I don't know why I'm trying to improve myself so much, or make up for the things I've done. It all feels like a hopeless endeavor, trying to make up for what I've done in the past, trying to help people and seek forgiveness,
all of it is hopeless. I just feel like I'm at the highest point in my life I'll ever be, and right now that's entertaining the thought of making a shitton of enemies and then ODing so I don't make anyone else's life worse. I don't really know what the hell to do at this point. It's probably true that people don't change, or right to harass and bully people who want to change themselves for the sake of making "better" people happier than themselves. And I'm asking myself, is that the world I want to live in? Is that the truth I can't accept? And if it is... why get up tomorrow?