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[dnamein]

Hey! It's my first post on this forum. Please, forgive me my bad english:(

So there was this vampire I found in my fortress. After I found who he was, I decided to convict him for all his crimes. My hammerer immedialety took him away to his new home - a prison cell. Having my own good thoughts about this event, I went away to take care of other things.

After few months, while I was checking stocks in my hospital, I saw one of my medics conducting surgery on him. Turns out, somehow, he ended up with few broken bones, few cut open wounds and... "cannot breath" status...

After seeing that, I checked his cell - everything was in blood. I thought that my hammerer decided that his sins require something more then just eternal prison...

At least I thought it was because that back then...

Soon after, I started to be curious about strange operations conducted on vampire aprox. once per month. During first year of his hospitalisation nothing changed in his status - he spent that time on one of the hospital beds with broken bones, cut open wounds and of course... he couldn't breath all that time. Many evil questions started to appear in my head. Why my doctor was doing something to this vampire if it's not helping him? Is he experimenting with some new drugs on him? New sewing techniques? And more: Did he bribe my hammerer to bring him perfect test subject? What can be better in this role then dwarf, that cannot die?

I did meditate on this event for next year, hoping for some change, but nothing happened (exept, of course, new mysterious operations). I decided to remove bed under vampire, and see what will happen.

Well... I am sure he was happy to finally, after two years, be able to see whats after doors leading out of hospital. Problem was that... he couldn't walk. He was crawling on the floor, slowly moving to the meeting hall.

His tragic history took my heart, and I made him special place, with gold furniture and engraved walls. After month of crawling there, my best mason constructed a gold wall in the only way out from there. I was going to give him some record keeping job for a upcoming long and lonely life (but at least away from my mad doctor and hammerer), but unfortenately, he was unable to properly write with his hands also...

Since today, he is sitting there. Happy, admiring marvelous gold furniture, with broken bones, cut open wounds and of course... not breathing.

[AWellTrainedFerret]

So it's 3am, I'm really tired and maybe even a tiny bit drunk. I decide to install an automated garbage disposal system in my fort. So I set up an atom smasher, link it to a very basic water based repeater, then channel out a hole directly above it and designate it as a dump zone. See the problem yet? Well if not let me explain. In my obviously less than 100% mental state, it simply slipped my mind: "wait, what happens if they dump all those non-masterwork beds, cabinets, coffers, mechanism, etc and the atom smasher is in the lowered state?" Well, I found out fast enough. With the very first mass dump ordered, I had pretty much the entire fort standing right next to that hole as several hundred pieces of stone furniture came flying back out at extreme velocities.

In a single messy instant, about 70% of my fort was turned into chunky salsa.

[4maskwolf]

So it's 3am, I'm really tired and maybe even a tiny bit drunk. I decide to install an automated garbage disposal system in my fort. So I set up an atom smasher, link it to a very basic water based repeater, then channel out a hole directly above it and designate it as a dump zone. See the problem yet? Well if not let me explain. In my obviously less than 100% mental state, it simply slipped my mind: "wait, what happens if they dump all those non-masterwork beds, cabinets, coffers, mechanism, etc and the atom smasher is in the lowered state?" Well, I found out fast enough. With the very first mass dump ordered, I had pretty much the entire fort standing right next to that hole as several hundred pieces of stone furniture came flying back out at extreme velocities.

In a single messy instant, about 70% of my fort was turned into chunky salsa.

I've had this happen on a lesser scale, because I didn't realize a bridge had to have a ceiling above it to atom smash both directions.  So I kept wondering why I kept finding craptons of goblin clothing scattered around the above-ground section of the atom-smasher.  Then I wisened up.

[BenLubar]

So it's 3am, I'm really tired and maybe even a tiny bit drunk. I decide to install an automated garbage disposal system in my fort. So I set up an atom smasher, link it to a very basic water based repeater, then channel out a hole directly above it and designate it as a dump zone. See the problem yet? Well if not let me explain. In my obviously less than 100% mental state, it simply slipped my mind: "wait, what happens if they dump all those non-masterwork beds, cabinets, coffers, mechanism, etc and the atom smasher is in the lowered state?" Well, I found out fast enough. With the very first mass dump ordered, I had pretty much the entire fort standing right next to that hole as several hundred pieces of stone furniture came flying back out at extreme velocities.

In a single messy instant, about 70% of my fort was turned into chunky salsa.

Dwarf Fortress: like kerbal space program, but with a higher chance of failure due to tiny details.

[Lolfail0009]

So it's 3am, I'm really tired and maybe even a tiny bit drunk. I decide to install an automated garbage disposal system in my fort. So I set up an atom smasher, link it to a very basic water based repeater, then channel out a hole directly above it and designate it as a dump zone. See the problem yet? Well if not let me explain. In my obviously less than 100% mental state, it simply slipped my mind: "wait, what happens if they dump all those non-masterwork beds, cabinets, coffers, mechanism, etc and the atom smasher is in the lowered state?" Well, I found out fast enough. With the very first mass dump ordered, I had pretty much the entire fort standing right next to that hole as several hundred pieces of stone furniture came flying back out at extreme velocities.

In a single messy instant, about 70% of my fort was turned into chunky salsa.

Dwarf Fortress: like kerbal space program, but with a higher chance of failure due to tiny details.

KSP focuses far too much on fancy three-dimensional graphics. It could be so much more !!FUN!!...

[Whackjob]

KSP focuses far too much on fancy three-dimensional graphics. It could be so much more !!FUN!!...

I got it covered.

[cyberTripping]

Wha- what the hell did you do?

[ancistrus]

My fortress has been horribly boring and devoid of fun recently. I didn't understand what was going on. Then I closely inspected the d_init.txt and found a line [INVADERS:YEs]

[Lielac]

My fortress has been horribly boring and devoid of fun recently. I didn't understand what was going on. Then I closely inspected the d_init.txt and found a line [INVADERS:YEs]

-ugly laughter-

[Mr.Mountain]

I just finished playing one of my fortresses, and I remember the first enemy that showed up at my fort. It was a weremonitor-lizard, with dark brown scales that were set wide apart. He interrupted one of my fishers while he was fishing (I assume it was the fisher that found him in the first place, lurking in the waters of the river). The fisher backed away from the river quickly, and I already had my little militia (3 dwarves..) rushing forth to defend their home and brethren. Strangely enough, the fisher just stopped a solid 7 tiles away from the thing. They literally stared at each other for five seconds (in my head, I imagine the weremoniter-lizard slowly rising from the river while the fisher stares in horror). Anyway, after those five seconds, the weremoniter-lizard dashed at my fisher with what has to be the fastest speed I've ever seen anything move with in dwarf fortress. BUT, he just so happens to turn into peasant human form when he was just a tile away from the fisher, which is when my militia arrived (and the fisher started fleeing) and tore asunder what I soon found out to be was a human child.

[AWellTrainedFerret]

Well, lack of sleep and maybe a little alcohol strikes again. I designated 2 5x5 floors to be built....attached to a bridge. A high traffic bridge. First tile was built and immediately collapsed, knocking no less than 5 dorfs off the bridge, a 25z level fall. Luckily, I have prepared myself for the eventuality of my own stupidity, and every single dorf in my fort is wearing a helm, chain mail, greaves, and high boots of masterwork steel at all times. No deaths, but unfortunately 2 of my full time soldiers suffered wounds that will permanently hinder their ability to grasp, making them less effective in combat.

Never underestimate the usefulness of a steel helm! I guarantee that without helms, all 5 would have died.

[Doktoro Reichard]

Here I was, completely tired of having cages and cages filled with goblins wearing valuable goblinite. So, I thought:

"Wouldn't it be grand if somehow they exploded and left their gear behind"

I had a very deep staircase that I've rigged up in order for it to be a Pit of Death. The only staircase connecting all levels.

As soon as I began to drop the goblins into their inevitable doom, I began receiving warnings about my dwarves getting too injured. Injured? From picking up goblins? Turns out the goblins falling down the staircase also "grabbed" the dwarves coming up from their mass dumping duties. They were carrying heavy rocks, that also tumbled down with them.

When I noticed the happening, I had lost about 70 dwarves. And a very neat pile of corpses and blood lying 60 floors down.

Oh, and best part of all, I now read about how to reclaim and strip all gear from caged prisoners at the wiki, without resorting to complicated gimmicks or injuring my dwarves.

[monjoe]

I have a pasture around my entrance and I started to build a wall around it. To kill two birds with one stone (terrible pun intended) I also made the pasture a garbage dump and selected a bunch of rocks in my fort to dump. My entrance is a channeled down road so part of the pasture zone is empty space. I go do other things and start seeing announcements about dorfs being unconscious. I get confused and figure out what's going on. Turns out dorfs would move to the pasture and dump the rocks over the empty space, onto the heads of their buddies. I realized too late and now I have a bunch of dwarfs in the hospital and at least one dead. The silver lining is that I have discovered a new way to murder.

[brokegamer]

Oh, and best part of all, I now read about how to reclaim and strip all gear from caged prisoners at the wiki, without resorting to complicated gimmicks or injuring my dwarves.

Related to that, for the longest time I thought dumps and refuse piles were functionally identical and couldn't understand why my dorfs wouldn't dump anything 

[VerdantSF]

They literally stared at each other for five seconds (in my head, I imagine the weremoniter-lizard slowly rising from the river while the fisher stares in horror). Anyway, after those five seconds, the weremoniter-lizard dashed at my fisher with what has to be the fastest speed I've ever seen anything move with in dwarf fortress. BUT, he just so happens to turn into peasant human form when he was just a tile away from the fisher, which is when my militia arrived (and the fisher started fleeing) and tore asunder what I soon found out to be was a human child.

Hehe, it's awesome when a "THAT'S DWARF FORTRESS" moment happens to an enemy .