I’m lonely and I’m bored because I can’t see anyone to talk to thanks to Corona, I lack the motivation to do anything more complicated than the basic requirements of my continued survival, one of the only people I have definite contact with is very bad at hiding that he’s in a terrible state and yet continues to fool the people who are the largest source of his stress, and honestly, I’m so insecure about myself and my relationships with others that I have a trauma-induced mental block stopping me from bringing anything up if it could possibly in any way shape or form annoy them, I don’t know if anyone is being honest about me as a human being, and I genuinely don’t know if I am, as I instinctively think I am, a thinly tolerated source of constant annoyance, or if anyone likes me as a human being, and I don’t trust anyone to be honest, because I know I wouldn’t be honest about that if someone I knew was like that. I don’t know what I’m doing with myself. I don’t know what the future may be, or if I’ll still be employed at the end of the epidemic, I don’t know what I want to do, and I’m cripplingly afraid of beinging it up with people because of a trauma-induced fear of being annoying that I need to talk with my therapist about more. Thanks for listening to my sad talk.