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[Tenth Speed Writer]

Dear !!Urist McUndertaker!!

While I commend your high respect for the fort's fallen heroes in the battle against the fire-bound hill giant,

and while I applaud your dedication to your duties,

I wish to kindly remind you:

FIRE SPREADS.

Sincerely, 126 other very crispy dwarves.

[Morpha]

Dear Urist McBerserker.

In hindsight, giving you 10 war dogs was a terrible move, and I should of seen it coming when you were miserable over several dying. Where I really went wrong was assigning those dogs to be slaughtered, hoping you wouldn't notice. Please stop breaking bones with your wooden training axe and full iron armor, I have no other trained dwarf and your skill with a wooden axe is honestly scaring me.

Yours tensely,

One very amused overseer

Edit: there is an entire page of teeth knocked out from the axe dwarf himself, and some poor bastard who seems to have goten into a fight with him. Nothing else, just a huge list of missing teeth from the poor dwarf, with a much smaller list from the berserk one.

[Garath]

Dear Urist McRambo
     We had assumed all was lost when the goblin swordmaster slew our brave militia commander. Little did we know that the swordmaster's callous slaying of a little duckling would send you, a humble pot ash maker, into a rage so legendary we shudder at the very memory of it. You proceeded to slay the swordmaster and his entourage, not with a mighty weapon of steel but with a piece of wood. Even when the vile goblins stabbed you in the heart you continued to slay them until finally with your dying breath you crushed the swordmaster's skull. We interred you in our finest tomb along with your precious duckling and noble oak log. As our final gift we bestow upon you the title of Kinron "Oakenrage".

With tears in my eyes and pride in my chest, your's eternally, The Overseer

eh, just one question.... in which way was this frustrating? seems more fitting for a "tell your heroic tale"

[WillowLuman]

Dear Adventurers,

I don't know how you changed your routine, mental processes, outlook on life, etc., but don't stop! Suddenly I'm having very good luck with you guys not dying to the most frustrating reasons. Don't go back to being offed by boogeymen, wildlife, or water please!

[Garath]

Dear Adventurers,

I don't know how you changed your routine, mental processes, outlook on life, etc., but don't stop! Suddenly I'm having very good luck with you guys not dying to the most frustrating reasons. Don't go back to being offed by boogeymen, wildlife, or water please!

since bogeymen only appear while sleeping outdoors when alone, how do you manage to get a companion killed by them?

[Sarkovar]

Dear Urist McRambo
     We had assumed all was lost when the goblin swordmaster slew our brave militia commander. Little did we know that the swordmaster's callous slaying of a little duckling would send you, a humble pot ash maker, into a rage so legendary we shudder at the very memory of it. You proceeded to slay the swordmaster and his entourage, not with a mighty weapon of steel but with a piece of wood. Even when the vile goblins stabbed you in the heart you continued to slay them until finally with your dying breath you crushed the swordmaster's skull. We interred you in our finest tomb along with your precious duckling and noble oak log. As our final gift we bestow upon you the title of Kinron "Oakenrage".

With tears in my eyes and pride in my chest, your's eternally, The Overseer

eh, just one question.... in which way was this frustrating? seems more fitting for a "tell your heroic tale"

My militia commander who was fully decked out in steel and training for this very moment was killed in an instant, he didn't even bruise the swordmaster, but a pot ash maker single handedly killed 5 gobbos with an oak log.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McRambo
     We had assumed all was lost when the goblin swordmaster slew our brave militia commander. Little did we know that the swordmaster's callous slaying of a little duckling would send you, a humble pot ash maker, into a rage so legendary we shudder at the very memory of it. You proceeded to slay the swordmaster and his entourage, not with a mighty weapon of steel but with a piece of wood. Even when the vile goblins stabbed you in the heart you continued to slay them until finally with your dying breath you crushed the swordmaster's skull. We interred you in our finest tomb along with your precious duckling and noble oak log. As our final gift we bestow upon you the title of Kinron "Oakenrage".

With tears in my eyes and pride in my chest, your's eternally, The Overseer

...That's got to be the best use of a log I've seen in a long time.

[tahujdt]

I would call it the "Captain's Log".

[GoldenShadow]

HEY! Markdwarf Recruit!
I saw that. No cheating....

(standing adjacent to the archery target instead of standing behind the line.)

oh wait. I see there was a tree in the line of fire so you stood in front of it. Ok, I'll have that chopped down for you.

[Bartinyou]

Dear Dog Meat Crop,

I was quite amazed at your prowess and killing 3 langur men, I was amused when you chased after the ostriches, I was not amused when 3 out of the 4 of you chased after a pack of rhinos leading to multiple injuries to dwarves and 2 of your own deaths.  Please be good little dogs and produce children before you next fit of valor.

Love n Respect,

Your Humble Breeder Overseer

[Garath]

Dear Unib Agiden,

you're part of our 10 man lasher squad. I let you guys fight 20 stripped goblins, 2 of them elite. Ofcourse you won, I was never in doubt, and noone of you was hurt. However, I would like to ask why, in two and a half pages of your combat log, you never used your whip? Your shield bashes were awesome and when you bit off that hand, priceless. Still, learn to use that whip.

Sincerely,
your personal training coach

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McRambo
     We had assumed all was lost when the goblin swordmaster slew our brave militia commander. Little did we know that the swordmaster's callous slaying of a little duckling would send you, a humble pot ash maker, into a rage so legendary we shudder at the very memory of it. You proceeded to slay the swordmaster and his entourage, not with a mighty weapon of steel but with a piece of wood. Even when the vile goblins stabbed you in the heart you continued to slay them until finally with your dying breath you crushed the swordmaster's skull. We interred you in our finest tomb along with your precious duckling and noble oak log. As our final gift we bestow upon you the title of Kinron "Oakenrage".

With tears in my eyes and pride in my chest, your's eternally, The Overseer

This is fucking awesome.

[Meta The Golem]

dear urist mc-urists

please stop standing around in my jail, its not a meeting area for fucks sake,its where we put vampires and murders to slowly bleed or be bitten to death, oh and please, stay by the statue garden, IT HAS THREE FUCKING ADAMANTINE STATUES are you not satisfied? would you like me to invent adamantine toilet paper so i can wipe your royal ass your highness? would you like my to whip my self while i'm at that? and would you like a order of plump roast with those?

[Greiger]

To Overlord Meta.

Well you see staring at them all the time gets boring you know?  And this rope here is oh so fine quality.  As for your other suggestions the adamantine toilet paper was already invented I'm afraid.  Although extremely effective the pain and mutilation inflicted on the first test subject caused all the investors to stop their funding.

As for the whipping, you do not need to do that, as you are more useful with all your digits attached.  A caning will do.  And yes I would like a plump helmet roast thank you.

urist mc-urist.

[Meta The Golem]

ok into the pit you go