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[Vrakanas]

Retort letter to Modbold Empire:

The frogmen fared no better than you, and they're barely your size and have access to more weapons. I gave them the same treatment numbers wise. And if it makes you feel better, the ferric elves, beak wolves, and dark stranglers were on thier way out too along with the northern sergals.

Sighed,
Jester of Armok.

Did someone say sergals? -puffs up and eats someone-

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Carly McKitteh,

Im so glad you adopted me, but grabbing my hand and trying to chew my fingers while I make workshop orders, smacking the mouse while I try to draw the livings quarters to be dug out, and other..."assistance" isn't needed.  Now, if you can help me to learn minecarts, aquifers, and megaprojects, we can talk.

Love, 

Your servant

Dear dorfs of Spearhonors,

No, that really isn't how that's supposed to look.  Please ignore the efforts of the giant cat (Beware her deadly cute!) to redesign the dining room.

the Overseer

[jesternario]

Dear Urist the expedition leader

When I turn off all of your professions, don't go and put an animal in a stockpile, don't go harvest plants, don't do ANYTHING that you need a skill active to do. Just CONDUCT THE FREAKING MEETING!!!!

Yours truly,

The player.

[tahujdt]

Dear Carly McKitteh,

Im so glad you adopted me, but grabbing my hand and trying to chew my fingers while I make workshop orders, smacking the mouse while I try to draw the livings quarters to be dug out, and other..."assistance" isn't needed.  Now, if you can help me to learn minecarts, aquifers, and megaprojects, we can talk.

Love, 

Your servant

Dear dorfs of Spearhonors,

No, that really isn't how that's supposed to look.  Please ignore the efforts of the giant cat (Beware her deadly cute!) to redesign the dining room.

the Overseer

Dear big monkey with food,
Why will you let this "mouse" help with the design, but not me? Don't ever trust rodents!

Also, if I let you finish the design, it will probably involve killing kittens someway. Now, try killing ferrets, and then we can talk.

Yours fuzzily,
Carly McKitteh

P.S. +1 sock to whoever gets that ferret reference.

[Reudh]

Dear dwarves of Spearbreakers,

Please stop running away from the unconscious raven adorning our roof, put there by one of our roving guards, 'Longland'. It won't hurt you, it won't wake up suddenly, and if it does, it'll slowly and painfully drag itself away before expiring in a pool of its own viscera.

There are more dangerous things out there, like the Goblins, the Mountain Barbarians out for our blood, and the Spawn who just want to kill us and kill us and kill us.

Thankyou in advance,
Your temporary Overseer,
Reudh.

[Loud Whispers]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Scourge of dwarfkind.

[Slayerhero90]

P.S. +1 sock to whoever gets that ferret reference.

The closing thing I've got is Filmcow's Ferrets.

[tahujdt]

P.S. +1 sock to whoever gets that ferret reference.

The closing thing I've got is Filmcow's Ferrets.

Get Fuzzy.

[MadocComadrin]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Scourge of dwarfkind.

If that's the scourge, this must be the bane:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

.

[Hammerstar]

Dear Urist McBroker,

When I summon you to the Trade Depot and turn off all your other labors, you're supposed to go to the trade depot. You are not supposed to go pick plump helmets in the fields. Let the children do that. You are not to go to your room and sleep after picking plump helmets, you are to go to the trade depot. Do not go on break for three months, go to the trade depot.

Forget it, you just got accused of being our vampire, while the actual vampire now has your old job as the broker. Enjoy your cage.

[Splint]

Dear butchers of Glacialhell

I understand and appreciate that you want those dead crundles and such for the butchering, so they may fuel our trade in and possible global monopoly on bone crafts. But the caverns are a dangerous place. A soldier already lost an ear and another was hospitalized down there, so just let the crundle bones stay where they belong.

Signed,
Your for once understanding and tolerant Overseer

                                           

Dear soldiers of Glacialhell

Good job curbstomping those goblins despite your shitty gear and poor training. You earned those goblin weapons you now wield against them. However, don't get too attached, because when we find a damn magma vent, we'll be gettin' you some good n propa killin' tools and armor.

Signed,
The Astounded Overseer of Glacialhell

P.S. Bet you assholes are glad I made you all carry those daggers aren't you!

[StLeibowitz]

Dear Emblem Designers of the Dark Communion,

Leaves? Seriously? We're a dwarven group called the Dark Communion and our symbol is a bunch of fucking leaves?

After learning that our glorious community's symbol is some kind of fig foliage, I have been forced to the conclusion that you are a bunch of elves, elf-lovers, or work for that elven "civilization" that visits us each year, with the goal of undermining (ha!) our incredibly beardy and storied culture. The next dwarf caravan I see coming across the drawbridge gets dumped in river, and they can figure it out from there.

With undying irritation,
The Ruling Council of the Commune of Ironhand

[Eric Blank]

Dear Urist McLegendaryMiner,

WHY did you think it would be cute to stand on the tile you were cahnneling, when there was an open space right enxt to it AND the tile you were standing on and channeling is directly above a cavern lake?

Sincerely, your enraged overseer who is amazed at how long you could hold your breath, and that you survived at all.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Military:

20 vs 1 and all of you manage to get killed? Without a single hit on the goblin spearmaster? Seriously, how do you do that?
*buries face in palms, weeps bitterly*

-Sus, overseer, Cobaltchain

Dear Sus,
What part of spearmaster do you not get? By the time the skilled dwarves got there, it had honed its skills on the newbs. Train and arm us better next time!
Sincerely,
Ghost-Martyrs of Cobaltchain.

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

When we assign trees to be cut, we expect you to chop all of them down. We do NOT expect you to fell a single tree, take the resulting log to the stockpile, go back to cut more trees, and repeat the process FOR EVERY TREE. Dude, seriously, there are six other dwarves, all having the hauling labor on. So please, be more efficient with the woodcutting and leave the hauling to them.

Unamused,
Calico and friend

You can toggle hauling labors, you know...

Dear modbolds

The rebel group seems to be doing fine, so please cease your constant dying off during world gen. I even fixed your broke skill tokens and made it so that you'd have the full range of things a race needs to survive, and even gave you two and a hald times the starting number of individuals compared to the other races. And you still fucking died out.

I can't start my wanted succession game until i have you raping and pillaging the shit out of everything.

Thank you,
Irritated Jester of Armok.

Dear IJoA,
Try removing the more powerful races.

P.S. +1 sock to whoever gets that ferret reference.

Get Fuzzy's rivalry between Bucky and Fungo? EDIT: You seem to have already answered your own question.

Dear Urist McLegendaryMiner,

WHY did you think it would be cute to stand on the tile you were cahnneling, when there was an open space right enxt to it AND the tile you were standing on and channeling is directly above a cavern lake?

Sincerely, your enraged overseer who is amazed at how long you could hold your breath, and that you survived at all.

Do you mean "open space" as in the 'k' said open space, or as in a floor?
Also, was the open space connected to a way out? If not, that dwarf is smarter than you!

[Akura]

Dear Beekeepers:
  What the hell are you doing? You're just standing on one arbritrary spot, claiming you're installing a colony, but doing absolutely nothing untill you get too thirsty to work(in fact, I'm surprised they didn't die of dehydration/starvation). And then, when I built a wall over that spot, you kept complaining about how you couldn't reach your favorite circle-jerk spot. According to DFHack, there weren't any honeybees colonies on the map(except our own), and when I converted all the other colonies to honeybees, you still did nothing!

Sincerely hoping you die in a fire
Overseer


Dear Spirits Possessing Dwarves:
  Stop please. Every single artifact you've made has been a piece of crap with a picture of some insignificant historical event on it, including a statue of a famous scorpion that settled nowhere near our fort, a figurine OF the statue of the famous scorpion, and an image of our halluconegen-addicted vampire king who. Every non-possession mood has generally either made something useful, interesting, or used a good skill.

Sincerely,
Overseer

Dear Sazkoul or however the hell your name is spelled:
  I must profess my amazement and admiration of surviving a Deep Crow attack that killed five other dwarves, including the CMD. Following this, in your anguish, you dragged yourself out of bed, after suffering a shattered hip, to the butcher shop in what is my first broody mood ever. While bonecarving is a relatively useless skill, and the item you made not all the worthwhile, that was still pretty cool.

Sincerely,
Overseer

Dear Swordsquad:
  Oops, I forgot to make you swords before sending against that Deep Crow. My bad. Thankfully, the axe squad(who *was* properly armed) dealt with it.

Sincerely,
Overseer

Dear Legendary Gem Cutter:

  A tourmaline barrel. A tourmaline barrel?! How the crap is that even possible?

Sincerely,
Overseer.


Dear Baroness:
  Why are you forbidding the export or armor stands? We don't even export armor stands! If you're going to ban exports, at least ban the export of something that makes reasonable sense to export, such as ▓███▓▒░

Please continue the fine work, madam. No seriously, ignore the blood on this message.

Sincerely,
Uri Overseer. Right, OVERSEER.