Post by: lawastooshort on May 27, 2016, 04:37:18 pm
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
“HAHAHAHAHA, JERKOFFS!” shouts the leader of the seventh graders. First you look about you, at the dirty corners of the dead end in which you find yourself, and then into the eyes of your companions. Chuck trembles with fear. Joe is already crying. Randy’s cheeks are red with shame. You don't wanna die.
“FIRST YOU’RE GONNA DIE, AND THEN WE’RE GONNA TAKE YOUR DINNER MONEY, DICKWADS!”
Chuck wets himself.
The seventh grade gang approach. You fall to the floor and curl into a ball, waiting for the inevitable.
You never see what happens next: you're too terrified to uncurl and watch.
There’s a burst of screaming.
There’s the sound of a punch to the guts.
And the dull crack of a kick to the jaw.
Then there’s the sound of whimpering; the soft sob of… of a seventh grader crying? The hurried footfall of fleeing bullies? It must be a trap: Chuck and the others are dead! They’re surrounding you!
THEY’RE GONNA TEAR YOU APART!
… … … … … ...
A few minutes pass. Suddenly the smell of urine gets stronger and you feel a foot poke your ribs.
“Dude. Dude. Get up man. They’re totally gone, dude!”
“Wh- what? B-“
“Dude. It was an eighth grader, man! He came out of nowhere and… and he knew… he knew…”
“What, man? Come on Chuck, what did he know, buttmunch?”
“Dude, he knew YOGA, man. It was the most terrible but awesomest thing I’ve ever seen!”
You notice Randy a few feet from the rest of you. He seems to be vomiting.
“But what’s up with Randy, Chuck? Did the seventh graders get him first?”
“No, man. No. He saw it all. He’s seen things he can never unsee, dude. Those bastards are in hospital now, man! THEY EAT DINNER THROUGH TUBES NOW, DUDE!”
… … … … … ...
A couple of hours pass. You get home.
“Mom, can I learn yoga? There’s a class at the community centre Saturday?”
“Yoga? Erm… yeah… sure?”
And that is how your quest to master the ancient martial art of yoga begins.
THE FARTHEST JOURNEY
THE CLOSEST TO DEATH
THE BENDIEST MARTIAL ART
THE FATE OF THE GALAXY IS IN THEIR HANDS
THE CLOSEST TO DEATH
THE BENDIEST MARTIAL ART
THE FATE OF THE GALAXY IS IN THEIR HANDS
SPACETIME YOGAQUEST
Spoiler: This is how to join (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on May 27, 2016, 04:37:42 pm
Current player list
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Waitlist (click to show/hide)
Library of Yogic Moves
(all Yoga moves take 1 Mind Point to perform, unless they say otherwise, and unless they are above your Yoga level, in which case they take an extra Mind Point for every level above yours)
(all moves have been hastily reconstructed from the fading memories of millennia old Yoga instruction manuals, and as such are liable to clarification and indeed balancing)
Spoiler: Hatha Yoga: the Yoga of the Death Shaman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Iyengar Yoga: The Yoga of the Immovable Object (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Ashtanga Yoga: The Yoga of the Sword (click to show/hide)
Post by: SOLDIER First on May 27, 2016, 05:00:39 pm
Post by: inaluct on May 27, 2016, 05:22:34 pm
Quote from: Character Bio: Albert Albert
Name: Albert Albert
Color:
Bio: Growing up in the warm haze of American suburbia atrophied Albert Albert at the pit of his soul. Always coddled, always the only child and favorite possession of his parents, his every sensitivity and tiny finicky need was protected, from his fear of bees to his need for braces. He was a boy, but like so many others, he was not growing into a man.
This all changed on one hot summer night, when he saw for the first time Conan the Barbarian (1982) and learned THE RIDDLE OF STEEL. A karmic waterfall opened within him, flooding him with visions of the future, should he not deviate from his course. For the first time in his entire life, he gathered his inner strength and committed himself to a goal. He would become a powerful and feared warrior, a mystical master not to be trifled with. Auric chakras sang an ethereal curtain of light around him as his third eye opened and he saw a glimpse of the great beyond. Knowing that yoga was the only way forward to true power, he begged his parents to let him sign up for yoga classes at the community center.
As the game progresses further and he grows more powerful, Albert Albert will begin to dress like and emulate the powerful snake wizard Thulsa Doom, and the symptoms of his schizophrenia will worsen.
Post by: Sosoku234 on May 27, 2016, 05:34:54 pm
Colour: I don't see why you'd include this bit in the sheet itself, if we just PM it to you.
Bio: An average boy of 10 years old. He and his twin sister, Lucy, live at home with their mother, Sheila. His father died fighting in Vietnam. As a young lad, Fisk always aspired to be the man of the house. After a terrifying incident involving Lucy, a cold, and mistaken heart meds, he has striven to grow stronger and be the protector of his family. Yoga is the key to being the strongest.
Post by: SOLDIER First on May 27, 2016, 05:38:22 pm
Colour: PM me a colour. The PM bit is important, which is why I underlined it. Don't include it here.
Post by: Fniff on May 27, 2016, 05:50:28 pm
Colour: PM me a colour
Bio: Lilith is the middle child of three sisters, born into a deeply religious family. She has begun her rebellious phase by stumbling into the occult. Due to her hometown lacking any witch covens, she's turned to yoga as the only (somewhat) satanic activity she could find; she also has a few D&D manuals that she likes reading when everybody's gone to sleep. Lilith's attempts at being a scary and edgy witch are hamstrung by the fact the only witches she's ever seen are the ones on the covers of those 'Hairy Potter' books that mommy likes barbecuing with all her church friends.
Post by: Pancaek on May 27, 2016, 06:24:48 pm
Colour: pm'ed
Bio: Richard's parents, Jude and Calvin Wensley, absolutely loathe violence of any kind. They are vegan hippies, going to flower power rallies and other such things. In that respect, Richard is nothing like his parents. Instead he takes after his grandpa, Alistair Wensley, a veteran of world war 2. The now retired sergeant, a stern but loving man, has left a deep impression on the young mind of little Richard. He wants to be like his grandpa, strong and dependable. But his parents forbid him from doing any kind of dangerous sports. So, he hatched a plan to learn this yoga he heard so much about. It sounds just vaguely exotic enough that he could convince his parents that is a totally harmless kind of exercising to get in touch with your inner spirit.
As for Richard himself, he quite likes anything to do with World War 2 and birds. He also quite likes French cheeses, something he probably got from his grandmother. He's an overall quiet kid, though he wishes he could be more outspoken and social. Still, like grandpa says: "From a strong body comes a strong personality." His favourite colour is red, like the feathers of the Cardinal bird.
Post by: Harry Baldman on May 27, 2016, 07:37:09 pm
EDIT: DONE
Name: Jarvis Palkin
Color: let's PM that, shall we
Bio: a bright-eyed young lad of 12 years, Jarvis is that boy you see staring off into distance, drooling a little as his quivering lips struggle to convey the magnitude of the imaginary explosions he is inescapably compelled to voice. If left to his own devices, his hands join in with sweeping motions. His sound effects library also includes whistling, humming, breathless singing and a stupendous variation of whooshes and fwips and kapows. That is, until he notices you staring at him. Then he just sort of quickly leaves in a skittish fashion.
His mom's in theater (his dad does work that requires a suit and provides money from what Jarvis understands), and the greatest moment of Jarvis' life was when she let him have a stage sword for his 8th birthday. It's been only downhill from there.
UNTIL NOW, Jarvis thought this Saturday morning. For this afternoon he shall learn the forbidden art of yoga. He hasn't quite figured out how that will lead to explosions, but that hasn't stopped him from imagining a great deal of them in anticipation regardless.
Post by: lawastooshort on May 28, 2016, 03:09:15 pm
It'd be a shame if we don't get 8 players sign up and so have to forego the anonymous yogic deathmatch selection phase but there you go.
Post by: TheBiggerFish on May 28, 2016, 10:32:41 pm
A'ighty.
Sheet incoming.
Spoiler: Aw, sheet (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on May 29, 2016, 05:48:50 am
Color:PMed.
Are you sure?
Post by: lawastooshort on May 29, 2016, 04:04:36 pm
Post by: TheBiggerFish on May 29, 2016, 07:11:30 pm
Should we actually know anything about yoga?
Post by: wipeout1024 on May 29, 2016, 08:28:53 pm
Spoiler: CHARACTER INCOMING (click to show/hide)
Post by: IronyOwl on May 29, 2016, 10:44:25 pm
Name: Edith McKenzie
Colour: Mackerel. What, Salmon can be a color but Mackerel can't? That's racist. Racist against fishes! What were we talking about again?
Bio: Freckles. Buck teeth. Short, frizzy, 45-degree pigtails. Glasses reinforced against hurricane-force winds and anti-materiel rounds. When you name a newborn baby "Edith," you're probably not expecting much, and this little girl has most certainly failed to deliver. Other than voraciously reading (and writing, though we don't talk about that) the kinds of novels her mother doesn't want her reading and playing tabletop games with imaginary friends (actual games require talking to actual boys, from what she's seen), Edith isn't very good at very much. But that's about to change. Oh yes, that's definitely about to change.
Post by: lawastooshort on May 30, 2016, 01:38:40 am
Should we actually know anything about yoga?
Oh no, there is a sensei who will teach you everything you need to know.
Post by: hops on May 30, 2016, 04:43:03 am
Post by: SOLDIER First on May 30, 2016, 04:49:02 am
Colour: PM me a colour. The PM bit is important, which is why I underlined it. Don't include it here.
Post by: lawastooshort on May 30, 2016, 05:28:05 am
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
The flyer for the community centre yoga class said to bring comfortable clothing, so here you are, on Saturday morning, looking about, wild eyed in your favourite superhero pyjamas. There's a whole bunch of other sixth graders here. You know some of them. You've seen all of them get punched at least once.
You wander over to a pretty cool looking poster on one of the walls, and join a couple of your friends in gawping open mouthed at it. It shows a yogaka in a traditional Ashtanga Yoga pose, jumping feet first through a ring of fire and performing the splits at half a dozen enemy ninjas, two of them falling to the ground bleeding from the ears before contact is even made.
”Wow… dude… I’m gonna do that some day…”
”No way, buttwad, look at this one… this one is AWESOME…”
You’re dragged over by the crowd to another two metre tall poster. You almost wet yourself with joy.
”Dude… that is TOTALLY a ninja…”
The poster shows a ninja, dressed all in black, totally countering the blows of a dozen enemy samurai by standing on his head and channelling the power of Iyengar Yoga. But you barely have time to imprint the image in your mind before you’re jostled over to the final poster.
”Holy crap dudes…”
”Is that…”
”Shit. No way. He’s killing seven bad guys by touching his toe. With one finger. That can't be real.”
”It totally can, dudes.”
… … … … … …
You turn at this new and deeper voice. Crap! It’s the sensei! It's... it's like he totally appeared out of the Yogic ether, man. You gasp as he points at the poster depicting a Hatha Yoga eighth dan killing seven bad guys by touching his toe. With one finger. Blindfolded.
”You wanna do that? I can do that. That is the pressure point shamanic death Yoga of the Hatha. Hardest to master, but hardest to beat. Deadly in the right hands. In feudal Japan, practically every shinobi sensei had to master this. Anyway, time to start.”
Sensei walks to the front of the dojo and in a wise but manly voice addresses the room.
”Right! Well! Listen up, folks. I didn’t expect so many of you to turn up today, and I’ve only got insurance for teaching small groups at once, so we’re gonna have to whittle you down a little.”
He paces up and down as he talks, hair flowing in the Yogic wind like a hippy Norris. Suddenly he jumps into a totally fearsome pose with his arms outspread, and as he turns back to the rows of students the four or five nearest visibly quiver and back away.
”I'm gonna teach you three moves today, and then you're each gonna get the chance to put them into practice. There's three schools of yoga of interest to an American. This one is Iyengar Yoga – it's pretty subtle, mostly about avoiding damage and turning the enemy's strength against himself as hard as you can. It's popular amongst the ninja – always has been. To get into Iyengar Yoga, you can try fighting with this: the Tree Pose.”
He drops into a subtle sitting position, and suddenly Chuck, in the front row, passes out.
”This, dudes, is Hatha Yoga. The yoga of the shaman and of the shinobi master. It's about pressure points and concentrating your inner Yogic power – and then unleashing it in your enemy's face, with just your finger, or even your eyes. It's probably the only branch of any martial art to explode stuff with Yogic mind waves. If you like the sound of Hatha Yoga, try this first – the classic Deep Breath.”
Even more suddenly than before, he leaps into the air, legs spread wildly about as he bursts into a manic shout of terror. He lands with his legs flat on the floor. You notice you just wet yourself, but it's so awesome you don't even care.
”SHIT YEAH DUDES! This is POWER YOGA, the yoga of the GODS, man! Ashtanga Yoga is all about destroying the crap out of your enemy, dudes, and shit does it make you feel GOOD! The first move in Ashtanga Yoga you should totally try, if you wanna follow this path, is the Basic Splits. It's iconic. It was the first move I ever taught Bruce Lee, rest his soul.”
… … … … … ...
Sensei gets to his feet.
”Right. So I've shown you the basic moves of the three main schools of yoga. Now, if you wanna be my pupils, you've gotta earn it. There's like twenty, or eight, or something, of you in here. I can take on four before I have to double my insurance premiums.”
He stares each and every one of you in the eyes.
”You know how to fight, right? Course you don’t! Otherwise you wouldn’t be here learning the awesome power of yoga, would you. Well, listen up.”
You feel that he is about to tell you something life-changingly important, and listen up.
”Fighting is the essence of Yoga, and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty communist. Fighting is fairly simple.
Life is divided into turns, dudes. Each turn of fighting, you can move and do one of three things:
Attack – specify an enemy. You roll d6. They roll d6. If you beat them, they take damage according to the difference.
Counter – you take on a defensive stance, and counter-attack the first enemy to attack you. They try to hit you. You wait. Then, if you're still standing, you roll d6. They roll d6. You add one to your d6. If you beat them, they take damage according to the difference.
Yogic Defence – you take on a Yogic defensive stance, and defend against all enemies that attack you. They roll d6 and try to hit you. You roll d6 and take it like a man. A shamanic ninja man.
You can also do Yoga, and combine it with one of the three above actions, although Yogic moves that are above your level of mastery can sometimes be dangerous. You can also talk, as much as you like, I guess.”
Sensei stares mysteriously into the distance, as if remembering his own brutal master in a moving and revealing flashback that shows what a sensitive kind of dude he is and that you can’t unfortunately see. He remembers you all standing before him and finishes his lesson.
”SO FIGHT! LAST FOUR STANDING GET TO JOURNEY ALONG THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUS AMERICAN YOGA!”
Anonymous Yogic Death Match is Go! PM me your actions. Or, you know, you can not PM them if you want an unending deathfeud, it's up to you. That might be fun too. Both are good.
Spoiler: Positioning and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
You have all learnt – but not yet mastered, as you really have to perform a Yoga move in combat before you can say you've mastered it – the below moves:
Spoiler: Ashtanga Yoga: The Yoga of the Sword (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Hatha Yoga: The Yoga of the Death Shaman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Iyengar Yoga: The Yoga of the Immovable Object (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Example move (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Burning regret (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on June 01, 2016, 12:25:51 am
Post by: IronyOwl on June 01, 2016, 03:51:48 am
Post by: Toaster on June 02, 2016, 12:07:40 am
Post by: lawastooshort on June 02, 2016, 04:18:18 pm
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 0a
Quote from: Limegreen boy
Yogic Defense
[5] With a calm determined look on his face, Limegreen boy opens this new Yogic Era by standing very hard in the corner of the room.
Quote from: Red boy
Screech and leap awkwardly into the air, performing a powerful Ashtanga yogic splits, directing my savage destructive energy towards Pink girl and Violet girl.
[5; 1vs3; 5vs2] Ignoring this admittedly powerful opening gambit, Red boy emits a terrifying Yogic deathscreech, displaying his heroic martial artistry by seizing the initiative and unleashing his clumsy inner strength right in the faces of both Pink girl and Violet girl at once!
Pink girl, however, inadvertently ducks, throwing herself bravely in front of Red boy before popping back up again like an angry Yogic seal. She's just in time to see Violet girl, beginning to deploy a strident looking Tree Pose, reel from a violent foot to the chin.
Quote from: Violet girl
Violet girl will use Tree Pose in preparation for a counterattack. She will remain still besides.
[4; 4+1vs3] Violet girl looks quite severely damaged, but the inherent stable force of the Tree Pose enables her to riposte – she smacks the heel of her hand towards Red boy's flying groin, barely missing, but instead catching him a solid blow to the gut, which looks like it hurts almost as much as her face does.
Quote from: Pink girl
Dive in front of the Red boy and do tree-pose, counter-attacking anyone who tries to attack him or me.
Deciding that now or never is the best time to finally stop being awkward in front of boys, Pink girl takes Red boy's nearly-murderous splits as a Yogic Attraction Technique, and replies by doing a shy-yet-confident Tree Pose right back at him!
But noooo! Violet girl looks interested in Red boy too, so Pink girl activates Tree Pose – to devastatingly amateurish effect! That is to say, it goes wrong!
[6; 4+1vs4; 1+1vs6; 2+1vs1] She succeeds in bravely defending Red boy, smacking Violet girl around the ear, and can't control her Yogic instincts well enough yet to stop herself from also retaliating at Red boy, her new found crush and protectee. Whoops - but she completely misses, and then, realising she just attacked him by mistake, aims a blow at her own ear in penance!
Reduced to Zero Yogic Hit Points, Pink girl therefore smacks herself unconscious, but, rendering someone unconscious being one of the best ways to regenerate Yogic force, immediately revives herself back to One Yogic Hit Point!
Total Yoga!
"Punchbackius Hitreallyhardium!"
She is just in time to see Violet girl, in Tree Pose, and therefore poised to counter-attack her, spinning on her heels quite dramatically and throwing her fist right into Pink girl's throat.
[4+1vs1] Pink girl collapses unconscious to the floor and has difficulties breathing! Violet girl regenerates a bonus Yogic Hit Point!
Pink girl is out
sorry
Quote from: Orange boy
Splits, and attack Teal and Tomato.
[5; 2vs5; 6vs4] Meanwhile, far from the calmness of the bottom left of the dojo, and the violent murder of the bottom middle-right, the students immediately in front of sensei spring into action in quite an impressive, or at least enthusiastic display of their new art. They perhaps sense the chance to grab sensei's eye, in the figurative sense.
With considerable mastery, Orange boy does the splits, but is dodged by Teal boy. A satisfying crunch comes from Tomato boy's nose, however!
"I can't lose this," shouts Tomato boy, filling with righteous (and, it turns out, democratic) anger, "because I'm not a dirty commie. Democracy will prevail."
Yes! Tomato boy is manoeuvring into Tree Pose, and he's about to unleash his inner tree!
[1; 5+1vs2] But no! As he moves his arms upwards, he absent-mindedly lets go of his trouser waist, which he'd been holding up discreetly for the last ten minutes, because his trousers (that's pants if you are not British, and certainly not pants if you are) (there may well be other anglophone countries that call trousers trousers, but I'm not on expert on the subject, so I apologise if my linguistic note is not fully inclusive – I mean no offence) are far too big for him! They slip down to his ankles, revealing his bare knees!
Tomato boy hurriedly smashes a clenched fist into Orange boy's skull, all but smashing it apart. It looks like you can see bits inside it, but it's hard to tell.
Orange boy looks tremendously dazed.
Quote from: Teal boy
Come on baby, let's do the Splits at Tomato and Orange. No moves yet.
Before Tomato boy can bend to pull his trousers up – which he hopes to immediately do to avoid the burning shame he can feel creeping upwards from his toes – Teal boy's foot comes flying towards both him and Orange boy in a blur.
[4; 4vs4; 3vs6] But, perhaps secretly giggling at the partially naked fate of his opponent, Teal boy does not manage to connect with either foot. As he lands he tries to avoid looking towards sensei, feeling a little disappointed with himself, before turning to see if that's really Tomato boy's underpands.
It is!
Quote from: Tomato boy
I perform the tree pose, counterattacking the first two people who attack me (if it works). I don't move from where I am.
[1;2+1vs6] Caught between counter-attacking Teal boy and pulling up his trousers, Tomato boy half-heartedly tries, but completely misses his attacker, so quickly takes the opportunity to get dressed. He bends down, reaches the waist of his trousers, pulls... But doing so provokes an attack of dressed-undressed state changing opportunity!
[6vs6;3vs1] The surprisingly-alert-for-a-boy-bleeding-from-the-skull Orange boy quickly gets a crude knee towards Tomato boy, but falls off balance, and collapses to the floor, panting hard. And then the disappointed Teal boy sees his chance for redemption, wolloping a foot into Tomato boy's backside, and sending him, in turn, crashing to the ground, where he smashes his face off the hard dojo floor!
He looks quite seriously hurt!
Quote from: Green girl
Take The Deep Breath, and move to Space Middle 5.
[4]Meanwhile, at the left of the dojo, a faint gulp is heard, and Green girl moves forwards into the middle, and sits, outwardly calmly, down.
"Ommm........."
Spoiler: Positioning and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Xantalos on June 02, 2016, 05:34:37 pm
I WATCH ANYWAY
Post by: TheBiggerFish on June 02, 2016, 11:30:40 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on June 03, 2016, 01:00:33 am
Edit: mis-spelt "yes"
Edit: Toaster/Xantalos, you are welcome to waitlist. You are both always a pleasure to have, and I plan on having my highest ever character kill count in this game, so perhaps the waiting will not be infinite.
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 03, 2016, 09:25:43 pm
I hope you get better soon/today.
Post by: Xantalos on June 03, 2016, 11:52:42 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on June 04, 2016, 05:36:22 am
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 0b
Quote from: Violet girl
Take a Deep Breath, savoring the taste of having defeated our first romantic rival.
Having seen the first sudden and shockingly violent death of the day – when some of the students may have just imagined that they were attending a gentle yoga class – many of the contenders turn to the Way of Cautious Caginess in order to survive.
[4] Violet girl, therefore, is not unique as she seats herself upon the floor and takes a Deep Breath.
She is, however, unique in being the only surviving aspirant to Red boy's affections, and she struggles to breathe deeply in the excitement of this knowledge: in the space of five minutes, not only has she become cool, but a boy likes her! A real boy! A real boy!
Quote from: Teal boy
Take a Deep Breath and live dangerously with a Yogic Defense.
[4] Teal boy's thinking is less romantic, but has the same end result: he sits bravely down in front of sensei, and prepares himself to withstand his classmates' Yogic slings and arrows.
Wait – he thought yoga was unarmed combat?
Quote from: Red boy
Shaken with grief at the friendship/romance/tragedy play that unfolded all at once out of nowhere last turn, red boy retreats to the bottom right corner of the dojo mat and take a deep breath, steeling himself against the horrors of war.
[6] Having just assaulted his girlfriend and then seen her brutally cut down by a love rival, Red boy backs off from Violet girl's over-enthusiastic affections, and sits down unsteadily in the bottom right of the dojo.
He takes a Deep Breath, but breathes so hard he starts feeling Pure Yogic Power build up inside himself like a Yogic Volcano!
Sensei leaps into the air at the front of the dojo and shouts out, in a strangely altered accent, ”Red boy! No! Your grief is inhibiting your Yogic Control! You must let out your Yogic Power immediately or it might explode! With tragic consequences! Open the floodgates or burst, my son!”
Red boy stares open-eyed, and wonders how to avoid Yogic explosion, and what it might entail. He realises it must be a lesson he learns himself, in order to become a stronger yogaka.
Quote from: Tomato boy
Stay put, do Deep Breath and yogic defence. Humn the pledge of allegiance as a makeshift buddhist sutra.
[5] Despite this horrifying warning about the dangers of Yogic Power, Tomato boy also decides the best path is to try to Breathe Deeply and access its source. He sits down as hard as thinks he can, and tries to breath as well as possible.
He realises that humming as Americanly as possible is probably a sure-fire way to control your breathing, and as he hums sensei looks on approvingly, and Tomato boy feels Yogic warmth spreading through his body.
Quote from: Limegreen boy
Move to Space middle 2, Tree Pose
[6] Limegreen boy is also unnerved by sensei's warning and Red boy's imagined impending fate – might he explode? Might his brain squeeze out? He's never seen a Yogic Dam burst! - and strides bravely but over-confidently forward toward the middle of the dojo.
He sticks his arms out and waits, entirely tense.
But no one attacks him, and nothing seems to happen.
Quote from: Orange boy
Tree pose. Aaaaaa.
And Orange boy also waits. He stands terrified in the corner, swaying gently as he waits for the end to come.
Quote from: Green girl
Move to space Top 1, and perform the splits at tomato and orange boy.
[4] But the end doesn't come! Green girl comes instead, flying acrobatically and Yogically (and extremely stretchily she thinks, in mid-air – thank goodness it didn't go wrong) through the air at both Tomato boy and the injured Orange boy.
[1vs3+2] Her left foot bounces off Tomato boy and, indeed, seems to fill him with greater strength than he had before; [5vs5] Orange boy also manages to avoid further injury by very slightly moving to the left. He initiates his Tree Pose Counter Attack, [2+1vs2] striking Green girl in the leg, but [1] stumbles as he does so, opening himself to an opportunisitc attack back, [5vs5] which strikes him firmly in the knee but bounces off without effect.
Taking the knee pain, Orange boy counter-counter-counter-attacks with his flailing Tree Pose, [3+1vs1], severely bruising Green girl's thigh, but not having the force left to finish her off.
Tomato boy regenerates One Yogic Hit Point
Spoiler: Positioning and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on June 05, 2016, 04:07:59 am
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 0c
Quote from: Green girl
Move to Space Bottom 3 and take a Deep Breath.
[5] As stalemate threatens to break out in the dojo, Green girl fully embraces the idea, and moves to the edge of the room, Breathing Deeply.
Quote from: Orange boy
Move to Top 5, Deep Breath/defend! And/or recover...
[5] As she does so, Orange boy also tactically adjusts position and gets ready to sit down...
Quote from: Violet girl
Perform The Splits at Green Girl and Orange Boy.
[5; 3vs6+2; 6vs4+2] But just then Violet girl comes flying stretchily through the air, one big toe pointed menacingly towards the faces of both Orange boy and Green girl!
Their Deep Breathing fully repulses her, and she drops neatly to the ground, disappointed.
Green girl regenerates One Yogic Hit Point!
Orange boy regenerates One Yogic Hit Point!
Quote from: Limegreen boy
Do the splits kick on green girl and Violet girl.
No sooner does Violet girl land does she also spy a Yogically charged Limegreen foot heading her way at a fear-inducing velocity!
[5; 1vs4; 5vs2+2] Violet girl ducks and covers, sending the foot way over her head, but as she looks up she hears its brother foot connect with a sickening thunch to Green girl's nose bridge!
But the power of Yoga repels it!
(mostly)
Green girl regenerates One Yogic Hit Point!
(after losing one first)
Quote from: Teal boy
Complete the set. Tree Pose, ayaaa!
[3] Teal boy has no time for petty rivalries – he is here to win, and win hard. And learn yoga. Hard. To that end, standing right in front of sensei, he instigates a near-alright Tree Pose, accompanied with a slightly maybe intimidating Yogic Yell. He waits for his enemies to come to him, ready to crush their crotches into smithereens.
Quote from: Red boy
With a karmic roar and an awkward romantic glance at Violet girl, Red boy dashes across the dojo to bottom space 2 and leaps into the air, channeling the overload of yogic power and emotion within him into a flying splits attack, attempting to avoid yogic explosion by unleashing his chakra energy destructively on Green girl and Limegreen boy in a supercharged blast. But not the explodey kind of blast.
[1] ”Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” cries out Red boy, glancing at Violet girl as he runs across the dojo, tripping on an unseen crack in the flooring and launching himself into a vicious accidental head first flying splits attack which rockets past the defensively postured Green girl, [6vs2+2] knocking chunks of actual flesh off her arms despite the deepness of her breathing, shoots almost through Limegreen boy, [6vs3] smacking him bleeding to the ground, [5vs2] and ends with a dull thud when Red boy's face makes an unpleasant high speed contact with the wall.
He drops down in slow motion, and flops to the floor but, filled with the Yogic Charge of reducing Green girl to Zero Yogic Hit Points, manages to cling to consciousness.
Green girl is out
sorry
Quote from: Tomato boy
Continue humming the pledge of allegiance, if that one's done switch over to humming Blood On the Risers. Keep doing Deep Breath, it seems to be working out for now.
[3] From the top corner, Tomato boy looks on, getting further and further into his patriotic humtrance.
Spoiler: Positioning and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 06, 2016, 08:18:26 am
Post by: lawastooshort on June 06, 2016, 04:10:37 pm
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 0d
Quote from: Tomato boy
Continue sitting still and doing Deep Breath, hum the Union version of "when johhny comes marching home". If that isn't long enough, "The battle hymn of the republic" will do nicely.
Peace and quiet briefly reigns over the dojo as the students take in the shocking fleshlump filled death or at least temporary incapacitation of Green girl, and search deep within themse-
NO WAIT IT DOESN'T AT ALL!
[6] ”Hummmmmmmmmmm,” says Tomato boy, ”Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!”
THERE IS NO PEACE IN YOGA!
”Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!”
THERE IS NO QUIET IN THE FACE OF PATRIOTISM!
It would be annoying, if it wasn't only communists and Europeans that get annoyed by a good stirring hummed rendition of the The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
”Hummmmmmmmmuhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!1” shouts Tomato boy, ”HUMMMMMMMM!!”
Oh goodness!
Tomato boy seems to be turning a slight red!
”HUMMMMMMMUMMUMMMUMUMUMUMUMMM!!”
Everyone is turning a slight red!
Even sensei is turning a slight red!
The Yogic Power of the Patriotic Hum is filling everyone in the room with raw Yogic Juice!
It almost feels like... it almost feels like all attack rolls will be granted a +1 Raw Yogic Power Juice Boost for next turn or as long as Tomato boy continues to hum, whichever is longest!
Quote from: Teal boy
Migrate like a great northwestern sequoia to space top 4, Tree Pose and counters still deployed.
[1] In the face of the Yogic Hum Power Storm, Teal boy strides solemnly and treely a couple of feet to the right, and opens his arms to welcome in the Sequoiaic Power of the Tree Pose – and welcomes in too much power!
He can feel his head begin to throb with counter-attacking readiness, and feels deep inside himself that he absolutely must get his violence out from within immediately, or the headthrobbing will be an ill portent of something far far worse!
Teal boy will benefit from +1 to attacks and -1 to defences next turn!
Quote from: Orange boy
Continue defending!
[1] Just next to Teal boy, Orange boy can hear the throbbing of the tree-like student's headveins from a few feet away, and it totally disturbs the crap out of him! He can see the pulse beating along the side of Teal boy's skull; he can see the Yogic pressure building up; he can see everybody's faces turning tomatoier and tomatoier: he begins to worry! He begins to doubt! He begins to think that, perhaps, the mystic power of the Hatha will not protect him!
He tries to maintain a defensive breathy posture, but all that happens is Bad Yoga fills him with a rage-like despair! He thinks he's having a Yogic Panic Attack, and it's deeply unpleasant. He's not sure if he's going to be sick, or pass out, or both. He has brief but terrible hallucinatory visions of his becoming naked and aflame, and of this burning nudity spreading like unclothed wildfire.
He feels a desperate need to vent, and possibly listen to some music, but more than anything else, a desperate need to inflict Righteous Violence.
Orange boy will benefit from +1 to attacks and -1 to defences next turn!
Quote from: Violet girl
Move to Space Bottom 4 and take a Deep Breath. Probably cackle a bit? A nasally cackle is still a cackle.
[2] Unaware that her face, too, is turning a tomatoey colour, Violet girl steps far, ish, away from the Yogaing crowd, sits herself gently down, and breathes.
”Nyeheheheheh...”
Quote from: Limegreen boy
Move to bottom space one and breathe deeply. Think about how disappointed REDACTED would be if I failed. Find the strength to stand still.
[3] A corner away from Violet girl sits Limegreen boy, who spots her out the corner of his eye, and tries to ignore her.
Quote from: Red boy
Charge across the dojo to bottom space 5, taking up a defensive posture and licking my karmic wounds in close proximity to Violet girl. That wasn't any kind of innuendo or euphemism for anything.
[2] But! Limegreen boy can't help feeling a little jealous when Red boy moves next to Violet girl – the most powerful girl any of the boys has ever seen, let alone kind of met, in the sense of being in the same room as you without them immediately beginning to think of excuses to leave – and sits confidently down (outwardly confident, at least, and not at all looking like he's thinking of something, if not cool, at least, not, you know, painfully awful to say) and puts his hands into the correct posture, straightens his back, and hyperventilates as slowly as possible.
Ohgodithinkshelikesmeshessocoolohnoohnoohnoohnoohnotrynottosayanythingaboutmomormysupermanunderpants...
ohgodicantevenspeakanywaygnnnnnnnnnnnghiwonderifilleverbeabletoopenmymouthagain...
ohnosheslookingathimsheslookingatlimegreenboynoyesnooh...
Spoiler: Positioning and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
Post by: Yoink on June 06, 2016, 04:14:51 pm
I doubt you'll have enough surviving players to even start the game proper... let's hope the waitlist is well-stocked!
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 06, 2016, 04:39:25 pm
Post by: crazyabe on June 06, 2016, 07:46:27 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on June 07, 2016, 08:34:56 am
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 0e
As the roar of yogic power grows wilder and rawer, sensei shakes his head in disbelieving approval, and steps back slightly from his students, concerned at the prospect of irremovable bloodstains on his hakama. It occurs to him that the power is such that his brave students will probably all converge in a dramatic and simultaneous flying splits, apart from the americo-shamanic Tomato boy, who is steadfastly taking refuge in patriotism.
Sensei reaches behind him for the first aid kit on the wall.
He is going to have to perform a detailed medical inspection to see which students have passed the test, it appears – or at least which students have failed it with the least severe injury. Those students shall become his disciples, and the rest shall become patients in the nearest ER, to return as soon as a disciple falls in the bloody furnace of Yogic Struggle.
Quote from: Tomato boy
All will be filled with patriotism! Continue humming and doing Deep Breath. I think humming the "Halls Of Montezuma" and "Battle Cry Of Freedom" are a good fit for the situation we find ourselves in.
[3] Ignoring the feeling of impending doom filling his frontal brainlobes, Tomato boy continues to hum, blocking out the pain with one of his favourites, Halls of Montezuma.
”Hmm-mmm hmmmm-mmm hmm hmm hmmm-mmmmmmm…”
He watches and waits, and occasionally flinches pre-emptively, and then suddenly…
SUDDENLY!
Quote from: Teal boy
To Space Middle 5. Deploy the Basic Splits against any two within range.
[2] Teal boy moves like the swiftest of trees between Orange boy and Red boy, leaping into a deft deployment of the Basic Splits just as both enemies also rise into the air themselves!
SIMULTANEOUS MULTISPLITS!
One Teal foot flies towards Orange boy; the other hurtles into Red boy; joined heroically by the superflexible Teal crotch they strike, both deadly and calm, thirsting for blood like only Yogic feet can, apart from also carnivores such as sharks or leopards or army ants.
[6+1+1vs2-1] Bam! Goes Orange boy’s face as it is literally caved in, smashing the brain inside into orangey smithereens!
[6+1+1vs5] Smash! Goes Red boy’s nose as it is smacked sideways and snapped in two!
Orange boy is reduced to -5HP!
Red boy is reduced to -1HP!
Teal boy is regenerated to 7HP!
”Hum hum hummmmmmmmmmmm hmm hmm hmm-mmm…”
Quote from: Red boy
Channel Sun Wukong: break into a mad dash across the mat to middle space 1, ululating a karmic screech and leaping into the air on the ethereal wind flowing through the dojo, aiming a powerful double splits attack at limegreen boy and tomato boy, seeking to end this with a staggering blow before orange boy or teal boy can act. Make sure to do it when violet girl is watching.
[5] Knowing that the two current most important people in his life are looking on, and feeling sensei’s approval and Violet girl’s ardent admiration, Red boy bears the pain of a snapped nose and continues flying through the air, spinning sideways and rocketing big toes at the perfidious Limegreen boy and the humfetishist Tomato boy.
[4+1vs3] The first toe severs Limegreen boy’s ear - and 180 degrees away the other toe bounces off Tomato boy’s left eyeball! [6+1vs5+2] The power of Deep Breath protects the young yogaka from serious blindness!
Limegreen boy is reduced to 0HP!
Red boy is regenerated to 0HP!
”Hymmm hmm hmymmmumm-mmm mmmmm arggg…”
Quote from: Limegreen boy
Yell "BANSAI!!!!!!!!!!!" as I splits kick red boy and Violet girl.
[4] Braving the pain of becoming suddenly mono-eared, Limegreen boy bansais through the air determined to take down both his love rival and the object of his suppressed affections. [6+1vs3] Red boy, already badly unconscious but filled with enough Yogic force to still just about function, is struck by a sharp heel to the chin, totally knocking him out.
”Darling!” accidentally lets slip Violet girl, dashing over to Red boy in a display of lovestruck weakness, and getting hit in the forehead with the end of Limegreen boy ’s foot as a reward.
[3+1vs2] She stumbles and drops to her knee, before remembering that she is involved in a simultaneous 5 way Yogic Splits-Off!
Red boy is reduced to -4HP!
Violet girl is reduced to 0HP!
Limegreen boy is regenerated to 1HP!
”Hmm mmmm, mmm hmmm, mmm hmmmmm…”
Quote from: Orange boy
Splits, and attack Teal and Tomato!
[2] Not the only person beginning to find Tomato boy’s humming mildly irritating, rather than frankly the most inspiring sound to have been produced since the first yogaka broke the sound barrier, Orange boy goes on the simultaneous Yogic offensive, using his groinic energy to direct blows against both the hummer and Teal boy.
[5+1+1vs5+2]Not for the first time this simultaneous instant, a foot bounces off Tomato boy’s impenetrable body!
[5+1+1vs5] Teal boy is not so fortunate, and receives a toe to the mouth, knocking out one of his front teeth! He thinks that, for a moment, Orange boy’s toenail touches the tip of his tongue.
”HMM MM MMMMMMMMM, MM MMHMMM HMMYMMMMM…”
Quote from: Violet girl
Move up to Space Middle 4 and perform The Splits at Teal Boy and Orange Boy. The aura of this place demands sacrifice, one way or another.
[3] But Teal boy doesn’t have long (zero seconds, in fact!) to think about this, because suddenly another toe comes arrowing towards him, and a related toe comes missiling towards Orange boy.
[6+1vs4-1] Teal boy is knocked to the floor, in the process of which Orange boy’s toe is dislodged from his face!
[2+1vs5-1]Unfortunately, however, Violet girl’s other toe is blunt and ineffectual, and fails to make a mark on the strong (but let us not forget severely injured) Orange boy.
Teal boy is reduced to 3HP!
”MMmmmm hmmm ymmmmmmm mm hmmymm mmmmmmmmmm…”
Having forgotten to breathe for more than a minute, Tomato boy keels over, the floor smacking him out of unconsciousness.
[2+1vs2] Tomato boy is reduced to 1HP!
He hurriedly sits back up and looks around.
He is not entirely sure what just happened, but amongst the bodies lying on the dojo floor, he can see Teal boy standing proudly; himself sittingly hummingly; Limegreen boy sitting leaningly like a bleeding tower of Pisa, and sensei slapping Violet girl gently about the face to wake her up.
Red boy and Orange boy look like they need a bit more than a gentle slap to revive them, so sensei drags them and Green girl and Pink girl to the side of the room, and quietly arranges an ambulance or two.
Spoiler: Last known location and hitpoints of students in the dojo (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on June 07, 2016, 08:38:56 am
A BLOOD-SPATTERED YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1
Mysterious yogic dust settles across the dojo floor, and sensei addresses you all.
”HELL YEAH! That was PURE YOGA, dudes. Good work. But! That was just a start. Now you need to gain some further understanding into the way of Yoga. You have to understand how your body works, dudes.
We split your mental and physical power, which aren’t really separate, into three different parts, which we measure scientifically using points. So, for example, there is Mind. This measures the power of your Yogic Will. You expend Mind points to perform Yoga Moves. You restore Mind points by sleeping, striking down the enemy, or taking hits when in Yogic Defence Stance, which is a little different to how it seemed to work just now, but the first thing you need in Yoga is Faith, so don’t think about it too hard.
Another thing we measure is Body. This is chiefly used to determine hit points. When you reach 0 Body points, you totally die. You restore your Body points by eating or spending Mind Points, to represent the power of the Mind to literally knit together your wounded flesh.
And the last thing is Flexterity. The Yogic term for the vital combination of flexibility and dexterity, flexterity determines how easily you, for example, can punch someone or, for example, evade someone’s punch. You add this score to your combat rolls. You restore your Flexterity points by early morning stretches or spending Mind Points. This represents the way that the power of the Mind can literally make your body grow.
Now, you know your body better than anyone else, so you know how best to scientifically represent it. Before I talk to you about your first Yogic Quest, you need to determine the accurate measurements of your body.
To do this, you need to split 7 Yogic Points between the 3 Yogic Stats. As a guide, your average ten year old in the street, unimbued with Yogic Greatness, would probably have scores of 0 Mind, 3 Body, and 1 Flexterity. They physically can’t do Yoga! Suckers!
Each time you grow in personal experience, something we yogakas often call “levelling up”, you get to add 1 point to a stat, or learn a new move, or occasionally both.”
Sensei finally takes a breath and looks sort of fondly at you all.
”Talking of learning moves, Yoga is all about learning and mastery. If someone tries to make out that it's not, well, they suck balls.
To learn a Yogic move, first you have to be shown it. And be a high enough level. But anyway, you have to be shown a Yogic Move. Or, you know, you could watch it on a video or something. I have videos you could totally buy, if you really get into Yoga. Anyway, next you have to attempt the move – in the fiery maelstrom of combat. This is subject to a d6 roll. Generally, you just have to not get it horribly wrong. Or stupendously right, hehe. Once you've successfully done a move, it's totally in your Yogic repertoire, and you can do it whenever you have the Mind Points available. Details of Yoga Moves will be stored in the second post when I get time.
Oh, and talking of levelling up, each level you also move up a belt. The Yogic Belts are Red, Yellow, Pink, Green, Purple, Orange, Blue, and then the various Dans of Black. The Belt of the Master is the Eighth Dan Rainbow Super Sequin Belt. Check mine out.
Oh! One last thing. When you’ve learnt many Yoga Moves, you can try and combine them. Why not? That’s how the old masters developed things like Wilting Pansy Pose and Yogic Death Cleave. You can also try spending more than one Mind Point to supercharge them. That’s how my first sensei died. As a Yogaka, there’s all sorts of stuff you can try, as long as it sounds Yogic enough.”
Sensei looks very pensive, as if he’s going through a mental checklist of things he’s told previous generations of students but has been ill recently so might have forgotten something important.
”Now, that’s a lot to take in, so I sympathise and understand if there’s any questions – we have time for a few, and then we’ll discuss how we go about expanding our personal experience of the Yogic world through undertaking important quests. Oh, and we’ll totally give out your Red Belts and quickly learn a new move! Yeah!”
Spoiler: Statting up (click to show/hide)
Code: [Select]
[spoiler=YourNameHere]
[b]YourNameHere; Yoga Belt: Red[/b]
[b]Mind:[/b] 0/0
[b]Body:[/b] 0/0
[b]Flexterity:[/b] 0/0
[b]Moves:[/b]
Hatha: The Deep Breath;
Iyengar: Tree Pose;
Ashtanga: The Basic Splits;
[/spoiler]
Post by: TheBiggerFish on June 07, 2016, 08:47:03 am
Spoiler: Thomas Thomas Thomason LXXVIII-zombie (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 07, 2016, 09:06:28 am
Spoiler: Jarvis Palkin (click to show/hide)
Post by: Pancaek on June 07, 2016, 10:21:27 am
Spoiler: Richard Wensley (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 07, 2016, 02:03:00 pm
Spoiler: Fisk Black (click to show/hide)
Post by: Xantalos on June 07, 2016, 02:37:25 pm
Spoiler: My muse has spoken, and it sayeth waitlist (click to show/hide)
Post by: Nakéen on June 07, 2016, 07:55:59 pm
Post by: Ruludos on June 07, 2016, 08:13:00 pm
Post by: IronyOwl on June 09, 2016, 10:49:17 pm
Spoiler: Edith McKenzie (click to show/hide)
Post by: lawastooshort on June 10, 2016, 05:26:06 pm
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.1
”So, dudes! Yeah. Right. So, being into Yoga means learning, right – but it also means questing. That's the ancient term for generally going out into the world and testing your abilities on it. Some of you might have heard of, like, those roleplay games, where you adventure and stuff. But Yoga isn't a game, dudes – it's more spiritual than that. This is more like the samurai of ancient Japan, who went on swordquests up and down the country to learn new moves and generally be pretty sweet.”
Sensei walks over to his belts cupboard, on the wall, and takes out a handful of red yoga belts before carrying on.
”But of course, Yoga is also about kicking ass, and standing up for yourself – which is probably why some of you are here, right? It's not all about the spirituality, and in any case, kicking ass is pretty spiritual. The dalai lama taught me that. I've never been arm-wrestled so hard, but that's another story.”
He goes along the line of standing students, solemnly handing each one a red belt in turn.
”Now, the Way of Yoga requires discipline. You can't just learn any old thing. You travel along the different paths, the Hatha of the Death Shaman, the Iyengar of the Immovable Rock, and the Ashtanga of the Sharpened Sword. You can technically learn any moves that are at or below your belt level, but you have to learn the moves below that first. So, you see, I guess you kind of specialise in one path of Yoga to begin with, or learn a whole bunch of low level but still useful moves – and then when you're a black belt you can start learning all of the Yoga. Yeah.”
Sensei takes a breath and stands in a curious posture, which, as he finishes it, seems to send shockwaves of awesome into the students' faces. Jarvis Palkin falls to the floor clutching his groin in stunned pain.
”Yeah – this is a Hatha move, dudes. It's call Peacock Pose. If you do it hard enough it can distract and even stun your enemy. It's named after the fact that Peacocks like to pose.”
Next he drops to the floor.
”Heh – I like this one, it's pretty restful. It's called Plank Pose, and it's a really good Iyengic defensive manoeuvre. Here, come and try to punch my head in, Richard.”
[6vs6+5] Richard looks about himself a bit nervously, wondering if he's going to be able to walk in 30 seconds' time, but one of the other students prods him in the back a bit, and he moves forward.
”Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyaah!?”
”Yeah! Nice punch, dude! Huhh! But you see, you just couldn't reach me, 'cause I'm on the floor, right? And totally imbued with Yogic power. Anyway. Here's another Iyengar move. Phhhhhhiyap!”
[5vs1] Sensei swiftly gets up and then lunges forward quicker than the eye can see, and suddenly Richard is on the floor, curled in a ball and clutching his groin in stunned pain.
”That's Horse Rider's Pose – one of the hardest basic strikes to defend against. Now, the next two moves are Ashtanga moves, and I'm not going to demonstrate them on you directly, they're too dangerous.”
Sensei seems to tense his hands into a particularly violent looking shape.
”So this isn't really about the pose or the shape, but it's about focusing your mind during combat, and keeping it focused. If you can reach this level of concentration, you can deliver what we call a Yogic Critical, which means that many blows are far more deadly. And then this one,”
He kind of straightens and turns so his arms and legs seem to be at a right angle and airpunches in front of him.
”This one is what we in the west tend to call Extended Side Angle Pose, but the Shaolin usually just call it the Yogic Slap. You can put most of your mental force into totally beating the crap out of your enemy in a single blow.”
Sensei stands up straight before you and tightens his belt.
”So. Wear your new red belt with pride, and think about one of those moves to learn. All of them are useful, in their way.”
”Now. The questing part. This is about being righteous, as well as violent, and defending the poor. Kind of like Robin Hood, but wearing generally grey leggings instead of green. And not usually robbing so much. Or using archery. Anyway, so, who knows what a quest is, cla-”
Just then the dojo doors burst open, and a smaller kid that some of the students recognise runs in, tears streaming down his cheeks.
”Help! Sensei, help! There's a bunch of older kids beating up Ricky outside! He's trying to hold them off so I could get help, but I think he's wet himself and they're stealing his shoes and stuff... Help...”
Sensei walks to him and kneels, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder before turning to the four new students.
”Dudes. It's almost like fate. Gary, how many older kids are there, son?”
”Five, sensei. They... they came out of nowhere... we couldn't do anything...”
”That's okay Gary, it's okay. These here new students are gonna go save Ricky, right?”
This is a moment of destiny. Will you fight evil? Will you join evil? Or will you quiver in fear for the rest of your lives?
Also, what Yoga Move will you learn on the way outside? Pick one Red Belt move.
Library of Yogic Moves
(all Yoga moves take 1 Mind Point to perform, unless they say otherwise, and unless they are above your Yoga level, in which case they take an extra Mind Point for every level above yours)
(all moves have been hastily reconstructed from the fading memories of millennia old Yoga instruction manuals, and as such are liable to clarification and indeed balancing)
Spoiler: Hatha Yoga: the Yoga of the Death Shaman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Iyengar Yoga: The Yoga of the Immovable Object (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Ashtanga Yoga: The Yoga of the Sword (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Post by: Pancaek on June 10, 2016, 06:23:10 pm
"Ouch. Yeah, we'll save Ricky, right guys? I bet those other kids are hippies. Or worse, communists. What kind of red blooded American beats up other Americans for fun? Savages.
By the way, Sensei. When I was humming the songs of my fathers back there I felt quite some power. What was that about? And can I replicate it?"
Choose the peacock pose as the red belt move to learn. Also ask Sensei the above questions. Follow my fellow red belts outside if they go this turn
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 10, 2016, 08:53:41 pm
Choose the Yogic Slap as my red belt move.
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 11, 2016, 02:25:06 am
He thinks a moment on the moves presented.
Yogic Critical sounds like a perfectly explosive one to absorb.
"So now I guess we... go kick ass, yeah! Boom!"
Take a moment to appreciate my new mastery. Follow these other righteous dudes (and, uh, honorary dudes for the purpose of this conversation) outside once they're ready to kick ass too.
Post by: IronyOwl on June 11, 2016, 06:32:05 am
Yogic Critical. Head outside, mostly.
Post by: lawastooshort on June 11, 2016, 04:58:17 pm
A YOGA DOJO IN A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.2
As one, the four new students turn towards the door, ready to rush to the rescue! They fear no man! Or rather 10 year old boy!
But first, like a good student should, Richard has an interesting question, and turns to sensei as he rushes.
"By the way, Sensei. When I was humming the songs of my fathers back there I felt quite some power. What was that about? And can I replicate it?"
”Well, Richard. That was kind of two things at once, you know? On the one hand, it was an aid to breathing deeply – somewhat like Buddhist monks do, the peaceful ones – humming focuses the mind and the body. So in that sense, yes, you can always access some of that power by just using humming as a Yogic aid when breathing. Indeed, you can, at quite a low level, too, use humming as a method of focusing your breath hard enough that you regenerate your Yogic power, and of course, you can combine that with the traditional Deep Breath for some really hard and powerful defending.”
Sensei holds open the door for the four youngsters.
”And then on the other hand, by humming the songs of our fathers, you were kind of accessing their deep storage of hidden Yogic Force, you know? If you're really into humming, then this is totally a part of the Hatha tradition we can follow – it can be pretty powerful. I mean, this isn't even an American example, but there's the famous story of a British Indian soldier on D-Day knocking out a German panzer just by humming God Save the Queen – you can really focus this stuff, you see?”
Richard, Jarvis, Fisk and then Edith step outside into the sunlight, and see the gang of older kids on the other side of the parking lot. The bullies stop tying Ricky's shoes to his ears, and turn to the dojo doorway.
”Haha!” says the obvious ringleader, in the middle. ”Look boys, more Yoghurt leotards! Let's take their shoes too, huh? Or you gonna run inside and cry to your mommy like some kind of leotard? Geddit? Huh? Leotard? Like you're... leotarded, or something. Yeah!”
One of them bends down and pulls the shoe attached to Ricky's ear a bit.
Ricky whimpers and the ringleader kicks him.
”Well? You gonna do some Yoghurt at us or something? Buttmunches.”
Spoiler: Map of Combat (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Bullies 1, 2, 4, 5 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 11, 2016, 06:12:16 pm
"Bullying is wrong. You should instead be talking to a professional about your problems."
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 11, 2016, 07:17:15 pm
Moment of truth! Boom! Bring out the Basic Splits! Smack the leftmost turdbros in their faces. Feel the yogic power! Taste the explosions!
Post by: Pancaek on June 12, 2016, 07:00:33 am
Take up the Peacock Pose while humming The Yellow Rose of Texas.
Post by: IronyOwl on June 12, 2016, 07:43:15 am
"Your face is leotarded!" she whimpers, feeling a little like throwing up.
But also like moving to space 3c and punching the Chief Bully in his leotarded face.
Post by: lawastooshort on June 14, 2016, 04:08:56 pm
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.3
"Leotarded, really? You must some special kind of stupid to make puns like that. I'd say your parents must be disappointed in you, but I bet they vote democrat like the filthy communists they are. How does it feel to be a traitor to you nation, scum?"
Take up the Peacock Pose while humming The Yellow Rose of Texas.
”Bu- ya- uh – your momma votes democrat! Arrhh!!”
[1] Just then Richard “The Patriot Hummer” Wensley extends one arm in slightly the wrong direction, and falls over, managing to elbow himself in the groin and hurt his knee.
He looks stunned!
His hum is interrupted by groaning!
”Haha!”
Edith gulps. "Leotarded" is pretty good, but she can't back down now.
"Your face is leotarded!" she whimpers, feeling a little like throwing up.
But also like moving to space 3c and punching the Chief Bully in his leotarded face.
”Yeah, well, uh... your momma's face is leotarded! Ye-arggggg!”
[6+2vs4+2: Yogic Critical Activated!] Just then Edith overcomes her fear, and punches the Chief Bully's leotarded face right in! Blood pours from his nose as he turns sideways in slow motion and crashes to the hard hard floor, totally unconscious.
[1] Edith doesn't quite manage to entirely overcome her fear though, and blushes bright pink with shame as the throws up on her defeated foe. She tries to maintain a fierce combat stance whilst searching her pockets for a hopeful tissue to wipe her mouth.
It occurs to Jarvis that he totally caved in a little boy's skull with his splits today. Can he do the same again?
Moment of truth! Boom! Bring out the Basic Splits! Smack the leftmost turdbros in their faces. Feel the yogic power! Taste the explosions!
The rest of the four bullies, shorn of their strategic numbers advantage and faced with a hideous foe who desecrates the fallen, turn demoralised to confront Jarvis, who is jogging menacingly across Space 3a towards them.
[2] [2+2vs1+1; 4+2vs4+1] He executes a perfectly adequate splits at the leftmost pair, striking one in the ear and the other in the cheek! One falls to his knee, his hands trying to stop the ringing noise, and kind of waddles at Jarvis, [1+1vs2+2] falling flat on his face as he tries to bite the Yogaka's leg; the other is made of sterner stuff and [6+1vs3+2] punches Jarvis in the eye, knocking him out cold! Luckily he's only unconscious – that wasn't the explosive start to Yogic Power he'd been hoping for!
Charge to space 3c and Yogic Slap the leader.
[6+1+2vs6+1] Seeing the Chief Bully cut down by Angry Edith, and erstwhile enemy Jarvis cut down by Angry Bully #2, Fisk hurriedly changes his action and intervenes to save Jarvis's life, filling his palm with the force of Yoga and slapping Angry Bully #2 several times back and forth across the cheeks.
"Bullying is wrong,” he advises as he slaps, “You should instead be talking to a professional about your problems!"
But Angry Bully #2's face is too imbued with Yogic Power for him to be able to hear, and he falls to the ground unconscious, and bleeding from the left cheek!
Bully #4 comes at Fisk, looking worried but realising he has perhaps the best chance he'll ever get of ascending to the position of Chief Bully. [3+1vs2+1] He punches Fisk in the chest, moderately bruising the young boy! Fisk looks pretty winded, and is therefore totally happy to see Bully #5 also try to usurp the position of Chief Bully by saving his leader from a girl.
[1+1vs2+1] But the weak-stomached and weak-willed pathetic excuse of a child comes closer, and sees the blood flowing from the Chief Bully's head, and his miserable shaken attempt at a punch doesn't even reach far enough to strike the brave Edith.
It's three vs three! The bullies' morale is all but shattered!
Spoiler: Map of Combat (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman - KO'd (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek - STUNNED (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Bullies 1, 2, 4, 5 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 14, 2016, 05:04:08 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 14, 2016, 08:06:39 pm
Initiate yogic defense. Say, "This won't do."
Post by: Pancaek on June 15, 2016, 11:26:34 am
Post by: IronyOwl on June 15, 2016, 06:41:57 pm
"I-I meant to do that!" Edith lies badly while flailing at another bully. She's... sort of getting the hang of this! She thinks!
Continue my rampage against Bully 5!
Post by: lawastooshort on June 21, 2016, 11:34:26 am
((I might save this space for a kind of rules repository since they could do with being put all in one place which isn't a word doc I keep emailing to myself and since they might not all fit in the second OP))
Post by: Pancaek on June 21, 2016, 12:18:02 pm
((Apologies for the delay - wrote the update at lunch today but just have to find time to check it over. Been hugely busy.))((It's cool bro, We'll all be here when you finish. Don't rush yourself, it's bad for your heart.))
Post by: lawastooshort on June 21, 2016, 02:32:34 pm
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.4
It's three vs three! The bullies' morale is all but Shattered! Their initiative is also Low!
Initiate yogic defense. Say, "This won't do."
This won't do, decides Fisk.
"This won't do."
To better visually express just how much this won’t do, Fisk sits down on the ground in a fearsome crosslegged pose just in front of Bullies 4 and 5.
They look worried.
Continue my rampage against Bully 5!
And so they should! For Edith the Destroyer is on the flailing rampage!
"I-I meant to do that!" she threatens Bully 5 – and then demonstrates that she very much did, and might very well mean to again! [3+2vs1+1] She yoga chops the stinking boy through the nose, crushing it and knocking him unconscious, or very possibly worse!
Edith regenerates 1 Mind Point!
move in front of Jarvis and assume the Tree Pose
Meanwhile Richard decides that Jarvis’s pale and possibly lifeless body won't do either – his comrade must not fall here, so close to greatness! So close to ultimate power! So close to being a perfect bodyguard for Richard’s quest to weaponise the holy hum!
He stands before the defenceless Jarvis, and saves his life.
Bully 1 attacks – he clearly hopes to overcome Richard before kicking Jarvis’s liver to death! [5+1vs3+1] He smashes Richard in the chest; Richard takes the pain and swings one outstretched arm back. [2+1vs1+1] With the lightest of touches he knocks the felon out! He can literally feel the heroism coursing through his veins so hard that he doesn’t even notice Bully 5 – whose morale looks much more shaken than it even did at the start of the turn – advancing upon him with fists raised and eyes enraged. [4+1vs5+1] The eejit misses!
[5+1vs2+1] Richard does not! He swings his other outstretched branch, striking the Bully in the skull like the falling limb of a storm struck mighty oak, smashing him into the dirt! He crawls away for a couple of seconds before collapsing, still, silent but for a horrifying gurgle.
Richard regenerates 2 Mind Points!
Edith walks over to Ricky, bending over to see if the poor boy is okay. He’s still breathing, but he needs a change of pants.
Sensei steps out from the dojo door just as Jarvis comes to and groggily starts getting to his knees.
”Dudes, that was sweet. I’m proud of what you have achieved so far. I’m proud of the brutality you have inflicted in the name of Good. Nice work. You may realise that you feel a little stronger that earlier today. Yeah! You can totally add another stat point or learn a new move, dudes – you have attained Red Belt And a Half!”
And then… and then I want you to think about whether you could accept another small mission just yet. I’ve got it on good authority that these bullies are led by a vicious, vicious 8th grader. I want you to track him down… and make sure he never does this kind of thing again. What do you say dudes?
Of course, if you prefer, we can just call it a week, and we'll see you next Saturday, I totally won't hold it against you.”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 21, 2016, 05:19:46 pm
"We can't stop now! Think of how much face we could punch, guys! Like, all the face. Everywhere."
+1 Flexterity. Imply willingness to engage in mortal combat with far larger opponents.
((Are those stats right, by the way? Do I get everything back at the end of the encounter?))
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 21, 2016, 07:09:05 pm
"If we don't fight them where they stand, they'll hurt countless others."
Post by: Pancaek on June 22, 2016, 02:38:40 pm
"We have keep going now, keep our streak of beating up our enemies going. It's the American way."
Post by: IronyOwl on June 23, 2016, 03:16:59 pm
+1 Flexterity!
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 23, 2016, 07:30:05 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on June 27, 2016, 01:48:36 pm
"Th-this is one of those things where if we say no he beats up our friends and we regret everything, isn't it?"
"Certainly not, dudes! I will never, unless taken over by sinister mind-controlling agents from outer space, of course, beat up you or your friends! I stand for Justice, dudes!"
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 27, 2016, 02:52:47 pm
"Certainly not, dudes! I will never, unless taken over by sinister mind-controlling agents from outer space, of course, beat up you or your friends! I stand for Justice, dudes!""I think she meant the bully king, Sensei."
Post by: IronyOwl on June 29, 2016, 05:11:46 pm
Edna nods vigorously. "We should really deal with that now, brutal deaths notwithstanding.""Certainly not, dudes! I will never, unless taken over by sinister mind-controlling agents from outer space, of course, beat up you or your friends! I stand for Justice, dudes!""I think she meant the bully king, Sensei."
Post by: lawastooshort on June 30, 2016, 07:38:07 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.5
"Oh. Right. Yes. Well, the bully's name is Mitchell Jackson IV, and he lives with his mother and father on 328 Charlton Avenue. They've got a pet dog and a pet gerbil, they usually eat dinner in front of the TV at about 6pm, and he usually goes to his room to bed at about 10pm - that's twenty two hundred hours, dudes.”
Sensei paints some black marks under your eyes with some substance hidden deep within his yoga suit.
"Now, this is your first covert operation, so I’ll give you a few veteran’s tips. You need to think about when you arrive, and any equipment you might need. Yeah, that’s about it, dudes. Remember, whatever you do, it’s for the cause of Good. And you’re too young to be arrested. God bless and good luck in your righteous quest! Unless you have any other questions.“
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on June 30, 2016, 08:59:54 am
Uhh...
"Maybe, like, a rope? Or, uh... a claw hammer?"
Yeah, rope and claw hammer.
"And also, wait, no... a steak? Yeah, a steak. Or maybe like a chicken."
And also some meat.
Post by: Sosoku234 on June 30, 2016, 09:26:35 am
Post by: IronyOwl on June 30, 2016, 07:06:17 pm
"No, meat is pretty good for distracting dogs. And maybe we should bring some baby carrots for the gerbil? We'll cut down on his allies while establishing our own moral credibility!"
Don't forget the baby carrots! I think gerbils like carrots, anyway. Boy is it going to be embarrassing if they only like sunflower seeds.
Post by: Pancaek on July 01, 2016, 09:48:38 am
Attempt to acquire a crowbar, a sausage, duct tape and some sleeping pills.
Post by: lawastooshort on July 06, 2016, 11:29:53 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA…
Turn 1.6
The Yogakas hang about after class, some waiting to walk home, some waiting for their mothers to pick them up, all filled with new-found power, and with excitement about the evening’s totally legal activity.
"Uhh..."
"Yeah?"
"S-sensei says we need to plan our equipment, brother yoga-ers…"
"All we need is Yoga, dudes. And maybe parkour."
"Maybe what?"
"No, but meat is pretty good for distracting dogs. And maybe we should bring some baby carrots for the gerbil? We'll cut down on his allies while establishing our own moral credibility!"
"Our what?"
"Dudes, what could a gerbil possibly do against the massed forces of Yoga? Gerbils will tremble before me!"
Fisk does a miniature excited-boy Yoga air kick at about gerbil height.
"What? A miniature gerbil wouldn’t tremble at your yoga, dude."
"Shut up.”
"Well, anyway, maybe, we need, like, a rope? Or, uh... a claw hammer?"
"Yeah! To hammer the gerbil after it defeats Fisk!"
"Shut up.”
"And also, wait, no... a steak? Yeah, a steak. Or maybe like a chicken."
"Yeah! To er… chicken the ger- er… Yeah! And I'm going to need a sausage, a bottle of sleeping pills, some duct tape and a crowbar. Not sure what I'll use the crowbar for yet, but I guess I'll know it when I see it. Probably something small and squeaky."
"Shut up.”
The Yogakas hang about in the street, not far from 328 Charlton Avenue, some holding a crowbar and a can of hotdogs, some holding carrots, and some holding a naked headless turkey.
"Uhh..."
It’s 6pm, or eighteen hundred hours in the military parlance of the professionally trained Yoga student, and dinner is being served in the front room of the Jackson family house.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on July 06, 2016, 11:42:39 am
Toss the naked headless turkey into the yard experimentally, doing a proper windup for the throw. Maybe get one of the others to help. I wasn't specifically excluded from the junior football team for nothing, after all. Well, I guess technically I was, but not in the sense of what that statement would immediately imply.
((wait, did we defrost the turkey before coming here or what))
Post by: lawastooshort on July 06, 2016, 12:09:10 pm
((I can see arguments for and against. Did you steal the turkey? Buy it? Was it a gift? Although the description doesn't imply so, is it cooked? Perhaps I should put the turn on hold and run an entire turkey theft scene turn. If I had been in inspired form perhaps I would have. Damn))
Post by: Harry Baldman on July 06, 2016, 12:20:15 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on July 06, 2016, 01:52:18 pm
Post by: IronyOwl on July 07, 2016, 01:36:32 pm
Post by: Pancaek on July 07, 2016, 02:07:46 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on July 13, 2016, 07:41:50 am
Turn 1.7
Start cramming the sleeping pills in the sausage. Otherwise just loiter around for now, maybe try to hide the crowbar in my jacket a bit.
Outside the Jackson family house, in quiet Charlton Avenue, the silence of dozens of approaching dinners is suddenly shattered by a piercing scream!
”My groin! My groin! OHGODOHGODOHGOD MY GROIN!!”
[1] Richard collapse to the floor, clutching his groin in excruciating self-inflicted pain, until he realises, through his panic, that the pain has passed. But being pretty concerned about the side effects of stabbing himself in the crotch with a crowbar, he stands up and rips his trousers off and peers down his underpants. [rtd 5] There's no blood!
Richard almost faints with joy.
Loiter around the bully's neighborhood, after all, this is the 80's right? We're free range.
”Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh!!”
Fisk thinks Richard is getting nekkid in the street.
”Ahhhhhhhhhh!!”
He's gonna get arrested for conspiracy to get publicly nekkid.
”Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”
He’s gonna have a sex offender record for life because of yoga.
”PUT YOUR NADS AWAY DUDE!”
Oh god there's an approaching car. Oh god it must be the cops. OH SHIT.
”DUDE! DUDE!!”
There's only one response to such a situation! Fisk flees!
[1] Bam!
Fisk runs straight into the road, and is smacked right over by the approaching car, and is knocked 20 feet down the road, [rtd 5] where he lands completely unharmed. The car skids to a halt and a middle aged man gets out.
”Shit son, what the hell do you think you're doing! You okay? Aw shit, why the hell is your friend getting naked in the street? Don’t you know there’s laws against that son? I’ve a good mind to call the police.”
Attempt to scamper up to a window from the back! Clearly this will not create enough noise to attract attention or separate me from my fellow yogakas.
[4] Before everything goes horribly wrong, Edith decides to put a decisive plan into action and scampers round the house and across the backyard to a window. She pops her head up like a baby mole and peers in. She sees Mrs Jackson putting the finishing touches on three plates of burgers and fries. Just as she pops her head back down there’s a crashing sound from the front yard.
Toss the naked headless turkey into the yard experimentally, doing a proper windup for the throw. Maybe get one of the others to help. I wasn't specifically excluded from the junior football team for nothing, after all. Well, I guess technically I was, but not in the sense of what that statement would immediately imply.
[4; Turkey Status 4] Back at the front of the house, Jarvis athletically winds his defrosted turkey round and round before letting go and flinging it literally feet into the air, over the picket fence and hedge and bang into the trashcan lid, which sounds a bit like a drunkard falling on half a drumkit.
A few seconds pass and the front door opens.
Jarvis ducks behind a bush; Fisk and Richard are behind the stopped car in the road a short distance away.
”Always bloody dinner time. Damn fecking neighbours. Can’t control their damn bloody dogs. Should keep to their own damn tra- aw what the hell… a whole turkey this time? Now that just takes the biscuit. That’s a damn waste.”
Mr Jackson bends over to pick up the turkey.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on July 13, 2016, 09:03:19 am
Mr. Jackson is distracted! Use the opportunity to sneak into the house.
Post by: lawastooshort on July 13, 2016, 09:17:32 am
Post by: Sosoku234 on July 13, 2016, 09:52:16 am
Sprint around the block and come in through the back.
Post by: IronyOwl on July 13, 2016, 09:15:08 pm
Also we've finally had our first crotch injury and nekkidness. Being on fire can't be far behind, turkey's grace notwithstanding.))
Edith figures the crash is as good a distraction as any.
Surreptitiously burrow into the house, locating the gerbil and purchasing its loyalty with carrots!
Post by: Pancaek on July 14, 2016, 08:06:56 am
Put clothes back on. Then casually make my way down the street away from the house, in order to not attract the attention of the communist driver to what my mates are doing at the house
Post by: lawastooshort on July 18, 2016, 03:02:39 pm
Turn 1.8
Put clothes back on. Then casually make my way down the street away from the house, in order to not attract the attention of the communist driver to what my mates are doing at the house
"Oh, I'm sorry sir. For a second there I thought I was in America, the land of the free. Used to be in my poppa's day when a man got stabbed in the crotch he could check it for damage without someone threatening to call the police on him. Go ahead, call up the man and let them take away your freedom. You communist."
”Uh, oh yeah. Sorry boy, you're right you know... I don't know what came over me... Must have been the shock of nearly killing that damn fool boy, I...”
[4] A functioning crotch and frequent checking of said crotch being a sign of freedom, the man doesn't call up the man, and gets back into his car, shuts the door, and starts up the ignition. He drives off, as Richard walks the other way, and -
Sprint around the block and come in through the back.
BAM!
[6, Fisk rtd 4, Car rtd 1] The driver accelerates off, only for Fisk to run straight in front of him again. The driver swerves right hard and smashes into one of the parked cars lining the side of the road, which almost immediately bursts into smoke, almost as if it might explode or something pretty soon.
Fisk keeps running; the furious driver leaps out of his car and chases after him.
After a minute or two Fisk is round the block and can see the back of the Jackson residence just yards away. Turning round, he can also see a sweaty middle aged man closing in on him!
Mr. Jackson is distracted! Use the opportunity to sneak into the house.
"Uhh..."
[4] Jarvis Palkin wasn't kicked out of the school oratory team for nothing, you know! But if he'd been a member of the school ninjutsu team he probably wouldn't have been kicked out – he's an expert! As Mr Jackson struggles with the inner turmoil of living years with a wife who could just throw an entire turkey away into the trash only days after throwing an entire chicken away into the trash just because she got the marinade wrong or something who knows Chad Jackson is too manly to know about that kind of thing goddammit I work all day and she just fills the trash can with chickens and stuff willynilly that's my turkey that is that I paid for with the sweat of my own two hands I should go in there and make everyone eat the damn thing, raw or not wait, this one doesn't even have any marinade on it, dammit does she just buy birds to stuff in the trash can just to spite me or what, hmm, beer... hmmm...
Jarvis creeps past the grumbling eejit's back and in through the front door and into the hallway of the Jackson house. There's stairs just to his front and left; the large hallway goes straight through into the kitchen; the garage seems to be to the left, and sounds of television come from the right. Just then there is a terrible squealing!
Edith figures the crash is as good a distraction as any.
Surreptitiously burrow into the house, locating the gerbil and purchasing its loyalty with carrots!
Peeking through the window, Edith sees Mr Jackson leave through the front door and decides now is the time to excavate her way through the ground, and the foundations, and the wall, and into the kitchen.
[5] It works! There's a 6 foot deep crater in the kitchen now, but it works! Barely leaving much of a trail of mud or rubble, she sneaks down the hallway, past the sounds of television on her left, and to the stairs, where she stops briefly to sniff the air.
The front door is open, and she goes silently up the stairs.
Upstairs there is a hallway, with bedrooms and bathrooms coming off it; Edith creeps along, her feet now entirely cleaned of mud and leaving only the deadly trace of a ninja, and finds Mitchell Jackson's bedoom.
She slowly pushes the door open, and rolls expertly in.
Edith McKenzie comes face to face with a gerbil.
[1] Edith whips out her bunch of carrots, which Pixey the gerbil immediately interprets as a sign of attack!
Pixey leaps at the intruder's face, jaws wide open and eyes full of rage; Edith leaps herself, backwards, into the wall, whilst squealing almost exactly like a 10 year old girl being attacked in the face by a possibly rabid gerbil!
[5+3vs4+3] Blood pours from Edith's chin!
A woman's voice calls.
”Chad, are you okay honey? You didn't tread on Pixey, did you?”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Pixey the Gerbil (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on July 18, 2016, 03:16:12 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on July 18, 2016, 04:01:01 pm
Slow down a bit and wait for the guy to get closer before doing a Yogic Slap.
Post by: IronyOwl on July 18, 2016, 05:44:33 pm
Just then there is a terrible squealing!(("And that was when I knew I dun goofed."
Also I wasn't expecting to actually burrow into the house. Clearly I've underestimated the power of Talpidae Yoga.))
Edith panics, but only for a moment. Well, she never really stops panicking, but she starts panicking creatively rather quickly. Putting on her best 8th grade boy voice and summoning the deepest reserves of dramatic impersonated conversation knowledge, she calls back!
"Uh, fine Mom! Just... being punished for my crimes! My many, many crimes, which I can only assume you do nothing about because you don't love me enough to care!"
Meanwhile, her hands frantically make the universal Yogic hand signs for "Stop, nice gerbil, don't eat my face, oh god there's blood everywhere."
Engage novel-worthy scheme whilst trying to ward off future gerbil maulings!
Post by: Pancaek on July 18, 2016, 05:51:54 pm
Walk up to their front door, but make sure to leave my crowbar by the roadside or something so nobody sees it on my person. Also make sure they can't see me putting down the crowbar.
Then knock/ring, or speak directly to anyone from the household if they were already outside and say the following. Try to keep them talking about the communist threat to America.
"Hello, are you aware that the people you know and converse with every day might be communists?"
Post by: lawastooshort on July 23, 2016, 03:27:52 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND THREE HOURS
Turn 1.9
Slow down a bit and wait for the guy to get closer before doing a Yogic Slap.
"I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY!" lies Fisk, slowing down slightly and cunningly feigning to be somewhat out of breath, before timing it just right to turn round, infuse the palm of his right hand with righteousness, and with a feisty jump [5+2+1vs1+1=6] Yogically slap the man’s brain out of the right side of his head.
Fisk’s pursuer drops like a brick!
"Uh."
Just then there’s a not-too distant explosion – resembling, for example, the sound of a car exploding next to another car and probably setting the second car on fire!
Fisk looks a little too long at his downed victim, and feels slightly sick. Thankfully he’s fallen on to the side the brain fell out of, but even so, it’s quite horrendous.
Engage novel-worthy scheme whilst trying to ward off future gerbil maulings!
Backing away into the nearest corner under the ferocious assault of an entirely feral gerbil (yet another cruel rejection and a crushing of her dreams of an actual real best friend forever or at least as long as she can acquire carrots) Edith is quite confused, although she is too busy panicking to realise it.
"Uh, fine Mom! Just... being punished for my crimes! My many, many crimes, which I can only assume you do nothing about because you don't love me enough to care!"
”Er… Chad? This isn’t really the time for kinky games, you know…” comes the voice from downstairs…
Chad, it would seem, is not the young boy the Yogakas are being sent to educate. No sir! That would be Mitchell Jackson, the miscreant currently in the living room watching TV and eating his dinner!
However, Edith is indeed too busy panicking to know this.
"Here gerbil gerbil gerbil! Good gerbil! Nice gerbil! Arrhh! Stop! I know Yoga! I’m not afraid to use it! Stop! Ohgodisthatmybloodonthewallarrh!"
”Er, who are you talking to, dear?”
Ninja my way toward the squealing. Seems to have gone all right thus far.
Just as Pixey the Gerbil, standing on the cowering Edith’s chest, rears on his hind legs to deliver the killing blow, Jarvis silently bursts into the room.
Pixey turns; Jarvis immediately grasps the situation and assumes a defensive posture.
Pixey leaps towards this new and deadlier threat!
The gerbil flies through the air!
BOOM!
YOGIC CRITICAL!
[6+3vs1+3=10] Pixey the Gerbil disappears, and a fine red mist floats gently downwards over poor Edith, still clutching her carrots.
Walk up to their front door, but make sure to leave my crowbar by the roadside or something so nobody sees it on my person. Also make sure they can't see me putting down the crowbar.
Then knock/ring, or speak directly to anyone from the household if they were already outside and say the following. Try to keep them talking about the communist threat to America.
[3] Just then the doorbell rings, and Richard Wensley, looking politely through the open door, sees Mrs Jackson turn from the bottom of the stairs towards him.
”Uh, who are you, kid? And why in heck is my front door open? And how come I didn't notice just now walking past it?”
"Hello, ma'am, are you aware that the people you know and converse with every day might be communists?"
”What? Who? Goddamn them communists, I bet they opened the door, right? Well if you don’t mind, I need to go see what my idiot husband is up to upstai- oh, there he is. Outside. Well. Chad, what is going on?”
Mr Chad Jackson, holding a defrosted turkey, is somewhat of a mind to ask the same thing.
”What do you mean, what is going on? What the hell is going on with you throwing away perfectly fine turkeys, woman?”
”Don’t you woman me, dear, where did you get that damned turk-“
Just then the car crashed a dozen yards away from the house explodes.
BOOM!
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on July 23, 2016, 04:52:22 am
Seek the young man we were sent to find. Silently, softly, under the sonic cover of exploding cars...
Post by: Sosoku234 on July 23, 2016, 06:45:16 am
Post by: lawastooshort on August 18, 2016, 06:08:01 am
Post by: Pancaek on August 18, 2016, 06:11:14 am
Say above, in the hopes that the parents will go and check out the car crash.
((I was convinced I already posted my action, my bad. Also, welcome back.))
Post by: IronyOwl on August 19, 2016, 08:29:25 pm
Er, hello. I appear to have gone away for slightly longer than I meant. Shall I carry on, and if so, would the two outstanding miscreants like to post an action? If I recall, we were busy murdering household pets and innocent passersby. If not, shall I just run a game about gathering leaves and wild berries for sustenance instead?(Sorry! I knew this would happen, but it's hard to get an action in when you know it's not going to be processed for a week and a half. "Oh, I'll have time later..."
That said, I feel like a game by you about eating leaves and wild berries would be disproportionately entertaining.))
Edna immediately understands her mistake and chides herself for it. Keeping track of numerous male characters was supposed to be one of her strengths!
Fortunately the real Chad then bails her out, followed by a car exploding for no reason. She really is in her element!
...it's a shame about the gerbil, though. Hopefully the 8th grader goes a lot cleaner.
Use the distraction from the explosion and fight to sneak into the living room! Then give Mitchell a good boss fight speech about not being a bully and the Power of Yoga!
Post by: Sosoku234 on August 19, 2016, 08:34:39 pm
Post by: IronyOwl on August 19, 2016, 08:38:45 pm
((I like how I'm now a murderer, car bomber, and tresspasser all in the span of about thirty seconds.))((With great power comes HOLY SHIT WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE))
Post by: lawastooshort on August 24, 2016, 11:17:51 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND FOUR HOURS
Turn 2.0
Say above, in the hopes that the parents will go and check out the car crash.
"Oh no, looks like the communists are staging attacks! Sir, Madam, you must go help that poor American get out of the car alive!"
”OH GOOD LORD NO! There’s an American in that car? That exploded car? That just blew up? GOOD CHRIST ALMIGHTY POOR MAN HE MUST BE BURNING ALIVE THAT’S AWFUL!”
[6 rtd 3] Mrs Jackson runs out of her front yard, towards the burning American, straight across the ro-
BAM!
Mrs Jackson becomes the third road traffic accident of the evening, and is smashed through the air down the road. [4] But she lands on her face and she’s okay! Kind of! She gets heroically to her knees, and then to her feet, and limps towards the exploded car. In a heart-warming display of solidarity, the driver of the car who just smashed her through the air gets out of his car, and comes to her side, and takes her elbow, and helps her towards the poor burning communist-victim.
They turn and look into each other’s eyes for a second and wrench open the burning hot metal door of the fiery car.
Just then the next car along explodes!
[rtd 2] Mrs Jackson is sliced apart by a flying car door!
[rtd 3] The man who ran her down falls sideways to the ground, clutching a bloodied leg stump!
[1] Mr Chad Jackson, widower, sees the carnage the communists are inflicting on his beloved homeland, and turns to Richard Wensley.
”Communists, you say? Hot damn.”
He runs inside.
”I need to get my shotgun. My shotgun and my boy.”
Jarvis stands there shivering for a moment, mouthing "boom" as the red mist starts to settle. He turns to Edith and nods shakily, a vacant smile on his face.
Seek the young man we were sent to find. Silently, softly, under the sonic cover of exploding cars...
[3] Eventually, Jarvis snaps out of his first taste of bloodfever, and turns away. He slips out of Mitchell’s bedroom as a car explodes outside, and pads down the stairs.
He enters the living room to find Mitchell on the sofa, in front of the TV, with a tray of food on his lap.
”Who are you, buttmunch? And what’s that on your hand?”
Use the distraction from the explosion and fight to sneak into the living room! Then give Mitchell a good boss fight speech about not being a bully and the Power of Yoga!
[3] Before Jarvis can reply that it is indeed Mitchell’s beloved ex-gerbil all over his hand but considerably more all over the bully’s bedroom, Edith sneaks in behind him and replies herself!
”He… is the Palkinator!! Yeah! And I am Deadly Edith, the Yoga Avenger! There are some who call me… the Yogavenger.
We are come to educate you, and to tell you that being a massive douchebag is Bad, and that conversely the Power of Yoga is Good, as well as totally awesome, as will testify your… poor… the poor… No! Yon gerbil deserved it! It had rabies, and said rabies is now spread about your bedroom, and- uh. Um.”
”What? Mom!” shouts Mitchell, ”Who let these- oh god, what’s wrong with you?”
Scale the fence of the bully's house. Then it's okay to vomit profusely. Following that, go find said bully.
[1] Behind the bully’s house, Fisk turns away from the mutilated corpse that he just physically mutilated with the unbridled Power of Mutilation Oh God What Have I Done, and climbs the back yard fence. He pulls himself up, swings his leg up and over, and loses his balance, flopping off and onto the dog kennel right below him, [5vs6] badly winding himself but thankfully not ending up with any large splinters to the crotch. The dog kennel collapses under his weight and he bumps to the ground in a way which, compared to the rest of his descent, could conceivably be called dignified.
Fisk immediately vomits profusely, stopping only when there’s no more clothing to vomit over, and when his dry retching reminds him of the last time he confronted a bully.
Ah yes.
Bullies.
Fisk has work to do. He crawls through a conveniently placed hole and into the target house. He drips through the hallway and through into the living room. There stand Jarvis and Edith, confronting the bully.
”Mom!” shouts Mitchell, ”Who let these- oh god, what’s wrong with you?”
”Uh. Hello? Do you surrender?”
[3] ”Uh. No?”
Just then Mr Chad Jackson rushes into the room, a shotgun in his hand.
”Who the hell are you?”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on August 24, 2016, 11:26:31 am
Yogic defense maneuver, stat!
Post by: Harry Baldman on August 24, 2016, 11:31:08 am
"Look, dude," he turns to Mitchell with a shell-shocked look, raising his other, gerbil-encrusted hand. "That was, like... you know? And now we're," he gestures at the explosion, whirling his hand while searching for a word. "Yeah, you know?"
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling, yeah. Shiver. Deploy unerring fist of justice when appropriate.
Post by: Pancaek on August 25, 2016, 06:57:42 am
Attempt to convince Armed Dad to go outside. If Armed Dad becomes hostile towards either myself or one of my compatriots, use peacock pose on him.
Post by: IronyOwl on September 06, 2016, 02:35:21 pm
"We're here for justice! Your son is a bully! A bully of freedom! This will not stand, so we, uh, anyway the point is we're servants of justice and you probably shouldn't shoot at servants of justice."
Diplomacy, kind of?
Post by: Greenstarfanatic on September 07, 2016, 04:24:16 pm
Name: Lillian Pushkinski
Colour: PM'D
Bio: Lillian was born in the great land of America after her parents immigrated there from Soviet Union. It's a big long story that she hates telling because she's written about it so many times for assignments at school. She's pretty sure her teachers are getting sick of it too.
Her parents were both in the military back home. They ended up moving in the first place because they were sick of fighting in the cold, and would much rather fight in warmer places, like Iraq. Or Florida. Preferably Florida.
At 12 years old, Lillian didn't care too much for her parents' violent natures, so she decided to take up a less...combative hobby. Unfortunately, her parents wanted her to learn to defend herself, so she had to find a compromise. Then...she found YOGA. It intrigued her. Delicate, yet...POWERFUL. It was beautiful. She was enticed immediately, even convincing her dad to buy her a yoga mat. And her parents could never have been prouder of their little Малышка.
Post by: lawastooshort on September 12, 2016, 04:17:41 am
Post by: Greenstarfanatic on September 13, 2016, 09:15:27 am
But if you're just...not feeling it right now, just take your time. Things will pass, including the bog, slime, and sweating up slopes. This is a pretty good game so we'll be sticking around for a good while. Whenever you update, we'll be ready! ;D
Post by: S34N1C on September 13, 2016, 09:05:35 pm
Post by: Harry Baldman on September 14, 2016, 02:44:11 am
Post by: lawastooshort on September 15, 2016, 07:58:12 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND FIVE HOURS
Turn 2.1
”Who the hell are you?”
"Look, dude," says Jarvis, ignoring the armed man rushing in and still talking to Mitchell, "That was, like... you know? And now we're…"
The Yogaka tries to invent words with his arms to express the awesomeness of the Yogic world.
He seems to fail.
"… Yeah, you know?"
”Uh? No?”
The armed man gets a little more aggressively pointy with his shotgun.
”I said, who the hell are you?”
"We're here for justice!" shouts Edith, bravely, "Your son is a bully! A bully of freedom! This will not stand, so we, uh, anyway the point is we're servants of justice and you probably shouldn't shoot at servants of justice."
”Probably shouldn’t, or definitely shouldn’t? I mean, girl, you’re invading my home, and this eejit is waving his hands at my son, and perhaps I’m feeling a little emotionally unstable since my wife just threw a perfectly good chicken in the trash before being exploded in half by a communist, and perhaps if I shot you all I could just blame it on the communists, right? Shit.”
Mr Chad Jackson hasn’t been so eloquent in years.
Diplomacy, kind of?
[6] "Er, I suppose you could? Please don’t?"
”Ha! No. No. I think it’s Mitchell who needs shooting.”
He lines his shotgun up at his son.
”He’s a bully of freedom – un-American. He’s probably even a co-“
"Mister Mister!" interrupts Wensley, saving the bully’s life, " The communists attacked your wife! She needs you out here right now to defend her life and her freedom!"
Attempt to convince Armed Dad to go outside. If Armed Dad becomes hostile towards either myself or one of my compatriots, use peacock pose on him.
[6] ”What? I’s fairly sure she’s dead, son. I saw her sliced in two by a flying automobile door. Jesus H Christ – and still the communists try to violate her freedom? Come on boy,” he says, lowering his shotgun and grabbing Mitchell Jackson, ”Get the junior shotgun. Hell no, get your mother’s AK, this is wartime. You too, boys and girls. Girl. Get yourselves a gun from the garage and come out here with me.”
The four Yoga students stand there, not quite sure what is going on. Another car explodes outside.
”I said, come outside with me, dammit. Are you going to let them Russians get all communist with my dead wife? Are you? Are you communists, or Americans?”
He raises his shotgun again.
”Well, dammit?”
"Uh. Not a communist?"
”Right. So grab a goddamn gun from the garage and come fight like men.”
Mr Chad Jackson points his shotgun at the four students, signalling towards the garage with his manly American chin. Jarvis Palkin shivers under his steely and possibly slightly unhinged gaze.
Yogic defense maneuver, stat!
[3] Suddenly Fisk breaks out his most adequate Yogic defensive move! He stands there like a cross between a tortoise and a mountain carved into the shape of a vintage US president.
”What the hell do you think you are doing son, ballet? Is that French? Grab a damn gun before I shoot you all for desertion and foreignness.”
Just then the sound of sirens appears in the not so distant distance.
”Quick, kids. Communist infiltrators. You’ve seen that film, right? This is gonna be like that. Arm yourselves or die!”
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling, yeah. Shiver. Deploy unerring fist of justice when appropriate.
Jarvis feels that this may not necessarily be the appropriate moment to deploy his unerring fist of justice. Maybe when the madman is not pointing a gun at him?
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on September 15, 2016, 08:05:31 am
Wait until he's no longer paying attention, then make a run for it.
Post by: Harry Baldman on September 15, 2016, 11:18:18 am
You mean I get to hold a gun? Like, a real one?
Post by: Pancaek on September 16, 2016, 09:36:48 am
Grab a gun from the garage, preferably something american made. If no american made guns are available, just pick a gun at random.
Post by: IronyOwl on September 16, 2016, 07:21:04 pm
"I guess... he means well...?"
She makes it into the garage before realizing those explosions, much like the hole into their house and exploded gerbil, are probably Yogically related.
Well... grab a gun and follow the insane patriot, I guess. No need to be rude.
Post by: lawastooshort on September 23, 2016, 09:51:38 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND SEVEN HOURS
Turn 2.2
"Whoa."
"Sir, you are a true American patriot."
”Thank you boy. Let’s go be true American patriots together, eh.”
"Whoa."
Mr Chad Mitchell strides out of the house with his shotgun and his son, ready to take on the fake communist police for the glory of President Reagan.
Then he strides back in, muttering something about there being more than he expected, and quickly pulls down a pair of the M16s from his gun rack, and strides back out again.
"Whoa."
"I guess... he means well...?"
Well... grab a gun and follow the insane patriot, I guess. No need to be rude.
[1] Edith is the first to act, with the boys all apparently somewhat too occupied with thinking that this is awesome to actually be awesome themselves. Somewhat cautiously, and more out of a sense of politeness than of patriotic American resistance, she heads to the weapons rack, and panics a little, faced with the overwhelming choice.
She finally settles for what seems to be a large broomstick with an American flag stapled to the end. She walks out behind the madman with guns.
Grab a gun from the garage, preferably something american made. If no american made guns are available, just pick a gun at random.
[2] Richard stares with awe and wonder at the gun rack, full of American made guns. Pistols. Revolvers. Assault rifles. Shotguns. It’s amazing. He spies what is clearly a handmade by American hands spear. Visions of Yogically stabbing Communists through the face with a genuine American spear flash through his overexcited brain.
He takes it and walks out, feeling like a man for the first time in his life.
Go take a gun.
Wait until he's no longer paying attention, then make a run for it.
[5] Fisk is next. He appears to have… somewhat thought about this situation a little more than his Yoga comrades. He takes what seems to be a fully loaded three quarter size assault rifle and walks carefully out.
He walks out of the garage into the front yard of the Mitchell’s house. Beyond the short hedge that is the boundary of the property, there is the road. And on the far side of the road, forming a shallow circle in front of the house, there is a line of cop cars. Behind the cop cars kneel cops, with guns and megaphones. They’re all aiming at Mr Mitchell.
That was sudden, thinks Fisk.
Just then Chad Mitchell is distracted by a cop shouting through a megaphone for him to surrender and stop destroying innocent American cars.
Fisk takes his chances and runs for it, dashing across the yard, leaping over the hedge, and immediately being met by a hail of megaphone.
”STOP RIGHT THERE, BOY.”
You mean I get to hold a gun? Like, a real one?
[6] Just then Jarvis walks out of the Mitchell residence into the front yard. He thinks what he is carrying is a bazooka?
"Whoa."
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on September 26, 2016, 07:58:25 am
If there is anything close to a firing order, move into a yogic defense.
Post by: Harry Baldman on September 26, 2016, 08:08:09 am
Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. KEEP IT TOGETHER. DEEP BREATH!
Post by: Pancaek on September 26, 2016, 09:47:33 am
Post by: IronyOwl on September 28, 2016, 05:03:47 pm
Edith gulps. Talking was not her specialty.
"Uhhhhhh...!" she called to the police as loudly as she could. "I sure am glad we're all patriots here! Right?"
She waves her flag hopefully.
Convince everyone they're on the same side! The AMERICAN side!
Post by: lawastooshort on October 03, 2016, 06:08:57 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND EIGHT HOURS
Turn 2.3
”STOP RIGHT THERE, BOY.”
Fisk freezes, moving millimetre by millimetre into a Yogic Defence position. He wonders if it might work against automatic gunfire. Or rather, he wonders if he’s at a high enough level of Yoga to make it work against automatic gunfire.
Richard also freezes, clutching his American spear to his chest and trying to look worried and innocent without disturbing his inner Yogic calm. He is totally full of inner Yogic calm. Oh yes. Overflowing. His voice wobbles slightly as he speaks.
”I’m… uh. I’m just a good American boy, sir! I came to investigate this communist sounding disturbance and got kidnapped by a lunatic, yessir mister sir. My daddy was a marine sir?”
"Uhhhhhh...!" interrupts Edith, "What my buddy means is, I sure am glad we're all patriots here! Right?"
Edith waves her flag Americanly.
[4] It seems to work!
“Oh, right, yes. Of course.” says one of the many cops with a megaphone. “Sorry to get you all caught up in this, little girl. What’s your name? Don’t worry now, we aren’t here for you. We had a tip off that there was some communist activity going on here… A massive communist with some dangerous communist youth elements, we were told. But you can’t be a communist with a flag like that. And your friends seem totally legit too.”
The cop beckons for the kids to move forwards and out of the firing zone.
”Come on now. You’ve got the right spirit investigating communist disturbances and carrying what weaponry you can, but this is more dangerous than playing cops and robbers, you know? Move out of the way so we can cut this fiend down in a hail of gunfire.”
Jarvis’s heart sinks. Well, vibrates. Sort of sinks and rises and sinks and rises. What the hell to do? Die in a storm of bullets whilst achieving his life’s dream of exploding things with a rocket launcher, or surrender, and probably have it taken away from him? This is going to be the worst day of this life, ever.
”Bu- I- Th- A-“
”Nice bazooka, son. I got my eldest one like that when he started high school. You too, come on, move along now. This is a bit of a situation for adults.”
Jarvis lowers his bazooka and starts to move towards the line of cars with his comrades. They look back once at Jackson Mitchell the bully.
He looks at them wide-eyed. Almost pleading.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on October 03, 2016, 07:03:37 am
Take Jackson Mitchell along. He's suffered enough.
Post by: Sosoku234 on October 03, 2016, 07:56:16 am
Join the cops behind the firing line. Offer consolations to the kid.
Post by: lawastooshort on October 03, 2016, 10:52:47 am
A SMALL TOWN IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA… APPROXIMATELY EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND EIGHT HOURS
Turn 2.4
Join the cops behind the firing line. Offer consolations to the kid.
Take Jackson Mitchell along. He's suffered enough.
”Come,” seems to say Jarvis’s hand, extended towards the besieged Jackson Mitchell, ”Come, leave your crazed hostage taker of a father, and your deceased mother, and your deceased beloved pet gerbil of whose fate I know nothing, come… come to safety and freedom!”
Jackson Mitchell’s faith in his father’s vision of America falters.
”Come,” continues Jarvis’s hand, ”Come, there are other gerbils out there, you know. And mysterious forces. Yogic forces.”
Jackson Mitchell puts down his guns! He walks towards the bushline, ready to hop over and escape to freedo-
”STOP RIGHT THERE, SON! I’D RATHER SHOOT YOU THEN LET YOU FALL BRAINWASHED INTO THE HANDS OF DIRTY COMMUNISTS! DON’T DO IT, SON! DO YOU WANT TO WEAR SANDALS FOREVER?”
”But… dad!”
Jackson Mitchell stumbles backwards and slowly over the edge of his garden, staring terrifiedly at his father.
”DAMMIT SON, REMEMBER THE ALAMO! REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MOTHER! STOP!”
”No dad! No! I don’t wanna di-”
”I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU WANT, YOU STINKING COMMUNIST! YOU’RE THE REASON YOUR MOM DIED, YOU KNOW?!”
”Dad! Don’-”
”DAMN YOU! I AM YOUR FATHER, JACKSON!”
”Dad!”
Jackson Mitchell walks away from the Alamo.
A hail of gunfire rips through the gentle dusk.
Four boys and a girl walk in the darkness towards a yoga dojo on a pleasant evening.
"Well. Uh. I guess at least you didn’t see your dad get police murdered by several hundred bullets?"
Jackson Mitchell sniffles.
"He probably wasn’t even all that mutilated, I heard the cops use them clean bullets now? And it didn’t really sound like you liked him all that much anyway?"
Jackson Mitchell sounds like he’s going to start crying again.
"You know, he might not even be de-"
"Oh crap.”
The kids break into a run towards the busted open dojo door.
"Se-se-sensei??!”
The yogakas stand in the doorway, staring down at their cherished sensei, who lies before them, bleeding profusely from where his left leg used to stick to his left hip.
“The Evil Ninja took my leg, dudes. I’m bleeding to death. He… he distracted me by pretending to be a door to door Chuck Norris video salesman, and then struck… masterful…
Who knows what evil he is going to perpetrate on this plane without… a… a strong yogic force to hold him back…
The only way to save me is to hunt him down, and get my leg back, and stick it on before I bleed to death in… a few seconds. Then, perhaps, I’ll have time to tell you the secrets needed to… to save… the world…”
Sensei coughs up a bit of blood, as if to emphasise the grimness of the situation. He’s totally close to death.
“But the Evil Ninja is a time traveller, dudes. A yogic time traveller. Hard to track down. He could have gone anywhere now. He could totally be fucking up time. Only the three Yogic Originators know how to find him. Yes… So you must find them…
Hopefully they’ll… have like a Yogic Divination Stick, or something.”
"Sensei!”
“It’s okay Edith. This doesn’t have to be the end, either for me or for your Yogic journey. You know? But time presses, and I have to tell you this before I die, so that I can not die again later, or before, and so we can save the world together. Yeah… You need to find Bromedes, he’ll know what to do. He is one of the inventors of Yoga. He’s from, like, Ancient Greece and stuff. He was the first man to ever stretch backwards.”
"Er, Ancient Greece?”
“Yeah, totally. Find a Yogic Portal, and you can travel through time. Time and space. There’s one in the cupboard… maybe another one nearby that the Evil Ninja came… through… argggg…. It doesn’t like, really hurt, because I have inner yogic strength and stuff, but I can totally feel the blood leaking out… it sucks ass…”
“Should uh… we get an ambulance or something?”
“No, no time. I’ve lost more blood than three grown men put together. I’ve travelled in time too, dudes. I know I’m going to die this time round, but if you avenge me and get my leg back then I’ll totally be okay as long as you stick it back on. Here, take this secret instruction comic. It’s full of Yogic moves you might need as you grow in power… I’m sorry I can’t teach you them myself… If you get my leg back I’ll sort you out a refund ‘cos it’s kind of crappy tuition… I’m sorry…”
"Sensei!”
“I’m sorry Edith. I’m sorry boys. I let my love of Chuck Norris videos blind me… Hey, you know, this is important. Come closer…”
The kids gather round. The mourning Jackson Mitchell stops his over-emotional mourning and gathers round too.
“Take a yellow belt each from the drawer… I’m…”
“I’m… the…”
“…”
"The what, dude?”
“…”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on October 03, 2016, 11:02:57 am
Jarvis pokes at the Sensei, feeling 50% more robust as he is filled with uncommon resolve.
"... uh..."
+1 Body!
And consult the manual. Does the Ashtanga Yoga book say anything about this under Yellow? That King Pigeon Pose is looking pretty sweet, I guess.
Post by: Sosoku234 on October 03, 2016, 01:59:50 pm
Close sensei's eyes and take the new yoga belt. Begin out the door.
+1 to mind. Learn King Pigeon Pose.
Post by: IronyOwl on October 04, 2016, 03:59:48 am
"Oh no, I should have realized he wasn't long for this world once he became a wizened mentor."
+1 Body, Total Yogic Critical!
Post by: Pancaek on October 04, 2016, 06:34:32 am
"He died a true patriot. He's off to a better place now, hunting communist bears with Teddy Roosevelt."
+1 body. learn Ocean Breath.
Post by: lawastooshort on October 07, 2016, 07:46:32 am
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… SHORTLY AFTER THE END OF THE LAST TURN
Turn 3.0
"Oh no, I should have realized he wasn't long for this world once he became a wizened mentor."
Bowing his head, Richard expresses the grief that everyone is feeling.
"He died a true patriot. He's off to a better place now, hunting communist bears with Teddy Roosevelt."
"Uh..."
In keeping with the mood, Jarvis tastefully pokes Sensei with his foot, the overwhelming emotion of the event increasing not just his Yogic but his general physical prowess.
"... uh..."
"He's the Last of the Great Yogic Sensei. The Student of the Masters. The Great Time Travelers. He was... OUR SENSEI! We need to go."
"... uh."
Indeed – the kids do need to go, but where? Where could the Bad Ninja have gone? And did he take Sensei’s leg with him? Filled with new-found extrapower, Fisk walks out the door where, oddly enough, the world looks the same as it did not long before. There is no widespread general panic at the thought of everybody suddenly being vulnerable to the hidden danger from which Sensei’s leg was apparently protecting them. Hmm.
Wait – was that van in the corner of the parking lot before? And what did Sensei say about the cupboard in the dojo?
Fisk creeps up to the van.
A fizzing, faintly humming kind of glow seems to be coming from it.
Back in the dojo, the sensible Edith creeps up to the cupboard.
A fizzing, faintly humming kind of glow seems to be coming from it.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on October 07, 2016, 12:10:27 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on October 08, 2016, 08:23:35 am
Charge up some Yogic power into my hand, as if going for a slap, but then thrust the hand into the side of the van and tear the van open.
Post by: Pancaek on October 08, 2016, 12:51:26 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on October 08, 2016, 01:02:52 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on October 08, 2016, 05:19:26 pm
Post by: IronyOwl on October 08, 2016, 09:47:23 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on October 15, 2016, 03:27:20 pm
Post by: lawastooshort on October 26, 2016, 11:07:15 am
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… SHORTLY AFTER THE END OF THE LAST TURN
Turn 3.1
Never a bad time to try something new.
Charge up some Yogic power into my hand, as if going for a slap, but then thrust the hand into the side of the van and tear the van open.
[6] Right – the humming, glowing van, yeah?
”BoYOGAshah! BAM!”
Fisk smashes his fist right through the metal side, shattering it almost literally like ice, except bendier ice – and almost immediately his hand feels all totally weird, and as if something – no, someone! – has grabbed hold of it. Shit! Fisk yanks his hand back with yogic force, and as his arm comes out of the hole in the van, a person that is very clearly dressed as a ninja comes busting out too, holding onto his hand with great force.
The man dressed as a ninja leaves a man-dressed-as-a-ninja-shaped-and-sized hole in the metal side of the van behind him, and through the hole is clearly visible a pale red glowing almost circular… thing. It’s upright, and glowing, and faintly humming, and as Fisk sees it and begins to wonder, a second man dressed as a ninja comes flying through!
The first man dressed as a ninja shakes himself off Fisk’s hand, and shouts at Fisk, in what sounds like pretend medieval Japanese,
”地獄は何が起こっています！総統はどこにありますか？”
Both men dressed as ninjas draw swords, or what look like swords, from behind their backs and stare somewhat aggressively at Fisk.
Respectfully close Sensei's eyes, then go with Jarvis to see what's up with the cupboard. Also, did the fuzz let me keep my American spear?
Also help check inside the cupboard. In fact, poke my head through the portal when that's what proves inside it. Surely nothing will go wrong from shoving my head inside strange glowing objects.
Check what Edith's doing over there by the cupboard. There was something in there, I think?
[5] Meanwhile, Richard bends down to close Sensei’s eyes, and then walks with Jarvis over to the glowing cupboard, which Edith is looking at very carefully.
Edith opens the cupboard, and-
”HOLY CRAP DUDES! I think… I think this is a portal. It’s all like, pale green and stuff. Who could have imagined such wonders…”
Before Richard and Jarvis can stop her, she sticks her head through the portal, for that is indeed what it is, and -
”Holy crap, dude! She’s totally disappeared!”
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… APPARENTLY NOT A SMALL TOWN, NOR IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA
Edith finds herself suddenly hurled face forward through the spacetime portal – for that is what she assumes it is, it’s behaving like all the spacetime portals she’s read about – and just as suddenly landing face forward in a really quite cold pile of snow. In fact, it’s not just the cold pile of snow that is cold: everything appears really quite unreasonably chilly, she thinks, as she lifts her head up to find visibility somewhat limited – everything beyond about 20 feet seems to just be white – and, more perturbingly – a ring of what seem to be reindeer gradually closing in on her. One of them looks like he is thoughtfully chewing some moss. They sort of moo at her. A muffled silence around them underlines the mooing, and it’s hard to tell if the mooing is hostile or not.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on October 26, 2016, 11:10:41 am
We had best go after her!
Post by: Pancaek on October 26, 2016, 02:01:34 pm
"Yes, we'd best follow her. Whatever lies behind that portal might be important for our quest. Maybe even important for nation as a whole. Maybe they'll have oil."
Go after Edith!
Post by: Sosoku234 on October 26, 2016, 02:40:52 pm
"Do you speak Americanese? Uh. Why you guys got them swords though?" I sputter, backpedaling away like a crawdad faced with a bobcat. If they follow me, spin and jump into a Yogic Splits at the same time to preform the Yogic Helicopter Kicktm.
Post by: lawastooshort on October 26, 2016, 03:17:02 pm
Post by: Pancaek on October 26, 2016, 03:26:02 pm
Post by: IronyOwl on October 27, 2016, 05:11:52 am
Instead, meditate in bendy calmness, seeking the truths of the universe or at least stalling until the reindeer start eating me and/or my friends also hurl themselves screaming through an extraplanar void.
Post by: lawastooshort on November 10, 2016, 12:37:05 pm
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… APPARENTLY NOT A SMALL TOWN, NOR IN LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY AMERICA
Turn 3.2
Instead, meditate in bendy calmness, seeking the truths of the universe or at least stalling until the reindeer start eating me and/or my friends also hurl themselves screaming through an extraplanar void.
[3] ”Wow. Like, the universe is, like, pretty big. Woah,” thinks Edith, finding one of the truths of the universe as she bendily meditates in what might possibly pass for calmne- ah. Nope.
The reindeer can smell my fear, so they can. Oh yes. Are they closing i- yes. Yes, they are definitely closing in. Oh crap.
Is that one –
Yes. Yes, that reindeer is definitely eyeing my foot the way I expect the average reindeer eyes a nice bit of moss. Hmm.
Edith backs away from the reindeer who looks suspiciously like it’s going to chew her foot, and bumps into a reindeer behind her. She turns, somewhat (surprisingly, if you consider it) startled, and the new reindeer licks her face.
She screams.
Go after Edith!
We had best go after her!
Just then Jarvis and Richard come tumbling through the spacetime portal and fall face down into the snow, hurriedly getting up to find Edith screaming at some uncomfortably close reindeer!
They –
Oh my god!
”OH SHIT THEY’RE EATING HER FACE ALIVE!”
Roll for initiative!
Edith: 1
Jarvis: 6
Richard: 4
Reindeer: 3
I sputter, backpedaling away like a crawdad faced with a bobcat. If they follow me, spin and jump into a Yogic Splits at the same time to perform the Yogic Helicopter Kicktm.
"Do you speak Americanese? Uh. Why you guys got them swords though?"
” 何feckは「アメリカ語」である、あなたは、愚か者をfecking？どこで私たちの邪悪な巨匠はありますか？、死ぬことbuttmunchの準備を！”
Fisk doesn’t get halfway back to the dojo door before the pair of ninjas, both with swords drawn, are upon him! He spins to face them and leaps as he does so with a great KIYAH unexpected from such a small boy; [6+1vs4+2; 6+1vs6+2] one foot smacks the left ninja to the floor, staggered, but the second foot is blocked expertly by the ninja’s main sword.
“ハ！Arsewipe！ 死ぬための準備！”
So shouting the first ninja leaps back to his feet, and wildly performs an overhead swipe at Fisk [ 5+2vs6+1] who neatly deflects the blow with a forearm strengthened with yogic force! But whilst he is distracted the second ninja lowers his blade in an almost invisibly swift move and lunges forward! [4+2vs4+1] He catches Fisk right in the guts!
Fisk falls backwards, feeling the pain of being reduced to only 1HP quite severely.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: ninjas (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Harry Baldman on November 10, 2016, 12:42:51 pm
Punch the reindeer's face right off!
Post by: Sosoku234 on November 10, 2016, 03:36:07 pm
Assume King Pigeon Pose, while lying down.
Post by: Pancaek on November 10, 2016, 06:20:52 pm
Richard puts his hands on his hips, lifting up his chin.
"Which means they're pinko scum!"
Assume the Peacock Pose! Also hum 'praise the lord and pass the ammunition', to get into that patriotic state of mind.
Post by: IronyOwl on November 10, 2016, 09:23:02 pm
For permanent wounds, maybe there's a way to get your parts back? That'd be less cruel. I think.))
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Basic Splits! Flail wildly!
Post by: lawastooshort on November 11, 2016, 09:24:36 am
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND THERE
Turn 3.3
Punch the reindeer's face right off!
"Whoa, dude! You're right!"
The reindeer is totally licking Edith’s face – pretty hard! Jarvis draws back his fist, [5+3vs3] and punches it’s face off! Reindeer blood and other bits go everywhere. Or, at least, everywhere there is to cover with blood on Jarvis and Edith.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Whoa…"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Reindeer, or meese, are stereotypical of Canada," interrupts Richard, who looks to be warming himself up for an interminable anti-reindeer hum -
"Wait, what?”
"What."
"Meese?”
"Yeah! Meese, dickwad! Which means they're pinko scum!"
Assume the Peacock Pose! Also hum 'praise the lord and pass the ammunition', to get into that patriotic state of mind.
Bam!
[5+3vs3,2+3vs3,2+3vs1,2+3vs4,2+3vs6,6+3vs6,2+3vs1,5+3vs1,6+3vs6] Richard leaps into Peacock Pose, first staggering the fiendish meese into an initiative failure, and then stunning all but two of them to the floor. One brave meese stand its ground – the other is so intimated by Richard’s powerful yoga it collapses with blood pouring out of its ears!
There are but 8 reindeer left, suffering -1 to initiative next turn and -1 to actions this turn (except 1).
Basic Splits! Flail wildly!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" continues Edith, "EArrrrg!!"
The bravest meese lopes up to her face, and unleashes its long leathery tongue! It’s almost affectionate in its delicate touch! The other meese, meanwhile, clamber to their feet and close back in on Richard and Jarvis, and try to headbutt them into submission.
[5vs5+3,5vs5+3,4vs1+3; 2vs1+3,2vs3+2,1vs1+3,2vs5+3] As Edith watches on in salivery terror, the clutch of meese headbutt her comrades! Entirely ineffectually! She tries to rush to their rescue nonetheless, and jumps into the air, legs spreading manically-
”Wait!” comes a mysterious voice. ”Young woman, leave those meese alone. They are only trying to welcome you in the fashion of the tundra, and to protect you from these violent miscreants who tumble and pose about so. Oh dear oh dear,” he continues in what some of the students might detect is a bit of a Scouse accent, ”Oh deary dear. Poor Higgins here was just trying to affectionately welcome you, and now I fear you have angered an entire nation of meese. Do you know how many meese there are in Siberia, my dear?”
As the man speaks, the circle of meese withdraws from around the trio, and parts slowly to reveal a man of a non-descript sort of age walking slowly towards them. He’s wearing a leather jacket over a black suit and tie, ambling gently over the snow.
”You seem to know yoga, chaps. What are you doing here?”
Assume King Pigeon Pose, while lying down.
"WHY?!"
” ああ。 私は知らないよ？ あなたはそれを始めました。 Whoa、ユニバーサル・トランスレータが "asswipe"と翻訳して驚いた。 とにかく、私たちは主人を捜しています。主人は、一人になってしまったように見えます。そして、今や大混乱の原因となっている多元を旅しています。 ごめんなさい！ 右、今すぐ死ぬ準備、cheesemeister！”
"Oh. Right. I see," lies Fisk. He leaps to the ground and thrusts himself in unseemly ways at his attackers, who prepare to chop him to bits.
"Hyyyyynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh!"
[5+2vs6+1, 4+2vs3+1] The ninjas strike, but their blades are yogically redirected to Fisk’s prominent crotch area – one blade somehow misses, and the other bounces straight off! Fisk puts his hands behind his head and looks up at his attackers.
"Yeah. King Pigeon Pose, gobshites. What do you think about that then, eh?"
He looks pretty pleased with himself, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he can’t keep this up for too long…
”やばい。 これは何ですか、 "ゴブシャイト"ですか？ "ゴブシャイト"、重量？ それは素晴らしいです。 私たちは彼を殺すか、彼を残して先生にしてもらえますか？”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: ninjas (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on November 11, 2016, 11:10:29 am
Quick, while they recover, stand up, jump, and do a Yogic Slap with the Basic Splits to perform what I will call the Critical Splits.
Post by: IronyOwl on November 11, 2016, 09:17:40 pm
Once again, Edith was covered in the blood of fuzzy woodland critters. This was not how she pictured being a Yoga master. Student. She wasn't sure what she had pictured it as, but it probably wasn't this.
"L-Lots? Lots of meese live in Siberia?
But, um. We're here... to find... someone to help us. A Yoga Master. I don't suppose you know any Yoga masters around here?"
Post by: Harry Baldman on November 12, 2016, 04:01:17 am
Deploy the Deep Breath should the meese make an effort to strike us down!
Post by: Pancaek on November 12, 2016, 12:19:42 pm
Post by: Sosoku234 on November 12, 2016, 03:35:22 pm
((It just occurred to me that we forgot to recruit that bully whose entire family we murdered as our NPC sidekick with a dark past.))
((That kid's gonna have some real problem later.))
Post by: lawastooshort on November 30, 2016, 12:52:44 pm
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND ELSEWHERE
Turn 3.4
"L-Lots? Lots of meese live in Siberia?"
”Yes. Quite. Lots of meeses lives in Siberia. More meeses than humans, they say. And they can get pretty frisky, you know…”
"Uh... uh... UHHHH..."
”Um. What’s your young friend’s problem? And, more to the point, why the hell haven’t you all gone, like, whoa – dudes. Ringo fucking Starr, man! Wow! Nobody ever bloody says that. It’s always like, ‘high pitched screaming bollocks’, oh, it’s John, or Paul, or even bloody George, have some used panties and screaming. Even, like, a who’s he, I’m sure he might have been famous or something would have been nice. But no: you land in my private pile of snow, punch one of my friend’s face off, and… anyway. What you doing using and abusing my yogic portal, dudes? You know that’s like only a one way portal? That’s why I’ve been here so bloody long. Generally too off my face to make the trek with the meeses to the exit.”
"Um. We're here... to find... someone to help us. A Yoga Master. I don't suppose you know any Yoga masters around here?"
”Ah. I see. Well, you know. I’m, well. I’m kind of a Yoga Master as well as a drummer, you know? Although I’m probably not the one you want. Never am. Perhaps you could ask your humming friend here not to get too hummy and close to the meeses… he seems to be humming a traditional Siberian Meese mating call… Good breathing, though. Nice technique. So uh, do you know what this Yoga Master you want looks like? What do you want to know?”
"Let's not try that again."
Quick, while they recover, stand up, jump, and do a Yogic Slap with the Basic Splits to perform what I will call the Critical Splits.
[Assuming maximum YMP investment of 2… 5+2+1vs6+2, 5+2+1vs1+2] Back in late twentieth century America, Fisk leaps to his feet, or rather doesn’t, as he leaps directly into the air with the force of a yogic breeze – and Yogically Slaps both ninja in the face with his feet! Bam! He feels totally spent, but has the satisfying sight of seeing his foot blast straight through the one ninja’s face. It gets stuck inside it in fact, but it’s okay, because the face comes off as the body limps to the ground.
Confronted with this awful force, the second ninja, who ducked at just the right time, totally flees back to the van with the portal inside it, and slams the door.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on November 30, 2016, 12:59:24 pm
"Yeah. You better run, you... arselicker.
Post by: lawastooshort on November 30, 2016, 01:09:57 pm
Post by: Harry Baldman on November 30, 2016, 01:32:00 pm
"Uh, well, like... you know, there's this..."
He tries to recall.
Quote from: flashback narration
“It’s okay Edith. This doesn’t have to be the end, either for me or for your Yogic journey. You know? But time presses, and I have to tell you this before I die, so that I can not die again later, or before, and so we can save the world together. Yeah… You need to find Bromedes, he’ll know what to do. He is one of the inventors of Yoga. He’s from, like, Ancient Greece and stuff. He was the first man to ever stretch backwards.”
The light bluish nature of his memory contrasts poorly with the Hawkes blue of his cognition.
"... just how many Yoga Masters do you like know, dude?"
Stop breathing deeply. But do keep an eye out.
Post by: Sosoku234 on November 30, 2016, 02:47:04 pm
((ooh! nice traditional yogic insult, very good))
((It's the most ancient of insults from his ancestors.))
Post by: IronyOwl on November 30, 2016, 06:02:43 pm
Yogically reattach that poor meese's face. Can't make it any worse, right?
Post by: Pancaek on December 01, 2016, 06:41:45 pm
"Well, at least you meese are patriotic in your deviant activities. Let me help with that, Edith."
Help Edith in reattaching the poor meese's face. Channel some Mind/yogic essence to help the process, while quietly humming blood on the risers to myself.
Post by: lawastooshort on December 16, 2016, 04:56:46 am
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND ELSEWHERE
Turn 3.5
Stop breathing deeply. But do keep an eye out.
"Uh, well, like... you know, there's this..."
”This… what?”
"Oh, yes, we- no, we don't know what he looks like, but we do know his name! 'Bromedes.' Our yoga master was sort of murdered by yogic ninjas and we need his help to bring him back. Maybe you could help us find his help? Or, if you know how to, um... time travel? I forget how this was supposed to work, but if you could do it directly that'd work too."
”Oh, whoa. Bromedes is cool, dude. He was, like, one of the first ever humans to do a headstand while totally stoned, you know? Me and the boys travelled back in time to meet him once – he lives in ancient Greece now. He spent a while in New York in the 50s – he’s pretty into jazz… but yeah. He’s back in ancient Greece. They, like, mostly wear dresses there. But that’s cool too, you know. I’m not judging. Anyway. There’s no direct portals to ancient Greece round here, but the meeses can take you to the two local portals if you want? Well, if they decide they like you? Which is unlikely since you just mashed that fecker’s face off.”
"... just how many Yoga Masters do you like know, dude?"
”Uh. Quite a few? Like, there’s me, Bromedes, Archimedes, the Daves – the rest of the boys always reckoned they were total yoga masters, but they didn’t really have the self-discipline of a true master, you know? William Shatner. Of course, some Yoga Masters are right mean, right? There’s been a few, anyway.”
Yogically reattach that poor meese's face. Can't make it any worse, right?
Help Edith in reattaching the poor meese's face. Channel some Mind/yogic essence to help the process, while quietly humming blood on the risers to myself.
"We could fix that meese’s face?"
"Yeah!"
Picking the dead meese’s face up of the floor between them, Edith and Richard sort of put it back on the poor animal’s mangled head. [2+1] It slips off.
”Well. Yeah. That meese is dead, man. Perhaps if you kinda repented your meesey sins by accompanying them on a meesey ritual they might help you out? That’s, like, what I had to do…”
"A meesey ritual?"
”Yeah. Well, kinda, like, accompanying them on a raid into their rivals’ territory to collect victims for ritual sacrifice. That would make you friends of the meeses for life, you know. Well, except, you know, the rival meeses. Then they’d probably let you ride on them all the way to the Knoll of Portals. Yeah. Hey, you want some of this?”
Ringo reaches behind his hair-covered ear and pulls out a slightly squashed suspicious-looking cigarette and lights it up. It kind of smells of moss. Burning moss.
Sit down and try to heal up for a minute.
"Yeah. You better run, you... arselicker.
[3] Back in America, Fisk sits down in the parking lot outside the dojo and tries to heal up for a minute, but it doesn’t really seem to have much effect. At least he feels like his mind isn’t melting out his ears so much?
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
edit: whoa! I, like, can't edit the title of the OP. Gah.
Post by: Sosoku234 on December 16, 2016, 07:35:21 am
Post by: Harry Baldman on December 17, 2016, 01:48:07 pm
Hohoho. I’m so bad at this GMing thing nowadays. Imagine if I only washed up every 2 weeks.
((I think the waiting is part of the fun, actually.))
"Uh, like..."
Jarvis' innocence is very much tested. On one hand, smoking is bad. On the other hand this man is a yoga master, surely he'd be an expert on good health.
"... well, maybe like... whoa, wait!"
Something occurs to poor Jarvis as he thinks. That voice. His mass of ideas crystallizes into a strangely coherent thought.
"Wait, I know you! You're from Shining Time Station! You're Mr. Conductor!"
Suddenly recognize the master. Point impertinently.
Post by: Sosoku234 on December 18, 2016, 04:18:19 pm
Post by: Pancaek on December 18, 2016, 04:23:23 pm
Gentle pat the dead meese's corpse as a show of affection. Close it's eyelids if it still has some, otherwise just throw a crisp salute to a valiant meese, taken before its time.
Post by: IronyOwl on December 18, 2016, 09:54:42 pm
Edith sort of shuffles around nervously. This doesn't feel as good guy ish as she was hoping. Not that much had.
Tentatively, she shuffles over to a meese and begins gently petting it.
"H-hey there, nice meese. You... you want me to help you collect sacrifices...?"
Prod meese for... information? A sign? Reassurance that this is a good idea?
Post by: lawastooshort on December 23, 2016, 04:10:31 pm
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE – AND ELSEWHERE
Turn 3.6
Go back inside the dojo.
In America, Fisk goes back inside the dojo. [6] Like, really hard. He sits down on a bench against the wall, and half, for some reason, expects something totally bad to happen, but it doesn’t. In fact the ominous sense of something totally bad not actually happening begins to freak him out slightly. His friends are nowhere to be seen – he is alone except for sensei’s dead body, which is a bit creepy, and a glowing cupboard. Which is kind of creepy too, if you think about it.
He begins to think that perhaps, if he stays sitting in the dojo for long enough, either something totally bad will happen, or he’ll reach a higher level of yogic enlightenment. Or something?
Meanwhile, back on the steppe… the tundric steppe…
"Uh, like..."
"Er yeah? You wanna smoke some moss?"
"... well, maybe like... whoa, wait!"
Suddenly recognize the master. Point impertinently.
"Wait, I know you! You're from Shining Time Station! You're Mr. Conductor!"
"Er. What? I was the Narrator in Thomas the Tank Engine, dude."
"No really! Shining Time Station! You're Mr. Conductor!!"
Ringo turns a bit red in the cheek area.
"Dude, I was in Thomas the Fucking Tank Engine, okay? The only thing I ever conducted was the world-class rhythm section of the internationally famous pop-yoga pioneers the Beatles. Yeah? Stop fucking pointing, man. It's a sign of disrespect in some cultures, okay? And don't fucking ask me about Shining Time Station again."
"Errr... Okay. So, Mr Narrator sir, what kind of meesey ritual would we need to complete? Would it be...patriotic?"
”Well, you’d help the meese on their patriotic warquest, so, like, yeah, pretty patriotic, dude. What’s more patriotic than war? And riding into battle on ferocious warmeeses? And then, like, ritual sacrifice?”
"Wait, so you collected meese to ritually sacrifice?"
”What? Are you talking to me, or the meese? I didn’t collect any meese, man. Well, except those I collected with the natural magnetism of my charm, you know. But no.”
Ringo Starr takes another drag, exhaling great big dirty grey clouds of smoke.
”You sure you don’t want some? It’s just, like, traditional moss? Good for the sinuses, yeah? And the yoga. Anyway – I can see you, sort of shuffling around nervously there, young woman. Don’t worry, dude! It’s, like, a sign of respect in the meese culture to get sacrificed, you see? One tribe of meese fights another tribe of meese, some of the old and sick and defeated meeses get captured, and then like the victorious meese tribe just totally brutally sacrifices them with their hooves, dude – like, crushed meese blood everywh-“
He stares at the meeses all of a sudden, and then takes another much slower drag without taking his eyes off them.
Prod meese for... information? A sign? Reassurance that this is a good idea?
Apparently getting no further information out of the dazed former Beatle, Edith instead tries to communicate with a meese via the medium of prodding.
"H-hey there, nice meese. You... you want me to help you collect sacrifices...?"
[3] ”Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
She wonders if perhaps she needs a specialised prodding stick. Or, like, a Meese-American dictionary. Yeah.
Gentle pat the dead meese's corpse as a show of affection. Close it's eyelids if it still has some, otherwise just throw a crisp salute to a valiant meese, taken before its time.
[4] Richard gently pats the dead meese and closes its eyes, straightens back up, and then looks down for a moment or two - as long as he feels gets across his respect for the patriotic warrior culture he has just discovered. Just as he begins to fiddle with his thumbs slightly uncomfortably, a pungent cloud blows across him as Ringo Starr exhales, a look of ecstatic terror on his face.
"Fuck, man. Like, dudes, these meeses are fucking animals, dudes. We can't be enablers of their vicious ritual sacrificing, yeah? Let’s topple this awful meese regime, man – are you with me? if you fight with me for freedom, I’ll totally take you to the portals myself. Yeah – like, on my fungal sled, dudes! It's you or me, man - I mean, them... or, like, me? Like, you help the meese fight the meese, or you can help me, fight the meese... to save the meese - for freedom! And, like, decency. And an end to senseless meese violence, man. What do you say?"
Ringo takes another long puff and looks at the four yogakas.
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
edit: still can't edit the OP title...
Post by: Harry Baldman on December 24, 2016, 01:19:07 pm
I'd follow Mr. Conductor to the ends of the earth.
Post by: IronyOwl on December 25, 2016, 06:52:26 am
"Um, wouldn't, um, liberating them from, um, sacrificing each other look an awful lot like raiding them to sacrifice? I mean, for the whole attacking them thing. I guess we wouldn't sacrifice them if we won?"
She paled a little.
"...w-would they sacrifice us if they won?"
Edith is leaning towards respecting their bloodthirsty culture of heathen atrocities.
Post by: Pancaek on December 25, 2016, 06:58:17 am
Richard is leaning towards respecting the meeses culture, because it seems to be the patriotic thing to do.
Post by: Sosoku234 on December 25, 2016, 11:37:46 am
Post by: lawastooshort on February 16, 2017, 06:39:55 am
THE QUEST FOR BROMEDES… HERE, THERE…
Turn 3.7
”…So,” summarises Ringo Starr, unless anyone’s forgotten in the last six weeks and doesn’t want to re-read the last turn because I’ve done it for you, ”Let’s totally go and crush this meese tyranny for their own good! Yeah!”
"Whoa. That's, like... a powerful message, sir," agrees Jarvis, "I'm with you, Mr. Cond- uh, Mr. Narrator!"
Richard, however, is less sure!
"I don't know, mister conductor man. It seems awfully unpatriotic for us outsiders to decide how these meeses should wage their wars. It's like, their land and their culture, man. Who are you to say how they should do things on their own turf?"
"Um, wouldn't, um, liberating them from, um, sacrificing each other look an awful lot like raiding them to sacrifice? I mean, for the whole attacking them thing," ums Edith, before having a thought, "I guess we wouldn't sacrifice them if we won?"
”Er. Well. I didn’t, um, having any specific like, plans for after winning? Or something?”
"...w-would they sacrifice us if they won?"
”Absolutely. They’re barbarians, dude!”
”Um?"
”Er?"
"Uhuh."
And so it was that, democracy getting the better of Jarvis’s bloodthirsty liberationy urges, the three Yogakas find themselves, some several moments later, riding into glorious battle on the backs of a herd of meese. Not for liberation from tyranny, but for patriotism and sacrifice! The meese are swift- and sure-footed, and pad silently through the tundric snow, in and out of the trees, over shallow rising hills and across frozen streams, here and there with a satisfying crunch. It’s possible that one or two of the students drift off to sleep at some point, as the miles seem to float by as if in a dream. A dream where you’re not really sure what you’re doing, or why, and you cling tightly to the battle-ready sharpened antlers of a bloodthirsty meese, with red in his eyes and cold burning anger in his heart and teeth and whiteness all around.
But the hours do pass, real hours, with real cold fingers, except for Edith who has been partnered up with a lovely female meese with lovely soft meese hair for her to grip. She likes to think perhaps the meese is called Janis, and she’s just about nearly built up the courage to ask Janis if she’s called Janis when the herd comes to a sliding stop on the snow.
”Moooooooooooo!” cries a meese at the front of the herd, and slowly the meeses carrying Richard and Jarvis and Edith bustle their way to the head of the herd. There is some soft and subtle mooing, and a meese gently nuzzles its nose into Jarvis’s neck, wetly and warmly.
”Mooo.”
The herd and the Yogakas have stopped at a small pass between some low rocky hills on the tundra. It’s obvious that they must pass through, but the sad face of the meese nuzzling Jarvis seems to make it clear that they aren’t very keen on doing so.
”Do you think it’s because it’s… a bit quiet?"
”Too quiet?"
"It’s like that film, dudes."
”Or it could be something else?"
"Uh."
The children must help the meese vanquish the rival meese in order to travel through time, but they are reluctant to traverse this small rocky mountain pass. Whatever will they do next?!
Begin mopping up sensei's blood. Hope for the best.
[1] Meanwhile, Fisk is still in the dojo with Sensei’s body, and Sensei’s copious quantities of blood. He’s a nice cleanly boy, at heart, so he looks about for a mop, and finds one in a cupboard, next to a glowing time travel portal. He starts mopping up the blood when suddenly there’s a loud knock on the door.
”Open up! It’s the police! We’ve had reports of a disturbance here. Open up or we’re going to bust down the door, fellas!”
Fisk is so surprised he turns quicker than his blood soaked feet can support him, and he slips over. He slips a couple of times more as he gets back up. First he looks at the door across the room, and then he looks up and down himself. He is covered in Sensei’s blood. Clothes, hands, shoes. Everywhere.
”We know you’re in there! Right, get the doorbuster, Jerry.”
Spoiler: Jarvis “Teal boy” Palkin, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Richard “Tomato boy” Wensley, Pancaek (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Fisk “Limegreen boy” Black, Sosoku234 (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Edith “Violet girl” McKenzie, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Sosoku234 on February 16, 2017, 07:33:35 am
Get up and jump through that time travel portal.
Post by: Harry Baldman on February 16, 2017, 10:16:03 am
Or to be exact, we can meditate! Consider the pass and what evil may lurk within. Obtain precious Yogic insight.
Post by: IronyOwl on February 16, 2017, 03:28:49 pm
Burrow like an adorable, pretty typically blind mole through the snow, thereby scouting ahead without any vengeful meese noticing me!
((Grats on your relative health))
Post by: Pancaek on February 16, 2017, 08:39:27 pm
Quote
Er. So, like, my healthy new year has been going fairly well?((That's good to hear. Read. You know what I mean.))
Richard puts his arm around the nearest meese.
"Like, I get it man. That mountain pass looks pretty scary. But you know what, I don't think you're scared of the mountain pass. I think we're all getting the heeby jeebies from what the pass represents. It's the gateway into enemy land, the gateway to battle. And that's way scary dude. But, you should, like, think why we're doing this. For your freedom, your duty, for your meesy brothers and sisters back home."
He pats the meese affectionately.
"But most of all for yourself, man. For yourself"
Converse with the meese, just loud enough so all of them can hear. After saying the above, hum a little tune (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwS6OkgUXKE) to keep our patriotic spirits up.