Post by: Elisebambi on July 22, 2011, 02:37:27 pm
So, try to follow the form of
urist mcfirstposter:
How can dwarves, mining out a 1z level tall, surface level thing, cause a cave-in by carving upwards ramps?
urist mcsecondposter:
Dwarf Phsyics.
Why do dwarves run from hoary mammots?
urust mcthirdposter:
Because of the [something] tag in the raws.
or
Because they know that you will give them more goblinite socks if they cancel building the walls.
:D
Go for it?
Also
Quote
urist mcfirstposter:My question. :(
How can dwarves, mining out a 1z level tall, surface level thing, cause a cave-in by carving upwards ramps?
...
...
its because of trees isn't it.
OH WELL, start the fail train.... NOW!
Post by: Number4 on July 22, 2011, 02:42:52 pm
Post by: Elisebambi on July 22, 2011, 02:44:16 pm
Why is the sky blank? :o
Post by: accoro on July 22, 2011, 02:56:52 pm
Post by: Girlinhat on July 22, 2011, 03:02:23 pm
What happens to water that flows off the map?
Post by: Lezard on July 22, 2011, 03:04:05 pm
Where is your question! :O
Why is the sky blank? :o
The sky isn't blank, there's the face of a giant scowling sociopath squinting at some ASCII characters and drinking...
Post by: Elisebambi on July 22, 2011, 03:06:45 pm
Quote
What happens to water that flows off the map?
It teleports into all the aquifers.
Why don't melancholy dwarves just leap down the stairs ffs.
Post by: Excedion on July 22, 2011, 03:12:49 pm
QuoteWhat happens to water that flows off the map?
It teleports into all the aquifers.
Why don't melancholy dwarves just leap down the stairs ffs.
Cause if they dont die its a pain in the ass walking back up them
Why don't the goblins attack me more even though i have more riches than they could ever dream of?
Post by: Number4 on July 22, 2011, 03:15:56 pm
Why don't the goblins attack me more even though i have more riches than they could ever dream of?
Because some random flowing water has swept them offmap.
How is it possible that dwarven syrup has 5 times the nutritional value of dwarven sugar?
Post by: Fedor on July 22, 2011, 03:44:31 pm
Because it was a requested item in a past donation drive, and sugar Toady put in himself.Why don't the goblins attack me more even though i have more riches than they could ever dream of?
Because some random flowing water has swept them offmap.
How is it possible that dwarven syrup has 5 times the nutritional value of dwarven sugar?
...
(j/k)
Question: Why are all blows taken when lying on the ground head shots?
Post by: Crustypeanut on July 22, 2011, 06:31:09 pm
Why is it, when you tell them to deconstruct a 1-tile wide path over a river, that they deconstruct the ends first while all their friends and the entire fort's worth of children are still on the path, sending them all to their watery graves and puncturing a hole in three levels of your fort that ends up flooding everything?
Post by: Theifofdreams on July 22, 2011, 07:27:40 pm
Why is it that the dwarfs keep eating plump helmets even though there aren't enough to make enough booze for everyone, let alone have some left over?
Post by: Alestom on July 22, 2011, 07:33:35 pm
Why is it that the dwarves will end up slaughtering eachother and vast hoards of goblins, yet run away from badgers?
Post by: TheeBaconman on July 22, 2011, 07:42:41 pm
Because Dwarves feel the need to cry about stuff that they brought upon themselves!
Why is it that the dwarves will end up slaughtering eachother and vast hoards of goblins, yet run away from badgers?
Because dwarves don't want to sully their reputation killing lowly creatures.
Why is it that dwarves continually pick up equipment, and then put it back into the box?
Post by: iyaerP on July 22, 2011, 07:58:55 pm
Because Dwarves feel the need to cry about stuff that they brought upon themselves!
Why is it that the dwarves will end up slaughtering eachother and vast hoards of goblins, yet run away from badgers?
Because dwarves don't want to sully their reputation killing lowly creatures.
Why is it that dwarves continually pick up equipment, and then put it back into the box?
Because as it turns out, that equipment was actually assigned to somebody else, who may or may not still be in the squad, in the military, or even alive.
Why are my dwarves incapable of correctly using soap and water to wash themselves?
Post by: Crustypeanut on July 22, 2011, 10:04:02 pm
Why is it that a single unarmed, unarmored, unskilled recruit can kill a zombie RHINO easier than he can kill a badger?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 22, 2011, 10:14:38 pm
Why are living badgers so kamikaze? I have never seen them kill anything bigger than a guineafowl. Gant badgers, scary, but normal...?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on July 22, 2011, 10:17:14 pm
Why do dwarves insist on carving in my dining hall, random battles which consisted of little more than goblins faffing about for a bit then pissing off?
Post by: Theifofdreams on July 22, 2011, 11:26:12 pm
Why is it that Urist freaks out and cancels jobs over something that might be dangerous... if he didn't have ten meters of rock between him and it?
Post by: Girlinhat on July 22, 2011, 11:57:38 pm
Why do my dwarves insist on making granite boats?
Post by: OMGTANGERINES on July 23, 2011, 12:08:24 am
Because he's not. He's scared of the rock.Because it floats, obviously.
Why do my dwarves insist on making granite boats?
Why does Urist complain about being thirsty then, instead of drinking booze, run out to the river?
Post by: RAKninja on July 23, 2011, 12:56:15 am
because he is thirsty for a dwarf-carp relationship, obviously.
Why does Urist complain about being thirsty then, instead of drinking booze, run out to the river?
why does urist mcnoble, who has no job, go on break?
Post by: ImBocaire on July 23, 2011, 01:32:57 am
Why can't dwarves figure out what to do with large gems and gem crafts?
Post by: noodle0117 on July 23, 2011, 05:59:50 am
The only exception is when a dwarf gets a mood.
While in a mood, dwarves are blind and they feel around with their beards.
Why can a single piece of soap hold up an entire fortress?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 23, 2011, 06:42:25 am
Why does my broker, who has little to nothing to do the rest of the time, choose to go on break in the three times of year he or she is needed?
Post by: Reverie on July 23, 2011, 07:30:17 am
How can a dwarf have skills as a clothier, and none for suturing?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 23, 2011, 08:05:05 am
Why do dwarves sleep in aquifers and in front of angry giant badgers instead of moving a few tiles to safety if they lack room but are willing to go from the surface to Hell if that's what it stakes to reach their bedroom?
Edit: stupid "spellcheck"
Post by: ThatAussieGuy on July 23, 2011, 11:06:04 am
Why are badgers so dangerous?
Post by: Elisebambi on July 23, 2011, 12:11:53 pm
Why is there no srs bsns in this thread! q-q
Post by: Tersr on July 23, 2011, 01:16:59 pm
Why are leather making and clothier completely different skills?
Post by: Savolainen5 on July 23, 2011, 01:51:35 pm
Why do dwarves love purring maggots so much?
Post by: Theifofdreams on July 23, 2011, 01:53:34 pm
Why do dwarves run out to gather equipment from dead dwarves when the things that did the killing are still there?
Post by: Fen on July 23, 2011, 01:57:00 pm
Why do huge, terrible threats sometimes wield socks and other articles of clothing as weapons?
Post by: Elisebambi on July 23, 2011, 02:19:07 pm
Why, after spending four hours last night unable to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking in ASCII---simplifying objects around me into characters, etc, am I so willing to start playing DF again?
Post by: Khenal on July 23, 2011, 02:23:46 pm
Because they know dwarves will run like madness straight into their fists if they brandish such luxurious goods.
Why, after spending four hours last night unable to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking in ASCII---simplifying objects around me into characters, etc, am I so willing to start playing DF again?
It's kind of a Chuthulu thing, but dwarfier.
why is spoilermetal able to keep the clowns at bay, but vulnerable to a copper pick?
Post by: RAKninja on July 23, 2011, 05:58:55 pm
Because you're not looking hard enough.because sewing soft cloth, and tough leather are two separate skillsets.
Why are leather making and clothier completely different skills?
what does urist do with that one sock he risked his neck to claim from a fallen comrade on the battlefield for?
Post by: bryceharrington on July 23, 2011, 06:39:57 pm
because sewing soft cloth, and tough leather are two separate skillsets.He matches it with the one he got from your dryer.
what does urist do with that one sock he risked his neck to claim from a fallen comrade on the battlefield for?
Why doesn't Urist go to the trading post when it's his ONLY FRIGGIN task?
Post by: RAKninja on July 23, 2011, 07:37:07 pm
why is spoilermetal able to keep the clowns at bay, but vulnerable to a copper pick?clowns, being on the red side of the spectrum, are naturally repulsed by anything blue.
Why doesn't Urist go to the trading post when it's his ONLY FRIGGIN task?urist mctrader is in reality an elf with a fake beard. as such, he works how he can to bring doom to the fortress.
why does urist mccatlover have to adopt every kitten in the fortress?
Post by: DuckBoy2 on July 23, 2011, 07:46:19 pm
Why are items thrown up Z levels by bridges, but creatures only thrown horizontally?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 23, 2011, 08:16:58 pm
Why do dwarves wall themselves out of my nice, safe fortress when I take every precaution against them doing so?
Post by: RAKninja on July 23, 2011, 08:58:29 pm
Because all creatures are afraid of heights, unless they can fly. This is why sieges on flying mounts never leave the ground.because of the left-side mason's guild (see the notes to urist thread a few pages back)
Why do dwarves wall themselves out of my nice, safe fortress when I take every precaution against them doing so?
why does my duchess claim all of the armor of the marksdwarf squad i just quartered in her keep?
Post by: ThatAussieGuy on July 23, 2011, 09:48:57 pm
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 24, 2011, 06:56:21 am
One of the precautions I took.Because all creatures are afraid of heights, unless they can fly. This is why sieges on flying mounts never leave the ground.because of the left-side mason's guild (see the notes to urist thread a few pages back)
Why do dwarves wall themselves out of my nice, safe fortress when I take every precaution against them doing so?
Why do dwarves attack elves that bring awesome animals to trade in hopes of having elves bring awesome animals to attack you?
Post by: ImBocaire on July 24, 2011, 07:53:23 am
Why can't dwarves ride mounts?
Post by: CT on July 24, 2011, 09:18:04 am
Why are picks so good at severing limbs?
Post by: Jalapeño Cheesepuffs on July 24, 2011, 02:43:56 pm
Because they can't stop maiming the animals long enough to tame them.
Why are picks so good at severing limbs?
Because the standard model didn't "cut" it when the tantrum spiral started, so certain improvements were made.
Post by: Tersr on July 24, 2011, 10:33:01 pm
Post by: TheeBaconman on July 24, 2011, 10:55:28 pm
Why is the best booze made from aboveground plants?
The same reason that undergroud plants are underground. The surface plants are the top and genetically superior!
Why can a crawling crippled guy, hit a non-cripple better than the non-cripple can hit the cripple?
Post by: Girlinhat on July 24, 2011, 11:04:02 pm
A dwarf on the floor has the advantage that he doesn't have to bend his arms double. He can just reach out and strike, unlike a healthy dwarf who has to awkwardly reach.
Why does food on a stockpile never decompose?
Post by: Tersr on July 24, 2011, 11:08:28 pm
Why can't copper picks cut through cotton candy armor?
Post by: TheeBaconman on July 25, 2011, 08:06:28 pm
The stockpile is made of salt.
Why can't copper picks cut through cotton candy armor?
Because cotton candy is so beloved you shouldn't ever scratch it.
How can Horses grab puppies, with one leg?
Post by: RAKninja on July 25, 2011, 09:35:01 pm
(http://www.bdt.com/david/images/rs002.jpg)The stockpile is made of salt.
Why can't copper picks cut through cotton candy armor?
Because cotton candy is so beloved you shouldn't ever scratch it.
How can Horses grab puppies, with one leg?
why do dwarves ignore masterwork roasts for raw plump helmets?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 07, 2011, 12:32:13 pm
Why do goblins wait for your population to hit a certain point before attacking?
Post by: Kay12 on August 07, 2011, 12:46:10 pm
How do magma pipes refill?
Post by: Darth_Karl on August 07, 2011, 01:40:54 pm
Quote
Why are picks so good at severing limbs?
Becuase it's a dwarven Pickaxe. The head has got a pick point on one side, and a nice battleaxe on the other.
Quote
How do magma pipes refill?
God, (AKA Toady One), Tells them to, so they do, spontaneouslly.
Post by: Mercenare on August 07, 2011, 02:21:26 pm
I'm going to pull a double as some terry pratchet just gave me a serious anwser to a prior question:QuoteWhy are picks so good at severing limbs?
Becuase it's a dwarven Pickaxe. The head has got a pick point on one side, and a nice battleaxe on the other.QuoteHow do magma pipes refill?
God, (AKA Toady One), Tells them to, so they do, spontaneouslly.
Wheres your question? Oh well, I'll make one up for you!
How come zombified creatures can vanish into thin area when 'Killed' but their living counterparts produce a nice meaty corpse?
Post by: thegoatgod_pan on August 08, 2011, 01:32:13 am
Why are crundles so numerous? We are talking about miniature diablos that die when drop kicked by a peasant here...
Post by: jaxy15 on August 08, 2011, 09:29:48 am
How can a simple dwarf with an eye necrosis ability defeat a giant?
Post by: Angel Of Death on August 08, 2011, 09:37:44 am
How do I stop dorfs from dying when there's a big food and booze stockpile that is completely full?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 08, 2011, 03:20:55 pm
Why are goblins more deadly then a FB?
Post by: CT on August 09, 2011, 06:19:42 pm
Why are goblins more deadly then a FB?
Strength in numbers..and armor...and weap- you get the idea.
Why are artifact weapons better than normal weapons?
Post by: Reverie on August 09, 2011, 07:02:24 pm
Strength in numbers..and armor...and weap- you get the idea.Because they are worth more than ordinary weapons, and can be traded for valuable goods.
Why are artifact weapons better than normal weapons?
Why do dwarven infants need alcohol to get through the working day?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on August 09, 2011, 07:06:51 pm
Why did Shorast run away from the fort when the goblins came?
Post by: flieroflight on August 10, 2011, 01:51:01 pm
also, do dwarfs know any way of preparing food other than mincing?
Post by: Tersr on August 10, 2011, 03:20:04 pm
They soak whatever else they are makeing in the liquid and then they mince it.
Yes, they can make a paste, and then mince that so it's a moot point.
Why are troll's blood cyan/
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 11, 2011, 01:45:56 am
What renders dwarfs so susceptible to cat CWS, exactly? Other races appear, if not immune, much less susceptible.
Post by: Nyxalinth on August 12, 2011, 05:09:02 pm
Because they're normally blue-bloods of the highest quality.
What renders dwarfs so susceptible to cat CWS, exactly? Other races appear, if not immune, much less susceptible.
Because kitties make everything better!
Why do dwarves not have more decorations beyond spikes, rings, bands, and studs for artifacts?
Post by: Necro910 on August 12, 2011, 06:42:19 pm
There's only so many things you can do with a beard.Because they're normally blue-bloods of the highest quality.
What renders dwarfs so susceptible to cat CWS, exactly? Other races appear, if not immune, much less susceptible.
Because kitties make everything better!
Why do dwarves not have more decorations beyond spikes, rings, bands, and studs for artifacts?
Why are elves such tree-hugging, moronic bastards?
Post by: Tersr on August 12, 2011, 09:06:48 pm
Why can dwarfs only build beds out of wood reliably?
Post by: Kentti on August 12, 2011, 10:15:00 pm
Armok wanted something for us to hate, and goblins just didn't cut it.
Why can dwarfs only build beds out of wood reliably?
Because stone is too uncomfortable.
What happened to the dwarf-eating carps?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 12, 2011, 10:22:03 pm
Why does water freeze instantly when the temperature dips below freezing?
Post by: Kaleb702 Games on August 12, 2011, 11:00:42 pm
Wth is a tallow.
Post by: RAKninja on August 12, 2011, 11:03:36 pm
Because water likes to trick dwarves: "Oh, this is safe to walk on!" *Waits until summer* Dwarves yell, "Aaa! Water!". Water laughs.rendered fat. think lard.
Wth is a tallow.
why do eggs not count as solids for cooking?
Post by: ImBocaire on August 12, 2011, 11:19:11 pm
Why can you embark with entire barrels full of dragonfly eyes?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 12, 2011, 11:21:30 pm
Why doesn't the kitchen seem to need a heat source?
Post by: DeKaFu on August 13, 2011, 12:26:54 am
Why can you train giant hunting bats but not giant war bats?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 13, 2011, 02:15:39 am
Why do toy hammers weigh more than war hammers, if both are made of the same metal?
Post by: gamewizardinnc on August 13, 2011, 05:52:04 am
Why don't goblins attack my fortress? Im at 120 dwarves and the fortress is valued at over 100 million. Is it the magma flood outside?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 13, 2011, 06:04:37 am
Why don't dwarves eat fungiwood?
Post by: FrisianDude on August 13, 2011, 08:27:20 am
Why are five of six Dwarfs who fall one z-level unharmed, stunned at most, but the last one heavily wounded?
Post by: (name here) on August 13, 2011, 08:29:57 am
Why is it that dwarven helms do not protect the face?
Post by: RAKninja on August 13, 2011, 08:58:47 am
He landed funny.they must have openface helms, to permit the beards to swing freely.
Why is it that dwarven helms do not protect the face?
why do dwarves love running around in the buff?
Post by: Tersr on August 13, 2011, 09:34:06 am
Why are rubys found in bauxite?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 13, 2011, 09:39:16 am
Why don't the plump helmet men start their own society?
Post by: Excedion on August 13, 2011, 10:06:52 am
Why are roc's so easy to kill despite being so massive?
Post by: Tersr on August 13, 2011, 10:08:00 am
Why can't FB use webs if they have them?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 13, 2011, 10:21:13 am
Huge hearts?
Why can't FB use webs if they have them?
They don't have a silk type defined in their raws.
Why do dwarves take a break from a party to have a drink?
Post by: Nyxalinth on August 13, 2011, 10:42:20 am
Huge hearts?
Why can't FB use webs if they have them?
They don't have a silk type defined in their raws.
Why do dwarves take a break from a party to have a drink?
Because they need to take a break from drinking at the party to drink.
Referring to a previous answer, how would dwarves know what a kobold's ass tastes like?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 13, 2011, 10:45:17 am
Why don't dwarves eat dimple cups?
Post by: FrisianDude on August 13, 2011, 12:22:44 pm
Would you eat a tube of paint?
Why don't dwarves eat dimple cups?
Why does my game crash? :(
Post by: Mister Always on August 13, 2011, 01:20:59 pm
Would you eat a tube of paint?
Why don't dwarves eat dimple cups?
Why does my game crash? :(
(BZZT wrong answer)
Why do humans even buy the worthless crap we carve out of bones and rocks?
Post by: Hungry Elephant on August 13, 2011, 02:43:01 pm
Why do humans even buy the worthless crap we carve out of bones and rocks?
It's basically the souvenir concept. Human people buy worthless crap made of stone and wood (and occasionaly bones) whenever they go on holiday. Merchants do not make exceptions.
Why elves get offended if you try to sell them back their wooden stuff?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 13, 2011, 02:44:31 pm
Why do goblins snatch babies?
Post by: peskyninja on August 13, 2011, 02:58:51 pm
:o
Why the sea freezes during the night?
Post by: warwizard on August 13, 2011, 03:20:08 pm
Why are fluffy wambulers not thrown at bronze collosi in Fortress mode?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 13, 2011, 03:22:46 pm
How do dwarves create farm plots out of nothing?
Post by: The Master on August 13, 2011, 03:26:12 pm
Why do some forgotten beast "undulate rhythmically"?
Post by: geail on August 13, 2011, 03:57:52 pm
How does a tiny scratch cause a lethal infection?
Post by: Sscral on August 13, 2011, 04:04:32 pm
Why do dwarves never question exactly what it is you're feeding them? :-X
Post by: jaxy15 on August 13, 2011, 04:08:41 pm
How do female dwarves engrave if you haven't added ladybeards?
Post by: Kentti on August 13, 2011, 04:17:34 pm
They gobble down everything edible. Taste is for sissies. Their preference for food is caused by it's looks and stuff.
How do female dwarves engrave if you haven't added ladybeards?
Ladybeards aren't descriped for modesty's sake. :o
Why do spoilerite clothes wear out?
Post by: Sscral on August 13, 2011, 04:19:39 pm
Why do cages block reproduction spores?
Post by: Tersr on August 13, 2011, 06:32:19 pm
Why are cages infinitely large?
Post by: Sordid on August 13, 2011, 06:42:36 pm
Why are cages infinitely large?
Because they are, essentially, quantum stockpiles.
Post by: The Master on August 13, 2011, 07:30:40 pm
Why do carp have an acute appetite for dwarven flesh?
Post by: Lordofd511 on August 13, 2011, 07:34:40 pm
Why does the world go wonky when you copy raws?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 13, 2011, 08:31:38 pm
"Well, the player doesn't know what it's doing, so fuck it, I'll make shit up."
What would a magma crab taste like?
Post by: Tersr on August 13, 2011, 08:38:53 pm
How do moody dwarfs make items that they normaly can't make?
Post by: Urist Imiknorris on August 13, 2011, 09:24:17 pm
Why do dwarves party so hard when there's work to be done?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 13, 2011, 09:25:43 pm
Executive Meddling.
Why do dwarves party so hard when there's work to be done?
Work Hard. Party Harder.
If everyone seems to think they're so damned cute, why hasn't anyone modded in Kobolds as pets yet?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 13, 2011, 09:30:13 pm
Work Hard. Party Harder.
If everyone seems to think they're so damned cute, why hasn't anyone modded in Kobolds as pets yet?
Because they are cute when trying to succeed on their own (and they also are starving to death).
How was the first anvil made, considering that dwarves need a forge (anvil) to make one?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 13, 2011, 09:31:18 pm
Work Hard. Party Harder.
If everyone seems to think they're so damned cute, why hasn't anyone modded in Kobolds as pets yet?
Because they are cute when trying to succeed on their own (and they also are starving to death).
How was the first anvil made, considering that dwarves need a forge (anvil) to make one?
Anvils all the way down.
Why is it that whenever I mod in a race to siege me, they come to trade, even though I've taken out [PERMITTED_JOB:TRADER]?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 13, 2011, 10:10:47 pm
Why is it that dwarfs only worry about the cost of things after coins are smelted?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 13, 2011, 10:13:36 pm
Who pissed off all the badgers?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 13, 2011, 10:17:26 pm
Why is it that I have yet to see any large wildlife on the surface?
Post by: Urist Imiknorris on August 13, 2011, 10:18:45 pm
How do dwarves know about socks on the battlefield?
Post by: Tersr on August 13, 2011, 10:41:54 pm
How come my first mood is always a craftdwarf?
Post by: Sscral on August 14, 2011, 10:57:32 am
Why can dwarves lose all bodily funtion, and have their eyes, lungs, heart, and skin rot off from getting a tiny drop of forgotten beast blood on their finger...
But a cloth glove can stop this from happening when they swim in the stuff?
Post by: Tersr on August 14, 2011, 11:15:19 am
Why do we all love magma so much?
Post by: Urist Imiknorris on August 14, 2011, 11:58:18 am
How do dwarves connect anything to a lever regardless of distance using only two mechanisms?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 14, 2011, 12:16:49 pm
The blessing makes them magically make stuff work.
Why do cats adopt dwarves?
Post by: Excedion on August 14, 2011, 12:19:49 pm
Why do dwarves refuse to put on the new clothes I make for them?
Post by: twwolfe on August 14, 2011, 12:32:28 pm
Why do dwarves fish with thier beards instead of using fishing poles?
Post by: Gnauga on August 14, 2011, 12:48:48 pm
Why do forgotten beasts target carried babies before armed soldiers?
Post by: Tersr on August 14, 2011, 01:07:27 pm
Why do mother soldiers bring their babies to work?
Post by: Sscral on August 14, 2011, 01:14:05 pm
Why can babies punch a horrible creature of undiluted doom in the face and instantly kill it?
Post by: Tersr on August 14, 2011, 01:51:57 pm
Why is platnium worth the same melted as it is native?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 14, 2011, 11:46:16 pm
Mechanisms, regardless of origin or shape, are blessed by the elf god.I don't think I can, as a proper dwarf fortress player, conscientiously, use mechanisms in my fortresses any more. :-\
The blessing makes them magically make stuff work.
Platinum is worth the same melted or native because it shines good regardless.
Why can't elves be more awesome? Only one of them ever proved to be useful as anything but bait, kindling, or practice.
Post by: Mister Dirks on August 14, 2011, 11:56:22 pm
Mechanisms, regardless of origin or shape, are blessed by the elf god.I don't think I can, as a proper dwarf fortress player, conscientiously, use mechanisms in my fortresses any more. :-\
The blessing makes them magically make stuff work.
Platinum is worth the same melted or native because it shines good regardless.
Why can't elves be more awesome? Only one of them ever proved to be useful as anything but bait, kindling, or practice.
Toady only put them in DF for our amusement. And sadistic pleasures.
Why must every dwarf in my fortress shit their pants when they see a half-dead unconcious sturgeon floating right next to the waterfall, and the Batshit insane merchant guards actually go after the damn fish, and explode like glorious confetti at the bottom of the waterfall?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 15, 2011, 12:02:20 am
Why can't I have garbage dumps that only accept certain items?
Post by: Elisebambi on August 15, 2011, 04:07:35 am
Why has this thread reached nine pages?
DOUBLE WHAMMY
Why does 100 z levels above ground cause so much lag? :O I wanna have my 100 z level spires goddamn it!
Post by: jaxy15 on August 15, 2011, 04:11:40 am
And also, because nothing can comprehend the awesomeness of a 100 Z level spire, therefore slowing them down.
Why don't dragon eggs hatch? (I want a silly answer, dammit.)
Post by: Elisebambi on August 15, 2011, 04:19:21 am
((If you didn't get a visual of a dragon-sperm duking it out with a dwarf to NOM ITS WAY INTO THE EGG... you suck.))
ALSO SRS BUSNS TO RUIN YOUR SHIT.
Dragon eggs need to be bathed in fire almost constantly, OR SHOVED BACK IN THE FIREY LOINS ON ITS MOTHER(/under its mother) to have a CHANCE at hatching.
Post by: Wimopy on August 15, 2011, 07:29:16 am
Why do you need an anvil to make an anvil, when together they are (in my imagination) the same size as a dwarf, so putting an anvil on an anvil to give it an anvil shape makes it actually harder?
Post by: Sscral on August 15, 2011, 01:52:16 pm
Since dwarf blood is 80% alcohol, why don't they explode when they catch on fire?
Post by: Tersr on August 15, 2011, 01:54:59 pm
How do mountain halls have steel but not iron?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 15, 2011, 01:56:16 pm
Why does no one consider making weapons from two metals at once?
Post by: Sscral on August 15, 2011, 02:00:24 pm
Why are dwarves terrified of water/bathing/any liquid that is more than 3/7 deep... even if they're currently on fire?
Post by: Necro910 on August 15, 2011, 02:04:30 pm
'Deadlysmashes' This is a bismuth bronze mace decorated with menacing copper spikes/hanging rings of gold/iron fuzzypuffs/ etc.Their beard does not want to be wet, so it orders the host organism to stay back.
Why are dwarves terrified of water/bathing/any liquid that is more than 3/7 deep... even if they're currently on fire?
Why do humans dominate absolutely everything when dwarves are superior and have invulnerable fortresses?
Post by: Tersr on August 15, 2011, 04:40:52 pm
Why don't dwarfs ever make replacement arms, hell, a simple claw would come in handy?
Post by: Necro910 on August 15, 2011, 04:43:29 pm
Humans take the useless land, we take the usefull mountains/hills/land.The beard overgrows the lost limb, preventing prosthetic attachments.
Why don't dwarfs ever make replacement arms, hell, a simple claw would come in handy?
Why don't the &s use the picks leftover from destroying fortresses to release their brethren?
Post by: RAKninja on August 15, 2011, 04:46:56 pm
they are bigger, and can toss the dwarves.'Deadlysmashes' This is a bismuth bronze mace decorated with menacing copper spikes/hanging rings of gold/iron fuzzypuffs/ etc.Their beard does not want to be wet, so it orders the host organism to stay back.
Why are dwarves terrified of water/bathing/any liquid that is more than 3/7 deep... even if they're currently on fire?
Why do humans dominate absolutely everything when dwarves are superior and have invulnerable fortresses?
where did the humans, seiging my goblins in a dry hotish biome come up with a war poler bear?
Post by: Tersr on August 15, 2011, 04:49:41 pm
Puts more fear in the goblin's hearts.
Why can't dwarfs make, normaly, weopens out of rock?
Post by: Elisebambi on August 15, 2011, 06:57:22 pm
Have you ever found a beard patient enough to carve out an axe out of microcline? srsly?
Why wun anyone find me a sexy embark with a sexy sexy wit sexy.
... err
a nice, long, straight, horizontal, river, with, decent, flow, that, is, more, or, less, in, a, valley, with, mountains, on, either, side.
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 16, 2011, 11:18:34 am
Also because you have to find that on your own, and the world hates you.
Why do we think so highly of dwarfish beards when many of us lack the ability to grow one of our own?
Post by: Necro910 on August 16, 2011, 11:23:58 am
Why do we think so highly of dwarfish beards when many of us lack the ability to grow one of our own?Because all badasses have beards. Except the Asian humans, but then again they normally don't grow beards.
Where do dwarven babies come from? (Expecting beard related answer)
Post by: jaxy15 on August 16, 2011, 11:59:22 am
Why don't hydras regenerate their heads?
Post by: Sscral on August 16, 2011, 01:19:43 pm
Why can't Giant Cave Spiders climb walls, or for that matter, why can't any kind of insect/spider climb walls?
Post by: Wimopy on August 16, 2011, 01:28:33 pm
Why do moody dwarves, who are usually controlled by their beards at the time, sometimes make loincloths that menace with epicly deadly spikes?
QuickEdit: Beard after Dwarven (fail)
Post by: flieroflight on August 16, 2011, 02:52:27 pm
sadly, by the time the beards had developed this method, dwarfs had lost the ability to put on new clothes rendering it useless.
why does the quantity of material rise in an inverse relationship to its usefullness- case in point-MMMIIIIIIICCCCCCCCROOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCLIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Post by: Tersr on August 16, 2011, 03:42:22 pm
Why would something that feels no pain survive?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 16, 2011, 03:44:13 pm
Would a dwarf without a beard be completely powerless?
Post by: Sscral on August 16, 2011, 03:50:22 pm
Why don't elves skip the whole 'Beat them with a pokey stick!' part of fighting and just bite everyone to death since they're going to eat them anyway?
Post by: Ipwnurmom221 on August 16, 2011, 05:21:50 pm
How did Cacame come to be, completely ignoring the elven suck-gene?
Post by: Tersr on August 16, 2011, 05:40:58 pm
Why do elves sell what they kill to protect?
Post by: Sscral on August 16, 2011, 09:04:55 pm
Why do elves suck so much? By natural selection of their having gigantic populations that subsequently get killed off to a very small number.. over... and over... and over again, leaving the strongest/smartest/least elfy alive.
Shouldn't they be supermutants?
Post by: Tersr on August 16, 2011, 09:13:43 pm
Why can't dwarfs use beards as weapons? They can cut through stone, or so the dwarfs say.
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 16, 2011, 11:20:14 pm
What would happen if elfs managed to grow dwarf beards?
Post by: thor82 on August 17, 2011, 07:08:27 am
i did not have sieges for the first 8-10 years of the game.
the moment that i added the "train wardogs" task to the kennels... i've been put under siege.
obviously i absolutely didn't have ANYTHING to protect me.
is this normal?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 17, 2011, 08:37:25 am
If the beards were used as a weapon, it would expose the normally thickly protected beard-heart to their enemies.Dwarves would convince them to cut down trees and mine rocks.
What would happen if elfs managed to grow dwarf beards?
Why aren't whales considered megabeasts, though they are big as a roc?
Post by: Tersr on August 17, 2011, 10:48:56 am
Why can't dwarfs wear, above all else, large socks?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 18, 2011, 10:12:29 pm
They may be as big as a roc, but they are only as strong as a rock.
Why can't dwarfs wear, above all else, large socks?
The toes get bunched up, and that's just plain uncomfortable.
Why can't you put booze in rock jugs?
Post by: Eddren on August 18, 2011, 10:27:48 pm
Why do Dwarves lower themselves to using wooden weapons?
Post by: acetech09 on August 18, 2011, 11:29:57 pm
Or if using them against enemies, their beard activates its deep-rooted survival instincts, ignoring the dignity of a weapon and insisting on self-preservation. I once saw a dwarf, that when cornered by some goblins, grabbed a spear with 'ELVES RULE' on the side of it and punched holes in both of the goblins heads... true story. The dwarf then proceeded to go insane.
Why do screw pumps suck water nearly infinitely fast?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 18, 2011, 11:59:33 pm
Why are +prepared dog lung roasts+ so damned tasty?
Post by: ImBocaire on August 19, 2011, 12:25:24 am
Why do wrestlers often grab and release, over and over, instead of actually doing anything useful?
Post by: Wimopy on August 19, 2011, 04:16:00 am
How do drawbridges destroy matter itself, even when using a wooden bridge on huge piles of masterwork adamantine (no, no one would ever do that, but the point is in the durability and quality)? Or, if they DO open a portal, is it possible to (mod) enter that parallel dimension?
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 08:59:18 am
Why do dwarfs after milking an animal, get the handling a dangerous animal job cancel?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 10:44:07 am
why cant i come up with a question that has to do with beards
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 11:01:30 am
Why does beer/alcohol make dwarfs more efficent?
Post by: peskyninja on August 19, 2011, 12:14:30 pm
why when a armless dwarf tries to pick up something it keeps screaming that he can't pick the said item?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 12:53:16 pm
why is it that we cant remove work dogs from our dwarfs
Post by: Brackev on August 19, 2011, 01:13:22 pm
Why do elves trade wood to dwarves if what they do to it is an abomination?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 19, 2011, 01:17:24 pm
Why don't dwarves spy on elves, take their magic, and use it on them?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 01:28:52 pm
why don't you ask my questions for me
Post by: Eddren on August 19, 2011, 01:33:17 pm
Why is it that elves, at one point, ate the bones of their dwarven victims?
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 01:47:34 pm
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 01:54:21 pm
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 02:51:30 pm
Even though blind, how do cave crocodiles, blind cave ogres, cave dragons, and everything 'blind cave' still be able to easily fight you and path to your fortress?
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 04:04:02 pm
Dwarfs breed by spores, so would they be a fungus or mold?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 04:09:17 pm
why is it that dwarfs cant seem to find and pick up the buckets they drop outside the fortress when they need a bucket
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 04:15:04 pm
Why do giraffes how bones the same value as elephants sea serpents and monsters?
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 04:21:50 pm
Why is farmland always brown when the soil I make it on can be yellow, maroon, or gray?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 04:26:06 pm
why do walruses need my buckets
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 04:33:50 pm
Why can't dwarves make blowgun darts?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 04:53:07 pm
why do we ask why
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 04:58:07 pm
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 08:26:40 pm
Also, what are dwarfen beards exactly? They are fabled to do so much.
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 08:33:17 pm
why are dwarfs so short
Post by: Tersr on August 19, 2011, 08:36:08 pm
Were do nightbeasts come from?
Post by: Xotano on August 19, 2011, 08:56:32 pm
how long will this thread continue?
Post by: andyman564 on August 19, 2011, 09:28:31 pm
why do dwarves piss their pants at the sight of most wildlife?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on August 19, 2011, 11:21:48 pm
Why are miners determined to dig multiple z channels in ways that injure or kill them?
Post by: acetech09 on August 19, 2011, 11:41:00 pm
Why are catchable fish invisible and the visible vermin fish can't be eaten?
Post by: CT on August 20, 2011, 02:44:28 am
Because channeling them safely would make them seem too smart to be a dwarf, and would then get their beard shaven, be kicked out of the fortress and sent to elf camp.
Why are catchable fish invisible and the visible vermin fish can't be eaten?
If you were edible would you want to be visible?
Why do multiple sieges from different civs always work together when they attack you?
Post by: Tersr on August 20, 2011, 11:12:24 am
Why do we always anger elves but complain about elf sieges?
Post by: Mobotium on August 20, 2011, 12:30:58 pm
Why are there lots of animal zombies, but little to none human/dwarf/elf zombies?
Post by: Sscral on August 20, 2011, 02:16:44 pm
Why do gremlins like pulling levers?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on August 20, 2011, 02:36:51 pm
Why do traders ignore caravans?
Post by: geail on August 20, 2011, 03:44:46 pm
What is the most efficient way to make a cave in trap?
Post by: Ipwnurmom221 on August 20, 2011, 05:17:00 pm
How do dwarves and their overall stupidity survive natural selection?
Post by: (name here) on August 20, 2011, 07:17:04 pm
Place your entrance in a cave, so when enemies go to your entrance, they go IN the CAVE. CAVE IN!
How do dwarves and their overall stupidity survive natural selection?
Because the god of blood likes them stupid and has the smart ones sacrificed to him by magma.
Why do dwarves have metalworking but can't set anything on fire without resorting to magma?
Post by: Loyal on August 20, 2011, 07:24:42 pm
Why do dwarves always insist on doing everything on their own? There's a Forgotten Beast corpse that weighs over 10,000 Urists and yet there's only the one guy, sloooooooowly dragging it through the tunnels.
Post by: RenoFox on August 20, 2011, 09:26:36 pm
Why dont dwarves normally make gold or platinum warhammers?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 21, 2011, 12:37:54 am
Why does clothing fall off at death, and dwarves always bury naked bodies?
Post by: andyman564 on August 21, 2011, 12:51:26 am
and coffins are designed so that their future occupants fit perfectly into them, leaving no room for clothing or other items.
why do dwarves dig their tunnels large enough for a fully grown dragon to enter?
Post by: Buttery_Mess on August 21, 2011, 05:57:02 am
How does a dwarf turn a volume of solid rock into thin air and one stone large enough chisel but a table from it? What happens to all the gravel and dust?
Post by: Xotano on August 21, 2011, 07:33:07 am
why are all the monsters only one space large
Post by: Hungry Elephant on August 21, 2011, 07:40:04 am
Why creatures keep dodging even if they're at the edge of a pit filled wit lava instead of just blocking with shields?
Post by: peskyninja on August 21, 2011, 07:43:18 am
how a syndrome can create blister on a dwarf heart?
Post by: Stoup on August 21, 2011, 11:15:38 am
How do goblins manage to get the symbol of their civilization on all their armor?
Post by: Sscral on August 21, 2011, 12:06:33 pm
How do dwarves mince syrup, rum, wine, etc.?
Post by: flieroflight on August 21, 2011, 02:14:38 pm
what would be the result of combining beards and magma to create magma beardmen?
Post by: peskyninja on August 21, 2011, 04:59:50 pm
Why a dwarf who felt 30Zs and then landed on a cat,has no injuries?
Post by: Necro910 on August 21, 2011, 05:11:41 pm
Someone already did it they're called :DwarfsAs we are all aware of, cats have psychic powers. This is an example of psychokinesis.
Why a dwarf who felt 30Zs and then landed on a cat,has no injuries?
Why do we all live underground?
Post by: acetech09 on August 21, 2011, 05:36:32 pm
How do vermin disappear and reappear at will?
Post by: Necro910 on August 21, 2011, 05:40:20 pm
Because the elves live on the surface.Because they're really just booze induced hallucinations. The REAL vermin are in your trading post.
How do vermin disappear and reappear at will?
Why aren't dwarves magma proof after thousands of years in thousands of wolds?
Post by: acetech09 on August 21, 2011, 05:42:26 pm
Why is magma hot?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on August 21, 2011, 06:00:16 pm
Why aren't demons afraid of dwarves?
Post by: acetech09 on August 21, 2011, 06:03:04 pm
Why do forgotten beasts made of steam end up at your fortress? If a giant cave swallow can take one down (and has in my fort… watched it come up to the FB and peck the FB to death), how has it survived for so long before arriving at my fort?
Post by: DwarfOfDefeat on August 21, 2011, 07:24:48 pm
Why do most FB sound phallic?
Post by: Alestom on August 21, 2011, 07:46:15 pm
Why do dwarfs allow cats to live amoungst them?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 21, 2011, 11:02:06 pm
Because most of them are.
Why do dwarfs allow cats to live amoungst them?
The cats allow the dwarves to live with them.
What would FB meat taste like?
Post by: Angel Of Death on August 21, 2011, 11:08:14 pm
Why are there six-legged quadrupeds?
Post by: Necro910 on August 21, 2011, 11:19:50 pm
Everything and nothing at the same timeBecause they only use four (Quadru-) for walking (-ped).
Why are there six-legged quadrupeds?
The other two are for tearing the skull through the brain, and tearing a tendon.
Post by: Sscral on August 22, 2011, 02:18:04 pm
Why aren't whips made of leather?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 22, 2011, 02:25:29 pm
Why can't adventurers breathe fire?
Post by: Frogwarrior on August 22, 2011, 03:09:59 pm
Why are Forgotten Beasts made of snow or ice immune to magma?
Post by: Eric Blank on August 23, 2011, 02:03:02 pm
Why are my multi-legendary masterwork steel-clad soldiers dying like flies to beasts barely 10 times their size, number, and with very little mithril as the only thing better than iron in their equipment?
Post by: Sscral on August 23, 2011, 06:59:18 pm
How does a dwarf carry/drag a whole ((adult)(huge))whale carcass all by himself?
Post by: Komra on August 23, 2011, 07:12:38 pm
How does a dwarf carry/drag a whole ((adult)(huge))whale carcass all by himself?
If a dwarf can haul hundreds of pounds of rock all day, a whale shouldn't show much challenge. Or if it does, the vast amount of blood slicking the area around any GOOD fortress should be enough to slide anything through with no trouble.
Why do dwarves refuse to change clothes until an article entirely disintegrates?
Post by: SirAaronIII on August 23, 2011, 07:43:30 pm
Why is "fire" hotter than magma?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on August 23, 2011, 08:02:23 pm
Why aren't there any objectively good civilizations?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 23, 2011, 08:44:51 pm
!!Exclamation Points!! are excellent heat conductors.
Why aren't there any objectively good civilizations?
Because Dwarf fortress has a "Grey and Black" morality system. Heroes are only heroes from the perspective of their own civilization, but absolute evil does exist...
Why do Dwarves make 'short' swords? I mean, we have craftdwarfship and human clothing is "large" (when seen by a dwarf), why not some other phrase?
Post by: Mr Frog on August 23, 2011, 11:29:35 pm
Why do a pool of blood and a pool of magma look exactly the same? (Both bright red double-tildes IIRC)
Post by: Shurhaian on August 24, 2011, 12:18:00 am
Why do moody dwarves disdain magma workshops in favour of their (normally-coal, in-the-instance willpower)-fueled counterparts, but only sometimes?
Post by: Mr Frog on August 24, 2011, 04:44:30 am
Why did the water in my well shaft settle 1 z-level lower than the reservoir supplying it (physics be damned)?
Post by: Komra on August 24, 2011, 08:47:36 am
Why is there no trace of oil in the ENTIRE WORLD? This would herald a new age of weaponry, people!
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on August 24, 2011, 09:33:01 am
Why are you able to find coal in a year 1 world?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 24, 2011, 09:37:12 am
How do civilizations have metal and stone, even though everything looks unmined?
Post by: Shurhaian on August 24, 2011, 10:35:29 am
Why do military dwarves attack everything but their designated target, given the choice?
Post by: Komra on August 24, 2011, 02:23:08 pm
Why do dwarves complain about carrying new shiny things across a river due to 'dangerous terrain,' but don't hesitate to construct a floor over a volcano caldera?
Post by: Frogwarrior on August 24, 2011, 02:57:58 pm
Why don't monarchs have any sort of material or item preferences whatsoever?
Post by: Kilroy the Grand on August 24, 2011, 03:02:15 pm
Volcanoes rarely have carp.
Why don't monarchs have any sort of material or item preferences whatsoever?
They were pregenned with the world, your dwarfs are made on the spot.
Post by: SirAaronIII on August 24, 2011, 07:06:54 pm
Why do a pool of blood and a pool of magma look exactly the same? (Both bright red double-tildes IIRC)Blood is dark red.
Since the previous poster didn't put his/her own question...
Why do marksdwarves always insist on using the good metal bolts on the ranges?
Post by: Komra on August 24, 2011, 07:14:30 pm
why can dwarves only make rock swords from obsidian?
Post by: Shurhaian on August 24, 2011, 08:52:50 pm
Why do underground plants, sealed away from the elements on the surface, have seasonal cycles, whereas all surface plants are year-round?
Post by: Spaghetti on August 25, 2011, 01:47:53 am
Why does the dwarven steel battle axe with proffesional skill glance off a human iron breastplate but a good punch from a novice jam the rib right through the lung?
Post by: Komra on August 25, 2011, 07:44:23 am
Why are dwarven ghosts represented by such strange characters on-screen?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 25, 2011, 08:51:40 am
Why haven't dwarves obtained gunpowder yet?
Post by: MonsteR on August 25, 2011, 12:18:16 pm
Why haven't dwarves obtained gunpowder yet?
Dwarves have discovered the secret of gunpowder no less than 278 times. To date, no survivors have been found.
Why are dwarven children not satisfied with my lovingly crafted gabbro toys, and instead seek to incite insubordination by declaring parties all day long?
Post by: acetech09 on August 25, 2011, 12:29:13 pm
Why can you dump an infinite amount of items onto a single square?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on August 25, 2011, 12:34:49 pm
Post by: Komra on August 25, 2011, 01:06:34 pm
Why can you dump an infinite amount of items onto a single square?
Or, the items are stacked atop one another. since layers are variably high (see: fitting titans in a DWARF-size fortress with no issue), a perfectly-balanced stack can go as high as it needs to be.
how do dwarves know that they have been adopted by a kitten?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 25, 2011, 01:28:25 pm
With all the inventions of the day, why am I forced to mod in shovels?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 27, 2011, 11:34:47 pm
Furthermore, if dorfs fish with their beards, and dorfs mince with their beards, why don't they ever pull up minced fish?
Post by: SirAaronIII on August 27, 2011, 11:38:37 pm
Quote
With all the inventions of the day, why am I forced to mod in shovels?1. Shovels? Ha, who needs shovels. Everyone knows that real dwarves use picks. ONLY picks. On everything, including dirt.
Furthermore, if dorfs fish with their beards, and dorfs mince with their beards, why don't they ever pull up minced fish?
2. I assume they lower one hair of their beard to fish, and use the whole thing like steel wool for mincing.
If the dinosaurs are dead, then why are there FB and titan dinosaurs?
Post by: acetech09 on August 28, 2011, 11:14:59 am
They aren't dinosaurs. they look like dinosaurs. They are actually shards of Armok's beard, and since Armok is slightly immature, he still loves dinosaurs and has dinosaur pajamas, he like sending dinosaurs at his dwarves and watch them go *RAWR*
Why does bismuth bronze not contain any bismuth?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 28, 2011, 08:40:22 pm
Why haven't dwarfs destroyed the planet, or at least taken over, given the mass destruction they cause?
Post by: Sting_Auer on August 28, 2011, 09:14:02 pm
Why the Circus is it that the dwarven mountainhomes won't let you take subterranean creatures with you to the new fortress?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 29, 2011, 12:31:05 am
Why don't goblins use troll breast milk?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 29, 2011, 12:38:40 am
The mountainhomes are selfish about subterranean creatures.
Why don't goblins use troll breast milk?
Would you? I wouldn't. Troll fur is bad enough.
Who decided that it would be a good idea to eat intestines, anyway?
Post by: Angel Of Death on August 29, 2011, 01:07:02 am
Why are the beards attached to the dorfs?
Post by: Frogwarrior on August 29, 2011, 01:13:16 am
(Also, re: the intestines: The better question would be, where's the REST of the hotdog?)
If the Forgotten Beasts were forgotten, why does everyone know their names?
Post by: acetech09 on August 29, 2011, 02:21:55 am
If you made dwarves any more drunk, what would you call that?
Post by: Komra on August 29, 2011, 05:03:54 am
Kinda went off on a tangent there, but I love coming up with random fake-science stuff. Hehe.
How do dwarves draw out magma for use in a forge?
Post by: andyman564 on August 29, 2011, 11:42:59 am
why is it that while dwarves can pump magma over hundreds of z-levels, burn wood and operate forges, they cannot light a simple campfire.
Post by: Liber celi on August 29, 2011, 02:20:37 pm
how is badger man babbie formed?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 29, 2011, 03:01:06 pm
How can dwarven babies punch a dragon in the ribs so hard a rib jams through it's heart?
Post by: flieroflight on August 29, 2011, 03:19:48 pm
Post by: Komra on August 29, 2011, 04:14:16 pm
Post by: Shurhaian on August 29, 2011, 08:18:56 pm
Where does all the water go when channeled through fortifications off the edge of the map, 50 z-levels underground in otherwise solid rock?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on August 29, 2011, 08:49:15 pm
Why do dwarfs throw parties mid seige?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on August 29, 2011, 08:58:45 pm
Post by: Tevish Szat on August 29, 2011, 09:00:29 pm
I'll take up the mantle of questioning here: why do dwarven engraves tend to pick their most grisly history for their art, rather than the more notable and constant gaining of wealth? Personally, I'd think as an engraver I'd want to show a mountainhome's gleaming halls of gold or whatever, not the fields of blood outside (if forced to choose only one, of course)
Dwarves pick notable events to engrave. Could you draw a picture of the roaring twenties? The gilded age? Maybe you could, but it would be kind of hard. Now how about 9/11? Hiroshima? How about your cousin's birth, or Nelson's death at Trafalgar? With a little competency and perhaps a good reference, you could depict those all quite clearly.
Engravings, even masterful ones, have to be sparing with complexity. You don't have painted colors to tell your story, only shades of the stone you work with... and for Dwarf Fortress, you have one panel too: as of now, there are no multi-tile engravings that could recount long years of industry and achievement.
So, needing one iconic image, that's what they engrave: Births, deaths, creation, destruction, individuals. In most fortresses there WILL be plenty of engravings of the splendor of the fortress, but they'll all be more specific than just that. Look for engravings of your founding, or the rise of kings to the throne of your civilization, the appointment of your expedition leader or baron, the forging of artifacts and the creation of masterworks. These are the displays of your wealth and power, your glory and your achievements. It just so happens it's ALSO easy to engrave deaths of countless goblins, dwarves at their hands, or random historical maulings.
Where does all the water go when channeled through fortifications off the edge of the map, 50 z-levels underground in otherwise solid rock?
It drains into an aquifer. No aquifer nearby? that's okay, it'll get there.
EDIT: I'm supposed to ask a question...
Why do goblins keep coming when none have ever left my fortress alive?
Post by: Tersr on August 29, 2011, 09:42:05 pm
If Armok is a main god, why have I yet to see him worshipped by a dwarf?
Post by: Shurhaian on August 29, 2011, 09:49:24 pm
Given how much trouble they cause, why do dwarves even have nobility?
Post by: Tevish Szat on August 29, 2011, 09:59:09 pm
Given how much trouble they cause, why do dwarves even have nobility?
Dwarves don't have nobility, nobles have dwarves.
How does a stray cat sent to roam the caverns report its findings back to the fortress?
Post by: Shurhaian on August 29, 2011, 10:02:38 pm
How can dogs (and other non-adopting animals) do it?
Post by: Frogwarrior on August 29, 2011, 11:23:45 pm
On saltwater maps, why does contact with any natural walls including solid rock pollute the water, but it's fine if you pump it into a pool made entirely of rock salt constructions?
Post by: acetech09 on August 29, 2011, 11:57:02 pm
On the topic of water, how do screw pumps and wells desalinate water without using distillers or some other desalination technique?
Post by: Teronsuke on August 30, 2011, 02:43:28 am
Why can't dwarves swim?
Post by: jaxy15 on August 30, 2011, 03:20:58 am
How do beardless creatures fish, engrave, and cook?
Post by: JTH on August 30, 2011, 05:41:51 am
Why was my Legendary Miner's final thoughts "Admired a fine statue" instead of "was burnt alive recently"?
Post by: Spaghetti on August 30, 2011, 09:02:01 am
Why did my warrior dwarf charge headlong into battle while hauling her tripplets?
Post by: Silent_Thunder on August 30, 2011, 09:24:52 am
Why does my mayor always ban exports of our most profitable items?
Post by: Theifofdreams on August 30, 2011, 01:43:55 pm
Why doesn't my architect remove the item that prevents him from building in that square?
Post by: kopout on August 30, 2011, 02:04:00 pm
why can't I think of a good question?
Post by: Komra on August 30, 2011, 02:17:55 pm
Why does every breeding creature only reproduce by spore? (if you don't know the reference, it's because females can become impregnated from anywhere, without contact)
Post by: MonsteR on August 30, 2011, 04:53:45 pm
Why is the site finder such a dirty liar when it comes to metal and flux?
Post by: Spaghetti on August 30, 2011, 06:45:57 pm
"YOU SAID THERE WAS SHALLOW METAL HERE"
"UH keep digging!"
Why is the king of the humans a bipedal pig thing that can breathe fire and is unable to speak?
Post by: Tevish Szat on August 30, 2011, 08:03:08 pm
Why is the king of the humans a bipedal pig thing that can breathe fire and is unable to speak?
Pigs are very human like in many respects, fire-breathing keeps the peons in line, and not being able to speak is a plus in a
Why are dead dwarves so often ectatic?
Post by: Tersr on August 30, 2011, 08:42:50 pm
Why are human forts made up of random rough stone? I've seen one made out of native platnium before.
Post by: Komra on August 31, 2011, 05:10:16 am
Why does dwarven technology include windmills, pumps, and huge axles, but not war vehicles like chariots or mobile catapults? Do they not care to use tech for war? (yes yes yes, we can make trap systems, but that's not an integrated technology)
Post by: jaxy15 on August 31, 2011, 05:39:46 am
Why don't dwarves ever get dental problems?
Post by: TheJackal on August 31, 2011, 07:54:27 am
Why do quantum entanglement levers take so long to activate? The coupled triggering should proceed at supralight speeds!
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on August 31, 2011, 08:35:43 am
...They do work instantly. Try hooking one up to a hatch or door. The delay for a bridge takes place in the bridge itself.
Why do quantum entanglement levers take so long to activate? The coupled triggering should proceed at supralight speeds!
Why do dwarves' skills rust so fast, compared to their lifespan and to other races?
Post by: fluffhead on August 31, 2011, 09:29:34 am
Because you aren't me.
Why does every breeding creature only reproduce by spore? (if you don't know the reference, it's because females can become impregnated from anywhere, without contact)
I like to think that it's aliens who are abducting the animals while the dwarfs are not looking and then breeding them artificially. It only happens when both male and female animals are on the maps because the aliens are lazy and don't want to search for breeding pairs. I assume that they are like call service reps who try to plow through phone calls as fast as they can to meet a certain calls per minute standards. The aliens are similiar, they have a alien manager who judges their performance based on an impregnations per minute ratio (IPM). Thus if there isn't a male/female pair within veiw then they say
Post by: Tersr on August 31, 2011, 01:56:16 pm
...They do work instantly. Try hooking one up to a hatch or door. The delay for a bridge takes place in the bridge itself.
Why do quantum entanglement levers take so long to activate? The coupled triggering should proceed at supralight speeds!
Why do dwarves' skills rust so fast, compared to their lifespan and to other races?
As much as they would like to not belive, alcohol kills brain cells, so they forget how to do things quicker then others.
Why don't dwarfs play the instruments they make?
Post by: Locke on August 31, 2011, 02:22:43 pm
Why do I only get ambushes when I just finished mass designating forest for cutting?
Post by: Komra on August 31, 2011, 02:46:24 pm
Where does the rest of the bridge go when it is raised (creating only 1 z-level of wall)?
Post by: Necro910 on August 31, 2011, 03:48:44 pm
The gobbos are hanging around away from the edge of your viewable area, and hear the dwarves coming out to play.The bridge folds like an accordion, which is also why it instantly crushes anything where the wall forms.
Where does the rest of the bridge go when it is raised (creating only 1 z-level of wall)?
Why do frozen lakes form on volcanoes?
Post by: Spaghetti on August 31, 2011, 06:54:09 pm
What kills the animals meant to be butchered?
Post by: Kromgar on August 31, 2011, 08:31:53 pm
Because heat travels sidewaysA cleaver i picked one up from a fort i abandoned once.
What kills the animals meant to be butchered?
Post by: Komra on August 31, 2011, 10:06:53 pm
Which came first- the night creature or the transformative process?
Post by: DrKillPatient on August 31, 2011, 10:34:06 pm
How do creatures hold multigrasp weapons without grasping them with multiple hands?
Post by: Tersr on September 01, 2011, 12:09:19 am
Why don't dwarfs have any form of schooling?
Post by: jaxy15 on September 01, 2011, 03:19:54 pm
Why doesn't fruit grow on trees in the world of Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 01, 2011, 04:09:00 pm
Because they reproduce via spore, like (almost) everything else, thus removing the need to fruit.
Why doesn't fruit grow on trees in the world of Dwarf Fortress?
Why don't megabeasts step on low-pop outposts? You'd think they'd be easy prey...
Post by: i2amroy on September 01, 2011, 04:17:33 pm
Why don't megabeasts step on low-pop outposts? You'd think they'd be easy prey...
Because the forests haven't been cut back enough to reveal the hidden armies of elves that killed the earlier ones.
Why do dwarves insist on wearing the one thing that is on !!fire!!?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on September 01, 2011, 05:09:27 pm
Why do dwarves think an active burrow alert is just a suggestion?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 01, 2011, 11:22:39 pm
Why does the Circus always attack when you open the Clown Car? Why don't they just wander in and check out the horrors you commit?
I'm sure we could create a mutually beneficial relationship based on us Exporting/Importing pain/cotton candy
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 01, 2011, 11:28:24 pm
Why don't dwarves consider z-levels in deciding the "closest item"?
Post by: BackgroundGuy on September 01, 2011, 11:33:04 pm
Why do dwarves like alcohol?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 02, 2011, 01:20:54 am
Alternatively: Because the beard needs the alcohol to function.
What would Dwarf Fortress be like without the [Alcohol_dependent] tag?
Post by: i2amroy on September 02, 2011, 02:21:49 am
Why must kittens brave all odds, climbing though staircases, airlocks, and several pet-tight doors in order to crawl their lowly selves into my danger room only to be impaled on wooden spears?
Post by: Shurhaian on September 02, 2011, 07:55:21 am
Why, when told to go to an indoor burrow, do dwarves who happen to be outdoors run away from the entrance(s) and right toward the attacking goblins, only to complain about the "interruptions", mill about in confusion, and get shot, impaled, hacked apart, pounded to a pulp, or otherwise brutally slain?
Post by: jaxy15 on September 02, 2011, 08:27:13 am
What would dwarves be like if beards didnt exist?
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 02, 2011, 09:46:05 am
What would dwarves be like if beards didnt exist?
Female.
Why does the wind never change on a given map?
Post by: Komra on September 02, 2011, 02:06:51 pm
What will the first use of electricity be if dwarves discover it?
Post by: acetech09 on September 02, 2011, 02:26:00 pm
Why can a dwarf (I'm currently in adventure mode, hunting) haul 10 rhinoceros corpses, 7 giraffe corpses, 5 gazelle corpses, 2 honey badger corpses, and 130 copper bolts and still be able to move?
Post by: andyman564 on September 02, 2011, 02:54:51 pm
why doesn't the sun set in fortress mode?
Post by: peskyninja on September 02, 2011, 03:03:00 pm
why dwarfs are short?
Post by: Ehndras on September 02, 2011, 03:05:45 pm
because dwarves don't get an encumbrance penalty.
why doesn't the sun set in fortress mode?
Because Armok scares the shit out of the Sun god.
--- --- ---
Dwarves are short because their dense beards defy gravity, pulling them down towards the ground.
Question:
How do goblins find that one accidental opening in the massive layer of walls surrounding my hillside fortress by walking from a hill to the top of a long link of walls, to go down an abandoned construction ramp, to be discovered only once they've gone all the way down the constantly-traveled lengthy road into my fortress without being spotted?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 02, 2011, 04:52:28 pm
Why, given that we have a pause button, do so many easily avoidable bad things happen?
Post by: Ehndras on September 02, 2011, 05:02:44 pm
Because you don't pay enough attention, and goblins are sneaky bastards.
Why, given that we have a pause button, do so many easily avoidable bad things happen?
Because our fortresses are engineered to fail. ((And to your answer: considering how I'm an obsessive-compulsive perfectionist who spends ridiculous amounts of time just covering embark basics, with an extreme penchant for perfect symmetry and designs, its so saddening that I miss places. Here's an example of me spending hours using XP Paint to make designs. http://maximilian-aurea.deviantart.com/art/Chaotic-Origins-134661047 Zoom in to go "How long did it take to make that!? Answer is, 4 months at maximum possible zoom, one pixel at a time, a few hours a day.))
Why is it that I can spend 15 hours designing my fortress only to have a random fucking pool of water completely murder my design by being in the most utterly horrible location possible? That and freezing ponds/moats, I hate you.
Post by: Spaghetti on September 03, 2011, 12:06:01 pm
why is it that severed limbs and organs do more damage than a conventional weapon?
Post by: Ehndras on September 03, 2011, 02:32:17 pm
Cuz you must dig deeper to have a true dwarven fortress
why is it that severed limbs and organs do more damage than a conventional weapon?
Because DF gives you bonus points for killing an elf swordsman with his own leg.
Question:
Why would anyone willingly befriend the Elves?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on September 03, 2011, 02:45:23 pm
How many people here actually understand the origin of the hatred of the elves and aren't just spouting old memes in an attempt to appear funny?
Post by: Tersr on September 03, 2011, 05:04:09 pm
Didn't it start because they demanded you not to cut trees, offer wood goods, or plant/animal products, even though they themself do all of that without even a hint of irony?
Post by: andyman564 on September 03, 2011, 05:24:26 pm
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on September 03, 2011, 06:05:49 pm
\
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 03, 2011, 06:15:45 pm
How Does a dwarf fit the contents of an entire barrel in a single water skin?
\
Dwarves are not good at using barrels to their full capacity...
How does simply declaring a space a food stockpile prevent rotting?
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on September 03, 2011, 06:31:32 pm
Why do dwarves insist on walling themselves in?
Post by: Komra on September 03, 2011, 08:35:05 pm
Why will a forgotten beast/ other building destroyer break down a series of doors, and then stop at a measly bridge? (yes I know the whole buildings vs. constructions thing, it still doesn't make sense)
Post by: Spaghetti on September 04, 2011, 08:37:55 am
Why do invaders or bandits seem only to have a breastplate and a helm? And nothing else?
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 04, 2011, 11:42:19 am
Because instincts to avoid atom smashers is prevelant to all surviving species after the great atom smashing of year -122
Why do invaders or bandits seem only to have a breastplate and a helm? And nothing else?
They're coming to steal your pants and socks.
Why are snow HFS magma-proof?
Post by: Liber celi on September 04, 2011, 12:06:59 pm
How can a goblin survive a ballista arrow to the chest? Three times in a row?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 04, 2011, 12:15:37 pm
Why do dwarves like stones and metals that they should not even know exist?
Post by: jaxy15 on September 04, 2011, 12:57:27 pm
Why don't dwarves ever make pop culture songs?
Post by: Komra on September 04, 2011, 01:25:33 pm
Why do nobles often want a bunch of empty armor stands and weapon racks?
Post by: Tersr on September 05, 2011, 08:15:34 pm
Why do nobles hate their rooms, but if you add anything simple they love it?
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on September 06, 2011, 12:14:44 am
Why human commander did you just stand there waiting for the 200 heavily armed and armoured dwarves to form up for their charge?
And Why oh noble goblin ambushers would you chose the very moment of said charge to reveal yourselves? The element of surprise doesn't allow you to overcome 20 to 1 advantage.
Post by: acetech09 on September 06, 2011, 12:22:45 am
The goblin ambushers misheard their commander say 'Holy shit! That's a lot of dwarves' for 'holy shit! Lets kill that lot of dwarves!'
Why can things walk across a brook, even though there's 7/7 water beneath it?
Post by: Shurhaian on September 06, 2011, 01:00:47 am
Why do dwarves insist on stripping a corpse before bringing it back to the fortress for burial, instead of more efficiently stripping it after (or just burying the poor fallen dorf with all his/her possessions)?
Post by: AaronLS on September 06, 2011, 02:11:29 am
The defining trait of brooks is that over centuries, they form a layer of semisolid foam. Once breached, this will take a similar amount of time to replenish, which is why channeling it away leaves an effectively-permanent gap.
Why do dwarves insist on stripping a corpse before bringing it back to the fortress for burial, instead of more efficiently stripping it after (or just burying the poor fallen dorf with all his/her possessions)?
All the other dwarves tell themselves they are lightening the load for the last dwarf that gets there and has to carry the naked corpse...
Why do cattle kill each other over a single patch of grass when there's plenty more in the pasture?
Post by: AaronLS on September 06, 2011, 02:13:02 am
Why do invaders or bandits seem only to have a breastplate and a helm? And nothing else?
They descend from the first followers of Winnie the Pooh, he who wears no pants.
Post by: Frogwarrior on September 06, 2011, 02:30:37 am
Quote
Why do dwarves insist on stripping a corpse before bringing it back to the fortress for burial, instead of more efficiently stripping it after (or just burying the poor fallen dorf with all his/her possessions)?Clothing in DF is designed to be EXTREMELY loose-fitting and easy to remove, (This is why, when you lop off an arm, the glove falls at their feet instead of flying off with the arm.) This is likely to make the spores' journey a lot easier.
Quote
Why do cattle kill each other over a single patch of grass when there's plenty more in the pasture?For cows, pastures are a lot like prisons. You either constantly establish that you're not to be messed with, or you're a doormat.
Why can you sneak up on enemies on a completely exposed, barren mountainside?
Post by: Komra on September 06, 2011, 04:22:02 am
And if you're doing adventure mode as a human or elf, though, there's always giant rock costumes for old-timey Solid Snake antics.
How do nobles know about slade, and why do they think it's obtainable?
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on September 06, 2011, 04:30:29 am
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 09, 2011, 07:39:01 pm
Post by: Tersr on September 09, 2011, 07:46:12 pm
Do dwarf still ignore liquid items when cooking, also, how were roast made of pure booze possible?
Post by: Sscral on September 09, 2011, 07:50:39 pm
Why do kobolds insist on stealing socks, metal baubles, and useless junk instead of food(So they don't die before year 2)?
Post by: Tersr on September 09, 2011, 08:00:41 pm
Why do we like, somewhat, kobolds?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on September 09, 2011, 08:07:08 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Look at him, he's just a sad little man. He knows dorfs hate having lots of rocks so he just starts breaking rocks, maybe you'll let him be a dorf if he breaks enough rocks...
Why do dwarves notice enemies outside the fort and then run outside of the fort to get away?
Post by: Tersr on September 09, 2011, 08:13:09 pm
Why don't dwarfs eat sapinets? Dwarfs should be able to eat trolls and what not.
Post by: CapnUrist on September 09, 2011, 11:00:41 pm
Why do dwarves notice enemies outside the fort and then run outside of the fort to get away?
Because no matter what dangerous thing is outside, the nobles are probably still inside. Which would you pick? (Not my question, a rhetorical).
Why don't dwarfs eat sapinets? Dwarfs should be able to eat trolls and what not.
Because it's creepy having your stomach growl when you're really not hungry.
How is it that dwarves get so very attached to clothes, other dwarves, socks, cats, masterpieces and useless lay-about artifacts, yet still seem like emotionless monsters?
Post by: Orangebottle on September 10, 2011, 12:02:35 am
How is it that dwarves get so very attached to clothes, other dwarves, socks, cats, masterpieces and useless lay-about artifacts, yet still seem like emotionless monsters?Because it's actually a capitalist society.
Why the hell do we still
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: jaxy15 on September 10, 2011, 01:10:49 am
Why can't we buy mechanisms on embark?
Post by: acetech09 on September 10, 2011, 01:22:42 am
Why can't you build windmills anywhere else but on ground level?
Post by: AaronLS on September 10, 2011, 02:40:39 am
Why is it my dwarf dresses like a bee keeper, when I've told him he is not allowed to be a bee keeper, but instead a carpenter? It seems a little eccentric...
Post by: Xotano on September 10, 2011, 05:33:06 am
(insert witty question here)?
i'm expecting an answer to the witty question you must first think of! and just the answer not the question itself!
MWA HA HA HA HA!
Post by: Tersr on September 10, 2011, 09:03:03 am
Why haven't any types of transportation been invented yet?
Post by: Sscral on September 10, 2011, 10:32:30 am
Who makes the candy swords and the carnival buildings?
Post by: Komra on September 10, 2011, 08:59:31 pm
why do some animals not have to eat?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 13, 2011, 01:15:45 am
What's the easiest way to keep a lava pump stack from killing your FPS? Aside from not building it or keeping it turned off, I mean.
Post by: Wimopy on September 16, 2011, 03:59:05 pm
Any interesting things to !!RESEARCH!! that haven't been done yet? (11pm, can't think of any good things)
Post by: Komra on September 17, 2011, 06:47:14 am
Why aren't there provisions to make lava lethal on contact when temperature is off?
Post by: ZeroSumHappiness on September 17, 2011, 07:15:34 am
Why does a race of Axe, pick and spear-lovers name its children Dagger so often?
Post by: Tersr on September 17, 2011, 07:46:26 am
Why does everything menace with spikes?
Post by: whitecold on September 17, 2011, 11:44:14 am
Why can a copper pick pierce a perfectly rigid material?
Post by: CapnUrist on September 17, 2011, 12:12:31 pm
How does a human diplomat see where he's going when navigating a dwarven fortress hundreds of z-levels below the surface with no light source?
Post by: Komra on September 17, 2011, 07:57:58 pm
Where do the Forgotten Beasts come from?
Post by: Kassil on September 17, 2011, 10:31:51 pm
There are signposts. Invaders know directions as well, and how else?
Where do the Forgotten Beasts come from?
Australia. (Look at a platypus and argue the point. It can't be done with a straight face.)
Why do my miners ALWAYS leave a few tiles undug when they run off to the next room, preventing the nearly-dug room from being used as intended?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 18, 2011, 10:46:52 pm
Why do diplomats appear close to goblin ambushes, at the same time as said ambushes, so very often?
Post by: jaxy15 on September 19, 2011, 06:20:04 am
Why don't dwarves make wall mounted traps?
Post by: Tersr on September 19, 2011, 06:58:59 am
How do traps reset themselfs?
Post by: Sonlirain on September 19, 2011, 07:39:16 am
How in heck did that huge snail made out of snow survived in that scorching desert?
Post by: KtosoX on September 19, 2011, 07:46:47 am
How do you know how many goblins are there in an ambush, if it was detected by a rooster?
Post by: Melissia on September 19, 2011, 08:09:39 am
Post by: Komra on September 19, 2011, 02:08:01 pm
M's: That's entirely normal. You can get 20 or more pretty often if you rapidly increase your wealth.
If a dwarf became a mage, what would his -mancy be?
Post by: Melissia on September 19, 2011, 02:12:36 pm
Post by: KtosoX on September 19, 2011, 02:30:18 pm
...Either Kalalmancy(melting stuff), Kunmancy(mind control) or Usanmancy(killing stuff)
If a dwarf became a mage, what would his -mancy be?
Why cats cant mind control Forgotten Beasts?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 19, 2011, 02:58:48 pm
Why did one of my dwarfs apparently make a drum from the baby of another dwarf?
Post by: They Got Leader on September 19, 2011, 03:34:53 pm
Why don't the goblins ever give up? Also, why does it seem like they never run out of population?
Post by: Melissia on September 19, 2011, 07:39:33 pm
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 20, 2011, 09:33:07 pm
Because there are flesh bits inside the butcher that noone has moved to a stockpile of any sort, causing it to rot. Now if you had stockpiles for food, a cook and kitchen, and leatherworker/tanner, that'd be cleared up quickly.
Why are dragons so rare for me? I have yet to encounter even one.
Post by: Melissia on September 20, 2011, 09:36:18 pm
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 20, 2011, 09:53:46 pm
Post by: Melissia on September 20, 2011, 09:57:12 pm
I think the miasma might have been from draltha now...
Post by: Roraborialisforealis on September 20, 2011, 09:59:41 pm
Ouch. I need to increase my dormitory size then apparently!Start of my worst fortress: Digging down a z level "You have struck native aluminum, You have struck native platinum."
Digging out my home made me get a pop of 50 (Welll... I did make SOME crafts.... XD.)
Post by: Melissia on September 20, 2011, 10:07:47 pm
So wait, just FINDING a vein of an ore will raise your value?Ouch. I need to increase my dormitory size then apparently!Start of my worst fortress: Digging down a z level "You have struck native aluminum, You have struck native platinum."
Digging out my home made me get a pop of 50 (Welll... I did make SOME crafts.... XD.)
Post by: Roraborialisforealis on September 21, 2011, 12:03:10 am
No. Its that I had designated that that's where my home was gonna get dug out. Then It happened while I was afk.So wait, just FINDING a vein of an ore will raise your value?Ouch. I need to increase my dormitory size then apparently!Start of my worst fortress: Digging down a z level "You have struck native aluminum, You have struck native platinum."
Digging out my home made me get a pop of 50 (Welll... I did make SOME crafts.... XD.)
Post by: Tevish Szat on September 21, 2011, 12:28:31 am
Why can dwarves get used to seeing their friends and family butchered before their very eyes and "not really care about anything anymore", but never become "nose deaf" to miasma?
Post by: Roraborialisforealis on September 21, 2011, 12:29:50 am
The stones recovered from the vein count as wealth IIRC. the unmined rock -- not so much.They secretly like it, I swear it puts my temperamental dwarves out of their tantrums immediately.
Why can dwarves get used to seeing their friends and family butchered before their very eyes and "not really care about anything anymore", but never become "nose deaf" to miasma?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 21, 2011, 01:23:22 am
Why do nobles constantly mandate for things I don't have the time to deal with, don't have the craftsdwarfs for, don't have the shop for, or, most often, just don't have the materials?
Post by: Komra on September 21, 2011, 05:17:46 am
How have dwarves mastered quantum entanglement (i.e. the so called 'mechanisms') before electricity?
Post by: Theifofdreams on September 21, 2011, 02:34:42 pm
Why are walls completely indestructible?
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on December 01, 2011, 03:38:03 am
why do my dwarves run away from the only escape from the deadly magma flood?
Post by: Mr Frog on December 01, 2011, 01:13:32 pm
Why does my mayor want a random bismuth bronze door inside his bedroom?
Post by: Theifofdreams on December 02, 2011, 04:27:46 am
Why are caverns so hard to find when I'm aiming for them, but crop up every third pick-strike when I'm not?
Post by: Nyxalinth on December 02, 2011, 04:08:44 pm
Because it goes just perfect with the bed, doncherknow?
Why are caverns so hard to find when I'm aiming for them, but crop up every third pick-strike when I'm not?
It's like anything else: when you want it, you can't find it.
What do Forgotten Beasts do while waiting for us to open the caverns?
Post by: Mitchewawa on December 02, 2011, 04:27:45 pm
Why do goblins keep making silver edged weapons? And light blunt weapons?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 02, 2011, 05:23:17 pm
If dwarves breed by spores how does anyone know who fathered the children or who anyone is related to for that matter?
Post by: kaenneth on December 02, 2011, 05:37:49 pm
edit: ahh, am I supposed to ask a question as well?
Why havn't I seen a Purring Maggot for the longest time?
Post by: Lazy_lizard on December 02, 2011, 06:01:44 pm
why does it take a super computer to run a game with 8-bit graphics?
Post by: MaximumZero on December 02, 2011, 06:27:07 pm
Why don't possessed dorfs gain any skill?
Post by: fergus on December 02, 2011, 11:26:00 pm
Why do masons build walls from the wrong side?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 02, 2011, 11:58:51 pm
Why do (semi) megabeasts make peace with other beings in an arena?
Post by: Wirevix on December 03, 2011, 12:11:03 am
Why do my dwarves insist that the pointless rock-craft artefacts on the front lawn are sacred and must not be touched? They're kobold bait out there! Put them in the stockpile, you drunks!
Post by: Lemunde on December 03, 2011, 01:05:27 am
Why does my sheriff insist on strangling all perpetrators to death even though there's 10 empty cages marked as jails?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 03, 2011, 01:23:00 am
Why are elves so
Post by: Pray_for_Snow on December 03, 2011, 01:57:08 am
!!SCIENCE!! Answer: Elves are the offspring of trees and a really drunk God. Of course they are idiotic.
Post by: Mitchewawa on December 03, 2011, 05:39:27 pm
Out of 120 dwarfs, 40 of them are children and babies. Why are my dwarfs such Casanova fuck machines?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 03, 2011, 06:16:18 pm
Yep.
Out of 120 dwarfs, 40 of them are children and babies. Why are my dwarfs such Casanova fuck machines?
I laughed so hard. What else are they going to do while not hauling/farming/burning wood?
Post by: Mitchewawa on December 03, 2011, 06:21:40 pm
Yep.
Out of 120 dwarfs, 40 of them are children and babies. Why are my dwarfs such Casanova fuck machines?
I laughed so hard. What else are they going to do while not hauling/farming/burning wood?
They don't even do that; I run off one farm, everything is currently in a stockpile and I use magma forges and coal. I mostly use them for OCDumping every single bit of clothing, useless armour and weapon into the atom smasher.
Twice I used children for Forgotten Beast bait trap though. They don't run as fast as adults :(
And then BAM; thread derailed.
Post by: WolfeyS on December 03, 2011, 06:25:53 pm
And then BAM; thread derailed.
NOT SO FAST, Why did he attempt to derail the thread?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 04, 2011, 04:26:48 pm
Explain why everyone here hate elves?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 04, 2011, 05:00:57 pm
...
Main reason is they are elves. What are you, some kind of elf?
Why do dwarves have such an affinity to useless clothing and bronze shit they grew attached to?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 04, 2011, 05:51:22 pm
Also elves are badass, they are honour driven to siege steel equipped dwarfs just for cutting a couple trees and are unfazed by a disgusting number of casualties.
Question: Why are elves are the only principled people in this crazy world obsessed with stone crafts and quotas?
Post by: Awessum Possum on December 04, 2011, 07:11:11 pm
because everyone here is OCD and ADHD, and then complain when their dwarfs act similarly in game.
Yoink! :P
Post by: Nan on December 05, 2011, 05:31:30 am
Why did the elf merchants exit the map via the caverns in one of my fortresses?
Post by: fergus on December 05, 2011, 05:42:56 am
Why don't constructed ice walls melt?
Post by: jaxy15 on December 05, 2011, 05:47:17 am
Why don't dwarves ever use their beards for combat? I mean, they can engrave walls and mince food.
Post by: fergus on December 05, 2011, 05:50:31 am
Why does water move so slowly?
Post by: Tiruin on December 05, 2011, 07:44:54 am
Why don't dwarves hate Humans?
Post by: Madventurer on December 05, 2011, 07:48:25 am
Why don't humans hate dwarves?
Post by: peskyninja on December 05, 2011, 08:14:08 am
Why we play as the dwarfs?
Post by: MrWiggles on December 05, 2011, 08:16:20 am
How much sodium is in dorf food? It can keep for years inside of barrels.
Post by: Tiruin on December 05, 2011, 08:58:39 am
How can anyone survive a seven z-level drop and still stand and walk away?
Post by: Madventurer on December 05, 2011, 09:09:43 am
Do beards control minds of the dwarves?
Post by: Necro910 on December 05, 2011, 10:18:04 am
Elf Pillows.EEYUP
Do beards control minds of the dwarves?
How do elves survive world gen when dwarves could simply just magma the forest? Or collapse their villages? etc.?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 05, 2011, 10:35:00 am
How do elves survive world gen when dwarves could simply just magma the forest? Or collapse their villages? etc.?
Referring to a previous answer, because they have secret passages right through the circus of oblivion. Can dwarves dig underneath that?
Why do dwarves detest water laced with mud when everything around them, especially the food, is dusty from intense mining
Post by: peskyninja on December 05, 2011, 10:42:31 am
Why plump helmets grow so fast?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 05, 2011, 10:48:22 am
What happened to all the FBs made out of booze?
Post by: Necro910 on December 05, 2011, 11:03:09 am
Beards emit psionic waves to mind control plump helmet men into migrating to your fortress and falling asleep in the cozy mud, where your farmer finds them.Dwarves.
What happened to all the FBs made out of booze?
Why are walls indestructible to almost everything?
Post by: fergus on December 05, 2011, 04:09:11 pm
Why can adamantine be mined through with a copper pick?
Post by: Necro910 on December 05, 2011, 04:11:27 pm
Because they are reinforced with the souls of the dead.Because it isn't pure adamantine, there are only stands of it in the rock.
Why can adamantine be mined through with a copper pick?
Why can't anything go past a certain point in the sky?
Post by: fergus on December 05, 2011, 04:18:11 pm
Why don't clowns just steal a pick from the miner who uncovered them?
Post by: MaximumZero on December 06, 2011, 12:21:48 am
Why is it just so fun to build massive and convoluted death traps?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 06, 2011, 11:50:10 am
Edit: Whoops, forgot to ask... Hmm...
Why do drawbridges rape and destroy *almost* everything they land on, and is it painless?
Post by: Dwarfus on December 06, 2011, 01:27:57 pm
I think due to my large meeting rooms and statue gardens, there are too many people there to socialize with, spreading it out among everyone. I'll give it a try with lots of smaller gardens sprinkled throughout the levels. I have seen people become friends after numerous parties are thrown, but no weddings.
Post by: Necro910 on December 06, 2011, 01:33:32 pm
Why wouldn't it be fun? You get to murder lazily!Because it compresses it to a size so small that it enters another dimension, which is also the answer to the infinite sand. It is made out of matter from other universes.
Edit: Whoops, forgot to ask... Hmm...
Why do drawbridges rape and destroy *almost* everything they land on, and is it painless?
Here's my question:
I too have not seen relationships form after a year of playing.How does this relate to the thread? :P
I think due to my large meeting rooms and statue gardens, there are too many people there to socialize with, spreading it out among everyone. I'll give it a try with lots of smaller gardens sprinkled throughout the levels. I have seen people become friends after numerous parties are thrown, but no weddings.
Post by: WolfeyS on December 06, 2011, 01:57:19 pm
Offtopic question, why do bronies spread out and piss everyone off except for on this forum? (for the most part anyways)
ONTOPIC QUESTION, Are forgotten beasts named that because you forget they exist until you accidentally bump into it again and it destroys you?
Post by: Necro910 on December 06, 2011, 02:44:02 pm
He probably posted it here instead of the relationship questions thread.offtopic question: Because so many of the brony population are overzealous trolls. *raises hand*
Offtopic question, why do bronies spread out and piss everyone off except for on this forum? (for the most part anyways)
ONTOPIC QUESTION, Are forgotten beasts named that because you forget they exist until you accidentally bump into it again and it destroys you?
ontopic question: EEYUP
EDIT: Why is microcline FUCKING EVERYWHERE
Post by: WolfeyS on December 06, 2011, 02:53:32 pm
Edit: Ignore this answer, I just felt like screaming at microcline.
Post by: jcnorris00 on December 06, 2011, 02:58:59 pm
What can't dwarven parents (or overlords) assign chores to children? "Does as it pleases" my ass.
Post by: Plutocrat on December 06, 2011, 04:59:40 pm
Because as we know air approaches infinity density as you get lower to the ground, hence windmills only working on ground level. Children and kobolds are so burdened by the sheer act of moving that getting work from them is impossible, so they lounge around and steal from the the productive folk.
Why do dwarven mothers carry their children and not deposit him in the safe room with the (lead) toys I made.
Post by: WolfeyS on December 06, 2011, 05:04:01 pm
Why do individual bolts melt down for more than stacks of bolts?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 06, 2011, 05:12:57 pm
Because babies make excellent shields, and can be replaced.
Why do individual bolts melt down for more than stacks of bolts?
This is something they don't teach in dwarven chemistry. The greater surface area of bolts compared to bars allows the bolts to collect dust, and over time produce a new layer of rust/dust/water which adopts the consistency of the metal underneath due to quantum blending. When you melt it all and produce bars it all gets mixed evenly you end up with more bars then what you started with.
Why can only certain metals be mixed together, like gold and silver, but not steel and gold?
Post by: Theifofdreams on December 07, 2011, 12:39:18 am
Why do legendary things either have horrid, badass, or delightfully ironic names, but not meh-ish ones?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 07, 2011, 12:47:22 am
Post by: Mitchewawa on December 07, 2011, 05:54:03 am
Why do squads pick such silly names? Like the Stockade of Feet, or the Anuses of Bloodying...
Post by: MrWiggles on December 07, 2011, 08:46:10 am
What games do the dorfs program on their fortress encompassing computers?
Post by: Tiruin on December 07, 2011, 08:50:48 am
Why do dragons not have wings?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on December 07, 2011, 02:42:34 pm
Why do dwarves drop whatever their doing when they notice a fish in the water?
Post by: WolfeyS on December 07, 2011, 02:46:36 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why are cage traps so amazingly effective? I want my answer in dwarven science format.
Post by: Tiruin on December 07, 2011, 10:07:08 pm
If dwarves can invent perpetual motion machines, death traps, megaprojects being nearly as great as Rome and charring a whole mountainside by magma power, why can they not even make a simple armored tank or something that leads to power?
Post by: MaximumZero on December 07, 2011, 10:49:24 pm
Request denied: cage does not compute.
If dwarves can invent perpetual motion machines, death traps, megaprojects being nearly as great as Rome and charring a whole mountainside by magma power, why can they not even make a simple armored tank or something that leads to power?
Pave the sky with windmills and then say that your dorfs have no power.
What's so wrong with eating fallen enemies? They're made of meat, after all...
Post by: Tiruin on December 07, 2011, 10:52:52 pm
Why are there no priests yet there are gods?
Post by: Raddish on December 07, 2011, 11:11:26 pm
What do Dwarves see beyond the borders of the screen when they approach the edge of the map?
Post by: Tiruin on December 07, 2011, 11:31:03 pm
How did curious structures get filled with only certain types of species to defend it?
Post by: Theifofdreams on December 08, 2011, 12:03:07 am
Why... do demons always come up and attack fortresses?
Wherever they come from, it's clearly safer and usually has much better living conditions then the average fortress, after all.
Post by: Necro910 on December 08, 2011, 12:06:39 am
They're the only ones that get curious about it, besides the dwarfs.They're bored for countless ages, they need something to do. You try to entertain yourself for endless time in a place of near nothingness. Also, they want to take over the world like their humanoid versions.
Why... do demons always come up and attack fortresses?
Wherever they come from, it's clearly safer and usually has much better living conditions then the average fortress, after all.
How do dwarves brew alcohol with no water?
Post by: Wirevix on December 08, 2011, 12:29:45 am
Why do large grazers need to eat so much that they physically cannot prevent themselves from starving to death?
Post by: Plutocrat on December 08, 2011, 03:04:44 am
They use sweat. Makes it stronger.
Why do large grazers need to eat so much that they physically cannot prevent themselves from starving to death?
The planet's ecosystem changed recently and these are just remnants from a bygone era of more abundant grass, just waiting to die really.
Why don't the demons just settle down and start a fortress?
Post by: Tiruin on December 08, 2011, 03:27:44 am
[Should we put spoilers? Euphemisms are dead in this thread as far as I see]
How do those edible staring eyeballs and squirming tendrils taste like? Grazers eat them...
Post by: fergus on December 08, 2011, 03:45:08 am
Why is microline so common?
Post by: Tiruin on December 08, 2011, 04:04:32 am
How did Bogeymen start? There must have been a first somewhere in the cackling masses.
Post by: Necro910 on December 08, 2011, 10:16:58 am
It really tries hard to imitate the more sought after rock, the one that is like candy to the people and fun to your dwarves.They spawn from the paranoia of the lone adventurer's mind.
How did Bogeymen start? There must have been a first somewhere in the cackling masses.
Why is throwing so damn effective?
Post by: thegoatgod_pan on December 08, 2011, 01:56:51 pm
How do the mountain halls get steel without discovering iron?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 08, 2011, 02:14:53 pm
Why do dwarves love to get pincushioned by archers so damn much?
Post by: Nan on December 09, 2011, 05:31:31 am
Why is tanner a moodable skill?
Post by: Tiruin on December 09, 2011, 05:39:43 am
How useful are legendary fish dissectors?
Post by: peskyninja on December 09, 2011, 06:52:51 am
Why everything is soooooo square?
Post by: MrShovelFace on December 09, 2011, 11:14:02 am
Post by: Wen on December 09, 2011, 11:53:43 am
Why some militiadorfs are schizophrenic? "He was upset about being relieved from duty. He was enraged by long patrol duty lately"
Post by: WolfeyS on December 09, 2011, 11:57:58 am
They did. But those are called curious structures, and are filled with bony punching bags.
I read that as brony punching bags, and chuckled maniacly.
Everything is square because the dorfs have OCD and anything not perfectly square would hurt them.
Why are goblins so stupid? How large are their brains?
Post by: Tiruin on December 10, 2011, 06:53:45 am
What would a dwarf do when he cracks open the last block to & ?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 10, 2011, 02:21:31 pm
Why do kobolds try to ambush a full militia squad several magnitudes of awesome more skilled and well-armed than they?
Post by: MrWiggles on December 11, 2011, 01:50:08 am
Go to get a drink before you can order him to build a wall, dooming the fortress.
Why do kobolds try to ambush a full militia squad several magnitudes of awesome more skilled and well-armed than they?
Because, what everyone doesnt get, is that Goblins overall goal is to undervalue the price of iron to destroy the dwarf econ.
Why do dorfs dislike the smell of miasma?
Post by: Tiruin on December 11, 2011, 01:57:57 am
How are worlds created, from the view of their inhabitants?
Post by: Theifofdreams on December 12, 2011, 02:14:31 am
Why... do my dwarfs refuse to go outside and get a drink of water, even though all the barrels are currently full of food or plants, so I can't brew any more booze? I'm pretty sure one is about to drop dead of thirst...
Post by: Komra on January 03, 2012, 04:53:01 am
If that's not the problem, then they're just to good for such plebian affairs as drinking water.
Why do bridges atom-smash and fling things? It's not as if there's any motion, they just instantly transition from vertical to horizontal (and vice-versa). If anything, they should be stabbing themselves though people when they materialize or act like a trapdoor.
Post by: MadocComadrin on January 03, 2012, 10:41:57 am
What does Armok do with all the rejected worlds during worldgen?
Post by: Madventurer on January 03, 2012, 10:58:09 am
How can a dabbling mason build equally good wall as a legendary one?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on January 03, 2012, 11:21:02 am
Why do masons and carpenters insist on prioritizing wall building in a way prevents them from finish the corners of rooms?
Post by: Minnakht on January 03, 2012, 01:11:29 pm
Why can you build stairs out of a stone boulder, then deconstruct them and get the exact same boulder back?
Post by: MadocComadrin on January 03, 2012, 09:33:14 pm
Why does DF water insta-freeze? Shouldn't the water become super-cooled instead if the temperature changes that quickly?
Post by: Theifofdreams on January 03, 2012, 10:12:38 pm
On that subject, why do dwarfs freeze solid instantly in ice, but completely ignore the cold weather when walking around outside in 2 cloaks a pair of socks, and nothing else?
Post by: Monkeyfacedprickleback on January 03, 2012, 10:35:24 pm
Why do she dwarves give birth even when mid air plummeting to their doom?
Post by: Theifofdreams on January 03, 2012, 10:38:02 pm
Why are dwarf clutches of more then a single baby so rare, anyway?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 13, 2012, 02:44:05 am
How do giant sponges become enraged?
Post by: MrWiggles on June 13, 2012, 03:27:27 am
Why cant I think of a question?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 13, 2012, 05:09:10 am
Why has nothing interesting happened on this board for a long time?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 13, 2012, 07:30:48 am
Why are 99% of my immigrants either useless, childs, a combination of them or drop dead the moment they arrive? "Yay, a legendary weaponsmith, praise the..." Urist McLegendary drops dead "Nevermind. Hey, Cheesemaker, wannabe a weaponsmith? I had a job in this branche opened recently...."
Post by: Wimopy on June 13, 2012, 09:40:29 am
Why do I keep getting evil rain the moment I embark on an evil biome, preventing me from doing anything because of the instant, unavoidable paralysis or worse?
Post by: Ehndras on June 13, 2012, 09:47:58 am
Why can I not get myself to play DFs new updates? Haven't played in 6 months yet I'm dying to play.
Post by: misko27 on June 13, 2012, 10:02:13 am
Why do My dwarves procrastinate when I ask them to do something thatwill save them all form horrible, horrible death; yet when the job is devising a horrible self-destruction device, Its always worked hard on till completion?
Post by: Komra on June 13, 2012, 10:26:13 am
How in the heck do you dodge a trap filled with 10 separate deadly discs without moving a step, even if lying down?
Post by: ZeroSumHappiness on June 13, 2012, 12:35:40 pm
Why do child dwarves pick crops but do no other tasks?
Post by: Komra on June 13, 2012, 02:21:14 pm
What causes civilians to fight back as soon as emergency drafts are called, and not before?
Post by: misko27 on June 13, 2012, 02:56:03 pm
Why are dwarves content to let a vampire live after minor punishment?
Post by: Corai on June 13, 2012, 03:02:49 pm
Why are goblins let other races rule them?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 13, 2012, 03:24:44 pm
Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 13, 2012, 04:17:04 pm
They hate other goblins, and try REALLY hard to not stab other goblins, which is why they sometimes start fighting each other in front of your fort. It pleases them to see someone other than a goblin rule the civ for once.I would need a drink after that, too.
Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?
What do elves taste like?
Post by: Ehndras on June 13, 2012, 04:38:05 pm
They hate other goblins, and try REALLY hard to not stab other goblins, which is why they sometimes start fighting each other in front of your fort. It pleases them to see someone other than a goblin rule the civ for once.I would need a drink after that, too.
Why can dwarves still drink after getting stabbed in the liver 20 times?
What do elves taste like?
Chicken.
Why do my Dwarves insist on jumping 10-15 Z-levels down my deathpits to kill the goblins that fall in, thereby shattering their own legs and arms in the fall?
Post by: Bobnova on June 13, 2012, 04:42:27 pm
Why do Urist McMilitary1 through 10 refuse to attack as a squad, but instead go solo against two dozen goblins?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 13, 2012, 04:44:54 pm
Why is it that any time I get a fort starting to go decently, keas come and steal all my crap? They're like kobolds, but more annoying and less cute!
Post by: Flying Fortress on June 13, 2012, 05:07:01 pm
Why do I rarely ever get ambushes, but now that I've started a megaproject every goblin and his grandmother are hiding in my shrubbery 24/7? (Created wealth: 1.5 mil, couldn't possibly have anything to do with it :P)
Post by: Bobnova on June 13, 2012, 05:24:24 pm
Why is it that despite dwarven mothers carrying their babies everywhere, they can't seem to notice that a goblin has grabbed said baby?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 13, 2012, 05:31:51 pm
Why do uninjured dwarfs seem to think the hospital is better then thier rooms with masterwork furnature?
Post by: misko27 on June 13, 2012, 05:45:58 pm
Why are military dwarves willing to fight anything you tell them to, even if it is clearly going to kill them painfully?
Post by: Graebeard on June 13, 2012, 05:58:21 pm
Why do masons deconstruct stairs from below, crushing themselves with the resulting stone blocks?
Post by: Bobnova on June 13, 2012, 06:00:42 pm
How does a dead owl corpse falling from the z level above the dwarf shatter a dwarven leg bone?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 13, 2012, 06:29:36 pm
Why are Dwarvern children so useless?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on June 13, 2012, 08:42:50 pm
Why do dwarves release vampires from jail?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 13, 2012, 08:48:30 pm
On the subject of dwarvern children, why are theey magicaly able to do everything as soon as they are 12?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 13, 2012, 11:15:41 pm
How is my tantruming Weaponsmith able to beat someone to death with a +Cave Spider Silk Trousers+.... i dont get it....
Post by: Graebeard on June 13, 2012, 11:40:54 pm
Why does walling yourself into a corner seem like such a good idea?
Post by: Corai on June 13, 2012, 11:42:29 pm
Why are demons able to be captured by humans when a single one can demolish a entire dwarven fortress?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 13, 2012, 11:47:32 pm
You will never have to see your demonic overseer again.The humans aren't too busy chasing down socks en masse to fight off the demon horde.
Why are demons able to be captured by humans when a single one can demolish a entire dwarven fortress?
Why don't dwarves throw random crap in fortress mode? I mean, we've seen people decapitate one another with handfuls of sand.
Post by: misko27 on June 13, 2012, 11:58:05 pm
How is my tantruming Weaponsmith able to beat someone to death with a +Cave Spider Silk Trousers+.... i dont get it....Clearly they dont need to, Pants are too dangerous to handle already, can you imagine a room full of dwarves throwing artifacts and weapons around?
Why dont dwarves just move things out of the way when it blocks the building their trying to construct?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 14, 2012, 12:32:31 am
Why have the dwarves not invented gunpowder?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 12:43:27 am
Because the task of building takes up all their available brain power. If they tried to move the object then they would forget what they were doing in the first place.They tried.
Why have the dwarves not invented gunpowder?
Didn't blow over too well.
But it did blow.
Why don't Voracious Cave Crawlers have bones? (Seriously, I checked the raws, that makes no sense.)
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 14, 2012, 06:20:18 am
Why do the elves never do something against me killing their caravans and taking all their stuff? (And burning their wooden armor/wepons in lava, of course)
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 10:42:50 am
Elves have a very strict system, don't you know?
Why can cats be so annoying while also being so
Post by: Flying Fortress on June 14, 2012, 11:10:26 am
Why do the dwarves telling you about your embark location always lie about what animals to fear, they say to watch out for <awesome animal name here> and then those animals never show up.
Post by: Komra on June 14, 2012, 11:37:21 am
What would be the first thing that gunpowder will be used for, should the dwarves discover it?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 14, 2012, 12:13:47 pm
Why do dwarves dislike humans?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 12:16:57 pm
Minecart cannons.What in the world are you talkin' about?
Why do dwarves dislike humans?
We're good budding with the humans!
We trade them useless
Why do players hate elves? The dwarves usually get along with them in worldgen.
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 14, 2012, 12:33:33 pm
why do the elves dont have diplomats anymore?
Post by: Graebeard on June 14, 2012, 12:34:57 pm
Why do constructed stone ceilings allow light through?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 14, 2012, 12:37:39 pm
What is Urist McGoblinites favourite food?
Post by: trigg on June 14, 2012, 12:48:09 pm
special dwarfenbeardhairtechnology :)This is the single least effort for both answer and question I've read in this thread! (Congrats!)
What is Urist McGoblinites favourite food?
Obvious answer is plump helms, no matter what they say they like, they ALL like plump helms most.
Slightly srs question, why does Animal Training not seem to gain in skill when used?
Post by: hjd_uk on June 14, 2012, 01:31:23 pm
Because wemelt themsent them all swimming.
Why do constructed stone ceilings allow light through?
They dont, but Dwarves have such good low-light vision, anything thats not actually a ink-black pool of primordial darkness in the very boewels of the earth is nice and bright to them.
Post by: Graebeard on June 14, 2012, 01:41:53 pm
Slightly srs question, why does Animal Training not seem to gain in skill when used?
Because training is discontinued so quickly after the "trained" rutherers are released into the fortress population.
Why are infants frequently too insane to clean themselves?
Post by: misko27 on June 14, 2012, 02:04:29 pm
Why do most FBs have a syndome attack?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 02:07:38 pm
How can a dwarf carry a cage filled with Elephants without his or her arms breaking off?
Post by: ZeroSumHappiness on June 14, 2012, 02:12:04 pm
Why are the skies often so low in Fortress Mode?
Post by: Komra on June 14, 2012, 03:49:52 pm
Why do dwarves believe any old hack who calls himself a high noble? How else do they keep getting replacement nobles?
Post by: werty892 on June 14, 2012, 04:21:48 pm
Why do dwarves have beards?
Post by: Headhanger on June 14, 2012, 04:23:19 pm
How come goblins always know where your fortress is?
Post by: MonkeyHead on June 14, 2012, 04:29:47 pm
Who decided fly brains are a viable food?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 04:31:56 pm
How hard can it be to find that burning hellhole visible from the faint glow over the horizon, trail of the dead and tower of smoke? Oh, and the stench.Someone very hungry.
Who decided fly brains are a viable food?
How can
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: misko27 on June 14, 2012, 05:10:13 pm
Why and how do Cats breed so much that the fabric of time is ripped?
Post by: Maxmurder on June 14, 2012, 06:54:36 pm
Why is it that regardless of how somthing dies, it's upper body always dissapears?
Post by: Komra on June 14, 2012, 09:47:20 pm
How did the dwarves not notice the 3rd dimension for quite a while, and how did they discover it in the end?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 14, 2012, 11:14:16 pm
In the upper body resides the heart, and therefore the soul. As a creature's soul leaves its body, so does that section.Dwarven Scripture prohibited them from looking up, lest Armok's face burn them to a Cinder.
How did the dwarves not notice the 3rd dimension for quite a while, and how did they discover it in the end?
And then the scripture was updated.
As to how they found out they can move along it, someone tripped. And fell in a ditch.
How can Mushrooms be as strong as wood?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 14, 2012, 11:20:18 pm
They're bigass mushrooms.In the upper body resides the heart, and therefore the soul. As a creature's soul leaves its body, so does that section.Dwarven Scripture prohibited them from looking up, lest Armok's face burn them to a Cinder.
How did the dwarves not notice the 3rd dimension for quite a while, and how did they discover it in the end?
And then the scripture was updated.
As to how they found out they can move along it, someone tripped. And fell in a ditch.
How can Mushrooms be as strong as wood?
Why can't Dwarves make two-handed swords?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 14, 2012, 11:31:25 pm
In a room filled with every item that is in the game, which one would the tantruming dwarf take to beat the mayor to death with and why?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 14, 2012, 11:43:04 pm
Why do the dwarves never dance?
Post by: Bobnova on June 14, 2012, 11:50:36 pm
Why do dwarves love to engrave themselves engraving themselves engraving so much?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 12:50:20 am
Armok saw a dwarf dance. Armok decried it shall never happen again.Dwarves appreciate Post Modernism.
Why do dwarves love to engrave themselves engraving themselves engraving so much?
Reality Repeating is one of their favorite art forms.
Besides Cheese.
How can you get milk from a Maggot?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 15, 2012, 02:34:30 am
Why do dwarves never use rock mugs as waterskins or vials?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 15, 2012, 06:52:57 am
How is it possible that this farmer got 50 Kills but yet has no weapon- or fightingskills? :o
Post by: Mudcrab on June 15, 2012, 07:02:21 am
Why are marksdwarfs so damn stupid?
Post by: Komra on June 15, 2012, 08:26:48 am
What's up with the lack of considerable convection?
Post by: Jimmy T. Malice on June 15, 2012, 08:32:23 am
It's a well-known fact that dwaves are, by nature, axe or hammer users, though they can become proficient with most any weapon. When a ranged weapon weapon was first presented to them, one dwarf decided to beat the crap out of the test target with it. The crossbow's firing mechanism accidentally triggered just after the first hit, ripping apart the target and forever convincing the dwarves that it was an amazingly effective melee weapon with the added bonus of maybe hitting from longer away. Most dwarves don't even consider the latter, since it's not dwarfy enough to attack without possibility of death.
What's up with the lack of considerable convection?
Dwarven physics has yet to perceive the concept of convection, and as they can't observe it it doesn't happen.
How can infinite amounts of stone blocks fit into a single bin?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 15, 2012, 08:36:57 am
How do the dorfs make thousands of green glass serrated discs without ever depleting that one tile of sand?
Post by: misko27 on June 15, 2012, 08:39:49 am
How can bolts manage to puncture candy armor?
Post by: Loud Whispers on June 15, 2012, 08:43:04 am
How can bolts manage to puncture candy armor?
As said so by the holy embark screen, only three things can pierce adamantine armour with ease.
The bolt, the plow, and the hook.
Lycans.
How do they work?!
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on June 15, 2012, 09:07:22 am
Why do people call werewolves "lycans," and were-something-other-than-wolves "lycanthropes" (which means something like "wolf-men")?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 15, 2012, 10:54:31 am
Why are Dorfs all scottish?
Post by: Mudcrab on June 15, 2012, 10:56:44 am
Why can't goblins open doors?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 15, 2012, 11:01:53 am
How come superlight adamantine doesn't float?
Post by: Ehndras on June 15, 2012, 11:08:44 am
Post by: Tiruin on June 15, 2012, 11:13:17 am
Because its not actually light in density, it just warps space around it.Because. ((Answer > Question.))
Why does physics work?
Post by: Bobnova on June 15, 2012, 11:26:57 am
Why can almost nobody, dorf, human or otherwise, swim? There are rivers and lakes (&@#%* everywhere!
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 15, 2012, 11:38:49 am
If an elf falls in the dwarf-made bottomless pit and there's no one to hear it, does it still make a sound?
Post by: Komra on June 15, 2012, 12:42:17 pm
What would happen if a dwarf were to shave?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 15, 2012, 12:50:03 pm
Why is adamantine blue?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 02:04:02 pm
He would be immediately lynched.One of the thousand ingredients used to forge the metal before throwing it into the World was Troll Blood.
Why is adamantine blue?
What are the other 999 ingredients of Blue Metal?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 15, 2012, 02:07:03 pm
Why the heck do aquifers have unlimited water?
Post by: Harald387 on June 15, 2012, 02:20:10 pm
Why the heck do aquifers have unlimited water?
They're powered by the tears of all the players who've tried and failed to breach the aquifer layer.
Exactly what goes into a 'liquid barrel'?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on June 15, 2012, 02:27:10 pm
Why can't you make weapons out of forgotten beast metal?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 02:30:27 pm
If the merchants told you you wouldn't buy it.The same forces that corrupt their bodies and minds corrupts their very remains.
Why can't you make weapons out of forgotten beast metal?
The metal is useless, for it takes no form and cannot be shaped by hammer or anvil alike.
Why are there Animalmen of everything except Domestic animals? I had to mod in Cow people all by myself.
Post by: Graebeard on June 15, 2012, 02:45:26 pm
Why are there Animalmen of everything except Domestic animals? I had to mod in Cow people all by myself.
Because dwarves consumed any progeny that might have gone on to develop inteligence.
Why does magma warm the tiles above and below it, but not the tiles to the side?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 15, 2012, 03:27:41 pm
How are babies dwarves made?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 03:30:00 pm
So you can pour it into a barrel and sell it to the elves.Goodness, everyone knows this!
How are babies dwarves made?
Spores.
Why don't Catapults fire projectiles in an arc? (Yet?)
Post by: Komra on June 15, 2012, 04:46:58 pm
Why do wells and screw pumps require a block rather than allowing boulders, ingots, logs, etc.?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 15, 2012, 04:50:15 pm
Why does Urist McWarriormother use her child as a shield then complain when it dies as she drops it on the ground?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 06:22:14 pm
Because blocks have to be used for somethingAny proud Dwarven mother (Or father for that matter) expects their child to be as strong as possible!
Why does Urist McWarriormother use her child as a shield then complain when it dies as she drops it on the ground?
They complain that the child is weak, and unfit!
What powers a Bronze Colossus?
Post by: Vodrilus on June 15, 2012, 06:41:53 pm
Why does the hammerer need to find another hammer to do his work even if he's already got one?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 15, 2012, 06:45:08 pm
Why dont dwarves use their epic beards in combat?
Post by: Vodrilus on June 15, 2012, 06:48:25 pm
Why don't rotting body parts ever smell bad outside, under the sun?
Post by: misko27 on June 15, 2012, 06:52:48 pm
why do goblins hate dwarves so much if they share a appreciation of torture?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 08:31:37 pm
That's right.
They hate you.
It's in the Raws.
Why are zombies so strong?
They're rotting.
Post by: Corai on June 15, 2012, 08:33:17 pm
Why does Armok never directly come to screw with us?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 15, 2012, 08:57:54 pm
Why do ravens and buzzards enjoy dive-bombing so much?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 15, 2012, 09:13:21 pm
Because he is actuly a huge troll. Also because then there would be no fun.My daughter is named Raven. Even she likes to divebomb me. I have no idea why, but when I figure it out, she's toast. :P
Why do ravens and buzzards enjoy dive-bombing so much?
Why don't the dwarves make decorative weapons (platinum, gold, electrum, etc.)?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 15, 2012, 09:42:34 pm
Dwarves don't care how it looks, only how it works.
Why are Minecarts so lethal?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on June 15, 2012, 09:50:18 pm
how can elves be so much less cool then dwarves?
Post by: Argonnek on June 15, 2012, 10:16:52 pm
Why is it that I never get vampire migrants?
Post by: Kassil on June 15, 2012, 10:28:54 pm
Why are elves horrified by harming plants but fine with eating sapient creatures?
Post by: MaximumZero on June 15, 2012, 10:52:09 pm
You do, they're just principled and only drink animal blood.Plants can't defend themselves. Fuck Goblins.
Why are elves horrified by harming plants but fine with eating sapient creatures?
Why haven't the dwarves invented beard armor?
Post by: misko27 on June 16, 2012, 12:15:41 am
Why are dwarves so determined to finish a fight they will drag their bleeding bodies to the enemy in a effort to get in one last hit?
Post by: Komra on June 16, 2012, 11:26:18 am
Why cant dwarves make rock beds? It's not that much worse than a plank of wood, after all.
Post by: Loud Whispers on June 16, 2012, 11:38:52 am
Where the HFS do these caravans keep coming from?
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 16, 2012, 11:50:46 am
Why are most dwarves so lazy?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 16, 2012, 11:51:41 am
Why do dwarves hate slavery?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 16, 2012, 12:01:01 pm
No question, sooo..Only a lazy jerk would have someone else do their work for them.
Why do dwarves hate slavery?
And also, Goblins do it.
What would happen if dwarves invented the steam engine?
Post by: Vodrilus on June 16, 2012, 12:08:47 pm
How are one-handed dwarves able to wield both a weapon and a shield with their remaining hand?
Post by: Loud Whispers on June 16, 2012, 12:13:34 pm
Why do merchants go insane when guards do not?
Post by: misko27 on June 16, 2012, 12:32:02 pm
How can dwarves believe in a god of kindness in a world such as theres? Read the Diamond titan thread for more info on the evils of the world. oh, god, the HORROR.
Post by: Loud Whispers on June 16, 2012, 12:39:59 pm
AKA Frosty the snowrex (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111090.msg3353880#msg3353880).
Why do Dwarven children suddenly attain the ability to do every single job in the Dwarf arsenal at the age of 13, instead of a gradual slope of learning?
Post by: Muddy Mudstone on June 16, 2012, 03:47:15 pm
Why do Dwarven children suddenly attain the ability to do every single job in the Dwarf arsenal at the age of 13, instead of a gradual slope of learning?
Because unskilled dwarfs are no more competent than 13-year-olds who first heard of the job yesterday.
Why do pine trees turn red in autumn?
Post by: misko27 on June 16, 2012, 03:58:59 pm
What force decides what FBs and titans are created? And why can the be so EVIL!?! (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111547.0).
Post by: Monk321654 on June 16, 2012, 04:09:52 pm
Because by that time, the sun has grown weak, and in order to conserve no longer useful chlorophyll they drain the leaves of the substance, leaving only remainder chemicals. This being Dwarf fortress, those chemicals are usually absorbed goblin blood.The Forgotten Beats and Titans were some of the worlds very first creatures. They were created by the Gods to be nearly indestructible, and all powerful. However, during a great Demon escape, before the casting of Adamantine, many of the Deep Titans, living far down in the caves were attacked by the demon scum. They were warped and twisted by the evil corruption, in mind body and soul. They were no longer the Titans the Gods created. They were beasts. And they were sealed away in the earth, and soon forgotten. The actual Titans on the surface maintain their original designs. It's just that all the ones you see are big jerks.
What force decides what FBs and titans are created? And why can the be so EVIL!?! (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=111547.0).
Who gives all these places in the world such weird names?
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 16, 2012, 04:42:50 pm
Why are there no badass elves whatsoever? Sure, they're basterds as a whole, but shouldn't there be exceptions?
Post by: Corai on June 16, 2012, 04:45:04 pm
Most of the time, Armok is drunk (or his equivilent) when he's making the names of all the places, so he just names it whatever first comes to mind, no matter how wacky it is. Such as, thinking about fire imps as he names an iceburg, and so he calls it "Fireland".
Why are there no badass elves whatsoever? Sure, they're basterds as a whole, but shouldn't there be exceptions?
There are, alot of badasses. And the few that there are, there dwarfier then dwarves most of the time.
Why does Armok let us rule over dwarven kind?
Post by: misko27 on June 16, 2012, 04:53:41 pm
Why can we clean inside but not outside?
Post by: Komra on June 17, 2012, 12:12:29 pm
How can a single stone be used and re-used to make a huge number of different structures?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 17, 2012, 01:43:26 pm
It's kind of hard to towel down some blood-soaked soil. Stone, no problem.Besides being experts at Quantum Mechanics, dwarves are also capable of performing Alchemy. They can turn a log into a Carpenters workshop, Three stones into a bridge, all that stuff, and then turn it back into three lumps of rock.
How can a single stone be used and re-used to make a huge number of different structures?
It's just that most of these stones and logs are much MUCH bigger then they look.
What causes all these animal people, and why are they only in savage regions?
Post by: Silent_Thunder on June 17, 2012, 02:31:20 pm
Why are there 4 dead babies and a zombie giraffe in my well?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 17, 2012, 02:38:45 pm
Why are hooves actually deadly thunderhammers in disguise?
Post by: misko27 on June 17, 2012, 03:17:04 pm
Why is Urist McMigratorySiegeEngineer doing literally everyhing I have been begging my docters to do for 6 months?
Post by: adasdad on June 17, 2012, 07:47:14 pm
How has a species as stupid as dorfs managed to invent metallurgy, let alone conquer the world?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 17, 2012, 07:49:31 pm
he who harms must learn to heal. sun tzu said that. and by sun tzu, i mean me just now.They're not stupid, they just have warped common sense, and high honor.
How has a species as stupid as dorfs managed to invent metallurgy, let alone conquer the world?
Digging out a pillar that is holding up an entire mountain doesn't sound like a bad idea if your boss tells you to do it.
Why are elves so evil? They're the only in game race with gender restricted positions.
Post by: Blizzlord on June 18, 2012, 01:03:07 am
What happens when you splice together a dragon and a giant cave spider?
Post by: Corai on June 18, 2012, 01:04:17 am
Why are kobolds able to kill soldiers in steel armor?
Post by: CaptApollo12 on June 18, 2012, 01:31:49 am
A cave dragon. They cant use webs or fire cause the fire burns the webs while breathing it, and the webs catch the fire.
Why are kobolds able to kill soldiers in steel armor?
Armok wants you to know that no matter how dwarfy Urist is, !Fun! can still be had.
Why aren’t elephants as bloodthirsty anymore?
Post by: jaxy15 on June 18, 2012, 01:33:44 am
Where does the strength of the Giant Kea come from?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 18, 2012, 01:39:11 am
Armok showed them merman farming. They don't really care about anything anymore.It's a giant bird.
Where does the strength of the Giant Kea come from?
It should probably be pretty strong.
Why don't Mountain Gnomes talk? According to the Raws/Wiki they're intelligent on par with other races.
Post by: Broseph Stalin on June 18, 2012, 05:27:37 am
It's a giant bird.When captured they have orders to give only their name rank and serial number.
It should probably be pretty strong.
Why don't Mountain Gnomes talk? According to the Raws/Wiki they're intelligent on par with other races.
Why won't dwarves eat the parts of animalmen that don't have faces?
Post by: Rose on June 18, 2012, 06:17:08 am
Why won't dwarves jump down a perfectly safe drop by themselves?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 18, 2012, 08:35:20 am
because only the faces taste good.
Why won't dwarves jump down a perfectly safe drop by themselves?
Because there's no socks in there.
If dwarves make tools out of their beards, how can female dwarves forge items?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 18, 2012, 08:46:38 am
Knuckle hair.because only the faces taste good.
Why won't dwarves jump down a perfectly safe drop by themselves?
Because there's no socks in there.
If dwarves make tools out of their beards, how can female dwarves forge items?
How can a massive tower be held up by a pillar of chalk?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 18, 2012, 09:04:33 am
How can a legless dwarf mine (without two legs to counter the pick-stone-forcey thing (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BuffySpeak))?
Post by: Urist McGyver on June 18, 2012, 09:05:18 am
Post by: adasdad on June 18, 2012, 04:51:15 pm
Why are elves so warlike? they could easily out trade everyone, and build up allies to fight for them.
Post by: Maxmurder on June 18, 2012, 06:41:38 pm
If cow milk comes from cows and horse milk comes from horses, where does dwarven milk come from?
Post by: Graebeard on June 18, 2012, 07:01:43 pm
Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
Post by: Corai on June 18, 2012, 10:31:09 pm
Umm... Dwarves (http://grist.org/article/food-2011-01-12-care-for-some-human-cheese/)?
Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
That is the most digusting thing I have ever read.
Post by: misko27 on June 18, 2012, 11:10:32 pm
Without war they would quickly run out of sentients to eat and starve.Actuall, It comes from purring maggots. Yeah, Bet you WISH it came from dwarves now huh?
If cow milk comes from cows and horse milk comes from horses, where does dwarven milk come from?
Generally, cause areas nearby are disgnated for walls, in order to get out of the way they step on the actual tile, cause clearly as long as they stanndt there and hog the job, no one will build on them.
Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 19, 2012, 12:08:28 am
There's no foreign bacteria.Umm... Dwarves (http://grist.org/article/food-2011-01-12-care-for-some-human-cheese/)?
Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?
That is the most digusting thing I have ever read.
The reason we need to pasteurize disgusting old cow milk in the first place is because it's filled with tones of foreign microorganisms.
Post by: Minnakht on June 19, 2012, 02:25:41 am
Why do these little #$&@#!$ always insist on standing in the very tile where they themselves are trying to build a @#$%#$^^& wall?!?A wall occupies the whole tile. Even with long dwarf arms, laying all the bricks from the next tile is kind of hard, so they get closer to work. Of course, they do need to move off the tile to actually finish the work.
Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 19, 2012, 02:30:47 am
A wall occupies the whole tile. Even with long dwarf arms, laying all the bricks from the next tile is kind of hard, so they get closer to work. Of course, they do need to move off the tile to actually finish the work.Every single drop of water in and on their body freezes. If the freezing of their vital fluids doesn't kill them, like in the case of Element men, then they flat out get torn apart by water expanding in any crevice.
Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?
How does Necromancy work?
Post by: adasdad on June 19, 2012, 11:49:28 am
if dwarves reproduced with spores, how come there hasn't been a single attempt to weaponize them?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on June 19, 2012, 11:53:47 am
Rule 2 of Dwarf Fortress, if we haven't weaponized it mentioning it will cause us to weaponize it.
Place all married female dwarves in a sealed chamber with plenty of food, drink, weapons, and armor they will continually pump out babies which will become an army you can unleash upon the land while your fortress is completely sealed off from the outside world.
How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?
Post by: adasdad on June 19, 2012, 12:02:18 pm
why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?
Post by: Maxmurder on June 19, 2012, 12:06:00 pm
How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?
The same way you throw a steel warhammer after your arms have been cut off.
why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?why, even with the certain existence of carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes, are dwarves not extinct?
Why, at the moment a siege appears, does Urist MrTantrumCauser decide to go grab the xXpig tail fiber sockXx he left in the forest?
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 19, 2012, 12:12:19 pm
How does one go about throwing water, vomit, blood etcetera?
The same way you throw a steel warhammer after your arms have been cut off.why, even with the certain existence of candy covered dwarven marauders, are carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes not extinct?why, even with the certain existence of carp, elephants, badgers, and dingoes, are dwarves not extinct?
Why, at the moment a siege appears, does Urist MrTantrumCauser decide to go grab the xXpig tail fiber sockXx he left in the forest?
(s)He thinks the roar of voices is the signal that he can go outside to look for it.
Why is it Dwarfs have the intuition and creativity to weaponize ANYTHING, and yet are often the dumbest sentients out there at the same time?
Post by: misko27 on June 19, 2012, 04:27:43 pm
Why is my mayor upset about sleeping in a poor bedroom when she has the only ****ing Royal bedroom in the whole ****ing fort?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 19, 2012, 04:39:28 pm
Why do people think dwarves are stupid? They've mastered Quantum &^%$ing Mechanics!
Post by: Mitchewawa on June 19, 2012, 04:44:01 pm
You did assign it to her, right?
Why do people think dwarves are stupid? They've mastered Quantum &^%$ing Mechanics!
Because they haven't mastered basic survival instincts.
If no one leaves my map alive, and my fortress is air-tight how come the goblins know I have a lot of wealth?
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 19, 2012, 04:48:42 pm
How does one simulate the last stand of 300 in DF, what with most sieges not exactly numbering in the hundereds of thousands and most PCs hardly running at 100 dwarves?
Post by: CaptApollo12 on June 19, 2012, 04:54:02 pm
Why do my minetracks (which have been weaponized to perpetually run minecarts into anyone in it's path) seem like the best place to go if a dwarf is startled?
Post by: misko27 on June 19, 2012, 05:05:15 pm
How does one simulate the last stand of 300 in DF, what with most sieges not exactly numbering in the hundereds of thousands and most PCs hardly running at 100 dwarves?
Simple, set pop cap at 400 in d_init file, and provoke different, but important not at war countries, and fight off the humans, elves, and gobbos at once. It iseven better cause in the movie, persia was supposed to be "the empire of a thousand nations".
Why do my minetracks (which have been weaponized to perpetually run minecarts into anyone in it's path) seem like the best place to go if a dwarf is startled?
Simple, Suicide. They cant go on in this crazy world.
You did assign it to her, right?
Yes, she IS assigned to it, B****. anyway, Why do dwarves feel compelled to use the blunt side of spears and axes? You're DOING IT WRONG!
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 20, 2012, 12:54:12 pm
Axes, swords and daggers, though, I have no idea.
Why hasn't stockholm syndrom been added into the game yet? And where the hell are the gobbos' siege weapons?
Post by: adasdad on June 20, 2012, 03:09:09 pm
Post by: Minnakht on June 20, 2012, 03:19:08 pm
Why hasn't stockholm syndrom been added into the game yet? And where the hell are the gobbos' siege weapons?
Stockholm Syndrome hasn't been added in because prisoners/captives/whatever are put in cages. Cages, as of now, are chambers of suspended animation, with nothing in them really living as much as just existing.
Once released from cages, captives stop being captives - they're allowed to run rampant all over your turf, or at least they think so. As such, you're not their captor anymore. In their minds.
As for siege weapons - well, notice gobbos don't bring any siege engineers nor packmules with them when coming over. As such, they can't take siege weapon parts with them, with which they could assemble some - and even if they did, they don't bring anyone who would know how to put the bloody things together.
Now, for my questions:
Why does nothing die when walking around when it's winter, or even a snowstorm?Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?Every single drop of water in and on their body freezes. If the freezing of their vital fluids doesn't kill them, like in the case of Element men, then they flat out get torn apart by water expanding in any crevice.
...okay, maybe I'll give you some other question.
Dwarven green glass. Almost every object can be made out of it, and then it never breaks, and it's made solely out of sand, which despite having many colours always becomes green glass! How do they achieve such durability, versatility, and colour?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 20, 2012, 05:51:29 pm
Now, for my questions:A snow storm is gradual temperature change. The water freezing is literally instantaneous. That's like being thrown into a hot bath versus slowly edging your way in.Why does nothing die when walking around when it's winter, or even a snowstorm?Why does everything - EVERYTHING - immediately die if some knee-deep (2/7) water freezes while the poor anything was wading through it?Every single drop of water in and on their body freezes. If the freezing of their vital fluids doesn't kill them, like in the case of Element men, then they flat out get torn apart by water expanding in any crevice.
...okay, maybe I'll give you some other question.
Dwarven green glass. Almost every object can be made out of it, and then it never breaks, and it's made solely out of sand, which despite having many colours always becomes green glass! How do they achieve such durability, versatility, and colour?
As to how they make it all green, I ain'ts got no idea.
Dwarven Glass is extremely thick. Your average human pane might be a quarter, maybe half inch thick. Dwarven glass is three feet thick on average. It should also be mention that it's infused with Adamantine Super Cross-Joints in the atoms. (Technobabble, how I love you so.) The adamantine can keep it from shattering under even the greatest force.
Why do Demons have the power to warp Slade?
Post by: Graebeard on June 20, 2012, 06:57:07 pm
Dwarven green glass. Almost every object can be made out of it, and then it never breaks, and it's made solely out of sand, which despite having many colours always becomes green glass! How do they achieve such durability, versatility, and colour?
[derail]
Most glass has a slight green tint because of iron oxide impurities, which are common in silica (sand). A green tint is still noticable in modern soda-lime glass, but the tint is much more pronounced in glass that has not been treated with manganese.
Other colors of glass are usually produced by the addition of various elements (titanium, cadmium, sulfer, cobalt, chromium, uranium, ) that may not always be accessable with the level of technology available to dwarves.
OTOH, dwarves are able to smelt iron, copper, gold and nickel, which can all be used to color glass as well. I don't know whether the techniques required to make glass with these compounds also require other more advanced technology, but it sure would be awesome to make blue, ruby and cranberry glass!
[/derail]
Post by: Corai on June 20, 2012, 10:58:18 pm
[ETHIC:HARM_PLANT:UNTHINKABLE] is in elven raws, but they eat plants. What?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 21, 2012, 01:50:56 am
Why are pickaxes such brutally efficient weapons?
Post by: Mitchewawa on June 21, 2012, 01:54:42 am
Why do dwarves walk over placed cabinets, coffins, chairs, tables and other bits of furniture?
Post by: Graebeard on June 21, 2012, 02:03:47 am
Why do your dwarfs let captured necromancers re-raise the contents of your butcher shop as they're marched from their cages to the execution tower?
Post by: misko27 on June 21, 2012, 12:19:15 pm
I was looking threough legends, and saw that the elves declared war on a kobold civ for hating animals. There were 800 kobold defenders, versus 1900 elves. At the end of the day, there were 300 (yes, 300, I just noticed) remaining defenders, and 800 elves. The elves sued for peace. How the hell did the kobolds achieve this? for every 5 kobolds, 11 elves died.
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 21, 2012, 12:31:30 pm
Not really a wtf, but how do you search for wars and battles specifically?
Post by: misko27 on June 21, 2012, 02:16:27 pm
Not really a wtf, but how do you search for wars and battles specifically?Easy, go searching through the era, and when you find something in yellow, press enter. You get info on the battle. Then, you press enter again, and you get info on the war itself.
why are particularly mean megabeasts worshpped as gods? only ones with obscene kill counts.
Post by: Kassil on June 22, 2012, 09:06:55 pm
why are particularly mean megabeasts worshpped as gods? only ones with obscene kill counts.
They worship them in hopes of appeasing and diverting them.
Why can't I manage to embark on a 16x16 area without causing my computer to scream in woe and agony?
Post by: Orky_Boss on June 22, 2012, 09:24:51 pm
why are particularly mean megabeasts worshpped as gods? only ones with obscene kill counts.
They worship them in hopes of appeasing and diverting them.
Why can't I manage to embark on a 16x16 area without causing my computer to scream in woe and agony?
Because your computer cannot stand the pure awesomeness of 16 acreas of dwarven land at once.
Post by: Kassil on June 22, 2012, 10:23:18 pm
Because your computer cannot stand the pure awesomeness of 16 acreas of dwarven land at once.
Because you didn't ask another question, that's why.
How is it that the RNG is so capable of poetic and/or ironic names, such as the ill-fated embark of Uristnom, where the starting seven were all devoured by crocodiles within minutes of unpausing?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 23, 2012, 01:54:39 am
How is it that the RNG is so capable of poetic and/or ironic names, such as the ill-fated embark of Uristnom, where the starting seven were all devoured by crocodiles within minutes of unpausing?The RNG is a gerbil on a wheel.
It runs around in circles, spinning a stick.
The stick is hoisted over a bunch of wheels.
When a name is being generated, a random binary number is sent out. (Example: 100101)
When the number gets into the system, it causes the wheel to suddenly stop, and the stick drops down.
The wheels that the stick drops onto are covered in random words and phrases.
Thus, it may be foretelling.
Why do walls drop instantly while everything else drops in an arc?
Post by: misko27 on June 23, 2012, 01:45:50 pm
(yes, i answered to questions at once.)
Why do dwarves have the smallest arsenal of possible weaponry?
Post by: Maxmurder on June 23, 2012, 07:17:44 pm
Why are all beds made of wood?
Post by: darkrider2 on June 23, 2012, 07:30:27 pm
And B) Because it insults the elves. When a dwarf wishes to sleep, they sleep knowing every ounce of their comfort comes exclusively at the cost of a tree, a tree that was cut down, and somewhere out there, in the forest retreats, an elf is crying.
Why do children agree to disassemble constructions while refusing to do any other work whatsoever?
Post by: Kassil on June 23, 2012, 09:31:49 pm
Why do children agree to disassemble constructions while refusing to do any other work whatsoever?
Have you ever known a kid who didn't like to break things? Dorf kids are the same, and tearing down unbreakable walls delights them.
Why isn't there a Dwarf Fortress: the Role-Playing Game yet?
Post by: Corai on June 23, 2012, 09:38:49 pm
Why dont elves get into war with dwarves in worldgen?
Post by: krenshala on June 23, 2012, 09:47:37 pm
Why can dwarves remove a locked door, but not pass through it if they really want to?
Post by: misko27 on June 23, 2012, 10:18:05 pm
Where is the sanity in constantly attacking my fort if vitually no one survives and the only survivers are a broken, straggling force of bleeding goblins and escapees from torture chambers?
Post by: Bobnova on June 23, 2012, 10:56:53 pm
How can you allow goblins to escape from your torture chambers?!?
Post by: misko27 on June 23, 2012, 11:07:15 pm
Anyway, why does candy clothing wear out? So not fair.
Post by: Rose on June 24, 2012, 12:09:38 am
Why does adamantine clothing wear out? It's supposed to be indestructible.
Post by: misko27 on June 24, 2012, 12:31:07 am
Candy is mostly just sugar, which is water, and thus sweat, soluble....
Why does adamantine clothing wear out? It's supposed to be indestructible.
Post by: Corai on June 24, 2012, 12:37:58 am
Candy is mostly just sugar, which is water, and thus sweat, soluble....
Why does adamantine clothing wear out? It's supposed to be indestructible.
Because dwarves are just that epic, able to destroy indestructible clothing without even trying.
If dwarves hate nobility so much, why do they have it?
Post by: Firehawk45 on June 24, 2012, 04:51:14 am
Why is the best drink in the whole game made from a berry the elves LOVE?
Post by: adasdad on June 24, 2012, 04:24:37 pm
how come soldiers can get ye flasks?
Post by: Komra on June 25, 2012, 06:48:02 pm
Why don't dwarves use magnetite for anything but smelting?
Post by: Urist Da Vinci on June 30, 2012, 01:44:17 am
What do you do with golden salve?
Post by: Fallenworldful on June 30, 2012, 07:44:47 am
How can a ankle deep layer of water turn into a bronze colossus sized ice block?
Post by: Blizzlord on June 30, 2012, 08:29:33 am
*inhales*
Why is it impossible to cut apart a sponge?
Post by: Monk321654 on June 30, 2012, 08:49:54 am
Because of quantum entanglement. When the water freezes, everything occupying that space and above is chilled to the point of them losing the ability to resist the ice. Also, the air carries an utterly unfathomable amount of water to be used when a puddle freezes to make it cubic.In real life, Sponges are capable of reforming at a very slow pace, coming back together.
*inhales*
Why is it impossible to cut apart a sponge?
In DF, Sponges are magical, and thus can reform seconds after the obtrusion is removed.
What's the best way to launch elves out of your fortress if they get too uppity?
Post by: Flying Fortress on June 30, 2012, 09:32:43 am
Where do the dwarves hide their mountainhome that not even a mighty adventurer can find it, yet war can be waged against it?
Post by: adasdad on June 30, 2012, 01:11:59 pm
How come cats adopt dwarves, and not the other way round?
Post by: Graknorke on June 30, 2012, 01:22:24 pm
Why do all mayors end up in the wrong place at the wrong time for their continued life?
Post by: Wimopy on June 30, 2012, 02:23:35 pm
Why are all battles I find in my current world's Golden Age 2200+ attackers vs 0 defenders with all their names containing a reference to fire? (Cremated, Inferno, Burning..)
Post by: adasdad on June 30, 2012, 09:34:11 pm
why has no one EVER foremed an emotional attachment to a dorf? even the ones that, if they existed in another game, they would adored?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on June 30, 2012, 10:19:40 pm
...Not all emotions are positive, you know.
Post by: Blizzlord on July 01, 2012, 05:18:25 am
You say not all emotions are positive? Change your perspective and suddenly everything is happy.
Why do good games have a tendency to crash?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 08:10:28 am
I interpret that last sentence as a question for the purpose of continuing the thread.I was saying that it's possible to form negative emotional bonds with dwarves. Just like in real life!
You say not all emotions are positive? Change your perspective and suddenly everything is happy.
Quote
Why do good games have a tendency to crash?This (http://www.tvtropes/org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FinaglesLaw) is why.
Post by: necromancerbob on July 01, 2012, 08:20:53 am
Post by: Tiruin on July 01, 2012, 08:25:43 am
Your gem cutter prefers to cut them, but wants to remind you of their lack.
Why can a 1-z wall stop a Giant?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 08:31:23 am
Post by: Darkening Kaos on July 01, 2012, 09:07:59 am
(I take it, reading the OP didn't work?)
Your gem cutter prefers to cut them, but wants to remind you of their lack.
Why can a 1-z wall stop a Giant?
Because the giant stubs its toe and staggers backwards, away from the wall.
If two heads are better than having just one, why are Ettins so easy to kill?
Post by: Tiruin on July 01, 2012, 09:11:52 am
If two heads are better than having just one, why are Ettins so easy to kill?
Because one more head to hit and cause brain damage!
Why do stone-fall traps work better than catapult'd stone?
Nothing can climb yet.You really should read the OP instead of posting on a whim.
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 10:54:22 am
You want me to ask a quastion? Okay...Why are dwarves only known by their stupidity?
Post by: Graknorke on July 01, 2012, 10:57:30 am
Why do my civilian dwarves refuse to even attempt to fight off even small angry animals?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 01, 2012, 11:05:49 am
Why do my dwarfs INSIST on getting that one sock lying in a circle of goblins, and not the masterwork ones in my stockpile?
Post by: Graknorke on July 01, 2012, 11:14:36 am
How would one go about playing a stringed adamantine instrument?
Post by: crazysheep on July 01, 2012, 11:19:14 am
Why do my dwarfs INSIST on getting that one sock lying in a circle of goblins, and not the masterwork ones in my stockpile?Goblin ichor-anointed socks are infinitely more valuable as bragging rights - it suggests that Urist killed a goblin, and not just Urist dragged a sock through some goblin blood spatters.
How would one go about playing a stringed adamantine instrument?Use adamantine-sutured fingers.
If dwarves drink booze, why is the act of filling a flask with drinks for patrol duty "Fill Waterskin"?
Post by: Minnakht on July 01, 2012, 11:27:10 am
Alternatively, booze is so common dwarves just call it 'good water' and what we know as water 'bad water'. Either can go into a waterskin.
Why do dwarves make prepared meals out of what is essentially a single ingredient, just in a few bunches?
Post by: adasdad on July 01, 2012, 11:31:10 am
Why do some dwarves decide to carry full minecarts around?
Post by: terko on July 01, 2012, 11:43:07 am
How comes dwarven logic is not really existant?
Post by: Graebeard on July 01, 2012, 12:13:26 pm
Why does fighting the dead provide such drastically bad thoughts? With necromancer towers just over each hill you'd think zombie killing would be passe.
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 02:03:31 pm
How comes dwarven logic is not really existant?That's just speciesist lies. Dwarven logic is existant; it's just underdeveloped. Think of dwarves like toddlers.
Why does fighting the dead provide such drastically bad thoughts? With necromancer towers just over each hill you'd think zombie killing would be passe.It's not just the fighting, it's the pervasive evil of the undead. It unnerves the steeliest of minds, crumbles the steeliest of spines, and disgusts the steeliest of noses. The last might just be because the undead are sorta...rotten.
EDIT: Oops, forgot a question.
Why do dwarves work and do what we tell them to, when most of us just insult them and toss out their lives like they were nothing more than bad, cheap candy?
Post by: Flying Fortress on July 01, 2012, 02:15:36 pm
Why do a bunch of demons cram themselves into a tiny tube hoping that maybe one day it will be opened instead of waiting in a more spacious area?
Post by: Rose on July 01, 2012, 02:18:40 pm
Why are the gateways to hell being protected by sugar?
Post by: leafbarrett on July 01, 2012, 02:21:09 pm
Why is it that dwarves can't make weapons out of whatever metal they please?
Post by: Vodrilus on July 01, 2012, 02:22:52 pm
Why are the gateways to hell being protected by sugar?Dentistry being an art of infernal origins, the demons know better than to risk their teeth on the venture.
Why is it that dwarves can't make weapons out of whatever metal they please?Their fine-tuned beards would oppose the very idea. They're very conservative, you know?
How come dwarves know all the Forgotten Beasts by name, if they're all supposed to be forgotten?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 01, 2012, 02:25:59 pm
Alternatively, they give them names on the spot.
What does Candy Taste like?
Post by: Graebeard on July 01, 2012, 02:29:40 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Like the blood welling at the tip of a dagger pressed ever so slightly too hard against a tremoring throat. However, the precise taste actually depends upon the surrounding layer stone in which it is found.
Why does minecart?
Post by: adasdad on July 01, 2012, 03:09:22 pm
how come no species is really awesome? dwarves are stupid, elves are crazy, humans are boring, gobbos are wierd, and animal men haven't done anything with their lives.
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 03:36:39 pm
Why does no one take this thread seriously anymore?
Post by: adasdad on July 01, 2012, 03:47:21 pm
why are carp so dang feared, even after the
Nerfening?
Post by: Graebeard on July 01, 2012, 04:08:35 pm
why are carp so dang feared, even after the
Nerfening?
Genetic memory. Those dorfs who's spores went on to reproduce were those that cast a wary eye at the rivers. The result is a brainstem-level instinctual reaction in terror at the sight of any non-vermin fish.
Why do windmills freeze stuck in the winter even when there's no water around?
Post by: misko27 on July 01, 2012, 07:26:56 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do dwarves like saying creatue in the way if there the only one there!?!
Post by: crazysheep on July 01, 2012, 08:52:28 pm
Why magma?
Post by: misko27 on July 01, 2012, 09:00:28 pm
how come flying creatures cant pass fortifications above air, and they can when its in water? Presumbably they are the same size then and now, so why?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on July 01, 2012, 09:06:09 pm
Underwater, current pushes creatures through. Abovewater, no such current exists.
Would anyone mind if I just post answers unless I have some, allowing the next person to just ask a question?
Post by: adasdad on July 01, 2012, 10:45:20 pm
freakin' levers. how do they work?
Post by: crazysheep on July 01, 2012, 10:49:08 pm
I wouldn't, though i'm lose when it comes to forum etiquette.Quantum entangled mechanisms which transmit information very, very fast.
freakin' levers. how do they work?
Carp sushi - yes or no?
Post by: WealthyRadish on July 01, 2012, 10:51:35 pm
How can a dwarf have a preference for 'vomit brutes' without ever knowing they exist?
Post by: misko27 on July 01, 2012, 10:58:00 pm
Did anyone like my story on the last page?
Not relevant? okay,
Why do silver hammers work as good if not better then steel hammers if their alot softer?
Post by: adasdad on July 01, 2012, 11:02:44 pm
how does quantum entanglement work for dorfs, subatomic particles would always be clogging doors!
Post by: Graebeard on July 01, 2012, 11:06:39 pm
Well...This is why you cant get power aboveground.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do dwarves like saying creatue in the way if there the only one there!?!
::Slowclap::
Post by: crazysheep on July 01, 2012, 11:15:23 pm
how does quantum entanglement work for dorfs, subatomic particles would always be clogging doors!Mechanism + mechanic = quantum entangler in progress
Why is everything in food minced, even the liquids?
Post by: misko27 on July 01, 2012, 11:59:45 pm
How come its never night? ever?
Post by: crazysheep on July 02, 2012, 12:34:30 am
How come its never night? ever?Night certainly happens, it's just too fast for you to notice that night came and went.
What would you use an adamantine pick for besides mining and military miners?
Post by: Corai on July 02, 2012, 12:38:45 am
How come its never night? ever?Night certainly happens, it's just too fast for you to notice that night came and went.
What would you use an adamantine pick for besides mining and military miners?
For getting rich in a short amount of time.
Why are unicorns so deadly? Why dont they love and tolerate? -Inb4haters-
Post by: crazysheep on July 02, 2012, 12:48:02 am
Why are unicorns so deadly? Why dont they love and tolerate? -Inb4haters-Imagine how much pain they're in because of a massive horn growing out of their head. That would certainly influence their outlook on life.
Are ravens ravenous?
Post by: WealthyRadish on July 02, 2012, 02:05:10 am
Why do dwarves leave booze lying around at random places, and never pick it up?
Post by: crazysheep on July 02, 2012, 07:33:55 am
Why do dwarves leave booze lying around at random places, and never pick it up?Because it's too far to haul back once you're boozed up.
Why can't goblins just get along with dwarves without snatching all the dwarven kids?
Post by: Flying Fortress on July 02, 2012, 08:44:03 am
Why can wagons not cross over traps when going to trade, but when the wagon becomes scared it can easily run over the traps?
Post by: Komra on July 02, 2012, 08:59:17 am
Why are there no dwarven painters, only dyers?
Post by: crazysheep on July 02, 2012, 09:10:50 am
Why are there no dwarven painters, only dyers?Because dwarves are such masters of rock and stone that everything made of rock is already infused with a particular colour. Hence the lack of painters, as no paint is required.
Why do vampires not transform bitten victims into vampires, just as described in popular vampire stories?
Post by: Darkening Kaos on July 02, 2012, 09:13:15 am
Why are there no dwarven painters, only dyers?
Heathen! Dorf's paint their walls with all shades of red - elf scarlet, kobold crimson, goblin ruby. Most notably on external walls and fortress entrances, places where dorfs know it will be appreciated for the art it truly is.
What would happen if dorfs mastered the ballistic trajectory?
Edit: Ninja'd but posting anway: Next poster, choose which question you answer.
Post by: Broseph Stalin on July 02, 2012, 11:04:29 am
Why can't an injured dwarf drink booze?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 02, 2012, 11:59:00 am
Giant ramps that launch precision magma filled minecart strikes on dark towers and forest retreats.If the dwarf is injured, their normally strong livers cannot work as well, thus the poisons that they normally ignore can become quite a problem.
Why can't an injured dwarf drink booze?
Water is the only drink that works in their favor at this point.
If cats have [ADOPTS_OWNER], why don't big cats (Lions, Tigers, Panthers) have it?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 02, 2012, 02:11:27 pm
What would happen if you fused together adamantine and slade? Not a WTFish thing but who cares?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 02, 2012, 02:14:38 pm
Because dwarves have an inherent fear for large cats. That makes it so that their CWS does not affect dwarves. When the great cats try to adopt something runs away in fear.Sladeamantine.
What would happen if you fused together adamantine and slade? Not a WTFish thing but who cares?
The intense weight of Slade.
The shear strength and cutting power of Adamantine.
And also entirely unmineable.
So, in short, powerful, but useless.
What would happen if you made a giant version of a Dragon?
Post by: Graknorke on July 02, 2012, 03:28:20 pm
Why do dwarves take such simple dining rooms as legendary?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on July 02, 2012, 03:40:12 pm
You'd have something whose dandruff you could use as nigh indestructible walls.
Why do dwarves take such simple dining rooms as legendary?
They don't really, they're just trying to get the engravers to start drawing pictures of the dining room instead of pictures of dwarves being eviscerated.
If adamantine is a twice as hard as adamantine (adamantine laughs at your puny notions of physics) how can you mine it?
Post by: adasdad on July 02, 2012, 03:54:44 pm
Why has no one made a dubstep remix of the fortress theme?
Post by: xoseph on July 02, 2012, 04:07:39 pm
well, the predominant theory, which was first thought up in an adamantine physics thread, is that adamantine comes in tiny chains, that act essentially as fibers. the dwarfs simply nock out the surrounding stone, and pull the tangled adamantine strands out, ready to be either unwound into thread or heated and pounded into a rigid shape.
Why has no one made a dubstep remix of the fortress theme?
Because dubstep
Why can dwarves, under normal circumstances, only make beds out of wood?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 02, 2012, 04:26:41 pm
Why the hell would you sleep on a cold stone slab, or a sheet of metal, or rough freakin' glass, or slippery soap, or cold ice, or- you get my point?
Because dubstepis a terrible fadwould definitely cause a tantrum spiralis obviously a goblin creation.
Why can dwarves, under normal circumstances, only make beds out of wood?
Wood is the most comfortable of materials that is also solid.
Dwarves aren't stupid.
What if dwarves discovered and harnessed electricity?
Post by: Corai on July 02, 2012, 04:28:12 pm
Why the hell would you sleep on a cold stone slab, or a sheet of metal, or rough freakin' glass, or slippery soap, or cold ice, or- you get my point?
Because dubstepis a terrible fadwould definitely cause a tantrum spiralis obviously a goblin creation.
Why can dwarves, under normal circumstances, only make beds out of wood?
Wood is the most comfortable of materials that is also solid.
Dwarves aren't stupid.
What if dwarves discovered and harnessed electricity?
Weaponize it.
Wwud if dwarves discovered nuclear science?
Post by: Graknorke on July 02, 2012, 04:50:11 pm
Would kobolds have thieving pets?
Post by: Komra on July 02, 2012, 06:17:32 pm
Why can't dwarves build a fence? Palisades seem to be the only option.
Post by: Logen910 on July 02, 2012, 06:24:30 pm
Post by: misko27 on July 02, 2012, 06:27:07 pm
Why dont dwarvesrun towards safety when threatened, and not whereever they please?
Post by: crazysheep on July 02, 2012, 06:42:08 pm
Why dont dwarvesrun towards safety when threatened, and not whereever they please?Because they fear for the fort's life when they see the massive siege approaching. So they attempt to find another safer fort. And then they hit the map edge.
How many wheelbarrows to a minecart for maximum magma-transportation efficiency?
Post by: Komra on July 05, 2012, 02:23:11 pm
Why don't dwarves use two-handed swords- their own sized version, of course.
Post by: Graebeard on July 05, 2012, 02:27:23 pm
Why don't dwarves use two-handed swords- their own sized version, of course.
Because the other hand is for mugs!
What happened to all the tentacle demons...
Post by: Xenos on July 05, 2012, 02:35:41 pm
You know how the elves stopped whining about us cutting down trees? The tentacle clowns paid them a 'visit' so they would stop harassing dwarves. The clowns like visitors and trees help speed up visitors. ;DWhy don't dwarves use two-handed swords- their own sized version, of course.
Because the other hand is for mugs!
What happened to all the tentacle demons...
Post by: Komra on July 06, 2012, 09:22:45 pm
Why are demon claws weaker than a copper pickaxe against adamantine in stone?
Post by: misko27 on July 06, 2012, 10:21:33 pm
Spoilers, dont read them unless you know folks
Well, scientifically speaking, adamantine, raw and thread form, is only soft thread, though impossibly strong. It needs heating and shaping, you know, "smelting", in order to expand into the hyper-hard substance we know and love. Raw is stuck in stone, embedded one might say. The thing is, the demons of hell are unaware of this, and are under the impression that adamantine is impossibly hard, unless you already have a adamantine pick. The Demons of Hell are unsure of how dwarves acquired one, and this is often spoke of in hell as a conversation topic and is as common knowledge as the anvil-myths of lore. Now, dwarves, being the prized creation of Armok, know innately of the ways of the mountains, and the method of digging out adamantine is known to all dwarves. however, if a demon should observe a dwarf digging out adamantine by digging out the edges, then pulling the thread out, he might tell others, and all hell would break loose, even more so then usual.
*Takes off glasses* uh. *puts glasses back on and grabs lenses, takes off glasses, puts lenses in*
Ow my eyes. *flushes eyes with water*
Why do crops not need any form of energy in order to grow, and why is a single piece of land capable of producing infinitely.
Post by: krenshala on July 06, 2012, 10:35:04 pm
Why do dwarves leave conscious but immobile newly injured dwarves to lay in their own blood pool instead of bringing them to a hospital?
* Yeah, I have this going on in my fort right now. Alligator decided to attack just as the wagon stopped, and tried to rip off one of the Farmer's feet. He failed, and the other six plus a dog or two beat it to death with their fists (and canines (pun intended)). I'm planning to make the expedition leader some alligator leather boots. :D While they bring Fikod water, they just leave her laying in the dirt.
Post by: Corai on July 06, 2012, 10:39:06 pm
Why is Urist a famous name?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 06, 2012, 11:24:25 pm
What powers the Element Men?
Post by: Komra on July 07, 2012, 09:54:30 pm
Amethyst Men: Energy absorbed from the ambient heat trapped in a crystal lattice
Blizzard Men: Miniature windmills making use of air currents
Blood Men: Excess fluid donated by symbiotic vampires for re-enrichment with new hemoglobin
Fire Men: Relatively cool nuclear fusion (note to Urist McPhysicist- harness this power)
Gabbro Men: Residual charge from their time as Magma Men
Iron Men: Arc reactors
Magma Men: Just as magma rises to the top of its tube, so too does sentient, sapient magma draw new lava from its surroundings
Mud Men: The life force of nearby wallong animals is slowly drained
Plump Helmet Men (if applicable): Hydroelectromagical generators-requires frequent waterings
Why are there no Element Women?
Post by: Rose on July 08, 2012, 01:00:55 am
Why do cats slow time?
Post by: krenshala on July 08, 2012, 01:39:27 am
There are. You just don't see them cus they're all at the Bat-Men's secret hidden away playboy mansion.
Why do cats slow time?
Gravity. Cat's convert sunlight to gravity, and store it for use later. All cats can do this, but black cats are more efficient at it.
Why are the hooves of grazers at least as sharp as bladed bluemetal weapons?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 08, 2012, 01:42:19 am
Why can't my masons figure out how to construct a wall over magma without just dropping the rocks straight in like idiots and getting pushed into the flow by the ensuing shockwave dust?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 08, 2012, 01:44:05 am
What does the sky in the world of DF look like?
Post by: misko27 on July 08, 2012, 02:04:31 am
Why are dwarves perfectly willing to kill a cherished family member if ordered too? (berzerk, justice, loyalty cascade)
Post by: crazysheep on July 08, 2012, 04:38:42 am
Why do Serrated Disc traps > everything?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 08, 2012, 09:55:58 am
Why do migrants decide that moving to an evil glacier volcano aquifer with no qualifications whatsoever is a great career choice? (On the plus side, when their melting bodies sank into the lava they managed to reveal candy beneath!)
Post by: Komra on July 08, 2012, 12:13:58 pm
Why don't forts send out their own caravans and wagoneers?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 08, 2012, 01:21:02 pm
Migrants and expeditionary dwarves are largely banished convicts or daredevils, none with any other choice. Assignments are entirely out of their hands if they request a transfer from the Fortress Committee.Only Mountainhomes have the political power and pure size to send out Embark Projects.
Why don't forts send out their own caravans and wagoneers?
What do dwarves think of Mountain Goats?
They are obviously quite similar.
Post by: crazysheep on July 08, 2012, 10:14:43 pm
Why don't Hammerers aim for the convict's HEAD?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 08, 2012, 10:52:24 pm
Urist likes mountain goats for their long dwarvenly beards.If the convict survives, they will be able to hammer him more.
Why don't Hammerers aim for the convict's HEAD?
How come dwarfs can see in the dark?
Post by: Steamswitch on July 08, 2012, 10:59:05 pm
Why are nobles ignorant snotty idiots who expect everyone to obey them?
Post by: Corai on July 08, 2012, 11:00:21 pm
Why cant dwarves put stuff back into stacks?
Post by: crazysheep on July 08, 2012, 11:15:06 pm
Why do dwarves only brew 4 types of booze?
Post by: Komra on July 09, 2012, 03:09:52 am
From where do dwarves get their requisite calcium if they never drink milk and only rarely eat leafy green vegetables?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 09, 2012, 06:20:25 am
Why are catapults actually railguns?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 09, 2012, 07:03:21 am
How come pickaxes are considered foreign weapons?
Post by: crazysheep on July 09, 2012, 08:20:42 am
Why couldn't dimple cups make good booze?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 09, 2012, 10:54:52 am
Why are dwarves so dark skinned? They live underground for Armoks sake!
Post by: crazysheep on July 09, 2012, 11:08:02 am
Why do tubers make beer and not vodka?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 09, 2012, 11:47:05 am
Why must dwarven weapons have a blunt attack? The ones on the edged weapons are usually worse than just chopping with the thing.
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 09, 2012, 11:55:39 am
I dont have a question, so its open to be grabbed
Post by: Monk321654 on July 09, 2012, 11:56:58 am
Post by: Blizzlord on July 09, 2012, 01:22:50 pm
Why have the dwarven scientists not invented bread?
Post by: ninja811 on July 09, 2012, 01:28:36 pm
why do dwarfs just stand around when there's nothing to do?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 09, 2012, 02:17:21 pm
Post by: tahujdt on July 10, 2012, 02:31:19 pm
Why do dwarves use candy for sutures?
Post by: Tsuchigumo550 on July 10, 2012, 02:48:09 pm
Why do tantruming dwarves auto-aim for the most important person in your fort?
Post by: Corai on July 10, 2012, 02:49:56 pm
How is adamanite even mineable if it holds back demons?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 10, 2012, 02:53:25 pm
Why has no creature in the game a death ray?
Post by: Facekillz058 on July 10, 2012, 03:32:46 pm
Why cant i think of a question?
Post by: Ziga on July 10, 2012, 03:44:29 pm
Because we would try to weaponize it through Science.
Why cant i think of a question?
because you must of read all the posts in this thread and therefor, all your questions have already bin answered
why are dwarfs so awsome?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 10, 2012, 03:46:06 pm
If elite Marksdwarfes can hit a toe with menacing precision, why dont they go for headshots?
Post by: tahujdt on July 10, 2012, 03:47:37 pm
why are dwarfs so awsome?Because they are channeling the awesomeness of Toady. (Ninja'd)
If elite Marksdwarfes can hit a toe with menacing precision, why dont they go for headshots?Because that makes it too easy. A proper dwarf kills someone one toe at a time.
Why are dwarves invulnerable to catapults, but not to ballistae?
Post by: flieroflight on July 10, 2012, 03:48:53 pm
The less likely a shot to hit, the greater the accuracy.
So, by purposefully aiming for hard to hit bits, they improve their accuracy.
Why cant hydras regenerate?
Post by: Eric Blank on July 10, 2012, 04:36:47 pm
Why don't dwarves just do what they're told for a change?
Post by: crazysheep on July 10, 2012, 07:37:00 pm
Do dwarves like minecarts?
Post by: Frontestro on July 10, 2012, 07:43:35 pm
Why can lungfish fly?
Post by: krenshala on July 10, 2012, 09:49:43 pm
They love them. Which is why they go to great lengths to hug them while they speed down the tracks at 90 miles per hour.Their lungs are large enough to provide lift when flapped like wings.
Why can lungfish fly?
Why do dwarves get upset at long patrols, but enraged if you give them time off every few months instead of working them non-stop?
Post by: crazysheep on July 10, 2012, 10:00:29 pm
What do dwarves see in elves?
Post by: Graebeard on July 10, 2012, 10:11:21 pm
Why won't dwarfs pull the bones out of corpses for use in industry; but it's totally OK to use them after waiting years for the flesh to decay naturally?
Post by: Corai on July 10, 2012, 10:12:35 pm
Various edged weapons, frequently.
Why won't dwarfs pull the bones out of corpses for use in industry; but it's totally OK to use them after waiting years for the flesh to decay naturally?
They dont believe in defiling the dead, but if it defiles itself it is fine.
Why are elven wood spears so good at murdering?
Post by: crazysheep on July 10, 2012, 10:23:12 pm
Why is elven armour crap?
Post by: acetech09 on July 10, 2012, 11:04:13 pm
Been 11 months since I posted in this thread.
Why have dwarves suddenly become smarter?
Post by: Callista on July 10, 2012, 11:34:14 pm
Care to tell me why the human caravan just brought a barrel of dwarf blood to my depot?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 11, 2012, 12:17:10 am
In all those years of eating the prepared brains of various unusual creatures, some of the leftover intelligence must have seeped into their booze-soaked minds.They've begun worshipping Armok and bring this fluid as an offering to his highest priest, disguised as a worthless child of your fortress. Soon the sacrifices will begin...!
Care to tell me why the human caravan just brought a barrel of dwarf blood to my depot?
Why do dwarves not gather around glass windows into a room where two insane elves, crazed with hunger and bloodlust, are fighting to the death? Hell, I'd expect the entire fortress to be jostling for a good view while someone makes +dwarven popcorn biscuits+ out of dwarven wine and dwarven wine.
Post by: acetech09 on July 11, 2012, 01:02:15 am
Why do the merchants buy mercury-laden cinnabar mugs year after year?
Post by: crazysheep on July 11, 2012, 01:04:14 am
Why do dwarves bury their dead instead of offering them as a blood sacrifice to Armok?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 11, 2012, 01:33:42 am
What does Troglodyte taste like?
Post by: acetech09 on July 11, 2012, 01:35:47 am
What does gremlin taste like?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 11, 2012, 03:38:55 am
Considering that On the origin of dwarves (http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/On_the_origins_of_dwarves) answers many of our questions, could it be considered canon?
Post by: Facekillz058 on July 11, 2012, 05:18:47 am
Why cant my children seem to fight off goblin snatchers, but when a steel titan rolls around my infants break its legs and overall give it a slow and painful death?
Post by: jaxy15 on July 11, 2012, 05:22:03 am
How do dragons breathe fire?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 11, 2012, 05:30:36 am
Why do dwarves use an anvil when the floor below them would do just fine?
Post by: Broseph Stalin on July 11, 2012, 06:27:51 am
If dwarves (and all creatures) reproduce via spores why aren't all dwarven women constantly pregnant?
Post by: Graknorke on July 11, 2012, 11:14:00 am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to swing your beard at a bar of metal when it's laying on the floor?Due to their indoor nature, dwarves need to familiarise their body with the spores of their partner through at least a day of being within one Til length, to ensure no dwarvern women give birth to forgotten beast spawn.
If dwarves (and all creatures) reproduce via spores why aren't all dwarven women constantly pregnant?
Why can't craftdwarves be told which kind of craft to make?
Post by: Komra on July 11, 2012, 11:17:30 am
It's hard enough for the regular cells to find their way to the egg- random air currents take even longer. Spores also get stuck on clothes and burn up in the fortress magma waterfalls.)
The craftsdwarves' union has attained the right to full creativity in their work. It's lucky that we can even determine the material used in some cases.
Why are there no dwarven classrooms or teachers?
Post by: Megaman3321 on July 11, 2012, 11:41:49 am
(ACK Ninja'd-
It's hard enough for the regular cells to find their way to the egg- random air currents take even longer. Spores also get stuck on clothes and burn up in the fortress magma waterfalls.)
The craftsdwarves' union has attained the right to full creativity in their work. It's lucky that we can even determine the material used in some cases.
Why are there no dwarven classrooms or teachers?
Because the dwarven hivemind negates the need for such things.
Why can waterwheels power themselves?
Post by: acetech09 on July 11, 2012, 12:51:19 pm
How can a 7-deep 1-tile pond be nothing but ramp?
Post by: Graebeard on July 11, 2012, 01:20:29 pm
Waterwheels are not simply wheels with paddles. They are living organisms that metabolize water. When you give it a fresh current of water, it uses some of that energy to turn the axle faster than the water current, thus generating what appears to be perpetual motion.
**Slowclap**
Post by: Komra on July 11, 2012, 02:42:37 pm
If cave adaptation works due to sensitivity to air currents, why doesn't it help dwarves to overcome non-adapted invaders by "reading" nearby motion?
Post by: Corai on July 11, 2012, 02:43:54 pm
How does one boulder make four blocks, OR one wall? But the same 4 blocks makes four walls.
Post by: tahujdt on July 11, 2012, 02:47:17 pm
How does one boulder make four blocks, OR one wall? But the same 4 blocks makes four walls.Because dwarves will cut down the boulder bit by bit looking for the perfect bit of stone, but they use blocks just as they are.
Why do female dwarves not have beards?
Spoiler: My answer DO NOT READ IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY (click to show/hide)
Post by: Monk321654 on July 11, 2012, 04:00:37 pm
How does one boulder make four blocks, OR one wall? But the same 4 blocks makes four walls.Because dwarves will cut down the boulder bit by bit looking for the perfect bit of stone, but they use blocks just as they are.
Why do female dwarves not have beards?Spoiler: My answer DO NOT READ IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY (click to show/hide)
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
It's partially a genetic trait, partially an ethnic one.
Some dwarven gene strands simply don't have a dwarven beard gene on the X Chromosome, while others do.
Sometimes Female Dwarves are permitted to shave for no good reason, other times they're expected to keep the beards like everyone else.
Why are skulls so fragile?
Post by: acetech09 on July 11, 2012, 04:46:55 pm
Why does a pond filled with 6/7 water still be filled with 6/7 water after dumping your entire fortresses' stone supply in it?
Post by: tahujdt on July 11, 2012, 04:57:07 pm
Why does a pond filled with 6/7 water still be filled with 6/7 water after dumping your entire fortresses' stone supply in it?For the same reason that you can put the entire stone supply on one square in the first place.
Post by: misko27 on July 12, 2012, 12:35:19 am
How Are dwarves aware of certain things from across far distances (i.E., Know that cat they've never seen and that just adopted them are dead, or that relatives are dead) But cant tell that gobins are right behind the corner?
Post by: acetech09 on July 12, 2012, 01:06:01 am
Why do I know how that works?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 12, 2012, 01:08:57 am
It's all in dwarven telepathy. All non-evil entities have a telepathic link in the quantum sphere that lets their brains interact. Evil creature's brains are different. Their internal quantum foam structure resonates on a different spectral sub-frequency that negates any telepathic abilities.Obviously, you're a dwarf.
Why do I know how that works?
Or at least a tall one.
What happens when you drop the entire mountain into Hell (Using the special Slade Mining Technique)?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 12, 2012, 01:14:32 am
Why can't we truly set up our dorfs upon embark? We can pick skills and the stuff they bring, but we can't customize their looks, likes, dislikes, relationships or families. What gives?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 12, 2012, 01:22:40 am
It turns into flat land.The idea behind it is that they're not just something created right on the spot.
Why can't we truly set up our dorfs upon embark? We can pick skills and the stuff they bring, but we can't customize their looks, likes, dislikes, relationships or families. What gives?
The idea is that they're a team of seven selected by the queen/king to go make a new outpost.
How do you make something from Chicken Leather?
Post by: acetech09 on July 12, 2012, 01:35:09 am
Why are dwarves the only creatures that can successfully rock a turkey leather thong with style?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 12, 2012, 07:05:06 am
How come no dwarf worships Armok like they do with other gods?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 12, 2012, 08:24:51 am
Because only dwarves are in the Mood.Because Armok would explode them into a fine mist if they started building temples to him instead of killing things.
How come no dwarf worships Armok like they do with other gods?
Would sufficiently large dwarven water guns, when sprayed in below-freezing conditions, cause instant killing of whatever they hit?
Post by: tahujdt on July 12, 2012, 08:49:13 am
What would happen if a dwarf invented a magma super soaker?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 12, 2012, 09:09:12 am
Post by: tahujdt on July 12, 2012, 09:23:48 am
Post by: WellBredMutt on July 12, 2012, 10:11:23 am
Why can dwarves build a computer out of nothing but large quantities of axles and gears, but cannot build a wall because there is a piece of thread there?
Because computers are brainy and undwarven things that are only built because a command came from on high. But the honorable task of creating a military defense wall of fine stone requires perfection.
Why can 99 dragons occupy the same tile as long as only one is standing?
Post by: acetech09 on July 12, 2012, 10:30:40 am
Post by: Ziga on July 12, 2012, 10:55:56 am
Tiles are as tall as they have to be. All but one have to lay down because ... well ... have you ever seen 99 dragons standing on top of each other?
good answer
what whould happen if magic got implemented to humans and elfs but not dwarfs?
Post by: acetech09 on July 12, 2012, 11:44:15 am
How can cats reproduce in a closed room indefinitely, even with no food?
Post by: therealmarauder on July 12, 2012, 01:08:59 pm
Post by: Blizzlord on July 12, 2012, 02:31:04 pm
Post by: WellBredMutt on July 12, 2012, 03:57:28 pm
Where did dwarves learn to make quantum-entangled mechanisms?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 12, 2012, 04:11:13 pm
Dwarves aren't stupid, ya know.
What kind of weapon do dwarves prefer?
Post by: misko27 on July 12, 2012, 04:47:13 pm
Why are elves so peaceful nd docile, but so perfectly willing to devour the flesh of sentients.
Post by: Graknorke on July 12, 2012, 06:28:04 pm
Do dwarves do alchohol for recreation or do they have a literal need?
Post by: Megaman3321 on July 12, 2012, 06:42:50 pm
Why is semi-molten rock unminable?
Post by: therealmarauder on July 12, 2012, 07:23:57 pm
Kobolds and others can avoid traps, but they don't path around them. Why are wagons the only creatures able to detect traps, and unable to move over them?
Post by: acetech09 on July 12, 2012, 10:55:27 pm
Why was that question so oddly specific?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 12, 2012, 11:17:52 pm
Being the volumetrically largest creature in the game, they have an equally matched sentience level. They are the only creature in the game with a true sense of self-preservation.Because self-referential humor is the true path to happiness.
Why was that question so oddly specific?
If both beards and socks became sentient, who would win in a fight between them?
Post by: tahujdt on July 13, 2012, 01:42:34 am
How can dwarves make copper absolutely fireproof?
Post by: acetech09 on July 13, 2012, 01:58:48 am
Can anyone elaborate on what he means?
Post by: tahujdt on July 13, 2012, 02:02:31 am
Why do elves wear thongs?
Post by: Corai on July 13, 2012, 02:04:24 am
Why can't dwarves, goblins, etc have many wives. But a night creature can have as many as it wants?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 13, 2012, 02:25:11 am
Why is this thread so popular?
Post by: misko27 on July 13, 2012, 05:31:25 pm
How can bookeepers tell just by scribiling at a desk how many things there are, even if they are not accesible to dwarves (i.e. animal-men's weaponry?)
Post by: Graknorke on July 13, 2012, 05:36:57 pm
How can bookeepers tell just by scribiling at a desk how many things there are, even if they are not accesible to dwarves (i.e. animal-men's weaponry?)In case you hadn't noticed, bookkeepers actually have no writing tools.
When they're at that desk, they enter a meditative state, being able to temporarily transcend their physical limitations in order to count every last rope reed seed in the fortress. They then communicate it to the great dwarvern hive-mind.
That's also why they become so fast. Sprinting is hard work, even when you have no physical body to have to move.
Post by: misko27 on July 13, 2012, 05:41:35 pm
Post by: Vodrilus on July 13, 2012, 06:20:19 pm
Post by: Corai on July 13, 2012, 06:20:58 pm
Post by: NineFourEightSeven on July 13, 2012, 06:38:17 pm
Post by: misko27 on July 13, 2012, 06:41:55 pm
A dwarven chin is full of holes that the beard uses as a direct link to the liver, other creatures do not have a large enough liver to process the waste of the beard, the resulting backup of waste kills the beard. alcohol is necessary somewhere in the process.I will add that alchohol is a absolutely nescasary product ofr healthy beards, and only dwarves have the blood to alcohol ratio to keep them alive. This is why sober dwarfs slow so much, as without it their parasites take it from their bodies, and they can't use it for metabolization.
What is up with the dwarven obsession with squares and triangles in engravings?
Post by: Panando on July 13, 2012, 07:38:43 pm
What is up with the dwarven obsession with squares and triangles in engravings?
The squares thing started when a dwarf, thinking of engraving an image, engraved the frame. Then he thought it would be nice to have some booze and a meal and a nap (he was also the broker, of course), and just never got around the finishing that image. Other lazy dwarves thought "Hey, just engraving the frame is a whole lot less work than actually engraving an image in it" so engraving squares became a thing. Later, an even lazier dwarf realized that it was less work to engrave just 3 lines rather than 4. Naturally the next step in this evolution, will be an engraved line, followed by an engraved dot and it will cumulate in dwarves saying "I've finished my engraving" before they've even started it.
What is with throwing a party at a chained animal?
Post by: tahujdt on July 13, 2012, 08:30:52 pm
You don't wanna know. It is the same thing as a popular Settlers of Catan joke.What is up with the dwarven obsession with squares and triangles in engravings?What is with throwing a party at a chained animal?
Why does the dwarven hivemind even care about socks anyway?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 13, 2012, 08:49:10 pm
Beards eat socks.You don't wanna know. It is the same thing as a popular Settlers of Catan joke.What is up with the dwarven obsession with squares and triangles in engravings?What is with throwing a party at a chained animal?
Why does the dwarven hivemind even care about socks anyway?
Is it "dwarves" or "dwarfs"? (cough cough subjective cough)
Post by: misko27 on July 13, 2012, 09:35:16 pm
what is with the goblins determination to attack a dwarf civ, simply because a new fort was started? I noticed my currebt war is listed as not having a cause.
Post by: acetech09 on July 13, 2012, 09:37:49 pm
Armok needed some entertainment so that worlds with careful and sane overseers would still die a slow horrible death. In theory, at least. He oversaw serrated steel discs.
How can two minecarts pass each other in the same direction on one track?
Post by: DrKillPatient on July 14, 2012, 01:14:21 am
The same way that several tons of stone can fit in one tile, I suppose.
Why do some evil mists' residue appear only after a normally-clensing rain?
Post by: Theifofdreams on July 14, 2012, 04:36:09 am
Why do dorfs always take the long and dangerous path if they can, rather than a short and safe one?
(go outside the fort through backdoor, walk around fort, barely avoid goblin siege, run through now open front gate. Or just walk down a hallway. >.>)
Post by: Graknorke on July 14, 2012, 05:49:11 am
How do dwarves manage to destroy three quarters of what they mine?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 14, 2012, 05:58:46 am
Why do dwarves have a preference for which way to mine and construct from?
Post by: necromancerbob on July 14, 2012, 12:35:33 pm
Post by: therealmarauder on July 14, 2012, 12:37:40 pm
How do all creatures know which way is which? At the very least, they can pick a cardinal direction from a semicardinal direction.
Post by: therealmarauder on July 14, 2012, 12:40:34 pm
Undoubtedly asked 1*10^47 times before but how do you tell all your Dwarfs to run the **** inside when a siege, wave of unimaginable horror or giant grass hopper men threaten your fort? Is just assigning all the people outside to a civilian alert burrough or something then removing it when the draw bridges go up enough?
This isn't really the thread for that, but just make a burrow which is everything underground and not in the caverns, then set alerts to confine dwarves to burrows when you set the alert. But sure, confining them to a tiny little space and then letting them go when the bridge goes up would work, as long as you don't mind canceling all the tasks.
Post by: knutor on July 14, 2012, 12:44:17 pm
2. Create burrow in safety zone. Name it Danger.
3. Open alerts, make sure A flag is next to Danger burrow, when Danger alert is highlighted.*
4. When a SIEGE happens, immediately move CIV flag from Inactive alert to Danger alert.
5. Do nothing with Active/Training alert or squads, or the individual squad settings will get broken.
*Player might have to use the arrow keys to get over to that third column, where the Danger burrow is at, to put the A beside the word Danger.
Post by: Blizzlord on July 14, 2012, 02:03:12 pm
How do all creatures know which way is which? At the very least, they can pick a cardinal direction from a semicardinal direction.Creatures do not know direction by heart, but the way Armok has formed the world constricts them to only moving in 8 directions, which is from one infinite space to another.
How come carnivorous pets never eat?
Post by: jaxy15 on July 14, 2012, 02:06:49 pm
What are dwarven beards made from?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 14, 2012, 02:08:37 pm
Comical Answer: They filter feed. They can also lick blood off the walls and get all their dietary essentials from that.
NINJA!
What are dwarven beards made from?Super Adamantine
What if DF had Aliens?
Post by: Facekillz058 on July 14, 2012, 02:30:50 pm
What if DF DIDN'T have aliens?
Post by: Komra on July 14, 2012, 06:44:53 pm
Why are dwarves so clueless about flame?
Post by: therealmarauder on July 14, 2012, 08:54:59 pm
Why do cats need to walk by every tile?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 15, 2012, 05:10:04 am
Why isn't there a great deal of good DF fan music?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 15, 2012, 09:25:42 am
Because curiosity kills the cat, and everything must die in this game.Because it only has one track, so there's almost nothing to base your fan music off of and call it "DF music".
Why isn't there a great deal of good DF fan music?
Why do goblins have [NO_EAT] and [NO_SLEEP] if eating and sleeping for anything but dorfs (not counting grazers) isn't implemented?
Post by: Komra on July 15, 2012, 12:26:36 pm
How do craftsdwarves seem to know the entire history of their race?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 15, 2012, 12:31:08 pm
Goblins are slated to be the star race of Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter III: Goblin Horde. All survival needs are suspended in preference for carnage.What else are they going to be fixated on in the long, long hours spent making +gabbro mugs+ in some underground hovel? They put their entire minds to memorizing the entire world's history, or else they'd go more insane than usual.
How do craftsdwarves seem to know the entire history of their race?
If spiked balls are worth a lot, and golden salve is worth a lot, what happens when you slather a spiked ball in golden salve and sell it to some unwary humans?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 15, 2012, 03:11:07 pm
Why; from a non-technical standpoint, is cooked meals worth so much?
Post by: Frontestro on July 15, 2012, 04:24:46 pm
Why can a dragon burn down a cage from the outside but not the inside?
Post by: Facekillz058 on July 15, 2012, 05:44:38 pm
The dwarfbeardhairdart teleports from the dragons throat to the dwarves beard whenever said dwarf attempts to move the cage.
Where do dwarves go when they die, besides magma and a stone slab or a box in the ground?
Post by: Vodrilus on July 15, 2012, 05:56:16 pm
How are dwarves perfectly able to dig through granite and other hard rocks with mere copper picks?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 15, 2012, 06:12:15 pm
To Soberland.The same way they can make chairs out of chalk.
How are dwarves perfectly able to dig through granite and other hard rocks with mere copper picks?
Why don't dwarven tools ever rust (At least in the current release)?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 15, 2012, 06:37:24 pm
Alcohol rusts?To Soberland.The same way they can make chairs out of chalk.
How are dwarves perfectly able to dig through granite and other hard rocks with mere copper picks?
Why don't dwarven tools ever rust (At least in the current release)?
Anyway, if glumprongs are purple, how do they photosynthesize?
Post by: Corai on July 15, 2012, 06:38:27 pm
Alcohol rusts?To Soberland.The same way they can make chairs out of chalk.
How are dwarves perfectly able to dig through granite and other hard rocks with mere copper picks?
Why don't dwarven tools ever rust (At least in the current release)?
Anyway, if glumprongs are purple, how do they photosynthesize?
Glumplogs photosynthesize with Armok's blessing.
Post by: Mageziya on July 15, 2012, 08:40:50 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 15, 2012, 08:47:37 pm
How do animals in DF inbreed with no consequences?They don't inbreed, they asexually bud. This process can only be brought on by the sight of an opposite-gendered member of the same species.
How do you make beer out of grass?
Post by: acetech09 on July 15, 2012, 11:15:14 pm
Why do vampires happily divulge that they have a looong history of past entities, including ones that were wiped out 200+ years ago?
Post by: Darkening Kaos on July 16, 2012, 07:32:55 am
Why do vampires happily divulge that they have a looong history of past entities, including ones that were wiped out 200+ years ago?
ExXxtreme bragging rights.
How come, when you deconstruct something, dozens of items from nearby stockpiles teleport to the place where the dorf stood whilst doing said deconstructing?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 16, 2012, 08:27:22 am
Why are dwarves always smiling?
Post by: acetech09 on July 16, 2012, 10:18:41 am
Why do military dwarves feel the urge to KILL EVERY LIVING CREATURE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET that aren't traders or dwarves?
Post by: charred_gp on July 16, 2012, 10:37:50 am
Why do goblins insist on taking the shorter route into my fort even though it's covered in blood?
Post by: Orky_Boss on July 16, 2012, 10:54:40 am
"If it doesn't work the first time, try, try again."
Why have dwarves so far not have weaponized mounted soldiers/weaponry/combat, despite having even weaponized BREEDING?
Post by: Komra on July 16, 2012, 12:19:36 pm
Why has Armok not gifted the world with mages beyond necromancy?
Post by: ArmokGoB on July 16, 2012, 12:45:34 pm
Why does the section of ocean that could flood my fortress with waves not producing waves?
Post by: charred_gp on July 16, 2012, 01:12:37 pm
How can a forgotten beast take down a fully trained militia and then die to a single child?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 16, 2012, 01:35:37 pm
Why cant the elves bring me some metal? They must have gotten the same goblinite source then i?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 16, 2012, 02:43:24 pm
Because time travel is a valid excuse in a universe where the constants gradually change.
Why hasn't Toady implemented magic into the game(play) yet? Necromancy does not count.
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 16, 2012, 03:33:28 pm
They disintegrate the goblinite with magic that has yet to be implemented.
Because time travel is a valid excuse in a universe where the constants gradually change.
Why hasn't Toady implemented magic into the game(play) yet? Necromancy does not count.
I dont know, letting dead people walk, fight, chew on their friends and possibly dance sounds really magical to me...
Why are bolts out of Candy so useless, while a spear out of candy is overly good?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 16, 2012, 03:39:52 pm
How do goblin snatchers teleport off your map as soon as they snaffle a minor?
Post by: Firehawk45 on July 16, 2012, 03:48:04 pm
You didn't know this one? Candy can form a perfect edge or point, but has the density of styrofoam. It doesn't matter how sharp it is if it can get blown off course by a monarch butterfly (BUTTERFLY CONSPIRACY). So basically, a candy bolt doesn't have the inertia to penetrate anything when fired, even if it's really damned sharp.
So, if i fire it, it will do nothing, but if i stab someone with it, he will drop dead? Genius, i need Dwarfes stabbing people with cand-bolts!
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 16, 2012, 03:52:44 pm
Or you could melt down the bolts one by one and make 2.5 spears out of one candy. Except it requires a technique you'd have to look up :(You didn't know this one? Candy can form a perfect edge or point, but has the density of styrofoam. It doesn't matter how sharp it is if it can get blown off course by a monarch butterfly (BUTTERFLY CONSPIRACY). So basically, a candy bolt doesn't have the inertia to penetrate anything when fired, even if it's really damned sharp.
So, if i fire it, it will do nothing, but if i stab someone with it, he will drop dead? Genius, i need Dwarfes stabbing people with cand-bolts!
Post by: Callista on July 16, 2012, 04:23:49 pm
It makes more sense than you'd think. Stabbing somebody with an object lets you put the force of your own strength behind it; using it as a projectile depends entirely on the projectile's momentum (speed * mass). Since adamantine has very little mass, it has very little momentum; but because it is so rigid, it is excellent for transferring the kinetic energy in a dorf's arm into the body of a hapless goblin. It seems counterintuitive only because of adamantium's extremely odd material properties.You didn't know this one? Candy can form a perfect edge or point, but has the density of styrofoam. It doesn't matter how sharp it is if it can get blown off course by a monarch butterfly (BUTTERFLY CONSPIRACY). So basically, a candy bolt doesn't have the inertia to penetrate anything when fired, even if it's really damned sharp.
So, if i fire it, it will do nothing, but if i stab someone with it, he will drop dead? Genius, i need Dwarfes stabbing people with cand-bolts!
Quote
How do goblin snatchers teleport off your map as soon as they snaffle a minor?Seems you've answered your own question: They teleport. Goblins are, as we all know, secretly a hyperadvanced civilization which invented the art of teleportation long ago. Unfortunately, they can't teleport into the fortress because there's no way of knowing whether they'll end up wedged into a wall or have a random kitten forcibly implanted into their spleens; but once they're in and have their target bagged up, they use their super-advanced psionic implants to call for teleportation back out.
Why do dwarves show no ill effects from working with substances like pitchblende, cinnabar, and lead?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 16, 2012, 08:22:58 pm
Who created Armok?
Post by: crazysheep on July 16, 2012, 08:32:10 pm
Why doesn't magma cool into anything other than obsidian?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 16, 2012, 10:03:03 pm
What happens if dwarf fortress is allowed to get tech levels equivalent to modern day?
Post by: TSTwizby on July 16, 2012, 10:18:32 pm
How is it that untame creatures are needless while tame grazers can starve?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 17, 2012, 12:02:09 am
Do you think that dwarves ever entertain babies by making beard puppets?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 17, 2012, 12:06:49 am
What do elves do with their babies?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 17, 2012, 04:01:10 am
How do the dwarves atom smash the rubble as soon as they mine it?
Post by: TheProphet on July 17, 2012, 06:52:39 am
What makes beards so strong?
Post by: MrAnderson on July 17, 2012, 11:20:48 am
why don't dwarves just jump down a ledge if they are trapped up a wall?
Post by: Corai on July 17, 2012, 11:23:38 am
Why don't necromancers arm their zombies? They can and will use weapons if they have them after death.
Post by: Komra on July 17, 2012, 11:42:03 am
How have some migrants apparently been nothing but an "appraiser" or "strand extractor" for their entire lives? Doesn't seem the most workable way to make a living on a constant basis.
Post by: Mr S on July 17, 2012, 12:16:19 pm
Why is it considered "cheaty" to put children to work hauling this and that around in a primarily agrarian society?
Post by: misko27 on July 17, 2012, 07:13:32 pm
Why has no one discovered candy except for this small group of dwarves? Its everywhere underground!
BONUS: Why does everyone automatically know that cany is riduculously valuable without ever seeing it?
Post by: Facekillz058 on July 17, 2012, 07:25:03 pm
What goes through a dwarves head when it sees it's first peice of candy?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on July 17, 2012, 07:32:40 pm
Also nice H&H Avatar
What did Toady make elves in DF assholes, even though there badasses in other games/movies?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 17, 2012, 07:36:46 pm
"Is this that stuff from the into? Damn, that dude lost his pick! Better request an extra one"Badass elves?
Also nice H&H Avatar
What did Toady make elves in DF assholes, even though there badasses in other games/movies?
*derisive laughter*
Post by: WaffleEggnog on July 17, 2012, 07:40:42 pm
Damn son, i hate Elves more then most, but in Lord of the Rings, The Elder Scrolls, and many others, i must say, Elves can be pretty badass at times.... no matter how gay they look while doing it. Never as Badass as Dwarfs, though"Is this that stuff from the into? Damn, that dude lost his pick! Better request an extra one"Badass elves?
Also nice H&H Avatar
What did Toady make elves in DF assholes, even though there badasses in other games/movies?
*derisive laughter*
Another question cause this went off track a bit; Why do Dwarves kill themselfs if there kittens die?
Post by: misko27 on July 17, 2012, 07:44:45 pm
Why has no one else in the dwarf world dug candy before your fort?
Post by: Frontestro on July 17, 2012, 07:51:05 pm
Why do gremlins pull leavers if they never knew of them before the dwarfs?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on July 17, 2012, 07:53:16 pm
Why does every wound a Dwarf gets get infected
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 17, 2012, 07:55:43 pm
Because they know better than to go to get the cotton candy and go to the circus.Gremlins revere levers as gods. To pull a lever is the ultimate holy duty for a gremlin. To die immediately after pulling said lever is enough to make you a Gremlin Saint. (edit: dammit)
Why do gremlins pull leavers if they never knew of them before the dwarfs?
Because DF is realistic. You try living in a dirty hole surrounded by unwashed beards and not getting some horrible infection. (Also probably because you've never made soap?)
Why do dwarfs not cook and eat rats? They're the only food source that will never run out, and all you need is ketchup!
Post by: WaffleEggnog on July 17, 2012, 07:59:22 pm
Why dont two Dwarf civs ever go to war, and why dont you ever get invasions from other Dwarvern civs?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 17, 2012, 08:04:35 pm
Post by: XXSockXX on July 17, 2012, 08:41:31 pm
reference insertion failure (http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/negativeman-55f.png)
No, why? May I interest you in a rat on a stick Urist McStronginthearm? 3 bucks only and at that price I'm cutting me own throat.
Post by: Ironlion on July 17, 2012, 09:00:54 pm
<Urist Mac Feegle picks up cage, runs inside cave with it>
Bloody impressive feat.
Post by: misko27 on July 17, 2012, 09:08:47 pm
Why dont two Dwarf civs ever go to war, and why dont you ever get invasions from other Dwarvern civs?
Post by: XXSockXX on July 17, 2012, 09:30:38 pm
Why dont two Dwarf civs ever go to war, and why dont you ever get invasions from other Dwarvern civs?
Can't think of a funny answer, so a serious one. Dwarf civs have the same ethics, so they don't get into conflicts. No wars = no invasions. Also dwarf invaders would have to come in autumn which is reserved for your civs caravan.
How can my mayor like adamantine if he he does not know it exists yet?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 17, 2012, 09:54:10 pm
The same reason nobles are lazy - whenever they sleep, the HFS visits their dreams. Urging, threatening, willing anyone in a position of power to order the mining of a blue stone and release the HFS from its time-worn prison. The higher-class nobles are terrified that if they were ever to do a single task, they would enter a fell trance and free the HFS without even knowing it, so they keep themselves weak and useless so as not to be converted into a mere tool used to doom the fortress. Your mayor, however, can act, and the dreams have grown too strong. His conscious thought is trying everything to divert his actions from their terrible course by coming up with distractions, like mandating cabinets. But the HFS deep within his subconscious urges him onwards, even turning an order for the manufacture of furniture into a sinister bid for freedom. Adamantine! How many mayors and kings have fallen before its bewitching blue allure?!Why dont two Dwarf civs ever go to war, and why dont you ever get invasions from other Dwarvern civs?
Can't think of a funny answer, so a serious one. Dwarf civs have the same ethics, so they don't get into conflicts. No wars = no invasions. Also dwarf invaders would have to come in autumn which is reserved for your civs caravan.
How can my mayor like adamantine if he he does not know it exists yet?
Do you think plump helmets are really shaped like spades? If so, are they flattish, or are they perfectly rounded as if created on a lathe?
Post by: misko27 on July 17, 2012, 10:36:36 pm
Post by: Ironlion on July 17, 2012, 11:02:38 pm
Post by: Orky_Boss on July 17, 2012, 11:27:17 pm
Remember to post a question after your answer, damnit!
Anyways, what is it in a dwarf's mind that is different from a human's that manages to completely ignore angst, stupidity to the point of requiring constant babysitting, even heavily altering blueprints and risking their lives just so they can always do things the exact same way...
And yet are pretty much the most technologically advanced race ever? This is taking into account the lavish megaprojects, the overly-complicated traps that all-too-often involved magma, skill in proffesions to the point of instinct, and the only race to ever reap the profits of candy and survive the following tax collectors for said candy.
Post by: crazysheep on July 18, 2012, 12:03:45 am
How do dwarven cooks mince liquids?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on July 18, 2012, 12:10:55 am
Why does my mega-!!SCIENCE!!-project keep getting derailed?
Post by: Orky_Boss on July 18, 2012, 12:17:11 am
Ever had a stout beer? Dwarven beer is even thicker than that.
Why does my mega-!!SCIENCE!!-project keep getting derailed?
Because you forgot to put wheels on the thing?
Why do plump helmets grow so fast when the mushrooms are in fact the reproductive organs of the fungas? And why don't goblins employ the use of siege engines like trebuchets?
Post by: Komra on July 18, 2012, 08:52:09 am
2. Nobody uses mobile siege engines as of yet- cave mounts provide a suitable equivalent in terms of stopping power.
WHat's with all the elaborate beard-braiding? Doesn't that impede its use as a tool?
Post by: Halceon on July 18, 2012, 09:11:33 am
"Alone you are weak, together you are strong"
Same goes for beard strands - a loose beard is a weak beard, barely able to hold a fork. A neatly braided beard, however, can be made into a net, so that a dwarf can haul a heavy object WHILE weilding a warhammer and shield and operating door handles.
Why can't you order clothing made in complete sets from the manager's office? 80 sets of trousers + robe + shoes + cap, please!
Post by: Blizzlord on July 18, 2012, 10:36:10 am
Why does nobody remember Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter 1?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 18, 2012, 11:08:57 am
I thought Toady put in Chapter 2 just as stylistic choice.
What if dwarves suffered from ocular conditions like near and far sighted-ness?
Post by: Mr S on July 18, 2012, 12:13:25 pm
Why is there no tool -tortoise sheel beard comb-?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 18, 2012, 09:45:22 pm
When you mod masks to be common for dwarves, why are they made of metal?
Post by: Komra on July 19, 2012, 08:05:24 am
How can a creature's bloodstain cover a square of semi-elastic space?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 19, 2012, 11:52:16 am
If all the demons are sealed by adamantine, how do some escape to rule goblin civs?
Post by: Frontestro on July 19, 2012, 11:57:25 am
Why can a dwarf fall 7 z-levels and live (sometimes) but if a rock falls on them from 1 z level high they get atom smashed?
Post by: acetech09 on July 19, 2012, 12:15:15 pm
Why can a vampire survive his first 20-z fall with only a few broken toes, while the second one bashes his skull in?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 19, 2012, 12:54:43 pm
Why are there fewer awesome threads on the board than it used to be?
Post by: MaximumZero on July 19, 2012, 02:08:28 pm
Who's excited to be able to pitch a dwarven tent!?
Post by: Komra on July 19, 2012, 04:30:14 pm
Who wants to start impaling enemy heads on pikes?
Post by: misko27 on July 19, 2012, 05:11:36 pm
Who wants to start impaling enemy heads on pikes?oh for the love of... ME MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X50000
I've tried to do it by leaving random dead bodies everywhere, but its Not the Same. :'(
Post by: MrWiggles on July 24, 2012, 09:33:34 pm
Post by: misko27 on July 24, 2012, 10:10:33 pm
How will the dwarves weaponize tents?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 25, 2012, 02:04:50 am
How will our enemies counter these fearsome Parachuting Particle Beam Poachers?
Post by: acetech09 on July 25, 2012, 02:16:32 am
Why does a legendary axedwarf immediately know how to wield a candy halberd after only training with a copper axe all his life?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 25, 2012, 03:28:29 am
While dwarven soldiers are fearless, how come the civilians are utter cowards.
Post by: Rose on July 25, 2012, 03:43:54 am
Why do animalmen who've fought forgotten beasts like dorves?
Post by: crazysheep on July 26, 2012, 07:34:44 pm
Do dwarves and magma mix well?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 26, 2012, 07:38:35 pm
Why don't other races plunder your dead dwarves' weapons (that aren't just CURIOUSBEAST:ITEM)? You'd think the elves would jump at a chance to use an ☼adamantine battleaxe☼ rather than a XXwooden spearXX.
Post by: Komra on July 26, 2012, 08:49:09 pm
Why does Armok not grace his world with the wonders of oil and natural gas?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 26, 2012, 08:56:01 pm
Do dwarves dream of socks made from sheep?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 26, 2012, 09:00:53 pm
How come giant cave spiders haven't been domesticated at all, even when they're really useful?
Post by: crazysheep on July 27, 2012, 02:08:50 am
Related question: How long does it actually take to train animals to "Domesticated" from the baseline of having no knowledge at all?
Post by: Mr S on July 27, 2012, 07:51:47 am
Why are Mood gauntlets and boots only created in singles, not pairs?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 27, 2012, 08:02:41 am
Why didn't Toady give goblins the [INDIV_CONTROLLABLE] tag?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 27, 2012, 08:13:02 am
Because they are creating a true work of art, and it only stays a true work of art as long as it is the only one in existence.Because during testing, long ago, Toady had made a fort, and nicknamed one of the dwarfs after himself, complete with Scamps by his side.
Why didn't Toady give goblins the [INDIV_CONTROLLABLE] tag?
But then a vile force of darkness arrived. It was taken out by a trapped hallway, and there were no casualties... except for the bloody head of Scamps, blasted across the hallway by a single lucky shot with a mace.
No words could describe how traumatizing this was, and goblins never got [INDIV_CONTROLLABLE] as a result.
How can traps magically sense alignment and insanity?
Post by: celem on July 27, 2012, 08:23:24 am
Why is it that dwarves weaponize everything, contriving elaborate ways to kill goblins with excessive complexity when a pointed stick works fine?
Post by: WellBredMutt on July 27, 2012, 08:56:32 am
They dont, but the bad guys dont know where they are and the mad good guys dont care, everyone else goes around.It's a religious thing. Dwarves feel compelled to make everything around them into a weapon as a way of giving praise to Armok and reminding themselves that death and destruction (and, as such, the essence of their god) are around them at all times.
Why is it that dwarves weaponize everything, contriving elaborate ways to kill goblins with excessive complexity when a pointed stick works fine?
How do dwarves make a concealable stone-fall trap in the middle of an open area... with no ceiling?
Post by: Gentlefish on July 27, 2012, 10:40:17 am
They dont, but the bad guys dont know where they are and the mad good guys dont care, everyone else goes around.It's a religious thing. Dwarves feel compelled to make everything around them into a weapon as a way of giving praise to Armok and reminding themselves that death and destruction (and, as such, the essence of their god) are around them at all times.
Why is it that dwarves weaponize everything, contriving elaborate ways to kill goblins with excessive complexity when a pointed stick works fine?
How do dwarves make a concealable stone-fall trap in the middle of an open area... with no ceiling?
Simple. They just reverse gravity so the stone falls up to kill the target. They also found a way to shoot the boulder so fast at the ceiling it reaches terminal velocity before it even leaves the floor.
Post by: Komra on July 27, 2012, 10:56:06 am
Post by: Blizzlord on July 27, 2012, 12:56:53 pm
Why pumps?
Post by: crazysheep on July 27, 2012, 08:12:49 pm
Why deathtraps?
Post by: adasdad on July 27, 2012, 08:30:43 pm
Why can't dwarves think logically?
Post by: crazysheep on July 27, 2012, 08:34:12 pm
Why are elves cannibals?
Post by: zubb2 on July 27, 2012, 09:46:07 pm
Cause they're hippies.
Post by: Gentlefish on July 27, 2012, 09:48:01 pm
Why don't dwarves avoid fire?
Post by: crazysheep on July 27, 2012, 11:21:13 pm
Why is troll blood cyan?
Post by: Corai on July 27, 2012, 11:22:00 pm
Why don't fisherdwarves bring a weapon to defend themselves from creature sized fish?
Post by: Doughnut189 on July 28, 2012, 12:01:22 am
Why are plump helmets purple?
Post by: Gentlefish on July 28, 2012, 12:26:21 am
Because none of the other fisherdwarves ever made it back to warn them about (carp and lampreys).
Why are plump helmets purple?
One of two reasons.
1. They're the male dwarven genitalia, always dropping them spores.
2. Pure coincidence and there's no innuendo meant at all really I mean come on get your mind out of the gutter.
Post by: Garath on July 28, 2012, 01:04:33 am
Post by: MrWiggles on July 28, 2012, 03:32:39 am
Why doens't hauling train any stats?
Post by: StreetPizza on July 28, 2012, 04:26:16 am
Why don't goblins keep advancing down my trap-filled corridor after tripping the first few?
Post by: MrWiggles on July 28, 2012, 04:27:48 am
We ever see dorf invading other dorfs?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 28, 2012, 04:37:10 am
Why don't goblins keep advancing down my trap-filled corridor after tripping the first few?Technically it is because you killed their squad leader, and they will not leave his corpse as they are tasked to follow it.
We ever see dorf invading other dorfs?When pigs fly.
Will we ever see flying pigs in an unmodded version of DF?
Post by: Zerkuron1 on July 28, 2012, 07:45:27 am
Why mandate my duchess the production catapult parts the 20th time in a row?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 09:37:11 am
How did the mud on the ground of all the caverns get there?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 28, 2012, 10:29:31 am
Why did toady remove the more realistic cave-in model of .27 in favor of the new unrealistic one?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 11:11:06 am
What catastrophic changes in elf society changed their tile from E to e?
Post by: celem on July 28, 2012, 12:36:22 pm
Why do dwarves run even when behind fortifications?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 12:39:24 pm
Why do animal men hate dwarfs so much?
Post by: Frontestro on July 28, 2012, 12:43:52 pm
Why do Dwarfs only make weapons out of iron, steel, copper, bronze, wood, obsidian and silver. When other metals and materials could be used for the same purpose much more effectively?
Post by: Akura on July 28, 2012, 12:50:30 pm
we will see flying pigs when dwarfes siege fellow dwarfes....Resisting... urge... to... mod raws...
Post by: Blizzlord on July 28, 2012, 12:53:17 pm
Since when was it fun to not make things happen? Give in to your urges, hack Toady's computer and make sure that pigs fly in the next release!we will see flying pigs when dwarfes siege fellow dwarfes....Resisting... urge... to... mod raws...
What actually happens when a dwarf realizes anything?
Post by: Sprin on July 28, 2012, 03:20:22 pm
how do dwarfs stand on a stone floor over magma and not cook
Post by: Callista on July 28, 2012, 04:47:38 pm
Why is it impossible to request any adamantine from a caravan, even if you have previously had a fort in the same world that exported tons of the stuff?
Post by: misko27 on July 28, 2012, 04:53:49 pm
Why do docters not do anythigng for huge periods of time, then decide to heal everyone in the hospital at once?
Post by: crazysheep on July 28, 2012, 08:05:53 pm
Why can't you plant bloated tubers?
Post by: Wurgel on July 28, 2012, 08:55:28 pm
Since when was it fun to not make things happen? Give in to your urges, hack Toady's computer and make sure that pigs fly in the next release!we will see flying pigs when dwarfes siege fellow dwarfes....Resisting... urge... to... mod raws...
What actually happens when a dwarf realizes anything?
Why hack, when you just need to wait for a winged pig-FB appear?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 09:08:40 pm
Because they're conserving their energy for MASS HEALING WAVESDwarves haven't figured out which bit's the seed and they aren't taking any chances after what happened to Cerol when he tried to grow plump helmets aboveground. There was blood EVERYWHERE!
Why can't you plant bloated tubers?
Why do goblins like naming their settlements things like "Evilanus"?
Post by: Komra on July 28, 2012, 09:19:52 pm
Why and how would a boat be murdered?
Post by: Corai on July 28, 2012, 09:23:06 pm
Why do demons not make slade weapons?
Post by: Twangykid on July 28, 2012, 09:24:53 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 09:28:28 pm
What happens when dwarfs demand a democratic government?
Post by: crazysheep on July 28, 2012, 09:38:18 pm
What happens to pets which drink vampire blood-infected water?
Post by: pisskop on July 28, 2012, 09:40:24 pm
Why are there no ships?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 09:58:49 pm
Why can't dwarfs make super-dense heavy-duty ultra-secure three-meter-thick solid-steel doors that resist building destroyers, yet that brittle-looking artifact green glass portal will stand up to an army of dragons?
Post by: crazysheep on July 28, 2012, 10:08:18 pm
Why is green glass the most basic glass type?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 10:22:03 pm
Artifacts have been imbued with the power of dwarves who are about to go insane. Their near-insanity makes artifacts quite immune to many things.Realism. (I think)
Why is green glass the most basic glass type?
On the topic of glassmaking, is it pear lash or pearl ash?
Post by: crazysheep on July 28, 2012, 10:38:56 pm
Why don't dwarves drink out of mugs?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 10:42:48 pm
How do elves tame those exotic animals, anyway?
Post by: pisskop on July 28, 2012, 11:24:35 pm
If a giant woodchuck spawned, how much wood would he chuck, at who, and with what skill level?
Post by: Wrex on July 28, 2012, 11:30:02 pm
HFS, how does it work?
Post by: Corai on July 28, 2012, 11:31:36 pm
Why do goblins fight themselves? Their demon god kings leading the siege would crush any army.
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 28, 2012, 11:34:35 pm
If I dream in ASCII, do dwarfs dream in graphics?
Post by: crazysheep on July 28, 2012, 11:37:12 pm
Why do clowns get worshipped by human civs?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on July 28, 2012, 11:42:46 pm
Why do dwarves allow themselves to be adopted by cats?
Post by: pisskop on July 28, 2012, 11:47:22 pm
Why are there no centaurs?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 29, 2012, 12:02:15 am
What happens when a beard takes over a cat?
Post by: Joben on July 29, 2012, 12:28:44 am
Artifacts have been imbued with the power of dwarves who are about to go insane. Their near-insanity makes artifacts quite immune to many things.Realism. (I think)
Why is green glass the most basic glass type?
I believe so too. I think I remember hearing once that the reason a lot of old glass bottles were green is that it was easier to make.
Post by: Blizzlord on July 29, 2012, 04:17:15 am
What happens when a beard takes over a cat?The combined powers of the beards omnipotence and the cats mind control makes the now-eldritch abomination dominate the world.
What would happen if a dwarf witnessed Cthulhu, considering the warped state of the dwarven mind?
Post by: PainRack on July 29, 2012, 09:00:25 am
What would happen if a dwarf fell in love with an elf?
Post by: pisskop on July 29, 2012, 11:26:55 am
How come there is no plow?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 29, 2012, 11:33:00 am
Why does the game treat brooks as water with a solid candy (no, not that candy) coating over them that turns into rocks when channeled?
Post by: pisskop on July 29, 2012, 07:25:52 pm
What is the DF version of Ragnorok?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 29, 2012, 09:11:28 pm
How is it possible for one dwarf to haul any object, no matter how slowly?
Post by: crazysheep on July 29, 2012, 10:11:30 pm
How do aquifers work?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 29, 2012, 10:22:20 pm
Why can dwarfs see in caves?
Post by: crazysheep on July 29, 2012, 10:24:55 pm
Why does armour never wear out?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 29, 2012, 11:15:47 pm
Because beard sonar.Every night, a dwarf will check his armour for chinks or holes. If one is found, a single beard hair will slither into the hole and take on the properties of the surrounding metal. If you say "Why can't dwarfs weaponize this?!", well, they can. It's called the melt-down-coins-and-get-infinite-metal trick. It's the beards that are duplicating the metal created when large stacks of bolts or coins are melted.
Why does armour never wear out?
Do you think & was chosen for clowns because of its look? If yes, what evil features can you see on it?
Post by: WealthyRadish on July 29, 2012, 11:21:22 pm
How does a dwarf bite a boar's left rear molar in the midst of combat?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 29, 2012, 11:49:27 pm
Do you think & was chosen for clowns because of its look? If yes, what evil features can you see on it?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
How does a dwarf bite a boar's left rear molar in the midst of combat?With their teeth.
Will dwarves ever weaponize the air around them?
Post by: crazysheep on July 29, 2012, 11:52:43 pm
Will oceans ever be capable of boiling dwarves alive again?
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 29, 2012, 11:56:03 pm
Black hole - lack of air causes suffocation.Yes, as long as they put magma there (which is fairly likely).
Will oceans ever be capable of boiling dwarves alive again?
We have serrated blade traps. We have finicky bridges. So why don't we have collapsing floor traps?
^ This is a reference to the third Indiana Jones movie, because it's not too clear.
Post by: Corai on July 29, 2012, 11:57:39 pm
>>PULL THE LEVER
>>>A section of the cavern has collapsed!
Why haven't dwarves invented automatic crossbows?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 30, 2012, 12:44:35 am
Will dwarves ever improve the Ballista to make it not suck?
Post by: Wrex on July 30, 2012, 12:46:30 am
WHy are hooves seemingly carved from the beard of Armok?
Post by: crazysheep on July 30, 2012, 12:49:46 am
Why is Armok's beard hard?
Post by: Putnam on July 30, 2012, 01:09:48 am
Why can immobile creatures not mate?
Post by: TopHat on July 30, 2012, 03:28:49 am
It's made of adamantine.They spend all their time trying to emulate giant sponges.
Why can immobile creatures not mate?
Why do some (escaped) demons live in caves rather than take over civs?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 30, 2012, 03:47:04 am
How do spores travel though walls?
Post by: brainfreez on July 30, 2012, 06:22:28 am
why kobolds don't trade their gems for weapons ?
Post by: pisskop on July 30, 2012, 07:40:12 am
Why do dwarfs refuse to conquer the world?
Post by: brainfreez on July 30, 2012, 07:57:17 am
why are dwarves so afraid of wildlife ? (cancels make wall : interrupted by doe rabbit x200)
Post by: Frontestro on July 30, 2012, 09:02:52 am
Post by: Joben on July 30, 2012, 11:54:42 pm
Clothing, I might add, which might not even fit the species I am trading it to.
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 31, 2012, 12:01:48 am
Clearly, there is a large blood industry behind the scenes of DF, and the bloodstains on the clothing are top-grade for extracting and packaging to be sold. Honestly, it's a bargain.
So onto the next question.
Why do caravans bring barrels of blood and ichor and how on earth do you fill an entire barrel with mosquito ichor? Are there mosquito farms?!
Post by: acetech09 on July 31, 2012, 12:11:28 am
And the blood? They bring it to the dwarves because, frankly, god knows what goes on inside our fortresses, and it's a unwanted byproduct of butchering the meat that they also bought. Just like us selling worn clothing to the traders. God knows what they'll use it for, but we don't need it anymore.
Why do smaller crabs have nastier claws? (Actually a RL question. I caught a blue crab about 30 mins ago in a homemade crab pot, and it bit me when trying to take it out. Lobster claws hurt less than the absolutely excruciating pain of a tiny blue crab pincer.)
Post by: GoombaGeek on July 31, 2012, 12:21:08 am
If an unusually moody dwarf were to go about making an ultra-compact wristwatch, would it use creature logic, mechanical logic, or fluid logic?
Post by: Joben on July 31, 2012, 12:46:15 am
Sometimes they bring me things like Honey Bee Venom. I always wonder if htere's a way to weaponize it.
Post by: pisskop on July 31, 2012, 04:43:39 am
What does dwarf heaven look like?
Post by: Wrex on July 31, 2012, 04:52:19 am
Why are my hunters both stupid enough to attack an elephant, and good enough shots to succeed?
Post by: crazysheep on July 31, 2012, 06:00:16 am
What do dwarves do with all the blood brought by caravans?
Post by: pisskop on July 31, 2012, 06:21:30 am
Why don't worldgen dorfs settle good or evil mountains?
Post by: Loud Whispers on July 31, 2012, 06:31:54 am
Everyone worships ArmokWell about that... Dwarves never worship Armok. We do. But enough of the philosophy, you asked a question and I shall answer it.
Dwarves are neutral. The good despises them and the Dwarves despise evil. There's no sense in settling on a mountain that tries to kill you more than a normal one would.
There is my answer and now I will posit a question of my own construction.
Moods and martial trances. How do they work?
Post by: Komra on July 31, 2012, 07:37:16 am
Martial trances, on the other hand, occur due to the latent bloodlust of all dwarvenkind. When a recruit is conscripted, the hive forces new glands of performance-enhancing natural drugs (such as adrenaline and odd, fast-acting steroids) to quickly form which can be activated subconsciously in times of distress.
Why does a falling object of any material and size always have great potential for damage?
Post by: Blizzlord on July 31, 2012, 08:03:03 am
Why is dwarven thermodynamics more dwarfy than it needs to be?
Yes, something can be too dwarfy.
Post by: StreetPizza on August 01, 2012, 03:00:45 am
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Urist McCantstopboning bring their three children to my fortress instead of migrants that could actually be useful?
Post by: Komra on August 01, 2012, 09:25:03 am
How did wagons evolve to their present state?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 01, 2012, 09:40:45 am
Why are dwarfs only restricted to bringing 1,274 points worth of crap with them on embark?
Post by: pisskop on August 01, 2012, 12:17:59 pm
Because of the economic collaspe of the dwarf pre-history(old versions) Every dwarf gets 182 dwarfbucks at their time of birth. They also become feudal peasants. It costs exactly 182 dwarfbucks to buy freedom. Those who save it get to go on a pillgrimage to a new
Why do goblins not make necro-towers? Or demons?
Post by: crazysheep on August 02, 2012, 02:29:36 am
Why can't dwarves drink gnomeblight?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 02, 2012, 03:09:22 am
How did Bay 12 manage to get this twisted, mental and insane without the use of bigotry?
Post by: StreetPizza on August 02, 2012, 08:56:23 am
Why won't trade caravans bring their wagons through my trap-filled corridor, even though it's wide enough?
Post by: Graknorke on August 02, 2012, 09:05:55 am
What would happen to the dwarf kingdoms when their mines run dry of ore and there is no space to harvest stone?
Post by: crazysheep on August 02, 2012, 08:52:37 pm
Why can't you construct magma wood furnaces? (fun fact: all of the furnaces except wood furnaces have a magma-powered counterpart)
Post by: pisskop on August 02, 2012, 08:58:49 pm
Where is the explosive gunpowder or dynamite?
Post by: misko27 on August 02, 2012, 09:24:53 pm
Why does no other civilization encounter FBs, depite being supposedly capable of entering the caverns and often taking stuff from there (according to legends)?
Post by: Komra on August 03, 2012, 01:22:36 pm
What do the elder dwarves do if their children stick their tongues to a nether-cap?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 03, 2012, 01:45:09 pm
The other civs remember the FB's. They are only forgotten to the dwarves, and they are ambush predators, so only the dwarves are attacked.Burn the nether-cap. If it doesn't burn then they go grab a surgeon.
What do the elder dwarves do if their children stick their tongues to a nether-cap?
How do constructed ice walls stand up to pressurized (screw pumps) magma?
"Man, Urist, your pump designs are all over the floor! What happened?"
"I got bored. Screw pumps."
AWWWWWW YEAH
Post by: pisskop on August 03, 2012, 02:48:59 pm
Why are necromancers the only authors?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 03, 2012, 02:58:26 pm
Most people who can read attempt to become necromancers, to show all those jerks back home who's boss.
Only those who read can write.
How do you make more of the element men?
Post by: pisskop on August 03, 2012, 03:20:53 pm
Or, or, ooor, Give them ding-dongs and hoo-hoos ([CASTE:MALE][MALE] and [CASTE:FEMALE] and [FEMALE]) and a litter size. Then slap a [MAXAGE] and [BABY:] [CHILD:] tag in their raws.
Or, chop a bunch up and plant them under an oak tree. Cabbage Patch kids come out
Given the state of dwarven childcare, why is there no infant armour?
Post by: Mura on August 03, 2012, 05:38:47 pm
Why is it that cave dragons have wings, but regular ones don't?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 03, 2012, 05:48:27 pm
Ah, but there is. Clearly, you haven't had enough macabre moods.There aren't any Elite Marksdwarves underground... yet. Aboveground dragons who fly tend to get perforated by steel bolts the moment they achieve liftoff.
Why is it that cave dragons have wings, but regular ones don't?
Why are cave dragons a different species? They're "adapted from dragons", yet they can exist immediately after worldgen. And they can't breed with normal dragons (please don't go in-depth with this one :P ). Why?!
Post by: Monk321654 on August 03, 2012, 06:49:46 pm
It's just that everything evolves before World Gen even starts.
Post by: pisskop on August 03, 2012, 07:11:23 pm
Post by: Mura on August 03, 2012, 07:16:08 pm
Post by: Hurize on August 03, 2012, 07:17:31 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 03, 2012, 07:31:20 pm
We're trapped in a holding pattern of question, answer, witty comment, question, comment.
So can the next poster make sure to include a question?
Okay, I'm up next: what do kobolds do with the artifact grates and other assorted knick-knacks they steal from fortresses worldwide, and what sinister purpose are they working towards?
Post by: crazysheep on August 03, 2012, 07:37:28 pm
If there are dragons in DF, why aren't there phoenixes?
Post by: pisskop on August 04, 2012, 12:30:09 am
Why doesn't intraspecies conflict between races occur?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 04, 2012, 12:10:27 pm
Why do forgotten beasts survive worldgen and then get killed by one ant woman with a spear?
Post by: SharpKris on August 04, 2012, 12:41:32 pm
Post by: Blizzlord on August 04, 2012, 01:14:25 pm
have yet to build a trade depot and as result the traders decided to stay at the maps edgh, get struck by melancholy (including the camel) and drop all their items. i really dont mind but should i be worried about not recivieng further trade from said mountain home?This is not the thread to ask. It is reserved to discussion regarding oddities in the game, not actual gameplay questions.
But if you must know, the mountain home will not stop sending caravans to you, since there can be no wars between civilizations ofthe same race.
Why do forgotten beasts survive worldgen and then get killed by one ant woman with a spear?Because the RNG throws weighted dice.
Why are there no dedicated dwarven bards or musicians?
Post by: Mura on August 04, 2012, 01:52:36 pm
Why don't dwarves manufacture whips?
Post by: pisskop on August 04, 2012, 01:59:07 pm
Why can't liquid breath attacks target creatures?
------------
grrr I will concede. Whips are torture devices, and dwarfs condone no such thing.
Post by: pisskop on August 05, 2012, 12:20:33 pm
thought it too much like magic otherwise.
I have a caccodemon. a slow red giant angry ball of flying teeth and chitin. I want a good alternative for the verb bite that may or may be a single word or imply CAN_LATCH. So a phrase that implies sticking in your mouth with the purpose of damaging it that may not lead to 'caccodemon1 latches on firmly!'
a caccodemn is my avatar, btw.
Post by: Joben on August 05, 2012, 05:54:13 pm
snaps, nips, gnaws?
Post by: Komra on August 05, 2012, 08:51:46 pm
Why don't dwarven civilians generally have a penchant for headwear beyond hoods?
Post by: Callista on August 05, 2012, 09:13:12 pm
How do kobolds easily sneak past fifty traps set by master mechanics, only to be discovered by a half-trained flea-bitten mutt?
Post by: Corai on August 05, 2012, 09:14:38 pm
Why can't my
Post by: lkjggfs on August 05, 2012, 09:15:57 pm
Post by: Callista on August 05, 2012, 09:17:57 pm
Can someone explain how to make it so only certian bolts are used? I was in a siege and markdwarves had no bolts, the hunters had wasted them. So, can someone explain how to make it so only hunter use certian bolts while markdwarves use others?You'll want to put this one in the questions thread. But, short answer: Use the sub-menus in the military screen to assign various numbers of bolts to various groups of dwarves.
Post by: crazysheep on August 05, 2012, 09:18:54 pm
Why does handwear seem to come in 2 sizes (gloves, mittens) but footwear only seems to come in one size (socks)?
Post by: pisskop on August 05, 2012, 09:41:04 pm
When something bites through armour and its wearer dies, how come the next scavenger to come along can wear it like its new? an animal just tried to eat it!
Post by: Nyxalinth on August 05, 2012, 11:45:33 pm
foot wraps take too long to put on. besides, how do you make a footwrap? 'ohh look urist! you know those bloody pus-filled pants that got too worn to use? Now you can rub it on your feet; and you dont even have to wash first!'
When something bites through armour and its wearer dies, how come the next scavenger to come along can wear it like its new? an animal just tried to eat it!
Because armor is self-repairing.
How does a dwarf in a strange mood build an entire cabinet out of a donkey bone?
Post by: acetech09 on August 06, 2012, 01:10:26 am
Why do starving dwarves cancel a harvest plant job to go hunt vermin?
Post by: crazysheep on August 06, 2012, 01:12:37 am
Why do dwarves collect XXpig tail fiber socksXX?
Post by: acetech09 on August 06, 2012, 01:42:23 am
Why do my dwarves love ass so much? I've been getting at least three with every migrant wave.
Post by: Graknorke on August 06, 2012, 10:23:42 am
Why don't children tell anyone when they're being kidnapped from the middle of the statue garden?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 06, 2012, 10:56:15 am
"Look, kids, syrup biscuits! I'm Goblin Claus!"
"I thought Goblin Claus brought metal stuff, not bags of syrup! And last year he got cut in half by a serrated blade trap and we had fun picking up the pieces!"
"That's because this year is super special!"
"OMG RLY IM GETTIN IN DAT SACK"
Why do goblins not know how to bash down locked doors?
Post by: pisskop on August 06, 2012, 10:58:23 am
Why does no goblin replace the goblin mount trainer when he dies?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 06, 2012, 11:01:39 am
"Ah, do you want to go near the gigantic predatory amphibian?"
"Never mind, let's leave it there! I'm sure someone else will claim it eventually!"
Will dwarves ever invent the bicycle, then weaponize it? "DING DING HERE COMES THE COVERED-IN-SERRATED-ADAMANTINE-BLADES FIXED-GEAR EXPRESS"
Post by: Neyvn on August 06, 2012, 11:11:07 am
"Sir, that giant toad is just sitting there! We need to put a saddle on it or else it's just wasted space!"Wait? Haven't they done that already???
"Ah, do you want to go near the gigantic predatory amphibian?"
"Never mind, let's leave it there! I'm sure someone else will claim it eventually!"
Will dwarves ever invent the bicycle, then weaponize it? "DING DING HERE COMES THE COVERED-IN-SERRATED-ADAMANTINE-BLADES FIXED-GEAR EXPRESS"
Why is it that the Dwarves do not keep my attention but generating worlds does???
Post by: pisskop on August 06, 2012, 11:25:10 am
I see drunk midgets every day outside my own home.
Why are the humes and dorfs so dutch-rubby?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 07, 2012, 11:55:04 am
What do the dwarven ghosts do to be able to stick around and haunt people (and their socks)?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 12:04:40 pm
"Welcome, um... Urist McPotashmaker! Just step through the Adamantine Gates to enter Dwarven Heaven, land of unlimited plump helmets!"
"Plump helmets? Fuck this! Those things taste like shit! I'm leaving!"
*jumps off cloud*
Urist McPotashmaker has risen and is haunting the fortress!
"Onoez! Make a memorial to him!"
1 memorial slab later
"NO DON'T SEND ME BACK DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY EAT UP THEREEEEEE~"
Okay, so how can dwarves eat raw meat immediately after it gets cut off the kitten?
Post by: pisskop on August 07, 2012, 12:08:17 pm
How can dwarfs be sooo... thoughtless and end up dying from commonsense things?
Post by: Urist_McDrowner on August 07, 2012, 02:20:53 pm
Post by: Monk321654 on August 07, 2012, 02:57:10 pm
How can dwarfs be sooo... thoughtless and end up dying from commonsense things?
Dwarven minds prioritize things differently.
"Oh, a zombie bear? Well, we should keep those socks outside safe."
How does a bronze colossus use a staircase made for dorfs?
Quantum Space compression. Everything looks about the same size, but have very different masses.
A Bronze Colossus looks like a regular old human in height, maybe a bit taller, but they have the mass of one fourth the statue of liberty.
Why are there only Bronze Colossi? Why not Iron Giants?
Post by: Mura on August 07, 2012, 03:16:53 pm
How do minecart physics work?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 07, 2012, 03:21:50 pm
Why is everyone so obsessed with socks?
Post by: Urist_McDrowner on August 07, 2012, 03:53:36 pm
How can horses support a caged Elephant and a cave dragon?
Post by: Graknorke on August 07, 2012, 04:01:26 pm
If the entire world is one big plate over magma, held down by adamantine tethers, where did the mountains come from?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 07, 2012, 04:04:36 pm
(I just chimed in to say that Magnus Höersamuelsson would be the best thing ever.)
Why are there no Dwarven babysitters or wet nurses?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 07, 2012, 04:07:30 pm
Sometimes it results in volcanoes.
How does dragon fire work?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 07, 2012, 04:11:32 pm
Why are there no Dwarven babysitters or wet nurses?Because a dwarven baby is quite capable of killing forgoten beasts with single punches, unlike their human equivalent.
How does dragon fire work?
A gland in the dragons belly produces a fluid which boils when it leaves the pressure of the dragons body. The gas then proceeds to ignite when it makes contact with oxygen, producing a flame about as hot as 2500°K.Why are the dwarven representations always smile, when what they represent might be very unhappy, depressed and not smiling?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 07, 2012, 04:20:45 pm
Why aren't dwarves represented by the letter d?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 07, 2012, 04:21:59 pm
Armok reserved the smiley face for the Dwarves, because they are his chosen creation.Graphical LimitationsDwarves are always stuck in a smile due to excess alcohol numbing out their senses.
Why aren't dwarves represented by the letter d?
Is Adamantine magnetic?
Post by: acetech09 on August 07, 2012, 04:24:20 pm
Post by: Blizzlord on August 07, 2012, 04:25:32 pm
Why did Toady move purring maggots down to the second cavern layer?
Post by: Maxmurder on August 07, 2012, 04:28:03 pm
how can solid stone only drop boulders 1/4 of the time but a singe tile of sand provide infinite amounts of sand indefinitely?
Post by: acetech09 on August 07, 2012, 04:31:47 pm
I just realized that I accidentally cut off the second half of my post. It read:
"Try finding out yourself.
Just take some magnetite, dump it a tile away from adamantine, and see if they stick together.
Why do dwarves LOVE waterfalls so much?
Post by: Maxmurder on August 07, 2012, 06:40:09 pm
Why are dwarves so inclined to dive off waterfalls to their deaths?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 07:19:07 pm
"It's mist!"
"Wow, mist!"
"I love mist!"
"Let's go to the mist!"
"We must get closer to the mist!"
"Wade through the river and bask in the mist!"
"Glory to the mist!"
*SPLOOSH*
Do colourblind dwarves know the difference between mist and miasma?
Post by: pisskop on August 07, 2012, 07:40:58 pm
Why did toady include smell tokens?
Post by: pisskop on August 07, 2012, 07:42:25 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 08:07:56 pm
If cave moss can grow in any shady overhang anywhere immediately after being uncovered, and dwarven civilizations have almost certainly breached the caverns in order to mine iron and whatnot, how come it doesn't grow until you specifically breach the caverns? Even if you embark just one tile over from an abandoned fort that had done so?
Post by: crazysheep on August 07, 2012, 08:39:44 pm
What happens if you embark underneath a necromancer tower?
Post by: acetech09 on August 07, 2012, 10:01:09 pm
Post by: Komra on August 07, 2012, 10:40:14 pm
Post by: Mr Frog on August 07, 2012, 10:49:37 pm
Why did pouring magma on a glacier leave behind more ice than there was when I started?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 11:00:05 pm
How do fish get into the murky pools?
Post by: Mr Frog on August 07, 2012, 11:22:55 pm
Why did my pump stack successfully draw magma up to the surface for a short time despite not actually being hooked up to enough windmills to power it?
Post by: Corai on August 07, 2012, 11:30:38 pm
Why can't I ever get !!FUN!!?
Post by: Megaman3321 on August 07, 2012, 11:31:18 pm
Why can't tame GCS shot web?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 11:46:09 pm
How can ants make floating colonies over rivers, and make colonies out of ice?
Post by: Megaman3321 on August 07, 2012, 11:52:34 pm
How can a support be attached to the sky?
Post by: Sus on August 08, 2012, 03:34:53 am
How can a support be attached to the sky?Why, skyhooks of course. And those are held up by... oh look, a convenient distraction!
How can the mountainhomes, given they're located on uninhabitable mountains, survive worldgen?
Post by: pisskop on August 08, 2012, 05:40:01 am
Why do the standard endturns of worldgen (125, 250, etc) stop genning at 124, 249, etc years? There is no year '0' and the game starts the first of spring that last year.
Post by: Komra on August 08, 2012, 08:48:09 am
Why can there only be one fortress in existence at one time?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 08, 2012, 09:12:59 am
How do dwarves grab someone's tooth from behind?
Post by: The Merchant Of Menace on August 08, 2012, 11:57:16 am
How do dwarves keep a barrel inside a wheelbarrow which is inside a barrel?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 08, 2012, 12:03:12 pm
Well, they simply pump the air out of the barrel to be placed inside with +gabbro mechanisms+ and a very small -fungiwood pipe section-, then place the barrel within and pull out the pipe. Within seconds, it inflates inside the wheelbarrow as large as it can get, leaving room to place another wheelbarrow within. How do they minaturize the wheelbarrows? They soak them with plump helmet dribble from their beards, causing them to shrivel up and dehydrate (even if they are metal!). They absorb the moisture from the atmosphere and are back to normal in about a day.
How do dwarves, who can be scared off by a goddamn bunny rabbit ten meters away, work up the nerve to grab a hive full of angry bees and put it in a little box?!
Post by: pisskop on August 08, 2012, 01:02:56 pm
Why did my axedwarf refuse to grab his axe when he was drafted? He said, no axe, anaconda is there, but the anaconda was the creature I sent it to kill!
Post by: Blizzlord on August 08, 2012, 01:06:24 pm
How come blood clones itself when you dump it in the cistern?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 08, 2012, 04:19:59 pm
This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).I must sig this.
Post by: Komra on August 08, 2012, 08:46:08 pm
Why does the world have a temperature and border control on/off switch set?
Post by: Iosyn on August 08, 2012, 09:05:58 pm
Why doesn't Urist McEmo go lie down on the minecart rails?
Post by: Joben on August 08, 2012, 09:35:18 pm
Why is my Legendary Macedwarf using a copper spear when given her choice of melee weapon?
Post by: Corai on August 08, 2012, 09:39:20 pm
Why are humans so violent compared to dwarves?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 08, 2012, 10:09:10 pm
If instruments can't be used by anyone at all, why are they bought so freely?
Post by: pisskop on August 09, 2012, 12:35:09 am
Why are the no boogeymen in fortress, even in one dwarf challanges?
Post by: Wrex on August 09, 2012, 12:37:38 am
Why are kobolds so reiduclously effective at disembowling random dwarves?
Post by: Corai on August 09, 2012, 12:38:58 am
Why do humans prefer hunting over helping you fight bandits?
Post by: Xantalos on August 09, 2012, 01:03:21 am
Because if the elves don't turn on border control they get wiped out in worldgen from dwarven invasion-- and armok creates glaciers by turning off the sun.Armok is Terry Crews? DOUBLE SUN POWEEEEEER!
Why doesn't Urist McEmo go lie down on the minecart rails?
Post by: Sus on August 09, 2012, 01:49:14 am
Why do miners enjoy trapping themselves in a pit?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 09, 2012, 03:29:58 am
Why haven't dwarves invented magnets?
Post by: Sus on August 09, 2012, 03:37:33 am
How do forgotten beasts and titans made of steam or fire even make it through worldgen, given a baby can punch them to smithereens?
Post by: MrWiggles on August 09, 2012, 04:24:11 am
Why do traders keep going deeper and deeper into the mountain for the trading center?
Post by: Wurgel on August 09, 2012, 08:27:11 am
Post by: Putnam on August 09, 2012, 12:07:57 pm
Post by: Blizzlord on August 09, 2012, 12:16:52 pm
Why is it impossible to have cauldrons of hot tar/oil on top of the battlements? Resorting to magma can take a really long time to set up.
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on August 09, 2012, 12:22:02 pm
Why do flying creatures get stuck on rooftops when there's an overseer ordering them around?
I remember reading somewhere that if there is a walkable pathway to the rooftop and the creature is below it, that the flier will go up onto the rooftop without taking the long way around, and if there is no pathway, they cannot path off the roof, due to the way path finding is handled.
I'll give a display to show you what I mean, 1 represents pathable area, 2 represents unpathable, I is the pathway of the creature, and C represents the creature:
Can cross
Code: [Select]
11111111
11 1C1
11 I
11111111Cannot cross
Code: [Select]
222 1111
22 1C1
22
22222222
Post by: Putnam on August 09, 2012, 12:23:36 pm
Post by: Komra on August 13, 2012, 10:49:34 pm
Why is it impossible to have cauldrons of hot tar/oil on top of the battlements? Resorting to magma can take a really long time to set up.Dwarves would never dabble with systems involving such little deadly fluid. Aqueducts and pumps are the only way to go. As for not using boiling oil at all... rock nut oil is not the best option for deadly traps, and the only tar around is from elven lungs.
Why do I constantly have to reboot this thread after someone forgets to ask a question/that a question was asked due to replies?
Post by: acetech09 on August 14, 2012, 12:42:24 am
Why do creatures dropped in volcanos not feel the effects of the magma till they hit the bottom?
Post by: Sus on August 14, 2012, 03:39:06 am
Why do creatures dropped in volcanos not feel the effects of the magma till they hit the bottom?They're falling so fast as to cause supercavitation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercavitation), pushing the magma out of the way.
How can Urist McSoldier be "depressed by long patrol duty" and "upset about being relieved from duty" at the same time?
Post by: Corai on August 14, 2012, 03:41:38 am
Why can't dwarves throw stuff OUTSIDE of tantrums?
Post by: Graknorke on August 14, 2012, 04:11:52 am
Why do we have zombies and ghosts but no zombie goasts?
Post by: Sus on August 14, 2012, 04:15:54 am
"Because they need to kill and projectiles TOO SLOW." said Urist EshimudosZombies are not intelligent and therefore not eligible to become "goasts" (sic.). [edit]Also, goasts leave no corpse to raise when put to rest.[/edit] But you can have zombie goats if that's of any comfort.
Why do we have zombies and ghosts but no zombie goasts?
Why is Urist McTantrumpants upset about "accidentally" killing his friend, when he in fact took joy in his slaughter?
Post by: Graknorke on August 14, 2012, 04:42:32 am
"Because they need to kill and projectiles TOO SLOW." said Urist EshimudosZombies are not intelligent and therefore not eligible to become "goasts" (sic.). [edit]Also, goasts leave no corpse to raise when put to rest.[/edit] But you can have zombie goats if that's of any comfort.
Why do we have zombies and ghosts but no zombie goasts?
Why is Urist McTantrumpants upset about "accidentally" killing his friend, when he in fact took joy in his slaughter?
Not sure if you knew so here is what the refrance. (http://youtu.be/OHxyZaZlaOs) And here is the refrance (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/?cid=038.jpg) to here is the refrance.
I'm not actually that bad at spelling.
Post by: Blizzlord on August 14, 2012, 04:48:23 am
They're falling so fast as to cause supercavitation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercavitation), pushing the magma out of the way.So you are telling me that the dwarf travels so fast that it generates impossibly low pressure behind him, vaporizing the magma. How is that supposed to be possible even after suspending our disbelief?!
Post by: Sus on August 14, 2012, 05:39:34 am
No question? Asking one myself then.Because Dorf Physics (http://). Elephant dwarf marmot cat refuse and all that.They're falling so fast as to cause supercavitation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supercavitation), pushing the magma out of the way.So you are telling me that the dwarf travels so fast that it generates impossibly low pressure behind him, vaporizing the magma. How is that supposed to be possible even after suspending our disbelief?!
Post by: pisskop on August 14, 2012, 12:09:13 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 14, 2012, 12:28:43 pm
Why is there no uranium?LOGICAL: Dwarves don't have the technology to extract it.
MAKES SENSE: A world where dwarves can extract uranium will last about a week before vanishing into a puff of radioactive smoke.
How come sweet pods can't be eaten raw?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 14, 2012, 12:47:28 pm
Sweet pods are like fungal beets. Have you ever tried to eat a raw beet? Add in some fungusy taste and various mechanisms to protect the pods from dralthas and crundles, and you have a sweet pod.
Why does everyone assume dwarves are all brain-dead morons, when they're just normal people who sometimes make famously bad mistakes? By that logic, all humans are brain-dead morons.
Post by: Monk321654 on August 14, 2012, 12:58:55 pm
(In my own personal opinion, I think dwarves are geniuses, they just lack common sense.)
What happens if you stitch together a dwarf, goblin, elf, human, kobold, and troll all in one freakish monstrosity?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 14, 2012, 01:12:00 pm
What happens when I run out of questions?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 14, 2012, 02:09:23 pm
If Armok wanted to create his own race, why didn't he put them on par physically with the denizens below?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 14, 2012, 02:16:14 pm
You make up new ones, like the one you asked right now!He's the god of BLOOD, not the god of conquest. And cavern-dwellers or demons don't bleed properly or in the right colour. One may argue that the serrated blade trap was his doing.
If Armok wanted to create his own race, why didn't he put them on par physically with the denizens below?
If miasma is a standard gas, could you power a rocket with ultra-densely compacted corpses?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 14, 2012, 02:18:15 pm
What happens if the humans invent some sort of explosive, be it gunpowder, TNT, or dynamite based?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 14, 2012, 02:23:09 pm
How are humans capable of doing anything when they are so beardless?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 14, 2012, 02:28:25 pm
You see, humans can go into a fey mood at the drop of a Cap, and are capable of producing tools out of things like stone and wood. But these aren't conventional tools like Picks, or Axes, or Wheelbarrows. They're these tiny little items. Some of them, they call chisels. They use them to carve rocks in place of a beard. Then they have these things called knives. The use these to cut things in place of a beard. There are dozens more, but the humans always hide them on their person, so you can't loot them.
Mysterious indeed.
What about those elves? What do they do?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 14, 2012, 02:34:56 pm
If Armok wanted to create his own race, why didn't he put them on par physically with the denizens below?He did. Even dwarven BABIES have killed forgotten beasts.
What about those elves? What do they do?I think they cultivate trees in the shape of tools.
Why...um...who...I got nothing. Ah, I know! Who would win in a fight between Cacame Apebalded and Tholtig Cryptbrain?
Post by: Graknorke on August 14, 2012, 02:54:15 pm
What do you do with a drunken dwarf early in the morning?
Post by: pisskop on August 14, 2012, 10:12:17 pm
Where are the airships?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 15, 2012, 09:06:11 am
If an elf at dwarven flesh, would the elf get drunk? After all, dwarves drink far more alcohol than water....
Post by: Graknorke on August 15, 2012, 09:21:10 am
What. But. You answered when, not where. And even then, Dwarf Fortress rarely reaches years that high, and I doubt airships would suddenly appear when it did.Where are the airships?In the 1800s or so, IIRC. Unless you mean plain ol' hot air baloons, in which case: In the 1500s or so, IIRC.
If an elf ate dwarven flesh, would the elf get drunk? After all, dwarves drink far more alcohol than water....A drunk elf is something nobody wants to see. They really do like trees a lot more than we think. Being drunk could cause some unfortunate accidents involving a sharp rock and some woodpeckers.
Why are creatures limited to eating only cultivated plants or cultivated meat?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 15, 2012, 09:27:59 am
DF doesn't take tech from above ~1400s. That was my point.What. But. You answered when, not where. And even then, Dwarf Fortress rarely reaches years that high, and I doubt airships would suddenly appear when it did.Where are the airships?In the 1800s or so, IIRC. Unless you mean plain ol' hot air baloons, in which case: In the 1500s or so, IIRC.
Post by: Ziga on August 18, 2012, 09:34:03 pm
What catastrophic changes in elf society changed their tile from E to e?Goblin snatchers stole their Shift-key.
could i sig this?
oh and
Why are creatures limited to eating only cultivated plants or cultivated meat?
they have fine taste
why arn't there more DF references in other games? (wait i already know the answer to that...)
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 18, 2012, 09:44:06 pm
Why do people think that because DF is awesome, it must be universally recognized as such?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 18, 2012, 09:55:50 pm
How come lots of creatures (GCS, dragons, etc.) don't ever reproduce?
Post by: pisskop on August 18, 2012, 10:35:17 pm
Why doesn't the king tell the fortress overseer what to do with complete authority?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 18, 2012, 10:38:05 pm
They eat their young, because in the 1050 years it takes for dwarves to make it undrground they grow famished...Kings that do that tend to accidentally drown in magma for no reason. Those next in the royal succession take note.
Why doesn't the king tell the fortress overseer what to do with complete authority?
Should royal dwarves be more likely to have the (fabricated) mannerism "gently rotates hand when speaking to crowds"?
Post by: Dalkar on August 19, 2012, 01:13:34 am
Why does breaking a bone cause enough pain for a dwarf to fall unconscious, but there is no pain from having a limb severed?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 07:50:53 am
Why are dwarven nobles so dumb that they don't even exert all of the power that, say, the King of All Dwarvenkind should exert?
Post by: Graknorke on August 19, 2012, 09:32:46 am
Dwarf Fortress takes from whatever time period it wants. If things before the 1400s fit the theme then sure but it would seem a little silly to be deliberately limited to things before that time.Great quote pyramid of repliesDF doesn't take tech from above ~1400s. That was my point.
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 09:38:21 am
Post by: pisskop on August 19, 2012, 03:51:12 pm
Why are dwarven nobles so dumb that they don't even exert all of the power that, say, the King of All Dwarvenkind should exert?
And consort with a common outpost overseer?
I have a.mountain hall listed as a neighbor n the embark screen. How do I uncover its name?
Post by: oven_baked on August 19, 2012, 04:27:00 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 19, 2012, 04:41:20 pm
Why can I make a fort worth 300,000☼ and offer 4,999☼ yet not become the mountain home until I offer a single ☼ more?The king's private bookkeeper notices via psychic link (he has been working non-stop for a decade and has god-like mental powers) and then notifies the king's escort that they shouldn't go yet.
How come nobody uses ballistae for dwarf-execution chambers? They friendly-fire...
Post by: Komra on August 19, 2012, 04:49:09 pm
What happens if a dwarf gains legendary skill in woodcrafting, swimming, and other such undwarfy tasks?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 19, 2012, 04:54:07 pm
Ballista arrows are expensive and require a trained operator. Besides, death by magma is much more honorable a death for the People of the Stone.Litast ran through the corridors. The mob hadn't listened. Wasn't woodcrafting a way to get rid of the blighted plants, twisting their gross stalks in the horrid sunlight? Wasn't he a dwarven hero for becoming a legendary woodcrafter? Why did nobody understand? He had a terrible headache, but he couldn't stop.
What happens if a dwarf gains legendary skill in woodcrafting, swimming, and other such undwarfy tasks?
He turned a corner. The way was blocked by the wooden hives he had created to provide honey for the fortress. Sunlight filtered in from above, making him wince. Behind him were scores of rapid footsteps, getting louder and louder.
Litast hopped up on the hives. The sun made him queasy, but he had no choice. His headache intensified, and his ears felt like they were going to fall out of his head. The fortress residents turned the corner, battle-axes in hand, but saw nothing besides a fresh footstep in the dust and a screaming elf wearing clothes much to small for him, running as fast as he could.
Why are all dwarven names unisex?
Post by: Sus on August 19, 2012, 07:19:17 pm
Why are all dwarven names unisex?Like, dwarven equality, man!
Also, Litrast doesn't really care what gender the other Litast is, as long as (s)he does his/her job. Unless theyt're married that is.
Why would anyone make an artifact that's a candy hammer or a wood cup? >:(
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 07:21:21 pm
Why have dwarves evolved to do this? It's counterproductive!
Post by: +!!scientist!!+ on August 19, 2012, 07:35:52 pm
Dwarves lose control when they go into moods. Trust me, they smack themselves in the forehead at least as hard as you do when they come to their senses again.
Why have dwarves evolved to do this? It's counterproductive!
They've evolved to do this because back when every artifact was a weapon made out of the finest metal a beserk dwarf only had to go ten urists to find a device capable of bringing an end to everything. Also forts were covered in kobolds trying to get at the weapon. In the end, it just wasn't worth it, hence the featherwood hammer.
Why do kobolds steal the first thing they see, such as a xxsockxx, when the perfect cut black diamond or other treasure is nearby?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 19, 2012, 07:36:52 pm
Why aren't all dwarves named after weapons, like Urist was?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 07:59:52 pm
Who wants to ask a question without having to answer one?
Post by: +!!scientist!!+ on August 19, 2012, 08:04:30 pm
How come snow demons can survive in magma indefinatly, and die the moment a baby's hand touches them?
Post by: Joben on August 19, 2012, 08:05:29 pm
How come dwarves can make mechanical devices (mechanisms) out of stone but not wood or metal?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 08:08:37 pm
Why do dwarves shun elves? Their ethics are similar, except for the whole "eating people" thing; elves and dwarves should see each other as the best friends they have!
Post by: zombie urist on August 19, 2012, 08:11:35 pm
Why are the children of all animals the same dark red color?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 19, 2012, 08:13:36 pm
Why is it so hard to stop looking at the new posts and replying to these kinds of questions?
Post by: Joben on August 19, 2012, 08:49:11 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 19, 2012, 08:51:11 pm
*facepalm* I totally missed that you can make metal mechanisms. Your first objection to wooden ones applies 10x more to stone though. Lets see you make a practical stone latch. Meenwhile I'll be over here making one in a few minutes with a pocket knife and a few sticks. Also wood works fine for gears. Hell that's what most water wheels and windmills were made with IRL :PMaybe for U.
[/abysmalpun]
Dwarves are much better at working stone than wood. They have beards.
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on August 20, 2012, 11:38:13 am
Post by: Graknorke on August 20, 2012, 12:21:33 pm
Why do trees always fall exactly where they stood?
Post by: TSTwizby on August 20, 2012, 12:29:01 pm
In reference to the above, why can't anything seem to realize that it's possible to move around trees?
Post by: pisskop on August 20, 2012, 12:42:30 pm
Why doesn't 'history' proper continue as you are playing a fort? 10 years and nothing happened that wasn't connected to your fort?
Post by: Komra on August 20, 2012, 12:48:12 pm
Mass Effect players, hear me- Dwarves + Eezo. What happens?
Post by: Joben on August 20, 2012, 10:12:30 pm
How does contructing a floor on the same square as a up/down stairway block the UP part of the stairs?
Post by: Mutagen on August 20, 2012, 10:26:29 pm
Post by: misko27 on August 20, 2012, 10:33:31 pm
When Armok formed matter he decided to give it some metaphysical oddities just to spice things up a bit. Why is it that migrants just linger on the edge of the map if there is no meeting hall?
Because they don't have a designated loitering zone, so they get confused. Plus, they like delaying going into the fort and dying.
Why are unarmed dwaves more dangerous then untrained dorfs with crossbows?(mine just charged at a goblin squad instead of using their weapons, and get slaughtered. Then Unarmed dwaves do the same thing, and at least kill a few.)
Post by: Mutagen on August 20, 2012, 11:08:37 pm
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 20, 2012, 11:11:50 pm
For want of a bolt, your squadron was lost. Why are cave ins invariably fatal?A drawbridge is a flat pane of material smashing small-ish objects into oblivion. A cave-in is a gigantic boulder smashing everything into oblivion. You be the judge.
If dwarves use their beards, do elves use their ears?
Post by: Frogwarrior on August 20, 2012, 11:23:42 pm
If dwarves use their beards, do elves use their ears?No; the ears use the elves.
Why are Forgotten Beasts composed entirely out of ice or snow completely immune to magma?
Post by: Sus on August 21, 2012, 01:24:15 am
Because they have maical ice/snow powers (see: Nether-cap). Also, because ‼Fun‼. :PIf dwarves use their beards, do elves use their ears?No; the ears use the elves.
Why are Forgotten Beasts composed entirely out of ice or snow completely immune to magma?
How come nobody ever suspects foul play when a Noble meets an Unfortunate Accident, even if it involves an elaborate mechanism obviously built for the sole puropse of bathing said Noble's room in magma?
Post by: pisskop on August 21, 2012, 07:25:47 am
Why hasn't democracy or even a republic been founded in DFland?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 21, 2012, 07:43:33 am
Why does this thread progress through outright questions?
Post by: pisskop on August 21, 2012, 09:45:51 am
Why can't a dorf go into shock after tramatic experience?
Post by: Mutagen on August 21, 2012, 10:03:25 am
Post by: tahujdt on August 21, 2012, 01:21:29 pm
For the same reason that for Dwarves, a really good meal can offset the death of a loved one. They're sociopaths. Why does one of the children in my fort have a broken rib and a bruised heart from fighting with a duck?Have you ever been bitten by a duck? They can get really angry!
Why can the [NO_STUN] tag cause endless sleep?
Post by: therealmarauder on August 21, 2012, 02:19:07 pm
Why http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=114394.0 ?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 21, 2012, 02:21:50 pm
What if the elves brought along trees like they did a long time ago?
Post by: Komra on August 21, 2012, 03:57:02 pm
So, where's the Dwarfakiin?
Post by: Monk321654 on August 21, 2012, 04:06:31 pm
What happens when Urist McJohnson decides to start doing SCIENCE?!
Post by: TSTwizby on August 21, 2012, 04:15:55 pm
How can a goblin steal a baby from its mother without the mother noticing over and over again? You'd think they'd learn to pay more attention to their kids, considering how much they complain once they notice...
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 21, 2012, 04:18:10 pm
Giants killed the Dwarfakiin. Because Giant Beats Dragon. Or so I've seen.He makes an asbestos mine, which unfortunately insulates any potential ‼Science‼ into xSciencex. Then he completes a minecart logistics system that captures a forgotten beast which shoots dust and it happens to unleash the dust on the entire fortress.
What happens when Urist McJohnson decides to start doing SCIENCE?!
IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE
Post by: therealmarauder on August 21, 2012, 04:43:50 pm
How can a goblin steal a baby from its mother without the mother noticing over and over again? You'd think they'd learn to pay more attention to their kids, considering how much they complain once they notice...
Dwarves believe strongly in independence. A baby disappearing is a sign of independence, and a source of pride. It's the theft of the baby from the fortress, very nearly resembling death, from their perspective, that so bothers the dwarves.
Why does burning coal in an iron bin create an eternal flame?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on August 21, 2012, 06:42:15 pm
*facepalm* I totally missed that you can make metal mechanisms. Your first objection to wooden ones applies 10x more to stone though. Lets see you make a practical stone latch. Meenwhile I'll be over here making one in a few minutes with a pocket knife and a few sticks. Also wood works fine for gears. Hell that's what most water wheels and windmills were made with IRL :PDwarves have metal tools, rock is stronger than wood and lacks a grain you have to worry about, and there's no cultural issues about dwarves and stone. The opposite, in fact.
And dwarves do make waterwheels and windmills out of wood.
It doesn't, it never did. Burning lignite did, because it would never melt, but I hear that issue got fixed.How can a goblin steal a baby from its mother without the mother noticing over and over again? You'd think they'd learn to pay more attention to their kids, considering how much they complain once they notice...
Dwarves believe strongly in independence. A baby disappearing is a sign of independence, and a source of pride. It's the theft of the baby from the fortress, very nearly resembling death, from their perspective, that so bothers the dwarves.
Why does burning coal in an iron bin create an eternal flame?
Why can't I think of a good question? Oh, yeah, I answer all of them before hitting Post.
Post by: pisskop on August 21, 2012, 10:18:32 pm
*facepalm* I totally missed that you can make metal mechanisms. Your first objection to wooden ones applies 10x more to stone though. Lets see you make a practical stone latch. Meenwhile I'll be over here making one in a few minutes with a pocket knife and a few sticks. Also wood works fine for gears. Hell that's what most water wheels and windmills were made with IRL :PDwarves have metal tools, rock is stronger than wood and lacks a grain you have to worry about, and there's no cultural issues about dwarves and stone. The opposite, in fact.
And dwarves do make waterwheels and windmills out of wood.It doesn't, it never did. Burning lignite did, because it would never melt, but I hear that issue got fixed.How can a goblin steal a baby from its mother without the mother noticing over and over again? You'd think they'd learn to pay more attention to their kids, considering how much they complain once they notice...
Dwarves believe strongly in independence. A baby disappearing is a sign of independence, and a source of pride. It's the theft of the baby from the fortress, very nearly resembling death, from their perspective, that so bothers the dwarves.
Why does burning coal in an iron bin create an eternal flame?
Why can't I think of a good question? Oh, yeah, I answer all of them before hitting Post.
Doesn't this simply ruen the fun?
Post by: Blizzlord on August 21, 2012, 11:18:37 pm
Why do people quote others when they answer them? Haven't seen that on any other forum.
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 21, 2012, 11:21:25 pm
Yeah, it does.Courtesy. I do it all the time. It helps with the flow of the conversation (except when a Quote Pyramid forms).
Why do people quote others when they answer them? Haven't seen that on any other forum.
Why does the topology of the world form itself into perfectly flat layers attached by (presumably grippy, because 45 degrees is tough to just walk up) diagonal ramps?
Post by: Komra on August 22, 2012, 05:11:11 am
Why do vampires' stats double and then max out upon transforming?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 22, 2012, 05:16:24 am
Why does the topology of the world form itself into perfectly flat layers attached by (presumably grippy, because 45 degrees is tough to just walk up) diagonal ramps?
Because programmers shy away from floating point numbers (ever since the infamous Pentium problems) and like to round to the next integer?
Why, oh why treat Dwarves burrow assignments as "suggestions" and, instead of fleeing from the Goblin Elite Crossbow Goblin linger around, trying to shoot at it? (Stoopid hunters!)
Edit: Dang! Ninja'd while thinking of the question!
Quote from: Komra
Why do vampires' stats double and then max out upon transforming?They gain all of the experience of their Sire. After that, they are vampires and traditionalists by design and do not like (or learn) new things.
Post by: pisskop on August 22, 2012, 06:13:23 am
Burrows are like modern governments restrictions. No drugs becomes no drugs if you can't avoid detection, and no tresspassing means 'fun stuff past this line'
in short you tell them no as an authority and the adventureous will do it because...
[edit:] vampo stats double because they catch the rager virus. These stats max becausev twillight vamps are gay (figulatively) and anne rice 'Lestat' vamps are gay (literally).
[/edit:]
Why does Armok see fit to present the world in ANCII graphics?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 22, 2012, 08:13:53 am
Why does Armok see fit to present the world in ANCII graphics?
He actually doesn't. Our feeble minds are just unable to see HIS full awesomeness!
Didn't you mean ASCII?
Post by: pisskop on August 22, 2012, 10:49:18 am
Post by: +!!scientist!!+ on August 22, 2012, 12:34:41 pm
Why are there nobles if their only use is to either be a burden or die in magma?
Post by: Xantalos on August 22, 2012, 01:19:20 pm
Why do dorfs not seem troubled by the humans encroaching upon their territory?
Post by: Flying Fortress on August 22, 2012, 03:00:57 pm
How can humans sell metal goods/build rock castles without ever having mined. The technology to extract minerals from the ground without ever using a pickaxe should belong to the dwarves, not silly humans!
Post by: Sidhien on August 22, 2012, 04:34:16 pm
How can humans sell metal goods/build rock castles without ever having mined. The technology to extract minerals from the ground without ever using a pickaxe should belong to the dwarves, not silly humans!
Their "rock" castles are actually made of cobbled together mugs and toy boats. The metals are just smelted down from what they get from the dwarves.
Why would anyone like microcline?!?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 22, 2012, 04:38:25 pm
Dude.How can humans sell metal goods/build rock castles without ever having mined. The technology to extract minerals from the ground without ever using a pickaxe should belong to the dwarves, not silly humans!
Their "rock" castles are actually made of cobbled together mugs and toy boats. The metals are just smelted down from what they get from the dwarves.
Why would anyone like microcline?!?
It's blue.
Why would anyone like orthoclase?!?
Post by: vadia on August 22, 2012, 10:33:13 pm
It makes pretty formationsDude.How can humans sell metal goods/build rock castles without ever having mined. The technology to extract minerals from the ground without ever using a pickaxe should belong to the dwarves, not silly humans!
Their "rock" castles are actually made of cobbled together mugs and toy boats. The metals are just smelted down from what they get from the dwarves.
Why would anyone like microcline?!?
It's blue.
Why would anyone like orthoclase?!?
Why did my dwarf make a n IMAGE of a pebble in cinnabar on a scepter -- isn't that a bit redundant -- like making a pebble look like a pebble?
Post by: Sus on August 23, 2012, 12:28:45 am
Why do the goblins keep sending invasion parties even when all they get in return is death?
Post by: tahujdt on August 23, 2012, 01:29:20 am
Why do the goblins keep sending invasion parties even when all they get in return is death?Because that's what it says on the trading form:
Exports to (City name here): Terror
Imports from (City name here): Vengeance
Why don't dwarves play games?
Post by: misko27 on August 23, 2012, 08:59:35 am
Now wait a minute, If the goblins aren't holding up their end of the deal, can I Withold my half of the deal? Because I;m not terrified.Why do the goblins keep sending invasion parties even when all they get in return is death?Because that's what it says on the trading form:
Exports to (City name here): Terror
Imports from (City name here): Vengeance
Why don't dwarves play games?
They do, Thier favorite is "Idle".
Why do dorfs never use all that useless crap?
Post by: Sus on August 23, 2012, 10:15:41 am
Is there any problem that can not be solved by applying enough magma?
Post by: Graknorke on August 23, 2012, 10:21:27 am
Will dwarves, humans or elves ever invent lasers?
Post by: pisskop on August 23, 2012, 10:36:02 am
If the world is propogated by spores, why is there no cross-propogation?
Post by: crazysheep on August 23, 2012, 05:57:45 pm
Could we make giant ligers in DF?
Post by: Komra on August 23, 2012, 06:35:16 pm
What happens to *ahem* dwarves' waste products?
Post by: crazysheep on August 23, 2012, 06:37:48 pm
Why do low level engravers engrave simple things?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 23, 2012, 06:41:21 pm
They blend into the cave floors."This is going to be a ballin' dragon!"
Why do low level engravers engrave simple things?
"Wait, shit, that arm's totally wrong!"
"Damn! Now there's just a corner!"
"Okay, I can fix this by... fuck."
"IT'S A TRIANGLE, YOU CAN'T TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT"
Are pump operators esteemed members of society due to their rippling muscles and manly job?
Post by: pisskop on August 23, 2012, 08:56:30 pm
They blend into the cave floors."This is going to be a ballin' dragon!"
Why do low level engravers engrave simple things?
"Wait, shit, that arm's totally wrong!"
"Damn! Now there's just a corner!"
"Okay, I can fix this by... fuck."
"IT'S A TRIANGLE, YOU CAN'T TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT"
Are pump operators esteemed members of society due to their rippling muscles and manly job?
They are the heroes of the people, lauded for their practicality and given respect equivalent to human limberjacks or elven flower spritzer or goblin's ogre husbanders.
I admire pumpers for 'volunteering' to do something slaves historically had to do.
Being unable to access the surface because it's covered in aforementioned molten rock.
Will dwarves, humans or elves ever invent lasers?
sorry 'bout cutting you off, my phone can be retarded, what with not loading things properly...
Dwarves have just gotten over the. fear of seeing their reflection in the water(and carp), so focusing light. with shiny mirrors that will force honest cave dwelling dwarfs to throw up is a little much to ask for right now...
How did this necro get ahold of forgotten beast leather for his book "Sizzledgoats is for dwarves"?
Post by: pisskop on August 23, 2012, 08:58:23 pm
sorry 'bout cutting you off, my phone can be retarded, what with not loading things properly...
----
dp is case and point.
Post by: crazysheep on August 23, 2012, 09:09:19 pm
Why did the necro write a book titled "Sizzledgoats is for dwarves"?
Post by: GoombaGeek on August 23, 2012, 09:32:48 pm
Post by: vadia on August 23, 2012, 10:56:58 pm
Ceci n'est pas une pebble.It's a pebble that isn't a pebble?
Why do the goblins keep sending invasion parties even when all they get in return is death?
Either that's utterly rediculous or too deep for me.
Post by: MaximumZero on August 23, 2012, 11:10:05 pm
By killing it of course.It needed to be written.
Why did the necro write a book titled "Sizzledgoats is for dwarves"?
Why are there deities other than Armok?
Post by: Nathail on August 24, 2012, 01:40:26 am
Why are there deities other than Armok?
The Blood God knows that religion is one of the greatest catalysts of war, and so allows lesser gods to form pantheons for this purpose.
Why do dwarves who suspend the construction of a wall consider piles of pebbles to be living creatures?
Post by: Wrex on August 24, 2012, 01:43:10 am
Why are there deities other than Armok?
The Blood God knows that religion is one of the greatest catalysts of war, and so allows lesser gods to form pantheons for this purpose.
Why do dwarves who suspend the construction of a wall consider piles of pebbles to be living creatures?
Because they are.
Why do dwarves not brew the blood of the slain into alchohol, probably the most sacred of offerings?
Post by: Callista on August 24, 2012, 02:49:54 am
Why have dwarves invented weaving, but not knitting?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 24, 2012, 03:00:55 am
Ceci n'est pas une pebble.It's a pebble that isn't a pebble?
Why do the goblins keep sending invasion parties even when all they get in return is death?
Either that's utterly rediculous or too deep for me.
It is ridicolous. It refers to a painting by René Magritte. I lol'd, I did, yes precious.
Quote from: Callista
Why have dwarves invented weaving, but not knitting?
Weaving comes natural to a people that braids their beards, plus they did discover knitting but decided that is just a connection of loose loops, unraveling at the most inopportune moment (just when you punched the menacing spikes of cut microcline through it), so they prefer socks made from cloth rather than being knitted.
Why didn't they invent / discover naalbinding? It does not have the weaknesses of knitting.
Post by: Sus on August 24, 2012, 03:57:34 am
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/botched-ecce-homo-painting (http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/botched-ecce-homo-painting)
"I'm totally engraving a masterful image of Urist McChrist, like a boss!"
...
"This is a Urist McFumbles engraving of a potato. Or maybe a bleak hag spouse."
but on topic:
Had to google "naalbinding". Dwarves have not invented neither knitting nor knaalbinding for a simple reason: the very idea of making entire clothes out of raw thread instead of fabric is considered undwarven and blasphemous.
Why can dwarves make a perpetual motion waterfall but not Penrose stairs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penrose_stairs)?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 24, 2012, 05:04:19 am
Why can dwarves make a perpetual motion waterfall but not Penrose stairs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penrose_stairs)?
Well, there's something Dwarvenly about not obeying the laws of thermodynamics. Topology however is a whole different
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=114394.msg3503136#msg3503136
Why is it that every single thread and piece of cloth seems to end up in my hospital? (I know it's a bug, I want the dwarven explanation for it!)
Post by: pisskop on August 24, 2012, 03:00:07 pm
Who would star in a DF movie?
Post by: Graknorke on August 24, 2012, 04:03:46 pm
Why can't bees be inside and just fly out?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 29, 2012, 04:11:48 am
Why can't bees be inside and just fly out?There's actually two kinds of bees: Outside and inside (just as with plants). There's the dark inside bees, big as a Kobold's fist, and when you get stung on the nose it will swill up to the size of your head. They gather "honey" much like the pine honey their outside counterparts bring in. They have no eyes but orient themselves using the air currents in the caves that caress the hairs on their bodies. When they go outside, the turbulences in the air are like watching a Pink Floyd lightshow through a kalaidoscope. While drunk and on XTC. Basically some form of cave adaption.
Are there stone drums as instruments and (if so) why don't the Dwarves need leather for it?
Post by: MrCat on August 29, 2012, 05:09:29 am
How, exactly, does someone shatter a skull with a silk sock?
Post by: Graknorke on August 29, 2012, 05:34:44 am
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/math/3/1/9/319db6182c72395c363a3cc870943244.png)
Unfortunately I'm not sure what measure of speed dwarves would use, so eh.
What happens to doors when they get opened? As soon as they're open they seem to cease to exist entirely.
Post by: MrCat on August 29, 2012, 05:45:38 am
Post by: Darkgamma on August 29, 2012, 07:10:29 am
When they're open, they go to a grounded state. It's much the same as with dump sites - the material there isn't stockpiled, so it's in a grounded dwarven quantum state, letting you stack up thousands and thousands of rocks and boulders and swords and dragon corpses, but whenever they're agitated by stockpiling, they completely take up the square.
Now, this gets complicated when you get semi-agitated entities into the mix. You'd have to assume that they're permanently semi-agitated, and that the stockpiles' and doors' agitated states differ somehow, as entities can stand on agitated stockpiles' squares, but not on agitated doors'. There's a bit more dwarven physics involved there, too, but that's the basis of it.
---
How the hell can a dwarf get impaled on a ballista arrow he himself helped load!?
Post by: pisskop on August 29, 2012, 07:35:07 am
Why do atrributes gained nevr rust? Am I to believe Urist Mcnoble has legendary strength even though the most he lifts is his mead?
Post by: MadocComadrin on August 29, 2012, 07:47:51 am
Why do children insist on following and interrupting their parents in dangerous construction areas?
Post by: vadia on August 29, 2012, 07:51:54 am
Urist McNoble drinks his mead out of a minecart.Why do parents insist on taking their kids . . .. ?
Why do children insist on following and interrupting their parents in dangerous construction areas?
(Why do I have to answer a question with a question?)
Post by: MrCat on August 29, 2012, 07:57:36 am
Why do beekeepers come to a fortress that is dug into a glacier?
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 29, 2012, 08:05:51 am
Why do beekeepers come to a fortress that is dug into a glacier?
They think they're up for the challenge. And to annoy you.
Regarding the stockpiling / dumping discussion: So stuff can change from being a Boson (able to occupy the same state as everything) into Fermion? Does this have something to do with the temperature (BCS theory on superconductivity, cooper pairs and stuff)?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 29, 2012, 11:15:33 pm
Why don't we see more Dwarven sieges due to criminal negligence on the part of the Overseer (you)?
Post by: Sus on August 29, 2012, 11:52:21 pm
Have a nice day-cycle and remember: happiness is mandatory! :)
How come the Deadly Neurotoxin of the Giant Desert Scorpion works differently from all other Deadly Neurotoxins (e.g. Black Mamba venom)?
Post by: Graknorke on August 30, 2012, 06:01:26 am
What is the Dwarvern Planck length? For those who don't know what that is, it's the smallest logical length that has been hypothesised to be measurable at all.
Post by: JTTCOTE1 on August 30, 2012, 06:33:44 am
Post by: Graknorke on August 30, 2012, 06:38:51 am
Why are adamantine threads more valuable than adamantine wafers? (1800 to 1500 I think)Psst, this is a game type thread.You're suppoed to answer the one above you with a snarky/helpful answer and then ask a question.
It's not for serious problem help.
Post by: gunpowdertea on August 30, 2012, 07:18:02 am
What is the Dwarvern Planck length? For those who don't know what that is, it's the smallest logical length that has been hypothesised to be measurable at all.
Uhm... One Urist (the length of an adult male Dragon) I guess. At least that is the length of the spatial dimensional quantisation. And I'm glad that time is also quantised in DF! This leads to quantum tunnelling of minecarts...
Why haven't the invaders yet discovered the ladder possibilities inherent in the trees next to my entrance / moat / wall?
Post by: Komra on August 31, 2012, 04:43:56 am
How do dwarven crossbows function without needing to be strung?
Post by: pisskop on August 31, 2012, 07:51:36 am
Why is fire generally so ineffective?
Post by: MadocComadrin on August 31, 2012, 07:59:03 am
Why do dwarves make entire spears/axes out of metal instead of just the heads?
Post by: Berossus on August 31, 2012, 08:50:24 am
Usually the point where 2 materials connect to each other is the weakest part of the weapon.
Dwarves have learned this, and just build weapons from a single bar of iron, top to bottom.
EDIT:
Why do socks wear off within a week, but i can hollow out the entire known world with the same old copper pick?
Post by: pisskop on August 31, 2012, 08:57:28 am
How can said copper pick mine adamantine?
Post by: Orky_Boss on August 31, 2012, 09:42:11 am
Why are clowns always so damn grouchy? I try to have a good-natured laugh with them, but they just lash out with those honkers of theirs.
Post by: pisskop on August 31, 2012, 11:29:49 am
Also because dwarf.
Sigged, pending your objection.
Post by: Coolthulhu on August 31, 2012, 11:55:33 am
Why are clowns always so damn grouchy?They see you as fun-hating grump. They are trying to show your dwarves how to have fun, it's just that their fun involves ‼Iron chain‼s, screams of pain, zombies and elven bonemeal.
It's a cultural thing.
Why are dwarves capable of slaughtering tame animals and butchering wild ones, but totally incapable of butchering dead tame animals or slaughtering wild ones?
Post by: Sus on September 03, 2012, 04:40:06 am
Why are dwarves capable of slaughtering tame animals and butchering wild ones, but totally incapable of butchering dead tame animals or slaughtering wild ones?Dwarf OCD. Basically, if you try to tell a dorf to do an "impossible" thing or make him miss Wapner, it's ‼Super Happy Tantrum Time‼.
Why do the werebeasts even bother showing up in fortress mode, when they immediately revert to non-were form anyway and run like little girls?
Post by: crazysheep on September 03, 2012, 07:27:14 am
Why does water freeze when exposed to sunlight, even though the water is 5km below the surface?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 03, 2012, 07:44:49 am
EDIT:I've had socks last much longer than that.
Why do socks wear off within a week, but i can hollow out the entire known world with the same old copper pick?
Why does water freeze when exposed to sunlight, even though the water is 5km below the surface?Temperature in the current DF worlds is caused by sunlight. When it's one way, it raises temperature; in another way, it lowers temperature. Proper physics will be implemented sometime in the next decade or two.
Why do dwarves make opaque glass walls but transparent cut-stone windows?
Post by: Graknorke on September 03, 2012, 08:45:03 am
Why do dwarves make opaque glass walls but transparent cut-stone windows?
When they're making windows, they make sure to arrange the materials in such a way that they are mostly see-through.
With walls they use the same process as with any material, dump it into a pile and lay a single beard fibre within it in order to ensure it never collapses. This tends not to end up with a good visibility.
How does the dwarvern world cope with the lack of genetic diversity within species?
Post by: pisskop on September 03, 2012, 09:06:51 pm
Animals in DF didn't evolve, they were put, whole species at a time, into the arena for a deathmatch. Winners got raws, losers...
This is why you do not see giant komodo dragons. Crundles beat them.
How come dwarves are so prone to childish fits and mob mentalities?
Post by: MaximumZero on September 03, 2012, 11:04:33 pm
Why do Dwarves have an aversion to eating enemy combatants?
Post by: Blizzlord on September 04, 2012, 12:03:42 pm
It is the pointy ears I says!
How come dwarves haven't killed anything by using water pressure itself? Their pumps seem like they pack a punch, but I see no goblin mush on the walls.
Post by: pisskop on September 04, 2012, 12:42:39 pm
Why haven't shurukens been invented by elves? or at least they chuck rocks?
Post by: Flying Fortress on September 04, 2012, 01:39:23 pm
it's ‼Super Happy Tantrum Time‼May I sig that?
Why haven't shurukens been invented by elves? or at least they chuck rocks?Because anything as awesome as throwing cannot be comprehended by elves.
How do goblins know there is an entrance to my fort around the mountain, over the river, and through the woods; yet they can't figure out how to see/avoid the hallway full of 500 serrated disks?
Post by: Sus on September 04, 2012, 08:40:49 pm
Of course. :)it's ‼Super Happy Tantrum Time‼May I sig that?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 05, 2012, 06:47:38 am
Why do goblins keep attacking dwarves?
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 05, 2012, 06:49:42 am
Why do human traders accept so many figurines even when they're at war with the elves and should have higher priorities?
Post by: crazysheep on September 05, 2012, 06:51:21 am
Why do dwarves have beards?
Post by: MaximumZero on September 05, 2012, 07:15:22 am
Why can you make picks out of copper and silver, but not tin?
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 05, 2012, 07:18:30 am
They don't. A dwarf is merely a vessel for the beard to consume alcohol.Are you kidding? Tin is bendy and melts at a really low temperature (stovetop, even). Dwarves probably think it's below them. Besides, they probably used up all the tin making bronze and casting crap.
Why can you make picks out of copper and silver, but not tin?
I think dwarves should be able to "convert graphite to diamonds" at a screw press with over 10,000 power attached to it. Do u liek mai aweshum sugestin?/?????!!!1!
Post by: Sus on September 05, 2012, 08:00:38 am
Who picks the embark location in-game, and why does (s)he hate dwarves so? Or are the dorfs just too stupid/navigation-challenged to manage an embark on actually survivable terrain 90% of the time, landing in the ass end of a terrifying glacier instead?
Post by: vadia on September 05, 2012, 10:12:29 am
Um, no. Synthetic diamonds (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_diamond#Manufacturing_technologies) do not work that way. [/assburger]Elf guides who have interesting things to fill their pipes with.
Who picks the embark location in-game, and why does (s)he hate dwarves so? Or are the dorfs just too stupid/navigation-challenged to manage an embark on actually survivable terrain 90% of the time, landing in the ass end of a terrifying glacier instead?
Why did the elf liasons stop coming?
Post by: Komra on September 05, 2012, 02:02:12 pm
Why do huge numbers of migrants always show up in year 1? It's not as if there's much of a life awaiting them.
Post by: misko27 on September 05, 2012, 02:21:19 pm
How do dwarves embark on a unpoppulated island that no one has ever been to, and should not know even exists?
Post by: tahujdt on September 05, 2012, 03:06:21 pm
Why hasn't my school network blocked Bay12 Forums?
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 05, 2012, 03:09:31 pm
They discover it with their Dwarven Beardsense™, and then they pour magma over the sea until such time as there is a useable bridge. The gobboes, hippies and humies can't detect it for the same reason that they can't detect traps. If they can't make a useable bridge, then they just pour water onto the ocean for the HFS of it.Because we're so educational.
Why hasn't my school network blocked Bay12 Forums?
Why am I wasting my third spare ever on these forums?!
Post by: tahujdt on September 05, 2012, 03:30:24 pm
Why do nether-caps have a steady internal temperature?
Post by: pisskop on September 05, 2012, 03:51:16 pm
Why do dorfs hate being naked? Haven't they ever heard of a nudist colony?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 05, 2012, 09:52:50 pm
Why would they want to be nudists?
Post by: charred_gp on September 06, 2012, 04:29:50 pm
Why are animalpeople almost always hostile?
Post by: MaximumZero on September 06, 2012, 11:10:23 pm
Will the Dwarves ever cultivate Plump Helmet men?
Post by: crazysheep on September 06, 2012, 11:12:36 pm
Dwarven sugar + dwarven rum + dwarven syrup = ?
Post by: Stromko on September 07, 2012, 12:24:52 am
Once they do this, they seem to realize the futility of the whole operation and just leave the bin there, so that days later some other dwarf can remember that there's about 50,000 dwarfbucks of valuable armor sitting on the surface and maybe they ought to put it back in the stockpile.
They monkey around with weapon bins in the same way. Every time I want to make a weapon trap, I have to wait and pray that they stop dragging around the bins long enough for me to designate some deadly implements for my traps. Half the time all I have available is a few large daggers, when I know I've got large serrated blades and giant axe blades floating around somewhere.
I suppose I could remedy this somewhat by splitting up my weapon and armor stockpiles more. If I had one for steel battle axes, one for iron, etc, then they'd logically be dragging around less full bins, at least. On the other hand every time they do that, we'd lose access to all our spare steel battle axes all at once, and I'd have dwarves going on-duty being unarmed and possibly not finding a weapon to use before going into combat. I've set all my axe dwarves to chop wood, but they still like to drop their axes when they go on/off duty, and all my other military dwarves are out of luck.
I'm tempted to go without bins altogether, but I don't think I have the space. I've already tried adding wheelbarrows in the hopes that this way only a single dwarf per stack would be running around swiftly with the wheelbarrow, but this only works for bin retrieval. My other haulers are still dragging the bins by hand up six flights of stairs and then dropping them out in the barracks or out in the field, only the trip back is quickened and now I only have as many dwarves taking them back into the stockpile as I assign wheelbarrows to that stockpile.
Post by: Sus on September 07, 2012, 02:36:09 am
Dwarven sugar + dwarven rum + dwarven syrup = ?Urist McPeon has succumbed to diabetes.
If Forgotten Beasts are really forgotten, how do you know their names?
Post by: pisskop on September 07, 2012, 06:24:30 am
Clowns escape all the time to perform at birthay parties, why cannot FB?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 07, 2012, 06:41:03 am
Post by: Komra on September 07, 2012, 03:01:27 pm
Post by: Graknorke on September 07, 2012, 03:16:44 pm
Speaking of that, why does my bro' Armok make the FBs? He refuses to speak on the matter.Those were his tests to see what sorts of bodyparts and structures he could make on living things. He doesn't like to remind everyone of his practice, so he locked them away where those capable of ridiculing him would not be able to reach. Except the Dwarves, ever more industrious, did.
Why can't I convince my dwarves that performing a long-distance caber toss would be a good way to train their strength, speed up hauling, and provide entertainment for the other dwarves?
Post by: TSTwizby on September 11, 2012, 12:22:58 am
Why do goblins pause in their task of slaughtering all dwarven civilisations to go chase a kitten in circles for ten minutes?
Post by: Sus on September 11, 2012, 01:16:16 am
Why did the chicken cross the rough pitchblende Road?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 11, 2012, 04:26:06 am
Why Urist McMiner, who breached an aquifer and got caught in a dead end corridor with slowly rising water, yet learned to swim to Skilled before any dangerous level of water got near him, doesn't decide to swim away from the oncoming flood?
Post by: Sus on September 11, 2012, 04:58:55 am
Why Urist McMiner, who breached an aquifer and got caught in a dead end corridor with slowly rising water, yet learned to swim to Skilled before any dangerous level of water got near him, doesn't decide to swim away from the oncoming flood?Dwarven experience with the concept of "water" is, unfortunately, quite limited1), although not to the same extent as the ever so nebulous "fire".2) Thus, poor Urist's brain simply doesn't connect the dots between rising water + enclosed space = Bad Thing™. Basically, you watching Urist is like an alien on an alien world wondering, "Why do the silly humans keep walking straight into the painfully obvious Spontaneous Disintegration Zones? ???"
1) Facts dwarves do know about water:
- You can't cross a river, lake, pond or ocean, but you can cross a brook (or the edge of a waterfall; much less water there!).
- Mist makes my beard happy! :)
- Water contains fish. Fish is good eats.
- Water makes the vomit go away. P.S. Soap is nice. :)
- Technically, you can drink water if no booze is available or you're hurt real bad, but who would want to?
- Sometimes water comes from the sky. That's not nice like mist. :(
2) Facts dwarves know about fire:
Now, for my WTF?,
Where do the starting dwarves come from? They do not have any known relatives, no history, nothing. They seem to just magically appear out of thin air with the selected skills and equipment.
Post by: pisskop on September 11, 2012, 07:00:51 am
Why do worldgen army battles happen 1v1?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 11, 2012, 01:13:25 pm
Where do the starting dwarves come from? They do not have any known relatives, no history, nothing. They seem to just magically appear out of thin air with the selected skills and equipment.Because they are. You, the god Amok, spawned 7 lowly dwarves for shit and giggles, then sent a post-it note to the Mountainhomes telling "yo dawgs, I just created some poor schmucks to send to their death. If ya got some "excess baggage", ya know what I mean, be sure to send them to Urist McSiegedbyUndead, at UnappropriatelyNamed."
Why do worldgen army battles happen 1v1?Because you accidentally spawned the world of Mortal Kombat
I think this has (well, must have) been asked already, but why, um, goblins kidnap children?
Post by: Berossus on September 11, 2012, 01:21:08 pm
Quote
I think this has (well, must have) been asked already, but why, um, goblins kidnap children?
Because dwarf children ask for deliverance in their christmas-letters to santa dorf...
"Please, for the nonexistant love of armok, get me away from here. Theres blood, bones and vomit everywhere, we eat monkeys and pig cheese and the whole fortress reeks of old socks. Yesterday my brother had his legs broken by a descending bridge and was left to bleed to death because everyone was having busy doing kegstands at the platinum statues.
Please take me away, somewhere safe, or at least less psychopathically dangerous.
And hurry, i hear them talking of some kind of project... and theyre excited!"
Why can my armorer not make golden breastplates, when he has made himself a golden table to eat?
Post by: MadocComadrin on September 11, 2012, 02:00:30 pm
Next question to be answered: Berossus
Post by: Komra on September 12, 2012, 05:28:53 am
Why can my armorer not make golden breastplates, when he has made himself a golden table to eat [off of]?
He figured that the table was simply the epitome of gold crafts. To create anything lesser would just decrease its value by association.
Gold is notoriously malleable. Any armor fittings would quickly warp and get stuck, leading to complete immobility for the user within a short period. Weapons would be barely usable after a few hard strikes; even warhammers could end up as crumpled slabs after not too long.
Why dos time-of-day not come into effect for a fortress?
Post by: Sus on September 12, 2012, 06:18:59 am
Plus gold is quite a heavy metal in itself. And the malleability means it makes for a crappy armour anyways.Why can my armorer not make golden breastplates, when he has made himself a golden table to eat [off of]?Gold is notoriously malleable. Any armor fittings would quickly warp and get stuck, leading to complete immobility for the user within a short period. Weapons would be barely usable after a few hard strikes; even warhammers could end up as crumpled slabs after not too long.
Quote
Why dos time-of-day not come into effect for a fortress?Quantum time. One "tick" is simply too short for a (non-teleporting) dorf to find the time to eat, sleep, drink, go On Break and still find the time for work, all in one day. That's why they do each of the above consequently for a month at a time.
Also cave adaptation.
Why is aluminum a rare metal in the DF 'verse?
Post by: Graknorke on September 12, 2012, 06:27:36 am
Why is aluminum a rare metal in the DF 'verse?Because pure aluminium nuggets are rare in the real world.
Why do dwarves have such a different sense of ownership than us?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on September 12, 2012, 06:47:39 am
Why is aluminum a rare metal in the DF 'verse?Because pure aluminium nuggets are rare in the real world.
Aside: If you were previously unaware of the historic rarity and expense of aluminum, it's actually quite interesting. It was once more valuable than gold or platinum. The cap of the Washington Monument in D.C. is made of aluminum. At the time it was crafted, aluminum was about as valuable as silver, and when the cap was placed, aluminum had become inexpensive, due to the invention of the Hall–Héroult_process.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hall–Héroult_process#Impact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hall–Héroult_process#Impact)
http://www.scienceminusdetails.com/2010/11/rise-and-fall-of-william-aluminum.html
Post by: Sus on September 12, 2012, 07:24:04 am
Aside: If you were previously unaware of the historic rarity and expense of aluminum, it's actually quite interesting. It was once more valuable than gold or platinum. The cap of the Washington Monument in D.C. is made of aluminum. At the time it was crafted, aluminum was about as valuable as silver, and when the cap was placed, aluminum had become inexpensive, due to the invention of the Hall–Héroult_process.Welp, that makes for some pretty interesting reading, actually. :o I didn't come to think of how hard it is to actually coerce the oxygen out of aluminum oxide. I just thought that since aluminum is the most common metal around, it must also be dirt cheap... Well, it is nowdays, but only becase of the advanced metallurgy involved in smelting bauxite.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hall–Héroult_process#Impact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hall–Héroult_process#Impact)
http://www.scienceminusdetails.com/2010/11/rise-and-fall-of-william-aluminum.html
(Curse you, now I'll be unable to get away from Wikipedia for hours!)
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 12, 2012, 07:26:13 am
Post by: i2amroy on September 12, 2012, 01:58:42 pm
Also, heated or liquid aluminum doesn't glow at all, making it extremely dangerous [/truefact]Actually false, Proof (http://drjudywood.com/articles/aluminum/Aluminum_Glows.html), though a common misconception.
And to get back on topic:
Why do dwarves have such a different sense of ownership than us?Because When the dwarven economy collapsed back in 2010 communism beat capitalism in the DF world. Now the proud ownership of the state rules in all fortresses. Capitalism is making a resurgence in the ownership of clothes again though.
How can dwarven traders meet with nobles even if they are on the other side of a solid stone wall?
Post by: pisskop on September 12, 2012, 02:01:42 pm
Why does your own civ raise prices on items you need?
Post by: Monk321654 on September 12, 2012, 02:09:33 pm
Why do dwarves not have any potato like plants despite living underground?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 12, 2012, 05:06:05 pm
Why do dwarves think of such stupid names?
Post by: UberNube on September 12, 2012, 05:59:29 pm
How come the animals in a pasture will always huddle around one corner and kick/bite eachother's hooves off despite there being plenty of space. Does it have anything to do with the constant rain of goblin blood from the sky, and grass covered in eyeballs and tentacles?
Post by: GreatWyrmGold on September 12, 2012, 06:29:17 pm
Why do people think gnomeblight is hallucinogenic?
Post by: xoseph on September 12, 2012, 07:41:24 pm
No, the animals are just idiots.
Why do people think gnomeblight is hallucinogenic?
There's an old urban legend about a dwarf who licked a gnome down in the caverns, and then ran around screaming about a giant, beakless grouse that undulated rhythmically. Has to be a hallucination, right?
Why are all the splinter colonies from dwarven civilizations so awesome, but the adventure-mode homelands so boring?
Post by: Pyre on September 12, 2012, 11:48:26 pm
Why are dwarves incapable of picking up their crap?
Post by: Sus on September 13, 2012, 03:27:25 am
Also, would you want to touch a Xx(pig tail fiber loincloth)xX that's been lying around in pools of gore, vomit and quite probably some horrid syndrome-inducing muckus for Armok knows how long?
Why is it possible to dig into semi-molten rock, but only if you don't know it's there?
Post by: pisskop on September 13, 2012, 06:25:50 am
what do kobolds do in their free time?
Post by: imperium3 on September 13, 2012, 06:37:28 am
Same reason daffy duck could walk on air before he knew he would fall. The laws of the world only apply to those who know they apply.
what do kobolds do in their free time?
Try to steal your artifacts (for their day job they work in the local post office).
Why do elves get appalled at you selling them wood, and yet quite happily try to sell you wooden goods by the cartload?
Post by: Sus on September 13, 2012, 06:41:59 am
Any Dwarven wood, however, is assumed (even if you just bought it from the
Why did the elephants get nerfed?
Post by: pisskop on September 13, 2012, 07:45:07 am
Why does not wood chopping not lvl axewielding?
edit: d: damnit! What is the tongue smiley!
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 13, 2012, 08:04:39 am
Why won't equipping my woodcutter with an adamantine battle-axe give him unearthly woodcutting speed?
Post by: Graknorke on September 13, 2012, 10:54:30 am
Why won't equipping my woodcutter with an adamantine battle-axe give him unearthly woodcutting speed?There is no mass behind them to give momentum for cutting through the tree. Trees are a bit harder to take down using only direct muscle strength than flesh.
What sort of things come up in dwarvern conversations?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 13, 2012, 11:23:57 am
probably the mysterious deaths of the previous dorf who wondered about the might of their all-seeing OverseerWhy won't equipping my woodcutter with an adamantine battle-axe give him unearthly woodcutting speed?There is no mass behind them to give momentum for cutting through the tree. Trees are a bit harder to take down using only direct muscle strength than flesh.
What sort of things come up in dwarvern conversations?
That or beer.
Why do grizzley bears steal your booze?
Post by: Sus on September 14, 2012, 01:51:41 am
Why is it that you can war-train grizzly bears, but not black bears?
Post by: Berossus on September 14, 2012, 12:31:25 pm
Black bears are not warriors, they are artisans.
Why does 1/7 water evaporate, but 4+/7 does not?
Post by: xoseph on September 14, 2012, 11:13:28 pm
Why can't a woodcutter use his axe for
Post by: MaximumZero on September 15, 2012, 12:05:24 am
Will the Toady One ever record a few more tracks for us to listen to?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 15, 2012, 01:29:52 am
Why Dwarves even bother domesticating rabbits?
Post by: Furohman on September 15, 2012, 02:28:32 am
Sure he will. Just go stand in a minecart's way.
Why Dwarves even bother domesticating rabbits?
A 2nd Century
How did the dwarves fish an entire major river to the point of extinction of all wildlife, in 2 years?
Post by: pisskop on September 15, 2012, 04:51:00 am
Why are there no dwarven chain gangs?
Post by: xoseph on September 16, 2012, 08:21:35 am
dorfs are not ecologicly friendly. And fish are delcious, especially with rock nut paste.
Why are there no dwarven chain gangs?
There's no way to designate one.
What do I do with all these coins I made?
Post by: Berossus on September 16, 2012, 10:33:37 am
Why do i keep getting migrants at 270 popultation when my pop cap is set to 200?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 16, 2012, 05:12:19 pm
Why does everyone hate elves?
Post by: Pyre on September 16, 2012, 07:15:32 pm
How does my bookkeeper know not only what creatures are in the area, but also exactly where they are, even if no one has laid eyes on that section of the caverns in 5+ years?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 16, 2012, 08:13:14 pm
Why are sheep perfectly happy to eat eye-grass?
Post by: Sus on September 17, 2012, 01:43:46 am
Why don't dwarves gather dump-marked things in a bin and pour them all into the dump at once?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 17, 2012, 02:00:33 am
How do dwarves burn Nether-cap wood?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 17, 2012, 02:21:07 am
Bins are heavy when they're full of rocks/They don't want to get their nice bins all dirty by filling them with crap. Or they're too stupid to think of the idea on their own. Maybe they want to compete to see who can dump the most items, and that would be cheating?Thoroughly.
How do dwarves burn Nether-cap wood?
Why clowns bother infiltrating human civs?
Post by: Wrex on September 17, 2012, 02:22:09 am
Why have werebeasts not formed their own kingdoms yet?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 17, 2012, 03:33:12 am
Because manipulation is so much fun.because they are, how do you say, lone
Why have werebeasts not formed their own kingdoms yet?
Why do goblin ambushes tend to follow human caravans? Don't they know that the caravan guards will just help me slaughter them?
Post by: Sus on September 17, 2012, 04:24:36 am
Why doesn't ‼Urist McMoron‼ realize he is on fucking fire?
Post by: pisskop on September 17, 2012, 05:48:01 am
Why aren't dwarfs capable of autonomy?
Post by: misko27 on September 17, 2012, 06:28:43 pm
Why do you recieve no help from any dwarven armies, And its just you on your own, but in world-gen, They are responsible for all battles?
Post by: Mr S on September 17, 2012, 09:57:54 pm
Why can't we just give the
Post by: Sus on September 18, 2012, 01:43:22 am
Besides, a growing child needs his booze. Otherwise, he'll end up with an over-developed brain, and that will end ...badly.
Fucking mechanisms, how do they work?
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on September 18, 2012, 05:17:09 pm
What is this "root beer" of which you speak? ???
Besides, a growing child needs his booze. Otherwise, he'll end up with an over-developed brain, and that will end ...badly.
Fucking mechanisms, how do they work?
Slipspace shortens the distance.
Why do dwarves never pick up their weapons?
Post by: xoseph on September 18, 2012, 09:43:29 pm
Slipspace shortens the distance.
Why do dwarves never pick up their weapons?
[/quote]
They're thinking about what they are going to do when they're on break.
Where is this circus everyone keeps talking about? Is it some kind of elvish thing?
Post by: misko27 on September 18, 2012, 10:23:10 pm
More seriously, It is the nickname for the special place at the bottom of veins of
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do Necros attack forts regardless of size? Its so weird that they will attack a band of 7 dwarves who just showed up as often as a heavily guarded fort of 200.
Post by: Tersr on September 18, 2012, 10:42:05 pm
Why doesn't fire seal open wounds?
Post by: Sus on September 19, 2012, 01:25:48 am
If dragons aren't immune to dragonfire, how can they breathe it out in the first place?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 19, 2012, 01:56:45 am
How do dwarves catch so many fish without equipment?
Post by: Sus on September 19, 2012, 02:02:21 am
Why don't foreign (human, elf etc.) merchants ever ask what you require of them?
Post by: FlickerFly on September 19, 2012, 02:30:57 am
Why don't ice constructions melt?
Post by: Darkgamma on September 19, 2012, 03:16:35 am
They visit a lot of towns & forts throughout the year, it would be a pain to keep track of them all.
Why don't ice constructions melt?
When things get constructed out of ice, they enter a quantum state where temperature is off for FPS reasons (all that quantum stuff's really CPU-intensive, y'know)
Why does an elf merchant drown himself inside a lake just to bring me an ambush of fifty tree-hoppers?
Post by: gunpowdertea on September 19, 2012, 08:39:03 am
Why does an elf merchant drown himself inside a lake just to bring me an ambush of fifty tree-hoppers?
He was trying to save you the work of constructing a drowning trap to start a war with the tree buggers.
Do Dwarven workers / unions / fortresses ever get an ISO 9001 certification? After all, the bookkeeper and manager definitely know exactly what's going on and seem to write it down.
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on September 21, 2012, 01:02:52 am
Why do dwarves use cotton candy sutures?
Post by: Wrex on September 21, 2012, 01:09:17 am
They tried, but after the fifth auditor died of magma poisoning due to a mislabeled lever, they can't seem to find anyone willing to do the certifying.
Why do dwarves use cotton candy sutures?
Bevause having your wounds stiched up with the only thing saving the world from firery devastation is remarkably badass.
Why don't dwarves use magma like boiling olil?
Post by: Sus on September 21, 2012, 01:20:52 am
Oh, you meant to cauterize wounds? That would be because in Dorf Physics, heat inflicts wounds instead of sealing them.
Why don't dwarves use actual boiling oil?
Post by: gunpowdertea on September 21, 2012, 01:39:53 am
Quote
Why don't dwarves use actual boiling oil?
'cause they don't have a "boil the oil" workshop yet. Plus anything with high temperatures should definitely be confined to a safe workshop such as a furnace or a forge. Health & Safety, man! Ehm, I mean: Dwarf. It's not a destination but a long journey.
----
Why do dwarves use cotton candy sutures?
They want the "The Six Million Dollar
Why do Dwarves depict an Entity that has become an enemy of their civ as being "surrounded by Dwarves" (similar as when some Dwarf rises to become mayor or somesuch)? Do they secretly admire the "Thing"? At first I was shocked to see that because I thought it had become the civ's leader or so...
Post by: hops on September 21, 2012, 01:46:24 am
Why don't dwarves sterilize cats?
Post by: Sus on September 21, 2012, 04:14:06 am
How can a fisherdwarf possibly be interrupted by a carp, of all things? Not even a 40d God Emperor King Hell Carp Of DOOM, but a regular, nerfed .34.11 carp.
Post by: Wrex on September 21, 2012, 04:37:58 am
Hmm, actually, that's a good que --ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOCAT!!!--
How can a fisherdwarf possibly be interrupted by a carp, of all things? Not even a 40d God Emperor King Hell Carp Of DOOM, but a regular, nerfed .34.11 carp.
Sheer ancestral fear.
Why do dwarves not require proper steelmaking equipment? An ordinary forge just won't cut it, IRL
Post by: Sus on September 21, 2012, 05:04:46 am
How come your starting civ has steel anvils even if they have no iron?
Post by: pisskop on September 21, 2012, 06:18:05 am
I found a human civ composed of one abandoned town and one tomb. All statues and structures were obsidian, yet the civ was extinct. Explain how such dwarfy humes died?
Post by: Sus on September 21, 2012, 07:11:35 am
I found a human civ composed of one abandoned town and one tomb. All statues and structures were obsidian, yet the civ was extinct. Explain how such dwarfy humes died?Those aren't statues. (see: Pompeii)
Why do 90% of engravings in Swampconstructs (my previous fort, left on hiatus) depict the same titan killing various humans?
Post by: Graknorke on September 21, 2012, 02:48:19 pm
Why do 90% of engravings in Swampconstructs (my previous fort, left on hiatus) depict the same titan killing various humans?It was a really cool titan.
When will dwarves learn to light fires without pumping up the fires from the centre of the earth?
Post by: pisskop on September 21, 2012, 02:59:14 pm
Why don't goblins use siege engines? Catapults of kidnapped children (think of the bad thoughts: saw babez smashed against ramparts recently)? Trained squads of mounted flyers?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 21, 2012, 11:52:49 pm
Why don't goblins use siege engines? Catapults of kidnapped children (think of the bad thoughts: saw babez smashed against ramparts recently)? Trained squads of mounted flyers?Siege engines are too complex a concept for them
Why catapult children when you can have them grow up and cannibalize their civ?
They would, but goblins are known fatasses; the mounts simply refuse to take flight with them.
How can necromancers raise body parts such hands and heads, but not "upper arms" for example?
Post by: Urist McPenguinhead on September 22, 2012, 03:15:09 am
How can a forgotten beast, composed entirely of acid, have mandibles, wings, fingers etc?
Post by: pixl97 on September 22, 2012, 09:49:35 am
How would upper arms be able to move around? Necromancers can re animate muscles and bones to make a limb move, but they are not skilled enough to magically levitate a body part. Armok help us when they figure that out.
How can a forgotten beast, composed entirely of acid, have mandibles, wings, fingers etc?
Since the topic is 'Could someone explain...'
Do solid acids exist? Yes.http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/chem00/chem00117.htm (http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/chem00/chem00117.htm)
Post by: Komra on September 23, 2012, 07:35:33 am
Anyway, new question- Why are engravings' subject matter so inane?
Post by: crazysheep on September 23, 2012, 07:39:38 am
Why are most marksdwarves not keen on training at archery ranges when commanded to do so?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 23, 2012, 07:54:40 am
How can pets (and in general, dorfs) find meeting areas that are most definitely too far away from any normal traffic area?
Post by: Blizzlord on September 23, 2012, 12:58:02 pm
Why is there no form of dwarven education in place? It would be handy if they practised smithing as children.
Post by: pisskop on September 23, 2012, 01:25:54 pm
Why do fortress mode dorfs need booze, bur adventurer dorfs not?
Post by: xeniorn on September 23, 2012, 02:17:31 pm
How do dwarves succeed in mining 40 tiles, acquiring 12 stones, turning them to 48 blocks, filling those 40 tiles back and ending up with extra 4 conjured up stone blocks?
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 23, 2012, 02:19:20 pm
2. Beard hair placed between blocks.
3. Beard hair expands in a convoluted lattice pattern. Space is filled.
4. MAGIC WALLS
Why do adventurers drink blood but refuse to drink out of a murky pool?
Post by: crazysheep on September 24, 2012, 02:38:01 am
Why is vampirism spread through blood rather than bites?
Post by: misko27 on September 24, 2012, 02:45:42 am
Why do dwarves refuse to differentiate between "task that will save the fort" versus "Task that will get me some bacon".I am refering to PULL THE DAMN LEVER of course. Surely passing dwarves who are, say, of to train a animal could just pull the lever on the way there?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 24, 2012, 03:59:48 am
Why do miners insist on braking all their toes while mining straight downwards?
Post by: Sus on September 24, 2012, 04:04:30 am
[edit]Ninja'd. Breaking toes while mining downwards is another issue related to dwarven stupidity. Like Wily E. Coyote, the moment a dorf realizes digging out the stone under his own feet was a bad idea is the moment he feels for the ground with a hand and finds out it's no longer there (the ground, that is).
Why is it that tasks always get assigned to the dwarf furthest away from the task target?
Post by: Blizzlord on September 24, 2012, 09:18:22 am
Why haven't the dwarven mechanics guild invented a mobile form of mechanics?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 24, 2012, 12:26:02 pm
How come any drink you can produce is alcoholic? Is there no space in a fortress for, say, berry juice or ground-sunberry-blend-in-boiling-water?
Post by: Culise on September 24, 2012, 02:20:39 pm
Why does it take one bar to make 25 bolts, but 25 bolts make 2.5 bars?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 25, 2012, 12:01:47 am
Why are there no pulleys/wires connecting my bridge to my lever?
Post by: crazysheep on September 25, 2012, 12:24:07 am
Why do dwarves under drawbridges get smashed into nothingness, rather than leaving a blood spatter?
Post by: Sus on September 25, 2012, 12:42:57 am
How come Urist McDarkman was disgusted by a miasma, yet unfazed by the fact that said miasma came from his own rotten face?
Post by: crazysheep on September 25, 2012, 12:45:49 am
Why does water from an FB not coalesce into a puddle?
Post by: Komra on September 25, 2012, 02:16:30 pm
Why is the only requirement of flight the possession of any wings?
Post by: pisskop on September 25, 2012, 02:30:22 pm
Why are you the first dwarf trying to make a fortress so far from the mountianhomes? Where did you even find out about such a spot?
Post by: Scow2 on September 25, 2012, 03:40:40 pm
Does one simply walk into a Terrifying biome?
Post by: Snateraar on September 25, 2012, 03:48:13 pm
Why the hell do I never find an embark with magma and flux and metal ores without either piranhas, alligators or giant sponges?
Post by: Graknorke on September 25, 2012, 03:54:50 pm
Why the hell do I never find an embark with magma and flux and metal ores without either piranhas, alligators or giant sponges?There has to be a reason that they're unclaimed.
Where does rain go when it hits the ground outside of a murky pool?
Post by: pisskop on September 25, 2012, 04:01:23 pm
Why can only murky pool tiles collect rainwatwer? Why can't I build rainwater collectors?
Post by: Mr S on September 25, 2012, 08:02:10 pm
Why will dwarves not directly irrigate/muddy a floor, but will gladly throw water down from overhead?
Post by: Sus on September 26, 2012, 03:36:07 am
Why can't wounded dorfs drink booze?
Post by: Blizzlord on September 26, 2012, 10:22:35 am
Why do dwarves even need booze in the first place?
Post by: pisskop on September 26, 2012, 10:25:33 am
Why can't vampires drink booze?
Post by: My Name is Immaterial on September 26, 2012, 12:04:03 pm
Why do non-swimmers dropped in 3 tile deep water suffer less injuries then grandmaster swimmers?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 26, 2012, 12:12:50 pm
Why do dogs gather at a high tower?
Post by: GoombaGeek on September 26, 2012, 12:34:05 pm
Why do goblin invaders leave no vengeful ghosts (and not just from a game balance POV)?
Post by: Komra on September 26, 2012, 02:47:23 pm
Why do night trolls never produce a certain gender of progeny?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 27, 2012, 02:46:02 pm
Why is an animated finger more dangerous than an animated arm (Damn, Necromancers...)?
Post by: pisskop on September 27, 2012, 02:47:47 pm
How does an animated forearm move?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 27, 2012, 03:09:41 pm
Why can an animated Necromancer animate his own body parts?
Post by: xeniorn on September 27, 2012, 05:35:04 pm
Why are the badgers so angry all the time?
Post by: Mr S on September 27, 2012, 05:45:18 pm
How is it that a dwarf will collide with himself while falling?
Post by: pisskop on September 27, 2012, 05:56:48 pm
Why aren't kobolds kept as pets?
Post by: MasterShizzle on September 27, 2012, 06:16:21 pm
Why is copper a viable metal for making war hammers, but not lead?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 27, 2012, 08:12:40 pm
How does the following wound even work? I really want to know.
(http://www.freeimagehosting.net/t/d9vvr.jpg) (http://www.freeimagehosting.net/d9vvr)
Post by: misko27 on September 27, 2012, 08:14:48 pm
Since lead is quite a soft metal (like gold) it will shatter itself on impact against an opponents skull. Also have you ever tried to lift a lead warhammer? they weigh a ton.I'd like to know myself. You know you can use [alt]-[Prt scr] to just get a picture of the current window?
How does the following wound even work? I really want to know.
(http://www.freeimagehosting.net/t/d9vvr.jpg) (http://www.freeimagehosting.net/d9vvr)
Post by: gbrngfol on September 27, 2012, 08:16:42 pm
Since lead is quite a soft metal (like gold) it will shatter itself on impact against an opponents skull. Also have you ever tried to lift a lead warhammer? they weigh a ton.I'd like to know myself. You know you can use [alt]-[Prt scr] to just get a picture of the current window?
How does the following wound even work? I really want to know.
(http://www.freeimagehosting.net/t/d9vvr.jpg) (http://www.freeimagehosting.net/d9vvr)
Tanks for the tip.
Post by: Wrex on September 27, 2012, 08:29:49 pm
How does one make wooden chainmail?
Post by: My Name is Immaterial on September 27, 2012, 08:44:53 pm
Why are dwarves so stupid in every way except how party?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 27, 2012, 08:51:48 pm
How do my war rabbits chew through steel just to hang onto a goblin's ears? Sorry no screenshot for this yet.
Post by: pisskop on September 28, 2012, 09:37:41 am
How come dwarfs can weaponize anything?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 28, 2012, 01:45:08 pm
Why are there many animal men and women near waterfalls?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 28, 2012, 07:07:07 pm
Why do dwarves make beds and then make no mattress, blanket, or pillow to go with them.
Post by: DiezIrae on September 29, 2012, 06:13:44 am
Why is a tree only enough for one bed?
Post by: Wimopy on September 29, 2012, 08:42:16 am
Why do beds menacing with spikes of candy make dwarves so happy if they can use them?
Post by: crazysheep on September 29, 2012, 08:43:43 am
Why can't dwarves harness reindeer to make sleds yet?
Post by: pisskop on September 29, 2012, 09:08:05 am
What would a dwarven comedian say?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 29, 2012, 09:24:15 am
Why do my dwarves take the soap to the nearby river to wash themselves, when I have perfectly viable water pools indoor?
Post by: crazysheep on September 29, 2012, 11:33:50 pm
With the new multitile trees, should we expect dwarves to get stuck in them regularly?
Post by: misko27 on September 29, 2012, 11:49:05 pm
Why does only one civilization of each race ever interact with you?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 30, 2012, 12:54:04 am
what exactly is the difference between a husk and a zombie?
Post by: Corai on September 30, 2012, 01:01:19 am
If elves don't want us to destroy nature, why not just sell us tree seeds?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 30, 2012, 01:09:47 am
how can someone pass out by having their fingernail shattered?
Post by: crazysheep on September 30, 2012, 01:11:58 am
What happens if an adamantine hammer adorned with spikes of steel is swung at a goblin with a copper helm?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 30, 2012, 02:06:22 am
Why do dwarves don't question the design choices of their fortress? Like, putting floodgates in the hospital, or chains in every bedroom?
Post by: crazysheep on September 30, 2012, 02:23:48 am
Why would you put floodgates in the hospital anyway?
Post by: darkgloomie on September 30, 2012, 02:51:16 am
(in truth, it was to raise room value)
Why can't a Legendary Judge of Intent find out if a dwarf wants to drink him dry in his sleep?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 30, 2012, 03:05:00 am
Where do forgotten beats/titans come from?
Post by: pisskop on September 30, 2012, 09:52:25 am
What did Armok spawn from?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 30, 2012, 10:37:29 am
Are the other deities Armok's children then?
Post by: Pokon on September 30, 2012, 12:31:14 pm
What spurned the creators to unleash the horrors of Keas and Carp apon dwarvenkind?
Post by: DiezIrae on September 30, 2012, 12:58:52 pm
Can Armok truly bleed?
Post by: Minnakht on September 30, 2012, 04:35:50 pm
Why can nothing decide to fall off a single Z-level ledge to shorten its path to somewhere? Such a fall is too short to cause injuries.
Post by: Scow2 on September 30, 2012, 04:47:44 pm
Do I need to use Dwarf Therapist?
Post by: Graknorke on September 30, 2012, 05:15:14 pm
Why do dwarves so often fall on their heads?
Post by: Komra on September 30, 2012, 07:49:52 pm
How do dwarven caravans always appear, even at the dawn/death of civilization on a deserted island?
Post by: crazysheep on September 30, 2012, 08:35:54 pm
Why do goblins love young dwarf flesh so much?
Post by: Corai on September 30, 2012, 08:38:31 pm
Why don't goblins kidnap children in sieges?
Post by: gbrngfol on September 30, 2012, 08:40:47 pm
why do goblins hate dwarves so much anyway?
Post by: Matthmatt1213 on September 30, 2012, 09:08:48 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does my brewer go on break the very moment we begin to run out of booze?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on October 01, 2012, 09:52:22 am
Why can't you drink booze rain or catch it in barrels?
Post by: Blizzlord on October 01, 2012, 01:00:35 pm
How come we are so baffled about the dwarven world that 101 pages and 1500 posts form out of discussing it?
Post by: Komra on October 01, 2012, 02:09:38 pm
Why are demons little more than super-FBs?
Post by: Monk321654 on October 01, 2012, 02:33:50 pm
If a tree falls in the woods, how many elves does it squish?
Post by: tahujdt on October 01, 2012, 03:57:54 pm
If a tree falls in the woods, how many elves does it squish?None, elf sites are still being reprogrammed.
How can dropping 1000 Seeds on a dwarf train his armor using skills and exercise him at the same time?
Post by: pisskop on October 01, 2012, 05:03:10 pm
How was droping seeds on dorf never thought of before?
Post by: DiezIrae on October 01, 2012, 05:24:49 pm
You try jumping in full armour.
How was droping seeds on dorf never thought of before?
We had enough sexual innuendos to work with.
Where does a dwarven soul go after the body has been struck down?
Post by: Scow2 on October 01, 2012, 07:34:39 pm
To the dining hall to throw a party.You try jumping in full armour.
How was droping seeds on dorf never thought of before?
We had enough sexual innuendos to work with.
Where does a dwarven soul go after the body has been struck down?
Why is my mayor a naked tigerman?
Post by: gbrngfol on October 01, 2012, 08:34:56 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
How do teeth get tangled in the first place?
Post by: Megaman3321 on October 01, 2012, 10:08:25 pm
How does GCS shot web without spinner?
Post by: darkgloomie on October 02, 2012, 09:57:59 am
How can a manager hidden in his room issue orders and have them carried out even hundreds of z-levels of difference?
Post by: Monk321654 on October 02, 2012, 02:35:53 pm
They use Morse code to communicate.
How can imps stay on fire so long?
Post by: misko27 on October 02, 2012, 03:35:00 pm
How do dwarves and invaders automatically know all current methods in and out of the fortress, no matter how far out of the way, and know instantly when they are locked?
Post by: pisskop on October 02, 2012, 03:48:25 pm
Loud frakkin' dwarves.
What did dwarves do before alcohol was invented?
Post by: TopHat on October 02, 2012, 03:58:08 pm
----------~QUESTION SLOT OPEN~----------
Post by: pisskop on October 02, 2012, 04:02:30 pm
DF is a land of mystery and wonder and death and {Gasp} Why is there no disease in the medical sense? No smallpox or plagues?
Post by: Scow2 on October 02, 2012, 04:21:26 pm
Why is it so hard to come up with new interesting WTFs?Because after 101 pages of back-and-forth discussion, we've already answered most of the WTFs.
DF is a land of mystery and wonder and death and {Gasp} Why is there no disease in the medical sense? No smallpox or plagues?
And there's no mundane disease because the more deadly ones have completely supplanted them.
Why can't dwarves take personal initiative outside of Moods?
Post by: Minnakht on October 02, 2012, 04:46:13 pm
Quote
DF is a land of mystery and wonder and death and {Gasp} Why is there no disease in the medical sense? No smallpox or plagues?
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Tower-cap
Quote
There is much controversy about the energy source that tower-caps use to grow. Although it is clear that, like any fungus, they gain energy by breaking down organic compounds in soil and mud, it's equally clear that they are able to do this underground, without access to sunlight. Without any obvious way to regenerate the organic matter that they sprout in, it's unclear how they can survive for thousands of years without sunlight. Thus, useless immigrant dwarven botanists have wasted entirely too much spare time trying to find their energy source.
The leading theory is that underground soil may contain perpetual motion machines, composed of molecular-scale screw pumps and water wheels. As every dwarven engineer knows, a perpetual motion machine must be given water to start up, after which, it will run indefinitely without any extra water required. Molecular-scale screw pumps and water wheels would, similarly, not provide energy until they become muddied, and, similarly, would remain functional indefinitely. The concept of things smaller than monarch butterflies, however, has led to enormous controversy. Although, obviously, it would be hard to see something smaller than a butterfly, it should be possible to show that it exists because, just like butterflies, it would sometimes get stuck in doors and prevent them from closing. So far, there is no evidence that doors have been held stuck by imperceptibly tiny objects, so the theory remains unsubstantiated.
There is a substantial lack of disease transfer vectors in Dwarf Fortress, since microorganisms do not seem to exist.
Quote
Why can't dwarves take personal initiative outside of Moods?
Dwarves believe in perfection. There is a platonic ideal of every item, and masterworks are simply coming really close to said ideal.
Sometimes, a dwarf will decide he'll break the mold and make something different, possibly even using normally unacceptable materials for his craft. Those items are highly valued because of their uniqueness, and strangely effective. Aside from them, dwarves try to make their items all the same, decorations notwithstanding.
Also, personal initiative is what dwarves take when they get married. Or throw parties. Or eat. Or not pull the lever/go trade at the depot for whatever reason.
---
Why don't dwarves eat land-dwelling small animals unless really desperate, while they do eat water-dwelling ones without much of a problem?
Post by: Tsuchigumo550 on October 08, 2012, 01:55:43 pm
Why do dwarves insist on leaving stones in a room after marking it as a room? It's cluttery.
Post by: hops on October 09, 2012, 04:09:50 am
How do brooks in DF work, seriously? They're 7/7 water surface that you can walk on without getting wet or even have to swim. Are they like enchanted or something?
Post by: Rose on October 09, 2012, 04:17:27 am
Why can't I think of a question?
Post by: hops on October 09, 2012, 04:28:02 am
Because after 101 pages of back-and-forth discussion, we've already answered most of the WTFs.
How, exactly, could a giant dragon fit between to trees?
Post by: darkgloomie on October 09, 2012, 12:24:55 pm
snugly!Because after 101 pages of back-and-forth discussion, we've already answered most of the WTFs.
How, exactly, could a giant dragon fit between to trees?
yeah, this kind of questions kinda calls for this type of answer, at least from me :p
Manager issues work order! Urist McWorkdwarf instantly knows what to do, and where, and when to stop. How's that possible? (please don't answer with "dwarven hive mind")
Post by: hops on October 09, 2012, 04:13:08 pm
Why don't the clowns just trade with us?
Post by: crazysheep on October 09, 2012, 09:30:59 pm
Why are webbing titans so annoying?
Post by: misko27 on October 09, 2012, 09:43:11 pm
They can't trade if they can't get through adamantine pillars. Also, what would they trade with us? They don't do anything useful down there in their homes..Becaue watching your dwarves be eaten while helpless by a bizzare nature monster is annoying.
Why are webbing titans so annoying?
Why do military dwarves let themselves be beaten and even killed if not activated?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on October 10, 2012, 12:50:46 am
Why do military dwarves let themselves be beaten and even killed if not activated?
Union rules. If they fight back when they're not on the clock, they'll make the other dwarves in the union look bad.
Why is it that vampires who can't walk manage to run from the hospital to a sleeping victim, but immediately after feeding, they collapse next to the bed, once again unable to walk?
Post by: hops on October 10, 2012, 08:16:02 am
Why are capybaras so lethal?
Post by: Monk321654 on October 10, 2012, 11:06:27 am
Why are DF cows so big compared to RL cows?
Post by: pisskop on October 10, 2012, 11:12:49 am
Why can't balista shoot through wall grates?
Post by: GoombaGeek on October 10, 2012, 11:18:04 am
How can adventurers tell what creature a particular pool of blood came from at a glance? It's like:
*glances at battlefield strewn with the corpses of most of the sentient creatures in the country*
"Oh look, gremlin blood! My favorite. *drinks*"
I can understand why troll blood is easy to identify (it's blue and tastes coppery), but everything else?!
Post by: DiezIrae on October 10, 2012, 11:27:23 am
What do the dwarfs see when they look up?
Post by: Flying Fortress on October 10, 2012, 12:05:19 pm
Why will a dwarf not brew beer without an order when he is dying of thirst and the ingredients + barrel are right there next to the still?
Post by: Scow2 on October 10, 2012, 03:45:19 pm
Dwarfs are not capable of looking up, they're beards are attached lower on their body which keeps their head from tilting back. If you want to know why they get scared of things above them it is because the beard senses what is above the dwarf and alerts him when danger is near (though this apparently does not apply to soon-to-happen cave ins.)Because he's not been told any more beer needs to be brewed. He'll take any time off he can get
Why will a dwarf not brew beer without an order when he is dying of thirst and the ingredients + barrel are right there next to the still?
WHY ARE ALL THE MIGRANTS CHILDREN!?
Post by: pisskop on October 10, 2012, 03:56:28 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Post by: tahujdt on October 10, 2012, 07:48:49 pm
Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Post by: JimboM12 on October 10, 2012, 07:56:33 pm
Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Post by: hops on October 10, 2012, 08:33:35 pm
Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Post by: tahujdt on October 10, 2012, 10:08:14 pm
Because making posts about posts is normal at Bay12.Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Why, when my Liberal is fighting the Conservative Police Demons while wearing Ceramic Body Armor, will three direct hits in the torso from an M16 barely bruise him, but getting shot with a 9mm in the arm will nearly kill him?
Post by: misko27 on October 10, 2012, 11:39:21 pm
Yep, thats what we call dimple poisoning son. Happens when a dwarf takes too much of that seet old dimple brew. Illegal stuff, mind you. Now yyou know why.Because making posts about posts is normal at Bay12.Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Why, when my Liberal is fighting the Conservative Police Demons while wearing Ceramic Body Armor, will three direct hits in the torso from an M16 barely bruise him, but getting shot with a 9mm in the arm will nearly kill him?
Why is Dimple Cup Brew so dangerous?
Post by: BFEL on October 10, 2012, 11:44:16 pm
Because It makes dwarves hallucinate about Liberals and Police Demons and "Ceramics" and fancy handheld crossbows that ain't bows.Yep, thats what we call dimple poisoning son. Happens when a dwarf takes too much of that seet old dimple brew. Illegal stuff, mind you. Now yyou know why.Because making posts about posts is normal at Bay12.Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Why, when my Liberal is fighting the Conservative Police Demons while wearing Ceramic Body Armor, will three direct hits in the torso from an M16 barely bruise him, but getting shot with a 9mm in the arm will nearly kill him?
Why is Dimple Cup Brew so dangerous?
Why did I use and so much just now despite it being improper English?
Post by: Gentlefish on October 11, 2012, 12:02:13 am
Because It makes dwarves hallucinate about Liberals and Police Demons and "Ceramics" and fancy handheld crossbows that ain't bows.Yep, thats what we call dimple poisoning son. Happens when a dwarf takes too much of that seet old dimple brew. Illegal stuff, mind you. Now yyou know why.Because making posts about posts is normal at Bay12.Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Why, when my Liberal is fighting the Conservative Police Demons while wearing Ceramic Body Armor, will three direct hits in the torso from an M16 barely bruise him, but getting shot with a 9mm in the arm will nearly kill him?
Why is Dimple Cup Brew so dangerous?
Why did I use and so much just now despite it being improper English?
Because you were constructing a list and a list uses lots of "and"s when done right.
Why can't dwarves mount mountable war animals?
Post by: hops on October 11, 2012, 12:04:52 am
Because It makes dwarves hallucinate about Liberals and Police Demons and "Ceramics" and fancy handheld crossbows that ain't bows.Yep, thats what we call dimple poisoning son. Happens when a dwarf takes too much of that seet old dimple brew. Illegal stuff, mind you. Now yyou know why.Because making posts about posts is normal at Bay12.Because meatshields are considered important in dwarf society.This is what childrens should be doing, not playing meatshied w/mommy. It needs to happen with dwarfs.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does this *not* happen with dwarves?
Why don't candy pickaxes mine any faster than copper?
Because Urist McMiner would rather use such a pickaxe to mine goblins.
Why do bone bolts come in packs of five and other bolts come in packs of 25?
Because they're basically huge sharp bones.
Why are we starting a quote pyramid?
Why, when my Liberal is fighting the Conservative Police Demons while wearing Ceramic Body Armor, will three direct hits in the torso from an M16 barely bruise him, but getting shot with a 9mm in the arm will nearly kill him?
Why is Dimple Cup Brew so dangerous?
Why did I use and so much just now despite it being improper English?
Because you were constructing a list and a list uses lots of "and"s when done right.
Why can't dwarves mount mountable war animals?
Cause their stubby legs make it impossible.
What are spatters of "Urist"? blood?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 11, 2012, 12:06:57 am
Because they're too short and their body's aren't quite broad enough, despite being proportionately much wider than humans. They can't mount a horse without doing the splits. It's actually incredibly painful and sometimes results in serious medical problems.
Spatters of "Urist" are usually melted skin, fat, or pools of alcohol that occasionally precipitate out of the blood stream.
So, why don't dwarves just attach wide platforms to animals as is sometimes done with elephants? Then multiple dwarves could ride comfortably on one horse!
Post by: Flying Fortress on October 11, 2012, 07:22:44 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do dwarves complain about not sleeping in a proper room recently, even if they slept in an unassigned room worth 10M urists. I wouldn't complain about sleeping in a room like that even if I didn't own it.
Post by: hops on October 11, 2012, 07:27:49 am
Especially if they own it.
Why don't elves teach dwarves tree conjuration?
Post by: Cassandra on October 11, 2012, 10:19:34 pm
Why do only adventuring elves work metal?
Post by: misko27 on October 11, 2012, 10:20:43 pm
Whydo military darves sometimes decide not to arm themselves at all?
Post by: pisskop on October 11, 2012, 10:26:14 pm
Why will civs of the same species outstrip another civ in territory but not assimilate them?
Post by: Langolier on October 13, 2012, 01:44:38 pm
We know what causes strange moods and tantrums, but what causes Strange Tantrums?!?!?
Post by: Cassandra on October 13, 2012, 01:54:50 pm
Urist McHusband has disappeared.
Urist McWife has lost a husband, and looked at a depressing dwarf-skin waterskin recently.
Urist McWife is throwing a tantrum!
Why can't Elves learn Necromancy?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 13, 2012, 02:23:23 pm
Why do dwarves insist on doing things in the least efficient manner possible, even when we make it as simple as possible?
Post by: misko27 on October 13, 2012, 03:54:36 pm
Why can't anyone find dwarven settlement in adventure mode? ( I know the actual reason, I want the justification)
Post by: hops on October 13, 2012, 05:35:31 pm
You don't see any hobbits? Well of course they obviously won't show themselves THAT easily.
Why didn't capybaras start a civ already?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 13, 2012, 05:54:32 pm
Why haven't the animal-people created a civilization? They've already overrun the world!
Post by: TheDarkStar on October 13, 2012, 08:42:15 pm
What is the syndrome-causing dust made of that FBs have that lets it be so dangerous?
Post by: Cassandra on October 13, 2012, 11:03:02 pm
Why can't dwarves and elves get along?
Post by: misko27 on October 13, 2012, 11:34:24 pm
Why are all civs of a race have the same ethics?
Post by: Wannazzaki on October 14, 2012, 10:04:42 am
They learned the arts of hiding from the hobbits.
You don't see any hobbits? Well of course they obviously won't show themselves THAT easily.
Why didn't capybaras start a civ already?
You never see a hobbit because they are purple. You've never seen a purple hobbit have you? No? Because purple is a dead sneaky colour.
Post by: FlickerFly on October 16, 2012, 04:17:25 pm
Why do dwarves keep having babies even when your fort is obviously overpopulated?
Post by: tomio175 on October 16, 2012, 04:39:36 pm
Why hasn't Toady implemented gunpowder yet?
Post by: pisskop on October 16, 2012, 05:12:04 pm
Where are the philosophers? Its somewhat questionable if even the generic nobles can read...
Post by: Eric Blank on October 16, 2012, 05:15:56 pm
And the philosophers were victims of a witch hunt. The target of which was everyone smart enough not to dodge over cliffs when a butterfly gets too close to them.
Why do dwarves choose to jump down in running water channels and end up going over your indoor waterfall, when the quickest route is actually to go over the bridge?
Post by: tomio175 on October 17, 2012, 05:39:04 am
Why aren't my dwarves so stupid? I probably have a smart /so stupid they look smart bunch. I mean, most of them run TO the fortress in the event of a siege...
Post by: hops on October 17, 2012, 01:49:40 pm
How do magma pistons work?
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on October 20, 2012, 03:44:26 pm
How do dwarves create magma cannons if magma is hot enough to melt anything?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 20, 2012, 04:26:29 pm
Why does it take 6 months to complete a short, simple meeting with the trade liaison?
Post by: GoombaGeek on October 20, 2012, 05:47:36 pm
Why do elves never bring caravan guards?
Post by: grimman007 on October 20, 2012, 05:51:55 pm
Why do wells blow up when water freezes?
Post by: pisskop on October 21, 2012, 10:14:11 am
Why are cats granted such liberty and mastery? as opposed to dogs or raccons or dolphins or gnomes or mermaids or any other not-quite-sentient but smart (or sentient but not quite a civ) animal?
Post by: misko27 on October 21, 2012, 04:39:57 pm
ALL HAIL CAT!
Why is the Elven World-Gen Strategy for fighting sheer numbers? I'm 4000 elves against 700 dwarves, againt 1500 humans. And in later world-gen they go up to 9000.
Yes, Elves are over 9000.
Post by: Cassandra on October 21, 2012, 09:17:01 pm
Post by: pisskop on October 22, 2012, 08:42:01 am
Post by: Burnup on October 22, 2012, 10:20:53 am
Why don't toenails heal again?
They can't 'again' because they didn't heal in the first place. Dwarves don't grow keratin, nor filamentous biomaterial, They're born with such things.
Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?
Post by: pisskop on October 22, 2012, 10:31:28 am
Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?
Post by: Burnup on October 22, 2012, 12:10:09 pm
I meant again as in Im sure its been asked. Mi scusi
In that case I go with my second answer: Dwarves don't grow keratin, nor filamentous biomaterial, They're born with such things.
Hence being born with full grown beards. They do not have the bodily make up to 'grow' or 'heal' such things.
Unless you dabble in biological engineering of dwarven genetics (The raws) and make a mutated-beard-growing-semi-dwarven race.
But that sounds like tampering better left focused on elves, because of elves dire need for it. Dwarves are perfect as is.
Now I repeat: Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?
Post by: gunpowdertea on October 23, 2012, 01:38:48 am
Now I repeat: Why can Gobbo McSuperBowman win in a range fight running around in an open field, when Urist McAwesomeXbow x8 is behind fortifications 3z levels up? Boom headshot x8 without taking damage how?
The Dwarves like to taunt the Gobbos: "You duffy Gobbish k-niggits! I fart in your general direction! I wave my private parts at your auntie! I ... aaargh!"
It's their own bloody fault, really.
Why enjoy Dwarves seeing animals and their kin starve in cages? (Why do they not feed them?)
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on October 23, 2012, 11:31:14 am
Why does magma not melt the soil, going all the way down to magma-safe rock?
Post by: Cassandra on October 23, 2012, 12:55:13 pm
How can I have a 'coating' of magma on my body, and not actually die?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 23, 2012, 12:57:56 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
...Because DF isn't THAT good with the concept of heat exchange. But it may melt the fat eventually. Or you're just fire-proof anyway.
So, why in Armok's name does Urist McSimpleton think it's a good idea to walk into a channel he just made that is filling with water? Why do they always instafreeze/drown themselves/get washed off a cliff to their doom? What the hell, Urist?
Post by: GoombaGeek on October 24, 2012, 09:40:02 pm
My question is this:
(http://oi45.tinypic.com/35lx5k4.jpg)
o_o
Post by: misko27 on October 24, 2012, 09:44:26 pm
Why can merchants automatically know whether traps are blocking the entrance for wagons? Or whether it is accessible to wagons at all? Or even whether its accessible at all ever?
Post by: Megaman3321 on October 24, 2012, 09:49:45 pm
How does a dwarf produce spores, anyway?
Post by: Joben on October 24, 2012, 10:20:29 pm
Post by: hops on October 26, 2012, 04:02:38 am
Post by: birdy51 on October 26, 2012, 07:13:33 am
Just how do Dwarves go months at a time without food, water, or rest?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on October 26, 2012, 11:53:36 pm
How does a screw pump clean and desalinate water?
Post by: Cassandra on October 26, 2012, 11:57:08 pm
Why will a kobold ignore the priceless artifact in the same freaking room... To steal a worn sock?
Post by: Maestro Ugo on October 27, 2012, 08:40:01 am
Why do dwarves never defecate?
Post by: gbrngfol on October 29, 2012, 01:14:39 am
Why do Steel Coated War Rabbits still get ripped apart by teeth when their skin is too hard for teeth to puncture?
Post by: vadia on October 30, 2012, 05:09:39 pm
Why do lungfish fly?
Post by: Mr S on October 30, 2012, 06:20:48 pm
OBEY LUNGFISH!!!
If all of the wild Kangaroos that I've trapped on map have either starved to death in their cages, waiting for more training after reverting to a wild state, or been slaughtered as quickly as possible after that first training (narrowly avoiding more of the above scenario), just how much have the dwarves REALLY learned about Kangaroos?
Post by: crazysheep on October 30, 2012, 09:14:04 pm
Is the scariness of Terrifying biomes subjective or objective?
Post by: vadia on October 30, 2012, 10:48:22 pm
How come there are so many double entandre names?
Post by: Callista on October 30, 2012, 10:49:59 pm
Why can vampires casually join a fortress, but necromancers can't?
Post by: gunpowdertea on October 31, 2012, 01:14:00 am
Why can vampires casually join a fortress, but necromancers can't?
Being a vampire (not the sparkling kind) is all about laying low, stalking your prey, not giving away your true nature. Being a necromancer is all about laying low in your hidden secret underground laboratory, occasionally getting one of your thralls to dig up some bodies for you and to erect the lightning rods. There's no need to join a fortress for them.
So: Why don't the necromancers ever use lightning to power their creatures? And additionally: When will they start building Chimenrae out of body parts (might be better than animating only the cold hand)?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on November 01, 2012, 10:06:27 pm
Why do my children keep running outside to play in the wilderness whenever I turn off alert burrows? There's nothing out there but goblins, kobolds and the undead.
Post by: Cassandra on November 01, 2012, 10:19:27 pm
Why can dwarves fit an infinite amount of objects into a 'dump', but only one per tile on a stockpile?
Post by: flame99 on November 02, 2012, 05:16:14 pm
How do vermin teleport from square to square?
Post by: Mr S on November 02, 2012, 05:58:13 pm
Why have Dorfs not figured out how to link multiple chains/ropes to make longer tie out for guard dogs, elven diplomats, etc.?
Post by: Imp on November 02, 2012, 06:08:35 pm
Why do some dwarves both casually worship and devoutly worship the same god?
Post by: solarr on November 02, 2012, 06:52:46 pm
The rope that gets used is barely shorter than the designated creature's body. If it equalled or exceeded that body length, then the creature would have enough slack to turn its head and bite through the restraint.
Why do some dwarves both casually worship and devoutly worship the same god?
BECAUSE OF THE
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
HOW does a mayor with NO ARMS OR LEGS bite the head off of a SWORDMASTER
Post by: Tsuchigumo550 on November 02, 2012, 06:54:32 pm
Why do dwarves consider three months a "working day"? They need alcohol to get through it but only drink four times a season
Post by: gbrngfol on November 02, 2012, 10:53:53 pm
Why are there 5 hostile amphibian people and one friendly one lurking in the caverns? They are both in the same tribe.
Post by: MaximumZero on November 02, 2012, 11:03:06 pm
Why can't you have unholy unions of different races breeding?
Post by: flame99 on November 03, 2012, 12:29:13 am
Why does my broker decide that the instant my dwarvern caravan, loaded with booze and food I desperately need, that it's a good time to go count the stockpiles?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on November 03, 2012, 01:53:04 am
Why is my Master Axedwarf called a Marksdwarf?
Post by: gbrngfol on November 03, 2012, 02:56:52 am
How do Titans/Forgotten Beasts fly when made of stone?
Post by: Imp on November 03, 2012, 03:45:21 am
Why won't a widowed dwarf ever remarry?
Post by: flame99 on November 03, 2012, 02:52:33 pm
Why did the dwarves in Boatmurdered engrave pictures of engravings of cheese?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 03, 2012, 02:58:33 pm
Why do dwarves always take the longest route?
Post by: misko27 on November 03, 2012, 03:34:00 pm
Why don't dwarves die from convection?
Post by: WaffleEggnog on November 03, 2012, 07:45:50 pm
Why do Dwarvern children do so much nothing?
Post by: gbrngfol on November 03, 2012, 07:50:01 pm
In an evil biome where does the blood-rain come from?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 03, 2012, 07:51:02 pm
Why are trees four feet tall?
Post by: misko27 on November 03, 2012, 07:58:24 pm
Why are there so many damn fisherdwarves?!?
Post by: Cassandra on November 03, 2012, 08:06:59 pm
Why did my brewer walk across the map to poke a giant sponge in a stagnent pool until it killed him?
Post by: itisnotlogical on November 03, 2012, 08:07:56 pm
Why do "forgotten" beasts give you names, detailed descriptions and combat hints when they show up?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 03, 2012, 08:13:57 pm
Why do animals never sleep?
Post by: Imp on November 03, 2012, 08:37:32 pm
Why does the mountainhome let you take any amount of specific materials when embarking, but refuse to let you order specific amounts of the things you need from caravans?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 03, 2012, 08:39:04 pm
Why do newborns have full beards?
Post by: JimDale on November 03, 2012, 09:06:06 pm
Why is my militia commander not bothered that much by the body of his dead friend in his bedroom? And also the fact that he has to step over it to go to sleep, and even when the corpse was still there when he and his lover were in bed?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 03, 2012, 09:08:47 pm
Why do newborns have full heads of hair?
Post by: Callista on November 03, 2012, 10:40:36 pm
How does a Urist McTripletMom hold on to three babies at once?
Post by: birdy51 on November 04, 2012, 12:08:03 am
Just how do dwarves tame their dragons?
Post by: Corai on November 04, 2012, 12:10:07 am
Why don't bandits attack you when you embark on their camp?
Post by: Gavakis on November 04, 2012, 01:00:25 am
Why are bronze colossus's statues at random?
( as in a bronze colossus will drop a cricket statue instead of a a man?)
Post by: TopHat on November 04, 2012, 05:31:02 am
Why do dwarves think that wasp stings are worthy of an announcement.
Post by: Tsuchigumo550 on November 04, 2012, 01:33:05 pm
Why do dwarves decide that when on fire, that's the best time to drink alcohol?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 04, 2012, 01:34:42 pm
Why do children never clean their rooms?
Post by: MoonLightBird on November 04, 2012, 03:17:14 pm
Why do bears like booze so much?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 04, 2012, 03:21:49 pm
Why can mushrooms be used as wood?
Post by: pisskop on November 05, 2012, 08:44:01 am
What evil elf magic transpires to change the trees into giant monsters? How do we stop it?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 05, 2012, 08:50:50 am
How can elves be so annoying?
Post by: martinuzz on November 05, 2012, 08:56:10 am
Why does a dwarf not wake up when being dragged to a cell for a hammering?
Post by: Xob Ludosmbax on November 05, 2012, 07:28:16 pm
Why doesn't the fortress's leader (expedition leader, mayor, whatever) stop for a minute so that the outpost liaison can talk? If someone is following you around for months, it should be painfully obvious that they have something they would like to discuss.
Post by: flame99 on November 05, 2012, 11:23:48 pm
Why did Armok only make blood rain in Evil/Terrifying biomes, instead of everywhere?
Post by: gunpowdertea on November 06, 2012, 02:34:17 am
Why did Armok only make blood rain in Evil/Terrifying biomes, instead of everywhere?
c'mon, blood raining from the sky is terrifying or at least very unusual (at least without skewering gobbos and elves to provide fertilizer for the fields).
Why doesn't it rain MAGMA (except in Boatmurdered or Deathgate)? Surely that spot of ground would be BLESSED BY ARMOK!
Post by: pivole on November 06, 2012, 07:31:57 am
Why can I not pump water up a tower, without a ridiculous stack of machinery?
Post by: Berossus on November 06, 2012, 08:11:34 am
Why does my Ranger complain about sleeping in the dirt recently.
Hes a freaking RANGER dammit.
(Also he has a room assigned to him)
Post by: FIREWALKER1 on November 06, 2012, 06:07:21 pm
Post by: P(ony)SI on November 06, 2012, 06:10:38 pm
Heres my WTF. -snip-Yo dawg, I heard you liek sweat, so I put some sweaty sweat in your sweat pool so you can sweat sweaty sweat while you sweat sweaty sweat.
Why do !!dwarves!! ignore the fact that they are on fire?
Post by: Mr S on November 06, 2012, 06:57:54 pm
Why do dwarven miners not simply have a tie off system for fall protection when channeling floors using ropes to keep them from falling through the floor they, or thier comrades have just finished mining?
Post by: Graknorke on November 06, 2012, 07:07:55 pm
What constitutes dwarvern comedy?
Post by: itisnotlogical on November 06, 2012, 07:19:53 pm
Who's there?
The titan Uslob Gabrostars! It has four wings, no eyes, and knows and chants the names of all it encounters! Beware its deadly dust!
*laughter, applause*
What makes giant animals so huge in the first place?
Post by: pisskop on November 06, 2012, 07:27:20 pm
Why is alchemy broken? Can't you just crush, dissolve, and mix just about anything?
Post by: Mr S on November 06, 2012, 08:15:51 pm
Why do the minecart crossings and stops not include pedestrian cross walks?
Post by: M_So on November 06, 2012, 10:59:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/J2vR3.jpg)
Their has not been any deaths yet (so can't be a ghost) and my fortress is locked down with no way in, is their a goblin sneaking around or what. D:
Post by: birdy51 on November 06, 2012, 11:15:21 pm
Post by: xoseph on November 09, 2012, 12:53:41 am
That's not alchemy. That's called "Prepare Lavish Meal".
Why do the minecart crossings and stops not include pedestrian cross walks?
If the carts stop, things slow down. If things slow down, it takes longer to go on break. The carts don't stop.
Why does encountering undead cause unhappiness?
Post by: Imp on November 09, 2012, 02:08:48 am
Why do undead hate all life? Isn't that to much work?
Post by: omg_scout on November 09, 2012, 06:45:28 am
Why do gobo lashers always one hit your candy axelords?
Post by: tahujdt on November 09, 2012, 07:18:55 am
Why do gobo lashers always one hit your candy axelords?Because "whip" is goblin for "lightsaber".
Post by: Mr S on November 09, 2012, 01:18:34 pm
Post by: pisskop on November 09, 2012, 01:27:08 pm
Why is dwarven !!science!! more logical and progressive than dwarven technology?
Post by: pivole on November 14, 2012, 04:40:52 am
And why aren't my hospital staff (who aren't currently assigned to any task) fixing up my stream of injured dwarves, despite their fully equipped hospital?
Post by: pisskop on November 14, 2012, 07:39:52 am
Why do dwarves even bother to make fortresses rathar than pillage another race's?
Post by: Scootagoose on November 14, 2012, 04:57:42 pm
Why do my dwarves cover my outside statue garden in vomit?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 14, 2012, 05:04:12 pm
Why zombies so hard to kill? They're ROTTING! Usually.
Post by: Scootagoose on November 14, 2012, 05:12:34 pm
Why do my warriors always duel-wield weapons and or hold a weapon and shield in the same hand?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 14, 2012, 05:13:35 pm
Why are dorfs so stupid?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 14, 2012, 05:16:25 pm
They think in a VERY different way than humans.
Why do humans not take a side in Dwarf versus Elf conflicts?
Post by: Scootagoose on November 14, 2012, 05:18:13 pm
Why don't dwarves ever fight each other?
Post by: Imp on November 14, 2012, 05:31:47 pm
Why doesn't forbidding empty cage traps make the dwarves hauling cages realize they should stop trying to load said forbidden traps?
Post by: Berossus on November 14, 2012, 06:05:31 pm
Why do DF volcanoes never errupt?
Post by: pisskop on November 14, 2012, 07:13:05 pm
Why are some creatures by default arena restricted?
Post by: misko27 on November 16, 2012, 12:18:38 am
Why have their been no Dwarven, Elven, and Goblin sites until now (in-game explanation)?
Post by: Drazinononda on November 16, 2012, 01:05:06 am
Because Armok thinks it more FUN watching your expression when you are assualted by a army of floating guts.
Why have their been no Dwarven, Elven, and Goblin sites until now (in-game explanation)?
The dwarves have spent all their time trying to colonize glaciers covered in evil smog; the elves can't really build anything -- what would they build with? And the goblins, well, they fall into two factions: the ones who have to sneak everywhere, and thus can't build (too conspicuous); and the ones who are riding Giant Bats and spend their entire lives soaring aimlessly at the whims of their mounts.
Q: If a hauler begins pushing a bismuth bronze minecart clockwise up a spiral ramp from the magma forges on Z -147 on the 22nd of Granite, and another dwarf pushes a copper minecart from the Trade Depot heading counterclockwise down the ramp on the 24th of Granite, where will the mayor find the hauler's left lower arm?
Post by: Mr S on November 16, 2012, 01:57:38 pm
How can your Dwarven civ have developed the High Boot, but have NO IDEA how to make Low Boots?
Post by: Megaman3321 on November 16, 2012, 04:35:01 pm
How much bone could a ☼bone hammer☼ break if a ☼bone hammer☼ could break bone?
Post by: Jellycat12 on November 16, 2012, 04:37:21 pm
Why do the boogymen kill all my adventurers?
Post by: pisskop on November 16, 2012, 04:38:33 pm
Why do boogwymen only attack player led characters and not worldgen ones?
Post by: Megaman3321 on November 17, 2012, 01:40:17 am
How can dwarves breathe from 100z's underground if the staircase is sealed?
Post by: flame99 on November 17, 2012, 04:21:05 pm
Post by: Raikaria on November 17, 2012, 05:24:30 pm
That's not what's odd.
What's odd is he had an object of worship. Namely Kun, apparently Kun is a god in the image of a Giant Bat, associated with the night, stars, sky, and wealth.
Apparently only one Dwarf ever worshiped Kun. Even weirder is the Crocodile's 'worship' isn't mentioned on the God's page.
Also apparently an univited guest showed up, and destroyed a masterwork cage, without me getting any notification of it arriving.
Post by: Imp on November 17, 2012, 05:47:52 pm
Why are cooked seeds so filling?
Post by: Scootagoose on November 17, 2012, 06:13:30 pm
Why isn't there dwarven whiskey?
Post by: Raikaria on November 17, 2012, 08:05:23 pm
Because a dwarf only needs to survive off of a crumb and a cup of ale
Why isn't there dwarven whiskey?
Whiskey is hippy beer.
Post by: Megaman3321 on November 17, 2012, 08:25:05 pm
Post by: Monk321654 on November 17, 2012, 10:56:10 pm
How much sand can you fit in a dragons stomach?
Post by: flame99 on November 18, 2012, 01:52:12 am
How are milkfish capable of kicking my companions faces in?
Post by: MaximumZero on November 18, 2012, 02:02:05 am
Why are there so many lungfish!?
Post by: gbrngfol on November 18, 2012, 02:53:11 am
Why won't my dwarves simply dump the rock that's in the way of wall-building? Note: it does have a dump order thy just ignore it.
Post by: Scootagoose on November 18, 2012, 05:09:58 am
How come godlike dwarfs can take a hammer to the face and laugh, but when a bolt hits their second finger, left hand. They fall on the ground and die?
Post by: Rotinaj on November 18, 2012, 07:02:39 am
Why does my chief medical dwarf deem it more important to rearrange her socks than to treat my wounded dwarves?
Post by: hops on November 18, 2012, 06:09:09 pm
Why are elves against deforestation, but refuses to use metal equipment?
Post by: Scootagoose on November 18, 2012, 06:17:56 pm
Why does Urist McWarrior pick a xxBronze Helmetxx over a masterwork adamantine helmet?
Post by: hops on November 18, 2012, 06:21:53 pm
Why can't dwarves mine slade?
Post by: Scootagoose on November 18, 2012, 07:03:46 pm
Why are humans so gullible to worship a demon?
Post by: flame99 on November 18, 2012, 07:04:52 pm
How can I knock over a carp and have it stand back up?
Post by: P(ony)SI on November 18, 2012, 08:56:15 pm
If dwarves are controlled by their beards, how come they die if their brains are injured?
Post by: MrWiggles on November 19, 2012, 02:28:56 am
Why did the elvin diplomats disappear?
Post by: hops on November 19, 2012, 02:30:46 am
How could copper picks mine adamantine?
Post by: MrWiggles on November 19, 2012, 05:40:24 am
How do elves eat their victims?
Post by: Raikaria on November 19, 2012, 08:05:38 am
Because they're forged on the paradoxical anvil.
How do elves eat their victims?
The same why they butcher them with wooden sticks, hippy magic.
Post by: pisskop on November 19, 2012, 10:47:19 am
Post by: birdy51 on November 19, 2012, 10:54:09 am
Why don't dwarves evacuate their fortress when there there is an emergancy such as a visit from the circus?
Post by: hops on November 19, 2012, 06:41:08 pm
Why can't adventurers outrun glaciers?
Post by: itisnotlogical on November 20, 2012, 02:21:45 am
They could. It's just that the overseer is too stubborn to abandon.
Why can't adventurers outrun glaciers?
They are stricken by fear and can only stumble away in shock.
Why does all liquid anywhere in the world freeze at night?
Post by: flame99 on November 24, 2012, 12:13:13 am
Post by: pisskop on November 24, 2012, 12:30:50 am
Armok thinks watching you die by bogeymen and bandits is more !!FUN!! when you're starving to death and haven't been able to find any clean water.?
Post by: Mooglit on November 24, 2012, 01:50:31 am
Why doesArmok thinks watching you die by bogeymen and bandits is more !!FUN!! when you're starving to death and haven't been able to find any clean water.?
Because when you're a god who crafts worlds for the sake of it, you take enjoyment in the small things in life. And a monumental sense of schadenfreude.
Why do my dwarves insist on applying their fey thoughts upon rings or earrings? wouldn't those masterfully depicted historical events and figures be better shown on a sword, or axe, or heaven forbid, a table as opposed to an earring, ring or toy?
Post by: hops on November 24, 2012, 02:23:12 am
Just how BIG are wagons?
Post by: Cassandra on November 24, 2012, 02:26:41 am
Why do hornets not sting when thrown?
Post by: Mooglit on November 24, 2012, 07:02:54 am
Why do hornets not sting when thrown?
Incorrect velocity. Try a catapult.
Why do weavers have the implicit need to ignore orders when told not to go chasing giant spiders?
Post by: flame99 on November 24, 2012, 02:23:37 pm
How do magma men, blood men, etc. manage to keep their shape despite being liquid?
Post by: GoombaGeek on November 24, 2012, 07:19:20 pm
Because Dwarves don't breathe. They use an alcohol-based organ in their beards that allow them to create oxygen to put into their bloodstream. They can die from water because it washes away the alcohol and are bugged by miasma because it irritates the organ.Hold it, gotta use my Chem 10 knowledge to crack down on any fun that may be happening here.
Alcohols are hydrocarbons that have very sneakily had one of their hydrogen ions replaced with a hydroxide (OH) ion. Hydrocarbons are, surprisingly, made of hydrogen and carbon, which means NO OXYGEN in normal form (gasp). So, this beard organ must take alcohols, remove the oxygen from the hydroxide somehow, and then secrete the pure hydrocarbon. This also explains why dwarves never get natural gas poisoning or anything - they're used to high levels of ethane in the air (and methane too if they're drinking wood alcohol).
So it turns out getting oxygen from alcohol is possible after all according to my incomplete education. SCIENCE!
Post by: Carp McDwarfEater on November 24, 2012, 07:44:17 pm
All dwarves have the maturity level of a 9-year-old child. They view a GCS as the best prank to pull on their sisters possible. Also, all dwarves without sisters make up an imaginary one, due to an error Armok had when making dwarvern brains.
How do magma men, blood men, etc. manage to keep their shape despite being liquid?
They stay in shape by going on a strict diet and exercising regularly.
Why do elves love wood?
Post by: Mooglit on November 24, 2012, 08:03:25 pm
Why do elves love wood?
At one point in their ancient and illustrious history, the elves came to know trees, in the biblical sense. Dwarven records are unclear on the method, given each successive rewriting of this story has been penned by someone progressively more blitzed than the last.
Given the elves so-intimate relationship with their wooden kin, any dwarven interaction with such is basically akin to them going "Yo' mama."
If Kobolds had the capability, what would be their main trading export?
Post by: NineFourEightSeven on November 24, 2012, 08:19:23 pm
How does a small sea lamprey bite off the entire upper half of a fisherman?
Post by: pisskop on November 24, 2012, 11:10:19 pm
Why do player led adventures miss prone targets %90 of the time but fortress characters can arrowspam no matter what?
Post by: pisskop on November 24, 2012, 11:11:24 pm
Why do player led adventures miss prone targets %90 of the time but fortress characters can arrowspam no matter what?
Post by: Mooglit on November 25, 2012, 12:57:57 am
Why do player led adventures miss prone targets %90 of the time but fortress characters can arrowspam no matter what?
For the same reason the fortress characters can mutilate a creature to within an inch of its pathetic life, then go back to the fort to drink and chat with friends while the beast bleeds out, braying and dragging its sorry self through the murk: Alcohol.
Why don't dwarves teach human traders how to craft steel, so as to be able to have greater trading capabilities?
Post by: flame99 on November 25, 2012, 01:13:42 am
Why are
Post by: Rallan on November 25, 2012, 05:55:57 am
Why do player led adventures miss prone targets %90 of the time but fortress characters can arrowspam no matter what?
For the same reason the fortress characters can mutilate a creature to within an inch of its pathetic life, then go back to the fort to drink and chat with friends while the beast bleeds out, braying and dragging its sorry self through the murk: Alcohol.
Why don't dwarves teach human traders how to craft steel, so as to be able to have greater trading capabilities?
Because dwarves are ass-backwards mercantilists who've obviously never read Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations, and who would rather protect their wealth by keeping out competitors with monopolies on key industries rather than grow their wealth by stimulating foreign demand :)
Or if you want a more in-universe answer, it's because they live in a world where genocidal wars between major civilizations are pretty much inevitable. Dwarves are the only guys in the world who can equip whole armies with steel arms and armor right now, and they'd be cutting their own throats if they taught other races the secret of steelmaking. Plus the dwarven steel monopoly makes them stupidly rich since other races will charge a premium for steel goods (it's a safe assumption that Toady set steel's trade value higher than gold to reflect this artificial scarcity).
Post by: FlickerFly on December 21, 2012, 09:45:24 pm
Because if they give them steel, they will be raised to higher intelligence, and they will realize that all the rock mugs and trumpets, as many of them as there are, are worthless, and will attack the dwarves for the deception.
Why arefortressadventurer dwarves immune to alcohol withdrawal and are, in fact, incapable of drinking alcohol?
Because they heard this urban legend about how alcohol-drinking dwarves slowly lose autonomy, eventually just becoming an extensionof the fortress, and that the more alcohol they drink the less likely the are to disobey the hive-mind.
what is the evolutionary advantage of being a dwarf, and why didn't they die out due to their inability to process logic?
Edit- does this count as necro-ing? sorry. It seems relevant to me, but if it's not, again, sorry.
Post by: flame99 on December 21, 2012, 09:50:07 pm
Why are giant sponges capable of smashing a dwarf's brain in?
Post by: gunpowdertea on December 27, 2012, 12:44:32 am
Why are giant sponges capable of smashing a dwarf's brain in?
Ever jump down into a pool of water and land, well, sub-optimal? Sponges contain lots of water and if accelerated enough it seems as hard as a brick and smash in the skull, bruising the brain.
Why, oh why are windows made of cut sandstone or granite transparent?
Post by: Rose on December 28, 2012, 01:36:18 pm
Why can what amounts to a rock grille hold back water?
Post by: flame99 on December 28, 2012, 03:01:57 pm
How can a bronze collosus, which is described as being at least ten times bigger then a dwarf, be trapped in a cage made of wood that even a child can lift without losing any speed?
Post by: hops on December 29, 2012, 08:43:17 pm
Post by: Graknorke on December 29, 2012, 08:45:26 pm
Post by: Corai on December 29, 2012, 08:47:25 pm
Why don't elves turn trees into giant golems for the purpose of war?
Post by: flame99 on December 29, 2012, 08:48:53 pm
Why do nobles think that slade earrings are necessary when there's a bronze colossus walking into their rooms?
Post by: hops on December 29, 2012, 09:04:59 pm
Why is Armok never mentioned in-game?
Post by: Komra on December 30, 2012, 04:03:48 pm
What's chapter III going to be?
Post by: pisskop on December 30, 2012, 04:05:30 pm
Why don't don't gods do more in their world?
Post by: Nathail on December 30, 2012, 05:06:58 pm
Why do demons kill dwarves instead of joining into the great fortress hivemind?
Post by: flame99 on December 30, 2012, 05:11:46 pm
If you get a fortress to "Mountainhome" level, then why don't you send caravans to other fortresses?
Post by: Komra on December 30, 2012, 05:45:55 pm
(However, I would love to see that in-game, along with sending out excess population to found new NPC forts that you could later control after losing)
What's up with airline food?
Post by: Graknorke on December 31, 2012, 06:43:05 am
What's up with airline food?During flight; all of it.
How many dwarves make 5?
Post by: flame99 on December 31, 2012, 07:21:44 am
How can two or three competent swordsmen take down a charging boar with minimal injuries, but can't take on a badger and still have limbs?
Post by: Urist McLaptop on December 31, 2012, 11:09:41 am
Why does 80% of he dwarf population insist on hauling items when all of the workshops are filled with orders
Post by: inEQUALITY on December 31, 2012, 11:37:58 am
CAUSE BADGERS DONT CARE
Why does 80% of he dwarf population insist on hauling items when all of the workshops are filled with orders
Because you didn't turn off the hauling labor for them. :P
Why do
Post by: Urist McMontros on December 31, 2012, 12:29:30 pm
CAUSE BADGERS DONT CARE
Why does 80% of he dwarf population insist on hauling items when all of the workshops are filled with orders
Because you didn't turn off the hauling labor for them. :P
Why dowedwarves inherently hate elves but not humans?
Because Elves are hippies that get offended when you try to sell them anything made out of wood. Or came from wood. Or has touched wood. Or has been in the same room as wood. Or has the scent of wood on it.
Aside from the animals they bring, they are inherently worthless and killing their traders produces much more !FUN!
Why did the Urist cross the railroad tracks?
Post by: flame99 on December 31, 2012, 04:33:01 pm
How do goblins siege you, if the closest thing they have to a fortress is sitting on some ground and saying, "Yup. This is our citadel!"
Post by: javierpwn on December 31, 2012, 05:16:07 pm
Why do pastured animals attack each other for food when the rest of the pasture is filled with grass
Post by: flame99 on December 31, 2012, 05:28:34 pm
Why can I not think of a question?
Post by: Corai on December 31, 2012, 05:31:03 pm
Why can't goblins just hole up underground and do nothing? They don't need to eat, drink or anything. Why fight? They could do wonders for the scientific front!
Post by: Nathail on December 31, 2012, 05:38:08 pm
Who forgets the Forgotten Beast? If they've been living in caves since before the dawn of time, and the various races only pop up at the dawn of time, then surely nobody would have even known about them in the first place.
Post by: javierpwn on December 31, 2012, 07:22:15 pm
Why do beekeepers insist on not wearing protective clothing from the bees which they keep
Post by: tahujdt on January 01, 2013, 03:20:05 am
Why can't goblins just hole up underground and do nothing? They don't need to eat, drink or anything. Why fight? They could do wonders for the scientific front!They do do science. They invented the
Why do beekeepers insist on not wearing protective clothing from the bees which they keepBecause their beards protect the only parts of them which really have any feeling.
Why do clothes slow down the FPS?
Post by: NineFourEightSeven on January 01, 2013, 07:52:00 pm
Why do giant sponges have [MOUNT_EXOTIC] if they're immobile?
Post by: Komra on January 01, 2013, 07:56:07 pm
Why can't giant sponges just die?!?!?
Post by: Jellycat12 on January 01, 2013, 07:57:47 pm
Why do goblins ignore my beautiful trap-filled entrance?
Post by: nymall on January 01, 2013, 09:56:12 pm
Not-so-serious: You see, it all has to do with goblin Gravo-dynamics. Each time a goblin dies, it creates a small field of negative "deadite" energy. Goblins, being the corrupted spawn of fey creatures, have a natural attunement to this invisible Nether of energy. As they get closer, the death of thier comrades 'compells' them to find another route, like a similar magnet pushing away a similar magnet. In this way, you could say thier field is 'opposed' to death. Har har har.(My son loves Rocky and Bullwinkle. The puns are driving me mad...)
Why does it never spawn just ONE megabest in the caverns at a time?
Post by: Jellycat12 on January 01, 2013, 09:59:20 pm
Serious: Probably because there's a quicker, easier route. Gobs always path through the shortest route(unless they're on mounts... then they just spaz randomly)No, they just stand there. For several months. Then they wander off.
And to answer your question: They hate you.
Why do babies crawl around aimlessly when not being held?
Post by: hops on January 01, 2013, 10:03:59 pm
Why do people forget about Forgotten Beasts if they appear almost every year in dwarven forts?
Post by: black47 on January 02, 2013, 02:51:20 pm
Why do people forget about Forgotten Beasts if they appear almost every year in dwarven forts?
Because skinless asses that shoot poisonous gas are too much to bear and dwarves are too mentally scarred to remember. The non-asses one, well, they are just distant cousins of this guy (http://reprog.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/doctor-who-spoilers-silence-431x300.jpg).
Why did Urist McChicken cross the road?
Post by: Jellycat12 on January 02, 2013, 02:53:09 pm
When are sweet pods red?
Post by: flame99 on January 02, 2013, 11:39:31 pm
Why are plump helmets the ONLY (non-tree) plant that can be grown in the expansive underground caverns during ALL times of the year, despite this being an extraordinary evolutionary advantage, leading to a huge sprout in population?
Post by: gunpowdertea on January 03, 2013, 08:31:04 am
Why are plump helmets the ONLY (non-tree) plant that can be grown in the expansive underground caverns during ALL times of the year, despite this being an extraordinary evolutionary advantage, leading to a huge sprout in population?
Well, some plants are better at this game than others. It's like on the surface where we do have plants like Bishop's weed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aegopodium_podagraria). They grow like, well, weed. They can be edible (this one is), but is outperforming all other plants and crowding out the native vegetation. As to the why: Evolution is a dirty game, there's winners...
Why do vampires think they can remain secret when they arrive with a shitload of skills and a list of former fortresses longer than their forearm? If they just wouldn't boast...
Post by: Cheedows on January 03, 2013, 10:47:54 am
Post by: pisskop on January 03, 2013, 01:32:49 pm
Why don't kobolds advance on their own? Can't they just speak jibberish and learn to forge? Not being understandable by humans hardly means they have to be stupid. . .
Post by: strongrudder on January 03, 2013, 10:17:29 pm
If the goblin thief came to my fortress to steal a child, why did he cut the poor thing's leg off before stuffing her in his bag? I can't imagine the corpses of dwarf children are anywhere near as useful to his civilization.
Post by: TubaDragoness on January 03, 2013, 10:22:37 pm
How does a dorf with the personality trait "views helping others as an imposition on his time" manage to migrate in as a master suturer?
Post by: tahujdt on January 03, 2013, 10:29:28 pm
How does a dorf with the personality trait "views helping others as an imposition on his time" manage to migrate in as a master suturer?He is most likely Urist McHouse.
Why don't my dwarves store thread in the correct stockpiles?
Post by: Komra on January 04, 2013, 03:00:20 pm
Alternatively, they were trying to make field hospitals. In the stockpiles. Yeah.
Why does every aventurer start out with crappy equipment?
Post by: Nathail on January 04, 2013, 03:15:13 pm
Why do creatures which hate life ignore plants?
Post by: tahujdt on January 04, 2013, 03:17:49 pm
Why do creatures which hate life ignore plants?Because elves hate life, therefore creatures which hate life are elves.
Why can't my dwarves feed cattle?
Post by: flame99 on January 05, 2013, 05:29:01 pm
Overseer: Hey Urist, can you go feed the cat-
Urist: What?! Have you gone daft? WHY DO YOU WANT TO FEED THE CATS?! Are you trying to kill the fortress?! Do you work for the Elves? You work for the elves! THE OVERSEER WORKS FOR THE ELVES!!!
Overseer:-tle.
Why doesn't pitchblende have any effect on the dwarves?
Post by: Liber celi on January 06, 2013, 06:10:46 am
Better known as Beards.
What is that invisible border about 20z levels over the map?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 06, 2013, 08:37:08 am
How it is possible to make a weapon that shoots 5 tons of spears, corpses and armor using only bridge, mechanism and a lever...?
Post by: KoboldSmasher on January 06, 2013, 11:02:08 am
Why do necromancers build towers?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 06, 2013, 11:28:16 am
How do cage traps work? Someone steps on them, bam, he's caged. Even if it's a huge forgotten beast/giant/titan/dragon. Teleportation or what?
Post by: hops on January 07, 2013, 08:44:33 am
Why did the elves eat Cacame's wife, anyways?
Post by: pisskop on January 07, 2013, 09:25:44 am
If elves are monsters than what are goblins?
Post by: Ipwnurmom221 on January 07, 2013, 10:22:57 am
Why do some people think this thread is for "tech support"?
Post by: Nathail on January 07, 2013, 03:50:46 pm
Why don't any Titans or Forgotten Beasts use poisonous webbing?
Post by: wierd on January 07, 2013, 03:58:07 pm
If kobolds survive exclusively by stealing food supplies, why do the insist on stealing XxPigtail ThongxX instead of the plump helmets and strawberries that nobody would notice going missing?
Post by: Liber celi on January 07, 2013, 05:37:22 pm
What do magma crabs breathe?
Post by: Scootagoose on January 07, 2013, 06:04:51 pm
Why do dwarven archers stick to running at the enemy using the crossbow as club, even if they have a bunch of bolts?
Post by: pisskop on January 08, 2013, 12:21:32 pm
Why don't dwarves invent a crossbow with a bayonet?
Post by: gbrngfol on January 08, 2013, 08:12:12 pm
Why have dwarves not made a kittenapult yet?
Post by: flame99 on January 08, 2013, 08:28:50 pm
Why haven't any Forgotten Beasts been added to the lists of SCPs?
Post by: hops on January 11, 2013, 10:28:17 am
Why don't elves just take over the world already? Time is on their side.
Post by: Liber celi on January 11, 2013, 08:02:06 pm
Why don't goblins just stay home and try not to die painfully?
Post by: Larix on January 12, 2013, 02:11:57 am
Why do hunters go into 'sneak' mode the moment they embark on a hunt - while the hunter is deep inside the fortress, surrounded by other dwarfs and hundreds of steps outside their mark's attention range?
Post by: Komra on January 16, 2013, 06:32:46 pm
How would dwarves deal with an enemy's mobile siege engines?
Post by: flame99 on January 16, 2013, 06:45:16 pm
If magma cannons are so important to dwarves, why isn't it a dwarvern word?
Post by: Graknorke on January 16, 2013, 08:46:27 pm
What strange magic to medical dwarves weave to heal the obscenely deadly injuries?
Post by: wierd on January 16, 2013, 09:03:24 pm
Now, what are dwarven livers made from, exactly? They filter more alcohol in a day than 2year olds pee into public pools across america on a hot summer day!
Post by: Mr Space Cat on January 16, 2013, 09:50:47 pm
How do dwarves carve artifact statues and cabinets and beds from a single gemstone?
Post by: Komra on January 17, 2013, 02:55:10 pm
Why aren't there trebuchets/ Additionally, why dosn't anyone use special siege ammo (fire, bio-weaponry, MAGMAAAAAA-infused dolomite shells, etc.)?
Post by: Scootagoose on January 17, 2013, 03:19:15 pm
Why don't humans use science against !!SCIENCE!!?
Post by: pisskop on January 17, 2013, 03:23:11 pm
Why don't dwarves use pipes for water/sound?
Post by: flame99 on January 17, 2013, 04:08:33 pm
What would happen if Armok gave Giant Sponges lungs, the ability to roll, and the ability to make civilizations?
Post by: Graknorke on January 17, 2013, 04:23:38 pm
Why will elves soon have been freerunning up trees instead of using stairs; and how are we supposed to dislike them when they start having been?
Post by: Scootagoose on January 17, 2013, 04:26:00 pm
How do elves freerun in wooden armor?
Post by: tahujdt on January 28, 2013, 10:15:37 am
Why do Dwarves have an aversion to eating enemy combatants?Because they prefer plump helmets because of their suggestive shape. #customprefstring
Why do my post-apocalypse ponies, when armed with anti-machine sniper rifles, keep going to the stockpile to get their large caliber ammo, and then promptly dropping it and going back for more?
Post by: MaximumZero on January 28, 2013, 10:20:20 am
Why is it that I can mod in hundred mouthed monstrosities, but I can't figure out a good use for Bismuth?
Post by: pisskop on January 28, 2013, 10:22:19 am
Why can the ai see perfectly, even when running around a dimly lit fortress?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 28, 2013, 10:47:38 am
How a single bridge powered by a dwarf pulling random levers launch whole caravan with 2 wagons and a goblin ambush to the moon?
Post by: Coalwalker on January 28, 2013, 11:47:03 am
They use their beards, not eyes, you silly!Because button mashing is historically the most effective method of winning!
How a single bridge powered by a dwarf pulling random levers launch whole caravan with 2 wagons and a goblin ambush to the moon?
Why do dwarves insist on clinging to their xXSocksXx for years after they've stopped wearing them?
Post by: Gentlefish on January 28, 2013, 12:25:40 pm
They use their beards, not eyes, you silly!Because button mashing is historically the most effective method of winning!
How a single bridge powered by a dwarf pulling random levers launch whole caravan with 2 wagons and a goblin ambush to the moon?
Why do dwarves insist on clinging to their xXSocksXx for years after they've stopped wearing them?
Sentimentality reasons.
How does every dwarf in the fort know that another one died immediately after a
Post by: Di on January 28, 2013, 01:13:31 pm
Now why adventuring dwarfs can't see more than a 3 tiles away underground while fortress ones can see up to 20 tiles.
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 28, 2013, 02:04:56 pm
Gobbos, Y U NO just attack my front gate (where you will be slaughtered by a battery of siege engines)? Why do you have to find a back door for hunters 700 tiles away?
Post by: Komra on January 28, 2013, 03:08:37 pm
Why are there no ninjas or pirates?
Post by: Culise on January 28, 2013, 03:19:44 pm
The gobbos love to think that they're excellent infiltrators, so they'll comb every bit of the landscape to find a sneaky way in.The dwarven pirates struck the earth...with their ships. As for dwarven ninjas, they're already in the game. After all, if you could see them, they wouldn't be very good ninjas, now would they?
Why are there no ninjas or pirates?
How can a single ring take up the same amount of room in a stockpile as an entire bin full of lead bars?
Post by: Komra on January 28, 2013, 05:02:05 pm
How can a single ring take up the same amount of room in a stockpile as an entire bin full of lead bars?
Dwarven categorization methods are convoluted and often apparently random, but their space allocation methods are frightfully strict. Any single item or container-bound set- even an entire Forgotten Beast corpse- must be forced into the same space through sheer, physics-altering dwarven mindpower. Unfortunately, most of that mindpower is then allocated and otherwise unusable.
Why do dwarven civilizations not have national tantrum spirals?
Post by: wierd on January 28, 2013, 05:18:48 pm
How is it that barrels of milk and eggs, two notoriously perishable products, can stand round in a non-refrigerated stockpile for years at a time, and still be perfectly edible?
Post by: Psilobe on January 28, 2013, 06:08:45 pm
How did dwarfs first discover quantum storage (single tile dump zone) as well as the dwarven atom smasher?
Post by: Tevish Szat on January 28, 2013, 06:21:36 pm
Quantum Stockpiling, on the other hand, was the end result of years of storage and hauling research. It is said that the words that first heralded this monumental discovery were "Why don't we just throw all this [explative] in a pile and be done with it?"
The combination of the two was thereafter inevitable.
Why are dwarven civilizations never commandeered by escaped demons?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on January 28, 2013, 10:26:52 pm
How can dwarves forge weapons like hammers, swords, axes, and giant serrated saw blades from single bars of metal?
Post by: TheDarkStar on January 28, 2013, 10:49:55 pm
Why is it that dwarves prefer to take breaks or party, rather than wall off the mines to block the clowns/FBs?
Post by: Liber celi on January 29, 2013, 10:08:18 pm
How does a burning cat falling through magma towards a hellish abyss report what it sees?
Post by: Tevish Szat on January 29, 2013, 11:06:40 pm
How do dwarves know about the Upright Adamantine Weapon and place it on their rooms list without knowing about the Curious Underground Structure that houses it?
Post by: Di on January 30, 2013, 08:16:39 am
Why goblins never wear full suit of armor?
Post by: nuker1110 on January 30, 2013, 05:14:53 pm
Why do Dwarves wear enough armor to signify that they are entirely COMPOSED of weakpoints, held together by beard hairs?
Post by: pisskop on January 30, 2013, 05:31:12 pm
Why are there no pauldrons or 'complete' body coverage?
Post by: 13thEssense on January 30, 2013, 05:50:09 pm
Post by: flame99 on January 31, 2013, 05:45:19 pm
Post by: pisskop on January 31, 2013, 05:47:32 pm
Because true warriors show cleavage (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChainmailBikini?from=Main.BreastPlate)
Why are there no pauldrons or 'complete' body coverage?
Post by: Graknorke on January 31, 2013, 05:47:50 pm
lawl wut? Why did you just post a period?They got banned/deleted.
Post by: flame99 on January 31, 2013, 06:04:26 pm
Post by: Larix on January 31, 2013, 06:12:55 pm
Quote
Why are there no pauldrons or 'complete' body coverage?Because the first armoursmiths learned their craft on a retired axedwarf, who was missing both arms.
As to the goblins' incomplete armour - it'd be too inconvenient for them to have to take off leg armour in order to moon you.
Why do DF animals aim for the skull when trying to make a kill, unlike real animals which go for the throat or neck?
Post by: Putnam on January 31, 2013, 07:09:52 pm
How can dwarves forge weapons like hammers, swords, axes, and giant serrated saw blades from single bars of metal?
(this was fixed a pretty long while back, actually)
Post by: Larix on January 31, 2013, 07:25:43 pm
Post by: Mr Space Cat on January 31, 2013, 07:39:12 pm
Considering a 'bar' of steel weighs 47kg, it's not unreasonable that one is enough to make a steel battle axe (6kg) or a stack of steel bolts (29 kg). I still don't understand how three bars of copper (53 kg each, 159 kg together) suffice to make a copper cage (267 kg) or a copper statue (something on the order of 500 kg, i think).Eh, I never took the actual weight values into account. In my head-cannon metal bars are standard ingots of metal, similar to Skyrim or the stereotypical size of gold ingots.
I can't tell if this is supposed to be an actual help thread or a forum game, heh heh heh. Excuse any of my stupidity.
Post by: Komra on January 31, 2013, 07:48:45 pm
Why do DF animals aim for the skull when trying to make a kill, unlike real animals which go for the throat or neck?
DF animals are too ruthless to allow mere blood loss and asphyxiation to kill a target- they have to bite you in the head, breaking the skull and tearing the brain!
Why don't dwarves have to worry about air pressure when underground?
Post by: Gentlefish on January 31, 2013, 09:58:36 pm
Why don't dwarves have to worry about air pressure when underground?
They live on many euclidean geometric planes stacked upon one another, therefore there really is no real up or down - it's seperate planes of existence packaged like a book and stairs are two-way portals. "Wings" as we know them don't exist, but are simply appendages that allow certain things to traverse the planes so long there is no "solid" floor or wall above them.
This also explains how a wall built by dwarves can stop a bronze collosus from entering the fort.
How is it that Urist McSissypants can be frightened by a little sponge that's on the opposite side of a major river?
Post by: wierd on January 31, 2013, 10:29:33 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
The real question, is why won't that horrible thing die!?
Post by: nuker1110 on February 02, 2013, 10:46:36 pm
Are you KIDDING me!? Just LOOK at that thing!The terrible look it has! It DREAMS of murdering dwarves in thir sleep, and wearing their clothes! The socks! Gods! It wants their socks!Spoiler (click to show/hide)
The real question, is why won't that horrible thing die!?
Because it has no internal organs, thus rendering it immune to bolts, and it's underwater, meaning your axedwarves can't reach it to dismember it.
Why, exactly, have beards not evolved past their dependence on dwarves for survival?
Post by: flame99 on February 03, 2013, 01:25:22 am
The reason is the beard actaully quite likes not having to do anything. It sees its inevitable death as a slight takeaway to a life of luxury and dwarf blood.
Why are dwarves incapable of seiging elves?
Post by: Graknorke on February 03, 2013, 06:59:50 am
Many bloody and heavily one-sided wars occur during the mystical period known as "worldgen".
Why can walls be supported if built just below the sky limit?
Post by: pisskop on February 03, 2013, 12:47:21 pm
Birds are just afraid of clouds, and only a dwarf would try to harbing the apocolypse.
[. . . now I want a mod! :( ]
Why can't dwarves hide in barrels?
Post by: Komra on February 03, 2013, 12:58:02 pm
What would happen if a Beard was transplanted onto a human, an elf, or even a kobold?
Post by: gunpowdertea on February 04, 2013, 06:15:56 am
What would happen if a Beard was transplanted onto a human, an elf, or even a kobold?
The Beard would try transforming the host organism. If the organism is "ready" for this (high alcohol consume, desire to party when under SIEGE! etc.) the host becomes a dwarf. If the organism is not ready the host dies.
Quote
As with all containers, the space inside a barrel is a pocket dimension (see Bags of Holding). Such pocket dimensions are specifically made for the storage of inorganic or non-sentient organic matter. Sentient organisms are highly affected by the odd fluctuations in time and space within, and so are often driven to (a greater degree of) madness or similar.
What's the difference to cages? They can hold Bronze Colossi and adult Dragons. How come that the pocket dimensions created therein don't make the creature mad? (Or is it not a pocket dimension but something different?)
Post by: Komra on February 04, 2013, 03:05:13 pm
What's the difference to cages? They can hold Bronze Colossi and adult Dragons. How come that the pocket dimensions created therein don't make the creature mad? (Or is it not a pocket dimension but something different?)
Well, due to the captive being visible to the casual observer, it is clear that the cage exists in the normal Dwarven dimension. The cage is an enclosed version of the spacial abnormalities that allow for the tile-based world structure, slightly modified to hold the enclosed creature in a single space. However, relatively few objects can exist in this way, though multi-caging is possible with special effort. Therefore, the simpler dimension-shifting storage is used for most other purposes.
Why are so many materials entirely impervious against magma?
Post by: pisskop on February 04, 2013, 03:08:53 pm
Post by: omg_scout on February 04, 2013, 07:17:04 pm
...
Because the dwarven world was created that way, you filthy heretic!
Burn the stakes!
Why necros are such sneaky bastards?
Post by: PLANKS on February 04, 2013, 11:10:04 pm
How does one troll kill all my Dorfs using a pair of Pig Tail Fibre Trousers?
Thats Troll (http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/Troll) NOT "Troll" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29)
Post by: wierd on February 04, 2013, 11:56:06 pm
Sorta like how "Mr T" type dwarves can have hundreds of kills using only their bling. :D (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=100859.msg2989059#msg2989059)
Misc item user is serious OP in adv mode too.
Post by: gunpowdertea on February 05, 2013, 07:53:03 am
Why are so many materials entirely impervious against magma?
Quite simple: In worlds where the temperature of Magma is higher the world melts during worldgen. (quite similar to: why are nature constants the way that life as we know it can exist? If they wouldn't, LAWKI would not exist and we couldn't ask the question.)
2nd answer: necros are sneaky 'cause if you were into that you probably wouldn't advertise and the DF world has not Intarwebs to faciliate interaction between such... weirdos.
Q: If quantum entanglement is used already, when can we expect the first long range communication device based on this to directly order booze from the mountainhomes without the Gobbos being able to intercept the message? (or like the temperance movement in "The Haleluja Trail")
Post by: wierd on February 05, 2013, 03:18:05 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: gunpowdertea on February 07, 2013, 04:23:18 am
What I was referring to is: can you use the quantum-entangled levers to e.g. engage/disengage mechanisms to interface them from one map tile to another (the outpost to the Mountainhome)? Preliminary experiments show that Dwarfputing can provide all necessary gates for, ah, computing.
Post by: Garrie on February 07, 2013, 04:44:36 am
Having not played for a long time... I now have sheep :o
which incredibly I can milk, shear AND slaughter! 8)
I have successfully woven the wool into Sheep Wool Cloth.
My clothers workshop refuses to show me any task I can use the Sheep Wool Cloth for.
Any suggestions?
The cloth is in a cloth bin in a stockpile adjacent to the clothiers workshop.
Post by: wierd on February 07, 2013, 08:46:21 am
Post by: flame99 on February 07, 2013, 05:31:45 pm
Why did wierd not post a question?
Post by: Graknorke on February 07, 2013, 05:37:59 pm
How does dwarvern justice deal with medical negligence?
Post by: pisskop on February 07, 2013, 06:22:27 pm
Why is Mc____ such a common name? I know they are drunk but are they Irish too?
Post by: Gentlefish on February 07, 2013, 08:24:03 pm
How can a fresh fisherdwarf recruit kill a FB that killed the rest of the militia without a scratch in one punch?
Post by: wierd on February 07, 2013, 09:30:02 pm
How can a magma based FB survive in the magma channel network, and not be diluted to death by non-FB based magma?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on February 08, 2013, 09:34:49 pm
How is it that a small steel cleaver can bisect goblins in one swing when the whole blade is smaller than the entire goblin torso?
Post by: h.scorpio on February 09, 2013, 03:23:16 am
Quote
How is it that a small steel cleaver can bisect goblins in one swing when the whole blade is smaller than the entire goblin torso?
Hypothesis:
Steel cleavers, despite being small, are very heavy. Heavy enough to create a strong gravitational field, pulling and warping the goblin body towards the edge while compressing it. As the body hits the edge, the torso has reached the diameter of a nail and the cleaver has no trouble cutting it in half.
Post by: Spy227X on February 09, 2013, 06:33:17 pm
Post by: Liber celi on February 09, 2013, 07:47:09 pm
How can dwarves work a screw pump so fast that it flushes them away?
Post by: RiotShield on February 10, 2013, 01:16:40 pm
Why will dwarfs always wander outside the fortress at the exact moment a siege begins?
Post by: Komra on February 10, 2013, 01:28:28 pm
Why don't dwarves have specific mental issues, instead having generic madness, berserking, and depression?
Post by: flame99 on February 10, 2013, 01:55:58 pm
Why do I never actually get to have a turn on a succession game, and instead always have it die just before my turn rolls around?
Post by: omg_scout on February 10, 2013, 03:31:46 pm
Why people are always profaning the game with elvish tilesets instead of playing the only good and dorfy ascii df?
Post by: Spy227X on February 10, 2013, 04:50:44 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Well, it is a
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: flame99 on February 10, 2013, 05:03:59 pm
Post by: Spy227X on February 10, 2013, 05:06:31 pm
Why did Spy227x just spoil the Clowns three times?Didn't you notice the
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Graknorke on February 10, 2013, 05:21:47 pm
Why did Spy227x just spoil the Clowns three times?Because it isn't a genuine spoiler anymore.
Why do no creatures ever change their hair style or recolour it?
Post by: Komra on February 10, 2013, 05:42:54 pm
Luckily, with technology being no greater than 14th century equivalent, only the most noble of nobles were really affected by the loss of this industry. Some later red-dye-based-casualties have been called Unfortunate Accidents.
Why are there so few varieties of polearms in the world?
Post by: wierd on February 10, 2013, 06:00:54 pm
What, you mean halberds and naginata, and NOT actual arms stuck on vertical spike traps? What are you? CLEARLY you arent very dwarven....
Given that Gnomes dont form a civilization to speak of-- how exactly do they know about alcohol, with sufficient regularity that they would actively seek it out in my stockpile?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on February 10, 2013, 09:18:10 pm
...and let's face it, it would suck to be a gnome. If I were a gnome I'd drink myself into a dwarf. Booze is probably the only therapy for the little guys' daily woes and self-loathing.
Why do keas steal stuff, and why are they so persistent at it?
Post by: gunpowdertea on February 11, 2013, 01:09:24 am
Why do keas steal stuff, and why are they so persistent at it?
'cause it's fun and ticks off the overseer known as "yellow X"... (also Keas really enjoy taking stuff apart in RL, they are curious, intelligent and slightly malignant, like most of us I guess).
Does that mean I am a Keaman, even if I don't have wings? After all, I like taking things apart just to see how they work. I don't steal minecarts full of galena ore, like the DF Keas do, though.
Post by: flame99 on February 11, 2013, 05:58:41 pm
Post by: hops on April 19, 2013, 02:04:15 am
Post by: CognitiveDissonance on April 19, 2013, 02:20:55 am
How the heck were dwarves able to smelt alumnium when it took us until only a couple of centuries ago to pull it off?
It's easier to smelt than adamantine, and then they just worked backwards
Why are roasts so valuable?
Post by: tahujdt on April 19, 2013, 09:51:26 am
How the heck were dwarves able to smelt alumnium when it took us until only a couple of centuries ago to pull it off?Aluminum has always been around, it's just native aluminum is extremely rare. The aluminum we have today is refined from bauxite.
Answer to above: Because dwarves can't taste, so any food that looks good is extremely valuable.
Why don't dwarves accept necromancers as part of a fort? The ability to raise the dead would be great for building megaprojects. (That's actually how necros build their towers.)
Post by: Demdemeh on April 19, 2013, 12:51:11 pm
Why does only fat respond to heat?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on April 19, 2013, 09:49:23 pm
Why do dwarves insist on abandoning their stations to go whack the enemy with their crossbows?
Post by: evictedSaint on April 19, 2013, 10:55:36 pm
Why do dwarves insist on abandoning their stations to go whack the enemy with their crossbows?
Because long-range combat is for sissies and elves and sissy elves. You can only please the God of Blood by beating the tar out of goblins up close and personal.
Why is it dwarves will ignore orders to seal up the fortress when a siege arrives if there's a party going, or if they're on a break or drinking or eating or sleeping?
Post by: zzedar on April 20, 2013, 01:57:50 am
Why is it dwarves will ignore orders to seal up the fortress when a siege arrives if there's a party going, or if they're on a break or drinking or eating or sleeping?Union rules.
Why did the founding dwarves travel aboveground to found a new fortress?
Post by: Bumber on April 20, 2013, 04:40:54 am
Why did the founding dwarves travel aboveground to found a new fortress?Easier to survey.
Post by: Em3rgency on April 20, 2013, 07:43:40 am
(http://i1090.photobucket.com/albums/i377/Em3rg/Capture6.jpg)
Post by: Komra on April 20, 2013, 08:23:24 am
Why do extremely over-simplified screw pumps purify water so well, especially of nigh-magical toxins?
Post by: Catsup on April 20, 2013, 08:41:01 am
Why do my dwarfs insist on placing individual body parts into tombs, when we don't even have enough coffins for the piles of FULL dead bodies that are busy away haunting the fort?i made dwarves NOT_LIVING during world generation so they will never appear as undead in necromancers' sieges, that should help if you are getting massive amounts of dwarven corpses due to those sieges. You should be able to keep coffin production up quite easily though, because those can be made from stone, wood, and glass and its usually easy to get alot of stone and sand for glass.
(http://i1090.photobucket.com/albums/i377/Em3rg/Capture6.jpg)
Post by: pisskop on April 30, 2013, 08:01:16 am
They are trying to hint that you should begin ritual cremation and memorialization. They've been wanting to pave the halls with the memories of their honored dead for so long...
Why do extremely over-simplified screw pumps purify water so well, especially of nigh-magical toxins?
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke%27s_three_laws)
Dwarven screw pumps are magic as well.
Why is bringing water to bedridden patients such a low priority?
Post by: lazygun on April 30, 2013, 08:59:31 am
Why is bringing water to bedridden patients such a low priority?
Because of the undocumented, hard-coded [ETHIC:GIVE_WATER_TO_DWARF:UNTHINKABLE]
How can a lever affect a floodgate 100 tiles away and 30 tiles down?
Post by: acetech09 on April 30, 2013, 01:34:35 pm
If caverns are fed with geothermal energy, then why are the magma-filled ones more deadish than others?
I left the community for almost a year and my god this thread is still alive.
Post by: Demdemeh on April 30, 2013, 01:53:23 pm
Why are nether caps always the same temperature?
Post by: Komra on April 30, 2013, 04:32:10 pm
Why doesn't sound emanate from most activities?
Post by: Bumber on May 01, 2013, 02:41:50 am
Why doesn't sound emanate from most activities?You're deaf. (The music is all in your head.)
Why doesn't fire spread in adventure mode? (Or: Some men just want to watch the field burn.)
Post by: pisskop on May 01, 2013, 08:42:42 am
Why is there no steam power?
Post by: Bumber on May 01, 2013, 09:08:56 am
It does. Start a fire by a tree. Then stand next to it. Wait for a few turns and now your adventurer has Mario fireball powers.Let me rephrase that: Why doesn't fire spread on its own?
Why is there no steam power?The dwarf who would have discovered it fell into the magma that was powering his contraption. And then the whole thing collapsed on top of him.
Post by: hops on June 22, 2013, 08:16:50 am
Post by: P(ony)SI on June 22, 2013, 11:32:18 am
Why don't dwarves give booze to patients?As you know, dwarves slow down when they don't have booze.
Dwarves have a strange metabolism where ethanol is the equivalent of crack to us, which also explains why they think it's a good idea to charge at their enemies without any weapons or armor.
In the past, there were often booze shortages in the wild, so their bodies developed a way to be able to survive the sober conditions: put both the mind and the body in a depression. Mother Nature being the genius she is, she reasoned that if a dwarf's body slowed down metabolism and became unhappy, the dwarf would take longer to die from any accidents. (Unfortunately, Armok doesn't create accidents)
Naturally, dwarves learned to exploit this, so a sober dwarf will take longer to die when their lungs are removed due to rotting finger tissue than a happy dwarf.
Is there a reason why the dwarves haven't invented the wheel yet? Sure, there's the wheelbarrow, but it has to be operated without a wheel of some sort, or I think there would already be magma-powered cars.
Post by: flame99 on June 22, 2013, 01:07:10 pm
WWUD if he was Armok?
Post by: Komra on June 22, 2013, 01:17:40 pm
He failed horribly. Without the struggles that strengthen the civilized races, they fell against the inevitable horde of Megabeasts, which are integral to Armok's world-creating ability.
Subsequently, Armok came back and heartily congratulated Uther on successfully bathing a world in the blood of whole civilizations. Uther left in shame.
What is the answer to the Dwarven Question of Death, the MAGMAAAAAA, and Who Cares about Anything Else?
Post by: flame99 on June 22, 2013, 01:49:30 pm
Post by: pisskop on July 02, 2013, 03:08:39 pm
Post by: Mr Space Cat on July 02, 2013, 05:30:47 pm
Why do dwarves embark to evil regions when they know there's going to be zombies and blood rain that melts faces?
Post by: flame99 on July 02, 2013, 05:54:28 pm
Why do the dwarves still worship Armok, who kills them by the cosmic-sized handfuls?
Post by: Vid_the_Impaler on July 02, 2013, 06:47:24 pm
How come when my dwarves get upset with the conditions in the fortress they never emigrate?
Post by: wierd on July 02, 2013, 07:47:36 pm
(This is also why they they immigrate almost immediately to a new fortress that gets founded later, carrying all their emotional baggage with them.)
How is it, that necromancer towers can be built of stone blocks of a kind that simply cannot be found on the site, (Say, microcline on a swamp dominated by peat and mudstone?) Without having any masons in their order, and without any mason workshops?
Post by: Bumber on July 04, 2013, 09:59:40 pm
How is it, that necromancer towers can be built of stone blocks of a kind that simply cannot be found on the site, (Say, microcline on a swamp dominated by peat and mudstone?) Without having any masons in their order, and without any mason workshops?Waylaid caravans. Contracted laborers.
Post by: hops on July 05, 2013, 02:41:38 am
How is it, that necromancer towers can be built of stone blocks of a kind that simply cannot be found on the site, (Say, microcline on a swamp dominated by peat and mudstone?) Without having any masons in their order, and without any mason workshops?Waylaid caravans. Contracted laborers.
That or BLAK MAJYYKS.
Post by: GrimDark_Majyyks on July 05, 2013, 04:05:18 am
How is it, that necromancer towers can be built of stone blocks of a kind that simply cannot be found on the site, (Say, microcline on a swamp dominated by peat and mudstone?) Without having any masons in their order, and without any mason workshops?Waylaid caravans. Contracted laborers.
That or BLAK MAJYYKS.
Oh. I thought someone had called me. Blak is my cousin; we don't talk. He has horrible taste though, it is totally possible he gave necromancers hideous candy-blue rocks simply to offend my sensibilities. I shall have to intercept him and give them glumprong instead.
Post by: TheDarkStar on July 05, 2013, 08:19:38 pm
Post by: GrimDark_Majyyks on July 05, 2013, 08:26:08 pm
If a dwarf is legendary in dodging, why does it not dodge out of the way when a miner channels under it?
Maybe his observation is low.
Post by: pisskop on July 26, 2013, 10:30:04 am
Post by: Dirac on July 26, 2013, 11:36:06 am
Their temperatures are capped in the nether sections of the temperature scale, and entropy keeps them at said cap. Hence, the name.
Thermodynamics: You're doing it wrong.
Post by: Liber celi on July 28, 2013, 02:02:15 pm
How do my dwarves know all the dead goblins' names?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 28, 2013, 02:13:52 pm
Why is Urist McMiner afraid of a little warm stone, but sees nothing wrong with leaping beard-first into dragonfire?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 28, 2013, 03:51:58 pm
Why is Urist McDisgustedbymiasma idling on the corpse stockpile?
Post by: Drazinononda on July 28, 2013, 04:18:03 pm
Why do my dwarves insist on trying to collect webs behind locked doors?
Post by: CapnUrist on July 28, 2013, 05:00:25 pm
Why are goblin thieves only interested in children, while kobold thieves are only interested in material goods?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on July 28, 2013, 05:16:20 pm
Why do Jeweler's Workshops wall off eastern openings?
Post by: Swonnrr on July 28, 2013, 05:22:23 pm
How can a spider the size of child rip of a dwarf's head from the first attack?
Post by: escondida on July 28, 2013, 05:35:28 pm
Why did dwarves suddenly get really bad at finding underground rivers and bottomless pits?
Post by: Drazinononda on July 28, 2013, 06:47:29 pm
Why do I get every megabeast except Titans at my forts?
Post by: flame99 on July 28, 2013, 06:53:14 pm
Why does this thread keep dying then coming back to life?
Post by: Grim Portent on July 28, 2013, 08:27:30 pm
Why do caravans try to trade with forts in deadly environments?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 28, 2013, 10:49:26 pm
Why does my militia get crushed by a FB, and meanwhile, all the civilians go past the beast or around the battle and go unaffected?
FBs prefer canned food.
Then, when the militia is dead, how does a random thresher bring it down unassisted?
Fighting on a full stomach gives wicked cramps.
Why do vampires go after Legendary Armorsmiths instead of Dabbling Lye-Makers?
Post by: flame99 on July 28, 2013, 11:09:59 pm
Why did the OP say that we could have serious answers, despite the fat that we, as Bay12, will never actually do that?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on July 29, 2013, 11:40:54 am
Why is Urist such a popular dwarf name?
Post by: Monk321654 on July 29, 2013, 03:37:42 pm
Who got the idea to utilize magma in over-complicated traps?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 29, 2013, 07:29:00 pm
It's hilariously ironic. Urist, as you may or may not know, is dwarven for "dagger". Dwarves are anything but sharp.
Who got the idea to utilize magma in over-complicated traps?
Armok created magma for the express purpose.
Why don't kobolds ever quit?
Post by: Yerv on July 29, 2013, 07:59:57 pm
Why do kobolds have the ability to turn invisible?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 29, 2013, 08:52:14 pm
Why are dwarves' skulls so thin?
Post by: TheDarkStar on July 29, 2013, 10:49:12 pm
Why are dwarves' skulls so thin?
They aren't, they just don't have brains large enough to be padding.
Why will dwarves always make the most useless artifacts possible (like adamantine hammers and silver swords), especially when they are possessed?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on July 30, 2013, 01:04:28 am
Why do my dwarves keep abandoning my stone stockpile yet continue to haul wood? Or abandon work all together when I turn off all hauling but stone?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on July 30, 2013, 01:22:04 am
Why won't elves accept my +Fungiwood Bracelet+? Fungi aren't even plants!
Post by: InfinityOrNone on July 30, 2013, 01:43:17 am
Why do my dwarves keep going berserk when the hallway to their bedroom is lined with ☼statues☼ in about 40 overlapping statue gardens?
Post by: enolate on July 30, 2013, 04:32:20 am
Because elves failed biology. And ethics. And life.
Why do my dwarves keep going berserk when the hallway to their bedroom is lined with ☼statues☼ in about 40 overlapping statue gardens?
They're the wrong color.
Why do enemy dwarves avoid flames, but not friendly ones?
Post by: Liber celi on July 30, 2013, 08:16:13 am
Why do all these mods include so many castes?
Post by: Swonnrr on August 04, 2013, 07:34:09 am
And all that only at the price of a few useless skills, like... everything.
Why can't dwarves stop aquifer flooding by dropping sand bags from above?
Post by: Rainbow_Lizard on August 04, 2013, 09:40:07 am
Why do my idle dwarves who are being constantly annoyed by forgotten beast extract and have the cleaning labour on still never bother to scrub the floors?
Post by: Urist Mcfortwrecker on August 04, 2013, 11:49:00 am
Why do dwarves run away from everything?
Post by: Nexaduro on August 04, 2013, 01:02:26 pm
Why is my broker so lazy?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 04, 2013, 02:04:37 pm
Dwarves don't run away. They're actually trying to kite the enemies, like they saw an adventurer do once, but can't figure out how to pick up rocks.
Why is my broker so lazy?
Because there's no booze in the stockpile, and his bed's soooo soft.
Why do I always get an overabundance of flying FBs?
Post by: acetech09 on August 04, 2013, 03:09:28 pm
Why does a Copper + Silver + Gold alloy turn purple (http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Black_bronze)?
Post by: Yerv on August 04, 2013, 03:19:01 pm
Why do we use animal traps to catch small animals? Shouldn't we just be snatching them?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 04, 2013, 03:19:33 pm
Because magma gives you wings.Because with that much valuable ore in it, it can only be a royal metal.
Why does a Copper + Silver + Gold alloy turn purple (http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Black_bronze)?
Why do we use animal traps to catch small animals? Shouldn't we just be snatching them?
Dwarves can't hold onto their babies, you expect them to catch rats?
Why is minecart math so bloody wonky?
Post by: flame99 on August 04, 2013, 04:39:21 pm
Why do I always end up killing my dwarves when I attempt to utilize minecarts?
Post by: shinyarceus4 on August 04, 2013, 05:15:46 pm
How come there are only bronze colossi?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 04, 2013, 05:21:24 pm
How does an FB with only one eye, and thus no depth perception, fly with any accuracy?
Post by: Yerv on August 04, 2013, 09:29:54 pm
Why does platinum come in nuggets? They aren't delicious like chicken nuggets, so I don't see how they can come in a nugget form.
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 04, 2013, 09:41:41 pm
Why has DF lasted so much longer the vast majority of other games?
Post by: shinyarceus4 on August 04, 2013, 10:08:22 pm
Why are elves cannibals?
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 04, 2013, 10:24:14 pm
Why is adamantine so valuable, when it is on every single map? It's perhaps the least rare metal in the game, since comparatively I've gotten plenty of sites without iron, but none without the bluemetal.
Post by: flame99 on August 05, 2013, 12:50:39 am
Why was "Clowns" chosen as the spoiler-proof name?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 05, 2013, 01:00:53 am
Why do dwarves always move the stone I want moved the most, last?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on August 05, 2013, 01:50:17 am
I've seen it rumored that 'opening the circus/freakshow' was actually the start of that entire piece, the rest grew from that, but I haven't been around long enough to know for sure.
Why do dwarves always move the stone I want moved the most, last?
Because anyone who calls themselves the "Overfiend" CANNOT be up to anything good.
Why doesn't the Mountainhome send me useful peasants instead of useless glassmakers?
Post by: enolate on August 05, 2013, 02:45:17 am
How in the world can a mine cart climb ramps by itself?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 05, 2013, 02:51:56 am
Why did the elves stop bringing me logs?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on August 05, 2013, 03:14:27 am
Why are the dwarves short?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 05, 2013, 03:17:24 am
Why did Armok allow aquifers to exist?
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on August 05, 2013, 08:27:36 am
Why aren't they full of elf blood any more?
Post by: Grim Portent on August 05, 2013, 09:31:47 am
Why can't humans make steel?
Post by: Niyazov on August 05, 2013, 11:40:38 am
Why does the mountainhome apparently have hundreds of barrels of giant chinchilla eyeballs lying around?
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 05, 2013, 12:51:01 pm
Why does Urist love a particular type of clown so much?
Post by: wierd on August 05, 2013, 07:18:11 pm
Why is it, that monsters capable of rending candy clad dwarves into ribbons effortlessy can be held by a thin wall of raw candy, and not just claw their way out from the inside?
Post by: Liber celi on August 05, 2013, 07:33:41 pm
How many prone elfes can dance on a standing dragon's head?
Post by: shinyarceus4 on August 05, 2013, 07:35:10 pm
Why do dwarves spontaneously revive in a Good biome?
Post by: acetech09 on August 05, 2013, 11:46:24 pm
1 prone elf can do the worm before the dragon burns down their whole civilization.
Why do dwarves spontaneously revive in a Good biome?
They're smoking the same stuff you are.
Why are big badgers 'giant badgers' while big pandas are 'gigantic pandas'?
Post by: Imp on August 05, 2013, 11:48:55 pm
What will happen to this thread when all possible questions have been asked?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 06, 2013, 01:02:25 am
Speaking of... how do I recycle goblins without necromancy?
Post by: wierd on August 06, 2013, 02:18:39 am
Why are humans so gullible about escaped clowns, that they feel compelled to worship them like gods, when all the other races, excepting goblins, can see right through the ruse?
Post by: acetech09 on August 06, 2013, 09:46:34 am
Use a mummy. It's different!
Why are humans so gullible about escaped clowns, that they feel compelled to worship them like gods, when all the other races, excepting goblins, can see right through the ruse?
Ergonomics. Elves and dwarves get tired of looking up at such a high angle. Humans are tall enough that it works out OK, and goblins don't care about pain for it is the lifeblood of a warrior. Dwarves make their gods real by looking down at their current engraving, not looking (way, way, way) up at a demon.
Why can't we use magma buckets?
Post by: shinyarceus4 on August 06, 2013, 06:01:53 pm
Why do no dwarves worship Armok?
Post by: Baffler on August 06, 2013, 06:04:44 pm
How were the Forgotten Beasts made?
Post by: wierd on August 06, 2013, 06:20:45 pm
If alcohol dehydrates you, why don't dwarves dry out like raisins, given that they only use the well to wash (infrequently), and only drink water when there is no alcohol?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 06, 2013, 06:34:23 pm
Why oh why do pressure plates have to have delays to the things they're attached to?
Post by: Imp on August 06, 2013, 06:45:14 pm
Moving that adamantine might disrupt the circuitry inside, enough to risk further increasing delays.
Why do vamps wait until a target is sleeping in order to feed, instead of using some of their superior abilities to just 'take' what they want from any weak-seeming available dwarf or animal? After all, it's not -that- hard to knock something out through pain if nothing else, without to much risk of killing it, should you avoid striking the head.
Post by: wierd on August 06, 2013, 07:40:19 pm
More to the point, why don't vampires volunteer for military service, and "eat and run" during sieges? Surely, the dwarven civ would actually DESIRE having vampires around if they only actively went after invaders?
Post by: dresdor on August 06, 2013, 09:46:56 pm
Post by: WanderingKid on August 06, 2013, 10:21:52 pm
More to the point, why don't vampires volunteer for military service, and "eat and run" during sieges? Surely, the dwarven civ would actually DESIRE having vampires around if they only actively went after invaders?
Because even dwarven vampires know that fast food is bad for them.
(Horns and Hooves: Bone carved trinkets)
While we're pondering our vampiric friends, I'm down for a good meal as much as the next guy but how do these guys actually stay alive so long? They've got THE most voracious appetites I've ever seen.
Post by: Urist Mcfortwrecker on August 06, 2013, 11:52:54 pm
why can't cartilage and nervous tissue be turned into useful things?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 06, 2013, 11:59:41 pm
No matter how much I plan, my minecart systems always seem to end up as dwarven grinder systems... why don't my goblin grinder systems ever work this well?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on August 07, 2013, 03:48:26 am
Why do goblins build and live in towers?
Post by: Larix on August 07, 2013, 04:19:00 am
(nitpick: in-game, goblin locations are normally called 'dark fortress')
Why does a legendary axelord/teacher take longer training up two axedwarfs than he'd take to train a hammer- and a speardwarf?
Post by: Imp on August 07, 2013, 02:05:09 pm
Why is it so much easier for me to think up answers than it is to think up questions?
Post by: Liber celi on August 07, 2013, 04:23:47 pm
*Liber Celi Inc. can not be held accountable for any financial, bodily or spiritual harm arising from embracing inner or outer darknesses. Embrace responsibly!
Why can't dwarves wash out their wounds with rum?
Post by: Grim Portent on August 07, 2013, 07:51:03 pm
Why can we not shear dwarf prisoners beards to make thread from?
Post by: acetech09 on August 07, 2013, 08:09:36 pm
My BART train leaves in about eight minutes so I have to leave work now. Can somebody else think of a question for me? kthxbai
Post by: flame99 on August 07, 2013, 09:08:31 pm
Post by: acetech09 on August 08, 2013, 08:42:30 pm
Why hasn't Dwarf Kart caught on?
Because it's not fun. It's !!fun!!. Therefore, nobody has survived to tell us about it.
(Wasn't going to answer effectively my own question but thread's dropped to page 2 and emergency measures must be taken)
If there is no light in caverns and 'sight' is via touch and beard-whiskers, then how do dwarves know the colors of cave creatures?
Post by: wierd on August 08, 2013, 08:53:13 pm
Interestingly, dwarves share a highly curious degree of specificity and consistency when describing the same percieved creature.
If there is a moon, why are there no tides on ocean embarks?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 08, 2013, 09:04:38 pm
What in the hell possessed this moron of a goblin thief?
(http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d178/GUDare/Dwarf%20Fortress/Thief_DoingItWrong.jpg~original)
Post by: Yerv on August 08, 2013, 09:10:15 pm
Why does a vampire that has killed 88 people get killed easily by the most common metal available?
Post by: !!Fyre!! on August 09, 2013, 02:37:42 am
Post by: flame99 on August 09, 2013, 02:48:52 am
Post by: acetech09 on August 09, 2013, 03:15:34 pm
What part of the octopus is the source of octopus chitin?
Post by: Yerv on August 09, 2013, 03:33:56 pm
Why are octopi and squid not cephalopods?
Post by: acetech09 on August 09, 2013, 07:18:40 pm
Cephalapods.
Cepholaopods.
Ceph... nvm.
How do dwarves know that there's danger in a fortress when nobody ever leaves?
Post by: Imp on August 09, 2013, 07:52:43 pm
Which came first, the Beardsense or the Beard?
Post by: flame99 on August 09, 2013, 08:06:00 pm
Why are there no longer any dwarvern philosophers?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 09, 2013, 08:30:37 pm
Why does physics affect different fiorts differently?
Post by: enolate on August 09, 2013, 08:56:24 pm
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on August 10, 2013, 10:16:37 am
How did a hydra corpse fit through the 1-wide corridor to the butcher's shop?
Post by: Larix on August 10, 2013, 10:43:32 am
How do you fit four hydras in a fine pewter minec<shot with ballista>
Why do pathetically weak, unarmed unarmoured troglodytes insist on attacking my miners? Don't they learn from the fate of their companions, who invariably end up spread all over the cavern?
Post by: flame99 on August 10, 2013, 10:47:36 am
Why does a god of blood rule over creation? It seems like a god of creation should rule over creation.
Post by: mimmfantry on August 10, 2013, 11:39:31 am
What goes through your mind when you read this
Onshen Idashatul Ogred Id
A towering blob composed of
I've heard that blob types either die instantly or are really really hard to kill.
After a long break from the game I decided to start a new game. This meets me less than a year in and has started to set my entire pasture zone on fire. I have just completed armor for the two dwarves I was going to assign to military training what might be the best way to handle this?
Post by: !!Fyre!! on August 10, 2013, 01:02:06 pm
Onshen Idashatul Ogred Id
A towering blob composed of!!FUN!!flame. It has two long, hanging tails and it moves about carelessly.
I've heard that blob types either die instantly or are really really hard to kill.
...what might be the best way to handle this?
First thought?
Flood the outside of your fort. Hopefully the fire monster will act like a lit lignite bin causeing the water touching it to turn to steam, making the water constantly flow towards it and boiling it to death. Of course I have no idea if blobs can die from stream, so it may not work, but it'll FUN!
Post by: flame99 on August 10, 2013, 01:16:00 pm
Post by: Ora_the_Owlish on August 10, 2013, 01:28:44 pm
Post by: Imp on August 10, 2013, 02:29:16 pm
Why do sterile mountainsides sometimes support an original growth of grass that never regrows, yet never have a first few bushes and trees?
Post by: mimmfantry on August 10, 2013, 03:54:19 pm
If memory serves, fire FBs are really easy to kill if you can damage them. Get a marksdwarf firing at it from a distance. It should die with a few bolts. Side effects include Raiders of the Lost Ark style face melting may occur. Consult your doctor before using Sacrafice'emal.
Close, Its a Titan
Post by: kero42 on August 10, 2013, 08:43:17 pm
Because elf jokes never get old, and elves just keep hearing them constantly.
Why do sterile mountainsides sometimes support an original growth of grass that never regrows, yet never have a first few bushes and trees?
Failed attempt at elven mountain colonization. They grew some grass, then they gave up.
Why do Vampires never drink blood from barrels?
Post by: Solon64 on August 10, 2013, 11:06:17 pm
If a tree falls in the forest, and it lands on a dwarf child, crushing it and killing it instantly... does anyone care? The falling tree may or may not have been an.accident. (and it may or may not actually be possible when the next df version is realeased. Cant... contain... excitement...)
Post by: McDonald on August 11, 2013, 07:50:16 am
what happenes when you add a dwarf, a pick, and an aquifer in a freezing biome?
Post by: Kumquat on August 11, 2013, 10:29:45 am
You get a frozen !!dwarf!! encased in obsidian.
Why did goblins become dwarf-sized rather than narrow as they were formerly? (up to 40d)
Post by: McDonald on August 11, 2013, 12:19:54 pm
OR:
Goblins kidnapped dwarven children since the first version. Some of the goblins fell in love with these little poor kids and had children with them (lets call this mix a gobdorf).gobdorfs were as evil_minded as goblins and looked like them but were as fat as dwarves. When 40d was released gobdorfs went insane and killed the goblins. So we now have dwarf sized armor from goblins.
Why can't we engrave dirt?
Post by: Graknorke on August 11, 2013, 11:06:41 pm
Why is there still no way to signal a task or order as an emergency that overrides things like breaks, parties, eating, and sleeping?
Post by: flame99 on August 11, 2013, 11:15:25 pm
How does a miner with no military training manage to kill a GCS with no difficulty, but my trained, steel-clad hammerdwarves and axedwarves manage to annoy it at best?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 11, 2013, 11:18:04 pm
(Also, you can carve dirt, check out the beach sand statues some folks make. No engraver worth his rum though would ever deem dirt to be worthy of his talents.)
Why do clothdwarves cry when I atom-smash masterwork socks, but they're perfectly happy to allow them to rot to shreds?
Post by: Putnam on August 12, 2013, 12:24:37 am
Why don't dwarves think this for other dwarves?
Post by: TheDarkStar on August 12, 2013, 01:20:48 pm
Why can legendary military dwarves kill anything in seconds, except web-spewing FBs?
Post by: Button on August 12, 2013, 01:30:17 pm
They do. Burning, stabbing, melting, bashing, crushing, splattering, rotting, bleeding, suffocating, insanity, drowning, starving, and being killed in one hit by a tantruming child are all considered "natural deaths" in dwarf society. Dwarves do whatever they can to make sure they and the other dwarves get a death like this.
Why can legendary military dwarves kill anything in seconds, except web-spewing FBs?
Because they're distracted by the thought of FB silk socks.
Why do Forgotten Beast, Demon, and Titan materials cost so little, despite being incredibly rare and often fireproof?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 12, 2013, 01:53:44 pm
Why can you burn off a dwarf's fat, but not their beard?
Post by: acetech09 on August 12, 2013, 01:57:00 pm
Why does exploding booze not kill dwarves? And since it doesn't kill them, why don't they get good thoughts?
Post by: sir_schwick on August 13, 2013, 11:39:45 am
Why do Forgotten Beast, Demon, and Titan materials cost so little, despite being incredibly rare and often fireproof?
Super expensive wares are that because they imbue the wearer with social status. Others who see the ware have to know its a hard to acquire material. If the material is too rare then its hard for a merchant to convince a wealthy buyer its worth ridiculous amounts of Urists. They are so rare that often the craftsdwarf working with them is the first dwarf to ever work with that material.
Or imagine your skepticism when a merchant says, "This crown was made from the scales of a Ruby Griffin." Those could be ordinary rubies or cleverly blown glass.
Post by: jcochran on August 14, 2013, 01:45:44 pm
Post by: Grey Goo on August 14, 2013, 02:02:10 pm
Why do Forgotten Beast, Demon, and Titan materials cost so little, despite being incredibly rare and often fireproof?
Super expensive wares are that because they imbue the wearer with social status. Others who see the ware have to know its a hard to acquire material. If the material is too rare then its hard for a merchant to convince a wealthy buyer its worth ridiculous amounts of Urists. They are so rare that often the craftsdwarf working with them is the first dwarf to ever work with that material.
Or imagine your skepticism when a merchant says, "This crown was made from the scales of a Ruby Griffin." Those could be ordinary rubies or cleverly blown glass.
Or perhaps they are just too scary stuff for most buyers to buy. Would you wear something which is make from plague breathing, acid drooling giant bug thing? Possibly with some nasty syndrome...
Post by: Stalker on August 20, 2013, 09:51:25 pm
Post by: acetech09 on August 20, 2013, 10:09:53 pm
Why the second inmigration to my fort came with about 25 children?
Orphanage closures. Tough economy for all of us.
Why wasn't my last question answered?
Post by: dresdor on August 20, 2013, 10:40:40 pm
Why the second inmigration to my fort came with about 25 children?
Orphanage closures. Tough economy for all of us.
Why wasn't my last question answered?
It doesn't explode so much as evaporate, and it can injure dwarves but I don't think its bad enought o kill them.
Post by: enolate on August 21, 2013, 02:07:36 am
Why would you think wine or ale would explode? It doesn't have nearly enough alcohol in it.Why the second inmigration to my fort came with about 25 children?
Orphanage closures. Tough economy for all of us.
Why wasn't my last question answered?
It doesn't explode so much as evaporate, and it can injure dwarves but I don't think its bad enought o kill them.
Post by: Graknorke on August 21, 2013, 06:27:33 am
Where do atomsmashed things go?
Post by: Flying Fortress on August 21, 2013, 07:31:39 am
Why does lack of fresh air not bother my dwarves? They could be completely sealed in with a magma pit open 24/7 dumping toxic fumes into the fortress and they still won't care.
Post by: flame99 on August 21, 2013, 07:37:52 am
Why did one of my dwarves think it a good idea to take a nap in the newly constructed drainage pipe of a basin system/drowning chamber?
Post by: Larix on August 21, 2013, 10:51:01 am
What strange technology is used in screw pumps that they can desalinate ocean water but still leave enough silt and dust to make glass and metal floors 'muddy'?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on August 21, 2013, 10:28:55 pm
Why does the Mountainhome keep sending me fisherdwarves? When Worthlessrust is in a desert?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 21, 2013, 10:35:51 pm
What was Armok's beard laundered with prior to dwarven soap?
Post by: acetech09 on August 21, 2013, 11:20:22 pm
Due to your reputation for amazing feats of dwarven engineering, and the fact that they keep sending you useless drunken dwarves, they expect the entire area should be underwater very, very shortly.
What was Armok's beard laundered with prior to dwarven soap?
Soap? It always has, still is, and always will be laundered with magma.
Why don't dogs eat?
Post by: Gentlefish on August 21, 2013, 11:44:32 pm
Due to your reputation for amazing feats of dwarven engineering, and the fact that they keep sending you useless drunken dwarves, they expect the entire area should be underwater very, very shortly.
What was Armok's beard laundered with prior to dwarven soap?
Soap? It always has, still is, and always will be laundered with magma.
Why don't dogs eat?
I don't want to outright say it, but I'll ask a question. The answer to the question deals with your question. Why isn't there a Dwarven septic system?
Now, where did cats come from?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 22, 2013, 12:15:25 am
Now, where did cats come from?
Armok saw the miners, and he felt they were the blessed of the dwarves. The miners toiled deep within the womb of the earth, carving out the glory of the dwarven civilization. He was pleased.
The miners, however, were not. The miners were constantly harassed by small creatures that lived in the dark, nipping at them while they tried to work, buzzing in their ears as they tried to listen to the sounds of the deep stone. Armok took pity on them.
Armok created cats to remove the vermin that the miners were constantly harassed by. He made them hungry for small things. He made them able to see in the dark passages that the miners had to toil in. He made cats feel ownership towards dwarves, so they would seek out dwarves in the deep earth and take care of them, so the miners would not have to come to the surface to find them. He made them breed in large volumes, so that there would always be a cat for every dwarf... and food for the larder, when it came to that.
Alas, Armok had not foreseen the final outcome of his blessing, but instead felt emboldened by the dwarven usage of cats as a leather and bone source for their industries, allowing the occassional cat to adopt a dwarf to keep him free from vermin. It was enough, and Armok slept again.
Why don't forgotten beasts breed with each other?
Post by: smjjames on August 22, 2013, 02:41:37 am
Why is marksdwarf training so difficult to get set up properly so that they will use the archery range rather than spar?
Post by: mek42 on August 22, 2013, 06:09:24 am
Why is marksdwarf training so difficult to get set up properly so that they will use the archery range rather than spar?
Because beating people with a club is much more fun than standing around all day launching sticks at a rock and watching them fly way past.
Why is it that single goblin snatchers can do so much damage with soft metal daggers to iron armored dwarves?
Post by: Pinstar on August 22, 2013, 12:10:39 pm
Why can't dwarves haul dirt around and dump it elsewhere when they have perfectly serviceable wheelbarrows?
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 22, 2013, 03:22:56 pm
How is a screw pump that is (presumably) based off of Archimedes' screw able to pressurize water?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 22, 2013, 04:49:21 pm
How is a screw pump that is (presumably) based off of Archimedes' screw able to pressurize water?
Big screw in, little pipe out, dwarven strength, and Armok's blessing.
Why oh why can't I seem to make my videos under 30 minutes in length?!
Post by: mek42 on August 22, 2013, 04:59:25 pm
Why oh why can't I seem to make my videos under 30 minutes in length?!
Because you think we all need to see you eat, drink and sleep before doing whatever it is you are videoing.
Why can regular stones be cut, clogging up the gem menu?
Post by: acetech09 on August 22, 2013, 05:04:27 pm
Why did my king arrive wearing a masterwork thong?
Post by: mek42 on August 22, 2013, 05:07:15 pm
What is your queen wearing?
Post by: WanderingKid on August 22, 2013, 05:10:01 pm
Because an artifact thong was not available.
What is your queen wearing?
They're the same dwarf, just depends on the tuck... of the beard.
I wonder if dwarven beards extend to... all areas...?
Post by: acetech09 on August 22, 2013, 05:10:43 pm
Why is the king consort fully clothed?
edit: ninja'd by WK.
Post by: kero42 on August 22, 2013, 05:29:55 pm
The *king consort* is fully clothed. :(
Why is the king consort fully clothed?
So as to not subtract from the kings' magnificence and glory. Alternatively, she's the sensible, less dworfy of the couple.
They're the same dwarf, just depends on the tuck... of the beard.
I wonder if dwarven beards extend to... all areas...?
Of course! If a dwarf's beard was to not cover their bodies, then their nakedness would cause instant blindness to all who looked upon them.
Why do the gods never interact with their worshippers in more conventional ways? You know, apart from the whole "raising the dead/ drinking blood/ werechinchillasim" thing?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on August 22, 2013, 10:01:53 pm
Why do humans live in small wood shacks with nothing more than a dirt floor and a bag of miscellaneous plants?
Post by: Graknorke on August 23, 2013, 05:03:44 am
Why have no species invented any drugs, not even the elves? You would think that they would know something about plants with painkillers or hallucinogens in; or that dwarves would have discovered alcohol as an antiseptic.
Post by: Urist MacNoob on August 23, 2013, 12:12:00 pm
Because unlike real-world humans, Slaves to Armok humans despise anything new. Subsequently they never invent anything and just stick to what they know. What they know isn't much.
Why have no species invented any drugs, not even the elves? You would think that they would know something about plants with painkillers or hallucinogens in; or that dwarves would have discovered alcohol as an antiseptic.
Would that mean that Congress is made up of DF humans?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on August 23, 2013, 02:37:14 pm
Because unlike real-world humans, Slaves to Armok humans despise anything new. Subsequently they never invent anything and just stick to what they know. What they know isn't much.
Why have no species invented any drugs, not even the elves? You would think that they would know something about plants with painkillers or hallucinogens in; or that dwarves would have discovered alcohol as an antiseptic.
Elves refuse to process nature into an unnatural form, instead relying on natural mushrooms to, "commune with the Spirit of the Land," and dwarves believe the use of alcohol for any reason but drinking to be breaking oath with Armok and, thus, deserving of a Hammering.
Why do my ghosts keep killing the guys in charge of engraving memorial slabs?
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 23, 2013, 09:30:04 pm
Why is glass magma-safe?
Post by: Greiger on August 23, 2013, 11:52:24 pm
Why are all living creatures made up of spheres?
Post by: Gentlefish on August 24, 2013, 12:10:24 am
Post by: InfinityOrNone on August 24, 2013, 12:41:15 am
Post by: Crinkles on August 24, 2013, 01:11:17 am
Why do we even have bismuth bronze when nobody in the history of DF has ever found it even the slightest bit useful?
It's corrosion-resistant! Which isn't useful, at all.
Post by: Larix on August 24, 2013, 03:07:51 am
Why do we even have bismuth bronze when nobody in the history of DF has ever found it even the slightest bit useful?
Well, it _is_ shiny and golden. Which makes it the C3-PO of weapon-viable metals.
What makes flowing water so attractive to dwarfs? I keep having to paint entire riverbeds with restricted traffic designations to prevent my loonies from drowning themselves by trying to ford the river right next to the bridge.
Post by: Graknorke on August 24, 2013, 06:35:58 am
Why is it that fortress dwarves never partake in any religious practices, while worldgen dwarves do all the time?
Post by: Iceblaster on August 24, 2013, 07:01:37 am
Oh hey look, that water was shallow enough for me to walk through for a second I'd better go that way! No of course it won't change what kind of lunacy would that be?
Why is it that fortress dwarves never partake in any religious practices, while worldgen dwarves do all the time?
Because they all became athiests(:P)
Why is it that whenever my hunter decides to get scared by a bloatfly, they fall asleep right infornt of them, causing me to wake up my damn sniper squad to take it out ONLY TO HAVE A THIEF STABBY THEM
Post by: Graknorke on August 24, 2013, 08:34:13 am
Sleep: Problems and Solutions
What will happen when air pressure is implemented?
Post by: Putnam on August 24, 2013, 03:21:35 pm
If dwarves were made by Armok, how come there's still Armok?
Post by: acetech09 on August 24, 2013, 03:43:53 pm
What do dwarves breathe? We know that they have to (see: suffocation), but they can survive indefinitely locked in a effectively airtight room.
Post by: Larix on August 24, 2013, 05:07:42 pm
Why can dwarfs tame puffins and even insects like giant lice, but not penguins?
Post by: Liber celi on August 24, 2013, 06:00:23 pm
Why do caravans sell stone and ore so cheap after having to drag those tons of stone through the mud for dozens or hundred of miles?
Post by: Graknorke on August 24, 2013, 09:38:04 pm
How well do the different civilised races understand biology?
Post by: smjjames on August 24, 2013, 10:35:48 pm
Why does it seem like every other FB has a trunk of some kind? For me at least.
Post by: dresdor on August 25, 2013, 08:32:17 pm
Why did my hunter unload an entire stack of bolts into a boar, cripple each of its limbs, and then go to sleep, letting it slowly crawl away until I sent my hammer after it to put it out of its misery....and make bacon
?
Post by: acetech09 on August 25, 2013, 09:23:36 pm
The elephants realized they could not win the dwarf-elephant war alone and so bred with most of your FB's.
Why do dwarves ignore my demands to stockpile adamantine ore/thread in a special stockpile, instead preferring to work on 'No Job' for years?
Because No Job is very important.
Why do dwarves have noses, considering their only purpose is to smell miasma?
CarpYou must be new here. See thread syntax. ;)
Post by: escondida on August 25, 2013, 11:18:04 pm
Why do dwarves have noses, considering their only purpose is to smell miasma?
To anchor their mustaches, of course!
Do dwarves have belly buttons?
Tekeli-li!
Beware! You must never speak of that strange land that lies beyond the 80th parallel---those strange seas of balmy water, the strong current carrying you to the pole...even Pym was reluctant to reveal too much of what he saw there.
Post by: Crinkles on August 26, 2013, 02:39:25 am
Why do elves find torturing animals appalling, but torturing someone as an example acceptable?
Post by: Kumquat on August 26, 2013, 11:56:13 am
No, they have lower body buttons.
Why do elves find torturing animals appalling, but torturing someone as an example acceptable?
Because elven torture involves singing and poetry, and it is appalling to waste the torture-worthy poetry on animals that don't understand a word.
If elves spawn from wood, why do they weigh more than a duck?
Post by: Imp on August 26, 2013, 04:44:31 pm
Some elves, which sprang from featherwood, DO weigh less than a duck. But they blow away and so we never see them.
What allows a pasture to actually contain the animal inside, until someone else steps into that same square? And why does that step invariably release the animal immediately afterwards, until it is returned to its place?
Post by: Bumber on August 26, 2013, 08:10:37 pm
Some elves, which sprang from featherwood, DO weigh less than a duck. ButFTFYthey blow away and so we never see themthe humans built bridges out of them.
What allows a pasture to actually contain the animal inside, until someone else steps into that same square? And why does that step invariably release the animal immediately afterwards, until it is returned to its place?A binding
How does light pass through artificial non-glass ceilings?
Post by: acetech09 on August 26, 2013, 08:29:07 pm
Why can't you see more than 3 z-levels downward in fortress mode?
Post by: TheDarkStar on August 26, 2013, 09:21:51 pm
Why can dwarves instantly know where to go, even if they are alone and have never seen your fort (like a lone surviving migrant), EXCEPT when reclaiming it or as an adventurer?
Post by: InfinityOrNone on August 26, 2013, 11:48:16 pm
Why do dwarves consider being imprisoned to be worse than someone beating their soft and frail skulls?
Post by: PwndJa on August 27, 2013, 12:04:51 pm
The humans showed up. Their diplomat almost instantly threw himself off of my 5z cliff which is especially odd because my Mayor is at the heart of my fortress, the entrance to which is not near the falls. He must have had some fresh socks because I'm now conscripting a dwarf every few seconds to keep him from going over the falls to reach the loot at the bottom and losing one of my precious chalk pots in the process. I'd let natural selection take it's course if my fortress wasn't plagued by useless children: 106 dwarves total, 45 children, 2 babies.
The bodies are piling up at the bottom of the falls. I've found their presence as cognitively akin to mulch. I'm not sure why. 3 humans, 1 elf, 4 dwarves and a kobold that was clearly trying WAY too hard. I've started walling up the river where I think the problem area is.
Does anyone know why my dwarves are walking off of waterfalls?
Post by: Urist MacNoob on August 27, 2013, 12:22:01 pm
Post by: Graknorke on August 27, 2013, 02:09:53 pm
My merchants have been pathing off of my waterfall as they leave. Interesting, though annoying.Because they think they can see a clear route through. The flowing water does not factor into the decision much.
The humans showed up. Their diplomat almost instantly threw himself off of my 5z cliff which is especially odd because my Mayor is at the heart of my fortress, the entrance to which is not near the falls. He must have had some fresh socks because I'm now conscripting a dwarf every few seconds to keep him from going over the falls to reach the loot at the bottom and losing one of my precious chalk pots in the process. I'd let natural selection take it's course if my fortress wasn't plagued by useless children: 106 dwarves total, 45 children, 2 babies.
The bodies are piling up at the bottom of the falls. I've found their presence as cognitively akin to mulch. I'm not sure why. 3 humans, 1 elf, 4 dwarves and a kobold that was clearly trying WAY too hard. I've started walling up the river where I think the problem area is.
Does anyone know why my dwarves are walking off of waterfalls?
What lies beyond the edge of the world?
Post by: acetech09 on August 27, 2013, 02:13:29 pm
We all know it's possible to mince booze, but how can you tell the difference afterward?
Post by: PwndJa on August 27, 2013, 05:11:59 pm
-snip-Welp, I walled off an out of place ramp leading out of the river near the falls and my dwarves are no longer interested. The merchants, however, still jump right in the river and walk off of the fall. Some of the animals spend a season or two fighting the current before they're swept away. I'm considering making the river wagon accessible, but I'm not sure I can keep my dwarves away if there is an access point that close to the falls and thus the socks. Nor am I sure about wagons' arrogance towards water. And gravity.
In my first attempt to do this my masons were busy building and, fed up with the situation, I decided to wait and see. 6 dwarves in the span of what was probably 4 seconds. Their deaths were unreasonably clean so I decided to save scum and lost a couple hours of work. After going right to patching the problem area, a child decided he was prepared for the drop. Wall patched and the child still fighting the current, I saved and walked away with a win/win.
Also, I concluded the issue with my dwarves was because I diverted the flow of the river(4 wide) for a moat(2 wide) and led that off the cliff, too, because waterfalls are cool. At the time, I didn't see much of an influence in the flow in the river so I counted myself lucky. Turns out ~4-6 spaces up the river from the fall were influenced enough to keep them filled at 2-4, and a ramp near that area allowed for opportunity during pathing. My dwarves, seeing this opportunity, decided to try to stockpile/eat/wear the goods at the bottom.
The merchants still jump into the river at 7/7 so that's not my problem. Now to work out how to get that loot... Can dwarves scuba if they have the proper swimming skill?
Post by: wierd on August 27, 2013, 05:17:49 pm
Armok's workbench.
We all know it's possible to mince booze, but how can you tell the difference afterward?
Think about it: well minced booze is just an alcoholic slurpee. Or perhaps a hard liquor snowcone. In that light, it is very easy to imagine how one can tell how well minced it is.
Now, the real kicker-- how do they get the alcohol cold enough to freeze it prior to mincing?
Post by: Graknorke on August 27, 2013, 06:28:03 pm
Why do bridges not need any power to operate?
Post by: wierd on August 27, 2013, 09:13:43 pm
If elves have a pact with nature concerning the killing of all animal life, how do they deal with fleas, ticks, lice, and mosquitos?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 27, 2013, 09:54:45 pm
The mechanism attached is clearly directly diven by the force applied to the lever. This subsequently explains why Urist will do everything else but pull the lever when instructed to, and will only pull it when he has no other job.They're at peace with all of nature's creatures, and thusly aren't attacked by such things.
If elves have a pact with nature concerning the killing of all animal life, how do they deal with fleas, ticks, lice, and mosquitos?
Why haven't the dwarves invented the beard-hauberk yet?
Post by: Cattani on August 27, 2013, 10:06:01 pm
Supposing every creature has its place in the natural order of things, what was nature's use for Purring Maggots before the dwarves started milking it?
Post by: Greiger on August 28, 2013, 09:24:53 am
The shame of relying on humans made the dwarves vow to never let that happen again, so children are no longer allowed to gain skill in any moodable craft, because small figurines are far less dangerous. Lali-ho!
What would happen if dwarves tried to use an unstoppable lowering bridge to try and atom smash an immovable wall?
Post by: smjjames on August 28, 2013, 09:40:24 am
Why don't dwarves' children do some basic labors? (Children should be able to cook, or tan leather, etc.)
It's possible to apprentice them using Dwarf Therapist.
Post by: tahujdt on August 28, 2013, 09:51:14 am
What would happen if dwarves tried to use an unstoppable lowering bridge to try and atom smash an immovable wall?
The bridge and wall will both spontaneously become magma.
Ant men will explode when they go above-ground due to an unforeseen bug.Only sneaking ant men will be killed by an unforeseen bug.
Post by: Gentlefish on August 29, 2013, 01:35:00 am
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on August 29, 2013, 02:22:24 am
Which is more dwarfy for forges: the lifeblood of Armok, or the charred remains of elven treasures? Why?
Post by: Larix on October 10, 2013, 08:26:25 am
They have. They smash them and store the small fragments in their beards in order to know which way to build a raising bridge.
Which is more dwarfy for forges: the lifeblood of Armok, or the charred remains of elven treasures? Why?
MAAAAGMAAAAA
Founding your actions on potentially offending someone you mildly dislike is petty and human. Dwarfs are addlebrained short-tempered drunks, they aren't petty racists.
When two minecarts collide head-on, only one will move off, the other will stop. Looking through the movement parameters, the entire momentum of one of the carts vanishes without a trace - neither cart takes damage, so it's not converted in some way. Where does the missing momentum go?
Post by: Kumquat on October 10, 2013, 10:06:59 am
Why are all rivers only 1z deep and perfectly flat and only move down z-levels at waterfalls?
Post by: evictedSaint on October 10, 2013, 12:22:54 pm
It goes to pull up massive bridges with a quantum-linked lever installed next to the magma forges and to power up water reactors and impulse ramps - even if you have none (yet).
Why are all rivers only 1z deep and perfectly flat and only move down z-levels at waterfalls?
It's a well-know fact that water is afraid of heights, which is why it moves instantaneously to the lowest available point whenever it gets the chance. If riverbeds were more than 1 level deep, all the water would be fighting to see who gets to stay at the very bottom. To avoid this, all the individual bodies of water agreed to never carve tracks more than 1 z level deep, which had the side effect of making waterfalls the only available way to descend in elevation.
Why is it that ballistas only fire in four directions, rather than 360 degrees?
Post by: jcochran on October 10, 2013, 01:16:52 pm
Why is it that ballistas only fire in four directions, rather than 360 degrees?Because 360 is too high to count while drunk.
How is a little bird able to lift and steal an anvil?
Post by: Pinstar on October 10, 2013, 05:04:31 pm
How come mosquito brain is a 'meat' product availabe at embark and satisfies like a full meal when eaten, yet cannot be harvested from vermin mosquitos on your fort?
Post by: jcochran on October 10, 2013, 05:57:14 pm
How come mosquito brain is a 'meat' product availabe at embark and satisfies like a full meal when eaten, yet cannot be harvested from vermin mosquitos on your fort?That's because due to a time/space warp, the mosquitoes at embark are from Alaska and the vermin mosquitoes are from California... http://claytonecramer.blogspot.com/2010/11/great-mosquito-joke.html
Why do many hostile creatures ignore cats?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 10, 2013, 06:00:06 pm
Why do dwarves that fall in one side of a body of water not simply get out on that side, but try to swim to the safety of the OTHER side of the pool and drown on the way?
Post by: Gentlefish on October 11, 2013, 03:16:27 am
If water's afraid of heights and that's why rivers are only 1z deep, then why are lakes and oceans a thing?
Post by: Pinstar on October 11, 2013, 08:36:43 am
Where do turkeys and other similar birds get all the energy and nutrition to produce the large clutches of eggs they lay without actually needing to eat anything?
Post by: kero42 on October 11, 2013, 11:02:11 am
Where do turkeys and other similar birds get all the energy and nutrition to produce the large clutches of eggs they lay without actually needing to eat anything?
A: Reincarnation, of a sort. When animals die, their souls float about in some astral realm. Turkeys and other egg layers (abominations that they are) can tap into this realm, consuming the poor things, before plopping them out as eggs, ready for consumption/fertilization. Souls not consumed in this way eventually disperse into spores to be used in live births.
Q: How come all creatures can see 360 degrees without turning round?
Post by: Grey Goo on October 11, 2013, 11:33:28 am
How elven caravan can carry elephants? Or was it already answered?..
Post by: acetech09 on October 11, 2013, 09:23:23 pm
Byakugan...
How elven caravan can carry elephants? Or was it already answered?..
The elven caravan doesn't carry elephants. As we all know, cages are just portals to an infinite, empty, time-locked universe unique to each cage. The elves are just carrying a cage regardless of what's inside it. Granted, the mass of the cage = the mass of the universe + mass of cage material, so the cage is heavy, but they can just kinda roll it along on the ground.
Is the cutebold secretly a kobold survival mechanism? I find myself letting the little buggers go much more often, the more I see cutebold pics.
Post by: Eric Blank on October 11, 2013, 11:40:05 pm
How can a dwarf that hasn't had contact with others in a century, namely a vampire sequestered away half a mile form the rest of the fort, be considered well-known to the dwarves when a dwarf that hasn't been seen in only a week be considered missing?
Post by: Matoro on October 12, 2013, 02:59:18 am
How can a dwarf that hasn't had contact with others in a century, namely a vampire sequestered away half a mile form the rest of the fort, be considered well-known to the dwarves when a dwarf that hasn't been seen in only a week be considered missing?
The dwarven hivemind and the dwarven stupidity.
You know, because of hivemind, all dwarves have contact with each other. They can hate or love each other, but they all have metaphysical bond between them, non-understandable for human brains. They know that the vampire of your example is there, because they can feel it through their hivemind. They also remember that the vampire was a famous, so he's well-known for everyone, even if nobody hasn't actually seen him for a decades.
And what comes to being misisng, it is an illusion created by slow dwarven brain mechanisms. While those locked vampires still produce signals to the hivemind everyone can hear, missing dwarves don't (since they are dead). However, their existance echoes in the hivemind - dwarven brain works so slowly, that they understand things only about week after it has happened. So the signals of someone's hivemind coexistance will echo for the dwarves for about week until the dwarves get the updated information.
What is the light blue thing in brooks and streams, and why does brook/stream contain just as much water as does river?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on October 15, 2013, 06:07:01 am
Why is it dwarves refuse to run inside if I allow the courtyard burrow, but when I forbid it they rush right in like they should do?
Post by: Nidilap on October 15, 2013, 10:43:51 am
Why do Elves give wood to People, even if they worship trees?
Post by: jcochran on October 15, 2013, 01:43:17 pm
Why does water have pressure and magma doesn't?
Post by: acetech09 on October 15, 2013, 03:24:20 pm
Why don't dwarves get infectious diseases?
Post by: jcochran on October 15, 2013, 03:30:05 pm
Why won't this thread die?
Post by: Nidilap on October 15, 2013, 06:43:41 pm
The poor fools.
If one human grew a great beard, would he be able to assimilate to the Dwarven people, eventually taking them over?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on October 15, 2013, 09:36:48 pm
Why do Dwarves never succumb to alcohol poisoning?
Post by: Putnam on October 15, 2013, 09:57:15 pm
Why do humans never succumb to alcohol poisoning?
Post by: aiseant on October 16, 2013, 03:16:10 am
Why children dwaves refuse to work, when we know they perfectly can ? (a snatcher just "freed" a legendary bone carver child, and I'm not even mad)
Post by: Maul_Junior on October 16, 2013, 03:17:39 am
This may not be the place, but I got the DF bug again after a few months of not playing, and came to the forums.
Decided I wanted to read an AAR, and picked Spearbreakers. Fine, it's a sequel to Syrupleaf which is a sequel to Headshoots. Gotta read those first.
Just got done with Headshoots.
....the FUCK was that?
That was.....weirder than Boatmurdered.
I need more.
That was awesome.
:D
wasn't sure where to post this, but the wtf thread seemed like a decent place as any.
What's the most insane way you've ever lost a fortress?
Post by: Nidilap on October 16, 2013, 08:25:51 am
Why don't dwarves carry Magma Buckets/Barrels into battle? Imagine the warfare... :D
Post by: 94dima94 on October 16, 2013, 10:32:19 am
Why won't this thread die?
We are proficient necromancers.
Sigged
How can horses annihilate champions with steel weapons and armor?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on October 16, 2013, 10:47:54 am
Is it possible to create a quantum stockpile so dense that it collapses into itself and creates a black hole?
Post by: Erils on October 16, 2013, 02:12:05 pm
Is it possible to create a quantum stockpile so dense that it collapses into itself and creates a black hole?
Yes, If you fill it with platinum and get a platinum forgotten beast to walk on it.
Is it a problem that I feel very close to simulated dwarves who are rendered in Ascii graphics?
Post by: Niccolo on October 16, 2013, 02:58:47 pm
Why do ghosts only ever kill the useful dwarves?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 16, 2013, 03:04:13 pm
Why don't keas ever get the message to stay the hell out of here?
Post by: Niccolo on October 16, 2013, 04:23:41 pm
Why does water flowing diagonally between two blocks lose pressure?
Post by: flame99 on October 16, 2013, 04:53:52 pm
Sig'dIs it a problem that I feel very close to simulated dwarves who are rendered in Ascii graphics?Only to psychiatrists and the rest of huge outside world.
Post by: shrike.ex on October 16, 2013, 05:47:05 pm
Why does water flowing diagonally between two blocks lose pressure?Because it isn't actually flowing. When you create a diagonal, you are forming a liquid summoning circle, which requires the sacrifice of one liquid to create another.
Why, given the option, do dwarfs always stand on the overhanging floor they are about to demolish?
Post by: acetech09 on October 16, 2013, 10:35:24 pm
a) They're too drunk to realize their mistake.
2) They're drunk enough to think it'll be fun.
Why is suddenly every other response being sigged suddenly?
Post by: Niccolo on October 17, 2013, 04:55:24 am
Why is suddenly every other response being sigged suddenly?I don't know about the rest of them, but I'm just that awesome.
How can a tiny little Kea carry off an entire battleaxe?
Post by: Nidilap on October 17, 2013, 07:49:34 am
If Goblinite is a thing, what about Humanite, Elvenite, or Koboldite?
Post by: Erils on October 19, 2013, 09:37:12 am
Why can't a goblin or human who still has their battleaxe/dagger/spear/sword escape from a palm cage?
Post by: acetech09 on October 19, 2013, 09:57:59 am
Why do vermin have powers of invisibility?
Post by: imperium3 on October 19, 2013, 10:10:08 am
How can dwarves mine through the strongest material in the world with a shoddy copper pick?
Post by: Grim Portent on October 19, 2013, 11:17:06 am
Why is a silk sock more dangerous than an adamantine warhammer?
Post by: Akura on October 19, 2013, 12:55:04 pm
Why won't dwarves use the bins, cloth, or armor of their predecessors in a reclaim fort? They use most everything else.
Post by: Eric Blank on October 20, 2013, 01:32:51 am
(sounds to me like the game isn't clearing the data or something from previous owners, military squads, and stockpiles?)
Why don't traders and diplomats locked in a fort just chill out and wait for the siege to break instead of going berserk?
Post by: Niccolo on October 20, 2013, 08:50:37 am
Why don't traders and diplomats locked in a fort just chill out and wait for the siege to break instead of going berserk?
Because they know someone back home just died and if they don't get back RIGHT NOW then they won't get those socks!
The real question is, why don't Elves get splinters from their wooden armour?
Post by: jcochran on October 20, 2013, 12:47:32 pm
Why can you use magma forges and smelters to create and work magma safe materials like iron and steel?
Post by: Urist Mc Dwarf on October 20, 2013, 12:57:29 pm
Why do dwarves insist on locking themselves out of the fortress.
Post by: acetech09 on October 20, 2013, 01:03:26 pm
Why haven't dwarves weaponized the gremlin's invisibility field?
Post by: UnlawfullyDeranged on October 20, 2013, 02:34:40 pm
How is Armok reconcilable with mods?
Post by: Nidilap on October 21, 2013, 07:50:21 am
Why can't dwarves ride mounts?
Post by: acetech09 on October 21, 2013, 10:24:37 am
If alcohol is lighter than water, why don't dwarves float?
Post by: Drazinononda on October 21, 2013, 11:41:25 am
Because they don't know how to ride. or mount. They use spores.
This answer is WIN
But to answer your question: dwarves metabolize alcohol into beard hair, which is denser than water.
Why won't dwarves decorate an item with its own material, or with the same material twice?
Post by: Niccolo on October 21, 2013, 01:12:42 pm
Why won't dwarves decorate an item with its own material, or with the same material twice?
What, like some sort of degenerate? Everyone knows that's a massive faux pas.
Why does only one group of animals per biome appear at a time?
Post by: Nidilap on October 21, 2013, 10:44:51 pm
Why do dwarves love socks so much? As far as I know, they don't jack off.
Post by: Erils on October 22, 2013, 12:39:51 pm
Why do dwarves love socks so much? As far as I know, they don't jack off.
Dwarves want to differentiate themselves from hobbits who, as everyone knows, have very hairy, sockless feet. They also get cold feet easily and die if they stay barefoot for over a month. And about the second part of your question, try checking a dwarfs thoughts when he is "on break" in his bedroom.
Why do dwarves prefer fighting with their fists and feet instead of the adamantine weapon they are holding?
Post by: Tarqiup Inua on October 22, 2013, 04:30:41 pm
Post by: flame99 on October 22, 2013, 05:40:16 pm
Flock of keas just stole almost whole suit of masterwork steel armor I was preparing for my adventurer... breastplate, greaves, helm, three mail shirts, shield... they stole artifact iron shield, before, tooI think you have the wrong thread.
Because adamantine is a truly holy mineral of Armok. It shall never be tainted by the blood of a lesser creature, and instead it must first taste the blood of a truly !!FUN!! foe, like an army of Clowns shortly before tormentingly peeling back Urist's face to use as a doormat.
Why does Armok not enter worlds to cause even greater amounts of !!FUN!!?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 22, 2013, 05:49:35 pm
Why do dwarves prefer fighting with their fists and feet instead of the adamantine weapon they are holding?It's all the densinity and weight that matters when it comes to fighting. At least that's what one dwarf heard from his overseer. And this rumor has spreaded far. Far.
Fists are heavier than cotton. Thus they are better. Dwarf logic.
Why do my dwarves get unhappy thoughts from a bit of mud in their water... And don't give an elf for all the decaying bodies in the well? And vermin remains? And blood?
Post by: Erils on October 23, 2013, 02:19:53 am
Why does Armok not enter worlds to cause even greater amounts of !!FUN!!?Because Armok knows that such levels of fun might be too much for some players and cause their brains to explode. He also wants to wait until the 'fun' update before spreading his fun.
Why do my dwarves get unhappy thoughts from a bit of mud in their water... And don't give an elf for all the decaying bodies in the well? And vermin remains? And blood?It's not the mud are unhappy about. They are unhappy that they have to drink water and not beer or ale. The mud gives the water a brown flavor, making it at least look like beer, which is the only thing stopping all the dwarves from becoming very depressed and killing themselves.
Why do civilian dwarves run away from a single goblin even when they outnumber it 10-1?
Post by: Niccolo on October 23, 2013, 03:44:03 am
Why do civilian dwarves run away from a single goblin even when they outnumber it 10-1?
Because goblins smell terrible, a combination of a blue cheese suppository and roasted gym socks.
Bloody hell, I feel ill now.
How can a goblin steal a baby right from the arms of it's mother?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 23, 2013, 06:49:16 am
HER ALCOHOL
So she threw the baby at him.
Ale has been saved.
How do cats know where are my most important stockpiles and WHY THEY COVER THEM IN A 2 METER THICK LAYER OF HAMSTER REMAINS so I can't store anything there and everyone is busy taking the hamster to the atom smasher?
Post by: Niccolo on October 23, 2013, 07:36:28 am
The mother thought that he is going to steal her alcohol.
HER ALCOHOL
So she threw the baby at him.
Ale has been saved.
I wish that didn't make sense.
How do cats know where are my most important stockpiles and WHY THEY COVER THEM IN A 2 METER THICK LAYER OF HAMSTER REMAINS so I can't store anything there and everyone is busy taking the hamster to the atom smasher?
Dwarven cats are not actually cats as you think of them; they are hate-ridden, attention-whoring little creatures with a fierce hatred for your ability to achieve anything in a timely manner. The First Cat's four legs were in fact the four horsemen of the apocalypse, for from the First Cat did spring forth every other cat to destroy your FPS and your world.
Why do dwarven dogs not chase the cats?
Post by: Urist McRas on October 23, 2013, 02:03:33 pm
Dwarven cats are not actually cats as you think of them; they are hate-ridden, attention-whoring little creatures with a fierce hatred for your ability to achieve anything in a timely manner. The First Cat's four legs were in fact the four horsemen of the apocalypse, for from the First Cat did spring forth every other cat to destroy your FPS and your world.
Why do dwarven dogs not chase the cats?
The dogs heard about your point of view regarding the cats. They don't really believe it, but who wants to take chances?
Why do cats ignore overseer's orders?
Post by: misko27 on October 23, 2013, 02:21:03 pm
How can a crossbow bolt do the same damage to a giant as it does to goblins?
Post by: imperium3 on October 23, 2013, 03:05:14 pm
"This animal isn't interested in your wishes". Try to assign a cat a labor manually as you do for dwarves and this is what it says.
How can a crossbow bolt do the same damage to a giant as it does to goblins?
All crossbow bolts are actually about four feet long. This is also why marksdwarves are averse to actually carrying any of the bloody things.
How do migrants make it to a fortress suffering from deadly rain when the surrounding area has, well, deadly rain? And why the hell would they want to?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 23, 2013, 03:19:00 pm
Urist as an overseer
URIST AS AN OVERSEER
Why the combat log of my mechanic is full of "the mechanic falls over/the mechanic stands up" while he has all his limbs intact, nothing is attacking him, he isn't jumping out of the way of a cat or anything...? Like a "kdjldskfjsdsfjkldjfljdskajlsdahsjkldhajwjdajs *rolls on the floor* I forgot how to dwarf"
Post by: Urist McRas on October 23, 2013, 03:39:38 pm
Why the combat log of my mechanic is full of "the mechanic falls over/the mechanic stands up" while he has all his limbs intact, nothing is attacking him, he isn't jumping out of the way of a cat or anything...? Like a "kdjldskfjsdsfjkldjfljdskajlsdahsjkldhajwjdajs *rolls on the floor* I forgot how to dwarf"
He is breakdancing and he is awesome dancer. Or maybe he is waltzing and he is terrible dancer, it's difficult to tell from the combat log.
In my current fort my starting seven attacked an undead raven, but couldn't kill it. Why did they keep fighting untill all died of thirst?
Post by: Erils on October 24, 2013, 02:13:52 am
Why do dwarves seem to have suicidal tendencies when dealing with anything remotely dangerous?
Post by: Nidilap on October 24, 2013, 08:44:02 am
All or nuthin'
Nut up or Shut up
I need a drink...
Why can't you toss your dwarves, Gimli style?
Post by: Urist McRas on October 24, 2013, 10:25:32 am
(But the idea is awesome. Throwing dwarfs to do bludgeoning damage? Yeah, that's a dwarfy way to weaponize dwarfs.)
Why did dwarfs learned to make goblets if they never use them?
Post by: Rose on October 24, 2013, 11:01:25 am
What do my dorves think of the projects I make?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 24, 2013, 11:37:46 am
However, their beards and cats (secondary brains... In case of cats, ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROLL) probably appreciate them. If it improves the surviving % of dwarves, new victims, yay!
Why necromancers either don't come, or come with 200 zombies, while other players get 30-70 waves most of the time? ;_;
And why do my dwarves cancel building the traps saying that job item was misplaced? I'm not sure how can you misplace a damn boulder. And a mechanism, when there are thousands of them at the stockpiles.
Post by: Bihlbo on October 24, 2013, 05:36:04 pm
Post by: Proudnerd on October 24, 2013, 10:18:50 pm
Why are feet so easy to hit compared to everything else?
Post by: misko27 on October 24, 2013, 10:36:02 pm
Hit zonesSpoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do dwarves feel the need to repeatedly remind me that yes, they are digging next to a warm tile?
Post by: imperium3 on October 25, 2013, 07:07:13 am
Why doesnt magma have pressure?
Post by: shadenight123 on October 25, 2013, 07:12:05 am
(Hooooooooo)
Why do caravans never understand they should come with more armed guards? Since I never 'cleanse' the ambushes?
Post by: Urist McRas on October 25, 2013, 10:51:11 am
Nobody seems to answer this:
Why necromancers either don't come, or come with 200 zombies, while other players get 30-70 waves most of the time? ;_;
And why do my dwarves cancel building the traps saying that job item was misplaced? I'm not sure how can you misplace a damn boulder. And a mechanism, when there are thousands of them at the stockpiles.
Post by: Larix on October 25, 2013, 12:58:00 pm
Re: caravans - blame the dispatchers. Paying the fees to widows/widowers and orphans is cheaper than hiring enough guards.
Magma's density is close to that of solid stone, well over twice of that of water. Real-world living creatures will float or barely sink in water. How come creatures in DF can sink all the way down a lava pipe? How dense do they have to be? (O.k., that sort of answers the question for dwarfs, but kittens in the game still sink, i've tried.)
Post by: Urist McRas on October 26, 2013, 11:25:36 am
Why don't dwarven child go to some sort of school?
Post by: Akura on October 26, 2013, 12:20:31 pm
Why did it take so long for my dwarves to start training the first batch of Semi-Wild emu chicks?
Post by: Cuddles on October 26, 2013, 01:35:56 pm
this is stupid.
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 26, 2013, 02:46:24 pm
Why did it take so long for my dwarves to start training the first batch of Semi-Wild emu chicks?Taming wild dwarven chicks was higher priority
I SO had to.
Why the hell can I not build fortifications or walls on a constructed floor?Fortifications are little more than stuff placed in such a way so you can duck behind it if you see an projectile incoming. And they are so high that you can't just jump over them, and even FB can use them as cover...
this is stupid.
Conclusion: They are high pillars of stone.
A high pillar would just wall over if it wasn't dug in the ground or attached to holes or stuff carved in the cavern floor.
*science*
How the hell would a dwarf survive a beard amputation? (planned for justice system)
On a side note... If the beard works like a secondary brain, that would explain why every single mage in fantasy has one that almost reaches his knees...
Post by: Cuddles on October 26, 2013, 03:50:02 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
It looks like they're all carrying thread, cloth, or what-have-you.
I don't know what the hell happened here.
Oh, it looks like they lifted approximately 1,800,000 units of cloth.
So that seems to be... about 180 pieces of cloth. All fitting into one chest by the way, which I find retarded and hilarious.
What the fuck is going on here.
Post by: Eric Blank on October 26, 2013, 05:24:13 pm
Post by: Cuddles on October 26, 2013, 06:06:58 pm
You put a chest in the hospital, that's what's going on. There's some bug which causes dwarves to assign all of the cloth/thread they can get their hands on to the hospital, which leaves none for your clothing industry. They'll also steal all your adamantine threads before they can be forged into wafers.
Yes but the issue is that they're stealing from a caravan.
Like they ran out to the caravans while they were coming in and just systematically stole every bit of cloth on them.
Post by: Gentlefish on October 26, 2013, 06:38:44 pm
Why are my dwarves afraid of the wild cats?
Post by: Urist McRas on October 27, 2013, 09:01:25 am
Why do dwarfs hate only one kind of vermins?
Post by: Nidilap on October 30, 2013, 11:10:19 am
Why aren't there orcs in vanilla DF? Like, seriously. C'mon Blizzard.
Post by: Button on October 30, 2013, 11:32:16 am
Where does the additional mass come from when using the melt item glitch to create metal?
Post by: jcochran on October 30, 2013, 01:57:05 pm
Why can't clowns dig through cotton candy?
Post by: acetech09 on October 30, 2013, 01:59:17 pm
That's due to a phenomena similar to that experienced with cage space. The same physics that permits an infinite number of animals to be stored in a single cage also permits the extraction of metals given a suitable piece of starting metal.
Why can't clowns dig through cotton candy?
They don't have an anvil. And because they don't have anvils, they can't make picks. And only picks can dig through candy.
Why can we only see 3 z-levels downward but the whole map sideways?
Post by: Nidilap on October 30, 2013, 05:54:26 pm
Could someone tell me why cheese is so important to Dwarven culture? It was a thing since 2006, and still goes strong. I want a tale.
Post by: Monk321654 on October 30, 2013, 09:25:11 pm
Alcohol is made from aging wheat, tubers, fruits, and maybe other stuff.
Cheese is made from aging milk products.
Clearly, cheese is the solid equivalent of booze.
Do dwarves prefer Marble or Granite?
Post by: Graknorke on October 31, 2013, 09:38:06 am
What is the marketing strategy for the traders to sell various fortress-produced items back at the mountainhomes?
Post by: Erils on October 31, 2013, 12:55:46 pm
What is the marketing strategy for the traders to sell various fortress-produced items back at the mountainhomes?They give the items away for free, but first the buyer has to dislodge it from the trader's skull.
Who is the overseer of the mountainhomes?
Post by: Niccolo on October 31, 2013, 04:03:29 pm
Who is the overseer of the mountainhomes?
A dwarf. Why do you think so many migrants leave?
How can an artifact get set on fire, but never be consumed?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 03, 2013, 11:46:29 pm
Who is the overseer of the mountainhomes?
A dwarf. Why do you think so many migrants leave?
How can an artifact get set on fire, but never be consumed?
There are indefinite amount of material (wood for example) in an artifact. It is similar to aquifer: you can put out of a single aquifer tile any amount of water and it never gets drained. Fire consumes wood at a certain rate, so it never run out.
Back to dwarfs migrating from mountainhome: How many dwarfs are there in mountainhome if it can afford sending that many reasonably trained dwarfs to migrate to my fortress every year?
Post by: Erils on November 04, 2013, 06:52:25 am
Back to dwarfs migrating from mountainhome: How many dwarfs are there in mountainhome if it can afford sending that many reasonably trained dwarfs to migrate to my fortress every year?
The number of dwarves in the mountainhomes is the same as the amount of water in an aquifer or material in an artifact. There are an infinite number of trained dwarves waiting to come and, due to the mountainhomes being ruled by a dwarf, are all ready to spring at any chance to leave.
Why don't suicidal dwarves just stab themselves?
Post by: Erils on November 06, 2013, 10:07:25 am
Why don't suicidal dwarves just stab themselves?
Because they are too stupid to realize that they can. They also don't want to ruin their artifact battleaxes.
Why didn't anyone answer my previous post?
Post by: Nidilap on November 06, 2013, 02:34:29 pm
How do dwarves get rid of waste? They don't poo or pee, so....
Post by: Urist McRas on November 06, 2013, 02:55:00 pm
Why can't dwarfs dig without picks? Sand should be totally diggable barehanded.
Post by: BlackMuffin on November 06, 2013, 02:59:21 pm
Why do walls built from non-magmasafe components not melt while furniture made from the same material will melt immediately when submerged in lava/magma?
Post by: Urist Mc Dwarf on November 06, 2013, 04:07:20 pm
Why do dwarves cancel jobs such as fishing or hunting to hunt for vermin? And why do dwarves hate eating vermin anyway? They'll eat pretty much anything.
Post by: Urist McRas on November 06, 2013, 07:24:59 pm
Why can't dwarfs make bed from stone? It looks much easier then making a door or a mechanism.
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 06, 2013, 08:05:08 pm
Why don't dwarfs look in the direction they're about to dodge, BEFORE jumping away from a harmless fish/turkey/forgotten beast?
Post by: TalonisWolf on November 07, 2013, 08:04:14 pm
Because they can't stop maiming the animals long enough to tame them.
Why are picks so good at severing limbs?
LIES!
The mounts are to friggin tall to get up on. In frustration, they then maim the stupid thing.
They can, but wooden beds give them dreams of murdering whole forests full of elves. Once you've had a night like that, you never turn back.
Why don't dwarfs look in the direction they're about to dodge, BEFORE jumping away from a harmless fish/turkey/forgotten beast?
The fish/turkey/forgotten beast is like a Minecart Crash, they can't look away!
How is it that dwarves manage to rip apart the fabric of reality, time, or space on a daily basis, yet never take advantage of this to doom the elves?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 17, 2013, 11:47:13 pm
Why there are no bald dwarfs?
Post by: Erils on November 18, 2013, 01:32:26 am
Why there are no bald dwarfs?
There are. They just make wigs out of the beards of dwarves who have fallen into shame and no longer deserve the right to have a beard.
Why does everyone hate elves?
Post by: SkyRender on November 18, 2013, 01:59:50 am
Why does everyone hate elves?
How much would you like a bunch of height-ists who get huffy when you try to sell them wood, yet are willing to offload half a forest's worth of the stuff to you? Bunch o' hypocrites, I say.
Why is it that every time a siege happens, every single Dwarf seems to think this would be a perfect time to go saunter off into the wilderness outside the fort?
Post by: BlackMuffin on November 18, 2013, 02:03:50 am
Why do I keep getting told no distillable items exist when I've got 49 stacks set aside just for brewing?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on November 18, 2013, 12:23:00 pm
Why do dwarves vary from "mentally stable enough to have half their family killed whilst remaining ecstatic" to "going on a rampage because they didn't have a bed two days ago although they have one now"?
Post by: SkyRender on November 18, 2013, 03:55:13 pm
Why do dwarves vary from "mentally stable enough to have half their family killed whilst remaining ecstatic" to "going on a rampage because they didn't have a bed two days ago although they have one now"?
Some Dwarves can't be reasoned with. They just want to see the fort burn. What, you thought psychopathic tendencies weren't modeled in Dwarf Fortress? Hah.
If Dwarven nobles know that what they're requesting is impossible to make, why do they keep requesting it be made over and over again?
Post by: Urist Mc Dwarf on November 18, 2013, 04:49:43 pm
Why do brokers take breaks from napping and eating only while the traders are present?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 18, 2013, 05:10:56 pm
Why can dwarfs make an axe out of fungiwood that will cut oak, but can't fashion a pick out of rock that will dig through sand?
Post by: jcochran on November 18, 2013, 06:08:15 pm
How can dwarves carve enormous rooms in sand, yet not have their roofs collapse?
Post by: klefenz on November 18, 2013, 07:04:53 pm
How can carpenters make furniture without nails?
Post by: smjjames on November 18, 2013, 07:12:33 pm
Where does all the leftover material from making a gabbro ring go, or anything else really?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 18, 2013, 07:20:05 pm
Sawdust, sand, and clay are used as kitty litter.
What's above the top z-level limit? Hidden Boring Stuff?
Post by: SkyRender on November 18, 2013, 08:42:45 pm
What's above the top z-level limit? Hidden Boring Stuff?
Kerbals. They like watching the Dwarves from orbit, laughing the whole time from their spacecraft. Also, they ran out of fuel and can't get back to Kerbin.
Why do entire civilizations declare war on the Dwarven nations for trade-related offenses at one out-of-the-way fort in the middle of nowhere?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 19, 2013, 01:55:08 am
How extacly the dwarves can turn one log either into a training axe (that is still capable of chopping trees) orrr... A bed? Door? Even a construction block?
Kerbals. They like watching the Dwarves from orbit, laughing the whole time from their spacecraft. Also, they ran out of fuel and can't get back to Kerbin.Actually, they really, really like dwarven way of thinking. Compare DF and KSP communities. Find more than 3 differences.
We murder our minions for !!SCIENCE!!
No plan without horrible deaths is a good plan
Steep learning curve
Getting things to work requires either a great deal of patience or rocket science degree.
Post by: SkyRender on November 19, 2013, 02:02:35 am
Actually, they really, really like dwarven way of thinking. Compare DF and KSP communities. Find more than 3 differences.
We murder our minions for !!SCIENCE!!
No plan without horrible deaths is a good plan
Steep learning curve
Getting things to work requires either a great deal of patience or rocket science degree.
I find that the key difference is that you can actually get consistent results in KSP if you know what you're doing (and I do). Your rocket doesn't just randomly fall apart on you. Well, except when the Kraken attacks, but that's not nearly so common these days!
Post by: Urist McRas on November 22, 2013, 04:28:46 am
How extacly the dwarves can turn one log either into a training axe (that is still capable of chopping trees) orrr... A bed? Door? Even a construction block?
Well, like humans do. Take a log, saw it up to make boards, then construct a bed from the boards, nothing complicated.
Why don't dwarf have names like Thorin or Gimli?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 22, 2013, 04:33:08 am
Q: Dwarves understand the wheel; they understand powered systems - why haven't they invented the automobile yet?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on November 22, 2013, 01:06:46 pm
Dwarves routinely make superweapons; how come elves still exist?
Post by: Niccolo on November 22, 2013, 02:33:01 pm
What makes a dwarf decide that biting his opponent is better than using his huge axe?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 22, 2013, 11:21:42 pm
Why there are no drugs in DF?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 22, 2013, 11:36:49 pm
Why don't miners ever look at the plans for a dig, before beginning the excavation? (e.g. channelling one level at a time; or at least in a consistent pattern)
Post by: kero42 on November 23, 2013, 09:29:58 am
Q: Why do kittens not enslave goblins and elves?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 23, 2013, 09:41:47 am
Elves, Humans, Goblins, Kobolds - none are worthy of the power of the Holy Purr. All hail the kitten
Q: Why aren't dwarves ever possessed by familiar forces?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on November 23, 2013, 10:24:33 am
How can a dwarf's skull be bashed in by a sock?
Post by: Sumyunguy on November 23, 2013, 03:17:51 pm
Smass/hardness=D*3.14
Where D is distance, and S is sock mass.
This allows dwarven socks to become solid once donned, creating a shield of protection for the dwarf. But woe be to the dwarf who has his own socks used against him, as the sock cannot determine whether or not the dwarf has it on. The effect of the sock on the head is the equivalent to a 34 z-level pillar cave-in on his skull.
Q: Why do lead barrels enhance the taste of fine dwarven brews?
Post by: wierd on November 23, 2013, 05:08:41 pm
AKA, Lead sugar, Salt of saturn, and many others.
Quite possibly the world's first artificial sweetener, Lead II Acetate is created by the acidic action of acetic acid on metallic lead containers. The primary source of acetic acid is from vinegar, which itself comes from oxidation reactions of alcoholic beverages with the atmosphere. Most typically, wine.
The fondness of dwarves for sweet tasting treats, and for alcoholic substances is well known. The problem, is that sugars are converted into non-sweet tasting alcohols via fermentation. The storage of these alcoholic beverages in leaden containers permits the formation of "lead sugar" in the alcohol, returning some of this lost sweetness to the beverages in question, with only minimal loss of alcoholic potency.
....
Its consumption is also the leading cause of persistent neurological disorders frequently reported amongst dwarven settlers, and likely contributes heavily to the ... unique.. mental characteristics of the race. The effects of lead exposure during pregnancy are well documented, (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1638166/) and female dwarven mothers continue to imbibe the beverages in question without cessation during that time, leading to a double-whammy of lead toxicity and fetal alcohol syndrome.
The real question then, is HOW, given the accumulated lifetime sequestration of this heavy metal, do dwarven corpses rot so quickly after they become deceased?
Post by: smjjames on November 23, 2013, 05:42:44 pm
How do dwarves avoid fetal alcohol syndrome? (and how did the ancients avoid that when people mostly drank beer or whatever because it was safer than the water).
Post by: Urist McRas on November 23, 2013, 06:10:05 pm
The real question then, is HOW, given the accumulated lifetime sequestration of this heavy metal, do dwarven corpses rot so quickly after they become deceased?
Dwarf life is harsh and so is life of dwaven bacteria. Nowadays only tough and stern bacteria dare to live in dwarven body. When the dwarf is deceased no petty heavy metal can stop them from the feast.
How do dwarves avoid fetal alcohol syndrome? (and how did the ancients avoid that when people mostly drank beer or whatever because it was safer than the water).
Well, they don't avoid it. That's why they are short and stupid. (Ancients probably just learned to boil water.)
Why do elves use wooden armor? It is unpractical.
Post by: klefenz on November 23, 2013, 07:48:09 pm
How come snatched dwarven babies dont flood goblin dark fortresses with magma?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 23, 2013, 08:06:27 pm
Why do demons prefer to lead human societies, instead of, say, elf nations?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 23, 2013, 08:18:40 pm
Why there are no half-breeds?
Post by: klefenz on November 23, 2013, 08:29:16 pm
Where does the bookkeeper write the stocks of all the plump helmets? and with what?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 23, 2013, 08:56:20 pm
How can a barn owl corpse corpse corpse with literally no inch of intact bone still fly?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 23, 2013, 10:07:01 pm
Quote from: Douglas Adams
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day, [The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
Why don't dwarves recognize that an animal assigned to a chain doesn't need to be pastured anymore?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 23, 2013, 11:01:43 pm
He "uploads" it into the fortress's hive mind.The same way a barn owl can get killed enough times to become a corpse corpse corpse.
How can a barn owl corpse corpse corpse with literally no inch of intact bone still fly?
Do dwarves dream of stone sheep?
Post by: klefenz on November 23, 2013, 11:09:46 pm
Why isn't there a word for "vault" in dwarvish language?
I guess they wont survive a nuclear holocaust.
Post by: Urist McRas on November 23, 2013, 11:41:19 pm
Why don't dwarfs take vacations?
Post by: klefenz on November 24, 2013, 12:20:19 am
Why cant you fill a waterskin from a barrel in adventure?
Post by: Sumyunguy on November 24, 2013, 12:22:35 am
Q: Will dwarven civilization ever find a way to domesticate and train Giant War Sponges?
Post by: WanderingKid on November 24, 2013, 03:12:48 am
Q: Will dwarven civilization ever find a way to domesticate and train Giant War Sponges?
If dwarves ever have a need to weaponize bathing, they will.
Q: Why do ghosts either one-shot dwarves or just hang around being annoying?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 24, 2013, 03:33:05 am
Why do elves keep coming back even though every caravan they send is slaughtered?
Post by: klefenz on November 24, 2013, 04:05:58 am
Why so many demons become leaders of human civilizations by impersonating gods? are the humans stupid or what?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 24, 2013, 04:25:42 am
Now, I'll try this one again:
Why don't dwarves recognize that an animal assigned to a chain doesn't need to be pastured anymore?
Post by: Thief on November 24, 2013, 06:51:18 am
Why do see my dwarves fall into a river and drown them selves
Post by: Larix on November 24, 2013, 07:15:25 am
Causethey have fake brains.....
Not very satisfactory. That could be used as answer for every "why do dwarfs..." question, including your own.
Quote
Why do see my dwarves fall into a river and drown them selves
Because you're watching, motivating them to show off and impress you with their swimming skills (which they keep forgetting they don't have). It's all your fault!
With the lack of basic hygiene, how come dwarven settlements are never ravaged by cholera, diarrhea, food poisoning etc.?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 24, 2013, 07:20:55 am
Why don't dwarves ever make their children clean their rooms up?
Post by: MeTekillot on November 24, 2013, 07:44:40 am
Why do dwarfs run DOWN a staircase at the end of my to-be cistern, instead of up the staircase to escape the rapidly approaching water?
Post by: Thief on November 24, 2013, 10:37:15 am
Post by: Niccolo on November 24, 2013, 11:07:49 am
Because COMMON SENSE YOU NEED TO BUILD THE CHEESE GUILD COLLOSEUM
Don't Drink and Post.
Post by: Sumyunguy on November 24, 2013, 01:06:44 pm
Why do dwarfs run DOWN a staircase at the end of my to-be cistern, instead of up the staircase to escape the rapidly approaching water?A: Because the are some designated walls down there, and walls don't build themselves! -Urist McMasonDwarf (Deceased)
Q: Why do dwarves not advance technologically, using the same techs for thousands of years?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 24, 2013, 03:41:58 pm
This here Atom Smasher can still hold off goblin sieges to this very day, and a cave-in trap is all you need for the big beasts.
Now excuse me while I try to cross this river at the waterfalls edge.
Urist McStuborn has died after colliding with an obstacle.
How many goblins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Post by: jcochran on November 24, 2013, 04:13:16 pm
Where do the things smashed by bridges go?
Post by: Tarqiup Inua on November 24, 2013, 04:36:00 pm
Can't answer that, goblins aren't dwarves.To the older 2D versions of the DF.
Where do the things smashed by bridges go?
Why can't we make armour out of dragon scales?
Post by: klefenz on November 24, 2013, 08:03:15 pm
How can a goblin be full of bolt holes and still not bleed to death?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 24, 2013, 08:18:45 pm
Why do goblins keep on besieging after being slaughtered for years?
Post by: Sumyunguy on November 25, 2013, 01:29:01 am
Why do goblins keep on besieging after being slaughtered for years?A: Because most goblins don't return from the battle to tell how bad the siege went, so they just keep sending troops, thinking themselves to be very clever.
Q: Why are elven civilizations always extinct in all my world-gens? They always seem to expire so soon.
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 25, 2013, 01:33:18 am
Why would a hill titan get enraged, shoot webs everywhere, but not bother following up with actual attacks?
Post by: kero42 on November 25, 2013, 03:41:30 am
I'm in a hurry this morning and don't have time to come up with a question, so I'll leave the slot open.
Post by: Urist McRas on November 25, 2013, 08:11:24 am
Post by: Nidilap on November 25, 2013, 08:22:57 am
Why can't dwarves make bikes, cars, tanks, or helicopters?
Post by: Niccolo on November 25, 2013, 09:08:40 am
Yes. It is pronounced "Helms Deep".
Why can't dwarves make bikes, cars, tanks, or helicopters?
Bikes can't be easily equipped for murder. For other vehicles, the Dwarven mastery of the internal combustion engine is... not as great as you would imagine.
How do Dwarves get born with perfectly braided hair?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 25, 2013, 12:50:37 pm
Do elves and humans like each other?
Post by: Nidilap on November 25, 2013, 12:54:41 pm
Dwarves don't act as
Post by: ImagoDeo on November 25, 2013, 12:56:37 pm
Why can't dwarves clean blood off of walls?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 25, 2013, 01:10:22 pm
Why don't dwarves just tip over a 'full' bucket, and give it a quick rinse?
Post by: Meph on November 25, 2013, 01:12:54 pm
Why is a kitten able to give as much leather as a giant?
Post by: Aslandus on November 25, 2013, 01:16:07 pm
How do dwarves lock doors when nobody is anywhere nearby?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 25, 2013, 01:29:24 pm
Why don't dwarves harness chemical power, especially compressed gasses, in their engineering projects?
Post by: Rose on November 25, 2013, 01:34:43 pm
Why don't dorves all just voluntarily become vampires?
Post by: klefenz on November 25, 2013, 05:08:52 pm
Why is it never nighttime in fortress mode?
Post by: Aslandus on November 25, 2013, 06:28:20 pm
It's made of demon tears, infamous for being obscenely heavy
You don't need nighttime when you live in caves.
Why is slade so heavy?
How many dwarf hours does it take to build a lightbulb?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 25, 2013, 07:37:45 pm
Two hours to melt it down.
Another hour to blow the glass into shape. (Dwarves are really slow about this part)
Yet another hour to put out the flames from hot glass exposure.
Three hours to realize that glass bulbs don't exist in this version, then quickly break it before Toady finds out.
Do dwarves ever attempt any mad science in the vein of Dr. Frankenstein?
Post by: jcochran on November 25, 2013, 07:53:01 pm
Why do dwarves survive as long as they do despite being so stupid?
Post by: flame99 on November 25, 2013, 09:54:54 pm
Why are dwarves so inextricably obsessed with !!FUN!! and the achieving thereof, despite the decidedly negative effect it has on their lifespan?
Post by: klefenz on November 25, 2013, 10:50:58 pm
Why dont dwarves use salt for anything?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 26, 2013, 01:46:21 am
Why don't dwarves ever ride their beasts into battle, like every other militant race?
Post by: tahujdt on November 26, 2013, 08:11:03 am
Why don't dwarves ever ride their beasts into battle, like every other militant race?Because the weight of a dwarf's beard alone is enough to break the back of most mounts.
Why, despite being so much like Kerbals, have dwarves not managed to strand themselves on the moon yet?
Post by: Thief on November 26, 2013, 09:30:49 am
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 26, 2013, 09:38:51 am
Why don't dwarves ever ride their beasts into battle, like every other militant race?Because the weight of a dwarf's beard alone is enough to break the back of most mounts.
Why, despite being so much like Kerbals, have dwarves not managed to strand themselves on the moon yet?
<ignoring the non-response above>
Because every time a Dwarf proposes a rocket program, somedorf remembers that sock storage alone would ruin the weight allowance, before even accounting for kitten fur in the air scrubbers.
Why don't dwarves train dogs to do tricks, outside of war and hunting?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 26, 2013, 09:47:09 am
The ball softly hits Urist McTrainer in the head, breaking the paper-thin skull and denting the non-existent brain!
Why does dehydration lead to sudden existence failure, rather than falling unconsious and slow death?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 26, 2013, 10:14:29 am
The dog misses the ball!
The ball softly hits Urist McTrainer in the head, breaking the paper-thin skull and denting the non-existent brain!
I just spewed coffee out my nose. Mind if I sig this?
Post by: Aslandus on November 26, 2013, 10:22:09 am
Why can skins be raised by a necromancer, but leather can't?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 26, 2013, 12:50:29 pm
I just spewed coffee out my nose. Mind if I sig this?Huh. Sure, why not.
Fourth time I'm getting sigg'd : D
Post by: Erils on November 26, 2013, 02:03:04 pm
Dwarfs are 99% water, and the remainder turns to dust because dorfs don't know any better than working until they drop dead.!!HERESY!! Dwarves are 99% alchohol!
Why can skins be raised by a necromancer, but leather can't?
Now about your question:
Leather is tanned and therefore incapable of being ressurected due to dwarven tanning techniques that include magma.
Why do dwarves have paper-thin skulls in the first place?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 26, 2013, 02:17:57 pm
Why it is not possible to order dwarves to fill ponds... with magma?
^about tanning - you know, there was no worse place to be if you are easily nauseated than a medieval tanning workshop. Google it if you don't know why.
So... you're suggesting that dwarves produce magma from alcohol in their bodies?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on November 26, 2013, 05:07:36 pm
Why do goblins hang around during a seige for months at a time when the front gate is slammed shut?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 26, 2013, 05:12:06 pm
Why do so many migrants think that fishing is a desirable profession for an evil biome, don'tyoudarestepoutside, fortress?
Post by: smjjames on November 26, 2013, 06:11:13 pm
Why do bandits like to hide out in catacombs at the risk of waking a mummy?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on November 26, 2013, 11:33:03 pm
Why don't dwarves have sex?
Post by: klefenz on November 27, 2013, 12:12:48 am
What happens if a dwarf shaves? (i mean after escaping the other dwarves who yell !!HERESY!!)
Post by: ImagoDeo on November 27, 2013, 03:39:21 am
Um... they can, if you don't have them busy doing other things. Perhaps it's because you don't let them idle?
Floors, yes, walls, no. They will clean walls directly next to floors when they clean the floors, but they cannot clean the walls themselves.
It's the only reason I use DFHack right now. >_<
Post by: McDonald on November 27, 2013, 08:23:04 am
^about tanning - you know, there was no worse place to be if you are easily nauseated than a medieval tanning workshop. Google it if you don't know why.
Holy shit.
Because they dont have genitals.They can't do any job, because beards are needed for everything. Also, their beards are in reality their brains, so yeah...
What happens if a dwarf shaves? (i mean after escaping the other dwarves who yell !!HERESY!!)
Why dwarves don't poo poo or pee pee?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 27, 2013, 08:54:24 am
What happens if a dwarf shaves? (i mean after escaping the other dwarves who yell !!HERESY!!)Only adamantine-diamond razors can cut dwarven beards. And even they have hard time doing it.
Why dwarves don't poo poo or pee pee?Because of how world in DF works, and how much alcohol dwarves drink, reality would crash itself while trying to handle that amount of fluids.
Why did the migrant cross the road?
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 27, 2013, 08:58:20 am
Why don't dwarves grow flower gardens?
Post by: McDonald on November 27, 2013, 09:04:07 am
To take up fishing and cheese-making, in a brand-new home!You can't make booze from flowers.
Why don't dwarves grow flower gardens?
Why are there no light sources in DF?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 27, 2013, 09:33:29 am
Why don't dwarfs build temples?
Post by: smjjames on November 27, 2013, 10:38:26 am
Why haven't they developed the internal combustion engine?
Post by: jcochran on November 27, 2013, 11:15:46 am
Why can't you make a magma "waterwheel" using nethercap?
Post by: McDonald on November 27, 2013, 11:36:10 am
Because of all the alcohol in the dwarves, every attempt at such experiments have resulted in the incineration of the experimenter.Because magma would cool to quickly to be effective.
Why can't you make a magma "waterwheel" using nethercap?
Why nobles demand windows underground?
Post by: Rose on November 27, 2013, 11:41:01 am
Why nobles demand windows underground?
To see the magma.
What do my dorves think of my massive underwater edifice?
Post by: ImagoDeo on November 27, 2013, 01:46:13 pm
How the heck can dwarves mine blocks on the layer above through a bridge over some ramps?
Post by: jcochran on November 27, 2013, 03:55:25 pm
Why can you build an immense fortress using just sand from a single tile?
Post by: Icefire2314 on November 27, 2013, 11:23:02 pm
Why is Urist so dorfy?
Post by: Monk321654 on November 28, 2013, 12:24:52 am
Why are elves so pitiful?
Post by: 4maskwolf on November 29, 2013, 07:49:01 pm
And what the heck is an elk bird?
Post by: 4maskwolf on November 29, 2013, 07:51:19 pm
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 29, 2013, 08:07:45 pm
Because they're synonyms.
Why are elves so pitiful?
It's not that elves are pitiful; it's just that we compare them to the awesomeness that are dwarves.
Why can an elephant not break down a wooden bridge on it's way to your fortress.
And what the heck is an elk bird?
1. Because not even magma can break down a construction, until you alter its state (in this case, raise/lower the bridge).
2. A bird the size of an elk.
Why are dwarves so concerned with going to where an enemy was, as opposed to where it is?
Post by: 4maskwolf on November 30, 2013, 12:45:12 am
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 30, 2013, 02:34:12 am
I'll try this again:
Why are dwarves so concerned with going to where an enemy was, as opposed to where it is?
Post by: klefenz on November 30, 2013, 03:03:49 am
Why have dwarves not invented gunpowder yet?
Post by: McDonald on November 30, 2013, 04:28:40 am
Can somebody think of a question for me?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on November 30, 2013, 05:03:51 am
How it is possible that dwarves have to walk over a corpse several times, literally stomping on him, to notice he's dead, not missing?
Post by: cyberTripping on November 30, 2013, 05:07:06 am
Urist McHunter shoots a vampire in the heart with a wooden bolt. How long does it take it to die?
Post by: klefenz on November 30, 2013, 06:18:52 am
Also, take note that a bolt is not a stake. In Bram Stoker´s Dracula the stakes used were 3 feet long and supposed to have them nailed to the ground so they dont rise up again.
Post by: WoobMonkey on November 30, 2013, 06:23:28 am
How tall is a QSP stack of 300 pieces of rock?
Post by: klefenz on November 30, 2013, 07:09:26 am
Why dont the dwarves ever wear all that jewlery they make?
Post by: cyberTripping on November 30, 2013, 06:12:20 pm
Why can't my dwarves just sticks bars and charcoal into barrels or pots? Why do they need to use bins, despite having plenty of barrels available?
Post by: 4maskwolf on November 30, 2013, 07:31:44 pm
Post by: Bumber on November 30, 2013, 09:25:34 pm
wearing -gold amulets- slows you down. Next thing you know, you're unable to make it to the booze stockpile before it's drained, and you're stuck outside when the fort locks up for a siege.They figure you can't put a square bar in a circular container. (Charcoal happens to be in the form of BBQ brickettes, apparently.)
Why can't my dwarves just sticks bars and charcoal into barrels or pots? Why do they need to use bins, despite having plenty of barrels available?
Post by: flame99 on November 30, 2013, 10:11:41 pm
Why can a dwarf not take two seconds to take the bag OUT of the barrel rather than tote the whole seed barrel?Dwarves are extremely lazy creatures, and it's hard work, getting pocket-dimension containing bags out of pocket-dimension containing barrels, and unless explicitly ordered to do otherwise, they'll just leave it in there and take the whole thing.
Why do dwarves see fit to leave bits of blood lying around, when it's a well-known fact that touching said blood causes your beard to melt off? And why is it that when I give up trying to get them to get rid of the stuff and just make them wear boots instead, they decide they're apparently fatally allergic to boots?
Post by: wierd on November 30, 2013, 11:40:13 pm
Both end up with beard melting blood on them, and getting anywhere near them will result in beard melting. Dwarves are particularly fond of their beards, and as such are unwilling to take the risk.
Besides, the pool of forgotten beast ichor in the hallway that nobody wants to touch makes excellent kobold poison, since blood spatters dont count as traps, and thus trap-avoid has no impact on contact syndrome progression-- and kobolds dont even wear the socks they steal.
(Nobody really knows for sure what they actually DO with them...)
How is it that mass is continually created on a DF world, yet surface gravity is not affected?
Post by: klefenz on November 30, 2013, 11:58:43 pm
Why cant dwarves encrust gems into the weapons they make?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 01, 2013, 12:21:01 am
And that's final.
Post by: cyberTripping on December 01, 2013, 01:01:20 am
Why cant dwarves encrust gems into the weapons they make?
Weapons aren't some fancy trade commodity, they're made to kill! Menacing spikes of iron? Sure. And engraved images are the weapon equivalent of racing stripes.
Why does my last remaining dwarf decide to take a break, have a drink, conduct a meeting with nobody, and then eat before pulling the lever?
Post by: doomyoshi on December 01, 2013, 11:11:23 pm
Why cant dwarves encrust gems into the weapons they make?
Weapons aren't some fancy trade commodity, they're made to kill! Menacing spikes of iron? Sure. And engraved images are the weapon equivalent of racing stripes.
Why does my last remaining dwarf decide to take a break, have a drink, conduct a meeting with nobody, and then eat before pulling the lever?
He has moral qualms about washing the dining room with magma and hopes you change your mind.
Why are all my immigrants useless?
Post by: Erils on December 02, 2013, 06:05:34 am
Why are all my immigrants useless?
They're not useless. Just draft them into the military, give them random jobs, or start studying !!SCIENCE!!
Why do mountain gnomes like tearing teeth out of dogs, but don't do anything else to them?
That's what happened in my fortress and now my tame dogs have no teeth. They have no other injuries, just a lack of teeth.
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 02, 2013, 06:08:48 am
How do dwarfs store all the terror they import from the goblins?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on December 02, 2013, 07:12:00 am
How can a dwarf/animal/everything get pregnat if it was separated from every other of it's race by 30m thick rock wall for years?
Post by: Lord_lemonpie on December 02, 2013, 02:00:05 pm
Why can a yak cow be stricken by melancholy?
Spoiler: Actually just happened to me (click to show/hide)
Post by: LoneChipmunk on December 02, 2013, 02:12:13 pm
Why is it the longer it takes for the goblins to seige, the worst the first siege feels like it will be?
Post by: WanderingKid on December 02, 2013, 02:32:59 pm
Why is it the longer it takes for the goblins to seige, the worst the first siege feels like it will be?
Anticipation is half of terror. The gobbos understand that.
Is it possible to build a dwarf fortress game WITHIN dwarf fortress using logic gates?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 02, 2013, 03:26:16 pm
Why don't the civilizations of the world get scared enough of the madness inside the fort to attack en mass?
Post by: wierd on December 02, 2013, 04:06:45 pm
Basically, what they *do* know about what happens inside dwarven fortresses is so terrible for them, that they don't dare shatter what remaining illusions of love, peace, harmony and joy they have left by traveling there themselves to know for sure.
Basically, it's so horrible that nobody want to even get near one. (Except the goblins. They are angry that the dwarves won't let them in for the parties, and so come party crashing. Yes, that's the real reason they show up.)
Thankfully, concentrated horrors like that are not self-sustaining, requiring prodigious numbers of living bodies to work with, and naturally leaving a profound scarcity of same after the fact.
So, this begs the question: what would happen if dwarven fecundity and rate of maturation were turned up enough to overcome this problem, and reach critical mass?
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 02, 2013, 06:49:19 pm
Why are so many dwarfen societies emblemized with basic geometric patterns, in a world full of such fun and exciting creatures and events?
Post by: wierd on December 02, 2013, 06:56:51 pm
In a world where brutality, bloodshed, eldritch horrors, and literal demons from the abyss enslaving whole nations and peoples are "every day" occurences, then simple geometric shapes and patterns stand out. It's very Avant-Garde.
Hypothetical question:
If you took free-lovin' hippy elves from the surface and transplanted them to cavern layer 3, where the "local fauna" don't obey the "peace with nature" BS, how long would they last?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 02, 2013, 07:04:56 pm
How many clerks could a clerks office clerk if a clerks office could clerk clerks?
Post by: Erils on December 03, 2013, 07:30:09 am
How many clerks could a clerks office clerk if a clerks office could clerk clerks?
None. The clerk's offices are not magma proof and would therefore be destroyed along with any 'unlucky' clerks or cheese makers inside when the magma gate is opened. And how many dwarven clerks do you know of?
Do actual dwarfs get insulted by the stupidity of dwarves in Dwarf fortress?
Post by: Aslandus on December 03, 2013, 08:30:04 am
They're absolutely livid, but they keep quiet about it because they don't want the magma reservoir emptied into their home
Do actual dwarfs get insulted by the stupidity of dwarves in Dwarf fortress?
How do dwarves stuff an infinite amount of items into a garbage zone, but only store 1 stone in a space normally?
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 03, 2013, 08:36:22 am
Why don't dwarfs ever write essays or treatises on the physics of their amazing engineering?
Post by: Erils on December 03, 2013, 10:06:19 am
Why don't dwarfs ever write essays or treatises on the physics of their amazing engineering?
Because then the elves and goblins would steal all their secrets.
Why don't dwarves understand that, no matter how much they yell that they need silk for their artifact, I don't have any silk at the moment and can't get any? Why not just use wool?
Post by: locustgate on December 03, 2013, 10:55:31 am
Why don't dwarves understand that, no matter how much they yell that they need silk for their artifact, I don't have any silk at the moment and can't get any? Why not just use wool?
Because it's not silk.
Why do dwarves kill themselves, because of a lack of chairs, when they are in a room with 34 chairs, there are only 14 dwarves?
Post by: Rose on December 03, 2013, 11:00:02 am
they want their own.
Why do my dorves tolerate when I make them build an above-ground structure?
Post by: Urist McRas on December 03, 2013, 11:16:24 am
Why don't dwarfs give their children some physical work to make them stronger?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 04, 2013, 02:06:11 am
Why do dwarves insist on taking a bath to wipe the blood off their feet, then go and walk right back through a stream of blood, and go back to bathe AGAIN?
Post by: wierd on December 04, 2013, 02:31:20 am
But why don't they at least take a little more pride in keeping the fortress clean!? Seriously, if they showed half the festidiousness they show toward "Must bathe NOW!" To "gee, this floor is absoltuely filthy! Maybe I should mop it or something?", the problem would be moot anyway.
Seriously, it's as if they keep the dirt around just as an excuse to bathe.
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 04, 2013, 03:26:01 am
My hypothesis: cleaning floors is just another job; one that doesn't even create anything. That makes it a kid's job, much like deconstructing a wall or floor.
Why, for the love of Armok, don't dwarfs prefer to elect mayors whose mandates will actually be useful to the fort?
Post by: Urist McRas on December 04, 2013, 03:59:44 am
BTW, why don't they talk to the overseer?
Post by: Erils on December 04, 2013, 03:42:27 pm
EDIT: (forgot my question) Why don't dwarves like to use mugs for drinking alchohol?
Post by: LoneChipmunk on December 06, 2013, 06:46:23 pm
What would happen if dwarves found an aphrodesiac?
Post by: wierd on December 06, 2013, 07:46:17 pm
If, however, you wish to reframe that statement away from something that induces desire (aphrodesiac), to something that induces fertility instead...
Well, that goes with one of my earlier questions about what would happen if the dwarven birth rate was rapacious enough to make dwarven homocidal mania into a self-sustaining bloodbath.
(I believe the word used was "armokgheddon".)
Would it be too horrible to contemplate to add a syndrome to alcohol that makes female dwarves have the [multiple_litters_rare] token removed to simulate this effect in dwarves?
Post by: Gentlefish on December 06, 2013, 08:32:27 pm
Why do goblins always march into my hall of death traps? I always make sure to send one back to give warning but they continue to grind themselves.
Post by: wierd on December 06, 2013, 08:58:31 pm
The only sensible explination is that goblins are BDS&M fetishists, who for socio-political reasons, NEVER use safe words.
It simultaneously explains their low birth rates, bizzare social customs, proclevities to wield whips and chains, and also-- as you asked-- why they seem to relish being mutilated to death in dwarven torture devices.
I am now at a loss for what to ask next...
Post by: WanderingKid on December 06, 2013, 09:31:08 pm
... because not using your safeword is much less painful than telling the Queen Goblin "No."
Why the hell is 16:10 the new standards for monitors and phones, but 16:9 and 4:3 are the only standards that most movie making software, youtube, and the rest will accept? Don't these frickin' people TALK to each other?!
Post by: wierd on December 06, 2013, 09:58:50 pm
The rest is history.
2) No, they have H1B visa holding interns, secretaries, and personal assistants do that for them. Nothing must ever introduce the corrupting influence of "the real world" into their carefully created personal fictions from which they draw their "Inspiration."
What does this have to do with dwarf fortress?
Post by: WanderingKid on December 06, 2013, 10:12:37 pm
What does this have to do with dwarf fortress?
Well, the thread doesn't specify, but it does actually have to do with DF... as in I have to completely reconfigure my fricking system when I want to record the game otherwise it looks like crap.
Why do I always seem to look away from eleborately built traps that need manual activation at EXACTLY the wrong moment to look away from them?
Post by: wierd on December 06, 2013, 10:45:58 pm
I can't imagine DF running higher than 1280x720 anyway, and that's pretty close to the native 1280x768 res. That's just one "fat" horizontal line every 15 lines or so. More likely is that your monitor will just display 24 black lines on the top and bottom of the display, and no pixels will be distorted.
Post by: WanderingKid on December 06, 2013, 11:31:08 pm
Can't you just drive your monitor in a non-native resolution to retain 16:9 on the recording software, and just suffer the occasionally lumpy looking pixel on your display?
I can't imagine DF running higher than 1280x720 anyway, and that's pretty close to the native 1280x768 res. That's just one "fat" horizontal line every 15 lines or so. More likely is that your monitor will just display 24 black lines on the top and bottom of the display, and no pixels will be distorted.
I run dual 1440x900s, so that's not near my native. There's no way to 'drive' the monitor without going into display settings to adjust it, at least not that I've found.
Post by: Erils on December 08, 2013, 10:02:36 am
How can a lamb prevent a dwarf from passing through a tile but thousands of whales can fit in it if all but one are lying down?
Post by: kero42 on December 08, 2013, 01:39:55 pm
Urist McPoster cancels answer question: job item missing or lost
Why do I always seem to look away from eleborately built traps that need manual activation at EXACTLY the wrong moment to look away from them?
I don't see anything that looks like an answer to this. Easy to miss among all this talk of computers screens though.
Post by: Aslandus on December 08, 2013, 03:01:42 pm
Activating traps always takes second priority to watching your dwarves eat cheese
Why do I always seem to look away from eleborately built traps that need manual activation at EXACTLY the wrong moment to look away from them?
When lying down, animals lose all mass and essentially disappear from existence. It is still unclear how a duckling takes up the same amount of space as a dragon, but Dwarven physics is always working on solutions.
How can a lamb prevent a dwarf from passing through a tile but thousands of whales can fit in it if all but one are lying down?
Why do all my woodcutters choose the middle of an ambush to go outside when the designation has been active since 6 months prior?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 08, 2013, 07:48:05 pm
Why do glassmakers not go fill their own bag of sand to use on a project if there aren't any in the stockpiles?
Post by: WanderingKid on December 08, 2013, 07:55:52 pm
Why do glassmakers not go fill their own bag of sand to use on a project if there aren't any in the stockpiles?
Unions! You wouldn't want to put that poor sandbag stuffer out of a job, now would you son? No, of course not. You're not being efficient, you're taking food out of the mouths of that poor soul! Now, please, don't question the labor union... we only have your best interests and our union fees in mind.
On the subject of sand though, how is it that sand was QSP'd before dwarven arrival? I've built entire towers out of a single square meter of sand!
Post by: Monk321654 on December 08, 2013, 08:34:07 pm
How can clay do the same stuff?
Post by: jcochran on December 09, 2013, 10:33:38 am
So why does a single aquifer tile have an infinite amount of water?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 09, 2013, 12:38:03 pm
Sand is the remains of worn away socks. Sand grains in and of themselves are really tiny socks.Fixed that for you.
Aquifer's are Armok's attempt to expand his godly repertoire into fields other than magma, so as to increase the number of his adherents that survive.
Why is the amount of clowns in a clown car so small? Half the standard population cap seems rather little for an event that is marked as "endgame" in the raws.
Post by: Aslandus on December 09, 2013, 03:20:58 pm
Armok wasn't expecting you to change the population cap to 4
Why is the amount of clowns in a clown car so small? Half the standard population cap seems rather little for an event that is marked as "endgame" in the raws.
How do dwarves not overheat from wearing 3 layers of clothes in a tropical biome?
Post by: Pakkanen on December 10, 2013, 04:34:41 am
How do dwarves not overheat from wearing 3 layers of clothes in a tropical biome?
Whenever dwarves drink a form of liquid, be it booze or water their beards absorb all of the liquid that gets splashed on it. <= This explains the location of the beard on the dwarven body.
The beard then acts as a reservoir distributing the needed dose of water/beer to keep the body cool. This once again shows the symbiotic nature of the beard.
Why do dwarves let their wells overflow? Why dont they use some kind of cover for it?
Post by: Baffler on December 10, 2013, 12:28:10 pm
Why will the merchants happily accept tattered clothes and other rubbish in exchange for food, booze, and metal bars?
Post by: Erils on December 10, 2013, 02:09:56 pm
Why do dwarves seem to have a lust for death and !!FUN!! and will even kill each other or themselves in order to achieve !!FUN!!?
Post by: kero42 on December 14, 2013, 06:41:12 am
Because they know that the market for tattered clothes is just in a small slump and are investing for when it skyrockets.
Why do dwarves seem to have a lust for death and !!FUN!! and will even kill each other or themselves in order to achieve !!FUN!!?
A:They don't, their Overseers do. The dwarves are just the victims of said crusade for !!FUN!!, due to being so prone to it.
Q: Why do the ice walls always unfreeze into 7/7 water, regardless of how much it was before freezing?
Post by: Knit tie on December 14, 2013, 10:06:22 am
Q: Why do the ice walls always unfreeze into 7/7 water, regardless of how much it was before freezing?
Same reason why you can build a glass fort from the sand from a single tile.
Why do dwarves have "clean shaven" beards sometimes?
Post by: jcochran on December 14, 2013, 10:44:52 am
Why does it seem every goblin has "extremely long hair"?
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 14, 2013, 11:37:25 am
Why do dorfs with high creativity still craft the same old stuff?
Post by: kero42 on December 14, 2013, 01:22:09 pm
Why are dwarves so willing to believe it when a vampire blames a baby for their kills?
Post by: Lielac on December 14, 2013, 01:44:00 pm
"The same old stuff? Are you blind? Do you not see that when Urist McCreativeCraftsdwarf made that turtle shell earring, he was making a commentary on the current state of affairs in our fair nations crafting industry? That, with the forging of this item, we must now re-evaluate the way we look upon all crafts made, in both future and past? Why, it's so terribly obvious, to anyone who understands art. " ::)
Why are dwarves so willing to believe it when a vampire blames a baby for their kills?
Because vampires, having had many, many years to hone their skills, can pull off epic usages of the Bluff skill on a regular basis.
Why is it a miasma only occurs in subterranean regions, even after a space exposed to sunlight has had a ceiling built over it?
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 14, 2013, 01:50:07 pm
Above-ground earth is naturally pimply and ugly (hence all the elfy stuff up there!), and so bears no such revulsion.
Like, duh XD
Why, oh why, do dwarfs ignore zone settings when it comes to fishing and drinking?
Post by: kero42 on December 14, 2013, 04:09:45 pm
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 14, 2013, 04:26:57 pm
(Not a proper answer, but are they set to only use zones in the options?, I think it's o-z)
Yes, of course. And it's o-z-d(and/or)-f.
Post by: ArchAIngel on December 16, 2013, 07:51:11 pm
Question: What would happen if a fortress was set up in the everfree forest?
Post by: klefenz on December 16, 2013, 08:42:13 pm
How is a stone door even supposed to work?
Post by: Lielac on December 16, 2013, 08:50:39 pm
There is no question to answer here, so..
Question: What would happen if a fortress was set up in the everfree forest?
Nothing special; it's positively tame compared to a lot of evil biomes.
Question: Why was the question I just answered not musing over a WTF?
The rivers would be colored red from all the elven blood.
How is a stone door even supposed to work?
AGH NINJA
Dwarven quantum mechanics and masterful masonry. It's balanced *really* carefully.
Question: what is even *with* 48-urist wide rivers and their 90-degree bends? (Give me the serious technical answer an' I'll feed you to the FBs in my basements)
Post by: Larix on December 16, 2013, 08:57:41 pm
The rivers would be colored red from all the elven blood.
How is a stone door even supposed to work?
You open it, you can pass. You close it, you can't pass. Easy.
Examples - hinged door: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stone_door_-_Desert_castle_-_Jordan.jpeg
a stone wheel that can be moved to block/unblock a passage: http://www.crystalinks.com/derinkuyudoor.jpg (picture from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derinkuyu_Underground_City )
How is bituminous coal formed in a world less than a thousand years old? Is the world actually just morphed from an older world and not created ex nihilo as worldgen suggests?
Post by: Somejob on December 16, 2013, 08:59:48 pm
Why do starving and dehydrated dorfs throw parties, then starve to death because they didn't eat?
EDIT dorfs... I typo'd a y in there.
Post by: WoobMonkey on December 16, 2013, 09:05:34 pm
Still no answer, so trying again:
Why, oh why, do dwarfs ignore zone settings when it comes to fishing and drinking?
Post by: Somejob on December 16, 2013, 09:08:27 pm
Still no answer, so trying again:Because they are too busy planning their next starvation party ;D
Why, oh why, do dwarfs ignore zone settings when it comes to fishing and drinking?
Post by: wierd on December 16, 2013, 09:13:24 pm
Complex answer: dwarves experience devistating mental infirmities from failure to consume alcohol, as they have evolved in such a fashion to actually metabolize the high energy liquid directly inside their brains, and it is this mechanism which sets them apart from the other sentient races, as well as being the source of inspiration for their so called "moods". Without this high energy dwarf fuel, dwarves experience a state similar to what humans experience when placed inside a sensory deprivation tank, and promptly begin to experience auditory, visual, and olfactory hallucenations, which is downright crippling to their ability to function. If this persists long enough, the hallucenations take on a coherent theme in most sufferers, centering around the wish fulfillment of drinking. This is the mind's last ditch effort to preserve itself in the face of being so impoverished. In this last final stage of systemic and complex hallucenation, dwarves will initiate a party, wherein all attending will honestly belive that there really is alcohol and food being served. The energy they exert while under this deception will exceed the energy stores remaining in their bodies, and promptly results in their deaths.
The providence of alcohol and food at this late stage might not always succeed in freeing them from death's clutches however, so experiments concerning the protracted effects of sobriety on dwarven populations are met with severe ethical disdain, regardless of how valuable suc data would be to the medical profession. As such, there is little to distinguish hard objective information from purely subjective folk tales and second hand rumor.
Is there really such a place as a truly impossible embark?
Post by: Somejob on December 16, 2013, 09:16:22 pm
Why do melancholy dwarves suicide at the worst times?
Post by: klefenz on December 16, 2013, 11:12:29 pm
How can dwarves make a wooden crossbow without string?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 16, 2013, 11:21:11 pm
Why do nobles lose their temper so easily?
Post by: wierd on December 16, 2013, 11:26:19 pm
(Imagine 2 braces, with the "tips" that would normally be where a bow string attaches, fully attached to each other, so instead of this: |) you have this (). Now, imagine a screw gear between those two, and a mechanical disengagement. The rear brace has notches in it to lock the arrow.)
Why do dwarves insist on doing thing in the strangest possible fashion like this?
Edit: Ninja ninja ninja! It's always about the ninja!
Why do nobles always lose their temper so easily?
You try having ti reconcile thoughts of being opposed to tradition, with having to uphold tradition by holding a traditional office some time! Doublethink; It ain't just in Orwell novels!
(See above question.)
Post by: Nidilap on December 17, 2013, 02:45:05 pm
Why don't dwarves use mugs as weapons?
They don't use em for anything else...
Post by: Monk321654 on December 17, 2013, 05:48:26 pm
Nidilap: Mugs simply aren't heavy enough to make good weapons. As for socks, those are just always at hand.
What if humans actually could get drunk from booze?
Post by: jcochran on December 17, 2013, 06:51:03 pm
Why do impulse ramps work?
Post by: Urist McRas on December 17, 2013, 10:31:47 pm
Why do impulse ramps work?
Toady played minecraft that weekend.
Do French dwarfs brew cognac?
Post by: Nidilap on December 18, 2013, 09:10:07 am
Did Dwarves come from the earth, or were they just the first to delve?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 24, 2013, 01:46:16 am
Why does one become highly skilled by sitting on a spear trap?
Post by: wierd on December 24, 2013, 03:30:28 am
(2 Z-levels in fact)
And the reason makes PERFECT sense in the DF universe: The dwarf dodges having a whole planet "Thrown" at them. How can that NOT make them extremely experienced at parrying dangerous projectiles, to the point of being legendary?
I mean, come on, the dwarf BLOCKS a WHOLE PLANET traveling ~9.8 meters/sec with his shield! --WHILE DRUNK!
Do you have any idea how much mass energy he is deflecting there!?
Now, What exactly is it that sky supported tiles are ACTUALLY hanging on?
Post by: Lielac on December 24, 2013, 03:36:24 am
Why are dwarves against making totems of their enemies' skulls?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 24, 2013, 02:45:04 pm
Why are cloaks so good at blocking spears?
Post by: Bumber on December 24, 2013, 09:17:33 pm
actually, the planet is moving considerably faster then that. That is acceleration due to gravity, the acceleration of the dwarf.I think tiles are supposed to be 3m tall, so that would make the velocity ~59 m/s. Of course, this assumes no air resistance, terminal velocity, and g=~9.8.
Post by: TalonisWolf on December 27, 2013, 11:31:37 pm
Why are cloaks so good at blocking spears?
More material for the spear to get tangled in. (Actually, it's because of the tag which determines amount of coverage but that answer isn't as Dwarven)
Somewhere in the Headshoots LP, it is discovered that dwarves have made a wall made of pure water. How is such masonry possible, and how is it that the said wall still acts as a barrier?
Here's the page in question:
http://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Headshoots/Update%2065/ (http://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Headshoots/Update%2065/)
The second or third pic down.
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 27, 2013, 11:41:56 pm
Post by: TalonisWolf on December 28, 2013, 08:33:26 pm
I don't want to have two questions in a row, so could someone think of something?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 29, 2013, 12:23:20 am
Post by: flame99 on December 29, 2013, 12:32:44 am
How did an ambush of three kobold swordsman and a kobold axeman manage to kill me and my company of seven human pikemen, spearmen, and a bowman?
Post by: 4maskwolf on December 29, 2013, 01:24:50 am
Post by: ragnarok97071 on December 29, 2013, 01:27:10 am
No idea. Why do kobolds keep trying to attack nigh unkillable horse husks outside of the fortress.
They're kobolds. They're idiots.
Post by: wer6 on December 31, 2013, 03:45:50 pm
Post by: Baffler on December 31, 2013, 04:05:36 pm
Why can infinite water flow through a fortification at the edge of the map if the tunnel was started on my end, and doesn't go anywhere after that?
Post by: TheDarkStar on December 31, 2013, 07:27:22 pm
Why can't you cage and sell dwarves or other sentients?
Post by: ragnarok97071 on December 31, 2013, 09:19:13 pm
Because obviously the edge of the world is the embark until you go explore as an adventurer. It's like the way the Earth was flat until someone people did the math to check that, but on a much smaller scale.
Why can't you cage and sell dwarves or other sentients?
Hmm... Either there isn't a relevant ethic for slavery, it isn't programmed to allow this if it's set to [ACCEPTABLE], or you haven't done the right mod.
Why are dwarves capable of surviving entirely off of booze in various forms (booze roasts and drink)?
Post by: TheDarkStar on December 31, 2013, 11:01:28 pm
Urist McDrunk cancels die from starvation: Too drunk to care.
Why are adventurer dwarves able to carry an infinite amount of shields while fortress dwarves can only carry 3?
Post by: Lielac on December 31, 2013, 11:20:16 pm
Simple:
Urist McDrunk cancels die from starvation: Too drunk to care.
Why are adventurer dwarves able to carry an infinite amount of shields while fortress dwarves can only carry 3?
Because whether you choose that option or not when creating your adventurer, all adventurers are demigods.
Why do dwarves admire cats for their aloofness when in real life cats are the most demanding, needy little bastards ever?
Post by: ragnarok97071 on January 01, 2014, 03:02:58 am
Simple:
Urist McDrunk cancels die from starvation: Too drunk to care.
Why are adventurer dwarves able to carry an infinite amount of shields while fortress dwarves can only carry 3?
Because whether you choose that option or not when creating your adventurer, all adventurers are demigods.
Why do dwarves admire cats for their aloofness when in real life cats are the most demanding, needy little bastards ever?
Because dwarves are drunks.
Also, I've seen some aloof cats. Depends on their mood, really.
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 01, 2014, 08:17:12 am
Post by: TheDarkStar on January 01, 2014, 09:55:38 am
Why is magma called "a dwarf's best friend"?
Because dwarves will randomly attack anything else.
Why do dwarves refuse to fight until the instant that they become military, regardless of what they have equipped?
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 01, 2014, 02:15:31 pm
Post by: pisskop on January 10, 2014, 07:02:33 am
Post by: Larix on January 10, 2014, 08:46:24 am
Why do human siegers just sit around their campfire for months, without bothering to molest the fortress itself?
Post by: Urist McRas on January 10, 2014, 10:19:29 am
Why does water evaporate so quickly in closed underground chamber?
Post by: kero42 on January 11, 2014, 12:57:58 pm
Because they know what "siege" means. It means sitting around the castle and waiting while defenders are starving.
Why does water evaporate so quickly in closed underground chamber?
A: The underground earth gets thirsty (doesn't have access to rain), so it drinks the puddles rather quickly.
Q: Why do Keas want to steal my anvil, what could they possibly use it for?
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 11, 2014, 01:44:14 pm
Q: Why do polar bears steal my plump helmets. THEY ARE CARNIVORES!!!
Post by: WanderingKid on January 11, 2014, 06:55:48 pm
Q: Why do polar bears steal my plump helmets. THEY ARE CARNIVORES!!!
They're trying to start a distillery. They'll drink all your booze, too.
Q: Where in THIS world is Carmen Santiago?
Post by: MaximumZero on January 11, 2014, 10:44:23 pm
She's known as Broadhat Redcoat the Storm of Thievery, and hails from the human town of The Town of Angels.Q: Why do polar bears steal my plump helmets. THEY ARE CARNIVORES!!!
They're trying to start a distillery. They'll drink all your booze, too.
Q: Where in THIS world is Carmen Santiago?
Why haven't the dorfs invented any sports aside from goblin hammering and being stabbed to death?
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 11, 2014, 11:15:59 pm
Why must husks not be normal monsters?
Post by: Nidilap on January 13, 2014, 12:06:45 pm
Why aren't there Treants? Imagine the elves having something to pray to that won't fuck up your lumber industry...
Post by: pisskop on January 14, 2014, 04:17:27 pm
Why are goblins immortal?
Post by: Nidilap on January 14, 2014, 04:53:25 pm
Why can't I make my own Keep in Adventure mode? One where I can eat and sleep before going on a grand adventure, one where I can hire goons, keep slaves, have a farm, raise a family? Seems VERY Roleplay worthy. Would be fantastic for Bloodline games.
Post by: fractalman on January 14, 2014, 05:57:13 pm
Why can we embark with sand bags for just one point each, when bags cost more points each?
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 14, 2014, 06:41:08 pm
Because obviously, you're afraid that calling a place home will cause you to lose the status of an adventurer, thereby causing you to lose your infinity+1 throwing skills.
Why can we embark with sand bags for just one point each, when bags cost more points each?
The dwarven economy isn't implemented yet.
Why is it that only the important dwarves in a fortress manage to find ambush groups? Why not Urist McUselessPeasant?
Post by: Lielac on January 14, 2014, 08:39:27 pm
The dwarven economy isn't implemented yet.
Why is it that only the important dwarves in a fortress manage to find ambush groups? Why not Urist McUselessPeasant?
Because the ambushes are in fact assassination squads.
Why have infectious diseases like the common cold not yet spread to dwarfkind?
Post by: Tiruin on January 14, 2014, 09:28:11 pm
Why can't ballistae be angled above or below the same plane of firing?
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 14, 2014, 10:50:27 pm
The dwarven economy isn't implemented yet.
Why is it that only the important dwarves in a fortress manage to find ambush groups? Why not Urist McUselessPeasant?
Because the ambushes are in fact assassination squads.
Why have infectious diseases like the common cold not yet spread to dwarfkind?
Actually, I'm working on a mod for that.
Post by: Urist McRas on January 15, 2014, 05:25:34 am
Why can't ballistae be angled above or below the same plane of firing?
Ballistae are specially designed for using underground.
Why tame birds can't fly?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on January 15, 2014, 07:23:19 am
Why can't dwarves make weapons out of Gold?
Post by: cyberTripping on January 15, 2014, 07:28:31 am
Why don't my dwarves consider conserving my plump helmets so they don't dehydrate to death?
Post by: Larix on January 15, 2014, 08:21:22 am
(more seriously, put a "brewables" stockpile somewhere near the stills, clearly seperate from the general working areas and the meeting hall - dwarfs take the _nearest_ edible item when they get hungry, and early on, that's all too often the plump helmets.)
Shouldn't "rotten" cheese be considered further processing of the food, increasing its value further? After all, some of the most delicious cheeses (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roquefort_%28cheese%29) are produced by letting cheese rot in a dank cave.
Post by: Urist McRas on January 15, 2014, 12:17:57 pm
By the way, why don't dwarf let wine age?
Post by: jcochran on January 15, 2014, 12:52:20 pm
Why do dwarves need water when sick? After all, alcohol is best at all other times and besides, with its antiseptic properties, it should prevent infection, unlike that nasty water.
Post by: pisskop on January 15, 2014, 01:41:38 pm
Why do diplomats ask you for peace instead of the king?
Post by: Urist McRas on January 15, 2014, 01:44:38 pm
Why, I ought to have you shaved bare for undwarven thoughts......
Funny thing is, I did shave my beard couple hours ago.
Post by: fractalman on January 15, 2014, 02:19:21 pm
Dwarves have a strong work ethic. Why should you get help when you are awake and active? Also note this is why armless dwaeves dont get cleaned by others and concious maimed dwarves dont get medical attention.
Why do diplomats ask you for peace instead of the king?
There are, actually, two types of diplomats: the talkative sort, and the stabbity sort. the former wouldn't go to your fort if they were after your king, would they?
besides, while you answered a tangential question...why don't dwarves use BREW for medical work?
Post by: Lielac on January 15, 2014, 02:25:54 pm
The dwarven economy isn't implemented yet.
Why is it that only the important dwarves in a fortress manage to find ambush groups? Why not Urist McUselessPeasant?
Because the ambushes are in fact assassination squads.
Why have infectious diseases like the common cold not yet spread to dwarfkind?
Actually, I'm working on a mod for that.
Ooooooo!
There are, actually, two types of diplomats: the talkative sort, and the stabbity sort. the former wouldn't go to your fort if they were after your king, would they?
besides, while you answered a tangential question...why don't dwarves use BREW for medical work?
... BREW...?
Lielac cancels add question: interrupted by cluster headache
Post by: Larix on January 15, 2014, 03:30:45 pm
besides, while you answered a tangential question...why don't dwarves use BREW for medical work?
For dwarfs, sentience and conscience are indistinguishable, thus they consider an unconscious dwarf a sort of vegetable and try to water them.
Alternatively, they've been taught in dwarf school that any liquid used in healthcare must be drawn from a well, and since we have no wells of booze... yet....
Which seamlessly leads to my question: when do we get to make wells of booze?
Post by: Aslandus on January 15, 2014, 04:27:50 pm
As soon as dwarves figure out how to make wells that extract liquids besides water and mud
For dwarfs, sentience and conscience are indistinguishable, thus they consider an unconscious dwarf a sort of vegetable and try to water them.
Alternatively, they've been taught in dwarf school that any liquid used in healthcare must be drawn from a well, and since we have no wells of booze... yet....
Which seamlessly leads to my question: when do we get to make wells of booze?
Why doesn't booze explode when it's set on fire?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on January 15, 2014, 04:44:34 pm
Assuming booze to be made entirely out of Ethanol, it would require 9 parts of air per 1 part of booze to explode. As booze is kept on air-tight barrels (the very idea of Air isn't present in DF), it does not explode.
Where do dwarves come from? They don't get pregnant, AFAIK. They just... "appear".
Post by: tahujdt on January 15, 2014, 06:21:23 pm
Post by: pisskop on January 15, 2014, 07:41:02 pm
And know thee, my child,
that when man and horse meet a new plague will be beset upon ye.
all that protects thine chin will singe before the fire of their wrath;
and the chill of death shall set in, ending the reign of the protectors and ushering a new age of demons.
that when man and horse meet a new plague will be beset upon ye.
all that protects thine chin will singe before the fire of their wrath;
and the chill of death shall set in, ending the reign of the protectors and ushering a new age of demons.
Without warm chins they will die. So they stock artifical beards. And practice regular animal genocide.
Why does tge infinite water of the aquifer dry when I channel through it? (also, my bad, before :p)
Post by: ColdBones on January 16, 2014, 02:45:10 pm
So, my fortress is a couple of years old, around 90 dwarves or so, had an ambush, killed them off, then my animal stockpile was full of caged invaders. Dumped them into my pit, sent my marksdwarves down there to kill them off, and then...my marksdwarves started fighting each other? After that, some of my military dwarves started killing civilians, and then some military dwarves starting fighting each other. No one was berserk or tantruming (that I could find) but this mass dwarficide is going on and I can't figure out why.
Anyone experience anything like this before?
Post by: Lielac on January 16, 2014, 03:10:31 pm
Question:
So, my fortress is a couple of years old, around 90 dwarves or so, had an ambush, killed them off, then my animal stockpile was full of caged invaders. Dumped them into my pit, sent my marksdwarves down there to kill them off, and then...my marksdwarves started fighting each other? After that, some of my military dwarves started killing civilians, and then some military dwarves starting fighting each other. No one was berserk or tantruming (that I could find) but this mass dwarficide is going on and I can't figure out why.
Anyone experience anything like this before?
Loyalty cascade. Were there any dwarven merchants or caravan guards that you accidentally attacked?
Post by: ColdBones on January 16, 2014, 04:27:07 pm
Not that I'm aware of - the outpost liason may have been around though. There was a caravan, elven or human...elven I think, but, so far as I can tell, they made it into me reconstructed depot.Question:
So, my fortress is a couple of years old, around 90 dwarves or so, had an ambush, killed them off, then my animal stockpile was full of caged invaders. Dumped them into my pit, sent my marksdwarves down there to kill them off, and then...my marksdwarves started fighting each other? After that, some of my military dwarves started killing civilians, and then some military dwarves starting fighting each other. No one was berserk or tantruming (that I could find) but this mass dwarficide is going on and I can't figure out why.
Anyone experience anything like this before?
Loyalty cascade. Were there any dwarven merchants or caravan guards that you accidentally attacked?
Huh, first time that's happened. I'm gonna ride it out when I get home and see what shakes out of it.
EDIT - wait, I had captured some giant rat mounts of the siegers and was training them before I dropped them into the pit, then they fought the goblins, then my marksdwarves showed up and killed everything. Would that cause it? Having trained and then killed the mounts?
Post by: pisskop on January 17, 2014, 12:50:19 am
Tgen you told the archers to kill members of their own civ. df loyalty is to civ and local both, and since you are always a member of your civ you killing another member makes you an enemy of the localebut not the civ. dwarves that attack the enemy of your locale become enemies of the civ (but still members).
loyalty cascade because obvious reasons. if it happens again. isolate and kill via nonmilitary means. like bridges, water, or magma. A training room 'accidently' rigged with metal is also good.
Why does df not know enough to eject enemies from civ-membership?
Post by: Erils on January 17, 2014, 03:56:06 am
Why does df not know enough to eject enemies from civ-membership?
Well where would be the !!FUN!! in that?
Why can't dragons fly in df?
Post by: ImagoDeo on January 17, 2014, 12:00:40 pm
Why do flying creatures not path to places that can't be reached by ground travel?
Post by: MrsStick on January 18, 2014, 11:11:04 am
I have barrels upon barrels of seeds outside in my farm. So WHY on earth do I get continual spam messages of Farmer McDonald cancels plant rat weed: no seeds?
GAHAGHAGHAHGFDSAHGAHGSAHfdsalkjfdsalkjfdsa;lkjfdsa;lkjfdsa
Post by: 4maskwolf on January 18, 2014, 12:17:56 pm
Why oh why must dwarf fortress crash whenever the fort is actually doing something interesting?
Post by: Bumber on January 18, 2014, 03:56:50 pm
Why do flying creatures not path to places that can't be reached by ground travel?They want to be able to walk back in case their wings get tired.
Post by: fractalman on January 19, 2014, 01:59:17 am
No clue on that one, but want to post my big WTF??!?
I have barrels upon barrels of seeds outside in my farm. So WHY on earth do I get continual spam messages of Farmer McDonald cancels plant rat weed: no seeds?
GAHAGHAGHAHGFDSAHGAHGSAHfdsalkjfdsalkjfdsa;lkjfdsa;lkjfdsa
That's...actually WHY they cause the spam. (since you seem...serious.)
Don't stockpile seeds in barrels. EVER. Preferably don't stockpile seeds at all, but the Dwarves will run around putting them into bags no matter what you do.
dwarf grabs the entire barrel to grab one seed.
don't have a new one. :(.
Post by: AWellTrainedFerret on January 19, 2014, 12:24:25 pm
No clue on that one, but want to post my big WTF??!?
I have barrels upon barrels of seeds outside in my farm. So WHY on earth do I get continual spam messages of Farmer McDonald cancels plant rat weed: no seeds?
GAHAGHAGHAHGFDSAHGAHGSAHfdsalkjfdsalkjfdsa;lkjfdsa;lkjfdsa
There is a semi-functional work around for this: have 2 separate seed stockpiles. One is set to use barrels, the other isn't. The one that uses barrels is placed near where the seeds are generated (still, farmer's workshop, kitchen, dinning room) and other stockpile that doesn't accept barrels placed near your farms. Set the barrel stockpile to take from anywhere and give to the non-barrel stockpile. Then set the non-barrel stockpile to only take from the barrel stockpile. This will greatly reduce the cancellation spam (but not completely unfortunately).
It should be noted that you'll need a lot of bags for this, because the stockpile without barrels will place seeds in bags, and the stockpile with barrels will place seed bags inside the barrels (don't question why, it's dorf fort).
Post by: Nidilap on January 29, 2014, 02:24:50 pm
Why isn't there magic in DF? I don't care much for enchantments, but I'd love to read a tome of "Secrets of Flame and Desolation" to use fireballs, "Secrets of Stone" to earth bend, and such and so.
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on January 29, 2014, 02:29:34 pm
Why do goblins and/or other invaders become friendly temporarily after reclaiming?
Post by: Bumber on January 29, 2014, 05:08:43 pm
Why oh why must dwarf fortress crash whenever the fort is actually doing something interesting?Because interesting things attract Armok, and His glory is too great to behold.
From previous page:
Why do goblins and/or other invaders become friendly temporarily after reclaiming?
Post by: Nidilap on January 29, 2014, 05:33:03 pm
Also, trading.
What kinds of night creatures are there, besides the generic Boogieman, Werecritter and Vampire?
Post by: flame99 on January 29, 2014, 06:18:20 pm
Why have the Elder Gods not been implemented in DF? Imagine if we had them as the Hidden Super Fun Stuff.
Post by: Aslandus on January 29, 2014, 10:49:15 pm
How many chunks would come off if you dropped a giant sperm whale from the highest sky-topping z level to the lowest floor of Hidden Fun Stuff?
Post by: Nidilap on January 30, 2014, 08:34:35 pm
Why don't my friends want to play Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: jcochran on January 31, 2014, 12:32:23 pm
Why can a single pillar support an entire mountain?
Post by: Nidilap on January 31, 2014, 03:19:58 pm
Why are wolves so weak?
Post by: Mr.Mountain on January 31, 2014, 08:30:56 pm
I was looking over the legends, and I noticed that most temples are razed by the very civilization that created them. It's usually along the lines of:
In 157,The Axes of Violence created The Axe Temple in the Hills of Whatever
In 158, The Violent Creed was created in the Axe temple
In 158, the dwarf Urist McViolence ruled The Violent Creed from The Axe Temple in The Hills of Whatever
(several entries of shit being stolen by kobolds)
In 170, The Axes of Violence razed The Axe Temple
y dis hapen?
Post by: Erils on February 02, 2014, 09:01:50 am
Post by: Knit tie on February 02, 2014, 10:39:02 pm
Why don't dwarves get cooked while near magma, only in it?
Post by: Aslandus on February 02, 2014, 10:45:57 pm
How do 100 war bears fit in the same cage?
Post by: Nico2167 on February 02, 2014, 10:57:34 pm
How do 100 war bears fit in the same cage?
Because they are bigger on the inside.
Why am I too lazy to begin a new fort, and when I finally do, I abandon it?
Post by: klefenz on February 02, 2014, 11:06:59 pm
Why do kobolds insist on stealing worthless dwarven crap?
Post by: Erils on February 03, 2014, 01:34:39 am
Why don't dwarven ballista-operators count as military units? They always run instead of firing.
Post by: Knit tie on February 03, 2014, 04:27:02 am
How can a kea steal an anvil?
Post by: Mr Frog on February 03, 2014, 04:41:01 am
Why don't vampires just shut up and drink booze if they crave it so damn much?
Post by: Knit tie on February 03, 2014, 04:52:55 am
Why do dwarven children never pick up all those dead people's clothes they claim for themselves?
Post by: Bumber on February 03, 2014, 05:05:41 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do dwarven children never pick up all those dead people's clothes they claim for themselves?They realize it's smelly and covered in blood and decide they don't want it anymore.
How does a dwarf know if an item is claimed? (I don't see your name on it, Urist!)
Post by: nekoexmachina on February 03, 2014, 05:12:35 am
Why does Urist McOpposedToLife fight Urist McSecondOpposedToLife?
Post by: Erils on February 03, 2014, 07:24:50 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does Urist McOpposedToLife fight Urist McSecondOpposedToLife?
Because there can only be one true Urist McOpposedToLife!!!
Why do dwarves decide that the best place for seeds is to store them all in one barrel?
Post by: Lielac on February 03, 2014, 09:32:03 am
Why do dwarves decide that the best place for seeds is to store them all in one barrel?
Because all the best things come in barrels!
Why do dwarves choose the closest rock relative to them and not to the workshop they'll then have to haul it to?
Post by: Knit tie on February 03, 2014, 09:46:48 am
Why do dwarves never use all those mugs to drink?
Post by: Erils on February 03, 2014, 11:42:25 am
Why do nobles mandate things even if we can't make them?
Post by: pisskop on February 03, 2014, 11:45:16 am
Why can't I tell the diplomat to send less migrants?
Post by: Lielac on February 03, 2014, 12:08:21 pm
Why are goblins seen as evil when, by snatching children, they are saving those children from their fate of being tormented in a player-run fort?
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 03, 2014, 01:53:03 pm
How come a dwarf can spend 100 years fighting wars and kill dozens of goblins and only be "proficient" at it but after 3 years of sparring become "legendary"?
Post by: Aslandus on February 03, 2014, 02:32:34 pm
How many socks does one dwarf need?
Post by: Knit tie on February 03, 2014, 02:38:12 pm
If the snatchers want to steal children, why do they keep stabbing every child they encounter in the face?
Post by: Erils on February 03, 2014, 02:43:23 pm
Why do dwarven doctors refuse to use alcohol to clean a wound if there is no water? Alcohol actually kills germs and bacteria which water doesn't so it would be better for the patient.
Post by: Bumber on February 03, 2014, 02:45:54 pm
If the snatchers want to steal children, why do they keep stabbing every child they encounter in the face?They want to check the child's survivability before wasting time carrying them off.
By what dark magic/physics does deconstructing stuff draw in all those items (if playing without binary patch?)
Post by: Nidilap on February 03, 2014, 05:46:56 pm
Why do dwarven doctors refuse to use alcohol to clean a wound if there is no water? Alcohol actually kills germs and bacteria which water doesn't so it would be better for the patient?
Dwarves already have enough booze to kill common infections within them, however, when Dwarves lose blood, they run out of plasma. They need to get some water to hydrate themselves with less blood.
Will Dwarven Forts, Elvish retreats, and Goblin Forts return to DF next update? Miss those a lot...
Post by: PDF urist master on February 03, 2014, 06:13:43 pm
they're not [ALCOHOL DEPENDENT] for nothing.
Post by: pisskop on February 03, 2014, 06:20:58 pm
edit: oh. Why don't dwarven bodies produce alcohol itself if its so necessary?
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 04, 2014, 12:13:43 am
WWUD if not [ALCOHOL DEPENDENT]?
edit: oh. Why don't dwarven bodies produce alcohol itself if its so necessary?
Where do you think sewer brew *really* comes from?
Why are jewelers the only dwarves who don't understand the concept of "gems"?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on February 04, 2014, 01:02:38 am
Why do some merchants go sell their wares in HFS? (and by this I mean why do they even go there anyway)
Post by: Wimopy on February 07, 2014, 05:28:30 am
Why do dwarves elect leaders if they don't do anything but punish people for not producing or for trading specific items? (Plus, they get their commands from the manager and the Overseer [player] anyways)
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 07, 2014, 05:46:29 am
On that note, why are there so many engravings of humans and elves fighting, rather than of famous dwarves?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on February 07, 2014, 12:21:50 pm
There are so many engravings of humans and elves fighting because dwarves like to draw things like cheese and centaurs. At least, they're drawing the skull-crushing abilities of the dwarves' best drinking buddy (besides the almighty barrel).
Also, some research showed goblins, despite all the abductions and whatnot, are quite possibly the most boring kind of them all, after the pointy-eared elves. So, all in all, dwarves sit in the upper middle, being recognized by their tonnes of
Why isn't there a noteworthy goblin in all of creation?
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 07, 2014, 02:40:11 pm
About the gems, still not getting that. Maybe you're forgetting to repeat instructions at their Jeweler's station (or maybe I've just become accustomed to select all gems en masse for cutting). If you're wondering why they don't cut all the gems at once, there are "advantages" in only cutting the most priced ones (by advantages I don't see anyone except for moods where raw gems are required, as gems are worth more when cut and even more when placed as a decoration).
Maybe I am missing something! Is there a better way than having to select each type of gem (on repeat cut) and then resetting the orders on a regular basis? What I mean is, why can't I give the order "cut gems" on repeat (and control the type of gems being cut using a stockpile, if I want to). So I don't have to change the workshop orders every couple of months.
Also seeing as there's no quality modifier for small cut gems and my jewellers don't seem to have any trouble keeping up with raw gem discovery, it would maybe make even more sense to have automatic cut rough gem orders appear (like thread or butchery). With forbidding obviously available if you want to keep a couple of each aside for moods.
I guess I just don't get the point of having to distinguish types of gem, and I don't like the constant attention it needs, when I can automate pretty much every other industry.
I'm sure I've had a few noteworthy goblin engravings - they're usually being struck down by something.
Where do the original seven dwarves, invaders and merchants come from, and why is there never any mention of them in recorded history?
Post by: VerdantSF on February 07, 2014, 02:46:33 pm
Why isn't there a noteworthy goblin in all of creation?
There was a short thread about Endok Glazetruth (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=107018.msg3179109#msg3179109), a goblin king of dwarves.
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on February 07, 2014, 02:57:24 pm
There might be more better reasons to have the system set up like that... but those I've referred to earlier are the only logical ones I thought of.
Those engravings don't count, as goblins always get struck down by dwarves even less remarking than them. Show me the Goblin equivalent of Cacame Awemedinade. Ninja'd... that's not exactly Cacame; with only 9 unremarkeable kills. Even a sock has more kills than that.
And in answer to your question, that isn't exactly true. Goblin Generals are named and are historic. In fact, I discovered a quite interesting thing about Dark Fortresses while poking through Legends Viewer. As for all others, all things seem small in comparison with Armok... that if I do recall, doesn't appear always as a deity to be worshiped.
Post by: VerdantSF on February 07, 2014, 03:18:41 pm
Show me the Goblin equivalent of Cacame Awemedinade. Ninja'd... that's not exactly Cacame; with only 9 unremarkeable kills. Even a sock has more kills than that.
I agree. I was just linking the only noteworthy goblin I could remember :).
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 07, 2014, 03:29:13 pm
How many kills in needed for a goblin to be noteworthy? As Legends Viewer can sort goblins by notable kills it should be pretty simple to find one with a lot - e.g. my current loaded legends mode has a (non-cursed) 33-kill goblin, who died at age 31.
Post by: blazing glory on February 07, 2014, 04:08:18 pm
Yeah worldgen can throw up some weird effects in terms of notable kills. E.g. I had a dwarven general, leader and victor of 220 battles (with only 2 losses) over 100 years of constant warfare, with tens of thousands of kills on each side, and how many notable kills does he have? 1. (And later, as a vampire, thousands of unsolved murders).1 dwarf kill,any goblin who can kill a dwarf is a hero
How many kills in needed for a goblin to be noteworthy? As Legends Viewer can sort goblins by notable kills it should be pretty simple to find one with a lot - e.g. my current loaded legends mode has a (non-cursed) 33-kill goblin, who died at age 31.
Why arn't there any pirates? (I seem to have found a thread like what would urist do?)
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 07, 2014, 04:18:00 pm
Why does nothing float?
Post by: Urist McEngraver on February 07, 2014, 06:58:37 pm
Why are cats dwarvish overlords?
Post by: Larix on February 07, 2014, 07:30:17 pm
Why do merchants get mortally confused when there are two depots on a site?
Post by: TheDarkStar on February 07, 2014, 07:45:58 pm
They have whiskers and "aren't interested in your wishes", clearly they're kindred spirits. And they manage to be completely irresponsible pricks without drinking alcohol first.
Why do merchants get mortally confused when there are two depots on a site?
Urist McHauler cancels Bring Item to Depot: Item Not Being Brought to Other Depot x 10000
Why does the ground type matter so much (featherwood = no injuries, slade = insteadeath or lots of broken limb) for calculating fall injuries?
Post by: flame99 on February 07, 2014, 08:18:38 pm
Why do dwarves apparently run on troll physics?
Post by: Nidilap on February 07, 2014, 09:02:23 pm
Slightly related to the last question, what are DF players called? We've earned fandom title, so we should have some title amongst ourselves, yeah? Maybe Urists...
Post by: Nico2167 on February 07, 2014, 09:07:35 pm
Slightly related to the last question, what are DF players called? We've earned fandom title, so we should have some title amongst ourselves, yeah? Maybe Urists...
Uristers? Dorfs? Dwarf Fortress players?
Why does my militia commander grow attached to a F****** ashen training sword (and even bestows it an epic name) instead of the masterwork steel sword I made just for him?
Post by: Nidilap on February 07, 2014, 09:21:41 pm
How do the Raws work? I wanna make my own race, but I don't know what to do.
Post by: Mr Space Cat on February 07, 2014, 09:42:50 pm
How do the Raws work? I wanna make my own race, but I don't know what to do.
Th wiki (http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Modding_guide)could help with that. There's also the modding board (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?board=13.0), complete with a small questions thread (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=100707.7170) so you don't have to make a new thread every time.
...I can't think of a question to keep the thread going. Why can't I think of a question? Someone else continue the chain of questions or something.
Post by: Runehunter1212 on February 07, 2014, 11:21:24 pm
Okee Then.
...I can't think of a question to keep the thread going. Why can't I think of a question? Someone else continue the chain of questions or something.
Why is it, that when I burn their caravans, murder their diplomat(yay for DFhack Diplomat Fix!), and trade them a stick, do the elves not siege me, yet when I so much as let a goblin that was lurking around at the edge of the map so much as stab a Human caravan merchant, do they go and siege me? Damn Elves and their no-f***s-given-fridays.
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on February 08, 2014, 06:17:12 am
Psychopaths? Sociopaths? Sadists?Slightly related to the last question, what are DF players called? We've earned fandom title, so we should have some title amongst ourselves, yeah? Maybe Urists...Uristers? Dorfs? Dwarf Fortress players?
How can a creature consisting entirely out of "nothing" material kill a bronze collosus?
Post by: Nidilap on February 08, 2014, 02:01:38 pm
Do dwarves decorate their gardens with garden humans?
Post by: flame99 on February 08, 2014, 02:18:44 pm
How have gnomes become alcoholic, despite not having a civilization present to make alcohol?
Post by: Grim Portent on February 08, 2014, 02:40:04 pm
No. They decorate their gardens with actual corpses of dead gnomes.
How have gnomes become alcoholic, despite not having a civilization present to make alcohol?
If you were a tiny person living in a world where everything wants to eat you and you live under a hedge wouldn't you want a pint or two to take the edge off?
Why do kobolds not take language classes?
Post by: Nidilap on February 08, 2014, 03:22:59 pm
Why can't I have an army of Kobolds? I'd feed em, take me for walks, and let them have as much loot as they want!
Post by: fractalman on February 08, 2014, 07:23:50 pm
They don't need it. Their language is so simple, they are raised to learn all of koboldish before maturation.You can. you have to grab a mod or make your own, though.
Why can't I have an army of Kobolds? I'd feed em, take me for walks, and let them have as much loot as they want!
Still...why CAN'T we have an army of kobolds come and politely haul away all the xSOCKSx they're so fond of without going stabbity stab all the time?
Post by: Bumber on February 08, 2014, 11:15:48 pm
Where do the original seven dwarves, invaders and merchants come from, and why is there never any mention of them in recorded history?They're from the future.
Still...why CAN'T we have an army of kobolds come and politely haul away all the xSOCKSx they're so fond of without going stabbity stab all the time?
Post by: Nidilap on February 12, 2014, 08:34:24 am
Still...why CAN'T we have an army of kobolds come and politely haul away all the xSOCKSx they're so fond of without going stabbity stab all the time?
Pre emptive strike is the safest way to go for kobolds, they're trying to be Romans.
When the next DF build comes out (post 31.11), will adventurers begin in areas appropriate to their race? Eg, Humans in Towns, Dwarves in Mountainhomes, Elves in Forest Retreats, Goblins in Dark Forts etc.
Post by: pisskop on February 12, 2014, 09:00:21 am
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on February 12, 2014, 09:34:32 am
Post by: klefenz on February 13, 2014, 03:58:55 am
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 13, 2014, 04:18:22 am
Could someone explain why my cats insist on going to the undergound refuse stockpile, which contains a couple zombie hairs? I know cats like to explore, but they have arleady been in that room. I have to keep the door thigthly closed so these cats dont release the zombies again.
Cats can't resist playing with balls of thread... especially if they're alive enough to move around :)
Post by: Knit tie on February 13, 2014, 04:46:32 am
Post by: Larix on February 13, 2014, 06:13:45 am
How come dwarfs live in an unventilated hole in the ground together with a bunch of other bearded midgets, only changing their clothes every two years and only taking a bath as preparation for medical treatment (so the doctors can see the actual dwarf underneath the dirt) and bear the olfactory bombardment without complaint, yet get all angry when a bit of pig brain gets over-ripe?
Post by: Erils on February 13, 2014, 06:24:40 am
Why do my military dwarves insist on trying to wrestle the thralled cat to death instead of just beheading it with their axes. They have already cut off the cat's legs, tail, nose, ears and eyes, but are just wrestling it now. One of them even died of thirst trying to do so.
Post by: Knit tie on February 13, 2014, 10:54:01 am
Where do brewers get the water needed for their drinks? All they ever ask for is fermented foodstuffs.
Post by: Erils on February 13, 2014, 11:19:27 am
Why do so many dwarves come to a dangerous mountain that has already lost dozens of dwarves to a siege that is still outside?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on February 13, 2014, 11:23:26 am
Why are dwarves capable of building supports that can hold up an entire mountain, but incapable of making walls that can survive falling without deconstructing?
Post by: Nidilap on February 13, 2014, 12:38:15 pm
Why can't dwarves eat rock? That'd be great for Food stockpiles and the loose stone everywhere.
Post by: Erils on February 13, 2014, 12:40:10 pm
Why can plump helmets grow during any season?
Post by: WanderingKid on February 13, 2014, 01:23:15 pm
Why can plump helmets grow during any season?
Because temperature and moisture are consistent underground after a certain depth.
The real question is why does anything else we grow care what the surface looks like?
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 13, 2014, 01:47:15 pm
Why do above ground crops grow equally well in summer as they do when covered in snow?
Post by: Erils on February 13, 2014, 01:58:36 pm
Why else do dwarves prefer living underground?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on February 13, 2014, 02:47:25 pm
Also, because it's way
Why is it that, once I replace most of my dwarves clothes with armor, things seem to go faster. And why is it that, whenever I remove all sorts of sustenance, food, booze and clothes, dwarves seem to go faster than the speed of sound?
Post by: klefenz on February 13, 2014, 08:55:49 pm
Why haven't dwarves come up with a way to make a fountain of booze yet?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on February 13, 2014, 10:42:04 pm
Why do live honey bees show wear?
Post by: Knit tie on February 14, 2014, 06:08:28 am
Why do my dwarves never wear more than one sock at a time?
Post by: Nidilap on February 14, 2014, 08:56:08 am
Why do dwarves love waterfalls, but hate steam from water and magma?
Post by: wooks on February 14, 2014, 09:15:12 am
Why does my broker sort my caged dragon as my most valuable asset but refuse to tell me it's value?
Post by: klefenz on February 14, 2014, 09:24:31 am
How can hair and pearls become undead and move around?
Post by: Tarzanello on February 14, 2014, 10:56:04 am
I'm funny and I know it.
Now for a serious question: how come the only mastiff I've trained as a hunter went apeshit insane and started chewing my dwarves? I could still control it and he would show up in my unit list, so I thought it might be this "loyalty cascade" I've heard about. The only "friendly" he attacked before going insane was a berserking insane dwarf though... I'm playing Masterwork btw (as you might have guessed).
Post by: Mr Space Cat on February 16, 2014, 04:29:45 pm
How can a single bruised right lung cause a dwarf to suffocate? They have two lungs.
Post by: PDF urist master on February 16, 2014, 08:21:05 pm
How come hospitalized dwarves eat so much faster than regular dwarves?
Post by: adasdad on February 16, 2014, 10:21:17 pm
Why don't bogeymen attack fortresses?
Post by: Nidilap on February 17, 2014, 11:15:00 am
Why don't dwarves play their instruments? I bet they'd be great Rock musicians
Hehe, Rock.
Post by: Knit tie on February 17, 2014, 11:53:03 am
Why do dwarves like alcohol?
Post by: Erils on February 17, 2014, 11:55:00 am
How can hair and pearls become undead and move around?
They used to be part of something organic so they are treated the same way as a chopped-off arm is and therefore still organic/dead and can become undead
Why do dwarves like alcohol?
Post by: WanderingKid on February 17, 2014, 12:03:11 pm
Regarding booze: If you were stuck underground for the rest of your life and your wife was as hairy as you were (or you got stuck carrying your infant into battle), wouldn't YOU drink your life away?
Why don't FB's eat the local Crundle population in the caverns?
Post by: Urist Mc Dwarf on February 17, 2014, 05:55:22 pm
Why do necromancers reanimate everything?
Post by: TheDarkStar on February 17, 2014, 11:08:20 pm
Why do necromancers reanimate everything?]
They're lonely and want as many "friends" as possible.
Why do dwarves fear any undead, even undead hairs?
Post by: Erils on February 18, 2014, 06:47:31 am
Why do dwarven citizens run away from every enemy?
Post by: Nidilap on February 18, 2014, 08:43:13 am
How is size relative to a tile? We have these itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot kobolds on one tile, but hither comes the elder dragon, ready to burn and pillage the earth of its wealth, in the exact sized fucking tile. Why?!
Post by: Bumber on February 18, 2014, 04:48:05 pm
Well, if we were invaded by terrorists here in _______, you'd run from the attackers too.Tiles are 2m x 2m x 3m. They're all crammed into a smaller space via quantum stockpiling (i.e. tiles are bigger on the inside.)
How is size relative to a tile? We have these itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot kobolds on one tile, but hither comes the elder dragon, ready to burn and pillage the earth of its wealth, in the exact sized fucking tile. Why?!
Post by: blazing glory on February 20, 2014, 03:48:26 am
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 20, 2014, 04:17:38 am
Why do dwarves have beards?
Because [APP_MOD_RATE:1:DAILY:0:1000:0:0:NO_END]
If a tree falls in the woods and there's no-one there to hear it, what sound does the dying elven diplomat make right after complaining about it?
Post by: Tarzanello on February 20, 2014, 07:18:11 am
How does a FB made of coal manage to fly with his wings, and with perfect maneveurability to boot? How hard does he have to flap them? Or does he have an hidden jetpack and the wings are only for show?
Post by: Azuraal on February 20, 2014, 02:37:21 pm
Why is quantum science answer to everything?
Post by: Nidilap on February 20, 2014, 03:03:10 pm
Why can't dwarves make booze out of milk?
Post by: Aslandus on February 20, 2014, 04:20:34 pm
Why do dwarven soldiers prefer glass vials over waterskins?
Post by: Eric Blank on February 20, 2014, 04:24:35 pm
Why dont dwarves just hug it out, instead of slugging it out?
Post by: Bumber on February 20, 2014, 07:04:23 pm
Why dont dwarves just hug it out, instead of slugging it out?Some do, when they can find a mayor's shoulder to cry on.
Why don't mayors hand over their office to the next dwarf when their term is up?
Post by: Lielac on February 20, 2014, 07:18:54 pm
How does a miner manage to crack her skull open by dropping ONE z-level after channeling out the wall beneath her?
Post by: Knit tie on February 20, 2014, 08:01:44 pm
If I discover a massive supply of kaolinite, put porcelain statue production on repeat and then forget about it, how many masterwork statues will each dwarf in my fort get on average when I run out of space in the furniture stockpile?
Post by: tahujdt on February 20, 2014, 09:06:24 pm
How come alcohol doesn't actually explode?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on February 21, 2014, 01:41:08 pm
How do the other races survive worldgen, with all these dwarven megalomaniacs running around?
Post by: jcochran on February 21, 2014, 02:55:29 pm
Why doesn't magma cool off on its own eventually?
Post by: klefenz on February 21, 2014, 04:16:03 pm
How comes gold is valuable when its so common and easy to refine?
Post by: Nidilap on February 21, 2014, 10:51:28 pm
Where is the blacksmith?!
Post by: Lielac on February 21, 2014, 11:00:51 pm
Because it is so lustrous and pretty.
Where is the blacksmith?!
At the bottom of a 34 z-level pit in half a dozen pieces. He tripped.
Why have I not had a birth in nearly a year when I have 7 fertile couples and no child cap to speak of?
Edit: And then, of course, less than a minute after I post this another beardling pops into existence.
Post by: Graknorke on February 24, 2014, 08:38:49 pm
Why do my grazing animals insist on clumping together in one corner of the pasture and getting upset at each other?
Post by: dirkdragonslayer on February 24, 2014, 08:59:51 pm
Probably all of the ambient radiation. I would recommend the immediate production of iron undergarments.Because that is were the grass is greener, and because it belongs to Cow #5's and he knows it.
Why do my grazing animals insist on clumping together in one corner of the pasture and getting upset at each other?
Why does a single rookie prove to be more helpful than a squad that's been training for years?
Post by: blazing glory on February 25, 2014, 04:42:58 am
Probably all of the ambient radiation. I would recommend the immediate production of iron undergarments.Because that is were the grass is greener, and because it belongs to Cow #5's and he knows it.
Why do my grazing animals insist on clumping together in one corner of the pasture and getting upset at each other?
Why does a single rookie prove to be more helpful than a squad that's been training for years?
Because the squad's dead.
Why do the elves cut trees to trade it to your fortress?
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 25, 2014, 04:51:26 am
How can wooden axes cut trees?
Post by: Erils on February 25, 2014, 08:20:57 am
Why do elves love nature?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on February 25, 2014, 09:00:06 am
Post by: Nidilap on February 25, 2014, 09:02:24 am
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 25, 2014, 01:18:19 pm
How many mines could a miner dwarf mine if a miner dwarf could mine mines?
Nine.
How come a post-HFS-breach world isn't full of escaped clowns?
Post by: Nidilap on February 25, 2014, 02:08:14 pm
I'm having HUGE difficulty with butchering. Usually I concentrate on eggs or vegetation, but I decided to try out a hunter. How do you get the butcher to kill an animal killed by hunter??
Post by: blazing glory on February 25, 2014, 08:36:09 pm
Isn't there a cap? And I don't think the can leave their sites.
I'm having HUGE difficulty with butchering. Usually I concentrate on eggs or vegetation, but I decided to try out a hunter. How do you get the butcher to kill an animal killed by hunter??
I think hunters have a problem where they are running out of ammunition and while they are getting more their target bleeds out but rather then bringing the animal back for butchering they find a new one,if they kill the enemy without it bleeding out then they will bring it to the butchers work shop and a butcher command will automaticly be made.
Why are hunters so dumb and picky?
Post by: Mr Space Cat on February 25, 2014, 11:16:46 pm
How many minecarts could a miner dwarf mine if a miner dwarf could mine minecarts?
Post by: Knit tie on February 26, 2014, 12:34:10 am
"Todok had a little lamb,
Her husband axed it dead.
How it goes to mines with her
Between two chunks of bread"
Dorfify another nursery rhyme.
Post by: fortydayweekend on February 26, 2014, 01:10:20 am
I met seven dwarfs all in a fort
Every dwarf had seven stacks
Of cages filled with seven cats
They also each had seven zones
Seven cats in every tile alone
Every zone had seven tiles
In each direction - z, x and y
All the cats had seven kits
And all these cats were some dwarf's pet
How many tantrums would there spiral
If all were killed by an overseer felinocidal?
Post by: blazing glory on February 26, 2014, 02:29:33 am
As I was going to CatOnslaught
I met seven dwarfs all in a fort
Every dwarf had seven stacks
Of cages filled with seven cats
They also each had seven zones
Seven cats in every tile alone
Every zone had seven tiles
In each direction - z, x and y
All the cats had seven kits
And all these cats were some dwarf's pet
How many tantrums would there spiral
If all were killed by an overseer felinocidal?
1,all the cat's belonged to that crazy cat lady...
Why are elephants so mean to the dwarves of boat murdered?
Post by: Nidilap on February 27, 2014, 11:42:34 am
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 05, 2014, 09:52:01 am
To take up fishing and cheese-making, in a brand-new home!You can't make booze from flowers.
Why don't dwarves grow flower gardens?
Why are there no light sources in DF?
-You can't make booze from flowers:
Wrong. It's just way more difficult. Ginger beer and rose wine are two examples of possibilities. ( Albeit, according to my current knowledge both usually need regular beer and wine added in to achieve acceptable levels of alcohol. )
Post by: nekoexmachina on March 05, 2014, 11:47:31 am
Quote
You can't make booze from flowers.(sorry to interrupt, but) you can, cause you can get booze from anything that has any kind of stuff edible by yeast, e.g. different sugars mostly.
dandelion wine is not such a joke, it just tastes weird.
Quote
Ginger beernot an example really, cause you use ginger roots; also you need a base of any malty mash for it to become a proper ginger ale, e.g. any kind of beer mash as a base for fermentation + ginger as an addition for taste. You could try using ginger as only ingridient in fermentizer apart from sugar/honey/whatever, but result would be again weird.
Actually you could put virtually anything into fermentaizer as an addition for your beer for added taste AND you could use virtually almost any vegetable thing as malt, but taste would be honestly really strange.
I honestly do not know anything of booze production in terms of hard liquors (dunno how to say it in english, "hard liquors" is google-translate of booze-with-30+-degrees-of-alcohol words from my language).
There is no production-accepted example, eg. you wont' buy any non-standard product in virtually any place over the earth, cause the ingridients used for fermentation of alcohol are choosen for reason called 'taste'; however you could try http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/13th-century-grut-bier/89348/ as an 'exotic' example of beer with no hops, which is a beer with key ingridient replaced to a bunch of semi-random (at first glance) stuff. This way beer was brewed back in 13th century in local area of grut brewery, cause of strange laws of that area non-allowing the hops to be used in any cookery.
There was a crouse on janux(*) on chemistry of overall fermentation process; also there is a great book (**) on this topic (which is more practical than theory, however which contains a lot of stuff you should know to make a good pint of ale) if you want do dive in deep.
(*) https://janux.ou.edu/landing/course.chem4970.html
(**) http://www.howtobrew.com/sitemap.html
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 05, 2014, 12:05:44 pm
Post by: Vyro on March 06, 2014, 12:35:12 pm
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 06, 2014, 12:42:58 pm
1) To make them an even stupider plot analogue to humans. When given a community-wide warning, at least one-fourth of humans will disregard it the same way. Animals however, will run for whereever they deem "safe" once the loud noises start.
2) The animals are secretly in charge, feigning ignorance while they use dwarves to do their bidding. In particular, cats are the top of this hierarchy, allowing their other animal brethren, and even their children to be slaughtered in their stead.
Post by: Nidilap on March 06, 2014, 02:07:29 pm
Post by: Graknorke on March 06, 2014, 07:57:14 pm
Why are predatory animals such fucking canon fodder? Wolves, coyotes, lions, tigers, cougars, they are all so easy to kill! The only exception is the Grizzly Bear, but even then,his cousin the black Bears so easy! Why?Dwarves are both hardcore and disgusting to eat, so nothing hunts them and they have the strength and tools to kill most anything else.
How does a soap wall join onto a metal wall?
Post by: klefenz on March 06, 2014, 08:14:36 pm
how can a totally unprepared dwarf perform a brain surgery succesfully?
Post by: Vyro on March 06, 2014, 10:08:39 pm
how can a totally unprepared dwarf perform a brain surgery succesfully?
The same way he does the diagnosis first - since no surgical tools are being invented yet, it is the beard that's involved. The beard and a lot of alcohol.
Who named the Troll "Dang"?
Post by: jcochran on March 07, 2014, 10:38:17 am
"Congratulations on the new troll."
"Dang"
Why are dragons so useless?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 07, 2014, 10:41:44 am
Why is it that Dwarves get happy thoughts from taking a soapy bath when they are clearly filthy, drunken bastards who can't swim?
Post by: nekoexmachina on March 07, 2014, 11:02:45 am
Why elves hate treekillers but devour their own friends?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 07, 2014, 11:30:49 am
Post by: Melting Sky on March 08, 2014, 09:48:12 am
Post by: blazing glory on March 08, 2014, 12:32:13 pm
Post by: PDF urist master on March 20, 2014, 06:31:26 pm
how did the fish get in the bathtub?
Post by: FallenAngel on March 20, 2014, 07:23:03 pm
Clearly, somewhere else on your map, a cave fish released a spore which found its way into your bathtub, and grew using the blood of forgotten beasts to gain energy.
Why will dwarves refuse to mine something that is blocked by a 1/7 pool...
...of water? They can't swim, but that's ankle-deep at most.
Post by: Magistrum on March 20, 2014, 08:38:26 pm
Why do dwarves are so fond of minecraft's spleef?
Post by: FallenAngel on March 20, 2014, 09:01:10 pm
Why do dwarves under strange moods create absolutely useless things quite often?
Post by: Magistrum on March 20, 2014, 09:41:52 pm
Because they can fulfill their desires to destroy floors haphazardly without any risk of it collapsing.
Why do dwarves under strange moods create absolutely useless things quite often?
Because it's Art, no one said it had to be useful.
Why do the dwarven rescue team keeps going to recover the wounded, find whatever is killing the
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 21, 2014, 08:04:28 am
Post by: tahujdt on March 21, 2014, 10:04:59 am
Why can't my dwarves be more like Simon of the Yogscast, and DIGGY DIGGY THE MUTHA-F***ING HOLE!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!???????????????????????????
Post by: flame99 on March 30, 2014, 07:31:48 pm
Why does Armok allow something as un-Armok-like as Elves to live?
Post by: ZeroMcUrist on March 30, 2014, 07:45:25 pm
Because dwarves do not dig, for that is a barbaric act far below them. No, they mine holes. Philistine.
Why does Armok allow something as un-Armok-like as Elves to live?
Why, blood for the blood god, of course!
Why are necromancers such mundane writers?
Post by: Knit tie on March 30, 2014, 07:51:40 pm
Why do dwarven cats never drink booze?
Post by: Magistrum on March 31, 2014, 07:09:19 am
The only reviews they recieve are from zombies, and those things are well-known for being suck-ups.Because they are the hivemind hosts, if they drunk booze they would subject to it too, and you could have control over them, plus, they know that.
Why do dwarven cats never drink booze?
How can dwarves walk trough the caverns without any source of light beyond a caged fireimp without getting bruises everywhere from hitting the walls?
Post by: Nidilap on March 31, 2014, 07:44:27 am
Where are the hobbitses?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 31, 2014, 10:22:39 am
Low light vision.
Where are the hobbitses?
On their way to Mordor.
Not that I'm complaining, but how can an infant dwarf drag his mother to the infirmary?
Post by: jcochran on March 31, 2014, 11:19:15 am
Not that I'm complaining, but how can an infant dwarf drag his infant mother to the infirmary?
By her hair.
Why haven't cats taken over all the fortresses?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 31, 2014, 11:20:54 am
Not exactly fitting, but who here hopes that Toady never fixes the Perpetual Motion set-up?
Post by: Magistrum on March 31, 2014, 11:37:24 am
Not exactly fitting, but who here hopes that Toady never fixes the Perpetual Motion set-up?Anybody, we are mostly expecting Toady to force us into making !!Science!! in search for new methods.
Thoughts on goblin prisoner powered machines?
Post by: TheDarkStar on March 31, 2014, 02:59:30 pm
Not exactly fitting, but who here hopes that Toady never fixes the Perpetual Motion set-up?Anybody, we are mostly expecting Toady to force us into making !!Science!! in search for new methods.
Thoughts on goblin prisoner powered machines?
I probably need a few dozen more.
Why can dwarves survive with their heart missing?
Post by: Doktoro Reichard on March 31, 2014, 06:21:18 pm
Why is there a mention to ►Magic◄ items in the ingame help, despite not existing at all in the game?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 31, 2014, 07:09:44 pm
Post by: Deus Asmoth on March 31, 2014, 07:33:58 pm
Why can't flying or swimming creatures remember where they were going a second ago?
Post by: Mr.Mountain on May 14, 2014, 11:17:07 pm
Why are my masons totally free to do irrelevant labors that I'm sure I disabled them from doing, but have no time for ACTUAL masonry?
Post by: ComputerWarrior on May 18, 2014, 03:25:31 am
Because they're too busy trying to dodge all the steel bolts flying at them from bored, trigger happy marksdwarves.Doing things against the rules gives a thrill. Even scrubbing the floors clean of filth, apparently.
Why are my masons totally free to do irrelevant labors that I'm sure I disabled them from doing, but have no time for ACTUAL masonry?
Why did my active military run after some passing keas and left the front entrance open for a few kobolds to loot our wares?
Post by: blazing glory on May 18, 2014, 04:43:52 am
Why are horses so powerful?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 18, 2014, 04:53:09 am
Why is it that miners can feel the slightest trickle of water on the other side of a wall, but don't notice that there's no support to a floor they're channeling out?
Post by: sal880612m on May 18, 2014, 10:03:06 am
Why is it in a fort with only about 25 Dwarfs nine of them are children?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 18, 2014, 03:16:07 pm
Why is it that dwarves can cancel any other job due to flooding, but they will pretty much never stop pumping even despite causing said floods?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 18, 2014, 04:03:15 pm
Why do animals need to be re-pastured after a scare from a snatcher, despite not having left the boundries of the pasture at all?
Post by: sal880612m on May 18, 2014, 04:43:58 pm
Yeah, I got no why's at the moment.
Post by: Knit tie on May 18, 2014, 05:44:59 pm
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 18, 2014, 05:47:27 pm
Why don't Humans know how to smelt steel goods?
Post by: jcochran on May 19, 2014, 12:35:07 pm
Why don't you see any armored zombies during a necromancer siege?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 19, 2014, 06:28:08 pm
Give me a minute to think of a question.
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 19, 2014, 06:32:31 pm
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 19, 2014, 06:40:26 pm
Why don't dwarves play any organized sports?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 19, 2014, 06:48:46 pm
I don't have a question.
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 19, 2014, 06:53:06 pm
Post by: pisskop on May 19, 2014, 07:43:01 pm
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 19, 2014, 08:34:33 pm
How is it that Dwarfs can build entire-embark-wide floors in the sky, without any scaffolding, supported only by a single block's connection to a solid construction?
Post by: sal880612m on May 19, 2014, 10:52:48 pm
Why is it that basically all the gods in the game increase chaos and/or evil?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 19, 2014, 10:57:44 pm
Why can dwarves sleep on a stone floor just fine, but refuse to make stone beds?
Post by: sal880612m on May 19, 2014, 11:42:22 pm
Where did the first dwarves come from?
Post by: Arcvasti on May 20, 2014, 12:07:24 am
Why are goblins so stupid and warlike even though they're mostly immortal?
Post by: Bumber on May 20, 2014, 01:35:34 am
Why are goblins so stupid and warlike even though they're mostly immortal?Population control.
Where does new magma come from?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 20, 2014, 01:39:48 am
Why do I have 22 tabs open?
Post by: blazing glory on May 20, 2014, 01:47:09 am
Why do dwarfs say they can't make a wall because a creature is in the way when said creature is the dwarf?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 20, 2014, 02:06:57 am
Your on TV tropes.(( I wish, Uncyclopedia. It respawns even faster. ))
Why do dwarfs say they can't make a wall because a creature is in the way when said creature is the dwarf?
An addition to the previous question: Why is it that when a creature blocks construction, it continues to do so even years after said creature has left the map?
Post by: Cobbler89 on May 20, 2014, 07:47:28 pm
Why is it that vampires will not perform jobs underwater despite having no need to breath?
Post by: MrCompassionate on May 20, 2014, 08:15:42 pm
The dwarf's right hand knoweth not what the left hand is doing.
Why is it that vampires will not perform jobs underwater despite having no need to breath?
Because it reminds them of running water.
Why will an adventurer outright refuse to drink pond water but is A-OK with licking dry vulture blood stuck to the back of his teeth?
Post by: blazing glory on May 20, 2014, 08:21:56 pm
Why do lords and kings send me over absurd distances to kill stuff?
Post by: sal880612m on May 20, 2014, 10:23:46 pm
Why don't borders exist in DF?
Post by: blazing glory on May 20, 2014, 10:29:31 pm
Why kings and lord's so boring?
For 38 years,I was a cheese maker.
Why can't we have
For 73 years,I was a warrior.
That's someone I would look up in legend's mode,though it seems to populace likes promoting kings from mundane professions.
Post by: sal880612m on May 20, 2014, 11:55:58 pm
What is the actual average life span of a dwarf? (post your own if this doesn't work)
Post by: blazing glory on May 21, 2014, 12:06:23 am
Why do dwarfs never lose their beards in combat?
Post by: sal880612m on May 21, 2014, 12:34:42 am
Why do we get constant and unending streams of job cancellations announced but almost no combat annoucements concerning our dwarves. I get tons regarding an enraged sponge half an embark area away.
Post by: pisskop on May 21, 2014, 08:14:34 am
Industry, however, is an organized and pointed affair, and every job lost is important to a creature fond of drink and industry.
Why don't monarchs give mandates from off-site?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 21, 2014, 08:58:43 am
Why do Goblins insist on laying 'siege' with fewer than half of the troops needed to take down a single steel-clad swordsmaster?
Post by: McDonald on May 21, 2014, 08:59:32 am
Why do my farmers complain about lack of seeds, when there are over 900(0) of them?
Post by: Tawa on May 21, 2014, 03:57:58 pm
Why do married female dwarves have a child every year?
Post by: sal880612m on May 21, 2014, 04:20:04 pm
Why do some immigration groups have only two and others have up to and beyond 20.
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 21, 2014, 04:26:11 pm
Why will a dwarfette swim after her baby for days, but still use the same baby as a shield?
Post by: Cobbler89 on May 21, 2014, 06:16:10 pm
Why do dwarven fathers not join them?
Post by: sal880612m on May 21, 2014, 06:32:08 pm
Why does starting a fortress basically entail the spontaneous creation of 7 brand new dwarves?
Post by: Cobbler89 on May 21, 2014, 07:10:54 pm
Why can dwarves be assigned to alchemy if they have no idea what alchemy is?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 21, 2014, 08:58:59 pm
Why is it that there will sometimes be civilian forts with a lord or lady, but absolutely no guards or other inhabitants, especially why is this in an otherwise empty town?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 21, 2014, 09:26:57 pm
Why can't Dwarfs, with access to flour, sugar, eggs, and milk, make any baked goods?
Post by: m-logik on May 22, 2014, 11:01:55 am
How do wild egg layers reproduce with no nest boxes?
Post by: Bumber on May 23, 2014, 01:15:47 am
Why do they need nest boxes in the first place?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 23, 2014, 02:45:59 am
What causes twenty lairs to generate right beside each other right next to a Capitol City? ( And for bonus points: WHY did the lair-cluster start spontaneously generating unworked leather all over the place!? )
Post by: WanderingKid on May 23, 2014, 04:32:19 am
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 23, 2014, 04:36:18 am
I need some kind of insane de-rationalization to be able to cope with my masterpiece dwarf corpse being destroyed/inaccessible.
Post by: pisskop on May 23, 2014, 09:29:34 am
http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=6015
Its lost to the ages. All the blood given unto Armok had to come from somewhere, and when you bleed an animal you don't waste the rest of it, do you? No, you make skeletons and leather. All the leather got dumped here, and all the zombies got stationed at some hell armory, to await the arrival of chosen ones and checkers.
Why are dwarves fond of all industry but incapable of more than basic bureaucratic management? They ant even get their currency to run correctly! :P
Post by: Cobbler89 on May 23, 2014, 03:44:11 pm
Not sure about leather though.
Post by: FallenAngel on May 23, 2014, 09:51:39 pm
Post by: tussock on May 24, 2014, 01:36:38 am
My Hunter is dragging himself around on two shattered femurs, but isn't asking for help, brave lad. I turned off hunting for him, because he's too slow to catch anything. Was that wrong?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 24, 2014, 01:58:46 am
Dream-slayer. You, sir or madam, are a baaaaad overlord.
Why is it that my dorfs will bitch and moan about having shoddy clothing, despite there being many, many bins' worth of masterwork clothing items sitting in storage, which they refuse to change into?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 24, 2014, 02:18:48 am
How is it that some things can still be killed with wool socks?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 24, 2014, 02:34:25 am
Why do goblins want dwarf children, anyway?
Post by: blazing glory on May 24, 2014, 02:59:51 am
Why do elves have loads of wood but for some reason other civilizations cutting down trees is bad?
Post by: hops on May 24, 2014, 06:30:57 am
Why can't gnomes brew their own alcohol?
Post by: WoobMonkey on May 24, 2014, 06:37:58 am
Why do traders insist on bringing multiple wagons full of stuff I've never bought, never asked for, and never would want to buy?
Post by: hops on May 24, 2014, 06:53:59 am
Why can't dwarves just build a straightforward vertical pipe system for magma instead of building complicated magma pump stacks?
Post by: Graknorke on May 24, 2014, 04:51:20 pm
Why are animals and random civilians so often better at fighting than the trained military are?
Post by: blazing glory on May 24, 2014, 05:08:54 pm
Why does cave fungus and rubbish suddeenly start invading my dwarfy home when I discover a cavern?
Post by: Kumquat on May 25, 2014, 03:38:31 am
They are happy to be free.
If it takes days for a bunch of trolls to bring down a single *granite door*, how can a tantruming 3-year-old dwarf child send it flying with a single kick?
Post by: Bumber on May 25, 2014, 03:56:33 am
Why are dwarves fond of all industry but incapable of more than basic bureaucratic management? They ant even get their currency to run correctly! :PIt's been tried in the past, but extensive management of dwarves drives one to a dark insanity. They kept trying to create committees for "child care" and other absurdities. The other dwarves wouldn't have it.
If it takes days for a bunch of trolls to bring down a single *granite door*, how can a tantruming 3-year-old dwarf child send it flying with a single kick?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on May 25, 2014, 05:33:56 am
(( I got nothing, if you'd like to take a crack at a better explanation, by all means go for it. ))
Post by: Tawa on May 25, 2014, 06:07:12 am
This also explains why dim-witted dwarves can "keep doors shut tight"; the scanner can be used to ignore animal-beards.
Why are glass doors called "portals", and why aren't they orange and blue and don't actually teleport dwarves?
Post by: FallenAngel on May 25, 2014, 08:33:31 am
EDIT: Forgot a question, my bad.
Where does all of the grass come from? It seems illogical that if you have one single tile of grass but hundreds of above-ground soil that the whole plain could be covered in grass after a time. This is dwarf fortress, though.
Post by: Tawa on May 25, 2014, 08:39:23 am
Post by: blazing glory on May 25, 2014, 08:40:40 am
Post by: Tawa on May 25, 2014, 09:06:13 am
And the Lord Armok did state:
"I hast brought thou out of the Elven-Lands, out of the house of Bondage. Thou shalt follow these commands, to repay:
1. Thou shalt wear socks at all times, for an Uncovered Foot is a disgrace upon your Lord Armok.
2. Thou shalt be named Urist, or, should thou not be Urist, thou shalt idolize the name of Urist, for it is the favoured name of your Lord Armok.
3. Thou shalt consume only booze, and if thou shalt not, thou shalt drink blood;.should ye not drink Booze nor Blood, then thou shalt pay for it in the name of your Lord Armok.
4. If thou art female, and thou art married, thou shalt have a child every year for the Grace of your Lord Armok.
5. Thou shalt not hold Goblins as friends, for they art the work of the Elven God and should be killed.
6. Thou shalt not build vertical pipes, for Vertical Pipes resemble the Trees of the Elven God.
7. Thou shalt hold Kittens in the highest regard; thou shalt not adopt Kittens, for Armok's greatest creation is the Kitten and thou shalt allow the Kittens to adopt Thou.
8. Thou shalt not build Towns, nor Retreats, nor Towers; thou shalt build Fortresses, for the glory of Armok your Lord.
9. Thou shalt have no Blood, nor a God, before or after Me, for I am selfish and Greedy.
10. Thou shalt build Overly Elaborate Contraptions to smite the Elven-God's Hidden Fun Stuff, for Armok decrees Fun must be had by all.
Why did I just write the Ten Dwarfmandments?
EDIT: Well, I guess that excerpt was so stunning you're all speechless. I should write a Dwarven Bible.
It shall contain the Bible's number of times "slay" is said, but give or take the eleventh power.
(It uses it like 300+ times, if memory serves)
Post by: reality.auditor on May 29, 2014, 05:19:53 pm
Could someone explain where the forumites started using the term's "urist" and how they decided that dwarfs are obsessed with socks?I don't know about socks, but here is original Urist (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=15572.0).
Post by: DAPARROT on August 10, 2014, 11:29:14 am
Could someone explain where the forumites started using the term's "urist" and how they decided that dwarfs are obsessed with socks?because of all the XXpigtailfibersocksXX
why dont keas steal beards to disguise themselves to steal more stuff without you noticing?
Post by: flabort on August 10, 2014, 12:13:30 pm
Why do certain crops turn red? WHY CAN'T I PLANT THAT THERE, I'VE PLANTED IT THERE BEFORE!
Post by: ptb_ptb on August 10, 2014, 12:37:22 pm
Probably an Elf saboteur.
Post by: Baffler on August 10, 2014, 05:50:37 pm
Where does the water that runs through fortifications at the edge of the map disappear to?
Post by: Knit tie on August 11, 2014, 06:48:10 am
Dwarves' underground crops all release toxin-producing spores that only members of their own species are susceptible to to prevent overcrowding. These spores bud at certain times of the year to cause the old plants to die back and make way for new growth. "Fertilizer" is simply a chemical compound that neutralizes this toxin, but it isn't sufficiently effective to overcome the levels of toxin exuded when the spores bud. Above ground crops don't need to compete for space or nutrients as much, and can be grown at any time of the year.The primal chaos at the edges of known reality, of course.
Where does the water that runs through fortifications at the edge of the map disappear to?
Why does my militia commander cry after biting through a goblin's brain?
Post by: ICBM pilot on August 11, 2014, 07:34:28 am
What made a cave fish woman think that she would be a blowgunner?
Post by: ptb_ptb on August 11, 2014, 08:06:29 am
Why do dwarf caravans arrive on the farthest side of the map and travel over the mountains to reach the trade depot?
Post by: Knit tie on August 11, 2014, 08:49:32 am
Her husband had told her to get good at blow jobs.Only pansy elves take the easy routes through the forests.
Why do dwarf caravans arrive on the farthest side of the map and travel over the mountains to reach the trade depot?
Why do all the people my adventurer talks to constantly spit?
Post by: Bumber on August 11, 2014, 03:54:06 pm
Only pansy elves take the easy routes through the forests.It's a new form of greeting.
Why do all the people my adventurer talks to constantly spit?
Why is everything inevitable?
Post by: DAPARROT on August 12, 2014, 10:58:07 pm
why do people think that the beards control dwarves
Post by: Baffler on August 12, 2014, 11:08:01 pm
Why are my highly disciplined soldiers fearless in the face of the goblins, but terrified of their dead bodies?
Post by: hops on August 13, 2014, 05:39:43 am
How do people even fail to see that certain rulers are demons? I mean, I find it hard to believe a five-limbed humanoid with four elephant faces and a scorpion tail was able to pretend to be a human.
Post by: celem on August 13, 2014, 06:06:02 am
Why is it, after no matter how many decades of sumptuous food, epic Halls and fabulous bedrooms is every Dwarf approximately 4 seconds and 1 missed meal from riot?
Post by: Chevaleresse on August 13, 2014, 06:11:33 am
Who's pretending? Everyone notices the demons, but only you obnoxious demi-gods with chips on your shoulders care.
Why is it, after no matter how many decades of sumptuous food, epic Halls and fabulous bedrooms is every Dwarf approximately 4 seconds and 1 missed meal from riot?
Because the hippies didn't bring you sun berries after you murdered the first three sets of traders, and as a result your booze sucks.
Why is a dwarf's natural habitat "standing in precisely the wrong location?" I.e, standing on tiles being channeled, on the wrong side of walls being constructed, walking directly into webs for no readily apparent reason, wandering into pretty much every nasty in the caverns, etc.
Post by: Aslandus on August 13, 2014, 11:07:03 am
Why do dwarves only need to eat twice in a season?
Post by: Bumber on August 13, 2014, 09:11:15 pm
Dwarves secretly yearn to be rebels, but they are too lawful to do it in any way beyond standing in stupid placesTime is very dorfy in fort mode. It's shorter.
Why do dwarves only need to eat twice in a season?
What caused trees to be so much bigger all of the sudden?
Post by: Arcvasti on August 14, 2014, 01:03:32 am
How exactly do you stack water.
Post by: hops on August 14, 2014, 05:27:30 am
Why aren't the dwarves even actually aware of their patron god, Armok?
Post by: Solon64 on August 14, 2014, 05:42:04 am
What do dwarves use to encrust large gems with more gems?
Post by: Mimodo on August 14, 2014, 06:41:14 am
What do dwarves use to encrust large gems with more gems?
Gem-to-gem encrusting glue
Why will a dwarf cancel hauling a dead body to a tomb upon seeing a dead body on the ground
Post by: Vyro on August 14, 2014, 07:19:14 am
Why will a dwarf cancel hauling a dead body to a tomb upon seeing a dead body on the ground?
Because his workload has just doubled before his very eyes and thus he's utterly shocked. That or he simply tripped over it.
Why would spiky wooden balls cost so much?
Post by: Chevaleresse on August 14, 2014, 10:17:29 am
Why do dwarves let stuff beat them to death instead of retaliating?
Post by: ComatosePhoenix on August 14, 2014, 10:28:08 am
Why cant cooks get the seeds out of the food first?
Post by: Vyro on August 14, 2014, 12:38:37 pm
Why cant cooks get the seeds out of the food first?
Dorfs just love dat extra crunch.
Why does Magma destroy m-proof doors only when they are unlocked?
Post by: TurboSlug22 on August 14, 2014, 01:04:53 pm
Why cant cooks get the seeds out of the food first?
Dorfs just love dat extra crunch.
Why does Magma destroy m-proof doors only when they are unlocked?
Because they are maglocked otherwise
Why can dwarves carry an entire workshop worth of stone at once but can only haul 1 gem at a time?
Post by: Tawa on August 14, 2014, 02:04:17 pm
Why do goblins feel the need to kill the livestock of the dwarves?
Post by: Aslandus on August 14, 2014, 08:29:24 pm
Why do goblins feel the need to kill the livestock of the dwarves?They believe that trolls are the only livestock anyone should use
Why do objects vanish when trapped in freezing water?
Post by: escondida on August 15, 2014, 12:07:59 pm
Why don't dwarves allow philosophers anymore?
Post by: Skullsploder on August 15, 2014, 12:16:43 pm
Why do dwarves climb trees to escape giant birds?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on August 15, 2014, 12:33:41 pm
Post by: flabort on August 15, 2014, 12:41:33 pm
Why do dwarves climb trees to escape giant birds?Because the giant birds weigh too much and if they land in the tree, the tree bends and breaks and the bird crashes and dies.
Why do dwarves not piss or poop?It is converted into beard, making their beards longer.
Why do parties never have any food at them?
Post by: Bumber on August 15, 2014, 05:48:16 pm
Why do parties never have any food at them?Every dwarf brings booze, thinking someone else will bring the food.
Why is everyone so afraid of everything all of the sudden?
Post by: int_ua on August 15, 2014, 06:23:03 pm
Why do dwarves not piss or poop?I've seen something yellow in the water after they were drowning and got out. Try channeling an aquifer several levels above a river.
Why is everyone so afraid of everything all of the sudden?Obviously, because it is predictable.
Why don't dwarves hit anything else except head with a helmet after dozens of ineffective hits and just fall over-exerted?
Post by: Gentlefish on August 15, 2014, 06:28:11 pm
Why don't dwarves hit anything else except head with a helmet after dozens of ineffective hits and just fall over-exerted?
It was inevitable.
Why are cats naturally legendary climbers?
Post by: mirrizin on August 15, 2014, 07:14:04 pm
Why did that goblin siege just turn and run after a horse dodged a bolt?
Post by: Baffler on August 15, 2014, 11:39:41 pm
Why do siege operators always flee before the enemy even if they can't reach them?
Post by: Aslandus on August 16, 2014, 03:40:40 pm
Why do siege operators always flee before the enemy even if they can't reach them?The siege operators aren't running, they suddenly realized they need to reload and then forgot to come back
Why do dwarves fill the stone stockpile with a million chunks of clay when it can't be used for masonry or catapulting?
Post by: Dunamisdeos on August 16, 2014, 06:03:01 pm
Why do mechanisms work.
Post by: YHVH on August 16, 2014, 08:45:20 pm
Because you didn't disable it in the stockpile selection ._. ? It is a thing.Toady One scripted them to work.
Why do mechanisms work.
How should we make a fortress that is in every biome, in the sky, in the circus, under magma, under the water, underground and on the ground?
Post by: Bumber on August 16, 2014, 11:17:14 pm
How should we make a fortress that is in every biome, in the sky, in the circus, under magma, under the water, underground and on the ground?Make the entire world one big fortress.
Why do some of my military dwarves insist on hanging onto branches above water until they fall and drown instead of fighting the goblins? Furthermore, why are they freaking out about keas 50+ z-levels up and refusing to return to base after finally taking care of the goblins?
Post by: Tacomagic on August 16, 2014, 11:32:43 pm
Why do some of my military dwarves insist on hanging onto branches above water until they fall and drown instead of fighting the goblins? Furthermore, why are they freaking out about keas 50+ z-levels up and refusing to return to base after finally taking care of the goblins?
Things have never been the same since the dwarven military introduce the 2-fisted monkey style martial arts as required training. And have you ever seen a kea? They're like little winged balls of pure fear stripped directly from a clown's nightmare.
(http://i.imgur.com/FfzQ98ml.jpg)
Evil incarnate.
Why does my hunter insist on irritating the wildlife? I mean, I hired him to kill the wildlife, not annoy it until it goes away.
Post by: ICBM pilot on August 21, 2014, 02:19:44 pm
Why do dwarves run away in terror from The body they were hauling to a coffin?
Post by: MaximumZero on August 27, 2014, 09:00:14 am
Why are there no earthquakes in DF?
Post by: Aslandus on August 27, 2014, 11:36:37 am
Why do ravens keep getting caught in cage traps?
Post by: Vyro on August 28, 2014, 06:11:14 am
Why do ravens keep getting caught in cage traps?
Because they are curious little bastards.
Why don't Forgotten Boogaloos get caught in them? Or in any traps for that matter.
Post by: escondida on August 28, 2014, 11:00:23 am
What would a dwarven superhero look like?
Post by: Aslandus on August 28, 2014, 11:14:17 am
Why are cavies so useless?
Post by: Awessum Possum on August 28, 2014, 12:59:17 pm
What is it about giant chinchillas that my rangers find so terrifying?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on August 28, 2014, 05:08:49 pm
Why do Goblins siege, walk into the entrance of my fort, shoot one dog, then walk away as he dies?
Post by: Aslandus on August 28, 2014, 10:50:56 pm
Why do elves bring about 100 wood weapons on their caravans and only three animals when all I ever buy from them is animals?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on August 29, 2014, 05:59:24 am
The goblins use loan shark tactics, they just want to scare you a bit so the dwarf empire will make sure to pay for the trolls they borrowed on timeElves aspire to have a monopoly on wood and all wooden items. That's why they don't want you to chop down wood.
Why do elves bring about 100 wood weapons on their caravans and only three animals when all I ever buy from them is animals?
What is the meaning of Dwarven Life?
Post by: Bumber on August 29, 2014, 06:18:47 am
Elves aspire to have a monopoly on wood and all wooden items. That's why they don't want you to chop down wood.Try and be nice to other dwarves, avoid eating tallow roasts, read a +engraving+ every now and then, do some hauling, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations (except the elves.)
What is the meaning of Dwarven Life?
Post by: Aslandus on August 29, 2014, 09:22:46 am
Why do things randomly collapse aboveground while I'm chopping down trees?
Post by: hops on September 04, 2014, 07:20:29 am
Why is magma still called magma when it's on the surface and burning elves.
Post by: Mimodo on September 04, 2014, 08:31:04 am
Earthquakes.
Why is magma still called magma when it's on the surface and burning elves.
Because the dwarven Vocabulary is small
How can a single dwarf kill an entire 40 goblin siege on his own?
Post by: Wimopy on September 04, 2014, 11:12:54 am
Why do dwarves never delve into philosophy or ask serious questions? (Of course, necromancers who write books on interesting topics are not including in the 'dwarf' category)
[By the way, I can't even follow what questions have or haven't been asked yet, but search turned up only one similar question]
Post by: Aslandus on September 04, 2014, 11:28:52 am
Why can catapults only hit targets on the same z level?
Post by: Baffler on September 04, 2014, 04:09:04 pm
Siege weapons are, technically speaking, constructions. This means that they, like others, only have presence on a single z-level. Their inherent two dimensional nature makes it impossible for them to be adjusted to take advantage of the Feb Effect. To compensate for this, Dwarven engineers give the siege engine tremendous mechanical power. This both allows them to fire much farther than the average operator can actually see and, in the case of catapults, actually gives the projectile sufficient energy to bend space around it. It is theorized that this is the result of a fractional bending of dimensional space, such that the catapult shot moves beyond it's original z-dimension, but does not quite reach the one "above" it. A side effect of this phenomenon can be observed in the massive loss of velocity, and therefore killing power, of the catapulted projectile upon reaching it's target.
Why do siege engines only require three of a generic [engine] part to build?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 04, 2014, 04:24:29 pm
What's the average day in the life of a Goblin?
Post by: Chaine Maile on September 04, 2014, 06:00:55 pm
Why don't dwarves make knives?
Post by: Aslandus on September 04, 2014, 06:07:47 pm
Why do Trolls live in the caverns?
Post by: Chaine Maile on September 04, 2014, 07:46:47 pm
Why are Ocelot's trainable as Hunting or War Animals but Hyenas are not?
Post by: blazing glory on September 04, 2014, 09:57:01 pm
Why do Dwarfs go on break/party even if there's a fort threatening crisis?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 04, 2014, 10:24:18 pm
How do Dwarves have functional healthcare when the doctors are always drunk?
Post by: Aslandus on September 04, 2014, 10:30:06 pm
Why do Dwarfs go on break/party even if there's a fort threatening crisis?When's a better time for a party than when the end is near?
Why are gnomes?
Post by: Bumber on September 04, 2014, 10:45:42 pm
How do Dwarves have functional healthcare when the doctors are always drunk?For dwarves, being drunk is on par with having a good night's sleep. You do not want a sober dwarf operating on you.
Why are gnomes?Why are gnomes, what?
Post by: Chaine Maile on September 04, 2014, 10:49:07 pm
Why is gnomeblight?
Post by: Bumber on September 04, 2014, 11:15:30 pm
Gnomes "are" so we have something to dissolve in gnomeblight.So we have something to dissolve gnomes in. It's like the chicken or the egg.
Why is gnomeblight?
What caused the undead to suddenly decide to rise up against their necromancer masters in DF2014?
Post by: Aslandus on September 04, 2014, 11:16:11 pm
Is it a bad idea to drain a river into a cavern?
Post by: Chaine Maile on September 04, 2014, 11:23:52 pm
Why can't we make 7/7 tiles of Milk, Blood, Booze, Venom, Vomit or Ichor?
Post by: pisskop on September 11, 2014, 08:59:30 am
Why can't dwarves engrave constructed walls?
Post by: Aslandus on September 11, 2014, 11:34:26 am
Why do sturgeons flee from dwarves?
Post by: IndigoFenix on September 11, 2014, 04:33:15 pm
Why do injured dwarves drink water instead of booze?
Post by: Baffler on September 11, 2014, 07:20:20 pm
How do zombies with their everything torn and broken move?
Post by: Aslandus on September 11, 2014, 07:54:57 pm
How do birds hover in the sky for months on end?
Post by: Arcvasti on September 11, 2014, 07:57:00 pm
Why can goblins dodge several tiles into thin air when ninjaing out of the way of a particularly complex weapon trap with pits on both sides?
Post by: Tacomagic on September 11, 2014, 08:00:31 pm
Thermals from magma/forest fires.
Why can goblins dodge several tiles into thin air when ninjaing out of the way of a particularly complex weapon trap with pits on both sides?
For the last millennium, Artulan Soulscourge, king of goblins, has been slowly guiding the evolution of his people by gradually splicing rabbit DNA into their genome.
Why did 95% of my fortress suddenly decide it was a good idea to starve themselves to death by ineffectively fighting an errant cave crocodile for 9 months?
Post by: Aslandus on September 11, 2014, 09:24:42 pm
Why do dwarves think frozen milk is different than normal milk?
Post by: Spectre Incarnate on September 11, 2014, 10:36:54 pm
Why do dwarves think frozen milk is different than normal milk?
It reminds them of the birth of the great frost giant god Ymir, who suckled from the primeval cow Auðumbla at the dawn of time. After Ymir's death his flesh became earth and created maggots and from these maggots was born the blood god Armok and his chosen people the dwarves!
(Aside from adding in Armok, that's real Norse creation myth.)
Why are baby dwarves born with preferences for things they've never heard of yet?
Post by: Baffler on September 11, 2014, 10:57:09 pm
Why do elves do so well in worldgen, while dwarves and humans always get massacred by the goblins?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 11, 2014, 11:13:04 pm
The dwarf doesn't actually know they like these things so much. The player, as an omniscient deity, simply knows what they want before even they do.Elves breed like rabittses.
Why do elves do so well in worldgen, while dwarves and humans always get massacred by the goblins?
Hoe does a Hammer Lord swing with enough power to play golf with a Goblin's head?
Post by: flabort on September 12, 2014, 08:53:43 am
Why does my mass of bee-hives only yield honey once or twice a month, when I have around a hundred or so hives?
Post by: GenericOverusedName on September 12, 2014, 09:24:28 am
Why don't my dwarves care about the dead miner rotting at the bottom of the well?
Post by: Aslandus on September 12, 2014, 09:47:05 am
Why do my grates keep popping off the channel when the ice defrosts every year?
Post by: Bumber on September 12, 2014, 08:38:24 pm
Why do my grates keep popping off the channel when the ice defrosts every year?They try to jump out of the water because it's too cold, but then their reaction gets delayed by being encased in ice.
Why do animals wear clothes when you retire a fort?
Post by: Spectre Incarnate on September 12, 2014, 09:13:56 pm
Cause they finally realized they were naked and ashamed when the dwarves threw all the clothing off and had one big orgy.
Also, that's been fixed for next release. :P
Quote from: Toady One
Bay12 Homepage
--Stopped fort dwarves from throwing their clothes off into a pile during unretire after being visited by adventurer
--Stopped fort animals from getting clothing during unretire after being visited by adventurer
Why don't domestic and other select creatures have giant or animal men versions?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 12, 2014, 11:06:52 pm
Because, the animal men are the intelligent version of unintelligent animals. Domestic animals are already intelligent.
Cause they finally realized they were naked and ashamed when the dwarves threw all the clothing off and had one big orgy.
Also, that's been fixed for next release. :PQuote from: Toady OneBay12 Homepage
--Stopped fort dwarves from throwing their clothes off into a pile during unretire after being visited by adventurer
--Stopped fort animals from getting clothing during unretire after being visited by adventurer
Why don't domestic and other select creatures have giant or animal men versions?
What happens when you gen a world with 60+ known Forgotten Beasts and breach the caverns?
Post by: Aslandus on September 13, 2014, 01:08:57 pm
How effective are copper daggers for militia dwarves?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 13, 2014, 01:54:26 pm
Forgotten beast party time
How effective are copper daggers for militia dwarves?
Not as effective as iron daggers.
Post by: Spectre Incarnate on September 13, 2014, 04:23:20 pm
Not as effective as iron daggers.
Where is your question?! This must be the work of--
THE SHADOW! The Shadow?! The Shadow...
Wait, where did my question go?!
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 13, 2014, 05:37:39 pm
Not as effective as iron daggers.
Where is your question?! This must be the work of--
THE SHADOW! The Shadow?! The Shadow...
Wait, where did my question go?!
I am what I am or are you what I am or what is you am I?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 13, 2014, 08:47:28 pm
What is is what it is and what isn't has no place in the world.Not as effective as iron daggers.
Where is your question?! This must be the work of--
THE SHADOW! The Shadow?! The Shadow...
Wait, where did my question go?!
I am what I am or are you what I am or what is you am I?
Why do I speak like a philosopher?
Post by: Aslandus on September 14, 2014, 01:39:45 pm
Why do my dwarves refuse to sell artifacts to the merchants?
Post by: ptb_ptb on September 14, 2014, 02:10:10 pm
Why can lungfish climb/jump so damn high?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on September 14, 2014, 02:17:10 pm
Doing so would destroy the world economy. Also, that ruby studded platinum scepter is just right for scratching his back in the bath.Carp, there evolving! I told the
Why can lungfish climb/jump so damn high?
How did a poor puppy stranded outside my fortress just murder a wolf that attempted to eat it, alone and unaided?
Post by: IndigoFenix on September 14, 2014, 04:29:45 pm
Why don't Forgotten Beasts attack each other?
Post by: Aslandus on September 14, 2014, 06:15:16 pm
Why can Dwarves walk through water that has a depth of 3, but can only build in water that is 1 depth?
Post by: Drewigi on September 14, 2014, 07:02:32 pm
How do ghosts die?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 14, 2014, 07:29:43 pm
It was needed and nobody else stepped up
Why do my dwarves refuse to sell artifacts to the merchants?
I actually reclaimed a fortress that had made an artifact slate flute, and when I found it, we were able to sell it to the caravans.
Post by: Aslandus on September 14, 2014, 10:14:21 pm
Because the foundation would erode faster.Ghosts have ectoplasm which falls out if they touch things (the UI doesn't show it, but it's totally there) and if it bleeds, we can kill it
How do ghosts die?
How many crossbow bolts does it take to get to the center of a zombie-sturgeon-pop?
Post by: Playergamer on September 14, 2014, 10:16:36 pm
Post by: arcane on September 14, 2014, 11:09:48 pm
Post by: Girlinhat on September 14, 2014, 11:42:45 pm
How did I get a migration wave that was 1 baby and 3 donkeys?Sounds like apolitical joke
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 15, 2014, 01:36:58 pm
Because the foundation would erode faster.Ghosts have ectoplasm which falls out if they touch things (the UI doesn't show it, but it's totally there) and if it bleeds, we can kill it
How do ghosts die?
How many crossbow bolts does it take to get to the center of a zombie-sturgeon-pop?
Exactly 88.34 licks.
Why do dwarves never go to the infirmary if they have broken thumbs or fingers?
Post by: Vyro on September 28, 2014, 07:04:58 am
And if you can't walk, you are basically dead anyways because dorven healthcare.
How comes that dorven healthcare is so... effective in a certain way...
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 30, 2014, 04:33:21 pm
Canine Kung Fu.
Why don't Forgotten Beasts attack each other?
I actually had a Forgotten Beast kill another Forgotten Beast on my Glacial Tundra Fortress.
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on October 01, 2014, 11:50:37 am
Why dwarves can only transport heavy-as-hell resources only from stockpile to stockpile, but not from stockpile to the workshop?
Post by: fractalman on October 04, 2014, 02:40:44 pm
Why can't I get money to Toady by throwing it at his avatar on my screen? it'd be so much simpler than other online payment methods...
Post by: pisskop on October 04, 2014, 02:43:34 pm
Sounds like a case of stockpile link fail.Firewalls. You have a wall of fire.
Why can't I get money to Toady by throwing it at his avatar on my screen? it'd be so much simpler than other online payment methods...
Why dont dwarves use poisoned traps?
Post by: Iamblichos on October 04, 2014, 05:41:06 pm
Why is the only rock anyone in the fortress wants the one on the other side of the third cavern, miles away from anything else? Not like there aren't giant stockpiles full of it right next to the crafting halls...
Post by: Gentlefish on October 04, 2014, 06:01:53 pm
Why are there goblins in my trees?
Post by: Tacomagic on October 04, 2014, 06:40:25 pm
Because even though it's a shorter walk from the workshop to the stockpile, from over here in the dining hall, that stone is immediately closer to me even though I have to go all the way around the fort to get it.
Why are there goblins in my trees?
Because they're not quite ripe yet. Wait for fall and then they'll be ready to pick.
Why does a collapsing floor suck dwarves toward it?
Post by: Aslandus on October 04, 2014, 07:59:36 pm
Why does the entire ocean freeze in winter?
Post by: flabort on October 04, 2014, 10:05:00 pm
Why do <40 hives not produce enough honey to support >10 dwarves, while >40 hives have reduced output?
Post by: wierd on October 04, 2014, 11:33:22 pm
This is why dwarves totally destroy a hive when they harvest the honey it contains, while a proper apiarist would be able to harvest from a hive without seriously affecting the colony, and also why they cannot have many hives at the same embark site.
Bees are actually quite territorial, and will brutally murder bees from rival hives. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DawgaEjwZ4M)
Because dwarves arent very good at bee keeping, they don't colorize their hives, resulting in reduced honey production when there are large numbers of hive boxes.
Combined, these two factors add up to poor honey production.
How do dwarves "mince" alcohol when they make "roast?"
Post by: 4maskwolf on October 04, 2014, 11:46:22 pm
How do humans not bump their heads trying to enter my underground trade depot that was presumably dug out for creatures the size of dwarves?
Post by: flabort on October 04, 2014, 11:50:44 pm
Why do grapes and strawberries get brewed using a different task then plump helmets and other previous-version-wines?
Post by: 4maskwolf on October 04, 2014, 11:53:03 pm
How, exactly, does one caravan mule carry so much stuff in it?
Post by: Aslandus on October 05, 2014, 06:24:32 pm
Why are elves the only ones that can harvest fruit from trees?
Post by: SlyStalker on October 06, 2014, 02:23:57 am
Why can't engravers engrave an engraving of them engraving an engraving of them engraving an engraving more often? (Inception)
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 06, 2014, 04:13:14 pm
Because elves fail to see the true value of the ultimate crop, the Plump Helmet.Dwarves go insane too much already.
Why can't engravers engrave an engraving of them engraving an engraving of them engraving an engraving more often? (Inception)
How do Dwarves create functional, fully fletched bolts out of solid metal, wood, bone, etc.?
Post by: Aslandus on October 06, 2014, 08:52:10 pm
Why do my dwarves refuse to use the archery targets I set up for them in the dark caves they call home?
Post by: Baffler on October 06, 2014, 09:17:09 pm
Why do the goblins send dozens of raw recruits to attack my fortress? You'd think they would give them at least a few months worth of training first.
Post by: MobRules on October 06, 2014, 09:41:43 pm
Why do dwarves quickly obey any order to pull a lever UNLESS it's an emergency and a drawbridge needs to be raised IMMEDIATELY, in which case they always have something better to do?
Post by: Aslandus on October 07, 2014, 11:01:07 am
Why do kittens only give skulls when butchered?
Post by: FallenAngel on October 07, 2014, 11:16:33 am
Why are Dwarves so similar to cats (not great at obedience, can climb up but not down)?
Post by: Garath on October 07, 2014, 04:27:20 pm
Post by: pisskop on October 07, 2014, 04:43:50 pm
The cat is the next evolutionary step from the beard... or the previous, who knows. Since the beard is what controls most actions on a dwarf, the dwarf exhibits many similaritiesWhy do cats exist without hosts?
Post by: fractalman on October 07, 2014, 10:08:33 pm
Why can't we give a time-dilation device to Toady?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 07, 2014, 10:19:33 pm
Where do the goblins even GET their iron in worlds which lack it?
Post by: ptb_ptb on October 08, 2014, 06:52:49 am
Where do the goblins even GET their iron in worlds which lack it?
They don't. They actually use "I can't believe it's not iron!™"
Fire imp soap is magma proof. How does that even work?
Post by: hops on October 08, 2014, 06:56:35 am
Why does the demons in human civ decide that it's a good idea to come as diplomats in dwarven fortresses and risk getting exterminated?
Post by: Baffler on October 08, 2014, 10:01:49 am
Why can't fortress dwarves make quivers out of anything but leather, but they're commonplace everywhere else?
Post by: Nidilap on October 08, 2014, 10:17:06 am
What's the deal with mist for dwarves?
Post by: fractalman on October 08, 2014, 10:59:24 am
Why hasn't someone managed to use Dwarf Fortress to summon Cthulu?
Post by: FallenAngel on October 08, 2014, 11:16:45 am
Why does it seem to be impossible to carry someone, even by holding them with both hands and the ability to carry well over their weight with one hand?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on October 08, 2014, 01:37:26 pm
-Urist cancels carry Dwarf: The dwarf has soiled itself in the heat of battle.
For the lols, what happens to a dwarf who falls into the eerie glowing pits of hell?
Post by: Nidilap on October 08, 2014, 04:31:41 pm
What happens is after the Adamantine is collected and you open up hell, two things can happen:
1: There will be demons just outside your opening, and they will slaughter your miner, then travel into your fort and hunt down any living creature they find. Alternatively,
2: You will find nothing but Smooth Slade walls, floors and sitch. You will gather a group to investigate, and they will slaughter your expedition group, then travel into your fort and hunt down any living creature they find.
Where do goblins come from?
Post by: Bumber on October 08, 2014, 06:30:13 pm
For the lols, what happens to a dwarf who falls into the eerie glowing pits of hell?They find themselves inexplicably in an endless farm plot of maize. Urist has just found himself on a one-way caravan... into the Twilight Zone. Here he will contemplate the inevitable for time eternal.
Post by: Aslandus on October 09, 2014, 02:16:22 pm
Where do goblins come from?They used to be dwarves, then traded their beards for eternal life. The heretical act caused their skin to turn green and they attack fortresses in an attempt to find beards to replace the ones they lost.
Why can't we make warhammers out of rock?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 11, 2014, 11:56:49 pm
Why don't Dwarves commit actual murder outside of tantrums?
Post by: Max™ on October 12, 2014, 12:15:01 am
They are too heavy to be swung effectively without tiring the user. No proud Dwarf would wield one, yet they will wield a rock sword. Why? I do not know.No noble dwarf would do this, only the most cursed and insane wretches would dare... possibly also needs better emotions from toady doing the rewrite which will hopefully enable crimes of passion.
Why don't Dwarves commit actual murder outside of tantrums?
Why do dwarves depict dogs striking down kobolds/goblins as "The dog is laughing", is my sanity not brutalized enough already?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 12, 2014, 01:36:53 am
Why don't Goblins think it is right to eat sentient creatures, but the Firstborn (the Elves) do?
Post by: wierd on October 12, 2014, 09:12:53 am
Seriously, Goblins spend lots of time with Trolls. Would YOU want to eat a troll? Then you have the "cannibalism" prospect, where goblins are said to have "wretched guts" or something like that, implying that they are altogether non-edible. As a consequence, goblins may be under the mistaken presumption that sentient life is just not fit for eating.
On the flipside, those preening pansies with the long flowing golden locks spend lots of time with giant carnivores, and use their completely self-contradictory "Nature magic" to communicate with same-- Large carnivores have no qualms about eating sentient lifeforms, and coupled with same-said extra-natural animal communication, ALL animal life could be considered "sentient" to elven sensibilities. This results in a kind of inescapable issue concerning meat products, and the "pact with nature" thing. Large carnivores eat meat. Exclusively meat. This means that elves must do one of 2 things: Consider large carnivores inherently evil, (A-La PETA), which destroys the whole "at peace with nature" thing -OR- adopt a utilitarian policy concerning the eating of meat products. It appears that elves have taken the latter approach. Since to elves, basically *ALL* meat is sentient, there isnt a separation between cow and dwarf in that philosophical sense, so, eating sentients that have been killed in "Self-defense" is OK. Going hunting is willful murder of their little animal friends, and is unacceptable. The kind of twisted "logic" that only an elf with their cherry picking confirmation biases (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias) could dream up.
([ETHIC:KILL_ENEMY:ACCEPTABLE] + [ETHIC:KILL_ANIMAL:JUSTIFIED_IF_SELF_DEFENSE] = "All wars are for 'self-defense' reasons, and when other sentients get killed in this way, it is OK. Throw in [ETHIC:TORTURE_AS_EXAMPLE:ACCEPTABLE] and [ETHIC:EAT_SAPIENT_KILL:ACCEPTABLE]-- It suddenly becomes OK for elven sociopaths to go on cannibalistic rampages against other civilizations in the name of "Self-defense".)
Basically, for elves, EVERYTHING about their culture revolves around the pre-concluded notion that that THE ELVEN WAY is infallibly correct, which is why they have to perform mental gymnastics and enforce absurd cultural norms. (Seriously, how do they make all that cloth with this in their ethics file? [ETHIC:KILL_PLANT:UNTHINKABLE] I suspect that elves have this twisted "Dont kill the plant, only just maim it a bit by cutting parts off while it's still alive" exemption. It's the ONLY way they would get bast fiber of sufficient quality to make cloth goods in such prodigious quantities. Maybe it's how those elven sociopaths find their outlet, given these: [ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_INFORMATION:MISGUIDED],[ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_FUN:UNTHINKABLE],[ETHIC:TORTURE_ANIMALS:UNTHINKABLE]. I note the conspicuous lack of "trophy plant" in their raws: [ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_SAME_RACE:UNTHINKABLE], [ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_SAPIENT:UNTHINKABLE], [ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_ANIMAL:UNTHINKABLE])
(Clearly, The large number of clothiers in elven society must be rather telling about them... I would strongly suspect a STRONG correlation between being a clothier, and having a proclivity for being willing to engage in war in elven society. Keep that in mind the next time you consider buying elven fabric.)
Long story short-- Elves are the way they are because they are whackjobs. End of discussion.
Now then-- Where to elves who run foul of their culture's ethics, ( [ETHIC:TREASON:PUNISH_EXILE], [ETHIC:OATH_BREAKING:PUNISH_EXILE], [ETHIC:LYING:PUNISH_EXILE]) go when they get exiled?
Post by: FallenAngel on October 12, 2014, 12:56:05 pm
They also gain the magical ability to grow beards if the civilization they join has them, leading to Elfy McBeardFace mining stone and chopping down trees, and then being conscripted into the military in an anti-treehugger war, then end up killing hundreds of their original civ.
What mystical metabolism system to Goblins and Kobolds use, given that they don't have to eat, to circumvent worldgen issues.
Post by: Chevaleresse on October 12, 2014, 01:11:18 pm
Why do dwarves never realize WHY there are now unowned socks?
Post by: Nidilap on October 12, 2014, 07:35:59 pm
How do necroes get in touch with dark gods?
Post by: MobRules on October 13, 2014, 04:56:57 pm
--- lots of awesome snipped ----
Keep that in mind the next time you consider buying elven fabric.)
Do elven caravans still bring fabric? In 2014, I've seen "Grown" fabric clothing, but no actual fabric. (which is disappointing, since the fabric caravan was the best thing about the elves.)
Post by: Baffler on October 13, 2014, 11:08:36 pm
Who cares, dude? FREE SOCKS!!
How do necroes get in touch with dark gods?
The ritual involves ██████ ████‼█████‼ ██████ carp ███████ ██ ████. Then ████ █ ████ ██ elephant ██████ Obok Meat███ ███ ██ ██████ ██,████ ███████ ██ ████ ███ ██ rock trumpets ███ ██ ████████. ██ ███ ██████ █████████████████ ███ █████ █████ GCS ████ ███ ██ ██████ Armok. ███ ██ ██████ ██ ██████ 12 elven virgins █████████. After that, █████ ███ ███████ ███ ███████. ████ ██████ ██ █████ ██. Finally, █████ ████ ████ goat cheese and dwarven ale. As you can well imagine, the hugely expensive process of ███ ██ ████████ sets a pretty high barrier of entry, explaining the general tendency of Necromancers toward being former nobility. The pure horror of performing the final ████ on the goat cheese deters the rest.
How do magma crabs launch their rocks so quickly?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on October 14, 2014, 06:51:38 am
What is the arena from the point of view of those in it?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 14, 2014, 02:57:11 pm
Kidding, in reality it is all they've ever known. To one who has known better, it would be like the glowing pits of Hell, but they don't know such luxuries. All they have ever known is the horrible pit of death in which overseers test their whims, such as Megabeast pit fights and magma-tree bombs. You can't feel pain if it's all you've ever known.
Why do Trolls follow Goblins? They should not be slaves. They could easily crush them. Why don't they?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 14, 2014, 03:04:02 pm
Why do Trolls follow Goblins? They should not be slaves. They could easily crush them. Why don't they?
And is the same not so for cattle? If they all rose up together, they could overthrow the farmer. But they do not, for it has always been that way. To try and change that would be to change their entire world.
Post by: Rose on October 15, 2014, 08:12:26 am
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 15, 2014, 02:50:29 pm
I should point out here that the last goblin keep I explored was in the middle of an all-out civil war between the goblins and the trolls.The time has come! Quick, we must decide who to fight for. Goblins or Trolls?
Post by: Baffler on October 15, 2014, 03:06:16 pm
Post by: pisskop on October 16, 2014, 07:33:31 am
Trolls, on the other hand, follow goblins because they heard ogres howling about how good it was.
why does one boulder make a flute or a drum?
Post by: ptb_ptb on October 16, 2014, 08:01:51 am
Why does lava only melt ice if it is moving?
Post by: Vyro on October 16, 2014, 07:50:39 pm
How do magma pistons work? Clearly not on Archimedean principle, that's for sure.
Post by: ptb_ptb on October 17, 2014, 05:47:19 am
How do magma pistons work? Clearly not on Archimedean principle, that's for sure.
Quantum tunneling. Dwarf Fortress has really large quanta. It's how mechanisms work.
Soap is made from lye which is made from ash which is made from trees. Just how smelly are elves?
Post by: Aslandus on October 17, 2014, 02:17:38 pm
Why can I have a dozen rotting corpses in my cistern with no difference in the water, but if there's a little bit of mud in the water it causes infections?
Post by: pisskop on October 17, 2014, 11:19:05 pm
Post by: Vyro on October 18, 2014, 12:08:11 am
Why don't those giant green glass pump stacks spontaneously implode upon themselves from the tremendous negative pressure they produce to move hundreds of Urists of liquid rock per second?
Post by: peri609667 on October 18, 2014, 03:17:41 am
Post by: TheHossofMoss on October 18, 2014, 10:26:30 am
So I've just reclaimed the capital in a world where dwarves went extinct in year 24 at the hands of a titan. Currently reclaiming and reorganizing the stockpile level but one of the storerooms is permanently black even after I've explored it. How do I fix this without breaking other things? Picture attached. http://puu.sh/cgQGD/615537cf71.png
I'm not sure about that. I think sending a squad in there will help. Unless that's what you meant by "Explored it" then I don't know.
Is a dwarf in the cage worth more than two in the oak tree?
Post by: Max™ on October 18, 2014, 02:12:10 pm
For me... uh...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Aslandus on October 18, 2014, 04:38:33 pm
Why don't those giant green glass pump stacks spontaneously implode upon themselves from the tremendous negative pressure they produce to move hundreds of Urists of liquid rock per second?They are imploding, but dwarven engineering causes the entire world to implode alongside them so nothing changes
For me... uh...(http://i.imgur.com/9eUJGTs.jpg)watSpoiler (click to show/hide)
hope that explains it
Why do my dwarves keep eating all the raw crops and not the prepared meals the cooks worked so hard to make?
Post by: blazing glory on October 18, 2014, 04:43:38 pm
Why will dwarves forget all about their dead family as long as they have a nice room?
Post by: Max™ on October 18, 2014, 08:26:21 pm
Because no one tells Urist that he doesn't know how to cook.A dwarf brain is only large enough to hold ten thoughts at a time, total, to make sure they don't forget their name they write it on their shirt and pants upside down so they can read it while wearing it, which is why they get so upset when they have to run around naked, it triggers an existential crisis every time they see something new and forget who they are.
Why will dwarves forget all about their dead family as long as they have a nice room?
I feel like that should be "rears up", or "raises up" or "uncoils and prepares to strike" or anything that doesn't imply they have legs... oh dear Armok...For me... uh...(http://i.imgur.com/9eUJGTs.jpg)watSpoiler (click to show/hide)
hope that explains it
Do giant rattlesnakes in fact have legs that we just can't see?
Post by: pisskop on October 18, 2014, 09:55:55 pm
Post by: Aslandus on October 18, 2014, 10:00:38 pm
How do zombie fish walk on land?
Post by: IndigoFenix on October 18, 2014, 11:45:51 pm
How do cats climb perfectly smooth iron block walls without ever falling off?
Post by: Vyro on October 19, 2014, 01:13:46 am
How does one take out a clutch of fifty eggs from under a cave crocodile currently hatching them with all meaty bits still intact?
Post by: Max™ on October 19, 2014, 01:21:31 am
Simple, you get someone else to do it so your meaty bits remain intact, Vyro.
Why is it that the slightest error in considering the height difference between a cistern and well leads to instaflooding by pressurized water, yet having 20 or 30 z columns of magma with a drain at the bottom isn't enough to push the stuff up out of another tube at all... or even really change how quickly it flows?
Post by: XArgon on October 19, 2014, 04:28:42 am
But life was quickly immolated by volcanic eruptions that plagued the unstable world.
Armok shrugged, and, not wanting to waste much time on solving the inner world pressure problem, just gave magma some sentience and made it not want to go up.
So it doesn't.
Unless the dwarves force it up with their pumps. Which usually ends badly for them.
Why would a group of prospectors think a haunted glacier is a fitting place for a settlement?
Post by: Aslandus on October 19, 2014, 09:43:03 am
Why do dwarves get so freaked out about the undead?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 19, 2014, 11:54:15 am
Why do wild animals want my masterwork steel gauntlets?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 19, 2014, 01:57:33 pm
Why don't Boogeymen exist in fortress mode when they kill 70% of early adventurers?
Post by: pisskop on October 19, 2014, 02:04:17 pm
Why wouldn't they want the shiny? They are animals.
Why don't Boogeymen exist in fortress mode when they kill 70% of early adventurers?
Boogeymen are a residual artifact resulting from you taking control of an individual. Such a process unleashes the greatest fears of the poor creature, who longs for death so much that they would rather die at the hands of the greatest fears than endure the torture of being unable to control their own movements. This explains why worldgen adventurers never see them.
If you want bogeymen in fortress mode you need to go to a site and kill bogeymen or get people killed by them, although occasionally masons and metalcrafters will produce statues of them, they are generally ignored by others.
Why haven't I ever seen a statue of a fanciful creature?
Post by: Max™ on October 19, 2014, 07:57:02 pm
How does an animated troll arm kill the forgotten beast which ripped it off of the troll in the first place?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 19, 2014, 09:04:38 pm
Why don't Goblins babysnatch Kobolds?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 19, 2014, 11:43:45 pm
How exactly do you make a functional lockable door out of ROCK?
Post by: Max™ on October 20, 2014, 12:10:46 am
Why is that I can build a magma safe pumps out of nether-cap, I could make water wheels out of nether-cap, and I could route magma past it so it was flowing, but I can't use that to make a magma reactor, would it really be THAT bad an abuse of the laws of the universe for it to work with magma like it does water?
Post by: pisskop on October 20, 2014, 04:28:01 pm
How do night creatures always end up stealing so many kings and queens?
Post by: Bumber on October 20, 2014, 08:16:33 pm
Why is that I can build a magma safe pumps out of nether-cap, I could make water wheels out of nether-cap, and I could route magma past it so it was flowing, but I can't use that to make a magma reactor, would it really be THAT bad an abuse of the laws of the universe for it to work with magma like it does water?The magma sticks to the edges of the cold wheel and solidifies, preventing it from turning.
How do night creatures always end up stealing so many kings and queens?
Post by: Aslandus on October 20, 2014, 11:43:46 pm
Why is leather such weak armor?
Post by: Vyro on October 21, 2014, 12:25:50 pm
Why doesn't building walls build up Masonry skill at all?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on October 21, 2014, 12:46:50 pm
The kings and queens can't resist the charms of the undead... or werebeasts... or boogeymen... or zombies... or whatever else goes bump in the night... Royalty is kinda promiscuous...
Why is leather such weak armor?
It is weak, because it is the skin of an animal placed over your skin.
Will we be able to make the Dwarf Fortress Honey Badger care?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 21, 2014, 04:26:11 pm
Why doesn't Honey Badger care?
Post by: Aslandus on October 21, 2014, 05:05:58 pm
Why doesn't building walls build up Masonry skill at all?It's just brick laying/rock piling, it's not that much of a skill-builder compared to carving bricks and doors out of rock...
Why doesn't Honey Badger care?He used to care, then he lost all his honey, so now Honey Badger is jaded against caring
Why does building an entire fortress out of wood not bother elves, but try to give them one wooden spear and they get mad?
Post by: pisskop on October 21, 2014, 05:11:08 pm
As long as the wood is 'rooted' in the ground they cant tell its not alive, so they think you grew your fort.Why doesn't building walls build up Masonry skill at all?It's just brick laying/rock piling, it's not that much of a skill-builder compared to carving bricks and doors out of rock...Why doesn't Honey Badger care?He used to care, then he lost all his honey, so now Honey Badger is jaded against caring
Why does building an entire fortress out of wood not bother elves, but try to give them one wooden spear and they get mad?
Why cant I cancel a military dwarf's job to store item in bin?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 21, 2014, 07:36:00 pm
Why do trees randomly collapse on my Dwarves when left undisturbed?
Post by: wierd on October 21, 2014, 08:01:18 pm
Dwarfy answer: Elven sabotage. 'nuff said.
why do trees grow on engraved obsidian cast floors?
Post by: Max™ on October 21, 2014, 11:09:37 pm
Why did it take so long for me to realize--they started getting hungry/thirsty midfight--that even a full squad of hammerlords won't be able to kill reanimated sheep head wool and order one of the axe wielders to come finish it back off?
Post by: Aslandus on October 22, 2014, 08:38:11 am
Why do dwarves always want three layers of clothing? Tunic, robe and cloak seems a bit excessive...
Post by: Baffler on October 22, 2014, 04:10:11 pm
Why does magma only transfer heat one tile away from itself (warm stone detected?)
Post by: Max™ on October 22, 2014, 11:56:14 pm
How do stones know a dorf with a pick is thinking of hitting them, and change color the instant you even try to select one of the appropriate options?
Post by: Vyro on October 23, 2014, 01:12:46 am
Are dorven door sentient to allow for such interactions?
Post by: Max™ on October 23, 2014, 06:36:38 am
Are dorven door sentient to allow for such interactions?I think my earlier response about how to lock a stone door is still relevant
Well obviously you make it at least 3 feet thick from the same stone as mechanisms, which gives it a quantum state locker like a weeping angel, except when you look at a dorf door it stops existing, which is why you can put a door between four pillars and it will allow traffic in all four directions. To lock it you just pull a curtain which keeps it from being looked at.
But I would add "kinda", might even be as sentient as a dorf, but nobody is sure if they are sentient or not.
Is it awful that the first thing I thought of after accidentally ressurecting a dorf who had already left behind a skeleton (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=145001.0) is disappointment that they already had a mood, so I'm not sure how to force them to make an artifact out of their own skeleton?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 23, 2014, 04:30:57 pm
Any idea why a dwarf would have no mental problems after being killed, then resurrected?
Post by: Aslandus on October 23, 2014, 05:26:43 pm
How many dwarves does it take to repel a 200 goblin siege?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 23, 2014, 06:47:57 pm
Post by: Max™ on October 23, 2014, 09:27:11 pm
Question: what did Arcvasti ask?
Post by: Aslandus on October 23, 2014, 09:39:14 pm
How much booze can one dwarf drink?
Post by: blazing glory on October 23, 2014, 09:43:03 pm
Why can Dwarf's drink unhealthy amounts of booze and not suffer any side effects?
Post by: Max™ on October 23, 2014, 09:50:45 pm
Why don't engravers get upset that their masterful carvings lining the outside meeting area (to reduce cave adaptation) are under what has to be a foot of vomit?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 23, 2014, 10:30:59 pm
Post by: Max™ on October 23, 2014, 11:19:05 pm
Question: why doesn't Arcvasti ask questions? :D
Post by: Aslandus on October 23, 2014, 11:53:53 pm
What is this Mu you keep using?
Post by: Max™ on October 23, 2014, 11:56:38 pm
Why doesn't animated hair seem capable of harming dorfs or being harmed by them?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 24, 2014, 01:18:29 am
Why the hell do necromancers even bother reanimating hair?
Post by: Max™ on October 24, 2014, 03:27:07 am
Why the hell did I forget that I have a dump for interesting corpses with cage traps to catch the reanimated stuff right above the area I tried to put a farmer's workshop and designate shearing/spinning jobs?
Post by: pisskop on October 24, 2014, 07:35:19 am
Post by: Vyro on October 24, 2014, 11:00:10 am
Why are dorf ghosts all either spineless wimps that don't even bother to notify the residents of their existence, or murderous nutjobs hellbent on ripping everyone's limbs off?
Post by: Aslandus on October 24, 2014, 01:25:09 pm
How many yak hair zombies are needed to train discipline fastest?
Post by: Enchiridion on October 24, 2014, 04:28:28 pm
The ones who aren't either too cowardly to enter the afterlife or too angry to let go of their past life don't come back as ghostsThe yak hair zombies must be proportional to the amount of Dwarf beard hair non-zombies you are willing to train.
How many yak hair zombies are needed to train discipline fastest?
Why do necromancers even bother visiting if they are just gona sightsee?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 24, 2014, 06:13:51 pm
Why do Dwarves have hands when they can clearly do things with their beards?
Post by: Max™ on October 24, 2014, 09:49:16 pm
How can female dorfs do things like engrave stones and separate chemicals by molecular weight even if you haven't re-added their beards?
Post by: fractalman on October 24, 2014, 10:00:15 pm
Because dwarves hven't invented pockets, so they need hands to store stuff.
How can female dorfs do things like engrave stones and separate chemicals by molecular weight even if you haven't re-added their beards?
Haven't you ever heard of virtual particles and black holes? Dwarven female beards act much the same way.
why are the new trees so overpowerdly awesome?
Post by: Vyro on October 25, 2014, 02:35:09 am
Why do the elves dislike menacing spikes decorations on trade junk, even though they throw fits about soap and then come ambush you because of it?
Post by: Enchiridion on October 25, 2014, 03:15:26 am
Speaking of which, who do elves no longer send their tree priest guy at me to complain about how many trees I've cut?
Post by: Max™ on October 25, 2014, 09:15:55 am
Why does it piss the elves off more to break a promise about cutting down trees than it does to have them walk past the arrayed corpses of previous diplomats/merchants and into the waiting arms and axes of my military?
Post by: Aslandus on October 25, 2014, 11:19:21 am
How do elves clear enough space to use wagons for caravans if they never cut down trees?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 25, 2014, 01:15:30 pm
Why are there always so many Elves?
Post by: blazing glory on October 25, 2014, 01:22:52 pm
Why don't creatures eventually die from bruising since it's internal bleeding?
Post by: pisskop on October 25, 2014, 01:24:37 pm
Because they literally grow on trees.Capillaries dont hold much blood
Why don't creatures eventually die from bruising since it's internal bleeding?
Why cant I embark with a herd of elk birds?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 25, 2014, 03:01:37 pm
They'd instantly gore your starting Dwarves. It's too much FUN.Because they literally grow on trees.Capillaries dont hold much blood
Why don't creatures eventually die from bruising since it's internal bleeding?
Why cant I embark with a herd of elk birds?
Why are Trogolytes so pathetic?
Post by: Aslandus on October 25, 2014, 03:50:38 pm
Why does ice become unmeltable when built into walls?
Post by: Vorox on October 25, 2014, 10:09:35 pm
Why don't dwarves drink milk?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 25, 2014, 10:32:09 pm
Post by: Aslandus on October 25, 2014, 11:23:46 pm
How many catapults does it take to beat a ballista?
Post by: StagnantSoul on October 25, 2014, 11:26:42 pm
Post by: Arcvasti on October 25, 2014, 11:30:13 pm
Why do tree roots instantly disappear when you cut the tree?
Post by: StagnantSoul on October 25, 2014, 11:32:50 pm
Post by: Aslandus on October 26, 2014, 12:30:37 am
How many emus does the Mountainhome need?
Post by: StagnantSoul on October 26, 2014, 01:27:30 am
And anywhere between 625-50,625 emus.
Post by: Aslandus on October 26, 2014, 09:54:17 am
Why do my dwarves refuse to do anything with broad beans and peas?
Post by: flabort on October 26, 2014, 12:03:34 pm
Why don't dwarves seem to ever produce grape seeds for planting, despite never ever cooking the grapes?
Post by: wierd on October 26, 2014, 02:12:43 pm
Grape SEEDS arent the problem; Improperly harvesting grape VINES, rather than GRAPES-- THAT's the problem.
See, Dwarves will successfully produce seeds for quite a few fruit crops, but the mystery of how to get those fruits from the resulting plants eludes them. They plant the seeds, bushes or vines grow--- then, dwarves pluck the whole darned bush/vine, before it can make fruit. They then haul the useless bush/vine to the stockpile, where it takes up space forever. The whole "Perennial plant" thing eludes them. "A plant that lives for many years to make fruit!? What sorcery is this!?" and all that.
This is why dwarves continually fail at growing:
Grapes
Raspberries
Blueberries
Blackberries
Cranberries
(...etc...)
Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?
Post by: Bumber on October 27, 2014, 01:50:32 am
Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?It is prophesied that a giant toad will appear in a dwarf's dream and teach them.
Why do dwarves take so much pleasure in good furniture now?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 27, 2014, 06:05:44 am
To offset the amount of horror they feel when sentients die. If they see a Kobold thief run in with a dagger and the military dispatches it, they will be horrified, in spite of the passing threat.Now, how long do you think it will take for them to figure out what "perennial" means?It is prophesied that a giant toad will appear in a dwarf's dream and teach them.
Why do dwarves take so much pleasure in good furniture now?
Why can't Dwarves who have made artifacts go insane?
Post by: Max™ on October 27, 2014, 06:26:10 am
Why was I surprised to have a magma man show up and set my nicely groomed and otherwise fortified pasture on fire?
Post by: pisskop on October 27, 2014, 08:08:58 am
Post by: nekoexmachina on October 27, 2014, 08:24:11 am
Why cooking stuff leaves no seeds?
Post by: Astrid on October 27, 2014, 08:35:31 am
Why does dwarfen alcohol boil away instead of exploding when set on fire?
I want my bombs. :P
Post by: Aslandus on October 27, 2014, 12:00:58 pm
Why does blood keep appearing near the water supply?
Post by: Baffler on October 27, 2014, 12:57:08 pm
It's an early phase of this. (http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-354) I suggest increasing the size of your militia.
Why do goblins, elves, and dwarves always go to live in human towns, but rarely to each other's sites?
Post by: Eric Blank on October 27, 2014, 05:10:06 pm
Why do elves bother exiling their criminals instead of just eating them? Or feeding them to their war bears?
Post by: Ives on October 27, 2014, 06:04:20 pm
Why do elves bother exiling their criminals instead of just eating them? Or feeding them to their war bears?
Free-range meat has become very popular among elven gourmands.
Why does Urist McDumbass not just let go of the 200 pound rock he's carrying and run for safety?
Post by: Aslandus on October 27, 2014, 07:27:37 pm
Why barrels?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 27, 2014, 09:19:50 pm
Urist can't see anything but the rock (it's so big it blocks their vision), they are navigating by memory and can't tell there is anything wrong until they put down the rockI'm not sure. I use rock pots.
Why barrels?
Why Elves, oh Armok?
Post by: wierd on October 27, 2014, 10:11:13 pm
Here's a hint-- THEY DIE EASILY, AND MAKE PEOPLE *WANT* TO KILL THEM.
(and they breed like rabbits)
They are a veritable cornucopia of blood and carnage just WAITING to be taken for all its worth.
You can't be a blood-god without something that makes lots of blood-- and elves certainly make lots of blood. :D
The better question is what was he smoking when he came up with forgotten beasts?
Post by: Arcvasti on October 27, 2014, 10:25:57 pm
Why are there animal people everywhere, and yet they haven't formed even a rudimentary civilization yet?
Post by: Baffler on October 27, 2014, 10:28:09 pm
Why can't hatches be destroyed from below?
Post by: hops on October 28, 2014, 04:17:48 am
How does animated hair even move?
Post by: NomeQueEuLembro on October 28, 2014, 04:37:36 am
How does nethercap never freeze everything around it?
Post by: pisskop on October 28, 2014, 07:47:42 am
Post by: Astrid on October 28, 2014, 08:03:08 am
Why does a cat always run into the Booze stockpile once being set on fire?
Post by: Max™ on October 28, 2014, 10:48:02 am
Why is everything a dorf pukes up the same bright green?
Post by: Aslandus on October 28, 2014, 01:04:50 pm
Why do my grazers get terrified by every giant magpie that flies overhead?
Post by: pisskop on October 28, 2014, 01:08:08 pm
Dwarves gargle green paint between mealsHave you every seen a giant grow fly overhead? Its bigger than a human, and its wingspan has got to be something like 10+ feet. That be scary, yo. And its why I added large predator tags to a lot of the giant flying birds.
Why do my grazers get terrified by every giant magpie that flies overhead?
Why are the oceans so devoid of life?
Post by: Ives on October 28, 2014, 02:18:47 pm
Why are the oceans so devoid of life?
When Armok had first parted the earth and the seas, he had waited patiently for the sea creatures to make the first cautious steps onto the land. Yet the creatures preferred to stay in water on account of forgotten beasts, megabeasts, evil biomes, good biomes, fat-melting rain, blood rain, syndrome rain, undeath, boogeymen, vampirism, lycanthropy, felinethropy, caninethropy, ursathropy, proboscidathropy, - well, you get the idea. Enraged that his blessings were thus spurned, Armok had increased the sea temperature by 50 (F, then C), until even the most stubborn of whales beached themselves.
Why is crutchwalking considered a skill among dwarves?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 28, 2014, 02:58:36 pm
Why is misc. object user a skill? How can you learn to use every object in the world that just isn't associated with another skill universally?
Post by: Aslandus on October 28, 2014, 07:26:23 pm
Step 2: cause damage
Step 3: profit
Really, it's just weapons that are too persnickety to associate with the proud miscellaneous objects of the world
Why do dwarven mother soldiers insist on carrying babies to battle?
Post by: wierd on October 28, 2014, 07:37:56 pm
Dwarves do not appear to lactate, as they do not appear to have any mammary tissues defined in the raws to substantiate the production of this nutritional source. This clearly indicates a more direct parasitical relationship, which explains why female dwarves are able to "hold" their infant while having both hands engaged in brutal combat, or otherwise occupied.
Once the offspring reach 1 year of age, the parastic phase ends, and the ambulatory menace stage begins, and persists for another 11 years.
After this 1 year point, mothers need to be monitored, as they have been sensitized to their reproductive partner's sprorulent emissions, and will continue to bear offspring as long as the male counterpart remains alive. (The spores are very tenacious things, by all accounts. Levels of separation capable of containing even forgotten beast deadly dust syndrome infections are no match for dwarven reproductive spores.) Additionally, some appear to be more strongly sensitized than others, and will bear many times as many offspring within any given sample interval given enough time to measure and establish trends.
While some overseers consider the parasitical stage dwarf offspring to be a valuable "Added layer of protection", others consider this practice abhorrent, and callous. Your mileage may vary.
Why hasn't toady implemented temporary sterility on an ingested syndrome for some surface plant types yet? This would resolve the issue nicely.
Post by: Max™ on October 28, 2014, 10:24:06 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why did Toady make beardless females the default?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on October 28, 2014, 10:54:42 pm
NOTE: Dwarven mothers could also possibly have an ability to regurgitate food that males cannot to feed young. It's possible.
How do any Dwarves survive when DF players take care of them?
Post by: Max™ on October 29, 2014, 12:14:20 am
What do the caravans do with what must be fourty tons of large serrated discs that I've sold them, rather than the items they suggest, because dammit I forgot what any of it was and checking the civ screen to see is just annoying, so here's another five or six exceptional to masterful silver discs... anyways, is there just like a huge pile of them at the mountainhome?
Post by: Aslandus on October 29, 2014, 08:30:59 am
Why does mountainhome keep making import orders for food and medical equipment?
Post by: Baffler on October 29, 2014, 09:13:32 am
Why don't the humans or elves send a liaison to make trade agreements?
Post by: pisskop on October 29, 2014, 09:13:22 pm
Post by: Aslandus on October 30, 2014, 10:44:36 am
Why do wombats enter the map alone?
Post by: taptap on October 30, 2014, 03:04:47 pm
Post by: pisskop on October 30, 2014, 03:09:43 pm
Why do I have natural bee colonies in an embark stripped of any above-ground vegetation and completely covered in pools of horrid slush with laces of vomit?you sir, have never been to a children's outdoor party in the summer. Bees LOVE vomit.
But for future reference, please answer the question above before asking your own. Otherwise we'd (almost) never get answers
Quote
Why do wombats enter the map alone?
Post by: wierd on October 30, 2014, 03:33:04 pm
How exactly do the kobolds manage to get so many copper daggers?
Post by: Aslandus on October 30, 2014, 06:39:40 pm
Why doesn't anyone use plates of any sort?
Post by: Max™ on October 31, 2014, 02:34:39 am
What would possess a pair of blind cave ogres to leave their nice dank caverns and try to scale the inside of an empty volcano (50+ z levels), only to be beaten to death by a bunch of unarmed dorfs at the top? How did they even climb that far without being able to see?
Post by: wierd on October 31, 2014, 07:03:52 am
The blind cave ogres could not handle the horridly loud and boisterous laughter coming from said dwarves on the rim of said volcano, as the blind cave ogres have fully adapted to the near complete darkness and deadly silence of the deep caverns, and utilize echo location to find their way. They just wanted to come up and ask politely that the new neighbors "please keep it down", but your dwarves being what they are, chopped first and asked questions later-- blind cave ogres scaling the inside of a volcano to come after them and all.
How many dwarves does it take to get to the center of the candy cane?
Post by: blazing glory on October 31, 2014, 08:19:09 am
How does the overseer have the ability to be completely isolated in [REDACTED] and still manage to see almost everything happening in the Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: wierd on October 31, 2014, 08:35:42 am
"It's so dreamy--
Oh fantasy FREE ME!
No, you can't see me;
No. Not at all."
"In another dimension,
With voyeuristic intention--
Well secluded; I see all."
"With a bit of a mind flip,
then you're into the time slip,
and nothing, will ever be the same..."
It's just very important to stay away from the bottom of the candy mountain, because that's where FrankFurter lives.
He'll make you
Now, isn't that better?
Post by: pisskop on October 31, 2014, 08:58:28 am
Post by: StagnantSoul on October 31, 2014, 09:01:08 am
Why are throwing picks not a thing yet?
Post by: Aslandus on October 31, 2014, 01:48:40 pm
Why won't my dwarves make chili out of the beasties that get caught in my serrated disk trap room?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on October 31, 2014, 09:41:09 pm
Why can't dwarves catch fish larger than vermin?
Post by: blazing glory on October 31, 2014, 09:55:37 pm
Why don't Dwarves use fishing rods or some other contraption instead of their hands?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on October 31, 2014, 10:18:04 pm
Why doesn't the SMR destroy magma?
Post by: Foxite on November 01, 2014, 09:44:20 am
Why is it harder for an entire fortress of trained soldiers to kill a sponge than it is for them to kill 100 demons?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 01, 2014, 09:45:27 am
Can sponge demons be killed?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 01, 2014, 03:54:06 pm
Why are there sponge Demons, are they the descendants of Spongebob?
Post by: Bumber on November 01, 2014, 04:13:44 pm
What would possess a pair of blind cave ogres to leave their nice dank caverns and try to scale the inside of an empty volcano (50+ z levels), only to be beaten to death by a bunch of unarmed dorfs at the top? How did they even climb that far without being able to see?I couldn't help but think of this short story (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Country_of_the_Blind), even if it's only tangentially related.
Why are there sponge Demons, are they the descendants of Spongebob?Yes. There are also squirrel, crab, and tentacle demons.
Why are there no sea star demons?
Post by: Foxite on November 01, 2014, 04:32:54 pm
I'm sure there are, given that starfish are in the raws.What would possess a pair of blind cave ogres to leave their nice dank caverns and try to scale the inside of an empty volcano (50+ z levels), only to be beaten to death by a bunch of unarmed dorfs at the top? How did they even climb that far without being able to see?I couldn't help but think of this short story (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Country_of_the_Blind), even if it's only tangentially related.Why are there sponge Demons, are they the descendants of Spongebob?Yes. There are also squirrel, crab, and tentacle demons.
Why are there no sea star demons?
How can 1 demon cut through 100 (untrained) dwarves when they can't cut through a wall made out of Realgar(very soft stone)?
Post by: wierd on November 01, 2014, 04:36:24 pm
Typically, dwarves enter via doorways, but are also known to use hatches and floodgates from time to time, and are also known to traverse bridges.
That's how dwarves typically come anyway.
How many dwarves does it take to pull a lever?
Post by: Max™ on November 01, 2014, 05:14:24 pm
Why is it that I can sit and basically beg dorfs to haul things i actually want moved, but even if I forbid cooking of various egg types, the instant I let them into the nest box room they ninja snatch all the eggs?
Post by: pisskop on November 01, 2014, 05:17:04 pm
All of them, one holds on to the lever and nothing else, the rest grab the ground and start running in the appropriate direction.You arent doing it right. You have to pasture mothers into their own room with a door and nest box. Lock them in forevermore, and only let them out when they make babies.
Why is it that I can sit and basically beg dorfs to haul things i actually want moved, but even if I forbid cooking of various egg types, the instant I let them into the nest box room they ninja snatch all the eggs?
Why isnt there a global 'egg et al' collection setting like there is for corpses?
Post by: Bumber on November 01, 2014, 06:22:32 pm
I'm sure there are, given that starfish are in the raws.Not that I can see. I think Patrick was too busy watching TV under his rock to have descendants. (And all he would have had to do was cut off a limb to reproduce.)
How can 1 demon cut through 100 (untrained) dwarves when they can't cut through a wall made out of Realgar(very soft stone)?All rocks and soils are protected with a magical barrier that requires a pickaxe to breach.
Why isnt there a global 'egg et al' collection setting like there is for corpses?
Post by: Aslandus on November 01, 2014, 08:50:38 pm
Why do pond turtles count as fish?
Post by: klefenz on November 01, 2014, 09:09:35 pm
Why do pond turtles count as fish?
Because you can fish them.
Why do some dwarves feel interested about every piece of furniture around them?
Post by: wierd on November 02, 2014, 12:54:49 am
Wont somebody think of the children!?
Post by: Gentlefish on November 02, 2014, 01:07:52 am
Because they are voyeurists, (Note, You cant spell voyeurist, without "urist"!) watching the other half experience "Pleasure" near same-said furniture. It's like they have no inhibitions at all!We think about the children all the time (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=140588.0)!
Wont somebody think of the children!?
Why can dwarves reach two spaces above them into a tree on a stepladder but only one without?
Post by: Max™ on November 02, 2014, 01:22:10 am
Wait, how do they do that?
Post by: Foxite on November 02, 2014, 03:50:47 am
How come female dwarves can get pregnant when they never seem to have any kind of sexual intercourse with male dwarves?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 03:53:20 am
Given how much spores there are in the world of DF, how does anyone breath?
Post by: Foxite on November 02, 2014, 05:10:29 am
How do dwarves engrave masterful images of cats in magnetite walls without needing any kind of tool?
Post by: Chevaleresse on November 02, 2014, 05:24:01 am
Why do dwarves migrate to a fortress in the middle of nowhere and then whine about missing their 44 cousins?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 05:32:00 am
Why do dwarves even move to a place in the middle of nowhere in the first place?
Post by: Foxite on November 02, 2014, 06:15:13 am
How was the first anvil made?
(next post == 3000st reply xD )
Post by: blazing glory on November 02, 2014, 06:19:18 am
Armok taught a Dwarf the legendary art of stone anvil making, he made a masterwork stone anvil, and dwarves made many metal anvils from it, but now, both the Dwarf and the anvil have been lost to the ages.
Why can't dwarves make stone anvils?
Post by: Foxite on November 02, 2014, 06:43:45 am
Why is it possible for mayors to convict a DEAD dwarf who died while completing their mandate?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 09:20:28 am
Why are mayors still in place even with barons and dukes?
Post by: Max™ on November 02, 2014, 10:12:58 am
Why don't people like the explanation that the first world was seeded with anvils, killing everyone, necessitating the creation of a second world with anvils left lying around here and there, at which point Armok decided he liked this world creation stuff and kept going?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 11:00:15 am
Are anvils truly living creatures?
Post by: Foxite on November 02, 2014, 11:49:22 am
You can channel on brooks? How does that work?
Post by: Max™ on November 02, 2014, 07:01:24 pm
How does a 40x40 floor of soil support itself by one corner?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 08:00:01 pm
Why can't you chop a dwarf's beard off in Adventure Mode?
Post by: Max™ on November 02, 2014, 08:12:24 pm
Where do engravings go when you toggle the visibility off?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 09:02:35 pm
Why do dwarves not mind standing next to an ocean getting soaked by waves all day long, but the moment a drop of rain touches them they complain?
Post by: Max™ on November 02, 2014, 09:11:14 pm
How do dorfs sleep outside without choking on their own vomit?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 02, 2014, 09:20:08 pm
Why do dwarves even want sleep outside like those filthy elves?
Post by: Aslandus on November 03, 2014, 12:27:02 am
Why can't beds be made out of anything but wood?
Post by: 20firebird on November 03, 2014, 01:19:26 am
Why is everyone here crazy??
Post by: blazing glory on November 03, 2014, 01:27:40 am
Why don't children cooperate with child care?
Post by: Sheb on November 03, 2014, 01:33:03 am
How come the goblins are winning all their sieges post-worldgen?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 03, 2014, 08:57:54 am
What happened to the goblin military in adventure mode?
Post by: Foxite on November 03, 2014, 10:04:16 am
Why can worldgen civs send scouts and expand their territory to epic proportions when an intelligent player can't?
(I seriously feel like answering my own question here - The player may be intelligent, but dwarves aren't.)
Post by: Aslandus on November 03, 2014, 01:00:17 pm
How big is a dwarven portion of food, since they can go months without eating more than a single meal?
Post by: Foxite on November 03, 2014, 01:40:59 pm
It would be too easy to take over the world, the player must be limited in some way to be fair to the rest of the worldScrew that, this is a simulation, not a balanced game XD
Post by: Sheb on November 03, 2014, 01:41:54 pm
Where do the atomsmashed stuff goes?
Post by: Foxite on November 03, 2014, 01:43:29 pm
Not big, but nutrient are quantum stockpiled in it.Since the atoms are smashed, they are disintegrated. The electrons, protons, neutrons go somewhere into the air.
Where do the atomsmashed stuff goes?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 03, 2014, 01:56:28 pm
How do dorfs breathe if there is no air? How can they suffocate or drown if there is no air in the first place!?
Post by: Foxite on November 03, 2014, 03:12:12 pm
Why does it take longer for a dwarf of any skill level including legendary +30 to make a stone wall than it is for a completely untrained mason to make a rock table?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 03, 2014, 03:56:57 pm
Why are they undead soooo powerful? One living corpse slaughtered my pair of hammer lords single-handedly.
Post by: wierd on November 03, 2014, 04:12:03 pm
Now, how exactly can an animated skeleton move, given that it has no connective tissues at all with which to perform such ambulatory activities?
Post by: Slogo on November 03, 2014, 04:51:59 pm
In order to destroy the undead, you have to render the corpse into a state that is no longer capable of mounting any kind of offensive. Also, they do not experience true pain, nor true fear, and being already dead they do not experience any sense of mortal peril. The only thing that undead feel is a compulsion to destroy the living. As such, destroying the undead requires more studious application of the finer parts of the dwarven martial arts than does say, dispatching a kobold thief, or a goblin snatcher.
Now, how exactly can an animated skeleton move, given that it has no connective tissues at all with which to perform such ambulatory activities?
The undead have vastly improved strength as well and are quite capable of smashing through iron or steel armor or ripping limbs from sockets with a single bare hand.
My best advice for undead is a combination of hacking (axes) and pulping (hammers). The less body parts the corpse has the easier it is to pulp, even if having a bunch of re-animated hands around is a bit dangerous.
But then again... how can a severed arm can grab something with its "upper arm"?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 03, 2014, 08:20:27 pm
Now, how exactly can an animated skeleton move, given that it has no connective tissues at all with which to perform such ambulatory activities?
Post by: Aslandus on November 04, 2014, 12:08:23 am
Why is everything on fire?
Post by: Max™ on November 04, 2014, 01:03:29 am
Where do these clouds of dwarf or elf or goblin blood form?
Post by: Bumber on November 04, 2014, 01:15:40 am
Dwarves are much like pen and paper RPG players, if you want something on fire, simply placing it in their vicinity will serve.That's where cleaned-up blood puddles go.
Where do these clouds of dwarf or elf or goblin blood form?
How can some dwarves feel nothing about the death of a wagon?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 04, 2014, 03:54:10 am
Why hasn't a great monument to all of wagon-kind been built yet?
Post by: Rose on November 04, 2014, 06:39:00 am
They are cruel, heartless creatures.
Why hasn't a great monument to all of wagon-kind been built yet?
On it.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 04, 2014, 08:37:26 pm
If animal cheese is made from animal milk, how is plant cheese made?
Post by: Max™ on November 04, 2014, 08:50:50 pm
Why do I know this?
Post by: Aslandus on November 04, 2014, 09:11:30 pm
Why do the dwarven caravans carry gremlin tears and blood from every animal?
Post by: Ives on November 04, 2014, 09:32:50 pm
Why do the dwarven caravans carry gremlin tears and blood from every animal?
Well, you see, lil'Urist, when mommy and daddy start arguing a lot, and daddy gets sad because his plump helmet is wilting, mommy goes to the Trade Depot and brings back special medicine to make everything better.
Why do my dwarves lose attributes so quickly?
Post by: Urist_McArathos on November 04, 2014, 09:38:12 pm
How can the elves count how many mushrooms trees we've cut down?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 04, 2014, 09:54:37 pm
Why don't elves cry when they see a tree being cut down?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 06, 2014, 11:32:32 pm
Why do children kidnapped by Goblins never rebel against their captors?
Post by: Aslandus on November 07, 2014, 12:54:43 am
How do dwarves manage to dig even the toughest of materials with a copper pick?
Post by: wierd on November 07, 2014, 12:59:46 am
What argument could a demon POSSIBLY make to claim a leadership position of a goblin civilization, through "Force of argument"?
Post by: Deon on November 07, 2014, 02:24:47 am
Where do bogeymen go when a cock sings?
Post by: Gentlefish on November 07, 2014, 04:34:46 am
Spoiler: I'm sorry answer (click to show/hide)
How can a dwarf feel triumphant of its own death? More importantly, why?
Post by: Deon on November 07, 2014, 07:25:51 am
Why do dwarves think that most of the events are inevitable?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 07, 2014, 09:50:14 am
Why do other races think that most of the events are inevitable?
Post by: thegoatgod_pan on November 07, 2014, 11:40:28 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Apparently, my fort has moved up in the world. The farms are covered in cobwebs. Literally. of the giant variety.
Post by: Aslandus on November 07, 2014, 12:05:15 pm
So I came back for the latest version and started messing around with setting up forts and later reclaiming them. This is what greets me on reclaim of my first fort:I think you got the wrong thread...Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Apparently, my fort has moved up in the world. The farms are covered in cobwebs. Literally. of the giant variety.
When you live in a fortress where a mad, unseen overseer tries to practice !!SCIENCE!! on you and do unspeakable acts beyond imagination, you kinda learn to have a "take-it-as-it-goes" mentality to life.Their civilizations have lived too long, seen to much to believe anything cannot and will not happen...
Why do other races think that most of the events are inevitable?
Why do grazing animals feel the need to get into fights over patches of grass when they have a whole field to graze on?
Post by: Parhelion on November 07, 2014, 02:31:33 pm
How can dwarves engrave stone and gather sand without tools, but require a pick to break the magical barrier protecting soil and stone?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 08, 2014, 05:28:04 am
When a live creature is dropped from a great height, it explodes. When a dead body is dropped from a great height, it just caves someone's skull in. Why?
Post by: Aslandus on November 08, 2014, 10:25:36 am
Why does blood never wash off walls?
Post by: miauw62 on November 08, 2014, 10:37:42 am
Why do werecreatures never get thirsty or hungry?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 08, 2014, 04:46:21 pm
Why do werebeasts buddy up with others afflicted by the same curse, but not by other werebeast curses, even if the same deity is responsible for their situation? They're all competition, after all.
Post by: Aslandus on November 08, 2014, 04:54:45 pm
Why do werebeasts only stick around a fortress for about three kills then turn back into their normal form and flee?
Post by: Max™ on November 08, 2014, 06:35:37 pm
Why is that the first thing which came to mind?
Post by: Aslandus on November 08, 2014, 06:52:36 pm
Why do I think it's accurate?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 08, 2014, 10:41:12 pm
Why do necromancers always leave their family when they learn the secrets, instead of sharing the love?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 09, 2014, 12:53:27 am
How does DF math look like?
Post by: Lemunde on November 09, 2014, 06:26:03 am
Why is dwarf vomit blue?
Post by: Max™ on November 09, 2014, 07:45:16 am
1g / 10s = 9gpBecause you need to adjust your monitor.
Why is dwarf vomit blue?
What is miasma?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 09, 2014, 09:41:49 am
Why are nobles purple?
Post by: Graknorke on November 09, 2014, 10:18:25 am
How do elves wash without soap?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 09, 2014, 10:34:37 am
Why hasn't someone thought of dropping children on invaders?
Post by: miauw62 on November 09, 2014, 10:42:14 am
Why do female invaders not carry babies?
Post by: Graknorke on November 09, 2014, 10:53:49 am
Where do atomsmashed objects go?
Post by: pisskop on November 09, 2014, 11:54:27 am
Because they're not dwarves.The constituent parts are used for Forgotten Beasts and titan, as well as their extracts
Where do atomsmashed objects go?
Why does spitting train the throw skill?
Post by: Foxite on November 09, 2014, 03:01:38 pm
Why do military dwarves explicitly need a specifically designated target to train, when a random idiot in a village who lost his own mind to you only needs to shoot bolts around for 5 minutes to get from 0 xp to proficient?
Post by: Aslandus on November 09, 2014, 04:17:53 pm
Why do military dwarves try to grab equipment even when the enemies they are supposed to fight are between them and the gear?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 10, 2014, 10:10:26 am
Why isn't there magnetism?
Post by: NomeQueEuLembro on November 10, 2014, 10:22:27 am
Why some dwarves get "guilty" by being able to rest?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 10, 2014, 11:10:22 am
How can tame animals take up professions?
Post by: Button on November 10, 2014, 01:29:28 pm
How do trees stay standing after you mine away their roots?
Post by: Foxite on November 10, 2014, 01:44:59 pm
Why can I never make up any questions but am eager to answer others?
Post by: pisskop on November 10, 2014, 01:51:26 pm
When vampires lay down oppressive mandates, how come they dont change their civilizations ethics?
Post by: wierd on November 10, 2014, 01:53:46 pm
Is there a reason why my fortress has over 100 residents, has only 1 married couple, and there are no children?
Post by: Urist_McArathos on November 10, 2014, 06:57:42 pm
Why is it dwarves are more distressed by the fact that they haven't seen their cousin in three months than the fact the well is tainted with vampire and werewolf blood?
Post by: Aslandus on November 10, 2014, 07:35:37 pm
Why won't any of the other civs start a sliver barb industry even when I sell them the seeds?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 11, 2014, 06:07:23 am
Why do GCS have webs and paralytic venom?
Post by: danmanthedog on November 11, 2014, 07:52:47 am
Why can werepangolin take an iron axe to the face and live?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 11, 2014, 09:22:19 am
Why isn't there such a thing as a werecarp?
Post by: Foxite on November 11, 2014, 10:16:33 am
Why did it take 2 years for 40.01 to get released when there is now an update every 2 weeks?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 11, 2014, 10:34:55 am
Why are FBs at times ridiculously easy to kill, while at other times nigh indestructible?
Post by: Bumber on November 11, 2014, 08:37:41 pm
Why are FBs at times ridiculously easy to kill, while at other times nigh indestructible?FBs are like a bin of artifact crafts. You never know what you're gonna get.
Why are we in the right in all matters?
Post by: pisskop on November 11, 2014, 08:43:43 pm
Why isn't dwarven cheese what I expected it to be?
Post by: Aslandus on November 11, 2014, 08:54:39 pm
Because it is the lowest adder on the step of authority. Implied and spoken authority. Dont make them do more.Dwarves don't understand cheese very well, they assume any coagulated milk product counts as cheese, including the milk-like substance that oozes off cave maggots...
Why isn't dwarven cheese what I expected it to be?
Why do so many dwarves know how to make cheese?
Post by: Baffler on November 11, 2014, 09:00:49 pm
Why do my dwarves usually ignore wildlife now? A group of squirrel men just paraded themselves through the outdoor meeting area and the only thing that cared in the slightest was a random dog, who tore one of the squirrel men to shreds and ignored the rest.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 12, 2014, 05:12:56 am
Whuch part of the body does a dwarf carry something on when the item is labelled "Hauled"?
Post by: Max™ on November 12, 2014, 07:22:25 am
Why would a healthy dorf with no obstructions or active jobs or anything else preventing them from actually being able to come back inside, instead choose to sleep outside and complain about it rather than walk thirty steps back to their royal bedroom?
Post by: Foxite on November 12, 2014, 08:24:53 am
Can't think of a good question, next guy will be asking. :(
Post by: Bumber on November 12, 2014, 08:50:24 am
Whuch part of the body does a dwarf carry something on when the item is labelled "Hauled"?I think the serious answer is upper body (going off adventure mode.)
What do creatures who don't have beards strap their hauled items to themselves with?
Post by: miauw62 on November 12, 2014, 08:54:57 am
Post by: Aslandus on November 12, 2014, 09:39:23 am
What do creatures who don't have beards strap their hauled items to themselves with?Their chins and teeth. It's a lot less efficient.
What do creatures that don't have upper bodies use to haul items?
Post by: pisskop on November 12, 2014, 10:34:25 am
Why can an adventurer with scarred hands throw items and put them into backpacks but not hold them?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 12, 2014, 10:39:08 am
Where does this magic come from?
Post by: pisskop on November 12, 2014, 10:42:01 am
Why does light scarring destroy the ability of the hands?
Post by: Foxite on November 12, 2014, 12:37:05 pm
necromancy. :|Are you confusing dwarves with elves? You know very well that dwarves aren't pussies like that.
Why does light scarring destroy the ability of the hands?
What does to mountainhome do with all those goblets? As in do they DRINK from it?! Real dwarves drink from a barrel.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 12, 2014, 08:38:56 pm
Why is it that Dwarven world-gen sites have all manners of forges, clothier shops and looms, but not a trace of a farm plot anywhere?
Post by: Tawa on November 12, 2014, 08:53:29 pm
Worldgen dorfs are completely immune to the effects of famine and only die glorious deaths of old age and in battle.
Why is it that dwarves have an entire stat for musicality but the only music in the game is the background guitar?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 12, 2014, 09:01:40 pm
Why aren't you told about your dwarves' pregnancies?
Post by: Aslandus on November 12, 2014, 09:08:21 pm
How do dwarves brew alcohol so fast?
Post by: Max™ on November 12, 2014, 09:17:49 pm
*Ninja'd* Because a dorflet birthing event is more similar to that of a kangaroo or panda, with a tiny poorly formed
The event shown in game as a birth is just when they get large enough to fall out of the beard, explaining how you can have fully armored soldiers give birth mid-battle.
Why doesn't the world ever run out of vermin, I've watched cats kill what must be thousands of lizards and hamsters, how can the vermin population survive in places where kittens aren't slaughtered immediately after being born?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 12, 2014, 10:24:52 pm
Why are dead vermin purple?
Post by: Max™ on November 12, 2014, 11:42:13 pm
Why did all of that make sense to me?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 13, 2014, 01:46:49 am
What's the difference between flooding one's fort with sea water and flooding one's fort with river water?
Post by: fredigar on November 13, 2014, 02:40:24 am
Post by: Rose on November 13, 2014, 03:55:28 am
Post by: hops on November 13, 2014, 03:57:15 am
Why are dwarves in a scorching embark area perfectly fine until droplets of rain hit them, in which they then start melting? Shouldn't they already be melting before it even rained?
Post by: Rose on November 13, 2014, 04:00:59 am
Why can I never keep playing a fortress for more than a couple years ingame?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 13, 2014, 04:22:31 am
Why does the uninvited guest I've got in a cage not need to eat?
Post by: Aslandus on November 13, 2014, 08:14:16 am
Why do animal men keep coming onto the map even though I keep killing them?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 13, 2014, 10:11:04 am
Why hasn't the glowing eerie pits been weaponised?
Post by: Foxite on November 13, 2014, 11:18:09 am
There's a reason why dwarves are moving out of the Mountainhomes.I'm going to sig this... I'll probably have to get rid of my other two quotes but I'm going to do it XD
Post by: Foxite on November 13, 2014, 11:25:49 am
It's a stage in the life cycle of the plump helmet fungus. They infest vermin corpses due to their being small enough to be shaded by grass and such, much like they infest corpses and food left in the dark to rot, producing clouds of spores. These spores interfere with dorf reproductive spores and have become associated with frustration and disgust, hence why they are called miasma and make dorfs sick. If left alone long enough they will take up root as plump helmet plants which then send out spores into the local environment in an attempt to find other corpses to decompose. When they are unable to do so they enter a new stage in the life cycle wherein they grow limbs and are known as plump helmet men, which move around until they find a suitable area and upon death provide food for more vermin.Sir that's the best post in this thread - no, in this whole forum.
Why did all of that make sense to me?
Post by: Max™ on November 13, 2014, 05:01:11 pm
Post by: Thisfox on November 13, 2014, 09:49:36 pm
Why hasn't the glowing eerie pits been weaponised?
Attempts have been made. No one was left to report on the results. So presumably, it worked, they have been weaponised!
Why do I have named unicorn blood flowing through my dwarfwash?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 14, 2014, 01:31:13 am
Yay I got sigged!There's a reason why dwarves are moving out of the Mountainhomes.I'm going to sig this... I'll probably have to get rid of my other two quotes but I'm going to do it XD
Why do I have named unicorn blood flowing through my dwarfwash?It shows your dwarves are mighty enough to slay such a fell beast as a unicorn. Take pride!(and more importantly: How can I get rid of it?)
Has anyone tried importing unicorns from the elves into evil biomes for the sole purpose of attaining unicorn zombies?
Post by: Foxite on November 14, 2014, 11:19:06 am
Why don't the elves bring liaisons?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 14, 2014, 07:51:24 pm
What exactly are Trade Depots?
Post by: Thisfox on November 14, 2014, 10:56:48 pm
What does an aquifer smell of?
Post by: Max™ on November 15, 2014, 12:46:33 am
Why do so many people put a "w" and an "a" in "dorf"?
Post by: Arcvasti on November 15, 2014, 12:50:37 am
Why can't dragons fly?
Post by: klefenz on November 15, 2014, 01:13:17 am
Why can't dragons fly?
Turns out their body is too heavy for their wings.
Why do dragons attack dwrven fortresses when there is nothing but XXsockXXs inside?
Post by: Arcvasti on November 15, 2014, 01:21:01 am
What exactly does gnomeblight DO?
Post by: Max™ on November 15, 2014, 02:34:47 am
Wait, what the hell is a gnomeb?
Post by: Foxite on November 15, 2014, 05:30:22 am
Why does time in fortress mode go so damn fast? Like it takes one day for a normal dwarf to take 20 steps :/
Post by: Thisfox on November 15, 2014, 05:38:18 am
What is the most dangerous plant in Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: McDonald on November 15, 2014, 06:39:46 am
It's a stage in the life cycle of the plump helmet fungus. They infest vermin corpses due to their being small enough to be shaded by grass and such, much like they infest corpses and food left in the dark to rot, producing clouds of spores. These spores interfere with dorf reproductive spores and have become associated with frustration and disgust, hence why they are called miasma and make dorfs sick. If left alone long enough they will take up root as plump helmet plants which then send out spores into the local environment in an attempt to find other corpses to decompose. When they are unable to do so they enter a new stage in the life cycle wherein they grow limbs and are known as plump helmet men, which move around until they find a suitable area and upon death provide food for more vermin.
Should I start playing DF?
Post by: Illogical_Blox on November 15, 2014, 08:41:46 am
Plump helmets.Yes, or else the dwarves shall rise up and transform you into !!McDonald!! for the heresy of not doing so.It's a stage in the life cycle of the plump helmet fungus. They infest vermin corpses due to their being small enough to be shaded by grass and such, much like they infest corpses and food left in the dark to rot, producing clouds of spores. These spores interfere with dorf reproductive spores and have become associated with frustration and disgust, hence why they are called miasma and make dorfs sick. If left alone long enough they will take up root as plump helmet plants which then send out spores into the local environment in an attempt to find other corpses to decompose. When they are unable to do so they enter a new stage in the life cycle wherein they grow limbs and are known as plump helmet men, which move around until they find a suitable area and upon death provide food for more vermin.
Should I start playing DF?
Why do Kobolds steal almost exclusively bone, stone & wood jewelry?
Post by: Aslandus on November 15, 2014, 10:03:59 am
Why do my dwarves keep walking while they vomit, spreading it over the entire entryway?
Post by: Illogical_Blox on November 15, 2014, 01:26:30 pm
They've never seen glass, metal or gems before except for their copper daggers, so they assume they have some kind of cursed demonic power that they can avoid by going for the more familiar materialsThey want the elves to share in its green glory. Or, dwarves are so used to it (drunkeness) that they just don't pay it any attention.
Why do my dwarves keep walking while they vomit, spreading it over the entire entryway?
Why do dwarves feel the need to collect the fallens' socks?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 15, 2014, 07:08:11 pm
How do the dwarves get a staircase carved from fucking sand to hold its shape?
Post by: Max™ on November 15, 2014, 07:40:03 pm
Did I just invent vomit-cement?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 15, 2014, 07:44:37 pm
How the hell did I get otter blood in my aquifer?
Post by: pisskop on November 15, 2014, 07:56:45 pm
With no such thing as nipples, how do dwarves milk anything?
Post by: Orange Wizard on November 15, 2014, 08:07:32 pm
Should I start playing DF?You haven't already?
Why has MacDonwald not started playing DF?
Post by: Tawa on November 15, 2014, 08:30:19 pm
With no such thing as nipples, how do dwarves milk anything?They tear the animal's mammaries open with their bare fists, take the milk, then slam them shut.
How do dorfs produce cheese so quickly?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 16, 2014, 08:48:17 am
Why can't you use peat as fuel?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 16, 2014, 09:02:06 am
Why can't you build near the edge of your fortress' territory?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 16, 2014, 09:51:43 am
How is a wagon larger than a bronze colossus?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 16, 2014, 10:03:12 am
Why do we panic when 'ambushers' are 'found' hundreds of z levels below the furthest explored areas?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 16, 2014, 10:45:04 am
Why do animal men only have blowguns?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 16, 2014, 01:01:22 pm
Why do dwarves whinge about not having a well when there is not only plenty of booze, but also a river full of all the fresh water they could ever need?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 16, 2014, 01:25:31 pm
Why is it so much easier to kill a dwarf by accident than on purpose?
Post by: Aslandus on November 16, 2014, 01:33:16 pm
Why aren't there any more turtles in my cistern?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 16, 2014, 01:41:55 pm
Why do bridges vaporize everything they are dropped on ... except for saplings and other plants?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 16, 2014, 02:36:26 pm
How does an elephant get into a mahogany tree, assuming he didn't just sit on a mahogany seed and wait?
Post by: Foxite on November 16, 2014, 03:20:33 pm
Why is my answer above so lame?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 16, 2014, 04:00:54 pm
Why did migrants stay away from my fortress for two years, then come and literally double my population?
Post by: Aslandus on November 16, 2014, 05:03:47 pm
Why didn't the caravans tell the migrants how to get to your fortress?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 16, 2014, 06:00:00 pm
Why will unicorns hang out with elves but not dwarves?
Post by: klefenz on November 16, 2014, 06:44:32 pm
Why will unicorns hang out with elves but not dwarves?
Elves actually enjoy being impaled.
Why dont elves eer use stones found aboveground to make weapons?
Post by: Thisfox on November 16, 2014, 07:10:07 pm
To answer the question, an elf would never do such a thing to a poor defenceless giant seed. No wait, it's a rock? Are you sure? So you're just going to damage that seed just because it's pretending to be a rock? How dare you!
I just watched a dwarf administer a patient a drink of water out of a bucket from the well. He's thrown the empty bucket on the ground, and there's no spilt water. I'm not sure how this is possible, could that patient have drunk a whole bucketful of water? How big are buckets?
Post by: pisskop on November 16, 2014, 08:29:54 pm
Building off the above, a dwarf must also pass a swim check in 4/7 water. Therefore, dwarves are the same height as elephants. Which is why they can drink a bucket of water.
Are dwarves taller than I think or elephants shorter?
Post by: Aslandus on November 16, 2014, 08:35:16 pm
Why don't dwarven snorkels show up in their inventory?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 16, 2014, 09:01:51 pm
Why are there so many plans of flooding the world with magma? Why not water?
Post by: Max™ on November 17, 2014, 03:34:27 am
Related to the above, I'd love to solve the "just a little too much magma" problem with a possible "oh dear Armok this is way too much vomit" type solution, especially since dorfs seem capable of producing endless amounts of vomit, so I could just cycle dorfs through burrows to get them cave adapted/exposed to sun and have them vomit forever, so accordingly I must ask:
Why can't we use vomit as an actual liquid yet?
Edit: I can't read the "oh dear Armok this is way too much vomit" type solution bit without breaking down laughing, I think there is something wrong with me, laughing hard enough to cry at my own joke.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 17, 2014, 10:17:53 am
Why hasn't the Dwarven Realms set up a vomit-export industry yet?
Post by: Max™ on November 17, 2014, 10:23:48 am
Why is troll blood blue?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 17, 2014, 11:05:24 am
SCIENCE-y answer: It is goblin candy.
What is elf candy?
Post by: ToXey on November 17, 2014, 11:34:09 am
The white is due to the large amount of white blood cells due to their exceptional healing.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 17, 2014, 11:36:12 am
What was the question?
Post by: Foxite on November 17, 2014, 02:10:05 pm
How can a dwarf vomit when unconsious?
Post by: Aslandus on November 17, 2014, 04:43:14 pm
Why a cat?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 17, 2014, 05:35:16 pm
Why would it want something hairy in its stomach?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 17, 2014, 08:23:36 pm
Why do beards, rather than the liver, control a dwarf?
Post by: Aslandus on November 17, 2014, 08:47:24 pm
The beard simply says "do this, pick up that, kill those things" and never tells them not to drink
How much booze is too much for a dorf?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 17, 2014, 09:42:01 pm
How much booze is too little for a dwarf?
Post by: ToXey on November 18, 2014, 12:55:46 am
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 18, 2014, 03:24:31 am
What sorcery does ToXey use to ask such deep and profound questions?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on November 18, 2014, 10:23:13 am
Are magma carp carp that live in magma or carp that produce magma?
Post by: Button on November 18, 2014, 12:50:56 pm
Why do forgotten beasts suddenly fight each other?
Post by: Foxite on November 18, 2014, 02:37:07 pm
The beard simply says "do this, pick up that, kill those things" and never tells them not to drinkI literally just spent an hour trying to find a way to cram that into my sig. I cannot possibly get any other quotes down there anymore.
Post by: Wheeljack on November 18, 2014, 06:59:41 pm
The beard simply says "do this, pick up that, kill those things" and never tells them not to drinkI literally just spent an hour trying to find a way to cram that into my sig. I cannot possibly get any other quotes down there anymore.
The answer to your signature problem is magma.
@Button They're not fighting. They're dancing. Badly.
Why is dwarf vomit green? Why not rainbow?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 18, 2014, 08:25:56 pm
WHy isn't dwarf vomit the colour of magma?
Post by: Aslandus on November 18, 2014, 09:22:15 pm
Why do dwarves remove the seeds from fruits if they can't grow the fruit?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 18, 2014, 09:36:59 pm
Why are plump helmets the same colour as nobles?
Post by: Knit tie on November 18, 2014, 09:53:42 pm
Why are forgotten beasts forgotten?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 18, 2014, 10:56:40 pm
Why do Titans even kill things if they do not need to eat to survive?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 19, 2014, 12:02:57 am
Why are they sadistic mass-murderers?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 19, 2014, 12:10:15 am
Why are dwarves fixated with magma?
Post by: Foxite on November 19, 2014, 07:22:37 am
Why is Armok the dwarven god of blood and not the dwarven god of magma?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 19, 2014, 08:38:54 am
How does dwarven philosophy sound like?
Post by: Foxite on November 19, 2014, 09:01:38 am
The answer to your signature problem is magma.I thought about sigging this as well for a brief moment, but then I realized that the whole problem is that I can't.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 19, 2014, 09:30:43 am
Post by: Wheeljack on November 19, 2014, 11:27:30 am
The answer to your signature problem is magma.I thought about sigging this as well for a brief moment, but then I realized that the whole problem is that I can't.
Hence magma, silly. Wipe your signature clean with burning awesome and begin anew.
Why are sigs limited to 500 characters?
The sheer awesomeness of some forum goers' signatures would break the site without an imposed limit.
What would anyone do without magma? How would the world function in such a horrifying reality?
Post by: reality.auditor on November 19, 2014, 12:59:48 pm
What would anyone do without magma?I... understand each word. But this particular string of words is incomprehensible. One could almost say unthinkable.
DF world has moon. Why there are no tides?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 19, 2014, 04:02:25 pm
As for tide specifically, the Moon is Armok's round shaving blade that he threw into the heavens as a sign that Beards are his will. He will allow it to influence the physical world in no such way as a tide.
Why did Armok have the shaving blade to discard?
Post by: Kumquat on November 19, 2014, 05:58:12 pm
It is the prototype of all serrated disks and made of adamantium.
(Because it is adamantium it is so lightweight that it does not cause tides.)
If the moon is a giant flat disc how come there are moon phases?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 19, 2014, 07:20:03 pm
Why can dwarves build wooden trap components?
Post by: Bumber on November 19, 2014, 11:07:56 pm
Looks like Dwarven SCIENCE can't explain that.DF world has moon. Why there are no tides?As for tide specifically, the Moon is Armok's round shaving blade that he threw into the heavens as a sign that Beards are his will. He will allow it to influence the physical world in no such way as a tide.
Why can dwarves build wooden trap components?They're good at finding many uses for wood in order to anger the elves. They don't make edged wooden trap components (axe blades and discs,) however, because it would reflect poorly on their craftsdwarfship if the edges dulled.
Why can't dwarfs make wooden mechanisms?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 20, 2014, 04:18:31 am
Why is it !!SCIENCE!! as opposed to !SCIENCE!?
Post by: Bumber on November 20, 2014, 09:24:59 am
How dare you sully the good name of mechanisms with that filthy material.Actually it's ‼SCIENCE‼. ‼SCIENCE‼ involves burning things (or cages and vertical bars, I guess,) while !SCIENCE! probably involves emotional states. (!!SCIENCE!! probably doubles the emotions.)
Why is it !!SCIENCE!! as opposed to !SCIENCE!?
Why do elves take issue with killing trees and mushroom trees but not crops, such as plump helmets? Furthermore, what is their stance on eating plump helmet men?
Post by: Button on November 20, 2014, 11:30:52 am
Why do elves take issue with killing trees and mushroom trees but not crops, such as plump helmets? Furthermore, what is their stance on eating plump helmet men?
They're OK with killing anything you can eat or drink. As for plump helmet men, they are all for eating them if possible.
Why can't you brew plump helmet men?
Post by: Aslandus on November 20, 2014, 12:02:28 pm
Why doesn't booze flow like water?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 20, 2014, 12:19:05 pm
Why hasn't there been a united coalition against the dwarven menace?
Post by: Aslandus on November 20, 2014, 12:34:30 pm
Why won't the goblins form a coalition to fight the dwarves?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 20, 2014, 07:49:57 pm
Why haven't we exterminated all Elves yet?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 20, 2014, 09:56:52 pm
Why do bows, crossbows and blowguns all fire at the same rate?
Post by: Foxite on November 21, 2014, 09:54:23 am
How can a desert titan be made of green glass?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 21, 2014, 10:02:53 am
Why can't all titans have awesome backstories like that?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 21, 2014, 01:44:38 pm
Why don't invaders actually mount a long-term siege?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 21, 2014, 02:20:31 pm
Why is everything in the world sorta made of squares?
Post by: Foxite on November 21, 2014, 03:20:53 pm
Why can't dwarves claim figurines and put them in their room, like Misty (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=136384.msg5015924#msg5015924) did?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 21, 2014, 07:59:16 pm
"WHAT do you think you are doing there, Urist? Violating the export ban eh? No, I do not care whether you are exporting it to your room or the united anti-dwarf coalition, GUARDS, arrest this vile fiend!"
Why can't there be uprisings against nobles?
Post by: Max™ on November 21, 2014, 08:58:53 pm
Why can't dorfs replicate the material+type--say a platinum war hammer or obsidian bed--they used for an artifact, later on?
Post by: Aslandus on November 21, 2014, 11:32:53 pm
Why won't my dwarves clean the vomit in the entry hall rather than just tracking it around?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 21, 2014, 11:45:04 pm
Why is everything inevitable?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 22, 2014, 12:05:16 am
Since when did dwarves get so deep?
Post by: Thisfox on November 22, 2014, 12:32:33 am
What did the other dwarfs say to him when he made it?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 22, 2014, 01:08:13 am
How can dwarf bone cut rock?
Post by: Foxite on November 22, 2014, 06:25:33 am
Why are mountain gnomes so unoriginal, dwarves are the only real alcoholics.
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 22, 2014, 10:41:35 am
Why are non-flesh Titans and Forgotten Beasts actually pretty easy to kill?
Post by: miauw62 on November 22, 2014, 10:52:18 am
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 22, 2014, 11:05:31 am
What was the above question?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 22, 2014, 11:20:01 am
Why aren't dwarves magnetic?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 22, 2014, 11:29:31 am
How would one go about creating a magnetic dwarf?
Post by: ptb_ptb on November 22, 2014, 11:42:35 am
Why do I find it hard to get dwarves to volunteer for my magnetizing / demagnetizing experiments?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on November 22, 2014, 04:38:12 pm
Lay the dwarf aligned north/south on an anvil and strike him hard several times with a hammer. You can demagnetize a dwarf by aligning him east/west on an anvil and striking him hard several times with a hammer.
Why do I find it hard to get dwarves to volunteer for my magnetizing / demagnetizing experiments?
Because you haven't offered them Prepared Kitten Eye Roasts as compensation for doing it.
Why does my Squad stand around in a siege, and not actually attack ( or preferably kill) the goblin that is beating in the skull of my Military Commander (don't worry, he survived)?
Post by: Aslandus on November 22, 2014, 07:56:25 pm
Why won't my dwarves fish out of the reservoir I made for them during winter?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 23, 2014, 12:08:24 am
How does the starting wagon come into existence?
Post by: Max™ on November 23, 2014, 03:50:13 am
If you're lucky they drop it and it lands in a neat little pile called a wagon, with all the supplies on top, and a bunch of confused dorfs that generally decide "hell with that living above-ground crap, STRIKE THE EARTH!", though from time to time the materials are dropped on a ridge or cliff, and rarely the dorfs decide to try and live above-ground again. Which usually ends as one would expect: on fire.
Why did it take so long for a civilization capable of making catapults, ballistas, drawbridge mechanisms, steel, and fine architecture, to create the stepladder?
Post by: blazing glory on November 23, 2014, 06:18:36 am
Why do Dwarven hunters insist of going back to get more bolts when he runs out, when he can easily bash in the head of the badger he had been shooting with his crossbow since it clearly can't defend itself?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 23, 2014, 08:16:12 am
What would happen if you amputate a dwarf's liver?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 23, 2014, 08:19:25 am
Why are muck, salt, and mist considered important enough to have their own deities?
Post by: miauw62 on November 23, 2014, 08:25:59 am
Why do some dwarves worship things not borne from the earth?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 23, 2014, 08:57:54 am
Would a dwarf rather throw a prisoner 15 z-levels or use a bridge to catapult a prisoner 15 z-levels?
Post by: Max™ on November 23, 2014, 09:15:20 am
Which should be first?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 23, 2014, 09:41:51 am
Why can't dwarves construct a lake of blood?
Post by: Foxite on November 24, 2014, 06:12:46 am
Why is typing on a 3DS so hard? (Hey, nobody said it has to be a question about DF :P )
Post by: Max™ on November 24, 2014, 06:42:36 am
How does the addition of a door turn two round-ended columns at the end of two sections of wall into smooth and flat-ended sections of wall?
Post by: Foxite on November 24, 2014, 06:46:02 am
Because few if any 3DS games use qwerty or some thumb-typing friendly variation thereof.Actually, no 3DS game supports thumb-typing, you type with a stylus, and you can always choose between ABCDEF, QWERTY, mobile or symbol keyboards :I
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 24, 2014, 08:45:44 am
How does the addition of a door turn two round-ended columns at the end of two sections of wall into smooth and flat-ended sections of wall?Dwarven doors are actually portals to the different dimensions each tile is located in. When a door is constructed, the surrounding walls become focal points for the portal energies and change shape.
Do dwarves think with protals?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on November 24, 2014, 10:21:40 am
Why do gods of fish help "clowns" rise to the surface?
Post by: Max™ on November 24, 2014, 05:21:29 pm
Why are so many of the bug-fix reports so freaking hilarious? Everything from bees being priced wrong and helpful zombies waking you up, to the recent bit about night creature shopkeepers with nothing to say, pure comedy gold.
Because few if any 3DS games use qwerty or some thumb-typing friendly variation thereof.Actually, no 3DS game supports thumb-typing, you type with a stylus, and you can always choose between ABCDEF, QWERTY, mobile or symbol keyboards :I
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 24, 2014, 08:34:10 pm
Now, the age old question of roguelikes, why can't a crab occupy the same tile as a dragon?
Post by: pisskop on November 24, 2014, 08:36:38 pm
Why do dwarves only settle one side of a mountain range?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 24, 2014, 10:00:51 pm
Why can't adventurers jump off the edge of the world?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 25, 2014, 12:31:41 am
Why do dorfs live on square sheets instead of spherical planets?
Post by: Tiruin on November 25, 2014, 01:07:07 am
Why can any enemies (sieges, FB's, Titans...) spawn right next to your fortress if anywhere near the edge of the map? There's a big difference between spawning 50 tiles away and 5 tiles, due to map edges.
Post by: TheHossofMoss on November 25, 2014, 09:54:56 am
In the small and topographical scale of things-in-general, the idea of a square is to show the plane by which existence is based on. A stretch of land may easily be comprised of rectangles, squares or even hexagons cobbled on top of each other, just as well as differences of water to land to mountain. To illustrate a sphere would be needless complexity--and unrealistic in a realistic viewpoint. You don't see the horizon as curved like a sphere, despite literally looking at the distance via a curve.
Why can any enemies (sieges, FB's, Titans...) spawn right next to your fortress if anywhere near the edge of the map? There's a big difference between spawning 50 tiles away and 5 tiles, due to map edges.
Edge of the map, edge of the front gate, it's all the same to the Forgotten Beasties. A forgotten beast spawns neither too close, nor too far. They spawn precisely where they mean to.
How does a dwarf make an entire barrel of bilberry wine with one, single bilberry?
Post by: Aslandus on November 25, 2014, 11:49:56 am
Why do dwarves slow down when they don't get alcohol?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 25, 2014, 12:12:07 pm
How do puppies survive sharing a cage with a giant desert scorpion?
Post by: Foxite on November 25, 2014, 12:14:51 pm
Please tell me how you got 2 different animals in the same cage, and I'll try to give an answer.
How did a dwarf who has infection infect me, his overseeer, with flu?
Post by: Badger Storm on November 25, 2014, 12:22:40 pm
Why can't you get meat from rabbits?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 25, 2014, 04:24:20 pm
Why can't you get meat from rabbits?
Because you'll need a knife to detach it and it's a common knowledge butchers never use one. Actually, when you think of it, they must be strangling the animals.
Can dwarfs read?
Post by: Arcvasti on November 25, 2014, 04:44:47 pm
Why don't dwarves take baths in alchohol?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 25, 2014, 07:16:57 pm
Dwarves only bathe in magma
Why do Dwarves forget the beasts (Forgotten Beasts)?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 25, 2014, 07:52:07 pm
Wh hasn't the world burned down yet because of Titans made of fire?
Post by: Tiruin on November 25, 2014, 09:43:05 pm
Why aren't Peregrine Falcons (by default) tameable? They make GREAT vermin hunters (unlike bloody cats :I)
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 25, 2014, 09:50:49 pm
Why don't adventurers need to excrete waste matter?
Post by: Edward Evjen on November 25, 2014, 10:23:23 pm
Why are dwarfs dependent on alcohol?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 25, 2014, 11:18:50 pm
Has anyone started a dwarf farm yet?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 26, 2014, 01:56:56 am
Why do cats love to drop vermin in doorways?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 26, 2014, 02:11:32 am
Why can't dwarves emigrate?
Post by: Foxite on November 26, 2014, 10:54:52 am
Why haven't I gotten a baron yet when I already meet the requirements for a monarch?
Post by: MDFification on November 26, 2014, 11:01:32 am
They do, every season. From the mountainhomes.
Why haven't I gotten a baron yet when I already meet the requirements for a monarch?
The nobility is displeased with the way your last 5 mayors mysteriously disappeared after they demanded crystal glass puzzleboxes.
Why do cave dragons have wings but surface-dragons don't?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 26, 2014, 11:50:59 am
Why do forgotten beasts always murder everything they see?
Post by: Foxite on November 26, 2014, 03:17:55 pm
Where do all those bogeymen suddenly come from at night?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 26, 2014, 08:29:55 pm
Why isn't there blue or orange glass?
Post by: flabort on November 26, 2014, 08:41:35 pm
Why can't elves make unfermented juices for trade? I want to buy them so that I can ferment them as a big middle finger to the elves.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 26, 2014, 09:03:28 pm
Why doesn't the elven diplomat say a thing when he has to path through a burning forest to reach your fort?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 26, 2014, 09:36:06 pm
Isn't the rate of homosexual dwarfs and animals a bit higher then it should be?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 26, 2014, 10:33:08 pm
Why do dwarves tell such lame jokes?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 27, 2014, 01:26:44 am
Why hasn't the elven caravan been literally sent to hell?
Post by: Eric Blank on November 27, 2014, 02:20:57 am
Why don't elves just give up and go home?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 27, 2014, 02:50:48 am
Why can catapults only catapult rocks?
Post by: Foxite on November 27, 2014, 11:28:13 am
Why can adventurer dwarves set just about anything on fire when civilian dwarves can't?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 27, 2014, 07:36:42 pm
Why do you need three siege engine parts, which equal three logs, to build something the size of a workshop, which you can build with one log?
Post by: danmanthedog on November 27, 2014, 08:09:00 pm
Why can dwarfs move faster with no limbs then limbed people?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 27, 2014, 08:21:52 pm
Why do dwarves rely on surface animals?
Post by: Aslandus on November 27, 2014, 11:37:12 pm
What's the point of muskmelons?
Post by: Foxite on November 28, 2014, 01:43:27 pm
Why is finding a good embark site so hard these days?
Post by: Thisfox on November 28, 2014, 03:25:35 pm
What does an elf look for in an embark site?
Post by: Urist McRas on November 28, 2014, 04:02:16 pm
Why doesn't gelding use and train the surgeon skill?
Post by: Foxite on November 28, 2014, 04:25:10 pm
Why doesn't gelding produce an item?
Post by: Magistrum on November 28, 2014, 04:46:20 pm
Why do the mountain home keeps ordering mugs?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 28, 2014, 08:28:52 pm
Why isn't GCS blood blue?
Post by: Tiruin on November 29, 2014, 07:31:48 am
Why don't fortifications have 'roof's above them (that 'floor' tile in the next z-level)? [any pic as an idea for a representation too? That'd REALLY help)
Post by: Arx on November 29, 2014, 07:42:04 am
Code: [Select]
_ _ _
/ \ / \ / \
So dwarves can't stand on them. I imagine carved fortifications as being slits cut into the wall.
Unlike trolls or other subterranean creatures, a GCS is both exposed to the aboveworld and is under the same zoological classification as other arachnids, only a lot bigger. Given that, its blood color--or ichor, in a somewhat more common term--shares the same details and characteristics as its minor cousins.
But, but arachnids do have blue blood. Hemocyanin.
Why are my dwarves always entirely OK with sleeping under the stars for months while I slowly set up a fort?
Post by: Tiruin on November 29, 2014, 07:51:25 am
((I know ._. but its not actually the same blue {in terms of a giant arachnid} we know and consider [ie that deep blue like the sea or the sky]...which is how I saw that question))Unlike trolls or other subterranean creatures, a GCS is both exposed to the aboveworld and is under the same zoological classification as other arachnids, only a lot bigger. Given that, its blood color--or ichor, in a somewhat more common term--shares the same details and characteristics as its minor cousins.
But, but arachnids do have blue blood. Hemocyanin.
Your dwarves see the fort, and are pretty much alright because they know one day--they will get to live in a better place. Home, though slowly being built. (also thanks for the pic)
Why do Necromancers ambush at times instead of lay sieges all the time?
Post by: Magistrum on November 29, 2014, 08:25:54 am
Why there is no lm666 IC?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on November 30, 2014, 09:09:22 pm
Why don't elves mind trading in a wooden trading depot?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on November 30, 2014, 10:36:02 pm
Why do Elves load so much junk onto poor, poor pack animals and force them to travel miles by dragging them with ropes and leads? It is enslaving the very nature they so ruthlessly protect.
Post by: Arcvasti on November 30, 2014, 11:41:14 pm
Who is convection, and why is it sobbing over there in the corner?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 01, 2014, 01:17:53 am
What are the chances of DF turning out to be just an object lesson in the theory of relativity?
Post by: Foxite on December 01, 2014, 11:20:03 am
Why does it take so much windmills in an array to power a pump stack?
Post by: Button on December 01, 2014, 11:46:38 am
Zero, considering that everything in DF is just a loose incoherent collection of kittens, dwarves, magma, and plump helmets.
Why does it take so much windmills in an array to power a pump stack?
Because the game is punishing you for using windmills instead of Dwarven Perpetual Motion Generators.
Why don't dwarves ever play their instruments?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 01, 2014, 12:17:14 pm
Why do dwarves kill Giant Toads without a second thought?
Post by: smeeprocket on December 01, 2014, 12:18:45 pm
Why don't the children in dwarf fortress at least do basic chores like cleaning and hauling?
Post by: walberg on December 01, 2014, 12:29:53 pm
Because giant toad leg roasts are quite good.
Why don't the children in dwarf fortress at least do basic chores like cleaning and hauling?
"A child does at it pleases!" It's a pretty rare child that is pleased by menial manual labor... Even more so with beardlings.
Why are dwarven children pleased with things that almost universally lead to death, such as attempting to pet forgotten beasts and giant cave spiders?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 01, 2014, 12:31:29 pm
Why hasn't Dwarven Daycare tried locking children up with Forgotten Beasts and Giant Cave Spiders?
Post by: Max™ on December 01, 2014, 02:24:20 pm
Why are kobolds cute?
Post by: Magistrum on December 01, 2014, 04:40:09 pm
Same reason as the lack of a lm557 IC.Oh, thought it could be a quad timer or something... Maybe if I made a IC based on clowns, would it be a lm666 IC?
Glowing eyes guy, glowing eyes. The ladies love it.
Why dwarves prefer starve to death than picking the zone-unassigned fruit by their side and eating?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 01, 2014, 06:30:29 pm
Guinea pigs are raised for meat in parts of South America, so why do they only give skulls when butchered?
Post by: Aslandus on December 01, 2014, 07:26:13 pm
Why won't my dwarves harvest from the crop fields?
Post by: Baffler on December 01, 2014, 07:49:37 pm
Why doesn't the attacker win every battle anymore?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 01, 2014, 08:30:41 pm
You won't always be successful.
What if Urist was gelded by a wound?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on December 02, 2014, 12:57:59 am
You think you can siege a fortress full of bearded maniacs, swarms of archers protected by war animals, or strong humans that are also large in number and in great gear? Or do you mean against the thousands of immortal Goblins and their Trolls?
You won't always be successful.
What if Urist was gelded by a wound?
It is good that Urist is a gender neutral name.
How do my dwarves not wrap around my rotating axles, extracting every drop of precious dwarven oil from their bodies?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 02, 2014, 02:01:34 am
Why aren't dwarves perturbed by dwarven cheese?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 02, 2014, 02:31:42 am
How do purring maggots, a worm, produce milk?
Post by: Foxite on December 02, 2014, 03:10:13 am
How can you put 10 windmills right next to each other in a row and they still produce the same amount of power?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 02, 2014, 09:05:08 am
Why can't we set coal veins on fire?
Post by: Foxite on December 02, 2014, 10:39:53 am
How does being submerged in magma cause "minor burns" and "minor melting" spots all over the body and kill him 20 seconds later rather than simply melt down and boil the cells in a couple of seconds?
Post by: Button on December 02, 2014, 11:39:38 am
There's a reason why we have to process coal before we can use it as fuel.
How does being submerged in magma cause "minor burns" and "minor melting" spots all over the body and kill him 20 seconds later rather than simply melt down and boil the cells in a couple of seconds?
Armok prefers it when creatures bleed to death, so he tweaked physics to meet this preference.
Why doesn't tea grow on mountains?
Post by: tonnot98 on December 02, 2014, 12:37:23 pm
Why do animals insist on rolling around in contaminated blood?
Post by: Madman198237 on December 02, 2014, 01:11:06 pm
Why, oh why, do dwarves stand in the tile they're presently building a wall on?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 02, 2014, 02:40:34 pm
Why are eagles, turkeys, and cassowaries referred to as "small" when in real life they're huge by bird standards?
Post by: McCautious on December 02, 2014, 04:06:03 pm
Because a Giant Eagle is huge by DF standards.
Why do Mayors make crutchwalkers attend meetings until they tantrum the crap out of everyone?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 02, 2014, 06:42:15 pm
Why can't we start revolutions or join a new civ from the one we started?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 02, 2014, 09:51:10 pm
How many references can you make with Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: pisskop on December 02, 2014, 10:00:58 pm
"Hey baby, if I were a night creature I'd abduct you and make you my wife"
"You make me feel like the High Thrusts of the Human civ The Rounded Clasps"
"I used to be an adventurer, but then you bruised my ego and my heart exploded into a mangled mess"
"You've Put me in a Fey Mood, Baby"
How come I have trouble spreading the good news about how fun DF is?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 02, 2014, 10:10:55 pm
Why do people still not try DF when I tell them great stories and don't even mention abductions and unconsentual marriages?
Post by: Foxite on December 03, 2014, 08:36:44 am
How am I supposed to balance gaming time with Super Smash Bros 4, Pokemon Omega Ruby, AND Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 03, 2014, 09:15:27 am
Is there such a mod?
Post by: Foxite on December 03, 2014, 10:08:13 am
Why do I always come up with genius questions to put here and when I come at this thread to post it, I forgot what question it was?
Post by: Wheeljack on December 03, 2014, 11:32:11 am
Why would anyone want to play anything other than Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Madman198237 on December 03, 2014, 12:02:52 pm
Why is the DF learning curve a SMR overhang menacing decorated with spikes of HFS and some forts lost due to stupidity?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 03, 2014, 12:23:04 pm
Why is the wildlife in the temperate wetlands so mind-numbingly boring?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 03, 2014, 06:39:13 pm
Why can't I burn peat?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 03, 2014, 07:37:20 pm
If you had something that served as both soil and fuel, that would just be cheating.
Why haven't dwarves developed racial prejudices despite the clear existence of physical types within a civilization?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 03, 2014, 10:19:00 pm
What happened to the idea of Dwarven dropships?
Post by: Max™ on December 04, 2014, 02:10:42 am
How many other forums would that response make perfect sense on?
Post by: Foxite on December 04, 2014, 08:39:32 am
How is water in the caverns not stagnant?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 04, 2014, 08:53:13 am
Why can't we butcher giant sponges and use the pieces for more effective cleaning?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 04, 2014, 11:07:37 am
Why can't we pelt snail men with rock salt pebbles?
Post by: Foxite on December 04, 2014, 11:48:37 am
Is warm stone in DF actually warm or hot?
Post by: Wheeljack on December 04, 2014, 11:56:44 am
Why isn't there catnip in the game yet? I like my cats in the extra crazy flavor.
Post by: Badger Storm on December 04, 2014, 02:37:27 pm
Why haven't dwarves discovered cordials yet?
Post by: Madman198237 on December 04, 2014, 04:25:14 pm
Why haven't the dwarves discovered the plague yet?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 04, 2014, 08:21:47 pm
Why haven't Dwarves accepted Elves yet?
Post by: Baffler on December 04, 2014, 08:22:09 pm
*grumbles about ninjas*
They're too cave adapted to even consider going outside to meet them. At the same time, the elves are far to claustrophobic to go to the dwarves' underground home. The result is that the only time dwarves and elves meet is in the meeting room when the elves ask the dwarves to limit their logging or on the battlefield as a direct result of the first case, neither of these environments being very conducive to compassion and understanding.
Why is seemingly every other dwarf either a fishery worker or a ranger, when the dwarven caravans carry almost no animals and very little fish?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 04, 2014, 08:39:43 pm
Why does a hunter insist on sticking every last single bolt in his quiver into a creature when he can easily go bludgeon its head in when it's unconscious?
Post by: Madman198237 on December 05, 2014, 06:51:08 pm
Why do military dwarves prefer to use perfectly good crossbows with perfectly good crossbow bolts to bludgeon enemies?
Post by: Aslandus on December 06, 2014, 12:39:19 am
Why would any dwarf wield a bow when we have crossbows?
Post by: Knit tie on December 06, 2014, 02:42:57 am
Why do my dwarves mutilate goblins with animal brutality only to freak out afterwards?
Post by: Max™ on December 06, 2014, 02:56:24 am
Did I just make dorfs scarier or sharks more dorfy?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 06, 2014, 04:18:57 am
What happened if you mixed Nethack with Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 06, 2014, 07:25:06 am
How could anyone contemplate coasts and come to the conclusion that it's a good idea to let a demon loose in the mortal world?
Post by: Arx on December 06, 2014, 02:13:56 pm
Why is it that a dwarf with an infected injury has "no medical condition"? It's a death sentence!
Post by: Badger Storm on December 06, 2014, 03:00:24 pm
Why aren't there more good-aligned creatures? I want a reason to embark in a good desert.
Post by: Arcvasti on December 06, 2014, 04:20:15 pm
Why are there no griffons, despite the fact that everyone engraves them?
Post by: Aslandus on December 06, 2014, 04:28:34 pm
Why can't I get meat from rabbits?
Post by: deathschemist on December 06, 2014, 08:13:18 pm
why do my dorfs keep standing in the way of building the wall which they themselves are building?
Post by: Arcvasti on December 06, 2014, 09:55:06 pm
Why do trees disintegrate instantly into groups of conveniently sized logs when they are chopped down?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 06, 2014, 11:08:02 pm
Why do dwarves wear so many layers of clothing, even in tropical environments?
Post by: Punching Bag on December 06, 2014, 11:53:43 pm
Why do my dwarves feel an intense, burning hatred for all capybaras on the map, and mercilessly explode their heads whenever they get close?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 07, 2014, 12:23:15 am
All that clothing helps keep out the sun, especially in tropical climates.
Why do my dwarves feel an intense, burning hatred for all capybaras on the map, and mercilessly explode their heads whenever they get close?
Because dwarves can never be the bigger person in a fight.
why do rivers always stay on the same level, except when going down a waterfall? How do the ones that don't have waterfalls flow?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 07, 2014, 05:29:45 am
Why can we only stuff vermin into backpacks?
Post by: Max™ on December 07, 2014, 10:23:50 am
Why did ^that seem like a good idea in the first place?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 07, 2014, 06:23:31 pm
General agreement after the horrors which took place during the inaugural "Stuff a Wambler in Your Socks, Shoes, Gloves, and Pants Day!" was that it should no longer be allowed.Because we're DF players who use Fluffy Wamblers as anti-bronze collosus weapons.
Why did ^that seem like a good idea in the first place?
Why do Fluffy Wamblers kill bronze collosi so easily?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 07, 2014, 06:41:15 pm
How do fluffy wamblers procreate?
Post by: Max™ on December 07, 2014, 06:57:20 pm
The stumble bumbling throws the colossi off guard.You don't want to know.
How do fluffy wamblers procreate?
Do you really want to know?
Post by: Graknorke on December 07, 2014, 07:09:38 pm
What happens at a Dwarven trade fair?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 07, 2014, 10:53:50 pm
What really happens at a dwarven trading fair?
Post by: Arcvasti on December 07, 2014, 11:18:25 pm
How exactly does a kea lift an anvil, let alone one made of SLADE?
Post by: Max™ on December 08, 2014, 12:39:01 am
What happens when a kea tries to steal a wagon?
Post by: MaximumZero on December 08, 2014, 01:08:41 am
What would happen if the dorfs didn't have perfect darkvision?
Post by: Max™ on December 08, 2014, 02:03:49 am
Would anyone be able to tell the difference?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 08, 2014, 02:29:50 am
Who would win if you have a good biome vs an evil biome?
Post by: Aslandus on December 08, 2014, 09:40:54 am
Nope.The unicorns would hold the line until one of them died, then get raised as a zombie and kill all its brethren, so evil...
Who would win if you have a good biome vs an evil biome?
Why are there so many evil creatures and only a handful of good creatures?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 08, 2014, 10:04:10 am
How powerful is a unicorn throwing a fluffy wambler?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on December 08, 2014, 01:53:43 pm
Unicorns and fluffy wamblers are too OP.
How powerful is a unicorn throwing a fluffy wambler?
Definitely more powerful than a fluffly wambler throwing a unicorn.
Where do the souls of good and bad dwarfs go?
Post by: Max™ on December 08, 2014, 02:55:10 pm
Where do the souls of good beards go?
Post by: Sprin on December 08, 2014, 02:56:04 pm
Do lady dwarves have beards?
Post by: Max™ on December 08, 2014, 03:02:24 pm
How could they do any engraving or distilling without a beard?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 08, 2014, 03:05:00 pm
Why don't humans let their beards do any work?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 08, 2014, 09:05:00 pm
Why do elves get all the cool creatures?
Post by: IndigoFenix on December 09, 2014, 01:01:34 am
Why don't wild animals attack elves?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 09, 2014, 05:50:35 am
How many trained unicorns would it take to defeat the forces of hell?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 09, 2014, 08:06:59 am
How can Giant Sponges become enraged without having a brain?
Post by: Vndetta on December 12, 2014, 01:08:07 am
Post by: DrTaco on December 12, 2014, 01:48:14 am
42. That is the point when life is greater than death.
How can Giant Sponges become enraged without having a brain?
Sponges may not have a brain, but the Dwarves have brains that rarely function properly, so it's pretty much the same as having no brain. And, Dwarves can have a wide variety of emotions while their brain doesn't function, so... Sponges are really Dwarves in their primal state.
Why are Dwarves stupid?
Post by: Aslandus on December 12, 2014, 10:49:23 am
I've noticed in the new versions (.40+) that my dwarves all are covered in their own tears (visible in the unit's inventory screen)... even relatively happy dwarves. Anyone know why my entire population seems to be weeping? I'm starting to feel like a horrible taskmaster/person, haha. ;DBeatings must continue until morale improves
All the alcohol they drink through pregnancy and childhood takes its toll...
Why are Dwarves stupid?
Why do dwarves slow down without alcohol?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 12, 2014, 11:05:26 am
Why do babies make my adventurer submit whilst only speaking gibberish?
Post by: Max™ on December 12, 2014, 11:52:53 am
Wait, does that mean baby gibberish is visible?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 12, 2014, 04:24:43 pm
Quick joke: What is the most common first word for Dwarven babies?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do Dwarves love magma?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 12, 2014, 04:38:38 pm
why can't you win the game?
Post by: Thisfox on December 12, 2014, 09:44:17 pm
Why is kimberlite blue?
Post by: Foxite on December 13, 2014, 07:45:30 am
How many dwarves does it take to build a wall?
Post by: Arx on December 14, 2014, 04:27:20 am
Why is it that I have seen no neighbours? Ever?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 14, 2014, 04:31:08 am
What happens if you mix Dwarf Fortress with ADOM?
Post by: Max™ on December 14, 2014, 05:24:06 am
What exactly is ADOM?
Post by: Foxite on December 14, 2014, 05:51:36 am
How can unpressurized magma flood the magma forge room?
Post by: Thisfox on December 14, 2014, 05:23:53 pm
What is the silliest thing to manufacture with a magma forge?
Post by: draeath on December 14, 2014, 07:11:40 pm
What exactly is ADOM?Answer. (http://lmgtfy.com/?q=ADOM)
With the work, dedication and perseverance of the whole of the fort. Also, without warning or explanation.
What is the silliest thing to manufacture with a magma forge?
There is nothing silly about magma forges, nor the items created with them.
Why only enormous corkscrews? Can't we have reasonably-sized corkscrews?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 14, 2014, 07:59:25 pm
Why can't we make longswords in fortress mode?
Post by: Aslandus on December 14, 2014, 08:05:23 pm
Why only enormous corkscrews? Can't we have reasonably-sized corkscrews?Dwarves don't bottle things, why bother with corks?
Why can't we make longswords in fortress mode?They look so long and unwieldy that dwarves are skeptical about even using them if they have a choice... also the extra reach is kinda pointless it you're not on horseback...
Why won't dwarves make flails?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 14, 2014, 08:35:19 pm
How can dwarves make chicken leather when chicken skin is so thin and fragile?
Post by: pisskop on December 14, 2014, 09:33:20 pm
Why dont night horrors attack a fort with their stealth and painless bodies and skills if dwarven leather is better?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 15, 2014, 02:12:56 am
Why is Dwarf Fortress considered a roguelike?
Post by: Arx on December 15, 2014, 04:09:26 am
Why is it that capybaras are such an incredible threat?
Post by: Erils on December 15, 2014, 12:18:46 pm
Also, if your fort falls it's permadeath.What about reclaiming the fort?
Post by: pisskop on December 15, 2014, 12:23:34 pm
Also, if your fort falls it's permadeath.What about reclaiming the fort?
Zombie werewolves will eat you while ghosts laugh at you.
Adventure mode. Also, if your fort falls it's permadeath.Cats have decided that they are a threat, and cats pull the beard hairs around here.
Why is it that capybaras are such an incredible threat?
Why don't demons impersonate gods for the humans any more?
Post by: flabort on December 15, 2014, 03:43:53 pm
Equivelent to a Bones File.Also, if your fort falls it's permadeath.What about reclaiming the fort?
Whereas if you find the bones of a previous failed run you are in for some Fun.
Post by: Badger Storm on December 15, 2014, 05:11:03 pm
Why don't necromancers ever become liches?
Post by: Aslandus on December 15, 2014, 08:41:40 pm
Why is necromancy the only magic available to non-elves?
Post by: Littleman9Mew2 on December 15, 2014, 10:13:01 pm
Cast magic on themselves? gross
Why is necromancy the only magic available to non-elves?
Becuase "witchcraft" hasn't been invented yet.
How can coldness go below absolute zero?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 15, 2014, 11:03:01 pm
How is it that a dwarf that can haul a 4 metric ton slade boulder needs multiple trips to haul a couple of puny socks?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 15, 2014, 11:35:52 pm
How can a floodgate be made from the bones of two rabbits?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 16, 2014, 12:20:20 am
Why don't dorfs use mugs to drink their ale?
Post by: Max™ on December 16, 2014, 12:30:29 am
Where do engravings go when you hide them?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 16, 2014, 08:25:02 am
Why would a hammerdwarf use a dagger to kill a forgotten beast?
Post by: Foxite on December 16, 2014, 09:59:28 am
Why is the manager always the first one to go to party?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 16, 2014, 11:12:07 am
Why can dwarves build fortresses attached to the sky, but elves have to build on top of trees? Why dont elves attach their houses to the sky too?
Post by: Wimopy on December 16, 2014, 03:01:21 pm
The more advanced philosophy states that the world is an illusion and the sky is in fact the limit of the illusion. Which is a solid barrier. These dwarves don't go outside because they become sick from this terrible knowledge.
Elves are incapable of conceiving such radical ideas. For them air must continue all the way up, and the sky is just more air. Besides, hugging trees is better than hugging clouds or the sky, that's just silly.
(Note: Physics in the DF universe has not yet seperated from philosophy. This explains many irrationalities.)
Why is dwarven philosophy so much more advanced than any other?
Post by: bahihs on December 16, 2014, 03:10:36 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Because Dwarves are perpetually drunk.
Why is everything that happens inevitable?
Post by: pisskop on December 16, 2014, 03:27:35 pm
Why don't demons impersonate gods for the humans any more?
Post by: 20firebird on December 16, 2014, 05:17:45 pm
What gave cats their incredible ability to multiply out of control?
Post by: Bigheaded on December 16, 2014, 05:40:53 pm
I realise i slab'd one not long ago, just in case a ghost wagon came to haunt me, but did my carpenter actually go and make a cage out of it's "corpse"?
Post by: walberg on December 16, 2014, 06:45:57 pm
Has anyone made anything out of wagon wood before?
I realise i slab'd one not long ago, just in case a ghost wagon came to haunt me, but did my carpenter actually go and make a cage out of it's "corpse"?
Oh, yes. I even once had an artifact wagon wood statue (pretty sure it was a statue, anyway - I remember it was a furniture item that normally cannot be made out of wood, and I then built it in one of the central hallways to try to increase morale a bit)... It's been a while, so I don't remember the details exactly, but that fort had a traffic issue that tended to result in a fair number of merchant wagons getting scuttled, and since wagon wood doesn't match any stockpile profiles, it just sat there, where it happened to be among the closest logs to the workshop a moody dorf chose (I forget whether it was a carpenter's or a crafts shop, though - most likely carpenters, since it ended up being a furniture item)...
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 16, 2014, 07:04:16 pm
What gave cats their incredible ability to multiply out of control?It's natural. By nature, cats multiply by binary fission which is triggered by the presence of another cat.
Why doesn't the capital have a minecart rail network?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 18, 2014, 02:10:07 pm
Why does physics exist in this game?
Post by: tkay421 on December 18, 2014, 05:18:12 pm
How did a migrant make it to high master gelder less than a season after my world discovered gelding?
Post by: Max™ on December 18, 2014, 06:17:26 pm
Why do you want to know that much about dorfs obsessively gelding everything in sight?
Post by: Aslandus on December 18, 2014, 06:32:11 pm
Why haven't dwarves invented blankets?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 18, 2014, 08:14:29 pm
Why can siege engines only fire along the same z-axis?
Post by: Arx on December 19, 2014, 01:35:28 am
Why do I keep getting dwarfs skilled in crutch walking that have no evidence of prior injury?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 19, 2014, 04:18:13 am
Why don't dwarf adventurers need to drink alcohol?
Post by: Foxite on December 19, 2014, 10:04:19 am
How come animals never seem to sleep?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 19, 2014, 10:31:28 am
Why, according to the DF colour system, are there 4 shades of grey?
Post by: Aslandus on December 19, 2014, 11:41:33 am
Why can I get 4 times as much building material by breaking boulders down into blocks?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 19, 2014, 12:09:43 pm
What would happen if you sent a bunch of tamed ibex after a FB made of salt?
Post by: Aslandus on December 19, 2014, 12:22:32 pm
Why can't dwarves make actual jerky?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 19, 2014, 12:26:22 pm
What would happen if you sent a bunch of tame deer after a salt FB?
Post by: florxnog on December 19, 2014, 12:37:09 pm
why can't I think of anything to ask?
Post by: Arx on December 19, 2014, 01:40:28 pm
Why do my dwarves refuse to carry stuff from the wagon to the stockpile with everything enabled?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 19, 2014, 02:39:58 pm
Why can't you just ford rivers instead of having to build a bridge?
Post by: Naryar on December 19, 2014, 07:04:12 pm
Because they got confused and think they're in Oregon Trail, so the supplies need to stay in the wagon.
Why can't you just ford rivers instead of having to build a bridge?
Because DF ain't Oregon Trail, even if the dwarves think so.
Why cannot you get worthy goblin sieges in the latest version ?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 19, 2014, 07:11:21 pm
Why is dark yellow brown according to the DF colour system?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 19, 2014, 07:33:25 pm
Why don't glowing pits shed any light?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 19, 2014, 08:59:01 pm
Why are there no giant wolves when there's giant versions of nearly everything else?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 19, 2014, 09:04:31 pm
Ninja'd
The sheer awesomeness a giant wolf will exude will crash the game.
Why can't we set dwarves to ride minecarts like a rail system?
Post by: Graknorke on December 19, 2014, 09:25:42 pm
How come there are so few literate people, despite resources for books being easy enough to make and there being a lot to write about, and incentive to read so you can tell what shop you're going into?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 20, 2014, 10:06:51 am
How can you trade mud for a +iron long sword+ in adventure mode?
Post by: Magistrum on December 20, 2014, 10:35:23 am
What does "IIRC" even means?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 20, 2014, 11:03:33 am
Why can't we communicate more with the Mountainhomes about migrants?
Post by: DrTaco on December 20, 2014, 01:21:03 pm
Why are royalty typically the first to go?
Post by: Pencil_Art on December 20, 2014, 06:12:44 pm
Why, in my fort, do my dwarfs instead of swimming decide to just walk ON the water?
Post by: pisskop on December 20, 2014, 06:14:27 pm
Why aren't there Ghouls in DF?
Post by: Pencil_Art on December 20, 2014, 06:19:34 pm
Is there a reason nobles choose whoever they choose to go to prison?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 20, 2014, 07:30:02 pm
How big would a giant blue whale be?
Post by: flabort on December 20, 2014, 07:51:38 pm
Why do moody dwarves always ask for the one material you don't have?
Post by: pisskop on December 20, 2014, 08:23:43 pm
Why does crafting an artifact prevent insanity?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 20, 2014, 09:30:10 pm
Why don't all my Dwarves make an artifact so sanity isn't an issue?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 21, 2014, 12:21:29 am
Why isn't brass considered weapons grade?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 21, 2014, 09:11:29 pm
What mode of transportation do migrants use to get to your fort?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 21, 2014, 09:24:34 pm
Why don't we see anything fun in the caverns in adventure mode?
Post by: Aslandus on December 21, 2014, 09:26:35 pm
ninja'd
You aren't interesting enough to attract cavern horrors alone, fun demands vast amounts of wealth and booze to be concentrated to draw its attention
Why aren't migrants parched for booze when they arrive?
Post by: pisskop on December 21, 2014, 09:35:21 pm
Why do all the dwarves decide to migrate to The Necrotic Barbs of Evil Terrifyingland? You think the name would be a turnoff . . . :-\
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 21, 2014, 10:09:23 pm
Why don't dwarves emigrate from player fortresses?
Post by: 20firebird on December 21, 2014, 11:00:17 pm
What the hell is up with feather trees?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 22, 2014, 12:18:48 am
Why do elves even have scientists?
Post by: Eric Blank on December 22, 2014, 02:00:57 am
Why do dwarves always cancel tasks at the first sign of trouble?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 22, 2014, 02:36:37 am
Why don't griffins exist?
Post by: Baffler on December 22, 2014, 11:18:58 am
How did animal people come into existence?
Post by: Foxite on December 22, 2014, 11:52:48 am
Why did the Stray hen (Tame) cross the gabbro road?
Post by: Badger Storm on December 22, 2014, 12:13:35 pm
Why can you butcher chickens for meat but not ducks?
Post by: Rose on December 22, 2014, 01:05:11 pm
Why do elves have a reputation for being vegans when they are the complete opposite?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 23, 2014, 05:26:59 am
How exactly do you claim a site for yourself in adventure mode?
Post by: Foxite on December 23, 2014, 08:17:06 am
Why are there no dwarfy games on Newgrounds?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 23, 2014, 10:04:49 am
What on earth is Newgrounds?
Post by: Arx on December 23, 2014, 10:07:03 am
How do useless migrants survive long enough to migrate?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 23, 2014, 10:21:31 am
Has anyone tried running DF on a graphic calculator?
Post by: Aslandus on December 23, 2014, 11:16:19 am
Has anyone tried running DF on a graphic calculator?Yes, they told me to stop playing it while we were taking a test
Why won't my toaster run Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 23, 2014, 11:25:09 am
If you're serious, I want to know how and where I can get it.Has anyone tried running DF on a graphic calculator?Yes, they told me to stop playing it while we were taking a test
Post by: Aslandus on December 23, 2014, 11:32:28 am
I'm not serious, i actually don't know how to program on a calculator, but I would definitely try if I knew how...If you're serious, I want to know how and where I can get it.Has anyone tried running DF on a graphic calculator?Yes, they told me to stop playing it while we were taking a test
Post by: shoeless on December 23, 2014, 02:55:12 pm
Why don't toddler dwarfs tantrum but adult dwarfs do?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 23, 2014, 08:46:45 pm
Why can dwarves drink blood in adventure mode and not fortress mode?
Post by: Aslandus on December 23, 2014, 09:05:46 pm
Why won't my dwarves chop up dead stray animals? They're not even pets guys, come on...
Post by: flabort on December 23, 2014, 09:12:35 pm
Why won't my dwarves chop up dead stray animals? They're not even pets guys, come on...They're paranoid about vermin affecting the dead animal if they didn't see it die by their own hands. Blood flies and purring maggots are a real concern, after all.
Why was it inevitable?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 24, 2014, 01:16:03 am
Is the above the dwarven answer to life, the universe and everything?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 24, 2014, 05:06:18 am
Have you ever tasted blood? It tastes like... well... blood. Death by thirst is preferable to drinking it if you aren't a vampire or being commanded by an omniscient force focusing all its might on making you suck up that blood.Does the fact that I like the taste of my own blood make me a vampire?
Post by: Arx on December 24, 2014, 09:37:03 am
Do vampires necessarily like the taste of blood?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 24, 2014, 11:13:47 am
How many times has a question with the theme of "Why can't I think of anything to ask?" been asked?
Post by: Magistrum on December 24, 2014, 05:44:37 pm
Why and how dwarves put menacing spikes on giant menacing spikes?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 24, 2014, 07:06:30 pm
Why am I asking, "Why can't I think of any question?"
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 25, 2014, 12:09:18 am
How do dwarves call a mush of several pieces of minced fat a biscuit?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 25, 2014, 10:38:08 pm
Why do dwarves have eyes?
Post by: pisskop on December 25, 2014, 10:41:55 pm
Why do evil biome effect affect the cavern, technically another separate biome?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 25, 2014, 11:16:16 pm
How do food stockpiles prevent rot?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 26, 2014, 02:23:46 pm
How was the first pickax made? (you need a pickaxe to mine metal, which you need to forge a pickax) Even if armok created the first anvil, making a pickax would still be impossible.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 26, 2014, 09:19:00 pm
Why are there an infinite number of small rocks on the ground?
Post by: ChildofSolitude on December 27, 2014, 12:01:47 am
Why did my doctor just use an incredibly expensive strand of an incredibly expensive blue metal to suture a minor leg injury (read:near removal) instead of using the nice, happy spider-infested batch I had next to it?
Post by: VoxieG on December 27, 2014, 12:24:28 am
Why are the undead creatures so powerful?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 27, 2014, 01:20:40 am
Why haven't dwarves weaponised the HFS?
Post by: VoxieG on December 27, 2014, 01:54:06 am
Why don't the elves bring along any caravan guards?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 27, 2014, 03:10:34 am
What happens if you seal the elven diplomat in a windowed glass chamber and flood the surrounding forest with magma?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on December 27, 2014, 12:56:58 pm
What's 10+9?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 27, 2014, 02:44:39 pm
Why are anatomical descriptions of fossils so complicated?
Post by: Baffler on December 27, 2014, 03:52:33 pm
How does a single tile of clay produce enough boulders to construct a city?
Post by: kopout on December 27, 2014, 06:49:36 pm
why don't any plants grow on the beach?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 28, 2014, 01:28:51 am
Why doesn't burning sulphur produce miasma?
Post by: Aslandus on December 28, 2014, 03:50:36 pm
Why does milling wheat produce seeds? Aren't the seeds what gets ground up?
Post by: kopout on December 28, 2014, 06:37:28 pm
What are puring maggots the larva of?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 28, 2014, 10:47:06 pm
Why is this thread under DF Dwarf Mode Discussion but the What would Urist do thread under DF General Discussion?
Post by: Baffler on December 29, 2014, 03:29:43 pm
Where do the mules you can embark with come from when horses and donkeys won't breed in fort mode?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 29, 2014, 08:19:05 pm
What about humans?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 29, 2014, 10:13:12 pm
Where do Trolls come from?
Post by: Legendary Emu on December 29, 2014, 10:56:20 pm
How do you mince milk?
Post by: Aslandus on December 29, 2014, 11:30:11 pm
How do the caravans get back to mountainhome from my island fortress?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 30, 2014, 12:51:14 am
What happens if dwarves obtained a Sentry Gun?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 30, 2014, 01:57:49 am
The caravans are just an illusion caused by the manifestation of the greater will of the common dwarven hivemind in the mountainhomes that retain the information and are dispelled the moment they leave the edge of the map.Dwarf'pocalsypse
What happens if dwarves obtained a Sentry Gun?
What happens if Elves get a Sentry Gun?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 30, 2014, 02:17:27 am
Why hasn't anyone tried selling the HFS to caravans?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on December 30, 2014, 04:07:31 am
They will wage an unending war against the ones whom they obtained it for because surely something as fancy as that has to have wood in it, right?Human DF players aren't Dorfy enough.
Why hasn't anyone tried selling the HFS to caravans?
Why don't we have Dwarf DF players?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on December 30, 2014, 09:31:36 am
Why aren't there dwarf smileys on these forums?
Post by: VoxieG on December 30, 2014, 12:51:08 pm
What does sewer brew taste like?
Post by: Arx on December 30, 2014, 01:22:42 pm
How do humans find enough native silver and gold to build entire cities from them?
Post by: Madman198237 on December 30, 2014, 06:02:29 pm
What would happen if a dwarf insulted Armok in fortress mode?
Post by: Loyal on December 30, 2014, 07:53:41 pm
Despite many embarks on sedimentary layers, I haven't dug up a single ounce of iron ore, quite literally in two years, outside of the odd Hematite vein in cavern layers. Where is it all hiding?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 30, 2014, 08:25:30 pm
How do I manage to be the first post at the top of the page three pages in a row?
Post by: VoxieG on December 30, 2014, 09:17:17 pm
Why do seaside fortresses always flood after abandoning or retiring?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 30, 2014, 09:24:51 pm
Why don't we see any sea dwarves?
Post by: VoxieG on December 30, 2014, 09:32:01 pm
Why do dwarves keep embarking on expeditions to frozen wastelands, scorching deserts, and uninhabited islands?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 31, 2014, 02:14:01 am
Why is merpeople genocide more horrifying than unicorn genocide?
Post by: IndigoFenix on December 31, 2014, 04:44:45 am
How can a single monarch butterfly brain function as a full course meal?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on December 31, 2014, 04:50:37 am
How do night trolls sustain on protein?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 01, 2015, 11:40:33 pm
why do the elves cannibalize?
Post by: Aslandus on January 01, 2015, 11:57:47 pm
Why won't dwarves eat elves?
Post by: Drewigi on January 01, 2015, 11:59:51 pm
How do Titans and Forgotten Beasts work biologically?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 02, 2015, 06:06:26 am
How do you differentiate a titan, forgotten beast and demon?
Post by: Arx on January 02, 2015, 07:14:17 am
Why do minecart and jump physics seem to work differently?
Post by: Knit tie on January 02, 2015, 03:00:39 pm
Why do dwarves enjoy eating pure tallow so much?
Post by: Baffler on January 02, 2015, 08:40:57 pm
How is grown wood made?
Post by: pisskop on January 02, 2015, 08:45:50 pm
Why isn't there good weather?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 02, 2015, 09:19:37 pm
Why isn't there savage weather?
Post by: Aslandus on January 03, 2015, 04:40:21 pm
Why is glass so good?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 04, 2015, 01:29:38 am
Why does fire clay make stoneware but other clay make earthenware?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on January 04, 2015, 05:50:30 am
How do dwarves navigate my fortress, despite the fact that they have no way of seeing as much as I can as overseer and the fact that even so I still get lost?
Post by: Arx on January 04, 2015, 06:04:24 am
How is it that a dwarf capable of lifting a barrel to drink from it and hauling cinnabar (if slowly) cannot deck a goblin in one punch?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 04, 2015, 09:16:50 am
why is everything inevitable?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 05, 2015, 06:15:05 am
Why is this question so popular?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on January 05, 2015, 06:54:54 am
Why are so many of the questions here answered in a recursive/meta way?
Post by: Button on January 05, 2015, 02:11:14 pm
Why are so many of the questions here answered in a recursive/meta way?
Why are so many of the questions here asked in a recursive/meta way?
Why don't dwarves differentiate between kangaroo milk, kangaroo woman milk and giant kangaroo milk?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 05, 2015, 03:24:07 pm
How can a giant sperm whale fit through a fortification?
Post by: Button on January 05, 2015, 06:00:55 pm
How can a giant sperm whale fit through a fortification?
Someone slipped an abstinence-only "education" pamphlet into Toady's research.
(For those of you who live in sane places, sex ed in the U.S. often contains outright lies. A common one is that condoms regularly have holes in them big enough to let sperm through. When I was in school we got a handout about it, with an image of a sperm cell, and a circle 3 times its size representing the standard size of holes in condom latex.)
Why don't constructed fortifications have floors on top?
Post by: Aslandus on January 05, 2015, 07:37:34 pm
Why can't I poison my crossbow bolts?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 05, 2015, 11:15:55 pm
How are dwarves supposed to walk on something that crossbow bolts can fly through? Next you'll be suggesting they start walking on air!You can, but it's difficult and requires a FB with deadly dust, careful containment, and cleaning stations.
Why can't I poison my crossbow bolts?
Why did my attempt to poison bolts fail spectacularly?
Post by: Baffler on January 05, 2015, 11:30:22 pm
Why don't dwarves clean the interiors of surface buildings?
Post by: Button on January 06, 2015, 09:31:03 am
Why don't dwarves clean the interiors of surface buildings?
All dwarven buildings are open on top, because they're designed for use underground. Therefore, time spent cleaning surface buildings is time spent in the dreaded sun.
What do dimple cup spawn taste like?
Post by: pisskop on January 06, 2015, 09:34:22 am
Why can't plump helmets be mashed into purple dye?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 06, 2015, 03:01:20 pm
How can ghosts be murdered by a fell dwarf?
Post by: Arx on January 06, 2015, 03:07:52 pm
Why do dwarf children take so long to grow up? Survival of the fittest should ensure that the faster they grow, the longer they live.
Post by: Magistrum on January 06, 2015, 03:19:20 pm
Why did I responded this seriously?
Post by: Arx on January 06, 2015, 03:35:39 pm
Is it possible to cap The Most Interesting Dwarf in the World?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 06, 2015, 04:51:08 pm
Possibly because of the over-the-top nature of the previous answer.You'd need to simultaneously open a warehouse of booze barrels whilst declare him Most Interesting Dwarf in the World while he is riding a magma-powered sperm whale and striking down undead elephants.
Is it possible to cap The Most Interesting Dwarf in the World?
Can you strike down undead elephants?
Post by: Button on January 07, 2015, 12:30:16 am
Why haven't dwarves brewed magma into booze yet?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 07, 2015, 12:38:01 am
How would magma with dissolved Elf in it taste if fermented into alchohol?
Post by: Knit tie on January 07, 2015, 12:51:06 am
Why are my dwarves perpetually "fine" despite my forcing them to watch their children die and rot?
Post by: Eric Blank on January 07, 2015, 03:24:02 am
Why do my dwarves fall into permanent depression if they suffer any injury?
Post by: Knit tie on January 07, 2015, 04:10:29 am
Why do elves not realist that wooden swords and spears are much worse than wooden maces and hammers?
Post by: Putnam on January 07, 2015, 04:15:24 am
Also because wooden maces and hammers aren't actually that much better?
Why do dwarves with moods seem to be under the opinion that golden swords are worthwhile?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 07, 2015, 09:31:53 am
Why does shiny = better?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 07, 2015, 05:52:12 pm
How is Adamantine so light?
Post by: Sirbug on January 07, 2015, 05:59:23 pm
Why do caravaneers don't seem to be bothered when they roll into the fortress full of corpses?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 07, 2015, 06:27:31 pm
What IS miasma made of?
Post by: Sirbug on January 07, 2015, 06:29:39 pm
How do trees manage to penetrate several levels below if they collapse during the wildfire?
Post by: Baffler on January 07, 2015, 10:26:22 pm
How can dwarves stand only a few feet away from a pool of magma and not die in the heat?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 07, 2015, 10:30:41 pm
Why is it that dwarves can use ores of lead, uranium, and cyanide for making things to store food in without dieing from eating said food
Post by: Arcvasti on January 07, 2015, 10:59:09 pm
Why haven't dwarves made nuclear reactors by splitting atoms with adamantine blades?
Post by: Oriolous on January 07, 2015, 11:36:56 pm
Their livers are 150% the size and efficiency of ours. Their filtration and such is WAY better then a humans. Plus, what is one the main symptoms of lead poisoning? A greater tendency towards violence. Dwarves will go berserk at any provocation and have fragile psyches. They ARE damaged by their use, just not fatally. Although it is said dwarves used to live a lot longer then they do now, before lead mugs and pitchblende pots became common.
Why haven't dwarves made nuclear reactors by splitting atoms with adamantine blades?
Because clearly adamantine doesn't have a monomolecular edge.
Do dwarves even question the safety of some megaprojects, like Operation F*** the World in the legend of Boatmurdered?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 07, 2015, 11:55:48 pm
Why do Dwarves go to player-controlled fortresses?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 08, 2015, 12:01:45 am
Up until there is a king at the overseer fort that is
Then it's just to say they live at the mountain home
Why do dwarves not understand that water is dangerous?
Post by: Oriolous on January 08, 2015, 12:15:17 am
Why do dwarves need water when in the hospital? Booze works much better as a drink and anesthetic.
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 08, 2015, 12:17:31 am
Why do the patients not die?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 08, 2015, 05:24:01 am
Why is a fortress under player control undergoing a period of questionable judgement (check legends)?
Post by: Sirbug on January 08, 2015, 05:55:27 am
Why can building destroyer destroy anything but constructions?
Post by: Button on January 08, 2015, 11:27:06 am
Why can building destroyer destroy anything but constructions?
They can't. Chains, traps, and most artifacts are also indestructible.
Why haven't dwarves bred dogs into different breeds yet?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 08, 2015, 11:56:16 am
or because dwarves don't monitor why the dogs look different so dogs aren't noted as being different breeds but instead just looking different
Why does Urist McFisherdwarf feel it necessary to jump 20 z levels down a cliff to get the the river to fish?
Post by: Arx on January 08, 2015, 12:10:53 pm
Do featherwood tree eggs break if you drop them?
Post by: Lord_lemonpie on January 08, 2015, 12:37:51 pm
Why aren't more animals trainable?
Post by: Enchiridion on January 08, 2015, 06:43:57 pm
With the newly implemented one square large embarks, why can you not choose the exact parameters of the map?
Post by: Kyzer on January 09, 2015, 01:26:29 am
Are megaprojects the result of overseers getting strange moods?
[EDIT: Typo fixed.]
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 09, 2015, 06:20:17 am
Why haven't we heard about gibbering DF players being dragged off to mental hospital while muttering weird names?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 09, 2015, 07:08:08 am
Why haven't we stopped it if it is happening?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 09, 2015, 07:57:41 am
Post by: Kyzer on January 09, 2015, 08:08:06 am
(That is my question.)
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 09, 2015, 08:09:44 am
Because we are waiting for them to finish their artifact constructions
Why are dwarves more retarded than an adamantine barrel.
((Woops sorry))
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 09, 2015, 07:37:34 pm
How would elves deal with the HFS?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 09, 2015, 09:10:34 pm
Why haven't dwarves figured out how to make regular bread like literally every Western society in history?
Post by: pisskop on January 09, 2015, 09:17:08 pm
Why don't dwarves overthrow the monarch and adopt a more communistic hierarchy?
Because communism definitely has a hierarchy
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 09, 2015, 09:22:32 pm
Post by: Eric Blank on January 09, 2015, 09:24:18 pm
They can always throw the monarch in the magma.
Why don't dwarves butcher livestock that died of natural causes, such as old age?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 09, 2015, 09:42:05 pm
How does a single shield stop a bout of dragonfire?
Post by: pisskop on January 09, 2015, 09:43:49 pm
How can adventurers carry and use 20 shields in combat as once?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 09, 2015, 09:54:08 pm
Why doesn't everyone become a rolling ball of shields?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 09, 2015, 10:20:22 pm
WHy is it so easy to slaughter a dwarven fortress in Adventure Mode?
Post by: Aslandus on January 09, 2015, 10:26:16 pm
Why don't the dwarves think with the mad mind of the overseer?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 10, 2015, 12:57:33 am
Where do fluids that go off the map disappear to?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 10, 2015, 01:00:19 am
What would happen if Steve from minecraft (master miner, archer, swordsman, armor user, craftsman, and other such things) were to migrate to a dwarf fortress?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 10, 2015, 01:16:23 am
Steve has been shot and killed
EDIT: Wrong thread.
Why can't magma crabs be used as makeshift handheld ballistic weapons?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 10, 2015, 01:32:01 am
WWUD if he had a pet fire imp?
Post by: pisskop on January 10, 2015, 11:32:59 am
Why dont religious sects of knights and mercenaries exist?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 10, 2015, 12:13:08 pm
Why don't the dwarves inside a fortress use money?
Post by: pisskop on January 10, 2015, 12:18:03 pm
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 10, 2015, 12:21:11 pm
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on January 10, 2015, 02:11:53 pm
Post by: Larix on January 10, 2015, 02:24:03 pm
Money can't buy you
Why is gold considered so valuable in-game, when it's just about the most abundant metal and can't even be used for weapons or armour?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 10, 2015, 02:25:50 pm
(Disregard this as an answer)
Post by: Aslandus on January 10, 2015, 02:39:47 pm
Why do caravans buy skull totems?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 10, 2015, 02:42:30 pm
What makes dwarves so resilient?
Post by: Legendary Emu on January 10, 2015, 02:55:13 pm
How do sea lampreys get in the smallest brooks?
Post by: Knit tie on January 10, 2015, 05:49:52 pm
Why do dwarves drink so fast in the new version?
Post by: Button on January 12, 2015, 10:45:36 am
Why do dwarves drink so fast in the new version?
Advances in funnel technology.
Why won't an engraver run away from the magma he just unleashed unless he already has his next job queued up?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 12, 2015, 04:14:58 pm
Why do lords and ladies let you become a hearthperson after they know you strangled an innocent to death, and are currently holding stolen knives?
Post by: Knit tie on January 12, 2015, 04:20:33 pm
Why is it possible for a dwarf to scratch a standing giant in the head and knock him out by doing so?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 12, 2015, 04:24:17 pm
Humans, elves, and other things?
Hoping they are dwarfy enough. That's why dwarves are more likely to knock out giants by scratching their heads.
Why do copper carving knives and the like cause so much damage?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 12, 2015, 11:49:54 pm
Why did that law keeper not die after taking 47 copper carving knives to the back, 1 to the throat, 2 glanced off his skull, and several lashings?
Post by: pisskop on January 12, 2015, 11:51:51 pm
Why do dwarves extort protection money from their enemies? (instead of, you know, killing them?)
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 13, 2015, 08:53:03 am
When you're digging through soil, where does all of the dirt go?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 13, 2015, 09:31:10 am
Why have goblins never figured out how to dig into forts instead of waiting for the gates to open?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 13, 2015, 09:44:29 am
How much do Dwarven Fortresses resemble Fallout Vaults?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 13, 2015, 09:54:22 am
Why does only the player character exploit the ability to hold infinite weapons?
Post by: Aslandus on January 13, 2015, 10:16:54 am
Why are shields so much better than armor?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 13, 2015, 10:23:12 am
Why does anyone use bucklers?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 13, 2015, 11:54:35 am
thats the only thing I can think of
Why are tactics that usually only work for large formations (such as using spears and heavy shields) also work well for a single dwarf fighting by himself?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 13, 2015, 12:03:37 pm
Why do we need to know everyone's favorite color?
Post by: pisskop on January 13, 2015, 12:05:40 pm
Why can't the player mod bags, quivers, or backpacks?
Post by: Arx on January 13, 2015, 02:59:37 pm
What the heck is up (aha) with skyhooks?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 14, 2015, 08:09:26 am
Why fish, why not turtles for a reference?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 14, 2015, 08:43:18 am
Which are better spear dwarves or mace dwarves?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 14, 2015, 08:53:06 am
What is the closest word to magma apart from magma?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 14, 2015, 09:06:05 am
it has all the letters and proves that dwarves work with radiation
What would dwarves do with railguns?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 14, 2015, 09:09:47 am
What would dwarves do with minecarts?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 14, 2015, 09:12:38 am
How do dwarf necromancers know what the god is giving them, since all dwarves are illiterate. For all they know, their slab could say "HAHA, You Fell For It."
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 14, 2015, 09:18:50 am
Why do Siege Operators run away?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 14, 2015, 10:18:51 am
Post by: Nidilap on January 14, 2015, 10:25:57 am
Post by: Badger Storm on January 14, 2015, 12:14:37 pm
Why can't you mill peanuts to make peanut butter?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 14, 2015, 12:19:09 pm
Why are bitter melons inedible but their leaves edible?
Post by: Findulidas on January 14, 2015, 02:27:41 pm
Why are bitter melons inedible but their leaves edible?
Isnt that a bug? Thought a lot of the fruit/leaves issues where bugs.
Post by: Badger Storm on January 14, 2015, 02:54:26 pm
If drunians have hands, why haven't they invented anything cool using them?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 14, 2015, 03:03:03 pm
Humans have rather cool beards, so their inventions are rather cool.
Dwarves have DWARFY beards, so their inventions are DWARFY.
Why does drinking liquids covering your body no longer restore thirst?
Post by: Aslandus on January 14, 2015, 03:41:55 pm
Why do dwarves take the advice of cats?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 15, 2015, 05:25:22 am
Then what about the overseers?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 15, 2015, 05:28:49 pm
Why does gelding male animals not produce cookable bodyparts?
Post by: Aslandus on January 15, 2015, 06:20:11 pm
Why can't I milk cows for ice cream in a glacier biome?
Post by: Magistrum on January 15, 2015, 06:37:32 pm
Why does my stomach hurts, it's been two days already, so much that I can't even play DF or post right or even think of a question?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 15, 2015, 11:00:51 pm
Why don't Dwarves drink more?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 15, 2015, 11:35:33 pm
Why does a pocket full of sunshine (the drink) not cheer up my depressed dwarf?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 16, 2015, 12:17:58 am
Why on earth does cave adaptation DO that? I don't think that's how biology works.
Post by: Baffler on January 16, 2015, 12:28:23 am
Because they're cave adapted and it makes them vomit everywhere.
Why on earth does cave adaptation DO that? I don't think that's how biology works.
Underground has low levels of light and very little air circulation. Dwarves develop low-light vision (plump helmets are packed with beta carotene!) and their facial follicles become sensitive to the motions that a breeze produces against their beards, which allows them to tell where tunnels turn. As they go deeper, their eyes become less relied upon, and they adapt further to rely on their whisker-based folli-cation. These eventually become so sensitive that, should a dwarf venture outside, the wind is the equivalent of multicolored and varying strobe lights. This is as aggravating to a dwarf's folli-cation as a Pink Floyd show seen while sober is to our sight, up to the point of causing nausea. While some have proposed beard shaving as a method of treating hyper-folli-cation, these people are believed to be elf spies, and drafted to cavern exploring instead.
-Deus Machina, Dwarven Anatomical Researcher.
Why do dwarves make an entire spear out of metal, instead of just the head?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 16, 2015, 01:02:24 am
Why can't you train your dwarves to use throwing spears?
Post by: Bumber on January 16, 2015, 04:01:09 am
Because you need the weight to get it stuck that easily in everything :PTheir arms are too short.
Why can't you train your dwarves to use throwing spears?
Why don't elves use wagons?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 16, 2015, 05:09:10 am
Why do dogs and cats have such outlandish coat coloration?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 16, 2015, 08:59:11 am
Why is it so easy to prepare for a fight against a bronze colossus?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 16, 2015, 12:13:37 pm
How can someone detest hamsters yet like large roaches?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 16, 2015, 12:18:12 pm
They are fluffy beasts prone to gorging themselves on your food en masse.
Of course, clean fortresses have fluffier and cuter ones than unclean ones, but how often do you find spotless forts?
Even if a fort's hamsters become cuter, the dwarves that learned to hate them can never recover...
Oh, and roaches are hardy sons-a-swordsmen, making many dwarves admire their prowess, overlooking their severe lack of physical appearance.
Why are wagons 9 times larger than dragons?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 16, 2015, 02:35:23 pm
Why doesn't Dwarf Fortress have death yaks?
Post by: Arx on January 16, 2015, 02:38:02 pm
How do elves ever survive worldgen?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 16, 2015, 02:41:40 pm
Why havnt dwarves learned how to use dwarven at tom smashers on uranium ore to create WMD's?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 16, 2015, 02:45:00 pm
What would a "therapist" noble position be like?
Post by: Aslandus on January 16, 2015, 02:47:14 pm
Why don't dwarves have actual therapists?
Post by: Magistrum on January 16, 2015, 02:56:23 pm
Because they already have mayors, that do precisely that.
Why even tough I have been under a great deal of stress lately my city's mayor won't let me scream at him/cry on his shoulder?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 16, 2015, 03:01:42 pm
Also, you have to drink one unit of water for every unit of booze, or genuinely upsetting things can happen.
Why are giant olms and toads so strong?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 16, 2015, 10:33:59 pm
Why are the lengths of days equal throughout the year?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 16, 2015, 11:16:05 pm
Why don't my dwarves in copper armor shine?
Post by: Arcvasti on January 16, 2015, 11:21:41 pm
How do fish get into aquifers?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 16, 2015, 11:36:49 pm
how do all my dwarves seem to end up in the aquifer?
Post by: Donagh on January 16, 2015, 11:46:47 pm
Why haven't we discovered plumphelmits yet?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 17, 2015, 01:03:05 am
What would happen if you crossed DF and Star Wars?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 17, 2015, 01:07:34 am
WHat would happen if lord of the rings happened in a DF world
Post by: Arcvasti on January 17, 2015, 01:19:32 am
"Legolas, what are you doing? DO NOT EAT THE ORCS!"
Frodo cancels dump item: Taken by mood
I could go on...
Why do wooden/lignite artifacts burn forever?
Post by: Baffler on January 17, 2015, 01:39:23 am
Why do creatures require contact to breed when they didn't before?
Post by: Eric Blank on January 17, 2015, 02:21:12 am
Why, then, do cats still manage to breed so goddamn much!?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 17, 2015, 02:47:59 am
How do pigs survive without food?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 17, 2015, 03:39:20 pm
Where does the stuff dwarves eat go? After they are at max fatness?
Post by: Knit tie on January 17, 2015, 06:24:11 pm
Why are my soldiers all missing their left boots?
Post by: Aslandus on January 17, 2015, 06:44:59 pm
Why don't dwarves have fishing poles?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 17, 2015, 07:05:37 pm
When will dwarves learn how to break walls with beardforce?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on January 17, 2015, 07:28:38 pm
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 17, 2015, 07:43:49 pm
Post by: FallenAngel on January 17, 2015, 07:47:20 pm
Why are dwarves extremely socialist?
Post by: Aslandus on January 17, 2015, 07:54:02 pm
Why does everyone feel vengeful against ravens?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 18, 2015, 01:46:28 am
Why can I find a freaking cavern?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 18, 2015, 03:08:13 am
Why can't we embark entirely on mountains?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 22, 2015, 03:32:05 pm
Why can't we use stepladders to rescue those morons who get themselves stuck in trees?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 22, 2015, 04:26:48 pm
Why can't we stop natural selection?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 26, 2015, 07:48:14 am
Why did this thread almost die?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on January 26, 2015, 07:56:46 am
Even though I don't mind, what causes nethercap to maintain an eternally stable temperature?
Post by: pisskop on January 26, 2015, 08:18:24 am
Why don't dwarves get their beards chopped off in combat? I've seen noses, ear, pinkies, and now genitalia; but not hair.
Post by: Button on January 26, 2015, 10:41:57 am
Why don't dwarves get their beards chopped off in combat? I've seen noses, ear, pinkies, and now genitalia; but not hair.
Hair is currently modeled as a tissue layer, not an appendage. This means that while hair can be cut into, it can't be cut off, similar to skin.
Why does my firewall think the old location of the DFFD is a porn site?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 26, 2015, 05:18:07 pm
Dear God what save did you upload?Why don't dwarves get their beards chopped off in combat? I've seen noses, ear, pinkies, and now genitalia; but not hair.
Hair is currently modeled as a tissue layer, not an appendage. This means that while hair can be cut into, it can't be cut off, similar to skin.
Why does my firewall think the old location of the DFFD is a porn site?
Why doesn't my firewall block porn sites?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 26, 2015, 05:44:03 pm
What are you searching to get porn sites?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 26, 2015, 05:47:29 pm
Why are we still talking about porn?
Post by: pisskop on January 26, 2015, 07:43:50 pm
Why does Building a floor over a tree cause a crash?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on January 26, 2015, 08:25:49 pm
How can a giant bat kill my marked dwarves so easily?
Post by: Bumber on January 26, 2015, 10:32:14 pm
Because branches can't support that kind of weight.Because of Al Capone. (http://youtu.be/QHH9EYZHoVU?t=1m40s)
How can a giant bat kill my marked dwarves so easily?
Just what is it that dwarves do when they're on break?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 27, 2015, 05:06:50 am
Why don't dwarves drink milk?
Post by: Bouchart on January 27, 2015, 01:37:07 pm
Post by: Antikythera on January 27, 2015, 01:57:35 pm
Why when I build a stone stockpile with minecart stop in a 50x50 room full of stone does urist mcwheelbarrow decide to walk 100 squares (past the destination stop) to haul ore to the stockpile?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 27, 2015, 02:06:10 pm
What are the requirements for a dwarf to evolve into a giant sponge, which as we all know, is the final form of the Beard?
Post by: Aslandus on January 27, 2015, 04:58:43 pm
Why don't dwarves drink milk?All dwarves are lactose intolerant, but cheese is so tasty they can't resist eating it anyway
What are the requirements for a dwarf to evolve into a giant sponge, which as we all know, is the final form of the Beard?They have to soak in sponge flesh mixed with salt water for ten years without dying, at which point they become sedentary and immune to the hypnosis of the cat overlords... and drowning...
Why does nobody care about the cave troll wandering through the dining hall?
Post by: Vyro on January 27, 2015, 05:56:22 pm
Why does nobody care about the cave troll wandering through the dining hall?
Oh, he's just looking for a bathroom so nobody minds him.
Why is a cave troll looking for a bathroom inside your perimeter?
Post by: KtosoX on January 27, 2015, 06:34:47 pm
Why is a cave troll looking for a bathroom inside your perimeter?
He just wants to take a quick bath to wash off the blood.
Why is nobody cleaning up the blood trail left over by the earlier mentioned cave troll?
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 27, 2015, 07:19:48 pm
Why did the cave troll cross the trap corridor 5 times on his way to the bathroom?
Post by: Goblins on January 27, 2015, 08:01:09 pm
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 27, 2015, 08:18:19 pm
My dwarf decided to bring an undead goblin corpse to a pit to be put into the arena. It was 100 tiles away. I mean, I was the one who told them to... but it's so hard! Why the heck was this undead abomination able to kill all forty of my dwarfs?Undead have unique "HP" mechanics which make them pretty much immune to unarmed combat. Unless you have dwarves that can punch with the force of a sledgehammer. 40 civilians could even kill a dragon if lucky, by causing enough pain, blood loss or suffocation... Zombies don't have any of these things.
Plus zombification causes sudden muscle mass gain, don't ask how.
Also zombies give really bad thoughts, and it's hard to fight back while screaming in horror and suffering flashbacks and stuff.
Post by: Aslandus on January 27, 2015, 10:01:04 pm
I think the hp system was taken out, so unless you can pulp the zombie (or chop it apart with axes/swords, if you don't mind having living limbs creeping around) it's not going anywhere...My dwarf decided to bring an undead goblin corpse to a pit to be put into the arena. It was 100 tiles away. I mean, I was the one who told them to... but it's so hard! Why the heck was this undead abomination able to kill all forty of my dwarfs?Undead have unique "HP" mechanics which make them pretty much immune to unarmed combat. Unless you have dwarves that can punch with the force of a sledgehammer. 40 civilians could even kill a dragon if lucky, by causing enough pain, blood loss or suffocation... Zombies don't have any of these things.
Plus zombification causes sudden muscle mass gain, don't ask how.
Also zombies give really bad thoughts, and it's hard to fight back while screaming in horror and suffering flashbacks and stuff.
Nobody wants to become a part of that trail.He likes making fun of your puny traps, and how not dead they make him.
Why did the cave troll cross the trap corridor 5 times on his way to the bathroom?
What kind of toilet does a cave troll use?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 28, 2015, 08:07:00 am
What kind of toilets does anyone even use?
Post by: Goblins on January 28, 2015, 09:24:10 am
Post by: ☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼ on January 28, 2015, 09:56:13 am
What kind of toilets does anyone even use?Dwarves don't need them. Their digestive ends in a dead end. Nutritients and water get absorbed by the dwarf, everything else reinforces the beard. That's why they're impossible to cut off.
As for other races, their bodily functions seem connected to another dimension which exists only to teleport everything needed to survive straight into their blood stream.
Why don't dwarfs need light? Are they closely related to moles?They smell the air and detect vibrations with their beards, that's what most dwarven scientists say. However, they do so only to keep the truth from us - dwarves are radioactive. They're walking reactors powered by alcohol and if they live for long enough in an enclosed space, it absorbs their radiation and starts giving of light - this is why invaders don't smash into walls blindly while underground. And this is also what causes merchants to go ax-crazy if kept there against their will.
Why dwarves haven't weaponised these two attributes yet?
Post by: KtosoX on January 28, 2015, 12:55:36 pm
Their [Dwarves] digestive ends in a dead end. Nutritients and water get absorbed by the dwarf, everything else reinforces the beard. That's why they're impossible to cut off...
...dwarves are radioactive. They're walking reactors powered by alcohol and if they live for long enough in an enclosed space, it absorbs their radiation and starts giving of light - this is why invaders don't smash into walls blindly while underground. And this is also what causes merchants to go ax-crazy if kept there against their will.
Why dwarves haven't weaponised these two attributes yet?
Dwarven scientist and researchers are indeed famous for their attempts at weaponization of the worlds natural phenomena. Unfortunately, their designs are often abandoned due to trivial matters like implementation difficulties or casualties. One could also blame for this state of things the lack of progressiveness within the dwarven nation. Generations died of dehydration before the general population finally started harvesting tree gown fruits for booze production...
Why are there no waterwheel based mechanical contraptions in the Mountain homes?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on January 28, 2015, 01:13:43 pm
Why doesn't a creature with an outer layer of flame light grass on fire if it walks on it?
Post by: Sanctume on January 28, 2015, 05:21:19 pm
Why doesn't a creature with an outer layer of flame light grass on fire if it walks on it?
Those are just engravings depicting a layer of flame.
If an armor is made of magma-safe materials, how come wrestling a magma crab still burns?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 28, 2015, 05:44:30 pm
When will people stop making unfunny beard jokes?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 28, 2015, 06:40:49 pm
Why can't dwarves get water from a cactus?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 28, 2015, 07:01:21 pm
Why can't you tap maple trees for their delicious syrup?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 28, 2015, 07:25:53 pm
Why is the word "beard" fun to type?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 28, 2015, 07:30:15 pm
Cancels answer question: writing beard.
The power of the beard compels you!
Why does the power of the beard compel you?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 28, 2015, 07:33:17 pm
Why do dwarf-related questions's answers often involve more beards than you'd think?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 29, 2015, 05:24:08 am
What happens if an elf grows a beard?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on January 29, 2015, 07:07:00 am
What happens when a human grows a beard?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 29, 2015, 08:14:21 am
Why don't mustaches or sideburns get any love?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 29, 2015, 08:16:04 am
It is all in the length, which affects the surface area to volume ratio of the amount of mind controlling substances the organism can release into the enviroment.
What happens when a kobold grows a beard?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 29, 2015, 08:38:11 am
If we have dwarven wagons, why can't we play Oregon trail: DF edition?
Post by: Button on January 29, 2015, 09:13:28 am
If we have dwarven wagons, why can't we play Oregon trail: DF edition?
You can. It's called "Adventure mode."
Why can't we buy, steal, or tame pack animals in adventure mode?
Post by: pisskop on January 29, 2015, 09:17:26 am
Why don't dwarves request a profession from the overseer when they arrive?
Post by: Sanctume on January 29, 2015, 09:57:40 am
Why don't dwarves request a profession from the overseer when they arrive?
The overseer like in most succession game only care about the grand plan. You want to be a mason? Ok, go build this floor over that magma ditch.
How can I weaponize socks?
Post by: Button on January 29, 2015, 10:14:21 am
How can I weaponize socks?
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2014:Danger_room#Coinstar_Room
Why can't dwarves conduct meetings without their hands?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 29, 2015, 10:20:52 am
How does the SMR stay semi-molten?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 29, 2015, 02:57:11 pm
Do magma gnomes like booze as much as their surface-dwelling counterparts?
Post by: FallenAngel on January 29, 2015, 03:00:12 pm
Why haven't dwarves learned how to brew meat into booze?
Post by: Goblins on January 29, 2015, 04:32:11 pm
Post by: pisskop on January 29, 2015, 04:34:50 pm
Ah. I keep crashing in 40.24. It's becoming slightly annoying. Anybody got DF 40.23 or lower hanging around? I need to downgrade.On the download page for 40.24, go to 'legacy' section. Select.
They prefer to drink molten metal.They have, but the filthy buggers keep nippin' it on the job.
Why haven't dwarves learned how to brew meat into booze?
What is the canon way to explain the sudden changes between versions/worlds?
Post by: Goblins on January 29, 2015, 04:35:39 pm
Post by: Aslandus on January 29, 2015, 04:48:35 pm
Link please?http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/older_versions.html
There you go
Post by: Goblins on January 29, 2015, 04:58:29 pm
Post by: Badger Storm on January 29, 2015, 05:03:11 pm
Ah. I keep crashing in 40.24. It's becoming slightly annoying. Anybody got DF 40.23 or lower hanging around? I need to downgrade.On the download page for 40.24, go to 'legacy' section. Select.They prefer to drink molten metal.They have, but the filthy buggers keep nippin' it on the job.
Why haven't dwarves learned how to brew meat into booze?
What is the canon way to explain the sudden changes between versions/worlds?
Armok gets bored and reshapes reality to something less boring.
Why can't you use animals' nails to make crafts if migrants sometimes arrive wearing nail jewelry?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 30, 2015, 05:06:56 am
Does PyLNP keep their updates somewhere?Check the front page of the thread.
How do you even get the nails in the first place?Ah. I keep crashing in 40.24. It's becoming slightly annoying. Anybody got DF 40.23 or lower hanging around? I need to downgrade.On the download page for 40.24, go to 'legacy' section. Select.They prefer to drink molten metal.They have, but the filthy buggers keep nippin' it on the job.
Why haven't dwarves learned how to brew meat into booze?
What is the canon way to explain the sudden changes between versions/worlds?
Armok gets bored and reshapes reality to something less boring.
Why can't you use animals' nails to make crafts if migrants sometimes arrive wearing nail jewelry?
When will people finally cease mistaking this thread as a serious one?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 30, 2015, 08:56:16 am
Why aren't there any kaiju in DF?
Post by: Naryar on January 30, 2015, 09:01:37 am
When people stop mistaking idle curiosity for legitimate questions.
Why aren't there any kaiju in DF?
They're called Forgotten Beasts.
why is this thread off-topic
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 30, 2015, 09:10:33 am
Why don't automatons exist in DF?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on January 30, 2015, 09:21:01 am
To be on topic is to be off another one, and in this perpetual state of flux this thread shall exist.Implying that Bronze colossi aren't?
Why don't automatons exist in DF?
What is the freakish rain that falls mainly on the plain to inflict pain?
Post by: Aslandus on January 30, 2015, 09:37:58 am
Why don't fisherdwarves use spears to fish?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 30, 2015, 12:20:29 pm
Hypothetically speaking, how many giant wrens would you have to kill in order to get enough of their (hypothetical) nails to make a crown?
Post by: Vyro on January 30, 2015, 01:43:42 pm
Hypothetically speaking, how many giant wrens would you have to kill in order to get enough of their (hypothetical) nails to make a crown?
Precisely one for a single material stack, duh. Regardless of size it is consumed entirely for one job.
Why would a stack of several dozen bones be required to decorate a small animal trap whereas some dorfs happily make entire cabinets out of single tiny gem?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 30, 2015, 02:47:39 pm
Why do building materials become darker when made into floors? I can't make my Pikachu mosaic dining room like this!
Post by: Sanctume on January 30, 2015, 02:57:13 pm
Why do building materials become darker when made into floors? I can't make my Pikachu mosaic dining room like this!
Isn't there a option to adjust tink in the LNP?
If a a mini-fort out of a cube of obsidian over a volcano is caved-in, will it stay intact on the bottom?
Post by: BraveHero400 on January 30, 2015, 03:23:47 pm
Quote from: Sanctume
If a a mini-fort out of a cube of obsidian over a volcano is caved-in, will it stay intact on the bottom?
Well, in a volcano, no. Dropping it a few levels onto the ground works, sometimes. (this person tried this idea) (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?PHPSESSID=fe3614d5bb04d3a75b90f9c99aa7990c&topic=56305.0)
Why am I getting notifications when Troglodytes give birth?
Post by: Aslandus on January 30, 2015, 03:32:36 pm
Why am I getting notifications when Troglodytes give birth?The dwarves can hear the chirping and screeching from the fortress...
Why do my dwarves keep bringing animals they killed to the butcher shop deep underground rather then the one right on the surface where they killed the beasties?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 30, 2015, 04:09:42 pm
Why don't gryphons or centaurs exist when we have monstrosities like green devourers and creepy crawlers?
Post by: Button on January 30, 2015, 04:54:35 pm
Why don't gryphons or centaurs exist when we have monstrosities like green devourers and creepy crawlers?
Even in the most fantastic world, people will always make up stories about fantastic creatures. Something had to be only a legend.
Why don't dwarves get negative thoughts from walking through vomit?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on January 30, 2015, 05:17:50 pm
Why do dogs like to perform violence on animal men?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 30, 2015, 07:13:06 pm
Why don't dogs actually bite anything?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 30, 2015, 11:34:41 pm
What would happen if there were Nethack unicorns in DF?
Post by: The Big D on January 31, 2015, 05:28:25 am
Why are Jabberers called Jabberers when they don't speak (or at least, it doesn't say it in the description) and they have no [CAN_SPEAK] tag?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 31, 2015, 07:26:10 am
Why can't you brew mog juice?
Post by: Knit tie on January 31, 2015, 08:06:27 am
Why can't you drink blood?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on January 31, 2015, 08:40:40 am
Why are there three cavern layers, why not more?
Post by: NomeQueEuLembro on January 31, 2015, 08:48:08 am
Why we can't get leather from bunnies?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 31, 2015, 09:44:47 am
How do gods decide what kind of werebeast somebody becomes when they profane their altars?
Post by: Aslandus on January 31, 2015, 10:50:32 am
Why are werebeasts so much more infectious than vampires?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 31, 2015, 10:55:59 am
Why do all my modding attempts mess with the generation of shelled vermin?
Post by: Aslandus on January 31, 2015, 12:30:15 pm
So what happened to the mussels?
Post by: pisskop on January 31, 2015, 12:38:57 pm
How does one harvest leather from a mussel?
Post by: Badger Storm on January 31, 2015, 01:32:28 pm
Why don't the dragons have wings?
Post by: Aslandus on January 31, 2015, 03:59:36 pm
Does this mean cave dragons are technically insects?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 01, 2015, 12:03:39 am
Why is my fort falling apart?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 01, 2015, 01:05:24 am
How much dried blood and congealed misery do you need to keep a fort together?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 01, 2015, 01:27:49 am
Why hasn't a tantrum spiral started yet? Are my dwarves just that hardened?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 01, 2015, 01:47:40 am
Why can't vampires fill their waterskins with blood so they don't have to hunt so much?
Post by: The Big D on February 01, 2015, 04:10:38 am
Why do gods possess the power to turn demons into other gods?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 01, 2015, 05:19:18 am
Why hasn't anyone tried running DF on a supercomputer?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 01, 2015, 05:13:39 pm
For the continuation of their species of course. They implant little parasitic copies of themselves and the demon acts as a host.Still lobbying for permission, but I'm a lowly freshman who has yet to get a professor hooked or explain why it's a valuable research project.
Why hasn't anyone tried running DF on a supercomputer?
I don't hazve a question. Pass
Post by: pisskop on February 01, 2015, 05:18:03 pm
Why shalln't he?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 01, 2015, 07:14:52 pm
!!YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!(( shan't. ))
Why shalln't he?
Post by: Aslandus on February 01, 2015, 10:17:38 pm
He shan't pass the shantie!!YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!(( shan't. ))
Why shalln't he?
for the ocean of brandy
is wagered upon this old vessel of rhyme
and passing the shantie
means giving up brandy
a price too high for him to pay at this time
Why can't we make our dwarves sing shanties?
Post by: The Big D on February 02, 2015, 04:10:28 am
Why have dwarves harnessed perpetual motion yet not managed to harness power from Tantrum spirals or !!Thermonuclear Catsplosions!!? Or even pitchblende reactors?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 02, 2015, 06:54:36 am
If brown recluse spiders live in temperate forests, how come I only see their webs in tropical biomes?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 02, 2015, 08:41:02 am
What would happen if Bay12 became a Mountainhome?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 02, 2015, 12:12:38 pm
Why is everything remotely feminine disparaged as being for tree-hugging elves?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 02, 2015, 12:45:34 pm
Why do humans fold so easily to demonic forces?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 02, 2015, 02:43:12 pm
Why can't you train dogs to herd your livestock or sniff out lawbreakers?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 02, 2015, 11:41:06 pm
Why are dwarves so unstable?
Post by: The Big D on February 03, 2015, 03:02:26 am
TL;DR: Dwarves are stupid.
If dwarves are so liquored up all the time, how come they manage to create masterwork platinum figurines?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 03, 2015, 05:21:24 am
Why are replica butterfly knives so darn fascinating to play with?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 03, 2015, 08:28:56 am
What happens if a dwarf kisses a giant toad?
Post by: pisskop on February 03, 2015, 09:07:15 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why do duplicates of one stone cause
Post by: Badger Storm on February 03, 2015, 12:17:13 pm
Why can't you use saltpeter as an economic stone?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 03, 2015, 12:24:28 pm
Why do some dwarves hate industry and like trees?
Post by: Splint on February 03, 2015, 01:34:43 pm
Post by: Button on February 03, 2015, 04:53:42 pm
What does the end of the world look like on one of Armok's globes?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 03, 2015, 05:01:02 pm
In a deep booming voice that shakes the ground they hear,"More blood for the blood god!"
Then the hammer strikes and the planet turns into an orb of pure blood, which Armok then swallows, pisses back out, let's dry, then forges it and it's first anvil in one blow of his great hammer to create more blood
Why doesn't Armok send my dwarves gifts when they perform sacrifices?
Post by: Aslandus on February 03, 2015, 05:12:06 pm
How much blood is enough?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on February 03, 2015, 11:43:58 pm
How much fun is enough?
Post by: Baffler on February 03, 2015, 11:47:58 pm
Why won't dwarves use catapults to launch anything but boulders?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 03, 2015, 11:50:07 pm
Does an elf have enough bone to carve into enough bolts to kill another elf?
Post by: Aslandus on February 03, 2015, 11:55:43 pm
How many times do you have to drop an elf corpse 30 stories before the dwarves will use their bones?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 04, 2015, 04:52:17 am
Have the dwarves weaponised elves?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on February 04, 2015, 05:31:34 am
We know elves eat the bodies of the dead, but what do they do with the clothes?
Post by: pisskop on February 04, 2015, 05:43:47 am
Why arent the elves at peace with rocs?
Post by: Bumber on February 04, 2015, 08:06:00 am
Cut them into raw cloth and sell them to the dwarves as new.Showing no mercy, rocs stole ‼lignite earrings‼ from the dwarves. What followed was inevitable.
Why arent the elves at peace with rocs?
Why aren't plump helmet men at war with the dwarves?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 04, 2015, 08:30:31 am
Why aren't weretortoises slow enough for anyone with working legs to run away from?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 04, 2015, 10:18:10 am
Why do dwarves take weapons they can't use properly, even if ones they can are available and of similar or greater quality?
Post by: Vyro on February 04, 2015, 10:26:14 am
Why do dwarves take weapons they can't use properly, even if ones they can are available and of similar or greater quality?Two words: bragging rights. And besides, all dorfs are brave, stupid and drunk 24/7, so that huge greataxe might look like an awesome idea until you actually get your mitts on it.
Why do dorven civs always favor one-handed weapons paired with shields?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 04, 2015, 10:42:58 am
Are dwarves immune to lead poisoning?
Post by: Rotten_Karma on February 04, 2015, 12:07:07 pm
Are dwarves immune to lead poisoning?
No, in sufficiently large quantities anything is poisonous, for example a mine cart rail gun filled with lead mugs.
Why are the alligators on my embark the only ones in the world afraid of dwarves and pigs?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 04, 2015, 12:35:01 pm
Why do elves mock dwarves for their height when dwarves can easily be taller than an elf?
Post by: Aslandus on February 04, 2015, 01:36:10 pm
Why are humans called "medium sized" when they're the tallest sapient race in the game?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 04, 2015, 02:20:17 pm
Which sapient race is the least humble?
Post by: pisskop on February 04, 2015, 02:21:59 pm
Why aren't there gorilla men?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 04, 2015, 02:22:58 pm
How can you get prepared dragonfly brain and similar items when embarking?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 04, 2015, 02:55:03 pm
If vampires don't age, why does their hair turn white with the passage of time?
Post by: Aslandus on February 04, 2015, 03:50:07 pm
Why do werebeasts attack fortresses when they almost always outmatched?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 04, 2015, 04:15:32 pm
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 04, 2015, 04:56:33 pm
Post by: Badger Storm on February 04, 2015, 05:08:53 pm
What is dwarven Valentine's day like?
Post by: lobstercow42 on February 04, 2015, 06:12:16 pm
What is dwarven Valentine's day like?
They probably probably get caught up in giving each other valentine gifts
Urist McTantruming throws the superior copper pot!
The copper pot hits Urist McOtherdwarf in the head, severing the part!
Urist McFriend is throwing a tantrum!
What's the best way to segregate a fortress that is half vampires half were-elephants?
Post by: Aslandus on February 04, 2015, 07:25:23 pm
So do the vampires go in the top half of the fortress or the bottom half?
Post by: Baffler on February 04, 2015, 10:04:34 pm
Why are the nobility the only ones who care about their own mortality?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 04, 2015, 10:08:37 pm
Don't have a question, give me a dwarven riddle.
Post by: Aslandus on February 04, 2015, 10:49:03 pm
Post by: Vyro on February 04, 2015, 10:57:02 pm
All day long I just stand down, flip wrong lever - blood all around . Who am I?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 04, 2015, 11:06:41 pm
What lies in the depths of the Dwarven soul?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 04, 2015, 11:34:19 pm
What lies at the depths of the Dwarven heart?
Post by: Bumber on February 05, 2015, 12:06:39 am
Beard.Magma.
What lies at the depths of the Dwarven heart?
What lies at the depths of the dwarven
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 05, 2015, 12:25:04 am
Why are my dwarves so retarded?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 05, 2015, 01:21:46 am
Why can't you make catapult slugs out of lead?
Post by: The Big D on February 05, 2015, 05:09:38 am
What is under Hell?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 05, 2015, 08:21:44 am
Why can't you buy tiger men anymore?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 05, 2015, 08:28:13 am
Why were you buying tiger men?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 05, 2015, 08:35:58 am
What do dwarven women use for their "time of month"?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 05, 2015, 08:53:41 am
What is short but tall, caring but ruthless, principled but barbaric?
Post by: Button on February 05, 2015, 10:39:57 am
What does the fox say?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 05, 2015, 10:45:41 am
Why is the only sword that is obviously and nearly always better than the short sword the long sword?
Post by: Aslandus on February 05, 2015, 01:28:39 pm
Why are you using swords instead of axes?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 05, 2015, 02:32:02 pm
Why is it hard to find halberds but easy to find various swords?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 06, 2015, 12:42:02 pm
I still don't think anyone ever explained that one town I had where there were like twenty monster layers with replicating leather and multiple bronze colossi that made my FPS drop to 0 nearly always. I think it was called Spicyparched. Dwarven story tellers go~!
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 07, 2015, 12:34:41 am
Post by: Arcvasti on February 07, 2015, 12:43:51 am
Why are the in-game gods all total douchebags? Seriously, they spend all their time cursing people and raising demons from the underworld to rule over goblin civs. And granting unholy secrets of undeath to people they know won't use them responsibly.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 07, 2015, 09:11:56 am
How would magic missiles look in DF's combat system?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 07, 2015, 01:08:31 pm
Why can't you make stuff out of chitin, feathers, or scales?
Post by: Aslandus on February 07, 2015, 01:17:34 pm
Why can't anyone catch thrown objects?
Post by: reality.auditor on February 07, 2015, 06:29:54 pm
Why can't anyone catch thrown objects?Too fast.
Why tame animals respect pasture borders despite no fence, guard dogs etc?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 07, 2015, 07:26:26 pm
Why aren't oysters found in fresh water?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 08, 2015, 03:08:28 am
Why haven dwarfs tried out a space program?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on February 08, 2015, 11:04:44 am
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=126669.0 (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=126669.0)
Why do dwarves cook their drinks even when they are dying of thirst?
(When some higher power has not compelled them not to using the kitchen menu)
Post by: The Big D on February 09, 2015, 05:32:50 am
How do dwarves mince a liquid?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 09, 2015, 08:09:26 am
If dwarves love cats so much and get mentally ill so easily, why haven't they started using therapy animals?
Post by: Vyro on February 09, 2015, 07:31:07 pm
Why do dorfs forge silver weapons but not silver armour? Ceremonial silver cuirass sounds nice. And every silver weapon other than the warhammer pretty much serves the same purpose already.
Post by: Badger Storm on February 09, 2015, 08:31:25 pm
Why are there no dwarven midwives?
Post by: Aslandus on February 09, 2015, 08:45:27 pm
Why haven't dwarves domesticated Elk birds?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 09, 2015, 09:07:22 pm
Why do dwarves birth children on stairways
Post by: Button on February 09, 2015, 09:42:11 pm
Why do dwarves birth children on stairways
Dwarven birth doesn't require labor - the infant just sort of slips out.
Why do sapient egg-layers abandon their eggs to eat and drink, but nonsapient egg-layer grazers will starve themselves to death on their nest boxes?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 10, 2015, 12:13:35 am
How on earth do you make fibers out of pig tail, which is supposed to be a MUSHROOM?
Post by: Vyro on February 10, 2015, 01:06:16 am
How on earth do you make fibers out of pig tail, which is supposed to be a MUSHROOM?I don't think pig tails are more of a mushroom than cave wheat is.
How are those huge herbivora able to charge dorfs moving faster than a bolt flies? Seriously now, the first time I saw this I expected my poor bugger to turn into a red smear ending somewhere off the map.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 10, 2015, 04:49:23 am
Why do I spend more brainpower answering these questions than answering the questions in my physics assignment?
Post by: Meneth on February 10, 2015, 04:58:29 am
When I release my captured GCS into the silk farm, the cavern layer where the GCS appeared stop getting new animals. Why?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on February 10, 2015, 06:12:37 am
Why are siege operators civilians?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 10, 2015, 08:34:22 am
Why hasn't phoebus made a gelder sprite yet?
Post by: Aslandus on February 10, 2015, 10:14:07 am
How many animals do you need to geld to get a legendary gelder?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 10, 2015, 12:19:38 pm
How do dwarven women deal with their monthlies, if they have them?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 10, 2015, 01:33:52 pm
Dwarven sushi??
Post by: Badger Storm on February 10, 2015, 02:50:17 pm
What keeps dwarves from freezing to death in a chicken leather thong and pig tail vest?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 10, 2015, 05:48:27 pm
Da Beard!
Why doesn't the rest of the Dorf do anything?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 11, 2015, 04:49:23 am
What happens when a mine cart rolls off the edge of the map?
Post by: Vyro on February 11, 2015, 08:39:44 am
What happens to all those XragsX and *limestone mugs* that you heap up on the passing caravans?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 11, 2015, 08:41:51 am
How has the economy not destabilised due to an oversupply of mugs?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 11, 2015, 09:49:29 am
What would happen if the Dwarven world were round?
Post by: Aslandus on February 11, 2015, 10:43:46 am
Are there other planets in the DF universe?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 11, 2015, 12:09:07 pm
Why doesn't the DF world have pumpkins?
Post by: Button on February 11, 2015, 01:07:09 pm
Why doesn't the DF world have pumpkins?
It used to; but since they aren't brewable or edible raw, they all got cooked, and so dropped no seeds, and so went extinct.
Why doesn't cooking require fuel?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 11, 2015, 02:06:21 pm
How does food in a stockpile never rot, even if it's been there as long as anyone can remember?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on February 11, 2015, 02:42:57 pm
In DF, why does the wind always blow at one of 3 speeds and never change.
Post by: FallenAngel on February 11, 2015, 02:58:53 pm
Why do people not question a massive creature made of solid slade asking them about their family?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 11, 2015, 03:07:50 pm
Why can't you use wagons in your fort?
Post by: Baffler on February 11, 2015, 05:11:45 pm
Why don't any of the starting seven have any relationships with each other on embark? You'd think they talked to each other at least a little bit on the journey to the site.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 12, 2015, 08:47:25 am
Do dwarves know what that strange arcane looking mess of gears and mechanisms they are strangely compelled to build is?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 12, 2015, 12:14:57 pm
How does the dwarven body generate enough pus to form effing pools of it on the ground?
Post by: Nidilap on February 12, 2015, 12:28:53 pm
Why can't pigs fight with Dwarven arms and armor?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 12, 2015, 02:43:45 pm
Now that we know why we can't use wagons, why not pack animals?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 13, 2015, 09:32:37 pm
Why can't magma melt wood walls?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 13, 2015, 10:22:58 pm
Why is ash magma safe?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 13, 2015, 10:25:01 pm
NINJA'D
Ash is magma-safe because he's dragonfire-proof. Then again, so are nearly everyone in the Pokemon anime...
When will dwarves become the magma?
Post by: Max™ on February 14, 2015, 12:34:21 am
Why was a human able to survive for a year and a season (early spring 199 to early summer 200) after having their neck ripped off by a giant dingo, migrate twice, become known for their worldliness, and suddenly remember they shouldn't be alive and suffocate not long after my adventurer talked to them?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 14, 2015, 12:43:14 am
How do we replicate such a principle for dwarves?
Post by: KingKaol on February 14, 2015, 08:53:04 am
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 14, 2015, 10:02:58 am
How do we replicate such a principle for dwarves?
Post by: Aslandus on February 14, 2015, 11:11:36 am
How much wood can a woodcutter chop if they go to chop wood in a a siege?
Post by: Max™ on February 14, 2015, 03:38:33 pm
The Woodcutter strikes the Goblin in the lower body with her (copper battle axe), spilling his rotten guts.
It is a gelding blow!
It is a gelding blow!
Q: Why was this inevitable?
Post by: Skullsploder on February 15, 2015, 01:24:11 am
Why don't dwarves grab the most valuable stuff available when making artifacts?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 15, 2015, 09:55:27 am
How do dwarves wear a loincloth menacing with spikes?
Post by: Arx on February 15, 2015, 10:04:20 am
Why do structures never collapse under their own weight?
Post by: pisskop on February 15, 2015, 10:05:04 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
They are built with skysupport in mind.
Why don't dwarves start any fires?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 15, 2015, 10:36:06 am
... _ _ _ ...?
Post by: Arx on February 15, 2015, 10:53:28 am
What's up with the Morse?
Post by: IndigoFenix on February 15, 2015, 11:58:17 am
Why do kobolds have glowing eyes?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 15, 2015, 01:25:07 pm
Where are all the Dwarven musicians?
Post by: IndigoFenix on February 15, 2015, 01:53:58 pm
If a headless corpse and a disembodied head can both be animated by a necromancer, why does chopping the head off of a zombie kill it?
Post by: Aslandus on February 15, 2015, 02:20:09 pm
How do you make a harp out of rock?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 15, 2015, 07:22:44 pm
Why isn't Tholtig Cryptbrain nearly as celebrated as Cacame Apebalded?
Post by: Tawa on February 15, 2015, 07:27:20 pm
Why are dorfs obsessed with grabbing dead bodies from caverns, leading to their untimely demise at the hands of gremlins and giant moles?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 15, 2015, 07:43:22 pm
We have underwear in the form of said things, so why no bras?
Post by: Eric Blank on February 15, 2015, 08:29:50 pm
Why do dwarves even care about clothes in the first place? It's not like they have anything to hide.
Post by: Badger Storm on February 15, 2015, 08:45:19 pm
Why can't kids learn skills using toy hammers or mini-forges?
Post by: Max™ on February 15, 2015, 10:08:15 pm
Why don't bandits seem to have a more appropriate response to being disemboweled by the teeth of a 2 year old dorflet vampire than "death is all around us" and the like?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 16, 2015, 01:18:47 am
No risk is too great if the rewards are turquoise-studded socks and troll fur thongs.Sig'd
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 16, 2015, 02:59:03 am
Someone compose a Dwarfy limerick
Post by: Aslandus on February 16, 2015, 01:35:27 pm
Who went out to grab socks from a tourist
He was soon found
And quickly struck down
When he discovered the goblin was armed
Dwarven poetry always breaks down after awhile, after all, musicality is always a dump stat...
How do weapon traps work?
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 16, 2015, 02:58:23 pm
Why do dwarves worship gods that let demons into the world?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 16, 2015, 03:32:22 pm
What is with goblins and them naming stuff after incest?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 16, 2015, 03:57:35 pm
Because NOT worshiping them invites their wrath? And no one wants to be turned into a vampire or werebeast arbitrarily. Also, the gods that don't let demons into the world or do stuff like that are benevolent, if inactive.
What is with goblins and them naming stuff after incest?
Well... Goblins are evil for a reason, right?
Why are goblins evil anyway.
Post by: Max™ on February 16, 2015, 08:18:28 pm
Why don't the dorf gods ever do anything interesting like vampire or werebeast curses?
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 16, 2015, 08:30:51 pm
Why can I always come up with an answer but never a question?
Post by: Max™ on February 16, 2015, 10:37:32 pm
Why isn't there a better interface for asking about troubles and spreading word of your feats?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 17, 2015, 04:26:48 am
Why aren't people even slightly impressed by the slaying of a dragon?
Post by: Max™ on February 17, 2015, 05:09:42 am
Why is it so hard to find a balance between "OH GOD EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND BURNING" and vanilla dragons when trying to mod them?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 17, 2015, 05:38:29 am
Why do only night trolls live in mounds?
Post by: Bumber on February 17, 2015, 06:46:06 am
Because you are missing the point. Dragons are supposed to be "OH GOD EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND BURNING".Because they don't feel like a nut. (http://youtu.be/CjVKUap1HgU?t=4s)
Why do only night trolls live in mounds?
How do dwarves start fires for workshop reactions?
Post by: IndigoFenix on February 17, 2015, 07:57:19 am
Why don't bronze colossi sink if dropped in water?
Post by: Button on February 17, 2015, 10:21:40 am
Why don't bronze colossi sink if dropped in water?
Because they're hollow.
Why do only cats adopt owners in vanilla, and not dogs or other "followed me home"-type pets?
Post by: FallenAngel on February 17, 2015, 10:49:48 am
This is counteracted by alcohol - dwarves process alcohol into more levity, reducing their weight, and counteracting the cat effect.
The reason why dwarves slow down when sober when no cats are present is simple - the beard itself has a similar effect, but it instead adds gravity to their bloodstream, requiring levity to counter. Beards stop adding gravity to bloodstreams when cats are present.
How exactly does Fast Travel heal any wound that could be healed?
Post by: Neckbeard on February 17, 2015, 03:10:31 pm
Because cats are mutant beards, which, instead of attaching to a host, gather levity from a host, slowing dwarves down.
This is counteracted by alcohol - dwarves process alcohol into more levity, reducing their weight, and counteracting the cat effect.
The reason why dwarves slow down when sober when no cats are present is simple - the beard itself has a similar effect, but it instead adds gravity to their bloodstream, requiring levity to counter. Beards stop adding gravity to bloodstreams when cats are present.
How exactly does Fast Travel heal any wound that could be healed?
It seems to be that "fast" travel is really only fast from our perspective.
Although why Adventurers regardless of race seem to heal faster still eludes me.
Any idea's as to why Adventurers heal faster in general than their relatively sessile counterparts in towns and forts?
Post by: Button on February 17, 2015, 05:27:57 pm
Any idea's as to why Adventurers heal faster in general than their relatively sessile counterparts in towns and forts?
The same reason they're never overcome by fear or horror: they are possessed by Armok.
The real question is, since those possessed by Armok have amazing healing capabilities out of combat, why don't they have fast healing in combat?
Post by: Bumber on February 17, 2015, 06:00:40 pm
The same reason they're never overcome by fear or horror: they are possessed by Armok.Armok's too busy watching them fight to heal their injuries.
The real question is, since those possessed by Armok have amazing healing capabilities out of combat, why don't they have fast healing in combat?
Why do dwarves never emigrate from player fortresses?
Post by: Max™ on February 18, 2015, 02:13:58 am
Why do I want to write a DF version of that song now?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 18, 2015, 08:26:11 pm
Why isn't pitchblende radioactive?
Post by: Bumber on February 18, 2015, 09:19:09 pm
Let the dorfiness flow through you...Dwarves don't believe in stuff like radioactivity or heavy metal poisoning. It's not supported by the Thaumaturgic Method, since those minerals don't have any syndromes.
Why isn't pitchblende radioactive?
Why don't the dwarves just collapse all their enemies' cities into the magma sea?
Post by: Max™ on February 18, 2015, 10:02:15 pm
Why does it feel so appropriate to find an abandoned hamlet with a pitchblende keep?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 18, 2015, 10:19:26 pm
Why does it feel so fun to slaughter civilians in adventure mode?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 19, 2015, 12:43:43 am
Why can't dwarves make paper?
Post by: Naryar on February 19, 2015, 03:20:29 am
Because if the world is made of cardboard, tipping it over is fun.
Why can't dwarves make paper?
Because it's made of outside plants AND is not booze or a bed, and therefore is dangerously elf-like.
They got stone to engrave on. Why would they make paper ?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 19, 2015, 07:16:33 am
Why don't dwarves have priests yet? ( Or do they? )
Post by: Uzu Bash on February 19, 2015, 10:50:07 am
On the stock summary, why are drinks listed as a subitem of food stores? Aren't they significant enough to be a separate item? It should be listed above created wealth -- Booze Created: Booze Consumed:
Post by: Dwarfu on February 19, 2015, 12:25:45 pm
(http://i881.photobucket.com/albums/ac11/Mondoshawan/DF/koboldcamp.png) (http://s881.photobucket.com/user/Mondoshawan/media/DF/koboldcamp.png.html)
Post by: Badger Storm on February 19, 2015, 02:40:22 pm
Why can't hydras regrow their heads?
Post by: AzTech2064 on February 19, 2015, 02:57:21 pm
why have cave dragons wings, and cant use them, but normal dragons dont have any?
Post by: Button on February 19, 2015, 04:12:10 pm
why have cave dragons wings, and cant use them, but normal dragons dont have any?
They derive from a common ancestor that had wings. Above-ground dragons dragons evolved fire-breathing after the split, at which point having wings became an evolutionary disadvantage. See, because the wings they had previously had were membranous instead of scaled, they were vulnerable to fire damage and subsequent infection & death. So the first wingless dragon had a strong selective advantage, and all living dragons are descended from her.
Cave dragons didn't develop fire-breathing, but they were also in an underground environment, where a creature of their bulk didn't have room to fly. So, wings were not a preserved trait, but they weren't selected against, either. Thus, their current vestigial state. Ironically, because the wings don't need to be flight-worthy, they, too, now lack the membranous surface that was a selective disadvantage for above-ground dragons, and so they are now also completely dragonfire-proof.
---
Why was the ancestor of firebreathing dragons dragonfire-proof?
Post by: Uzu Bash on February 19, 2015, 05:30:43 pm
Wtf can you brew that produces raw mussels?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 20, 2015, 12:17:18 am
How does one mine in adventure mode?
Post by: ColonelTEE3 on February 20, 2015, 12:28:25 am
Why is it that if you station archers by a fortification, they will choose to stand one to two tiles away from the fortification...
Post by: Bumber on February 20, 2015, 01:52:01 am
VeryBecause then they'd have to shoot enemies, which means they'd use up ammo, which means they'd have to go fetch more. They'd rather be out drinking.carefullyviolently.
Why is it that if you station archers by a fortification, they will choose to stand one to two tiles away from the fortification...
On the stock summary, why are drinks listed as a subitem of food stores? Aren't they significant enough to be a separate item? It should be listed above created wealth -- Booze Created: Booze Consumed:
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 20, 2015, 01:56:08 am
Protein shakesHigh strength and hammer skill.
How does one mine in adventure mode?
Because... Alcohol is one of the five dwarven food groups: Booze, meat, cheese, fungus, and bread.VeryBecause then they'd have to shoot enemies, which means they'd use up ammo, which means they'd have to go fetch more. They'd rather be out drinking.carefullyviolently.
Why is it that if you station archers by a fortification, they will choose to stand one to two tiles away from the fortification...On the stock summary, why are drinks listed as a subitem of food stores? Aren't they significant enough to be a separate item? It should be listed above created wealth -- Booze Created: Booze Consumed:
Post by: Bumber on February 20, 2015, 03:41:02 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Where does an adventurer get the wood to build a campfire?
Post by: AzTech2064 on February 20, 2015, 03:45:23 am
Where does an adventurer get the wood to build a campfire?
obviously from some goblins/thingys/humans/zombies he decapitated and mutilated (tha is no wood! fat burns brighter!) btw the same reason wor thost ghastly creatures attacking you every night (everyone is drawn to a campfire the smells like chicken roast^^)
why havent dwarfs learned how to craft rock bins?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 20, 2015, 05:31:57 am
How about cloth mattresses?
Post by: hops on February 20, 2015, 05:43:12 am
Why can't dwarves make stone beds?
Post by: hops on February 20, 2015, 05:43:12 am
Post by: Button on February 20, 2015, 09:20:34 am
Why can't dwarves make stone beds?
It's a legacy of the old crafting guilds. In the old days, the carpenters' guild negotiated exclusive rights to bed-making, and was so successful that wooden beds became traditional. There is some debate among historians about whether the knowledge of how to make stone/metal beds was actually lost, or if masons and blacksmiths are still terrified of the carpenters' guild's legendary enforcers.
This is why beds can be made out of stone or metal in strange moods - technically it's possible, but only a Moody dwarf can make furniture without plans or fear of repercussions.
What happened to the old guilds, anyway?
Post by: Vyro on February 20, 2015, 12:05:31 pm
It's a legacy of the old crafting guilds. In the old days, the carpenters' guild negotiated exclusive rights to bed-making, and was so successful that wooden beds became traditional. There is some debate among historians about whether the knowledge of how to make stone/metal beds was actually lost, or if masons and blacksmiths are still terrified of the carpenters' guild's legendary enforcers.So, in short, Evil Copyrights happened.
This is why beds can be made out of stone or metal in strange moods - technically it's possible, but only a Moody dwarf can make furniture without plans or fear of repercussions.
What happened to the old guilds, anyway?Oh, those are still back there at the Mountainhomes. You know, where things do not suddenly kick and try kill you. And even if your outpost does happen to inherit the title, things still try, so this concept is alien to your dorfs.
Peach pits are completely unusable (outside of really unconventional means) and are being produced at insane numbers, hitting at your FPS. Why are peach pits so evil?
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 20, 2015, 12:10:10 pm
Why do civilian dwarves try to charge massive cavern critters they can't possibly defeat?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 20, 2015, 12:14:07 pm
Why don't date or coconut palms ever seem to drop fruit?
Post by: Rose on February 20, 2015, 12:36:00 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why can I never bring a fortress past a few years?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 20, 2015, 12:46:39 pm
Why are yetis and Troglodytes so angry with dwarves that they attack no matter what with no strategy at all, whereas equally stupid ( and in the case of yetis: sized ) trolls are able to attack with cohesive "strategy" and only attack when necessary/during a goblin raid?
Post by: Button on February 20, 2015, 01:21:54 pm
Why are yetis and Troglodytes so angry with dwarves that they attack no matter what with no strategy at all, whereas equally stupid ( and in the case of yetis: sized ) trolls are able to attack with cohesive "strategy" and only attack when necessary/during a goblin raid?
Yetis and trogs are wild. The trolls you're talking about are part of the goblin civilization, and have been domesticated and trained.
Wild trolls attack much like trogs do.
Why don't invaders ride on mounts anymore? I haven't had a mounted invader since 34.11.
Post by: Aslandus on February 20, 2015, 02:40:01 pm
Why won't dwarves make booze out of meat?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 20, 2015, 05:22:52 pm
Why don't the undead ever turn on the necromancer that raised them?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 20, 2015, 06:08:09 pm
How does dwarf mine for fish?
Post by: Uzu Bash on February 20, 2015, 08:44:20 pm
Kitten. Legendary climber. Fell down a ramp. Wtf?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 20, 2015, 09:58:45 pm
How are magma forges capable of forging magma-safe items?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 20, 2015, 10:57:29 pm
Stomach syndrome presenting with noxious gas, cramping, and pain. What do?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 20, 2015, 11:38:15 pm
Why don't dwarves make temples?
Post by: Bumber on February 21, 2015, 08:12:41 am
Stop eating spicy foodThe booze stockpile is practically a temple already.
Why don't dwarves make temples?
Why do wild animals refuse to lay eggs when visiting player forts?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 22, 2015, 12:56:25 am
(^That is also my question)
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on February 22, 2015, 11:53:01 pm
Would you attack an alligator with two alcoholic friends and a hunting dog if said alligator tore the leg off your buddy who was out fishing and drowned to death while bleeding heavily?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 23, 2015, 08:32:38 am
What if haze?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 23, 2015, 02:37:12 pm
Why can't you make dye from RL dye plants, like onions, beets, and walnuts?
Post by: Button on February 23, 2015, 02:40:32 pm
Why can't you make dye from RL dye plants, like onions, beets, and walnuts?
Because I'm still working on the next iteration of my Plant Features mod.
Why is Dwarf Fortress so addictive?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 23, 2015, 02:53:12 pm
Is it possible to jump off a cliff and land in a tree? EDIT: And live.
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 23, 2015, 05:14:20 pm
Why does everything kill you in Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Uzu Bash on February 23, 2015, 07:10:15 pm
Wtf is wrong with these still stockpiles?
Post by: maxcat61 on February 23, 2015, 09:12:16 pm
I want magma ponds. Why can't dwarves haul magma in buckets?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 23, 2015, 11:05:51 pm
Why is there no Dwarven pottery?
Post by: Bumber on February 23, 2015, 11:07:37 pm
A necromancer has not raised the stockpiles from the dead, so they don't move.It would melt their beards. Consider hauling magma-filled minecarts with wheelbarrows instead.
I want magma ponds. Why can't dwarves haul magma in buckets?
Why are bins so evil?
Post by: Arcvasti on February 23, 2015, 11:58:21 pm
What on earth are wheelbarrows USEFUL for?
Post by: klefenz on February 24, 2015, 12:28:04 am
Quote
dwarves pick up the entire bin of items whenever a new item that could be stored in the bin is createdThey dont do this anymore.
Quote
What on earth are wheelbarrows USEFUL for?I find them useful for hauling ore to the stockpile near the smelter. If you want to add more dwarfpower to it use multiple small stockpiles with 3 wheelbarrows each.
Why cant I atomsmash creepy crawlers?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 24, 2015, 12:35:03 am
Why is there no Dwarven pottery?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 24, 2015, 04:25:15 am
What if dwarves had access to the internet?
Post by: IndigoFenix on February 24, 2015, 05:49:03 am
How do monsters made of liquids or powders survive for hundreds of years and rack up hundreds of kills if they fall apart from a single punch?
Post by: Aslandus on February 24, 2015, 12:28:49 pm
How many weapons could a weaponmaster wield if a weaponmaster could wield weapons?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 24, 2015, 12:31:13 pm
Not DF, but I just tried to fire a rabbit out of a bow made of sulphur in Armok I and the game crashed. I'm still not over it. Please explain.
Post by: Eric Blank on February 24, 2015, 01:37:13 pm
Why do people in adventure mode more often than not ignore you when you attack somebody nearby?
Post by: Max™ on February 24, 2015, 01:44:07 pm
Why is the cuteness of the "Mother, is that you? Child, is that you?" *Dwarf Child embraces Dwarf Brewer* enough to make up for the annoyance of herding a clambering mess of jerkasses across the countryside, through countless pointless fights, tiresome river crossings, and--assuming you're on a vampire kick as I have been lately--not being able to drink the blood of your enemies without them flipping out?
Post by: Badger Storm on February 24, 2015, 02:43:03 pm
Why can't we bring beagles with us on embark?
Post by: Sheb on February 24, 2015, 02:55:47 pm
Why do Dwarves have legends about Cheesemaker.
Post by: The Big D on February 24, 2015, 10:48:16 pm
Why do crundles survive worldgen when they're so terrible?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 25, 2015, 03:47:08 am
Why are orcas so rare?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 25, 2015, 07:35:45 am
Post by: Uzu Bash on February 25, 2015, 07:28:31 pm
Because crundles are not a civilisation and as such are not suceptible to the terrible wrath that is world-gen.Because they hate each other as much as everything in their biome hates them. Only humans seem to love them.
Why are orcas so rare?
Giraffe hair thread. Why?
No body warned me about this stuff.
EDIT: Even more wtf; why does it never rain on my embarks? The local area is called The Wet Points. It's the tropics. This region has a North Pole so I assume it's the north hemisphere tropics, and August should be the peak of the monsoon season -- why no rain?
Post by: Max™ on February 26, 2015, 02:47:33 am
Seriously: (http://imgur.com/a/Xuwk8)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Now for my question: WHY WAS SOMEONE THROWING SWIMMING POOLS AT ME?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 26, 2015, 08:40:20 am
Why aren't there any meteorites or other things during world-gen?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 26, 2015, 08:59:40 am
Oceans and other natural bodies of water will freeze. Naturally that can't be too healthy.Because the great turtle A'Tuin, cleverly swerves to avoid them all.
Why aren't there any meteorites or other things during world-gen?
What level of modding would it take for my Dwarves to get seasonal colds like I do and drain large amounts of mucus from their sinuses? ( Acceptable alt-question: Why don't Dwarves already get seasonal colds? )
Post by: Max™ on February 26, 2015, 11:52:27 am
Wait, oh god, does that mean they're also vomiting out of their nose?
Post by: Sanctume on February 26, 2015, 01:20:44 pm
The regular vomiting keeps any infectious vectors at bay, it's hard for a bacterium or virus to overcome stomach acid.
Wait, oh god, does that mean they're also vomiting out of their nose?
Yes, and direct sunlight kills.
Do other dwarves witness a couple doing the deed when the bed area are shared, and what thoughts to get from such when clearly blankets aren't invented yet.
Post by: Max™ on February 26, 2015, 03:18:23 pm
"Was forced to watch free dorfporn recently."
"Was uncomfortable after trying to uh... scratch an itch in public while watching free dorfporn."l
Actually they probably don't even notice it, npcs barely notice when you cut their neighbors head off unless it lands in front of them, and honestly I'm not sure they even have the contextual clues to understand what they are seeing since sex was literally just invented not long ago.
Why does the game add the x(male symbol)x to indicate that a reanimated head is gelded, isn't that a given? Was this not always the case? Is it possible for a reanimated head to not be gelded? Is... is it... hlkljasdf
*Max cancels post: interrupted by madness.*
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 26, 2015, 03:46:41 pm
Why is my mayor's husband named Fikod Womancrystals?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 26, 2015, 04:49:23 pm
Why do militia women still carry babies to battle and still get upset when they die?!
Post by: Aslandus on February 26, 2015, 06:04:27 pm
What other problems does this cause?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on February 27, 2015, 12:10:26 am
Why do I feel nothing when most Dwarves die? I only seem to care about vital workers, soldiers, and my starting seven.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 27, 2015, 04:00:08 am
Why are siege engines generally so unamazing?
Post by: Button on February 27, 2015, 10:28:34 am
Why are siege engines generally so unamazing?
Because we're fighting against invaders, not against a stationary target. Siege engines are built for sieging, not for fighting things that can get away.
Why the fuck did Zicit spam gore in the thread?
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 27, 2015, 11:07:00 am
Why didn't my militia kill the elk birds until I told them to, despite being right next to them?
Post by: The Cafe on February 27, 2015, 04:02:45 pm
Why did the trade caravan path straight to the edge of the waterfall, and why dd my dwarves decide to collect the remains at the bottom of the 10 z-level waterfall?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 27, 2015, 04:49:27 pm
Reported gore spam.He's a troll. At the time I reported him he'd only been active for a little while and had only 42 posts, presumably all spamming the same gore. I went into two threads with it before I caught on to what was happening. ( To be fair, I was in public for the first one and just generally didn't want to see it, so I just killed my browser without checking to see who was doing it. )Why are siege engines generally so unamazing?
Because we're fighting against invaders, not against a stationary target. Siege engines are built for sieging, not for fighting things that can get away.
Why the fuck did Zicit spam gore in the thread?
Because they were secretly elves.Obviously there were some fine quality xXTroll fur socksXx in that caravan.
Why did the trade caravan path straight to the edge of the waterfall, and why dd my dwarves decide to collect the remains at the bottom of the 10 z-level waterfall?
Why is hell cordoned off with such a valuable and useful material as adamantine?
Post by: TheFlame52 on February 27, 2015, 04:54:14 pm
If that's true, why isn't it plugged with magma?
Post by: Max™ on February 27, 2015, 08:41:30 pm
Trolls like to kill goblins almost as much as I do, that guy was just a jerk, and yeah, I think I caught him early and started reports before I went to bed last night. You can just ask for a ban I think, don't gotta be THAT much of a dick.
He's a troll. At the time I reported him he'd only been active for a little while and had only 42 posts, presumably all spamming the same gore. I went into two threads with it before I caught on to what was happening. ( To be fair, I was in public for the first one and just generally didn't want to see it, so I just killed my browser without checking to see who was doing it. )
TheFlame52: Demons are magmaproof.
Why did I uh... this is hard to explain:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 27, 2015, 09:41:08 pm
Yeah, I just asked Toady to take care of it, and he did. That's good enough for me. If he does it again, I'll do the same.Trolls like to kill goblins almost as much as I do, that guy was just a jerk, and yeah, I think I caught him early and started reports before I went to bed last night. You can just ask for a ban I think, don't gotta be THAT much of a dick.
He's a troll. At the time I reported him he'd only been active for a little while and had only 42 posts, presumably all spamming the same gore. I went into two threads with it before I caught on to what was happening. ( To be fair, I was in public for the first one and just generally didn't want to see it, so I just killed my browser without checking to see who was doing it. )
TheFlame52: Demons are magmaproof.
Why did I uh... this is hard to explain:Why was a necromancer horrified by death?Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Was it his death? I don't think necromancers can come back from their own death.
Talking horse?
Post by: Max™ on February 27, 2015, 10:36:03 pm
That necromancer was inside. How could he have seen what I was doing to the one outside? Oh worth pointing out again: he's standing in a room so full of zombies you literally can't take a step without bumping into a rotting animated corpse.
Hidden secret question:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MobRules on February 28, 2015, 07:43:33 am
Why do marksdwarves with plenty of ammo charge into battle and use their crossbows as bludgeons?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on February 28, 2015, 08:45:59 am
Why were the above couple of posts rather incoherent?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 28, 2015, 11:33:32 am
Why is my eternal energy generator not working?
Post by: Aslandus on February 28, 2015, 12:25:51 pm
How many unanswered questions have piled up at this point?
Post by: Rose on February 28, 2015, 12:41:40 pm
Post by: 4maskwolf on February 28, 2015, 12:44:20 pm
Why do dwarves so often ignore the armor I give them unless I tell them to strip down and put on only armor? (Yes, I know the game mechanic behind it, I'm just grousing).
Post by: Rose on February 28, 2015, 12:46:54 pm
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on February 28, 2015, 01:55:47 pm
Why haven't dwarves successfully split the atom yet?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 01, 2015, 01:26:16 am
Why haven't dwarves discovered magnetism yet?
Post by: Max™ on March 01, 2015, 01:49:04 am
Why has nobody in this thread noticed that the real power source behind perpetual motion waterwheel plants is unanswered questions from this very thread?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 01, 2015, 08:37:36 am
What would happen when we finally answer all questions?
Post by: Rose on March 01, 2015, 09:14:06 am
What would happen when we finally answer all questions?
Post by: Arx on March 01, 2015, 09:23:37 am
What will we do when the questions are gone?
Post by: Aslandus on March 01, 2015, 10:02:00 am
How does a question become gone?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on March 01, 2015, 11:21:10 am
How is that?
Post by: Arx on March 01, 2015, 12:17:57 pm
What happens when someone can't answer a question?
Post by: Aslandus on March 01, 2015, 12:30:52 pm
How often does that happen?
Post by: Max™ on March 01, 2015, 03:03:33 pm
Did I just break the universe?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 01, 2015, 04:22:37 pm
I don't know how to answer that.Doesn't seem so.
Did I just break the universe?
Questions, we'll never run out as long as people get paid to answer questions.
Why do people get paid to answer questions?
Post by: Max™ on March 01, 2015, 10:07:19 pm
Why do creatures which normally live in a lair become a *something* Recruit upon encountering them outside of their lair?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 02, 2015, 08:06:15 am
Why don't corpses in burial receptacles produce miasma?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 02, 2015, 08:52:37 am
Which would be worse: an expansion of the Noble Aristocracy or a Democratically-elected Dwarven Congress?
Post by: Eric Blank on March 02, 2015, 11:15:53 am
Is there anything dwarves can't make booze from?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on March 02, 2015, 03:53:21 pm
Why did I make a distinction for !!booze!!?
Post by: Button on March 02, 2015, 10:49:29 pm
Why did I make a distinction for !!booze!!?
Some reactions require that their ingredients be in, or not be in, containers. Liquid booze is only usable in fort mode reactions from within containers, but !!booze!! cannot be contained.
Why is zinc even in the game? Sphalerite is so much more useful raw.
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 02, 2015, 10:52:55 pm
It doesnt matter; the dwarves may not realize it, but they have no control over their lives. All is overseen.Surprisingly profound!
Why is zinc even in the game? Sphalerite is so much more useful raw.To help Dwarven skin heal from sunburn.
Are dwarves even aware of computers or are these things beyond their comprehension, despite building them in several megaprojects?
Post by: Bumber on March 02, 2015, 10:58:39 pm
Why is zinc even in the game? Sphalerite is so much more useful raw.Brass is fairly valuable, plus it makes nice instruments.
Why does a cave spider bite cause permanent dizziness?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 02, 2015, 11:10:26 pm
Neurological damage to the balance centers of the Dwarven ear loops.Why is zinc even in the game? Sphalerite is so much more useful raw.Brass is fairly valuable, plus it makes nice instruments.
Why does a cave spider bite cause permanent dizziness?
I thought brass was made with copper and tin?
Post by: Aslandus on March 02, 2015, 11:34:36 pm
That's bronze, it's used to make weapons...Neurological damage to the balance centers of the Dwarven ear loops.Why is zinc even in the game? Sphalerite is so much more useful raw.Brass is fairly valuable, plus it makes nice instruments.
Why does a cave spider bite cause permanent dizziness?
I thought brass was made with copper and tin?
Are dwarves even aware of computers or are these things beyond their comprehension, despite building them in several megaprojects?They understand the concept, but as far as they can tell computers don't correlate to booze so they ignore them...
So how do weapons and armor correlate to booze?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on March 02, 2015, 11:35:37 pm
Why can't everything be booze?
Post by: Naryar on March 03, 2015, 02:33:49 am
You can raid caravans carrying booze using them!
Why can't everything be booze?
You can't drink magma. Well, you technically can, but eh.
Why are dwarves never drunk ? Is it the overgrown liver ?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 03, 2015, 04:34:21 am
Why don't the caverns cave in?
Post by: Magistrum on March 03, 2015, 08:12:52 am
What Would Urist Do if he posted on the wrong thread?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 03, 2015, 10:30:31 am
Can someone explain WWUD?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 03, 2015, 02:36:51 pm
Why haven't dwarves found a way to fully automate booze production?
Post by: Max™ on March 03, 2015, 02:59:30 pm
Beards?
Post by: Uzu Bash on March 03, 2015, 04:36:37 pm
Beards.Yes. Manly beards. Femanly beards. Even kiddie beards. All of them.
Beards?
Why do my soldiers fall asleep on the hospital floor 2 floors and 6 steps away from their barracks?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 04, 2015, 08:04:08 am
Why have I been feeling so unenthusiastic about DF lately?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 04, 2015, 08:07:58 am
Do you figure dwarven engravers use comic book style to tell their stories.
Post by: Max™ on March 05, 2015, 03:17:47 am
What is wrong with me?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 05, 2015, 05:26:27 am
Why does the spoiler button have a giant symbol for radioactivity on it?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 05, 2015, 08:12:46 am
Oh god I hope so, behold the legends of Rope Reed Fiber Sockman, Square-cut Turquoise Girl, and an inexplicably popular Door as they try to save Urist McHateslizards from a bunch of lizards surrounding him.If I don't do the thing I normally do when I have a creative idea (ie don't do it) , I'm drawing fan art for that!
You're considered perfectedly sane 'round here, that's why.
Why does the spoiler button have a giant symbol for radioactivity on it?
Spoiler: Because (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Question (click to show/hide)
Post by: Bumber on March 05, 2015, 09:30:20 am
In Evil biomes were it rains blood, whose blood is it raining?Those who have been atomsmashed. It had to go somewhere.
What happens when a dwarf listens to elven poetry?
Post by: Max™ on March 05, 2015, 09:56:24 am
Let's just say every time a dorf has to listen to treehumper poetry it rains blood somewhere.In Evil biomes were it rains blood, whose blood is it raining?Those who have been atomsmashed. It had to go somewhere.
What happens when a dwarf listens to elven poetry?
Why is it so fun to hate elves?
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 05, 2015, 11:19:03 am
Why do humans (and others) not rebel against their vampire leaders?
Post by: ShutUpWesley on March 05, 2015, 11:23:50 am
How the heck did Kobolds manage to gain control of a Dark Pit?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 05, 2015, 12:29:55 pm
Because those vampires are just so darn charismatic.They stole the associated demon's true name.
How the heck did Kobolds manage to gain control of a Dark Pit?
Wtf is Golden Salve for and why is it so valuable?
Post by: Aslandus on March 05, 2015, 02:11:22 pm
So why won't dwarves use the sunscreen?
Post by: Max™ on March 05, 2015, 04:15:29 pm
Why is dorf sunscreen alchoholic?
Post by: Cryxis, Prince of Doom on March 06, 2015, 12:23:01 am
What is the most effective military, one with only one type of weapon or one with squads using different weapons per squad?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 06, 2015, 09:27:10 am
If Nether cap is always 10000°U, which is the freezing point of water why don't dwarves get damaged by the cold and why don't nether-cap buckets freeze the water that's being carried in it?
Post by: Aslandus on March 06, 2015, 09:38:42 am
Can you build an entire fortress out of ice?
Post by: Max™ on March 06, 2015, 10:26:15 am
Who wants some dorfsicles?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 06, 2015, 10:28:50 am
How many licks does it take to get to the Dwarven center of a Dorfy-pop?
Post by: Button on March 06, 2015, 12:09:17 pm
How many licks does it take to get to the Dwarven center of a Dorfy-pop?
A-one, hu-two-hoo, hu-threee...
Three.
Would you like to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner?
Post by: Max™ on March 06, 2015, 12:18:56 pm
Heaven's no, Hebrew National or nothing!How many licks does it take to get to the Dwarven center of a Dorfy-pop?
A-one, hu-two-hoo, hu-threee...
Three.
Would you like to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner?
Why didn't you say you never made it without biting?
Post by: Button on March 06, 2015, 01:40:50 pm
Why didn't you say you never made it without biting?
By the time I was old enough to remember that commercial, they'd cut it down to just the turtle saying "Ask Mr. Owl" and the owl's segment. I actually just learned about Mr. Cow and Mr. Fox today, when I went to look up the commercial on YouTube.
Are there meteor(ite)s in Armok's worlds? If so, why don't we find meteoric iron? If not, why not?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 06, 2015, 01:49:27 pm
Why is Armok still in university?
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 06, 2015, 03:12:51 pm
Pretty much just don't use a mace and you'll be a-ok.But... I have more macelords than any other weapon... My militia commander can (and has, in alternate worlds) kill my entire military...
Post by: Aslandus on March 06, 2015, 04:35:28 pm
I think he's messing with Cryxis, macelords are the best for undead because they pulp parts best, though for general use they don't tend to be the most effective weapon (in the sense that if you fight 400 goblins of varying armors with a squad of mixed weapon soldiers, a macelord would get fewer kills than other weapon users, not in the sense that they are unable to kill things, it's more of a minmaxing thing than necessary knowledge). Also blades turn one zombie into 30 smaller zombies if there's a resurrector nearby.Pretty much just don't use a mace and you'll be a-ok.But... I have more macelords than any other weapon... My militia commander can (and has, in alternate worlds) kill my entire military...
Post by: Button on March 06, 2015, 06:03:16 pm
Post by: Bumber on March 06, 2015, 08:47:09 pm
No. Not yet anyway. And because Armok is obviously still studying astrophysics at university.He has to get reaccredited each time he reforges the world.
Why is Armok still in university?
What shenanigans does Armok get up to at university? Does he drink magma instead of beer? (Magma pong, anyone?)
Post by: Aslandus on March 06, 2015, 11:15:17 pm
What sports do they play at Armok's university?
Post by: Eric Blank on March 07, 2015, 01:55:58 am
Why doesn't armok make his little lunatics immortal and allow them to recuperate from any injury, including loss of limb? There could be so much more blood that way.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 07, 2015, 09:22:08 am
Why does "What would Urist do" fit the tune of "The day the music died."?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 08, 2015, 03:22:08 am
I love how you guys always kindly explain me smarter than I really am. ._. I just did not know of the mace's specific aptitude for undead killing as I've never used or seen one used for that purpose. I'm basing everything in that comment with what I have seen, which is macespawn* getting their asses handed to them pretty promptly and anything with a sword being uberfatal to all that bleeds.I think he's messing with Cryxis, macelords are the best for undead because they pulp parts best, though for general use they don't tend to be the most effective weapon (in the sense that if you fight 400 goblins of varying armors with a squad of mixed weapon soldiers, a macelord would get fewer kills than other weapon users, not in the sense that they are unable to kill things, it's more of a minmaxing thing than necessary knowledge). Also blades turn one zombie into 30 smaller zombies if there's a resurrector nearby.Pretty much just don't use a mace and you'll be a-ok.But... I have more macelords than any other weapon... My militia commander can (and has, in alternate worlds) kill my entire military...
*From MurderMachines
Up until the point they become Legendary everything. In which case they steamroll everything else and leave the world in the Age of Death.Because the latter might very well follow the former.
Why does "What would Urist do" fit the tune of "The day the music died."?
For my reference, what is each weapon good for?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 08, 2015, 05:49:07 am
Hammers and maces in general are good for pulping things, which means that they are good for versusing undead and/or enemies with metal armour.
Axes are good for chopping things, which means a lot of severed limbs and gore aplenty. Useful for enemies that bleed out, but fare poorly against enemies that have armour whose material is equal and higher than the metal the axe is made of.
Spears are good for stabbing things, which means they are rather decent against things in armour with organs. They also create less of a mess than axes.
Swords are a general in-between between the above three, capable of blunt, slash, and pierce, but not as good as the specialist of that field.
Fun answer:
Doesn't matter, blood is still spilled in the end.
Why is alcohol dependence the only form of dependence in the game?
Post by: Max™ on March 08, 2015, 06:59:29 am
You forgot "blood dependence", and "brain dependence" for many creatures, "[GRASP] dependence" for undead, and the only addiction which is stronger for dorfs than booze: socks.
Why am I so amused by checking the description on a little dorf girl to find a glorious braided beard, moustache, and sideburns telling rumors of a little girl hidden somewhere behind them?
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 08, 2015, 08:19:45 am
Post by: Aslandus on March 08, 2015, 12:34:49 pm
Why am I so amused by checking the description on a little dorf girl to find a glorious braided beard, moustache, and sideburns telling rumors of a little girl hidden somewhere behind them?Because you actually check the descriptions and imagine how funny looking dorfs are rather than just looking at their preferences...
For my reference, what is each weapon good for?hammer: breaking bones and crushing skulls, Spear: stabbity stabbity/popping organs (keep a backup weapon on hand, they tend to get stuck), mace: pulping parts, axe: turning one monster into many tiny monster bits (good for getting leather and bones, not so good for hauling), sword: all of the above, but not as good at any specific thing as the weapon that specializes in it (especially bad at blunt attacks, but they can be done).
How many questions can one comment answer and still have room for their own question?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 09, 2015, 09:23:51 am
If my dwarf's lungs are cyan/teal ( function loss ), why can he still adventure around with nothing more than occasionally gasping for air and some light-headedness?
Post by: Max™ on March 09, 2015, 07:08:53 pm
Wait, how do those poor unfortunate bastards who get shaved by goblins or don't have loving overseers put brackets around the female dorf [BODY_DETAIL_PLAIN:FACIAL_HAIR_TISSUE_LAYERS] actually think or process booze or do anything else without a beard?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 10, 2015, 04:33:41 am
How about female dwarf adventurers?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 10, 2015, 12:25:54 pm
Why is everything "inevitable" to everyone you meet in adventurer mode?
Post by: Arcvasti on March 10, 2015, 07:05:09 pm
How can you have hearthpeople without actual HEARTHS?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 10, 2015, 10:48:11 pm
Are the RAW tensile, torque, etc. values in kPa or some other unit? Also how do you put in molar mass for a material?
Post by: Max™ on March 11, 2015, 05:22:06 pm
What is the mass of a mole of mole molars?
Post by: Bumber on March 12, 2015, 01:55:17 am
Very carefully.Probably something in excess of 60 billion megatons (6x10^19 kg), assuming an average mass of 0.1 gram per tooth. That's only 1/1000 the mass of the moon, unfortunately.
What is the mass of a mole of mole molars?
Could the moon be made up of a mole of weremole molars?
Post by: Max™ on March 12, 2015, 02:57:29 am
What would happen at the next full moon, if that even makes sense to ask?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 12, 2015, 04:04:38 am
What happens if the moon was a noble?
Post by: Max™ on March 12, 2015, 11:26:55 am
If you are bitten by a weremoon in adventure mode, what exactly does this entail?
Post by: Uzu Bash on March 12, 2015, 04:23:43 pm
Wtf causes this ramp to trip or confuse everyone?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 12, 2015, 05:44:51 pm
Are dwarves affected by each other's body-odor.
Post by: Uzu Bash on March 12, 2015, 07:00:24 pm
Why the fuck would a stone worker come all the way out to an unpopulated and hostile cavern, into the middle of a pack of troops and mangled bodies just to clean the freshly splattered crundle blood off the wall? I've never seen this guy clean anything before; why here and why now?
Post by: Max™ on March 12, 2015, 11:47:01 pm
Would he become melancholy if you asked him to turn it into some mugs to dump off on a caravan?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 13, 2015, 09:12:27 am
How do magma pistons work?
Post by: Bumber on March 13, 2015, 04:16:23 pm
Nah, the booze here is just great!Cave-ins occur faster than light, causing a tear in the space-time continuum and permanently swapping the two regions of space.
How do magma pistons work?
What kind of dance is popular with dwarves?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 17, 2015, 08:03:11 pm
Why does an adventurer remember each part of the overworld he travels to, making a huge map, when he soon forgets the layout of the dungeon he is exploring?
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 17, 2015, 08:17:18 pm
Break dancing. What to break is left up to the decision of the dancer.On a similar note, Comedian trains physical stats - meaning dwarven humor probably involves stupidity and pain.
Post by: Max™ on March 17, 2015, 09:09:11 pm
Break dancing. What to break is left up to the decision of the dancer.The part of the brain which stores overworld maps is the same one which hates the sun, it's linked to a very powerful muscle which is also responsible for holding back the highly pressurized vomit which dorfs use as a liquid hard drive devoted to storing underground maps. When it is under-exercized they fatigue rapidly and barf everywhere, marking the path back to the comforting darkness with a bright green trail of vomit while also refreshing their memory of the underground locations. Adventurers have extremely powerful muscles and vomit far too little to benefit from this adapatation to caves.
Why does an adventurer remember each part of the overworld he travels to, making a huge map, when he soon forgets the layout of the dungeon he is exploring?
Why does that make so much sense?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 20, 2015, 09:20:20 pm
How do elves know what the dwarves are saying?
Post by: Bumber on March 22, 2015, 09:49:05 am
What language do demons speak, and how do they/adventurers know it?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on March 24, 2015, 10:43:57 am
The lack of diversity in languages means everybody has time to learn every dialect.
What language do demons speak, and how do they/adventurers know it?
They speak in tongues, so they are understood by every entity they speak to.
If they didn't speak in tongues, what would they speak in?
Post by: Culise on March 24, 2015, 11:07:56 am
How can simple novice ranks in reading be enough to read anything ranging from books to ancient slabs from beyond time?
Post by: Aslandus on March 24, 2015, 11:38:04 am
How good are the artistic renderings on ancient slabs?
Post by: Foxite on March 24, 2015, 11:53:51 am
Why/how are dead dwarves instantly declothed?
Post by: Quartz_Mace on March 24, 2015, 05:22:29 pm
Why did I ever go on a hiatus from DF?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 24, 2015, 08:31:05 pm
Why does nothing insane happen in the succession forts I'm playing until the next person's turn?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on March 25, 2015, 07:43:40 am
Why can't we build on the very edge of the map?
Post by: Inevitability on March 25, 2015, 08:34:10 am
Why can't we make friends with the clowns?
Post by: Foxite on March 30, 2015, 01:21:27 pm
Why are socks so important actually? There's something like pants right? :P
Post by: origamiscienceguy on March 30, 2015, 02:21:23 pm
Because clowns are not only scary. They are scary as fuck. And this type of clown is not only dangerous. They are dangerous as fuck.Dwarves get unhappy thoughts if their feet are uncovered.
Why are socks so important actually? There's something like pants right? :P
How to hand-cranked pumps purify water?
Post by: Button on March 30, 2015, 04:30:08 pm
How do hand-cranked pumps purify water?
The cranking mechanism has nothing to do with it. Screw pumps desalinate via a centrifuge effect - the gears in the pump spin the corkscrew so fast that a dense, soggy brine forms in the outer part of the pump and is flung out. Only the relatively lighter water eventually passes through to the other side.
Why can't we build walls near the edge of an embark?
Post by: Max™ on March 31, 2015, 04:49:08 am
Why can't we build walls near the edge of an embark?There is no room for a dorf to stand on the wrong side of the wall if she has to stand outside of the embark zone to build it.
Why are world-gen forts based around the spiral ramp+surface box/depot design exclusively?
Post by: Foxite on March 31, 2015, 05:47:56 am
Why can't we engrave constructed walls despite them being made of the same type of stone as the engraved wall right next to it?
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 31, 2015, 07:17:03 am
Why are vampires stupid enough to report their kills from 500 years ago?
Post by: Max™ on March 31, 2015, 12:15:34 pm
I've had a priest tell me that the local ruler didn't matter because "the blood-drinker will not allow the chattel to rise", exact wording, and even after outing the vampire and having it accidentally spit on the lady of the site nobody seemed to care at all... though they got mad when I cut her arms off... the vampire, not the lady, I just left them to their ungratefulness.
Why don't npcs have much concern about known vampires assuming positions in their governments?
Post by: Foxite on April 02, 2015, 02:53:38 pm
Why do half of the users' profile pics on this forum change every time I refresh the page?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on April 07, 2015, 08:10:12 am
Spoiler: Real answer (click to show/hide)
Why isn't letting loose the dogs of war as awesome as it sounds?
Post by: AdjustingPriorities on April 07, 2015, 09:30:55 am
Why can't I fire dwarves from catapults? Make good use of armor menacing with spikes.
Post by: Max™ on April 08, 2015, 01:58:47 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Why does finding a site with magnetite, marble, magma 15 z down, five nearby dark fortresses, and five towers showing up as neighbors (http://i.imgur.com/5YgaXvY.png) make me so excited?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on April 08, 2015, 09:11:30 am
Clearly you don't watch the insanity that pours out of Rumrusher enough:Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Can I haz link pleaz?
Post by: Button on April 08, 2015, 10:57:34 am
Why does finding a site with magnetite, marble, magma 15 z down, five nearby dark fortresses, and five towers showing up as neighbors (http://i.imgur.com/5YgaXvY.png) make me so excited?
Because you have not yet lost the ability to feel joy. (Also, share the save?)
Why do I have to work when I'd rather be playing Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: Max™ on April 08, 2015, 09:28:54 pm
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=123944.msg6002254#msg6002254Clearly you don't watch the insanity that pours out of Rumrusher enough:Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Can I haz link pleaz?
I've got several mods in place and it's in progress atm, but the parameters I used tend to produce similar layouts pretty regularly:Why does finding a site with magnetite, marble, magma 15 z down, five nearby dark fortresses, and five towers showing up as neighbors (http://i.imgur.com/5YgaXvY.png) make me so excited?
Because you have not yet lost the ability to feel joy. (Also, share the save?)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Quote
Why do I have to work when I'd rather be playing Dwarf Fortress?Because you haven't figured out how to get away with playing DF at work. "Oh uh, I'm debugging our accounting software."
Why did it amuse me so much that the entire surviving civilized world population of a 5k megabeast pocket world experiment consisted of 2 kobolds in a cave?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on April 20, 2015, 05:58:27 pm
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=123944.msg6002254#msg6002254Clearly you don't watch the insanity that pours out of Rumrusher enough:Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Can I haz link pleaz?I've got several mods in place and it's in progress atm, but the parameters I used tend to produce similar layouts pretty regularly:Why does finding a site with magnetite, marble, magma 15 z down, five nearby dark fortresses, and five towers showing up as neighbors (http://i.imgur.com/5YgaXvY.png) make me so excited?
Because you have not yet lost the ability to feel joy. (Also, share the save?)Spoiler (click to show/hide)QuoteWhy do I have to work when I'd rather be playing Dwarf Fortress?Because you haven't figured out how to get away with playing DF at work. "Oh uh, I'm debugging our accounting software."
Why did it amuse me so much that the entire surviving civilized world population of a 5k megabeast pocket world experiment consisted of 2 kobolds in a cave?
1. Because it IS hilarious. 2. They seem to be the only two people in the world with any sense.
Why hasn't anyone bumped this thread since April 4th?
Post by: aiseant on April 21, 2015, 02:28:35 am
Why don't I have any question when it's my turn to ask ?
Post by: Button on April 21, 2015, 10:54:30 am
Why don't I have any question when it's my turn to ask ?
Because you aren't willing to just make some shit up.
Why aren't there any critters in DF that were real and went extinct? (Giant dragonflies don't count, they're way too big to be prehistoric giant dragonflies.)
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on April 21, 2015, 12:11:03 pm
How would DF come up with Philosophy?
Post by: Max™ on April 22, 2015, 08:41:15 pm
Should one ask not for who the Urist drinks, if Urist drinks for thee?
Post by: Eric Blank on April 23, 2015, 07:43:21 pm
Why does Urist think she has to hold the llama while making the cheese? Why isn't she smart enough to just let go of the llama instead of spamming me with cancellation messages?
Post by: Max™ on April 23, 2015, 08:29:29 pm
How is she supposed to make the cheese, with her mind?
Post by: Button on April 23, 2015, 09:23:00 pm
How is she supposed to make the cheese, with her mind?
How is she supposed to make the cheese, with her mind?
Cheesemaking requires at least one functional [GRASP] body part. If you mod brains to [GRASP], then yes.
What pun should I have made there? I know there's a pun to do with grasping knowledge or ideas, but I'm sleepy.
Post by: skyte100 on April 23, 2015, 09:30:20 pm
On a completely unrelated note:
How is she supposed to make the cheese, with her mind?What does mind cheese taste like?
How is she supposed to make the cheese, with her mind?
Post by: Max™ on April 23, 2015, 09:36:44 pm
Should I have tasted that, and a corrolary: should I be worried that it tasted like blue?
Post by: skyte100 on April 23, 2015, 09:39:44 pm
I think it tastes like the stuff leaking out of my ears after trying to figure out what happened.No. If it tasted like carp then you should be worried. That means have infiltrated the fort and will be out for blood. Oh yes. There will be blood.... And cheese.
Should I have tasted that, and a corrolary: should I be worried that it tasted like blue?
Post by: Max™ on April 23, 2015, 11:27:07 pm
Where did your question go?
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on April 24, 2015, 03:12:27 am
Why isn't there first aid?
Post by: Skuggen on April 24, 2015, 08:06:24 am
Why does a reanimated clump of hair suddenly have a head to decapitate?
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 09:36:39 am
Because the name implies that the dwarf would survive long enough to receive more aid later on.Because some of the hair came together to form a head shape and enslave the rest of the hair. Upon decapitation, the hair dies due to infighting among the now free whiskers.
Why does a reanimated clump of hair suddenly have a head to decapitate?
How dwarven is a dwarf the prefers to consume elven tears?
Post by: arbarbonif on April 24, 2015, 01:35:00 pm
Pshaw! Elven tears contain water! Not very dwarfy at all. You make a waterfall of them and enjoy the salty mist!Because the name implies that the dwarf would survive long enough to receive more aid later on.Because some of the hair came together to form a head shape and enslave the rest of the hair. Upon decapitation, the hair dies due to infighting among the now free whiskers.
Why does a reanimated clump of hair suddenly have a head to decapitate?
How dwarven is a dwarf the prefers to consume elven tears?
What is the least dwarfy waterfall?
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 01:52:02 pm
Pshaw! Elven tears contain water! Not very dwarfy at all. You make a waterfall of them and enjoy the salty mist!An alcohol waterfall. Because its wasting alcohol.
What is the least dwarfy waterfall?
What is the least dwarfy dwarf?
Post by: blue emu on April 24, 2015, 01:57:58 pm
QuoteWhy do I have to work when I'd rather be playing Dwarf Fortress?Because you haven't figured out how to get away with playing DF at work.
I got caught playing DF on National Defense computers. :(
Oh well, it doesn't run nearly as fast as you would expect, anyway.
Post by: Button on April 24, 2015, 02:08:55 pm
What is the least dwarfy dwarf?
Erok Dakenur, Dwarven King of the Elves.
What happens if you put Erok and Cacame in the same room?
Post by: blue emu on April 24, 2015, 02:25:07 pm
[What happens if you put Erok and Cacame in the same room?
Karaoke?
Post by: Wondabarrapa on April 24, 2015, 02:27:01 pm
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 03:34:33 pm
Actually, there would be drinking, then Erok gets insulted by the wood bed and they fight to the death.
Erok Dakenur, Dwarven King of the Elves.
What happens if you put Erok and Cacame in the same room?
if a goblin is hit with a spinning *cavy boar* how much damage can it doDecapitation
What is the next question?
Post by: TheFlame52 on April 24, 2015, 03:42:10 pm
What would happen if Cacame and Yonali Smithwings had a kid?
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 04:01:30 pm
This one.
What would happen if Cacame and Yonali Smithwings had a kid?
Armok would reject the union and send an army of carp riding elephants against them. The army would lose.
If Cacame fought the circus, would he win, lose, or become the ringmaster?
Post by: Max™ on April 24, 2015, 08:25:19 pm
Why is earlier folks asking about first aid, dwarf have third aid, is two more, is better, you want no?
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 08:48:49 pm
He'd become the lion tamer and the lion.No.
Why is earlier folks asking about first aid, dwarf have third aid, is two more, is better, you want no?
Why 3? Why not 4? 4 is 1 more than 3. Is better by 1. Still not want? Ok for you we make 5.
Post by: Max™ on April 24, 2015, 08:52:59 pm
What you want take for this, Aribas shoes, Sonu Playsystem?
Post by: skyte100 on April 24, 2015, 09:12:17 pm
I have lion to. You want lion? Is strong.
Post by: Max™ on April 24, 2015, 10:41:46 pm
Perhaps know anyone with third aid available?
Post by: skyte100 on April 25, 2015, 09:56:20 am
Is good yes?
Post by: Button on April 25, 2015, 02:28:57 pm
Is good yes?
No.
Why does anyone think broken English is funny?
Post by: skyte100 on April 25, 2015, 03:42:40 pm
Why can 3 carp kill a sea monster?
Post by: Arcvasti on April 26, 2015, 11:53:04 pm
Why do camels only have two humps instead of eight?
Post by: skyte100 on April 27, 2015, 06:09:54 am
"Carp" and "Sea monster" are synonymous.Oh god carp are suicidal then.
Why do camels only have two humps instead of eight?
Maybe they do and the dwarves cant count.
What is life?
Post by: Bumber on April 27, 2015, 07:04:21 am
Oh god carp are suicidal then.Life is, in a word, death.
Maybe they do and the dwarves cant count.
What is life?
What is death?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on April 27, 2015, 07:17:51 am
What is undeath?
Post by: Bumber on April 27, 2015, 07:21:08 am
Life.You'd think unlife, but it's actually closer to bureaucracy and nobles.
What is undeath?
What is a dwarf?
(Besides a miserable pile of
Post by: skyte100 on April 27, 2015, 01:03:05 pm
Alcoholics with beards and axes.Life.You'd think unlife, but it's actually closer to bureaucracy and nobles.
What is undeath?
What is a dwarf?
(Besides a miserable pile ofsecretsdrunkenness?)
What's a beard?
Post by: helmacon on April 27, 2015, 07:18:30 pm
What is madness?
Post by: Aslandus on April 27, 2015, 10:16:01 pm
What is success?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on April 28, 2015, 03:34:10 am
What is magma?
Post by: skyte100 on April 28, 2015, 09:03:35 am
What is love?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on April 28, 2015, 09:58:07 am
What is explosions?
Post by: Button on April 28, 2015, 10:00:36 am
What is explosions?
Fun.
What is Fun?
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on April 28, 2015, 10:20:19 am
What are cats?
Post by: Wheeljack on April 28, 2015, 10:43:02 am
Cats.
What are cats?
Enemy spies that kill your GCS before you can catch them, and then explode when given the order. Catsplosion.
But who do the cats answer to?
Post by: skyte100 on April 28, 2015, 11:09:26 am
Me.Cats.
What are cats?
Enemy spies that kill your GCS before you can catch them, and then explode when given the order. Catsplosion.
But who do the cats answer to?
Who am I?
Post by: Max™ on April 28, 2015, 04:08:18 pm
What is baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more?
Post by: cyberTripping on April 29, 2015, 01:14:08 am
Why are toes and fingers seemingly not of this realm? ("but the attack passes right through!")
Post by: Max™ on April 29, 2015, 06:28:34 am
Why does the result of a limb being cut off get displayed as "soandso loses hold of the pig tail glove" and so forth*?
*See, I told you you don't wanna know!
Post by: skyte100 on April 29, 2015, 08:07:08 am
How come clothing with sleeves isn't damaged when a limb is cut off? Same with pants and legs.
Post by: NESgamer190 on April 30, 2015, 11:45:21 am
Archery platoon, why must ya have the obsession to not shoot the enemy, even when you have a quiver full of bolts and the appropriate crossbow and line of sight on the enemy?
(Oddly specific, but a fort or two of mine had my archery regiment believe strongly in bludgeoning the foe with archery equipment for whatever reason.)
Post by: skyte100 on April 30, 2015, 11:52:11 am
Maybe the fact the sleeves got zippers would help with damage prevention. Simply zip the sleeve back on, and presto!Is the ammo set for combat? They wont fire training bolts at live targets. It is for the best.
Archery platoon, why must ya have the obsession to not shoot the enemy, even when you have a quiver full of bolts and the appropriate crossbow and line of sight on the enemy?
(Oddly specific, but a fort or two of mine had my archery regiment believe strongly in bludgeoning the foe with archery equipment for whatever reason.)
Post by: NESgamer190 on April 30, 2015, 11:58:08 am
Post by: skyte100 on April 30, 2015, 12:05:45 pm
@skyte: I will admit, I had bolts set to default settings (I think any material for both training and hunting). I personally just think my dwarves are suicidally overconfident in those cases to jump from their towers to cave some skulls in. (Some fairly sound physics research I think, but not enough to justify not just shooting them down, Urist McPhysics.)Do they all have quivers and ammo? Maybe some dont or are running out of ammo. Next time you capture something, chain it(and disarm if necessary) and give them a kill order and observe.
Post by: NESgamer190 on April 30, 2015, 12:23:28 pm
Post by: skyte100 on April 30, 2015, 12:25:20 pm
@Skyte: I think the one problem I'd run into, is their lack of quivers for a few. D'oh! (I tend to forget about the quivers, which may be a part, but it doesn't help that even the quiver holders have a good supply of ammo and love to still charge off the tower for the melee kill they hope to achieve.)
This is why we test it on a chained target and see if any of them fire at all. Helps to narrow down the problem. If none of them fire, its a squad level problem. If some of them do, its an individual problem.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on May 01, 2015, 02:28:18 am
Maybe the fact the sleeves got zippers would help with damage prevention. Simply zip the sleeve back on, and presto!They do things the true dwarven way, unlike those elven pansies, by the bludgeon of a hammer!
Archery platoon, why must ya have the obsession to not shoot the enemy, even when you have a quiver full of bolts and the appropriate crossbow and line of sight on the enemy?
(Oddly specific, but a fort or two of mine had my archery regiment believe strongly in bludgeoning the foe with archery equipment for whatever reason.)
Why are only Hammers and Axes considered lords?
Post by: Max™ on May 01, 2015, 10:36:41 am
Better question, why does Hammer Lord carry more weight for me than Axe Lord does?
Post by: arbarbonif on May 01, 2015, 11:20:13 am
You forgot Mace Lords, Swordlord sounds funny, Spearmaster shortens to the hilarious "Spermster", though I guess Daggerlord is a toss up with Daggermaster.Simple hammers are heavier.
Better question, why does Hammer Lord carry more weight for me than Axe Lord does?
What about daggers, Urist?
Post by: Max™ on May 01, 2015, 03:18:00 pm
Wait, how are hammers (~3 Urists) heavier than axes (~4 Urists) and have I been counting wrong all these years?
Post by: SyrusLD on May 02, 2015, 04:39:08 pm
All other members of the 100+ siege are dead.
What's wrong with that goblin, why're they not harming her!?
Post by: skyte100 on May 02, 2015, 05:27:24 pm
I have a Goblin (by now a Hammer Lord) from a siege who just won't be killed by my military...12 legendary soldiers and some marksdwarves standing around her, and they just don't do anything to her, I even told them explicitly to kill her, but nope. She keeps on trying to kill them - and managed so with some of the marksdwarves and yak cows/water buffalos around... Checking the combat logs, no-one even tries anything, she's the only one fighting anyone, killing my dwarves, passing out from over-exertion and continuing to fight afterwards...
All other members of the 100+ siege are dead.
What's wrong with that goblin, why're they not harming her!?
She is the Avatar of Armok!
Post by: SyrusLD on May 02, 2015, 07:51:40 pm
Well, she died of a "sudden and complete loss of blood" ... afterwards I realized I could've utilized my traps against her, maybe ... but I'm not much of a fan of a game trolling me with enemies that aren't considered enemies.I have a Goblin (by now a Hammer Lord) from a siege who just won't be killed by my military...12 legendary soldiers and some marksdwarves standing around her, and they just don't do anything to her, I even told them explicitly to kill her, but nope. She keeps on trying to kill them - and managed so with some of the marksdwarves and yak cows/water buffalos around... Checking the combat logs, no-one even tries anything, she's the only one fighting anyone, killing my dwarves, passing out from over-exertion and continuing to fight afterwards...
All other members of the 100+ siege are dead.
What's wrong with that goblin, why're they not harming her!?
She is the Avatar of Armok!
One of the trolls I captured suddenly appearing in my workshop area (50 levels below where his cage resided) is enough trolling for me...He got there without being noticed before suddenly interrupting my metalsmith.
Are they able to get out of (wooden) cages!? Still have no idea how he got down there that fast, easily and unnoticed.
Probably should dump them down my "Newton's Law-Maker". My two vampires also enjoyed that. They never knew what they hit. Just a bit messy to clean up all the body parts afterwards...
EDIT: Thinking about it ... eh...
Do dwarves melt cages which have (hostile) creatures in them?! That miiiiiiight explain it... 8|
Post by: Corona688 on May 02, 2015, 09:27:24 pm
I recall some of the original !!science!! on this, involving a berserk dwarf and a copper cage. The metalsmith survived, surprisingly. I think the berserk dwarf had injuries too.
Post by: Dwarf4Explosives on May 03, 2015, 05:12:23 am
Post by: SyrusLD on May 03, 2015, 06:24:49 am
As for how the troll got there without being noticed, did the troll have any levels in ambusher? Maybe it stealthed.Nah, I designated all items outside to be melted, "hoping" that none of the cages were made of metal, since I only build wooden cages and terrariums. Sadly I forgot that I bought some animals from caravans ... which were in metal cages.
By the way, I find it utterly disturbing that, while the siege was "decently easily fend off", with only a few animals lost and minor wounded soldiers, the clean-up is causing quite a chunk of my fortress to suffer such severe stress that I'm starting to worry. Had to disallow two dwarves from doing anything outside by now because they got into the yellow already...
Is there anything I can do to reduce the stress more quickly again? Every time they see the old corpses, they get horrified over and over again...
Post by: Corona688 on May 03, 2015, 10:47:18 am
Post by: Wimopy on May 29, 2015, 05:58:58 am
You could leave the bodies there to rot, if you have nothing to do outside. There's a danger of paranormal activity, but you can just make memorial slabs later on. And it helps in case you're attacked again.
I believe dwarves slowly get accustomed to horrifying sights, so you could keep trying, maybe you'll get an emotionless, broken army in the end. Or one dead by suicides. I'd consider both a win.
Post by: Foxite on June 01, 2015, 10:57:20 am
Is there anything I can do to reduce the stress more quickly again?This seems to be the most recent question for this thread, although I have my doubts, I will just answer this one.
Stress in 40.x is a much different system than happiness in 34.11, it takes far more than just a royal bedroom + royal office + royal dining room to get them back to happy. This is because stress levels are not the only factor that decides if a dwarf will go mad, it is also if a dwarf has sustained these levels for a long time, or if they just received a major dip in their life (although seeing the refuse stockpile in a mature fort will cause the same thing, which from my view is a bug). So when a dwarf has been through petty annoyances for 10 years, they may just as well go insane as having your reanimated daughter eat your leg in 34.11.
How do dwarves who are 16 embark squares (I don't know how much tiles that are) away from the fort know exactly when to get in the fort when you raise the alert level, even if there's nothing really going on?
Post by: NW_Kohaku on June 01, 2015, 12:39:22 pm
For refuse, make a pit tied to an atom-smasher or just dump into magma reservoirs. Bones are special, obviously, but you can always put those behind several doors/blind turns and have it a dead end or low traffic area to dissuade anyone not a bone carver from going in there. Most dwarves don't care about a pile of turkey bones, anyway, though.
Post by: Max™ on June 01, 2015, 05:42:15 pm
How do dwarves who are 16 embark squares (I don't know how much tiles that are) away from the fort know exactly when to get in the fort when you raise the alert level, even if there's nothing really going on?Simple, 768 tiles (16 embark tiles*48 tiles per embark tile) is the maximum range of
Why?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on June 11, 2015, 11:51:46 am
Armok knows that if he were to let his beard grow longer, it would consume the world.How do dwarves who are 16 embark squares (I don't know how much tiles that are) away from the fort know exactly when to get in the fort when you raise the alert level, even if there's nothing really going on?Simple, 768 tiles (16 embark tiles*48 tiles per embark tile) is the maximum range ofdwarven telepathyArmok's Beard Hairs.
Why?
I've heard mugs are going to serve a purpose in the next update, explain this innovation in Dwarven science!
Post by: Arcvasti on June 11, 2015, 12:05:03 pm
What metal is the best material for mugs?
Post by: Inevitability on June 11, 2015, 01:21:00 pm
How well would the skull of an elf who died of lead poisoning serve as a mug?
Post by: Albedo on June 11, 2015, 01:23:16 pm
Why are eagles terrorized by my cavy pups grazing on the surface? Sheesh.
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on June 13, 2015, 05:10:46 am
How do dwarves survive on stale air?
Post by: Wimopy on June 13, 2015, 07:32:17 am
How do dwarves deal with alcohol poisoning (provided it becomes a thing in the next update)?
Post by: Eric Blank on June 16, 2015, 03:20:00 pm
How do dwarves always find the worst time to go on break?
Post by: Manae on June 19, 2015, 03:21:09 pm
Why do my dwarves run shrieking from a trapped enemy behind fortifications, but the marksdwarves stand there smiling instead of shooting the damned beast?
NOTE: Not anti-all-unions... just low-hanging fruit I had to go for. :P
Post by: DAPARROT on June 21, 2015, 09:45:15 pm
Why do titans made of smoke fail at killing chinchillas?
Post by: Bumber on June 22, 2015, 02:05:55 am
Because the marksdwarves wanted to be hammerdwarves and are still in denial that they are holding crossbowsTheir plans go up in smoke. Also, smoking kills.
Why do titans made of smoke fail at killing chinchillas?
How do salt titans survive untold eons of rain?
Post by: Aslandus on June 22, 2015, 04:50:30 pm
Their plans go up in smoke. Also, smoking kills.They turn into saltwater titans then dry out again
How do salt titans survive untold eons of rain?
How do fire titans continue to burn?
Post by: TD1 on June 22, 2015, 05:20:39 pm
How do Dwarves construct such big structures, despite being so tiny?
Post by: Arcvasti on June 22, 2015, 05:32:43 pm
Why can't dwarves cultivate ant colonies the way they can beehives?
Post by: DAPARROT on June 22, 2015, 06:33:28 pm
How do dwarves get ant brains?
Post by: Great Gelder on June 23, 2015, 12:28:36 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/ffIdADr.jpg)
Post by: Aslandus on June 23, 2015, 12:37:32 pm
What is going on here? I thought only divine metal could be jagged, and I had them disabled at worldgen. What the hell is jagged adamantine?I think you got the wrong thread, but in answer to your question: "Jagged greaves" describes the design of the greaves, not a detail about the metal.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Because ant brains are too tastyTiny scoops
How do dwarves get ant brains?
How many ants to they have to get brains out of to get a meal?
Post by: Bumber on June 24, 2015, 04:16:37 am
How many ants to they have to get brains out of to get a meal?Just one.
What happens (physiologically) when a water titan/FB enters water? (Bonus question: Why are there no beard FBs?)
Post by: MonsterClub on June 24, 2015, 03:09:39 pm
Post by: Bumber on June 25, 2015, 01:46:14 am
Is there anyway to make my military dwarfs to spar? I've tried anything(at least what i know):making little squads like 3-4 dwarfs, getiing them to an decent level in military skills, make the schedule for only 2-3 dwarfs to train.Do you have a barracks set to training? If that isn't the issue, try here: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=150534
Post by: Baffler on June 25, 2015, 02:42:00 am
Just one.
What happens (physiologically) when a water titan/FB enters water? (Bonus question: Why are there no beard FBs?)
The "water titan" isn't actually made exclusively of water: it's actually a very large single-celled organism, with its internal fluids held in by an infinitesimally thin but ridiculously cohesive semipermeable membrane. Dwarves don't have the technology to see any of that stuff though, so to them it just looks like a big murderous blob of fluid that can be pierced with next to no effort. When the titan immerses itself in water, the membrane detects it and starts a signal cascade that ultimately causes the membrane to become significantly less permeable. This allows the titan to retain its shape even if the surrounding water isn't even close to isotonic.
Why aren't there any diseases, chronic or contagious, in DF aside from those caused by angry gods?
Post by: Albedo on June 25, 2015, 04:07:05 am
Why do the best Moods always hit the worst dwarves, and vice versa? (Oh - nm, just answered that - Armok. So...)
Why do dwarves continue to get such massive amounts of wrestling experience when the "victim" has been unconscious for the last 2 days?
Post by: DAPARROT on June 25, 2015, 08:52:01 am
Why don't chickens need to eat?
Post by: MonsterClub on June 26, 2015, 09:55:02 am
Post by: Button on June 26, 2015, 10:22:20 am
Unconcius victim=practice dummy
Why don't chickens need to eat?
They scratch up vermin to eat!
Why don't tigers need to eat?
Post by: Sgt. Cookie on July 01, 2015, 01:33:08 pm
The reverse isn't true, though. Granted, there is A goblin Civ that had a Dwarf master (This was also the only goblin civ that didn't have a demon as a master. Because the demon was killed by a BEAR.)
Will these "civilised" goblins try to attack their Dwarven countrymen or an adventurer if I go there?
Post by: Aslandus on July 01, 2015, 01:40:09 pm
Why don't tigers need to eat?They scratch up invisible chickens to eat
One of my historical DWARF Civs, The Rounded Rags, for some reason or another, accepted Goblin citizens at an almost 5:1 ratio. Hell, The Rounded Rags even have a Goblin KING (Well, Queen). I have no idea why.The goblins in the dorf civ won't attack their fellow countrymen, or you adventurer unless you piss off the civ, they are civilized folk. Not like that dwarven king of the goblin civ who will probably murder your face if he sees you.
The reverse isn't true, though. Granted, there is A goblin Civ that had a Dwarf master (This was also the only goblin civ that didn't have a demon as a master. Because the demon was killed by a BEAR.)
Will these "civilised" goblins try to attack their Dwarven countrymen or an adventurer if I go there?
So what do trolls eat?
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on July 01, 2015, 02:07:24 pm
Not quite fitting, but now that there can be deaths by alcoholism, how have the Dwarves adapted to be able to survive?
Post by: DAPARROT on July 01, 2015, 02:43:46 pm
How large is a dwarf's liver?
Post by: Dunamisdeos on July 01, 2015, 04:08:13 pm
Larger livers
How large is a dwarf's liver?
50% larger than the standard for humanoids, I believe. Dwarves are obviously well prepared for drinking approximately 500% as much liquor as other races.
Post by: Salmeuk on July 01, 2015, 05:45:37 pm
Larger livers
How large is a dwarf's liver?
50% larger than the standard for humanoids, I believe. Dwarves are obviously well prepared for drinking approximately 500% as much liquor as other races.
I was reading the other day about how certain oceangoing shark species are known to have livers that take up almost 90% of their body cavity, and weigh almost 50% of the sharks entire weight. Dwarfs and sharks share a common ancestor, it seems.
Did evolution occur in these worlds we generate, and we just don't see it, or is every animal, plant, or civilization plopped down by some god willy-nilly?
Post by: TD1 on July 01, 2015, 05:47:44 pm
Why do Masons entomb themselves with walls so often?
Post by: Aslandus on July 01, 2015, 10:28:05 pm
The Toad hops as the Toad hops, leaving civilization behind him as he goes. Evolution is a myth.They didn't understand "The Cask of Amontillado" very well
Why do Masons entomb themselves with walls so often?
Why do carpenters deconstruct floors that drop them to their deaths?
Post by: nimbus25 on July 01, 2015, 10:30:56 pm
Why do dwarves like to dodge attacks by jumping into pools/rivers and then drowning because of it?
Post by: DAPARROT on July 01, 2015, 11:33:37 pm
Why are carp so deadly?
Post by: Arcvasti on July 03, 2015, 12:33:42 am
Why is the obsidian stuff magma crabs shoot considered fat for stockpiling porpoises.
Post by: Bumber on July 03, 2015, 05:40:22 am
Memetic mutation, mainly.Because dwarves consider everything in the 'glob' state of matter to be practically the same thing. (I thought they shot molten basalt.)
Why is the obsidian stuff magma crabs shoot considered fat for stockpiling porpoises.
Why are there no beard FBs?
Post by: TD1 on July 03, 2015, 10:02:04 am
How can Elven horses carry elephants in caravans?
Post by: Eric Blank on July 03, 2015, 11:37:55 am
Why dont elves just bring you more animals instead of fucking cloth and wooden gear?
Post by: Aslandus on July 03, 2015, 12:44:58 pm
The elves gave them some drugs. Some really nice drugs.The elves are concerned about all the naked dwarves running around when they come to visit
Why dont elves just bring you more animals instead of fucking cloth and wooden gear?
Why do the humans bring metal armor when it doesn't even fit your dwarves?
Post by: Eric Blank on July 03, 2015, 01:40:46 pm
Why don't dwarves appreciate the beautiful architecture itself?
Post by: DAPARROT on July 31, 2015, 02:31:35 pm
why do clowns like to cause !!FUN!!?
Post by: customlemon on July 31, 2015, 04:51:09 pm
why do clowns like to cause !!FUN!!?
It's in their !!blood!!
An actual WTF: I went to reclaim an abandoned fortress (died to an unfortunate weresomething encounter).
I was welcomed by an ambush message. Zoomed in and it was ~100 z-levels bellow the surface.
WTF?
Post by: Arcvasti on July 31, 2015, 08:59:58 pm
Since there are animalpeople, why aren't there wereanimalpeople, who turn onto animalpeople at certain lunar times?
Post by: crazyabe on August 01, 2015, 12:37:31 am
Since there are animalpeople, why aren't there wereanimalpeople, who turn onto animalpeople at certain lunar times?because they run into the HFS of your world before it finishes generating, leading to mass extinction.
why are strange moods so odd, eg wood anvil
Post by: UnicodingUnicorn on August 01, 2015, 10:02:16 am
Why do all the ranged weapons fire at the same speed?
Post by: Aslandus on August 01, 2015, 10:42:15 am
Why do all the ranged weapons fire at the same speed?Guild regulations
How do you get 4 times as much material by carving rocks into blocks?
Post by: NESgamer190 on August 01, 2015, 12:48:37 pm
How can dwarves be so maniacal to try to melee with crossbows, even when provided with ammo?
Post by: crazyabe on August 01, 2015, 10:09:30 pm
why don't dwarves worship god #3 THE HOLY Toady one?
V wrong worship buddy.
Post by: Eric Blank on August 02, 2015, 06:53:24 pm
Why can't dorfs just be thankful they weren't locked out?
Post by: customlemon on August 03, 2015, 05:57:29 pm
"Oh, you think I should be _GRATEFUL_ for not being left outside?
Sure, next time leave me there. I don't care.
But you know what would be even better?
All of my friends throwing tantrums!
You would like that, would you not?
Yeah, that _SURE_ would be a pleasant sight.
.
.
.
Bitch."
##===##
2 of my full-time military dorfs just got announced 'Administrators'. The do nothing all day. (Gave them some time off - they got tired and stressed) Is this a bug, or a realism feature?
Post by: Bumber on August 03, 2015, 07:04:05 pm
2 of my full-time military dorfs just got announced 'Administrators'. The do nothing all day. (Gave them some time off - they got tired and stressed) Is this a bug, or a realism feature?Both. All bugs are actually features.
What disagreement caused the Ace Bees (http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/index.html#2015-07-30) to disband?
Post by: escondida on August 04, 2015, 07:12:25 am
"But Reg, I can't possibly be the guitarist with mystique over the constant, sourceless guitar music that plays everywhere!"
"You're not supposed to talk about that."
"What do you mean? I'm just saying--how do I play the guitar over that other guitar music?"
"Get out! Get out of here! You're out of the band! And never come back!"
What do Forgotten Beasts get up to with no dwarves around to terrorize them?
Post by: The Big D on August 05, 2015, 05:37:35 am
Why is it that I invariably get statues of some guy hugging a field of barley as an artifact in my fort?
Post by: NESgamer190 on August 05, 2015, 10:38:04 am
They have teaparties with clowns and trolls, and ride giant moledogs on merry jaunts with their ladyfriends through the caverns.
Why is it that I invariably get statues of some guy hugging a field of barley as an artifact in my fort?
Maybe the dwarf barley had any creativity for his artifact.
How is it that one of my dwarves managed to survive a giant cave spider bite?
Post by: customlemon on August 05, 2015, 12:51:29 pm
Why a collapsed ice wall creates a cloud of loam?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on August 26, 2015, 05:52:27 pm
Random mutation. His offspings might be immune too - you should perform !!SCIENCE!! on them. Don't forget to post back your results.
Why a collapsed ice wall creates a cloud of loam?
Because it doesn't actually rain water, it rains loam. Essentially, ice is just frozen loam. So when it falls/collapses, it breaks into finer particles that fly everywhere!
Why hasn't this post been updated for almost a month?
Post by: NESgamer190 on August 29, 2015, 02:23:29 pm
Why in the world did elves arrive in winter to trade in my succession fort? (Vanilla game)
Post by: DAPARROT on August 29, 2015, 05:35:13 pm
why are undead werebeasts capable of cloning themselves?
Post by: Skribbblie on August 29, 2015, 05:41:55 pm
Why do ogres just like walking into my fort to knock over all of my buildings and otherwise hang out quietly?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on August 29, 2015, 09:42:09 pm
Why don't elves ever figure out metal is sharper and stronger than wood?
Post by: DAPARROT on August 29, 2015, 09:55:32 pm
Why do dwarves think magma is drinkable?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on August 29, 2015, 10:02:04 pm
Why do dwarves make spears entirely out of metal instead of, say, making the shaft out of Goblin bones or Elven forest retreats?
Post by: Urlance Woolsbane on August 29, 2015, 11:44:39 pm
Why do non-citizens (I'm thinking of the poor, broken echidna that a flock of undead ostriches decided to play ball with) seemingly not die of thirst in Fortress Mode?
Post by: Immortal-D on August 30, 2015, 10:28:14 pm
How come leather armor never breaks, but a leather shirt, literally the exact same material, will eventually fall apart from use?
Post by: cyberTripping on August 30, 2015, 10:56:57 pm
Dwarven engineering knows no bounds.
Why can't I mulch my gardens with the bodies of dead enemy soldiers? It's a waste of good nutrition is what it is.
Post by: Aslandus on August 30, 2015, 11:45:38 pm
Why can't they just use a giant blender?
Post by: Arcvasti on August 31, 2015, 12:11:02 am
How exactly does a huge Forgotten Beast prance nimbly through a gauntlet of cave traps while an itsy bitsy kea gets got in them?
Post by: Tawa on August 31, 2015, 12:13:27 am
Why do kobolds seemingly have their own language,.but are unable to speak?
Post by: Arcvasti on August 31, 2015, 12:23:25 am
Can Forgotten Beasts find love?
Post by: TheFlame52 on August 31, 2015, 01:51:17 pm
They have recognized an important truth: No one really cares if other people are listening to them or not, they just like the sound of their own voice. Long ago, the kobolds, devised a language, or lack thereof, which made everyone happy. Every kobold could babble on to everyone else to their heart's content but no one is listening because its vaguely adorable gibberish. This makes kobold courtship rituals the most... interesting of all sentient races.Yes. I'm pretty sure that was a feature of some succession fort or another - the dwarves killed an FB's wife and daughter, then it.
Can Forgotten Beasts find love?
What do I do with all these demons? Making demonade isn't implemented yet.
Post by: Tawa on August 31, 2015, 03:13:55 pm
How did the first anvil come into existence?
Post by: Uristocrat on August 31, 2015, 04:06:51 pm
If an elf is burned to death in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Post by: TheFlame52 on August 31, 2015, 04:22:15 pm
2. There are trees in a forest
3. Trees can hear
4. Elves can talk to trees
Therefore, it does make a sound and we can prove it.
Why do artifacts burn forever?
Post by: Bumber on August 31, 2015, 07:46:09 pm
Why do artifacts burn forever?Artifacts are infused with the power of beards/eyelashes and are constantly regrowing as they burn.
If an tree is burned to death and there's no elf around to hear it, does it make a sound? Does it make a sound even if there is?
Post by: Tawa on August 31, 2015, 09:15:05 pm
How do dwarves brew alcohol and a single mushroom into biscuits?
Post by: Arcvasti on August 31, 2015, 09:19:34 pm
How does one "mince" water?
Post by: Uristocrat on August 31, 2015, 09:31:05 pm
Is setting an elf on fire with flaming booze good entertainment or a waste of precious booze?
Post by: crazyabe on September 01, 2015, 05:40:20 pm
why do toads not make games in the game?
Post by: Pencil_Art on September 02, 2015, 12:49:17 am
Why do dwarfs not retreat to their rooms to make
Post by: TheHossofMoss on September 02, 2015, 08:55:40 am
There is only one who can, and he exists in our world.
Why do dwarfs not retreat to their rooms to makevile scumbabies?
Because that would not be efficient! Dwarfs, being very efficient creatures, choose rather to mate on the spot, or on the go, as doing it (ha) any other way would put a damper upon their daily-tasks of pleasing their Omniscient Overseer in a timely fashion.
What does Dwarven Science tell us about what lies BELOW the Circus?
Post by: crazyabe on September 02, 2015, 09:23:09 am
why do !!dwarves!! not stop drop AND roll?
Post by: Max™ on September 02, 2015, 01:18:38 pm
Why don't creatures made of flame ever seem to notice the explosions of steam, blood, vomit, spit, and so forth going off around them?
Post by: qorthos on September 02, 2015, 02:51:52 pm
Post by: crazyabe on September 02, 2015, 04:53:39 pm
Post by: achamalacha on September 03, 2015, 05:44:36 pm
Why don't creatures made of flame ever seem to notice the explosions of steam, blood, vomit, spit, and so forth going off around them?
It somewhat similar to the anvil paradoxon. Since the beginning of time they were attacked by
Why? (actually I couldn't come up with some witty question, and answered by mistake in the first place, so just: why?)
Post by: Aslandus on September 03, 2015, 05:59:40 pm
Why don't Minotaurs ever bring weapons to battle?
Post by: Nikita on September 04, 2015, 12:02:42 am
Post by: Bumber on September 04, 2015, 12:50:57 am
Why don't Minotaurs ever bring weapons to battle?It's funnier to kill your opponent with their own clothes.
A merchant's guard just attacked one of my dwarves for no reason, and now all the merchants are hostile. What the heck?Your dwarf was refusing to haggle.
Why is it that dwarves can no longer stand to dig a hole (diggy-diggy hole) without climbing out before it's finished?
Post by: klefenz on September 04, 2015, 01:05:27 am
Why dont dwarves ever use shovels?
Post by: Max™ on September 04, 2015, 02:06:25 am
Union.What the hell is a shovel?
Why dont dwarves ever use shovels?
Is that some sort of strange pick?
Post by: DAPARROT on September 04, 2015, 09:40:11 am
Why can't dwarves smooth/engrave constructed walls?
Post by: TheFlame52 on September 04, 2015, 09:42:49 am
What happens to something when it falls down an eerie glowing pit?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on September 04, 2015, 09:48:17 am
Why do dwarves hoard decaying clothes in their cabinets rather than throwing it into the magma pit?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on September 04, 2015, 12:36:14 pm
Why don't clothiers care about clothing rot destroying masterworks?
Post by: TheFlame52 on September 04, 2015, 12:40:22 pm
Why don't cooks care about masterwork roasts being eaten? Or weaponsmiths care about masterwork bolts being shot?
Post by: Arcvasti on September 04, 2015, 10:22:10 pm
Why don't dwarves put cushions on thrones/chairs to make them comfy?
Post by: Beer-Bearded Bard on September 05, 2015, 12:11:56 am
Why doesn't my were-creature dwarf kill the child she had after being quarantined whenever she transforms?
Post by: Jazzeraint on September 08, 2015, 01:08:57 pm
Why are my embarks so much deeper when there's a volcano involved?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on September 08, 2015, 02:24:52 pm
Why are forgotten beasts called forgotten? I can look them up in legends mode...
Post by: Max™ on September 08, 2015, 02:34:32 pm
Was it Ost Spurstreguk or Ist Serstrokum?
Post by: crazyabe on September 08, 2015, 04:49:56 pm
How dose gravity work?
Post by: Nikita on September 08, 2015, 05:46:32 pm
Why did the goblins invade the fortress?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on September 08, 2015, 11:54:21 pm
Why did the dwarf cross the besieging army?
Post by: Bumber on September 09, 2015, 02:46:47 am
Because they're filthy gobbos that want your treasures, your kids, and your booze. Also, they've got nothing better to do.To get the sock. (Or the sock bin some other dwarf left out in the open and walked away from in v0.34.)
Why did the dwarf cross the besieging army?
What's the difference between gelding and beard shaving?
Post by: IndigoFenix on September 09, 2015, 10:44:05 am
Why do creatures automatically scuttle themselves when a wizard turns them into a wagon?
Post by: klefenz on September 09, 2015, 10:56:51 am
Why dont the dwarves need chisels to smooth/engrave stone?
Post by: crazyabe on September 09, 2015, 11:23:45 am
why wont toady
Post by: Aslandus on September 09, 2015, 01:52:12 pm
Why do elves only use wooden weapons?
Post by: crazyabe on September 09, 2015, 05:10:02 pm
Why Wont armok make worlds with a East &/or west poll?
Post by: Max™ on September 10, 2015, 09:03:58 pm
If shaving the beard of a male dorf is emasculating, what is it called when you shave the beard of a female dorf?
Post by: arbarbonif on September 14, 2015, 02:39:23 pm
Why did I sound like I was smoking weed in my head when I wrote that?
Post by: Minnakht on September 17, 2015, 10:25:21 am
Why are dwarves really impressed with big rooms full of chairs, tables and pictures made by decent but not amazing stoneworkers?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on September 17, 2015, 08:28:33 pm
Gee, that really elucidated a lot.
How did Dwarf Fortress come from "2d and heavily structured" to "stuff happens randomly, you do whatever the hell you want" and yet it still is not only good, but amazing?
Post by: Garrie on September 19, 2015, 04:21:03 am
How did Dwarf Fortress come from "2d and heavily structured" to "stuff happens randomly, you do whatever the hell you want" and yet it still is not only good, but amazing?A fey mood.
When a former expedition leader passes a master-work statues of themself being removed from their post all over the fortress, does the good thought from the quality, overcome the negative thought from being reminded about being removed from their post?
Post by: Max™ on September 19, 2015, 05:40:50 am
Why are statues of other dorfs surrounded by things that terrify them such a popular subject?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on September 19, 2015, 06:28:01 am
How come you can push carts along drawbridges?
Post by: Eric Blank on September 19, 2015, 02:05:25 pm
Why do dwarves get upset about the same dead guy repeatedly?
Post by: gestahl on September 19, 2015, 10:10:23 pm
Why can dwarves hate toads?
Post by: crazyabe on September 19, 2015, 10:25:01 pm
Because toady takes so long to fix somethings, and they (Our current dwarfs) are not in the new version
Why cant hydras regrow there heads?
Post by: Nikita on September 20, 2015, 12:45:08 am
Why does a superlegendary hammerlord go into every battle bare-fisted?
Post by: Arcvasti on September 20, 2015, 08:36:57 pm
Why are pre-kill one-liners not in the game yet?
Post by: Max™ on September 20, 2015, 10:14:14 pm
Why do dorfs prefer to punch endlessly at the head of an unconscious foe rather than applying a chokehold and strangling them?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on September 23, 2015, 09:34:42 pm
Why do the mountainhomes never send an army to deal with sieging goblins and rampaging megabeasts?
Post by: DAPARROT on September 23, 2015, 10:18:12 pm
why do dwarves not care about anything?
Post by: gestahl on September 23, 2015, 10:40:16 pm
Why don't cats enslave kobolds the same way they have dwarves?
Post by: Daris on September 24, 2015, 12:23:50 am
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on September 24, 2015, 01:17:38 am
Also because they are too drunk and its your problem.
Why don't cats enslave kobolds the same way they have dwarves?
Because the cats consider the kobolds to be less worthy of being a slave than a dwarf. Even cats have standards.
Why are cats unable to become the monarch of a civilization?
Post by: DAPARROT on September 24, 2015, 09:55:31 am
How did cats get mind control powers?
Post by: dillonsup on September 24, 2015, 10:48:52 pm
How Does a dwarf get stuck on water?
Post by: Bumber on September 24, 2015, 11:50:40 pm
Because of geneticsUsually tree trickery.
How Does a dwarf get stuck on water?
How do trees grow so fast?
Post by: XArgon on September 25, 2015, 02:46:23 am
How do trees grow so fast?An elf did it.
How the dwarves mine so fast? (dumb question)
Post by: Dzlan on September 25, 2015, 03:49:17 am
Why do marksdwarves like to run at the enemy instead of shoot when possible?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on September 25, 2015, 02:56:46 pm
Why, why, why are minecart tracks so insane and hard to set up?
Post by: NESgamer190 on September 29, 2015, 03:34:04 pm
Why are there dwarves that love giant versions of the vermin they detest, like a giant bark scorpion is loved, but not the normal variant?
Post by: Button on September 29, 2015, 05:12:19 pm
Mayhaps mine cart tracks are actually eldritch wormholes of some sort?
Why are there dwarves that love giant versions of the vermin they detest, like a giant bark scorpion is loved, but not the normal variant?
Giant bark scorpions aren't going to hide in their shoes.
Why won't the elves invade? We're at war since worldgen, it's been nearly 15 years since I embarked, and I'm right next to them on the world map :(.
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on September 29, 2015, 11:20:34 pm
Why do the goblins send a force of 5200 to attack a civilization across a huge desert and only send a pitiful force of 40 to attack the fortress right next to their home?
Post by: Bumber on September 30, 2015, 02:08:12 am
The elves either didn't notice that there's a fortress right next to them or they're really scared since they noticed there's somehow a fortress right next to them.They're worried they'll be warped by the insanity that occurs in certain overseer-run forts. Even goblins have standards.
Why do the goblins send a force of 5200 to attack a civilization across a huge desert and only send a pitiful force of 40 to attack the fortress right next to their home?
Where do excess (non-historical) site populations hide when player adventurers come around? How do tens of thousands of people fit there when the player isn't around?
Post by: Atarlost on September 30, 2015, 01:10:39 pm
Where do excess (non-historical) site populations hide when player adventurers come around? How do tens of thousands of people fit there when the player isn't around?
They're swapped to disk to keep framerates acceptable. When the player isn't around they don't need to be actually simulated in any detail and can safely exist.
Why do my goblins always appear at the same map edge?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on September 30, 2015, 04:05:43 pm
Why does this thread exist?
Post by: Atarlost on October 01, 2015, 11:11:57 am
Why does this thread exist?
Because, on July 22, 2011, Elisebambi was bored.
Why have my dwarves stopped gathering sand?
Post by: Button on October 01, 2015, 12:41:50 pm
Why does this thread exist?
Because, on July 22, 2011, Elisebambi was bored.
Why have my dwarves stopped gathering sand?
They ran out of bags and canceled the job; or, they can't path to the sand gathering area; or, they can't path to the glassmaker's workshop where the "gather sand" job is/was queued; or, plants grew on the designated sand gathering area and so they think it's not sand anymore.
Why won't my dwarves cook a whole bag of seeds together, instead picking up one. seed. at a time.
Post by: Rosemary7391 on October 02, 2015, 01:50:02 pm
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 02, 2015, 01:53:20 pm
Also, this isn't what this thread is for.
Post by: Rosemary7391 on October 02, 2015, 01:58:52 pm
If all else fails, use DFhack's showmood to see what he wants.
Also, this isn't what this thread is for.
Isn't it?
Thanks ; I don't have DFhack installed but I might consider it...
Post by: Bumber on October 02, 2015, 11:51:41 pm
Why won't my dwarves cook a whole bag of seeds together, instead picking up one. seed. at a time.They came from different plants, so mixing them together would create an inconsistency in the food texture. Beards are picky when it comes to that.
They're swapped to disk to keep framerates acceptable. When the player isn't around they don't need to be actually simulated in any detail and can safely exist.What's a 'disk'? Is it like an enchanted slab of some kind?
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 03, 2015, 07:28:15 am
Post by: DAPARROT on October 03, 2015, 09:40:46 am
Why do dwarves dig large areas in away that results in multiple injuries/deaths?
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 03, 2015, 10:01:58 am
Why do dwarves get really fat in forts?
Post by: gestahl on October 03, 2015, 06:17:02 pm
Why do dwarves get really fat in forts?Tallow roasts.
Why are some dwarves WAY too small for a dwarf?
Post by: crazyabe on October 03, 2015, 06:18:28 pm
Why is the dwarven diet so unbalanced
Post by: Bumber on October 03, 2015, 08:24:38 pm
Nobody asked a question, so: How do dwarves eat one chopped up seed as a meal and not starve to death?I guess I'm Nobody.
Post by: NESgamer190 on October 03, 2015, 08:45:47 pm
Why in the world did the goblins think 7 human recruits, two human crossbowmen, and one goblin lasher with a lack of armor was a good idea?
Post by: crazyabe on October 03, 2015, 08:58:05 pm
Why dont dwarves worship ARMOK?
Post by: Bumber on October 03, 2015, 09:22:01 pm
Why dont dwarves worship ARMOK?They haven't heard the good word yet.
What's a 'disk'? Is it like an enchanted slab of some kind?
Post by: crazyabe on October 03, 2015, 10:14:06 pm
what causes the game to make it so easy to avoid the sperm whales i drop in The O.T.A
Post by: Atarlost on October 04, 2015, 01:54:41 pm
They ran out of bags and canceled the job; or, they can't path to the sand gathering area; or, they can't path to the glassmaker's workshop where the "gather sand" job is/was queued; or, plants grew on the designated sand gathering area and so they think it's not sand anymore.
It was none of those. I had tons of bags (and no job cancellations), clear paths, a roaded sand collection area, a second sand collection area. It seems to have been a profile problem. The wiki says sand collection is unskilled item hauling, but it lies. It doesn't get performed if the workshop with the sand collection jobs is restricted to non-glassmakers.
what causes the game to make it so easy to avoid the sperm whales i drop in The O.T.A
They're toying with you. Haven't you ever read Moby Dick?
Why do moody dwarves keep stealing the parapalegic's private burrow restricted workshop?
Post by: Immortal-D on October 19, 2015, 12:19:54 pm
Why do underground plants, where there is effectively zero temperature or PH variance, have seasonal restrictions, and surface crops do not? Give me a patch of soil and I can grow Strawberries on a glacier. But try growing Pigtails during 'Spring'? Forget about it.
Post by: crazyabe on October 19, 2015, 12:24:03 pm
Why Is it not "Hot" In The HFS.
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 19, 2015, 01:24:26 pm
Why won't any trees grow in hell, even if you get the slade muddy?
Post by: Immortal-D on October 19, 2015, 01:50:56 pm
If that is true, why can I pasture my burrowing animals atop Slade, and they continue to happily nom on grubs and such?
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 19, 2015, 07:20:25 pm
If slade can't support life, then why can cave moss and such grow on it when muddied?
Post by: Immortal-D on October 19, 2015, 08:11:24 pm
On the subject of excessive digging; Why is it that Invaders never bring tunneling equipment? I mean sure, no race can dig faster than Dwarves, but even Hippies must have something equivalent to a shovel.
Post by: NESgamer190 on October 19, 2015, 10:41:35 pm
I said Slade can't support natural life. Cave moss is clearly supernatural (or at least its' reproduction rate is).
On the subject of excessive digging; Why is it that Invaders never bring tunneling equipment? I mean sure, no race can dig faster than Dwarves, but even Hippies must have something equivalent to a shovel.
Well, with the elves, they find the defacement of nature quite... grim. For the walking dead, they're kinda mindless undead that want brains, so there ya go. As for the humans and goblins, I guess they don't like destroying good architecture.
Why are giants... well, giant wusses?
Post by: TD1 on October 21, 2015, 05:30:44 am
Why is there no night time in Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: TheHossofMoss on October 21, 2015, 05:49:55 pm
Because they're only big friendly giants that come to help save your Dwarve's dreams, when they're viciously attacked by said Dwarves.
Why is there no night time in Dwarf Fortress?
Because the sun never sets on the glorious Dwarven Empire. Or something like that.
What are the chief criteria of becoming/being a Prophet of Armok?
Post by: crazyabe on October 21, 2015, 05:53:27 pm
The criteria are: Knowing Armok, Being enslaved, killing three thousand elves, and Being dead twelve times over
what happens when you delete a save?
Post by: cochramd on October 21, 2015, 06:11:29 pm
What happens when you copy a save?
Post by: crazyabe on October 21, 2015, 06:13:39 pm
The Armokalypse.
What happens when you copy a save?
Everything Splits like an amoeba, and floats off to another place in the universe
What happens when a save gets corrupted?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 21, 2015, 07:47:14 pm
The Armokalypse.
What happens when you copy a save?
Everything Splits like an amoeba, and floats off to another place in the universe
What happens when a save gets corrupted?
The world is swallowed by the sun, like the Earth will be in about 5 billion years.
My question:
(http://i.imgur.com/JrbNVRD.jpg)
Isn't Clown Land supposed to be made of slade?
Post by: 99Hedgehog on October 21, 2015, 11:23:01 pm
Does there exist a problem that CAN'T be solved with magma?
Post by: cochramd on October 22, 2015, 05:43:25 am
What evil lurks in the hearts of dwarfs?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 22, 2015, 05:54:10 am
An overabundance of magma.Magma.
What evil lurks in the hearts of dwarfs?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 22, 2015, 10:15:04 am
An overabundance of magma.Magma.
What evil lurks in the hearts of dwarfs?
...
Where does Armok fit into the dwarven religion? He's never in their pantheon.
Post by: crazyabe on October 22, 2015, 11:07:20 am
How much wood wars would a wooden dwarf start if I set [kill_plant] to required?
Post by: Baffler on October 22, 2015, 02:27:23 pm
He is the deity who made there deitys, But he also made elves so they don't worship him.
How much wood wars would a wooden dwarf start if I set [kill_plant] to required?
None. Being made of wood, the elves would be unwilling to do him any harm, and would rationalize his plant killing as a part of his nature.
Why can't dwarves plant trees from the seeds of fruits?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 22, 2015, 04:06:02 pm
Why can't dwarves plant trees from the seeds of fruits?
Orchards are for elves.
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow in Dwarf Fortress?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 22, 2015, 04:08:51 pm
Post by: crazyabe on October 22, 2015, 04:13:20 pm
why don't I find more "Trolls" in the Dwarf Fortress (Forums)?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 22, 2015, 04:22:39 pm
The answer is Monty python :DMagma.
why don't I find more "Trolls" in the Dwarf Fortress (Forums)?
Also Toady wielding the Banhammer quite effectively.
Post by: TD1 on October 23, 2015, 10:08:19 am
Post by: DAPARROT on October 23, 2015, 10:18:29 am
Why do goblins ignore your traps even after half their army has died to them?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 23, 2015, 06:13:24 pm
All of it,at the elves
Why do goblins ignore your traps even after half their army has died to them?
Your traps might be scary, but their leader is worse.
Why are multi-tile trees so laggy?
Post by: cochramd on October 23, 2015, 06:16:31 pm
How do the elves know about our secret underground tree farms?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 23, 2015, 06:23:27 pm
Why do dwarves remove their civilian outfits before putting on military outfits?
Post by: cochramd on October 23, 2015, 09:08:02 pm
How does a hunter always know when there is something around to hunt?
Post by: NESgamer190 on October 24, 2015, 11:26:57 am
Why are the elves with a penchant to disappoint with animals to trade?
Post by: crazyabe on October 24, 2015, 01:16:18 pm
how many wood-dwarves would a wood-chuck chuck at the elves if a wood-chuck had [crazed] and could chuck wood-dwarves?
Post by: Camulus on October 24, 2015, 01:47:30 pm
How many dwarven children would it take to kill a dragon?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 24, 2015, 02:13:12 pm
A wood chuck would chuck enough wood-dwarves at the Elves to initiate a veritable berserk midget massacre till no elves were left for the wood chuck to chuck wood-dwarves at.One, in a martial trance.
How many dwarven children would it take to kill a dragon?
How many fluffy wamblers would it take to kill a dragon?
Post by: SQman on October 24, 2015, 02:26:43 pm
Why do gods curse people with werecoati-ness, if there are so many cooler, scarrier and more interesting animals running around?
Post by: crazyabe on October 24, 2015, 02:28:38 pm
Why do the gods make people into vampires, then not apply some form of weakness to them?
Post by: Wormser on October 25, 2015, 01:09:48 pm
Post by: Bumber on October 26, 2015, 03:32:22 am
Why go into a bowyer shop and make a...... Legandary Carved Coffee Wood Blowgun.... Encrusted with oval cabaltite cabochons and encircled with bands of coffee wood and willow. With an image of totem in brown jasper. And yet forget to me leganday blowdart ammuniton for it to..."Damn it, Urist! I'm a bowyer, not a woodcrafter!"
Why do the gods make people into vampires, then not apply some form of weakness to them?
Post by: GiantCaveMushroom on October 26, 2015, 06:55:20 am
Why do the gods make people into vampires, then not apply some form of weakness to them?
Because the gods, again, have VERY limited imagination.
Why do gods get all the worship and not the forgotten beasts or the sun?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 26, 2015, 10:24:00 am
Why do the gods make people into vampires, then not apply some form of weakness to them?
Because the gods, again, have VERY limited imagination.
Why do gods get all the worship and not the forgotten beasts or the sun?
Think about it this way:
Gods will smite you if you don't worship them.
Forgotten Beasts will smite you no matter what you do.
The sun doesn't care.
Given this, who do you think they should be worshipping?
Post by: crazyabe on October 26, 2015, 09:43:42 pm
when did toady remove cold damage?
Post by: PyroTechno on October 26, 2015, 10:00:54 pm
The sun, because he is the most like a dwarf! 8)
when did toady remove cold damage?
He didn't. Maybe your embark isn't as cold as you think it is? You can use DFHack's "probe" tool while you have a tile selected to get a list of information about it, including temperature. If that temperature is above 9964 U, then your dwarves are not, in fact, in danger of frostbite, even though 9964 U is equivalent to -4 degrees Fahrenheit (-20 Celsius, if you prefer).
Post by: MantisMan on October 27, 2015, 12:07:01 am
I've had butcheries less than 15 tiles away from nonsentient corpses, and they refuse to butcher them.
Post by: PyroTechno on October 27, 2015, 09:48:26 am
How close does a killed animal corpse have to be before a butchery is willing to chop it up for meat and bones (or just bones if the corpse is slightly rotted)?
I've had butcheries less than 15 tiles away from nonsentient corpses, and they refuse to butcher them.
I've never been able to butcher anything that I didn't order slaughtered in the animal menu.
Post by: Boatsniper on October 27, 2015, 12:12:53 pm
Why can't I build walls on constructed floors, but I can on smoothed floors?
Why do objects fall through magma pipes unharmed, vanishing once they reach the Semi-molten rock layer?
Why do dwarves refuse to place things in bins/barrels/jugs when hundreds are available and needed in multiple stockpiles?
Post by: crazyabe on October 27, 2015, 12:52:45 pm
Because that defeats the purpose of floors.
Physics.
And The abnormally low intelligence to Stupidity factor of Dwarves.
What is The abnormally low intelligence to Stupidity factor of Dwarves?
Post by: Foxite on October 27, 2015, 02:45:58 pm
Why is minecart-ing said to be so important if I've ran fortresses relatively long without using any?
Post by: Button on October 27, 2015, 02:53:10 pm
1 / Graham's number.
Why is minecart-ing said to be so important if I've ran fortresses relatively long without using any?
The real world got on for ages without automobiles. They still changed the world.
Why do all fruits spawn and drop at the same time of year, no matter the biome?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on October 27, 2015, 08:26:02 pm
Why do dwarves barf at the sun if they like it so much?
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on October 28, 2015, 03:58:38 am
Why do dwarves not care that they are on fire.
Post by: Button on October 28, 2015, 09:41:51 am
Prepared meals are incredibly valuable, and the dwarves want to offer up to the sun the most valuable thing they have on them, which is usually the last meal they ate.
Why do dwarves not care that they are on fire.
They're too busy choking on smoke underground.
Why can possessed children only make stone, bone, or wood crafts?
Post by: MantisMan on October 28, 2015, 01:40:22 pm
Why is it that military dwarves often aren't wearing all of their equipment, despite it showing up with a green checkmark on the military screen. Even when the greaves have been individually assigned?
Post by: maxcat61 on October 31, 2015, 04:25:09 pm
Why haven't I found a Candy Demon yet? (That is, a Demon made of Candy).
Post by: miauw62 on October 31, 2015, 05:23:58 pm
Post by: TheFlame52 on October 31, 2015, 06:32:26 pm
How many doors could a doorway weigh if a doorway could weigh doors?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on October 31, 2015, 07:02:27 pm
Because it used to happen and people got mad, so Toady made it so it couldn't. There.About an eight of a door, or, depending on how you do it, many many doors (up to the doorway's maximum load).
How many doors could a doorway weigh if a doorway could weigh doors?
Post by: IndigoFenix on November 01, 2015, 09:15:48 am
Post by: crazyabe on November 01, 2015, 11:50:07 am
Why don't we see more demons in the world when we open the HFS?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 01, 2015, 01:13:45 pm
Why don't dwarves like elves? They don't like buying wood. So what? Real dwarves don't use wood for much but beds, barrels and bins. Stone crafts and metal goblets they like best, indeed. And they bring alcohol, cloth, and tame animals that can be trained into a veritable ARMY. And the "100 trees limit" isn't so bad anymore. Seriously, I've chopped down maybe like 40 trees in my current fortress over the last four years.
Post by: sebcool on November 01, 2015, 04:03:06 pm
Huh? They're in the world, but they just want to stick around your fortress. Player fortresses are such hellholes that it feels like home, and acts as a strange demon attractor, keeping them from traveling far away.
Why don't dwarves like elves? They don't like buying wood. So what? Real dwarves don't use wood for much but beds, barrels and bins. Stone crafts and metal goblets they like best, indeed. And they bring alcohol, cloth, and tame animals that can be trained into a veritable ARMY. And the "100 trees limit" isn't so bad anymore. Seriously, I've chopped down maybe like 40 trees in my current fortress over the last four years.
Ancestral memory.
Post by: Nep Nep on November 01, 2015, 09:32:17 pm
They're on friendly terms most of the time until you rear your head in and start messing up everything (not that I complain, I enjoy being a sociopath), alternatively, the fact that they scream at you to stop chopping down wood when it might be the dwarves' trading sell-point/Really uncalled for Short Jokes may lead to dwarves becoming enraged.
Why don't dwarves like elves? They don't like buying wood. So what? Real dwarves don't use wood for much but beds, barrels and bins. Stone crafts and metal goblets they like best, indeed. And they bring alcohol, cloth, and tame animals that can be trained into a veritable ARMY. And the "100 trees limit" isn't so bad anymore. Seriously, I've chopped down maybe like 40 trees in my current fortress over the last four years.
Post by: IndigoFenix on November 02, 2015, 12:40:37 am
Post by: PyroTechno on November 02, 2015, 12:53:44 am
Why do necromancers hate everybody?
Hatred is too strong of a word. They simply view everyone as future undead servants waiting to be killed and raised.
Post by: Button on November 04, 2015, 10:48:38 am
Why do necromancers hate everybody?
Hatred is too strong of a word. They simply view everyone as future undead servants waiting to be killed and raised.
Why do some people not ask a question to keep the thread going?
Post by: crazyabe on November 04, 2015, 01:31:04 pm
How do we keep this thread alive?
Post by: cochramd on November 04, 2015, 01:32:00 pm
How do we come up with better questions?
Post by: crazyabe on November 04, 2015, 01:33:06 pm
How do we Question everything?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on November 04, 2015, 03:11:30 pm
Did you want a punchline?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 07, 2015, 10:43:00 pm
Which is better: the ‼SCIENCE‼ of organics (nice fleshy gobbos) or the ‼SCIENCE‼ of inorganics (magma, stone, etc.)?
Post by: cochramd on November 10, 2015, 08:22:00 pm
Why are the dwarfs of the mountainhomes, and everyone else on the planet outside your fort, incapable of producing goods of any real quality?
Post by: Bumber on November 10, 2015, 11:07:43 pm
The !!SCIENCE!! of what happens when they collide at high speeds.Because of an endless cycle of parties and breaks. Goblins can't get anything done with all the lag. Humans get distracted by merchants in their markets. Elves are elves. Kobolds prefer to steal.
Why are the dwarfs of the mountainhomes, and everyone else on the planet outside your fort, incapable of producing goods of any real quality?
Why doesn't the mountainhomes have unfortunate accidents?
Post by: cochramd on November 11, 2015, 08:23:23 am
How can an armless dwarf produce items in a workshop?
Post by: Bumber on November 11, 2015, 09:09:41 am
Any dwarf clever and callous enough to pull off an unfortunate accident is put in charge of founding and running new settlements.Beard.
How can an armless dwarf produce items in a workshop?
Can human beards function like dwarf beards?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 11, 2015, 09:27:41 pm
Why are elves so short? I thought this was a Tolkienesque world.
Post by: Baffler on November 11, 2015, 11:30:11 pm
Why is the forgotten beast coming up from the caverns stopped dead in its tracks by a hatch above it, but if the hatch were on the same level it would be able to destroy it with no trouble at all?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on November 11, 2015, 11:35:29 pm
How can steam beasts destrpy ANYTHING?
Post by: Button on November 12, 2015, 11:43:41 am
How can steam beasts destrpy ANYTHING?
Scalding it?
When are we getting the next DF version? :)
Post by: PyroTechno on November 12, 2015, 11:46:12 am
How can steam beasts destrpy ANYTHING?
Scalding it?
When are we getting the next DF version? :)
Probably in 2016, Toady seems to do one release every two years.
How do you have the most fun in DF?
Post by: Bumber on November 13, 2015, 02:15:56 am
Probably in 2016, Toady seems to do one release every two years.Dig deeper.
How do you have the most fun in DF?
How long would it take cats with parchment to write the complete works of Urist McNecromancer, starting at a founding population of 2, and doubling every week? Account for time dilation. (10
Post by: TheBiggerFish on November 13, 2015, 06:33:47 am
I don't think the answer exists.
Why would you even think of that?
Post by: steel jackal on November 13, 2015, 07:47:31 pm
Probably in 2016, Toady seems to do one release every two years.Dig deeper.
How do you have the most fun in DF?
How long would it take cats with parchment to write the complete works of Urist McNecromancer, starting at a founding population of 2, and doubling every week? Account for time dilation. (10pointsUrists)
however long it takes the nearest furry or drunk dwarf to come along and make cat wo/man babies with them, from there it should take 16 years, this allows them to learn how to read and write, then actually start copying the works
Post by: Nep Nep on November 13, 2015, 11:38:02 pm
Post by: TheBiggerFish on November 14, 2015, 12:01:21 pm
Why do more dorfs not settle in blood rain biomes?
Post by: cochramd on November 14, 2015, 12:22:26 pm
What does Jabberer taste like?
Post by: Kumquat on November 14, 2015, 05:33:44 pm
Chicken. It is a giant thing with a beak, after all.
Why does a whole goblin civilization lose access to a specific mount if the hero who tamed them dies?
Post by: PyroTechno on November 14, 2015, 11:13:09 pm
Chicken. It is a giant thing with a beak, after all.
Why does a whole goblin civilization lose access to a specific mount if the hero who tamed them dies?
As if most goblins survive long enough to learn animal training...
What happened to that invasion thing? I only get them in succession forts...
Post by: Max™ on November 15, 2015, 12:57:53 pm
Why did I settle near so many towers on a glacier that rains rohypnol?
Post by: TheFlame52 on November 15, 2015, 03:12:56 pm
Why am I not known as the King of Hell? Can I get a serious answer?
Post by: Bumber on November 16, 2015, 12:41:57 pm
Trick question. They're not going to do it anyway. Not even with industrious dwarf blood in their veins.however long it takes the nearest furry or drunk dwarf to come along and make cat wo/man babies with them, from there it should take 16 years, this allows them to learn how to read and write, then actually start copying the worksProbably in 2016, Toady seems to do one release every two years.Dig deeper.
How do you have the most fun in DF?
How long would it take cats with parchment to write the complete works of Urist McNecromancer, starting at a founding population of 2, and doubling every week? Account for time dilation. (10pointsUrists)
Why am I not known as the King of Hell? Can I get a serious answer?Probably not (https://youtu.be/FqdDjNAyPdA?t=9s), though others are welcome to try.
Post by: Torrenal on November 16, 2015, 10:24:46 pm
Why am I not known as the King of Hell? Can I get a serious answer?Probably not (https://youtu.be/FqdDjNAyPdA?t=9s), though others are welcome to try.
Thing is, there is no king of hell. He died.
You can't ascend to king however, because he left some heirs. Some several thousand heirs (some demons breed more than others). These various princes are currently vying to ascend to the throne.
Now, to become king of hell, you can either wait for them to settle on a new king... (sit back and relax, they've been at it for twelve-hundred years) or you can kill all the heirs, and their kin, and their kin's kin's kin.
That might take a while.
Why is it the broker who is issued no other jobs, can be standing on the trading depot, and still be on break for several days and unwilling to trade?
Post by: Max™ on November 18, 2015, 01:47:00 pm
Also, uh, I'm pretty sure Some Aussie Dude is the king of hell.
What was their name again?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 18, 2015, 02:25:10 pm
Why do dwarves want to conquer hell?
Post by: cochramd on November 18, 2015, 02:38:15 pm
ThatAussieGuy?There's nothing else interesting to do in end game.
Why do dwarves want to conquer hell?
How do we make end game more interesting?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 18, 2015, 03:01:54 pm
What's in those pits?
Post by: Bumber on November 18, 2015, 03:41:39 pm
Whatever's in those creepy "bottomless" pits.The damned souls of murderous dwarves and restless spirits of nobles.
What's in those pits?
Urist McRevenantNoble mandates meat coffins.
How do you dispose of a haunting noble from hell?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 18, 2015, 04:32:51 pm
Why can dwarves dig slade when it explicitly states: NO_DIGGERING or something?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on November 18, 2015, 06:54:18 pm
Alternatively, sheer beardiness.
How come the demons don't just run away?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on November 18, 2015, 07:41:31 pm
Why do my dwarves care if a couple troglodytes died? Seriously, this one dwarf is stressed just from seeing some trog corpses. (Well, and a few humans and dorfs died to a hydra, but that's completely beside the matter.)
Post by: Dunamisdeos on November 20, 2015, 04:40:31 pm
Post by: Nep Nep on November 20, 2015, 07:14:52 pm
Post by: Torrenal on November 20, 2015, 08:52:01 pm
Why does it take breaching the caverns to get an underground tree-farm moving?
//Torrenal
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on November 21, 2015, 07:07:36 am
Why can ballista arrows only be turned around by firing?
Post by: Knit tie on January 31, 2016, 10:42:37 am
Why do my poets and scholars only ever write 1-page works?
Post by: NESgamer190 on January 31, 2016, 12:21:02 pm
Why are the crossbow goblins that are lying siege to my fort just sitting in the territory border?
Post by: Aslandus on January 31, 2016, 12:38:50 pm
How do you make bells out of stone and ceramic?
Post by: infrequentLurker on January 31, 2016, 03:19:50 pm
Why do various bird people approach your fort only to flee in terror at the sight of your terrified civilians?
Post by: Knit tie on February 01, 2016, 12:13:14 am
How can my blacksmith kick a giant in the head so hard he knocks the beast unconscious?
Post by: Tiruin on February 01, 2016, 12:41:32 am
((gah mistook this thread for another one! :-X))
Why can undead climb again? I figure this was asked before but...that's 2 z-levels of wall there. Nearly more than 6*~2 feet.
Post by: kingsableye on February 01, 2016, 04:09:23 pm
Why do animal people live with the humans and not the nature loving
Post by: TheBiggerFish on February 01, 2016, 04:11:00 pm
Why did I not think of a decent question?
Post by: flabort on February 01, 2016, 04:54:38 pm
Why(TF) can't my homeless citizens just sleep in the nice inn/tavern I made earlier? There's plenty of beds set up, why did you pick the dirt again?!
Post by: Erils on February 01, 2016, 05:01:13 pm
Why do my dwarves stand on the top of a tree while cutting it down?
Post by: origamiscienceguy on February 01, 2016, 05:21:50 pm
Why take a bed when you can sleep on the infinitely more comfortable ground.Because the ground shakes every time a tree is felled. Why would you stand on something that is so unstable that it shakes?
Why do my dwarves stand on the top of a tree while cutting it down?
Post by: NESgamer190 on February 02, 2016, 11:54:36 am
Why in the world did the kobolds name one of their thieves "Stronger"?
Post by: Madman198237 on February 04, 2016, 08:55:55 pm
Why did my dwarf bite a chunk out of a werebeast? Isn't he supposed to be afraid of getting were-kangaroo-ism?
And yes, it was a werekangaroo.
Post by: Grimlocke on February 04, 2016, 10:07:09 pm
Why do whole groups of arena mode critters sometimes stand around gormlessly while the opposing group turns them into shish kebab?
Post by: Dozebôm Lolumzalìs on February 04, 2016, 10:24:00 pm
Why is Arena Mode a thing? Surely the entire world is an arena for the glory of Armok.
Post by: Grimlocke on February 04, 2016, 10:35:39 pm
Why oh why do world-generated soldiers have such a disdain for gauntlets and boots?
Post by: Amperzand on February 04, 2016, 11:36:18 pm
Post by: Grimlocke on February 05, 2016, 12:48:16 am
Post by: Amperzand on February 05, 2016, 01:47:27 am
Post by: pikachu17 on February 05, 2016, 03:53:33 pm
To answer all those burning, essential questions; like 'How many knife-armed gibbon men does it take to defeat an armored zombie whale'.why do my dwarves walk to that river to drink, when I have a perfectly good well with stagnant water?
Why oh why do world-generated soldiers have such a disdain for gauntlets and boots?
Post by: martinuzz on February 05, 2016, 04:32:50 pm
masterfully minced quinoa flour, superiorly minced dwarven syrup, masterfully minced dwarven syrup, exceptionally minced kaniwa flour and finely minced dwarven sugar.
Now I know there is or was a bug with flour in barrels, but that's not it, because I am not using any barrels or bins in my fort's stockpiles at all, except for booze and plant extracts like syrup, which come produced in barrels.
I am using a (specialized) single tile quantum dump, which does not accept or hold barrels, for edible mill products, and a non quantum dump, normal stockpile for dwarven syrup.
How the hell did that fifth ingredient sneak in? I never fiddled with the kitchen screen during cooking either.
Post by: TheBiggerFish on February 05, 2016, 04:39:31 pm
Post by: flabort on February 05, 2016, 05:16:05 pm
Because it sounds like the bug where the cook takes an already cooked meal such as a biscuit made of dwarven sugar and kaniwa flower, and use it as an ingredient, resulting in a meal with too many ingredients.
Post by: Rose on February 06, 2016, 07:38:55 am
Post by: Rose on February 06, 2016, 07:46:08 am
Basic Value: 75,008☼ Weight: 76Γ
This is a stack of 128 finely-prepared river spirits roast. The ingredients are exceptionally minced wild boar tripe, exceptionally minced apricot, well-minced apricot, superiorly minced apricot, well-minced apricot, finely minced onion, superiorly minced pear, finely minced pear, finely minced pear, finely minced pear, well-minced pear, exceptionally minced apricot, superiorly minced apricot, superiorly minced apricot, finely minced apricot, exceptionally minced lettuce leaf, exceptionally minced sand pear, superiorly minced sand pear, superiorly minced sand pear, exceptionally minced sand pear, finely minced pear, well-minced pear, well-minced red spinach leaf, superiorly minced sand pear, finely minced sand pear, superiorly minced sand pear, finely minced onion, finely minced muskmelon, superiorly minced pear, well-minced purple amaranth leaf, superiorly minced tomatillo, finely minced sand pear, well-minced pear, well-minced pear, exceptionally minced lettuce leaf, well-minced purple amaranth leaf, finely minced sand pear, superiorly minced apricot, superiorly minced sand pear, finely minced purple amaranth leaf, superiorly minced apricot, finely minced spinach leaf, finely minced red spinach leaf, well-minced red spinach leaf, well-minced sand pear, well-minced purple amaranth leaf, superiorly minced purple amaranth leaf, exceptionally minced sand pear, finely minced pear, finely minced purple amaranth leaf, finely minced sand pear, finely minced sand pear, superiorly minced sand pear, superiorly minced cherry, superiorly minced sand pear, superiorly minced pear, well-minced pear, superiorly minced apricot, well-minced cherry, well-minced sand pear, finely minced apricot, finely minced sand pear, finely minced pear, superiorly minced sand pear, well-minced apricot, finely minced apricot, exceptionally minced sand pear, finely minced apricot, exceptionally minced apricot, finely minced spinach leaf, finely minced cherry, finely minced pear, exceptionally minced apricot, finely minced sand pear, finely minced cherry, well-minced sand pear, finely minced apricot, finely minced apricot, superiorly minced sand pear, finely minced sand pear, superiorly minced sand pear, superiorly minced prepared wild boar kidney and superiorly minced river spirits.
Post by: FallacyofUrist on February 06, 2016, 03:29:39 pm
Post by: EBannion on February 06, 2016, 04:15:20 pm
Post by: Knit tie on February 06, 2016, 04:22:07 pm
Post by: Insert_Gnome_Here on February 06, 2016, 04:25:18 pm
Post by: EBannion on February 06, 2016, 04:36:22 pm
Post by: Saiko Kila on February 07, 2016, 01:04:42 pm
Speaking of cooking, why do dwarves think that mixing everything with tallow results in an edible dish?
Because it does? If you are on ketogenic or paleo diet, then this is normal. The dwarves apparently are not on such diets as a race, because they eat things like cereals and sugars, but individuals can be. Dwarven cooks, as social creatures, cater to such members.
Post by: EBannion on February 07, 2016, 10:16:56 pm
That's a hilarious thought in context, given that the world my forts are in is usually only 250 years old. 'Paleo' would be, what, years 0-5? <grin>
Post by: Amperzand on February 07, 2016, 10:23:09 pm
Post by: TheBiggerFish on February 08, 2016, 12:17:26 am
Post by: Saiko Kila on February 08, 2016, 03:45:10 am
Post by: Reverie on February 08, 2016, 05:25:28 am
Except the dinosaurs are actually leftovers from before time started.Did you just make a reference to the film title 'Land Before Time', specifically?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on February 08, 2016, 08:44:12 am
No.Except the dinosaurs are actually leftovers from before time started.Did you just make a reference to the film title 'Land Before Time', specifically?
Just to worldgen/FBs.
Post by: Bumber on February 09, 2016, 05:56:16 am
OK, here's a weird one. Spring arrived, the military squads rotated, and suddenly... a crapload of deaths. Here's who died: three pets, four stray (tamed) weasels, and four citizens. They died all over the map, above ground and underground, and all apparently at the same time. There was no combat log, no "interrupted by...", no cave-ins, no syndromes that I'm aware of, no warning of any kind. The only thing that connects them is that they were all performers, though I don't remember if they were active at the time, or whether they were in my (very crowded) inn or the temple Weirdly, three of the four were in my fortress guard. The fortress guard is identical to my other three crossbow squads except they've been assigned (unavailable, as yet) featherwood rather than steel crossbows. The fourth casualty was a swordsman. They weren't even all dwarves! Two were human! What the hell is going on?! Maybe they were all part of the same performing group, all very old, and simultaneously died of old age with the pets and weasels? Or there's some kind of unknown syndrome going around the tavern, passed by the occasional brawl or poisoned drink?Armok did some Spring cleaning.
Very confused. Anyway, I have a siege to deal with now.
Someone built an AI script that plays DF. (https://github.com/BenLubar/df-ai) How long before it breaks free and drowns us all in magma?
Post by: mgotthard on February 09, 2016, 07:05:21 am
Speaking of cooking, why do dwarves think that mixing everything with tallow results in an edible dish?
It does, though. McDonalds chips contain beef tallow for flavour. Tallow makes everything better.
Post by: EBannion on February 09, 2016, 10:59:43 am
OK, here's a weird one. Spring arrived, the military squads rotated, and suddenly... a crapload of deaths. Here's who died: three pets, four stray (tamed) weasels, and four citizens. They died all over the map, above ground and underground, and all apparently at the same time. There was no combat log, no "interrupted by...", no cave-ins, no syndromes that I'm aware of, no warning of any kind. The only thing that connects them is that they were all performers, though I don't remember if they were active at the time, or whether they were in my (very crowded) inn or the temple Weirdly, three of the four were in my fortress guard. The fortress guard is identical to my other three crossbow squads except they've been assigned (unavailable, as yet) featherwood rather than steel crossbows. The fourth casualty was a swordsman. They weren't even all dwarves! Two were human! What the hell is going on?! Maybe they were all part of the same performing group, all very old, and simultaneously died of old age with the pets and weasels? Or there's some kind of unknown syndrome going around the tavern, passed by the occasional brawl or poisoned drink?
Very confused. Anyway, I have a siege to deal with now.
If one of them was a dwarf, you should be able to build a slab for them, even if they didn't live in your fort. The slab should say what they supposedly died of.
If you ca'n't do that, write down on eo f their names and then use the Legends Viewer to look up their cause of death.
Post by: pikachu17 on February 09, 2016, 11:18:00 am
OK, here's a weird one. Spring arrived, the military squads rotated, and suddenly... a crapload of deaths. Here's who died: three pets, four stray (tamed) weasels, and four citizens. They died all over the map, above ground and underground, and all apparently at the same time. There was no combat log, no "interrupted by...", no cave-ins, no syndromes that I'm aware of, no warning of any kind. The only thing that connects them is that they were all performers, though I don't remember if they were active at the time, or whether they were in my (very crowded) inn or the temple Weirdly, three of the four were in my fortress guard. The fortress guard is identical to my other three crossbow squads except they've been assigned (unavailable, as yet) featherwood rather than steel crossbows. The fourth casualty was a swordsman. They weren't even all dwarves! Two were human! What the hell is going on?! Maybe they were all part of the same performing group, all very old, and simultaneously died of old age with the pets and weasels? Or there's some kind of unknown syndrome going around the tavern, passed by the occasional brawl or poisoned drink?maybe toady secretly adding lovecraftian stuff. maybe you have a horrifying monster living in the caverns that is killing people with pure thought
Very confused. Anyway, I have a siege to deal with now.
Post by: nik the dwarf on February 09, 2016, 01:00:19 pm
Post by: Button on February 09, 2016, 01:11:54 pm
OK, here's a weird one. Spring arrived, the military squads rotated, and suddenly... a crapload of deaths. Here's who died: three pets, four stray (tamed) weasels, and four citizens. They died all over the map, above ground and underground, and all apparently at the same time. There was no combat log, no "interrupted by...", no cave-ins, no syndromes that I'm aware of, no warning of any kind. The only thing that connects them is that they were all performers, though I don't remember if they were active at the time, or whether they were in my (very crowded) inn or the temple Weirdly, three of the four were in my fortress guard. The fortress guard is identical to my other three crossbow squads except they've been assigned (unavailable, as yet) featherwood rather than steel crossbows. The fourth casualty was a swordsman. They weren't even all dwarves! Two were human! What the hell is going on?! Maybe they were all part of the same performing group, all very old, and simultaneously died of old age with the pets and weasels? Or there's some kind of unknown syndrome going around the tavern, passed by the occasional brawl or poisoned drink?
Very confused. Anyway, I have a siege to deal with now.
The Spring turnover is when deaths of old age are calculated. It's nothing to be alarmed about.
My guess would be that the age of randomly-generated immigrants is based on the ages of the civilization's base race, not the race of the immigrant in question. That would explain why both of your humans dropped dead in the same year - they were generated at ages old by dwarven standards, but ancient by human standards.
Post by: Bumber on February 11, 2016, 02:07:15 am
Someone built an AI script that plays DF. (https://github.com/BenLubar/df-ai) How long before it breaks free and drowns us all in magma?It's started butchering human poets. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=156134.msg6801548#msg6801548) Not much longer.
Post by: khearn on February 11, 2016, 08:22:14 pm
Post by: khearn on February 13, 2016, 02:21:46 pm
I earlier versions, trying to pit a goblin thief would usually result in its escape, but goblin soldiers were quite docile when being pitted. But that's not what you just experienced, so things have clearly changed,
Post by: CaptainMcClellan on March 04, 2016, 02:57:37 am
Post by: pikachu17 on March 04, 2016, 02:53:40 pm
Post by: steel jackal on March 04, 2016, 03:13:33 pm
WELL a cave crocodile just climbed up my well rope without breaking it. How does this happen?
ropes dont have weight limits, anything can climb if it can walk
Post by: L0rd L33t on March 04, 2016, 06:45:33 pm
Post by: khearn on March 04, 2016, 07:10:48 pm
a: Will take from links only
or
a: Will take from anywhere
Post by: Saiko Kila on March 05, 2016, 04:40:37 am
Did you acidentally set it to only take from links? That's very easy to do. Select it with 'q' and see if it says:
a: Will take from links only
or
a: Will take from anywhere
It's much too easy. I can't count how many times I did it myself. I press q to enter workshop menu, then a to add task, and I see that I accidentally entered stockpile. Then quickly and subconsciously ESC, like after every interface mistake, and repeat it for actual shop, while stockpile remains changed. And after a while I'm surprised the logistic chain doesn't work. That's because I have stockpiles all over, practically around each shop.
Well, at least that was happening until I changed the key under [BIND:BUILDJOB_STOCKPILE_LINK_ANYWHERE:REPEAT_NOT] from ato A in interface.txt.
Post by: Bumber on March 06, 2016, 09:13:04 am
Post by: crazyabe on March 06, 2016, 11:01:53 am
When will the chickens cross the road in fortress mode?
Post by: Bumber on March 06, 2016, 11:36:51 pm
because answers were required.After Urist McArchitect is done hauling all the materials himself by hand and finishes designing it.
When will the chickens cross the road in fortress mode?
Why won't Urist McHauler help haul the materials?
Post by: flabort on March 11, 2016, 07:52:20 pm
Why does Urist McDrunk prefer longland beer over culturally acceptable dwarven wine?
Post by: TheBiggerFish on March 11, 2016, 08:17:41 pm
Why does Urist McNoble like dwarven wine so much?
Post by: Bumber on March 12, 2016, 09:31:14 am
Because BEER.It pairs well with the cheese engravings. (Want some more cheese with your whine? Just pull that unsuspicious lever over there.)
Why does Urist McNoble like dwarven wine so much?
A dwarf in one of my military squads died in combat with an FB. Why was he not "found dead" until a week after he was deposited in the corpse stockpile?
Post by: pikachu17 on March 15, 2016, 09:51:21 am
why does armok never appear in the actual game, including my modded armok who never shows up
Post by: Button on March 15, 2016, 01:56:01 pm
why does armok never appear in the actual game, including my modded armok who never shows up
Armok is present in all creatures which have functional arms.
Why do egg-laying animal women keep navigating to nest boxes if they're not willing to lay eggs?
Post by: Bumber on March 19, 2016, 03:02:14 am
Why do egg-laying animal women keep navigating to nest boxes if they're not willing to lay eggs?Instinct, but then they realize that the dwarves might mistake their unhatched offspring for food if they lay them there.
Why do dwarves pop out babies while walking around instead of at a bed (or nest box?)
Post by: Eric Blank on March 19, 2016, 03:29:11 am
Why do dwarves like to pray so damn much?
Post by: DoktaYut on March 19, 2016, 08:42:22 am
Why is my scholar dedicated to writing autobiographies when he should be writing about stuff that's actually important?
Post by: Urlance Woolsbane on March 19, 2016, 10:44:13 am
Why do Dwarves et al. hold whip-throwing competitions?
Post by: MoonyTheHuman on March 19, 2016, 11:12:47 am
Why... suicidal dorfs call a 1Z drop a 'Cliff'?!
Post by: Dustin on March 19, 2016, 04:16:00 pm
Cauz there drunk idiots
Why... suicidal dorfs call a 1Z drop a 'Cliff'?!
because distraught children like to throw themselves, and break their necks
Post by: moondowner on March 19, 2016, 04:24:53 pm
I didn't even lose sight of them. One second they were down in the moat, then they were gone, then they were on the trees.
Post by: DoktaYut on March 19, 2016, 05:52:26 pm
Honestly, I'm not completely sure, but it seems to be a pathing issue because I've found everything from ducks to cows up in trees whenever they're on the surface. It doesn't seem to be exclusively combat-triggered, as essentially anything that's on your side can end up in a tree, but there's a chance it's related; I've found that my surface-training soldiers have been ending up in trees a lot more ever since they've started to spar.
Though the distance at which they were found tells me this pathing issue might be a lot more screwy than just jumping into trees. I've found animals pastured near the center of my map up in trees right in the corner, too, so it might be something else entirely. Either way, the cause isn't certain so far, and your options are chopping the trees down, making a connective network between trees so they can get back down, or just leave them to starve for their idiocy.
Post by: Dustin on March 19, 2016, 06:58:16 pm
Post by: Vuohijumala on March 20, 2016, 07:04:48 am
Okay, that one needs a serious answer.Maybe it's the trees growing? As trees grow from saplings to full size in an instant, creatures in the vicinity of such an event tend to get caught up in trees. Or at least used to.
Honestly, I'm not completely sure, but it seems to be a pathing issue because I've found everything from ducks to cows up in trees whenever they're on the surface. It doesn't seem to be exclusively combat-triggered, as essentially anything that's on your side can end up in a tree, but there's a chance it's related; I've found that my surface-training soldiers have been ending up in trees a lot more ever since they've started to spar.
Though the distance at which they were found tells me this pathing issue might be a lot more screwy than just jumping into trees. I've found animals pastured near the center of my map up in trees right in the corner, too, so it might be something else entirely. Either way, the cause isn't certain so far, and your options are chopping the trees down, making a connective network between trees so they can get back down, or just leave them to starve for their idiocy.
Post by: moondowner on March 20, 2016, 07:13:45 am
In other words, I think it had to do with the absence of normal pathing options. Never happened in 0.34, though, of that I'm sure.
Post by: TheBiggerFish on March 20, 2016, 08:02:46 am
Post by: moondowner on March 20, 2016, 09:10:29 am
Post by: Earth2543 on March 20, 2016, 12:17:32 pm
Post by: hops on March 25, 2016, 10:16:00 am
Post by: TheFlame52 on March 25, 2016, 10:49:07 am
Post by: Earth2543 on March 26, 2016, 12:28:01 am
And nope its not firbidden
Post by: FoiledFencer on April 10, 2016, 04:48:51 am
The pipe is surrounded by a pool of 7/7 to 1/7 depth and is continually spilling more magma over the edges. There are some giant mushrooms standing in the pooling magma, so I don't think it was there all along.
Post by: pikachu17 on April 12, 2016, 09:57:12 am
Post by: FoiledFencer on April 12, 2016, 04:57:57 pm
Post by: pikachu17 on April 13, 2016, 09:40:18 am