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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1496509 times)

Greiger

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3405 on: April 22, 2012, 08:23:03 pm »

To my 'companions',

Ok so the last fight went a little sour, but we made it.  Sure a few of you were wounded. But we all were. I have permanently lost the use of my right arm, and got my other one pretty messed up in the fight as well.  But I didn't give up, I was biting that human spearman if any of you noticed.

So I decide for us to make a camp down there in the dungeon to apply some first aid.  I felt it was a pretty sensible move.

If you wanted out I would have been willing to save the rest and go back up to the castle to recriut some more soldiers, no worries.

You did not have to run off while I was sleeping.  And take my sword with you(I admit I should have picked it up as soon as my left arm was working again, but as I'm sure you understand I was quite tired).  Some more human bandits found me down there and woke me up quite rudely.

Despite the disadvantage, I killed both of them...with my bonecarving knife.

I'm coming for you next.

- The 'Hero'
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Disclaimer: Not responsible for dwarven deaths from the use or misuse of this post.
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Chagen46

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3406 on: April 22, 2012, 08:34:09 pm »

Dear miners

FUCKIN DIG OUT THE DAMN BEDROOMS MANG

I don't know what's going on, I designated the


Never mind got them to dig
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Great! my fps improved significantly and now my sewer is full of corpses like it should be.

Lielac

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3407 on: April 22, 2012, 09:37:46 pm »

Dear wildlife around the recently reclaimed fortress of Relicdreams,

This mess is going to take years to clean up. I hate you.

No love,
Overseer Lielac
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Lielac likes adamantine, magnetite, marble, the color olive green, battle axes, cats for their aloofness, dragons for their terrible majesty, women for their beauty, and the Oxford comma for its disambiguating properties. When possible, she prefers to consume pear cider and nectarines. She absolutely detests kobolds.

Meta The Golem

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3408 on: April 22, 2012, 09:43:30 pm »

dear children of fath and nomal, please get away from the forges, they are not to- wait... your making the copper coins? ok go ahead
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Lielac

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3409 on: April 22, 2012, 09:57:31 pm »

Dear horde of ghosts,

-brandishes engraved slabs-

Dear dwarven engravers,

HURRY UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

Sincerely,
Overseer Lielac
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Lielac likes adamantine, magnetite, marble, the color olive green, battle axes, cats for their aloofness, dragons for their terrible majesty, women for their beauty, and the Oxford comma for its disambiguating properties. When possible, she prefers to consume pear cider and nectarines. She absolutely detests kobolds.

raptor007

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3410 on: April 23, 2012, 12:23:44 pm »

Dear all dwarves,

An amazing opportunity has arisen in our fort today. Armok has declared we shall tap the holy magma of the volcano. That means one lucky and brave dwarf will have the honor of striking the final blow to start our magma forges.

Now it seems some of you have been listening to some unfounded rumors regarding this job. It might explain why the first dwarf set as the only miner promptly went to sleep. How the second, third, and forth did the exact same thing is beyond me.

Luckily the fifth dwarf set as the miner, brave Urist McStupid, didn't fall asleep conveniently and is now heading down with a valuable pick to strike the final blow. All dwarves should be proud of his noble effort.

I also know the names of the previous four haulers drafted that fell "asleep" and they will be dealt with.

By official Decree of Urist McMayor
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Lielac

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3411 on: April 23, 2012, 02:09:11 pm »

Spoiler: WHOOPS, CApslock (click to show/hide)

Dear dwarves of Relicdreams,

There, that wasn't so hard now was it? Remember, I didn't have to make sure that cave-in didn't land on any of you.

Going to make the brook able to flood the entire fortress with the flick of a lever now,
Overseer Lielac
« Last Edit: April 23, 2012, 02:14:00 pm by Lielac »
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Lielac likes adamantine, magnetite, marble, the color olive green, battle axes, cats for their aloofness, dragons for their terrible majesty, women for their beauty, and the Oxford comma for its disambiguating properties. When possible, she prefers to consume pear cider and nectarines. She absolutely detests kobolds.

Meta The Golem

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3412 on: April 24, 2012, 12:04:00 am »

dear Lielac, we refuse to do what you want and we are now running away before we get locked in a closet for the rest of our lives
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empfan

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3413 on: April 24, 2012, 05:19:22 pm »

Spoiler: WHOOPS, CApslock (click to show/hide)

Dear dwarves of Relicdreams,

There, that wasn't so hard now was it? Remember, I didn't have to make sure that cave-in didn't land on any of you.

Going to make the brook able to flood the entire fortress with the flick of a lever now,
Overseer Lielac

Dear Lielac, you were supposed to receive a legendary doctor awhile ago, but it appears you haven't, so we're going to send some other migrants instead.

Remember to train them!

From,

Mountainholmes
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Andux

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3414 on: April 25, 2012, 05:12:37 pm »

Dear Urist McBerserker,

Spoiler: Combat Report (click to show/hide)

:o ??? ... You know what? Forget it. Carry on. :-\

 -- Your Speechless Overlord
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bukitodinos

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3415 on: April 25, 2012, 05:34:25 pm »

dear noble,

please this is a flegeing fort so when you MANDATE THE CONSTUCTION OF CANDY ITEMS WHEN WE HAVENT EVEN HIT THE SECOND CAVERN
is highly negligent so this is why you , and the legendary craftsdwarf that makes you the earrings that you like, are dead

stabs no hugs

bukit
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I mean for the love of god! There's hair trying to kill a dog!
back to professional martinis with bukitodinos!
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Put the flag in the martini and were done!
siggy!

TempAcc

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3416 on: April 25, 2012, 05:36:21 pm »

Dear Urist McMinerMechanic

I'd love if you didn't aways move an extra tile or two just to channel from the wrong side and get yourself stranded in an island of rock. I'd also really apreciate if you didn't proceed to drown yourself by opening that one door I forgot to lock to pick a sock your left in the waterwheel array's channels.

--Your disgruntled Overseer.
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Corai

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3417 on: April 25, 2012, 05:37:43 pm »

Dear Urist McBerserker,

Spoiler: Combat Report (click to show/hide)

:o ??? ... You know what? Forget it. Carry on. :-\

 -- Your Speechless Overlord

Dear Overlord,

WHY WONT HE DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RAAAAAAAAGE, Urist McBerserker
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Jeykab/Bee: how the fuck do you live your daily life corai
Jeykab/Bee: you seem like the person who constantly has mini heart attacks because cuuuute

empfan

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3418 on: April 25, 2012, 07:55:47 pm »

Dear Military,

Why the hell won't you train?  I mean, come on, there is an entire WALL of archery targets, fire at will!
Wait, you need arrows?  The craftsman has been partying? Oh...am I glad that I had the bridge filled with spikes at the bottom.
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3419 on: April 26, 2012, 05:26:25 am »

To the Dwarves of Inchcanyon;

Why are your children going insane and beserk?  There's plenty of food and booze, as well as enough clothing to dress each of you five times over at LEAST.  Stop the madness, or the fort guard will stop it for you.
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