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Wait for the next release. I want usable mugs damn it!

55 (71.4%)

We can use the current one. I like the big trees and slightly smarter dorfs.

17 (22.1%)

I'll take .34.11 thanks. I want to know I'll get to kill things for sure.

5 (6.5%)

Total Members Voted: 77

[Splint]

What I drew was just part of a misshapen upper body . Had I drawn the whole thing I would have went with something akin to a slug man, that is a couple jagged rusty limbs either dragging along or resting on said upper body while it slimed its way forward on the mostly formless and lacking in metal bits lump of a body underneath.

Also choose your words carefully next time Mr Frog; I tend to think of golems as humanoid in shape , if not appearance.

[Talvieno]

Woot, more Spearbreakers art! Looks pretty awesome. I'll have to get it (and everything else) into the Art Gallery later today. Right now I'm working on Vanya's story - I just finished another chapter, so that's four in the stockpile. I'm going to see if I can crank out a second one today, and after I have one more, I'll start posting. In the meantime, I've been gradually updating the Vanya thread with older chapters, hoping to maybe get a couple more readers in here... I don't know how successful I'll be at that, but hey, it's worth a shot.

@Talvi:

Believe it or not, I was actually intending on giving them variations in body structure (although they all would keep to having a fleshy lower body and metallic upper body) but I decided to focus on getting the default form through worldgen before putting in any others.

Lol, we think alike. Pretty awesome. And I have a suggestion on getting them through worldgen. If they reproduce, set their age of maturity a little lower. (They seem like they'd be asexually reproductive to me, "splitting" like cells, but I don't think there's a way to do that in Dwarf Fortress. )

Also, I, too, think of a humanoid shape when I think of golems. The definition is roughly "An animated, anthropomorphic being, created by bringing inanimate matter to life", so that pretty much yells "humanoid". I'm not sure what other word you would use for it, though. If I recall, the word is Jewish in origin (how? no idea, I don't remember, besides the fact that in folklore they were always made from mud), so it's been around for a lot longer than D&D games and roguelikes... Random bit of info there, not sure why I brought it up.

Oh, and, also, for detaily-ness... I imagine the bits of scrap metal would likely be rusted. Seems like an awesome touch.



Finally, I really want to model Asea's pulse rifle now... lol

[Splint]

Screw it, gonna draw another one.

And you might do well unlocking the thread, kinda hard to keep an eye on it otherwise.

[Talvieno]

Screw it, gonna draw another one.

And you might do well unlocking the thread, kinda hard to keep an eye on it otherwise.

I'm fifty posts in, and nobody's posted there yet - I'm kind of afraid people will. There's a Notify button at top-right that people can click if they want, and it's the first thing I mention in the first post.

edit: That's not how I'd originally intended it, but I got a whole page in without anybody else posting, and now, four pages in, it just feels like it'd be weird if anyone did. I'll unlock it anyway, though.

[Splint]

If you wanna that's fine, it's just I went to put in a ptw so if you posted while I was asleep or something I'd know and not have to look here to check.

EDIT: And now more things inspired by the Trash Golem Concept.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Wood barrel shell for one, sparse scrape metal for the other.

[Aseaheru]

Noone liked my gun, did they?

[Mr Frog]

See, since y'all misunderstood my somewhat-ambiguous creature description, I will now punish y'all with ugly artwork. Let this be a lesson.

Spoiler: The last thing you see before being bathed in toxic chemicals and dismembered (click to show/hide)

I would have given it proper shading and everything but drawing with a mouse turns everything into a long, drawn-out ordeal so I decided not to for the sake of my sanity.

I should probably get a DeviantArt account but I'm not sure how I'd feel about 100% of my initial gallery consisting of bad fanart for an obscure DF thread.

[Lolfail0009]

That thing looks like my bedroom floor.

[TalonisWolf]

 Funny, that is almost merciful compared to my room. That is amazing, Mr Frog. More so when I consider it was drawn by mouse, a tedious, finger-numbing, excruciating affair. I feel humbled- I tried that once, and never finished. It was too painful.

[Talvieno]

If you wanna that's fine, it's just I went to put in a ptw so if you posted while I was asleep or something I'd know and not have to look here to check.

Urp. I suppose there's no point in locking it now, lol

And now more things inspired by the Trash Golem Concept.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Wood barrel shell for one, sparse scrape metal for the other.

I actually really like those. Especially the first one.

Noone liked my gun, did they?

Actually, I said I was extremely tempted to make a 3D model of it. I would, too, but unfortunately I'm already tasked with finishing Vanya's story, so piling more work on myself might be somewhat counter-productive.

See, since y'all misunderstood my somewhat-ambiguous creature description, I will now punish y'all with ugly artwork. Let this be a lesson.

Spoiler: The last thing you see before being bathed in toxic chemicals and dismembered (click to show/hide)

I would have given it proper shading and everything but drawing with a mouse turns everything into a long, drawn-out ordeal so I decided not to for the sake of my sanity.

I should probably get a DeviantArt account but I'm not sure how I'd feel about 100% of my initial gallery consisting of bad fanart for an obscure DF thread.

That's actually very impressive. lol    I like it. It's got a "bad robot" vibe to it, though I like the idea of the gunk pile extending a little farther. Splint's gunk monster would be biological in nature, while yours seems more electrical. Loving the oily trail, though, and I know it's possible for you to actually get that ingame, too (provided there are enemies nearby), so that's a bonus. (It also may be possible for you to get it out of combat, too, but I'm not entirely sure. I never found a way.)

That thing looks like my bedroom floor.

Heh, mine looked worse, once upon a time.

Funny, that is almost merciful compared to my room. That is amazing, Mr Frog. More so when I consider it was drawn by mouse, a tedious, finger-numbing, excruciating affair. I feel humbled- I tried that once, and never finished. It was too painful.

Mr Frog is a god. *nods solemnly* Seriously, the main issue I had with using his program was that I'm so terrible with the mouse, which is part of why it always blows me away when he posts art up. lol    (Also why I'm totally okay that he never found time for the other stuff he was going to do.)

By the way, whatever happened to that piece of art you were working on that was based off something I said at some point, the "mystery piece" you held a sort of contest to see who could guess what it was, and nobody had the slightest clue?

[Mr Frog]

Splint's gunk monster would be biological in nature, while yours seems more electrical. Loving the oily trail, though, and I know it's possible for you to actually get that ingame, too (provided there are enemies nearby), so that's a bonus. (It also may be possible for you to get it out of combat, too, but I'm not entirely sure. I never found a way.)

I guess I designed it to have a sharp cutoff between the rotten-hamburger-gunk and metallic portions of its body because it looks creepier. Like, the metallic parts are just jammed into its body.

And, yes, it does in fact leave a trail of toxic black sludge everywhere it goes, thanks to the magic of interactions:

Code: [Select]

[CAN_DO_INTERACTION:MATERIAL_EMISSION]
[CDI:ADV_NAME:Drip sludge]
[CDI:BP_REQUIRED:BY_CATEGORY:BODY_LOWER]
[CDI:MATERIAL:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SLUDGE:SPATTER_LIQUID]
[CDI:TARGET:C:SELF_ONLY]
[CDI:TARGET_RANGE:C:0]
[CDI:MAX_TARGET_NUMBER:C:1]
[CDI:FREE_ACTION]
[CDI:WAIT_PERIOD:100]

The lack of a usage hint means it will do it automatically even when not in combat.

(Also why I'm totally okay that he never found time for the other stuff he was going to do.)

Urk. Sorry.

[TalonisWolf]

...

By the way, whatever happened to that piece of art you were working on that was based off something I said at some point, the "mystery piece" you held a sort of contest to see who could guess what it was, and nobody had the slightest clue?

I think this was it:

I found something I meant to post awhile ago. Like, before the drawing I did of Mr Frogs room. Thought I'd post it up while I knew where it was:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 

  Hopefully, I can finish a few other things... no promises, though.

Edit: The quote is hard to read, so I'll put it below:

That would only be logical, but this is Spearbreakers, where logic dictates you must add a mug to all equations.

  If you were the one who said that, I'll edit the post so I can give credit where due.

[Talvieno]

Splint's gunk monster would be biological in nature, while yours seems more electrical. Loving the oily trail, though, and I know it's possible for you to actually get that ingame, too (provided there are enemies nearby), so that's a bonus. (It also may be possible for you to get it out of combat, too, but I'm not entirely sure. I never found a way.)

I guess I designed it to have a sharp cutoff between the rotten-hamburger-gunk and metallic portions of its body because it looks creepier. Like, the metallic parts are just jammed into its body.

And, yes, it does in fact leave a trail of toxic black sludge everywhere it goes, thanks to the magic of interactions:

Code: [Select]

[CAN_DO_INTERACTION:MATERIAL_EMISSION]
[CDI:ADV_NAME:Drip sludge]
[CDI:BP_REQUIRED:BY_CATEGORY:BODY_LOWER]
[CDI:MATERIAL:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SLUDGE:SPATTER_LIQUID]
[CDI:TARGET:C:SELF_ONLY]
[CDI:TARGET_RANGE:C:0]
[CDI:MAX_TARGET_NUMBER:C:1]
[CDI:FREE_ACTION]
[CDI:WAIT_PERIOD:100]

The lack of a usage hint means it will do it automatically even when not in combat.

Gah, that's brilliant. *headdesk* I could've used that so many times if I'd thought of it, but it never even entered my mind. lol

also, you're right, your version is definitely creepier. I can imagine it animated in a jerky, jumpy, claymation style... it would look totally terrifying.

Urk. Sorry.

lol, Seriously, don't worry about it. I've made you promises I couldn't keep, too, so I guess we're even now?

That would only be logical, but this is Spearbreakers, where logic dictates you must add a mug to all equations.

Oh!!! That was Hanslanda, not me. Really funny guy, and the creator of Urist, Vanya's first romantic interest. Real fun to work with. He hasn't been around in a long time, though - he mostly stays on the lower forums now, when he's on at all.
Love that picture, by the way. I almost set it as my desktop, but couldn't find a way to crop it where it still looked good.


Also: Just finished the fifth Vanya post, which means I have a good stockpile up, and I'll post the next chapter (as well as a link to the last) after somebody posts next. I'd like to put it in its own post, rather than sticking it to the end of this mess here.

[TalonisWolf]

Thanks. Don't know why I thought it was you, though... opps. 

[Talvieno]

Don't worry about it, it's fine.

And now, for the first time in... far longer than it should've been... Vanya's Journal. lol

Link to previous chapter
Vanya's Journals, Chapter 58: False Freedom

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Vanya's Journals, Chapter 58: False Freedom
This is a standard mass-produced Parasol journal, dated from hundreds of years ago. The only thing that separates it from other journals is the gold star on the cover and the elven script found within. It's possible Vanya chose to write it in elventongue so that Kenzon, and other potentially untrustworthy people, wouldn't read it, but that remains to be seen.

    I was free - I could go wherever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and nothing could hold me back. At the same time, I was trapped. No matter where I went, the knowledge that Joseph always knew where I was could never leave my mind. Maybe more importantly, I couldn't leave Parasol... and it didn't seem I would ever be able to. Even when I tried to leave, I was blocked by one barrier after another.

    Over the next month, I found myself exploring as much of Parasol's third division as I could. I hated their policies, but their people made it all worthwhile. Yes, some of the dwarves were rude... but many were so kind and thoughtful, it reminded me of Spearbreakers. It felt so good to walk freely among them... something that, as an elf, I'd never been able to do before. I was socializing with complete strangers... I was coming out of my shell. It was terrifying, but at the same time... it was wonderful. Sometimes I would visit Solnay again, and she would show me things like instantly-drying paint, or try unsuccessfully to set me up for a date with her never-present assistant, Gareth. Other days I would simply wander, going wherever I felt like, looking at things I'd never seen before and talking to new people... and those days were my favorites.
    One Wednesday afternoon, I left Katie with Trebor and boarded a shuttlecar, starting it down the tube and trying to surprise myself. It was a game of mine: I'd let my mind wander as it so often wanted to, and I'd see where I ended up. You don't even have to think of a destination for it to take you somewhere... it just takes you wherever you want to go. Unfortunately, I did it so often that it was almost becoming a habit.
    After a while, the vehicle came to a stop at a crowded underwater docking station, and I hopped out, flexing my ankle a little. It felt better, and I felt a little tempted to dance a little, just because I could... but I didn't want to attract the hostile stares of the dwarves around me. Dancing is something dwarves shun as elven - their bodies are too stout for gracefulness. Instead, I left, taking the only path available: a long, narrow corridor with glass walls.
    A few minutes later, I found myself in Division 3's lobby... It looked the same as it had two months before, when I'd first arrived, cowering in the shadows in fear of meeting the reporters.
    Against the far wall, the gleaming megaportal beckoned temptingly, and I followed it forwards quietly, my feet guiding me to the desk. I didn't want to leave Reudh behind at Parasol, especially not with how kind he'd been to me, but I was homesick, and I wanted so badly to go home... even if just for a little while.

    As I approached, the receptionist - a handsome, skinny dwarf a few years older than me - eyed me curiously. He actually reminded me a little of my old friend, John, until he started talking. "May I help you?" he asked mechanically.
    Smiling awkwardly, I leaned forwards and folded my arms on the chest-high counter, looking down at him and trying to make a good first impression. "I'd like to use the portal," I said carefully, trying to keep my voice businesslike as I eyed his nametag: Shaun Toborobok.
    Shaun cocked an eyebrow and smirked in amusement, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the portal. "You're aware of the cost, aren't you? This isn't one of your regular transit portals. This is the big stuff, now. These don't transport single people except in emergencies, and even then, you have to have a pass."
    My face fell, the smile gone in an instant. "Cost?" I echoed.
    Nodding apologetically at me, he said, "Guess you're not taking a trip... Sorry about that." Then, he looked down, tapping at a computer pad under the countertop. "Vanya Carena, right? Former Sleeper? Where were you trying to go?" he asked lightheartedly, leaning back in his chair.
    I hesitated before replying... he seemed pretty friendly, really, almost as if he welcomed the opportunity for conversation, or maybe pitied me... it eased my discomfort, but I knew it was against multiversal law for me to even be there. "I'm from Everoc," I told him quietly, my gaze straying from his face.
    "Ohhhhh," he breathed, as if everything suddenly made sense. Leaning towards me, he whispered, "You're a native, then, aren't you?"
    I swallowed, frowning. "I am... I know I'm not supposed to be here, but..."
    "No, no!" Shaun hurried to reassure me. "It's all right! I just didn't know we had any Sleepers there, that's all. It's okay. Really, I won't tell anyone." He glanced downwards and started tapping at his pad again. "You miss your family?"
    My frown twisted up at a corner. "I don't have a family... not anymore, anyway. I just wanted to visit my home, that's all... I'm just a little homesick."
    "Yeah, I hear you," the dwarf replied smoothly, nodding. His eyes remained glued to his computer's screen. "My little brother used to get homesick, too. It can be a pretty powerful feeling. Where did you live?"
    "A dwarven fortress... Spearbreakers."
    He reacted to it as if I'd just committed treason. His eyes widened to saucers, and he half-stood, glancing around quickly as he hissed at me in disbelief, "Spearbreakers?? Goddamn, are you serious??"
    I felt uncomfortable, but gave a slow, if hesitant, nod.
    Shaking his head in shock, he sank back to his seat, scratching his young beard with a hand over his chin. "Holy shit," he muttered, swearing. "Holy shit."
    I began to grow worried.
    The receptionist looked up at me with an empathetic frown. "I am so, so sorry."
    "Um... did something happen to it?" I asked fearfully. It had been over a year since I'd been there last, and so much can happen in a year... at the time, I expected him to say it had fallen to the armies of Holistic Spawn.
    Fortunately, he quickly shook his head. "No, it's just... Spearbreakers is why we're here." He waved his hands around meaningfully to symbolize Parasol. "It's... The HS-2, the Spawn - they cluster there as an affront to the big god in Everoc's universe. It's... um..." He paused and looked downwards, snapping his fingers while trying to remember.
    "Armok?" I offered, confused.
    Pointing a finger at me, he nodded. "Yes! Exactly. If I understand right, Spearbreakers is in the middle of it all, and it makes things difficult for our soldiers. We're supposed to keep the backwards natives ignorant of us, see, and -" He stopped awkwardly as he realized what he was saying. Frowning, he offered, "Sorry, I'm not meaning to imply that you're... um..."
    I found him a little funny. "It's okay," I assured him.
    He smirked at himself, though a bit sheepishly, as he leaned forwards, keeping himself upright with his hands against the countertop. "Tell you what. You bring me 500 credits for the trip, and I'll get a guy to forge a pass for you." At my dismayed expression, he grimaced and apologized, "I'm sorry - it's the best I can do. Opening that portal isn't cheap."
    "No, it's okay," I assured him gratefully, though disappointed. "Thank you anyway."
    With a slight nod, he answered, "Any time. Only wish I could do more. I'll see you around, Vanya."
    And I left. Halfway back across the room to the shuttlecar port, as I crossed over the magma-and-marble Parasol logo, I glanced over my shoulder and saw him looking back at me, though he turned away quickly. I was a little worried he might report me.
    Somehow, I decided, I would get back home. I didn't care if it was five hundred credits or five thousand... Someday, I would get back to Spearbreakers. If not for Urist, then I would do it for myself. I'd gotten over being homesick an entire year before... but that didn't mean I still missed the place I considered home.

    Back on a shuttlecar, I spoke my destination in my mind: Scheck Kenzon's Weapons Training. The shuttlecar began to move, and minutes later I was flying through the ring-lit underwater tubes, headed towards the underground portion of Parasol's Third Division.
    I was already sure of what was going to happen. Even though it was Wednesday - the day Mr. Kenzon had told me he would teach me - I'd leave without any training, just like always. It's hard for people to gain my trust, and he certainly wasn't doing a very good job of it. I really think the only reason he told me he would teach me was to keep me around Katie, because he thought I could keep her safe. His receptionist, Jade, would tell me sympathetically that he wasn't in that day, or that he had an emergency meeting with a few clients, or that he was being paid overtime for something and I'd have to come back later. This time was no different.
    The shuttlecar slowed to a gentle halt beside the underground, marble entryway, and I hopped off it quickly, running down the ramp even as it finished extending. There was a kind of excitement to it, in a way... before it attached firmly to the vehicle, it would shake unsteadily under your feet. If you didn't keep a light step as you walked, it'd tip you off, and you'd never make it to the other side.
    After the shuttlecar left, leaving me alone in an empty lobby, I walked over to the receptionist's desk, where a young brunette human sat working, her hair tied up in a bun as she studied the books and lists laid out before her. If Katie's guesses was to be believed, she and Kenzon were actually dating... but it was hard to tell. I never saw the two of them in the same room, and it's hard to imagine them together at all - she's nothing like him.
    "Miss Jade?" I asked, alerting her to my presence. "I'm here for weapons training with Mr. Kenzon... is he available today?"
    The woman glanced up quickly, taking off her glasses. She was wearing makeup, just like she always was - her gray eyes rimmed with eyeliner, her cheeks a smooth tone. It felt artificial to me... as if she had something to hide... ...as she very well might have. "Oh... Vanya... Hello. Mr. Kenzon, you say?" Jade asked with a friendly smile. "I'll look that right up." After a few seconds of tapping at her computer screen, she turned back with a sincere expression of sympathy. "I'm sorry, no. He's not available today - he says he's refurnishing his armory. Perhaps next week..." At my slight frown, she added, "If you want, I could book you for a session tomorrow."
    "No, it's all right," I said, shaking my head with pessimism. "He wouldn't be available then, either."
    My comment made her frown with guilt. "It's not a guarantee," she offered, defending him. "He might be available tomorrow... just give him a chance."
    I just didn't care anymore. Sighing, I shook my head. "You know he doesn't like me... I don't even know why I keep coming here." When she replied with a silent expression of pity, I dejectedly turned away.

    A familiar voice called out from deeper within the complex, echoing towards where I stood: "Vanya?" I knew who it was immediately, and my heart seemed to skip a beat.
    "Reudh?" I asked in surprise, turning to look down the white marble hallway. "What are you doing here?"
    He was fully garbed in heavy white Parasol armor, and his adamantine pike was slung over his back, matching the cyan trim of his suit. His hair was wet, as if he'd just taken a shower, and he looked both tired and a little confused. "I'm here for Kenzon's training, as he told me to come every Wednesday. Do not misunderstand me, my dear, I am greatly pleased to see you, and you look as beautiful today as ever... but why are you here, if I might ask?" he asked, continuing down the hallway towards me.
    I narrowed a glare in Jade's direction. "I thought you said he was refurnishing his armory," I said quietly.
    She only looked uncomfortable, sliding her glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she rearranged the books before her. Caught in a lie, it seemed almost as if she didn't want to notice me, and I wasn't surprised. It probably wasn't her lie, anyway, but Kenzon's.
    Facing Reudh as he entered the little lobby, I spoke up, my frustration making its way into my voice. It hadn't been the best day. "I'm here because Kenzon said he would teach me combat skills... but he avoids me instead. I've been here every Wednesday, just like he wanted me to be, but he's always busy... or at least, he claims he is."
    "He was most certainly not busy today," Reudh noted, scratching his chin under his red-brown beard. "Nor has he been busy any of these past weeks! I must say I'm unsure as to why he would say otherwise. I am terribly sorry, however... Might there be anything I could do?"
    I managed a disappointed frown. "No, it's okay, Reudh..." I would've stayed longer, but I was beginning to feel depressed by simply being there. When I'm in that sort of mood, everything bugs me. I almost imagined Jade hiding a cruel smirk behind her desk... Down the hallway, I sighted a dark-coated man with a low-brimmed fedora and my mind immediately labeled him as "shady". Even Reudh himself was starting to get on my nerves. I know he used to do it all the time, but it was happening a lot often then. "I'm just going to go home... Will you visit tomorrow?"
    He smiled amiably. "Of course, Vanya dearest! I will escort you there if you'd like."
    Shaking my head, I turned him down. "No, it's all right. I can get back on my own."

~~~

    Later that night, I sat quietly in the white chair in that single darkened corner of the sitting room, writing in my journal. I was starting to write down the events leading up to the battle of 48D, but I couldn't get my mind off of Reudh and Urist. I've always needed someone to love... It used to be my sister, but after I lost her it became Urist. Now it was slowly, gradually, becoming Reudh, and the thought entered my mind: was I really in control of who I loved? Did I just love whoever was most convenient, and whoever treated me the best? Reudh isn't nearly as handsome as Urist, and I know I can be shallow... but he didn't seem my type at all, so why was I falling for him?
    It was then, in a moment of confusion, that I pulled a sheet out of my journal and started to write a letter. I have it still... I'll copy it down here.

        Dear Urist...
    It's been a long time since I saw you last... a little more than a year now. I don't really know why I'm writing this out, as I have no way of sending it... I guess to pour out my thoughts, without needing someone to listen. It isn't like me to burden someone with my problems, but now, in a way, I’m doing it to you.
    When you met me, I'd almost lost hope, trapped in a prison cell in the darkest corners of Spearbreakers... You risked your life to save me, and you didn't care I was an elf. You were the first person who'd ever treated me as an equal, and I was grateful beyond words for it. When I talked, you listened; when I cried, you cared; when I laughed, you smiled. You went out of your way to protect me and keep me safe, even to the point that you did something I thought I'd never forgive you for. I know you understand it now, but the last day I saw you... it wasn't a Ballpoint soldier you killed, but my sister.
    For the past year, I've hated you for it, loathing myself for any shred of feeling towards you that remained in my heart. In my mind, you'd betrayed me. In my mind, it was entirely your fault, and I'd done nothing wrong. I've thought of you as a murderer... The pain of what you did still hasn't left me, and it probably never will. I would do anything to be able to go back and fix what was wrong, because it's taken me this long, but now I know: It wasn't your fault she died at all... it was mine. You were only trying to save my life, and you did.
    When you sent me the letter on that crumpled page, and that crystal jade spearhead, I realized I'd been fooling myself. I'd told myself I thought about you because I hated you for what you'd done. I'd told myself I wanted to return to Spearbreakers because of the other people there. I'd told myself that I wanted to see you again so I could hurt you - so I could take revenge. In a way, all of that is true, but when I opened that letter, I realized something I've been denying the entire time...
    Urist... I think I'm in love with you.
    My hands are shaking as I write this... I'm almost hyperventilating, and I don't know why. I know you'll never read this "letter", but it's still so, so hard for me to admit it... Urist... I love you, even now. I love you. I love you dearly. Those three words carry so much meaning, and yet we never said them to each other. I was too shy to bring them to my lips, and even now, if we met again, I still don't know if I could.
    And this is the part that confuses me. I'm starting to get those same feelings towards someone else... someone I don't feel I should. How can I like two people at once? How can anyone? How is it even fair?? I'm so, so confused... What would you even think of me if you knew? You're married. I like two different guys. You swore off love. We're nothing more than friends. Is it bad to say I like you as more than that? That when I lie awake at night, it's not only Reudh that crosses my mind, but you?
    I'm confused and afraid, but I hide it when I talk to people. Not even Katie, my best friend, knows. And yet, somehow, I'm spilling this out to you. Why do I do that? Why do I trust you so implicitly? Why do I feel this way about you now? I haven't seen you in a year... just like when you rescued me from my lonely prison. My feelings for you never went away then, and they haven't now, either, only clouded by anger and hatred at something that wasn't your fault. And what do I do now? Do I bury the way I feel towards you and let my feelings for Reudh take over? Do I push Reudh away? Do I ignore both of you and live for myself?
    I'm so confused... I'm a horrible person, and I'm sorry.
        ~~~ V

    Even when it was hard for me to trust anyone right away... I still wanted to see the best in them. I kept giving Kenzon chances, almost like I was hoping he would prove himself worthy of my trust... just like I'd done with Talvi, Hans, Mr Frog, Wari, John, Klade, and now... And now, Urist...
    The sad thing was, I never got any second chances in return. If I only could've gotten a second chance to save my sister, to do the right thing instead of doing what I wanted... If I could've just been smarter instead of rushing out to try to save her from herself... If I only could've gotten a second chance to make things right with Urist, to forgive him instead of leaving him to a torment of silence... If I could've just been stronger instead of running away to try to save myself...

★

Her elven script ends here, the ink smudged by ancient teardrops.