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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1500268 times)

Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1890 on: July 10, 2011, 12:17:40 am »

Dear Urist McMasonbrain,

Alright, I could have forgiven you for walling yourself on the cavern side of the protective wall. But, please, knock on the wall a few times to let someone know you're out there.

The appropriate response is not to finish the wall, find you're locked out, and decide to go sprinting off to the far corner of the known caverns, where my usual post-fortifying check doesn't catch you until you starve to death.

At the very least, you could have kept your eyes open and sprinted into the unknown caverns, you useless jackass.

--the aggravated overseer.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2011, 02:22:20 am by Deus Machina »
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Quote from: KillerClowns
Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

TheOddDemon

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1891 on: July 10, 2011, 12:24:57 am »

Dear Urist Mceveryone:

Please eat the hundreds of lavish meals we have laying around. Don't grab the plump helmets just as they grow. And you have the gall to complain about the lack of booze.


Your Demon Overlord
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RAKninja

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1892 on: July 10, 2011, 01:01:12 am »

Dear Urist Mceveryone:

Please eat the hundreds of lavish meals we have laying around. Don't grab the plump helmets just as they grow. And you have the gall to complain about the lack of booze.


Your Demon Overlord

ditto.  very much ditto.

and quit walking through the legendary dining room that seats over thirty (and is only occupied by two) to go eat in the jailcells.  i'm considering chaining the next blockhead that passes the dining hall, and walks thirty-odd tiles of restricted traffic designated tiles, into the cell that they seem to like so much.
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Goblin Fortress (NOW UPDATED FOR 34.02!
magma on his bed when he is sleeping, works every time

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1893 on: July 10, 2011, 01:38:41 am »

An addendum to my previous statement to the occupants and laborers (aka in official documents as "the poor suckers who migrated here") of Knifemurders;   The shaft full of water is for unflooding the control room after the forgotten beast incursion broke a few key doors.  It is not a water slide.  I don't know how no less than 12 of you lot got down there, but they're not coming out. Their widows will be notified and heckled.

TheOddDemon

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1894 on: July 10, 2011, 10:10:12 am »

Dear Urist Mcbrewers:


What do you mean, no distillable items? I just checked the stocks, and we have hundreds of plump helmets! Hell, I saw one of you grab a handful on your way past the still! Just because you like water does not mean everyone does. DO NOT LET THIS CONTINUE. You have been warned.

Your Annoyed Demon Overlord
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shadenight123

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1895 on: July 10, 2011, 10:34:12 am »

Dear Urist Mcbrewers:


What do you mean, no distillable items? I just checked the stocks, and we have hundreds of plump helmets! Hell, I saw one of you grab a handful on your way past the still! Just because you like water does not mean everyone does. DO NOT LET THIS CONTINUE. You have been warned.

Your Annoyed Demon Overlord

are they signed as brewable in the stocks screen?
:/
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“Well,” he said. “We’re in the Forgotten hunting grounds I take it. Your screams just woke them up early. Congratulations, Lyara.”
“Do something!” she whispered, trying to keep her sight on all of them at once.
Basileus clapped his hands once. The Forgotten took a step forward, attracted by the sound.
“There, I did something. I clapped. I like clapping,” he said. -The Investigator And The Case Of The Missing Brain.

malvado

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1896 on: July 10, 2011, 11:13:06 am »

Dear UristDimwit & Hauler Crew : Why in hell do you have to run to a workshop , place the item in a stockpile 3z above the workshop , then run back to affordmented stockpile and run to the trading depot
instead of just going directly to the trading depot with the item that is scheduled for trading. Lazy bums!
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Khris

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1897 on: July 10, 2011, 11:31:24 am »

My dear dwarves,
you really seem to like that spot by the river. You know, the one on the other side of the map over the bridge where you love to go and drink.
I'm wondering, does the water there taste better than at other parts of the river which are nearer at the fortress?
Do you maybe NOT like the THREE designated water sources I made you, two of them fed by the water from the river you love to drink so much??
If you get killed by any passing monster or siege or whatever because you're so far away from the fortress, it is YOUR OWN FAULT, so you hear me???
Damn, I don't even know whom to punish if I loose one of my legendary dwarves like that!
You're such a pain, all of you!
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shadenight123

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1898 on: July 10, 2011, 12:21:02 pm »

ps:try Orders, Zone orders. drink only from preferred zones. or something similar.
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“Well,” he said. “We’re in the Forgotten hunting grounds I take it. Your screams just woke them up early. Congratulations, Lyara.”
“Do something!” she whispered, trying to keep her sight on all of them at once.
Basileus clapped his hands once. The Forgotten took a step forward, attracted by the sound.
“There, I did something. I clapped. I like clapping,” he said. -The Investigator And The Case Of The Missing Brain.

MrShovelFace

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1899 on: July 10, 2011, 02:51:13 pm »

Dear Urist McMason

Next time I sned you to a cave breach to save my fortress dont wall yourself in and DONT go hunt for a small animal while you still are iin posession of my only axe

Your's truly, Armok, God of Blood
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eataTREE

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1900 on: July 10, 2011, 03:57:41 pm »

ps:try Orders, Zone orders. drink only from preferred zones. or something similar.
Dear Overseer, please check to see that the designated drinking zones contain fresh water and not salt water first. If the number to "Water Source" in the Zones sub-menu is 0, it's full of salt water and we can't actually drink that.

Yours,
Urist McDoesntWannaDieofThirst
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LordExumius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1901 on: July 10, 2011, 04:26:51 pm »

Dear brewer

Please use the 27 empty barrels available to you and stop complaining about food storage devices.
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RAKninja

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1902 on: July 10, 2011, 09:40:33 pm »

Dear brewer

Please use the 27 empty barrels available to you and stop complaining about food storage devices.
deer overseer,

please make sure that the barrels are not reserved for stockpiles, we always make sure that every stockpile has an empty barrel!

urist mcbrewer
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Goblin Fortress (NOW UPDATED FOR 34.02!
magma on his bed when he is sleeping, works every time

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1903 on: July 10, 2011, 10:44:19 pm »

To the masonry team undertaking Project Waterfall;  I gave you plans for the wall that blocks the cavern off-map entrance and a footpath beside to stand on.  How the hell did you lot manage to all wall yourselves in at various points along it's length?

Misery

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1904 on: July 11, 2011, 07:15:57 am »

To Urist McUnadvisedSurgery:

I really would appreciate it if, BEFORE cutting open a patient, you would be so good as to check for, and grab, sutures FIRST.   If there are not sutures prepared, it is prudent to NOT begin the surgery yet.

It is NOT a good idea to cut the patient open, spray blood on the walls, complain about sutures (which were quickly being prepared at the time), and then go have a drink and pass out. 

This is not good medical practice.  Just so you know. 

Yours Truly,

The Annoyed One
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