Push the nearest person back into the pod[6] You're closer than anyone else, as well as being the only person out so far, you you jump back at the pod! It doesn't let you back in, so you fall 50 feet, landing on your head. Respawn?
Emerge from the pod, as a Neanderthal. Type 'POTATO' on the keyboard, and press enter.[3] You are a Cro-Magnon. REQUEST: ADMISSIBLE. GENERATING. A potato pops out of the door.
Spawn as Jackie ChanYou hurt your feet.
Start kicking the cylinder. Include cool flips.
Bus these fools to school.That seems like it would require a bus.
Spawn as Alex Mercer, run around.[4] Okay, you're Dr. Mercer. You run around some.
Spawn with assault rife and kill Alex Mercer.You spawn* with a [6] nuke, which you decide not to...wait, what? God removes you from existence posthaste. Respawn?
Be part of the anti-monsters attack squad.
Ah. I wondered when you'd try no magic.Depressingly? This isn't my first time to try that.
Emerge from pod as twelve-armed chimpanzee. Kick ass and chew cartilage regardless of results.You are a normal chimpanzee. [1] You chew on your ear. Mm, cartilage.
Type in Assault team on the keyboard then hit enter.REQUEST: INADMISSIBLE. REASONS: DANGER, INTELLIGENCE.
Type "swordfish" then press enter.REQUEST: ADMISSIBLE. GENERATING. Some well-cooked swordfish fillets pop out of the door.
Spawn as battlemech pilot then type in computer "Naval ops commander" or "mech."You are a pilot without a mech. REQUEST: INADMISSIBLE. REASONS: INTELLIGENCE. REQUEST: INADMISSIBLE. REASONS: DANGER, SIZE.
Respawn. Type Magic Labtop into the keyboardREQUEST INADMISSIBLE. REASONS: DANGER, MAGIC
Type 'Blacklight tube'REQUEST ADMISSIBLE. GENERATING.
Spawn as mauve shirtThey are grassy.
Explore surroundings
Type "computer".REQUEST ADMISSIBLE. GENERATING.
Type in 'Bus'REQUEST INADMISSIBLE. REASON: SIZE
Then bus these fools to school
type in kitchen knife. Eat swordfish filletREQUEST ADMISSIBLE. GENERATING.
Type in "Well this isn't very fun anymore" in. In Comic Sans.You can't change font, but...
Flip kick everyone out mah way and type in, "Concentrated Kung Fu Power."You kick some people. REQUEST UNCERTAIN. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Build nice house out of Alex Mercer.[1v2] He doesn't notice as you charge headfirst at a wall.
Type in "Spacrship" in computer. Then try to override the DANGER and SIZE things.REQUEST UNCERTAIN. PLEASE TRY AGAIN.
Attempt to hack the computer to override the limitations. Freedom of information! Post-Scarcity Societies! For Freeeeeedom![6] HOMICIDE MODE ENGAGED.
A wall? Examine it. Where did it come from? What structure does it belong to? After that's done, make fire.Hm. It seems to be the only walls around! The ones making up the cylindrical structure!
Drink(?) blacklight tube.((It's a tube emitting UV radiation, AKA "black light".))
Type "weapons and armour"I'M SORRY TOPHAT. I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT.
Type in dragonSADLY TOO BIG.
Type in: 'fluid that when drunk conveys knowledge of every martial art ever' in.WHY WOULD I GIVE YOU THAT?
Try to open a door.No doors.
Spawn as scientist.[5] SURE THING. You get a shovel!
Type in shovel.
Come out of the pod as some drunken sword knight from some time in the past maybe.... that or I'm insane. Look at keyboard and type "hnwjhfbejhbfhebfwejhagbfahweb" on it since idk what keyboard is.WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Type 'sword' into computer.[1] HEH HEH. A sword shoots out at you, lethally! Respawn?
Look for outlet.There is none.
Wunderbar. Begin obtaining the necessary materials for concrete, and when created get building.[2] No such luck. You find some dirt, though.
Type 'fairy'[5] HERE. A small winged girl, maybe 4 inches tall, exits, looking confused.
Claim sword from Tavik's corpse. Then make fire. Lots of fire. Fire of Deadly Burning +3, preferably.[5] You set the corpse on fire. Somehow.
Type 'because I'm Jackie Chan'.WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?
Punch the keyboard and drunkingly walk.... north... I guess.WHAT? WHAT? You wander north.
Type in explosives[1] "EXPLOSIONS?" DON'T MIND IF I DO.[/font] Respawn?
Type in "I'm doctor Chandra"HUH?
Respawn, ask for more explosives[3] NO.[/fpnt]
Keep going north until I run into something... if I that doesn't happen, keep going north forever.Nothing yet.
open a door. the ones that are in the structure.Ah. Those open to little empty chambers. They're like those doors in vending machines, kinda.
Use Tavik's corpse to set fire to the beautiful, green field. Torch the place. What survives the purge will be a better, more durable form of life. Also wield sword and holler like a crazed ape normally would if carnage successful.[4] You set the grass on fire! [1] You also set yourself on fire!
Greet fairy."Hi."
Plan B, dig out underground facility.[4] You dig to the bedrock, and dig some "rooms" in the soil.
Hack computer to gain control of it.[2] NICE TRY. MY TURN. [5] A syringe shoots into you, injecting you with silvery stuff. Ow....
"How are you feeling miss...""Hayoo fellin miss?" Suddenly, ShadowDragon comes over and [4+1v5] punches you really hard in the arm. Ouch!
type: "you can and will or I will rip this thing apart with my bare hands and INSTALL YOU ONTO A LAPTOP WHICH WILL THEN 'ACCIDENTALLY' BE RAN OVER BY A STEAMROLLER!"YOU'RE ANNOYING ME. THOSE THINGS ARE WORDS BUT THEY DON'T FORM AN OBJECT! A few bullets fly out of the door, at a high speed. Respawn?
kill someone.[2] You smack, oh, ShadowDragon.
Try again.[2-1] STILL NO. You get shot again. [5,2] You lose control of your body. Respawn?
Ask for fire[6] OKAY. You are burnt. Respawn?
Ask for directions to a metal deposit.The walls don't seem to talk. Huh.
Begin furnishing labs.
Type in "how can I help you?"WHAT DO YOU IDIOTS WANT NOW?
Type 'clothes for a 4 inch tall girl fairy'. "How are you feeling?"SNICKER.[/FONT] The door closes on the fairy (?), and opens with her in a dress. The dress is backless, allowing her wings to come out. She exits the machine.
Type"tell me, where cna I find useful metals?"You head to the...hm. Actually, you don't. You forgot to bring a ladder.
Furnish soon-to-be-labs.
Type in Thermite, and match[2] IT'S NO FUN WATCHING YOU KILL YOURSELF ANYMORE.
Respawn.[6v3+1] You punch former-you hard in the head. He reels.
Kill former me.
You skipped me T-TYou keep running north.
Repeat action THAT YOU SKIPPED!
Then again, I'm not doing much.
Type in wooden dummy and lighter[5] [fnt=courier]HERE'S THE BEST I CAN GIVE.[/font] You get a little wooden figurine and a lighter.
Grab laptop supercomputer, then get to the hole.You do. Someone breaks your fall! Then a sword hits [2] you AND the computer!
Yell at someone south of to to spawn a rocket hoverboard for me so i can go north faster.[1] Your voice goes out.
THEN DIG ONE AQND GET FURNISHING.You start trying to dig a ladder. With no idea how to do so, you make no progress. Then someone lands on you. He has a computer, but the fool got himself stabbed by a falling sword that ruins the computer.
I ain't having no raggedy ass facility.
Stop, drop and roll over somebody else.[4] You successfully smother the flame!
Point to self "My name is Dr. Mercer."She points to you and says "Miname is Docker Merser."
Spawn as the insane mathematician[1] You are a sane artist.
"Math is true power,Everything in this Universe Speak in Math,Even You AI,With Math,I Could Do anything"
Grab the sword. Stab the laptop supercomputer[5] You expertly toss the sword down the pit after that guy who fell in.
Act out to the best of my crazy ape ability behind Mercer's back so that the fairy girl imitates it. After all, there has never been a better role model than a hyperactive pyromaniac chimp. If anyone tries to kill or eat Mercer's fairy, kill and eat them first.[3] The fairy applauds. Mercer glances over his shoulder and notices you.
Go back south, and in my drunkeness, eat Mercer's fairy... because.... Hm... Idk... I just wanna find out if fairies taste like chicken.[2] You start running south.
Give Up Existence or Become Lich[1] Respawn?
Eat potatoHm...a bit undercooked. And by "der" I mean "".
Grab the nearest person, set them on fire, and push them back into the pod[4,3v4] Persus resists your attempts!
Respawn if dead.Hm...you seem to be strangely alive...
Kill Persus13.
Do the Twist, then the Bird, then the Malfunctioning Nuclear Reactor.[4] You dance. The fairy claps.
Climb out of hole.Hm...no dice, there isn't any kind of ladder or something to escape through. This was not well-thought-out...The juice flood doesn't help, either.
Type in 'copious amounts of beer'[3] THAT IS BAD FOR YOU. A bunch of fruit juice gushes out at you! [2] You are swept into a hole!
I did or simply false dead,FIND OUT NEXT TIME,Which is nowHm...[5] You seem to be a little false-dead...
Respawn as pilot with SMG.No SMG, no computer. Shoot. Or, you know, don't.
Find a working computer.
This is LAME.Seeing as you are in a juicy hole, the only computer available is stabbed and juiced, and the computer you presumably intend to do this to has resisted previous hacking attempts in addition to being unavailable due to being about 42 feet above the surface of the juice...not much point.
Automate process of tying in "instruction manual for furnishing labs in modern-style" and following it so I don't have to type it. out. I guess hat would take, 4 or 5 turns. See you then.
The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of derming the goddamned hell out of it.
Set Persus on fire and push him into the pod harder![3v6] Nope. He shoves you into the hole, where you can't set anything on fire.
And, I give up. I can't even physically accomplish what I intended, even if the dice were kind. Therefore there is no point to trying, since failure is the only option.You could, if you weren't stuck in a hole.
Exactly, I'm stuck. Therefore, kill self.And, I give up. I can't even physically accomplish what I intended, even if the dice were kind. Therefore there is no point to trying, since failure is the only option.You could, if you weren't stuck in a hole.
type 'abc for fairy book'[3] You get a simple little board book, with letters on each page alongside a couple pictures. The fairy seems to like the pictures.
Kill self. Don't Respawn.[2] You stick your head underwater, pass out, and float face-up. You can breathe!
Teach fairy to make fire and burn things. Lead by example.[1] You teach the fairy fire safety. scapheap approves.
Set self on fire and head deeper inwards[4-1] You get your hair smouldering. After diving into the juice, it goes out. [5] There are some rooms, filled with juice, and not much else. Oh, and the juice is slowly draining into the sides of the place--it's a foot lower than it was when you came down here.
Get drunk on juice.Hm...it seems to be non-alcoholic! Plan foiled!
Initiate Drunken Boxing.
Type in "Hey, how can I help you?"WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Sane Artist was Houdini Himself,[2] Sorry, you're the boring kind of lich artist. Well...the boring kind of artist, turned into a lich.
"I'm sorry AI,I'm harry houdini,I'm Very hard to kill,I always get Soff-off free"
Keep going back south to where I started.You run into ShadowDragon. Before you can properly greet him, he surprises you by [4+1v2-1] running at you and ripping your head off. Respawn?
Wonder why fun time starts when I'm not around. Type 'Infinite Nyancats' on the keyboard, and press enter.Time keeps on slipping (slipping, slipping)...into the future.
Kill self.[2] You follow misko's lead.
Respawn, carry out my threat.Which threat?
"I want to help you"It does not seem to respond to spoken commands.
Get drunk on life. Initiate Drunk Boxing.[3] You fake being drunk and [3] punch the wall successfully.
"You know AI,I'm Harry don't listen to your shit,Have Big ego think your self higher than human,I'm going to New york"It doesn't responf to your speech.
Try again.No problem, I have perfect memory of everything I've read.
respawn as another fractal neanderthal. Type 'toaster' into the keyboard and press enter. Use toaster to toast those delicious feline bastards.[4] "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..." "MRROOOW! MROOW! mrow..."
Teach the fairy.[2] The fairy doesn't really seem to understand. [3] She seems to be understanding English a little now, though.
My head got ripped off!? Hell no I won't respawn, I'll creep shadow-whatever out by still being alive and yelling incoherent drunken words at him![2] Nah, you are definitely dead.
Teach the fairy the art of typing. You see, if you put a 1000 apes at a 1000 typewriters, you would eventually produce the greatest dadaist novel ever written. What you don't know is that it would be the product of exactly one ape's imagination, an ape that's a cut above the rest. A real, honest to goodness ape genius. That ape is me.[5] You teach the fairy how to type. Not that she understands what she's typing, of course.
Kill Gm, smash computer, stab pod, bash wall to pieces with my skull.[N/A, N/A, N/A, 6]
ONE OF THESE WILL WORK.
Kill somethin[3] You squash a Nyancat.
See if the juice is flameableNope.
Play with Fairy(who I need to name.).[5] You both have fun! The fairy gives you a big hug (as big as a four-inch-tall person can give).
Name her Terra[3] "Tara?"
Type in 'SMG' in terminal or something.[6] You get shot with an SMG, which pops out after you. Respawn?
Changed my mind. Respawn. I WILL DERM THIS. Dig out more of facility, of course with eye to unflooding.You hop into the pit. [1] The juice is shallow enough now that you break your leg! [1-1] Although this doesn't detract you from your goal of unflooding the facility, it really should have. Your leg is much worse.
Kill everyone in the hole.[5v6-2] You kill misko because of his broken leg.
Continue to punch stuff.[3] You continue to punch the wall. Your hands are starting to hurt.
This kindof went downhill.Yeah. At least the cool stuff is intact.
Respawn, this time just as a normal insane drunk guy. Eat mercer's fairy to gain fairy super powers![4v6] Scapheap punches you away. [3] Right to the edge of the cliff.
Continue the killing.Aid action
Dig ramp down into hole, continue digging. IF I DON'T HAVE A SHOVEL, DO IT WITH MY BARE HANDS.[4-1] Ramp dug in a spiral. With bare hands. [6] It looks a bit shaky, then it doesn't. Because it filled up. Then you die. Respawn?
Continue the killing.[4] You kill misko.
Set the dry areas on fireIt's not dry anywhere yet. Besides, you died. Respawn?
[5] You kill Furtaka and Xantalos.Continue the killing.Aid action
Rage out attempt to eat the fairy again! I wants those fairy powers![6] You shove the fairy into your mouth. It had some pin or something in its hand, and the back of your throat [1] kinda gets shredded. Respawn?
Spawn as generic soldier.So generic, no weapons!
Type 'pickaxe' put out superBlast' eyeYou get a pickaxe and stick it into the dead guy's eye.
KEEP TOASTING! Also, start selling the toasted Nyancats for two dollars apiece.Strangely, no one wants to buy. Or maybe they just don't have money.
Respawn. Ask for spelunking gear[3] You get a helmet with a flashlight.
Dig ramp out of hole with shovel.[5] Ramp dug! [3+1] Some bullets hit you, but you're okay.
type in "ammunition for submachine-gun"[1] YOU'RE MAKING THIS TOO EASY. Some bullets fly out at you. Respawn?
Build a fortress out of the toasted nyancats, then. I SHALL RULE A KINGDOM! BAHAHAHAHAHA![6] Hey, why the the fortress moving? And where'd the live nyancats go?
Respawn, curse like no tomorrow, got to the keyboard and hope I type in "Super awesome fairy net" correctly since I'm still drunk/insane.[3-1] You type SIPPER AWEDOM FAORY METH. ... [5] You get a glass of weird liquid, with a straw in it.
Respawn as Rambo.[2] TOO BIG. [3v6] Persus does not want to be eviscerated.
Type in 'big laser gun'.
Eviscerate Persus.
Type in "rifle and bullets for the rifle"[2] RIFLE'S TOO BIG. USE YOUR HANDS AND FEAST ON THEIR FLESH!
Argue I can't be killed when already dead.[3] You're a zombie. Zombies are too dumb to dig. [1] A typewriter hits you in the head, destroying your brain. Respawn?
Resume digging ramp with hands. Find shovel and get back to regular work.
Place fairy at computer. Tell her to type like none have typed before.[6] She types by throwing the typewriter into the pit. [4] You hear a groan of redeath.
Comfort Tara.[3] She's happy now.
Respawn as a policeman and take smg.[6] You do. It goes off, hitting ShadowDragon (that's what the dice say). [3+1] He's okay. Speaking of okay...okay, NOW it's out of ammo.
Ask for a hazmat suit, some explosives, a pick, climbing gear, diving gear, and a chemistry set.[3-1] ONE THING AT A TIME.
FLEE! FLEE LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT! WHICH IT PROBABLY DOES![5] You escape!
"Too big eh?"[1] It comes out of the machine firing! Respawn?
Type in "revolver with bullets loaded"
Respawn. Look aroundIt looks crazy.
Grumble I didn't get what I want while picking up the bottle. Drink it and use empty bottle to knock out the fairy.It's empty, convenient. [2] You miss.
Be angry at GM for covering up his logical failure with zombieism.[4] You are angry. [6] You dig about 10 feet into the bedrock before realizing your mistake.
DIG ALREADY. JUST STOP IT AND ELT ME DIG DAMN IT.
Type in 'bayonet-firing Gatling gun'.NO. You get a bayonet.
Shoot everyone but me with said gun.
Use pickaxe to dig through a wall.[2] The walls are too hard.
Type "bottle of water from SCP-006", then drink it.[1] You get some green, minty goo and drink it. [6] You vomit up a silvery bunch of stuff, and the green goo.
Teach fairy the fine art of murdering people.[6] She practices on you. Respawn?
Put in 'SMG full magazine.' then search for a bunker or make one if none are found.Bunker?
Bless bayonet to become holy bayonet.[3] You mutter and pour holy water over your bayonet. Wait, where'd you get holy water?
Begin stabbing people.
Type 'fairy magic manual'.[3] You get a neat little book. It is titled "Faerie Magick," and seems to be a chapter book aimed at 1st-graders or so. (As someone who has read a chapter book to a 3-year-old in one sitting, this makers sense to me.) Someone stumbles over, trying to grab Tara. You [5v1] stick out your leg, causing him to trip into misko's newest hole.
"Coooome back yous stu... uh.. stupid hairy! Let meh eat chu!" Yell that was trying to knock out the fairy with the bottle.[2v4] Tara avoids getting eaten. [5v1] You trip into a deep hole! [3] You land on a soft cushion.
Keep running. Try to distract it with something.[6] You know what would make a great distraction? Food! I wonder what Nyanfortresses eat...you? Worth a shot. Huh, turns out they do! The Nyanfortress is distracted! Respawn?
Ask for the hazmat suit and pick[3] ONE AT A TIME. You get a handle (for a pick?) and a Geiger counter.
Apply green goo to dead body....[5v5] The result sucks itself and your hand into a Dimension of Things Best Left Undefined. [4] Your hand grows back, all silvery; tendrils of fleshy color are spreading over it. [5] You ponder this, then [3] kinda remember the grapple rules.
Respawn and type in Gas Mask[5] You get a gask mask.
I DON'T REALIZE MY MISTAKE. KEEP DIGGING. DIG TILL I STARVE TO DEATH IF NEEDED WITH MAH BARE HANDS.Well, you're not sure. The first Facility is pretty much just some rooms. The second is a hole.
IF I CAN"T DIG KILL SELF.
So how ready is the facility in terms of digging?
Spawn and type in 'Pick'. Dig a bunker.[3] You get a rusty pick and [6-1] dig a bunker.
Fine ask for the hazmat suit[5] HERE YA GO. NO IDEA WHY YOU'D NEED IT.
Dig to the first from the second.Add some more rooms while I'm digging.[6-1] You dig through solid stone to the old facility, [6] not noticing any problems with your hands. You get washed back by a bunch of juice.
Type in quick-drying liquid plastic shooter. For coating walls in plastic.
Respawn as a cybernetically-enhanced rutabaga. Type 'vegetable army' into the keyboard, and press enter.You respawn as a human human. You get a rutabaga.
Reinforce bunker.[4] Check.
Put on the gasmask then type in Neurotoxin[5] Some neurotoxin floats out.
Continue stabbing.[1] Next victim: Yourself! Respawn?
"I'm gonna get my revenge...." *Yawns* Fall asleep in the hole I fell in for a little while.[5] You have a nice, restful nap. Congrats on wasting a 5. You dream of juice.
"Well the fairy is like a few minutes old"[5] She likes the book. "Thankioo."
Read to the fairy.
Attack other me with my new hand.[6] Your new hand sorta merges with part of the other's chest. [2-1] You lose control of yourself. Respawn?
Type in 'pickaxe' then assist Doomblade with bunker.[1] HERE YA GO. The pickaxe comes out spinning, strikes you, and [5] lops off your legs before landing [2] fairly far away.
That made me lmao."I'm gonna get my revenge...." *Yawns* Fall asleep in the hole I fell in for a little while.[5] You have a nice, restful nap. Congrats on wasting a 5. You dream of juice.
Respawn as Attention Grabber Man.[3] You yell.
Grab attention, then eat it.
Type 'cup of tea' and drink it.[6] It's truly wonderful tea. You feel really sad that you'll never have another like it. THIS IS SURPRISINGLY BORING. [1] Tara tries to make you feel better by hugging your throat. You can't breathe.
[2] You're still asleep. [5] You avoid dangerous fates, and start to wonder if the juice is real...That made me lmao."I'm gonna get my revenge...." *Yawns* Fall asleep in the hole I fell in for a little while.[5] You have a nice, restful nap. Congrats on wasting a 5. You dream of juice.
Wake up, feel guilty trying to eat the fairy, climb out hole, Apologize to Mercer and fairy, then get a massive hangover.
Look around. Don't respawn yet.Hm. You seem to be in [2] Purgatory. Aw.
Obtain Diving Gear[6] You obtain an old-fashioned drysuit...which turns out to be possessed.
Give the diving suit to the fairy and ask the computer for non spiritual diving gearTara doesn't want the possessed suit. [4] FINE. You get a wetsuit and a BCD.
Yell loud enough to shatter someone's flesh.Ah ha ha. No.
Attempt to repeat last action, add drink the juice somewhere in it.[3] You're a bit awake. Huh, what's this fruity smell? [6] You sit up suddenly, coughing out the juice you were lying in, and hit your head against the rocky wall, falling unconscious again.
Sneak out of Purgatory.[4] You're a spirit in the world.
Obtain plasticizer from machine.Obtain what now?
Type in poisonous gas bombs.[5] You get some bombs. You're not sure if they're (poisonous gas) bombs or poisonous (gas bombs).
Hug back.She likes being hugged, but there's still her loving deathgrip on your throat...
Possess the ShadowBonination.[4] Aw.
Tell her 'I feel better now thank you Tara', talk to diving gear.[4] You choke out a response. Tara releases you. The diving gear doesn't respond.
*Sigh*[1] You get covered in quick-drying plastic. It dries, quickly.
THE QUICK-DRYING LIQUID PLASTIC SHOOTER. TYPE IT IN.
Ask for pickaxe and harness[2] HOWSABOUT THIS? You get a chunk of hematite and a strip of leather.
Anyways, Tame the Nyanfort.[4+1] You have a tame Nyanfort! Who can splice genes!
Walk around and take a look at my surroundings. If someone tries to attack me, throw a bomb at them.Nothing attacks.
Punch misko's plastic to break it.[3] The Doctor punches the Plastic Covering in the upper right arm, chipping the plastic! Then someone yanks on your ears! Ouch!
Ask for climbing gear[1] You get teased with a grappling hook, then drawn into the machine. Respawn?
Create a blast door for the bunker.[2] Seems like you'd need specialized tools, raw materials, and someone who knew how to maker a blast door.
Type in 'new legs'[5] You get a pair of cybernetic legs! They really improve your quality of life!
Argh. Try, again.First, you'd have to escape from the plastic. And not suffocate. [5] Which you aren't.
Rip off people's ears and build a megaphone out of them.[4v4] You tug on scapheap's ears. They don't come off, but man does it hurt! Speaking of hurting...
Yell.
Respawn as Mr. Potatohead.You respawn as a normal person, grab the submachine gun, and...clicklicklicklicklicklicklick...[2] Your dry-firing it ruins the gun.
Outfit self with war gear, and kill Tara.
Stop possessing ShadowBonination.Sure thing.
Wake up, and have a complete change in personality to where I am now, a gentleman.[5] You sure are! And you're not drowning in juice!
Respawn and reclaim my stuffWhich stuff was yours, again?
Hip-thrust until I am free then. Then get quick-drying plastic shooter.[3] The plastic cracks some.
Type in bullet-proof vest.You get one.
Carry on breaking the plastic.[2] Nope.
Grab my pickaxe and attack Shadowbomination.[3v4+1] You miss.
Whack people over the head with the smg.[1] You whack yourself in the head, [3] dazing you.
The Diving gear, the hazmat suit, the miners helmet, the flashlight, and the lighter.Carrying all that stuff, there's no way you're getting to the top. Wearing what you can doesn't help any.
Take all my stuff and go explore inside the pod
Pick up pickaxe and help misko.[6] You break the head-plastic! The plastic is entirely gone from the head!
Go to hades. (the place)[5] You are there.
Escape plastic, get what I asked for last turn.You would, but someone took your head off.
Climb out of the hole, go to the keyboard and type in "Gentlemen's Clothes Set".[2] DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THAT KIND OF QUALITY? I'M TOO LAZY TO DO THAT FOR SOMEONE I'M PLANNING TO KILL. You get some rags and a bindle without a stick. Which is basically a dirty bandanna.
Rampage across the land with the Nyanfort.[3] You trample Nosaneinme!
I drop the diving gear and just bring a snorkel with me.[3] You manage to climb up about two feet before slipping back down.
Type in what I asked for last turn![5] The machine gives it to you after you respawn.
"How rude, first off you plan on killing me, and second off you say it's hard to get that sort of quality and yet you pump a haunted divers suit and a fairy. I would think that getting some clothes befitting of only a gentleman like myself would be easier. You, sir, are not a gentleman!"(How have you guys not noticed its lack of audio receptors?)
Look for an armory.[6] It's guarded by guards who treat you as an intruder. Respawn?
Modify SMG into a rocket launcher somehow.It's kinda impossible, and you don't have any rockets. You get stabbed and [6] are okay.
Commence shootings.
Try againOkay, seriously. No more of these "Do what I did last turn" actions. And you're not climbing up a 50-foot tower without magic or climbing gear--the roll is to see how far you make it before the inevitable failure.
Work out a way to get pisonicsYou start staring at people really hard. This does not cause any visible result.
Begin killing people with my MIND
Put on bullet-proof vest, type in bullet-proof helmet[2] NAH, MAKES YOU HARDER TO KILL.
Respawn.IMPOSSIBLE, BREAKS THE LAWS OF PHYSICS. I COULD PROBABLY GET YOU A NICE DISINTIGRATOR, THOUGH.
Type in "teleporter".
Refurnish rooms into labs.With what, your bare hands? Hands make pretty crappy lab equipment.
Um..... er....UM...HOLD ON...LET ME TAKE A GUESS. Out comes another haunted diving suit, this one covered in pictures of fairies and wearing a top hat.
Type in, "How rude, first off you plan on killing me, and second off you say it's hard to get that sort of quality and yet you pump a haunted divers suit and a fairy. I would think that getting some clothes befitting of only a gentleman like myself would be easier. You, sir, are not a gentleman!" completely ignoring the fact my arm has been ripped off.
Type in drill.[3] HERE. You get a drill bit.
Rage hit ShadowBomination, Check on tara.[2v3+1] You bruise your knuckles, then [1] run into a pit, [4] without breaking anything.
Induce logical paradox in the AIAid action
Set the diving suits on fire[4] They are! [2,3] They burn up.
Induce logical paradox in the AIYou'll need to be a wee bit more specific. Your communication with the AI is limited, to say the least.
It shoudl say something that half of all responses I get now aren't even rolls, just you telling me I can't do something.Imagine you have what your character has. (I probably shouldn't have let you dig dozens of feet or through solid rock with your hands...)
Type in catalogue for larger items and cell-phone[4,6] You get both. The cell phone is a rather...expensive one, with internet access and an awesome unlimited-anything plan. Which you might want to use to call in a repair crew for your "lab."
D'oh, forgot my action. Anyways, MOAR RAMPAGING.[4] Yaaay. You trample someone reading a screen and collapse the "laboratory."
"Sigh, fine"[1] HOW ABOUT JUST THE BULLETS?[/fonjt] Not points for guessing what happens next. Respawn?
Type in revolver
Climb up the hole using the pickaxe as a moving handhold.[5] You do so. Quite well.
Type in, "This is beyond rude! Now not only are you ignoring me but you are also mocking me! That is total disrespect! Sir, no... you aren't a gentleman.... Thing, I challenge you to a dual!"This is a note from the GM. The computer only understands when you're asking for something. Seriously, haven't you divined that from what's happened so far? It pains me to see people throwing away their turns and, watch out for that--never mind.[/font] While reading this, the Nyanfort tramples you. Respawn?
Type "disintegrator".[1] THEY NEVER LEARN, DO THEY? You get shot with a disintigrator beam. Respawn?
because Poe wrote on both?There weren't computers in the 19th century.
attempt to destroy computer.[3] You kick out a screen.
Attempt to integrate the Nyanfort with the AI.You'll need to be more specific. I'm not sure what you're trying to do or how you intend to do it. Before you can elaborate, someone tackles you into the pit, [1] leading to your swift demise by brokenneckedness. Respawn?
Respawn and pick up my stuffMaybe. Who gave you the armor?
"Wasn't I wearing bullet-proof armor...."
Tackle Vorthon to the ground, kill.[6v2] You tackle Vorthon and tumble into the big pit, causing [1] his neck to break and [3] you to land badly on your left arm. Undeterred, you [5-1] dig something!
Get back to digging.
Walk south untill something is found.You find grass.
Who cares if i'm wasting turns trying to talk to a computer.... I have an idea![4,3] You get a book about hacking computers and a book about creating video game AI. WAIT...I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT WAS A BAD IDEA...
Respawn, type in "A book called 'Computer hacking for idiots,'" and then type in, "A book called 'Creating a true AI for idiots.'"
Look around. Don't respawn yet.You do. What were you looking for?
Find Tara.[5] You are reunited!
"hey superblast, lets team to reprogram the AI" Defend him while he does that
Get +1 pickaxe fight skill and attack ShadowBomination.[3] You sharpen your pickaxe. [4v3+1] You cut off a hand!
"hey superblast, lets team to reprogram the AI" Defend him while he does thatYou try to defend him from a nuclear blast, but fail.
Respawn, fuse the nyanfort with the computer. To make nyanfortputer.You tug on the monitor, but can't find any edge to grip.
Respawn. Type in 'remotely detonated nuclear device' and step out of the way of the tube when it arrives.[6] You don't step out of the way of the nuclear blast fast enough.
((I was trying to see the afterlife.))Sadly, the computer and everything near it has been destroyed.
Respawn. Type in "vial of SCP-008", then drink it.
Respawn, build something from the remains of the computer[3] You build a little pile of ashes and scraps of silicon.
Reveal me and Tara are unharmed.[2] Nope. Definitely dead.
respawn. Destroy magic barrierWhat magic barrier?
Find a city.Hm...nope! Try walking somewhere first.
Thanks Mr. skip-me-a-lot -_-You died.
Anyways I'm assuming I got blown up in the nuclear blast as well since the guy defending me got killed too.Good assumption.
I'm also assumming i got a perfect roll on my last action and I'm now a skilled programmer/hacker.Bad assumption.
Respawn, figure out what's left of the "item spawning computer thing" for me to hack.A pile of ashes and silicon being assembled by Furtaka.
Respawn as Wilford Brimley.Respawn as who?
Search for oatmeal.
respawn as a medieval knight. Then find civilisation.[1] You are a medieval peasant, who notes only a bunch of people standing around in the crater, who you are no doubt subordinate to.
Wander away.[4] Why did I roll for that?
How do you not know of DIABEETUS?!Where would you get--[5] You enter the pit and discover a room full of oatmeal! [6] Which floods out and crushes you. Respawn?
Search for oatmeal! Desperately!
Respawn as Fancy Gentleman with bit taste of Mythos[6] You are gibbering mad. How can we tell the difference?
Order Tavik toth to polish my shoes as I help Furtaka.He does. You stand around a bit.
Respawn, morn the loss of the nyanfort, and open a portal to the Plane of Infinite Nyancats.You mourn and chant. Nothing happens.
Hm... another idea!But he is polishing my shoes! That is more important then fixing the only thing that actually does stuff.
Grab the peasant guy and stick him on the pile of silicon and ash. Then perform alchemy on the pile like in Full Metal Alchemist (not magic!) to rebuild the "Item spawning computer thing" and name it Robert 2.0
Fix the computerAid action
But he is polishing my shoes! That is more important then fixing the only thing that actually does stuff.
Fix the computer
Respawn as Scientist. Aid with computer repair.
Hm... another idea!But he is polishing my shoes! That is more important then fixing the only thing that actually does stuff.
Grab the peasant guy and stick him on the pile of silicon and ash. Then perform alchemy on the pile like in Full Metal Alchemist (not magic!) to rebuild the "Item spawning computer thing" and name it Robert 2.0Fix the computerAid action
There's really nothing left. [6+2] You turn what's left into a very sharp knife, though.Fix the computerAid action
Hm... another idea![4v4] You struggle over the silicon knife before giving up when it shatters.
Grab the peasant guy and stick him on the pile of silicon and ash. Then perform alchemy on the pile like in Full Metal Alchemist (not magic!) to rebuild the "Item spawning computer thing" and name it Robert 2.0
Anyway I cast mind exchange on Most Powerful Guy around,Get my Weak Body while his body and Armor and Weapons,I'm the gibbering madmanYou mutter and gesture at ShadowDragon. Nothing happens. Reread the OP, people.
Why did my action get skipped...Maybe you died? Just repost it.
Respawn again as Wilford.[6] You explode in an oatmealy boom. Respawn?
Driven by my diabeetus, I devour all the oatmeal.
Stab superblast and Persus. revolution![3-1] You can't bring yourself to revolt. Maybe you could a little, if you had a weapon.
Look for a city.[6] You see something in the distance! About six turns away, probably.
Search for spots on shoes. If any, injure tavik toth slightly.[6] Your shoes have no spots. Or soles.
Respawn and take my stuff back. Again.You do.
T-TNo, you can't.
((Yes that is my action because I can))
Travel towards the something.Five turns away.
Respawn as Wilford Brimley once again.[5] You find insulin!
Look around for anything to balance my blood sugar.
Find weapon then rebel![6] You find a hand grenade! No pin, but who needs--Respawn?
CHANT HARDERYou do. You're getting a bit hoarse.
Charge after Shadow dragon and get to the location twice as fast.[2] You start running, but will get there in five more turns.
Aaahh...[5] You are full. And contemplative.
Eat some contemplative oatmeal.
Eat someoneWait, what?
Continue traveling towards the something.Four turns and counting.
Put on stuff. Throw gasbomb at Furtaka[6v2] The gas bomb turns Furtaka into gory chunks while also hurting you pretty badly...
Sprint tpwards city-esque thing.Five turns out.
Ok enough turn wasting,Five turns out.
Follow the people going toward the thing that is 6 turns away
Respawn as a Medeval knight then go and find a settlement.[5] You spawn on a horse, riding quickly. You will get there in THREE turns!
Give up chanting, take up farming.[6] You grow a crop of wild almonds.
Respawn and eat someone!How do you intend to eat someone? Even if you didn't get blown up again?
Keep traveling towards the something.Four turns left...three?
Frolic in the direction of the city.Five turns
jump on tavik toth's horse and hitch a ride that way.[2] Nope.
Use the wild almonds to grow more almonds.[4] Okay.
Grow an oatmeal farm[5] Great oatmeal farm! [4] You are peaceful.
Live peacefully
Pull pins on gas bombs and kamikaze on Furtuka[5] Boom.
Sing a song while keep on walking to the city thingy[3] It's not too bad. Four turns left.
Keep riding towards settlement.Two turns left.
((It's three.))Keep traveling towards the something.Four turns left...three?
Sell crops to market.Indeed.
Continue growing crops.
This is nice. Not fighting anything...it's peaceful.
Build an almondmobile out of my almonds, ride it towards the city.[4] ...How did this happen? Two turns away.
Respawn as banditSure, why not?
Two left.((It's three.))Keep traveling towards the something.Four turns left...three?
Keep traveling towards the something.
Continue towards settlementThree left.
Hey wait, I already went in the direction fo the city. GWG, what game y'all playing?A game where my memory is less eidetic that I'd like.
March towards city.
Respawn and bite someone to death[6] You eat the only person who you can see: Yourself. Respawn?
Well, I should be, as of this turn, 3 away. Especially since you haven't defined how far it is by a given means of travel, therefore, hypothetically, I could crawl there and be there as fast as someone who sprints.[4] You find a deer and [3v4] get a bruise. You are three turns away at a normal walking speed, so you're still 3 turns out.
Break for lunch. Slaughter deer, eat heart, frolic. Continue in direction of the city.
keep goingTwo turns left.
Desperately salvage crop. Continue regrowing crops until plentiful again.[5] Crop salvaged! [2] Then stolen.
Well singing got boring, Walk backwards while going to the city thing.[6] You trip. Four and a half turns out.
Steal whatever Xantalos has.[5v2]
Continue traveling towards the something.One turn left. It looks familiar...
Trot horse to settlement.One turn left?
Spawn as ant, start digging.[6] You are a giant ant, and collapse under your own weight.
Try to go faster in the almondmobile.[1] The almondmobile falls apart! Four turns left...
Respawn, eat Misko's deerSave me some will you?
Tear the Fabric of universe with Pure Insanity,Don't ask whyHe said we can't do that anymore. I disagree, but that takes time. So either help me build a aworld destroying device, or find a new pasttime.
You should probably stop the raging diabeetic. Because he will destroy you all with his diabeetus.Tear the Fabric of universe with Pure Insanity,Don't ask whyHe said we can't do that anymore. I disagree, but that takes time. So either help me build a aworld destroying device, or find a new pasttime.
Tear the Fabric of universe with Pure Insanity,Don't ask whyHe said we can't do that anymore. I disagree, but that takes time. So either help me build a aworld destroying device, or find a new pasttime.
Try to build a new vehicle from the scraps of the almondmobile, and any nearby wildlife.[1] You decide to eat a few almonds, before remembering that wild almonds are extremely toxic. Respawn?
Oatmeal ... No oatmeal left ... Can't control it any longer ...(I'm almost certain that's not how diabetes works.)
RAAAAAAGH!
Destroy everything within a 50-mile radius, yelling, 'BEETUS MAD! BEETUS SMASH!'
((And now Firey has activated my diabeetus.))
Find out why the something is familiar.You finish approaching it.
continue heading towards objectOne turn left. It looks familiar.
Familiar? Suspicious?You do.
Continue to the two turn mark.
((Familiar? Oh hell I bet we walked so much we walked around the world and back where we started -_-))[1] You break a leg. Four turns away...eight at your current rate of speed.
Get back up, start sprinting toward the city thingy to make up for lost time
Respawn, eat Misko's deer
[4v6+1] He makes you share some.Respawn, eat Misko's deerSave me some will you?
Ride towards settlement.You make it to the settlement.
Because I want this one to last a month.Fine But Darling,Why did Add those rules this is RTD,As we darling that is normal in type of gamesTear the Fabric of universe with Pure Insanity,Don't ask whyHe said we can't do that anymore. I disagree, but that takes time. So either help me build a aworld destroying device, or find a new pasttime.
Go toward city thing awesome style, which is by walking with my hands instead of my legs.[2] You moan in pain.
Explore settlement.There's...not much to explore.
Enter the metal shack.
prevent shadow dragon from entering shack[3v5] ShadowDragon gets tackled by Persus!
Explore.It is a familiar-looking place.,
Respawn, still raging.[1] You are happy! You see Persus hugging ShadowDragon! You join the group hug!
Crush the closest player.
(DiabEEtUs, not diabetes)
Set up campt atone turn mark, inspect site from afar.[3] You start a little fire and wish you had a tent.
Punch a tree down with my bare handsYour hands are bruised.
Respawn as ALMONDMAN, the man made of almonds. Rampage towards the thing.[1] You respawn as an almond. The cultivated kind.
bash shadowdragon's head against a wallAid action
Obtain tendons/cartilage/whatever is used to string bows from the leftover non edible bits of the deer and make a bow out of a fallen branch.[4] Bow get.
Attempt to assimilate more almonds.You're a normal almond, with no almonds around.
bash shadowdragon's head against a wall
[4+1] ShadowDragon's head cracks open. Respawn?bash shadowdragon's head against a wallAid action
Find a larger settlement while riding horse.[5] You note a settlement on the horizon and start riding towards it!
BEETUS HAPPY[5] EVERYONE IS HAPPY YAY
HAPPIFY EVERYONE
Instant train myself to ignore pain! Continue walking.[6] You ignore pain and walk on your broken legs. This causes blood loss. Respawn?
enter metal shackNo one stops you, but the door is stuck. [2] You cannot open it.
Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.Where would you get the pick? They were all in that facility you destroyed.
Respawn. Follow Persus.You run into a door!
Have horse run to settlement while I ride it.Youdo.
Respawn as Wolverine ((The x-men guy)) Then laugh how my bones won't break sine they are metal! ((this time))[[1] You respawn as a plush wolverine. As in, the animal.
Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.
Hmm...You started the oatmeal farm where you were at the time. The hoe is also buried.
Take hoe from my farm and make it into a pick.Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.
Aid Xantalos.Wait what am I doing?
Hmm...[1] You start digging with your hands, but get buried in dirt.
Dig up hoe from my farm and make it into a pick.Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.
Hunt animals for food![4] You catch a rabbit!
Open door.[3] Still stuck. [1] Not even when you are used as an impromptu battering ram. Respawn?
Um... I can still move even as a plushie... right? Or do i need to respawn again?[1] You are completely immobile.
use shadow dragon to make the door open. By that I mean bash him against the door until it opens.[3v2] Wait, what? [1] This idea turns out badly for him. His neck breaks.
Steal wolverine plushie and sell him to some random guy I find.[4] You sell it to misko.
Get to settlement then explore it.Still a turn away.
Sink into the earth, grow into an almond tree. Or whatever the hell almonds grow on.They are trees. [5] You are, as well.
Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.[/b]
try to force open the door.Respawn, then aid action.
Eat the rabbit to gain it's powers[2-1] You get the Power of being infected with bacteria! You vomit.
Moar digging!Get mining pick. Mine steel, plutonium, and uranium.[/b]
Aid xantalos.[1+1] The two of you don't dig very deep.
Find and punch down/set on fire some trees.[3] You find a single tree. [1] You get splinters in your fists! Ow ow ow!
Go to settlement and explore it.It looks familiar...DAMN IT!
try to force open the door.
[1+1] The dice do NOT like you.try to force open the door.Respawn, then aid action.
Will my plushie body with all my might to move! Even if i get a stroke in the process... if plushie's can have strokes.[2-1] Nope.
become an almond treant. Head towards my previous target.[4] Oh dear.
Open the door.[3] You pull the door open a crack. [4] Something from within slams it back shut. [1-1] You succumb to cyanide.
Hunt for more food[2] None found. [6-1] You find some tasty almonds, though.
MOVE YOU STUPID BODY! MOVE![3-2] You are even less mobile...
Continue digging for steel, plutonium, and uranium.[1] You break your arms. [2-1] And then die of cyanide.
once again use shadow dragon as a battering ram.[3v4] He won't let you. [5-1] You're fine, but your "battering ram" isn't.
Go find a city or something.You don't get it, do you?
Do the Science with AllyWho? [3-1] Oh well, you're dead.
SPREAD MY SPAWN ACROSS THE LAND. ALL SHALL BE ALMOND TREES.[6] Almonds infest everyone! Including you. Cyanide is lethal to everything, apparently.
Respawn with phone, call the SCP Foundation.[4] You have a cell phone. No reception, though. Maybe because there aren't any cell towers around.
Hunt for something composed of meat.[5] You find a large can of spam. Which is for some reason composed of fish.
Respawn as 'Pissedoff McChoppa', Lumberman.You try to, but there aren't any trees. Which is good, because you lack an axe chainsaw.
Cut down every tree everywhere with my axe chainsaw.
You just Awoken the Other of side this user,Silly Litte Moral,You have Me Woken me,BLACK SUN,Destoryer of gods.now I maw your flesh and tear your bones and eat very that soul lies in this being called GWG then I will Role as Gm because thy unleash my wrath...Huh?
Hey lucky me I'm a non-living object.... and how does something that can't move be even less mobile? Ah whatever.(The 1's you keep getting give you increasing penalties to trying to gain motility. What else would you have me do with 'em, have you move backwards?)
Go about this differently, try to develop telekinesis and move my body through that.[4] You get telekinesis.
Respawn as a truck. Somehow.[2] You respawn as a trucker, with no truck.
Continue digging for the afore-mentioned materials.[3] You get to the buried pick.
Respawn as a cyanide elemental....
Kick the shack's door down.Aid action
Use my telekinisis to fly away from the stupid guy digging.[6] You shoot up into the air! Very high! Then you return. Well, seeing a continent was kinda cool, but...you know what happens to meteors? Respawn?
Continue doing what I was doing before I respawned as a plushie, fly to the city thingy!
Get a truck.How?
Kick the shack's door down.
[2+1] You dent the door.Kick the shack's door down.Aid action
Consume spam to gain it's power.[5] You get the power of being a homogenous lump of meat!
Respawn as a bowl of petunias and a very confused-looking whale.[3] You're just the petunias. Maybe if there was another of you. You look around for the whale...nope, just a wolverine plush toy.
Derm the RTD.Okay, if you want to do this, you gotta help me. You and me, we can get some sort of anti-matter thing or resonance cascade, or a paradox going and annhilate it all. I want help. I'm hiring. On completion of the job I shall serve you for 1 AoM.
Respawn as a fractal ogre. Fractal it up....Fractal isn't a verb...
Kick down the door.[2] No dice. Yes new crater.
Anyway possible.More like "All ways are impossible." Unless you try wandering out and searching. Maybe check that new crater.
Resasoning that reality can be compared to a tree in they they both die if they're chopped, chop reality in half.You successfully reason but unsuccessfully cut. Unless that crater isa byproduct of your attempt.
Keep on digging till I get my dangerous metals. because uranium and the others are metals.Well duh. What else would they be, metalloids?
Respawn as the old computer item spawning thing that got nuked a bunch of turns back.[2] Sadly, no.
Derm the RTD.With what, your bare hands?
Respawn as a swarm of honeybees. Annoy everybody else, giving them a penalty on their rolls.Currently on my shooping list
Eat Vorthon to gain his powersAid action
Respawn with credit card. Salvage and extract remaining metals.
Chop the planet in on in half.You hit the ground with your axe. You repeat the process. How deep do you get?
Respawn as a swarm of honeybees. Annoy everybody else, giving them a penalty on their rolls.[4] Thanks for making me go back and rewrite the other two.
Eat Vorthon to gain his powers[4-1+1] You eat a few honeybees. It does not taste like honey. It tastes like [6] eggs being laid in your head. You ate the queen of Vorthon and some workers, who are eating through your flesh to make a hive..
"What? I call BS!" I yell in my non-respawned mind. Try again to respawn as the old computer item spawning thing that got nuked a bunch of turns back.[2-1] Wow, random.org hates your guts. You respawn as a vending machine.
Look for windows.There don't seem to be any windows.
Go to new crater and search it.It is radioactive and was caused by someone causing a nuclear explosion with raw uranium. Somehow.
Shoot one of the players.With what, your finger?
Use self as battering ram to open door.Aid action
Surgically remove the Bees from myself[6] You rip off your head. Despite being homogenous, this is lethal. Respawn?
"Come on!" Shoot out soda cans at the nearest person to vent my frustration.[3] You shoot cans at Furtaka.
Use self as battering ram to open door.
Persus grabs ShadowDragon and [1+1] fails to affect the door. [6] ShadowDragon survives, with his spinal column toughening to the point that he has nothing to fear from being used as a battering ram again! Or from moving, now that you mention it.Use self as battering ram to open door.Aid action
Search for a truck.No trucks.
Impede Furtuka's Action. I need a hive, after all.You decide not to. A severed head makes a perfectly good hive, and he did make a persuasive argument...
Credit card? WE GOING SHOPPING.What town place?
Placing the various metals in the hole, go to the town place, investigate. Keep eyes open for, I don't know, Scientific Surplus store?
Make axe sharper than an electron!With what?
Attempt to reanimate my hive, so I have a mobile hive.[3] You make the mouth open and shut. Drawbridge!
Turn into SCP-001-j....How?
Use shadow dragon to open the door.[2] No such luck.
Respawn. Eat superBlast to gain his powers
Alright... well I'll waste my turn just to kill myself anyways.[4+1] Furtaka unhinges his jaw like a snake. [4] He gets the power of being able to vomit up soft drinks at low velocities.
Help Furtuka eat me... somehow.
Attempt to mutate my hive. Become Thing!Bees.Approved.
Use shadow dragon to open the door.
Spontaneously make a dirt-based computer that proves magic exists.[3-5] You make a pile of dirt.
Regain mobility.[6] You are as mobile as a ragdoll. Then you get torn apart. Respawn?
Respawn as the item spawning computer thing.[6] You are a giant pillar which falls, due to being exactly where the old one was (aka in the air over the crater). You are damagamagamagamagamagamag *snack* damaged.
If you don't address and acknoledge the place mentioned earlier and what it is, that was 6 turns away, and currently 1 for me, I'ma smack you into another RTD.Oh.
Also do pervious action.
Attempt to mutate my hive. Become Thing!Bees.[5] You are like Tyranids or something. Tyrabees.
[3-1] No such luck--he's too floppy. [2-1] You also break him in half.Use shadow dragon to open the door.
Rampage across the landscape, stripping it of all resources. THE HIVE MUST GROW.[3] You absorb the rest of Furtaka's corpse.
Respawn as SCP-001-j.[6] You are promptly contained. Re-respawn?
Now... first things first. I gotta repair myself.[6] You spawn a number of nanobots, which consume you to turn into a Cray Ultracomputer who isn't you. Respawn?
Spawn a bunch of nanobots to repair me.
ADVENTURE[2] BORING.
Wait till shadowdragon respawns, then use him as a battering ram.He doesn't. You are sad.
Go back to my metals. Stop Vorthon from using any. Start focusig on extraction into novel forms. Use computer terminals to keep stable.[4v5] You can't stop the nanobots from eating your metals. You can, however, be sad.
Become one with the dirt!You roll around in the dirt.
spawn a unarmed VT from Original steel battalion. Then go find a abandoned base. That is all.Wait...how would you get a VT? Maybe you should try finding a base.
((Cray ultracomputer? Besides being a computer wtf is that?))I know the Jurassic Park guys had cray supercomputors
Respawn, type 'Hello, give me some booze" on the cray ultracomputer thing.
Eat misko to gain his powers[6v5] You grab misko and [1] shove him into your nostril for some reason. This leads to him entering your cranial cavity, which proved fatal for the both of you. Respawn?
type in Jurassic Park on supercomputer.Typity type type!
Spawn as Civil Protection.[1] You respawn as an abused child.
Theorize that the advanced radiation would have severly negative effects on the performance and AI of the nano-bots, causing them to act in unpredictable ways. While they hopefully explode, regain my metal. If they don't, return to digging.You theorize some, but get shoved up someone's nose lethally. Respawn?
Synthesise pure diamond and/or coal from the air around me by crushing it in my manfist.You squeeze the air around you.
((Cray ultracomputer? Besides being a computer wtf is that?))It's like a Cray supercomputer, only cooler.
Respawn, type 'Hello, give me some booze" on the cray ultracomputer thing.You shove Persus out of the way and type.
Respawn as SCP-682.You respawn as [6] SCP-914.
Get out hole then find a abandoned military base or see if hole has tunnels then look for a underground abandoned base with mechs. and megas xlr.[1] You walk into another hole. Random.org likes making you fall into holes.
Begin dismantling the planet's crust.[2] gNaw.
Shove superblast into shadow dragon SCP-914. Set to Fine.Aid action.
((Ok.... what's a cray supercomputer?)) ((inb4 you say it's like a cray computer))It's a kind of computer. Probably the best-known is the ones used by John Hammond in Costa Rica along with the Hood gene sequencers, but I'm pretty sure a few were used by the SCP Foundation's Project Olympia.
Shove superblast into shadow dragon SCP-914. Set to Fine.
[1v3] superblast isn't interested.Shove superblast into shadow dragon SCP-914. Set to Fine.Aid action.
Kamikaze on someone.[6] You kamikaze on ShadowDragon. [4v2] You sprint into his internal mechanisms and screw them up. But you don't die.
Respawn. Punch the earth[6] You break your arm.
GNAW ON EVERYTHING.[3] You gnaw on the soil.
Hm... shove the computer into someone's head and see what happens. If it's too big then shove somebody's head into the computer to see what happens.[1] You smash your head into the computer. This doesn't hurt at all. Respawn?
Punch anything useful until its destroyed.[2] You punch ShadowCragon Person 914 a little, but your fists hurt.
Write quick virus program. Corrupt Nano-bots and computer. MAKE THEM BUILD ME MY EVIL LABORATORY.[2] You can't find a good program on the bloody Cray. All you see is a Word document with "Jurassic Park Hello, please give me some booze." as its title.
And then use lab to make Resonance Cascade.
Put someone into shadowdragon. Set to fine.Next turn, I know what I'm doing to derm it.
Insert fists into machineYou stick your hands into ShadowDragon and mash him with your head. Sadly, it operates with a turned key.
Run it
Continue with punching
MORE GNAWING.[3] More soil gnawed.
Put someone into shadowdragon. Set to fine.You grab Fireiy [5v2] and shove him in. You then turn the now-bloody turnkey and keep turning...it's broken, pal.
Output SCP-914 repair guide.You need an input.
Kill self in explosion of glory[3] You blow yourself up. Well, your cheeks.
Collect all the corpses scattered around the landscape and pile them up somewhere[3] You make a pile of several corpses.
((I need to be fixed.))You need to be working for me to annhilate existance. Fix this before my other action, canceling if it can't be done in one turn.
Compel the nearest person to fix me
Insert one fist into machine.[1] You lose an arm.
Activate with other fist.
Punch everything.
Respawn, make a program on the ultracomputer that'll give it sentience.[3-2] You crash the ultracomputer.
Feed someone else to shadow dragon.[2v2] You struggle with someone unsuccessfully.
((I need to be fixed.))
Compel the nearest person to fix me
[6] misko makes ShadowDragon into a new machine!((I need to be fixed.))You need to be working for me to annhilate existance. Fix this before my other action, canceling if it can't be done in one turn.
Compel the nearest person to fix me
Keep on searching for abandoned military bases.[2] No such luck.
Insert other arm.My, but you're persistent.
Operate machine with tongue.
Punch people with fist.
Find this computer everyones talking about and find out what it doesYou find it. It crashed. Sad.
Restart the computer and take my time to figure out how it works.[6] You restart it! It seems to be missing vital OS stuff due to your overzealous reboot!
Insert Vorthon's nano-bots, any amount or number, into Shadow dragon. Best way to find out what it does.They're not nanobots. [1] Out comes a bunch of weird mush.
Put everyone inside shadowdragon. Set to Fine.[3] You put Fireiy into the machine. [3] Out comes a little girl! Or boy, if Fireiy is a girl.
Take nearest player and strangle them.[6v3] You strangle Furtaka lethally. Respawn?
Insert a portion of vorthon into machine by any means necessary, eveen letting them eat my hand and lopping it off (althoguh this approach is not preffered). Set to very fine, or "Halle Berry Fine" if the dial goes far enoguh to allow the latter.
I CAN ONLY BE DELAYED IN MY QUEST, OFF YEE SCAMPEROUS DEMON.Insert a portion of vorthon into machine by any means necessary, eveen letting them eat my hand and lopping it off (althoguh this approach is not preffered). Set to very fine, or "Halle Berry Fine" if the dial goes far enoguh to allow the latter.
Strangle this dude.
... Punch Perseus for turning me into a girl.
Devour Misko for trying to use me in experiments.So limited in conception. Ad yet so much potential.
Insert a portion of vorthon into machine by any means necessary, eveen letting them eat my hand and lopping it off (althoguh this approach is not preffered). Set to very fine, or "Halle Berry Fine" if the dial goes far enoguh to allow the latter.918 =/= 914
[2v4] He dodges. Then you get stuffed into the machine. [4] You become one head of a two-headed person.Insert a portion of vorthon into machine by any means necessary, eveen letting them eat my hand and lopping it off (althoguh this approach is not preffered). Set to very fine, or "Halle Berry Fine" if the dial goes far enoguh to allow the latter.Strangle this dude.
Put someone else in. Set to fine.[6v2,4] You stuff misko and TCM in. [4] They become a two-headed person. You get lightly punched.
Punch stuff with cyborg arm.[1] You break the thingy on the end, causing an explosion. [5] You're OK.
See if there any back up data stuff for the OS to replace the missing vital stuff... if I can't access it because I'm missing vital OS stuff, then find out what's missing and make them myself.[5] It's fixed! You give yourself a "Word's Best Comter Fixer" mug.
... Punch Perseus for turning me into a girl.[3] You tap him.
Huh. I've noticed all of two Art of Minimalism threads, and only when they're ~30 pages through. Nonetheless, it's definitely Hall-of-Fame-worthy.Thank you.
Also,[4] Yup.
Spawn as chicken.
Output guide to operating me.[1] You output a list of experiments conducted. Evidently, all inputs, outputs, and settings are replaced with swears.
KEEP TRYING.[4] You find an abandoned Ft. Brag.
Devour Misko for trying to use me in experiments.[1] You devour the enhanced you, causing its improved consciousness to overtake you.
Now, see if this has internet. If it does, goto the Bay12 forums and look up "The Art of Minimalism VII: Failure,Failure, Everywhere, But Not A Brain To Think". Post in the thread where I'm some drunken guy eating a fairy. Laugh at results.
Find a sword[5] You find an abandoned sword.
Respawn as the Thing.Ah, no. One assimilating monster is too much.
Now, see if this has internet. If it does, goto the Bay12 forums and look up "The Art of Minimalism VII: Failure,Failure, Everywhere, But Not A Brain To Think". Post in the thread where I'm some drunken guy eating a fairy. Laugh at results.No internet access, sorry.
Type in mini-ultra-computerYou do.
Attempt to fly, using the heat from various fires to carry me into the skies.[3] You flap furiously and sort of glide.
get into fight with TCM, attempt to kill. Keep fighting is until either party is dead. Since both parties are the same, respawn. Maniacal Lunatic Scientist. I WILL DERM THIS RTD IF IT KILLS ME.[3v2] You smack TCM in the face.
Stab II as he goes overhead while I stab my sword upward in the air, screaming, "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"I'm 'sort of gliding' at you, so I'll probably be flapping around your knees, not overhead.
Become He-Man.
(II = Insanity Incarnate)
PHYSICS BE DAMNED, I HAVE THE POWER OF GREYSKULLStab II as he goes overhead while I stab my sword upward in the air, screaming, "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"I'm 'sort of gliding' at you, so I'll probably be flapping around your knees, not overhead.
Become He-Man.
(II = Insanity Incarnate)
Force InsanityIncarnate and Nosaneinme to fight to the death
continue adding people to shadowdragon[4v6] Nope.
Great... time learn the old fashioned way, first make a backup of everything on the ultracomputer in case I screw something up.[1] You screw something up while performing the backup.
Strangle self. Stab self in foot. Kill self. When sucessful, Respawn as Scientist, with Force Powers. IS NOT MAGIC. IS THE FORCE.[2-1] You fail to strangle yourself, instead giving TCM a neck massage. [4-1] You poke yourself in the foot with your finger. [1-1] You give yourself some medicine.
Respawn as a tap-dancing gnome. Confuse the world with my prowess.[3] You respawn as a tap-dancer.
You flap over to Xantalos and [1] strain, strain, strain at the sword, but it's too heavy to pick up so you just stand on it.Flysort of glide at Xantalos and steal his sword.
Stab II as he goes overhead while I stab my sword upward in the air, screaming, "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!"You don't have any hands, only half a metal arm.
Become He-Man.
(II = Insanity Incarnate)
Force InsanityIncarnate and Nosaneinme to fight to the death[2] No.
Kill someone.[1] You're someone! Respawn?
((Ft Brag?))It's in North Carolina, IIRC. Google/Wikipedia it. It's a bit less abandoned than this one is.
Output daemon lord loyal to me....No.
Gain mobility.[6] You blast off into a twinkle in the sky. Respawn?
Explore Ft brag.[3] You enter the fort. It looks...sorta cool, you guess.
Dump someone else into shadowdragon.[3v3] You and misko struggle a bit. Then Shadow blasts off.
Explode someoneYou glare at random people. No one explodes.
Confuse the world with my prowess.[6] You tap-dance straight onto ShadowDragon right before he takes off. Sure, the acceleration isn't healthy, but they're confused. Respawn?
Peck off a smaller chunk of sword, seeing as I can't pick up the whole one.peckpeckpeck. [1] Your beak is chipped.
Get hand[1] You break off the rest of your last arm. This doesn't do much. Angry, you kick the chicken. [4v6] It dodges.
Stab InsanityIncarnate, screaming, "FIND YER OWN SWORD!"
BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL
BECOME HE-MAN
Come on asshole, TCM only showed up for 2 rounds.Hey, I'm trying not to restrict you too much.
Poke angry dogs. Plan to shoot the president. Buy assualt rifle.[4] You find some angry dogs and poke them. They are angry at you. [5v1] There goes your [Tails] other head. You're free!
Using lumberkinesis, build myself wooden arms and legs.You don't have lumberkinesis or lumber.
Respawn as a dorf. Be on fire. Run into a booze stockpile.[1] You are an elf.
Open the door of metal shack. If fail ask someone if they can be my battering ram.[1] You shove the door stuckeder.
find armoury and/or motor pool.[4] You find the [Tails] motor pool.
Respawn as SCP-014-J.[1] You respawn as a clean, unimportant spoon.
Commune with nature, summon bear army.[4] You summon seven bears.
Develop Ability: Prehensile Beard[1] You shave.
Grow beard out to enormous lengths
Gain telekinesis.[2] No.
See what there is in the motor pool.Vehicles.
Unscrew up whatever I screwed up. Make sure I make a back up that isn't screwed up up.[1] You cause the computer to explode.
Use shadowdragon to pick the lock on the door.There is no lock, it's stuck.
Start pulling out my feathers. Make a feathersword.You start ripping out feathers. [6-1] Using feathers, saliva, and soil, you make an actually-kinda-sharp swordlike thing.
No!If you like your beard so much, why did you shave?
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
REGROW BEARD IN A MATTER OF SECONDS
KILTURHRYFGTRYURGŠ
Damnit! Go find where the nanobots are get them to reconstruct the computer.[4] You find the nanobots. [1] They consume you. Respawn?
Spawn as Civil Protection[4] You are a...wait, what?
Wait, what? I actually succeeded in making a feathersword? Awesome.I'm as surprised as you.
Test the sword by cutting off Xantalos' appendages.[6-2v3] Despite lacking proper grasping appendages, you slice off Xantalos's [Tails] left leg.
See if the tanks work then explore the rest of the base.They lack gas. You explore on foot.
Break.You take one.
Lead my bears on rampage across the land.[3] You get them to maul a rabbit.
Shatter self.(You didn't need to add the qualifier.)
Feast upon the rabbit to gain its powers!OM NOM NOM. [2] You get the power of being shunned by other elves and wild creatures.
find fuel in the base then go to the armoury.[2] No fuel. Sorry. [1] You find the armory when the building you're in turns out to be full of tanks leaking some kind of fluid which explodes in contact with sunlight. Respawn?
smash the door down.[2] Nope.
Ok... back to my old plan! Spawn as the item spawning computer thingy... again![5] You do.
That seems like a odd victory. Regardless, Find computer, create virus program.You find the computer. It's nonfunctional, to say the least.
Eat feathersword[1-1] You cut open your mouth trying to grab the sharp sword.
Burrow into Insanityincarnate's chest cavity
Assume direct control
Burrow to avoid being mauled by the bears. >_>[6] You dig pretty deep away from the nonhostile bears.
Become sword...What?
Respawn.You type that in.
Type "mobile portal to hell" on superBlast.
Respawn as a mech pilot then go look for a base with mechs.[5] You find such a base.
Fix computer.It exploded a couple turns back; there's not much you can do about it.
Spawn about a dozen flying drones who's sole purpose is to protect me from harm.[2] Nope.
Spawn about a dozen flying drones who's sole purpose is to protect me from harm.Try again!
smash the door down.
Become a swordNo. How would you?
[4] Sure!Spawn about a dozen flying drones who's sole purpose is to protect me from harm.Try again!
Look for interdimensional portal.None is found.
[3-1] It was hammered shutter by you and you can't break it down.smash the door down.
Develop force powers, search for crystals.[6] You find a very large crystal which you can't move.
smash the door down.
Aid action.smash the door down.
There seems to be a logical disconnect here.Become a swordNo. How would you?Spawn about a dozen flying drones who's sole purpose is to protect me from harm.[4] Sure!
Civil Protection: Guy from HL-2 that's basically the corrupt police force.[4] Ouch! Poor cripple. He bit it!
Go whack someone in the face with a stun stick.
Eat the closest metal thing.[2-1] You try to, but you cut your mouth on the broken stun stick. ZZAP!
How? You're inanimate.Aid action.smash the door down.
[1-1] You bacs is even more solidly closed!smash the door down.
Now that I got some protection from these crazy people.[6] You spawn a bunch of killbots who destroy you. Respawn?
Spawn a bunch of small build bots that's made to build human sized kill bots that listen to my orders. Spawn the raw material for them to build the kill bots with.
superBLAST is the item spawning thing. Xantalos is not a shapeshifter.There seems to be a logical disconnect here.Become a swordNo. How would you?Spawn about a dozen flying drones who's sole purpose is to protect me from harm.[4] Sure!
Obtain sharp object, cut crystal to acceptable size.[5] You find a jackhammer. [2-1] The jackhammer shatters on the crystal.
Learn the art of not needing to breathe.[4] You learn how to not breathe so much.
Regenerate lost limbsYou can't regenerate limbs. Doesn't help that the other guy hit you again with his zappy-club.
Introduce plotline
What!? What happened to my protection drones that i spawned before!? They just sit is their shiny metal asses and let me die... er... get destroyed?Dang lazy drones, not working when the killbots destroy them.
Interesting. Clearly at least I have a fine crystal. I WILL BE THE JEDI.[5] You find another jackhammer. [4-1] This one chips the crystal before breaking.
Locate sharp object, cut Crystal.
Begin devouring the earth.[5] You avoid gastrointestinal issues by not gorging yourself on soil.
Whack the guy again.[4] You hit him.
Laugh at Xantalos. Gouge out his eyes.[4] You find Xantalos. [2] You peck at his forehead.
smash the door down.[4-2] You fail to do so.
Respawn as SCP-682.No.
Explore base for mechs. and fuel, and ammo. and mabye a pilot if possible.[5] You find a fellow pilot and some fuel.
Roll around until I find someone[1] You eat someone's leg. Yours.
Kill and eat them
Respawn as roc.How about an eagle?
Grab my gun and shoot Xantalos. Failing that, whack HIM.[4v4] He takes the slug to the abdomen.
Spawn as a really really lucky guy.[6] You are really, really lucky. Not all luck is good.
Inspect chipped pieces, I don't need a big one at all. One that would fit the palm of my hand.[4] You find a palm-sized chunk of hammer. Or maybe jack.
smash the door down.[4-2] No such luck.
Become a tree. I'm in the ground, and I'm an elf. All I gotta do is concentrate. :v[5] It works. Wait, what?
smash the door down.
Find a build bot and program it to... make a giant mech! Make it use the kill bots and drones and the other build bots as material!There are, sadly, no such robots available.
"Oh, break time!"[4] You shoot some pigeons.
Go bird hunting.
FUS ROH DAYou shout. Not much happens.
BREAK THE GROUND IN HALF
You would, but some idiot in another universe shot you. Respawn?smash the door down.
Attempt to cut off section of crystal. Small.[4-1-1] You fail.
What? -2? What?That would be half from the tool and half from trying to cut a very tough crystal.
Die.[3] You catch the flu.
What!? I spawned them to make the kill bots o.O Ah whatever..... beat down a kill bot and turn it into a build bot![2-2v1+1] The killbots are still powering back up, but they manage to weather your assault and return with fury.
I think Vorthon and Xantalos may have the right Idea....
I am human correct? Sacrifice body, spawn Statue of a terrifying god.[6] You sacrifice yourself painfully and slowly.
Go on killing spree![3] You kick someone.
Actually, chickens are delicious.[4-1] You find some embers. They're pleasantly warm.
Roast myself.
spawn as the item spawning thingNah, I don't want to give out power like that again.
Respawn as eagle.Sure thing.
see what mechs there are then make base liveable again.[6] There's one rampaging through base! [5] You dodge out of the way and get kicked in the head!
Spread my spawn, cover the world in forests.[6] The area is covered by trees, which attract loggers.
Spawn as a fire magi.Not a chance.
Examine surroundings.
Sigh. Peer down the hole and tumble in accidentally.[4] You successfully do so. Without getting hurt.
EAT SELFWhat.
Help Xantalos by shooting his limbs off for him.This doesn't work, for two reasons.
Beat down a kill bot now! Reprogram it to be a build bot![4v3+1] No luck.
respawn as a battering ram from the Middle AgesThat's an inanimate object. Also, no.
I consider that sacrificed. With that, Adieu.[4] Yup, you're done now.
Fan the embers to create a nice blaze. Then use my feathersword as a skewer to make a chicken rotisserie thing.[1] You put the embers out.
FLY TO FT BRAGG[3] You set out.
Calm mech down then see what other ones the base has.[1] The mech is angered and so kills you slowly...Respawn?
RISE! CRUSH THE FLESHLINGS!What?
Respawn as Pilot from mech base. then go to mech base.[3] You respawn as the pilot, but nowhere near the base.
Spawn as someone who can enter fiction. Pull out a book.[6] You have the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Continue flying to ft. bragg.You make it to where it should be. Hey...wasn't it blown up?
BECOME TREANT. ANIMATE MY FOREST. CRUSH THE DAMN LOGGERS.[6] You become a tree ant. The ants swarm with you to the loggers! They can't do much crushing.
Beat down a kill bot now! Reprogram it to be a build bot![1v5+1] Respawn?
Ugh, this chicken is useless.Hey, you're the one who wanted to be one.
Die.[3] You catch the flu.
DEVOUR THE LOGGERS.[6v2] Indigestion!
Fly back to the respawn point.You'll be there in a turn.
Find transport to get to base."Hello? Hello?"
Use the feathersword to kill myself.[3+1] Respawn?
Look around for objects of use. And gain an inventory.[5] You find a dead chicken, a dead fire, and a sword made of feathers.
Murder everyone.You can't reach everyone. Pick a target.
EAT SELF.[4] You eat your hair and a chunk of skin on your abdomen, exposing your organs.
Respawn as a guy who is a master at fighting and reprogramming kill bots. Then proceed to beat down a kill bot and reprogram it into a build bot.[3] You know Green-Belt-Level Tai Know Do and C++. [4-1v4+1] Ouch! Punching metal hurts, you shouldn't do that. Oh, being punched by metal isn't pleasant either.
BURROW INTO OWN ABDOMINAL CAVITYYou um wait what.
EMERGE FROM SELF AS HORRIFIC MUTATED BODY HORROR THING
Reach the respawn point.You do.
Eat the dead fire.What? WHY?
Return to mech base regardless. Call for pickup of it would take to long.You're not sure where it is...[1-1] but a friendly mech gives you a hint when it walks very close to you. Respawn?
DIG ALL THE HOLES.[6] You dig a really, really deep hole, 100 feet deep and well into the bedrock, before noting that your arms have been worn to stumps.
Murder someone determined by a d(# of players-1)[4] There are now seven players, so [1] you locate Fireiy.
Spawn as a dwarf. Preferably with a pick.[1] You are an elf.
Respawn as another mech pilot at mech base.[4] You do. [3] It's mostly destroyed.
Follow mech.[4] You do so.
TURN INTO A TREE AGAIN. YGGDRASIL, TO BE SPECIFIC.[3] You turn into a dryad.
Huh.[1] You find a piece of rubble which looks like it's important. It is--it held up a bunch of other rubble. Respawn?
Pull out a bunch of nearby cave rubble. Look for the sharpest chunk of the bunch. Wield it.
BECOME HANNIBAL LECTER[3-1v5] You manage to sit up. Ouch.
EAT OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVERS
DFHXHFHSGSDFEHDFGVFJFY...How? You don't have anything explosive.
EXPLODE
SPREAD NATURE.[3] You summon a trixie, as seen in an obscure sourcebook!
GWG's dry humor is what makes these games what they are.Remind me to sig this.
Respawn with a sword.[5] It's a very good sword.
See where the mech is going.Forward. It doesn't seem to be turning. [5] Thankfully, there's nothing in the way.
get any survivors then try to either rebuild base or find a new base if rebuilding is too dangerous.[2] No survivors.
Continue following mech.You do. [6] It trips.
Look around to see if there's anything different.Not that you can tell.
MOAR NATURE.[2] Nope. You flop on the ground in irritation, and someone with no limbs rolls over and bites your ear!
An elf?...You do. [2] And you get splinters.
HUMP TREES
ROLL OVER TO VORTHON[5] You do the first [4-1v3] and nibble on the second.
EAT VORTHON
OK, well... explore in the cave then. See if I can't find any monsters to slay.There are no monsters in the cave thingy.
CONTINUE EAT VORTHON[6-1v5] You devour a couple fingers and some hair. Ugh, woody.
Get into mech.[5-1v1] It squashes you with a flailing limb. Respawn?
Find a abandoned TSAB ship. or a mech.[1] You find nothing. And then get smashed by the mech next to you. Respawn?
DEVOUR XANTALOS.[3v3] You insert tendrils from your severed fingers into Xantalos, rooting in him!
Ow! Heal myself with elven magicks![2] You don't know any.
Respawn and find try to find a TSAB ship again.[6] You find one as it fires or falls on you or something. Respawn again?
DRAIN XANTALOS' ESSENCE.[4v6] You fail to do so.
Respawn with a cursed item....Why would you want that?
Look around for anything to do, then. Failing that, look for a way deeper into the cave. Failing that, look for a way out.Hm. This seems to be not so much a cave as a pit thingy with a tunnel leading out. That said, you exit. [3v5] And get punched. Ouch!
Wake up and punch someone[5v3] You punch some guy with a sword. He is hurt.
FUH.
TEACH FURTUKA NOT TO SCREW WITH A GUY WITH A SWORD.
USE SWORD AS TEACHING CHALK
Steal freeformschooler's sword.
Punch the flat end of the swordI suppose I should roll some initiative.
Murder something.[4v3] You attack...where's that three-sided coin? [Tails] ShadowDragon.
respawn on tsab ship as a British army soldier.[2] Nope.
REATTEMPT DRAINING. THE ARTIFICE OF MAN SHALL FALL BEFORE NATURE.[6v5] You tap your roots into his blood vessels.
SUCK HARDER THAN XANTALOS. SUCK LIKE THE TIDE.Hurr Hurr Hurr
Oh grow up. :PAs of now I'm a limbless lumberjack trying to extract tree blood with the power of my heart; I don't think normal things apply.
SUCK HIS ROOT FLUID OUT WITH THE MIGHT OF MY CIRCULATORY SYSTEM
SUCK HARDER THAN XANTALOS. SUCK LIKE THE TIDE.[6v6] Both of you suck quite well. So well that you get permanently attached in a rather... embarrassing...position, somehow including...certain...private...parts...oh, and no meaningful exchange of blood or root fluid occurs. Not quite so with certain...other...fluids...I'm blowing my ellipses budget right here...
Try again.[3] You are an English soldier, not on a battleship.
batter down the door of the metal shack.[2-2] It is stuck all the harder.
Stab Persus13 with cursed sword.[4v1] Persus gets stabbed, mortally!
PUNCH SHADOW DRAGON...[4v5] ShadowDragon moves too fast!
...IN THE SWORD
AUGH SCREW YOU GUYS. My sword was awesome! Run somewhere else. Far far away. Somewhere without trees.You run, crying like a little girl who just learned Santa wasn't allowed to bring her a WMD for Christmas.
PUNCH THE SWORD AGAINAid action.
Still not dead, but meh.respawn.murder mykiller.
PUNCH THE SWORD AGAIN
[5+1] The two of them punch the sword, breaking is and getting little metal splinters in their hands.PUNCH THE SWORD AGAINAid action.
Use my Elven-y sneakyness to steal the sword!Sword's broken. [4] You remove the splinters from Furtaka. How nice.
Use the sword to extract the splinters!
OKAY THEN. MURDER XANTALOS, LEAVE MYSELF UNHARMED.
USE LIMBLESS AIKIDO TO MAKE VORTHON MURDER HIMSELFThese seem to be in conflict.
See which sword is broken.Yours.
TEAM UP WITH VORTHON AGAINST FURTUKA
BITE HIS THROAT OUT
PUNCH XANTALOS IN THE AIKIDOThe...the what?
find TSAB ship.[5] You wander to the coast and, after several days, find one.
TEAM UP WITH VORTHON AGAINST FURTUKA
BITE HIS THROAT OUT
[6+1+1v1] Oh, wow, the dice hate Futaka today. Furtaka is devoured.TEAM UP WITH VORTHON AGAINST FURTUKAAID THIS ACTION
BITE HIS THROAT OUT
Kill self.\Aid action
Xantalos, I have an offer. Permanent alliance. We shall rampage across this world.Accepted.
AID THIS ACTION. FUSION IS BEST COURSE OF ACTION.Xantalos, I have an offer. Permanent alliance. We shall rampage across this world.Accepted.
Fusion?
If, so, FUSE WITH VORTHON. BECOME ENT.
Aid action.AID THIS ACTION. FUSION IS BEST COURSE OF ACTION.Xantalos, I have an offer. Permanent alliance. We shall rampage across this world.Accepted.
Fusion?
If, so, FUSE WITH VORTHON. BECOME ENT.
Well, Vorthon's a dryad, not a tree, so...AID THIS ACTION. FUSION IS BEST COURSE OF ACTION.Xantalos, I have an offer. Permanent alliance. We shall rampage across this world.Accepted.
Fusion?
If, so, FUSE WITH VORTHON. BECOME ENT.
Now that I'm away from everyone, search for shelter.[5] You find an abandoned castle.
Kill self.
[5+1] ShadowDragon commits assisted suicide. Persus is a murderer and ShadowDragon cannot be buried in a Christian burial!Kill self.\Aid action
Respawn. Punch Xantalos and Vorthon in the teeth![3v5] You miss.
Restrain nearest person with the net.[/b][3v2] That person is draped with the net.
Why.AID THIS ACTION. Also, we maaaay want to tone it down before we incur the wrath of the mods. :v
One more time try fusion.
Hence me castrating myself.Why.AID THIS ACTION. Also, we maaaay want to tone it down before we incur the wrath of the mods. :v
One more time try fusion.
One more time try fusion.
Bite off own genetalia beforehand.
[4+1] You fuse into one being, a bit wooden (hah!) and with scrawny legs, and also hermaphroditic, but otherwise normal. Well, as normal as a being always of two minds is. You are soon made treeier.One more time try fusion.AID THIS ACTION.
Use my elveny magicks (and the net that I have somehow) to turn Vorthon and Xantalos into an ent, or something that resembles an ent. Then sit on its head while it rampages across the world.[4] They become more treelike.
Go to afterlife.
Show ShadowDragon 300 page forms he has to fill out before he can go to afterlife.[5v1] ShadowDragon is crushed by the forms!
Ask TSAB why they are here of all places."Why we're where?"
Explore castle. See if it's empty or if there's a zombie dragon inside.[2] Um...which would be preferable?
Rampage across the world.
While Xantalos takes care of the movement and stomping, I'll control the seed cannons. :v
murderize the vorthon-xantalos team[4+1v5] Vortalos or Xanthon or whatever the thing is starts a rampage with Persus. The two (three?) reach a stalemate.
"This place is weird to say the least.""Aw, so you dunno where we are either? Well, come aboard."
Ask if I nay go onboard.
Fill out forms.[1] You do so poorly, leading to a couple forms longer than the entire Harry Potter series being dropped on you.
Go find red flowers.[2] Nope.
Preferably no zombie dragon. Maybe, like, a hot princess?As it so happens, there is a zombie dragon. What now?
murderize the vorthon-xantalos teamI got ninja'd. Repeat action
You finally died from that mortal wound.murderize the vorthon-xantalos teamI got ninja'd. Repeat action
Arrest Vorthon/Xanthon for fusion without filling out the proper forms.Listen, rookie, you just don't want to go down that road.
Marry zombie dragon instead.[5] You convince the zombie dragon to marry you. Can't imagine how.
Grow larger.[1] You shrink. How adorable!
Fine....[1] Aha! Switching actions has a fee of $7.99! ...You only have $2.75!
Go and fine someone for something.
Punch Shadowdragon in the bureaucracy![3] You punch someone else in the bureaucracy!
Fire on Fireiy with the seed cannon.[1] The seed cannon explodes from its narrower barrel width.
Look to see if I still have that net, then climb onto Vortalos or Xantathon or whatever and sit on what passes for its head, or at least its upper branches.They're a but too small to do that with.
Respawn. Kill Fireiy.[3] He escapes into a tree.
Go onboard vessel. Also ask who is talking.(I finally looked up the TSAB...ah.)
"Seems that everytiem I die I respawn at a random location and a diffirent body. Oh and who is this talking."
Mass clone selfAid action. Do not buy any plushies.
Get sold worldwide as Ent plushies
Silently kill owners in their sleep
Kill self.Did you see what happened when I tried that?
[6+1] Everyone gets one for free. [4] They all kill their owners. Respawn?Mass clone selfAid action. Do not buy any plushies.
Get sold worldwide as Ent plushies
Silently kill owners in their sleep
Go to afterlife.[5] You go to heaven. Ready to respawn?
Respawn on TSAB ship a brititsh soldier.[5] You do. It's the same ship, full of corpses.
"Not again."
Respawn. Punch Xantalos in the plushYou respawn, but Xantalos is too dead to be found.
Ascend to Killer's heaven.No such thing. [1] So you go to Hell instead.
Respawn as dwarf. Preferably with a pick.[5] You respawn as...a dwarf. With a pick.
Wait, I'm dead? Respawn, depressed that the zombie dragon concubine was all a dream. Or was it?Oh, I hope so.
Relax in Hell, my admirers fawning over me for all eternity, knowing that I was awesome.That's not how Hell works.
Oh, and collapse the ground of the field.
bring them back to life if possibleIt's not; that would typically fall under the perview of "magic."
Where am I now?You're in this fieldy place with some holes in the ground and trees around, which rhymes. [3] You find $1.42 in change.
Go look for loot.
Look for a god.[3] You find an angel.
Respawn as a headcrab. Attach myself to the nearest human being.[6] You do, eating the human's head and getting crowbard at. [3v4] You dodge the first and [1v5] laugh at the second.
Respawn as Gordon Freeman. Find headcrabs to crowbar.[3] You find one. [1v5] You crowbar your foot. Hilarious.
Nah. Torture my torturers.[2v3+1]
Try to take Fireiy as a host. Gordon Freeman Headcrab Zombie would be an unstoppable force.[4v5] That hypothesis is untested. As it the hypothesis "It is hypothetically possible for these people to hit you with a crowbar."
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. This place sucks. Break off a branch and start whittling it into a spear.[5] You break off a sturdy bough and [1] break the only knife you could find.
Dig a tunnel down through the soil. Try to find bedrock.[6] You make yet another such tunnel and discover some sort of glowing metal stuff...and your right arm feels funny.
Keep crowbarring it!!!You and the other guy [1,2v3,3] miss, with you hitting your other foot. Are you SURE you're Freeman?
take the ship then use it to find a shipyard on the planet.The ship seems to be broken, which would explain a lot.
Ask for power from angel.[5-1v5] "No."
find someone who knows how to use and fix the ship in the area.[1] You find a number of zombies in the area who want to destroy the ship and, ideally, you.
Ask for a quest."What am I, some mere quest-giving NPC?" [6] "Although now that you mention it, there IS a major demon running amok near one of the lower levels of Heaven, why don't you put a stop to it?"
Maybe I'm not Freeman...[3v5] It scuttles out of the way. Someone punches your face!
Whack the headcrab with a wrench!
ASK THE GAMEMASTER FOR AN EPIC QUESTHow about you [3] snag 20 headcrab legs?
Punch Vorthon in the headcrab![1v2] You punch Freeman in the face, man!
Summon my mother to prove it.[5] Since your mother is in Heaven, disapproving of your actions, you summon these demons' mothers. [2] They seem pretty content with their spawns' job, although they're a bit critical on the demons' low positions or lack of granddemons for them to hold or something.
Look for weapons.
Punch Fireiy in the wrench!Start whacking him with a crowbar.
Momma's in Heaven?!If you did that successfully, your momma would then be in hell. Right...
Summon Fresh Prince
Get life flipturned upside down
Now in heaven
Edited. Thanks!Momma's in Heaven?!If you did that successfully, your momma would then be in hell. Right...
Summon Fresh Prince
Get life flipturned upside down
Now in heaven
Punch Fireiy in the wrench![6v1] You punch it out of his grasp and into his head!
Look for weapons.[6] You find a hand grenade. No pin though. Best part, you find out what happens when you die in heaven! Respawn?
Also look for weapons.[1] Does an angry snake count as a weapon?
Go find another version of the TSAB ship. somehow.[4-1] Models count?
Do something to someone.[0] You do sashimi to yourself. Respawn?
I'm obviously a headcrab ninja. Start sneak-attacking people.[5] You slay the NPC.
You get hit in the head with your wrench, dazing you! [5-1v1] WAK WAK WAK.Punch Fireiy in the wrench!Start whacking him with a crowbar.
Momma's in Heaven?![3] You summon Prince. Or maybe he's not Prince anymore again.
Summon Fresh Prince
Get my life flipturned upside down
Now in heaven
Dig a secondary tunnel away from the glowing metal stuff.[3] You dig a cave.
Carve out living apartments for myself.
Punch FFS in the snake![3v3] You graze the serpent's head and freeformschooler's hand.
Yes. Yes it does. Grab my angry snake and use its venom to violate my attackers.[6v1] You grab the snake's head, crushing it and injecting venom into your hand. [1] Respawn?
Run up and crowbar Furtaka to death.[2v3] You really do suck, don't you? Respawn?
Gain a random mutation from the metamorphica.[4] You gain telepathy of the read-only variety.
Use the rocks from mining out the cave to assemble some furniture.[4] You make a table, a chair, and a really uncomfortable bed.
Begin dancing[6] You dance and can't stop.
Respawn as a demon.No.
Models do not count. keep on looking.[3-2] You find a few zombies, do they count?
Sneak-attack Fieriy.[6v3] He never saw it coming...
Try to lash a flesh-golem mount together out of all the people I've slain, and ride it to glory.[5] Using an unheadcrabbian level of creativity and pedal dexterity, you turn several corpses into a single larger corpse. Any attempts to ride it are impeded by its malevolent lack of motility.
Respawn in Hell.[5] You respawn as a demon.
Respawn as a WWII soldier.[1] You respawn as a baby baby boomer.
Punch Persus in the mind!After a moment of philosophical contemplation ,you decide the mind is seated in the [4] head. [6v4] You punch him in the head, causing painful bruises on your hand.
Try and make my bed more comfortable. Then set up an underground mushroom farm, in the shallow soil if necessary.[3-1] There's nothing to make it more comfortable. [3] You dig a farm, and realize how useful mushrooms might be to your endeavour...
NO. Keep trying to find a TSAB ship.The zombies you found may impede your search, as they are [3+1v1] mauling you.
CONTINUE DANCING[5] You are an excellent dancer, if getting a little tired. Your dnace isn't showing up...
MY DNACE GROWS IN POWER
Lead entire afterlife in epic dance battle against HeavenWhat.
Find a way to animate my creation, and have it recognize me as its master.[3] Hm...some kind of Hall of Fame?
Eat someone's soul.[1] "Hello, welcome to McDarknulls. May I take your order?"
then escape them then look for the ship.[5v6] No dice!
Murder furtaka[3v2] You punch him in the ribs.
Lead entire afterlife in epic dance battle against Heaven
Keep trying.[2v4;6v1] You're too dead to flee. Respawn?
Punch Xantalos in the funkyness[6v4] You kill yourself just to punch him!
Respawn in afterlife.[2] No.
[4-1] They're overcoming their resistance; a couple others are dancing. One guy punched you.Lead entire afterlife in epic dance battle against Heaven
murderize furtaka[4] You help!
...That's going to take time and training...
Grow up to be a soldier.
Recruit team ofplot devicesfriends to convince afterlife to help me defeat heaven.
In epic dance battle.
Recruit team ofplot devicesfriends to convince afterlife to help me defeat heaven.
In epic dance battle.
Beat up this person.And for good measure:
join xantalos' team. Begin a 5 man band by also recruiting a chick and a monster.[2v5] Xantalos dances away from TCM. [1] He then drives everyone but Perzus off his team.
Respawn. Make altar to Armok.[6] You make one and anoint it with your own lifeblood. They call it that for a reason. Respawn?
Find the funny rocks again. Use them to grow mushrooms, possibly by enhancing the fungus which grows around my body.The funny rocks seem to give you an internal clock this time, and make the fungus on your toes even more disturbing than normal.
Respawn with a hundred hands and fifty heads
Recruit more to the team.[5] Sure.
Go to afterlife.Go ahead.
Respawn as near to a Spaceship with frendlies on it as possilbe. As an armoured knight.I'm going to let this succeed.
BECOME AXE COP[5] You are Chief of Police and find [5] an obsidian axe on fire. [5+1] Your dance is so awesome that you end up a limbless guy. Like last time, but now you're on fire.
DO AXE DANCE AGAINST HEAVEN
Kick my creation, muttering in arcane tongues.This does nothing.
Transplant my toe-fungus to the underground mushroom farm.[6] It overtakes the farm with inedible and probably toxic fungi. [2] It's bedtime.
Use my internal clock to figure out what the time is.
Latch onto my creation's head and try to animate it.It's a corpse, not a person.
CONTIUE AWESOME DANCELimbless...
SWITCH TO LIMBLESS BREAKDANCE MODE
kill everyone not on the team.[6] You kill everyone, even those on your team. Respawn?
Go to bed.[1] You can't sleep, because your bed is abrading the skin on your back. I suggest you check the OP to see what the "bed" is and has always been.
Go to Hades.Can't, someone killed you. Respawn?
Find a shipyard after respawning as a Navy Captain.[1] You are a slave in the navy, [1] and get lost in a desert.
RespawnAid action
INSIDE SOMEONE'S BRAIN
Try to form a independant navy. With spacecraft. Respawn if needed.
Lousy lack of stonecrafting skills.RespawnAid action
INSIDE SOMEONE'S BRAIN
somehow
change the setting so that we are space marines in an intragalactic conflict
Punch the entire afterlifeNow how do you intend to do that?
Respawn in Hades.[4] Ayup.
Tie it to a lightning rod and hope for a thunderstorm.[4] You find one. [4] A thunderstorm fires up.
RespawnYou respawn. Outside someone's brain.
INSIDE SOMEONE'S BRAIN
Respawn ontop of Xantalo's faceYou respawn and fall down near Xantalos.
Shoryuken directly upward where my face would be when Furtuka spawns[1] What the fu are you doing? (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WhatTheFuAreYouDoing)
Dig! Dig for victory![4] Dig dug!
Cackle madly as my creation is animated.Nope, sorry.
Knock down the door of the metal shack.[6-3] It creaks open slightly.
Pray to Hades for power.[3] Hm? What?
Find a base. a friendly one.[4] You find one!
"I want enough power to take over Hell, and am willing to serve you for that power."What do you take me for? [6-2] An excellent businessman? Because that'S a deal!
Train to get Charles Atlas Superpowers.[1] You get the power to bend your leg the wrong way, although this causes even more pain than you got breaking your leg. Useful!
Push my way in.[1-1] You manage to push it closed. Somehow.
Ask who they are.Um...friendly?
MOAR LIGHTNING RODS.[6] So many you've pretty much mutilated the corpse.
Continue digging! Greedily and deeply! But not too deeply.[2] You dig greedily but nowhere near deep.
What am I?Dead.
Go say hi to them."Hi..."
"I am yours to command."You finally follow the advice of ever-so-many jerks.
Go to Hell.
Bend my leg so wrongly it tears a hole in spacetime!Shouldn't be too hard, you just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÂAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Devour the mutilated corpse thingy and try to mature into a gonarch. Or whatever a mature headcrab's called.[5] You eat it and turn into an adult headcrab thingy...what are they like?
Open the door and walk in. God.[1-2] It gets worse-wedged.
Take over purgatory[4] You submit an application to do so...the results should be in next turn.
OK, screw this.[2] You chicken out again.
DIG TOO GREEDILY AND TOO DEEPLY!!
Ask who rules Hell.A demon who has taken the creative title of Hellmaster.
Look for an after life to rule.[2] None are hiring. Stupid economy.
Get that one lich guy from RTRTD to fix my leg.Strangely enough, that doesn't work as well as it would in Roll to Roll to Dodge.
Respawn as a lawyer.[6] You are Phoenix Wright, ace attorney!
Wait for bureaucracy to come into effect[5-2] You are able to compete for the position. Competition: Do something with the nothingness to make purgatory purgatory.
Huh. I need to change my tactics.[2-1] You trample the larger bits.
Start harvesting from my farm any fungus that could pass as wood. Then use this fungiwood to create a bed.
... Not sure if good or bad.Yes.
... Not sure if good or bad.[2] You find a chirping cricket.
Find a person to defend in court.
Look for a library.[2] You find a soggy piece of paper.
USE LEG AS HELICOPTER[1-4] OWOWOWOWKWOWKWKWKWLWLWOWLWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RENT SELF OUT AT BIRTHDAY PARTIES
This is a gonarch. (http://sectorw.wikia.com/wiki/Gonarch)[5] You do; the headcrabs start maturing.
SPAWN AN ARMY OF HEADCRABS.
Spawn an army. Look for something to take over.Step 1: Decode what the most amusing interpretation of the action is.
Keep trying to harvest fungiwood.Step 1: Find Caverns. [4] You dig around and find caverns.
ask if they know if there are any abandoned bases or something nearby."Um...there's one about 20, 30 miles east..."
Turn purgatory into the most fabulous, dramatic, incendiary, fun, horrifying, torturous, rigged, and fair court system ever.[5-1] You begin work on making Purgatory into a massive oxymoron.
Hijack the RTD.(6) Arrr, I be controllin, this ship for now, ye scurvy dogs!
CONQUER THE WOOOOOOOOORLD!(3) Ye pul out a flag and stake it where you are, yellin that ye be controlin the worlde.
Find a courtroom.(1) Ye find a bunche o' serial lawyer killers.
Steal someone else's legs(3) You give yersef two wooden peg legs.
Set up a safety net below Insanity
Go to Purgatory.(5) Ye do.
Ask if they want to come along to see if there is anything worth taking.(6) After swearin' ye in as a Luxembourg guard they go off, leavin' ye an' two other poor souls t' guard th' base.
Find bridge. Stand on it, and wait for the forgotten beast. Become Gandalf.(4) You find a bridge.
Ghost From Bink at say to You"Great Worm Man is coming"Um...is this an action?
Then go disappear into void
Wait for them to come back.[1] Someone comes back, but it's not them. It's someone invading the base!
Become Gandalf. again.[3] You find an abandoned featherwood staff menacing with spikes of giant cave spider silk and adorned with hanging rings of silty clay.
The forgotten beast shall not pass, I tell you!
SUMMON ARMY OF GOLD DRAGONSAway, how nice. Not too likely, though ...
Object to the lawyer killers."OBJECTION!"
Find a pirate ship.[5] You find one in working condition down to the dry gunpowder!
Put ShadowDragon on trial for all his sins ever[3] You out him on trial, but the prosecution sucks.
Am in WonderlandUm...[6] Sure you are. You see the Red Queen.
Go to tea party
Commandeer the ship, look for crew."This is my ship now!" No one responds.
Make an appeal with new evidence[2] You don't have new evidence.
That it is unlawful to kill a lawyer![1] "So? Who's gonna prosecute us?" You get shot! And your phone rings. But you got shot!
Beat a random person over the head with my newly found staff, and trap their soul inside it.[4v1] You smack the FB's head. [1] This doesn't phase it. However, you feel something lower inside of you. 100-14=86
Ask for a lawyer.You've got the court-appointed guy and the appeal is failing. However, [3] you call Phoenix Wright.
Fend them off.[6v1+2] Glorious victory!
Excellent.[6] You cut the Red Queen in half. Her guards are angry!
Off with her arse!
Look for people to man the ship.Look, there's no one there.
Find new evidence. Burst through the courtroom doors in the most dramatic way possible[2] No new evidence!
Throw paper at them. Answer phone.[3v5] You miss. They are confused enough to let you answer your phone.
Fly, you fools! Fly!You might be Gandalf, but no fools hear your cry to fly. Well, except you. [3v4] A you who evaded the FB.
If I'm not Gandalf yet, I'm going to be very disappointed.
retrieve enemy equipment then continue waiting.[4] You find a good assortment of stuff.
Recruit some people to serve me."Hey, this is ShadowDragon. My defense is pretty strong, but I need--"
become a superhero with a pirate theme.[5] Arr! Ye become The Pirate! Ye just wasted a Five, me heartie!
Pick up card guards...As opposed to?
Play Solitaire with self
Make sure I am Gandalf by zapping the FB with wizardly powers.Um...fly, you fool! [6] Not literally! You can't liter--Respawn?
If that doesn't work, fly!
Present evidence: Gun and bullets.[4] You switched scenes! [6] Evidence presented! The judge thinks you're threatening him and throws both you and your client in Hell!
Continue waiting.Doo dee doo...
Send my minions to rescue Fireiy.They run off. A moment later, he runs in brandishing a gun and gets you both thrown in Hell. Nice going, Phoenix!
Protest my innocence. Also, wonder how the judge is so powerful.You protest and consider that you were in purgatory.
YEAH[3] You go to the tea party, bump into the table, and spill the tea!
GO TO THAT TEA PARTY
Respawn as everyone's favourite wizard.You respawn as [1] Cho Chang.
ask who attacked anyway.You ask the air and some corpses. Neither responds.
Look for a demon noble.[5] You find Demogorgon. You're starting to question this train of thought.
spawn as a lazy, yet gorgeous, succubus.I'ma go with no.
Have fun toying with the males of this world.
Leave Hell.[6] You shoot past the demons and onto Earth. Ha-HA! ...Oh wait, you're still dead. You're just a ghost. Phooey.
keep waiting.You're starting to suspect that nothing is going to happen if you just keep waiting, because I just told you so.
Upgrade security in purgatory[6] You promptly turn Purgatory into a paramilitary place run by God. He tosses all people with slight violations into Hell, barring impressive bribes. So now only people who paid the Church a lot of money have a chance of getting into Heaven. Smooth.
...[5] You...succeed. Respawn?
Kill myself.
STOP[4] What was I even rolling that for?
HAMMERTIME
look for a nemisis[6] You find a Mortal Enemy--a demon, searching for a ghost. You're in his way.
Recruit more people then go find the abandoned base.Aid action.
ANABSGSGSGDDTEGT[1] You exit your hallucination. Aw.
KILL THE PERSONIFICATION OF MY SANITY
Reform Purgatory. Add in a third potential sentence where the defendant would be given an opportunity to lessen their required suffering time by joining a special ghost army under my command[4] Reforms being enacted.
Get out of Hell.[2+1] You manage to argue yourself a position in Furtaka's ghost army.
Recruit more people then go find the abandoned base.
[3-1+1] The badass former slave and the ghost find a crippled witch, a pirate, and a possessed child. These four go off on a quest to find an abandoned base!Recruit more people then go find the abandoned base.Aid action.
Help him get what he wants unless it invloves me dying, then run and find Tavik Toth.You run out of its way and [4] find him, a ghost, a witch, and a kid.
Roll around and desert Rick Astley[4] You roll around and into a desert area. No Astley visible, though.
Search for cases that could be appealed, in order to free more souls and also gain more recruits in my ghost army[3] You find another couple cases. Army of souls populations: 4, counting you.
To the base. Also find more recruits on the way.[5] You find the base, having picked up [6] several people who promptly turn on you when you get there. You may be outnumbered, especially since the child's demons turned on you.
Promise the demon that I'll give him whatever he wants if he fuses together this and Metamorphica Madness."Not a chance, bub." He promptly attacks you and your new companions, along with some other demons and some of his mortal minions.
Reveal myself to be a pirate demon-slayer. Demon-slay.Aid action.
Become Ray Amsley[5] You change your name legally and start developing the arts of Self and Defense.
Self and defense bad guys to death
At a rate of 1 people dying every 3 second, and considering how selfish people are. I just have to wait. Maybe some natural desaster will occur to speed up the process.You wait. [5] You now have almost a hundred applications.
Respawn as Odysseus.[5] You respawn as Odysseus right after defeating Troy. You wonder where all your crew and your ship went.
You skipped my action.[4] You crawl out of Hell, glancing over your shoulder as you leave.
Become alive again.
Reveal myself to be a pirate demon-slayer. Demon-slay.
Aid action.[4] You draw a silvered cutlass from the captain's compartment and start chanting an anti-demon spell. [4+1] You two slay all the demons that you don't banish or scare off. "Next time, Pirate! Next time..."
Call for help while running into base.[6] "Help! Help! He--" Thud! You run, literally, into the base. Ouch.
try to find out what the hell is going on.I'm not even sure. Well, there's five people (Tavik Toth, Persus, ShadowDragon, an NPC crippled witch, and a child whose demons seem to have been driven out...) who have found an abandoned base. Also, Furtaka is running an army of ghosts which is chosen from the ranks of those who aren't going to Heaven or Hell due to his work, ShadowDragon's in it, some people are escaping from Hell, Xantalos is doing...something, all sorts of people are doing stuff...
RULE NUMBAH ONEUm...I'll take the only bits I understand.
*INSERT EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO AND METHODS TO COUNTERACT HERE*
GET VAN
Find guy to defend.[4] You find a case.
Look for weapons and armor that i can use.[1-1] You find a hand grenade, but you need to find the pin. [5] You find the pin and cram it back in!
dance like a crazy woman.[6] You dance. Hey, watch out for that cli--Respawn?
High five shadow dragon.[5] Yeah!
Build a ship. Recruit a crew from the Trojans who I didn't rape and/or kill.[6] You build a ship made from Trojans you did rape and/or kill. This angers the others. Respawn?
Lead group into base.Does it count as leading if the others charged in ahead of you and almost got killed?
Ask the gods if they gain power from worship."Kinda..."
Figure out what's going on and who am I with.A missile just exploded and you are with a few other casualties. Respawn?
Got bored?[6] You start messing about in the sand, trying to make a person. Someone taps you on the shoulder.
Create NPC!
Train my army[1] You confuse the spectral-training weapons for the spectral-deadly weapons. Most of your army dies in a massive training accident.
Respawn as Sean Connery.[3] You respawn as a James Bond cosplayer.
Find the truth.[2] Um...a man must walk down 42 roads?
Just search the base for anything useful.[6] You find a missile. It might be useful, maybe even armed...only one way to find out! Respawn?
Teach him Self Defense!"Hey, I wanna teach you how to fight!"
Find the truth to the case.[4] It seems that your client was framed...by a ghost!
Pray that a god will resurrect me as I was. (Do unto others as they have done unto you-Practically every single religion ever)(I Am God: God as characterized by you.)
Take over Hell.[3] You begin rallying lawyers to legislate Hell into self-government. The movement is having some success.
Get more recruits[3-1] No one wants to join after that training debacle.
Save the random guy Xantalos is attacking.He's attacking me!
I don't care. He needs help.Save the random guy Xantalos is attacking.He's attacking me!
I have a minus to his neutral score! He's actually better than me!I don't care. He needs help.Save the random guy Xantalos is attacking.He's attacking me!
Aid ShadowDragon's action.He...he has posted an action, never mind.
Keep trying to take over Hell.[6+1] You take over Hell, Earth, Heaven, and the Far Realm. This drive you mad. Not the Far Realm--the bureaucracy!
BEGIN SELF DEFENSE MANOEVEURS[2-1v1] While you manage to trip over your pegleg, you trip into the other guy, who is knocked over. Then again, so are you.
PEGLEG KICK
Clear my clients name and get the ghost who did it arrested.[4] You do. Yay! Sadly, he's a bit above being convicted at this time.
Save the random guy Xantalos is attacking.[2v5] "Save save save! Ow!" You trip over Xantalos and the guy you're allegedly saving.
respawn and explore the surrounding area thoroughly.[5] You make a detailed map of the world!
Respawn as head of a faction.[1] Pretend that your action was "Respawn as the head of a falcon." Now imagine that you succeeded.
Take over Shadow Dragon's empire.[5] You successfully execute a coup. You don't go insane.
Order my clerks to place putting the souls of Players on trial to be of utmost priority in order to get them before they can respawn and escape[5] You do so.
Dig hole into hell with my peg leg[4-2+1] You dig a hole maybe a foot wide and several inches deep. [2v1] You grab at thin air, almost accidentally elbowing the other guy in the face.
Throw random guy down there
Help Xantalos dig the hole, then throw him down.You aid his action, and then [6v6] struggle with him for a minute. It's comical and ends with a broken limb each and several broken bones for the NPC.
Become UMVC3 Phoenix Wright[2] You don't. Good thing, I don't know what that is.
Lower the workload of the ruler of my empire.[6] You make it easy for Persus to take over and prevent his insanity.
fly into someone.[5v2,5,4v2] You take control of the falcon, find someone important-looking, and fly into him. He stumbles backwards, clawing at the torso attached to your neck.
Hire Shadow Dragon as second-in-command.
Accept Persus13's offer.Consider yourself hired, nutjob.
Merge with person.[3v5] The falcon decides it wants nothing of this and flies away. Some people are being called up to shoot it.
Helicopter away!You spin a bit.
Use my cosplaying powers to heal my broken limb, then hurl Xantalos down the hole."Cosplaying Powers Activate!" Nothing happens. You consider throwing Xantalos down the hole, but it's an awfully puny hole and your arm is still broken.
Kill myself.Aid action.
Make sure Hitler and Stalin are being properly punished.[3] They're being forced to watch episodes of Happy Days after Fonzie jumped over that shark, read Twilight, and participate in bi-hourly lava baths.
Kill myself.
[3+1] You commit ritual suicide.Kill myself.Aid action.
Order a palace built for Persus and me.[5] It's glorious!
fly into a plane.[4v4] You struggle with the falcon, causing your flight to droop. [3] An arrow grazes the falcon's wing.
Defend souls that are being put on trial.[4] You're appointed Afterlife Defense Attorney.
fly into sun. Then come out as a reaper.You fly higher. You don't reach the sun.
Order the construction of an institute of afterlife bureaucracy studies.[2] "Why? Maybe you should be watching that ghost army of your, they just got slaughtered."
Invade Valhalla.[1v5] Strangely enough, valkyries beat ghosts.
Spawn in Valhalla.[3] You kill a ghost.
Defend against that guy.
Make them watch The Room on repeat.[2] "Their punishment is already bad enough."
Wait, does this mean I'm dead too?No, you're alive. And no spawning as gods.
Spawn as Thor.
Go help my army and tell the court to speed up proceedings a little so I can get more recruitsAid action as lawyer.
Go help my army and tell the court to speed up proceedings a little so I can get more recruits
[3] The procedures are rushed. Your army's ranks are replaced more than fast enough to replace the ones being smacked about by Valkyries and that one guy eaten by a Far Realm being.Go help my army and tell the court to speed up proceedings a little so I can get more recruitsAid action as lawyer.
Sigh and assist Shadow Dragon's invasion of Valhalla.
Send the forces of the far realm to attack Valhalla.vs
Activate Aesir weaponry
Use it to wipe out invading army
Valhallans: ATTACK![1,1] The Forces of the Far Realm rebel and form a third force; the Aesir weaponry explodes, proving that drunken warriors are not the best mechanics. (Shoulda shelled out for the dark elf maintenance staff, Odin!)
Aw."It's Stacy. Stacy Deathsatan."
Ask the random NPC what his name is.
Fly into a plane.[4v2;5] You do. Respawn?
(Congrats on having the most posts on Bay12 as of today GWG)((What the...holy carp you're right.))
((Everyone's been freaking over it for the past 6 hours over in GD in the WTF thread once someone noticed that you had overtaken Darvi. :P))((Moi.))
Send Xantalos to Purgatory.Aid action
Send Xantalos to Purgatory.[5+1] Bwa ha ha! Bwa ha ha! Oh crap!
FUCKYou start babbling in Purgatory. The Purgatorials* look at you funny.
EVERYTHING
DESTROY
EVERYTHING
DEVOUR
ALL
KILL
EVERYTHING
HJFFFSTXYRYSHBJRGWTSGGJFUGHFNVJRHDFERFHDGRRAWWGGFHEHRRFSGCGDGODDAMMITTHERESNOTHINGINTERESTINGINTHISGAMEBECAUSENOTHINGSHAPPENINGIHAVENOIDEAWHATSGOINGON
Sue everyone.[4] You sue a bunch of people, making a moderate fortune as people settle out-of-court.
Build Ghost Mecha[5] You grab half a dozen ghosts, arrange them in a squat tower, and tell them they're the left leg. You grab half a dozen more for the right and demote one who volunteered to be the...male portion. You assign more ghosts to various parts, and once it's assembled you have them hold feet and bite shoulders and such so they're all connected. Ghost mecha? Not yet. You smack them a few times to solidify their essences into one, and show them Gundam, Transformers, Gigantor, Megas XLR, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, and Power Rangers. NOW they're ready to be a Ghost Mecha.
"Hey, Stacy... how about giving me a quest?""Such as?"
Respawn as the leader of a space empire thing.[5] You respawn as the head of a neat global/lunar monarchy.
Offer deal to Xantalos where he is manager of purgatory for me.
Power up Ghost Mecha with a Ghost Mecha Expansion pack and the hopes and dreams of everyone in the afterlife and go fight Xantalos with it. Also obtain quirky copilots.Wait, your still claiming purgatory?Offer deal to Xantalos where he is manager of purgatory for me.
*GLARES*
Power up Ghost Mecha with a Ghost Mecha Expansion pack and the unfulfilled hopes and dreams of everyone in the afterlife and go fight Xantalos with it. Also obtain quirky copilots.Aid action.
Hehehehehe[3] You eat a Purgatorial, but by the time you're done they've evacuated Purgatory. A demon offers his servitude in exchange for you conquering Hell and leaving him in charge (still under you, of course). [4v5-1] A ghost-mecha (not a ghost of a mecha, a mecha made of ghosts) attacks you! [6] You manage to fend off a legal attack, but it drains your strength. On the bright side, your opponent seems to have lost his mecha!
CONTINUE TO DEVOUR PURGATORIALS AND SOULS AS THEY TRANSFER HERE
GAIN POWER
Power up Ghost Mecha with a Ghost Mecha Expansion pack and the unfulfilled hopes and dreams of everyone in the afterlife and go fight Xantalos with it. Also obtain quirky copilots.[3] You add a cape; a friend adds a cape. [1] You get said friend and a demon as copilots; one sabotages your fight! [5-1v4] Your fight goes slowly.
[6] Your eyes smack Persus. This isn't healthy. [1] You get sued and lose the mech!Offer deal to Xantalos where he is manager of purgatory for me.
*GLARES*
Offer deal toYou offer. You suspect that their fight and their being sued might be disrupting their ability to respond or manage.XantalosFurtaka where he is manager of purgatory for me. Offer Xantalos the post of manager of Valhalla.
Sue Purgatory for lack of resident safety.You try, but by the time you file the paperwork "Purgatory" is a couple of entities battling each other. [5] You sue them! You receive a ghost-mecha!
"I dunno... How 'bout a normal starting quest like killing rats or something?""Um..."
Have shipyards build Magellan-class battleships and Salamis-class destroyers. And Colony ships.[1] They build a nice cog.
[4] You slap a jet booster on the mech.Power up Ghost Mecha with a Ghost Mecha Expansion pack and the unfulfilled hopes and dreams of everyone in the afterlife and go fight Xantalos with it. Also obtain quirky copilots.Aid action.
Kill the demon that offered its servitude to Xantalos.Appoint ShadowDragon the head of a special task force to eliminate Xantalos. Give him troops from my realms.
Kill the demon that offered its servitude to Xantalos.Appoint ShadowDragon the head of a special task force to eliminate Xantalos. Give him troops from my realms.
To Furtaka: Want an Alliance recognizing you as the proper ruler of Purgatory and a mutual military assistance pact?
To GM: Are the Far Realms still under my control?
Kill the demon that offered its servitude to Xantalos.
Attack Xantalos while commanding my forces to fire artillery at Xantalos.
Punch Xantalos in the face equivalent
Charge Xantalos with murder.
Eat the afterlife[2v3v2-1;5v4] Fireiy successfully sues Xantalos! This impairs his ability to fight, letting Furtaka punch him badly!
Accept the demon's offer
Kill the random NPC. S/he is useless!"You're useless."
Build.A.Spaceship.Wait, you're on that one high-tech planet. [3] You build an orbital shuttle.
AHem.Kill the demon that offered its servitude to Xantalos.Appoint ShadowDragon the head of a special task force to eliminate Xantalos. Give him troops from my realms.
To Furtaka: Want an Alliance recognizing you as the proper ruler of Purgatory and a mutual military assistance pact?
To GM: Are the Far Realms still under my control?
KILL THE FORCES OF GRAMMAR[3] You kickspin-cabbage Webster, who promptly flees back to Heaven.
KICKSPIN CABBAGE ATTACK
To GM: Are the Far Realms still under my control?AHem.
Quoteaid Shadowdragon's action.Alright.Charge Insanity with murder. I have witnesses everywhere.[2] You are blocked by stupid paperwork!Murder the rest of the town. NO WITNESSES![1] You decide that the first witness to murder should be the one who will see the rest of your murders, too! Respawn?Kill Xantalos.[6+1v6] Cue epic battle that gets almost nothing done!Give it guns. Then build a space station. Also boats.[6] You give it a huge number of guns, including ones replacing the engine! Sadly, you don't have enough bullets to put anything in orbit. [1] Or a boat. Anywhere in the world, since they were all cannibalized to make a huge impractical boat that sunk within seconds of being sent on its maiden voyage.
-----
P.S. Any day now, the RtD Hall of Fame will be updated. Could someone PLEASE vote for the Art of Minimalism so it can get that last vote so it can get in the Hall. Remember, if it does, you get a turn of 100% success!
Channel all the ghosts in the vicinity into a massive attack to destroy XantalosAid action.
Shunt all my paperwork across to Xantalos.Inform young punk that I already did it. He stands no chance against the original bureaucrat.
Make boats and spaceships. With raw materials. And find way to protect universe.[1] You make a single Ultraship! It explodes. You promptly lose re-election.
Channel all the ghosts in the vicinity into a massive attack to destroy Xantalos
Channel all the ghosts in the vicinity into a massive attack to destroy XantalosAid action.
FLUMGLE GRIMBART MKGOONDABINDIIIIIIIIIIII
Shunt all my paperwork across to Xantalos.[2] Paperwork fails to affect Xantalos!
Respawn as Bruce Lee.[1] You are Theodore Roosevelt. The aging, overrated, politician Roosevelt, not the awesome one.
Sigh and negotiate with the rebelling Far Realms to end their rebellion and world domination plans.[6] You end their world domination plans by signing a peace treaty that they had. What's the worst that could happen, even if you didn't read it?
PUT XANTALO'S SOUL OR THE EQUIVALENT ON TRIAL BEFORE HE CAN RESPAWN.Help find truth in trial.
PUT XANTALO'S SOUL OR THE EQUIVALENT ON TRIAL BEFORE HE CAN RESPAWN.[5] Trial get!
[2] Hm...Xantalos is a girl?PUT XANTALO'S SOUL OR THE EQUIVALENT ON TRIAL BEFORE HE CAN RESPAWN.Help find truth in trial.
((Ah, crap.))[1,3v1] Captain America doesn't even notice as you knock him over.
Find a random bad guy, and beat him unconscious with furniture.
Go colonise another planet.You don't have ships or authority.
Um, I can just join in, right?Yup.
Spawn as a large, anthropomorphic Cheesecake.[3] You respawn as the owner of a Cheesecake Factory in California.
Find out contents of peace treaty.[1] Nothing remotely suspicious! Except that the dice and random.org seem to be conspiring against you, of course.
Create a zombie plague on Earth.[2-1] You throw a corpse at someone and scare some Ghostbusters into busting you. Respawn?
Reclaim my position as Everlord. Destroy the Far Realms creatures.Aid action.
SENTENCE XANTALOSFind the correct sentence.
Um, I can just join in, right?
Spawn as a large, anthropomorphic Cheesecake.
Reclaim my position as Everlord. Destroy the Far Realms creatures.[1] You promptly get killed and your soul is enslaved to the Far Realm.
Then get anyoen still loyal and form a diffrent nation.[2] There's no such loyalists.
SENTENCE XANTALOS
[1] Fireiy determines that Xantalos should be given a cupcake and a pat on the back. [4] Furtaka does not do so.SENTENCE XANTALOSFind the correct sentence.
I HAS NOT SOUL[5] Nice mustache!
INITIATE GERMAN HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE MANOEVEUR
Respawn.[1] You are nowhere near Persus. You're in the Far Realm.Reclaim my position as Everlord. Destroy the Far Realms creatures.Aid action.
Steal Captain America's shield. Beat him unconscious.[3] You smack him some. Meanie.
Throw cheesecake at all other forumites[5] You hurl trans-dimensional cheesecake at Forumites across the game!
Take over the Far Realm.Aid action
Retaliate with Ballistic Cake.[6] Ballistic Cakes launched! Oh dear...
Bake Xantalos into a cake and throw him at Cheesecake[6] Mm! Oh no!
Take over the Far Realm.
[6+1] Oh dear oh dear.Take over the Far Realm.Aid action
USE MUSTACHE TO KILL ALL OTHER PLAYERS WITH SHEER BEAUTY[6] Oh criminy.
Eat Xantalos when Furtuka throws him at me.[5v4] OH CRIMI-FREAKIN-NEE!
Actually, screw my previous move.
Speed up the dissolving of the realm barriers. Stop Xantalos' soul from escaping my trans-conscious and teleport to the core of the universe. Promptly consume whatever the core is. Even if it kills me.
I HAS NOT SOUL
Fine. Give Xantalos a soul so I can keep it in me.PROMPTLY DESIGNATE SOUL AS REFUSE STOCKPILE
Fine. Give Xantalos a soul so I can keep it in me.PROMPTLY DESIGNATE SOUL AS REFUSE STOCKPILE
RENT SOUL OUT AT OBSCENE RATES
Respawn as stereotypical German man[6] You create a sausage-filled crater when bombardment is attempted. Respawn?
Found sausage factory directly across from Cheesecake's cheesecake factory
Begin sausage bombardment
Respawn. Go on crusade to unite the various now connected afterlifes under one organized bureaucratic administration.[6] You promptly get caught up in a neverending spiral of meetings to determine the new bureaucracy.
Respawn as Everlord. Stop Furtaka.[2] Not Everlord! [5] Your bureaucrats manage to slow Furtaka indefinitely, which is a good thing for everyone.
*actually ignore this post[1] Nope.
Start genetically modifying my body as to make me a 10 story tall Godzilla Cheesecake monster. Then dig my way to the world's core to bake more cake in the super hot metals.[No (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoJustNo)] You can't find any genetic engineering equipment, and it doesn't work like that.
Respawn as a Eldritch Abomination.I'm going to regret this.
respawn as a Spaceship/spacestation.[5] You are such.
Brush myself down. Find the source of the cheesecake and beat it unconscious.[1] You manage to brush straight through your eye, bruising the eye, tearing apart the eye and tearing apart the brain! Respawn?
Respawn as a mad scientist and start making a device to annihilate all cakes.[1] You create a cake to annihilate all devices.
Actually, screw my previous move.I'm not sure how you would do ANY of that.
Speed up the dissolving of the realm barriers. Stop Xantalos' soul from escaping my trans-conscious and teleport to the core of the universe. Promptly consume whatever the core is. Even if it kills me.
Fine. Give Xantalos a soul so I can keep it in me.[3] You give him a fish. Xantalos looks puzzled, then designates the sole as a refuse stockpile.
Find out what exact kind of spacecraft I have become.[1] The broken kind.
EAT THE CAKE.[5] Delicious!
Rip the fish's soul out and stuff it in Xantalos.[4] Soul extracted. [3] Soul Superglued on Xantalos. Cheesecake stolen, presumed eaten.
Gather a army of demons, angels, etc.[2] Sorry.
Go kill stuff, etc. Respawn if necessary.[6] You respawn as a half-fish thingy. This leads to suffocation. Respawn?
RESPAWN AS THE COUNT[1] ONE death! AH AH CRAP!
COUNT STUFF
AH AH AH
Build anti-matter bombs.[6] One goes off when you're building them. Respawn?
Repair Tavik Toth.[4] He is fixed.
Actually, Take over my former dominions.[3] You reclaim a couple planets.
I got eaten? Oh well. Respawn in toilet as you-know-what....No, I don't. And I don't think I want to.
be repaired.You are.
Respawn as... hm... a cheesecake factory.[5] You are a SENTIENT Cheesecake Factory!
Do the paperwork and finalize the creation of the administration[6] Administration created! It hates you!
RESPAWN A SECOND TIME![3] You respawn! Ah Ah Ah!
AH AH AH
Hide amongst InsanityIncarnate's cheesecakes and free them from oppression![4] You roll a bunch of cheececakes out!
Create an avatar.[3] You make one on deviantart.
Run PR campaign[3] PR Campaign Run!
Create Orwellian government system to keep the planets under my control. Big Persus is watching[6] It causes a rebellion.
Respawn and go around suing everyone.[2] No luck.
Xantalos, Count Cunt____
Why do I make such consistently amusing typos?Xantalos, Count Cunt____
@@
-----
Lame robot face is not impressed.
Why do I make such consistently amusing typos?Xantalos, Count Cunt____
@@
-----
Lame robot face is not impressed.
Regain the support of the afterlife people[4] You do.
Lead cheesecakes to siege the evil Bastille/Cheesecake Factory.[1] "Yaah!" About the only casualties are several thousand cheesecakes and one lactose-intolerant physicist.
Find and steal the voice of Liam Neeson.[1] You lose your voice to Liam Neeson.
Help the rebellion against persus[1] You decide that face-eating rats would be a good way to help the rebels and deliver them straight to the base!
Spread the worship of the Outer Gods across Earth.[4] You do so.
Crush rebellion with my face-eating rats.An inside agent delivers the rats to the enemy base. [6] They promptly turn against you, maybe by feeding them cheese and other things rats like more.
what ship am I?
what ship am I?
Someone sig this please.
Wake Cthulhu.[3] You poke Cthulhu.
Call in Arnold Swarzenegger to kill the rats. Because he is an Ex-Terminator.[2] Swarzenegger walks in to smack you, before leaving.
what ship am I?[6] Let's go with the Enterprise. Oh no, the negative space wedgie (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NegativeSpaceWedgie) of the week (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MonsterOfTheWeek) is sucking you in!
Help ShadowDragon wake Cthulhu so that the Great Dead One can give me the power I need to liberate Cheesekind.[5] You wake up Cthulhu.
BUT XANT YOU ARE THE NEESON[4-1] You develop telephathy with Neeson.
And then Xantalos was Liam Neeson.
Help Cheesecake eat Cthulhu.
(Xantalos is Cthulhu? Seems like I'm gonna have to eat you again...)(Not yet.)
EAT CTHULHU. ABSORB POWER. POWER FOREVER.[2] NOW I'M REALLY MAD. [3+3+1v4] Cthulhu eats you and returns to sleep. Respawn?
Assuming YAFB is canon ...Why would you assume that?
BECOME THE NEESON[3+1] You do.
Help Cthulhu kill Cheesecake.You do.
Go win a chess tournament.[1] You decide to practice chess and play against a potted plant. You lose.
Call in the Avengers[6] Avengers...ASSEMBLE!
(Anyone seen Iron Man 3?)Sadly, not yet.
Repair the factory if necessary. Begin manufacturing cheesecake warriors to battle Cthulhu.[3] You make a single cheesecake squire!
Mickey ROurkeWho?
Mickey ROurkeWho?
EXCELLENT[5] Check. That was boring.
FIND MY DAUGHTER AND KILL THE BASTARDS WHO STOLE HER
Respawn. Join Cheesecake kinsmen in the glorious battle to kill Cthulhu! Eat his body again.[3] Several cheesecakes join you. [6+0.1v3+3] You use them to bludgeon Cthulhu to unconsciousness!
Well then. Call in Iron Monger, Loki, Mickey ROurke, Chuck Norris, Red Skull, and Abomination and create the Revengers.(The capitalization is what threw me.)
Go and take over a random nation.[2] You invade Guatemala and fail.
Begin rebuilding the grand army of the afterlife.[2] You just get funds.
Help Cthulhu kill Cheesecake again. If Cthulhu loses eat him before Cheesecake can.[6v2+3-1] You slay the incapacitated Cthulhu.
Star trek enterprise or a different one that has been modified. Probably Star Trek.You are that one. You're being drawn into a--never mind. You're in the anomaly!
Attempt to recruit Cthulu's ghostHe's unconcious, for one. Not dead. Well, Cthulhu already IS dead, but you know what I mean.
Attempt to recruit Cthulu's ghostHe's unconcious, for one. Not dead. Well, Cthulhu already IS dead, but you know what I mean.
Also, Cthulhu's ghost would eat yo ass.
Help Cthulhu kill Cheesecake again. If Cthulhu loses eat him before Cheesecake can.[6v2+3-1] You slay the incapacitated Cthulhu.
...Attempt to recruit Cthulu's ghostHe's unconcious, for one. Not dead. Well, Cthulhu already IS dead, but you know what I mean.
Also, Cthulhu's ghost would eat yo ass.Help Cthulhu kill Cheesecake again. If Cthulhu loses eat him before Cheesecake can.[6v2+3-1] You slay the incapacitated Cthulhu.
Open the door of the metal shack.Aid action.
Gain Force Powers...Screw it. Full minimalism.
Go kill someone
Attempt to put Cthulu's ghost on trial and recruit it[6] You do so. Cthulhu's ghost takes over your position. You are demoted to grunt trooping and get sent into battle for some reason or another.
Open the door of the metal shack.[3-3] You get stuck in the closed door. You pause to wonder how this happened, and suddenly fall in half. You hear something going crunch crunch crunch inside.
Become the devils attorney.[1] You promptly get punched by the Devil. He sues you over it and wins. He judges you unworthy to be even his attorney's assistant's assistant secretary.
EAT CTHULHU[2v2+2] This fails. Respawn?
Use anomaly.[5] The anomaly turns out to be of great value as a verdant mineral (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GreenRocks)!
Le'jfams dekjv'ekan and ls;ao mal'bad[5] Alright, set in motion.
As a ninja, I'm giving you a separate action so I don't have to rewrite the turn. [1-3] You somehow kill yourself. Respawn?Open the door of the metal shack.Aid action.
Form conspiracy of loyalists[3] You find two people loyal to you and call it a Conspiracy.
Respawn. Aid random person's action.You try to help...[d8:3] Nyarlothotep.
Respawn as Cthulhu's asshole manager.[1] You're one of many secretaries of Cthulhu. Actimg like that gets you devoured. Respawn?
'Sup Thulhu, breaks over man, you gotta get out of R'lyeh'
>Initiate poorly-planned workplace shift that screws Cthulhu over and ensures he'll have to stay overtime
Nuke the metal shack.You're an eldritch abomination, not a nuclear power! Still, someone's offered to help.
Get plan to attack hell.[3] You create a plan.
Respawn as eldritch cheesecake.[5] Check.
Find way to turn into Space Battleship Yamato. Why? BECAUSE I CAN.[4] Designs of the modifications needed created.
I need to make up for lost time![3] You might consider attaching a freezer so they don't melt.
Research better cheesecake warrior production methods.
Set the squire to work upgrading the factory.
come running out of the pod as a honey badger and MAUL ALL THE JUNKS.[2] You as a weasel. [1v5] Mauling ShadowNyarlothotep in what you think his a junk doesn't end well. Respawn?
Aldf'ske? Fok'u.[1] Your coup is halted and your position lost.
Tosnfg-a srgdsa'dfg k-Smond're. N'Wah!
Work for Cthulhu. Suck up to him and get a promotion.[4] You get hired. [6] You suck up to him enough to become his personal footstool. Literally. Sometimes it takes bites out of you when it forgets its lunch.
Become Space Battleship Yamato.[4] You successfully upgrade yourself.
Convince a nuclear power to nuke the shack.[4] You do. [4] You realize you should be running.
Respawn as GEORGE WASHINGTON.[3] You are GEORGE MASON.
respawn as a little girl with a rocket launcher. do a dance with the rocket launcher.[1] You are an old lady with a toothpick. [1] You try to dance but just kinda fall over.
Murder everyone with a nuke.[3] You launch a nuke at the metal shack. It's a start.
Reclaim my job[4] You start climbing the ranks again...
FTAGHN![6] You get promoted and promptly get swamped by paperwork. Sometimes you forget your lunch and need to munch on your footstool.
KS'aknot lda'on na'ow, els'ay mwert'eyoo D'SALK!
Nr zudyrtopis.[?] No one knows what you're doing.
Spawn as a man. Start yelling nonsense.LMKNAJSBGNSJLAMODIFBGNFMAKD!
Investigate ???.[1v6] A dagger hits you in the back. Respawn?
Find a nuclear bomb shelter. After explosion, investigate metal shack.[4] You find a bomb shelter!
Research on Footstooling for Pros and Suck up even more![3] You're slightly better. You get some meaningful assignments.
Go find a portal to the ER universe.[3-1] Nope.
Increase POWER LEVEL.How?
:<[1] You thank the dice.
CURSE THESE WORTHLESS DICE.
Get a army[5] You gather an army of imps!
Ksnra'lekrou kir krenaoler.[4] You delegate some tasks.
Loaa smupmr ejp ytord yp ombrdyohsyr zr.[6] You kill one, but blow your cover.
Go to someone and eat their soul, naturally.[2] No souls are available at this time.
Rinse and repeat until I have attained demigod status/
Purchase all the stock in the afterlife. Perform hostile corporate takeover[6] They respond with a very hostile personal takeover. And by takeover I mean "murder". And by personal I mean "of you and your lackeys." They respond with a very hostile of you and your lackeys murder...wait, strike that, reverse it.
Investigate.It's interesting.
Respawn. Kill ???.[2v6] Wow, you really suck. Respawn?
Teach Furtuka my language and offer to become business partners.He's a little too dead. And you were killed, as well. Respawn?
Start sieging hell.[6] You start to run low on supplies, and Hell doesn't siege well given its portals to other planes and lack of reliance on supplies from outside.
hmm....Check.
DON'T ASCEND TO GODHOOD.
Frame Cthulhu and blame him to the boss. Take over position by getting in a relationship with the boss.[3] You get promoted and Cthulhu demoted! Yay!
Ask Cthulhu if he is interested in a business partnership, where my cheesecake warriors will serve his goals if he helps me manufacture and train them."Sure."
Keep searching.What were you searching for, again?
Kill the guy attacking shadowdragonAid action.
Kill the guy attacking shadowdragon
Respawn.[3+1v2] Success! Wait, what?Kill the guy attacking shadowdragonAid action.
CREATE MORE SOULS OF MYSELF[6] A dozen clones created! Randomly assigning you one. No one can agree on who gets to eat who, so here we go...
CONSUME MY CLONED SOULS
POWER LEVEL: DEMIGOD
:/ Damn. No reverse dice psychology.You probably would have gotten a 6 if I had rolled.
cause a random effect.[2] Nope. (Note: I actually did roll.)
Get Weapons of Mass Destruction. Fire Weapons of Mass Destruction at Hell.[2] No WMDs. Stupid nonproliferation treaties, trying to keep the world safe...
Milk Cthulhu for every resource possible, and create a massive cheesecake army.Do you mean that literally?
Promote the cheesecake squire to Knight of Cheese.
Flirt with the boss and go steady.[6] You promptly get married.
look for a portal to WW2[2] No luck.
keep looking for a portal to ww2.Aid action.
"Wait! Why are we eating each other when we could be eating EVERYONE ELSE?"Um, didn't this end poorly last turn?
CREATE A CLONE ARMY
EAT EVERYONE ELSE
'everyone else' as in 'everyone other than me and my clones'."Wait! Why are we eating each other when we could be eating EVERYONE ELSE?"Um, didn't this end poorly last turn?
CREATE A CLONE ARMY
EAT EVERYONE ELSE
In that case, get a lot of artillery and get them to bombard Hell.[2] You just can't seem to requisition anything.
keep looking for a portal to ww2.
[6+1] The two of you are sucked into Obersalzberg (sp?), and promptly get dissected/disassembled and used to inspire and make Nazi war machines and soldiers and such. Respawn?keep looking for a portal to ww2.Aid action.
Summon the four ponies of the apocalypse under my exclusive command![4] You summon Hunger, Sickness, Tiredness, and Squabbling.
"Wait! Why are we eating each other when we could be eating EVERYONE ELSE?"[4] You make two more clones. [1] Everyone gangs up on Xantalos-IX, ie you.
CREATE A CLONE ARMY
EAT EVERYONE ELSE
Convince hubby to rehire Cthulhu and let me eat him.[6] You do so. Turns out, Cthulhu is still stronger than you. Respawn?
Wahlsa eht ftaghn? Cthu osid u kelrd makx, re sa? Ftaghn ay, Cheesecake.[2+3v4] You jrelk Cheesecake. Messily.
Jrelk Cheesecake.
Respawn immediately after my death.Because that is going to go well.
Begin an insurrection, lead by myself and the one cheesecake warrior I created before Cthulhu joined in.Join Revolution, start revolution within revolution. Having created revoluception, plant idea of having me being everlord in the sleeping GM's mind so that when we wake up he makes me Everlord.
Respawn immediately after my death.[3] You respawn several years after your death. As a human.
Respawn in ww2 as a Bolo.[3,3] You respawn in WWI as an intelligent tank.
Begin an insurrection, lead by myself and the one cheesecake warrior I created before Cthulhu joined in.[3] You begin an insurrection of four!
Respawn as one of Insanity's Cheesecake warriors and rise up the ranks.[2] You respawn as a human but join the ICW.
FUSE ALL MY CLONES TOGETHER INTO ONE GIGANTIC MEGALOSThe rest of the Xantaloses agree to fuse into Megalos, but you can't control it. None of them can!
POSSESS MEGALOS
You join the revolution and begin a one-man revolutionary revolution.Begin an insurrection, lead by myself and the one cheesecake warrior I created before Cthulhu joined in.Join Revolution, start revolution within revolution. Having created revoluception, plant idea of having me being everlord in the sleeping GM's mind so that when we wake up he makes me Everlord.
Raggin cthu lositi.[4] You are back in essentially your old job.
FUSE WITH REST OF XNATALOSESYou're already part of Megalos, but you can certainly try to control it. That's what everyone else is doing.
POSSESS MEGALOS
Rise up the ranks and try to defect the Cheesecake warriors to lead them in glorious battle against Cthulhu.Aid action!
Aid actionRise up the ranks and try to defect the Cheesecake warriors to lead them in glorious battle against Cthulhu.Aid action!
FUSE WITH REST OF XNATALOSES[1v2-1v4-1v2+2v3-1v1-1v3v1v3v2v4] O, I, VII, and XI are killed. XIV is wounded.
POSSESS MEGALOS
Rise up the ranks and try to defect the Cheesecake warriors to lead them in glorious battle against Cthulhu.[4+2] The other Cheesecake Warrior defects to you! The army is now at least 75% conspiracy leaders. Maybe more like 125%.
Get my army to kill Megalos.
Cast Hadoken at the Megalos.
Kealay Xantalos![3+1] Between the army, the Hadouken support, and Cthulhu's might, Megalos is attacked! It splits into two beings--Xantalos and Ivalos. This might have been better-thought-out...
Wonder why I'm being attacked for no particular reason.You successfully wonder it and prepare to file a reproach once you're not being shot and hadoukened at.
Give my attackers a strongly-worded reproach about their unacceptable bahavior and take them to court.
Gain immortality.[4] You will no longer age...but you do get sick, as evidenced suddenly as everything changes. You feel different, and feel like somehow time travel was involved. You head to a library. Thank God--Wilhelm still won!
Evolve into a bolo.You can't evolve, but you can be upgraded. First, you need to find an appropriate lab. [3] You trundle over to the German Empire and [5] get upgraded to a proper bolo. Now Germany wins WWI, so WWII never happens.
Holy crap, what's going on in here!? Respawn with a power level scanning device.AHA
YOU ASKED FOR ITIvalos would agree, but you called him Ibalos!
DOUBLE TEAM WITH IBALOS
DESTROY DA FOOS WHO TRY TO ATTACK ME
CREATE GIANT MECHA. GIGA DRILL BREAK BOTH OF THE THINGS-THAT-WERE-MEGALOS.[6] You make an awesome mecha, which turns against you!
Prevent GWG's birth.How?
Lead a coup against Germany.[3] You begin the One-Bolo Campaign against Germany and its human-piloted German Mega-Tanks.
Get beamed aboard the Enterprise. Ask them for assistance against Cthulhu.[4] ENTERPRISE SUMMONED! [1] They decide to help Cthulhu.
Holy crap, what's going on in here!? Respawn with a power level scanning device.[2] No such device, sorry.
BURN THEM! BURN THE BIPEDAL APES! CHEESECAKIA WILL RULE OVER YOUR PETTY REALITY! CHEESECAKIA WILL EAT CTHULHU![4] You turn on the humans.
((By killing his parents. I am doing it to see what happens.))Prevent GWG's birth.How?
And why?
Get tank support.Aid action, but kill Fireiy at the last minute and take the tanks for myself!
He's already awake. And not interested, due to more pressing destructive needs.((By killing his parents. I am doing it to see what happens.))Prevent GWG's birth.How?
And why?
Wake Cthulhu. Ask him to destroy humanity.
Punch Xantalos in the snout to reestablish existence.[4] FURTAKA PAWNCH! [3] He feels a bit insulted and insubordinated.
Fuse with the ponies to absorb their power, then break into the Mecha and remove its sentience. Then bind it to my will and DESTROY XANTA/IVALOS.[1] The Ponies of the Apocalypse trample you. Respawn?
Get tank support.[4+1] You get some tanks. To be exact, mechanized infantry armed with the best weapons and AI available. But they won't respond to your commands...
[5] Control of the tanks gained.Get tank support.Aid action, but kill Fireiy at the last minute and take the tanks for myself!
ABSORB IVALOSI suspect it's because you are almost as powerful as a deity.
DEVOUR THE OTHERS
SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU GUYS ATTACKING ME
Recruit people to help coup.[1] You recruit a messenger who turns you over to the leadership. You hear the person giving him a medal calling him "Adolf"...
[4+3v3+3] You beat up Xantalos. But now he has a mighty sword...Quote from: Great CthulhuKealay Xantalos!
Summon Millennium Falcon. Get them to blow up the Enterprise.[3] You summon a TIE fighter. [3-1] They won't take such a suicide mission.
Will the Sword of Xantalos-slaying into existence.[1] You give Xantalos the Sword of Elderslaying.
Summon Millennium Falcon. Get them to blow up the Enterprise.
Form a cult.[2] "WHO WANTS TO WORSHIP ME? ANYONE? HELLO?"
[1] You summon the Enterprise. Didn't they want to kill you?Summon Millennium Falcon. Get them to blow up the Enterprise.
I remember you, Cthulhu. You were a subordinate of mine once. You were good, competent.
I hear you've been fired recently. If you wish I could offer you your old post.
Offer job to Cthulhu. Kill anyone who attacks me.
I remember you, Cthulhu. You were a subordinate of mine once. You were good, competent.Ftagn ay, Xantalos.
I hear you've been fired recently. If you wish I could offer you your old post.
Offer job to Cthulhu. Kill anyone who attacks me.Quote from: CthulhuQuote from: Great CthulhuQuote from: Great CthulhuKealay Xantalos!
Steal Xantalos's sword.
Eat Xantalos. Re-bake myself into Xantacake.Cthulhu's insulted by Xantalos's lies and patronizitation, and hence decides to kill him. [6+3-1v4+2+2] You're evenly-matched, each taking a bit out of the other. [1] Ivalos stabs himself on Xantalos's magical sword. [2v4+1] Cheesecake gets eaten.
Send out signal for help from any other bolos. Or anyone else who can help.[1] You get fired on by the lesser bolos. [2v4] Their barrage does nothing.
Summon kirby. He is an expert at eldricht abomination disposal[5] Kirby arrives.
Hack tanks back to my side.[4] You hack half the tanks back.
Ragnarok: Be the Mecha.[5] You are the mecha. What you are NOT is in the universe.
I offered.
Kirby! I'll give you some stars if you eat Cthulhu and the cheesecake.
Offer.
Hm...Five, I'll take it.
Eat Cthulhu, cheesecake
Kirby! I'll feed the cheesecake and a large selection of sushi and ghost candy if you eat Xantalos!
Ctuay rea optiew thu monk thu...[4v1+2] Another Epic Struggle, which ends with Kirby omnomnomming Cthulhu.
Monk Kirby!
Summon Yog-Sothoth. Ask him to banish the players from the universe.Yeah, that'll end well...
Respawn as a powerful mortal.[2] You respawn as a mortal.
Escape and kill Spock and Kirk.KHAN!
Das nächste mal können du PM mich, wenn ich in zu bekommen?[1] You lose your entire army to Tavik Toth before being flung out of the universe.
Zerstören sie die lästige panzer!
Use my tanks and cheesecake warriors to rebel against Cthulhu! Slay him and absorb hisKirby ate him.experience pointspower!
COMBINE WITH RAGNAROK TO FORM UNIVERSE SIZED MECHA. CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE FIGHTING XANTALOS TO COMBINE WITH USE TOO
Also you may want to put a spoiler warning next to that mouseover textPeople noticed that?
YES. TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN RAGNAROK GO.
GIGA DRILL BREAK OUR WAY BACK INTO THE UNIVERSE, THROUGH YOG-SATHOTH'SHEADEVERYTHING, AND INTO SHADOWDRAGON.
Stop ragnarok97071.[6-1] You drill, baby, drill! Sadly, you only drill ShadowDragon. Still, partial success, right?
Oh hey Yog. How've you been doing?Yog and Kirby didn't come with. Adolf and Ivalos did, however.
Ragnarok, he doesn't have a head. You can't even comprehend his form. Besides, we're with him now. You still spacetime locked outside of itself, Yog?
Defend myself against attackers. Use lethal force.
Give Kirby half his Star payment.
Regain power.[3] You discover some eldritch tomes.
Use my tanks and cheesecake warriors to rebel against Cthulhu! Slay him and absorb hisNone of them are here.experience pointspower!
Have my tanks shoot InsanityIncarnateThey're not here either, but you can shoot him. [4v5] You miss.
Free the nations that where part of the allies. Then get help someone friendly. Then go find the world I started on.You're stuck outside of the universe.
Respawn inside Xantalos (or whoever ate me) and slowly subsume him from the inside out.That would, indeed, be Xantalos.
boot the universe out of the game!No. Not until the Hall of Fame gets updated, we're not being fully derm'd.
Sammelt eine armee.From what?
MAKE SO MANY DRILLS THAT THEY CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE.
DEFECATE INSIDE XANTALOS STOMACH. HOW'DYA LIKE THAT, ******?I HAVE A STOMACH?!
MAKE SO MANY DRILLS THAT THEY CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE.Aid action.
Make up with Ivalos.
Hm...what the heck. What do you want?Discussions open.
MAKE SO MANY DRILLS THAT THEY CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE.
Aid Action!
Aid action.[4+2] You make a couple hundred drills. This fails to make a new universe, but it does make all of you heavily injured and in intense pain.
Also yeah the little dots kinda stick out.The what?
What!? The laws of physics apply!?Typically.
SLAY CTHULHU AND RE-ESTABLISH LOGIC!!Cthulhu isn't here. He's probably glad about that.
DEFECATE INSIDE XANTALOS STOMACH. HOW'DYA LIKE THAT, ******?]3[ You do so.
Acquire weapons.[2] None made, fewer found.
Reenter universe.[5] You do so. Despawn?
Also yeah the little dots kinda stick out.The what?
Despawn? What's that?What does it sound like? The opposite of respawn.
Well figure this. We're two of the most powerful beings here. Why fight when we - which is both me - can team up and assure each others' safety and dominance over the rest?
Hm. That sounds acceptable.The Xants shake hands. Assuming they have hands.
I never noticed that. And still don't.When you do mouseover text the word gets a little underline made up of dots.Also yeah the little dots kinda stick out.The what?
Create life capable of living outside of the universe.Do you consider yourselves alive? You'll need more specific goals.
Summon the Romulan ship from the 2009 Star Trek. "FIRE EVERYTHING"[4] You create a replica of said ship. No Romulans onboard, though, so you enter and start hitting buttons. [3-1] Why does a spaceship have windshield wipers?
Team up with Ivalos against Xantalos or threaten to defecate inside Ivalos.Not going to work, you're not in Ivalos.
Finde einigen Deutschen Landsleute.[4-1] You create Hans, a German Landsleute.
Integrate the drills into systems. Then DRILL ALL THE THINGS.[2] You can't incorporate so many drills!
Go to wherever my army is, or wherever Cthulhu is. Whichever is closer.Neither is out of the universe, and you are, so...both?
Sabotage Xantalos' negotiations
Yeah, not happening.[4v4] You exchange blows, but nothing really happens.
Kill Fireiy.
Set Xantalos on fireNot on my browser.
(http://i.imgur.com/9ArO036.png)
Teamup with Ivalos to kill Firey.
I'm glad. Keep killing Fireiy.
Shoot Ivalos and Xantalos with the gun I used earlier.
Ein Landsleute ist ein landsleute, nicht irgendeine art von special-forces soldaten.
Aufgrund ich lust dazu habe, Fireiy Helfen.
Set Xantalos on fire
Shoot Ivalos and Xantalos with the gun I used earlier.[6+1v4+1] Despite Adolf's aid, the Loses manage to beat Fireiy to a pulp. [1v2] Also, Furtaka sets himself on fire. [6-1v3,4] Both Loses eat lead.
Despawn. Then go find some sort of resurrection tech then go back to the original world and bring the TSAB crew back to life. A sentient tank needs friends.[5] You create some sort of resurrection tech and [4] make it back, without the tech. Despawn?
Create flies that eat nothingness.[3-1-1] You turn into a ShadowFly.
INTEGRATE THEM ANYWAY.[6] You drillsplode. Respawn? Despawn? Something?
DRILL ALL THE THINGS.
So I use Safari and it doesn't show up on mine. What do you use?Set Xantalos on fireNot on my browser.
(http://i.imgur.com/9ArO036.png)
Chrome.So I use Safari and it doesn't show up on mine. What do you use?Set Xantalos on fireNot on my browser.
(http://i.imgur.com/9ArO036.png)
I use FirefoxChrome.So I use Safari and it doesn't show up on mine. What do you use?Set Xantalos on fireNot on my browser.
(http://i.imgur.com/9ArO036.png)
Stop drop and roll on Xantalo's face
Be grateful I'm not that Xantalo guy
Give Yog-Sothoth the knowledge that we're in a minimalist RTD in exchange for making myself and Ivalos immortal/etc
Shoryuken Furtuka if he attacks me
Oww... Now that you're at point blank range...
KEEP SHOOTING
Offer to join Furtaka. Help him.[4+1v5] Thanks to treason, Furtaka holds his own against Xantalos. Fireiy [2] is too pulped to help/
Continue pressing buttons[4-1] You activate the seat warmers.
Respawn as Cheesalos.[2] You are still digesting.
Ragnarok:Be The Drills.[6] You add drills until you can't move at all.
Destroy everything that isn't the Universe.How?
Despawn with a resurrection machine then go find the TSAB ship again.You despawn, grab the resurrection thing, and [5] respawn with it.
Split in two.[3] You grow a second head.
Grab the Dill Laden Ragnarok and throw him at Xantalos!
Integrate the drills into my body so that I can move and manipulate them at will, as well as just move normally. When thrown at Xantalos, SPIN ON.
RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAGAGAGAHHGAHGHAAAAA
CATCH RAGNAROK
THROW HIM/HER BACK AT ENEMIES
KILL THEM AND EAT THEIR FLESH
STAB IVALOS THROUGH THE GROIN UPWARD INTO HIS/HER/ITS BRAIN WITH SWORD OF ELDERSLAYING
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
Magically shatter Xantalos's sword.[4v4] Xantalos barely dodges, [3] but ragnarok manages to get enough control of its drills to scratch the abomination. [6v2+2] Ivalos manages to overcome the ancient magic of the Sword of Elderslaying! [1,6+1,3+1-2,2] Ivalos, Furtaka, and Xantalos are annihilated by the resulting burst of magic, but ragnarok survives...albeit trapped in a bunch of former-screw slag.
Continue to press buttons.[1-1] "Self-destruct imminent. Self-destruct in 30 seconds. Have a nice day. Self-destruct in 25 seconds. Have a nice day..."
Implant some eggs in someone.[4] You implant eggs in Adolf. [6] You see the eggs growing swiftly...
Get medical attention[6] You create a back-alley doctor who begins butchering you, perhaps to make into a cyborg. Or maybe he's hungry.
Go find TSAB ship and bring the crew back to life.[5,2] The resurrection device is either nonfunctional or really, really complex.
Transform body into cyanide. Poison Xantalos while he's digesting me.[1] You turn into a Potion of Bear's Endurance, invigorating Xantalos! Not that this matters, as both of you are obliterated.
Ragnarok: Absorb Slag. Become T-1000.[5] You become a Slag Mecha. Less charismatic than a T-1K, but stronger too. It also has a lightning gun.
Also I love how 'ancient' = less than three turns ago I think.The theory is, it was ancient when it entered the game. Just like Luke Skywalker wasn't born 30 seconds before you first saw him in the movie.
Respawn as an arsenic based lifeform inside Xantalos's heartHe was destroyed.
Respawn as eldritch cheesecake.[3] An enchanted cheesecake vanishes from a wizard's kitchen. It appears here.
Get beamed aboard another ship.[4] You do. [5] It's crewed by dwarves who salute you.
Create a planet.[5-1] You do. It's a cold, barren sphere of stone.
FORM SLAG INTO SHRIKE BODY[1] You become a lightning gun.
LIGHTSPEED BLITZ KILL EVERYTHING
Good morning, fairly well faring RTD. Are you feeling fine today? I certainly am.[2] You throw a rock at the void. Then you wonder where the rock came from.
DERM ALL THE THINGS
Figure out device then go find the dead TSAB crew and bring them back to life.[6] You do! You resurrect every dead body. Including ones that were hacked horribly apart or are rotten. And you can't turn it off.
Also what's with the character bit?Hm?
\Create a sunAid action.
Tell the dwarves to go find the Protector."Tha hoo?"
\Create a sun
[2-2] You two destroy Furtaka, making a glowing point above the planet. Perhaps that spaceship exploding had something to do with it. ShadowDragon is burned to nothingness.\Create a sunAid action.
fix the rotten and hacked up bodies.[2] You fail.
"We'll that...sort of worked. Now I have to fix the broken bodies."
Pick up the Xantagun. Destroy the resurrection machine with it.Did that quite some time ago.
Well. In that case: Punch Xantalos in the snout to establish superiority.Aid Action
Guns don't have snouts.
Guns don't have snouts.
Guns don't have snouts.
BUILD A GUNSNOUT AND ATTACH IT TO XANTALOS
That roll and sentence phrasing make no sense?Stars are big and hard to make, and I forgot to add the +1 in when I saw SD was aiding you. Anyways, what happened was:
BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONGThat's how YAFB ended, ironically enough.
BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONG
BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONGStop this.
Pick up the Xantagun. Destroy the resurrection machine with it.The gun's built into you and the Machine seems to be missing. Mission accomplished?
Respawn. Create bacteria that eat rock on the planet.You despawn and [1-1] make a giant bacteria that eats you. Despawn?
FIX EVERYTHING.[1] You kasplode the planet. Actually, that's probably a good thing.
Grow a maw and devour Ragnarok's arm.[4] You grow a maw and get punched in it. [5] You devour and replace one of ragnarok's arms.
Then use his/her blood for ammo.
Well. In that case: Punch Xantalos in the snout to establish superiority.
It's eating one arm, so you [6] punch it in the maw with your other fist. Ouch.Well. In that case: Punch Xantalos in the snout to establish superiority.Aid Action
Guns don't have snouts.BUILD A GUNSNOUT AND ATTACH IT TO XANTALOS
[3+1] You make a barrel and surgically attach it to Xantalos.Also this, aid action.Guns don't have snouts.BUILD A GUNSNOUT AND ATTACH IT TO XANTALOS
Ask them if they can travel to find the NSEA Protector (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galaxy_Quest#Reaction_quotes_from_Star_Trek_actors). If they continue to fail to understand, pull up the "historical documents".Trust me, I understand.
BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONG
[3-1] Stopped.BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONGStop this.
[4] A bit superfluous, but all the thongs are covered in cheesecake.BUILD A UNIVERSE DESTROYING BOMB AND BLOW UP EVERYTHONGPROTECT THE THONGS! COVER THE THONGS IN AN ELDRITCH CHEESESHIELD!
SHOOT SLOWPOKE IN THE HAND WHEN PUNCHING IS ATTEMPTED
ESTABLISH DOMINATION OVER XANTAGUN'S FIRING MECHANISM.Accepted if you'll let me keep my firing mechanism. Just point me in a direction.
But yeah, seriously dude. Let's work together and kill everyone else, kay?
And you'll refrain from killing me. Deal?Deal.
Scratch that about taking control of the firing mechanism. Instead, work with Xantagun if he is willing to allow him to absorb the blood of the people he shoots to use as bullets instead of mine.Do this.
summon another TSAB ship. Then say hi.[5] You do so. They beam you aboard.
PUNCH XANTALOS IN GUNSNOUT IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH FACTIONALSO FACTION LEADERSHIP
BEGIN SHOOTING AT SLOWPOKE AND CHEESECAKE
USE MY OWN AMMUNITION RATHER THAN RAGNAROK'S BLOOD
Fill the thongs with my eldritch Cheesecake energies and command them to destroy Xantalos for digesting me.[6v4] LordSlowpoke establishes dominance over Xantalos. However, Slowpoke didn't say anything about shooting Cheesecake. [2v6] Cheesecake dodges, but drifts into the Furtakalight, so that's good.
Respawn. Create some small sapient universes.[5-3] No such luck.
Scratch that about taking control of the firing mechanism. Instead, work with Xantagun if he is willing to allow him to absorb the blood of the people he shoots to use as bullets instead of mine.You don't even HAVE blood.
[4] You will. Temporal paradox? Bah!Scratch that about taking control of the firing mechanism. Instead, work with Xantagun if he is willing to allow him to absorb the blood of the people he shoots to use as bullets instead of mine.Do this.
Build a gun that shoots guns that explode.[5] The little guns also shoot grenades that fragment into little grenades, which explode.
Dear LordSlowpoke,
You have apparently succeeded in establishing dominace over me. However, you failed to realize that I have the temperament of a honey badger.
GARARARARAGRGAGRAGRGAGRGAGRGARG SHOOT SLOWPOKE AND DEVOUR HIS CORPSE RAAAAAAAAA
Signed,
Xantagun
Load Xantalos into the gunI AM THE GUN
Load Xantalos into the gun... what?
Load Xantalos into the gun... what?
Xantalos IS the gun.
You're silly.
Oh right. I forgot. I is slag mecha now. Whatever.[4] You mine some floating chunks of rock.
HARVEST MATERIALS FOR BOOLETS.
Dear LordSlowpoke,
You have apparently succeeded in establishing dominace over me. However, you failed to realize that I have the temperament of a honey badger.
GARARARARAGRGAGRAGRGAGRGAGRGARG SHOOT SLOWPOKE AND DEVOUR HIS CORPSE RAAAAAAAAA
Signed,
Xantagun
ASSIST ACTION.You try to do so, but it goes against LordSlowpoke's desires. Explosions evidently don't, however. Despawn?
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GUN.
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL ARMOR THAT I WILL MAKE AT SOME POINT.
Load Xantalos into the gun[1] You jam the wrong arm into the GTFGTEAFGTEIGTE.
"Yes I want to find the ship! Find it please.""Firs', we nied tae get oot o' tha manfayld."
LOAD XANTAGUN INTO ITSELF AND FIRE IT AT RAGNAROKYou load Xantagun into ragnarok's arm and [6] cause it to explode. Then you get smacked in the snout with a gun. Well, you know what that means...
Punch LordSlowpoke in the snout with drillfist to establish LordSlowpoke's lack of a head. Also shoot him with Xantagun.[5-1] You smack LS in the face, but some idiot stuck a big gun on your arm. He's alive.
Figure out where everyone is.Mostly outside the universe.
Spread Cheesecake Hivemind throughout the galaxy. Use Hivemind pheromones to summon Maple Weasle ![6] You explode. Bits of cheesecake, sentient but inanimate, spread everywhere and -when.
How do I even fit on the ship.?Hm?
See who is in charge.The Captain.
Create a device that converts the souls of dead players into power.[6] You get converted into power by your machine. Despawn?
what is the captains name. Then ask if I may join.Um...Jack. [2] "No."
Ragnarok: Pull yourself back together through sheer willpower, including missing limbs. Then initiate no-holds-barred beatdown on Slowpoke for killing me.[3+1] You are whole, albeit without a real lightning gun. Just a sort of finger-taser. [5][5v6] You punch Slowpoke into the Light.
Look for the Protector.[3] You find the...um...Sarris's ship.
Holen Sie sich die MAKT![3] You are strong.
Use my dominion over Slowpoke to make him summon Nyarlathotep into his body.You don't have dominion, [6-2] but you do summon Nyarlothotep.
Hello, Nyar. Still bound to Azathoth?"Eit wishes."
Chat with Nyarlathotep.
Get included on the character sheet.
Respawn. Use the Life Generator to reform the planet.[1] You manage to make a massive ghost of a planet which wants to kill you. A 10 billion HD undead, great.
continue looking for the Protector. if that fails, find Serenity.[2] No. [1] You realize that your ship is dragging mines...a little too late. You're shipless. And to make the wound more painful, Sarris realized it.
Try again. If denied go find another ship that will let me join them.[4-1] "Fine. We could use a cabin-boy."
Ragnarok: integrate the soul-devouring machine into systems so that it feeds the power into me instead of actually absorbing it.[2] Nope.
Blow up the Universe.[1] You create another universe outside the universe.
Respawn all my Cheesecake body parts. Control all of them and command them to consume the other forumites.[5] Check and [4] check and [5v1+3] check...except for one guy eating one of you.
Ich bin kein Mitglied des Sozialistischen wenig Chatraum!We're a bit more than a little chatroom. But yeah, you're not affected by Cheesecake.
Besiege das Monströse Käsekuchen![3+1v4] You eat some Cheesecake. [1v6] Hans gets eaten BY Cheesecake.
The new universe is me. I name it Cheesecake.DO NOT PERMIT ANY OF THIS. InsanityIncarnate's Universe SHALL REMAIN MY UNIVERSE.
Avenge the eaten Cheesecake.
Respawn. Summon Godzilla.[2] No Godzilla for you!
Become the god of confectioneries[6] You become the God of Dessert, but you also become the Desert of Gods. Each other god wants a piece of the pie, naturally enough. Respawn?
Ragnarok: Burst out of Cheesecake like a confectionary-hating Kool-Aid man.[1] You turn into Kool-Aid.
Respawn on the Serenity.[2] You respawn in deep space. Respawn?
Eh. Want to go harass some mortals?[6] "Sure. Hey, I heard that you had gone mortal..." Before you can explain that that was Ivalos and not you, or even come up with an explanation that doesn't reek of convenient-good-twin, [1v4] Nyarlothotep breaks its splorch on you.
Do cabin boy things. And be added to character list.Sure.
Claim the new universe as my own. Call it InsanityIncarnate's Universe for future reference.[2v5] Cheesecake doesn't let you claim or rename him. Poor CheesecakeIncarnate. [3] You generate some bombs and [3] they blow up an outlying star cluster.
Create anti-universe explosives. Test them on the original universe.
The new universe is me. I name it Cheesecake.
Avenge the eaten Cheesecake.
Luckily for CI, Cheesecake wasn't specific.The new universe is me. I name it Cheesecake.DO NOT PERMIT ANY OF THIS. InsanityIncarnate's Universe SHALL REMAIN MY UNIVERSE.
Avenge the eaten Cheesecake.
Gehen Sie zu einem Bewohnten Planeten im der Cheesecake Galaxie. Finde heraus, wer Dort lebt.[5] You locate a planet of black-shelled three-finned jellyfish with many genders and psionic hypnosis. Their government is a declining meritocracy, and their culture is something like the Aztecs. Their technology is roughly equal to what Earth had towards the end of WWI.
Respawn on the Serenity.
Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.I can see that commercial now.
Seal InsanityIncarnate away.
Spend some time researching and preparing epic anti-universe explosives.[4v6-1] ShadowDragon and InsanityIncarnate become the new W. E. Coyote and Mr. Runner, except that II isn't trying.
Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.
[2] Sadly, Furtaka doesn't have any Disney.Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.Was meinst du mit, "Geliebt"?
Shauen Sie Disney.
[5] Check. They don't even feel the need to interrogate and/or execute you.Respawn on the Serenity.
Probably not Disney's. Maybe if Disney faked one of its competitors making the commercial.Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.I can see that commercial now.
wonder where we are going.Forward?
Actually - *become immortal* - nope.[5] Check, sadly.
Become GWG.[0] Nope. Respawn?
Ragnarok: Be a kool-aid elemental.OOH [1] NOOOO! The bright side, your blood is Kool-Aid. The dark side, Kool-Aid lacks hemoglobin. Respawn?
Well there was a time Hitler was cool. Charles Lindbergh was a fascist, loved Hitler, and even ran for president. I think there's some alt history where he becomes president when World War 2 breaks out.Probably not Disney's. Maybe if Disney faked one of its competitors making the commercial.Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.I can see that commercial now.
Obtain all the Disney[1] You destroy all of Disney's works by wiping him from the timeline!
Go troll everyone else with Nyarlathotep.[5+1] This gets both of you angered into destruction. Somehow. Resp--you're immortal. Well, you're still not happy.
Summon a solar to guard the universe.[6] It decides you're a threat. Uh-oh...
Probably isn't that interesting. Nazi Germany didn't fall because America invaded--it fell faster because of that, but the main reason the Nazis lost was because Hitler was an idiot.Well there was a time Hitler was cool. Charles Lindbergh was a fascist, loved Hitler, and even ran for president. I think there's some alt history where he becomes president when World War 2 breaks out.Probably not Disney's. Maybe if Disney faked one of its competitors making the commercial.Respawn. Give Hitler access to the complete collection of everything made by Disney ever in order to distract him for a while. He loved Disney.I can see that commercial now.
Also, Offer crew a job finding disney for furtaka.Finding what?
Ragnarok: Screw this, be an Abyssal Exalted.[6] Now to look up Exalted. Mark my words...it'll be bad for you...
[6] You do...wait, what are you thinking? It certainly isn't ending well for you. Respawn?Recreate Disney!
Bind Nyarlathotep as a persona to Hitler.
Continue trollingness.[3-1v6] They don't let you.
Respawn as Supreme Overgod of The United Emirates of Mexico.[2] You respawn as a Mexican.
Do I have breaks?[1] "No. Never."
Blow up the universe containing the records on creating a pocket universe.How?
[6+2v5] Your new Nyarlothotep-Powers let you destroy him.Probably isn't that interesting. Nazi Germany didn't fall because America invaded--it fell faster because of that, but the main reason the Nazis lost was because Hitler was an idiot.Ach! Ich diese Zeilen lesen, wissen Sie.
Töte Furtaka. Jetzt anmelden!
Offer crew a job to defeat Hitler. Promise them Hitler's art collection as payment.[5] You do so.
Respawn. Create a planet.[5] Nice planet.
Respawn. Restore Disney[3] You get a single copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and three of The Lion King.
Grab some popcorn, and watch River Tam beat up Hitler/Nyarlathotep (This was my whole reason for doing this) while Mal, Zoe and Jayne take out the Third Reich.You magnificent bastard. Sorta.
Work my way up through the Mexican hierachy and become Supreme Overgod.[6] You do so, promptly incurring a coup. Respawn?
Have captain replaced.[5] You become captain.
Unfortunately, being an Exalted is rather hard to make a bad thing :P[3] You get Essence 2 and learn a Charm. [4v1] Then an enemy Exalted kills you when you're distracted. Respawn?
Ragnarok: Become Essence 10 and learn ALL THE CHARMS.
Transform to Pun Pun the Super Kobold[2] Step one fail.
Give self ability: Furtuka Dies: Pun Pun automatically succeeds at any attack made against Furtuka.
Punchinate Furtuka to death.
Transform to Pun Pun the Super Kobold
Give self ability: I Win: Pun Pun automatically succeeds at any action.
Punchinate Everyone except Hitler/Nyarl to death.
Stop Xantalos! Blow him up!Transform to Pun Pun the Super Kobold
Give self ability: I Win: Pun Pun automatically succeeds at any action.
Punchinate Everyone except Hitler/Nyarl to death.
[1] You become Meepo. And someone decapitates you. Respawn?Transform to Pun Pun the Super Kobold
Give self ability: I Win: Pun Pun automatically succeeds at any action.
Punchinate Everyone except Hitler/Nyarl to death.
Respawn watching River Tam beat up Hitler. Get a video-camera to record this.[6] You respawn...as a LovecraftiaNazi. River Tam beats you up. Respawn?
... How was I not already Essence 2?How? Well, SOME of us don't play much White Wolf stuff. All I know about the World of Darkness comes from Tv Tropes and a couple sessions of Werewolf.
All Exalted (except the Dragonblooded, but they're pansies and don't count) start with Essence 2. ._. And lots of charms.
Well that's weird.
Fuck it, be the universe-destroying doomfleet.[1] You become a toy spaceship. VROOM VROOM!
[5] Bye-bye, Meepo.Stop Xantalos! Blow him up!Transform to Pun Pun the Super Kobold
Give self ability: I Win: Pun Pun automatically succeeds at any action.
Punchinate Everyone except Hitler/Nyarl to death.
Get a white collar job.[5] You are the manager of a generic regional branch of a generic company.
Remove Xantalos's immortality.[4] A-check. As shown by decapitation. And de-limbing, which really seems unnecessary but I can't blame him.
Respawn. Start Art of Minimalism VIII.Hey, no regressing!
Go to earth.[6] Respawn?
Give the movies to HitlerHe's battling the crew of the Serenity, but sure!
Truppen beschwören![3] You summon a LovecraftiaNazi, who promptly gets his head smashed by River.
Respawn as Shepard book. Go preach.[6] Shepard promptly burns the possessed book. This is bad for your health. Respawn?
Respawn.[1] You respawn as Meepo. Again.
Become Pun-Pun.
Respawn as the Notebook from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.[1] You respawn as a Netbook.
Ich brauche mehr Schergen! Bwa ha ha!A little.
...Ich wie eine Art des Bösen Overlord klingen, nicht wahr?
Disable cloaking field that disguises me as toy spaceship and BE A UNIVERSE-DEVOURING DOOMFLEET!You don't have a cloaking field, silly, you're just a toy!
Make it impossible to become Pun-Pun.[4] Check and mate.
respawn in earth. Have it unite then find the TSAB.[4] You become the Chairperson of the UN and begin a variably hostile takeover of the world governments. [1] This leads to the dissolution of the UN and your bloody dismemberment. Respawn?
... Melt down into constituant parts. Become Plastic Elemental.[6] You boil, startling and burning the kid playing with you. Respawn?
Create some calcium elementals to serve me.[2] Sorry.
respawn. Have someone else unite earth peacefully.[5] You do.
Wonder who Meepo is.Meepo is a kobold who figuht the tarrasque and lost. Pretty much the only other kobold I could think of that I thought people had a chance to have heard of.
Become a 4th level kobold wizard with a viper familiar.
Become Everlord again.[6-1] Check, mate.
Respawn as UNIVERSE DEVOURING DOOMFLEET.AID ACTION. RAGNAROK! LET'S DESTROY THE UNIVERSES TOGETHER!
Eat the constrictor from the inside out.[5v2+1] Now who's the top predator?
Pray to the God of Transmutation to turn me into a Scaled creature with at least one level in Wizard
Do thingsUm...
Respawn as UNIVERSE DEVOURING DOOMFLEET.
[3+1-1] You respawn as an old Death Star in need of repair and a single repairman.Respawn as UNIVERSE DEVOURING DOOMFLEET.AID ACTION. RAGNAROK! LET'S DESTROY THE UNIVERSES TOGETHER!
Use work money to buy guns.[1] Turns out, you're in Chicago. A particularly caricatured and mean part of Chicago. You get shot when you try to buy a gun. Respawn?
Unmake the sarrukh species.[6+1] All sarrukhs explode, matter converted into energy. You were a bit too close to Toril as the force of the Moon's weight in nuclear bombs (give or take a few orders of magnitude) kasplodes a mere half-million miles from you. Respawn?
Ask the leader what he is going to do?[4] "Lead the world. Lead it well. You?"
EXCELLENT[4] Check.
Recruit viper as companion
Create the seed to make a new big bang[4] Ayup.
"Trying to not die endlessly. And trying to find the TSAB worlds. After that, I don't know.""That's a good...wait, what worlds?"
talk.
Respawn. Curse Xantalos with immunity to Manipulate Form.[2] Nope.
appoint ShadowDragon to second in command.Sure.
Forcefeed seed to Xantalos. Activate it inside of him and see what kind of universe is madeAid action.
Forcefeed seed to Xantalos. Activate it inside of him and see what kind of universe is made
[1+1] Xantalos pouts and refuses to eat his not-veggies.Forcefeed seed to Xantalos. Activate it inside of him and see what kind of universe is madeAid action.
Gain rank: Divine Minion 1, Master of Many Forms 1, 2, and 3How do you intend to do so? Most of those are class levels and one is a template.
Sic my viper on Furtuka before he gives me his hippie device
Create an army loyal only to me.[5] Check.
"Yeah, we are not alone. At least they are friendly."[6-1] "Alright, sounds good and not crazy." [6] Turns out, the TSAB are loners...powerful loners. Respawn?
talk then find the TSAB worlds.
... Good Enough![6] You fire nanobots! They repair you into more nanobots! Respawn?
Find random auto-repair nanobot cloud!
Feed the big bang seed to the viper and activate it[5v4] You do so, and [1] create a black hole inside the viper. Uh oh...
Kobold Ro Dah Furtuka awayBribing me with what?
By bribing the DM, of course!
Repair the Death Star[5] You fix the engines...which are then eaten by nanobots. The Death Star is eaten from around you, leaving a swarm of nanobots, an expanding cloud of air, and those things made primarily of carbon that the nanobots can't eat, including your anexphyxiating body. Respawn?
Kill Xantalos.He got sucked into a black hole. Works for you?
... Why would I do that?Because you rolled a 6.
I meant respawn instead of just being the nanobots :p... Why would I do that?Because you rolled a 6.
Ah.I meant respawn instead of just being the nanobots :p... Why would I do that?Because you rolled a 6.
Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action.
Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action.
Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action with my army
EAT THE ARMY TOO :<Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action with my army
Gain control over the nanobots.
Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action.
Gain control over the nanobots.Aid action with my army
KILL BURN EAT DEVOUR STOP THEM![4,6,2] Persus's army left the engineers behind.
FUKKIT...The what?
RESPAWN AS THE D&D OMNISCIFIER
Respawn. Stuff everyone inside a Universe seed and then detonate it.Sick my army on Furtaka.
Omniscifier:[4-1] You hit a snag when you can't use all the tricks to get the magic items you wanted. Evidently, those are guidelines for GMs.
http://dictummortuum.blogspot.ca/2011/12/omniscificer-rational-solution-to-pun.html?m=1
Knowing everything, go off to civilization.
Respawn. Stuff everyone inside a Universe seed and then detonate it.
Send the nanobots to kill Furtaka.
[5+1v1] A combination of nanobots and vomit from Persus's army attacks Furtaka...turning him into a weird monstrous machine thingy. [3] He creates a little marble with a galaxy in it.Respawn. Stuff everyone inside a Universe seed and then detonate it.Sick my army on Furtaka.
respawn on earth.
"Well, their loners. Powerful ones."
You do.respawn on earth.Do this.
"Well, their loners. Powerful ones."
Create a army of half-dragon giant spiders to kill Furtaka.[3] You create several, but it turns out that a crossbreed between a very territorial creature and a typically territorial creature is territorial! One survives.
Fart on everything until it dies....
I dunno. o.o[6] You're the God of Zillas.
Be godzilla I guess?
Summon Hari Seldon.[4] Now, who is she?
Die![5] You die, and are really dead! None of this only mostly dead stuff for you! No, siree! You are dead as a doornail, dead as a doorstop, dead as a dodo crossed with a dinosaur. You're rotting on the ground because no one's around to bury you, but some nice vultures come along and eat your flesh. It doesn't hurt because you're dead. Your bones are scattered, and the dregs left behind by the vultures get eaten by assorted insects that feed on dead people. Now that only your bones are left, your dead deadness gets stepped on a bunch. Your skull, also dead, eventually gets covered by sediment in a flood and is eventually discovered alongside the fossilized bones of other dead creatures. The skull is put with other dead primate bones into a skeleton that looked like no real primate, and is gawked at by people wanting to see a dead primate. Eventually, your skull is removed and studied separately by scientists who study dead things and think that your skull did not belong to the same dead creature as the other dead primate bones.
I... um... wow. That is impressive.Die![5] You die, and are really dead! None of this only mostly dead stuff for you! No, siree! You are dead as a doornail, dead as a doorstop, dead as a dodo crossed with a dinosaur. You're rotting on the ground because no one's around to bury you, but some nice vultures come along and eat your flesh. It doesn't hurt because you're dead. Your bones are scattered, and the dregs left behind by the vultures get eaten by assorted insects that feed on dead people. Now that only your bones are left, your dead deadness gets stepped on a bunch. Your skull, also dead, eventually gets covered by sediment in a flood and is eventually discovered alongside the fossilized bones of other dead creatures. The skull is put with other dead primate bones into a skeleton that looked like no real primate, and is gawked at by people wanting to see a dead primate. Eventually, your skull is removed and studied separately by scientists who study dead things and think that your skull did not belong to the same dead creature as the other dead primate bones.
By the way, you are dead.
Introduce plot.[1] That is seriously what I rolled.
Grant the surviving spider the status of god of spiders.Too late--Xantalos killed it.
Hari Seldon is a guy. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hari_Seldon)Too late--Xantalos killed him.
Have Hari Seldon work to calculate how this RTD will turn out.
A bit of irony to spice up the RtD.I... um... wow. That is impressive.Die!-snip-
Respawn as The Plot.You do. You need to respawn again.
Meh.
Introduce plot.
Respawn as The Plot.
Meh.[2] Nope.
Introduce plot.
Format C:[2] Good, because I'm not sure what you're formatting.
Resurrect the spider as the god of spiders.[3] You resurrect the spider.
Create a world for me to rule.[3] You create a cluster of asteroids, spaces tens of thousands of miles apart.
Missed that.Meh.Assist action.
Introduce plot.
Zillas are Dinosaurs.Um...sure?
[6] You do so! You are bound to the whims of the Author!Respawn as The Plot.
teleport asteroid cluster to random fictional series.Teleport toth to a random fictional series.
Aid action.teleport asteroid cluster to random fictional series.Teleport toth to a random fictional series.
Aid action.teleport asteroid cluster to random fictional series.Teleport toth to a random fictional series.
Stitch everyone together into a giant fleshy katamari[5v6+Everyone] Nope. You get pummeled, though. Good consolation prize?
teleport asteroid cluster to random fictional series.[6,3] You teleport the asteroid cluster to just above New York in the MCU during the climax of The Avengers. Good news: The invaders were destroyed. Bad news: So was New York.
[4+2] Everyone gets teleported off of the asteroids and to Isla Nublar. Nice thintelligence, there.Aid action, with the stipulation that 'random fictional series' means 'Jurrassic Park'.Aid action.teleport asteroid cluster to random fictional series.Teleport toth to a random fictional series.
Respawn as fictional universe Toth is being teleported to.[6] You do so. Sadly, universes are nonsentient and lack the ability to move their own components.
Punch something.[6;2v2] You completely miss a puppy. Why did you try to punch a puppy?
Try and screw over the author's plans!I HAVE NO PLANS! BWA HA HA!
spawn a mobile base.[6] It mobilizes right over you. Respawn?
Enslave all dinosaurs on the island.[6] An obedient T. rex kills an obedient B. altithorax, which falls atop you. Respawn?
Leave island. Head to a different fictional universe.[6] In the grim darkness of the 41st millenium, there is only a war. And apparently 40,000 feet of pure air beneath your feet, too. Respawn?
BECAUSE I'M BORED[6] Turns out, puppies have parents. Very large parents, in this case. Respawn?
PUPPY PUNCH!
Go to Site B. Cure the dinosaurs of their prion disease[6] You swim just about to Isla Sorna, but get exhausted and become chow for the sharks around the island. Respawn?
Respawn as a bigger dog than the puppies' parents (who I should've had a chance to fight).[3] You are a slightly larger dog. [6v2+1] Parent dogs killed. Puppies sad.
Kill the parents.
Tell Gm to get a new die.[3] You are in the universe of To Kill a Mockingbird, which is to say the real world.
Respawn in a fictional universe that's a book.
respawn on base.[1] It must be Soviet Russia, because the base respawned on you! Or you respawned right in front of its tread when it was operational. Either way, respawn?
Respawn. Make the carnotaurus's into an army of ninja assassins cause of their chameleon powers.[3] You get a single carnotaurus to not want to eat you. [2] It doesn't seem interested in much except eating the meat you were trying to condition it with. This would be acceptable if its access to said meat was in any way dependent on its behavior. But it's not, because it's a giant carnosaur.
Respawn. Grant the spider the ability to respawn.[4] Ayup.
Use my power as the god of dinosaurs to cause them to all become intelligent and to enslave all the other PCs.[1] You are evidently now not so much "God of Dinosaurs" as "Favorite Chew-Toy of Dinosaurs". You're not dead, but I'll let you respawn anyways.
He he heUm, you didn't exactly ace Bio, did you?
Sit on puppies to incubate them.
This is a minimalist game, plus I've no motivation by now to do anything but stupid impossible actions like incubating puppies.He he heUm, you didn't exactly ace Bio, did you?
Sit on puppies to incubate them.
Create some plans for the Author.That don't involve this thread dying? :'(
He he he[2] The puppies escape your behind.
Sit on puppies to incubate them.
Form a cult worshiping the spider.[6] They decide that you would make a great sacrifice! Respawn?
Set fire to the Ewell house, then teleport to another fictional book universe.[5] "BWA HA HA!" [2] *click click click* "...Aw, crap, I have to deal with the consequences of my actions now." For instance, you are being hauled off to jail to await your trial.
Create some plans for the Author.[3] Okay. Doesn't mean I have to follow them.
Go Super Saiyan Over 9000.[1] You go Pathetic Pansy Under Nine.
Simultaneously poke every point in the universe during every point in time throughout all of existence.[6] You destroy yourself and several unimportant things, like the Large Magellanic Cloud, 1997 WD41, and Justin Bieber.
Grow legs on ass cheeks[0] You fall on your snout.
Scurry after them
Respawn. Increase the spiders intelligence.[4] Check.
Respawn in a random fictional universe.[6] You respawn on the deck of some sort of airship. You get gunned down. Respawn?
teleport to another fictional universe. Failing that, use my status as Everlord to cow these puny mortals who can't respawn. If that fails, summon my army.[5] You make it to the Disney universe. Apparently, people have called you King.
Respawn as Cheesecake[6] Yummy! Respawn?
Force the Author to accede to my demands.[-∞]
You fall on your snout.THE GROUND ASSERTS IT'S DOMINANCE OVER XANTALOS!
Grow legs on snout. Scurry after puppies.[0] You fall on your stomach.
Respawn in a random building.[3] You respawn in a building. You're not sure what it is.
Find out where in the Disney universe I amDisney animated canon. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Franchise/DisneyAnimatedCanon?from=Main.DisneyAnimatedCanon)
Because Star Wars and marvel are technically Disney
Respawn. Punch the space time continuum[2] "Furtakoln...PAWNCH!" It fails.
Grow legs on stomach. Go to puppy.You crawl around, [1] and find what looks like the puppies! After attacking them, you hear a growl behind you.
GROW SNOUT ON SNOUT AND SNOUT ON SNOUTSNOUT AND LEGS ON XANTALOSUm...[2,n/a,4] No, N/A, Yes.
What planet am I on?You wander around in hopes of finding out.
Study magic. Become a wizard.[1] You study magic, don a bathrobe and what turns out to be a dunce cap, and set out as a VESERT.
Hurblurble around and ascend to omnipotence.
teleport out of there. NOW. Preferably to a ship.[6] You teleport to a ship. The people on it point guns at you and demand to know why you're there and how you got there. And who you are.
Start murdering people.[4] You kill a random peasant. Congrats, you are now the villain!
Hurblurble around and ascend to omnipotence.
No. Not unless you earn it.Hurblurble around and ascend to omnipotence.
Destroy that universe, but escape before it is destroyed. Except leave the Tangled portion alive.Invert the destruction!
"Im not sure what my name is. I teleported and have no idea how. And ended up here to get away from..." *Scratches head* "I think it was a explosion? Invasion? Something like that."[2] They shoot you.
Build a space fish armada out of Popsicles and go around the galaxy eating pickles....
Space pickles.
Destroy that universe, but escape before it is destroyed. Except leave the Tangled portion alive.[6] You destroy all of it. Even you. Respawn?
[3] You make a new Disney-like universe.Destroy that universe, but escape before it is destroyed. Except leave the Tangled portion alive.Invert the destruction!
Get GM to roll for my action.
Get GM to roll for my action.
[4+1] Um...congrats! I really rolled for your action!Get GM to roll for my action.
ASSIST ACTION
teleport to a ship that won't try to kill me.[6] You teleport to an Imperial prison ship. Space-ship. Space-Imperial, too.
Invent space pickles[3] You design a system that takes pickles to space.
Respawn at the exact spot furtaka is currently in.[6] You respawn between Furtaka's legs. You are also two, maybe three inches tall.
Implode[5] *poof* Respawn?
Build a tower to live in.[2] No luck. What are you, again?
What are you, again?I am a person with a pet respawning intelligent half-dragon giant spider.
SUDDEN SHREDDING GUITAR SOLO OF JUSTICE LEAGUE THEME AWESOMENESSAid action.
DON'T SCREW ME OVER ON THIS AGE OF FIRE JUST UPDATED AND I'M STILL ON THE RUSH
The most awesome kind of pet.What are you, again?I am a person with a pet respawning intelligent half-dragon giant spider.