Bay 12 Games Forum

Finally... => Forum Games and Roleplaying => Topic started by: Iituem on March 20, 2017, 07:14:23 pm

Title: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: Iituem on March 20, 2017, 07:14:23 pm: On the proviso that this will be dropped at the end of March or passed onto another GM (unlike Wands Race, which will be picked back up later if not concluded), let's try a quick SPAM game! [Be ready for this to die an inglorious death!]

Rather than a king or warlord ruling through righteous authority or force of arms, you are a wizard seeking to forge their destiny! Unfortunately, the world has absolutely gone to the dogs; the old Empire has crumbled, warlords are roving the land carving out fiefdoms and monsters have crawled up out of the earth to feast upon humanity. Terrible times, but great for an opportunist like yourself! But first, we must learn who you are:

Name: [preferably something sensible]

Background: Who are you, and how did you get into wizardry?

A - University student: A member of the elite course of academic magic in the finest city of the Empire, you secured a place and a scholarship by dint of your intelligence and enthusiasm. Your long university career has left you book-smart and well read, but perhaps not the wisest in the ways of the world. During a field expedition beyond the Empire's borders, everything went to hell.

B - Battlemage: You started out as an officer in the Imperial Army, fighting for glory against rebels and traitors, when you were discovered as having a knack for magic. The Empire paid for your tuition in the military's school for battlemages and you retained your former rank. You were on a mission to stamp out a rogue wizard for the Empire when everything went to hell and monsters ate the rest of your team.

C - Merchant: You were born into wealth and comfort as the heir of a banking and shipping dynasty. You learnt the arts of business and dealmaking, buying spellbooks and learning from them and a few select tutors in your spare time. On your way to inspect some of your dynasty's distant holdings, everything went to hell.

D - Nobility: You were born the third-in-line to a county, educated in politics and leadership, duelling befitting a noble, and had a private tutor in magic who taught you alongside your other lessons. When everything went to hell, you alone escaped the devastation of your fief.

E - Brigand: You became an outlaw, preferring the freedom and thievery of the life and also having little choice on account of your various crimes. Banding together with other ne'er-do-wells, you made friends with an exiled mage who taught you everything you know shortly before everything went to hell and he (and the rest of your band) died.

F - Peasant: You were born with the spark of magic - onto a pig farm with no prospects and no money. You learnt the value of hard labour and how to work the land, and you had recently started your apprenticeship with the village witch to learn a thing or two about herblore and how to control your innate gift when everything went to hell.

Skills: You're on your own with nothing but you, your magic and your skills. But there's one skill you excel in.
A - Martial
B - Negotiation
C - Lore
D - Leadership

Magic: You have been trained in one field of magic in particular, and that is where your strengths lie.

A - Abjuration. You're good at sealing entrances, summoning shields and protections and binding spirits when you find them.
B - Conjuration. You're good at summoning objects and creatures out of thin air.
C - Divination. You're good at seeing things at a distance, or through time.
D - Enchantment. You're good at messing with people's minds.
E - Evocation. You're good at destroying things with channelled energies.
F - Illusion. You're good at making things appear to be what they're not.
G - Necromancy. You're good at channelling the powers of life and death.
H - Transmutation. You're good at altering the properties of materials and objects.
I - Generalist. What speciality? You learnt a little of everything, and you don't excel at anything.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 20, 2017, 07:29:06 pm: Name: Byorgl

Background: byrogil be one o' de fheenest of da besht BAGICANS der' be, born in a woorl' of poor-nesh an' hunghery, Byorgol took da nameh of da leg-end-dairy BIORGIL! Da stongest and besthest of the magehs evea to leev, and thus was taht by hees besh friend Magois of da best sorchery and witchary-dry der is.

F- Byoldol was a fief-dohm farhmer eve' his birth in da ol' barn.

B- Byorglo hashes a wey wit talkin' and speakin' down da besh of de besh down t' hish reazinnig.

E- BYORG ISHH BESH BURN MAHHN! byorgol makhs th' de'liest firre an' knos th' the besh spells. Evochkathshun spellsh.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 20, 2017, 08:23:12 pm: You are Beorgl, or possibly Byroggle or Bygrol. You were named after the greatest magician to ever live, you. You grew up in your village as a strong lad, smart enough to know the right end of a plow to drag (well, after you had a bit of help) and know a thing or two about farming and animal husbandry.

You are exceedingly smart, having been taught to read, and can even understand complex words like 'example' and 'treadmill', provided you have a bit of time to take a run up at them. Why, you can even write your own name! Sometimes the spelling changes, but sometimes the name does too.

You are a superb negotiator, finding that so long as you stick to making the same demands people eventually give in, even if you have to follow them and keep talking for hours. You once kept negotiating for three days until Old Woman Mackle sold you that cow.

You are exceedingly good at destroying things, being a highly skilled evo- kevco- vococo- burning man. You can break things using lightning, thunder, ice, but you are particularly good at setting things on fire.

Relevant to this, your village is currently on fire. You returned after a trip to the woods to pick mushrooms and found that everything was burnt to the ground, everybody seems to be eaten or burnt to death, and you can just see what appears to be a dragon flying off to the mountains with two of your prize bulls gripped in its claws. You should probably do something about... any of this.

A - Go West, to the local baron's manor and seek his aid with this dragon nonsense.

B - Go South, to the nearby woods and take shelter there, dragons are scary.

C - Go East, off towards the big city, and see if any of them know anything about this.

D - Go North, to the mountains where that dragon's flying.

E - Stay Put and see if anything survived in the village.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: FallacyofUrist on March 20, 2017, 08:24:24 pm: Go North. Just because a dragon breathes fire doesn't mean it's immune to it, right?
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 20, 2017, 09:59:07 pm: "EYYY! Thosh are mah bullsh!" D - Go North and chase that dragon down!
Well the dragon probably takes 90% less damage from fire of any type.
We are skilled in ice and lightning so let's use those instead of fire.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 21, 2017, 02:31:22 am: Hmm, hmm, what a stunningly original setting! (jk I am obviously flattered)

I feel like chasing down a dragon may be a good way to end the game, at least at our current skill level. Perhaps we can salvage something from the remnants of our village?

E
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 21, 2017, 02:50:48 am: Those are your prize bulls that flying lizard just took! You head North to get them back, or at least some satisfaction. You head on up towards the foothills that lead to the mountains. With your keen peasant senses you catch sight up ahead of a series of rough men and women, all garbed in ratty clothes and holding rocks, cudgels and tools like billhooks, machetes and flails. It looks like they are all hiding off the main path, concealed in various hiding spots.

You could:

A: Take a long route around these rough men and women, avoiding them but adding an hour to your journey.

B: Walk through the main path and trust these strange folk to keep to themselves.

C: Call out the rough men and women and try to negotiate passage.

D: Lay waste and pass this obstacle through the medium of destruction.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 21, 2017, 02:55:58 am: We can always use destruction after negotiations fail. We are, after all, a master negoshiater.

C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 21, 2017, 03:50:44 am: C sounds reasonable.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 21, 2017, 03:45:46 pm: C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 21, 2017, 04:19:45 pm: Ctw
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 21, 2017, 05:54:14 pm: You call out to the figures hiding in the hills and, as you expected, some of them begin to sheepishly emerge. One of them introduces himself as Herbert Refuge and they explain that they come from one of the mining villages in the hills, except that trolls came down from the mountains and killed most of their people. These two dozen survivors are all that are left and they were hiding from the passing dragon.

[4*] You offer them protection under your glorious fiery powers. They seem sceptical of the offer, but are willing to let you tag along with them on their way to the cities to find aid for their local fiefdom.

A - Ignore these refugees and head on to find your bulls.

B - Head along with the refugees back down towards the cities.

C - Convince these people to help you in your quest to get your bull back if you'll kill those trolls in their village for them.

D - Convince these people to help you in your quest because you will set them on fire otherwise.

E - These dirty hillfolk doubt your word? BURN THEM ALL.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 21, 2017, 05:58:04 pm: C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 21, 2017, 06:50:03 pm: Trolls are notoriously burnable.\, Even Byohgrim knows this.

C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 21, 2017, 06:52:45 pm: C

Death to the trolls!
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 21, 2017, 07:44:34 pm: You declare to the refugees that you will kill the trolls, which is received by a mixture of incredulity, shock and even a little desperate hope. Still, they are happy to give you directions to their village, which is broadly on your way to the mountains, and even follow at a safe distance.

You clamber up onto the top of the hill that overlooks the valley this village is in. The sun has just set, and starlight has begun to illuminate the town. Down below you can see that the village is largely abandoned, but of particular note is the black cloud in the centre; so it seems at first. You realise that the black is from hundreds of crows, and as one of the village doors opens with a bang the crows all take off, revealing a pile of scores of dead bodies, piled like cordwood.

A huge figure, twice the size of a mortal man, emerges from the house, seemingly carved from living rock. He looks like a statue, but a statue that has seen the wars. Where once a proud nose and strong jaw were apparently chiselled into his face, time and damage has left it so filled with scars and pockmarks that it appears to be a monstrous grotesque of human features. The troll picks up a body from the pile and bites its rotting head off with a massive mouth, filled with what appear to be shards of rock for teeth.

A - Kill kill kill kill kill the trolls, hunt them down there shall be no clemency!

B - Study this village a bit more, see if you can scout out any useful information.

C - On second thought, trolls look dangerous. Let's get out of here!
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 21, 2017, 08:05:54 pm: Byorgil is clever, Byorgil watches the trolls, for weakness and easier murdering.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 21, 2017, 10:48:55 pm: B
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 22, 2017, 01:57:37 am: Ah, now these are rock trolls. Not the flammable kind. Quite the opposite.
Hopefully we have more tricks up our sleeve than just fireballs.

B
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 05:46:15 am: You settle into a comfortable position and watch the village for the better part of an hour. [2, 1] Unfortunately, because of your need to hide from trolls who keep coming out to get snacks, you are unable to gather much information. You would guess there are anywhere between half a dozen to thirty trolls, depending on how hungry one gets.

A - Enough waiting, let's start killing trolls!

B - Keep waiting, see if an opportunity arises.

C - Thirty trolls? That's like three times twenty! Better we run away.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: 10ebbor10 on March 22, 2017, 05:52:17 am: A
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 22, 2017, 07:31:39 am: As Byorgil finally, finally decides it's murdering time with bolts of fire.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 22, 2017, 07:49:59 am: Nope nope nope. We can't kill rock trolls with firebolts.
This sounds to me like a good time to exercise the better part of valour and skedaddle.

C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 22, 2017, 07:53:33 am: thats why we will use lightning bolts and other, non-firebolty spells.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 22, 2017, 12:27:28 pm: No we should use a combination of ice and fire in alternating bursts so they explode from ice and steam expanding within the cracks it their stiff substance
A
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 01:37:37 pm: [3*v1, 3*v2, 4*v5]

You wait until one of the trolls emerges from a house and then stand up, thrusting your hands forward and unleashing a torrent of flame from the well of power within you. The troll lets out a heavy, gravelly growl as it begins to heat up, glowing a dull red. Three more trolls emerge at the sound of the howl and you split the flame, dousing each of them in waves of heat.

"Are you an idiot?" screams Refuge. "You can't burn those things, they're made of stone!"

You give him a withering look and flick your wrists. Where fire poured forth before, two swirling vortices of sheer cold shoot forth, freezing the moisture in the air where they pass into fine diamond dust ice. Where they hit the four trolls, the rocky troll-flesh, which had begun to glow red with heat, cracks and explodes from the sudden temperature change. All four trolls are blasted to smithereens. You turn back to Refuge.

"Y'see?" you say. "Borglglorl knows what'ee dun! B'rl dun dis a'fr! Ol' Far'er Geddows, 'e 'ad a bigol' budder on'i firm! Oi smasher'up reel ni'! Can trustol' Gorble f'r blowin' thinsup!"

At which point a heavy rock strikes you in the side of your chest and you fall over. It hurts, and your rib is twinging, but you manage to pick yourself up. You can see now that more trolls have arrived. Lots... more. You aren't the best at counting, but it looks like more trolls than you have fingers but less than you have trolls. You mean toes. It's exactly the number you have of trolls.

About a third of the trolls are holding back, picking up bits of rubble and hurling them at you, whilst the remaining three quarters are charging up the hill towards your position to try and murder you with their bare fists.

A - Focus on destroying the rock throwers.

B - Destroy the wave coming up the hill to kill you.

C - Try and hit both at once.

D - Now that's a lot of trolls. Time to go.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 22, 2017, 01:45:14 pm: Hey wait a minute, those asterisks are a lie! There's no alt text under them!

Anyway. Run away! We can surely outrun things literally made of rock.

D
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 22, 2017, 01:50:24 pm: B turn them to a pile of rubble we can duck behind for cover
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 02:10:57 pm: Wait you can put alt text in asterisks?* I was just using them to indicate where you had advantage, but that makes much more sense!
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 22, 2017, 02:12:52 pm: We made a promise to the villagers though!
B
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: 10ebbor10 on March 22, 2017, 02:55:46 pm: Quote from: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 02:10:57 pm
Wait you can put alt text in asterisks?* I was just using them to indicate where you had advantage, but that makes much more sense!

You can put alt text in anything. *.

Edit : No you can't. Spaces and emoiji don't work.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 03:11:26 pm: [4* vs 2][6* vs 1][3* vs 1]

You raise your hands and begin to make swirling patterns in the air. Long lashes of fire and ice sprout forth from your wrists and strike the approaching trolls, over and over again, heating and shattering fragments of their granite forms. A third of the approaching trolls are down before they reach you, and the remainder form two waves as they try to rip you to shred. You wrench one hand upwards and a wall of fire bursts into being before you, then you blast a blizzard towards the trolls as they charge through the flames, shattering them. The last third cut around the wall of fire but you slash your hands and huge gusts of wind blow them directly into the growing morass of ice and flame.

[1 vs 1][4 vs 1] Unfortunately, your focus on the trolls approaching you has left you wide open. A rock grazes you across the scalp, then another crashes into your leg and you feel it break. You let out a cry of pain and fall to the ground. You manage to drag yourself behind the shelter of the cooling, pinging mound of broken troll pieces. You can't walk, and you can hear the trolls moving to throw from a better position.

A - It's too late now. Kill every last one or die.

B - It's never too late, crawl to safety as best you can and hope you can escape their wrath.

C - Try and convince the villagers to fight with the remaining trolls to give you a distraction so you can strike them down.

D - Try and convince the villagers to fight with the remaining trolls and then crawl away whilst they're all getting killed.
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 22, 2017, 03:18:52 pm: Ayup. Too late to run now. Best employ our Negoshiashen skills here, and finish them off.

C
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 22, 2017, 03:41:03 pm: "Chhhhrrorooggbblll neggiiotianahs!!"
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Doubloon-Seven on March 22, 2017, 05:41:45 pm: Cooperate, yet never surrender!
Title: Re: Spamwizard!
Post by: Iituem on March 22, 2017, 05:44:03 pm: You try and exhort the villagers to aid you. [2] Unfortunately, whilst you are a skilled negotiator you aren't a charismatic leader by any stretch, and whilst you try and persuade them to join you the trolls sneak around whilst the villagers stay hidden.

[1 vs 2] One of the trolls reaches you, wielding what appears to be a small tree, stripped of its branches, as a club. He brings it down hard into the space where you were a few seconds before, having rolled desperately out of the way, your knee screaming in protest. [4* vs 1] You blast him with twinned streams of ice and fire and he shatters, only for his fellows to step up to take his place. [2 vs 4] You can barely move, but you flash up a few quick bursts of fire to throw off their aim and the heavy fists of the trolls crash into the earth behind you. [6* vs 3] You flash fire to both side, then ice, then fire and ice again, alternating until the trolls explode into stone shards that cut your skin and the dust of which stings your eyes.

[2 vs 4] One last troll remains, larger than the rest and far more intact. Unlike her chipped and broken brethren, this troll is an almost entirely intact statue of a tall, amazonian woman in sculpted armour. She wields a spear carved from the same stone and stabs it at you, narrowly missing you and mulching up the ground between your legs. [2* vs 5] You blast a twinned fire-ice vortex at her, but she grabs the torso of one of her companions and thrusts it into the way, acting like a shield.

[5 vs 4] The troll chieftess hurls the torso of her comrade straight into your chest and you feel ribs snap under the pressure. You are bleeding freely and likely to die if she can strike you again. With one hand you send another, weaker torrent of fire and ice at the troll, which she blocks easily with her spear, the lower half of it crumbles. She raises her spear and...

[6* vs 4] Her head explodes as the bead of sheer physical force you created with your other hand sweeps behind her, boomerangs, and strikes her in the skull, exploding with the force of a fully fledged fireball. The spear falls harmlessly to the ground, as do the rest of her stony body parts.

You are Beorgl, the Trollslayer!

You are also very, very injured. Parts of your body are crushed and broken, most notably your leg and ribs. You have no idea if you're bleeding internally. You whimper in pain as the villagers, shocked by what has transpire, let out a ragged cheer. The trolls that slew their village are dead! Sadly, most of the village still is, too.

A - Sleep. Hopefully someone will take care of you.

B - Inform the villagers that you hold them to their bargain; they must carry you up to the mountains to face off against this dragon.

C - Inform the villagers that you hold them to their bargain; once you have rested and recuperated, you will expect their aid travelling north to find your bulls.

D - Inform the villagers that after the crap you just went through, you are their bloody lord now.

E - Forget these losers, they can't help you defeat a dragon! Crawl away from these saps and their village and rest up so you can take on that dragon on your own.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 22, 2017, 06:04:52 pm: I think our actions here qualify us for more than just a one-off 'help us reach a dragon and then do nothing to help'. More like they should be providing us with supplies and potentially labour if we ever need to build something.

D
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 22, 2017, 06:23:01 pm: Honestly, I am stretched between Bemusing or Evil, so I think l go with the middle man and

Demand lordship.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Iituem on March 23, 2017, 05:18:42 am: [5*] You make it clear (as clear as your dialect permits) that you have just slain a terrible evil and that the original bargain, for them to help you get your bulls back from this dragon, is by now a touch underwhelming compared to everything you just did. You make it clear you will expect a more concrete service in future.

Only Refuge actually objects, although there are a couple of mutterers, but most of the survivors feel that this is in fact incredibly reasonable. They choose to pronounce you their new master, Sir Beorgl, and you promptly pass out from pain.

You awaken in a bed inside, where you can see the bright light of day coming in through the window. Your whole body hurts, but someone has dressed your wounds. You can see your new subjects clearing the rubble from outside and the pile of bodies appears to be gone.

A - Rest up until you are fully healed.

B - Rest up until you can walk, then head off in search of your bulls.

C - Abandon your quest for your bulls and remain here to protect and nurture this village.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 23, 2017, 05:42:45 am: I can't possibly imagine that those bulls are anything other than hale and hearty, just waiting for their master to come fetch them. Pretty sure dragons just collect bulls, like piles of gold, and do not, for example, eat them.
Thus, let us continue our quest.

B
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 23, 2017, 07:20:47 am: Yes, but it would be most perilous to take them back when we are not at our full, so I think we should let us wait a few until we can break kobold bones and take names.

A
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 23, 2017, 10:37:40 am: B
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Iituem on March 23, 2017, 12:33:23 pm: You rest up for five days. Fortunately, the village witch (now quite, quite dead) had large stocks of bonewort, an uncommon magical herb that can speed up healing many times, particularly when it comes to knitting bone together. Your leg was broken cleanly, so your new followers splint it and apply many bandages and a frequently changed poultice of bonewart. In five days, your leg has healed up enough that you can just about walk on it, with a crutch and still splinted. You probably shouldn't, but you've left your bulls long enough! Your ribs still hurt like buggery, and you have no idea what their state is, but you don't care!

You gather up volunteers from the villagers, holding them to serve you as promised; eight of them agree to join you, armed with what weapons they can. They seem nervous about your planned expedition, but you are filled with fervour. And maybe fever.

You spend two days travelling up the mountain, scaling the treacherous passes and sometimes having your followers carry you up the hard bits, dragging yourself along on your crutches. But eventually, about two thirds up the peak, you spot a cave. [3] You take up a hiding position and observe the cave. Lucky you do, because at that moment the dragon returns and flies into said cave, carrying a cow and some unfortunate woman in a rather nice blue dress.

A - Charge in! You need those bulls back!

B - Hold back and wait, see what opportunities might emerge.

C - Don't charge in, but try and sneak in.

D - Try and sneak in, but send your followers out as a distraction for the dragon.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 23, 2017, 01:06:00 pm: Ha ha ha, this is a terrible idea.
What are minions for, if not providing a distraction? They'll be fine, and we'll get to sneak in unopposed.

D
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Puppyguard on March 23, 2017, 03:16:12 pm: Uhh, I guess we could always say they abandoned us.

D
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 23, 2017, 04:02:06 pm: Borgialogo the madman would never fall for such low trickery!
C
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Iituem on March 24, 2017, 11:56:06 am: [Charisma: 4] You indicate to your followers that they should take a position where they can enter the cave and be ready to attack it. You lie that you will protect them with your magic. They seem uncertain, but agree to go along with it. You remain on your own with your crutches and hobble off to the side, awkwardly shuffling off to the edge of the cave where you can get a better view and hopefully make a limp for it once the dragon comes to eat your companions.

From your vantage point you can see the dragon's lair. The centrepiece of the lair is the dragon's hoard, a vast pile of gold and jewels kept in a set of retaining walls, like a basket for an animal's bedding. Off to one side you can see what appears to be a large box or possibly cage made of tree trunks, stacked one on the other and bound with long lengths of slightly melted-looking steel to keep in place. You can hear panicked and despairing feminine voices from within. On the other side is a low enclosure of tree trunks laid next to each other to create a fence. Numerous stolen livestock are puttering around within the enclosure; bleating, grunting and lowing in a mildly confused animal panic.

There! Nestled amongst the animals are your two prize bulls! You'd recognise them anywhere. Your quest feels almost at an end.

Finally, there is of course the dragon, who drops the woman in the blue dress into the cage with a scream, then lifts up the cow and exhales bright yellow flames all over it, to the extremely panicked noises of both animals and women. The dragon then munches happily on the roasted cow corpse.

It is an impressive dragon, as far as you are aware. It has brilliant emerald scales, golden eyes, broad wings with claws at their joint and a pair of thick legs with wickedly sharp talons and pounces. It is also looking [Luck: 4] directly at your companions and narrows its eyes. The dragon inhales.

A Strike now! Protect your friends/minions.

B Strike now! Once it's expended its breath on your minions, attack!

C Hold back. Let's see what happens.

D Soon as it goes for your friends, try and rescue your bulls!

E Step out and try to barter your bulls back.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 24, 2017, 01:06:46 pm: Ha ha ha. This remains a terrible idea.

I guess we could try to negotiate, as this is self-evidently a more intelligent breed of dragon, not some dumb beast. On the other hand, we have nothing to offer it but threats.
Fighting seems doomed to fail, especially given our wounded state. I guess that leaves stealth? No, that'll never work.
...
Well, if we are going to die, let us at least die honourably, by protecting our compatriots. That, and if they are still alive, they can distract it further.

A (ha ha ha we're all going to die)
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Askot Bokbondeler on March 24, 2017, 02:49:01 pm: B FOR THE BIORGIL THRONE
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Playergamer on March 24, 2017, 02:51:07 pm: A!
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Doubloon-Seven on March 27, 2017, 03:24:46 pm: Be strong! Be VALIANT!
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: 10ebbor10 on March 27, 2017, 03:36:35 pm: a
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Trollslayer!
Post by: Iituem on March 27, 2017, 08:49:40 pm: Well, who wants to live forever anyway?

[4* vs 4*][5* vs 2] As the dragon flies forward and starts gobbling up your men with abandon, you let off the most powerful lightning bolt you have... to very little effect. The dragon notices the slight pain in its side and turns back to regard you.

[6* vs 5] You do your best to hide, but it turns out dragonfire goes around corners. Who knew? You are horribly burned. [6* vs 6*] You try a barrage of ice daggers instead, but they splinter against the dragon's impenetrable hide. [5* vs 2] The dragon moves around and snatches you up in its jaws. Your last experience is one of terrible, terrible pain.

You are dead.

I mean, seriously, what were you expecting?

It's a god damned dragon.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: 10ebbor10 on March 28, 2017, 06:50:56 am: A
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: Haspen on March 28, 2017, 07:12:17 am: Quote from: 10ebbor10 on March 28, 2017, 06:50:56 am
A

I think this is best course of action in this situation

A

:P
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: NUKE9.13 on March 28, 2017, 07:13:49 am: Sometimes you just gotta run head first into a dragon.

Ha ha ha that was a terrible idea.
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: Blood_Librarian on March 28, 2017, 02:43:04 pm: Beorgl lived as he died, as a hero
Title: Re: Spamwizard! Beorgl the Crisp!
Post by: Doubloon-Seven on March 28, 2017, 03:35:32 pm: Ripperino. He did his best.

NEW GAME?