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[Soapalope]

Dear Phantom of the Dwarf-Opera,

Your screams of pain as your face were burnt by the magma were heard, we just chose not to listen to them. Afterwards, dragging a young pretty female dwarf to your butchers workshop and chaining Raoul McDwarf to the wall nearby was not necessary either.

Yours sincerely,

Not an opera-fan.

[obeliab]

Dear Dwarves,

I KNOW!

Signed,

Wartime Burrow Designator

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Military of Catpaddles,

How?  No seriously.  How?  You are 60 strong.  About 10-15 of you are masters from fighting Forgotten Beasts and titans.  You're all clad in steel. Most of it is masterwork, and pretty thanks to my bone decorations.  How did so many of you get your butts handed to you by crossbow goblins... in melee?  You went from 60 to 45 fighting 10 wounded, bruised, and battered goblins who had to walk through my trapped corridor to reach my fort.  I am disappoint.

Sincerly,

Your Annoyed Overseer

[Duntada Man]

Dear Doomedfools military,

Yes, the fact that you managed to kill a dragon with nothing more than 2 pickaxes and a dozen burning dwarves wearing nothing more than the flames of an angry dragon was impressive. By Odin's ale stained beard you earned that victory, and I will not take it from you.

What concerns me, is that I politely asked all of you to stop training, grab your weapons and armor that were intended for combat, and begin battle with the beast.

All of you had to run past your equipment to get to the dragon. Equipment that was carefully placed all along the only corridor you could use to leave the rooftops to make sure that you would never have to fight your way past enemies to get to an axe.

Furthermore, one of you ran past the dragon and down almost a dozen z levels to get to a pick-axe to fight with.

Again, I am very impressed with your bravery and skill, but next time, let's just at least give the armory a cursory glance before chargin headlong into flaming doom.

Yours in confusion and some amounts of fear,
The Mysterious Voice in your Communal Heads

[rhesusmacabre]

Dear Urist McAirborne,

I do hope you had a moment of realization, regarding your poorly judged decision, as you saw your comrade explode before your eyes. When he chose to dodge from an attack down a well with a 19z drop, that was very stupid on his part. To, just moments later, repeat his mistake baffles me completely.
Did you think he would break your fall or something?

Happy landings,
Your Overseer.

[Jake]

Dear everyone,

Would someone kindly enlighten me as to why our outpost liaison's dead body is lying at the bottom of the newly excavated drinking-water cistern? I have my suspicions, but fortunately for you I was looking the other way when it happened. The Ministry of Trade are not going to be best pleased about this.
And if you haven't cleaned the blood out of there by the time the brook thaws then it's your own lookout.

Yours,

Your bewildered and rather annoyed Avatar of Armok

[Greiger]

To Jeweler and Leatherworker.

I locked you in the 'special crafting shops' for a very specific reason.  You know those valuable gemstones and rare leathers that were dumped in the room?  You were supposed to put those on that really kickass sword I dropped in the room.  You refused.  Spouting some nonsense about weapons not being able to be encrusted or having leather images sewn into them.

That broad bodied, tall, muscular dragon who just came into the room is Laryter.  He is the militia commander.  And he is going to be the next legendary hero this world will see.  You know that really shiny bronze armor he was decked in head to toe?  Masterwork, all of it.  You know that odd colored greatsword you refused to decorate?  Also masterwork, and made of a materiel only heard of in legends.  You have refused a chance to be inscribed on the walls forever as the decorator of the Sword of Laryter.  I am dissapointed, Laryter is dissapointed, and the greenskins will be dissapointed that the awesome sword made of godmetal that is killing them all is rather plain looking.

Dissapointed (still)
The Administration.

[riznar]

Dear Urist McSheriff

I hired you to put the animal trainer in a cell for constantly causing fist fights. You assigned him a beating as well and that is fine, but beatings usually do not happen with axes.

I am taking you off sheriff duty and making you the new cleaning dwarf. Clean up that mess while you think about what you've done.

The Administration

[Tellemurius]

Dear Urist McAxe

I don't know why but due to leaving your equipment all over the fort you leave me no choice but to melt your stuff down, have fun with the invasion.

[Javarock]

Dear Sir Lancelot McKnight

You have quickly beacome my most favored dwarf in the entire fortress, I even took the time to not only craft you almost a full ammount of cotten candy armour ( Without Guantlets or Boots, Needed a bit more time) And even decided to craft you a CLOAK out of the pretty stuff. Yes I know you didn't have guantlets, Or boots those were to come. But as the most skilled millitary dwarf with two kills under your belt, One of those a titled minature whom you killed without a scratch, I expected you to be able to kill what?, 10 goblins with four other milltary units as your fodder? I even knighted you after you murdered the minator! Yet why is it five seconds into the battle you rush in, FIRST get your hand cut off then pass out.... And beacome the first to die, Dooming our fortress.

Leaveing me to think, What the hell?

Sincerly,

Your Saddened God.

[Peaceful Slugman]

Dear Urist McHammerdwarf,

I understand that you have been annoyed by being on active duty for a long time. Thats understandable. But what I DON'T understand is how you can simultaneously be unhappy due to being on active duty for a long time, and also get angry when I "take you out of the military" so you can take a break. I don't know what to do with you. I can put you on patrol, or I can let you relax. Its impossible for me to let you do both at the same time. I want you to be happy, because you're one of my founding seven and I need you to train the peasants with no or useless skills that want in on our fort. Can you see how I am frustrated?

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

[Namfuak]

Dear Urist McHammerdwarf,

I understand that you have been annoyed by being on active duty for a long time. Thats understandable. But what I DON'T understand is how you can simultaneously be unhappy due to being on active duty for a long time, and also get angry when I "take you out of the military" so you can take a break. I don't know what to do with you. I can put you on patrol, or I can let you relax. Its impossible for me to let you do both at the same time. I want you to be happy, because you're one of my founding seven and I need you to train the peasants with no or useless skills that want in on our fort. Can you see how I am frustrated?

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

Set his squad to "Active/Training" in the alerts menu.

Dear Urist McFey Armorsmith,
I'm very happy about the legendary gauntlet you made, and moreso that now you are a legendary armorer, but why did you have to make it out of copper?  I put plenty of steel near the workshop, why would you go grab copper from the other side of the room?  Now it is only befitting of the captain of the guard, rather than the military commander.

Your noble leader

[Indricotherium]

Dear Medical and Support Staff of Tooltrumpets,

There was too a water source just down the hall and a big pile 'o buckets all during that long, long winter when you let Fikod, who might I remind you had just slain the Goblin's LEADER during that last siege, die of thirst. Thank you. Thank you very much. Do not be alarmed by the routine dismantling of the trap line for maintenance nor the militia locking themselves into the barracks.

All is forgiven.

[Peaceful Slugman]

Dear Urist McHammerdwarf,

I understand that you have been annoyed by being on active duty for a long time. Thats understandable. But what I DON'T understand is how you can simultaneously be unhappy due to being on active duty for a long time, and also get angry when I "take you out of the military" so you can take a break. I don't know what to do with you. I can put you on patrol, or I can let you relax. Its impossible for me to let you do both at the same time. I want you to be happy, because you're one of my founding seven and I need you to train the peasants with no or useless skills that want in on our fort. Can you see how I am frustrated?

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

Set his squad to "Active/Training" in the alerts menu.

But thats the thing- the only thing that causes him to grumble at long patrol duty is training. Since the second month of my fort all I have been having him do is active/training alert. I never had him kill or move or patrol. He got the unhappy thought after many months of active/training, so all it does is exacerbate the unhappy thought.

But I see that he's doing individual combat dril even when set to the inactive alert. I wonder how much "training" is done when soldiers are inactive.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McEngraver:
Please stop engraving long enough to eat.


Dear Urist McMason:
Please stop idling long enough to make tables and chairs for our dining room.

Dear Urist McMiasmacausing:
I know I shouldn't have told you to cut wood right next to that retired adventurer with dragonfire breath, but please stop generating miasma from the refuse pile. You are in your coffin across the hall, and there is nothing else that can cause it.

Dear Urists McStarvingandtryingtohuntvermininthesealedcavern:
Next time, don't lose the 76 units of food you embarked with.