Bay 12 Games Forum

Dwarf Fortress => DF Dwarf Mode Discussion => Topic started by: Ganthan on December 23, 2010, 10:07:39 pm

Title: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Ganthan on December 23, 2010, 10:07:39 pm
Every day now I check the update page and every day I think, "Sigh, no version update today.  Maybe a version update tomorrow."  Then out of boredom I tried to come up with some limericks.

A humble little fort in the hills,
Sealed off from the outside with grills,
Full of laboring crews
And dog tallow stews
And caged goblins for easy skills.

I just made a big pile of bolts,
Unfortunately, my dwarves are all dolts.
I want them to train,
Instead they abstain,
And my army now wants to revolt.             (Bad, I know, but you come up with a good rhyme for bolt.)

They complain about long patrols,
And their clothes are now full of holes.
I awoke from my snooze
And said, "You've still got some booze,
Now shut up and go kill some more moles."

My fort is now caught in a spiral
From which there's no hope of revival.
Excuse the bad pun
But wasn't that fun?
Your computer has now become viral.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Puriri on December 23, 2010, 10:09:59 pm
Very funny!
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: twilightdusk on December 23, 2010, 10:23:41 pm
hmm, let me try...

The dwarves they embarked on a mountain
but discovered that they must abstain,
from a hoard of trees,
just littered like leaves,
because the elves said "no," the stains. (just pronounce mountain such that the rhyme works ^^;;)

In a desert, the sun so hot,
lived some dwarves who'd rather not,
'twixt the scorpion bite,
the buzzards with flight,
and not enough booze to allot.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: leftycook on December 23, 2010, 10:57:44 pm
deep in the earth it was hot
and the dwarves down there dug a lot
till they dug much too deep
and unearthed a creep
now their eyes are afflicted with rot

this is harder then it looks ;_;
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Rattyboy on December 23, 2010, 11:27:02 pm
Lefty, that was good.

Limmericks -- esp good ones -- are hard. 

Good limmericks are vulgar.

There was a dwarf from Osselfeeling
Who built a catapult with no steering
And sadly it broke
right in mid stroke
And now his guts are on the ceiling.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: leftycook on December 23, 2010, 11:45:40 pm
there was once a fortress called polishedballs
where the dwarves dined in cavernous mountainhalls
then kobolds came stealing
millitia death-dealing
now urist is urist von splattermauls
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: ElthMysterius on December 24, 2010, 12:00:14 am
In a way most entertaining
The dwarves would keep complaining
"I'm unhappy" they say
And to have their way
A baby was punched and bleeding

A forgotten beast from the deep
Came in the fortress to creep
Found the dwarf Monom
Went Om Nom Nom
Now on Urist it wishes to feed

(close enough)
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Mr. Argent on December 24, 2010, 12:20:37 am
In a fortress on a mountain far away
There reside Dorves, as far as one can see
A GREAT PRIZE below the earth lays
Below a great fiery sea

However, like pride goeth before a fall
and how Weariness comes with age
TOO MUCH will destroy them all
and cause the player plenty of rage.

Their numbers increase as do days,
And as such their power waxes,
leaving the mastermind in a haze,
as the men swing their axes.

What begins must also end, however - And in the end, hell will run
But remeber you, oh REMEMBER you always: Losing is fun!
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: FearfulJesuit on December 24, 2010, 12:25:29 am
In Boatmurdered there were pachyderms
Who killed its dwarfs like they were worms.
But it happened one day
That some magma got away
And the corpses consumed by !!germs!!.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: leftycook on December 24, 2010, 12:30:19 am
there was once an unfortunate derf
who had dug up the wrong square of turf
with some smoke and a fall
descended a wall
and the fortress fell into the surf
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: NotPete on December 24, 2010, 12:37:58 am
It's the overseer's demand!
The river must be damed!
And with great strife,
The pumps sprang to life,
And water flooded the land.

The water is replaced by a wall
and the flow begins to fall
But in a unfortunate blunder
The plans where torn asunder
as there is flooding in the meeting hall

An unfortunate, but true, story.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: CapnUrist on December 24, 2010, 12:41:56 am
Quote from: Mr. Argent on December 24, 2010, 12:20:37 am
In a fortress on a mountain far away
There lurks seven dorves, working all day
Carving out rooms, for work and for rest
Digging for gems and hoping for the best

And seeking the COTTON CANDY most of all
But beware, Dorves, Beware - COTTON CANDY Goeth before a fall.

Tha's nae a lim'rick!

For Urist and Zefon and Kol,
Every day seems just filled with patrol.
As they marched on the wall,
There came a sharp call:
"Goblins come! Three score and their troll!"

And Kol and Urist and Zefon,
Could see the brutes marching on.
Elk birds under rumps,
And heads like green lumps,
Well-lit in the brightening dawn.

And Zefon and Kol and Urist,
Took up their crossbows with earnest.
Their day had now come,
When they would be one
With the tales of the brave and the surest.

And after a deal of bloodshed,
Two of those three dwarves lay dead.
Kol's head had been split,
And Zefon'd been bit
By the troll, who stood chewing his head.

And Urist looked out to the sun,
And saw that the goblins had won.
And Urist remembered,
as he was dismembered,
His mum saying "Losing is fun!"
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Don Blake on December 24, 2010, 12:48:35 am
A Dwarven Sonnet

My dwarven beard, you see, is long
It trails along the floor my friend
It will behoove you to see I'm strong
Before you meet a messy end

If theft is on your mind, kobold
You have no hope of winning through
This fortress is vast and old
There are plenty of traps for even you

If you've come to steal a child
Well sir goblin I wish you the best.
Our children are rather wild,
And we could do with rather less

But if you come to make a siege,
We'll send your heads back to your liege.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: MagmaMcFry on December 24, 2010, 09:03:49 am
Quote from: CapnUrist on December 24, 2010, 12:41:56 am
And Urist looked out to the sun,
And saw that the goblins had won.
And Urist remembered,
as he was dismembered,
His mum saying "Losing is fun!"

Awesome. Just totally awesome. Sigged.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Mr. Argent on December 24, 2010, 11:49:37 am
Quote from: CapnUrist on December 24, 2010, 12:41:56 am
Tha's nae a lim'rick!
T'Was in the mood for something a mite more... Shakespearean. and i haven't had practice in a while.

EDIT: You seem to have read the old version. i've made some major revisions.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: TolyK on December 24, 2010, 12:22:11 pm
Dashing through the stone
with a dull, half-broken pick
under the feilds we go
(with our) atomsmashing stick!
Pick apart the wagon
From a log make one workshop
And with the other two you left
An axe for lots more wood.

O-OH!

Jingle bells!
Need some shells.
Craftsdwarve's got a mood!
Forgotten beast!
Let's have a feast!
Oh crap there's rotting food...

OH!

Jingle bells!
Abbeyfells
will not survive to long...
We just hope
That there's a dope
Who'll finish this stupid song...

O-OH!

Now the ground is red
So go in while you can
Take the stuff tonight
And we'll have goblins in our pan.
Just take that stupid bed
And put it in that room
Oh I don't care about your share
Just put him in his tomb.

O-OH!

Jingle bells!
Have no wells
We've run out of booze!
The trolls have struck
We're out of luck
HEY GUYZ LETZ HAV A SNOOZ!

O-OH!

We've finished the magma pump
That'll take it from the ground
Put salvage in that dump
Don't let stuff lie around.
The magma trap is done
And we'll have lots of ?Fun?
Just toss that cat with a furry gnat
Down to the magma sea.

O-OH!

Winter's fine!
Adamantine!
We've all got that mood!
We'll mine some out and wealth be doubt
Though we're running out of food..

O-OH!

Dug too deep...
What the creep!
What the hell is that??
Oh WHY'S IT COMING STRAIGHT AT US
Oh Urist IT'S THAT CAT . . .

***

Mine, from another thread
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: FrisianDude on December 24, 2010, 12:31:00 pm
There was once a lady from Kirurazol,
who could pick a pencil with her .. err. Hm.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Trouserman on December 24, 2010, 12:52:09 pm
Through tales of the fortress Boatmurdered
Was Toady's publicity furthered
Though the version is dated
Its fame's not abated
So always its name will be murmured
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Dr. D on December 24, 2010, 01:30:23 pm
Rhesus Macaques are moving around
Stealing metal right off the ground
Draft a dwarf with some skills
Get him some kills
"Rhesus Macaque has been struck down!"
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Mantonio on December 24, 2010, 01:47:47 pm
My dwarves live in a big cave.
Everyday they work, toil and slave.
The walls were completed, the Goblins retreated.
Then it crashed.
GODAMMIT, NO AUTOSAVE!

I've made sure it saves seasonally now. I'm not losing hours of work again
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Trouserman on December 24, 2010, 03:53:32 pm
In spring time the elfs brought us beer
And caged bears and some wood and lame gear
The bears we will train
The elfs were all slain
I hope they'll bring more bears next year
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: 612DwarfAvenue on December 25, 2010, 12:10:51 am
Urist's company no-one desired
He thought perhaps his breath was dire
Until he realized
He was so despised
Because, of course, he's on !!fire!!.


The great tower had unfinished roof, no stairs, no doors
"I'll start with the top floor", said Em Inkcorridor
He went up the scaffolding to the top
Went to hole in the roof, through which he dropped
And then remembered, too late, "There's also no floors".


Best i could come up with :P. MAN this is hard!
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: martinuzz on December 25, 2010, 09:20:34 am
There once was a dwarf from Nantucket
Who was hauling his guts in a bucket
He said: "Lo' and behold!
I was stabbed by a 'bold
Between my liver and spleen has he stuck it."

A dwarf in the hospital's office
Told him: "don't you worry, we'll fix this"
And, as he was slipping away
Into the sedative's haze:
"Did I tell you, I'm only a novice?"

There now lives a dwarf in Nantucket
Whose belly is shaped like a bucket
If you ask him: "How comes?"
He'll growl: "Kobold scum"
But we all know who's really the culprit
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: ISGC on December 25, 2010, 10:02:20 am
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the halls
Not a creature was stirring, not even the fleshy balls.
The stockings were hung by the furnace with care
In hopes that St Armok soon would be there.

The Dwarves were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Plump Helmets danced in their heads.
And the mayor in his cape, and the medic in his cap
Had just called a party, 'fore a long winter’s nap.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to the fortifications to see what was the matter.
Away to the front wall I flew like a flash,
Tore open the door, ready to defend our stash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature caravan, and eight tinny dwarves

With a little old driver, as old as the rock,
I knew in a moment it must be Armok.
More rapid than gant eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Urist! now, Urist! now, Urist and Urist!
On, Urist! On, Urist! on, on Urist and Urist!
To the top of the Fortifications! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the gem windows, the dwarves they flew,
With the sleigh full of Adamantim, and St Armok too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and running of each little goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the volcano shaft St Armok came with a bound.

He was dressed all in magma, from his head to his foot,
And his socks were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Adamantium he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a noble, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his beard how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a crossbow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a barrel of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old dwarf,
And I laughed when I saw him, you would too, of course!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his beard,
And giving a nod, up the furnace he reared!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Military arc is here! Now your dwarves can bite!"
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: TolyK on December 25, 2010, 10:08:04 am
sometime we should compile an Armokmas carol collection
that was epic.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: martinuzz on December 25, 2010, 10:51:38 am
Elven trader's song, from a story I made quite a while back.

We come from the marsh,
Where life is harsh.
Have crossed many river,
Passed many a hill,
To trade some cloth.
And enjoying it still.

We come from the swamp,
Where the weather is damp.
We bring you a plant
It's fibers are strong
It's magical essence
Produced this song

We've come to you now,
And we will come again.
So bring out your goods,
And..  "Aw man.
It seems I've forgotten my lines again."

'We come with a song,
A laugh and a dance
We bring you some cloth
A fine brew
and some plants..'

'We're jolly
We're folly
We're full of it all
We're merchants by trade
And have come to enthrall..'

'We bring you the best
Of the marsh and the swamp
Where the nights are so dark
And..

"... You should bring a lamp!"
"Yes, that's a good one, Thele! You are brilliant! absolutely brilliant.'
'Thanks, Ithithe!"

'So, now,
Please don't delay
And bring out your goods
And, if you have some
show us your goblin loot..

'And remember
To treat us
Respectful and nice
Or we might be forced
To alter the prices!'
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Rattyboy on December 25, 2010, 09:55:44 pm
There was a forum at Bay Twelve Games
Limmerics started and were initially sane
But time wore on
And reason is all gone
And now we all laugh at Urist McPain!

I wonder if psychiatrists hang out here gunning for new business...
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Horizonblue on December 25, 2010, 10:03:20 pm
There once was a dwarf named Urist,
Who went about FlameArch like a Tourist.
He never did Work,
Was simply a Jerk,
So he pulled a lever in !!Earnest!!...
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Ipwnurmom221 on December 25, 2010, 10:25:44 pm
There once was a dwarven noble
more irritating than the kobolds
The magma pit's full
The lever he pulled
The end, to him, was quite woeful
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 11:29:14 am
Ptw
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Bumber on June 30, 2019, 03:18:30 pm
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 11:29:14 am
Ptw
Uhh... the last post was 9 years ago.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 04:32:58 pm
Oh. I found the link on someone’s signature and thought this was still running. Sorry
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: HmH on June 30, 2019, 08:38:06 pm
Quote from: Bumber on June 30, 2019, 03:18:30 pm
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 11:29:14 am
Ptw
Uhh... the last post was 9 years ago.
Some people just want to watch the dead rise.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 10:47:01 pm
Quote from: HmH on June 30, 2019, 08:38:06 pm
Quote from: Bumber on June 30, 2019, 03:18:30 pm
Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on June 30, 2019, 11:29:14 am
Ptw
Uhh... the last post was 9 years ago.
Some people just want to watch the dead rise.
There once was a necromancer in Youngbowl
Who wonders “What makes a soul”
So he asked the dead to enlighten him
However they seemed to have no mind within

The necromancer began to ponder
About his tower and what lay yonder
He sent his dead to investigate
But they all met a grisly fate

The necromancer grew quite worried
To the top of his tower he hurried
He tidied his books to figure out
What could have taken his undead out

He spent many days and nights there
Studying the books while unaware
That the thing that killed his army was near
Till it struck the tower at the rear

The tower began to fall
The necromancer started to call
For help however no one came
No one even knew his name

And so the tower was felled
All of his cries were quelled
All that remains now is pile of stone
Under which is a human sized pile of bone
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: anewaname on June 30, 2019, 11:01:29 pm
Mafol said the callus was from the boot
And refused it as the battle horns did hoot
The goblin noticed his socked toe
the mace struck a splattering blow
Now Mafol is suffering from pain acute

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: wierd on July 01, 2019, 03:39:31 am
There was once a dwarf I called urist,
Who's lust for new socks was the purest.
With a leap and a cry, he rushed in and then died,
testing this admin's endurance.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: doublestrafe on July 05, 2019, 09:51:00 pm
There was a dead poet from DeckRode
Through its ruin her ghostly rhymes echoed.
But her corpse, on its pike,
Came to life--well, lifelike--
For her post, at long last, had been necro'd.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Naturegirl1999 on July 05, 2019, 10:39:40 pm
There once was a dwarf in irondoors
Who tired of the constant wars
She voiced her wanting the fort at peace
So they locked her up with no release
She was charged with attempted thwarting of expansion
The punishment would be execution
An axeman proceeded to cut off her head
The traitor now lies dead
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: HmH on July 06, 2019, 11:42:34 pm
Ah, screw it, I'm jumping on the necrotic, shambling bandwagon.

There once was a wagon from Mountainhomes
Which met a young dragon called Ruthlessforce
And being quite flammable
Its fate made for a parable
To the fact that our fears make us scuttle
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Feathermind on July 07, 2019, 04:35:30 pm
There once were some dwarves who deigned to aspire
to pierce a problematic aquifier
much progress did they make
'till the pump op' went on break
and left the fort leader down to expire

Seven fisherdwarves founded a fort
just to fish, nothing else of import
they all set out their lines
but quickly changed their minds
when the zombie orcas came to port
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Feathermind on July 09, 2019, 09:46:45 pm
Nimble Urist evaded all dangers
Dodging beasts, flying objects, and dull hauling tasks
He moved like a flicker
Indeed no dwarf was quicker
Urist dodged every threat 'till his last

To fell megabeasts he was untouchable
Deadly arrows he sidestepped with nary a sound
A dumped pigtail sock was easy
But the nearby stairs were greasy
And Urist, though nimble, plummeted down

Urist fell over 100 levels
To the unyielding floor of green glass
But one last bit of flattering
Though he made quite the splattering
He dodged every step save the last
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: Dunamisdeos on July 10, 2019, 02:41:54 pm
There once was a Dwarf frommnbvfdfrtyuioH DEAR ARMOK NO ITS A HYDR----

~Fin
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: pikachu17 on July 10, 2019, 02:45:40 pm
There once was a dwarf from Nantucket,
who put on his head a bucket.
Then he did kill an elf,
and put its head on a shelf.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: doublestrafe on July 10, 2019, 05:22:57 pm
Quote from: pikachu17 on July 10, 2019, 02:45:40 pm
There once was a dwarf from Nantucket,
who put on his head a bucket.
Then he did kill an elf,
and put its head on a shelf.
He should finish this poem, but eh, fuck it.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: NJW2000 on July 11, 2019, 12:02:20 pm
There once was a fort named Archcrystal
That for four hundred years could resist all
The sieges that came
So wide spread the fame
Of that wonderful fort named Archcrystal.
Title: Re: Dwarven Limericks
Post by: anewaname on July 12, 2019, 02:38:31 pm
so.. I'm sitting outside in the shade and foot-stomping on the ground, working on rhymes that imaginary crews of dwarfs might use to coordinate their heavy labor with stone, or as tavern-chants. The inhale and exhale of breath is important to coordinated labor, so each line is intended to be sung with four foot-stomps during the exhale of the words, followed by four silent foot-stomps during the inhale. There are also *'s to mark the 1st and 3rd foot-stomps for each line.

Title: "Ode to Olivine"
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Title: "Etur the Mighty"
Spoiler (click to show/hide)