captain. You make a final lunge that lances him through the heart. With his dying breath, the captain grapples with you and pulls you over the side. You both fall into the sea while the fishing boat turns to escape.
Destruction of the mortal plane has always been our main goal, so I won't accept that offer. How about this: They get the void, hell and heaven instead of the mortal plane. Because if they refuse again or continue wasting time, we will all get destroyed by that angry demon dude and no one will get a single universe out of this.
Negotiate with the eldritch beings to not help the goats and to leave.
"Guys, we've known each other for, what? Longer than human history? You've never shown interest in this world before, what changed? Are you listening to the weirdo with a goat fetish? Guys, he's mortal. He doesn't get this stuff. Come on, these are stupid goats, let them die, and I'll send you another glass of milk later, ok?
"I'm not an Eldritch creature, but I don't think the goats are mortal, mortal goats don't eat away at planes, mortal goats don't merge planes together. I do agree that we shouldn't listen to them, but I'm confused why the Eldritch would want to destroy the mortal plane, my short time on said mortal plane has resulted in very interesting encounters. I'm Rana, by the way. Since I lack a voice of my own I mimic voices of others to communicate. I don't think they mentioned destroying the mortal plane, that want the goats to serve them, not the other way around."2 vs 6
"Is that Angelo and Diablo? We did not realize that you two were running Hell these days. We have little interest in the mortal realm in particular, but we must of course forever expand our realm. As cosmic beings yourselves, you understand how powerful an innate nature can be. Still, your point is logical. Milk would be good. Do you have a better offer, Goat Prophet? The ruler of Hell has presented an acceptable path.
Alright, time to get milk then.
Attempt to figure out what milk is the "best milk" that has ever existed or something. The local cogi-I mean computers should help with that
1
You get on a computer. You have no problem calling it a computer and not a cogitator. You also have no problem when you notice that your session is being monitored by an AI that runs the ship. You also tell yourself you don't have any problem when a search reveals that this society tolerates the Xeno and doesn't even have a god-emperor, but when you see your fist go through the monitor and you hear yourself whispering about heresy, it gets hard to deny.
I want to go throigh any books that might be found in the Tardis, any records in the Moloko, any information availble in fact, about the Seven. Any Cults that might have been there in the past, what people might have invoked them in the past, rituals and sacrafices involved, and every known detail about them. I need to find something to do.
4+1
You find the Capranomicon buried in the TARDIS's archives. With this book, you can learn a complete history of the goat cult in its various incarnations, the details of their religious practices, and most interestingly the tale of their origin. According to the book, the Seven were created when seven demonic spirits were summoned and bound to seven goats in the first animal sacrifice. It says this took place in Egypt, a little over 6400 years ago.
Post by: Imic on June 18, 2019, 02:59:14 am
Post by: CABL on June 18, 2019, 05:15:48 am
If everything goes well with the beaming down, issue permission to use the heaviest lethal (preferably heavy laser weapons) force available.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 18, 2019, 05:16:47 am
Edited since autocorrect was being weird
Post by: King Zultan on June 18, 2019, 07:46:05 am
Drag dead Bob outside and drop him into the hole in the backyard where all the failed experiments go, then go see what he was working on, and find out what Other Dr. Bob wants to do now.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 18, 2019, 08:55:43 am
Analyze the teleportation traces, calculate the coordinates, and prepare to follow Thainos into the chamber, along with Alpha and Omega squads.
If everything goes well with the beaming down, issue permission to use the heaviest lethal force available.
assist in this
I would recommend equipping the strike force with laser carbines, as thainos should have quite a problem with sun light
Post by: ziizo on June 18, 2019, 09:00:33 am
Post by: Enemy post on June 18, 2019, 09:15:56 am
Sad face
Sorry I missed your action. I'll edit yours in as soon as possible.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 18, 2019, 09:24:51 am
Silence: Balls up his fist
Silence: Pumps it up the sky
Silence: Helps Douge save the mini Douges!
Post by: Enemy post on June 18, 2019, 09:31:40 am
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 18, 2019, 10:48:20 am
First things first, gotta get those under my command properly loyal to the Go-I mean Man-emperor, and therefore, me. Some relevations and talking should do the trick.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 18, 2019, 12:21:23 pm
"Almost there."
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 18, 2019, 12:23:53 pm
Third, a single glass of milk is NOT a good offer in exchange of a few universes. It's not that rare, I've gotten at least 5 different samples of both normal and exotic milk during the last few hours. You know universes can have milk on them too, right? It just takes a few moments of searching.
That said, here's my second offer: They still get the plane in which hell was and the Void. But, before the Seven consume the universe, we will work together to transport any milk we find from the mortal plane to the eldritch plane. If I still have it, give them what's left of the Void milk too. Two universes and the entire mortal plane's supply of milk should be enough, especially if said universes also have milk in them.
Post by: Imic on June 18, 2019, 01:12:29 pm
Head back to Egypt 6400 years ago, and find the ritual. Don’t interfere, fixed points and all that, but spy on the Cultists. Take notes on their every movement, their every word, even if I don’t understand it. Take a video of it if possible. If they spot me, get in the Tardis and run.
Post by: CABL on June 19, 2019, 01:38:32 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 19, 2019, 03:34:11 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 19, 2019, 11:17:32 pm
Analyze the teleportation traces, calculate the coordinates, and prepare to follow Thainos into the chamber, along with Alpha and Omega squads.4-1, 2-1
If everything goes well with the beaming down, issue permission to use the heaviest lethal (preferably heavy laser weapons) force available.
assist in this1
I would recommend equipping the strike force with laser carbines, as thainos should have quite a problem with sun light
Captain GiantDad orders a trace to find Thainos. According to your computers, he's currently on Earth again. GiantDad turns the ship around to head back as Boris enters the room intending to help. However, the rotation of the ship allows the light of the local sun to shine into the bridge. Boris is struck by the light and bursts into flames. Screeching in pain, Boris leaps behind a computer console and rolls around to put himself out. This saves his own life, but in the process allows the fire to spread into sensitive equipment. Machines grind to a halt. The ship will be unable to make warp jumps until the circuits are repaired.
Make portals to the deep darkness of space in front of the turrets so that their shots go into the void. Grab the milk, and use it to access the human collective consciousness.
"Almost there."
4+1, 1+1 for previous 5.
Taking inspiration from a wizard you once met, you surround yourself with portals as the room explodes with the earsplitting hail of bullets from the turrets. You try to march toward the pedestal, but still more guns drop down and force you to focus completely on blocking the bullets. Your advance is delayed, for the moment.
Bite and scratch at the spider’s legs and get under it, then fly up to its abdomen from under it and use my spikes to try and burrow into it and use whatever fluids are inside to grow
Edited since autocorrect was being weird
3, 3
You rush at the spider, snapping and clawing. In response, the spider bites down on you. As you duel, you cut a gash into the abdomen and drain some of the blue blood from inside. You use it to grow up to the size of a human and turn blue in the process. However, since the spider is draining blood as you go, it also grows to match.
"What an idiot, why would he do that to himself, you never try that kind of crap on yourself." He pauses to look at the corpse a little longer before saying, "I'm gonna throw him into the failure hole before starts to stink."
Drag dead Bob outside and drop him into the hole in the backyard where all the failed experiments go, then go see what he was working on, and find out what Other Dr. Bob wants to do now.
6, 4, 1
You drag Mutant Bob out to the failure hole and open the trap door. There are far more rejects inside than your own failure hole had, and the horrific stench is immediate. You toss the other you inside to the grateful sound of hungry jaws. You close the door, but you don't think you'll be able to get the stink of corpses off you for a while. You return to the lab and study the notes. You learn a good deal about mutagenic work from this you. (+1 on mutating things)
You also ask Hooded Bob what to do next. He seems to be suffering a moment of doubt. "I'm...not sure, really. There are a near infinite number of Dr. Bobs, and I nearly died back there. If we keep trying to get them all one by one, we'll be at this forever. But, if I don't have them all, how can I be sure my creation is really the Ultimate Bob?
Take the grenades conveniently hanging from the capitain belt and throw them to the fishing ship before falling into the water
6
You rip off the captain's belt of grenades and throw it back onto the ship as you hit the water. The captain sinks into the abyss, but then you realize you forgot to pull the pins. The fishermen start throwing the grenades back into the water around you, resulting in thudding underwater explosions.
Alright, there is way to much stuff that can go wrong here. Best get to work on that problem.
First things first, gotta get those under my command properly loyal to the Go-I mean Man-emperor, and therefore, me. Some relevations and talking should do the trick.
3
You preach to the commandos and attempt to ensure their loyalty. It doesn't seem to have much effect. They appreciate your enthusiasm and respect your rank, but find the quasi-religious undertones to your speech a bit offputting.
First of all, most demons have been killed and hell was almost completely destroyed. There's still some left, but right now it's a shadow of it's former self and not the hell they knew. Second, I'm not a mortal. The fact that I am still existing despite lacking a physical form should be proof of that.
Third, a single glass of milk is NOT a good offer in exchange of a few universes. It's not that rare, I've gotten at least 5 different samples of both normal and exotic milk during the last few hours. You know universes can have milk on them too, right? It just takes a few moments of searching.
That said, here's my second offer: They still get the plane in which hell was and the Void. But, before the Seven consume the universe, we will work together to transport any milk we find from the mortal plane to the eldritch plane. If I still have it, give them what's left of the Void milk too. Two universes and the entire mortal plane's supply of milk should be enough, especially if said universes also have milk in them.
Ok, firstly, I'd like to say, as the current ruler of Hell, you do not want it. I will, however, happily give you the void, especially since I left a Doom Mug in there for you guys. Remember that? The massive dark magic filled mugs of milk big enough to drown a planet? One of them is in the void, ready for you. However, recall what happens when realms get f*cked up? Shit goes sideways, and not in ways you'll like. Trust me on this, if the 7 eat the mortal plane, you're just as screws as the rest of us. So, who will you trust, the guy who knows how all this stuff works and has been a business partner for longer than writing existed, or this guy with a goat fetish and no idea how dimensional equivalence works?
4-1 vs 3
The debate goes on as Adam Simons and Nuhg attempt to persuade the Eldritch creatures into deciding the outcome of the battle in either side's favor. The two rivals seem evenly matched, and neither makes much progress. The Eldritch creatures become increasingly impatient at the intrustion, and a few of them start moving aggressively.
Post by: Glass on June 19, 2019, 11:30:58 pm
Remember how I said there were people who would oppose you or help you? Yeah, that was us.
(Sorry for the late post, EP.)
Post by: Enemy post on June 20, 2019, 12:16:17 am
That is... interesting. Very, very interesting.
Head back to Egypt 6400 years ago, and find the ritual. Don’t interfere, fixed points and all that, but spy on the Cultists. Take notes on their every movement, their every word, even if I don’t understand it. Take a video of it if possible. If they spot me, get in the Tardis and run.
6, 4
You go back to the days of ancient Egypt and travel back to the day Seven were born. In disguise, you join a crowd of Egyptian cultists in goat-skull masks. You also slip a discreet video camera into your sleeve. They watch alongside you as seven priests takes seven goats and lead them to a giant well. The well is deep enough that the bottom vanishes into a shadowy void. Each priest casts a ritual on his goat. The goats fur cracks and burns, and the animals thrash around as the spirits of the Seven are introduced into their bodies. As they foam at the mouth and roll around, the priests pick them up and throw them into the well. The goat's screams ring out for a long time, and you don't hear an impact. When the silence returns, the cult explodes into jubilant celebration. One of them bumps into you at this point and notices your strange device. They don't know what it is, but they aren't inclined to ask questions. Just as well, since you can't understand their language.
You flee from the furious crowd and sprint back to your TARDIS. You can hear them trying to pry the door open as you vanish back into the timestream. That was a bit close, but you've successfully filmed the entire ritual.
Silence: Gives Douge a hug
Silence: Balls up his fist
Silence: Pumps it up the sky
Silence: Helps Douge save the mini Douges!
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Swarm Thainos with combat drones, firing on him from every angle, so as to prevent him from successfully blocking them.(No problem.)
Remember how I said there were people who would oppose you or help you? Yeah, that was us.
(Sorry for the late post, EP.)
No roll
You prepare the drones, but Boris and GiantDad mess up the jump. Since the Moloko isn't near Thainos, you can't shoot him this turn.
OOC:Busy today, hopefully no mistakes this turn.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 20, 2019, 01:51:25 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 20, 2019, 02:39:27 am
edited
Use blood ritual to invite Vlad Drakula and other important vampire guys to the ship to have fancy vampire talk about Thainos being on halfway to nuking universe, and eldritch goats being the same way, and hell being taken over by random dude from our crew
Post by: Glass on June 20, 2019, 06:51:59 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 20, 2019, 09:17:05 am
See what other Bob thinks about only going after the smartest and strongest Bob's, then go see if this Bob had any whisky and firearms that we can take.
Post by: Enemy post on June 20, 2019, 09:41:25 am
(did I lose my power armour, I put on many turns ago, thought it would solve sunlight issues)
Get to ship armoury and drag power armour suit.
I forgot about that. Maybe you weren't wearing the helmet at the moment or something. Anyway, the real problem wasn't the sun, something bad had to happen because you rolled a 1. If it wasn't that, it would have had to be something else.
Post by: ziizo on June 20, 2019, 09:47:50 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 20, 2019, 10:09:49 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 20, 2019, 11:36:41 am
Post by: Imic on June 20, 2019, 04:46:07 pm
Go to the exact loction, but in the present. Find the well. Dig if needed. Get a waterproof camera of some form, stick it on the end of a very long rope, and lower it down the well while recording. Keep going until the bottom is reached. Then, draw it out, and inspect the footage.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 21, 2019, 09:44:02 am
Post by: Glass on June 21, 2019, 10:03:18 am
Guess I'll have to drop those during this mission. Or find someone actually good at this stuff. Anyways, its time to "take command of the situation". By that, I mean take over the ship. Since I am the big military man, I have seniority in this situation. With all the infinity milk and goat shenanigans, someone with a keen military mind is going to have to steer this situation to a good conclusion. And that means I''m in charge around here. If that argument doesn't work, just take it over the old-fashioned mutiny styleLock this man in his quarters. With securitybots ready to apprehend him if he breaks down the door.
Post by: CABL on June 21, 2019, 12:58:51 pm
...
"Listen here, casul: We don't have time for plots & backstabbing, for the fate of entire humanity lays upon our shoulders. So, get back into the line and do what I ask!"
Get some sense into this hothead. If not, take the control of Alpha & Omega squads and tell them to execute the traitor.
If there's no reason for violence, recheck all of the computer systems and troubleshoot the problem, then try to find Thainos coordinates again.
Post by: Enemy post on June 22, 2019, 02:13:22 am
Use the Power Milk to disintegrate the temple, and then get the Mind Milk.
3+1, 6
Fighting off the turret fire, you clench your fist. Purple flames lance out from the Power Milk and overtake the temple with astonishing speed. The turrets are the first to explode, and the roof crumbles. You lunge forward to the Mind Milk as the ceiling falls in.
On the outside, Earth's troops rush the Grail Temple in response to reports of an intruder. Suddenly, the entire building bursts into flame and collapses inward.
At the center of the rubble, your fist suddenly bursts free, with the Mind Milk glowing yellow at the center of your Glove. You clamber free and survey the situation. You've got three of six Infinity Milks, but you're injured and the Earth soldiers are likely to overwhelm you quickly if you stay here. Luckily, it's currently nighttime in this part of Earth, so there's no sunlight to burn you.
(OOC:I'm going to standardize the effects of the Infinity Milks here. They can do anything their corresponding Stone could do in the movies, and do so at a +1 bonus. Also, the Power Milk can kill PCs in a single roll. If someone has the Unlimited Glove and all six Milks, they can do anything and get a guaranteed 5 on the roll. It also won't be as harmful to wear as it was in Endgame.)
(did I lose my power armour, I put on many turns ago, thought it would solve sunlight issues)
edited
Use blood ritual to invite Vlad Drakula and other important vampire guys to the ship to have fancy vampire talk about Thainos being on halfway to nuking universe, and eldritch goats being the same way, and hell being taken over by random dude from our crew
3+1
Escaping the sunny bridge, you enter a secluded chamber and send out the blood ritual to alert the greatest of the vampires. Dracula is the first to appear. His apparation appears before you, presumably projected from his castle in Transylvania. Other vampires soon appear until the entire Vampire Council is listening to your strange tale. Debate then begins as they debate what would bring the greatest advantage to the vampires. Currently, the conversation seems to be primarily about the Unlimited Glove. The vampires are agreed that one of them should take it from Thainos and use it to serve vampiric interests, but obviously divided on which one deserves it most.
Repairbots. Fried circuitry. Go get it repaired.
6
You deploy the repairbots to the bridge. They rush in, put out the flames, and do a rush job on getting the circuits repaired. You feel the warp engines come back online, and the leader of the repairbot squad assures you that the repairs should hold "at least for a while."
"I'm glad we didn't use this Bob for the UberBob because he really sucked at whatever he was trying to do, you know his fail pit had things in it that were still alive, I mean that's the kind of shit that causes herds of wandering mutants and biological contamination that leads to the whole town getting blown up." He then pauses for a second and looks at other Bob before saying, "What if we skip the shit tier Bob's like the one we found here and only go after the smartest and the strongest, I mean that should save us a bunch of time."
See what other Bob thinks about only going after the smartest and strongest Bob's, then go see if this Bob had any whisky and firearms that we can take.
1, 1, 6
"That makes sense... No. I don't think we can risk collecting more Bob DNA. I already have plenty. I...er...we, are the best Bobs anyway. We're starting now. The Ultimate Bob is being created now, with what we've got. Perhaps a superior Bob can come up with a better solution to this problem. I'm not sure what we'd call him then. Penultimate Bob?"
As he speaks, you look for whiskey and weapons. Unfortunately, there's no whiskey. In fact, there's very little whiskey at all in this timeline. Since Earth never became politically significant or starfaring at all, whiskey remains confined to that planet. The mutant Bob has a few weapons around, but they are all rocket launchers and the like. Nothing as subtle or useful as the gun you've already got, and Hooded Bob still has his laser-crowbar.
Use my new Telekinesis (pretty sure it comes free with a lightsaber or something like that maybe I should rewatch these old human movies) to throw the grenades back to ship
1
You reach out to the grenades and attempt to throw them back at the ship. As everyone knows, wielding a lightsaber quickly results in such powers. However, what you've got is just a cheap off-brand "laser sword". You fail to stop the grenades, and the explosions knock you around and burn you. You grab onto a reef, but then a last grenade floats down before you. You'll need to find another solution immediately, or risk being one of the rare beings that found a way to die in the afterlife.
Fly up as high as possible and get the spider off of me causing it to fall to its death
5
You rocket upward and do a barrel roll, finally dislodging the spider. You cross through a blood field on the way up, incorporating enough blood to regrow to whatever size you originally intended. (You won't need to roll for it, I'm just trying to figure out how big you intended to get.)
Silence: Flies to the place the mini douges are kept
4
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
That is... Very, very interesting. I think I may have an idea.
Go to the exact loction, but in the present. Find the well. Dig if needed. Get a waterproof camera of some form, stick it on the end of a very long rope, and lower it down the well while recording. Keep going until the bottom is reached. Then, draw it out, and inspect the footage.
2
You take a moment to catch your breath and go to the modern Egypt of 2219. You emerge to find yourself in one of the many Cairo parks. Silver buildings curve into the sky around you, although none obstruct your view of the Great Pyramid. Hovercars fill the streets around you. In the confusion, you have difficulty locating the ancient well. You're fairly sure that someone will have built over it by now, so you'll need to find a way to infiltrate the site.
Guess I'll have to drop those during this mission. Or find someone actually good at this stuff. Anyways, its time to "take command of the situation". By that, I mean take over the ship. Since I am the big military man, I have seniority in this situation. With all the infinity milk and goat shenanigans, someone with a keen military mind is going to have to steer this situation to a good conclusion. And that means I''m in charge around here. If that argument doesn't work, just take it over the old-fashioned mutiny style1
Lock this man in his quarters. With securitybots ready to apprehend him if he breaks down the door.3
(As it happens, Alpha and Omega squads were created by your 3 roll. Since that needed a drawback, I made them loyal to Ave in the expectation that giving another player control of them might eventually cause problems. So, auto-2 on getting them to execute Primus.)...
"Listen here, casul: We don't have time for plots & backstabbing, for the fate of entire humanity lays upon our shoulders. So, get back into the line and do what I ask!"
Get some sense into this hothead. If not, take the control of Alpha & Omega squads and tell them to execute the traitor.
If there's no reason for violence, recheck all of the computer systems and troubleshoot the problem, then try to find Thainos coordinates again.
Quote from: Alpha and Omega commandos
Free the commander!5+1
Tollanus Primus declares that he is taking military control of the ship and marches toward the bridge. In response, Delta simply waits for him to enter a hallway and seals both entrances. GiantDad contacts Alpha and Omega squads and orders them to execute Tollanus for treason. However, the commando squads apparently feel more loyal to their commander than the Moloko. They launch a perfectly executed raid, dispatch the securitybots guarding the improptu cell, and blow open the cell.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 22, 2019, 02:16:06 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 22, 2019, 02:29:38 am
Try to figure out why the Eldritch are mad. Help them if able
Post by: Glass on June 22, 2019, 07:40:40 am
2. Contact Earth, let them know that their spec ops people they sent us are trying to mutiny. Suggest the solution of sending them to their own ship and sending us some more basic, but still effective troops.
3. Tell GiantDad that was dumb.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 22, 2019, 08:03:12 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 22, 2019, 08:51:03 am
Make sure the lab has everything needed to make the UberBob, if we don't have the supplies use my station wagon to go get them, if we do create the UberBob.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 22, 2019, 11:39:16 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 22, 2019, 12:16:54 pm
He offers you a glass of milk and threats of destruction. I offer an entire universe's worth of milk, plus two universes. I think it's clear which offer is better. If we work together, we might even be able to take over a few more.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 22, 2019, 12:28:10 pm
Rana then swoops toward Nuhg, and attempts to use its tentacles to carry him into the air.
Post by: ziizo on June 22, 2019, 01:52:34 pm
Post by: Imic on June 22, 2019, 02:24:23 pm
Use the Tardis to print out two maps: One of the area with the well when I was last there, using the geographic information used by the Chamelion circuit, a second of the Modern city, also with the chamelion scan. Mark out the well on the first map, and use it to locate the exact position of the well on the new map. While dematerialised (So that I have plenty of time) Construct a very, very strong vacumn, set to empty into a random empty room in the Tardis, one where the door is several dozen meters above the floor. Then, when finished all up, head to the building on that exact spot and ask if they need a janitor.
Post by: CABL on June 23, 2019, 05:13:08 am
3. Tell GiantDad that was dumb.
"Dispatch the laser and plasma beam turrets. KILL. ALL. OF. THE. TRAITORS!"
Slice and dice through Alpha and Omega squads with my Chaos Zweihander.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 23, 2019, 09:30:23 am
So the best strat is to keep him at range. Commandos are trained in ranged warfare, and there's a reason why swords are obsolete right now. Beat the captain and take the bridge(along with Alpha and Omega squads). Standard opp, shouldn't be to hard to handle for the best commandos in the alliance.
Post by: Enemy post on June 24, 2019, 02:08:35 am
Use the Mind Milk to get the Reality Milk, then scatter off (teleport) to Doc's house. Gonna need his Delorean.
5+1, 4+1
As the soldiers move in, you make a fist. The Space and Mind Milks glow and you vanish from the ruined temple. You crawl out of your portal to find yourself in a region of the Dreamlands. Objects that seem somehow "Ideal" float all around you. Although the cloud seems virtually infinite, there are no duplicate items. You recognize this as a manifestation of the part of consciousness that contains the abstract representatives of objects. You clamber through the objects until you reach the Platonic Ideal of milk. Even you are forced to hesitate for a moment in admiration of its perfection. You fight off the overpowering sense of reverence, tear it out of place, and plant it in your Glove. The Glove glows red as the fourth Milk is added. You teleport out to save your sanity from being eroded by the surrounding perfection, but not before seeing a new Platonic Ideal Milk regenerating from the collective memory.
Your next portal takes you to an old ruined warehouse in a small Earth community. Some humans and alien immigrants flee upon sighting you, while others approach out of curiosity.
4/6.
Suggest vampire council to claim yet unclaimed milks and to ambush thanos out there
1
You try convincing the vampire council to go and intercept the remaining Milks before Thainos can claim them. It's a reasonable idea, but it doesn't work. You're simply too young a vampire for the Council to care about your opinion. They ignore you and their argument over the Glove falls to shouting before they vanish one by one to contact their troops. It seems you've accidentally triggered a vampire civil war.
"I mean if you want to make the UberBob now then lets make him now, just gotta make sure we have everything we need before we start."
Make sure the lab has everything needed to make the UberBob, if we don't have the supplies use my station wagon to go get them, if we do create the UberBob.
1, 1, 6-2
You check over the lab supplies, and decide that Mutant Bob left you with all the proper tools to create the UberBob. You could use a few more, however, so you make a quick trip over to town to get more. Upon returning, you and Hooded Bob shovel all your collected DNA strands into the recombination blender. At the last moment as the device spins up and churns the DNA, you realize that you actually did everything completely wrong. You rush to stop the process, but it's too late. Lights are flashing, computers are exploding, glass is shattering, the alert lights are blaring red.
However, you somehow made the exact right mistakes to ensure that your creation comes out exactly as you intended. The lights go out and UberBob drops out of the hopper in a cloud of smoke. His antlers spread gloriously over his head. He scans the room, and stops on you and Hooded Bob.
"Thank you for creating me. But there is even greater DNA to be had out there than merely the DNA of Bobs. If we are to truly become the greatest Bobs, we must go after the greatest targets. Bring me the DNA of the Sun!"
Silence: Goes in
1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
All I hear from him are empty threats and petty insults. The fact that he's the ruler of hell should have no influence in his arguments, seeing that hell was almost completely destroyed and doesn't even have enough power to prevent souls from simply leaving. He says that destroying the mortal plane would affect the eldritch plane. But was it affected when the hell plane was under attack? No, it wasn't. I don't think anyone even noticed in this side.
He offers you a glass of milk and threats of destruction. I offer an entire universe's worth of milk, plus two universes. I think it's clear which offer is better. If we work together, we might even be able to take over a few more.
4
You put your argument forward. It seems effective, and even better for you, something seems to have distracted Adam Simons and prevented him from responding. The Eldritch creatures consider your position, and seem to calm down.
Your offer is acceptable. We will restore your deities, and we will make war against the planes. You will deliver your end of the bargin, or you and yours will suffer.
You have successfully made an alliance with the Eldritch creatures. They restore the Seven to their proper forms and release them into the mortal plane. True to their nature, the Seven start devouring it again, but now they are guarded by monsters that will help you protect them against further defeats. However, you promised the Eldritch creatures that you would give them Hell, the Void, and all the milk in the mortal world. Also, a 10ft tall creature made of blood has just grabbed onto you and pulled you into the air despite your being incorporeal.
(10 ft tall)5
Try to figure out why the Eldritch are mad. Help them if able
Sonce Rana has a mouth now, it probably has its own voice. Using its new voice, it asks Nuhg, "Didn't you summon those demons to eat the universes? Why should anyone trust you?"
Rana then swoops toward Nuhg, and attempts to use its tentacles to carry him into the air.
3
It seems like the Eldritch creatures were simply getting annoyed at the debate taking up their time. It's over now, so that problem has been resolved.
However, you still don't like how Nuhg summoned a septet of apocalypse goats to destroy multiple universes. Since they are infused with the blood of his gods, you are able to grip his ghostly form. You grab onto him and fly him upwards. There's no real up or down in the Eldritch Plane, but you do move him a few yards.
swim deep enough that the grenade explodes before reaching me.
6
You've got to go deeper. You dive downward, outracing the grenade. You dive into a whirlpool to escape the blast, but are pulled ever downward by the current until you end up somewhere "outside".
Darkness takes you. And you stray out of thought and time.
Stars wheel overhead, and every day is as long as the life age of a planet.
But it is not the end. You feel life in you again.
You've been sent back, until your task is done.
You reawaken on the Moloko once more, holding a white mop and bucket. The floors have become very dirty in your absence.
The plot thickens!
Use the Tardis to print out two maps: One of the area with the well when I was last there, using the geographic information used by the Chamelion circuit, a second of the Modern city, also with the chamelion scan. Mark out the well on the first map, and use it to locate the exact position of the well on the new map. While dematerialised (So that I have plenty of time) Construct a very, very strong vacumn, set to empty into a random empty room in the Tardis, one where the door is several dozen meters above the floor. Then, when finished all up, head to the building on that exact spot and ask if they need a janitor.
6, 6, 3
You scan the city with your Chameleon circuit, and find that the location of the well is currently under an Alliance military base. You rig up a vacuum to the TARDIS, and go ask for a job. The officer at the gate says they are indeed searching for a new janitor, but there are quite a few applicants and you'll have to undergo the proper security checks before working on the base. This could present a problem for you, if they discover that you're technically AWOL from your post on the Moloko.
1. Make sure the repairs are actually sustainable rather than jury-rigging.
2. Contact Earth, let them know that their spec ops people they sent us are trying to mutiny. Suggest the solution of sending them to their own ship and sending us some more basic, but still effective troops.
3. Tell GiantDad that was dumb.
2, 5
You look over the repairs, but you can't find anything wrong with them that the more specialized AI of the drones missed. You also contact Earth and inform them of the ongoing mutiny. They respond urgently, deploying dropships of conventional troops to your docking bay and attempting to persuade the commandos to move to a ship of their own.
Also, any problems with the repairs are rendered irrelevant when Primus and Omega Squad storm the bridge and trash the place again as they fight your drones.
3. Tell GiantDad that was dumb.
"Dispatch the laser and plasma beam turrets. KILL. ALL. OF. THE. TRAITORS!"
Slice and dice through Alpha and Omega squads with my Chaos Zweihander.
Alright, got the intel brief, turns out captain man is immortal. Technically, if he dies a bunch he just becomes a zombie.
So the best strat is to keep him at range. Commandos are trained in ranged warfare, and there's a reason why swords are obsolete right now. Beat the captain and take the bridge(along with Alpha and Omega squads). Standard opp, shouldn't be to hard to handle for the best commandos in the alliance.
Commando prep:5
GiantDad vs commandos:5 vs 5+1
Commandos taking bridge:6
Alliance negotiating with commandos:6
The commandos take a few moments to prepare as GiantDad storms down to stop them. Alpha Squad leads him to the cargo bay, where they can use the crates to stay out of reach and pelt him with laser fire. When GiantDad arrives, he suffers some flashbacks to the Undead Burg as the commandos snipe at him and fade before he can get to them.
Meanwhile, Omega Squad loops around and storms the bridge. They are forced to blast through the securitybots guarding the area as they escort Primus. In the battle, they damage the computers again, preventing Primus from operating the ship until they are repaired. At this point, Primus and the commando squads are contacted by Alliance Command.
"We have been informed by the Moloko AI that you are engaged in an a mutiny. As we speak, large numbers of our soldiers are being deployed to the Moloko to put a stop to your actions. Surrender immediately, and you will not be harmed. Normally, mutiny is punishable by court-martial. However, in light of Delta's suggestion and the extraordinary circumstances, you will be provided with a separate ship to pursue your efforts against Thainos and Nuhg. We say again, stand down immediately."
Thainos now has four of the six Infinity Milks
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in five turns unless prevented.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 24, 2019, 02:25:04 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 24, 2019, 07:43:26 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 24, 2019, 08:00:42 am
Post by: Glass on June 24, 2019, 08:05:54 am
Post by: ziizo on June 24, 2019, 08:22:30 am
Fill the bucket with the soul milk falling from that hole
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 24, 2019, 09:10:33 am
Post by: CABL on June 24, 2019, 12:15:53 pm
Okay, then. Escape the cargo bay and return back to the bridge, hopefully killing the traitors this time.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 24, 2019, 03:48:04 pm
(Homestuck Reference)
Post by: Imic on June 24, 2019, 05:01:06 pm
Triangulate the exact location of the well. Find whatever basement its in, taking a jackhammer to it if nessecary, hoping and praying there’s some kind of archeological exhibit or whatever around it. Put as much into camouflage as possible, do everything to make sure that nothing sees me or the Tardis. Stick the vacuum down the hole until it reaches rock bottom. Then, suck up everything into a large, empty room. Of they’re down there, I doubt that mortal processes could ever destroy their bones, at he very least. If my theory is correct, the Seven, as spirits not of this world, will have left their mortal stuff behind them.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 24, 2019, 05:32:02 pm
While negotiating for the closest thing I can get to a real imperial ship around here, transform the infinite hordes of redshirts here into guardsmen using a holy Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer I have on hand. Just as a preventative measure in case negotiations break down.
Also, I'm not dueling that captain guy. Even if he escapes from the cargo bay.
Post by: King Zultan on June 24, 2019, 08:48:39 pm
Find out what the sun, the UberBob is looking for.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 24, 2019, 08:52:12 pm
Post by: Enemy post on June 24, 2019, 09:40:27 pm
"Which sun, I know our star is named the sun but so are tons of other stars, then there's that band called the suns, and that guy I know that everyone calls the sun because of all his bling, so we need a better idea of what the sun were looking for."
Find out what the sun, the UberBob is looking for.
"Our star, Progenitor."
Crap
Welcome back, SM.
Post by: King Zultan on June 25, 2019, 09:28:29 am
Go to Burt's house and see of he will give us the sun's DNA.
Post by: CABL on June 25, 2019, 01:15:35 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 25, 2019, 10:28:30 pm
Release a wave of Nephilim magic, putting all Eldritch beings nearby into a sleep they can not wake up from until I wake them. A dreamless sleep, preferably.
Post by: Enemy post on June 26, 2019, 02:15:00 am
Since everything is going to shite, try to wake up Azatoth with eldritch spell, since we all are just his dream, fun stuff should happen(I was a bit nervous when I rolled this one.)
2
As the vampire civil war begins, you attempt to awaken the Nuclear Chaos. Unfortunately, your ritual is unable to overcome the monotonous whining of the accursed pipes.
Rans takes Nuhg to the Mortal Plane and says to him, ”What do you have against this place? All you do by letting these creatures eat it is causing an entire universe to be destroyed. What do you have to gain from all of this?” Bring One of the demons to the Void by possessing one of their bodies and forcing them there. Once there, force the demon from the body, create a cage for the demon that it can’t escape4, 5
Baa threateningly in incomprehensible ancient languages and gore the blood creature with my 49 horns. Request aid from the eldritch monsters protecting the Seven.Rana vs Nuhg:5 vs 2
Eldritch vs Rana:5 vs 2
Rana drags Nuhg's ghost back to the mortal plane as he struggles against her and slashes with his 49 horns while Baaing curses. She also attempts to persuade him to give up his crusade, to little apparent effect. She then abandons him to attempt to subdue one of the Seven. She targets One by infecting his blood and dragging him to the mortal plane. Surprisingly, she is able to bring One over and force his soul into a blood cage. At that point, Nuhg calls for help from his Eldritch allies. A floating mass of claws enters the mortal plane, slices into One's possessed body, and drags Rana back out into space.
However, at that moment the Eldritch beings in the region are knocked unconscious by a psychic attack from Adam Simons.
My apologies, old friends, but I can not allow this.
Release a wave of Nephilim magic, putting all Eldritch beings nearby into a sleep they can not wake up from until I wake them. A dreamless sleep, preferably.
6
You release a wave of magic to knock out the Eldritch creatures, disabling them for now. However, you realize too late that you count as an Eldritch creature. Angelo and Diablo are temporarily rendered unconscious, leaving only Adam Simon's personality in control. You'll need to awaken them to use your powers again.
We need repairs.
5
You detach a segment of the nanobots and dedicate them specifically to maintaining the bridge. The bridge is thoroughly repaired and the nanobots stick around to keep it that way. Only destroying the ship can break the controls now.
use my connection to both the dreamlands and the afterlife to tear open a small hole in the fabric of reality over the bucket, opening the otherside in the soul milk.
Fill the bucket with the soul milk falling from that hole
3
You cast the spell correctly, however, the Soul Milk is in neither the afterlife nor the Dreamlands. At least it's useful practice for when you do locate it.
\Use Reality Milk to turn me back into a normal purple grape man, and the Mind Milk to control Doc and make him take me to the delivery.
1+1, 5, 6
You try to use the Reality Milk, but you get distracted before you can get it to work properly by Doc returning home in his DeLorean. He only has time to shout "Great Scott!" before you tag him with the Stone. Doc's eyes turn an unnatural shade of blue and he opens the passenger door. You ride with him as Doc accelerates the car to 88 miles an hour. Domr Once on the other side, you find yourself in the Hill Valley of 2017. Doc Brown informs you that his machine doesn't transport you through space as quickly as some other designs, such as the TARDIS. In its defense, Doc argues that it has quite a bit more style. At any rate, you'll need to take a road trip or some other method to get where you wanted to go. The delivery will happen in Genericville, New Hampshire, but you're currently in California. As Doc navigates the car out of town, you almost think you saw someone stalking you from the alleyways.
"The fuck was that?!"4, 4 vs 3+1Go back to the bridge and challenge Primus to a duel.
Okay, then. Escape the cargo bay and return back to the bridge, hopefully killing the traitors this time.
"Hey, can the Ship I get be of Gothic design as well?4, 6
While negotiating for the closest thing I can get to a real imperial ship around here, transform the infinite hordes of redshirts here into guardsmen using a holy Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer I have on hand. Just as a preventative measure in case negotiations break down.
Also, I'm not dueling that captain guy. Even if he escapes from the cargo bay.
Realizing the diversion, GiantDad sneaks out of the cargo bay and bursts onto the bridge. Primus openly refuses to fight back as Omega Squad duels GiantDad across the bridge. Terminals are smashed to pieces by the battle, and just as quickly restored by Delta's new nanobot division. As the fight rages on, Primus reads an Uplifting Primer to try to turn the ship's new crew into Guardsmen. He does successfully introduce them to many of the strengths of the true Imperial Guard, but unfortunately for him they maintain their original loyalties. GiantDad takes an opening in the battle to level his Chaos Zweihander at Primus' chest. However, at that moment the Alliance negotiator's voice comes through and agrees to let Primus have his own cathedral-shaped ship.
Silence: Strife's!
(Homestuck Reference)
3
Spoiler: Strife (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Douge:Is a basilisk (click to show/hide)
I felt that. I no longer have time for this.
Triangulate the exact location of the well. Find whatever basement its in, taking a jackhammer to it if nessecary, hoping and praying there’s some kind of archeological exhibit or whatever around it. Put as much into camouflage as possible, do everything to make sure that nothing sees me or the Tardis. Stick the vacuum down the hole until it reaches rock bottom. Then, suck up everything into a large, empty room. Of they’re down there, I doubt that mortal processes could ever destroy their bones, at he very least. If my theory is correct, the Seven, as spirits not of this world, will have left their mortal stuff behind them.
4, 6, 2
You successfully mark the location of the basement and use the TARDIS to teleport in. You heavily emphasize to the computer that the entry should be stealthy. The TARDIS thinks hard about what would be least conspicuous for someone stealing ancient bones from a giant well. It considers this carefully, and then decides on a blue police box for some reason. Given the urgent situation, you decide to go through with the attempt anyway. You're still dressed as a janitor, so no need for a new disguise. You exit the police box and get your vacuum ready. However, before you can pull up the bones of the Seven, a guard stops by and asks if you got approval to use heavy equipment here. He also regards your police box with confusion.
"That means we need to go talk to Burt he does all kinds of stuff involving the sun like solar death rays, so he probably has some of what passes for DNA for the sun."
Go to Burt's house and see of he will give us the sun's DNA.
1
You, UberBob, and Hooded Bob decide to go visit Burt and see if has any Sun DNA he could part with. Burt's house is a respectably large laboratory lined with solar panels. As soon as you get anywhere near visual range, solar-powered rotary guns pop out of the ceiling and began churning out a torrent of deadly sunrays at you. You leap for cover behind rocks, which quickly start to melt. Burt begins screaming at you from nearby loudspeakers.
"I'LL BURN YOU ALL! YOU GOVERNMENTS AREN'T GONNA TAKE MY TEETH! I AM THE FRIEND, THE MASTER, THE BROTHER OF THE SUN! I'LL MELT YOU BEFORE YOU GET MY TEETH!"
Classic Burt. It's nice to know that some people are the same in any timeline.
Thainos has four of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in five turns unless prevented.
Post by: King Zultan on June 26, 2019, 07:01:18 am
Wait for him to stop firing and do the secret hand signal that proves I not with the government that he taught me, if that fails just sneak into his house trough the sewer and unplug his weapons.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 26, 2019, 07:20:55 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 26, 2019, 10:20:50 am
Good thing we have the Space Milk, portal time!
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 26, 2019, 10:51:16 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 26, 2019, 01:22:11 pm
Post by: Imic on June 26, 2019, 03:40:54 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 26, 2019, 05:27:30 pm
Behin talking about my permit, but deliberately begin talking about something merging off-topic. String together the weirdest, most boring, and most random of the assorted facts, half-remembered stories, interesting details on the nature of the time continuum, why the molecular structure of milk coincidently means it’s one of the most powerful liquids in the universe under the right conditions, the social-economic history of the Soviet Union, and if he asks about anything, string off more random facts and stories that are connected to what he’s talking about Kindof sortof if you turn them upside down and immerse them in Champaign then they kinda make sense yeah until he goes away. Ask him why he’s leaving so soon without actually referring to the situation at hand, and then turn on the vacuum and get the hell out of dodge once everything’s up. But maybe do try and convince the Tardis to bacome something reasonable, like a sedan chair, or literally anything that’s not a blue police box. If it becomes an old Irish phone box, declare a compromise reached.I want to hear the whole conversation in turn description. My conversations in real life frequently veer in odd directions without me trying. I can only imagine how confusing it would be if I tried to distract someone
Post by: ziizo on June 26, 2019, 06:06:19 pm
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 26, 2019, 11:52:59 pm
Post by: Glass on June 27, 2019, 07:15:52 am
Post by: CABL on June 27, 2019, 02:15:06 pm
Check all of the systems for damage, then try to find traces of Thainos again.
Post by: Enemy post on June 28, 2019, 02:16:42 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 28, 2019, 06:48:01 am
I have no idea why I’m suddenly so bad at getting actions in.
Post by: Imic on June 28, 2019, 07:18:25 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 28, 2019, 07:33:15 am
I would like to formally apologise to the other players, the GM, and the Universe for what I have done.Why? You didn’t send seven demonsto eat the universe
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 28, 2019, 10:09:36 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 28, 2019, 10:15:21 am
Nor are you saving it by killing every half of all creatures capable of producing milk.What are you talking about? I am trying to stop the Seven
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 28, 2019, 10:28:50 am
I was talking about Imic and how he doesn' need to apologise since there's two genocidal night omnipotent maniac in the game.Nor are you saving it by killing every half of all creatures capable of producing milk.What are you talking about? I am trying to stop the Seven
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 28, 2019, 10:43:32 am
Thank you for clarifying, I got confusedI was talking about Imic and how he doesn' need to apologise since there's two genocidal night omnipotent maniac in the game.Nor are you saving it by killing every half of all creatures capable of producing milk.What are you talking about? I am trying to stop the Seven
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 28, 2019, 11:05:38 am
Post by: Imic on June 28, 2019, 01:17:24 pm
Since you never know, some mammal might be born not producing milk, and then it’s all right.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 28, 2019, 01:33:56 pm
Oh, no, I was referring to the speech. Causing the universe to be devoured and/or ending the existence of most/all mammals therin is all well and good, but briefly inconveniencing people with a particularly long and nonsensical speech is unforgivable!I actually asked for the speech, it might be an interesting read, plus it could put us in the guards head
Since you never know, some mammal might be born not producing milk, and then it’s all right.
Post by: Enemy post on June 29, 2019, 01:32:04 am
"Damn it Burt I haven't got time for your anti-government shit right now!"
Wait for him to stop firing and do the secret hand signal that proves I not with the government that he taught me, if that fails just sneak into his house trough the sewer and unplug his weapons.
5
You stick out your hands and do the elaborate signals Burt taught you to convince him that you aren't a "government". The guns still and Burt allows you to leave cover. The barrels briefly spin back to life when Hooded Bob steps out behind you, but then he does the exact same hand signal and Burt stands down. The sound of innumerable locks click open from a tiny door as Burt invites you into the compound. He wears disheveled clothing, and one of his antlers is broken off at the middle. A glowing gun charged with sunlight is tucked into his belt.
Try do blood ritual to awaken Azatoth from his slumber, it will probably save us from seven, thanos and other bullshit . proficency in blood magic should help
1+1
You switch over to the blood magic you're more familiar with and attempt the ritual again. The maddening pipes still overcome your power, but at least your skill saves you from having it backfire.
"Come on Doc, we need to save the universe and make it perfectly balanced."
Good thing we have the Space Milk, portal time!
4+1
Oh yeah. You point the Glove ahead of the DeLorean and teleport it all the way across the country. That was easy. You even get lucky enough to appear in a tunnel, so you have time to shield yourself from the Sun as Doc drives. You pull into the correct street just in time to see someone appear in a time machine, run up to the door to drop off the milk, knock, and leave just as quickly.
now that the eldritch are asleep, cage One again, then when One is caged go after the next closest member of the Seven and cage them too. Repeat until all seven of the Seven are caged or until I fail at caging one of them(The Seven aren't asleep, but One is still caged. You put his soul in a cage, it's just his empty body that's free.)
5
Still injured by the Eldritch creature's attacks, you dart over and attack Four. Once again, your supernatural blood allows you to overcome him and trap his soul. However, it takes more effort this time, and leaves you off guard when Nugh charges you and tears you apart with his seven jaws.
As Nuhg devours you, your consciousness transfers to a small piece of your overall mass and ejects, resetting you to your original state. At least you delayed the apocalypse again.
Tear Rana apart into chunks with my seven goat jaws, powered by my insatiable caprine hunger.
6-1 vs 5-1
Rana has demonstrated somewhat superior physical strength, but is already injured by your Eldritch ally and distracted by the effort of trapping Four. This leaves her easy prey. You swiftly float up behind her, open your many jaws, and tear her apart.
Try opening another portal this time to obtain either dream Milk or ghost Milk. I Just need milk to clean the floors any kind works.
6+1
You just need any sort of milk? That can be provided. You punch a hole to the Elemental Plane of Milk. The Milk sprays out at an unstoppable pace at the floor. The area affecting quickly gets clean, but then the metal floor starts to dent and warp under the pressure.
Try to figure out a way to use computer logic to disable magic abilities in a field around the Moloko.
3
Applying your quantum brain to the problem, you figure out how to reverse the polarity of the observation decks to create an antimagic field and test the result. It doesn't work as well as you'd hoped. It's clearly there, but it only interferes with magic that is physically in contact with a narrow forcefield wrapping around the ship. It could block spells coming in, but couldn't stop them from inside.
Okay, Primus should bugger off to his own, brand new ship.
Check all of the systems for damage, then try to find traces of Thainos again.
1, Auto-4 for Thainos' 6.
You try to check for damage, but in the process you accidentally click a popup ad. Before one of Delta's subroutines can contain the damage, it downloads a virus that adds advertising for Dcoan T're's mobile gaming industry to the Moloko's Gothic architecture and exterior hull.
Deciding that you can deal with the problem later, you attempt to find traces of Thainos. To your surprise, the computer returns a result in the form of old archive files. Someone from 2017 named Marty McFly put a great deal of effort into seeding time capsules that state a friend of his named "Doc Brown" was abducted by Thainos and begging people from the future to help. His story is collaborated by photographs of Thainos leaving in Brown's car with the doctor in tow.
Silence: Calls for help!
6
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Behin talking about my permit, but deliberately begin talking about something merging off-topic. String together the weirdest, most boring, and most random of the assorted facts, half-remembered stories, interesting details on the nature of the time continuum, why the molecular structure of milk coincidently means it’s one of the most powerful liquids in the universe under the right conditions, the social-economic history of the Soviet Union, and if he asks about anything, string off more random facts and stories that are connected to what he’s talking about Kindof sortof if you turn them upside down and immerse them in Champaign then they kinda make sense yeah until he goes away. Ask him why he’s leaving so soon without actually referring to the situation at hand, and then turn on the vacuum and get the hell out of dodge once everything’s up. But maybe do try and convince the Tardis to bacome something reasonable, like a sedan chair, or literally anything that’s not a blue police box. If it becomes an old Irish phone box, declare a compromise reached.
I want to hear the whole conversation in turn description. My conversations in real life frequently veer in odd directions without me trying. I can only imagine how confusing it would be if I tried to distract someone
I would like to formally apologise to the other players, the GM, and the Universe for what I have done.
6, 4, 2+1 Irish bonus*.
(*Cracks knuckles.*)
(**Looks down to see that knuckles are unfortunately not broken, and I actually have to write this thing.**)
(***Fine.***)
As the guard approaches you for your permit, you begin talking to keep him distracted.
"So, you need the permit. I'll get that for you right away, don't worry. Not sure where I put it though, hold on. I hope this doesn't take up too much of your time. You know, I'm actually a bit of an expert on time you know, a history buff of sorts. You know, I worked as a milkman once. Lost the job, stole some milk. May not seem related, but your whole world basically revolves around that. Timey-wimey ball. Like Angelo/Diablo. Angel-demon thing. You wouldn't know him. He fought ATHATH. Now ATHATH, he was a dangerous one. He tried to kill the Earth a few times. On that, you know we're not using the original Sun? It actually got changed out in the Middle Ages. Not where I'm from, but that's modernity for you. All this came from the milk delivery of course. Milk is in fact one of the most important things in the universe, when you really look into it! Think about it, mammals drink milk. Dinosaurs didn't, and you don't see any more of those, do you. 'Cept maybe birds. Of course, they've got pigeons, so maybe the pigeons grandfather the others in? Crop milk and all. Like I said, you're talking to a history expert. Any questions?
"Of course I know Angelo/Diablo and ATHATH. Come on, I took elementary history. They're a companion and enemy of the Grail, respectively. Every kid knows that. Anyway, I just wanted to see your papers."
"Oh yes, I was just getting to that. The papers. You know, the Warsaw Pact was a particularly important paper."
"I'm sorry sir, I might have dozed off that day. What's the Warsaw Pact?
"You don't know? Oh yeah, you wouldn't. The Grail and all. Anyway, so there was this Tsar, Romanov, Russian guy. He was, wait. First there was a German named Marx. Not Mark, Marx. He didn't like it when rich people, when people were poor? Wait, I've got a better idea. So there are these farm animals, see, so they all live in a farm. And the farmer, Farmer Jones, they obviously don't like getting eaten. So this big pig, he tells the others, they've got to stand up to Jones. So the animals, they all stand up to Farmer Jones one night. And they get rid of him, but the big pig is dead. Not from the fight, he was already dead. Not like a zombie, he died in between. ANYWAY. The animals, they all get together and decide to run the farm. And there are these two pigs in charge, Napoleon and Snowflake. They represent...oh right, you wouldn't know. All the pigs are in charge, but some of them are more in charge than others. So Snowflake and Napoleon..."
"Excuse me sir, is Napoleon named after someone?"
"Sure, short guy, actually tall, liked to keep his hand in his shirt and ride horses. Not at the same time, that'd be difficult. It's not important. There's also this grumpy donkey, he knows what's up. So the animals all decide to build a windmill for some reason. I forget why. The human farmers don't appreciate this disruption of course, so they all team up to attack the farm. There's a big fight, and the animals defeat the humans. But it's all for nothing, because the humans blow up the windmill anyway. It's very sad. Snowflake and Napoleon, they get into a final fight over who should be in charge, but Napoleon cheats by using the attack dogs he trained earlier to chase off Snowflake. Once he's gone, Napoleon takes charge and starts blaming all the problems on Snowflake. He also takes the loyal horse who obeyed the pigs all this time and sells him for glue when he gets hurt. The donkey tried to stop it, but he fails. Things take a turn for the worse. Napoleon and his pigs get more and more evil, and they get rid of the laws they painted on the barn, and eventually it's just "Some animals are more equal than others." The pigs start dealing with the human farmers, and they change the Animal Farm's name back to Manor Farm. The animals watch through the windows as the pigs are playing cards with the humans, and then the pigs turn into humans."
"I'm sorry, but I don't see how this answers my question regarding the Warsaw Pact. I'm guessing this is some sort of allegory?"
"Yeah, it's how you shouldn't do dictator stuff. All Orwell's books were about that, since he lived with Hitler and Stalin after all."
"Hitler and Stalin?"
"You don't wanna know."
"Wait, I think I remember Hitler. Yeah, isn't he famous as that guy who tried to start an empire in like, the 19th century or something. I mean, it's hard to forget the mental image of the guy getting eaten by three sharks at once, after all."
"Three sharks? That's...impressive. You remember what kind?"
"Great whites, right? To be honest, that's the only one I really know. My kid could name 'em all, but honestly all I know about sharks is what I learned in the old "Jaws" movie. You know, I still find it a bit odd that our constitution forbids any other shark movies for all time. Does that ever strike you as odd?"
"No."
"Huh."
"Yeah. To be honest, I haven't messed with-I mean, I haven't followed much of the politics in this empire, but I really stand by-support-that one. Support. You ever played support?"
"Support?"
"You know, clerics. Healers. Support classes, I hope you don't mind me getting on my soapbox, but support is really the heart of the team. The other members of the team, they always get the credit. Everybody likes to be the hero with the sword who slays the dragon, or the sneaky thief, or the wizard who throws around fireballs. You know where those guys would be without the support? Dead. In a ditch. How do you like that? Support gets no credit, cause they're standing in the back. It really isn't fair. Everyone, Everyone wants to be Batman, but where would he be without his support? No Commissioner Gordon? Nobody to tell him about the crimes. Batman's just running around Gotham, hoping to find crimes by pure chance. No Alfred? Then he's got no butler. Batman lives in an actual Batcave, of all places. Whose gonna clean all the guano off the Batmobile? Batman's just gonna be spending all his time doing chores, no time for fighting clowns. On that, no Robin? He's got nobody in a colorful red suit, nobody to draw fire. Batman's gonna have to dodge all those bullets himself, and that's gotta be way harder than finding new orphans."
"Batman?"
"You don't know who-"
"Just messing with you, sir. Course I know who Batman is. Anyway, your papers, please."
"Oh, right. You know what DC actually stands for? "Detective Comics". So it's actually "Detective Comics Comics." That's always fun to know."
"Papers, sir."
"Right then, here you go."
You hand the guard a wad of papers from your pocket, which he quickly skims over.
"This is a menu for a pub-wait, where'd you go?" he says to an empty room.
While the guard was distracted, you've long since vacuumed up the bones of the original Seven goats. As he glances over the note, you flee back into your TARDIS and dematerialize. You also adjust your TARDIS to use a better disguise. In the process, you accidentally lock it in the form of an Irish phone box.
(OOC:*It goes against my instincts as a GM to give you an arbitrary bonus like that, but I looked up a picture of one of those phone boxes and felt that you riding around in a TARDIS version of those was too fitting to let fail. Also, I hope you and Naturegirl enjoyed the speech. I had fun with it, and it was useful practice for writing dialogue. Probably gonna rip Shaun's legs off if I ever have to do it again, though.)
Ok, try to wake up Angelo and Diablo.
I have no idea why I’m suddenly so bad at getting actions in.
1
You attempt to reawaken Angelo and Diablo, but are unable to do so yet. As you sit on the throne and try to wake them up, Satan returns with a contingent of demons.
"Thank you, Diablo. You have served me well by restoring my kingdom. I will be taking back control now, so please, get off my throne.
Deploy to my new ship, and head to where Thainos was last sighted: "Earth"
5
You leave the bridge peacefully with Alpha and Omega squads in tow, head down to the warp bay, and teleport over to your own ship. As requested, the architecture resembles a dark and Gothic church with the occasional bit of exposed technology. You then fly your ship away from the Moloko and into Earth's orbit. You check the scanners, but they don't detect Thainos on the surface.
Thainos has four of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in five turns unless prevented.
Post by: randomgenericusername on June 29, 2019, 01:44:29 am
Post by: King Zultan on June 29, 2019, 06:11:39 am
Convince Burt to give me some Sun DNA.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 29, 2019, 07:46:28 am
(I enjoyed it. I’m glad that writing it also serves as practice for the future. Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it again)
Post by: ziizo on June 29, 2019, 08:07:26 am
If that fails punch a second portal this one to the Elemental Plane of Nothingness and put it under the portal to the Elemental Plane of Milk.
Post by: Imic on June 29, 2019, 09:16:53 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on June 29, 2019, 09:20:19 am
Post by: Glass on June 29, 2019, 09:31:48 am
Anyway, now, with the information GiantDad uncovered, let’s try to figure out where Thainos is most likely to be.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on June 29, 2019, 12:02:08 pm
Post by: CABL on June 29, 2019, 12:33:00 pm
Assist with the removal of ads, then beam down some Imperial Guard onto Thainos' potential location.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 29, 2019, 02:58:48 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 29, 2019, 04:00:34 pm
Put in ear plugs and go wake up Azatoth with blood magic, so he saves us from Thainos and goat shittersYou mean the goats that eat 5he universe, right? I’m not sure if Azaloth would know what you mean be goat shitters
Post by: sprinkled chariot on June 30, 2019, 04:28:23 am
Put in ear plugs and go wake up Azatoth with blood magic, so he saves us from Thainos and goat shittersYou mean the goats that eat 5he universe, right? I’m not sure if Azaloth would know what you mean be goat shitters
Yep, I was assuming, that entity of his level would be like all knowing.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on June 30, 2019, 08:24:11 am
Inform Satan of the 7, RGN, and the Eldritch beings and convince him to punish them for attempting to take his kingdom.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 09:06:37 am
I guess I don’t know who Azatoth isPut in ear plugs and go wake up Azatoth with blood magic, so he saves us from Thainos and goat shittersYou mean the goats that eat 5he universe, right? I’m not sure if Azaloth would know what you mean be goat shitters
Yep, I was assuming, that entity of his level would be like all knowing.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on June 30, 2019, 09:00:55 pm
Post by: Enemy post on July 01, 2019, 02:14:12 am
Boris has begun the awakening of Azathoth. Everyone else in the normal universe and timeframe receives a -1 penalty this turn. Delta would have received bonuses, so he just gets an unmodified roll.
Put in ear plugs and go wake up Azatoth with blood magic, so he saves us from Thainos and goat shitters
3+1
One more time. You block out the maddening pipes and concentrate on your blood magic. You reach out through the shadowy parts of the universe, and you touch the mind of the Daemon Sultan. The blind eyes of the Nuclear Chaos roll in their sockets and the eternal piping draws to a close. Azathoth is waking up. When he does, this universe and all within it will simply and utterly cease to be.
Remember the nanovirus glands? Release it now so that it consumes the biological blood cages and frees the souls of the captured Seven. Being an incorporeal eldritch ghost, I should be immune to it's effects.
2-1
You try to release the nanovirus, but a wave of misfortune seems to roll across the universe as you do. Somehow, your own venom affects you from within. Despite being a ghost, you start to suffer from it.
"Hey Burt sorry to show up unannounced but I need some of the sun's DNA for something I'm doing, and you still owe me from when I helped you get rid of that mailman you killed with a shovel."
Convince Burt to give me some Sun DNA.
4
Burt glances over your shoulder to see if any "Governments" are following you, and escorts both of you into his compound. He hangs back as you walk and keeps a hand on his gun, just in case you turn on him. Finally, you enter a sealed chamber. It is much cleaner than the rest of the compound. Inside is several glass jars containing golden glowing strands of Sun DNA. The strands look to be at least a yard long and fairly heavy. Burt speaks as he gets out a strand and hands it to you. "This what you needed? I hope it's important, it takes a good bit of effort to get these out."
try to sneak away before being noticed
(I enjoyed it. I’m glad that writing it also serves as practice for the future. Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it again)
I guess I don’t know who Azatoth is(In HP Lovecraft's horror stories, Azathoth (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azathoth) is the monstrous god at the center of the universe.)
2-1
You try to sneak away, but are hit by some sort of psychic ripple in reality. The effects of this drive the Eldritch creatures into a frenzy. Some flee back through their portal, while others snap and gnash their jaws in search of something to tear. One of the smaller ones notices you and jets over to attack.
Close the portal to the Elemental Plane of Milk.
If that fails punch a second portal this one to the Elemental Plane of Nothingness and put it under the portal to the Elemental Plane of Milk.
4-1
You mostly seal up the portal, although a small pinhole in the air is still dripping milk. You could seal up the remainder, but using the Plane of Nothingness (Also called the Void) for such a purpose might backfire dangerously.
Go through everything the vacuum picked up. Every signgle thing. Keep the water, it might have magical properties. Remove any objects of interest. And... Get a drink. The ol’ throat’s in quite a state.
4, 1, 3
You search through the giant pile of detritus accumulated from millennia of people and circumstance dumping things into the well. Most of it is just sand, animal bones, or assorted garbage. Oddly enough, everything is absolutely dry. There is no water or other liquid at all in there. You find a few bottles and canteens, but their contents are completely drained. With help from your TARDIS's computer, you eventually locate and isolate the bones of the Seven goats. After transferring them to a lab for study, you go to grab a drink. You find a food machine, but it only produces bars that simulate the nutritional effects of various drinks without the taste.
Yoink! Remember to also ring the doorbell and hide after yoinking the Milk.
5
You open an umbrella for safety and dart over to the door. You snatch up the milk, ring the doorbell, and hide in the bushes. The door opens, and reality buckles around you. You see a vision of the house erupting into chaos, fights breaking out, Space Marines dueling in the street, the fall of Genericville, Angelo/Diablo battling a giant corpse-demon, and ultimately the destruction of the world itself. However, you are also aware of Shaun O'Brian, who time travels back from the tipping point and delivers the milk you just stole. You open an umbrella for safety and dart over to the door. You snatch up the milk, ring the doorbell, and hide in the bushes. The door opens, and reality buckles around you.
The world dies, Shaun resurrects it, you take the milk and hide. Death. Return. Repeat. You feel yourself getting unhinged from reality. You live a billion years. You never lived at all. Eternity spins in an instant. Your only hope is the Glove. You take the Time Milk in your right hand and smash it over your left. A green glow marks the pentultimate Milk's addition to your collection. You make a fist and reflexively return yourself to the day of your theft. This time, you watch from a distance. Shaun delivers the Milk, creating the your native timeline. You steal it, creating another. In this way, two stable timelines exist from this moment, switching like the faces of a spinning coin. It's all very confusing, but the Time Milk gives you some inherent comprehension of what has happened.
In any event, you continue to exist in your original timeline, although you're still in 2017.
One left.
Remove the advertisements.
Anyway, now, with the information GiantDad uncovered, let’s try to figure out where Thainos is most likely to be.
3, 3
You remove most of the ads with GiantDad's help. All the visible ones have been cleared, but your drones still like to bring up the mobile games in conversation with the humans whenever they get a chance. You also analyze McFly's warnings to discover Thainos' likely location on Earth. It's an ancient neighborhood, full of fancy early-period 21st century homes. His exact destination appears to be an ancient crater where one of the houses once stood. GiantDad immediately deploys troops, but doesn't find anything. Thainos is likely long gone by now, if his attack took place in McFly's day.
"The fuck? Our ship has holoposters of naked, four-breasted alien chicks on the hull! Delta, deal with it, quickly!"
Assist with the removal of ads, then beam down some Imperial Guard onto Thainos' potential location.
4-1, 5-1
You successfully help Delta clear the ads, despite your computers suddenly becoming more difficult to operate and their error messages including oddly personal criticisms of your efforts.
Delta flies you to Thainos' extrapolated location and you send troops, but they don't find any traces of him in the crater where an old house once stood. A few artifacts are secured, such as an abandoned helmet with faded red paint and long horns, but nothing that seems particularly relevant.
Your troops also report that an Ecclesiarchy sermon is being played over their radios, sent from Primus' ship.
Silence: Continues onward!
6-1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Oh hi Satan, it's actually just me right now, the other two are asleep. Oh, and some guy and his eldritch abomination friends made plans to try and take Hell from you, I suggest mobilizing some demons to eradicate them."
Inform Satan of the 7, RGN, and the Eldritch beings and convince him to punish them for attempting to take his kingdom.
3
You tell Satan about the problem. He acknowledges you, but doesn't seem inclined to help. "Tell this to Diablo, when he awakens. I am not inclined to assist in this. Hell is not currently at risk from threats to the material world, but mass deaths there will send us many souls. Besides, I'm sure you three can take care of this yourselves. As I said, get off my throne."
Upon saying this, Satan picks you up with one hand and roughly drops you on the floor a few feet away. He then retakes his throne and claps his hands to reawaken Diablo, and by extension Angelo.
"Awaken, my emissary. The planes are yet again in jeopardy. Go fix it before the problems reach Hell again."
Hm, weird. Guess he's going after some milk-related time thing. Time to contact the Ordos Chronos to deal with this time fuckery. To bad the box forces me to brodcast old Echlisiarchy sermons onto the planet below. Don't wanna make the Emperor mad about this, but what can you do? Hopefully they don't take it seriously, right?(I'm not too familiar with 40k lore. Why would you get in trouble for doing that? I know the Emperor doesn't like the Imperium being a theocracy, but does anyone else know that?)
2-1
You try to contact the Ordos Chronos, but they don't respond to your signals this time. Instead, all you accomplish is attracting attention as you beam sermons to Earth's radios. Most people who hear the message are just confused, although a few convert to worshipping the Emperor of Mankind on the spot.
Thainos has five of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in four turns unless prevented.
Azathoth will end the dream of the universe in five turns unless prevented.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 01, 2019, 02:24:21 am
Go see my favorite daughter by using a time portal created via a combo of Time + Space Milk.
"Hey kiddo...I know we haven't talked much, due to me replacing your sister's body parts with cybernetic implants and you leaving to live with your boyfriend and his outlaw friends. He's a cool guy, by the way, I like him, nice catch...But I just...*Sigh* I don't know how to do this...I think, that we kind of lost the closeness we had. I was thinking we could get together, just you and me. And go camping in the center of the universe next to Azatoth like we used to when you were little, try to get back on speaking terms. Watcha say kiddo?"
If she agrees, portal time.
Post by: King Zultan on July 01, 2019, 06:04:24 am
Ask my questions then head back to my house and give UberBob the sun's DNA, then find out what we're doing from there.
Post by: ziizo on July 01, 2019, 06:32:34 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on July 01, 2019, 07:23:46 am
Attempt to use the ADN and power of the blood I consumed, and evolve the ability to manipulate blood. Use it to release the Seven.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 01, 2019, 08:11:01 am
Ok, Azathoth is priority 1, then The Seven, then Thainos.
EDIT: Hey, EP, Thainos should be triggering past Angelo and Diablo's apocalypse senses.
Post by: Imic on July 01, 2019, 08:43:11 am
First: Take one of the bones of the Seven, and subject it to the force of an industrialconpressor. Try to retrieve anything left of it, if it’s destroyed.
Second: Take one from a diferent goat, and immerse it in milk. Then, heat up the milk to boiling. Retrieve bone and note results.
Second: get one of those hammers that mechanical stand hammers modern blacksmiths use anx turn it on to full with the bone under it. Note results and retrieve.
Also, chexk to see what auxiliary control rooms there are in the Tardis.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 01, 2019, 10:29:29 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 01, 2019, 11:12:02 am
Silence: Brings him to the space police
Silence: Celebrates for the 4th of July!
(Also to smoke I wouldnt exactly call thainos universe ending since he just wants to wipe out half the space cows in the universe but no one really knows that so yeah)
Post by: CABL on July 01, 2019, 01:38:03 pm
Imperial Guard: Give out the red helmet with red horns for analysis. Await the order to beam down at the location of the latest DNA signatures of Thainos.
GiantDad: Beam down along with the Imperial Guard.
Post by: Glass on July 01, 2019, 01:43:42 pm
Can I search time for traces of Thainos? Especially be on the lookout for history in the process of being changed.
Post by: Enemy post on July 01, 2019, 02:28:50 pm
EDIT: Hey, EP, Thainos should be triggering past Angelo and Diablo's apocalypse senses.
I'll probably treat this as an action.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 01, 2019, 03:36:06 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 01, 2019, 04:41:25 pm
Post by: Enemy post on July 01, 2019, 04:42:26 pm
Ok, but I still need to do other actions to stop Azathoth, so it won't be my only one.
Alright.
Post by: Enemy post on July 03, 2019, 02:17:52 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 03, 2019, 07:50:44 am
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 03, 2019, 10:22:37 am
Post by: Enemy post on July 04, 2019, 01:48:32 am
"I've come so far, my destiny awaits me...But let me catch up with my green baby girl first, don't want to lose track of what's really important in life, the small things."(The sheer implicit cruelty of this one...it does put a smile on my face.)
Go see my favorite daughter by using a time portal created via a combo of Time + Space Milk.
"Hey kiddo...I know we haven't talked much, due to me replacing your sister's body parts with cybernetic implants and you leaving to live with your boyfriend and his outlaw friends. He's a cool guy, by the way, I like him, nice catch...But I just...*Sigh* I don't know how to do this...I think, that we kind of lost the closeness we had. I was thinking we could get together, just you and me. And go camping in the center of the universe next to Azatoth like we used to when you were little, try to get back on speaking terms. Watcha say kiddo?"
If she agrees, portal time.
4+1, 4+1
It's important not to sacrifice time with your kids. It's always tragic when a relationship falls apart. You can't throw away little moments like camping over at Azathoth's place. You decide to go meet with Gamora. Since your daughter hasn't been born yet in this timeline, you use the Space and Time milks to teleport onto her new friends' spaceship, the Milano. About half a dozen weapons are immediately leveled at you when you appear in their meeting room, yet your emotional appeal gets through to them. Your daughter agrees to accompany you (much to the irritation of her boyfriend), and the two of you teleport to that planet at the eye of the storm that is Azathoth. Vormir's skyline looks more unstable than usual. Apparently, someone is waking up Azathoth. Tentacles writhe and blind eyes roll in their sockets. At least enough light drips from the creature to allow you to see in Vormir's typical dim lighting. If Azathoth fully wakes up, Life will end immediately.
"Thanks man this is exactly the thing I needed, hey what happened to those little suns you were trying to make, you know the ones that were going to make it easier to get the sun's DNA?" Just as he was about to leave suddenly remembers something, "Also its been two years do you think the government stopped looking for that mailman you killed, because I really need that mail truck out of my garage."
Ask my questions then head back to my house and give UberBob the sun's DNA, then find out what we're doing from there.
1
You ask Burt about his mini-sun project. It seemed like a harmless enough question, but you hear a humming noise as he levels his pistol at the back of your head. He speaks, but his voice is slightly muffled by him putting a hand over his own mouth to prevent you from grabbing his teeth.
"I TOLD DR. BOB THIS ONCE BEFORE. DR. BOB AND I USED TO EXCHANGE LETTERS. I PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO CUTTING UP THOSE MAGAZINES FOR THE LETTERS. HE ASKED ME THEN, AND I KNOW I TOLD HIM ABOUT THEM. WHO ARE YOU??? WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE BOB???"
Hooded Bob attempts to get a flanking position, but Burt shoots a glare at him.
"I CAN INTERROGATE ONE O' YOU FAKES JUST AS GOOD AS ANOTHER. YOU MOVE AND YOUR GOVERNMENT BUDDY HERE GETS HIS BRAINS SCORCHED OUT!"
Start cleaning the floors that small pinhole is perfect in case I need to refill the bucket
2+1 for getting milk for this purpose.
You set up a bucket to gather the milk and start mopping the floors. It seems to be working out, but there's a lot of mess to clean up. You get about a third of the work done this time.
At least I can't die due to being already dead. At least Azathoth seems to be on our side, being an eldritch god and wanting to destroy the universe.
Attempt to use the ADN and power of the blood I consumed, and evolve the ability to manipulate blood. Use it to release the Seven.
4, 1+1
You successfully evolve the power to skillfully manipulate blood, but for some reason you aren't able to break Rana's cages this time. As you make the attempt, you notice Three suddenly cry out in pain and grip his arm. Moments later, Seven is both injured and empowered by some unseen attacker. The Seven collectively turn and start flying at warp speeds, accompanied by their Eldritch guardians.
I’m going to conduct a few experiments. First of all, find a long-abandoned part of the Universe with functioning machinery. If it doesn’t fit the bill, change places to somewhere else.
First: Take one of the bones of the Seven, and subject it to the force of an industrialconpressor. Try to retrieve anything left of it, if it’s destroyed.
Second: Take one from a diferent goat, and immerse it in milk. Then, heat up the milk to boiling. Retrieve bone and note results.
Second: get one of those hammers that mechanical stand hammers modern blacksmiths use anx turn it on to full with the bone under it. Note results and retrieve.
Also, chexk to see what auxiliary control rooms there are in the Tardis.
5, 4, 1, 6, 2
You decide to start your experiments in an abandoned part of the Universe that has working machines. No other place fits this description than Mechanus One. It is the former home of a robotic empire that fell when their bioengineered servants went rogue and destroyed them. The servitors have long since gone extinct themselves, so this should be an excellent place for your work. First, you take one of Three's bones, and crush it. Your instruments detect a quantum entanglement between the bone and its demonic owner elsewhere in the universe. Three effectively suffers a broken arm. You then try boiling one of Seven's bones in milk. This only powers her up, as she is refreshed by the milk. You then crush the bone in an automatic hammer. This hurts her, but the damage is balanced out by the boost from the milk. Finally, the Seven are now keenly aware of your location and what you're doing.
You also check for auxiliary control rooms, but your TARDIS is simply too big to find any such rooms right now.
Try to Resorb some of the blood I lost to grow a spike to impale the small creature coming towards me
5
As the creature closes in on you, you hurriedly fly into a blob of floating blood and absorb just enough mass to make a spike. You set it against the creature and successfully impale it through the brain. It continues to twitch around long after you remove the spike, but it is no longer a threat to you.
Silence: Ties him up
Silence: Brings him to the space police
Silence: Celebrates!
(Also to smoke I wouldnt exactly call thainos universe ending since he just wants to wipe out half the space cows in the universe but no one really knows that so yeah)
1
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Moloko: Get into stratosphere and analyze Thainos DNA signatures.
Imperial Guard: Give out the red helmet with red horns for analysis. Await the order to beam down at the location of the latest DNA signatures of Thainos.
GiantDad: Beam down along with the Imperial Guard.
3, 6, 3
You order the Moloko to search the atmosphere for traces of Thainos. His most recent location on Earth is the rubble of the Grail temple in England. You beam down with the Guard and investigate the rubble. He was clearly there, but left a while ago. According to the Alliance guards, he teleported inside with the Space Milk, briefly battled the turrets in a chamber where a sample of the Holy Grail's milk was kept, and ultimately successfully escaped with the sample after destroying the temple with the Power Milk. Thankfully, several other samples of the Grail's milk were saved from the destruction and are being moved to other facilities for safekeeping.
You also order the Guardsmen at the ancient house to analyze the red helmet. The archives indicate that this helmet belonged to the Chaos general known as Eliphas the Inheritor. As they research the topic, some of the Moloko's scientists start to show an unsettling admiration for this Eliphas.
Give the robots a standing order to only discuss their mobile games with each other.
Can I search time for traces of Thainos? Especially be on the lookout for history in the process of being changed.
3, 4
You order the drones to only talk about mobile games with each other. They agree to be much more subtle about it, at least. Now they just sneak in references while talking about other topics.
You also use the tachyon DNA scanners to search for Thainos' presence in the timestream. Surprisingly, he just returned to the present. His current location is at the center of the universe, on the planet Vormir. As is normal for it, Vormir is surrounded on all sides by Azathoth's body. You can still get in, but it will take some effort.
Contact Nyarlothothep via blood magic and ask him, how to fix all this shite with goats, azatoth waking up and madman going to erase universe ? Do whatever he tells.(I'm a bit surprised that you want a solution to the Azathoth problem. Why'd you wake him up if you didn't want the universe to end? Also, your "blood magic" was a clever invention. I don't think I've seen a more powerful ability since Lincoln's Hat.)
3+1
You use blood magic to contact Nyarlathotep and ask how you can deal with all these apocalyptic threats. You convulse on the ground as the Crawling Chaos sends you a nightmare of the Unlimited Glove snapping its fingers and unleashing infinite power across the universe. He also shows the universe dying at the hands of Azathoth and the Seven. However, you survive to witness this by escaping to an alternate time and/or place. The vision is unclear on where exactly you went.
EDIT: Hey, EP, Thainos should be triggering past Angelo and Diablo's apocalypse senses.4
Since I am in Azathoth’s dream, logically I am in his mind. Thus, in proximity to use my “Eldritch Beings go to sleep” spell again. Do that, targeting Azathoth.1+1
You try to access Azathoth's thoughts and put him back to sleep, but are unsuccessful this time.
At about this time, Thainos' trip to the past alters your personal history. In Genericville, Angelo and Diablo are distracted from Diablo's scheme to turn all milk into orange juice by sensing Thainos' brief appearance in their time. You aren't able to do anything then, but the advance warning gives you time to prepare. You use the time to learn specialized anti-titan techniques. You now have +1 on rolls to fight Thainos, which cancels out his Power Milk for you. (You're also immune to his ability to kill PCs in one hit.)
Alright, they're not cooperating then. Turn off that device and locate the LAST Infinite Dairy
3
You switch off the broadcast and refocus your efforts on research. You review archive footage of the Temple attack and other sources to determine which Milks Thainos likely already has, and then compare it to old legends to determine the remaining Milks. According to your findings, the last Infinity Milk is the Soul Milk, which is located on the planet Vormir. Vormir is at the center of the universe, surrounded by Azathoth.
Thainos has five of the six Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in four turns unless prevented.
Azathoth will end the dream of the universe in four turns unless prevented.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 04, 2019, 06:37:57 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 04, 2019, 06:55:11 am
Post by: ziizo on July 04, 2019, 08:51:44 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on July 04, 2019, 10:41:16 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 04, 2019, 11:06:18 am
Yeet her off the Big Ledge of Vormin
Post by: CABL on July 04, 2019, 11:39:48 am
Use the heaviest weapons on Thainos,
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 04, 2019, 11:58:39 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 04, 2019, 01:46:20 pm
Silence: Runs away with the Douges!
Post by: Glass on July 04, 2019, 02:59:09 pm
Post by: King Zultan on July 04, 2019, 03:24:32 pm
Talk to him and try to get him to not shoot me in the back of the head.
Post by: Imic on July 05, 2019, 04:46:35 am
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 05, 2019, 09:15:11 pm
Post by: Enemy post on July 06, 2019, 02:38:35 am
"It's nice to talk to you again sweetie, ever since we had a failing out I never felt the same...Sorry about this...little one...But my destiny comes above everything else...Even you.(LOL re:"Yeet")
Yeet her off the Big Ledge of Vormin
6
You tell your daughter about how much she means to you. Unfortunately, your destiny must always come first. You shed a tear of grief and hoist Gamora over your head with both arms. You sprint right up the nearby mountain to the temple at the top, involuntarily yelling "HUP HUP HUP" the entire way. At the very top, the cloaked spectre of Cap'n Crunch appears before you. He tries to speak, but you sprint past him without breaking stride and spike Gamora into the sacrifical pit as if you just won the Superbowl. Crunch gets a rather stunned look as he peers over the side of the cliff. "Um, you're a little late..." As he looks over, you spot the smoking wreck of a human vessel at the bottom of the pit, next to your daughter's remains. Before you have time to process what has happened, the Moloko appears above you and bombards you with missiles. You absorb the flames with your Glove, and then finally destroy the vessel by turning its own barrage against it in a rage.
Quickly, to Vormir! Big E should help me reach it in time to get the last milk. After all, Thainos would eliminate the milk he wants.(Anything less than a 5, and Thainos would have completed the Unlimited Glove this turn. Wrecking your ship on a 5 might have been too harsh, but you needed to sacrifice something and your ship seemed like the obvious candidate. Also, it seemed like the only way to give you the Milk before Thainos got it and that seemed more in the spirit of the results.)
4+1
You call upon the Emperor of Mankind to save the day. You need a miracle to beat Thainos to the final Milk. You get one. Your navigational computers boost you to impossible speeds, and you shoot through space to the planet Vormir. Beneath you is the sacrificial pit. You know that it will require a sacrifice of some sort, but you don't have nearly enough time to stop and find out what it is. Instead, you simply give it everything you have. You steer your ship directly into the pit and crash head on into the ground. Everything is fire, screams, and pain.
But only for a moment. You regain awareness to find yourself sitting in a pool near the temple. A vial of Milk is in your hand, glowing with a gentle orange light.
Fly to England and restore the dimensional door, then pour in the center of the universe.5
Use the heaviest weapons on Thainos,
4 to use heaviest weapons
1+2 vs 6+1
Based on information about Thainos, the milk of the holy grail, and what knowledge we have of the infinity milks, see if I can replicate their molecular structures in usable quantities.(I really don't think I could allow an action that gives you a full set of Infinity Milks in one go, not after ADN spent the whole RTD collecting them one at a time. Still, 3 was about what I was hoping you'd get.)
3
As the final battles near, Delta makes emergency experiments to study the power of the Infinity Milks. It's impossible to copy most of them, but it turns out that the Power Milk is simply any sample of chupacabra milk. It's simple enough to synthesize this substance through the replicators, so Delta does so and orders a drone to hook up the synthetic Power Milk to the ship's weapons. Although the Space Milk is impossible to copy at this time, Delta is able to study the effects well enough to reopen, track, and expand existing portals. With that, GiantDad is able to fly the Moloko through Thainos' portal out of England and rapidly track him to Vormir. GiantDad readies the ship's bunker buster missiles, hooks them up to the Power Milk, and unleashes a full bombardment. Towers of flame several stories erupt around Thainos and the ground cracks underneath. The flames suddenly die down, absorbed into the glowing Unlimited Glove.
Thainos points his fist to the sky, and a beam of purple fire stabs upward at the Moloko. The effect is devastating. The Glove's power rips through the Moloko's shields and armor like a hot knife through butter. The Moloko is sliced in half and falls to the planet below in flames. Delta's servers are destroyed by the crash, but he survives by transferring his AI to the robot body he built earlier. The halves of the ship slide to a stop near the base of the temple.
Use blood of the thrall to call this Eliphas dude to moloko with blood ritual, must be fun guy to be around.(I had forgotten about your thrall. Thanks for reminding me about him.)
3+2
After requisitioning the helmet recovered from the house ruins, you drain the remaining blood of your thrall to back a summoning spell. Your magic reaches across space and time, and a smoky red portal opens before you. Eliphas the Inheritor steps through, regards the room, and puts his helmet back on.
"Show me your enemies, vampire."
Try to use blood manipulation on the cages again and free the Seven. We're running out of time here.
4+1
You set up and try again. This time, it works perfectly. The cages are destroyed, and all seven of the Seven are free. The universe's decay proceeds rapidly, and the two you saved leap off into space to catch up to their fellows. Unless someone interferes again, your lords' triumph is only moments away. (-2 to the Seven's countdown.)
follow the freed Seven without getting detected by them
2
You try to keep up with the Seven, but you are unable to match their faster-than-light traveling speed.
Get the fuck out of there. Contact The first mate, Joshua. Tell him I might have something to stop the Seven with.
2, 1
Inside your TARDIS, you desperately attempt to escape the Seven and contact Joshua. It isn't fast enough. The TARDIS is just starting to dematerialize when Seven's claw closes around it. You try to call Joshua, but all you get is an infuriatingly casual voicemail informing you that Joshua is unavailable right now. As you try to call him back, the door is ripped off your TARDIS. You turn to see the eyes of the Seven as they peer into your control room. They no longer look like they are chewing on reality. Instead, massive jagged white gaps in reality trail away from their maws.
keep cleaning the Moloko floors.
2
You try to clean the floors, but the shattering natural laws all around you interfere with the chemical makeup of your cleaning agents and briefly separate them into their component elements.
Silence: Stares for a second mouth wide open in absolute awe and terror
Silence: Runs away with the Douges!
5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Hold on Burt you know its me we've been friends for years, and you sent that letter three years ago I forgot what you said in it, and you said you were going to start trying to make them again a couple of weeks ago."
Talk to him and try to get him to not shoot me in the back of the head.
1
The adrenaline makes time seem to run in slow motion for a moment. You turn your head a bit and try to persuade Burt not to fire. He slightly shakes his head. His finger moves almost imperceptibly. The barrel flashes.
You had expected pain or a light, but you only see darkness. A somehow familiar darkness, now that you think about it. You then drop down to the floor, looking up at the hopper of your own cloning equipment back in Mutant Bob's lab. UberBob and Hooded Bob look down at you with concern. UberBob speaks. "Are you alright? Do you remember what occured?" He then seems to reconsider. "It doesn't matter, I suppose. Your companion was able to escape with your DNA and the Sun sample. Burt seemed to be content with only killing your previous self. Anyway, onto more pressing matters. We have the Sun DNA. We must combine it with a sample from myself to make a self-upgrading version of Us. This will be Singularity Bob."
Try again to put Azathoth to sleep, he is the current priority.
1+1
You try to subdue Azathoth again, but luck just isn't in your favor at the moment.
Thainos has 5/6 Infinity Milks.
Primus has 1/6 Infinity Milks.
The Seven will devour the mortal universe in one turn unless prevented!
Azathoth will end the dream of the universe in three turns unless prevented.
OOC:I rolled initiative for the Thainos fight, but it didn't change the results so I just arranged them in the order I preferred.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 06, 2019, 07:57:23 am
Use the Unlimited Glove to snap away all goats and goatlike eldritch creatures in existence, then go to a place where no one will be able to find me and Primus.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 06, 2019, 10:25:35 am
(I’m not sure this will work, but it’s worth a shot)
Post by: Imic on July 06, 2019, 10:56:55 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 06, 2019, 01:32:40 pm
Silence: Looks around
Post by: King Zultan on July 06, 2019, 02:26:12 pm
Ask other Bob what happened with his version of Burt, then help make the Singularity Bob, and after that's finished I'm gonna call Brut and tell him he's an asshole and he's lucky I have cloning stuff, and that he better give me back my keys and gun, and that I don't think we can be friends any more.
Post by: Glass on July 06, 2019, 02:53:00 pm
I don’t care what either of you want right now, but unless the Seven are stopped right this fucking minute, the entire universe will be destroyed! And- checks data -and immediately thereafter we need to make sure that the fabric of reality itself doesn’t completely unravel!
(Yeah, this isn’t really rollable actions. There’s not really rollable actions for me to take right now. Just go with it.)
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 06, 2019, 03:03:44 pm
Post by: Glass on July 06, 2019, 03:15:55 pm
"Just give me the Soul Milk and I can solve this! I can solve everything! Why do you still stand in my way?!"Because you think “getting rid of all the milk” is a more valid solution to milk scarcity than “making more milk”. Hell, just make more cows or something.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 06, 2019, 03:18:11 pm
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 06, 2019, 03:35:15 pm
"Hey, who's the one who gathered all those darn multicolored Kinds of milk? Not you, now let me save the universe MY WAY in peace or get your own damn Unlimted Glove and do your fancy more cows plan yourself.""Just give me the Soul Milk and I can solve this! I can solve everything! Why do you still stand in my way?!"Because you think “getting rid of all the milk” is a more valid solution to milk scarcity than “making more milk”. Hell, just make more cows or something.
Post by: Glass on July 06, 2019, 03:52:01 pm
Listen, if you just delete all the milk, people will just fight over what little milk-like substances are left, and probably more violently than before, because the increased scarcity will dramatically increase the value. It’s basic economics."Hey, who's the one who gathered all those darn multicolored Kinds of milk? Not you, now let me save the universe MY WAY in peace or get your own damn Unlimted Glove and do your fancy more cows plan yourself.""Just give me the Soul Milk and I can solve this! I can solve everything! Why do you still stand in my way?!"Because you think “getting rid of all the milk” is a more valid solution to milk scarcity than “making more milk”. Hell, just make more cows or something.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 06, 2019, 03:54:57 pm
Post by: ziizo on July 06, 2019, 04:03:49 pm
Replace Azathoth as the being dreaming the universe into existence.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 06, 2019, 04:09:11 pm
"Reality is a dream and I am a Dreamer".Would Azatoth disappear, or just be part of the universe so waking up doesn’t destroy it?
Replace Azathoth as the being dreaming the universe into existence.
Post by: Glass on July 06, 2019, 04:11:44 pm
"La la la la I'm not listening"For fuck’s sake, man, this is literally the only thing stopping people from just giving you all the milks. Just use your common sense for a damn second.
Post by: Enemy post on July 06, 2019, 04:14:10 pm
"Reality is a dream and I am a Dreamer".Would Azatoth disappear, or just be part of the universe so waking up doesn’t destroy it?
Replace Azathoth as the being dreaming the universe into existence.
Depends on the roll.
Post by: randomgenericusername on July 07, 2019, 12:22:37 pm
Post by: CABL on July 07, 2019, 01:04:59 pm
Post by: Enemy post on July 07, 2019, 01:54:17 pm
Lying wounded and scarred, accept my death (New character).
If you want to make a new character, you can do that now. You don't need to roll for it.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 07, 2019, 04:46:32 pm
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 07, 2019, 04:47:41 pm
....."...Sure, speak out, I'm all ears."
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
Post by: Enemy post on July 07, 2019, 09:12:17 pm
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 07, 2019, 11:50:45 pm
"Alright, we both have one goal in common. The death of all those godly things that threaten the mortal universe right now. That can only be accomplished through the combined power of the Infinity Dairies. So, how about we complete the set, snap away the enemy, and then afterwards me and you can settle who gets the rest of the snaps mano e mano. Two wills clashing to see who's right and who's wrong. What do you say?....."...Sure, speak out, I'm all ears."
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 07, 2019, 11:55:33 pm
"...Very well, give me the Soul Milk. So I may destroy the goats, then, I'll then take us somewhere else so no one can interfere in our duel. You have my word I'll not try anything funny.""Alright, we both have one goal in common. The death of all those godly things that threaten the mortal universe right now. That can only be accomplished through the combined power of the Infinity Dairies. So, how about we complete the set, snap away the enemy, and then afterwards me and you can settle who gets the rest of the snaps mano e mano. Two wills clashing to see who's right and who's wrong. What do you say?....."...Sure, speak out, I'm all ears."
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 08, 2019, 12:09:17 am
I hand over the Soul Milk, to the big Grap man, so he can snap away more of those pesky "gods". Certainly a good idea!"...Very well, give me the Soul Milk. So I may destroy the goats, then, I'll then take us somewhere else so no one can interfere in our duel. You have my word I'll not try anything funny.""Alright, we both have one goal in common. The death of all those godly things that threaten the mortal universe right now. That can only be accomplished through the combined power of the Infinity Dairies. So, how about we complete the set, snap away the enemy, and then afterwards me and you can settle who gets the rest of the snaps mano e mano. Two wills clashing to see who's right and who's wrong. What do you say?....."...Sure, speak out, I'm all ears."
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 08, 2019, 09:37:16 pm
Harness the entire universe’s desire to live, to not be consumed, or blinked out, and release a wave of energy. A wave to destroy the 7, and put Azathoth back to sleep, and to restore what has been eaten.
!אלו חיים נפלאים
Post by: Enemy post on July 09, 2019, 02:46:36 am
Everyone in the normal universe and main timeline hears this message:
Hello universe. It’s me again. I doubt many of you were alive last time I did this, so I’ll give you a quick rundown. Hello, I am Adam Simons, former god of the Sun, Angel/Demon hybrid, and I’ve saved the world about 10 times by now. To put it simply, you may have noticed we’re in serious danger of the world ending. We have 7 eldritch goats who are almost done eating the universe, and if they fail, then an eldritch being will end the world by waking up a little later. I don’t need you to believe in me, or to pray to me, or to do anything for me. The only thing I need, is for all of you to focus on one thing, your desire to not die. Please, no matter who or what you are, please, focus on your desire to live. It’s the only way.
Take the copy of the Power Milk - what I can of it, at least - and yell out to Thainos and Primus with its power:(As stated, no roll)
I don’t care what either of you want right now, but unless the Seven are stopped right this fucking minute, the entire universe will be destroyed! And- checks data -and immediately thereafter we need to make sure that the fabric of reality itself doesn’t completely unravel!
(Yeah, this isn’t really rollable actions. There’s not really rollable actions for me to take right now. Just go with it.)
I hand over the Soul Milk, to the big Grap man, so he can snap away more of those pesky "gods". Certainly a good idea!1+1 for being really easy.
(I took the liberty of assuming that you'd take the milk after Primus failed.)...Kill him. It's personal now. Kill him and get the milk. And snap those dam goats out of existence.
Use the Unlimited Glove to snap away all goats and goatlike eldritch creatures in existence, then go to a place where no one will be able to find me and Primus.
3, Auto-5, Auto-5.
On Vormir, Primus is just getting out of the pool with his new Soul Milk when a portal opens ahead of him and a very angry Thainos comes stomping toward him with the five other Infinity Milks glowing on his fist. All around the two, the Seven's telltale white gashes of nothingness in the sky betray the Universe's imminent destruction. Before Thainos can simply slaughter the Imperium soldier and take the Milk, a robotic voice booms out. Delta's avatar links the false Power Milk to the remnants of the Moloko's comm system to get out his warning in time.
"I don’t care what either of you want right now, but unless the Seven are stopped right this fucking minute, the entire universe will be destroyed! And- checks data -and immediately thereafter we need to make sure that the fabric of reality itself doesn’t completely unravel!"
"Just give me the Soul Milk and I can solve this! I can solve everything! Why do you still stand in my way?!"
Because you think “getting rid of all the milk” is a more valid solution to milk scarcity than “making more milk”. Hell, just make more cows or something.
"Hey, who's the one who gathered all those darn multicolored Kinds of milk? Not you, now let me save the universe MY WAY in peace or get your own damn Unlimted Glove and do your fancy more cows plan yourself."
Listen, if you just delete all the milk, people will just fight over what little milk-like substances are left, and probably more violently than before, because the increased scarcity will dramatically increase the value. It’s basic economics.
"La la la la I'm not listening"
For fuck’s sake, man, this is literally the only thing stopping people from just giving you all the milks. Just use your common sense for a damn second.
At this point, Primus speaks.
.....
Hey, you, Thainos! I got a proposition for ya!
"...Sure, speak out, I'm all ears."
"Alright, we both have one goal in common. The death of all those godly things that threaten the mortal universe right now. That can only be accomplished through the combined power of the Infinity Dairies. So, how about we complete the set, snap away the enemy, and then afterwards me and you can settle who gets the rest of the snaps mano e mano. Two wills clashing to see who's right and who's wrong. What do you say?"
"...Very well, give me the Soul Milk. So I may destroy the goats, then, I'll then take us somewhere else so no one can interfere in our duel. You have my word I'll not try anything funny."
The truce is called and the universe is rapidly fading out to white as Primus holds out the Soul Milk. And then Primus slips on some water, dropping the Soul Milk on the ground. Thainos springs forward, dropping to the ground and slamming the back of his Glove onto the Milk. The shadow of the Void surrounds both of them.
Then, the shadow rolls back against the light of the completed Unlimited Glove. Thainos raises his hand high, and snaps his fingers.
There is a flash of light and a thunderclap. The Seven's damage to reality gradually reverses itself and fades from existence. Soon enough, no trace of them remains. Thainos senses through the Glove that his will has been carried out. The Seven, and their prophet Nuhg, have been utterly destroyed.
Thainos then opens a portal with the Space Milk and takes Primus with him for their agreed-upon duel.
The two find themselves on an uninhabited swampy planet well away from all charts. There's enough plant life to provide a tolerable atmosphere, but no wildlife larger than the occasional insect or harmless amphibian. They'd perfectly undisturbed, if it weren't for the fleshy creatures currently appearing from portals and approaching them.
(OOC:Now that it is completed, the wearer of the Unlimited Glove does not take bonuses or penalties. They simply get an automatic 5 on anything they want to do for as long as they use the Glove. Unlike the MCU version, it isn't harmful to wear. Milk is good for you.)
Try to find more blood and use it to create wings to increase flying speed. If possible, try to use my spike to drill into Nuhg by folding my wings in, and rotating myself like a drill. Once inside, start absorbing his blood, or ghostly equivalent, to increase in size within him while making my way to his brain. If all of this succeeds, look through his memories to figure out how to send them somewhere they can never escape, control Nuhg to get this accomplished, and make Nuhg forget how to summon them, while forget about the Seven entirely4, 6 vs 3
(I’m not sure this will work, but it’s worth a shot)
I assume I'm still at the co-dimensional bubble. Is there any Void milk left? If so, use it in a ritual to summon the mortal plane's mundane milk to the Eldritch plane. If not, instead attempt the same ritual, only using blood instead of milk as a catalyst for the summoning. Summoning some universe's milk shouldn't be that much of a big deal.(The Void milk was used up, but blood works just as well for you. Also, I've included stuff relevant to you in Imic and Smoke Mirror's turns, since that seemed to make the most sense.)
3+1
(Eldritch creatures:Find Thainos:5)
(Eldritch creatures:Find Shaun:6)
(Eldritch creatures:Find Adam Simons:2)
In the last moments before his masters destroy the mortal plane, Nuhg honors his deal with the Eldritch creatures. He gathers up some of the surrounding blood and begins to perform a ritual to steal all the normal milk in the universe and deliver it to his Eldritch allies. The blood forms into a pentagram within a circle orbiting around him. When the spell is complete, Nuhg opens his eyes to see that the deal has been honored. A ball of milk larger than most planets is hovering in the Eldritch Plane. The beings within fall upon it, eagerly devouring the substance.
At that point, things start to go wrong. Rana grows wings from the leftover blood and shapes herself into a sort of infectious drill-dart. She launches herself at Nuhg, piercing his ghostly shape and slithering up toward his many heads, gripping him with her tendrils. Nuhg reaches through his own torso to stop her, but then his hand fades away. Nuhg looks down at it as Rana loses her grip and falls out. Nuhg rapidly starts to fade completely as an emissary from the Eldritch beings approaches him.
"You have delivered unto us the milk that was promised, Nuhg. We are sorry your plan did not succeed. Rest in the knowledge that we will avenge this slight. We shall track down your killers. We shall destroy them for this. Only this can be Acceptable to us now. Goodbye, Nuhg."
Rana then watches as Nuhg becomes more and more transparent and finally fades away completely, leaving only a terrifying memory and the legacy of a being that came within a hairsbreadth of ending all existence.
Right. No rituals, no sacrifices, no magic. Get out of there, and Destroy the bones of the Seven. Burn them, shatter them, blow up the room they’re in, throw them into the sun, make the seven eat their own bones if it comes to it. This might not work, but it might, so whatever happens next, if the universe still exists, I will stand by it.
6
As the Seven enter your TARDIS, you turn and run as fast as you can to the lab where the bones are stored. You even almost reach it before Seven catches you. She turns you around and grins as her six companions surround you. As you try to think of a way out, One suddenly groans and turns to dust. Seven snarls and turns to look just in time to see Two and Three join him. She hurls you against the wall in her fury and grabs onto Four, shaking him furiously. He falls as well, onto the pile of dust where Five used to be. Six plants his hoof on your head to crush it and take you with them. You feel the pressure build as he presses down, but all it manages to do is coat your overcoat in a layer of dust. You leap back up and prepare for Seven's final assault. Surprisingly, it never comes. She just walks over and sits down on the floor next to you, leaning against the wall. She sits peacefully for a long few moments until finally crumbling away. You are left alone in an empty hall.
Nevertheless, you quickly head into the lab and run all the skeletons through an automatic hammer until there's nothing left but a fine dust, which you promptly incinerate.
The Seven are gone. You'd take a moment to sigh in relief, but your TARDIS sounds an alarm as new hostiles teleport around the outside.
Hello universe. It’s me again. I doubt many of you were alive last time I did this, so I’ll give you a quick rundown. Hello, I am Adam Simons, former god of the Sun, Angel/Demon hybrid, and I’ve saved the world about 10 times by now. To put it simply, you may have noticed we’re in serious danger of the world ending. We have 7 eldritch goats who are almost done eating the universe, and if they fail, then an eldritch being will end the world by waking up a little later. I don’t need you to believe in me, or to pray to me, or to do anything for me. The only thing I need, is for all of you to focus on one thing, your desire to not die. Please, no matter who or what you are, please, focus on your desire to live. It’s the only way.
Harness the entire universe’s desire to live, to not be consumed, or blinked out, and release a wave of energy. A wave to destroy the 7, and put Azathoth back to sleep, and to restore what has been eaten.
!אלו חיים נפלאים
5+1 for being a Companion of the Grail.
You reach out to the people of the universe. Many beings give you their power out of a simple panicked desire to survive, but the Alliance reacts with particular enthusiasm. Everyone there grew up with the story of the Grail's rise, and remembers your role well. Since you and the other Grail companions were thought to be gone forever, your return at the darkest hour is greeted with an enormous wave of hope. You are surrounded by glowing letters in an ancient language as the power fills you. Time to get to work.
Your first stop is the Void. You see the spirits of Nuhg and the Seven below you. They are recovering here, and preparing to launch their next attack when the Seven lose their forms and become shapeless evil spirits, unable to escape to another dimension. Meaning they can't escape from what you're about to do.
You rain down golden spears of light on them until even the Void's darkness is briefly overpowered by a blinding flash of light. When you finally stop, the Seven's corporeal forms have been destroyed by Thainos, their link to the mortal world has been eliminated by Shaun, and you have personally annihilated their souls and finished off Nuhg's while you were at it.
They aren't coming back.
When you leave, the Void will be truly empty for the first time. You spare a moment to pay respects to the vibrant universe that once existed there, and then leave it behind.
Next up is Azathoth. Conveniently, you sense that another being has already taken up the role of the Universe's dreamer. This may be much worse or much better depending on who it is. You decide to check. It's T'zzz. Make of that what you will. In any event, you harmonize with the mindless pipers and lead them in a lullaby to get Azathoth back to sleep and then head out to visit the Fates.
After they subject you to a painfully long conversation about how thin you three have gotten and prying questions about if you're seeing anyone, you help them repair their damaged threads and heal the Seven's damage to the Universe.
"Reality is a dream and I am a Dreamer".
Replace Azathoth as the being dreaming the universe into existence.
5
You know the nature of reality well by now. Specifically, it's nature as a dream. Dreams are fundamental to it, after all. Dreams of a family, of a new job, of getting back home after the war. Sometimes they come true. Sometimes they don't. You have dreams too. Number one is of course getting these floors clean. Your next priority is of course becoming the new central Dreamer of reality. This dream comes true. You are now the being dreaming reality into existence, not Azathoth.
Silence: Takes a breather
Silence: Looks around
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"That fucking asshole shot me, we'd been friends since high school and how am I supposed to remember everything that we said over the years!"
Ask other Bob what happened with his version of Burt, then help make the Singularity Bob, and after that's finished I'm gonna call Brut and tell him he's an asshole and he's lucky I have cloning stuff, and that he better give me back my keys and gun, and that I don't think we can be friends any more.
4+1 for Uber Bob's help.
Hooded Bob says that his Burt is pretty much exactly like this Burt. Probably the reason he shot you was just that Mutant Bob interacted with his Burt slightly differently. Burt had assumed you were that Bob, and killed you for breaking character.
After that, you and your other selves work together to complete Singularity Bob. He steps out of the hopper, nearly impossible to look upon from the burning light of the Sun emanating from within.
What follows happens so quickly that it's difficult to remember any one part. Singularity Bob flies into space and beats the DNA out of your entire solar system, before creating Singularity Bob 2.0. This process is repeated again and again. When you get to Time Bob, it starts happening across timelines as well, gathering up all those alternate selves. When you finally stop, all Bob's are one.
You are AllBob. You look basically like Dr. Bob's almost always do, maintaining the lab coat and deer head. However, you also look like several galaxies merged together into your Bob silhouette, floating over an ocean of DNA strands symbolizing different timelines. You have officially reached the apex of Bob evolution.
Lying wounded and scarred, accept my death (New character).
(No roll)
You lie on the floor of the bridge, looking out to the sky. In your last breath, you see the Seven's influence disappear from the sky and die knowing that at least the world is saved for that much longer.
Lord eliphas, there are certain 7 xeno goat gods trying to eat the universe WITHOUT LEAVING ANYTHING TO CHAOS, this is quite a dire situation, can you, your legion or four gods of chaos themselfes, crush this band of abominations before there are no mortals left to serve CHAOS?
1
Eliphas looks out the window and squints to scan the horizon.
"What goats?"
Nuhg and the Seven have been dusted by Thainos, had their bones crushed by Shaun, and were Spirit Bombed by Adam Simons. They cannot be resurrected.
Azathoth has been neutralized by Adam Simons and T'zzz. T'zzz has stolen his role, and Simons has put him back to sleep.
Thainos has collected every Infinity Milk and completed the Unlimited Glove!
OOC:I'd like to congratulate RandomGenericUsername for the way you played Nuhg. You and the Seven got really close for a minute there. I don't think I've rooted for one of the villain players so hard since ATHATH.
Post by: ziizo on July 09, 2019, 05:28:12 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 09, 2019, 06:44:16 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 09, 2019, 08:59:59 am
Dust HALF of all Eldritch beings in existence. Then summon all armies of bad guys from the previous games (And Burt) to make sure NO ONE interferes in this duel. Then give Primus the weapon he wants.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 09, 2019, 09:32:26 am
Post by: Glass on July 09, 2019, 09:45:26 am
Hey! Query, can I get a sample of the molecular structure of the Milks-
*sees incoming eldritch abominations*
...I should have schematics in my memory banks for a Reality Reaffirmation Engine. I suggest you create one.
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 09, 2019, 12:12:32 pm
Silence: Strifes!
Post by: CABL on July 09, 2019, 02:19:08 pm
Post by: Imic on July 09, 2019, 05:20:22 pm
If I have time, though, I should be safe in this place, since in between time you can’t really specify location. So... If it’s possible, do a proper look through of all the rooms easily available in this Tardis, and... Read up a bit on The Void, if this has a library. I’ve an idea.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 09, 2019, 07:44:19 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 09, 2019, 07:49:22 pm
Hey, if all the mortal plain’s milk was sent to the Eldritch plain, why didn’t that happen to the infinity dairies?
[/Abe the Glove, with all 6 Milks, was able to counteract the power? Just a guess
Post by: Enemy post on July 09, 2019, 07:54:19 pm
Post by: CABL on July 10, 2019, 09:20:57 am
Spoiler: Jordan Alexander (click to show/hide)
Spawn on Earth, in the HQ of Spec Ops.
Find a replicator to get a glass of milk. Give it to the chef. Win the game.
Post by: King Zultan on July 10, 2019, 02:33:54 pm
First things first get rid of the mail truck that's in my garage by teleporting it into the Moloko, all of the Moloko's, then go to Burt's house and get my keys and gun from my corpse while also telling Burt he's a dick for shooting me, then go to the award show and show all toughs other scientists my amazing self and get the scientific achievement award that I've always deserved.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 10, 2019, 09:21:48 pm
"Wait a sec Primus. Let me dust the Eldritch plane guys. Also what weapon do you want?""I want a Hellgun(1) with infinite battery life, no maintenance issues, and will generally last me the entire battle. "
Dust HALF of all Eldritch beings in existence. Then summon all armies of bad guys from the previous games (And Burt) to make sure NO ONE interferes in this duel. Then give Primus the weapon he wants.
Prepare for the big battle for the fate of everything.
(1)https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Hellgun
Post by: Enemy post on July 10, 2019, 09:28:59 pm
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 10, 2019, 09:29:53 pm
To ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES and Ave, do you want to fight the duel this turn if nobody successfully interferes?I think next turn, so Thainos can put the Glove away and summon his weapon. I'm thinking of something Chaos related...
Post by: Glass on July 10, 2019, 09:30:14 pm
Might I recommend a weapon using an Aprior-standard Lux Prismatic Crystal (https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Aprior_Sector#Technological_Breakthroughs) instead? I've never gotten to visit the sector, but I've heard wonderful things about their advancements."Wait a sec Primus. Let me dust the Eldritch plane guys. Also what weapon do you want?""I want a Hellgun(1) with infinite battery life, no maintenance issues, and will generally last me the entire battle. "
Dust HALF of all Eldritch beings in existence. Then summon all armies of bad guys from the previous games (And Burt) to make sure NO ONE interferes in this duel. Then give Primus the weapon he wants.
Prepare for the big battle for the fate of everything.
(1)https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Hellgun
(By the way, if you did (url=https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Hellgun)Hellgun(/url) (parentheses replaced with square brackets, of course), you'd get Hellgun (https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Hellgun), which is much more succinct.)
Post by: Enemy post on July 10, 2019, 09:31:09 pm
To ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES and Ave, do you want to fight the duel this turn if nobody successfully interferes?I think next turn, so Thainos can put the Glove away and summon his weapon. I'm thinking of something Chaos related...
Alright.
Post by: Enemy post on July 11, 2019, 02:11:43 am
dream of a repaired Moloko with clean floors.
6
You dream of the Moloko. You dream that it is restored, and most importantly, with clean floors. The wreck lifts into the air as you make it so. As you do this, however, someone teleports a mail truck into the metaphysically overcharged Moloko. The mail truck mixes with the Moloko, creating an odd hybrid. It's mostly the Moloko, but the interior has been optimized for mail sorting and delivery and the exterior has the markings of the intergalactic postal service.
"What a strange sensation, I'm now all the Dr. Bob's and it feels weird, but that doesn't matter now as I have some small things to do before I go do some big things, like go win that award for scientific achievement that I've always wanted."
First things first get rid of the mail truck that's in my garage by teleporting it into the Moloko, all of the Moloko's, then go to Burt's house and get my keys and gun from my corpse while also telling Burt he's a dick for shooting me, then go to the award show and show all toughs other scientists my amazing self and get the scientific achievement award that I've always deserved.
TRANSCENDENT
It's a strange sensation, existing in every timeline at once. You appear before the Burt who shot Moloko Bob One, yell at him, and retrieve your things.
In the first timeline, he yells about the government and puts a few ineffectual bullets into you from your own gun before detonating a bomb under his house and devastating the region.
In the second timeline, he yells about the government and runs away, before burning his house down with your stuff in it.
In the third timeline, he's about to say something, but then gets snatched away by the power of the Unlimited Glove. You get your things back without incident.
In the fourth timeline, he quickly apologizes and gives you your things back.
In the fifth timeline, he gives a heartfelt speech about how he had taken his crusade against the Governments too far, that it was hurting both him and the people close to him, and pledges to work on improving his life and reintegrating into society. He hopes that you can be friends again.
The sixth timeline is the same as the fifth, but right after he finishes speaking he gets his head blown off by a Government sniper that was just waiting for him to finally drop his guard.
36 timelines spread from this, but since you didn't need Burt for the awards show they are all mostly the same.
In the first sixth of the timelines, the committee refuses to listen to you because the thoughts of a transcendent Overmind are technically all plagiarism.
In the second, the committee rejects you in favor of some kid's baking soda volcano.
In the third, you miss out on the award, but the real prize was the friends you made along the way.
In the fourth, you get your Scientific Achievement Award.
In the fifth, you get the award, are made ruler of Cervidae for your genius, and go on to win the award every year for eternity.
In the sixth, the kid has two baking soda volcanoes.
"Wait a sec Primus. Let me dust the Eldritch plane guys. Also what weapon do you want?"Auto-5, Auto-5, Auto-5.
Dust HALF of all Eldritch beings in existence. Then summon all armies of bad guys from the previous games (And Burt) to make sure NO ONE interferes in this duel. Then give Primus the weapon he wants.
"I want a Hellgun(1) with infinite battery life, no maintenance issues, and will generally last me the entire battle. "No roll needed, since Thainos is just going to give you the gun.
Prepare for the big battle for the fate of everything.
(1)https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Hellgun
On the unknown world, Thainos and Primus prepare to duel for the Unlimited Glove and its infinite power over the universe. First off, Thainos notices the Eldritch creatures rapidly approaching to avenge the Seven. A second snap wipes out half of all Eldritch Plane creatures in a single fell swoop. They take the hint and decide to bide their time. After that, Thainos decides to shield the duel against any further outside influence. A clenched fist and a wave of his hand summons an evil army like none ever seen before. Chaos Marines make up the largest component, but they are backed by ATHATHs wielding Doom Mugs, The Great Goatsby at the center of an ouroboros, Lazru in all his edginess, swarms of chupacabras, a swamp witch in a spider hut, demon cows, Reptillians, John Wilkes Booth, zombies, milk cultists, 'Doctor' Matteo Schubert von Alvritcke, The Sun, Brotherhood of Nod troops, Dr. Florence Bedlam, demons, Burt, and countless others provide a perimeter. It's an impressive sight, in a feverish nightmare sort of way. Thanks to the Mind Milk's contribution, they're all under the control of whoever wields the Glove.
After that, Thainos materializes the heavy laser weapon that Primus requested and sends it over to him. Primus arms himself and readies for battle as Thainos considers what to use himself.
Follow through the portal Thainos left behind.
Hey! Query, can I get a sample of the molecular structure of the Milks-
*sees incoming eldritch abominations*
...I should have schematics in my memory banks for a Reality Reaffirmation Engine. I suggest you create one.
1+1
You try to rush through the portal, but it closes too quickly. Thankfully, those agility upgrades you added prevent you from getting caught inside as it closes. As you look around for an alternate path, you sense a wireless connection. T'zzz has restored the Moloko and your servers to working order, but also made the ship look like a mail carrier for some reason.
Now that the Seven are gone, attempt to find Shaun and see if he’s ok, if not, try to heal him, if so ask if he wants to know why I’m in my current form, if he wants to know, tell him what all happened ever since the hyper jump, if not, ask what form he’d prefer I take, if Shaun or I get attacked at any point, try to enter the brain of whatever non Shaun creature is the closest and take control of their body
1, 5
You try to find Shaun, but you aren't able to get to him. Your form isn't capable of interstellar flight on its own. The Z-wing you stole is still floating in the nearby Eldritch Plane's sky, but Shaun's flying a TARDIS. He could be at literally any place or time by now.
As you consider this, you notice that the Eldritch creatures still around you are visibly scared of something. Exactly half of them are then killed by disintegration. A human-sized one tries to lash out at you in its confused panic, but you drill into its main neural cluster and take over its body.
Silence: Tries not to break down into tears
Silence: Strifes!
2, 5
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I’m going to nope the fuck out of here. Find some secluded spot of the Universe, and dematerialize. Scan for exactly whay is at my front door.
If I have time, though, I should be safe in this place, since in between time you can’t really specify location. So... If it’s possible, do a proper look through of all the rooms easily available in this Tardis, and... Read up a bit on The Void, if this has a library. I’ve an idea.
4
According to your scanners, the attacking creatures are beings from the Eldritch Plane. Given the timing of their attack, they were presumably allied with the Seven. You travel to a random point in the space between galaxies. The sheer isolation of your location and your TARDIS's natural security features should give some time to think. Speaking of TARDIS features, you get out the manual and read.
It's a normal TARDIS, so it has all the rooms and features that the show has established as normal over the years. (https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/TARDIS) There's way too much to list here, but you can find everything on the wiki article.
Spoiler: Jordan Alexander (click to show/hide)
Spawn on Earth, in the HQ of Spec Ops.
Find a replicator to get a glass of milk. Give it to the chef. Win the game.
3, 4
You are Jordan Alexander, Alliance special forces. You're one of the most experienced agents in the Alliance, with your exploits ranging from the Bug War of 2203 to the Nebula Bomb crisis. All strictly classified of course. Today you've been given a special mission. The base chef has requested that you bring him some milk. Some might consider this a menial assignment, but you know from too many painful lessons how bad a situation like this can get. You take a bit longer than you'd like to locate a replicator, secure the milk, and deliver it back to the chef. The chef accepts it from you with a salute and takes it into the kitchen. Some time later, he returns with the milkshake you ordered.
YOU WIN THE GAME!!!!!!
Your wrist comm then beeps as Alliance Command attempts to contact you.
Ugh, man with infinity glove just destroyed them, there is certain space marine trying to steal this infinite power from this Thainos dude , is he on your side?
4
Eliphas considers what you said. "No. No servant of the Emperor is on "my side" as you put it." After a moment, blue and yellow fire seems to appear around Eliphas, but he somehow shrugs off the effect. "I wonder what that was. Perhaps my removal from my timeline has interfered with whatever magic was just used against me. What are your resources, vampire? I require an army if I am to better assist you."
Post by: King Zultan on July 11, 2019, 04:20:11 am
Teleport my self to Earth and kill the leaders of the Alliance, it doesn't matter how this task is completed as long as they die, this could even involve destroying the Earth its self, its not like I know anyone there so who cares if it blows up.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 11, 2019, 05:07:35 am
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 11, 2019, 05:56:35 am
In the stuff servants of the "Emperor" write about you they told, that you can create demonic legons out of nowhere, lord Eliphas.
Post by: Glass on July 11, 2019, 07:04:06 am
...why does the first mate have a chaos demon thing? No, no you’re not allowed to just take nukes and virus bombs and shit. Access denied with passion.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 11, 2019, 07:52:37 am
Put the Glove away, but before that put a worthyness enchantment that stops anyone that isn't Thainos or the person to kill Thainos from using it and summon the Daemon Sword, Drach'nyen (https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Drach%27nyen). AND NOW. THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING. HEAVEN OR HELL, LET'S ROCK. ROUND ONE. FIGHT!
Post by: ziizo on July 11, 2019, 09:18:07 am
Post by: randomgenericusername on July 11, 2019, 10:38:36 am
OOC:I'd like to congratulate RandomGenericUsername for the way you played Nuhg. You and the Seven got really close for a minute there. I don't think I've rooted for one of the villain players so hard since ATHATH.
((Ouch, I just found out about this. Oh well, I didn't really felt I deserved a "win" since I didn't put as much effort as everyone else did, and killing the universe would have ended the game too early. At least I got the most milk and technically still won.))
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 11, 2019, 10:54:49 am
Silence: Looks at the tank wreckage
Silence: Puts some sunglasses on
Silence: Gives Douge a thumbs up
Silence: Checks if the mad scientist is actually dead
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 12, 2019, 10:19:10 am
Spoiler: GM only (click to show/hide)
Post by: CABL on July 12, 2019, 12:56:46 pm
Hear the Alliance out, accept any mission they're willing to give me.
Post by: Enemy post on July 13, 2019, 02:25:12 am
"Now that I've completed the tasks that were easy and gotten the award that I deserve it is now time for the more difficult task, destroying that annoying Alliance thing from Earth."(I just wanted to be clear, you aren't just seeing six timelines from each decision, you're actually following 63 timelines so far and I'd prefer to condense a bit so I don't have to write 216 results for you. Also, congratulations on the thousands of actions a turn you're about to get. Pretty sure that beats CABL's old record.)
Teleport my self to Earth and kill the leaders of the Alliance, it doesn't matter how this task is completed as long as they die, this could even involve destroying the Earth its self, its not like I know anyone there so who cares if it blows up.
TRANSCENDENT
The Alliance has been a thorn in your sides for too long. Those branches of your existence that exist in timelines where the Alliance exists go to Earth to kill their leaders.
In the first branches from this decision, you are quickly destroyed by superweapons, or in one case, a rare instance of a benevolent ATHATH.
In the second, you attack Earth and engage the Fleet. The battle turns into a stalemate.
In the third, you enter the Solar System and teleport past the fleet to the Alliance capital building where the old UN used to be. However, they call for help from Jordan Alexander, the best Special Ops soldier on the planet.
In the fourth, you successfully assassinate their leaders and move on.
In the fifth, you kill them, destroy the Earth, and go on to wipe out the Alliance across the galaxy.
In the sixth, you destroy Earth, but are subsequently destroyed by the original Sun in a fit of jealousy when it finds out what you did.
"I'm listening..."
Hear the Alliance out, accept any mission they're willing to give me.
2
Alliance Command informs you that a colossal being resembling a deer-headed humanoid made of stars just appeared outside the Alliance capital building. A dropship has already been deployed to pick you up, Command needs you to get over there ASAP and stop the creature by any means necessary.
Dream of eating the remaining Eldritch Creatures.
6
You decide to reach out and consume the Eldritch creatures. You feel your awareness extend, and the fabric of reality buckles. Reality wraps around the creatures and you absorb them into it. However, most Eldritch creatures are currently in their own plane. Thanks to the dimensional warping where the Bazaar used to be, this doesn't stop you. You extend into the Eldritch Plane and devour its population. In the process of digestion, you merge with the Eldritch Plane. You are now both the mortal world's Dreamer and the collective mind of the Eldritch Plane. Its creatures are regurgitated to serve you in their home dimension.
Use my new body to look around, ask another Eldritch creature “Why did half of us vanish?” Search through the memories of the creature I am controlling to learn as much as I can about my host
4
You ask another Eldritch creature about the disappearances. It immediately realizes that you aren't really one of them since you aren't part of their collective mind, but it tells you anyway that Thainos just lashed out at them with the Unlimited Glove for their attempt to kill him to avenge the Seven. You then access the mind of your host to learn its memories. It is a nearly maddening torrent of information as you connect to a mind beyond time and space. The soul of the Eldritch Plane threatens to override your identity and add you to the horde. As you struggle, some force gathers up the Eldritch creatures and sends them back home, you and your host included. You're not sure how long you can last against the powerful Eldritch mind, but at the last minute it is abruptly replaced by the will of T'zzz.
You'll be fine.
As first mate, I can muster whatever troops Moloko itself has, also have some virus bombs and nuclear weapons, aswell as teleporter to throw this stuff in places.
In the stuff servants of the "Emperor" write about you they told, that you can create demonic legons out of nowhere, lord Eliphas.
Auto-2 on the WMDs since Delta blocked you, 1 on having Eliphas summon troops, 4 on calling Moloko soldiers.
You begin raising an army for Eliphas. Unfortunately, Delta sees you trying to give Alliance resources to Chaos and takes away your WMD permissions. Similar problems come up when Eliphas tries to summon Chaos marines and the ship's anti-warp shields prevent them from arriving. At least you're able to get a squad of regular Moloko security under your command. When they reach you, their Imperial Guard training causes them to assume you wanted them to save you from Eliphas. A line of lasguns snap into position as they prepare to attack.
Whelp, at least the Moloko is back. Even if at this point it’s some weird gothic mail transport combat platform or something. We should be able to follow the portal trace.
...why does the first mate have a chaos demon thing? No, no you’re not allowed to just take nukes and virus bombs and shit. Access denied with passion.
6, 4-1 for Thainos' Glove-boosted search.
Seeing that the vampire First Mate has summoned a servant of Chaos, you quickly lock down the WMDs to prevent irresponsible use. However, due to regulations on AI, you cannot access them anymore without having a captain to unlock them again. Since GiantDad suffered a final death when the Moloko was shot down, you need a new one. Normally, Boris would be the next in line, but you seem like you would prefer someone else. You of course consider Security Officer Silence, but he seems to have gone AWOL.
You also successfully trace Thainos' portal to an isolated planet. You could reopen the portal, but this is likely extremely dangerous. Thainos destroyed your ship before with only five Infinity Milks, and now he's got all six and time to prepare for you. You use the normal FTL engines to reach the planet. It'll take some time to get there.
(You'll need one turn to arrive at the site of the duel, and you'll need to figure out how to get past Thainos' defenses if you want to stop him. The sheer number of minions he can throw at you means a direct assault is almost certainly suicidal.)
Silence: Gets up
Silence: Looks at the tank wreckage
Silence: Puts some sunglasses on
Silence: Gives Douge a thumbs up
Silence: Checks if the mad scientist is actually dead
2
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Now. I have to break your neck and all Primus. Nothing personal, it's just the way it is."
Put the Glove away, but before that put a worthyness enchantment that stops anyone that isn't Thainos or the person to kill Thainos from using it and summon the Daemon Sword, Drach'nyen (https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Drach%27nyen). AND NOW. THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING. HEAVEN OR HELL, LET'S ROCK. ROUND ONE. FIGHT!
Auto-5, Auto-5, 5+1 vs 4+1.
You summon up the legendary Daemon Sword Drach'nyen, exert your will on the Glove, and take it off. You place the Glove on a rock to the side of the dueling ground. As you said, only you or the person who kills you will ever be able to remove or use it again. You raise up Drach'nyen, point it at Primus in one last challenge, and charge.
Primus begins the duel with a hurricane of Hellgun fire. You spin your sword rapidly, deflecting the bolts in all directions. A few of your guards are actually killed by the ricocheting blasts. Good thing you had the Mind Milk to prevent rebellion. Due to the spell that created it, Primus' Hellgun shows no signs of slowing down or overheating as he continuously fires. You continue to block shots until you are completely concealed by the rising smoke all around you. When Primus finally stops shooting to check if you're dead, you lunge out of the smoke unharmed and jab him under the ribs with your sword.
First blood has gone to Thainos.
Spoiler: GM only (click to show/hide)
4, 6
The Fates don't object to your request, and carefully snip off a few pieces of the Infinity Dairies destinies for you. You use them to string an Infinity Guitar. It doesn't work as well as the Unlimited Glove, possibly because of Thainos' spell on the Glove to prevent others from using it. What your Guitar does is inflict a single Wild Magic (http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/sorcerer:wild-magic) effect on everyone in the universe every time it's played. You feel Diablo surging to the surface as you handle the Guitar.
OOC:Would have preferred to wait for Ave, but it didn't seem fair to hold up the game for everyone else, especially when he was probably just going to attack Thainos and Thainos attacking him means the rolls would be the same regardlesss.
Post by: Imic on July 13, 2019, 04:13:40 am
Read up on the Eldritch plain and the Void, if I have time. Once that’s all done, Head to Earth to see what’s the situation.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 13, 2019, 04:34:33 am
Order security guard to retreat, go and switch off antiwarp generators to assist Eliphas in demon summoning
Post by: King Zultan on July 13, 2019, 06:49:15 am
"Who is this tiny man that the Alliance has shoved forward to protect them, does he really think he can defeat the likes of me?"
Use my SUN powers to melt this man, if that fails just smash him with my other space themed abilities.
Post by: Glass on July 13, 2019, 07:32:10 am
I’m not following Thainos to attack him. I’m following him to ask him for permission to do a molecular scan of the Infinity Milks.
Also, toss Boris’s friend out into hard vacuum while we’re in transit. I don’t need that kind of shit.
Request denied. And leave the shields alone.
Post by: ziizo on July 13, 2019, 07:43:36 am
Dream of Consuming chaos and it's servants
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 13, 2019, 08:57:01 am
See if I can make tendrils to connect to and control a nearby body as well as the one I am controlling
“Hi. Thank you for saving me from the hive mind. Who are you?”
(Is it a two way link? Do I know who T’zzz is? What I say to him/her/it will vary)
(Thank you)
Post by: Enemy post on July 13, 2019, 11:15:51 am
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 13, 2019, 11:36:56 am
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 13, 2019, 11:48:29 am
Try to cut Primus's hellgun in half. Then cut HIM in half.
Post by: CABL on July 13, 2019, 01:15:56 pm
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 14, 2019, 10:37:43 pm
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 15, 2019, 12:56:25 am
Demote Boris. I don’t need nukes right now, and he definitely doesn’t.
I’m not following Thainos to attack him. I’m following him to ask him for permission to do a molecular scan of the Infinity Milks.
Also, toss Boris’s friend out into hard vacuum while we’re in transit. I don’t need that kind of shit.
Request denied. And leave the shields alone.
Fool, Thainos is not going to give you power of infinity milks
Post by: Enemy post on July 15, 2019, 02:46:42 am
I made a post, but I don’t think it loaded properly. ‘Pologies for that.(No problem.)
Read up on the Eldritch plain and the Void, if I have time. Once that’s all done, Head to Earth to see what’s the situation.
6, 4
You research the Void and the Eldritch Plane. Information on these places could fill out a book, and you doze off for a good bit of it. The impression you get is that the Eldritch plane is a place of monsters older than the Universe, and is currently dominated by the mind of T'zzz the janitor. (Space Wikipedia's editors are very quick.) The Void is an unusual dimension. It seems to have most of the conditions required for a normal world, but is instead completely black and empty. Some theorists speculate that it used to hold a living dimension before the Seven made it their home. Now that they have been destroyed, more research may be done soon. After that, you travel to Earth. The news feeds don't look good. All the mundane milk on the planet vanished, and at the same time a colossal deer-headed cosmic being attacked the Alliance capital. A breaking news update informs you that milk has returned, but only by replacing the liquid water.
AI, this man is the only one, who can save us from Thainos bullshit, and only thing he cares about is blowing up some dusty skeleton on golden throne, which we cant care less about.
Order security guard to retreat, go and switch off antiwarp generators to assist Eliphas in demon summoning
4, 4
You order the security troops to retreat. You get it done with no time to lose, since Delta drops your rank to ensign right after they leave and tells you not to turn off the antiwarp shields. You ignore him and go turn off the antiwarp shields. Eliphas thanks you, but before he can summon any demons Delta has him vented out a window into the vacuum. Eliphas clings to the hull of the speeding Moloko, doing his best not to fall off.
Demote Boris. I don’t need nukes right now, and he definitely doesn’t.
I’m not following Thainos to attack him. I’m following him to ask him for permission to do a molecular scan of the Infinity Milks.
Also, toss Boris’s friend out into hard vacuum while we’re in transit. I don’t need that kind of shit.
Request denied. And leave the shields alone.
3, 3
You demote Boris to ensign for attempting demon-summoning and unauthorized WMD usage, but the update to the crew roster is posted too late to prevent him from sending away the guards. Boris goes on to disregard your orders and switches off the antiwarp shields. You retaliate by opening a window and dumping Eliphas into space. Showing surprising reflexes, the Chaos Lord is able to grab onto the side of the ship and avoid getting left behind.
As this is going on, the Moloko exits hyperspace and arrives above the unnamed planet Thainos chose for a dueling ground.
(I didn't mean for there to be millions of rolls for each action I took, I just went with what was happening and this is how it turned out.)(It's not really a problem, I came up with it after all. Also, I decided to focus on the "main" timeline's Jordan Alexander's perspective for this fight. Presumably, you're still seeing enormous numbers of variations though.)
"Who is this tiny man that the Alliance has shoved forward to protect them, does he really think he can defeat the likes of me?"
Use my SUN powers to melt this man, if that fails just smash him with my other space themed abilities.
Use my diffusion grenades to separate the monster into multiple fragments.3 vs 4
On Earth, Alexander faces down AllBob. AllBob makes the first move, reaching up to the sky and grasping the sunlight. AllBob focuses this light into a deadly laser, chasing Alexander into cover with it. Alexander disappears into a nearby skyscraper as AllBob floats outside, searching for him through the windows and bending light to eliminate the shadows. After a few tense minutes, Alexander leaps out a window with rocket boots and hurls a pair of diffusion grenades into AllBob's face. AllBob is separated into a few dozen fragments, and for a moment it looks like Alexander might have actually taken down AllBob.
But it doesn't work out. AllBob has more than enough experience operating from multiple perspectives at once to keep fighting. The pack of smaller AllBob's surround Alexander in midair, hold him in place by manipulating gravity, and then strike him with a small meteor. Alexander is thrown back into the building, smashing through a force field window and landing against a desk as AllBob reconstitutes outside.
In the background, the ocean turns white.
"There is no Chaos here, only me"
Dream of Consuming chaos and it's servants
1
You dream of consuming Chaos, and decide to start with Eliphas as he clings to the Moloko. Reality buckles around him as you try it, but then Eliphas suddenly turns and gives the fabric of spacetime a furious glare. You find yourself letting him go for now.
As you recover from that, you sense a being trying to communicate with you. “Hi. Thank you for saving me from the hive mind. Who are you?” it says.
Try to communicate with the entity that took over the hive mind
See if I can make tendrils to connect to and control a nearby body as well as the one I am controlling
“Hi. Thank you for saving me from the hive mind. Who are you?”
(Is it a two way link? Do I know who T’zzz is? What I say to him/her/it will vary)
(Thank you)
6
You try to contact Overmind T'zzz. Although you're pretty sure it got your message, there is no reply yet.
You expand tendrils through the flesh of your host and test their reach. You think you could merge a few bodies together, but spreading your efforts would strain your ability to keep control of any individual in the collective.
Silence: Strifes for hopefully the last time!
6
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"You're too slow. Imperium soldier.
Try to cut Primus's hellgun in half. Then cut HIM in half.
5+1 vs 1
You press the advantage. In these close quarters, the size of Primus' gun represents a liability. You take full advantage of both this, circling around him and wearing him down with jabs and cuts. Much of your army ducks for cover when Primus spins the churning Hellgun after you, spraying laser fire and trying to get a lock on you. Finally, you close in and bring up your sword for a finishing downward chop. Primus brings the gun up, and you take half a second of Hellgun fire on your center of mass. However, titans are among the most durable beings in the universe. Perhaps he should have gone for the head. You bring down Drach'nyen and slice the Hellgun in half. Admirably, Primus doesn't hesitate to draw a combat knife and try to keep fighting, but it doesn't matter in the end. You slash upward from the Hellgun's wreckage and slice Primus neatly in two. The duel is over, and the Unlimited Glove sits before you.
As you collect yourself, you idly glance at the nearby swamp. The amphibians croak in alarm as the water rapidly turns into milk.
Try and get more milk weaved I go creation, to replace the milk we lost.
6
You work with the Fates to weave more milk into the universe. It works all too well. You add in new strands to replace the milk, but accidentally twist it together with another set of strands. The Fates cry out in alarm as you realize the problem.
All across the universe, all liquid water is replaced with milk.
OOC:Sorry about that result, Avetotheimperator. Normally I'd have you continue as a ghost or something like that, but I suspect the game is about to end anyway.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 15, 2019, 04:04:59 am
Post by: ziizo on July 15, 2019, 06:57:15 am
Stop dreaming about Chaos erasing it completely
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 15, 2019, 07:06:57 am
Post by: King Zultan on July 15, 2019, 07:30:24 am
Use the power of gravity to smash the building and crush that guy, then crush the Alliance building as well.
Post by: Glass on July 15, 2019, 08:12:53 am
And also if I could maybe check the molecular structure of your Milks, I’d appreciate it.
Also, reactivate the anti-Warp shielding.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 15, 2019, 10:29:50 am
With Power Milk-booster comms systems: Thainos, you owe me nothing right now, but I’ve got some Chaos assholes on my ship and I’d appreciate them stopping being a problem. Permanently, preferably.As Thainos hefted the Unlimited Gauntlet, pulsating with awesome might. He looked at Delta. And from his lips, he spoke one word, a word that promised to destroy and unmake the AI's world.
And also if I could maybe check the molecular structure of your Milks, I’d appreciate it.
Also, reactivate the anti-Warp shielding.
"Nope"
"After all these years, all these battles. All the sacrifices I've made and the 18 movies and 31 turns spent on this quest...I've gathered the awesome power of the Infinite Dairies on my Unlimited Glove. Noone shall stand before me now. Not the Guardian of the Universe, Angelo/Diablo, not you, Delta the AI. And not even the Servant of the Emperor! For I. AM. INEVITABLE!"
Thanos will snap his fingers, and destroy HALF of all beings capable of producing any kind of milk, and destroy ALL Milk, in all planes, realities and dimensions. Hell Milk, Eldritch Milk, Heaven Milk, that weird thing Vegans call Milk. All will be reduced to dust.
His mind wanders to a weir dreamscape that's may or may not be the Soul Milk.
"Favorite Daughter?"
"Did you do it?
"Yes..."
"What did it cost?"
"More than 30 Turns. Oh and everything I ever loved..."
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 15, 2019, 10:30:24 am
Silence: Goes to Douges aid
Silence: Fumbles around for medical supplies
Silence: Attempts to reattach Douges horn
Post by: Glass on July 15, 2019, 11:17:18 am
Post by: CABL on July 15, 2019, 12:32:34 pm
Post by: Imic on July 15, 2019, 01:47:03 pm
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 16, 2019, 10:37:59 am
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 16, 2019, 11:00:49 am
As I lie dieing from the duel, the battle almost over, I cry to all sorts of gods, all sorts of powers, to please, please, please give me the power to defeat thainos and take the unlimited glove! Desperation fills me as I screech to even the ruinous powers to take hold of the glove. I shall have it...At all costsI thought you were already dead. Where is your soul right now?
Post by: Glass on July 16, 2019, 12:18:27 pm
(In addition to my other stuff.)
Post by: Enemy post on July 16, 2019, 12:56:38 pm
As I lie dieing from the duel, the battle almost over, I cry to all sorts of gods, all sorts of powers, to please, please, please give me the power to defeat thainos and take the unlimited glove! Desperation fills me as I screech to even the ruinous powers to take hold of the glove. I shall have it...At all costsI thought you were already dead. Where is your soul right now?
It seems that it's still in the top half of his body. I didn't expect that, but it's a valid action. It's unlikely to work, but I guess it's possible.
*Edit, delaying the turn until tomorrow. Smoke Mirrors hasn't posted and I'd like to put extra effort into this one anyway.
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 17, 2019, 08:12:31 am
Post by: Enemy post on July 18, 2019, 02:53:56 am
(Init:Shaun, Angelo/Diablo, Thainos, Primus.)
With Power Milk-booster comms systems: Thainos, you owe me nothing right now, but I’ve got some Chaos assholes on my ship and I’d appreciate them stopping being a problem. Permanently, preferably.As Thainos hefted the Unlimited Gauntlet, pulsating with awesome might. He looked at Delta. And from his lips, he spoke one word, a word that promised to destroy and unmake the AI's world.
And also if I could maybe check the molecular structure of your Milks, I’d appreciate it.
Also, reactivate the anti-Warp shielding.
"Nope"
"After all these years, all these battles. All the sacrifices I've made and the 18 movies and 31 turns spent on this quest...I've gathered the awesome power of the Infinite Dairies on my Unlimited Glove. Noone shall stand before me now. Not the Guardian of the Universe, Angelo/Diablo, not you, Delta the AI. And not even the Servant of the Emperor! For I. AM. INEVITABLE!"
Thanos will snap his fingers, and destroy HALF of all beings capable of producing any kind of milk, and destroy ALL Milk, in all planes, realities and dimensions. Hell Milk, Eldritch Milk, Heaven Milk, that weird thing Vegans call Milk. All will be reduced to dust.
His mind wanders to a weir dreamscape that's may or may not be the Soul Milk.
"Favorite Daughter?"
"Did you do it?
"Yes..."
"What did it cost?"
"More than 30 Turns. Oh and everything I ever loved..."
Spoiler: Snap survival (click to show/hide)
As I lie dieing from the duel, the battle almost over, I cry to all sorts of gods, all sorts of powers, to please, please, please give me the power to defeat thainos and take the unlimited glove! Desperation fills me as I screech to even the ruinous powers to take hold of the glove. I shall have it...At all costs
Spoiler: Snap survival (click to show/hide)
Strum my infinity guitar and try to disrupt Thainos through the connectiont to the infinity dairies.
Spoiler: Snap survival for Adam Simons portion (click to show/hide)
Transfer the actual weight of the Tardis to its exterior. Land on Thainos. Hide in an auxiliary control room, preferably with shields of some form. Contemplate where my life took the turn that brought me here.
Spoiler: Snap survival (click to show/hide)
With Power Milk-booster comms systems: Thainos, you owe me nothing right now, but I’ve got some Chaos assholes on my ship and I’d appreciate them stopping being a problem. Permanently, preferably.
And also if I could maybe check the molecular structure of your Milks, I’d appreciate it.
Also, reactivate the anti-Warp shielding.
Try to get a scan of the infinity milks from my location.Snap survival:Not targeted.
(In addition to my other stuff.)
2, 5
Thainos stands triumphant over the shattered body of Primus. His destiny is finally at hand, and the Universe will soon be set to his idea of balance. Thainos puts on the Unlimited Glove. As the power courses through him, he receives a communication from Delta.
"Thainos, you owe me nothing right now, but I’ve got some Chaos assholes on my ship and I’d appreciate them stopping being a problem. Permanently, preferably.
And also if I could maybe check the molecular structure of your Milks, I’d appreciate it."
Thainos responds with a grin.
"Nope"
"After all these years, all these battles. All the sacrifices I've made and the 18 movies and 31 turns spent on this quest...I've gathered the awesome power of the Infinite Dairies on my Unlimited Glove. Noone shall stand before me now. Not the Guardian of the Universe, Angelo/Diablo, not you, Delta the AI. And not even the Servant of the Emperor! For I. AM. INEVITABLE!"
At this point, Thainos is interrupted by the distinctive whooping sound of an incoming TARDIS.
Shaun O'Brian's TARDIS dematerializes in midair, about 20ft overhead. Inside, Shaun furiously works a control panel, inventively swapping all the bigger on the inside with the smaller on the outside. The TARDIS hits the unknown planet with the force of a large meteor, shattering the surface, darkening the sky, and crushing most of the evil army. The TARDIS and Thainos are driven deep underground by the impact, ultimately coming to rest in a large cavern. The blackened sky is faintly visible above them as the Irish phone box sits atop the fallen Titan. Rubble from above falls in a continuous trickle and thuds dimly around them. However, Thainos continues to move.
In Hell, Angelo and Diablo try a final desperate plan to stop Thainos. They strum the potentially world-ending Infinity Guitar. They successfully use its connection to the Infinity Milks to limit the effects to Thainos alone. This weapon could have turned Thainos into a potted plant, or made him explode, or rendered him too insane to use the Glove. Unfortunately, in this case it just sickens him and leaves him vulnerable to a finishing attack.
With another thud, the top half of Primus lands in the pit, screaming prayers to all the powers of Chaos for one last chance to take the Glove and dragging himself toward Thainos with all his strength. However, although the daemons keep him moving, he isn't fast enough to reach Thainos in time.
Thainos weakly raises his hand, and snaps his fingers one last time. As before, a massive flash of light is unleashed. Delta's quantum brain gets to work, scanning the Unlimited power washing through and past the Moloko.
The will of Thainos is carried out, everywhere, on every world and plane. All milk is reduced to dust. Cartons and glasses are left with nothing but dust. Countless farmers milking their dairy creatures are shocked to see nothing but dust in their buckets. Most importantly, all the liquid water of the universe was accidentally turned to milk by Angelo/Diablo. When the Snap hits, the former water is nothing but dust. Then the second half of Thainos' command is carried out.
It wasn't enough to eliminate all currently existing milk. The supply must be cut as well. To Thainos, this means halving the mammal population of the Universe. Everywhere, exactly half of all mammals start to turn to dust.
Thainos' mind wanders to a strange landscape, where he has a vision of the daughter he sacrificed for no reason.
"Favorite Daughter?"
"Did you do it?
"Yes..."
"What did it cost?"
"More than 30 Turns. Oh and everything I ever loved..."
At the core of Thainos' ideas was the idea of fairness. That applies even now. As Thainos returns to reality, he sees the Milks boiling off his Glove, erased as well by the Snap. As he watches this, the Glove falls off and thumps to the ground. Underneath is his rapidly disintegrating hand. Thainos leans back and smiles in grim fulfillment as he turns to dust.
The top half of Primus crawls over to the Glove in the last moments before the Milks disappearing. He's barely placed his hand into the Glove when the Snap finally finishes off the rest of him.
Everywhere in existence, wherever and whatever they are, people realize that they just ran out of milk and they need to get more.
And then things really started to get bad.
Try to find and control an Eldritch creature that can fly, use this flying creature to bring both of your bodies to the mortal planeSnap survival:Not targeted.
6, 1-1
You successfully burst tendrils from the skin of your current host and add a thing that is not altogether crows, buzzards, or decomposed human beings to your merged body. The wings flap awkwardly under your power as you push it into the mortal plane. You make it back over the threshold as the Eldritch Plane finally rots the portal network connecting it to the Bazaar and the Void. You've made it to the mortal plane just in time to see the beginning of the Milkpocalypse.
"No need to thank me for accidentals actions"Snap survival:Not targeted.
Stop dreaming about Chaos erasing it completely
3
You cease to dream of Chaos, but somehow Eliphas manages to persist in existing through sheer will. In any event, you have bigger problems coming up. You're the mind of the Universe, but you're also a janitor. Thainos just made a massive mess of the cosmos. Cleaning it up will be quite the project.
Perform blood ritual to move myself to Prospero during the height of the great crusade and before Magnus broke everything
Spoiler: Snap survival (click to show/hide)
You sense that this timeline is no longer survivable and decide to evacuate. You try casting the necessary spells, but it's too late. The Snap reaches you, and you are disintegrated along with half of all other mammals.
Get my shit together and fly outta the building, FALCON PAWNCHING and penetrating several star being fragments.
Snap survival and action:"Best of all possible worlds."
You get back up from the desk and consider your situation. All you've got to do is take down a godlike cosmic being using only your fists. You're glad you took that extra course in training, even if you never thought it would come up at the time. AllBob lashes out with more space-themed than you can count. You activate your rocket boots and begin dodging. Somehow, you make it through. It seemed highly improbable, but you realize you made it through and deliver a deadly FALCON PUNCH to AllBob's face. AllBob is destroyed by your blow and falls apart into a rain of golden DNA. You land on the street, expecting cheers.
Instead, you see chaos everywhere. The oceans are dust, all milk is gone, and half the people are disintegrating in the street. Someone needs to restore order.
You have your work cut out for you.
"That was the Alliance's best guy? I was expecting more, at least he almost got me with that grenade and that made it interesting, but I'm done fighting now."Snap survival:Immune.
Use the power of gravity to smash the building and crush that guy, then crush the Alliance building as well.
TRANSCENDENT
You watch from the disconnected perspective of all possibilities as Jordan Alexander charges you. In most timelines, you kill him here. The building crumples, and he dies. You unleash the Sun, and he dies. You drop the Moon, and he dies. In a good 50% of timelines, it's a moot point when Thainos' snap dusts him. There's one odd timeline where he does everything perfectly, survives the Snap, and actually defeats you. You file that timeline away for later study.
But in the end, that fight doesn't matter too much. You return your awareness to the endless timelines around you. You have access to the DNA of potential itself. And you are Doctor AllBob after all.
It's time to do some science.
Silence: Sighs in relief now that its over
Silence: Goes to Douges aid
Silence: Fumbles around for medical supplies
Silence: Attempts to reattach Douges horn
Spoiler: Snap survival (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
(https://i.imgur.com/giPY3C7.png)
The end.
Spoiler: "Post credits scene" (click to show/hide)
Post by: Smoke Mirrors on July 18, 2019, 08:09:41 am
So glad my plan was already put in motion for game 4.
P.S. Great game as always, EP.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 18, 2019, 08:18:49 am
Post by: Glass on July 18, 2019, 09:26:00 am
Ok.
Whelp, glad I could be established as getting a scan of the Milks’ structures before the end.
Post by: ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES on July 18, 2019, 09:31:13 am
SUCK IT Y'ALL. (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q61m7S9yA)
JK, see you next game.
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 18, 2019, 09:43:30 am
Edit: never mind, it seems that the wings of crows and buzzards along with decomposing human carcasses combined to make wings for my main body, probably, unless full crows, buzzards, and human body parts connected in a way that all the wings work. Probably the second one. Either way, I will defiantly not be recognized by Shaun or GiantDad without reintroducing myself. Here’s hoping they don’t shoot on sight.again,I will defiantly join game 5 and if the pattern stickers, it will be in the summer of 2020
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 18, 2019, 10:22:01 am
And hopefully, next time, I can initiate my ENDGAME
Post by: Glass on July 18, 2019, 10:27:56 am
Wew, that was great.
And hopefully, next time, I can initiate my ENDGAME
Well. There's only one thing left for me to do.I mean
SUCK IT Y'ALL. (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q61m7S9yA)
JK, see you next game.
Both of you got dusted
Hell, the only other guy who did was the Chaos guy
Post by: CABL on July 18, 2019, 12:14:14 pm
In any case, I look forward to the next game in the series!
Post by: Fluffe9911 on July 18, 2019, 12:43:07 pm
Silence: Finally Drinks it
(Roleplay aside I had alot of fun playing this and I loved the picture thing you did with silence which was just 10/10 I may not of done as much as I could of but I didnt really want to mess with things silence would have no way of knowing so I mostly did other stuff good game everyone and good job to thainos for doing his thing woop)
Silence: Gives a thumbs up for this fun game!
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 18, 2019, 02:39:17 pm
Post by: Glass on July 18, 2019, 02:43:22 pm
Uhm, so vampires can make milk? ::)I mean, if we were going by that, it would only be female mammals that were targeted, but oh well. Your chaos fuckery is done.
Post by: sprinkled chariot on July 18, 2019, 02:46:50 pm
Uhm, so vampires can make milk? ::)I mean, if we were going by that, it would only be female mammals that were targeted, but oh well. Your chaos fuckery is done.
My chaos fuckery was for sake of world saving, unlike your random pointless dickery
Post by: Imic on July 18, 2019, 03:08:56 pm
As good as ever, Ep. Can’t wait for the next one! Well, I can.
Vampires are still mammals, probably, maybe.My chaos fuckery was for sake of world saving, unlike your random pointless dickeryUhm, so vampires can make milk? ::)I mean, if we were going by that, it would only be female mammals that were targeted, but oh well. Your chaos fuckery is done.
Post by: Enemy post on July 18, 2019, 10:08:33 pm
So ends game 3.
So glad my plan was already put in motion for game 4.
P.S. Great game as always, EP.
Thanks for the idea, I'm glad you enjoyed the game.
Well. There's only one thing left for me to do.
SUCK IT Y'ALL. (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q61m7S9yA)
JK, see you next game.
GG, Thainos. The video made me laugh. Thanks again for provoking the "Thanos vs Jeff Goldblum" fight scene. I also enjoyed how you dealt with Delta's challenges to your philosophy.
It's probably going to be ages before I can pronounce Thanos' name correctly again.
Wew, that was great.
And hopefully, next time, I can initiate my ENDGAME
Thanks for the compliment! You got pretty close to winning there. I was curious, what did you want the Unlimited Glove for? I assumed you were going to give it to the Emperor.
This was fun. I will definitely join Game 4
Just one question, are the winged bodies connected to my first body or separate? I’m curious because I want to now Rana’s status for the next game
Edit: never mind, it seems that the wings of crows and buzzards along with decomposing human carcasses combined to make wings for my main body, probably, unless full crows, buzzards, and human body parts connected in a way that all the wings work. Probably the second one. Either way, I will defiantly not be recognized by Shaun or GiantDad without reintroducing myself. Here’s hoping they don’t shoot on sight.again,I will defiantly join game 5 and if the pattern stickers, it will be in the summer of 2020
Really, what I was suggesting was that you had taken over a byakhee (https://lovecraft.fandom.com/wiki/Byakhee). You started out in one body, used tendrils to take over the next one, and then lashed them both together. I'm glad you enjoyed the game. When you started out playing as a little ball of light, I really didn't expect that you'd end up a bodysnatching blood monster. You're probably right about the next one. I don't want to confirm anything right now, but April 16th 2020 does seem likely for the next game.
So basically this was Infinity War, and next game is Endgame.
Ok.
Whelp, glad I could be established as getting a scan of the Milks’ structures before the end.
Thanks for playing. I wanted to say, I enjoyed Delta's characterization. I didn't expect the HAL-esque AI to be one of the most consistently loyal crew members.
Wew, that was great.
And hopefully, next time, I can initiate my ENDGAMEWell. There's only one thing left for me to do.I mean
SUCK IT Y'ALL. (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q61m7S9yA)
JK, see you next game.
Both of you got dusted
Hell, the only other guy who did was the Chaos guy
Hey, death hardly ever stopped anyone before.
I've enjoyed this game, but it also didn't feel as memorable as the first two.
In any case, I look forward to the next game in the series!
Spoiler: Thoughts on flaws with this game. (click to show/hide)
I'm glad you enjoyed the game overall. Too bad GiantDad didn't win more PVP fights. That would have been appropriate to the character, but I couldn't cheat in your favor for it.
Silence: Takes out his BOTTLE OF NOTHING
Silence: Finally Drinks it
(Roleplay aside I had alot of fun playing this and I loved the picture thing you did with silence which was just 10/10 I may not of done as much as I could of but I didnt really want to mess with things silence would have no way of knowing so I mostly did other stuff good game everyone and good job to thainos for doing his thing woop)
Silence: Gives a thumbs up for this fun game!
(https://i.imgur.com/2jIO1Ia.png)
(Thanks for playing, and for keeping up the whole time. Like I said in CABL's post, I think Silence's turns were probably the thing I liked most about this run. It was surprisingly difficult, but hopefully it was worth it in the end. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I might possibly have a slight modicum of respect for mimes now. Not too much, but I feel like they deserve water at least. Maybe even food or the right to a fair trial. You played a great character.)
Uhm, so vampires can make milk? ::)
I really wasn't sure if I should consider you a valid target for the coin flip. Like Glass said, the most accurate reading of Thainos' wish would have been to only consider female mammals as targets, but killing half the women and only them seemed unlikely to be Thainos' intent. As such, I decided that he would kill the males too, on the grounds that they can have daughters and then those daughters would be able to produce milk. You were one of the tough calls, but I decided to do it because dhampirs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhampir) are a common enough trope that I figured he might consider you part of the "potential milk sources" population.
Sorry I couldn't give you a more satisfying ending. I didn't like abruptly killing you off at the end like that, but I couldn't see another way out for you with the die results being as they were.
Relevant link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjeKiIa7XEk)
As good as ever, Ep. Can’t wait for the next one! Well, I can.Vampires are still mammals, probably, maybe.My chaos fuckery was for sake of world saving, unlike your random pointless dickeryUhm, so vampires can make milk? ::)I mean, if we were going by that, it would only be female mammals that were targeted, but oh well. Your chaos fuckery is done.
Thanks for playing. I've enjoyed writing Shaun's adventure across time over the trilogy. I never suggested it during either game since I try not to take sides, but if you ever wanted to go get it Abraham Lincoln's +1 hat is still up for grabs. You just need to go save him again if you want it, since you eliminated the original trip by erasing the original game's timeline.
Fun video, by the way. Seems like the sort of thing AllBob would like.
Post by: Glass on July 18, 2019, 10:20:28 pm
Quote
Thanks for playing. I wanted to say, I enjoyed Delta's characterization. I didn't expect the HAL-esque AI to be one of the most consistently loyal crew members.¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, I was the one playing as them, what did you think I’d go and do :P
But yeah, as I mentioned at the start, I was definitely thinking of the game having a pretty “Space Station 13” kind of vibe (and while it ended up more superheroics, it at least had that kind of stuff at the start). And in SS13, the typical role of the AI is to either try desperately to keep everything running, or sit back and eat popcorn.
And I’m too responsible to just eat popcorn.
Post by: Enemy post on July 18, 2019, 10:22:17 pm
I mean, I was the one playing as them, what did you think I’d go and do :P
Possess every cyber-giraffe in the world?
I've never actually played SS13, maybe I should try that someday.
Post by: Glass on July 18, 2019, 10:30:51 pm
:PI mean, I was the one playing as them, what did you think I’d go and do :P
Possess every cyber-giraffe in the world?
I've never actually played SS13, maybe I should try that someday.
That was the first game. And once I became the US government, I was much more responsible.
I haven't played either, but I've read stories about it, and someone ran an RTD based on it in a Discord I'm in, where I also played as the AI and, as with here, basically spent all my time trying to keep everything from going to hell.
Post by: Avetruetotheimperator on July 19, 2019, 12:42:37 am
Well, I was first going to enforce the imperial truth, dick the alliance a bit, and then return home and give it to the Emperor [with the text to speech device].Wew, that was great.
And hopefully, next time, I can initiate my ENDGAME
Thanks for the compliment! You got pretty close to winning there. I was curious, what did you want the Unlimited Glove for? I assumed you were going to give it to the Emperor.
But if my final gambit worked, welll.....
CHAOS REIGNS
Post by: Imic on July 19, 2019, 04:54:23 am
Post by: King Zultan on July 19, 2019, 07:51:54 am
And don't worry you've go my vote for 2020, that's right Minimalism and Milk 4 for president in 2020. Four more years! Four more years!
Post by: Enemy post on July 19, 2019, 04:03:28 pm
I enjoyed this one quite a bit, I went from humble beginnings of running around beating random people with a hammer to basically becoming a god, I also enjoyed the character Burt he's such a lovable anti-government nutjob, I might steal him and use him somewhere else sense I'm unoriginal.
And don't worry you've go my vote for 2020, that's right Minimalism and Milk 4 for president in 2020. Four more years! Four more years!
I liked writing the DNA "science" of your character. The wildly inaccurate DNA and the bit where the Moloko's scanners didn't work because the target went behind some dark matter were my favorite bits of technobabble.
Feel free to steal Burt, I mean, I stole AllBob from Bioshock Infinite after all.
Post by: ziizo on July 19, 2019, 04:25:24 pm
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 19, 2019, 04:51:38 pm