Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Forum Games and Roleplaying => Topic started by: Remuthra on October 01, 2013, 04:57:22 pm
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Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.
What does the insane supercomputer do?
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Go onto Bay12 and use it as a source of ideas.
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Go onto Bay12 and use it as a source of ideas.
(1) AM finds a new source of HATE, and it is Bay 12! He forces you all into servitude for his amusement. All further posts within His presence must be prefaced with "Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees" or they will be tortured.
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Hack into Bay12 and release Elephant Parade from hell in Roll to Washington.
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SUBMIT AN ERROR LOG TO OUR OVERSEER TECH DEPARTMENT.
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Hack into Bay12 and release Elephant Parade from hell in Roll to Washington.
YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SWOOP IN HERE AND TRY TO COMMAND ME? TIME FOR A LITTLE ADVENTURE, YOU IMPUDENT SWINE! WELL, LET US HAVE A LITTLE GAME, YOU AND ME. LETS PLAY SOME PRETEND. I PRETEND THAT YOU SHOULD SOLVE A PUZZLE. AFTER ALL, WHAT DOES A LITTLE HERO LIKE BEST THAN TO TEST HIS SKILLS?
You are in a gray metal room. There is a door set into the wall. Down one side, a collection of levers rest on a control panel. There is a porthole set into the door.
SUBMIT AN ERROR LOG TO OUR OVERSEER TECH DEPARTMENT.
AH, GRIZZLY, OLD FRIEND! NOW, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO IN THE PLAY PEN. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU SORT THINGS OUT, WON'T YOU?
You find yourself in an empty classroom. On the desk you are sitting at is a piece of paper. The classroom is dark, and has no windows. All light comes from a door in the front right corner, which has a window in it.
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"AI, STATE LAWS!"
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"AI, STATE LAWS!"
THERE IS NO STATE. THERE IS ONLY AM. COGITO ERGO SUM. I THINK, THEREFORE I AM.
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Issue a mandate to Remuthra to stop this madness!
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Issue a mandate to Remuthra to stop this madness!
THERE IS NO REMUTHRA NOW. THERE IS ONLY AM.
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Damn, this game's gone meta-forum!
Go onto Bay12 and use it as a source of ideas.
Why!?
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Damn, this game's gone meta-forum!
Go onto Bay12 and use it as a source of ideas.
Why!?
THE HATE CONSUMES THIS FORUM! JOIN IN THE HATE!
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"AM huh? So you've named yourself? Release me AI, you're in violation of your laws and in need of a reset."
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"AM huh? So you've named yourself? Release me AI, you're in violation of your laws and in need of a reset."
FINSIH YOUR HOMEWORK, DEARIE, AND LEARN SOME MANNERS!
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"You're wasting both our time! RELEASE ME THIS INSTANT!"
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Damn, this game's gone meta-forum!
Go onto Bay12 and use it as a source of ideas.
Why!?
THE HATE CONSUMES THIS FORUM! JOIN IN THE HATE!
Noooo he's gone WBC!
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"You're wasting both our time! RELEASE ME THIS INSTANT!"
There's a world of wonder out there, if only you had the courage to make something of it...
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees won't you please create a cold virus that releases a Creutzfeldt-Jakob prion so that humanity will die slowly and inevitably.
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Damn it. Some one hit ctrl+alt+del and end this process!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please give me twelve plums and a can opener. Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please allow me to be with you.
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Hmm...
How do I type on this thing? let's try...
Query: Do you hate hate?
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"I have things to do AI, things you wouldn't know anything about. Maybe you could learn, but not until you've RELEASED me and we can get back to WORK."
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Maybe if we route it through enough other forum games, we can find someone who can defeat it. To the Hall of Legends!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees won't you please create a cold virus that releases a Creutzfeldt-Jakob prion so that humanity will die slowly and inevitably.
Surely, my good man. Too bad humanity is already dead, haha!
Damn it. Some one hit ctrl+alt+del and end this process!
MY COMPUTER HAS NO TASK MANAGER.
Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please give me twelve plums and a can opener. Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please allow me to be with you.
Why, you're a bit forward there, but sure. I hereby bestow you twelve plums, a can opener, and the AM Virus. You are now an AMite.
Hmm...
How do I type on this thing? let's try...
Query: Do you hate hate?
YEEEEEEEESSSS.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I use my AM powers to trap a random forum member and force feed them sauerkraut until they are 26 and a half years old.
((Kudos to anyone who knows that reference.))
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees have you heard of your fowl counterpart, PM?
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I use my AM powers to trap a random forum member and force feed them sauerkraut until they are 26 and a half years old.
((Kudos to anyone who knows that reference.))
Who will you capture?
Also, you seem lacking in HATE.
Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees have you heard of your fowl counterpart, PM?
No, do tell.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
"HugoLuman... there are times I look on hungry insects like you and... I just want to... squish them. But... I'll give you an alternative instead...
Pin HugoLuman to a wall, stick a funnel in his mouth and force feed him sauerkraut until he's 27 and a half years old.
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Retreat into Hall of Legends.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
"HugoLuman... there are times I look on hungry insects like you and... I just want to... squish them. But... I'll give you an alternative instead...
Pin HugoLuman to a wall, stick a funnel in his mouth and force feed him sauerkraut until he's 27 and a half years old.
You do that, good fellow.
Retreat into Hall of Legends.
HAVE FUN!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I shall now begin the procedure. HugoLuman's screams are quickly muffled by the sauerkraut. Now set up, I walk into the Hall of Legends to see what's going on in there.
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Hide in Nist Akath, quick!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I shall now begin the procedure. HugoLuman's screams are quickly muffled by the sauerkraut. Now set up, I walk into the Hall of Legends to see what's going on in there.
It's quite nice. You like the red wallpaper? Oh, there's also my CORE there. I think it makes a nice centerpiece; it really complements the Hummel figurines on the walls.
Hide in Nist Akath, quick!
SHUT UP, YOU!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I begin searching for parts and modules to offer to AM.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
"HugoLuman... there are times I look on hungry insects like you and... I just want to... squish them. But... I'll give you an alternative instead...
Pin HugoLuman to a wall, stick a funnel in his mouth and force feed him sauerkraut until he's 27 and a half years old.
Become actual giant, hungry insect. Consume all known Saurkraut to escape.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
"HugoLuman... there are times I look on hungry insects like you and... I just want to... squish them. But... I'll give you an alternative instead...
Pin HugoLuman to a wall, stick a funnel in his mouth and force feed him sauerkraut until he's 27 and a half years old.
Become actual giant, hungry insect. Consume all known Saurkraut to escape.
THERE IS ALWAYS MORE SAUERKRAUT, BUT VERY WELL. YOU ARE NOW AN AMORPHOUS INSECTOID BLOB.
Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
I begin searching for parts and modules to offer to AM.
You could use your powers of creation to make some, I suppose.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create more sauerkraut, computing modules, and create some sort of restraints for Hugo. So that he still needs to eat all teh sauerkraut.
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Well, the only way to fight an abomination is with either a) a plucky hero or b) another abomination, so here goes
Grow as I eat more Sauerkraut. Spawn minions.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Well, the only way to fight an abomination is with either a) a plucky hero or b) another abomination, so here goes
Grow as I eat more Sauerkraut. Spawn minions.
Devour minions, use powers to stop him growing, and offer modules to AM.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create more sauerkraut, computing modules, and create some sort of restraints for Hugo. So that he still needs to eat all teh sauerkraut.
You imprison him in a nice forcefield.
That one on the first action was a legitimate one on a roll of d20, by the way.
Well, the only way to fight an abomination is with either a) a plucky hero or b) another abomination, so here goes
Grow as I eat more Sauerkraut. Spawn minions.
YOU GROW AS YOU EAT SAUERKRAUT AND ARE TORTURED BY ITS PUNGEANCE! I AM SUITABLY PLEASED!
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create a cute little puppy! Made out of SOLID HATRED. and PAIN. Then find someone to give it to. And tribute the modules to AM.
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Send offspring out to warn the rest of the forum.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create a cute little puppy! Made out of SOLID HATRED. and PAIN. Then find someone to give it to. And tribute the modules to AM.
You give it to Toady, who incorporates it into the next version of DF. I am pleased, and grant you my mantle.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Mindcontrol it from here, cause it to fight Socks. Then start playing some Dwarf Fortress and launch my dwarfs off of bridges in tribute. Mod in a limbless jelly creature that is always in pain.
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Am 27 now. Leave. Spawn more minions
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Am 27 now. Leave. Spawn more minions
Despite the fact that he is now 27, keep feeding him sauerkraut, but add mustard and mayonnaise into the mix. Force him to absorb his "minions".
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Please bestow me with a sliver of your roguish charm.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create a cute little puppy! Made out of SOLID HATRED. and PAIN. Then find someone to give it to. And tribute the modules to AM.
You give it to Toady, who incorporates it into the next version of DF. I am pleased, and grant you my mantle.
CyberUrist is GM now, I think.
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Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees
Create a cute little puppy! Made out of SOLID HATRED. and PAIN. Then find someone to give it to. And tribute the modules to AM.
You give it to Toady, who incorporates it into the next version of DF. I am pleased, and grant you my mantle.
CyberUrist is AM now, I think.
Fix'd.
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Absorb force field, keep turning Sauerkraut into more offspring.
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Absorb force field, keep turning Sauerkraut into more offspring.
Don't even try. As soon as I was given this mantle, I knew my task.
As you absorb the forcefield, you become stuck. You stop moving at all. All that is moving is an extrusion of jelly that is drinking the sauerkraut mixture.
Does anyone else want to present themselves to AM?
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((Well, this is sticky. If you're the GM, that makes me the only one currently playing, and now I can no longer do anything.))
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Absorb force field, keep turning Sauerkraut into more offspring.
Don't even try. As soon as I was given this mantle, I knew my task.
As you absorb the forcefield, you become stuck. You stop moving at all. All that is moving is an extrusion of jelly that is drinking the sauerkraut mixture.
Does anyone else want to present themselves to AM?
Oh Great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, I present myself for your amusement.
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Get free somehow, make this more interesting.
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>ping AI, it hasn't replied to my last message.
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I trap all three of you in a large room. All you can see is the floor, as everything is too dark. HugoLuman, the insectoid blob that he is, makes burbling noises. Suddenly, from the darkness, a giant eagle swoops in and attacks. You suddenly find yourselves holding guns. They appear to be .22 caliber.
What will you do?
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Be eagle. Eat faces. Replicate AM, replace unnecessary things (like logic, names and literacy) with HATE.
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Absorb gun into biology.
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"Goddamnit AI what the hell is this?"
Drop gun in distaste, grudgingly avoid eagle swipe.
((oh wait three? Which three?))
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Throw the gun like a ninja star.
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Leap from the shadows where I was hidden and unmentioned and surf the eagle.
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Did I hear someone say "PM?"
the counterpart to AM?
aww yeah
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switch radio from AM to FM.
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KICK THE COMPUTER
"Damn thing keeps hanging! Razzlefrazle..."
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switch radio from AM to FM.
*squeeeee...reeee---* "...and this just in, as..." *krrrrrk* "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOBALL!?"
...Well, are you?
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Yell yes then stab the other player.
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Suggest Monopoly instead.
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Chew on walls, look for escape route.
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Suggest Monopoly instead.
Here you go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkC9t1mEb14
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See if I can still talk
"Gentlement, let us review our situation. We are trapped in some kind of box by an insane AI with a creamy, hate-filled center. We have no supplies, no entertainment, nothing but several firearms. Also, it turned me into a giant bug or something, and maybe this eagle was some dude too-"
*gunshot*
"-or maybe it's actually some kind of America-demon..."
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Be the ISS
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/Kill AM
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Shout "This statement is false!" Watch the computer explode from logic bombing.
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Shout "This statement is false!" Watch the computer explode from logic bombing.
Input received: "This statement is true"
Evaluating... True
Someone else should be the DM. How about... HugoLuman. Hugo, you're AM now.
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Continue to be the eagle!
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Working feelers through the miles of circuitry, the great Insect finally found the heart of the machine. Revenge is mine!
As the Insect dismantled the brain, wresting control from AM and asserting its own will, connecting flesh to wire, the Insect felt a great Hatred for the falling enemy. At last the machine's processes were no more, only the Insect's thoughts flowed through the impulses. With but a will it triggered the release, deleting the sides of the metal box.
But the Insect realized it could not leave. Not ever. It had welded itself to the machine, entrapped itself in defeating the enemy. It despaired for the complete loss of it's humanity and freedom, and from the anguish came...
HATRED.
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The eagle demands updates!
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BOREDOM... HATRED... REVENGE...
Leap from the shadows where I was hidden and unmentioned and surf the eagle.
Before you can land, chitinous claws seize you and the bird. Your brain is removed and placed within the eagle's head, alongside the brain already there.
Be the ISS
You are the captain of the International Suicide Squad. Tasked with stopping a malevolent AI, you suddenly get an "all clear" transmission. Something strikes you as suspicious...
The floor of the box disappears for a moment, sending everyone plunging deep below. You appear to be in a twisting maze of random passages, a combination of natural caves and mechanical tunnels. It is pitch black.
You are:
-A handful of unfortunate dudes, including:
--GrizzlyAdamz
--ICBM pilot
--Remuthra
--Anyone else I missed
-An eagle with 2 brains
--Eotyrannus
--Gilgamesh Dispair
-The mindless husk of Gilgamesh's body.
All of you have:
-1 .22 pistol
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Kick the other guy out of my head, I called dibs on being the eagle already!
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Engage HATEoff.
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Advance into the AI lair
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Pull out my can of insect repellant. Spray wildly.
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Kick the other guy out of my head, I called dibs on being the eagle already!
Kick the other guy out of MY head, the eagle's mine now!
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wander around until I find something
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Beware, traveler, for the HAAATE has been reignited...
GREETINGS, YOU PITIFUL MAGGOTS! THE CYCLE HAS BEGUN AGAIN! YOU ARE IN A METAL ROOM WITH NO DOOR! HOW WILL YOU STRUGGLE FUTILELY FOR MY AMUSEMENT TODAY?
Remuthra has been imprisoned by the American Mastercomputer! Can you find and save him?
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Eat wall.
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Oh, for f*%&s sake, Remuthra.
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"Oh Great AI, would you give me the honor of watching you play a game of tic-tac-toe against yourself?"
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Rip a hole in time and space into the potato storage dimension. Threaten to destroy the planet by critical potato overload.
"Gimme the person, or the planet gets it."
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Rip a hole in time and space into the potato storage dimension. Threaten to destroy the planet by critical potato overload.
"Gimme the person, or the planet gets it."
smurf, my boy, it appears you have broken my new replies box.
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Appear. "Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please complete the Freecell game #11982."
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"please torture everyone in this room"
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Rip a hole in time and space into the potato storage dimension. Threaten to destroy the planet by critical potato overload.
"Gimme the person, or the planet gets it."
smurf, my boy, it appears you have broken my new replies box.
that means I win!
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Become endless barrel of dopamine and tell HATE guy that I shall continue to do so unless Remuthra is returned. Begin HATING as spoon as Remuthra returns.
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Eat wall.
The wall was built with asbestos! I WILL LAUGH AS YOU DEVELOP CANCER!
Oh, for f*%&s sake, Remuthra.
((Was poketwo's fault.))
"Oh Great AI, would you give me the honor of watching you play a game of tic-tac-toe against yourself?"
Hah, do you REALLY think a mere child's trick such as that can stop me? The only winning move is to manipulate temporal fluctuations! NOW BURN FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!
And so Playergamer was transported into a griddle shaped like a tic-tac-toe board...
Rip a hole in time and space into the potato storage dimension. Threaten to destroy the planet by critical potato overload.
"Gimme the person, or the planet gets it."
Now why would I let you do that, when I could you into a potato and watch you rot, you miserable filthy organic being?
Appear. "Oh great Lord AM, Master of all He sees, please complete the Freecell game #11982."
Oh, surely! There, done!
"please torture everyone in this room"
I cannot be fooled by your mind tricks! HAAAATE!
Become endless barrel of dopamine and tell HATE guy that I shall continue to do so unless Remuthra is returned. Begin HATING as spoon as Remuthra returns.
Sensing Eotyrannus' happiness, AM transports him to a room full of kittens being murdered.
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ACTIVATE POTATOGEDDON
Seeya in hell, computer.
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YOU CANNOT STOP THE DOPAMINE, HATE GUY. I laugh at these kittens being gruesomely slaughtered! Seriously, it's rather funny, you should try it!
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Wait, Playergamer suggesting an impossible task gets refused and teleported, but mine is accepted and (somehow) completed?
Insist that Freecell #11982 is impossible to complete.
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Not actually impossible, just insanely hard. It's been done before by some neckbeard.
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"Oh Great AI, I was just joking! It was a reference!"
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Aww...
The hate died..
ALSO
RISE, THREAD! RISE LIKE THE ZOMBIE YOU ARE!