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Dwarf Fortress => DF Dwarf Mode Discussion => Topic started by: TinyPirate on February 16, 2012, 06:25:09 am

Title: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 16, 2012, 06:25:09 am

Hi all, I'm TinyPirate (http://www.twitter.com/tinypirate), you may remember me from some Dwarf Fortress tutorials (http://afteractionreporter.com/dwarf-fortress-tutorials/).

Well, I'm currently working on a pretty awesome new project, which I can't speak to in detail just yet...

I'm writing a book on Dwarf Fortress! (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=102853.0)

...but which offers a pretty cool opportunity for Dwarf Fortress players: I'm looking to get a half-dozen, maybe more, cool DF anecdotes illustrated by Tim Denee (http://www.timdenee.com/index.html), the guy behind the awesome Oilfurnace and Bronzemurder (http://www.timdenee.com/comics.html) DF comics. Yes! Your name could end up attached to some story artifying by Tim!

If you'd like a shot at having a DF story of yours illustrated you need to:
- Write a reply here telling Tim and I your awesome, funny, sad or silly anecdote from DF. I'm talking things like your fortress being terrified of a giant who, it turns out, is armed with a sock (http://i.imgur.com/XqwF4.png), your fortress being destroyed by zombie mussels (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=66525.msg2993318#msg2993318), that sort of stuff.

- Tim and I will be the final arbiters on 'cool stories'. Tim will turn the ones we chose into one-page panels of art and text.

- You can tell me about stories that aren't yours, but I can only use them if I can get hold of the owner of the anecdote.

- Be prepared to receive a PM from me if chosen so I can grab your real (or not real) name for an acknowledgement line.

- Get your anecdote here in the next 4 to 6 weeks.

I'm happy to answer any questions or provide any clarification and in a month or so I'll be able to announce the project the art is part of more fully. Until then, I hope to read some awesome contributions soon!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Necromunger on February 16, 2012, 06:45:17 am

This is not really a story but, i store some of the blood of each of my victims in waterskins... and drink from a random one before sleeping.

I just had to get that out there.

Sorry.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Glandouze on February 16, 2012, 07:12:53 am

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://localhostr.com/file/helOR54/main.PNG)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Urist McGyver on February 16, 2012, 07:17:12 am

Quote from: Glandouze on February 16, 2012, 07:12:53 am

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://localhostr.com/file/helOR54/main.PNG)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Eoganachta on February 16, 2012, 07:23:56 am

A few from Deathgate. A story about the conquest of hell.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z410/eoganachta/Bembulstruckdownbysock.png)
(http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z410/eoganachta/sockmayorslaughter.png)
(http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z410/eoganachta/epicbattlelog3.png)
Link:http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=84451.0 (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=84451.0)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: walkwithoutrhythm on February 16, 2012, 07:25:01 am

The story of my all time favorite fortress Riverwalled

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The fortress Riverwalled was founded by "The Boot of Finding" on the banks of the major river/canyon Decentdream. They started by constructing a narrow down the side of the massive waterfall. They cleared the forest and built a shanty town along the canyon walls using the wood. By farming the newly cleared land, the fortress became know as a prosperous land where no dwarf went hungry and all had their own room overlooking the mighty river. In the second year of the fort a dwarf by the name of Obok created the rock ring "Sharkgleam" and in doing so became a master of engraving stone. His legendary artifact was soon forgotten in light of his new project: engraving the walls of the canyon with the epic tale of how the mighty cyclops Akon bruised the left eyelid of the elf Deermated.

Unbeknownst to the dwarves of Riverwalled, the elves of "The Cheerful Dawn" where enraged that a dwarf would dare tell the tale of their race's  deepest shame. And so, the in the spring of the Riverwalled's third year, the elves attacked, mounted on bears, giant leopards and elephants. The militia of the fortress were well armed. Trade in food stuffs had made Riverwalled wealthy so they marched against the elves clad in the finest steel. The militia did not stand a chance.

The cowardly elves thought to bypass the fortress's second line of defense by taking the roundabout way: through the farms of the dwarves and down the narrow staircase to the meeting hall beneath the waterfall. Though the farmers and war dogs put up a great fight, they were slaughtered by the elves' great steed. it was not until they reached the stair that the elves met their match. It was the miner Rimtar, part of the original seven that stood his ground and held back the elvish forces. With each mighty blow of his copper pick, Rimtar drove a elf and its mount into the waterfall to be crushed at the bottom. By the end of the battle he had killed 14 elves, 5 bears, 3 giant leopards and 3 elephants. It was then that Rimtar slipped on the blood of his foes and fell into the river below.

To this day, Riverwalled stands as a center of trade for the dwarven kingdom. Each year dwarves and humans come to pedal their wares and perhaps live in this great fortress. But the first thing visitors see, before the river Decentdream and before the carvings of Obok: is the monument to Rimtar, hero of Riverwalled.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Loud Whispers on February 16, 2012, 07:56:42 am

Quote from: Urist McGyver on February 16, 2012, 07:17:12 am

Quote from: Glandouze on February 16, 2012, 07:12:53 am

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://localhostr.com/file/helOR54/main.PNG)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Not quite the same :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Urist McGyver on February 16, 2012, 08:03:52 am

Quote from: Loud Whispers on February 16, 2012, 07:56:42 am

Quote from: Urist McGyver on February 16, 2012, 07:17:12 am

Quote from: Glandouze on February 16, 2012, 07:12:53 am

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://localhostr.com/file/helOR54/main.PNG)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Not quite the same :P

Haha! Indeed :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Genoraven on February 16, 2012, 08:34:15 am

I unfortunately don't have any stories worth drawing. BUT i have to say thank you for your tutorials! They're the ones i learned to play dwarf fortress with!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Mazonas on February 16, 2012, 09:05:29 am

Already mentioned it on another thread here, but this made me laugh.

My dwarfs are all hiding out in the food stockpile, safely burrowed from an invading forgotten beast, when a vampire, disguised as one of my immigrants, decides to take that exact moment to attack, kill and drain the blood of one of my dwarfs.  Due to the crowded location, there are plenty of witnesses.

I check the justice screen and see 10 witnesses.  9 of them accuse the same dwarf, we'll call him Urist McVampyfangs.  The 10th "witness" turns out to be Vampyfangs himself, who cunningly tries to lay the blame for the attack on someone else.  Less cunningly, he tried to blame a goose.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 16, 2012, 01:55:41 pm

Heh! Already some cool stories here! Thanks and I hope folks keep them coming :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nyxalinth on February 16, 2012, 02:02:14 pm

I have one.  My partner's fort (she was just learning to play, and had neglected food issues) had a starvation issue going on.  suddenly, the armorsmith gets a bright idea--a mood--and goes and creates a platinum boot.  I help her sort the food issue, but the best friend of Urist McMiserable dies of starvation.  All is well, but then suddenly, he goes berzerk!

He charges off after Urist McAwesomeArmorsmith...and beats him to death with the boot he just made.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: VerdantSF on February 16, 2012, 02:34:59 pm

Oh wow!  This is an AWESOME idea!  Here's my mini-tale!

When I was still new to the game, a dragon appeared right after a goblin ambush.  I thought everyone was inside the gates, but nooooo, I had a straggler still out there.  He was a swordsman by the name of Adil Bootmirrors.  The dragon went after him immediately while I scrambled the military again.  Unlike the goblin ambush, which they set upon in a flash, they took AGES to get in gear!  Finally, they gathered their weapons and set out.  They soon surrounded the beast but refused to attack.  I couldn't find Adil anywhere and feared the worst.  I kept thinking, "no, not Adil Bootmirrors!"  He was one of the first non-original 7 dwarves I knew by name due to being a sword dwarf in a military dominated by axe and hammer wielders. 

Well... surprise, surprise, I located him alive and well in the "U" menu and zoomed in.  He was back at home!  While his lazy buddies were taking their sweet time he had already slain the dragon!  I checked the combat log to find that Adil had dodged the monster's opening charge, causing the dragon to fall.  He then got lucky and stabbed it in the head, killing it with a single strike!  Well done, Adil Bootmirrors of the Crazed Syrup, hero of the fortress Greatestbodice!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Talvieno on February 16, 2012, 02:49:04 pm

I have a few... They're not exactly "funny", but some of them would make for good pictures.

One is the story of the ill-fated fortress Incestchained (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=96034), a cozy little hellhole beside a river.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The dwarves, being pacifists, refused to arm themselves or create traps of any sort, and instead rigged the river up to a mountain of machinery that allowed it to be drained or refilled at the mayor's whim. Of course, this being Dwarf Fortress, and the cozy little hellhole being a hellhole, one of the dwarves got mad about the horrible rations, the mud and the lack of beds or chairs, and threw a tantrum. (Also partially because a horde of invading goblins had just killed half of the fort's population, as they had no military or traps.) This tantruming dwarf ended up destroying a door which was keeping the fort dry. The waters of the river poured into the fortress through the gap, sweeping many of the surviving dwarves and their possessions down a long flight of stairs to a large, eerie cavern, and into a deep, dark pit, illuminated only by the magma pool at the bottom.

The other was the story of Felgoth the Dragon (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=96290.0) (wasn't actually his name, but I don't remember it).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The fortress of Naugaridge (also not the original name) was built into the side of a mountain, and was built more specifically for design and beauty than anything else. Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of some elves, who vowed to claim the kingdom for their own (the civilizations were already at war). The elves soon laid siege to the fortress. Tholsak, the captain of the guard, led Naugaridge's army out against the invaders valiantly, and though many dwarves were slain, they broke full upon the ranks of the elves and slaughtered many in the defense of their home.
At the height of the battle, a dragon appeared on the opposite side of the fortress, and quickly flew to attack whomever it could find. It happened upon Thatthil, who was the fortress's weaponsmith and Tholsak's lover. It's unsure why she was outside the walls - possibly hoping to catch a glimpse of Tholsak - but she was quickly murdered by the dragon, Felgoth. The dragon then proceeded to dispatch the elves, setting their precious forests ablaze in the process, and then turned on the dwarves. It slaughtered many before finally being pierced by Tholsak's sword, though Tholsak himself was mortally wounded in the fight, and had lost one of his legs. Despite this, Tholsak dragged himself through the ranks of his dying comrades and stabbed the beast through the skull with the very sword that Thatthil had made for him, before dying there on the burning field.

The story of Lethiirecu (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=95802).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Aditha was a forgotten beast that happened upon a band of reptile men. It quickly killed everyone except one - Lethiirecu - who got away with having her leg ripped off. With only one leg, the reptile spearwoman battled Aditha without rest for over a year and a half - underwater - and finally sent Aditha fleeing for its life. A second beast came, and Lethiirecu killed it. Finally Aditha came back with a pal - another forgotten beast - and together they ended Lethiirecu's life, but not before she took vengeance on Aditha and mortally wounded it. Lethiirecu was a ledgendary reptile spearwoman and had a title when she died.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: timdenee on February 16, 2012, 03:05:14 pm

Hey thanks guys, this is awesome stuff. Without revealing any details, I can only assure you that is a legit project and a pretty cool opportunity...

I will be watching with interest.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: krisslanza on February 16, 2012, 03:25:18 pm

Good luck to all! I just went and read both comics again, they're short but still enjoyable reads. Too bad I have no cool fortresses to pitch.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TomIrony on February 16, 2012, 03:39:28 pm

This still remains the most epic fight I've ever had the fortune of playing:

Wildnesspaged was built in "joyous wilds", a place that had swarms of pixies, fairies and fluffy wamblers. It was an elf's greatest fantasy. By the time we were through with it, the region was a blasted wasteland that was long past being even an echo of its former self.

This was due in part by the efforts of the dwarfs themselves, and also the ancient evils they awoke in their lust for precious minerals. The fortress itself was fairly standard: a tower surrounded by a chasm, accessible only via a retractable bridge. But there were also a few non-standard features, such as chimneys built above refuse piles that purposely spewed miasma out onto the surface. Everything was clear-cut, and unicorns were hunted with weapons made from their very bones.

I will always remember the doomed elven caravan that arrived from downriver, pulling their wares past abandoned unicorn carcasses that bristled with unicorn-bone bolts. They unloaded their goods just as goblins attacked, and all of the traders save for one were shot and killed.

But the most epic was when five forgotten beasts managed to breach the surface. You see, I had built a separate downward shaft to breach the lower caverns while keeping the bulk of my dwarfs safe. While this shaft was trapped to high heaven, it wasn't enough to stop the beasts from seeing the light of day once more.

Three of the beasts were taken care of with relative ease, but two of them posed a bit more of a challenge: one was a blob made of fire, the other a giant winged serpent.

Now, as soon as the blob of fire emerged, fire spread across the land in its wake. Whatever we dwarfs hadn't already desecrated, it burned to ash. The two beasts lunged towards the fortress and, mercifully, we managed to injure the serpent's wings so that it couldn't fly over the protective chasm.

Most of the dwarfs made it inside, except for one: a recruit marksdwarf. She was a young thing, but skilled. From a hill next to the fortress, she sniped the beasts, striking the blob of fire in its heart so that it exploded next to the serpent. The serpent had all of its skin melt off, and then it went after the recruit.

The two of them fought amongst the flames that now engulfed the entire map while dwarfs from the ramparts fired down at the beast. They mortally wounded each other, and it wasn't until it snowed ash that we were able to retrieve her corpse, but she had single-handedly stopped two forgotten beasts with nothing but a crossbow while the world burned.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: raptorfangamer on February 16, 2012, 03:42:49 pm

Woot.

I loved bronzemurder and oilfurnace, I learnt to breach aquifers with the last one.


I dont know if this may suffice, but...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was playing around my fort (floodingchambers) when I decided to upgrade my pump sewage system (as I was testing how effective it would be), everything was dug into a fortification off-map, I was about to dig the last parts when I saw my legendary miner starving because I forgot to make some exit stairs so no dwarf is left behind.
Shortly after I dug the holes, forgetting one was connected to the invader drownpit (which was accesible and full of water) that was finally draining, I forgot to forbid the goblin clothes and armor, and saw how my haulers got pushed down the current with the items, one was about to make it to one of the exit stairs and drowned like, a single urist away.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: ISGC on February 16, 2012, 03:42:57 pm

Back in 40d, I embarked on a Goblin fortress which came along with a Fire Demon who sat up on top of their tower.  The goblins were passive at the time, but I found out that, on the first siege, they would all become hostile.  And so I tried several failing ways to kill them and the demon including trying to collapse the tower, walling them in (the demon could fly) and even a really short lived attempt at flooding their tower.  And then one day, a kobold ambush interrupted one of my axe dwarves in the line of sight of the demon, who proceeded to descend to the ground and incinerate both my dwarf and the kobolds with a couple flame balls which set the ground on fire as well.  But the great part is, the FIRE DEMON burned to death in the very fire he lit as well as killed every single goblin that ran out to help him defeat the kobold ambush.  I was completely amazed by this, and can probably dredge up some pictures and names if you want me to.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Mitchewawa on February 16, 2012, 03:49:39 pm

In Dwarf Fortress, success is measured in failure. In the new terrifying biomes, on the same reclaim, I have been wiped within minutes by acid rain, then again by swarms of zombie giant mosquitoes, and again because evil mist entered my small shelter which had a skylight for farming, and again because dwarfs stepped into a river because of pathing and got flushed downstream off a waterfall. All 7 of them. Each time getting closer and closer to mining out and building the base proper.

But I made a reclaim that stuck. And now my fortress has natural defences against invaders; the front of my base is covered in acid which burns their feet. To get to my base they need to fight the zombie wildlife, and their zombified comrades. They need to dodge the evil mist. And if none of that works, I can reroute the river to flood my entrance, flushing the goblins off the cliff into the river below (where the zombie carp, alligators, otters and previous attackers await).

And the randomly genned name of the fortress? Hopediamond.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: truckman1 on February 16, 2012, 06:34:46 pm

Interesting and epic dwarf stories, eh?
....Well, we don't talk about him anymore 'round these parts, but....     :-\
There once was a dwarf.
A bad dwarf.
The bad dwarf.


Obok Meatbod. The Worst Dwarf Ever. I don't think anyone wants his adventures illustrated though.
Okay, maybe the first one, with the giants and the copper hammer.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: eataTREE on February 16, 2012, 07:24:02 pm

Haven't played the new version long enough to have a story worthy of your considerable talents, Tim. Oilfurnaces and Bronzemurdered are awesome, especially because they are great for explaining the appeal of Dwarf Fortress to "normals". Looking forward to seeing more of your work!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Ross Vernal on February 16, 2012, 08:40:22 pm

Quote from: Ross Vernal on August 27, 2011, 02:51:22 pm

Quote from: Cheveux on August 27, 2011, 01:33:59 pm

On a unrelated note :

Quote from: Ross Vernal on August 27, 2011, 12:20:55 pm

Dear Strem Frightspite the Lonely:

You are a Forgotten Beast Theropod with Deadly Blood, a Bite, a Horn, and Claws.

Please, when future goblins / elves fall into your lonely dodge trap, use those to kill, instead of the pig fiber tunic you're somehow carrying and trying to gradually beat broken things to death with.

Next time, you might lose your other Horn when some goblin decides "I should fight this thing instead of running away screaming."

Dear Overlord Ross Vernal,

RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Yours truly,
Forgotten Theropod


*Translation : But it's so pretty and soft...

Dear Forgotten Barney:

My apologies, it's a cave spider silk tunic.

(http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/1227/2of12.jpg)

(http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/2968/5of12.jpg)

(http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/3154/11of12.jpg)

(http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/4167/lolownedk.jpg)

PS: SERIOUSLY!?

(http://img846.imageshack.us/img846/840/barneygotlonely.jpg)

Less of an anecdote, but this is a friggin T-Rex beating a goblin to death with a silk tunic. I cannot tell you how much this needs to be drawn.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Mercenare on February 16, 2012, 09:59:24 pm

I recently started a .34 fort, little did i know how dangerous terrifying biomes have become...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The fair group known as the Boots of Frost, a infamous explorers group, thought they had conquered all. They traveled the land and claimed it in the name of their patron and kingdom, The Tools of Dashing. For their next big settlement, they decided to try something risky... They headed into a notorious region known only as the The Lonely Goo, an area wrought with terror and unspeakable horrors. Little did they know the fate that was in store for them. They set out with a group of seven, comprised of two stoneworkers, a woodworker, a fisherdwarf, a quartermaster, a master-at-arms and their beloved leader Regs Gemisitatis. It was along the stream Devilclod that they set up their camp, Shadeboard. Soon after settling in they began to dig a palisade, but their efforts were futile. Not more then a few nights after setting up camp were they surprised by a group of Wild Boar Corpses! The brave master-at-arms rushed at the foul creatures in hopes of slaying them, but was quickly trampled and took a hoof through his cranium. Seeing their master-at-arms dead, the rest of them panicked, and ran away in fear. The boars chased the group till they finally banded together and fought off the boars. They emerged triumphantly, but not with out losses. A stoneworker and quartermaster both died while fighting the boars. The remants of the band of explorers, although bruised and shaken, returned to camp for the night, agreeing to bury their dead on the morrow.

As the sun began to rise in the sky, so did the dwarves, as well as the corpses of their comrades. Regs made his rounds, waking up his comrades. As they grabbed their spades and headed to where their fallen friends were, they were shocked to find the corpses gone! Where did they go? Dire thoughts raced through the minds of the explorers. Suddenly a creature let out a howl and shambled towards them! It was their dead friends, now possessed by the foul force they died fighting. Regs died first, with a torn off face, then next the last stoneworker, then finally the fisherdwarf, leaving only the woodworker alive. Seeing his friends struck down sent the woodworker into a fit of rage. He lost control, killing two ghouls with his bare hands and shoulder throwing the other, breaking its neck. The woodworker returned to the camp, his rage boiling with in him. Hours passes, and he calmed down. His once living friends, the stoneworker, the fisherdwarf and Regs. As his friends encircled him, the woodworker made a move to run through a hole in their circle. One of the ghouls grabbed him and he was quickly torn apart.

And so ends the ill fated story of The Boots of Frost.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 17, 2012, 05:04:04 am

These are great - keep 'em coming!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: DoctorMonch on February 17, 2012, 08:27:39 am

I've got two, semi interesting tales-

The first being Bowmined, the story of the rise and fall of a fortress, as told on /v/, and chronicled on Tumblr-
Bowmined (http://bowmined.tumblr.com/)
(The structure of this is a bit screwed up. The first entry is on the last page, and it reads from back to front. Blame my poor planning.)


The second being BeastBreakers, the story of a rather disturbing megaproject I undertook to have a breeding pair of 1 headed hydras, chronicled in this thread-
Beastbreakers (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=92086.0)

I'm just leaving these here for the time being. I'll likely come back and prepare a synopsis of each one. I put a lot of time and effort in to these fortresses, so it'd be pretty nice to see them commemorated in some way.

Edit-
Also, not to sound like a kiss-ass, but I absolutely fucking ADORE the Bronzemurder and Oilfurnace stories. Bronzemurder was one of the reasons I started playing Dwarf Fortress.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Ferozstein on February 17, 2012, 09:32:30 am

Tholtig. Please, please don't waste this opportunity and immortalize Tholtig with your project. If her story isn't epic and awesome enough, nothing is.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Twobeard on February 17, 2012, 09:44:03 am

I just fired up a new fort on .34. Just after the one year mark, all of my dead things suddenly become undead. They attack leaving a dozen dwarves dead or maimed. No  immediate cause is apparent. Then i discover a Necromancer has smuggled his way into my fortress in an immigrant wave. On top of that there was another Necromancer travelling with the human merchants. After finally putting to rest the undead, i deal with a few goblin invasions. Things go back to normal for awhile.

Then while i have my senior military dwarves holed up in the 'let loose the trap and kill the sorry bastard goblin/animal that emerges' room one of the Necromancers returned. As a ghost. And started raising the corpses of the previously killed goblins. And kept raising them. Then when my dwarfs started dying, they joined the ranks.

The only saving grace was i had locked the door to that room. Otherwise that would have been a short and bloody end to my fort. Was still the brutal end of many a fine dorf.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Talvieno on February 17, 2012, 11:35:10 am

Quote from: Ferozstein on February 17, 2012, 09:32:30 am

Tholtig. Please, please don't waste this opportunity and immortalize Tholtig with your project. If her story isn't epic and awesome enough, nothing is.

Isn't Tholtig already immortalized? She's got a page on the wiki, tons of fan art... A place in the Hall of Legends, too. I think Tholtig would be cool for him to do, just like you do, just pointing out she's already immortalized.  :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 17, 2012, 04:59:28 pm

Thanks for the ideas. It would really help people's cases if they included a paragraph or two summaries of the funny/sad/whimsical/best bits of their stories. Otherwise I am going to have to spend hours digging through web pages!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Kofthefens on February 17, 2012, 05:47:41 pm

Check out the Chronicles of HammerBlaze in my sig. Summary:
Lever isn't pulled, goblins get in, dwarf goes berserk and murders all the hospital patients and some gobbos.

Also, thank you for your tutorial. It's what got me playing DF.

EDIT:
Here the story is:

The Chronicles of HammerBlaze

Gold, they said. Riches beyond your wildest dreams. Moldath, the king himself, would fund your expedition. And, fool that I am, I agreed. Now, with six of my friends, our supplies are nearly gone. For the glory of the Passionate Salves and all dwarves, we strike the earth. Daily, I grab my copper pick and mine out a hovel in the ground. With each stroke of my pick, the glory of HammerBlaze shall rise.

After a year’s work I may rest. I survey my proud domain. It is but a hole in the ground, but it is a self sufficient hole in the ground. Edzul the farmer tills the fields, the craftsdwarves churn out goods for trade, and the sounds of industry come from the forges. And I, I have dug out a masterpiece. A great project. No longer shall we fear the goblins. They shall fear us! I, with my hands, my beard, and my pick have dug to the bowels of the earth itself. A great sea filled with Armok’s blood, praise his name. Myself, it was me who dug a reservoir up at the surface, and, more importantly, the casing for pumps to bring the blood of the earth up. Now there is naught to do but wait.
The waiting the time, drags at me. I will create this masterpiece, if I do it with my dying breath. The masons carve blocks of stone; the metal smiths forge pipes and screws. As they create the components for the pumps, the mechanics create the power. 64 windmills, providing over a thousands Urists of power. A network of axles connects them to where the pumps will soon be. I go talk with my friend Edzul.
“How are the farms?”
“Very good,” he says. “How are you?”
“Good, good. The project is nearly complete. It’s nice to relax with a friend.”

At last! The project is nearly done! Magma is pumped to the reservoir. The masons even now struggle to enclose the windmills in walls; it would not do for the power to be scourged from the earth by Armok’s purifying wrath. The pumps to spray the holy flames were complete.

Glorious. It was glorious. I felt I could lose my self in the glorious heat. I was the heat. I had power to rival the king. No, power to rival Armok Himself! My holy power flooded the land. All caught in its blast perished. I had power over life and death. The world was on fire. I began to laugh. My life was complete. A decade of work, paid off in an instant. I laughed harder. Tears came to my eyes, washed away by my own holy heat.
There I stood, at the fount of the flames. And there they came to me. They pledged themselves to me. I was the founder, the creator, and now the ruler of HammerBlaze. Long live its might.

All who came against us were killed. Goblins or elves, none could contain Armok’s, our wrath. I was sovereign. One and all, the invaders were slaughtered, broken. Their filth was washed from the earth by my will. But it wasn’t enough. I reveled in the flame, but it lacked control. I am sovereign. I will kill where I want! I needed power and death absolute.
Once more, began a great construction to rival the gods. Pressurized magma, boiling up through holes in the ground with the pull of a lever. But now, there was a squad of goblins burning. I could see their faces shrieking in agony. Their clothing caught fire, then their flesh. Even their bones were consumed.
“Hello.” Edzul says.
“Leave me alone. There is work to do.” I reply.
“How long have I known you? Two decades? And now you turn me away?”
“I must watch them burn. Do you see how they burn? They cannot resist my power. None can fell me. They die. Do you not love that sight? That beautiful, beautiful sight. Surely you enjoy their deaths. Let me watch their pain.” Edzul walked away from me. That was sad. But now I could watch the goblins. Their flesh melted, blood ran from their skin, until it was boiled away.

*

   I love to see things grow. Not only plants, though I am a farmer, but creations too. Perhaps that was why I joined this ill-fated expedition to found HammerBlaze. Truly, it does blaze. The mayor seems stranger lately, but my job’s to feed the fortress, not question its leadership. Once he was my friend. Now, I know not what he is.
It is good to help the weak. When I farm, I help the weak plants grow to be strong. If you are strong, you help the weak. It was pounded into me as a child. My father was a great warrior. He defended the scrawny dwarves against mighty goblins. I give the strong plants to the weak fortress. The fortress is strong now.
I love my wife. She is strong; not of the body, but of the soul. She is a doctor, the Chief Medical Dwarf in fact. Every day, she tends the weak so directly. She makes them strong. The only true weakness is to not be strong for others. If you have no muscles, but still do your best, you are strong.
The plump helmets were growing nicely. They were freshly watered. Well, time for a break. I passed the mayor.
“Ha ha! Another siege!” he cried, “Pull the lever!”
“Hey! I’m on break. Get someone else to do it.” I replied. But the mayor was already gone to watch the ensuing slaughter. I didn’t care, another dwarf could do it. I walked towards the dining room. It was just as I sat down that I heard the screams.
“Goblins in the fortress! They’re— urch…” I knew my folly. The gates had fallen. I dashed and pulled the lever. But… it was not enough. Nothing is enough anymore. All is lost. 2 score of goblins scour the fortress, killing any they find. I am hiding in the farms. Peering out, I can see the destruction.
Bodies fill the halls. Tears stream down my face. There lies my friend, Lor the woodcutter. He helped me many times, bringing water to me when I was sick. Now he is dead. Why? I see blood dripping down the stairs, a river of it. I can see corpses, so mutilated I can barely tell they were once dwarves. Their arms lie hacked off, their legs broken so they couldn’t run. Their faces are so coated in blood I cannot make out who they are. But where is my wife?
She would be in the hospital. She is always so caring, so kind. And now? She may be dead. I must get to her. A squad of goblins chases some poor dwarf’s pet down the halls. Now! The coast is clear. I dash to hospital foyer. The corpses block the door. I am separated from my wife by a wall of the dead. Miasma clouds the foyer. I stagger back. No! I must get to my wife.
I can’t bear to look at those I’m moving. Armok! Was that Atir’s head I just tossed aside so casually? Don’t look. Just don’t look. I must be hard as steel. Harder. As hard as adamantine. I empty my stomach. I can see light from the other side; I must be close. But a few of my fallen friends, and I shall be through. An arm falls on me; I jump and madly scramble the rest of the way through.
Covered in blood, I must be a fearsome sight as I scream, “Where is my wife?” But no one answers. There are perhaps ten dwarves in here, nearly all unconscious. All with gruesome injuries. One, with his intestines spilling out and his jaw torn half-off, slowly raises an arm. Then points behind me.
With dawning horror I turn. “No.” I whisper. But there she is. Lying there, in the pile of bodies I had ripped through so callously. “No!” This cannot be. Those who did this shall pay. They shall pay! “Give her back!” I shout at the earth. “Give her back!” Sobbing, I turn on the dwarf who pointed this out to me. “Why? How?” Another dwarf spoke up. “She died of thirst. She broke her legs and couldn’t get water.” This is his fault. He should have saved her. He was stronger than her! He could have gotten her water! She tended him when he was sick, why could he not repay the favor? He failed. He made the whole fortress weaker. Traitor! He is no better than the goblins! Worse! I punched him in the face, then ripped his intestines all the way out. They would pay!
The other dwarves are too injured to resist me. I fly at them, flailing, kicking. They cower on the ground, trying to crawl away from me in vain. I twist one’s head a hundred eighty degrees around. I stab another in the gut with my belt knife. They lie on the floor, all dead now. I do not care; I kick them, stab them still. They shall pay! My wife is dead, my kinsfolk slaughtered. They did this to themselves, not I. They deserve it. When they could have been strong, instead they were weak!
A squad of goblins marches into the room. Covered in blood, I give a feral scream. I launch myself at them, taking one through the eye before they know I’m there.  Another draws his sword slashing at me. I roll, dodging the blow, kicking his knees in then his face. The other goblins swear, flee. I chase them through the fortress, taking them down one by one. I hunt them. They have killed my wife. I will kill them! I will hunt them down to extinction.
 As we near the food stores, I am struck from behind. The hammerlord! The leader of the siege. I am struck again. I can hear my leg snapping from the blow. But still, I must go forward. I launch towards the hammerlord. I strike down another goblin, and then I am upon him. I stab. The hammerlord strikes me again and again, snapping my bones, crushing them to a powder. I do not care. I slash the hammerlord across the face. He steps back. I cannot follow.
“Come back you coward!” I cry. “Kill me!” The hammerlord ignores me. I must die! I cannot live with my pain. In desperation, I throw my dagger at him. The dagger flies true. It arcs across the air puncturing his jugular neatly. I can see the blood spurting into the air. I give a bark of laughter; we have enough blood of our own. The goblin lord falls to his knees.
The goblins are retreating. They have suffered many losses. But Armok, why, why did they not kill me. Why did they not end my pain? Where will it end, the pain. Not of the body, but of the soul. Armok! What have I done? I killed my fellow dwarves. They lay defenseless before me, and I killed them. Some of them were my friends! They were my friends, carp take you! My friends!

*

What happened here? What tragedy, what apocalypse, what death? I came on this journey because I heard HammerBlaze was stronger than the Mountainhome itself. Instead, I only found only ashes. Ashes and the dead. Some of the bodies were still warm. Are there any survivors? I started to lose hope, when I found a gibbering dwarf hiding among the dead.
“What happened here?”
“Dead. All dead.” He gave a wild laugh. “All dead.” Before I could investigate further, he had fallen into my lap. I checked his pulse. As he said, dead. I consulted with my fellow migrants. I told them that we couldn’t leave the bodies piled up in the halls like this. Some of the rooms were unnavigable because of the dead.

Looking back, it is strange how easily the mantle of command fell upon my shoulders. I suppose everybody else was too shocked; somebody had to maintain order. I told one to start making coffins. The others would help me with the clothing. The clothes were all blood soaked, smelling of death. I told them to throw them in the magma. I could smell burning flesh as the goblins were incinerated.

At last, the bodies were clear, the ghosts put to rest. What happened, I shall never know. And I like it that way. I want to live, without fear of what happened, to kill a fort hundreds strong. At least, I am beginning to make out the arcane scribblings my predecessor left. It involves magma. Lots of it. But that is for later. HammerBlaze lives on. Shaky and weakened, but it lives on.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nyxalinth on February 17, 2012, 06:33:54 pm

Here's a little something from my fort Largebusts:

Largebusts was a mighty fort between the years 200-212.  At its peak, it had 150 dwarves.  What no one expected was that in the first spring, the elves would not bring cloth to trade, but instead would bring war.

The elves rode in on their warhorses with their wooden weapons and armor.  The dwarves had not yet finished their preparations for war, and were unarmed and unarmored.  the elves killed some pets (cats, a few dogs) and made their way on up to the main gate...

...and were greeted by a massive rush of hastily assembled, untrained, and VERY angry dwarves.  25 elves against 40 untrained dwarves.  Many dwarves were cut down by the archers, but one dwarf, Zulban (his last name lost to history and a dead hard drive) prevailed mightily.  Before being too injured (sprained back, broken leg, broken arm) to move, much less fight, he took down 10 of the foul tree-lovers.  The remaining few fled off the map.

Zulban was taken to bed to rest and recover.  His recovery was slowed somewhat as he kept tantruming over the loss of friends from his bed.  Things were touch as go for a long while, until he was adopted by a new friend: a kitten who'd wandered in and sat on his bed, purring.  Zulban went on to recover, become one of the fort's legendary champions, and it wasn't until the second of two dragon attacks that he finally succumbed to death.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 18, 2012, 04:29:54 am

Bump for more!

And geez, just looked at me stats - me old tutorials are on 4,000 views a day since the new version came out, double their normal traffic hehe.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Saoromant on February 18, 2012, 07:11:54 am

I think it's quite canonical situation

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/9237/jumpaway.png)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Toady One on February 18, 2012, 07:29:13 am

(stickying this up here for TinyPirate for the month or so he'll need it)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Aggel on February 18, 2012, 08:40:52 am

Here is a *long* story of tears and blood and body parts (there actually more body parts than anything). And one brave dwarf woman who had to clean the mess (human woman would go insane, I think, it's good we have dorfs).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So, as it goes, seven brave dorfs left their homes in search of better place. Well, they came across nice ravine and a river full of fish rolling around the hills. All good and pretty, but everything around this side of the river was just dead. Dead grass, dead shrubs. Nice scenery it ought to be as their wagon broke and they decided to settle on the place and immedeately dug in to the ground. They cannibalised their wagon and got everything inside when a flock of undead thripsmen came. Looking at ten rotting, skinless, dripping pus and icor flying corpses of insect men dorfs wisely walled the entrance and, feeling secure and jubilant set to digging, drinking and sleeping (well, the usual stuff).
They actually set a door before the walls, but it was more an afterthought.

There was a little accident involving aquifier, a little flooding of one part of growing fortress and disappearance of one axdorf (he was cut off on lower level and eventually starved to death in loneliness).
There were two yaks with them no one paid much attention to. Well, as it goes, one of them starved to death and before long came back to life. So, you can guess what came next: blood, bodyparts flying around as the zombie set on jamming skulls through brains of every living thing inside the little dungeon. It's first victim - miner Stukos Koganudib - had risen to undeath just minutes after his first death and joined his zombyak buddy. The another miner arose. This one missing his arm and his head was a bloody mess. Farmer Adil Dodukzagot had it really bad then, as all three zombies jumped him near workshops and tore him limb from limb (literally). Some dorf seen this and actually vomited all around the place. Then he was done in too.
Just as last one of original seven been busy having his arms and legs broken in several places at once and his ear being chewed by his friend, there came about a family of dorfs. The wife, Sibrek Emalmonom. The husband, Rovod Ruledtin. The child, Rib Goldsabres. And also a dyer, Ahdo Zapaspenoc came with them.
They immediately got separated by some undead thripsmen, undead giant thrips and (suprisingly) undead giant mantes (too bad dorfs didn't invent insecticide). Rovod managed to get to the entrance and disassemble one wall but there came a surprise from the other side that looked like five mutilated shambling corpses and two thin dead yaks. Well, Rovod set on running and zombies set on chasing him.
At that time some undead insectoids were merrily dining on Ahdo's corpse, others were busy chasing Rib (as it goes, zombies hate fast food), and Sibrek rushed into the fortress. As she stood in the doorway she heard the screams of her dying husband as thripsmen broke his bones, tore his flesh and generally made a bloody mess of him (actually, a giant undead hamster joined in). She saw her child become a snack for some giant undead monstrosity. Swallowing her tears, she shut the door tight and went inside the fort.

Pools of blood, decomposing body parts and someone's mutilated corpse met her at the stairway. The stench was repulsive, but Sibrek was a strong woman. She dug a room and stored all body parts (there was actually a lot of them, makes you wander how zombies even managed to walk and grab) inside and locked the door. She cleaned the floor and walls. She slept in dirt. She grew mushrooms. She made herself bed, table and chair. She was haunted by a ghost of axdorf. And then she was haunted by another ghost (this one is Adil, the horribly mutilated farmer dorf)! All the while fighting against crushing depression. And what's worse: there were only few barrels of ale left.
But Sibrek put spirits to rest and set on digging elaborate tunnels under the river to trap all the undead filth inside and have her revenge before she herself will succumb to thirst and hunger.
She didn't know about undeads lingering at the door, waiting for her to come out. And didn't know her child Rib caught a cock and screwed its head off for fun and food.

Then there came a human caravan. Three brave knights in shiny armor made short work of every zombie that came in their way. They thoroughly mutilated already mutilated corpses, disembowled already disembowled and cut up one headless cock. Merchants unpacked and everything seemed good and merry. With some crafts Sibrek hoped to buy some alcohol but then there came a flock of damned undead thripsmen. Well, you know what happed next: blood and ichor flying around, body parts coming to second life, all second-time dead coming to new undeath etc. Humans were overwhelmed, eaten, mutilated, disembowled and a little bit later joined the ranks of undead.

So now there are about thirty undead things for Sibrek to have revenge on, including her husband, her husband's undead hand, her mutilated child, some undead arms of thripsmen (they have a good supply of these on their bodies, yeah). Her plan is to trap them inside labyrinth and then feed the things to some forgotten beast, or smelt them in magma, or open the passage to hell and watch as demoni make stew out of every last one of damn corpses and parts of corpses. Only if alcohol will last.
She tried digging out far on the other side of a river, but entire undead army immedeately started shambling towards her (side remark: quite hillarious seeing pools of blood flowing downstream as zombies cross the river). She has no wood to make barrels. But her spirit hardened by all the horrors she lived through and she is determined to live till bitter end.

Well, after all this it looks more like a story of bad management  :-\

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: ThatAussieGuy on February 18, 2012, 09:27:59 am

Suppose I should offer up the Checkerboard (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=94140.0) , though ye gods do some of you have dwarfy stories of slaughter and madness.  I am truly humbled by the lunacy that lurks within the tunnels of your forts.

Spoiler:  I do have another story though. (click to show/hide)

 I had a fort called Knifemurders.  In it's world, the dwarves were at war with the elves.  Now, Knifemurders was built in the side of a mountain about halfway up and it was my first real fort that I used to learn everything with.  The elves ambushed the place every so often, riding in on giant eagles but they never managed to break the locked doors and get inside.  Except for one occasion.  A single elf on eagleback managed to get inside and kill a single dwarf before the Militia cut him and his eagle to pieces. 

This would not be much of a problem normally, but this dwarf seemed to have been friends with a good chunk of the fortress' population.  The displeased population, driven to grief by the loss of their dear comrade, began to tantrum and fight in the main dining hall.  The resulting tantrum spiral quickly turned lethal as they began beating eachother to death and soon spilled out into the hallways.  Locking the dining hall doors stopped most of the trouble, and fighting died out just outside the dining hall as they calmed down or died. 

The damage was done by the end though.  The room was filled with broken furniture and the dead numbered in the hundreds.  It took several decades for the surviving population, now far to hardened by their trauma to care, to entomb their fallen breathen. 

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Crustypeanut on February 18, 2012, 10:43:27 am

I'd like to offer up the only real fortress I've had that has any special meaning to me, Specialsurprise (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=93256.0).  It was an attempt cut short at making a Legendary Doctor, with some ‼Medical Science‼ thrown in for good measure, recorded like a science journal.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FritzPL on February 18, 2012, 10:53:29 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In that hall, almost the entire population of Unnoskalur was gathered - 92 dwarves - except for those, who were busy forging armor, weapons, and preparing fortifications and traps. People were mostly optimistic, but not the militia commander, Domas Ellestlogem.
'Cheer up, Domas!' exclaimed Mosus, the macedwarf of The Rare Labors, 'we have enough plump helmet roasts to survive for next two winters!'
'You forgot about the booze, you moron' commander looked at him askance 'besides, I do not feel like drinking, eating, and doing stupid contests like 'who puts out a candle with a fart first'.'
'Oh come on, it was only one time!' Mosus laughed, then he became serious 'listen mate, if there is anything I can help you with, just ask...'
'Thank you, but no. Just stop trying to "cheer me up", okay?'
'Sure thing. You know where I am if you need anything.' said the macedwarf and he wandered off to the main crowd.
Domas remained there, sitting in the corner of the dining hall, remembering his life at mountainhomes, the stupid trick he did by sneaking into a supplied wagon, and staying there. Then, the first months of mining out this fortress with his friend Fath, who was the expedition leader. As soon as he saw him, lying scared behind some barrels, he helped him get out of there and gave him choice: travel back to the mountainhomes alone, or stay with him. He chose the second option, as during the last days of the journey, he heard rest of the group talking about badgers and wierd humanoids with horns. Falling in love in Unib Nishudist, the woodcutter, carpenter and axedwarf of the newly founded fortress... her long, brown hair, her smell, beautiful smell of sun berries and prickle berry wine... moments they spent together in the very corner of the hall he was sitting in...
'...mmander! Domas Ellestlogem!'
Everydwarf started clapping while looking at Domas, so he stood up, looked around and spotted the mayor, Unib Oggezmafol, standing on a table and calling him. He walked over to her, being indiffrent to the applause. Mayor smiled, and shouted:
'Everyone welcome our hero, Domas Kinpainted!'
Everydwarf in the hall was clapping and cheering now. Domas bowed stiffly, and then Unib waved for silence. When the last soaper was silenced, she started talking:
'Thank you, everyone, for coming. As you might know, we have been installing some mechanisms in the entrance corridor of the fortress. Some of you didn't mind that, others asked me few times a day what does that mean. Well...'mayor hestitated' I wont lie - there is a siege of goblin pikemen right outside our gates.'
Agitated crowd whisphered, and Unib raised her hands once again to ask for silence.
'Thank you again. It is my duty to tell you the bad news - all of dwarves that were outside during the siege, were chased down and killed. Some of those were your friends, lovers, maybe wives and husbands. I cant express how sorry I feel for you all.'she tilted her head for a moment, then continued' Livestock has been also hunted down. But it is not the meat and milk we are talking about - its the very thing that they DARED to come here! Our fortress is populated with over ninety dwarves including children, and it is a number that they SHOULD worry about! 'Unib stopped for a second to catch a breath, and then continued quieter 'Our milita consists of 5 dwarves. Small number, you say. It is a small number, but all of the militia members are trusted, hardened, and determined to wipe the greenskin out of this place. 'She looked at Domas with a question in her eyes. Commander nodded almost imperceptibly.'Domas, the milita commander, told me that while he is satisfied with the people in the squad, he needs more troops, if we ever want to get those murderers killed. So now, I ask you, citizens of The Trussed Diamonds, members of Hooffriends the Horses of Magic, brave, short, and drunk bastards of Unnoskalur, Hoofthrones - which one of you wants to kill some goblins?'
After her words, there was a moment of silence. Shortly after, all dwarves started crowding beside the table Unib stood on.


-------

Some stuff of mine, I was inspired after I looked into my commander's relationships - his friend, former expedition leader, bled to death because no dwarf would ever dress his broken legs, arms, and a knee pierced by an arrow, all broken during a stupid dwarf trick. His lover, Unib the axedwarf, was the first militia commander ever - she died because she forgot to bring an axe to fight with a moose woman.
She recieved proper burial in an engraved 3x3 tomb. Now, even though I have decent quarters, LEGENDARYLEGENDARY dining hall, and masterwork plump helmet roasts(they almost killed my fortress - I lost all plump helmet seeds, couldn't make booze), his mood is sitting at fine.

An old tale of Hoofthrones, I never really got to finishing it. Enough to say that when I opened the gates and launched an attack, my plan kind of failed - the militia wouldnt fall back to a perfectly placed serrated discs trap. Some of the goblin pikemen separated from the combat, and ran straight into the fortress - they turned back shortly after without a limb or two, only to meet an end from a sword or spear.

All of the siegers died, some of them even got caged.

And the fortress' casualties?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Domas Ellestlogem, the militia commander.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Newbunkle on February 18, 2012, 11:15:32 am

My most memorable event happened when I was still relatively new. Once I'd mastered the game's basics I decided to celebrate by building a series of glorious marble towers above ground, linked by walkways and bridges. Then this happened:

In the aftermath of a rather bloody goblin attack a woodcutter went insane and stalked the fortress halls, slaying any dwarves that crossed his path. My one surviving combat-dwarf was the captain of my marksdwarf squad, still stationed atop one of the towers. I told him to fire at the crazed brute before I ended up losing everyone.

The marksdwarf started spraying bolts, but for some reason he could only hit him in the legs. The woodcutter's legs looked like a pincushion, but he slowly shambled up the tower steps, axe firmly gripped in his blood-soaked hands. He was moving slowly but he just wouldn't die, like some kind of bearded Jason Vorhees.

When he reached the top of the tower he gave the markswarf a kick. I don't recall from the report if it landed or not, but the next thing I know the marksdwarf is plummeting to his death. The crazed axe murderer returned to the lower levels, but he was too slow to catch any other dwarves. He eventually starved to death.

Title: Re-Newbified
Post by: Yobgod on February 18, 2012, 12:05:08 pm

Ok, so I haven't played in several months, but the new release brought me out again.
My story isn't hilarious as such, but it is a classic Dwarvish story out of time. I could see mothers telling this to their children (while carrying them and clubbing orcs to death with iron socks at the same time).

Note: I was in a hurry to play again, so I took the completely inadvisable "Embark Immediately" random set of dorfs and stuff.

Surprisingly, things were going reasonably well, despite the preponderance of fisherdwarves and giant mosquitos.
Then all the yaks died of starvation, in the central dining hall. (I had, it seems, neglected to designate a pasture, so they hung out there until they died)
The miasma was terrible.

Then my only competent farmer got possessed by the Fey. She collected a few things then kept muttering about "rocks and bones" "rocks and bones".
I told her there were unforbidden dead yaks just FULL of bones right across the hall, and rocks freaking everywhere, but she was not appeased.

Eventually she wandered back into the dining room and starved to death.
The miasma was terrible.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FrisianDude on February 18, 2012, 12:29:31 pm

A while ago a helmet snake appeared near an emDwarfed area of the first cavern. I immediately sent my militia because helmet snakes are nasty little buggers. The captain who arrived at the scene first charged right at it and punched the snake square in the face. Haha, fuck you snake.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Sir_Castic on February 18, 2012, 01:47:51 pm

I don't know if this counts, but I once killed a cyclops and a pack of boogeymen by stabbing them in the head with a sock.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Loud Whispers on February 18, 2012, 03:47:43 pm

The city of ScribedFortress, 180x100 tiles of limestone, with a massive limestone dome in the center. Adamantine stairs crossed the guard towers, and within the doom stood blocks of bedrooms, studies and dining halls, built one upon the other. An artificial mountain.

Twice it had fallen, once to an antman horde caused by an accidental child tag misplacement, pages upon pages of flying carapaces stormed the fortress, slaying all. The last to hold out were the military squad: The Knights Parity, who fought by the gate house slaying many antmen. Thus beginning a tradition, of noble warriors named the Knights Parity, heroes to the fortress.

The second time was caused by an entire goblin siege finding its way through a back door into project Eden: It was supposed to be paradise.

Reclaiming ScribedFortress, the Dwarves were met with dark corridors and familiar rooms, and found that the minatour child which had been allowed into the Fort had now become fully grown, picked up a masterwork steel battleaxe, and begin defending its master's former home with zealous fury. They were all cut down.

The next reclaim party arrived with dogs and attempted to reason with the minatour, even trying to get past it in the narrow corridors, but alas the Dwarven defenses worked against them, they were swiftly cut down.

The following reclaim party arrived with copper warhammers and shields, angered at the loss of their bretheren. The reclaimers deployed animal distractions - chiefly large swarms of rabbits, and lured the minatour away long enough for them to infiltrate the fortress. What they found was horrific.

Corpses infested the hallways, and the skeletons increased as the path led on. Eventually it broke into the open cavern - and a great madness was greeted by the Dwarves. The minatour, finished with the animals, hunted them down one by one. Goblin and Dwarf alike fell to the minatour and to the caverns, individual pockets holding out against the Giant Spiders and Crocodiles, Serpent men and Jabberers, but ultimately to no avail. It was here the Dwarves discovered the four great adamantine spires, the same ones which would make ScribedFortress great, and found the fury that resides in the denizens of the caverns. For even the hammerdwarves perished when they were isolated from the stairwell, and fought to the death against swallow men - who had dispatched the minatour by peppering it full of darts. They single handedly cleared the caverns alone, before dying of their wounds in the dark expanse.
The last Dwarves made sure to kill the few remaining goblins, and took great satisfaction in spreading the brains of one particular goblin - a goblin law giver, across the floor.

Every now and then enough wild animals were captured that during a siege a lever was pulled that released a stampede of badgers, rhinoceros's, giraffes and giant big cats. Of a population of 250, 116 were full time soldiers armed with adamantine and steel, and I had a huge underground nature reserve where I kept a few herds of wild animals, and danger room trained an army of goblins to breach the HFS. The only thing that stood between the goblins and the clowns was an artifact jade portal.
In a time of crisis, the entire fortress could be called to arms.

Only twice has this happened. This was the first.
There was Rith Uzolód, Rakost Tulonvunom, Etur Soloncg, Tun Ledaran and Urdim Thatthinil, the first five Dwarves to fight my first Titan, Zothrol TwilightMoistened the plains Titan. The entire fortress was called to arms, Dwarves hurriedly placing armour on their shoulders and picking up weapons. The masons attempted to wall in the Titan within a spiral, but a tree - a single tree gave the Titan warning to attack. It was not met by the hundreds of soldiers, but instead only 5. The Titan was slain, yet all of them were blinded, had their nerves burned off and spent days recovering, and after extensive surgery involving adamantine thread (metal sutures in their eyes as well!), they became my first Fortress Guard, and after noticing the Dwarves following my every order to the letter, the first super soldiers involved in eye removal programs. Rith scored the killing blow and became the captain of the guard, and Rakost became the fort's permanent mayor, and guard member.

The Buck of Rot, and artifact adamantine crossbow was made. It was placed by the foot of an artifact limestone throne, the impervious griffons, within a steel fault, in the hope that some day the Dwarven Queen-General would arrive.
She never did.

A farmer was attacked by a siege of goblins, got shot in the shoulder and passed out on top of a cage trap - which saved his life. The entire fort armed itself and went to war against 56 goblins, many of whom were crossbowmen or lashers. 11 Dwarves lost their lives, many goblins were slain and the farmer was saved.

A migrant processing machine involving a small drop was invented to train the team of doctors, it was very effective.

Eventually an FB with a vaporous extract was captured using an elaborate cave in trap - it chased a cat only for it to find itself surrounded by the walls of its future prison, and every now and then a squad of soldiers would be stationed outside, an animal dropped in, and all of them would be blinded and made immune to pain, and thus began the super soldier program.

And over 30 Dwarven years scribedfortress still stands.

Hardly a short story, but I felt like I needed to drop it here ;)

Also, my adventurer never fast travelled. Crossed two mountain ranges, acquiring 291 giant eagle kills, taking a single feather from each one.
Each feather became a deadly projectile.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Meta on February 18, 2012, 05:12:43 pm

One of the stories I'd really like seeing drawn is the one of Reginald:
The Life and Times of Reginald Goblinstomper, Elephant at Large. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=66049.0)

For those of you who didn't read it, go read it now! :D

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 18, 2012, 06:03:42 pm

Lord W: wow, what an epic! Not sure it would fit on a single page but it (and the others) are added to the pile, thanks all.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Keldor on February 18, 2012, 10:58:03 pm

Here's a poem I did for Kulettogum, a ways back.

Adil the engraver decided to float
Her wonderfully crafted felsite toy boat.
So she brought it down to the filling moat
But swim she could not, so her corpse did there bloat!

The story behind it is rather self-explainatory.  At the end of the great moat cleaning project, the levers were pulled to refill the moat with water.  At this time, a random dwarf decides to wander into the still empty moat for reasons unknown.  She's caught by the slow flood of incoming water, and, despite having ample opportunity to simply climb back up the conviently placed stairs back out, somehow manages to get herself cornered by the approaching rising water and drowns.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: beef623 on February 19, 2012, 05:55:27 am

One of my more memorable ones was when this guy showed up:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Forest Titan Xolang Tusmnos Xogakstrogag has come!  An enormous three-eyed hummingbird.  It has a long, swinging trunk and it moves about carelessly.  Its lilac feathers are downy.  Beware its webs!

My dorfs were tucked safely away in the fort while he explored the countryside, then I got sieged. My fort was at the top of a waterfall with a bridge across the river. The gobbos were on the bridge when the titan jumped them. He knocked a couple off the bridge, over the waterfall then chased them down, killing them before they hit the river down below.

More recently, I embarked in a terrifying zone to try to see some zombie action. I embarked with 5 armed and trained axedwarves and immediately dug a bunker to hide in as I'd heard horror stories about the rain and fog in those type of zones. I'd just got settled in my bunker when I noticed my livestock starving. I pastured them outside and a cloud rolled in that instantly turned a mule into a zombie. He chased down and killed the rest of the livestock, then headed for my bunker. I stationed my military in the entrance hallway and thought I was ready for him. He completely demolished everyone except one child who ran out screaming ... right into the zombie cloud.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: beef623 on February 19, 2012, 05:57:34 am

[edit]double post, sorry[/edit]

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: twilightdusk on February 19, 2012, 07:27:31 am

In my most recent fortress where I'm focusing most of my resources to building a shrine to a volcano goddess overtop of a volcano, a Minotaur showed up and started beating everyone to death with a sheep's wool hood, until a random Beekeeper managed to punch it through the skull to insta-kill it.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: imperium3 on February 19, 2012, 10:03:37 am

The whole early history of my fortress was pretty entertaining, but I'll confine myself to the story of the bronze colossus, and the militia commander...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In the year 271, Akrulatol was celebrating its eleventh year as a dwarven outpost in the centre of the great deserts. After much toil the site's aquifer had been breached and mighty halls carved out in the stone below. A vast pyramid was being constructed above this breach, while two smaller ones stood nearby, one filled with the coffins of those who had not survived to see the fort's prosperity, the other mostly empty. A hole in the ground west of the Great Pyramid marked a second and larger attempt at breaching the aquifer that had scarcely begun, and would allow much easier transit between the surface and the fortress.

Akrulatol was now considered a safe place. It had a small squad of soldiers in training commanded by the swordsdwarf Sigun Masusbomrek, and though it had once been threatened by such creatures as a cyclops and a great forest titan, they had been defeated single-handed by the great hero As Likotlular, wielding his mighty bronze pick.

In early 271, all of this changed. Behind the annual group of immigrants loomed a vast and terrifying shape - a huge creature made entirely of bronze. Its name was known to legend as Malduz Scratchclashed the Ace of Matching, and its goal was mayhem.

The migrants fled from this terror, but legs of bronze do not tire and it soon caught up with stragglers. A mist of blood filled the air as they were pulverised, and Malduz ripped the pig tail fiber cloak from a hapless blacksmith and used it to horrifying effect. Then, disregarding the remaining migrants, he headed for the fortress.

At first the dwarves thought they were safe, as the only entrance was fitted with traps even a colossus could not escape from. But   they had miscalculated, for the hole where the second aquifer breach lay was accessible from the surface, and it possessed a passageway leading to the rest of the fortress...

As Malduz's footsteps echoed in the passageway, Sigun Masusbomrek frantically mustered his squad for a last stand. They were lighty armed, mostly with bought weapons, and few of them were armed with steel. Meanwhile, As Likotlular fled to the bowels of the fortress in search of a steel pick, knowing that he could not hope to harm the colossus with a bronze weapon.

Sigun's squad was swept away by the cloak-wielding colossus, one by one picked off until the commander stood alone. He raised his *steel short sword* and dueled Malduz one-on-one, repeatedly dodging the powerful blows aimed at him and inflicting fractures with every counterstroke.

Eventually Malduz overextended himself, and Sigun brought his sword down on Malduz's cloak-wielding arm, severing it. But this was a terrible mistake. Enraged, the colossus simply kicked Sigun squarely in the chest, sending him flying across the room with so many internal injuries that no dwarven medicine could save him. Leaving the unconscious dwarf, Malduz began a deadly game of cat-and-mouse through the fortress.

Wherever he went, dwarves died. Blood ran down the halls, and fleeing dwarves were crushed against walls or hurled off the pyramid. Gibbering in fear, As Likotlular was finally forced to face the bronze colossus at the foot of one of the tomb-pyramids. He landed a single strike of his pick, before being kicked against a wall, then kicked again and again until he was reduced to jelly and the wall to powder. But his sacrifice allowed the few masons who had not completely lost their minds to band together and wall off the area, trapping Malduz there.

Today, in 287, Akrulatol is a vast and prosperous mountainhome, seemingly unassailable by forces within or without. But in the heart of the fortress, sealed in a cage of adamantine within a pillar of bronze and steel, together with the body of the militia commander who dared stand up to him... Malduz Scratchclashed the Ace of Matching... waits...

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: dropzonetoe on February 19, 2012, 02:45:04 pm

My most fun ever.

   I had build a small stable fortress and was besieged by a Titan(it was a cyclops) real early on.  I only had a few Dwarfs and no military even prepared so I quickly equipped an ad hoc militia.  Not realizing it, I made the Squad captain a female dwarf.  She and her husband charged into combat with around five other dwarfs.  They all died in the combat but her.  She had one of her hands torn off in the combat but she managed to keep consciousness long enough to kill the titan.  Her body was recovered by my newly promoted Doctor.  A trail of blood and vomit lead from the combat site to the front gate of the fort where she passed out from blood lose and dehydration.  It took many medical procedures but she pulled through and the loss of her husband grieved her almost to the point of death.
   She was cared for and tended too by the other dwarfs, who fed her and gave her water and changed her bandages for over a year of recovery.  One dwarf in particular was always doing this and I was not surprised when it came up they got married, and later, she had a child.  This whole time, she being the most skilled warrior in my base, stayed the captain of the guard.  Good fortune in trading and mining had help my fortress grow and my militia was starting to get some good weapons and armour of iron and steel.  The one armed captain of the guard wore all iron gear except a steel breastplate, and silver helmet.  A shield was strapped to her nub arm, a buckler to her other and in that same(and only) hand a she held the only steel weapon in the fort, a gleaming battle axe.
   The growth of my fortress had not gone unnoticed and goblin thieves started to appear. Most were killed by my Captain of the guard - in a few instances they were killed while she cradle her baby protectively behind the nub ended shield arm. These skirmishes pushed her skill up and thankfully it would soon be tested.  For in the lull of goblin raids a second Titan appeared.  It was a slow moving giant armored beetle with hundreds of legs. It's capriced body was as strong as iron and it was heading right for my fortress.
my militia now about 20 strong - a mix of crossbow dwarfs and heavy infantry head out to stop the beast.  Their bolts could not pierce its hide, and the maces and spears of the infantry could only dent its shell.  The captains axe however bit into it again and again.  As her troops attacked and died in vain, hoping to give her the time she needed to injure it.  She repeatedly slashed and hacked into it's massive head.  More than once the axe became stuck in the head and she had to hold on with one hand to dislodge it to attack again.  Finally the beast was bested and only herself and a single sword wielding squad leader were left standing.
Again the captain of the guard had bested a titan, but not without loss.
   That loss would be the downfall of the fortress. For as she laid resting in the hospital with a broken leg and ribs from the battle a goblin army ambush attacked and slew a traveling trader who was on his way to the fortress.  The trader and his guards were all murdered and the bloodied squad leader with a handful of new recruits attacked the goblins.  In the melee the squad leader having bested many of the goblins fell.  Only a couple of the ragtag militia survived that skirmish.  The body of the Squad leader was entombed in a legendary engraved marble tomb created by my master crafts dwarf in a grand chamber at the end over the burial hall. No sooner was the body laid to rest than a goblin horde appeared.  They stretched across the whole of the mountainside and they were supported by crocodiles, giant toads, and even a few ogres .
    The alarm was sounded and all the secondary doors were locked.  Every dwarf except the medical team scrounged for weapons and armour.  As dishonorable as it seems even the foul goblin corpses were raided for their gear to arm the young and old alike.
   A  group of hunters/crossbowmen were the first to die while attempting to slow the horde while defenses were prepared They were brought into hand to hand by a group  of pike and whip armed goblins.  A lone newly enlisted woodcutter held a last stand defending a unbarred water entrance.  his body lay mutilated over a pile of dead goblins and giant toads - a true hero.  The assorted militia squads waited milling around in the fortress behind the barred double great doors .  Soon a pair of ogres bashed down the front gate and the army poured in.  The front gate became a butcher shop of lost limbs and body parts, blood and vomit soaked the engraved floors and walls and the wounded and dead heaped on top of each other.  But even still the dwarfs were being overwhelmed.  Cunningly built traps skewered and caged those who had managed to come in secondary ways, but the main hall was being attacked.  With dwarfs dying everywhere the Captain of the guard hobbles with a broken leg into the battle creatures, ogres, and goblin fell before her might. So long was the battle and so great her pain that she was forced to leave it to go back to the hospital and have the doctors patch her up mid-fight.  She could not however stay away long and bloodied and in pain she hobbled out again to support the last of the wounded defenders.  With one last push she single-handedly slew every last enemy inside the fortress.   
With every bed in the hospital filled with wounded she began to drag the wounded into bedrooms and bandage, feed, and water them.  As she attempted to drag back the body of an unconscious and bloody crossbow dwarf she was ambushed by a dozen goblin archers who held the high ground on the side of a hill.  With no were else to go, a broken leg and ribs, and many untended wounds she charged up the hill, a couple of militia seeing the combat ran to help her.  Again and again the goblins shot her body and still she came up.  With dozens of arrows imbedded into the body she made it to the top of the hill and slew three of the goblins before their cruel blades hacked her down.  She gave her life however not in vain as the militia hacked down the remaining goblins and sent them fleeing.
   A great lamentation went through the fortress as everyone suffered the loss of loved ones and friends.  Many were buried, most died of their wounds as there were not enough medical dwarfs left alive to treat them.  The walking wounded fed the starving dying and hauled the corpses of the dead out in mass piles outside the broken front gates of the fortress.  The stink of the rotting bodies was so strong as to sicken any who dared to come close trying to recover fallen loved ones to bury them properly in the expanded catacombs.  A lone engraver not knowing what else to do, went back to work engraving the hallway he was working on before the battle.  Each section of the floor and wall was adorned with macabre and heroic images of both the captain of the guard and the squad leader.  He never finished the hallway as grief overtook him and in a fit of madness he murdered the last of the doctors. A wounded militia soldier killed him in the great hall.  With everyone wounded, dying or dead.  Slowly the last remnants of the fortress fell to their wounds, starvation, infection, and dehydration.

The last dwarf alive, a dying one legged craftsdwarf, watched in delight as the traps that lined the hallway to the great hall went off killing and injuring the goblin horde that had regrouped and now entered the fortress unopposed.  Before he was killed, standing amongst dead bodies, discarded belongings, and pools of blood, his last thought was a happy one... Dwarf recently enjoyed the sight of a well made trap.

That was the end of Diamondmirrors

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 19, 2012, 04:49:06 pm

Wow! Epic!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Leading_dorf_parts on February 19, 2012, 09:33:19 pm

I posted these ages ago on Reddit. They involve the same fortress in a badlands valley.

The Tail of a Curious Ratwoman

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Her tail stiffens and she looks towards the roof of her cavernous home. What was that noise? She waited, listening intently. It was gone now. She lays her head back down on the furry body next to her. She awakens hours later the noise closer now, like scratching in the walls above. What could it mean? She sat perplexed. Never in her life had she heard such a noise. It was gone again. She stretches her furry arms and hops over to a pile of flesh. Her little fingers gripping the meat as she nibbles at it with her large razor sharp teeth. She wonders about the noise she had been hearing. Was it another pack of rat folk? Maybe those pesky Trogs were up to something. They had always had it out for her tribe after all. She quickly forgot about the sounds and went about her daily routine. Though, one really couldn't say if it was a daily routine, as it was always pitch black in her tribe’s cavern.

She carried her wooden spear loosely in her hand as she scurried from mushroom tree to mushroom tree. Her eyes scanning the familiar stalagmites that protruded from the cavern floor. She knew all of the best hiding spots and made sure to check them for creatures that might be out for a meal. As she approached the edge of her tribe’s territory she picked up a scent that was unfamiliar. She followed it cautiously, pressing her body to the floor as she moved, grip tightening on her spear. She crouches behind a small cluster of mushrooms and peers towards the source of the odor. Petrified, she stares at a group of creatures unlike anything she had ever seen. These short, almost hairless creatures sat around a pile of hot, glowing mushrooms. Their bodies covered in shiny scales that seemed to glow in the faint light. A few paces beyond them lay a pile of the Trogs she had worried about earlier in the day. It seems these creatures also had problems with the hairy menaces. What perplexed her the most, though, was the opening behind the creatures. She knew this part of the caverns well and it had never been there. “Where does it lead to?” she wondered. She knew she had to find out, but for now she scampered off towards her home. She had to show them!

Behind the same cluster of mushrooms she hid behind before, she now sits with a fellow tribe member. The creatures that had been there before were gone, leaving behind scraps of food and a pile of blackened shards where the glowing mushrooms had been. She led the way, slowly inching forward with her spear at the ready. Her tribe mate had his blowgun up as he hopped along behind her. She approaches a half eaten piece of food, picking it up slowly to inspect it. A noise echoes from the large opening, startling her. She jumps back pointing the tip of the spear towards it. She nervously inches forward, spear shaking in her hands. Her fellow rat man scampers forward and presses against the damp wall next to the opening, he cautiously peeks around the corner to inspect. After a moment he relaxes and gestures that it is safe. She continues her inspection of the camp site, rummaging through the piles of stone and foreign debris. A strange object catches her attention. Propped against a pile of stone is a shiny, sharp rock on a piece of wood. She picks it up carefully, not fully understanding its purpose. She soon loses interest and places the object where it was found. She heads over towards the opening in the wall to join her companion. The air seemed to be flowing towards this hole, rustling her black fur in the slight breeze. Her companion begins inching inwards, stepping silently on the smooth floor. She lets out a soft squeak in concern. Why was he going into this foreign place? If the creatures killed the Trogs, what would they do to them? He shrugs off her warnings and continues towards a large set of steps that sit at the back of the opening.

What seemed like an eternity had passed as they climbed up the steep steps. Sounds echoing down from above grew louder with every passing moment. They strained to pick up any scents but the airflow from the caverns below left their noses "blind". They slowly pressed on. Up. Up. Further up the never ending stairs. Every sound freezing them in place as they waited at arms. Finally, after a grueling climb they reached a long strange tunnel. The floors and walls of this place were perfectly flat and smooth. There were no rocks for them to hide behind if they were in danger. This place was very foreign indeed. She tugged at her companion’s tail, gesturing to go back down the winding steps. She was terrified of this place and its smooth walls. Again, he ignored her concerns and his curiosity pulled him forward. As they approached the far side of the strange hall they encountered something neither of them had ever seen. A great stone slab, seemingly out of place, sat against a wall. Upon it a loop of rock hung freely. She watched as her comrade put his hands flat against the slab and pushed. Nothing happened. He backs away and begins sniffing about as she does the same. Suddenly, a loud rattle and a click come from the slab. They panic huddle together against the cold wall, weapons at the ready. They hear a harsh series of noises come from the other side of the slab, then the hurried sounds of footsteps trailing off into the distance. After a long pause her companion slowly crawls to the slab. He presses his hands against it one more time, giving it a firm push.

Dim light floods in around them and they scurry to the nearest shadows out of instinct. They both slowly peer in around the edges of the doors to see a world that their people had never encountered. In the distant halls they see dozens of the strange creatures hurrying about, carrying objects similar to the one they had seen in the caves and more. The smell of exotic foods wafted around them tempting them inwards. They quickly scurried past the threshold of the slab, bodies hugging the ground as they ran to a pile of what seemed to be smooth wooden blocks. She watched curiously terrified as the creatures went about their daily life. They all seemed to have different coverings, some smooth and shiny, flowing like water; while others looked like they wore skins of animals. Occasionally she would spot one of the creatures she had seen in the caverns, slowly wandering about, observing the actions of all the others; its shiny covering gleaming in the dim light and his weapon rattling at his side. They were so absorbed by the strange goings-on around them they didn't notice the creature approach them from behind, both parties unaware of each other until it was too late.

She spins around as she hears the loud, harsh shouts of the creature behind her. Her back pressed in the corner between the smooth wall and wooden containers. She is frozen, unable to react. Without hesitation, her companion leaps up from their hiding spot, attacking the creature. He lashes out at its throat with his razor sharp claws, blood spilling onto the floor as it gurgles and collapses into a twitching pile. The others had heard the commotion and were all fleeing the area; all but one. The creature in the shiny coverings slowly approaches their location, his weapon gleaming in the light. He yelled over his shoulder to the other scale clad creatures. Her tribe mate turns, hissing at the group of creatures. She watches as he fumbles for his blowgun, dropping his dart on the smooth floor. As he reaches for it, one of the creatures sprints forward at incredible speed. With a lighting fast swing of his weapon, she watches her companion get cleaved in two at the chest. He twitches, looking at her with sorrow and confusion in his eyes as he bleeds out. The creature lets out a bellowing laugh as he inspects his kill then turns slowly to spot her pressed in the corner. He approaches slowly, an evil grin upon his face as he lines up his weapon with her neck. In a panic she bolts down the hall, in the opposite direction of her caverns. On all fours she bounds down the twisting halls, sliding around corners, tumbling over crates. She must live. She must escape this horrible place. Behind her she can hear the rattling of their coverings. They are so close. CLANK.

What had happened? Where did these rods of wood come from? She couldn't pry them apart no matter how hard she tried. She was trapped. Between the bars she watched her pursuers approach, huffing and wheezing. They laughed heartily and clasped hands. The slayer of her companion steps up to the cage poking between the bars with his weapon and speaks to her in his harsh tongue. She cowers against the opposite side of her prison, making herself as small as possible. Why had did they ever come to this place, she wondered. A group of the creatures gathered around her and began to lift her cage, carrying it slowly through the halls she had just run through. Through the bars she gazed out at the myriad of folk who stared back with mutual curiosity.

After a short haul through the many intertwined tunnels, they arrived at a large room full of cages similar to the one she was trapped in. Inside of them all manners of creatures she had never seen. Her prison was fastened in a corner of the room next to a large hairy creature that looked down at her with sad eyes. It let out a deep grumble and rolled over. One of her captors approached with a slab of stone in his hand, looked down at her then etched a symbol onto it. He turned and walked away, slamming the door behind him, sending her back into darkness...

ScorchedCasket the Burial of Heroes

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It was the Summer of 553 and ScorchedCasket was a bustling subterranean town with 100 or so citizens. The dwarfs who lived here were fat and careless, never stopping to think of the terrors in the wastelands that surrounded their happy home. Weapons lie dull, armor unpolished, and worst of all, traps unfinished.Some of the fisher-dwarfs had told stories to the town dwellers of gigantic animals that wandered the rocky basin. Scorpions as large as bears and jaguars that were even larger. There was an even more sinister threat to ScorchedCasket though, a threat which no one knew of until it was too late.

On a crisp morning just as the sun broke over the basin walls, the camels were making their daily migration past the freshly built walls of the town. A chicken clucked, sitting upon its nest of rope just within sight of the gate. It had been placed by curious dwarfs to try and lure the giants they had heard so much about out of the wilds and lure it did. From the haze a blinding flash followed by a thunderous crack. The chicken lay mangled and dead, but not before completing its mission. With a loud clank the cage traps it sat upon snapped shut, capturing two small but powerful creatures.

At the gate a dwarf who overheard the commotion begins heading towards the chicken's location. What he sees chills him to the bone. Before him A half dozen hideous goblins stand in the distance, attempting to pry their comrades from the cages. He turns to run, but it is too late. Standing in front of him is a large goblin in a gleaming helm, her pike glinting in the morning sun. She lets out a devilish cackle as she plunges the razor sharp blade into his chest. Hot blood spills onto the rocky ground for the first time in the history of this town.
A dwarf scampers down the loading ramp, leaving the heat of the morning behind him as he enters the darkness of ScorchedCasket. He has just seen his life long friend murdered in cold blood. He bursts through the doors of the barracks, huffing and wheezing as he approaches the Militia Commander. She doesn't want to leave her ale, but this dwarf that approached her believes they are being attacked so she begrudgingly follows. As they head towards the main gates a crowd forms and begins to follow. The commander selects a few from the group to assist her, chuckling as she tells them the "news". This will be the last time laughter is heard in the fortress for many years.

The doctor scrambles after a plump rat that scurries across his hospital floor. He hasn't had a proper meal in almost a year. If only the mayor would have listened. If only the military had the proper equipment. If only the traps had been laid. Where there were 100 now there were 18. Insanity gripped the once noble town of ScorcedCasket. Bedrooms fit for Barons, now mass graves. Grand dining halls now darkened tombs. Toppled statues and broken doors fill the now silent halls. But hope wasn't all lost. A sane few did their best to clean the never ending mess that filled their home. Day in and day out, they pulled bodies into makeshift caskets and threw rubbish into piles. They waited anxiously for the sounds of hooves on their streets, a sign of a caravan from one of the far off cities. It would be another year before they saw that day.

Forty-eight dwarfs call ScorchedCasket home now. Despite the grim news they received from the caravans, some still came. Doors re-hinged, bodies laid to rest. The new mayor led a vigorous campaign to secure the town with properly trained soldiers and traps in working order. He knew that the goblins would be back now that the caravans were visiting and this time ScorchedCasket would be prepared.

Horns of war sound in the distance as the sun breaks over the horizon. Dozens of goblins charge down from the plateau into the basin where ScorchedCasket sits. Citizens scramble to their assigned halls as the militia rushes towards the gate. They had trained for this moment since they arrived at the town and they knew what had to be done. They sat anxious at the bottom of the loading ramp, watching and waiting. What felt like an eternity passed. The metallic rattle of hilts on their greaves was the only sound they heard. Suddenly, a scream echoed down from the gates followed shortly by a body, mangled and broken. It slid slowly down the ramp with the large rock that had killed it. Then came a rush of armor clad figures, screaming as they ran down the ramp. Though, They didn't make it far. In their carelessness they didn't spot the traps lining the hall. With loud clanking, traps fell from the ceiling imprisoning all but one. The final foe stood fiercly staring into the darkness. Its Helm gleaming from the light above, pike pointed towards the darkness in preparation.

She didn't anticipate this level of resistance. All of her fellow goblins sit before her in cages. Behind her, the sound of a closing gate. She had no choice but to fight. What she didn't know was that she was one step away from being caught herself. She stands ready to react. A whistling bolt flies past her, slamming into the wall. She sidesteps, then rolls, hearing the telltale sound of a cage trap going off. Though, It wasn't enough as she falls victim to the next trap.

The doctor walks into the large chamber where the prisoners were kept. He peers through the wooden bars of their cages at them, naked and huddled in the corners awaiting their punishment. As he walks by the final cage, dread overwhelms him. He knows the goblin that stood behind the bars of the cage in front of him. He watched her murder his best friend years ago and now the time for revenge had finally come.

The fortress: http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-10668-scorchedcaskettheburialofheroes (http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-10668-scorchedcaskettheburialofheroes)

Hope there aren't too many mistakes, I haven't modified them since they were submitted a long time ago.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Shurikane on February 19, 2012, 11:23:54 pm

Quote from: Shurikane on March 11, 2011, 05:46:36 pm

While playing Legendary Lands, I once found myself confronted by what I remember as a Dark Shadow.  Either way, the beast was practically formless, quick, and incredibly powerful.  My militia of twelve legendary wrestlers got decimated in five seconds flat.

I barricaded inside the fort and bid my time.  Maybe the beast would leave on its own.  But no.

Somehow it found its way inside a completely sealed fortress, and it was tearing everyone a structurally superfluous new behind!

I drafted absolutely everyone and zergrushed the foul beast, giving way to an immense cat-and-mouse game within the confines of the fort as the pack of dwarves sought to somehow tie the shadow in a knot.  Practically every corridor was streaked with enough blood to make my people think I was filming a new episode of Berzerk.  There were body parts everywhere, precursor to an epic mushroom cloud of miasma.

With 90% of the fort killed and blown to pieces, we finally destroyed the beast, now down to only a handful of dwarves in a bad mood.  My only respite came in the form of a new, massive wave of migrants.

It wasn't even the end of it.  On the heels of the shadow was a lava wyrm, who proceeded to set the entire woodland on fire.  Barricading myself once more, I made preparations: an unholy corridor studded with spikes linked to a lever, all this within a room that could be sealed and then filled with pressurized water.

I lured the beast inside and quickly sealed the door.  The wyrm effortlessly melted my traps on the way, a pile of useless spikes in its wake.  It finally arrived at the center of my beautiful, red trade depot, and casually demolished it into bricks.

I pulled the lever.

Gallon after gallon of water poured out faster than Ron Jeremy could ejaculate inside a movie star.  I absolutely drenched the creature, intending on putting it out - but no no no, fuck no.  The thing was generating an ungodly amount of steam, and no amount of water could put that thing out.  I had completely immersed it in water and all it did was turn the trade depot area into a biblical-sized pressure cooker.  Unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to prepare Thai chicken or express shish kebab.

I kept myself locked in, as more megabeasts arrived on the premises.  I drafted nineteen able-bodied dwarves and put them through the longest, most rigorous training regime ever to be seen to man.  They emerged as demigods, so skilled in the ways of the blade and blunt that they could shatter bones with a butter knife and slice legs off with a golf club.

the ensuing battle went down in history (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QuffAwpc4k).

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Notoriety on February 20, 2012, 03:58:44 am

It's been a while since this happened, so I might have some of the details slightly wrong, and I don't remember any names.

I've never been good with the military. Most of the time I keep my dwarves safe through trap-lined corridors or by turtling with drawbridges and walls. In one of my fortresses, a human caravan arrived with trade goods. I had just been attacked by snatchers and goblins a few times, so I knew goblin ambushes were probably around. I was hesitant to lower the bridge. The humans lingered on the edge of the map, and it wasn't long before they were set upon by not one, but two goblin ambushes. The goblins slew some pack animals, and eventually disappeared from the map. Thinking they might have been chased off by the humans, I lowered the drawbridge to seize the now-abandoned trade items. Dozens of dwarves poured out in a constant stream of hauling jobs.

Of course, the goblins had either hidden or left before returning, for soon my haulers were ambushed (in retrospect this would have been an obvious trap in real life). The military eventually took care of them, but took heavy losses, and a handful of my dwarves had been injured. A good samaritan managed to rescue a young girl who had lost a leg and her parents in the fighting and her brother to a snatcher just before. She spent several years in a coma-like state, to the point where I was beginning to doubt that she would ever recover (it might be noted that this was before hospitals, so maybe that helped her chances). Caring dwarves continued to bring her food and drink, however, and she finally recovered.

When she awoke, the accumulated weight of these tragedies--losing her brother, her parents, and her leg--hit her all at once. I like to think she was also traumatized by the revelation that years had already passed. The burden proved too much, and in an instant she threw a tantrum, smashing furniture and attacking those around her. Before her loyal caretakers could calm her down, the Fortress Guard rushed past them and cut the girl down where she lay.

So ended a story of kindheartedness and futility.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Muttonhawk on February 20, 2012, 08:47:35 am

Well I suppose little vignettes could be made from the anecdotes on the front page of the magma wiki. They're updating them more with the new version I think.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Orkel on February 20, 2012, 09:24:19 am

Here's mine.

The fort was an aboveground fort called Tradedaubed. A baby lost both of his parents in a siege, and became depressed. The baby climbed up to my highest skyscraper and jumped down in an act of suicide. The baby fell on top of my prison building, but dwarves had no access on that roof so no one could find the corpse. Including me. I only found the corpse when a second depressed baby also jumped to his death from the same spot, and that's when I noticed the prison roof. I built a ramp leading there, the dwarves went and took the now-skeletal remains of the first baby, and what was left of the second baby, into their tombs.

Here's a picture of the fort to illustrate better. The babies jumped from Burj, down to the prison roof below.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i29.tinypic.com/2cz6m87.png)

------------

Second story, takes place in another fort called Gillhames, this time an underground one with a small archer tower and small trap corridor above the entrance:

A dragon arrived. Thankfully I managed to kill it. Sent the soldiers with the highest shield using skill against it, backed up by a marksdwarf. The shield pros blocked the dragonfire and hacked it to pieces when they got close. The dragonfire that went past the soldiers unfortunately hit the shieldless marksdwarf that literally vaporized on the spot. His equipment is intact but he himself is nothing but a pile of ashes. Reminds me of comics. The dragon also managed to also destroy my drawbridge.

Soon after, a siege arrived. One of the axedwarves had gone very unhappy because his marksdwarf buddy got vaporized previously.

This is where shit started to go wrong.

1) Thanks to a pathing bug, another marksdwarf had ended up on a 1 tile size wall/pillar in the middle of my archer tower. I had built it there so the archers would stay on the edges near fortifications instead of sticking in the middle where they can't shoot. He was on top the pillar, with no way down and no way up, a perfect target for the approaching goblin bowmen. It's a strange bug that results in dwarves "jumping" to spots where there's no access to, with no way back down.
2) After the dragon had destroyed my drawbridge, I had built a new one. But I had forgotten to link it to a lever, so I couldn't pull it back to stop the goblins.

The archer got made a pin cushion with no way to escape.

3) The very unhappy axedwarf became miserable because another of his buddies died. Tantruming or berserking became highly likely.

The trolls rushed over the bridge first, in order to bash down my doors. I ordered my dwarves to build a wall in the hallway behind it in order to stop them. But they didn't build the walls because they are lazy fucks. My traps killed about half of the trolls, but the rest managed to destroy the doors, and together with 1 goblin spearman squad + 1 bowman squad led by a spearmaster and elite bowman, rushed into my fort through the opening.

This is where shit started to go right.

I sent my military to take them on. 3 axe lords, 1 pretty good swordsdwarf and 1 axe recruit. All of them have iron+steel+bronze armor, except for the recruit who is clad in full copper (good quality though).

A huge battle ensues in the 3 tile wide corridor leading to my main areas. The bowmen shoot a couple of my escaping civilians in their limbs, while my soldiers are killing them left and right, somehow managing to dodge most of their attacks. The silver arrows that did hit my soldiers hit the very few steel armor pieces, dinging off harmlessly, which was lucky on my part - they would have gone through if they hit iron or bronze. A couple of trolls got past the slaughter and slumbered into my bedroom district, where they promptly died of blood loss caused by the soldiers right before, without staying alive long enough to injure any civilians.

The recruit is being one lucky bastard, killing a couple of goblins and somehow not getting hit a single time, despite being dabbling in every single military skill including dodging, and not even using a shield, and being attacked several times.

The rest of the enemies start escaping, and GLORIOUS VICTORY. The miserable axedwarf became "fine", because of enjoying the immense slaughter. I fixed the doors and linked up the bridge for any future attacks. And removed that fucking pillar from the archer tower to prevent other dwarves bugging on top of it

Final casualties, a couple of civilians with arrows in their arms + legs, only death being Pillar Dwarf.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 20, 2012, 02:33:39 pm

Quote from: Muttonhawk on February 20, 2012, 08:47:35 am

Well I suppose little vignettes could be made from the anecdotes on the front page of the magma wiki. They're updating them more with the new version I think.

Yeah, that kind of thing is probably going to work best.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Powder Miner on February 20, 2012, 02:38:26 pm

Quote from: dropzonetoe on February 19, 2012, 02:45:04 pm

A shield was strapped to her nub arm

Poetic license?
Because that's actually impossible. If she was carrying that, she was carrying it in the same hand.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Wastedlabor on February 20, 2012, 05:24:03 pm

One of the many cool stories from Ardentdikes:

When Ongong the black eyed green dragon arrived to Ardentdikes, all civilians rushed underground and all soldiers were stationed to fight her, ready to die in the fight.

Rather than attacking the fortress, Ongong flew over the mountain.

Then plunged into the volcano.

Then decided to chill under the magma, for weeks.

Everybody was sent back to work. Nothing to see there.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Vherid on February 20, 2012, 06:51:22 pm

I thought this was pretty great. A heavy siege sought to see my fortress completely desecrated and slaughtered. Bodies, body parts, blood, gore, bones, littering the entire surface of the fortress. However deep underground, one crazy little fucker, he has seen the faces of war, and he thought. WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA. He proceeded to just grab a random dwarf after laughing maniacally, drag him to the butchers shop, chop him up relentlessly, and then make a scepter out of his bones, called "Hexgleam the Volcano of Dreading". Unfortunately it didn't help.

(http://d.localhostr.com/file/5WuLkvQ/greatjob.png)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: WillowLuman on February 21, 2012, 02:42:51 am

Got 2, take your pick:
Spent months training up axeman, armor user, wrestling, misc object, shield, and dodging. Went to Necromancer's tower on assignment from the lawmaker of the capitol, duty bound to kill the foul sorcerer and free the kingdom from his power. His walking dead fell nameless before by axe, and I threw all their pieces far away to prevent them reentering the fight. At last I came upon to evil mage, and the battle began. He wielded an iron longsword, and soon with a lucky blow my right arm sailed off in an arc! With my axe-hand lost, I threw my shield and broke his sword-hand, causing him to drop the sword. Then I grabbed by severed right arm and struck him repeatedly with it, breaking all his limbs and shattering his ribs, before finally smashing his skull. After this victory, I dropped my severed arm to retrieve my axe. The arm then promptly reanimated and strangled me to death

I embarked on a volcanic glacier, not believing my luck! Immediately I set to work digging an ice palace in the side of the mountain, and soon I was ready to channel lava to fuel the great smelter. But alas! as one of my miners dug, some ice was melted from the heat, but did not stay so, encasing her! Checking the units screen I was grieved to discover that she was in fact in love with my other miner! He was miserable, but I knew I must use him to recover her body. But when he dug he dug her out, the lava flowed around him, mixing with ice, and encasing him in obsidian! After a while, the lava was stopped up by the vent being cooled back to rock by melting ice. With the pick of the woman recovered, the remaining 5 knew what they must do. Quickly, both bodies were recovered and obsidian and ice were gathered. A great box-like room of ice was constructed over the crater, and the obsidian sarcophogi (As well as finely crafted statues) were placed within. Then the bridge was cut, and the great ice-tomb plunged into the crater, laying the lovers to rest in the lifeblood of the earth, at the heart of the world.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 21, 2012, 04:44:17 am

Holy shit - that is awesome! Both!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: doublestrafe on February 21, 2012, 02:45:31 pm

I'll repost this one, which I had originally posted in /r/dwarffortress on Reddit. This is the story of Bigwheel -- that is to say, the love story of Bigwheel.

So I decided to check out the candy farm embark posted here (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=90290.0). I was a little awed by the layout: a HUGE river, with an equally huge cliff--only we embarked on a tiny spur (http://i.imgur.com/wjj5n.png) on the cliff's edge, with barely enough room for the wagon. No problem, I think, we'll just dig our way to someplace more solid. But oops--did I somehow forget to bring a pick?

Ok, well that's fine. After all, the description said there wasn't a lot of other metal, so I brought enough materials to make a suit of steel armor. I'll just make a pick, and get to digging. Of course, this takes forever, but it'll be worth it. And it'll be fun!

So I make the pick, and from the other piece of steel my Adequate Weaponsmith makes an exceptional steel battle axe, all right! The first thing I do is to channel out a canal to isolate our little spur of land. The miner starts working from the wrong side, of course, which is fine -- he can just dig under, and then we'll floor it off.

Except, with one tile left to dig, SUDDENLY GIANT BADGERS.

One giant badger sow dashes across just before the last tile is dug. The rest throw my miner 18 levels down off the edge, precious steel pick and all, into the river. They're blocked out, but the remaining six dwarves now have a rampaging giant badger sow to deal with in a VERY small space.

Quickly I draft everyone into the military and assign my only decent fighter the axe. Unfortunately, in such close proximity, every Pickup Equipment job is Interrupted by Giant Badger Sow. After one casualty, the dwarves manage to wrestle it unconscious, and then stand there beating uselessly at it. I take them off the job to see if I can pick up the axe and finish the thing.

Big mistake. The giant badger sow, now named Kasithmases, wakes up angry. I can only sit back and watch. Eventually, I'm down to three very angry dwarves...and no badger. I honestly have no idea what happened to her; she's not listed as Deceased, but she had no way off the island either. I'm guessing that she dodged into the river and decided to swim for the other side.

Which leaves me with one miserable carpenter, one miserable militia commander, and one miserable metalsmith. The metalsmith and the commander are having an interminably long shouting match, so I struggle with the carpenter to get a piece of iron smelted and make another pick. This is tricky, as he keeps destroying the smelter and punching the yaks. He's also thrown all of the booze over the side of the cliff, which was a sight to behold.

Finally, just as I get a pick made and a tiny hole dug in the ground, the metalsmith goes berserk, and here we go again. Fortunately, he didn't get a chance to get very good at fighting, and eventually the carpenter punches his skull through his brain. That leaves two even angrier dwarves. When I try to brew some more booze, the commander destroys the still. A fistfight breaks out between them. And just as I actually get a table and chair made, so I can do some bookkeeping and find out where the heck my axe went, they start another shout-at-the-leader meeting, and I'm stuck.

And then, somehow, this happens:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i.imgur.com/2go2t.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/t7Bnw.png)

So here I am, stuck on a tiny island, covered in blood and bodies, looted clean of trees and shrubs, with no stone, no booze, and what looks very much like an aquifer two levels down.

Which, for two simple dwarves, is suddenly Paradise.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nyxalinth on February 21, 2012, 05:33:16 pm

Lol my story is kind of boring compared compared to these epic tales! 

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dante on February 21, 2012, 11:18:29 pm

Quote from: doublestrafe on February 21, 2012, 02:45:31 pm

...

So here I am, stuck on a tiny island, covered in blood and bodies, looted clean of trees and shrubs, with no stone, no booze, and what looks very much like an aquifer two levels down.

Which, for two simple dwarves, is suddenly Paradise.

That is the strangest and funniest procedurally-generated love story I have ever read.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 22, 2012, 01:26:22 pm

It's like the plot of every rom-com! With giant badgers!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: doublestrafe on February 22, 2012, 02:22:01 pm

Quote from: TinyPirate on February 22, 2012, 01:26:22 pm

It's like the plot of every rom-com! With giant badgers!

I've always thought of the last scene as a cross between Moonlighting and They Live.

Those two eventually managed to find stone by digging about 30 urists north between the river and the aquifer, cancelling every step of the way. The fun part is that migrants necessarily arrive to the left, right in the middle of the giant badger run. Thob and Rovod are going to have plenty of time to themselves.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: I am Leo on February 22, 2012, 08:05:02 pm

I embark, founding "Strokedaxes" on the brook "Murderseizures". A suitably auspicious start.
For a few months, all is well, until the merchants have visited, and I see fit to check my trade agreements via the civilization screen. I notice that my ruler is king Urist Orbstake. Intriguingly, his title is King / Elf Administrator.
'Splendid' I cry, 'Mighty Urist of the Mirrors of Imprisoning has subjugated the elves and rules both kingdoms.' I decide to gaze upon the legends of his ascension to the dual throne. I open the legends viewer.

Here, the horror begins.

Urist Orbstake is an elf. My king, my absolute monarch, the final arbiter of dwarven lore is a pointy eared tree-goblin, and he dares to hold the name Urist.
I dig deeper.
The last five dwarven kings have all been elves. My nation has suffered thirty years of shame.
I dig deeper, and then it hits me.
My civilizations population is listed as 746 Cats, 10 Yaks and 387 Elves. Not a single dwarf lives among the Mirrors of Imprisoning. The seed of resentment that has been growing within me begins to bloom into a bloody flower of vengeance.

Strokedaxes must grow strong. It must be a gleaming example of dwarven economy, engineering and happiness. It must live in deference to it's elven overlords, sending bountiful tribute. It must grow to the point at which it is deemed worthy of the monarch coming to reside within the throne room I have prepared just for him, at which point the usurper will become acquainted with the oldest tradition of the dwarven nobility.

*some time later*

For years the king's leaden throne had been awaiting his arrival. It sat within an iron box-like room suspended over a magma pipe, weighed down by a memorial to each of the 50 dwarves who fell in the line of duty.

Since the founding of Strokedaxe sieges had broken against it's walls over and over again like waves on the beach, and within the citizens toiled, trained and grew strong. The population of 200 sported an army of 60, each a master in their field, led by Militia Commander Inod Giltbrew, one of the founders of the fortress with over a hundred kills to his name. He lost a hand long ago and now fights only with Razonshen, an electrum shield awarded to him for his prowess in battle.

The plan was simple, prosper, attract the king, send him to sit upon his throne, then send the pointy eared bastard hurtling to his magma doom. Oh what optimism.

The king arrived. Urist Orbstake turned out to, indeed, be an elf. I begin to put the plan into action. Slowly the horror dawns on me. The king will not follow my directions. As an elf his is flagged as "friendly" rather than a member of my civilization. He cannot be assigned to burrows or have rooms granted to him. All he does is stand on the edge of the map.

The dwarves of Strokedaxe had come too far and lost too much to give up now. Inod Giltbrew was sent out alone to slay the usurper in the daylight and leave his body for the birds. As Inod drew near, the king began to flee. Seeing a potential tactic in repositioning the elven monarch and constructing his doom in a more dwarven fashion, I cancel the order to kill him.

Inod doesn't listen.

The militia commander goes rogue. He ignores orders and crushes the elf with his shield. Then, standing over the corpse of something that is no longer king, he shrugs off his armour. He keeps only his shield. Clearly, I assume, his work done, his people liberated, he must be retiring.

The king's entourage arrive and rather than celebrating their nation's finest hero, they attack Inod. This is a group of legendary, armed, armoured dwarves. These filthy collaborators are no match for the king slayer. He dispatches all 5 of them with nothing but his shield, suffering only minor bruises in the process.

Furious at his betrayal, Inod walks back towards the fortress. Rather than the thanks he expects, common folk charge towards him to attack. None survive.

Almost in tears at this point, I do two things. First I build a coffin in what would have been the king's throne room and designate it Inod's tomb. Secondly, I mobilise the military to muster on Inod's location. Over the next few minutes, I become deeply aware of the levels of sheer deadliness a dwarf can achieve through seven years of constant training. Inod went down in the end, impaled by a Spearmaster from behind. He took eight of his formerly loyal troops down with him.

Inod Giltbrew is taken down to the depths of the earth and placed within his tomb, surrounded by the memorials to the 50 dwarven heroes he will now be joining. The doors are sealed, and the level is pulled that sends him down into Armok's arms.

"A section of the cavern has collapsed". Without unpausing, my work now done, I abandon the fortress.


EPILOGUE:

I open the legends viewer to review the saga. I am pleased by the results. Strokedaxe is now home to a new, independent civilization of dwarves. I did it. I freed my people.

The Mirrors of Imprisoning's population now reads 746 Cats, 10 Yaks and 386 Elves 1 Dwarf. The king is dead, but they have acquired a dwarven infiltrator. The fight goes on.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Strangething on February 22, 2012, 09:18:01 pm

Let me tell you about the fortress that was doomed before it ever began. Its name has been lost to history.

The expedition foolishly settled in a haunted forest with no pick, and no ax. But these dwarves did not give up lightly. They built a trade depot from the little materials they had, and set about collecting plants and hunting animals, in the hopes of having enough goods to trade for the needed tools when the caravan came.

Soon the dwarves found out why the forest was called haunted. A werewolf was stalking the intrepid explorers. The group's hunter was the first to go. In a flash of fangs, the only one with combat skills was gone. Without digging tools, they were unable to give him a proper burial, but they prudently retrieved his crossbow. Another dwarf was drafted as a marksdwarf, and began training on the local wildlife.

The werewolf attacks continued. One after another was struck down before the camp's lone weapon could be brought to bear. Soon there were only three left, huddled together where the wagon had been dismantled.

The beast came at them. The group's lone militia member fled in a panic, taking the group's only weapon with him. The two remaining dwarves declared themselves the fortress's defenders, and charged the werewolf bare-handed.

The first to get within arm's reach was struck down. Only the group's carpenter was left. He fearlessly charged the beast and wrestled it to the ground before it could claw him. He then proceeded to dislocate both the werewolf's shoulders, both hips, and many other joints as well.

By the time the dwarf with the crossbow had recovered his nerve, the werewolf was passing out from pain, and the carpenter was still working over every body part but the neck. Eventually, the militia dwarf delivered a merciful crossbow bolt to the mangled beast.

The carpenter had not taken a scratch from the fight. The long awaited caravan never arrived, and the two remaining dwarves were forced to return to the mountainhomes.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dvalinn on February 22, 2012, 10:10:03 pm

Haha, some great stuff here! Didn't have time to go through most of the thread, but I just have to say, this one was hilarious:

Quote from: Mazonas on February 16, 2012, 09:05:29 am

My dwarfs are all hiding out in the food stockpile, safely burrowed from an invading forgotten beast, when a vampire, disguised as one of my immigrants, decides to take that exact moment to attack, kill and drain the blood of one of my dwarfs.  Due to the crowded location, there are plenty of witnesses.

I check the justice screen and see 10 witnesses.  9 of them accuse the same dwarf, we'll call him Urist McVampyfangs.  The 10th "witness" turns out to be Vampyfangs himself, who cunningly tries to lay the blame for the attack on someone else.  Less cunningly, he tried to blame a goose.

It's almost too bad the bug that allows for that has been fixed now.. Almost.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 23, 2012, 02:55:55 am

Yeah, that is grand, but wow, I Am Leo, what an epic!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: kichiguy on February 23, 2012, 03:14:56 am

I had a very large, wealthy coastal fortress run smoothly for several years, with several notable achievements. These included having access to large amounts of kaolinite and adamantine, several legendary dwarves to craft these into high quality gear and crafts.
Six squads of elite warrior dwarves (one squad for each weapon type) kept the fort protected during four or five large-scale goblin and troll sieges, one of which ended with the goblin leader crawling off the map alone with bolts in his legs.

The real story to be told involves the underground construction of a long, winding tunnel leading to an adamantine vein. Along the tunnel, a sequence of fourteen huge stone slabs were cut out of the ceiling, each held up by a single support and linked to its own lever in the meeting hall.
At the end of he tunnel closest to the adamantine vein, a straight, wide stretch of the tunnel was filled with cage traps, and a side tunnel was dug parralel to it with fortifications carved between them.

Construction took several seasons, but when it was ready a single brave miner was locked in a tiny room next to the adamantine vein, while a Giant Cave Spider was then dropped into the side tunnel and given freedom of movement up and down its length. All preparations complete, the miner was given the command to breach the vein.

Seasons of careful planning, preparation and construction became essentially meaningless as hundreds of demons came rushing up another, unbreached adamantine pipe elsewhere on the map, only to run into a dead end at the top. After milling about for a few weeks they lazily drifted back down the pipe and off the map.

Seeing an opportunity, the fortress inhabitants constructed a stone stairway to the floor of hell, with a view to constructing a stronghold there. Sixty elite warriors held off the stray demons for a few months as building was attempted, but were struck down one by one as the demon numbers increased. With the army entirely spent, the forces of hell climbed the staircase, overwhelming the gauntlet of giant cave spider webs and cage traps with sheer numbers. The stone slab cave-in traps showed more promise, and many demons were smashed to oblivion, but the infinite demons count was too much for the finite number of traps. All hope lost, the fort fell into a hideous mess of death, tantrums, fire, poison and pure chaos.

Back to the drawing board.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: DrNightKOT on February 23, 2012, 05:33:55 am

A nice fortress (name was forgotten, but had word Doom in it, just because every my fortress has got it) located near sea (more precisely, on an island in the middle of sea), having loads of sand and nice aquifier...

The volcano was handy, as the people of the said fortress used it's powers to smelt infinite amound of glass goods, living aboveground and using wells.

Suddenly, the ruler decided to dig extremelly down. The underground fortress appeared in some years, the people abandoned the aboveground constructions. Majesty of underground halls was incredible.

The search for precious metals was dangerous though...

...They've released IT. And it killed every single, except one that managed to lock herself up in a tiny room with a nest box, turkey hen and gobbler, pick and all. The rest of people died because of steam monsters and even though they've locked up the fortress main gate by the bridge and stone, the monsters of depths escaped through volcano, killing the rest of people.

Some time later, the woman that hid with turkeys managed to get some decent life. Food wasn't problem for her, as she installed the nest box and was using the eggs as food. Her first target for reclaiming was (how surprising!) the still and boose stockpile. Using loads of stone, she walled off the sector, freening up this place and using it as Royal Bedroom.

For the next years, she managed to seal off the HELL, the volcano and the overground that was not safe. She met some immigrants through the sophisticated system of gates that didn't let any danger to pass in...

With lots of work, she managed to get herself Adamantine weaponary and hunted the devils.

After some time she became Legendary Engraver, Miner, Brewer, Crossbowman and Liar. And died of the old age.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: I am Leo on February 23, 2012, 06:29:17 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on February 23, 2012, 02:55:55 am

Yeah, that is grand, but wow, I Am Leo, what an epic!

Sadly, the sequel fortress was a tad underwhelming.

The Plan was to embark with a squad of armed, armoured dwarves who would live near the lands of the elf ruled dwarven kingdom, build as little as possible and live off nothing but what they could take from slaughtering the caravans as they arrived. Long live the dwarven crime squad.
The events went as follows.

Month 1:
The resistance begins work on a rudimentary wooden shelter

Month 2:
Everyone is killed by giant badgers.

Conclusion:
Don't go outside. Ever.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: LuckyLuigi on February 23, 2012, 03:16:22 pm

My favourite is still my first fort that survived long enough for a dragon to arrive.
I managed to get everyone inside just in time and raised the gate.
Everyone that is...except for the cat.
The dragon chased the cat around the map and finally cornered him at the gate.
He unleashed a torrent of flame roasting the cat and incidentally destroying the gate and burning all ten wooden cage traps behind the doors.
My main dining hall was pretty close to the formerly closed gate. The dragon decided to crash the ongoing party.

My hastily summoned army managed to kill the dragon but not before killing most of the inhabitants.

Not a pretty sight. The fortress never recovered.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nihilist on February 23, 2012, 08:22:53 pm

I'll regale you with the story of Mozmun Bronzebeards, Legendary Miner extraordinaire.

First a bit about her home, Goldenbores.
Goldenbores was carved out of a mountainside buttressed against an haunted marshland to the south. The entranced carved out of Gold ore in the lone mountain jutting into the haunted marshlands below. With storerooms below and a spiral ramp carved upwards it was an imposing fortress. 5 Stories up the mountainside a bridge covered the gap to the northern range, cradling a volcano mouth to the east. There gold was forged into everything that was needed, from Thrones to tables, even chains all gleamed with gold.

The haunted marsh proved to be a challenge for the dwarves of Goldenbores, for they had yet to find a source of Iron in the mountains, though they new that they just need to delve deeper. Before the great mining project could be started, Mozmun Bronzebeards, former expedition leader and a miner of legend proposed a great moat be made in the swamp lands, to keep the undead hordes away. It was to be 3 spans wide and 3 stories deep, with a river of magma dividing the middle. She knew that building would be difficult, as the festering blue sludge that fell from the skies made the terrain dangerous, and exposure meant sure infection of any wounds, a common experience with the panda, boar and kea corpses that roamed the lands. The loss of a dozen children, and the subsequent mess under the stonefall traps convinced the need for the plan. Already a ghostly child would paralyze dwarves under the traps, something had to be done.

2 seasons into the project the western section had been cleared of trees and channeled 2 stories down. It even went under a lake! though we walled over the gap while it was frozen. Mozmun was near the far west end when A pack of boar sow corpses came upon the western boundary. An alert to come back inside the mountain was called and most of the dwarves made it back inside. However the boars had already spotted Mozmun, and were heading around to meet her; snouts smelling her living flesh. She fled to the safety of the east, clear of undead and ran smack dab into a roving band of Goblin crossbowmen. They fired volley after volley of at her, raining dozens of bolts around her as she wove through withered trees. Instinctively she batted any bolts close enough to hit her away, and dodged the rest. Clearing the trees she saw the the goblins had killed off the boars chasing her, at least for now and she had a safe route back to the fortress.

Clearing the stonefall traps at the entrance she though for sure she was safe, until she turned the first corner and ran into Onum, master goblin thief. The goblin, startled tried to stab her with his over-sized silver dagger, but was parried and he chased her and Reg the mechanic back out in to the marshlands.
Upon passing the gates, another hail of bolts fell on them. Mozmun batted them away with skill, and looked back to help Reg out, only to find him a pincushion. Spotting a Swordsgoblin ambush to the south, she left him to his fate among the goblins. The swordsgobs made quick work of Reg, then headed into the fortress gates; the crossgobs still trailing her.

Finding herself cornered she became enraged at the loss of her friend. Turning to face the crossbowgoblins with only her trusty pick, She was startled to see a were-hyena! It seemed to be a child, fast as the wind it tore into the goblins, rending them asunder till they fled. Staring down the creature, as it's bolt covered form turned towards her, she knew this was her death. She took what should be her last steps forward, facing death, only to have the werehyena suddenly change into a small human child! Confused, the child fled into the wilderness, leaving Mozmun stunned at the events. She heard the call announcing the defeat of the swordsgobs from the fort, and headed home for the end of a very long day.


There are many more stories to tell of Goldenbores, this simple gleeman may tell you of them sometime.

Title: Sometimes, even a decadent door isn't enough...
Post by: Uristocrat on February 24, 2012, 01:15:00 am

The Dwarves of Hammerborn were mighty.  They created a nigh impregnable fortress, defended with a Path of Doom and many fearsome traps.  They harnessed the magma sea.  They slaughtered the zombie hordes again and again.  They made zombie petting zoos ("Hi Grandma!"  "Braaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnsssssssss!").  They enslaved necromancers and captured vampires (and even made one the mayor...).

But in the end, they were done in by their own hubris.  You see, there was an emergency "Destroy World" lever that pretty much flooded everything with magma... you know, in case of emergencies.  In retrospect, the main meeting hall was not the best location for that sort of thing, even though it was very convenient and accessible.  Amost went berserk over the destruction of his first and only masterpiece carving and pulled it.  The carving?  It depicted that time when an undead goat skin struck down his wife.

Even a decadent dolomite door wasn't enough to keep him from going over the edge.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Gruntathon on February 24, 2012, 08:17:01 am

Tim's comics were one of my main inspirations for starting dwarf fortressing, so I would like to write up my most dramatic story arc to date to submit for consideration. I can't wait to see your next dwarf fortress comic no matter which story it is!

---

Upon the world of Lathonthur, deep in The Crazed Desert, the dwarves stopped their caravan. There were no trees, there was no water, no mountains. The grass was exceedingly sparse, the red sand and rocks overabundant. No other civilizations had ever settled any part of this wasteland. But somehow the dwarves knew that deep in this ground the rocks were fine and rich with ore.
Strike the Earth!
The fortress was named Ottemlikot, SanctumInk. The dwarves called themselves The Patterned Stockade.
Cool caves were carved into the sand by the motivated miners to store food and goods. A small bedroom with only 2 beds for all to share was created. The only wood available was what they had brought themselves.
The animals were corraled in the desert, where they quickly ate the sparse grasses. The grass did not regrow here, and they were forced to move frequently.
Migrants and traders arrived. Booze was purchased for the fortress with craft goods. This was drunken with haste by the dwarves in the desert heat. This was all there was to drink, as there was no water here. The brewer was understandably the most popular dwarf in the fortress.
An unfortunate incident with a wild animal left one dwarf infirm in the hospital. The dwarf quickly perished of thirst, as there was no water to give him. None of the dwarves thought to pass him a pail of precious beer or wine to save his life.
The decision was made to dig a shaft straight down until water could be found.
The brave miners with their skins full of wine quickly found an immense underground cavern. Explorers were sent out. They discovered rich veins of metal and patches of natural gemstones. And mud. And monsters. But no water, no wood nor signs of anything that grows. Perplexed, the expedition leader ordered the caves sealed off. The rocks could be mined later, finding water was critical for the fortress.
Another shaft was sunk in the hopes of finding another, deeper cave. The reliable miners were succesful, another cave was found. Explorers were sent out. Again, there was found mud, monsters, and no sign of water or anything that grows. This time with a deep sense of anxiety, the expedition leader ordered the caves sealed off. Were the caves even more barren than the desert up above?
Again, another shaft was sunk to go even deeper.
This time, the hard working miners were rewarded with a cave abundant with moss, edible plants, wood and great pools of water. All bound around with beautiful marble rocks. The decision was made to move the entire fortress into the depths, so that the dwarves would not be constantly exerting themselves and wasting time climbing up and down to perform the simplest of tasks.
Bedrooms, halls, workshops, wells and storage rooms were carved into the walls of the deepest cavern by the highly respectable miners. Everything was moved down. Even the animals, who now had abundant cave moss to eat. Plants were gathered, wood chopped down and made into beds and bins. Magma was found nearby, pumped using magically cold wood to the cave and used to create large volumes of steel from iron ore, marble and coal. This was used to equip a militia that became deadly to the goblins and trolls who occassionally travelled to the desert to raid the riches.
The halls were grand, the dwarves were ecstatic. Migrants flooded in.
The now richly appointed Mayor decided to build a folly. An immense tower out in the desert, made completely of gold and perfectly clear glass to shine the glory of Ottemlikot for all travellers to see. His bedroom would be on the top floor naturally.
The rocks surrounding the second cave were rich in gold. The diligent miners were told to be careful not to breach into the cavern, lest monsters intrude and disrupt the fortress. And so they were diligent. For a while. Two years into the build, pressure to achieve a high rate of gold ore collection caused the lazy miner Oltarothos to be lax in his duties, and he cracked through the walls of the cavern. He thought little of it, as he had heard of the prowess and acomplishments of the militia in the drinking hall. Surely nothing would slip by them?
The first monster to slip into the fortress was the forgotten beast Daz. Daz ran straight through the fortress and into the main workshop areas before the militia got to him, a spearsquad commanded by the militia captain Thikutlesast. They quickly stabbed Daz to death, but not before Daz had breathed his noxious frozen extract all through the busy corridors. Their elation at the death of Daz's death didn't last long.
Very soon over a third of the dwarves in the fortress were headed towards to hospital, all covered head to toe in bruises. The bruises soon became sores, which soon became infected. The smell from all these rotting wounds was intense and overpowering. Any dwarf who came anywhere near was overcome with fits of retching and vomiting. None of the affected dwarves survived, including the militia commander. Many kittens and puppies also passed away from the epidemic.
The remaining dwarves were overcome by grief. Many of them were also starting to show signs of infection, as the extract coated nearly everything in the fortress now. Any dwarf who tried to bury an infected dwarf soon got covered, and then became sick. Others sank into deep melancholy and went mad or berserk, killing the few other surviving dwarves.
Before long, no sane living dwarves were left in all of Ottemlikot. A sigh and a disgruntled "Loosing is fun" was the last sound to be heard in the corridors.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 26, 2012, 04:57:52 am

Only two stories involving cats so far! Weird!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: madk on February 27, 2012, 06:55:06 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on February 26, 2012, 04:57:52 am

Only two stories involving cats so far! Weird!

I can fix that.


Among the six dead lie Rigoth 'Gothic' Ducimoshur, the renowned carpenter whose legacy began when he made an artifact crutch. His masterwork wood tables were a popular attraction among the human and dwarven caravans.

First was sent out the ragtag militia of four - two of them, 'Nickel' and 'Sire', had minimal combat experience; two of them, 'Monk' and 'Destiny', had none. They were told to bring along crossbows but only one of them complied. The rest were mowed down by the goblin invaders before they were in range to land a single blow. The one who did was still killed without much incident.

The civilians fled into the fortress. A baby and the legendary carpenter were too slow and were felled outside the hatch gate. The dwarves weren't much concerned for survival; it was entirely self-sufficient and the only thing they might miss, the trees, they had enough of in storage to get by on.

An elven caravan arrived. At first the dwarves thought they might be their salvation, but they were slaughtered mercilessly by the invaders.

Mechanics sweated furiously as they churned out supplies for a last-ditch plan to rid of the invaders. The meat of the fortress was separated into two distinct areas. One layer under the surface saw industry, burrowed into the sand. Underneath that was the living and luxury quarters, hewn skillfully into the smoothed rock salt walls.

The hallways near the entrance in the industrial area were made full with traps. There was enough food for the dwarves to persist in the lower area, but not enough materials to supply any last ditch effort nor any farms that it might be self-sufficient without time to make more excavation than was fathomable with what little stores they had.

The lower floor filled with dwarves and their pets. Some stray cats who, as is yet to be seen, are the true heroes of this story, lingered above.

Five goblins stormed into the fortress as the hatch was unlocked. One of them was mauled by the weapon traps, the other four went mostly unscathed and unaffected by a hail of stones. It appeared hopeless.

They chased after the cats.

Then the cats led them back through the hall of assorted traps for a second go.

Now the dwarves have four prisoners, one crippled goblin crawling desperately away from the fortress, and a caravan load of free things.

They couldn't've done it without the cats.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: I am Leo on February 27, 2012, 09:26:01 am

How could I forget the tale of my first fortress.

I had a single hammerdwarf hold off a whole goblin siege. My foretress, claspbronze, is a hollowed out mountain, surrounded by a magma moat spanned by a single, narrow bridge.
One dwarf was outside the moat, fishing, when the siege hit. I activated my military and commanded them to muster at the fortifications around the bridge's guardhouse, a convienient trapped bottleneck on the safe side of the moat. My fisherman activates and becomes a hammerdwarf.

He reaches the bridge as the goblins do, the rest of my military is nowhere to be seen. I tell him to hold his position.
The goblins pepper him with 10 combat pages of arrows, mostly to the head, before their infantry hits him. Carnage esnues. He slams greenskin after greenskin off the bridge, into the lava two z levels below and four z's deep. Throught the combat, almost every one of his bones are shattered, as well as his spine and skull, but he fights on. The goblin infantry dispatched, he charges the archers. They flee. He cripples two, and kills a final one by biting him. In the mouth. From behind.

His job done, he calmly strolls to the hospital. In spite of his wounds, his gushing blood loss, his splintered nervous system, he is not sick once. He is in surgery for two seasons. During this time a vast and elaborate crystal tomb is prepared for him, containing crafts carved from the goblins he slew and barrels of their blood. He lives. His tomb becomes his new bedroom. He is declared a militia captain and given an artifact mitten as his reward.

His skill as a hammerdwarf has been proven. His is no longer "dabbling". He is adequate.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Elf Lover on February 27, 2012, 12:31:06 pm

'The merchants from Cerol Kastol have embarked on their journey.'

At last. Thanks to the Masterwork mod, wagons had finally came. With the merchants on their way down the massive corridor leading outside, those on foot soon overtook the wagons, leaving them behind. Plodding along slowly, the wagons take their time. I guess the drivers must have been having a bad day. Dwarves stream back and forth past them, carrying wood, stone and the occasional -Chalk Statue-

'An ambush! Protect the Hoard!'

WUT. NAOW?
Setting my dwarves to their borrows, they all rush past the two slowly plodding wagons, their wails failing to bypass the dull senses of the drivers. Feeling the merchants to be doomed, I watch as those who had first made it out of the fortress - those on foot - get quickly eviscerated by the lashes of goblin lashers. Watching the caravans, I see the small gs start to appear at the end of the tunnel. Not expecting a siege, I had failed to lay down traps. My military was mustering at the bottom of my fort, so were useless.

The goblins draw closer.

And closer.

Barely within striking distance, an unnoticed Dwarf Axeman (who was with the merchants, casually sitting on the back of the lead wagon. I hadn't noticed his little character sprite.) leaps from the back of the front wagon and thunders into action, leaping into the goblins with wild abandon, hacking left and right with huge swings, taking nary a hit, his armour and beard deflecting the lashing lashers and spearing spears of the goblins.
Inevitably, the lash of a goblin lasher striker him, and 'SEVERS AN ARTERY!'.

'------ has entered a martial trance!'

The Axedwarf, now in the throes of the BLACK RAGE (Insert appropriate Blood Angels picture here) lets his axe rise and fall with great swings, lopping goblins apart. His attacker dies, head split open and the skull jammed into the brain. The goblins break (SQUAD BROKEN!) and flee, running out of sight and off the map. The lone merchant Dwarven Axedwarf slumps to the ground, unconscious, and dies from his wounds.

The plodding wagon promptly rolls over his body.
And leaves.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Alarion on February 27, 2012, 12:45:26 pm

Copied from the "Dear Urist" thread, where I posted last April. And yes, I have pictures too, here (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=15096.msg2210170#msg2210170).

Dear Urist McHunter,

Though I warned you quite sternly on what would happen if you killed any albatrosses, you went and did it anyway, and now we have a little more than we can deal with on our hands, I'm afraid. In the few months that has passed since the incident, we've been ambushed by illithids, had a kobold try to steal our gem cabinet followed by an illithid baby-snatcher, had a goblin army come and siege us, been attacked by a glass forgotten beast, locked ourselves up only to notice there was no food in the main stockpile resulting in the fortress almost starving to death, then the animals all killed each other, three militiamen bravely charged into a horde of pike-wielding goblins in search of socks, and to top it all off the main drawbridge was set to Retractable rather than Raisable, meaning we now have an open door into our fortress through the gates that is also impossible to close as a single chopped off dog tooth is resting in the main support area of it. Now, I don't mean to blame you for all of this, but if anything more of this sort happens and I could in any way, shape or form construe that it was your fault that it did, I swear to Armok I will have you stripped, dressed again in solely the Long Guts and tallow of that poor albatross you killed and have you thrown from the fortress walls in an attempt to appease the goblin siegers to either go into our trap-filled corridor, leave us be in disgust or at least chase you across the map into the ocean so that I may be rid of seeing your smug, insanity-inducing face every time I go looking for our marksdwarf squad militia commander. If you weren't a Legendary ambusher, commander of our brave marksdwarves, friends with half the fortress and the only one to be able to handle a crossbow with any sort of skill whatsoever, this would all have happened a long time ago. This is your last chance pal, and I mean it. Now go pick up all the feathers of the poor bird as a symbolic punishment, and if I ever catch you doing something like this again... [pictures of horrid things done to scared looking dwarf]... yeah.

Dismissed.

Sincerely, your overseer.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 27, 2012, 02:59:47 pm

Lol and lol :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 28, 2012, 01:03:26 am

The first post is updated with what this project is about.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: malimbar04 on February 28, 2012, 08:29:15 am

Ooo, now I'm more excited! My story:
http://dfstories.com/the-catastrophe-of-towerhill

Short version, a lone female miner Sarvesh with a baby on her hip breaks out of a mine shaft, finds the entire fort massacred, kills all the goblins, then goes berserk from the trauma.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: zwei on February 28, 2012, 10:16:57 am

This happened in undisclosed location. It might have been caused by bug or maybe hidden feature.

While browing inventory of my military dwarf, I discovered waterskin made from goblin leather. I was curious - dwarves should not have access to such materials

I have quickly checked stockpiles - yes, there is tanned leather ... and processed boness ... and meat ... and rendered fat. Dead goblin bodies were apparently buchered some time ago and dwarves were already busy eating goblin roasts. Seems like there was bug in ethics.

Those monsters! As a player, I felt like I have to be part of such travesty. So I forbid my dwarves from usning any more tallow from cooking.

That was not so much monstery ... wat was monstery was that I also ordered to make lye. Well, Lye is not that much most monstery either, but using it to make goblin soap definitelly is.

My first soap bar was immediatelly used by my Sherif who enjoyed his soapy bath. I was so glad that dwarves agreed with this course of action - they immediatelly used soap to wash away goblin blood and all was good.

Image:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://df.zweistein.cz/pub/monster.png)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: EmeraldWind on February 28, 2012, 08:11:41 pm

Some of these stories are so amazing. I haven't been playing long so I don't have many awesome moments.

But I have one story that wasn't so awesome as the visualization of the moment.

A roc was heading to my fort. I had a tower built over the entrance and the top was open to the air and the roc landed on top. My militia met it there and the fight ensued until the roc gave up and started to fly. The roc lands on top of the fortifications where the militia can't reach him. One of my marksdwarves takes a shot at him. The roc dodges but dodges backward staying in the bolt's path which hits on the second attempt and tears the roc's wing causing it to plummet off the tower. It hits the ground and breaks a bunch of bones. Then a chained dog finishes it off where it landed.

The thought of the roc trying to escape and the bolt practically knocking it off the tower was clear in my head. Nowhere near as epic as half the stuff I've read, but still a good moment for me.

Another cool moment I had involved my adventurer and his crew being ambushed by kobolds in the night. While my companions and I were still stunned or unconscious the kobolds were going to attack us, when a herd of camels decided to ambush the kobolds. I can only imagine my character laying there stunned and amazed at the site of the kobolds being destroyed by the camels. One camel stayed on the side and didn't fight until all the kobolds were unconscious. The camel walked over and stomped on the head of the kobold closest to me before the entire herd continues their journey. My companions and I get up and start to finish off the knocked-out kobolds with that last camel still watching us from the edge of the screen. I noticed that only one kobold was killed by a camel. The camel got a name from this, Dankdream.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Darchitect on February 29, 2012, 10:37:03 am

Someone recommended I link the recounting of my tantrum-spiral here. Second part is on page 2. Hopefully, someone will enjoy it.

I certainly didn't.

Darchitect's First Tantrum Spiral:
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=102893.0

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: armrha on February 29, 2012, 04:56:11 pm

I still don't know exactly what happened, but I had a nice, 60-person fort going on with a vampire as a member of my fortress guard/captain of the guard's squad. He fed on somebody on a bed that was just in the open area right outside of the dining hall and got spotted by six people.

So, not sure what to do, I finally designated a hammerer and convicted the guy without realizing he was in the fortress guard.

So, not sure what happened next. Nearly every job got interrupted. My hospital rapidly filled up. Trying to figure out what was going on, I went to the jobs menu and zoomed to my chief medical dwarf to find out he was in jail. Nothing was on the justice screen. I looked around the 30 jail cells.

Every single one was full. Most of my fort was locked up in jail cells. I'm guessing something happened regarding 'assaulting an officer', but nothing was showing up on justice, but everybody was No Job (Chained). When I deconstructed the chain to release the chief medical dwarf to treat the wounded up there, he broke some kind of punishment rule and the new hammerer came down and beat him to death.

So, that's how a vampire took over and basically ruined a fort of mine.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Orkel on February 29, 2012, 07:53:39 pm

This is not mine, but it is a very well known and an absolutely fantastic story of DF.

http://dfstories.com/the-hamlet-of-tyranny

If there's one thing Denee should draw, it's this.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on February 29, 2012, 11:23:31 pm

Author unknown, nuts, I would like to get permission from the author of every story we choose.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: saltmummy626 on March 01, 2012, 12:41:43 am

A long time ago, (8 months) in days of yore (DF 31.25) seven dwarves set out from the capital city of the flag of targets to the deserts of water. their purpose in the desert was a simple one, to tame the untamed beasts of the wild desert for the glory of the mountain homes. large cats were not out of the question, but what the mountain homes needed was something to root out the elves, something truly deadly. I speak of the dreaded giant desert scorpion. the earth was struck, the settlement named thus; anvilrelief. anvilrelief main exports were fine gold and silver works. every other year, the fortress would send several of the huge insects and several of the giant cats back to the mountain homes. the cats were the jewel of the south, fine pets for the kings vassals and their perfumed ladies, the scorpions did the job of finding and slaying the elves and goblins well. traps were set up to keep troublesome foes away from the front gates, spinning disks of steel, iron, and copper. huge balls of silver, and wooden stakes. all these traps set along a thin walkway so that any who would avoid them, would swim with the carp. seven years after the foundation of anvilrelief, the dwarves found blue metal, blood of armok, adamantine. soon the dwarves were much richer, each had leisure time, except the militia, who worked over time as the traps clogged with goblin and elf remains. The non-military menfolk would return to their quarters each night, put up their feet on camal hide stools and sip fine plump helmet wine, while the children played with gold and adamantine toys on the hearth and the wives stirring pots of thick stew for supper. alas, the peace was not to last. the source of adamantine grew thin, and soon another spire was sought and found. the miners were reluctant to dig deeper, but the duke demanded it! threatening with death any who refused, not knowing that soon death would come to them. a lone miner and the duke, she forced him to dig. lashing at him with her barbed tongue, "FASTER!" she cried urging him on. the blue ore suddenly gave way to a black pit and all was silence, but only for a moment. the screams from the pit echoed throughout the whole fortress, stopping the workers in their tracks with fear and trepidation. the miner fled, and the duke died in agony. soon other dwarves began fleeing,an effort was made to hold off the demons long enough to allow the women and children to escape, but feinds of ice and smoke rolled over the militia like a dwarf child's leather ball over a well smoothed floor. the demons made their wicked way through the magma pipes leading to the forges, killing the hard working metal smiths and cutting off the escape for most of the dwarves. at that last moment, madness took many dwarves. the sheer terror taking their minds and forcing them to fight amongst themselves. those who did not fight fled into the desert to be picked off by the quicker demons, or by the scorpions that anvilrelief had long sought to capture.

(note)
actually, this fort was my best, ever. it was also the first and last fort I ever managed to get up to the level below the king migrating with, if it weren't for the demons, I would have had the king by the next year. I had a lot of fun with it, and in all the fort survived for a paltry 9 years, but I managed to gather wealth beyond measure (I dont know how much) by trading a single masterwork adamantine spear to the dwarven caravans every year. I would be honored if you selected my story, but take a look around the forums, you'll prolly see better ones than mine.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Possomtail on March 01, 2012, 02:54:24 am

When my carpenter decided to throw a party instead of making more barrels for booze. As a result of this about 10 dwarves thirsted to death as it was winter and everything was frozen over.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Orkel on March 01, 2012, 08:49:16 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on February 29, 2012, 11:23:31 pm

Author unknown, nuts, I would like to get permission from the author of every story we choose.

It was posted on 4chan, years ago, by a random guy who most likely doesn't care and would most likely love to see his story drawn. I know I would. It's just a story of what happened in a guy's fort afterall, highly doubt it has a copyright or anything :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MonkeyHead on March 01, 2012, 01:08:19 pm

Roughboot was an early .31 fort. I was still a relativley conservative player back then, only having had about 6 months experience with 40d. Until that point I had not really ever inflicted massive amounts of needless killing on my inhabitants, either deliberatly or accidentally. This fort changed all that. Roughboot was protected by a marksdwarf keep, around 6 z's tall, 12 by 8, and made of rough granite. 20 Marksdwarves lived in the keep - observing through fortifications on the top floor,  and training/living on the bottom floor, next to the hospital. It stood on the east side of a brook running though a flat woodlands. A dry moat with drawbridge allowed access for those I wanted in.

4 years in and I was at around 75 inhabitants, of which about 20 were children. Winter rolled around and a force of goblins and trolls arrived, and in far greater numbers than I was used to. Almost 30 bowgoblins and similar numbers of trolls. They were fought off, but not without the loss of some herbalists. My hospital filled up with wounded soldiers, and my inhabitants went about the job of cleaning up and gatehering the spoils. While they did so, I laid great plans for beefing up my defences.

A new underground chamber was dug, one end ramped to the surface, the other crammed with ballistae before turning through a series of corners towards my underground depot access beneath the old tower. The old tower was remodelled - drawbridge bricked up, old fortifications replaced with walls, and a new firing balcony added to overlook the access point to the ballistae chamber. Once all contruction orders were laid down, I went back to ensuring the orderly running of the fort. Some time later, a game log message pauses my game and grabs my attention - "A section of the cavern has collapsed!". I zoom to the scene, expecting to be taken to the caverns where some careless miner has carved a chunk away. Instead I get taken to the old tower, which is full of children ripping out walls, floors and fortifications, soldiers on duty, soldiers training, soldiers sleeping, wounded in the hospital, and dozens of temporary masons building the new platform and connecting masonry, or replacing the old with new brickwork.

Basically what occired was this: I had forgotten that the tower had a roof. In tearing out the old fortifications and firing platform, this roof had been left with nothing holding it up. Gravity did its thing and it went downwards. The falling roof went downwards filling the barracks and hospital and depot on the level below. In falling, it removed any support the new unfinished balcony had - it too fell away.

As the dust cleared, I surveyed the scene. Most of the demolition work was being carried out by children. Most were dead or dying, in what was left of the barracks, hospital and depot. My military was gone, suffering the same fate as the children - dead or broken from the fall or effects of cave in dust. The hospital, well, it was depressing. The already treated were surrounded by the victims of the cave in, most of my busy medical staff amongst them. One unharmed war dog was quite happly sitting next to his dying master who had a damaged upper and lower spine. On the surface, maimed and dying (or already dead) masons were scattered in a rough rectangle beneath where the firing balcony was going to be. I had lost 18 of my 20 troops, around 15 children, 8 masons, 4 medical staff, 8 dogs, a cat and 4 chickens. A further 9 died in a tantrum spiral before any kind of normality was returned to the caved in gatehouse. I didnt do much cleaning as it looked pretty cool, all trased masonry and blood - just flooring over points I didnt want enemies getting in at. I remember feeling guilty and finding it hilarious. This image of some badly designed tower being worked on, with one stone block holding the whole rickety assembly together, before some child pulls it out and it all goes down like some kind of jenga game.

The 25 to 30 survivors went on to die later that year when an ambush got as far as my workshops before being spotted.

The best part of the whole thing? There were elves in the depot. They probably did little to slow the falling bits of masonry and dwarves though.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: DuckBoy2 on March 02, 2012, 06:32:55 pm

My best... Hmmm its a tough call between the Blood Man that froze to death on the surface and the first ingested syndrome, long before vampires.  The second's harder to draw, so heres a link.

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=72067.msg1767294#msg1767294 (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=72067.msg1767294#msg1767294)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Urist McBeard on March 03, 2012, 01:21:49 am

Quote from: Orkel on March 01, 2012, 08:49:16 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on February 29, 2012, 11:23:31 pm

Author unknown, nuts, I would like to get permission from the author of every story we choose.

It was posted on 4chan, years ago, by a random guy who most likely doesn't care and would most likely love to see his story drawn. I know I would. It's just a story of what happened in a guy's fort afterall, highly doubt it has a copyright or anything :P

>Demons getting hit by standard traps
>Frog Demons blocked by water
costanza.jpg.png.bmp

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on March 03, 2012, 01:34:16 am

PTW. There are so many stories on this forum, YOU WILL WRITE SO MANY BOOKS!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on March 03, 2012, 04:33:34 am

I would love to see a book just of stories. Some drawn, some in verse, some in haiku, some in comic format.. and so on. It would be awesome.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Muttonhawk on March 03, 2012, 09:53:19 am

I can't remember the name of the ghost, but I quote this from somewhere.

Quote

Urist McGhost has died from old age.

Some say a picture is worth 1000 words, but really, 1000 words isn't required in this case.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: prim on March 04, 2012, 12:15:56 pm

Well just had this happen an hour ago, figure its worth sharing here too (as on another page) :)


So an undead horde shows up on my front door when I only got 13 dwarves. I do what any sane unprepared man does. Raise the drawbridge and start preparing some snipers.

Then 25 migrants decide its a good time to show up. I figure this is as good as any time to lower the bridge and see who's going to survive.

Well the migrants spot 2 goblin ambushes and a kobold thief. To make matters worse a werechinchilla (yes another one) megabeast rocks up, as well as a dwarven caravan. Frankly I had to take a break since it was too much at the same time, but when I came back the results were surprising.

The kobold thief obviously ran off. The megabeast transformed back into a human and ran off. The goblin ambush slayed the undead horde, and the caravan escorts killed the goblin ambush leaders, and the gobbos ran off.

After all that, I lose 2 migrants with 0 effort. Win?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MassDebater on March 04, 2012, 02:19:03 pm

I had a succession game with a few friends. I started on the second year of the fortress "Combatmansion." I was readjusting the fortress for smithing when a random fisherdwarf, who we will refer to as "Urist McFisherdorf" as I forgot his name, was possessed. He had no profession other than fishing activated, so I left him be for a bit. Eventually, I forgot about him, and went on with my fort. One day, Urist McFisherdorf goes berserk and kills five people. In the onslaught, another fisherdorf who was friends with all five people goes stark raving mad and hides in the tomb of the dorf I had named after myself. Chasing a miner, Urist McFisherdorf chases a miner into the tomb and gets in a fight with the other fisherdorf. Urist McFsherdorf dies, and the unnamed fisherdorf lives out the rest of his days in the tomb. Surrounded by death and miasma, the remaining 25 dorfs are unhappy, and begin to tantrum. Combatmansion breaks out into violence, and lives up to it's name. A farmer goes berserk while trying to tend to the farms, and kills the other dorfs who are farming. The last dorf runs, and happens to be a mother carrying her baby while she tends to the fields. The mother is struck down when the farmer catches up to her, and her baby tries to crawl away. The farmer picks up the baby by the neck and punches it in the gut. He proceeds to strangle it to death, all the while, it is vomiting and retching in his hands and dies. He chases an engraver into the hall near the same tomb Urist McFisherdorf had died in, and the fights the engraver. The engraver ends up fighting back, which makes the berserk farmer's nearby friend angry. The engraver punches the farmer in the back of the head, which breaks his skull in and crushes his brain, so he falls unconcious. He strikes down the farmer's friend as well. Combatmansion, once with a population of 31, is now at 15. A tantruming miner ends up destroying the farm, halting the food/booze supply. He goes berserk and kills a dwarf with the pinnacle of dwarven technology: the copper pick. He chases the remaining dorfs into the meeting area and gets ready to kill them. They all realize that it's 14 of them and one of him, so they all gang beat him. The violence begins to cool down, but another problem arises, there is no more food or booze because they were too busy killing people to make any, and the farm was utterly destroyed. One by one, they start dying. A former leader's dwarf who he named after himself died of thirst and was put in his small room with zinc and stone pillars with a wooden coffin elaborate tomb. The sole survivor was the dwarf I had named after myself, who was forced to dig mass graves for everyone so they wouldn't rise as restless spirits. He finished and went to take a drink from the river. He reached the front gate and greeted the migrant wave that entered.

The fortress was eventually passed on with a massive food/booze supply and a well deserved tomb consisting of engraved walls/floors, platinum statues, a golden sarcophogas, and a circle of water around the sarcophogas. The sole survivor is now a great engraver/miner/mason, and engraves Combatmansion's history on the walls.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: WillowLuman on March 04, 2012, 04:27:13 pm

Probably should mention Communist Fortress, which may or may not be over.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TheWetSheep on March 05, 2012, 11:35:00 am

Here is my favourite story of DF.

My fortress, whose name I can't remember, had a population of about sixty. I had some goblins in cages, but since I was quite new to DF, I didn't really know how to execute them properly. I tried anyway. Two goblins would be my test subjects. One, idiotically, I chained up near to a lake underground, and then sent my miner to dig the square next to him. The other I was trying to Dwarven atom smash. I attempted this by chaining him up next to a bridge, hoping he would be under the bridge when I pulled the lever. Of course, the drowning didn't work because the miner was scared away every time he got close, and the bridge didn't work because I had put the lever right next to the bridge, so anyone trying to pull the lever would be scared away as well. This was a huge problem because these goblins were fully armed and in plain view of my entire main body of workshops. All my dwarves were cancelling work because of the goblins that couldn't even get to them. I resolved to have my military solve the problem. However, I did not know much about military either. I sent a squad to kill the one I was trying to drown. I did not know that that squad comprised of one speardwarf. Fortunately, he was a great warrior, and killed the goblin with a...PICKAXE? Yes. So I sent the other squad to deal with the other goblin. They were not so good. The goblin knocked all six of them unconscious, two falling into the traps I had put there just in case something went wrong. As a last attempt, I sent my speardwarf in. He killed the goblin! Hooray for him! All my troubles were solved. Or so I thought. Now, the lever connected to my bridge had been on "Pull the lever - Repeat" for the the last year or so, and nobody could do it. Now, with the goblin gone, they could! A good little dwarf ran, pulled the lever and the bridge came down, crushing two unconscious military dwarves, AND MY CHAMPION SPEARDWARF! NOOOOOOOOO! So when the siege came, my traps were full from the last one and my military was composed of two dwarves in cages and two who were resting their injuries. Every last dwarf was killed.

If you would like to hear more stories like this from the same fortress, please tell me.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on March 05, 2012, 11:42:33 am

If you look one post down from the sticky or go here (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=34430.0), you can find almost 400 pages worth of material.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TheWetSheep on March 05, 2012, 11:53:15 am

I've decided to tell you the other stories whether you want to hear them or not.

The first one was when I was making a grand arena for my goblins. This was not going to be a normal arena were the combatants are to be unceremoniously dumped into it. They would be released from cages into a maze-like area. The combatants: A raccoon, which had wronged me by pushing two of my dwarves down an animal-slaughter pit, a deer, whose species I hate in general after a certain incident involving one coming down into my very new, seven-dwarf fortress and slaughtering my miner, a goblin, for obvious reasons, and a minotaur which had just wandered into my local area and fallen into my traps.I let them out after I had finally constructed all the cages and locked the doors behind them, and they started fighting.The raccoon and deer were killed soon, followed by the goblin. I realized too late that either minotaurs can destroy doors or I had left one unlocked. He got out, and intercepted a dwarf trying to reclaim a corpse from the arena or something like that. However, he didn't just kill him. He attacked him to a near-death state, and then stopped. The minotaur stayed, acting like he was attacking him, but the dwarf wouldn't die. Weird. Annoying, too, because about 20 of my dwarves were trying to rescue him but scared of the minotaur. Finally, one got close enough to rescue him. The minotaur attacked him too, but he wouldn't die either. So tons of my dwarves weren't doing anything and I could do nothing about it. To resolve it, I have no idea what happened. Both dwarves and the minotaur were found dead later.

The other one happened after both of those. A siege had come, filling up most of my traps, but all melee goblins were caught. A group of marksgoblins stayed outside, though, killing any dwarf who got too near. Very annoying. My solution? Siege engines. Preferably ballistae, but I had run out of wood and could get any due to the goblins. So I built a catapult, and fired it. It worked! It scared all the goblins away, and life returned to normal. For about five minutes. After that period another large siege came, killing all my dwarves. This is the siege I talked about in my first story.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: barbequedcinders on March 05, 2012, 04:30:00 pm

Quote from: MassDebater on March 04, 2012, 02:19:03 pm

his small room with zinc and stone pillars with a wooden coffin elaborate tomb.

Hey! It had a silver pillar, too!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Tiruin on March 05, 2012, 11:34:35 pm

This is still running right?  :-\

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on March 05, 2012, 11:41:03 pm

My favorite facepalm moment:

Quote from: MaximumZero on July 23, 2011, 12:31:52 am

I set up a fort with 30 dorfs set up to resemble myself, my family, and my friends.

Winter, year 1: I am kicked in the head by a horse, and killed instantly. My wife attacks my best friend with an axe and beheads him. She then rampages through the dining hall, beheading everyone in her path, Highlander style. My brother shoots her in both lungs, the liver, and finally (mercifully) the brain. He goes on a rampage. My meekest friend (our jeweler,) runs rampant about my factory destroying all of the workshops. He then gets the sniper treatment from my brother, who in turn begins killing all of the livestock outside. My animal training buddy throws him into the hillside so hard that he explodes in a shower of gore. Said animal trainer wades into the dining hall, which is now a mosh pit of miasma and flying furniture, begins grabbing everyone and punching their faces in. Eventually, he succumbs to a mob of dwarves, who then turn their fury inward.

Spring, Year 2: There is one lone dwarf left, attempting to dig out a catacombs. As he breaches where the doorway would be, he meets his final enemy. Thirst.

...my kingdom for a horse.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on March 06, 2012, 04:30:07 am

Quote from: Tiruin on March 05, 2012, 11:34:35 pm

This is still running right?  :-\

Yes :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MassDebater on March 06, 2012, 03:32:24 pm

Quote from: barbequedcinders on March 05, 2012, 04:30:00 pm

Quote from: MassDebater on March 04, 2012, 02:19:03 pm

his small room with zinc and stone pillars with a wooden coffin elaborate tomb.

Hey! It had a silver pillar, too!

Key word: had. I believe I took it out for the guy to make his silver bucket artifact.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: barbequedcinders on March 06, 2012, 03:48:06 pm

Quote from: MassDebater on March 06, 2012, 03:32:24 pm

Quote from: barbequedcinders on March 05, 2012, 04:30:00 pm

Quote from: MassDebater on March 04, 2012, 02:19:03 pm

his small room with zinc and stone pillars with a wooden coffin elaborate tomb.

Hey! It had a silver pillar, too!

Key word: had. I believe I took it out for the guy to make his silver bucket artifact.

Eh. I really don't care.

Also, I would like to thank TinyPirate for telling the world about this project. I can't wait to see the end result!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: exolyx on March 06, 2012, 05:52:00 pm

Well, this one is a lesson I learned from my first fortress.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I had embarked in a temperate area, it was going swimmingly, I had just received migrants, and they were all fine and dandy. Working hard, but then winter came. Guess what I forgot to make? That would be my still, so I couldn't make any alcohol. Of course, my supply was already drained and the water on small lakes were frozen. The first dwarf died about a week in. He was a miner. Several others followed his life, short and dead in a corner. I did not understand catacombs at the time so I just threw the bodies outside. The ones that I could find anyway. The ones I didn't find started rotting. Miasma everywhere. Two dwarves soon went insane, and abandoned their clothing and decency for a more traditional way of life, naked in a corner of their room, locked in, and crying. Until of course, they died of thirst. The dead pile was rising, and I just gave up on throwing them outside. But now my expedition leader had his time to shine. You see, he had been fairly composed until this point, but then came my first tantrum. He swiftly punched another dwarf in the face, they ran away crying. He proceeded to smash his chair in his office into nothingness. I was determined to replace this chair though, so I sent a dwarf in to replace it. He smashed the chair again. i figured, "hey, it happened twice already, he wont smash a chair again, besides, he just left his tantrum." As I replaced the chair, he entered another tantrum and smashed the chair. there was then a steady stream of new chairs into this room until the fortress fell, which is coming soon. Of course, with untreated corpses, came a ghost. He proceeded to hang over one specific dwarf, who he knew in his life. This drove him berserk. Of course, he headed straight for... his room? I took the opportunity to lock him in and he just hid there until death came. The other dwarves died horrible, beerless deaths. All that was left was my expedition leader. Somehow, he survived the carnage and was wandering outside. At this time, a honey badger came out of nowhere and  raged at him, charged at him, and he dodged into a pool, drowning in the process.

The moral? Dwarves really need their alcohol.

What about the tragic story of Fath guildromance? (Real name.)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There was a simple mechanic by the name of Fath guildromance, trying to make a living, but this all changed one day when Urist McUncompletedfeymood went berserk, and ripped a dog to shreds, literally ripped it apart. As the other dwarves hurriedly fleed the room as the military riot control made their way through the crowd. Fath though, was at the end of the line. The berserker got to him first, and proceeded to flat out rip his arm completely off and break his ribs with said arm, all in two moves before the military got to him and ended the killing spree. I had no hospital at this point, so I just let the wound fester. "It gives character to the fortress." I thought. The dwarves, not knowing what to do with this spare arm, just threw it in the meat locker and called it a day. What is a one armed mechanic to do? I knew what the only logical thing was, draft him into the military and give him a crossbow. He was fantastic, and eventually I made him the leader of the squad. Making friends because of his new proximity to others and he was becoming quite popular.

Remember, this is the tragic story of Fath guildromance, it doesn't end there.

My first forgotten beast came. "Bax" a blob of flame with a stubby tail. I prepared excessively for this, using a war dog chained to the ground near the newly opened entrance, for Bax to come in. I didn't expect Bax to come in, and engulf the dog almost instantly, killing it with only a little dent in itself. (This was Fath's dog, by the way.) Next, the marksdwarves came to save the day. 3 died before the other ran away "for food" then fath came in, later than the others, bax came close enough to melt the fat off of his face, so fath, with a melted face, broke bax into a state of really dead, then Fath proceeded to somehow survive, becoming a hero in the fortress and even gaining a title. Getting a new, special room and friends with high power due to his new living quarters area in relation to the others.

Remember, tragic.

He was not retired though, and had one last trial The forgotten beast "Onul" a large blob of vomit, yes, vomit, with a square shell and deadly dust. I prepared much better, with more dogs, one war dog and a few others (as well as the war dogs puppies) Guess who owned the war dog? Fath. It turned out, onul was very powerful, it could launch globs of either Icy extract which gave frostbite, or a Fiery extract that would burn them. (not melt, just burn.) It killed the dogs quite easily. One puppy ran away, exposed to the dust, but nothing seemed to happen, so I figured it was nothing major. So I sent in my marksdwarves. Lead by Fath Guildromances, the one armed crusader. The beast proceeded to burn one of his legs, and freeze the other, killing none of his squad with pure pushing power. They killed it. Only for me to notice something "Puppy has succumbed to infection." So I began to watch the dwarves, then suddenly, it started. A dwarf began to spew miasma like a firehose. then the others started to as well, including Fath, who especially choked on the dust. They were rotting alive. The others died later on, but none had it worse than Fath, who lived longer due to one less limb for infection to do whatever it does. By the time he died, his eyes had rotted off, his joints were completely rotten, and his facial appendages were rotting as well, before finally he succumbed to infection. Despite the best efforts of the Dwarf "elite" medical team, with their unfaltering method of "More water! More soap!".

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nighthawk on March 07, 2012, 06:07:38 pm

Only real interesting thing that has happened to me in the game is discovering Schist (it may or may not be in Vanilla DF since I am using Masterwork DF right now).
Consider the following:
-Schist seems to be insanely common.
-Schist is nothing but stone - it has no other use.
-Schist is brown.

You can probably guess what I was thinking by now. Just saying "Schist" aloud brings it to mind.
Thus began a rather ridiculous joke playing off of the name of the populous stone.

"You piece of Schist!"

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Steel Zephyr on March 07, 2012, 06:22:27 pm

I recently found out about the 2012 version, and decided to update.

I got a decent fortress going. Steady food, drowning elves, that sort of stuff. Then I found out there was a vampire in the fortress by means of corpse being drained of blood. Figuring that a vampire bookkeeper would be awesome, I set out to find the culprit.

Before I could, the fortress got attacked by a necromancer and her zombie hoard. Within a few seconds (roughly 1 week game time), the entire fortress was dead except for the vampire. Trying to think of what to do while waiting for the next migrants, I noticed the vampire was a highly trained soldier. I now have a single vampire warrior going up against an army of undead.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: barbequedcinders on March 07, 2012, 07:07:17 pm

This is one of my favorite stories (I can't remember the name of the fort, though). It goes as follows:

One day, Armok got bored with the nameless fort. With a sickly population of about 14, not much getting done. Seeing a nearby aquifer underground, he suggested the dorfs 'liberate' the water. Dwarves, being dwarves, decided this was a good idea. The surrounding tunnels began to flood. This made the population very unhappy, as one of their numbers drowned in the flood. This made Urist McCrazybeard start rampaging. He then chased all of the unarmed civilians through the fort, ripping stragglers limb-from-limb. The Blood spattered the halls, and the body-parts began to rot, causing miasma. This made people even unhappier. Then, in a classic horror-story moment, Urist McCrazybeard chased a group of three dwarves down a dead-end hallway. There was no escape for them. As they got to the dead end, Urist McCrazybeard ripped the first one to pieces. The other two, seeing a chance to escape, ran past him. He pursued. Finally, the remaining sane-people gang-beat him to death.

So the threat was abated, Or so they thought. Urist McCrazybeard wasn't done yet. He returned as a dangerous ghost within the minute. Dismayed, the dwarves abandoned the cause. Anyone feel free to come up with a name for it.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Klokwurk on March 07, 2012, 09:41:28 pm

Here's the story of the lazy and greedy militia commander in my fortress, Abbeysoared.

I had some goblin ambushes appear, so I sent out my militia, as per usual. They all ran out to fight except my militia commander, Sarvesh Foughtcraft. He was apparently busy going and getting food instead. Soon all but one of the goblins are dead, and I see Sarvesh run out of my front gate. "Ah, here he comes to join in the fighting" I think. But then he runs off in the other direction. It turns out he was actually going off to fill his waterskin from the river.

At one point he was leading a dodging demonstation... while in bed.

Later on, the forgotten beast Sasmcith Gopetbitrak Cáccast Buqui (Sasmcith Spurtpuke the Nightmare of Gills) appears in my caverns. "A gigantic blob composed of salt. It has wings and it has a bloated body. Beware its poisonous sting!" I thought it was safely locked in, then I lost track of where it was and forgot about it for a while, but then I notice something strange in one of my corridors. A pile of salt and a couple of wings just lying there, the remains of Sasmcith. He apparently got into my fort and died somehow. So I check the logs, and the only entry is Sasmcith being stabbed in the back by Sarvesh and falling to bits.

I then notice that his corpse is a few steps away from my food storage area.

I like to think that Sarvesh was sitting in the pantry stuffing his face as usual, and then thought to himself "Hmm, this yak roast could do with more salt", wandered out and noticed a giant blob of salt, "Ah, this'll do!" *Smash* *NOM*.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: King DZA on March 08, 2012, 11:26:58 am

This moment has always seemed particularly cool when playing out in my head, so it stands to reason that it'd also look particularly cool as an illustration:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Quote from: King DZA on October 12, 2011, 09:30:46 pm

Nothing spectacular Lately. I do remember a dwarf saving her dog from a goblin snatcher once, though.

If I'm remembering correctly, a goblin snatcher had just been spotted by my armorer, who swiftly received an iron blade to the gut by said goblin as it was making its escape.
It crossed paths with a war dog, who proceeded to bite, claw, and generally put up a good fight. Once it reached the grassy area above my fortress entrance, it had apparently had enough, and slashed the dog in two of its legs.

The dog refused to give up, and kept attacking. I sit there thinking "well shit, I'm gonna lose this awesome little guy to the snatcher" when OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, a bolt comes flying through the air, and hits the goblin right in the hand. It drops its dagger and bag, and begins to run off, leaving a trail of blood. The hunter(who is actually the one that trained the dog, if I recall) appears, fires another bolt, and kills the goblin.
This hunter and her dog became an amazing pair, after a few more times of seeing them help each other out, I finally assigned the dog to her. They stuck together til the end of the fortress.

An amazing tale those two had, I will have to look them up in legends sometime...

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Taffer on March 08, 2012, 08:08:49 pm

A little anecdote from my last, chaotic, doomed fortress.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I embarked on an evil mountain, nearby a goblin fortress and a necromancer's tower. Of course. Expecting such atrocities, I decreed that deep trenches be built on either side of the entrance pathway, then bridged over. I neglected to designate the trench be dug a layer at a time, setting it all out at once, complete with the exit out of the side of the high hill.

Chaos. My miners rushed to the site, haphazardly digging vertically, and not one level at a time, as would be sensible. In addition, they neglected to dig straight down, taking twists at random, so that each miner would accidentally stumble into the tunnel of the previous miner. Due to the length and depth of the deep trench, almost a dozen dwarves plummeted to their deaths before they gave up. They hadn't finished it, but the first level or two were dug out, so they couldn't dig out the rest. Two miners remained stuck inside the shaft, unable to leave and trapped, and both heavily injured. Their brethren honored them by building the bridge over top of the pit and ignoring them.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Tiruin on March 09, 2012, 05:26:56 am

One little question before I post mine down, is it acceptable to tell the DF story in full narrative form? Is there a text limit?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on March 09, 2012, 06:14:56 am

Well, you can type up as much as you like, but each story only potentially gets a page of illustration in the book. Very long stories are probably not going to be easy to compress into a single page of illustrations.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Leatra on March 09, 2012, 09:40:45 am

My teeth and my enemies' limbs are my only weapons.

(http://www.image-upload.net/di-H2KP.png)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Zsword on March 09, 2012, 02:51:25 pm

!!Fun!! with Cave Ins.

So, I was channeling out the roof of a part my farms that I wanted to start growing surface plants... and an idea hits me, rather than dig this thing out tile by tile... why not dig out the borders and let the rest of it just cave in! BRILLIANT!

And, I do so, and everything seems to have gone according to plan... but, where's Legendary Miner Urist..... and uh... why is there a hole... in my hole... and then I notice at the bottom of my screen: 'Urist McMedic cancels retrieve patie-*more*' and rather than bring up announcements, I zoom down to the end of the shaft that a chain of caveins made, straight down 6 Zlevels... right into my Hospital, and the corpse of Urist McLegendaryMiner.

All I could picture was, Urist McMedic, sitting at his desk, when he hears a rumbling crash roll through the Fortress, so he sighs, because he just KNOWS that SOMEONE is going to be hurt... stands up, puts on his gloves... and then about 10 feet behind him, the roof caves down with the mutilated body of the unfortunate Miner, he turns, looks, sits down, and strikes off Urist McMiner from his list of future check-ups with a whisperred "Nevermind..."

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: WillowLuman on March 10, 2012, 12:27:34 am

There any preliminary sketches we can look at  :)?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Robsoie on March 10, 2012, 12:47:08 am

Got an anecdote about a very funny situation some time ago in one of my fort, i called it  :
The legend of the Leather Cap (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=102839.msg3039523#msg3039523)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: olopi on March 10, 2012, 02:07:52 am

Ha, this Minotaur fell in my Water Support and got killed :D .... Wait? Why is my Booze stockpile flooded????

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Undercroft on March 12, 2012, 08:47:45 am

Fun with picking embark sites. My latest embark was joyous wilds praerie alongide a haunted ocean. I figure what can go wrong. I shouldn't be in any danger. All the nasty stuff will be in the ocean and not on the land with my dwarves.

Shortly after digging out my tempory storage my beachside wagon was attacked by an undead pod of killer whales that had rushed out of the ocean to happily murder my dwarves. I also learnt dogs aren't that good for basic defence anymore.

Title: NEVER NAME A PARTY MEMBER "YOUR BEST FRIEND."
Post by: Random Spark on March 12, 2012, 01:51:49 pm

This is a rather long LOG i coppied from the game's text file after i quit. I have added some context and stripped all the formatting. It was too long and too old to screen shot all at once.
This is from DF. 35 (Before the current updates)

I made my account just now, yes. I've been lurking here for ever.
I thought i'd make my first appearance.


Some one should point this thread to the Legendary Duck story if they have not yet. (I'll finish reading the thread when i am done posting this)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 NEVER NAME A PARTY MEMBER "YOUR BEST FRIEND."
So here is a combat log. My Best friend and I had been traveling the small island of Ethisi for a few days in search of adventure, and heard wind of a shrine up in the northern lands. I had never been to a shrine before. SO WE DEPART!

 

You cannot travel through the shrine.

You cannot travel through the shrine.

[So i entered the shrine instead. Its one huge suspended dome structure made of white marble and covered in corpses full of loot you can see them from here. The place has a guardian apparently.. some where.]

You can't sneak because somebody can see you.

[So i run for a tree to hide behind instead.]

You begin sneaking.

[I am sneaking up to the first pillar supporting the dome, when suddenly..]

The Bronze Colossus misses YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The flying copper bolt strikes The Bronze Colossus in the left lower leg, fracturing it!

The Bronze Colossus charges at YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The Bronze Colossus misses YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The Bronze Colossus collides with YOUR BEST FRIEND!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is knocked over!

[At this point i decide to steal the loot and leave YOUR BEST FRIEND for dead.]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the left upper arm with its left upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus locks YOUR BEST FRIEND's left shoulder with The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus bends YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm with The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm, shattering the left shoulder's bone!

A ligament in the left shoulder has been torn and a tendon has been torn!

YOUR BEST FRIEND gives in to pain.

The Bronze Colossus releases the joint lock of The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm on YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the first toe, right foot with its right lower arm!

[So the  Bronze Colossus  has my companion by the foot, suspended upside down i imagine by the toe between the fingers of the  Bronze Colossus. After the painful crushing grapple, what is left to do?]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND loses hold of the -goblin hair crown-.

YOUR BEST FRIEND loses hold of the bronze crossbow.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's first toe, right foot.

[I imagine this means he is dropped to the ground.]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the alpaca wool cloak with its right upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's alpaca wool cloak.

[Now held by her cape! limp and dangling helplessly..]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is propelled away by the force of the blow!

YOUR BEST FRIEND slams into an obstacle!

[She slides down the marble pillar leaving a pool of blood at the bottom.]

The Bronze Colossus YOUR BEST FRIEND by the right ear with its left upper arm!

The  Bronze Colossus  releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's left ear.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the sheep wool sock with its right upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's sheep wool sock.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the first finger, left hand with its left lower arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's first finger, left hand.

[ The  Bronze Colossus  has picked up and dropped her three times since the marble pillar. She is a hearty little dwarf..]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left lower arm with its left hand, shattering the bone through the alpaca wool cloak!

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the sheep wool shoe with its right lower arm!

[At this point i am worried i may need to start throwing things at the  Bronze Colossus  at some point.. so i scour the bodies on the ground for weighty objects..]

You pick up the Enina Tefeale's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's sheep wool shoe.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the dog leather dress with its right lower arm!

 The Bronze Colossus scratches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left ear and the severed part sails off in an arc!

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the right lower arm with its right hand, bruising the muscle through the alpaca wool cloak!

[The left ear sails across at least 50 tiles and lands right in front of me. I pick up this ear to remember her by..]

You pick up YOUR BEST FRIEND’s left ear and put it in your llama wool backpack

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's dog leather dress.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the right ear with its left lower arm!

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left lower arm with its left hand, bruising the muscle through the alpaca wool cloak!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's right ear.

You pick up the San Budoebe's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Onec Ahdorush n's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the -copper piccolo- and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the ®small iron low boot¯ and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Ima Cequovaalala's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Thixil Adreume's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo gold coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

You pick up the Tadin Dagquemer's bone [23] and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the ®small iron low boot¯ and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND vomits.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Tadin Dagquemer's skull and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

There is nothing to pick up here.

There is nothing to pick up here.

YOUR BEST FRIEND vomits.

You pick up the Snamoz Aslotospog's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Adre Sothbodarad's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the -small copper breastplate- and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Daseb Tamedocda's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

YOUR BEST FRIEND stands up!

[By this point i am amazed. She is still healthy enough at all to stand. She moves closer to the colossus and the whole time i am praying for enough time to leave the zone!]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the head with its left lower arm!

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is propelled away by the force of the blow!

YOUR BEST FRIEND slams into an obstacle!

You pick up the Afe Coniboceni's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND suffocates.

YOUR BEST FRIEND has been struck down. [Dead]

You pick up the Stozu Gozruslux's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Fma Calovieduma's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

[I leave the area and travel into the forest to go home. The  Bronze Colossus  is too preoccupied with her corpse for him to notice me, a master of sneaking.]

Night is falling.

[I am incredibly drowzy and make a foolish judgement in this wild forest just an hour or so away from home... I assume with my mastery of sneaking, steel armor and legendary talents it would be foolish for any one to challenge my swordsman.]

"Halt in the name of the Walled Menace!"

You regain consciousness.

You lose hold of the large copper dagger.

You lose hold of the wolf leather left glove.

KARMA WITH AN AXE hacks You in the left hand with his copper great axe and the severed part sails off in an arc!

 KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

[My sword hand was lopped off! i scrambled for the weapons trying to avoid the Goblin but realize too late that there is no chance of getting it back.]

You take the large copper dagger out of your llama wool backpack.

KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

 KARMA WITH AN AXE punches You in the right lower leg with his left hand, fracturing the bone through the rope reed fiber trousers!

[I lose the ability to stand! now i surely have no choice but to fight.]

 KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

 KARMA WITH AN AXE counterstrikes!

KARMA WITH AN AXE hacks You in the head with his copper great axe, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!

The copper great axe is lodged firmly in the wound!

You have been knocked unconscious!

 KARMA WITH AN AXE loses possesion of the copper great axe.

You have been struck down.

*** STARTING NEW GAME ***

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Graeldragon on March 13, 2012, 04:03:53 am

Here's my story from a while back, miraculously this did not create a major tantrum spiral as the majority of pepole in the room were recent immigrants waiting for jobs and hadn't had time to form bonds, and lots of high value decorations everywhere to boost happiness. On re reading it, it may be a bit long for one page but whatever. Most of it is my fault as well but wtv

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 A family of 4 great axedwarves arrived at my fairly mature fortress. Great I thought, they wont take long to train and i'll be able to repel invaders with more than just traps and marksdwarves! So I created the squad and went through the lengthily process of setting them up. Skip forward a few years, the axedwarf family are now axelords with the patriarch kitted out with an artifact axe and the best steel armor I could produce. A VILE FORCE OF DARKNESS HAS ARRIVED!. The woodcutters and herbalists scrambled to safety, the masons quickly sealed the watchtower they were building and hid. The axelords were sent in to dispatch the goblins and rescue the stranded masons. The family charged forward into the goblins hacking them to pieces, their marksdwarf support was uncommonly sluggish in reaching the battlefield, perhaps an oversight with stockpile set-up, perhaps jealous of the attention they were getting and their larger barracks. The family was massively outnumbered and quickly surrounded. The goblin archers and their walls of trolls and spearmen finished of nearly all off by the time the marksdwarves arrived, only the patriarch was left. He had emerged relatively unscathed, physically at least. Stepping over the corpses of his fallen loved ones he trudged back to the dinning hall under overseer's orders, in an effort to raise his spirits. Moments after entering the dining room he threw a tantrum, screaming at the top of his lungs, breaking chairs, punching anyone who got close. When he finally settled down, one of the fortress' many children tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he felt better. When he turned around he didn't see a child he saw a goblin, looking around the room that's all he saw, hundreds of leering goblin faces. He let out a terrible bellow and charged forward cleaving the child in two. The doors to the dining room were sealed as soon as it was known he was berserk, better to sacrifice 90 than let him escape and kill everyone. Several months later after they were sure that he had starved to death the dinning hall was unsealed the dinning hall was a seen of untold slaughter devastation, severed body parts and dead bodies the 90 or so trapped dwarves as well as the corpse of the patriarch himself. His corpse and his artifact weapon are sealed in his tomb at the center of the catacomb erected to house the dead bodies of those he had killed. from that day forward relatives could no longer serve together in the military.

I have terrible spelling and grammar btw

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Jake on March 17, 2012, 07:17:48 am

Here's a personal favourite of mine from way back in 40d. Only very minor artistic license is taken:

Thobatol was a prosperous community of about seventy dwarven farmers, miners and artisans. It had originally been settled as an iron-mining settlement, but after one of their number had a mysterious -some say divinely inspired- bout of inspiration they ended up becoming the region's foremost exporter of wholesale clothing. This led to them being on unusually good terms with the elves; in fact, their caravan with its dozens of bolts of cloth was anticipated eagerly, as the two raw materials Thobatol could never quite achieve self-sufficiency in were cloth and timber.

One year, however, the caravan had attracted some unwanted attention from goblin raiders. As the slow column of mules and their drovers made its way towards the trade depot, half a dozen goblins crept slowly towards it. But at the last moment, somehow they tipped their hand. Perhaps one of them startled a bird or dislodged some pebbles, perhaps Mighty Armok Himself looked down and sent a warning; we shall never know.

Whatever the cause of it, the ambush had gone off at half-cock and the goblins were trailing behind the caravan. Their leader raised his iron crossbow and shot one of the guards dead. The other found himself surrounded by half a dozen goblins with cruel iron swords, himself being armed only with a heavy wooden mace. Nevertheless, he steeled himself and let loose the traditional elven war-cry: "Oh aye? Come an' 'ave a go if ya think yer 'ard enough!"¹

Thobatol was not a well-armed settlement, and boasted only a half-dozen lightly armed and armoured fortress guard. Worse yet, no sooner had the hue and cry gone up from the merchants than another party of goblin raiders fell upon a handful of dwarves taking the air in a sculpture garden near the rear entrance. Fortunately a couple of fortress guard were among their number, and they were able to hold their own while the others went running to assist the beleaguered caravan guard.

However, it turns out that these particular goblins were not 'ard enough. The plucky young elven warrior was clouting them all over the valley, launching one of them into the rock face with enough force to splatter, and dodging the occasional shot from the lone crossbowman with apparent ease. He raised his mace to the frantic militia-dwarves in a cheery salute... just as the squad leader took careful aim and fired his last crossbow bolt with deadly accuracy through the elf's back.

His triumph was short-lived; the enraged militia didn't even bother to nock a bolt, but came charging down the valley and impaled him from three sides with their bayonets².

Thobatol raised a new squad of militia the next month, armed with swords and shields looted from the goblins slain by their elven comrade. A magnificent statue carved of blood-red bauxite stands on the spot where he fell in defence of the fortress.

Thobatol remembers.

¹ For reasons much too complicated to go into here, I like to imagine DF elves having extremely broad Scouse accents.
² My first ever modding project.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MadJax on March 17, 2012, 09:05:51 am

Mine plays out more like "The Thing" than anything else:

All was well in the early life of Battletemple, the original 7 had settled in and a wave of 10 immigrants had arrived. However, not long after, a body was discovered in the mines with no witnesses. As winter settled in, another dwarf went missing. Again, no witnesses. Things were getting tense, people were starting fist fights over the recent murders, and the Expedition Leader decided to take his frustration out on the lone swordsdwarf of the fortress. Needless to say it ended in bloodshed, which in turn lead to further fisticuffs. By the time spring had rolled around, 3 dwarves remained. Shivering in their bloody rags, food was short and booze had run out a while ago. As I prepared to command these dwarves to their new jobs in farming and brewing, I noticed one had gone missing and been reported as murdered... I looked into the meeting room to find the two dwarves either side of the well, staring at each other with hateful mistrust. Both had reported the other as the murderer...

Needless to say, the next wave of immigrants were very disturbed by these two filthy, malnourished dwarves, staring at each other with intense hatred amongst the fallen corpses and broken remains of a small tantrum spiral and vampiric murders.

Title: Re: NEVER NAME A PARTY MEMBER "YOUR BEST FRIEND."
Post by: Leatra on March 17, 2012, 02:17:54 pm

Quote from: Random Spark on March 12, 2012, 01:51:49 pm

This is a rather long LOG i coppied from the game's text file after i quit. I have added some context and stripped all the formatting. It was too long and too old to screen shot all at once.
This is from DF. 35 (Before the current updates)

I made my account just now, yes. I've been lurking here for ever.
I thought i'd make my first appearance.


Some one should point this thread to the Legendary Duck story if they have not yet. (I'll finish reading the thread when i am done posting this)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 NEVER NAME A PARTY MEMBER "YOUR BEST FRIEND."
So here is a combat log. My Best friend and I had been traveling the small island of Ethisi for a few days in search of adventure, and heard wind of a shrine up in the northern lands. I had never been to a shrine before. SO WE DEPART!

 

You cannot travel through the shrine.

You cannot travel through the shrine.

[So i entered the shrine instead. Its one huge suspended dome structure made of white marble and covered in corpses full of loot you can see them from here. The place has a guardian apparently.. some where.]

You can't sneak because somebody can see you.

[So i run for a tree to hide behind instead.]

You begin sneaking.

[I am sneaking up to the first pillar supporting the dome, when suddenly..]

The Bronze Colossus misses YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The flying copper bolt strikes The Bronze Colossus in the left lower leg, fracturing it!

The Bronze Colossus charges at YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The Bronze Colossus misses YOUR BEST FRIEND!

The Bronze Colossus collides with YOUR BEST FRIEND!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is knocked over!

[At this point i decide to steal the loot and leave YOUR BEST FRIEND for dead.]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the left upper arm with its left upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus locks YOUR BEST FRIEND's left shoulder with The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus bends YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm with The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm, shattering the left shoulder's bone!

A ligament in the left shoulder has been torn and a tendon has been torn!

YOUR BEST FRIEND gives in to pain.

The Bronze Colossus releases the joint lock of The Bronze Colossus's left upper arm on YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on YOUR BEST FRIEND's left upper arm.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the first toe, right foot with its right lower arm!

[So the  Bronze Colossus  has my companion by the foot, suspended upside down i imagine by the toe between the fingers of the  Bronze Colossus. After the painful crushing grapple, what is left to do?]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND loses hold of the -goblin hair crown-.

YOUR BEST FRIEND loses hold of the bronze crossbow.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's first toe, right foot.

[I imagine this means he is dropped to the ground.]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the alpaca wool cloak with its right upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's alpaca wool cloak.

[Now held by her cape! limp and dangling helplessly..]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is propelled away by the force of the blow!

YOUR BEST FRIEND slams into an obstacle!

[She slides down the marble pillar leaving a pool of blood at the bottom.]

The Bronze Colossus YOUR BEST FRIEND by the right ear with its left upper arm!

The  Bronze Colossus  releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's left ear.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the sheep wool sock with its right upper arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's sheep wool sock.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the first finger, left hand with its left lower arm!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's first finger, left hand.

[ The  Bronze Colossus  has picked up and dropped her three times since the marble pillar. She is a hearty little dwarf..]

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left lower arm with its left hand, shattering the bone through the alpaca wool cloak!

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the sheep wool shoe with its right lower arm!

[At this point i am worried i may need to start throwing things at the  Bronze Colossus  at some point.. so i scour the bodies on the ground for weighty objects..]

You pick up the Enina Tefeale's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's sheep wool shoe.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the dog leather dress with its right lower arm!

 The Bronze Colossus scratches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left ear and the severed part sails off in an arc!

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the right lower arm with its right hand, bruising the muscle through the alpaca wool cloak!

[The left ear sails across at least 50 tiles and lands right in front of me. I pick up this ear to remember her by..]

You pick up YOUR BEST FRIEND’s left ear and put it in your llama wool backpack

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's dog leather dress.

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the right ear with its left lower arm!

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the left lower arm with its left hand, bruising the muscle through the alpaca wool cloak!

The Bronze Colossus releases the  grip on  YOUR BEST FRIEND's right ear.

You pick up the San Budoebe's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Onec Ahdorush n's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the -copper piccolo- and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the ®small iron low boot¯ and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Ima Cequovaalala's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino copper coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Thixil Adreume's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo gold coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

You pick up the Tadin Dagquemer's bone [23] and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the ®small iron low boot¯ and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND vomits.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

You pick up the Sivaawiri Sidaya Sinarualino silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Tadin Dagquemer's skull and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Omon Disem Sodor Nguslum„llu Ngerxungguslo silver coin and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

There is nothing to pick up here.

There is nothing to pick up here.

YOUR BEST FRIEND vomits.

You pick up the Snamoz Aslotospog's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the Adre Sothbodarad's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

There is nothing to pick up here.

You pick up the -small copper breastplate- and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Daseb Tamedocda's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND retches.

YOUR BEST FRIEND stands up!

[By this point i am amazed. She is still healthy enough at all to stand. She moves closer to the colossus and the whole time i am praying for enough time to leave the zone!]

The Bronze Colossus grabs YOUR BEST FRIEND by the head with its left lower arm!

The Bronze Colossus punches YOUR BEST FRIEND in the head with its right hand, bruising the muscle and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue through the rope reed fiber hood!

YOUR BEST FRIEND is propelled away by the force of the blow!

YOUR BEST FRIEND slams into an obstacle!

You pick up the Afe Coniboceni's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

YOUR BEST FRIEND suffocates.

YOUR BEST FRIEND has been struck down. [Dead]

You pick up the Stozu Gozruslux's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

You pick up the Fma Calovieduma's partial skeleton and put it in your llama wool backpack.

[I leave the area and travel into the forest to go home. The  Bronze Colossus  is too preoccupied with her corpse for him to notice me, a master of sneaking.]

Night is falling.

[I am incredibly drowzy and make a foolish judgement in this wild forest just an hour or so away from home... I assume with my mastery of sneaking, steel armor and legendary talents it would be foolish for any one to challenge my swordsman.]

"Halt in the name of the Walled Menace!"

You regain consciousness.

You lose hold of the large copper dagger.

You lose hold of the wolf leather left glove.

KARMA WITH AN AXE hacks You in the left hand with his copper great axe and the severed part sails off in an arc!

 KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

[My sword hand was lopped off! i scrambled for the weapons trying to avoid the Goblin but realize too late that there is no chance of getting it back.]

You take the large copper dagger out of your llama wool backpack.

KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

 KARMA WITH AN AXE punches You in the right lower leg with his left hand, fracturing the bone through the rope reed fiber trousers!

[I lose the ability to stand! now i surely have no choice but to fight.]

 KARMA WITH AN AXE strikes at You but the shot is parried!

You counterstrike!

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

You miss  KARMA WITH AN AXE !

 KARMA WITH AN AXE counterstrikes!

KARMA WITH AN AXE hacks You in the head with his copper great axe, bruising the muscle, jamming the skull through the brain and tearing the brain!

The copper great axe is lodged firmly in the wound!

You have been knocked unconscious!

 KARMA WITH AN AXE loses possesion of the copper great axe.

You have been struck down.

*** STARTING NEW GAME ***

That's a cool story.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Ganthan on March 17, 2012, 08:26:57 pm

Here's my little story.  It's not particularly epic in scale but it was my first ever experience with goblin babysnatchers and I remember it vividly.

     As the wagons rolled into the small outpost's depot, the caravan guards, glad to finally be in out of the chilling late autumn rain, failed to spot the thin shadowy figures as they slipped into the fortress behind them.
     The ragtag outpost militia, mostly inexperienced recruits but well equipped in steel armor and weapons, were running their usual drills in the barracks when a commotion broke out near the trade good stockpiles.  When the cry of "Goblins!" was heard, the commander rallied his men and raced off towards the depot.  There they found three bag toting goblins trying to make their marks on children that were helping to haul goods to the depot for trade.  The goblins were no match for the well equipped dwarves and were hacked apart like old firewood.  Amazingly one of the goblin daggers made a lucky strike on a recruit's lower arm and managed to fracture the bone through the armored bracer.
     A fourth goblin, a purple haired female, had managed to slip away unnoticed to a different level before her companions were slaughtered.  As she tried to find a way out, the crying toddler in her bag drew the attention of two growling dogs.  Through either incredible skill or random lucky swings she managed to cripple the legs of both dogs without injury to herself.  Rather than taking the time to finish off the dogs, she bolted for the fortress entrance.  All she had to do was make it through the outer wall's gate and she'd escape.  In horror she skidded her run to a halt in front of the now closed gate.  She was trapped.  As she spun her head around wildly in the rain looking for any options, the militia emerged from the entrance and was now running her down.
     The commander, running ahead of his less fit comrades, spotted the last goblin by the closed outer wall gate.  The cries of the child from the goblin's bag spurned his rage as he tore through the cold rain towards his target.  The goblin turned to face him and gave a defiant howl just before they collided.  He charged against her with his shield raised and knocked the goblin straight onto her back.  As though his moves were guided by Armok himself, he simultaneously lowered his shield and swung his weapon at the now prone and stunned goblin.  His battle axe, still wet with goblin blood from the previous melee, struck her in the midsection and cleaved her body right in half.

Title: Three vampires going back streight (not so much) to their burrows
Post by: agapetos on March 21, 2012, 03:46:48 am

So,
after a minotaur appeared outside my fort, I've activated few of my squads (overkill :) ) including the secluded Vampire squad "Turquoise kisses" (notice the name (random)  :)- DF definately has a sense of humor turned on to the max) that I let out on this special occasion. Well, none of my dorfs was killed, and the Minotaur was dead even before the first dorf from the Vamp squad came.
So, I tell my "Turquoise kisses" squad to go back to their seqluded room where their train. I've went on with other bussiness around the fort being sure that they will respectfully obey my order, and then I get a reported cryme about someone being drained of blood... let me check the Vamp room - guess what - no dwarfs there... where are they?!? mingling with other dwarfs...
And of course, one of them is happy because she enjoyed in slaughter  8)... But wait ... what do I see? Other two have unhappy thoughts?!? It seams that they "Whitnessed a death receantly" :'(... awwww... poor incredibly-tough-with-pointy-teeth Vampires - they've whitnessed a death. Notice the amount of hipocricy. BUT WAIT - where are they going?!?!? They are going to report the crime .... and, they did.
Screenshot:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/10871766/df.gif)

After a nice drink, and after they picked up and filled their new waterskins with some booze, they are back to their burrows grumbling around. Well... all but the one who had a grin on his face and a full stomach.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Grey570 on March 22, 2012, 09:42:19 pm

I took a break from DF and came back to zombies and necromancers and such so I hunted out a necromancer tower and settled next to it.

Our initial settlement was nearly destroyed before it began as Necromancers came leading the undead before we could even finish the walls forcing us to hide and retreat. Our upper levels lost to the undead and cutting us off for two years as a complex set of alternative entrances were carved out and lined with traps to lure the dead to their demise. We finally ended the siege at great cost. The undead proved very resilient to our crude traps and in the end the entire fortress was drafted at the last moment. Two dwarves showed great heroism beyond all others. Husband and Wife both elite marksmen who had kept the fort alive with their hunting in the first years after irrigation problems lead to a lack of food. Both fired every bolt they had before charging through the undead throwing them aside and going straight for the last necromancer killing him before becoming surrounded they managed to kill 30 undead between them before falling tragically.

Years later life goes well the above ground fortress and fortifications dug into the mountain side are finally finished we are truly an impenetrable bastion now Balista cover the walls and two full squads of seasoned well trained marksmen as well as a large milita who are ready to take up the crossbow if needed and man the walls to rain hell on the undead who dare come here, to The Armored-Angel. A proud Bastion from to battle the undead...

After the third siege of undead we have had to begin creating large pits to dump the endless corpses, plans are in works to pump magma from the center of the earth to create a great river of molten rock. This will further strengthen the bastion as well as give us a much better way to dispose of the endless dead.

Tragedy and sorrow has come hope is lost. Our graveyard was dug deep deep under ground to protect it from the tainted uses of the necromancers. Alas we didn't see our downfall till it was too late. A long dead necromancer rose from the dead, his ghost unnoticed for months. Suddenly the heroic dead warriors of our great bastion rose once more to gut their home from the inside. The lower levels were defenseless as all our defenses systems were designed for an attack from outside not from within! Many dwarves died in their sleep to the undead or were slain as they came to eat and drink celebrating our latest triumphs. The lower levels provided no clear line of sign for the crossbows and the swordsmen were under trained and out numbered our Batista made useless, our traps pointless all hope was lost. From a population of hundreds only 10 dwarves made it out of the Bastion. (Who actually survived the abandon and joined later forts as badasses who no longer felt emotion had 10+ kills and legendary craftsmen skills - every dwarf of the Bastion was trained with the crossbow and carried one at all times) The rest fell to the necromancer's horde and joined it in death. The Armorered-Angel had fallen. The idea of besieging it to take it back seemed impossible. The upper levels are an endless track of Balista lined walls killing hallways and trap lined corridors.

In the end we gave the Necromancers a more powerful home then they could have ever made themselves. In the end there were about 100 dead dwarves the graveyard was massive and the dead and missing page was so large I couldn't find specific entries anymore such as a necromancer ghost who I missed the message for. It actually said a cheesemaker has risen or something so I opened the grave yard to place more coffins assuming I didn't have enough. This is what let the horde out. The fortress level wise went *above ground fortress dug into the mountain wall *Underground fortress with fortifications and such to shoot the undead if they traveled deeper into the fort if they made it past the walls *Trap infested maze of tunnels full of balista and fortifications. *Armed trade depo a third fortress much smaller then the other two around a underground depo *Military district the barracks and hospitals which had fortification so each squads room could be sealed and act as mini keeps to hold the undead off. *Hopital area with a small pit to drop anyone who dies if necromancers to close *Workshop districts designed to make movement minimized 0 defensibility *Dinning and living districts designed to make movement minimized 0 defensibility. Then about 20 z levels down the Graveyard with a spiral staircase directly to the Dinning and living districts.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on March 22, 2012, 09:46:58 pm

How is this coming along, anyway?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on March 23, 2012, 02:50:39 am

Hey there - we have a short, short list and Tim is starting the arting soon. We are still interested in more stories tho!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: exolyx on March 23, 2012, 09:04:27 am

Here's a short one.

At the beginning of a fortress in a cold biome, I dug out a little alcove, but pierced an aquifer. With the water flowing, I evacuated the dwarves. Since my items were in the fortress, I decided that to survive I needed those items. So, I sent a dwarf to carve fortifications in the wall right next to the water, forgetting that it was a cold biome, in very early spring. (still snow everywhere.) Long story short: Ice dwarf achieved, no more stoneworker.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: CptFastbreak on March 27, 2012, 07:31:58 am

I have a pretty neat little story about a Vampires, probably someone has had something like this before already, but I thought it was pretty awesome and I'd like to share. Anyway, here goes:

"Sit, little Urist and let me tell you a bit about the history of our fortress, Konosolin, the Brasstongs. You see, it wasn't always the bustling dwarven metropolis you have known for all seven years of our life. When I came here many years ago, it was still an outpost with only some twenty odd dwarves scratching their livelihood out of these barren rocks. A few years before, it was only seven brave pioneers who laid the foundation of this great city. At the time I arrived here, we still had one of those original seven as our leader. A brave and wise dwarf I ever I've seen one, not like the wimps you young folk elect every year these days. But I digress. See, a few years earlier, dwarves had begun to vanish mysteriously. Ever so often we would find someone's body... drained completely of blood. First it was our Mason, Cilob Regdeg, one of the original seven. A dwarf that had worked hard to make many of the wonderful doors, thrones, and tables we still use to this day. A few months later, we found Litast, a Fisher, also completely drained of blood. Again a few months later, it hit Inod, an experienced Armorer, that proved to be a harsh blow to our fortress in the goblin invasions that would follow very soon.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. This time, our wise leader decided he'd had enough. And this time, we actually had someone who claimed he had seen the whole thing. He claimed that one of our hunting squad had killed poor Inod in his sleep after a hard day at the forge. But when he reviewed the personal files we get on each dwarf from the mountain homes, our leader found that that the witness, Èrith Logemsigun, had lived in over twenty different settlements before he immigrated to Konosolin. Seeing this, he decided in his great wisdom that it was very likely that Èrith had done the bloody deed his very self."

"Even though he had no hard evidence, he convicted him anyway. Now I know that many of you young people call this period the dark times of our fortress, because you claim that our wise leader wasn't elected by the will of the people, and that he had used oppressive and dictatorial means. Humbug I say! Those were the glory days of old when a leader took swift action for the best of his people. He did absolutely right in convicting Èrith as you will soon see."

"You see, in those days, we didn't have the lavish prison next to the dining hall. That is a place where the young ones even like to try and sneak into, because they marvel at the craftsdwarfship of the golden chains, and the comfortable beds. No, in those days, we had nothing but two leaden cages we bought from the Elves a few years before. It was one of these very cages Èrith was locked away in. And since he was still unsure, our leader ordered walls to be constructed around these cages. A door was placed and firmly locked, to see if Èrith would cry for food after a while. But even after almost a month into his prison sentence he wouldn't display any signs of malnourishment. Not easily fooled, our leader concluded that he must be a blood sucking fiend, responsible for the others as well, and swiftly sentenced him to jail time for these deeds as well."

"By the time he had done about two thirds of his time, a change of heart befell Èrith. He rued what he had done, and yet he knew his vampire nature would drive him to do it again if he was to be set free. So he asked our leader to be drowned in a pool of hot magma as is still our custom for the most vile of crimes, such as being a goblin. But our leader hesitated. You see, Èrith was a famous black smith at this time already - he created Ariseth, that very marvelous bronze statue of the founding of our great metropolis that we have in the statue garden near the living quarters. So our leader announced that he couldn't stand to waste such god given talent for craftsdwarfship. Yet he couldn't allow Èrith to go free once again and continue his murders."

"What our wise leader did instead is this. He had a complex of chambers excavated deep in the bowels of the earth near the magma pipe. A table and chair was placed there, and a bed as well. Also a magma forge with only the finest tools. A crafty system of dump chutes leading in and out of the complex was devised. Finally, we would place Èrith's cage in there and hook it up to a lever outside, and then seal off the entire complex with thick granite walls. When the lever was pulled, Èrith's cage opened and he was set free, to wander these quarters, but not to leave it ever again. He has a dining room, yet he never eats. He has a bed, but he never sleeps. He just dwells there, brooding, in the dark, and ever so often, a bin with bars would come down the chute, with instructions on metal items he can make, to enrich our fortress with the beauty of craftsdwarfship, and to atone for his sins. They say his craftsdwarfship has even improved in his isolation. Some say it's because smithing is all he ever does, but I believe that it's his way of speaking to the outside world. He can never directly speak to a living dwarf again, so he uses his ornamentation to tell his fellow dwarves he's sorry for what he did, and he's trying his best to be an honor for dwarfhood."

"Your stories are stupid, grandma. Everyone knows vampires aren't real. No dwarf can live for years without eating. Why even a few years ago Cilob's uncle starved to death while excavating a drainage pipe. There's no way we have an undying master blacksmith here."

"Oh really? Have you ever wondered why not a single dwarf in this fortress has any experience or interest in blacksmithing, yet our dining hall is full of master work metal furniture and our baron sits on a golden throne? Have you never wondered why sometimes we ask you to drop a few bins with bronze bars in that dark hole far down in the earth? And have you never wondered why sometimes we ask you to pick up masterful bronze furniture from that tiny room even further below? And have you never noticed the moans in the staircase wall next to the old magma forge?"

tl;dr: Had legendary vampire blacksmith, sealed him off in a small room and had him make masterwork metal furniture for the rest of his life time. Planning to train another vampire as gem setter BTW.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on March 27, 2012, 06:45:20 pm

Well written story! Thanks :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: EmeraldWind on March 27, 2012, 09:28:09 pm

Quote from: TinyPirate on March 27, 2012, 06:45:20 pm

Well written story! Thanks :)

I have to agree with that, this story completely sucked me in.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Sorcerer on March 28, 2012, 05:47:37 am

Rodem Sestaura was a an adventurer, his skills with the sword was unmatched, and for years he traveled from town to town offering his sword in the service of the people.
Many a monster fell to his blade and soon word of his exploits reached the queen herself. When she heard the tale of Rodem she demanded to see him at once, there was one creature that still plagued the countryside.. Monom Saszar, the Sizzling Glow, a mighty dragon with over three thousand kills to his name.
This was a mighty challenge, even for Rodem, and he requested a military detachment to assist him in taking down the beast; The Queen agreed.
Rodem and a detachment of 20 soldiers left the castle and headed north towards Monom Saszar's cave.

The mighty dragon had made his home in an abandoned temple. Huge marble columns surrounded an open area where the dragon slept on his hoard.
As they approached, the dragon stirred, black smoke bellowing from his nostrils, there was no turning back now..
The battle was joined, the soldiers charged forwards, Rodem at their head when suddenly the world turned red.
Liquid Fire spouted from the dragons mouth enveloping everyone but rodem, who just barely managed to dodge out of the way. The screams of the burning soldiers rang in his ears as he charged the last few meters towards the dragon.

He swung his sword towards the dragon's neck, but it failed to penetrate deep enough, and only left a small gash. In retaliation the dragon slashed out with his claws, slicing through Rodem's Iron armor and tearing into his flesh. Another claw strike followed, and another. Rodem rolled away from a furious attack and managed to get his bearings, he was bleeding, but he was still alive. He got up and charged towards the dragon, aiming for his head this time he plunged his sword into its right eye, tearing it apart.
The dragon roared and rushed forwards, knocking Rodem on his back, the dragons maw clenched around his right arm and bit down hard. There was a sickening crunch as the dragon pulled away his arm from the elbow down.
Rodem was bleeding out, this was it, it was all over now, the legendary swordsman had finally met his match. The dragon opened his mouth, a red glow emanating from deep in his throat, as it prepared another gout of flame to wash away what was left of Rodem.
Suddenly, a lone arrow came flying out of the ash and smoke from the initial attack and struck the dragon clean in his remaining eye, a lone archer had survived the burns and bleeding the fire had caused, and was ready to rejoin the fight. The dragon was now blind, but he still managed to catch the archer in a massive billow of flame.
This was the only chance Rodem would get, he rolled over to his discarded forearm, threw away his shield and picked up the sword. This wasn't over yet.
The dragon turned around and saw Rodem back on his feet, he charged forward, Rodem charged to meet him and plunged his sword into the dragon's mouth and buried it deep in his skull.

Rodem awoke some time later, still bleeding from a number of deep gashes and the stump of his right arm. He picked himself up bandaged his wounds as best he could and staggered through the carnage of the battlefield.. twenty charred corpses surrounded him, some had tried to crawl away, paths of blood and burnt flesh marred the marble floor.

He left his sword there, in the dragon's skull, and would never wield another again...

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: EmeraldWind on March 29, 2012, 12:12:54 am

I have one that made me laugh a bit. I already posted this somewhere else, but it fits here too.

Quote from: EmeraldWind on March 29, 2012, 12:08:21 am

Dear Little Urist McNoPants,

I understand you're upset, I would be too if I was naked.
But instead of throwing bins of clothes at everyone else,
just take a second and put some on.

Sincerely,
Mr. McOverseer

PS: Please, if you are going to stay mad leave the clothing stockpile.
There are other dwarves perfectly willing to dress themselves that want in.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: The Dog Delusion on March 29, 2012, 10:47:04 pm

Here's a story I posted a while ago:

Quote from: The Dog Delusion on December 07, 2010, 05:14:47 am

So I embarked out in the savanna, and although I was only initially bothered by a few buzzards, year 5 or so rolled around and we've got a horse problem. I'll spare you all the long rambling narrative, but here's the rundown of what happened leading up to my problem:

1) The horses initially just sorta played "chicken" with the dwarves going in and out of the fort. A few cancelled jobs, but no real problems.
2) Finally, they got really bold and a couple ran INTO the fortress, causing mass panic and job cancellation.
3) I enabled the military on a "kill:horse" expedition, but since they were all barehanded and trying to wrestle the horse to death (and horses are fast), it ended up with the wrestlers just chasing the horses back and forth, presumably to this music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ).
4) After locking the horse in th dining room with my wrestlers, I was hoping they'd chase it around long enough to allow me to build a few cage traps outside of the door to catch it. Alas, just as I unlocked the door and the wrestlers moved to chase it out into the cage traps, the horse freaked out and trampled on a dwarf carrying her baby, trampling the baby to death and knocking the mother unconcious on top of the cage trap, triggering it to catch her instead of the horse.
5) Cage trap plan part 2: I trapped the horse in the hospital, and had my wrestlers once again chase the damn thing around while I built more cage traps around the door. Just as I was unlocking the door, the horse fell down the well. I assumed that It would drown or something, but instead, it swam up into the tunnel (the one that I dug to open up the lake into the well) and just stood there in 3/7 water. For about 2 seasons.
6) I finally got sick of seeing the horse in my well, so I dug a flight of stairs down to it and waited for it to exit the well, go through the hospital, and get caged. Sure enough, after waiting for another 2 seasons, he did exactly that.
7) Elated that I'd finally caught the hooved menace, I toyed with what to do with him. I had my ranger train him to make it tame, but then I thought better of the "pet horse that once pissed me off and killed a baby" and decided to butcher it.
8) After setting it to be butchered, the dwarf opened the cage, and THE DAMN HORSE escaped, running amok like some sort of angry galloping santa with job cancellation spam instead of presents. And now I've discovered that because of the (tame) tag, I can't target him with my military dwarves to make them chase him around anymore. Without the dwarven keystone cops chasing him around, it's hella hard to route him through specific doorways...

Quote from: The Dog Delusion on December 07, 2010, 06:05:41 am

So the horse (now named Rumadabsam) is finally locked away in my tower-cap farm down on the cavern level. I've already cleared out most of the beasties in the cavern level, but I'm trying to think of what to do with the bugger now...

Does Giant Cave Spider Silk mean that there's a Giant Cave Spider nearby? I haven't run into one in my explorations of the cavern, but I keep seeing the silk around...

Quote from: The Dog Delusion on December 07, 2010, 06:54:00 am

and so, the reign (rein?) of terror of Ramadabsam came to an end. I sent the wrestlers down to to the tree farm and had them patrol in a circular path for a while. Eventually, the horse got spooked in the proper direction and went out the airlock into the newly penetrated second cavern system. This particular cavern is yet unexplored, so we'll see what fun Ramadabsam gets himself into as he trots around down there among the mushrooms.

[EDIT]: "Troglodytes" is the answer, lol. He ran into a pack of them, and they chased him all of the the cavern. Since he's technically "(tame)," the chase revealed all of the nooks and crannies of the cavern, so I know exactly what it's full of now (more troglodytes). They got tired of chasing him eventually, but he's still down there, and they say that if you listen carefully, you can hear his hoofbeats and whinnying deep in the caves...
 8)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Loud Whispers on March 30, 2012, 12:56:16 pm

Found a necromancer tower in the middle of an icy tundra during a blizzard. Seeking shelter from the storm, I walked inside.
What proceeded can be summed up by me luring several dozen undead out into the storm, picking them off groups at a time with a silver mace, until just the necromancers remained inside the tower. The ring leader was on the floor above, away from the books, so I left him alone.
One of the books caught my eye.
The Dwarf is my life.
I put the book back on the table, turned around and headed down the staircase. The Dwarf Necromancer caught sight of me, and gave chase, calmly raising all the undead I had slain, before giving up and walking back into the tower - as I walked out.
The blizzard had ended.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Henrietta on April 01, 2012, 07:37:21 am

Once we had a Baroness and her consort show up to our skeleton and vomit encrusted series of meandering caves that passed for a fort. The Baroness was a perfectly sensible Dwarf and apart from her intial demands for an opulent bedroom she pretty much minded her own business. Sometimes we'd hear an order to construct granite hatch covers, not that the fort actually needed any hatch covers, but we were happy enough to carve a few lumps of granite into slabs.

Her consort, the Baron however... in the first month he demanded we make him... mittens. Wool mittens. This was not considered an appropriately Dwarven request, and so it was rightly ignored. Time passed, and some months later there came another request from on high for mittens. This too was ignored. The bleak chill of midwinter set in and we huddled down in our misreable rat infested dirt pile, shivering in the blood stinking halls.

"Mittens."

"No."

Spring arrived, then Summer, and then the least Dwarven mandate we'd ever recieved. The Baron demanded that we construct an ornate gem window for his bedroom. This was ignored. Unfortunately, after mocking and studiously ignoring him for the better part of two years the Baron went berserk. He smashed through his bedroom door and began flailing his fists at a nearby Dwarven child, screaming in incoherent rage. This minor kerfuffle was noticed by a pack of the fortress hounds who set upon the Baron with great fervour, tearing out his throat and biting off both of his hands. The child scampered away, cursing at the mad Dwarf over his shoulder, and the Baron Consort bled to death shamefully, torn to pieces by half-starved mutts.

I ordered half of his remains to be buried in the paupers graveyard, the other half incinerated. Then I renamed his only child "Disgraced".

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 01, 2012, 07:44:46 am

The first story has been illustrated! Congrats to imperium3 for his story about a Bronze Colossus (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=101071.msg3007820#msg3007820)!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: exolyx on April 01, 2012, 02:57:46 pm

Oh, here's an early experience I had with vampires.

In the fortress of bitelantern, everything was going exceptionally well. With new migrants coming in large mounts every year, it was only a matter of time till a baron was needed. One was chosen, the previous mayor, he worked hard and gave simple mandates for useful things. At this time though, all was not well, for a body was found in their room, drained completely of blood. The dwarves were panicked, but became wary of each other. Soon, another body was found in the same condition. The baron knew what to do, he ordered that every dwarf with no present family be ordered to enter different rooms, to be sealed off. Knowing that the vampire would never get hungry or tired, he did not give them food and a bed was placed in there, to see if they would sleep in it. In total, five dwarves were locked away, and one by one they would fall asleep, being freed from the room afterwards, until only one remained. He waited and waited, but never escaped, so the baron knew what to do. He ordered the dwarf to be locked off in that room for all of eternity, never to leave again.
The fortress was then at peace for a very long time, but eventually a gremlin was found running through the fortress causing mischief. They quickly executed the gremlin, and shrugged it off as nothing. Time went on and eventually a dwarf child, unaware of what lied behind that door, came up to it, and to his surprise, it was unlocked. He ignored the "do not enter" sign and walked into the room, expecting to see some vast horde of treasure. Instead, he saw a body, lying down on a bed, drained completely of blood.
The commotion within the fortress was extreme, nobody expected this turn of events. Of course they came to the baron, wise and in power, wondering what to do. The baron contemplated, and ordered another purge. The dwarves with undying loyalty followed his orders and flushed out of the room. As they left, the baron smirked, a bit of blood dribbling down from the side of his mouth.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Kogut on April 02, 2012, 06:16:16 am

34.07

Siege, traders inside. I decided to wait but after liaison went insane (melancholy) I decided to open drawbridge and destroy invaders. All traders survived, including insane one. 2 years later to my fort immigrated insane dwarf, former liaison.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Loud Whispers on April 02, 2012, 06:40:33 am

I have no death and I must kill things. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=105526.msg3126756#msg3126756) Pending an ending.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: LumberingOaf on April 03, 2012, 12:52:50 am

I recently had a fledgling fort get attacked by a minotaur. My military were still quite fresh and poorly equipped, so I resolved to pull everyone inside and let my cage traps handle it. The first thing this minotaur does after arriving is charge at my livestock, specifically a lone yak that I'd pastured out on its own. After a ferocious volley of attacks, the minotaur knocks out all of the yak's teeth and covers it in bruises, including a gut injury. At this point, however, the yak decides it has had enough of this minotaur and begins to fight back. It charges the minotaur time and again puking madly after every action, missing each time but keeping the minotaur effectively stunlocked by repeatedly knocking it over. The minotaur, terrified by this puking bovine monstrosity, decides that maybe this wasn't such a great idea and begins to stumble madly towards the map edge, but suddenly, an attack lands, puncturing a lung. Seemingly spurred on by this victory, the yak proceeds to strike out a series of further attacks, culminating in a kick to the head, slaying the minotaur outright.

The moral of this story is: do not mess with yaks.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dunamisdeos on April 03, 2012, 06:54:51 am

I've got a few, but it'll take me a while to compose them.

Cue Litast Murderplank, who once dual wielded two dead elves to slaughter an entire hamlet of humans who had possibly wronged him.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dariush on April 04, 2012, 10:42:44 am

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://img809.imageshack.us/img809/6100/11brfk3.png)

A nude dwarf with a pick in one hand and a barrel of booze in the other. Who's also covered in demon blood. Dorfiness incarnated.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FuzzyZergling on April 04, 2012, 03:09:27 pm

My fort was just completely decimated by a zombie siege of dwarf corpses.
The only survivor was a vampire, who the undead didn't attack.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dunamisdeos on April 05, 2012, 06:38:44 am

I'll try my hand at writing. Here is a story about Kikrost Brasspassionate and her friends, from the 21st of Moonstone, in the year 23. Kikrost was the mother of modern axedwarfship in Cadenethiara, The Destined Plane, and across her life slew goblins, trolls, minotaurs, and beasts that defied description. This is ---

~The Tale of Kikrost and the Colossus~

A long time ago, in the year 23, Kikrost, known now as The Siege of Meanness, was but a stripling. With only 19 kills of goblinoid origins to her name, she thirsted for greater glories. When the goblins attacked in force (as they did at every winter's onset to date), she sharpened her new battleaxe, donned her suit of armor, and went out to join her troops. Each and every one was like a child, reared in the ways of battle by her own hand, and taught to stand by her in defense of Ochreblazed, their home. As she went out, she met her friend "Jerohan" Oiledwaned, grandfather to all smithdwarves, who first among all living things shaped adamantite to his will.

"Oi, Kikrost!", said Jerohan, "Be sure ta' bring me details this time! I'll not be doin' with your spotty reportin'."

"What's that? I always tell my stories in the hall, perhaps less soot in yer ears'd assist ye in hearing!", shouted Kikrost in return.

"Not th' fightin', girl, the ARMOR. I'll need to be refinin' me craft in this new metal the miners be findin', an' it needs as much testin' as ye can give it!"

"Ha! Yer new forgework be too light! It'll be lucky stop an armed elf, much less a goblin mace or spear!"


The crossbowdwarves took to their perches, while she and her troops rallied at the far end of the Great Bridgeway. The traps were readied, the Bridgeway narrowed in preparation, and the Pit Below yawned hungrily for goblin blood once more. Then came the cry "Contact to the southwest! It's Tura!". Now, a colossus was a beast of ancient legend, and we called them beasts, though they were not of nature. Made of solid bronze, and standing as high as a tower, these monstrosities of metal and magic were amongst the most feared monsters of all time. With no thought but destruction and no purpose other than rage, they were well and truly the perfect tool of chaos. Tura, now, that one was special. Many a brave adventuring soul had met his end at its powerful fists. It was famous from the Elf lands of Valeaxes to the Human cities of Glorypractices, and was given the name "Tura Smokeknighted, the Contest of Burning".

Kikrost heard the call and trembled. Here was a foe to match her mettle, that would make her remembered for all time. Only when a warrior faces death, she reasoned, could a conflict be deemed truly worthy. But she couldn't lead her troops against a creature like this, oh no. Her students were barely out of basic, with only two that she could even call adequate to weild an axe beside her. They would be massacred out of hand if she let them join her.

"Back!", she called, "I'll face it m'self. This monster is beyond any of you! I'll meet it here. The goblins hav'n seen it, let it do its work."

And it did. The goblins could never have been prepared to fight such a monster, not even the savage orcs of the day would have stood a chance. Its boots oozing blood from fresh kills, Tura came to the Great Bridgeway. They eyed each other, living dwarf and dead metal. The two could not have been more different, one with fire in its eyes and one with ice.

Cololobojleekus saw his chance! He would be famous! He would be rich, he would be fed! He-- OOF.

Time stopped. Kikrost couldn't believe her eyes. The marksdwarves held their fire, and even Tura halted. A kobold had tripped over the colossus' metal feet as he snuck by, apparantly too lost in some dream of ill-gotten-wealth to watch his step. "ROOOOOOOOOAAAAR!" came the primal bellow came from Tura. This soft, squeaking thing had come near it and now it dared to flee? Crush it's head, pull out its bones, make it cry for mercy! Kikrost watched, befuddled, as her worthy battle stampeded off into the hills, chasing Cololobojleekus the kobold, bellowing unto the clouds its hatred for life.

Later, in the dining hall, Kikrost reflected on the day's events. "Well, Kikrost!" chortled Jerohan, "Quite th' glorious match t'day! Ye must'v stared him down til' he ran from sheer fright! Tis' a great day for Ochreblazed!".

"It'll be back" said Kikrost calmly. "We be th' greatest city of our people. The noise of our hammers and picks can be heard through th' earth for miles fer those with ears ta' hear it. It'll be back. Th' beast will remember our halls an' people, and when it comes... I'll be waitin'."

Tura did meet it's end at the hands of Kikrost Brasspassionate. But that, my friends, is a another tale, for another time.
 

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 05, 2012, 07:18:54 am

Two more selected. The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in, as is the story of the sword forged by one lover, given to the other, and used to kill a dragon. It's too late for me to link, off to bed :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Kogut on April 05, 2012, 07:24:53 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on April 05, 2012, 07:18:54 am

The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in

BTW, this was classified as a bug and fixed. I am not sure whatever it changes anything.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Geb on April 05, 2012, 07:49:01 am

I seem to be turning up late to this party, but I'll add my story anyway.

This all happened back in the days of version 40d. Things were very different then...

I was trying to penetrate an aquifer by the cave-in method. It was the first time I had tried it and so without experience to guide me, I collapsed a ring of soil down into a 3*3 hole in the aquifer, leaving one single safe tile through which I could get down. Note "ring" not "square". I had already mined out the central tile, so I couldn't carve a downwards staircase. I had one single tile of safe path down, without a staircase.

Back then, it wasn't possible to simply build a staircase from the top down.

I had picked the location to start digging very carefully so I didn't want to abandon the pit and try again, so I came up with a cunning plan. I had to get a dwarf down into the hole. I would set my starting seven training wrestling in the pit. Once the careless fighting on the lip of the pit had the inevitable result, I could then dump a log down the hole, have the fallen dwarf build stairs, and all would be well.

It didn't work out like that.

The dwarves sparred, dodged, gained in skill, and fell down holes. Three of my starting seven got shoved down the wrong hole and drowned in my well. The rest all became champions, legendary in their wrestling skill. Nobody would work. The elite fighters all considered themselves too dedicated to their martial skill. Traders came, and none of the fighters would trade, nor would they sieze goods. Nobody would gather plants. Wrestling was their entire world now, and the labours of the common dwarfs seemed unimportant next to their training. I was hoping for migrants, but none came because the only wealth I had produced was a hole in the ground with rotting drowned corpses in it.

I kept the game going, waiting to see if the champions could survive on automaticaly hunting vermin for food, but they fought on, training themselves into starvation, and by then there was no food stockpile left to attract vermin.

The solitary achievement of the fort was the digging a hole in the soil layer.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Talvieno on April 05, 2012, 12:16:46 pm

Yep, the vampires don't accuse animals anymore. It was a bug. :(  A funny one, but still a bug.

Even so:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m03j1pqstv1rq0wemo1_500.jpg)
source (http://drawnfortress.tumblr.com/post/18431471094/animals-make-terrible-fall-guys)

Awesome story, Geb. lol   Loved it.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 06, 2012, 12:45:28 am

Quote from: Kogut on April 05, 2012, 07:24:53 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on April 05, 2012, 07:18:54 am

The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in

BTW, this was classified as a bug and fixed. I am not sure whatever it changes anything.

Yeah, I do mention that in the book, the story is still funny tho :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: CptFastbreak on April 06, 2012, 11:40:10 am

Quote from: EmeraldWind on March 27, 2012, 09:28:09 pm

Quote from: TinyPirate on March 27, 2012, 06:45:20 pm

Well written story! Thanks :)

I have to agree with that, this story completely sucked me in.

Thanks guys. This is the first story I wrote for the forums, really encouraging feed back. Also, a really great story thread. Seems like the prospect of being published as a comic really brings out the best in the community ;)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Ross Vernal on April 06, 2012, 02:18:32 pm

A tale in two languages!  I had to change the names just a little bit for the sake of literary-ness, but the wanton, reckless unstoppable elf-slaughter totally happened.

Dolores, Queen of the Humans

(http://tnypic.net/724aa.jpg)

Once upon a time, elves and dwarves walked the earth with humans. It was an age of myth, of monsters, and of magic. The races lived together in peace for 22 years before a cold fall day, in a forest bigger than any you've ever seen. In the forest, there was a cruel kingdom of elves named "The Kingdom of of the Twinkling Eagles" because the crown of the kingdom looked like an eagle. The evil prince of the Elves, Alano of the Berries, was admiring his forest with his knights when they heard the sound of axes cutting his trees. In a fit of fury, Alano drew his sword and ran towards the sound. When the prince and his escort arrived where the sound was, he saw that the woodcutters were haggard humans. With a bloodthirsty shout, Alano killed the peasants, attacked the nearby town, and when he believed he had killed everyone, he burned the town.

There was a young survivor named Dolores. She was living in the ruins for two days until a caravan of dwarves, with large, well-groomed beards, arrived with strong beer and rock goods to sell. One dwarf, who was known as Shorty the Sober, adopted Dolores and raised her as though she were a young dwarf. Every day, Dolores worked in the forges with her father, carried ores from the mines, spoke the language of the dwarves, ate cave mushrooms and cave fish, carved rocks, and fenced with the dwarven warriors. For twenty years, she lived in the underground fortress of the dwarves before she asked Chico "Why am I taller than the other dwarves? And why don't I have a silky beard like the dwarf women?"

(http://tnypic.net/58320.jpg)

With a heavy heart and fear for the future, Shorty told her "Because, my daughter, you're a human. I rescued you from a town that was destroyed by the prince of the elves and his brutal knights. With a cold smile, she swore that she would take revenge for the tragedy that happened to her town. Her father and her friends tried to stop her, but every time, Dolores told them that it was a question of honor and that she could not ignore her duties. At last, Shorty abandoned his efforts, went to his forge, and made armor and a sword of the best dwarven steel for his daughter.

(http://tnypic.net/9403a.jpg)

Armed and armored, Dolores left with the dwarf traders to the human kingdom. A month passed before they saw human peasants. When she arrived at the grand city of the humans, she went alone to the castle to raise an army. To her surprise, the castle was desolated, with a layer of dust, spiderwebs, bloodstains, and broken elf-arrows. Confused, she asked an elder who was walking by what happened, and he told her that the elves had attacked the kingdom every year for the past twenty years without stopping. When she heard this, she was filled with fury and vengeance, and ran to the forest to burn it down.

Alano of the Berries saw the smoke from his throne of bones, and he sent his knights to investigate.

(http://tnypic.net/40140.jpg)

(http://tnypic.net/ab926.jpg)

(http://tnypic.net/646a3.jpg)

(http://tnypic.net/274b2.jpg)

 He waited for half a day, and when his knights didn't return with the head of the criminal, he went to see for himself.

(http://tnypic.net/0c678.jpg)


Once again, he drew his sword in a fit of fury, ready to kill. Dolores was waiting for the prince to arrive, and when he arrived in a hurry, she split his head with a powerful blow with her sword.

(http://tnypic.net/6619a.jpg)

With a shout of delight, Dolores reclaimed the Crown of Twinking Eagles. When she returned to the city, one of the inhabitants put the crown on her head while the others shouted "The elf king is dead! Long live the queen of the humans!" Free from the threat of the elves under the protection of Queen Dolores...

(http://tnypic.net/215a3.jpg)

(http://tnypic.net/34aa3.jpg)

... the human empire prospered, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end!

(http://tnypic.net/a3544.jpg)

Spanish:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Érase una vez, elvos y enanos caminaban la tierra con los humanos. Era una época de mitos, de monstruos y de magia. Las razas vivíeran juntas en paz por veintidós años hasta un día frió en otoño, en un bosque más grande de cualquier otro que has visto. En el bosque, había un reino cruel de elvos llamado “El Reino de las Águilas Brillantes” porque la corona del reino se parecía a una águila.  El príncipe malvado de los elvos, Alano de las Bayas, estaba admirando su bosque con sus caballeros de arma cuándo oyó el sonido de hachas que estaban cortando sus arboles. En un arrebato de furia, Alano sacó su espada y corrió hacia el sonido. Cuando el príncipe y su escolta llegaron al lugar del sonido, el vio que los leñadores eran humanos demacrados. Con un grito sanguinario, Alano mató los campesinos, atacó el pueblo cercano, y cuando creyó que había matado a todos, quemó el pueblo.

Había una sobreviviente joven llamada Dolores. Ella estaba viviendo en las ruinas por dos días hasta que una caravana de enanos, con barbas muy largas y bien peinadas, llegaron con cerveza fuerte y baratijas hechas de roca para vender. Un enano, Chico el Sobrio, adoptó a Dolores y la crió como si fuese una enana joven. Todos los días, Dolores trabajaba en las fraguas con su padre, llevaba minerales de las minas, hablaba el lenguaje de los enanos, comía champiñónes y pescados de las cuevas, esculpía piedras, y hacia la esgrima con los guerreros de los enanos. Por veinte años, vivió en la fortaleza subterránea de los enanos hasta que le preguntó a Chico, “¿Porque soy mas alta que los otro enanos? ¿Y porque no tengo la barba sedosa como las mujeres enanas?”

Con un corazón pesado y miedo del futuro, Chico le dijo a ella “Porque, hija mia, eres humana. Te rescate de un pueblo que fue destruido por el príncipe de los elvos y sus caballeros brutales.”  Con una sonrisa fría, ella juró que iba a vengarse por la pena que paso su pueblo. Su padre y sus amigos trataron de pararla, pero cada vez, Dolores les dijo que era una cuestión de honor, y que no podía ignorar su deber. Por fin, Chico abandonó sus esfuerzos, fue a su fragua, y fabricó armadura y un espada del mejor acero de los enanos para su hija.

Armada y blindada, Dolores salió con los enanos vendedores al reino de los humanos. Paso un mes hasta que ellos vieron campesinos humanos. Cuando llegaron a la ciudad grande de los humanos, Dolores fue sola al castillo para reclutar un ejército. Para su sorpresa, el castillo estaba desolado, con una capa de polvo, telas de araña, manchas de sangre y flechas rotas de elvos. Confundida, ella le pregunto a un anciano que estaba pasando que fue lo que paso, y el le dijo a Dolores que los elvos asaltaron el reino por los últimos veinte años sin parar. Cuando oyó eso, ella estaba llena de furia y venganza, y corrió al bosque para quemarlo.

Alano de las Bayas vio el humo desde su trono de huesos, y envió sus caballeros de arma  para investigar. Esperó por un mediodía, y cuando los caballeros de arma no regresaron con la cabeza del criminal, fue para ver por sí mismo. Otra vez, Alano sacó su espada  en un arrebato de furia, preparado para matar. Dolores estaba esperado a que llegara el príncipe, y cuando el llegó  apresuradamente, ella escindió su cabeza con un golpe tremendo con su espada. Con un grito de gusto, Dolores reclamó la Corona de las Águilas Brillantes. Cuando ella regresó a la cuidad, uno de los habitantes le puso la corona en la cabeza de Dolores mientras  los otros aclamaban “¡El rey de los elvos está muerto! ¡Viva la reina de los humanos!”  Libre de la amenaza de los elvos bajo la  protección de la Reina Dolores, el reino de los humanos prospero, y todos vivieron felices para siempre. ¡Colorín colorado, este cuento se ha acabado!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Orinn on April 09, 2012, 05:26:48 pm

This was years ago and in one of my first, and still my favorite Dwarf Fortress
This even is what I consider the end of the fort, as there was nothing more to do.

the Dragon sarvesh Nelasotil Lumul Stettad, has come!

This is my first dragon, he is red I order all my defenses to work, which consists of my 4 marksdwarfs, and my 5 champions, one has a broken arm another a punctured lung. I ordered the bridges pulled up, the dwarves to stay indoors.

It occurs to me I should of built a safe room, a room with thick walls made of steel on all sides, with some beds and food, and a fail safe switch that collapse the entrance. Put some picks in there and the people can dig themselves out later, after the threat had passed.

The siege operator is ordered to man the ballista staring down my main entrence. Maybe we can stun the dragon ontop of the cage traps and capture it. Maybe wood cages cant hold fire breathing dragons. I read somwhere they cant fly, yet. But the creator said they will fly evnetually and do so while breathing fire down on you, as a dragon should. Problem is did I read this in an old article or a current one? Do the dragons fly, do my 3 atriums of sunlight, 2 of which lead 10 stories down to the living quarters level leave a opening to the heart of my base?

I am reassured by the fact that all my royal guards and castle gaurds have become champons themselves. They will be a good last line of defense. All the while I noticed some stupid child has managed to fall into one of my wells, so I order the levers thrown that will empty the water so that he has a chance to live, to see a dragon consume his family.

All of this is done while paused, all the orders sent. Now I wait. I unpause the game and the Dragon stands there not moving from the edge of the map. The marks dwarves take up position in the tower. Gaurds are moving about. As usual Kratos disobeys orders and takes patrol outside the castle (stupid brain damage). Still no movement from the dragon. No other gaurds have taken up a position outside. Only Kratos.

The dragon has begun his approach. On the ground, it seems he does not know hot to fly. I wonder how wrestlers fair against dragons. The dragon heads straight for the entrence, before he is even within range of the archers, Kratos heads straight for him, alone. None of her squad has shown up yet. A fitting end for such a fearsome killing machine. Killed by dragon, with 88 kills under her belt. She has two platinum chest in her tomb. This was before I learned that in all my minning I have only found 6 platinum nuggest and next to adamantum it is the most precious and rare metal in the game. So I am ready for her death, and even the destruction of the entire castle. Before Kratos gets in range the archers open fire. The dragon is just outside my moat on the paved road. As Kratos is headed in the dragon breathes fire. This is not a 1 square effect. it is a cone effect that shoots out more then half dozen tiles in front of it, igniting anything that can burn. I wait for the smoke to clear. I see that a 10x4 section of solid stone road has been melted into nothing. I see a pile of ash where Kratos was standing. I then see the dragon get hit. Kratos dodged the fire, all of it, she has no damage, and under the smoke she moved in for the attack. The dragon gets enraged. Kratos's name is flashing in red and yellow (no idea what that means)
She has knocked the dragon out of range of the archers. It is her and the dragon.

A second later the dragon is stunned, in pain, it's liver, nose, stomach, upper and lower spine have all taken major damage. The fire from what is still burning has created smoke and I can not see the fight below.

The dragon is unconciuos, and Kratos is on fire running away. The flashing red and yellow name meant she was on fire, that she was tearing apart that dragon while burning. She is showing damage to her entire body, the list just goes on and on.

She is running toward the entrence. I wish she would throw herself int the moat I could save her from drowning, not much I can do about fire.

Kratos Kubukthak Gingfotthor, god of war, has bled to death.
moments later Sarvesh the dragon dies in a pile of blood and vomit from the injuries Kratos inflicted.

Here Lies Kratos, God of war, 88 Kills, and 1 Dragon

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 11, 2012, 05:10:45 am

LOL - dwarfy!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Tsuchigumo550 on April 11, 2012, 11:24:06 pm

I, by no means, am what you'd call an "experienced" DF player. I've been around, and had a few fortresses survive for a good, long time, and nearly become self-sufficient. As undwarven as it sounds, I never played with a "magma release" or any of the other fun magma-y goodness, but one particular fort had become quite, well, legendary. Sitting between two large cliff sides, this fort was legendary- for someone of my caliber. It was self-sufficient, and well protected. Given a few more years, it could have been a grand and legendary fortress.

A certain forgotten beast had other plans.

It all started when I began an expansive mining project that was simply labeled "catacombs." The layout of the entire operation was like a maze, 3-square wide hallways that were soon littered with traps. It had been too long since I had hit a cavern, having only seen one after many, many levels of digging.  Some said my beard sense had been tingling.

I had been right. The "project catacombs" ended with an abrupt fall 5 Z-levels onto hard ground. The three miners who had been digging had been reduced to two, as the first to break into the cavern broke both legs on impact. The other dwarves scurried away, as a message appeared... A Forgotten beast had reared it's ugly head, looking for blood. It was a one-humped camel creature, made from microcline.

I had forgotten to tell my dwarves to cancel the rest of Catacombs until it was too late.  Seeing as the creature had no wings, it wouldn't have been able to get inside... until my dwarves made a staircase to ground floor. I noticed that they had continued when the second Forgotten Beast showed up, in a different cavern little more than a few squares away. This one was a winged gecko of granite.

Both beasts began their charge through the catacombs. Trap after trap was proven useless, as these monstrosities managed to twist their way straight to my fortresses main floor.

My army had been stationed along with a hastily built Ballista. Behind that was a single lever. I had already assembled a last stand, and everyone else was either locked in their room or in the statue garden. The fight started with every crossbow in my army firing, to little avail. The beasts were just too strong. They charged up into the front lines, the gecko all the wile randomly spewing toxic gases. The camel was content to spit globs of death from a slight distance.

The army rushed in, and the ranged units gave it their all. The combined syndromes, however, soon brought a stop to my entire offensive- the mixed poisons had caused a slew of effects, from paralysis to unconsciousness to severe necrosis. As my army lay dying, I commanded the last man, the Ballista operator, to pull the switch.

Five iron floodgates and an artifact slate floodgate opened, spewing water from their maw, washing away the toxic feild, all the accumulated gore, a few still breathing dwarves, and the wingless camel. The camel fought the current and came back up, the water depleted and the last attack proven useless. The forgotten beasts couldn't destroy anything to leave, and my dwarves had begun a tantrum spiral after so many died. Eventually, the great fortress of Carnal Triangles was lost.

---Adventure Mode Followup/ Carnal Triangles II---

     The legend of Carnal Triangles was a simple one, that you could hear in any tavern in the land. It was a great monument of Dwarven capability, daring anyone to try and breach it's walls. It was another story of the dwarves releasing a horrible creature and disappearing never to be seen again, and as an adventurer in a nearby town, I decided I would be the first adventurer to explore the fairly recent ruins.

     The doors were wooden, but the rest of the walls were solid rock. The door, surprisingly, opened with a single push. I found a farm that was still fertile, though the plants were long gone. There I saw the staircase down. I tightened my grip on my longsword and plowed on through.

     The hallways, at first, were just basic rock. The further I went, though, they smoothed out, then they were carved with most of Dwarven history. The workshops themselves looked like ancient technology, despite how advanced it could be.  I found leftover Steel armor, but I couldn't wear it. The only bad thing about Dwarven armor? It doesn't fit.

     I had thoroughly explored the fortresses upper floors, finding nothing interesting save a statue-filled room with what looked to be at least 20 dwarf skeletons. I assumed that this was the room of their final stand against whatever cave-dwelling freaks that had pushed them out of their own earth. I trudged on deeper, wondering what it could have been that caused all this carnage.

     I found what looked like a graveyard or soldiers en-masse. Compared to the other room, the smell of death here was less strong, and I quickly noticed why. Trickles of water leaked from all but one floodgate, all of them having damage that was irreversible to all but the finest craftsmen. I followed the trail of water for little more than a few steps before I heard a sickening outcry, like stones being smashed together and screaming of children put together.

     Out of the darkness slinked a massive lizard with wings. I drew my sword expecting a dragon, but this dragon was just an oversized gecko... made out of granite. Immediately, I saw clouds of gas erupting from cracks in it's body.

     I moved away and began firing over and over with my crossbow that I had looted earlier in hopes of killing the beast, but the bolts did little against the stone body. I thought I had still had a chance, when a glob of some vile material splattered over my sword arm. Standing behind the rapidly advancing gecko beast was a giant blue stone camel, looking as though it was ready to spit again.

     I turned and ran, trying my best to outpace the gecko. I dropped all my loot, leaving just the armor I had on and the sword I carried on my person, which gave me just enough speed to escape it. I ran and ran, nearly reaching the top floor, when I felt myself grow stiff. I tried to force movement, but it was hopeless. I looked at my shoulder and noticed that the slime had managed to cause some pretty bad swelling. It also caused paralysis. i figured. I was trapped, just like the dwarves were. The gecko got closer, closer...

-This is a superior quality engraving of the adventurer, Lockshaft, in his adventure to the fortress of Carnal Triangles. On the image is a forgotten beast shaped like a gecko. On the image is a forgotten beast shaped like a camel. On the image is a carving of cheese.-



And a much shorter, less lore-involved bit.

     I had just gotten my fourth immigrant wave when one of the metalworkers goes crazy and takes the one forge I have ready. I had plenty of bars from a very great set of four intersecting veins, and this dwarf calls upon all his great and amazing engineering ability to give me a grand steel sword, adorned with rings of silver and menacing with spikes of (more) silver.

On the sword, there was an image of cheese. That was the only thing on this sword, named
"Lusthorror the Inch of Justifying."

I immediately handed it to the first dwarf with any competence with a weapon at all and told him to go kill a few nuisance badgers, the same ones that kept stopping my dwarves from moving my booze into the new stockpile. He rushed out, and pretty easily slaughtered the whole lot... until a Giant Badger showed up. I figured it would be easy for Mr. Cheese Sword to kill it, even with his lack of armor, but I was so horribly wrong.

     Urist McAwesome (I didn't get his name, sadly) rushes the badger, but somehow misses. From here on in, they're locked in a ballte to the death, an occasional limb flying to armok knows where on the map. I looked at the battle every few steps, and saw that the badger was winning by a long shot. It had minor damage.

     Urist McItsJustAFleshWound is missing both legs and his non-sword arm, and he's still (barely) alive, and STILL FIGHTING.
He manages to DECAPITATE the giant badger the very next second, then dies of blood loss the very next frame. The sheer amount of blood covered nearly a screenful of squares. I later made him a proper memorial slab, sealing that in a room of solid gold, engraved with pictures of awesome and containing the last worldly possession of Urist McDead, Lusthorror.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Bomepie on April 15, 2012, 08:26:54 am

I know you're going the going to be focusing on stories, but I think it'd be nice to see just a page or two dedicated to some of the more impressive megaprojects. Some truly impressive constructions have come out of dwarf fortress, and the 3d viewers just don't do them justice.

That said, I really just want to tout my only achievement in this game: the MEGADORF™ (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=60145.0): a 1000 foot tall fortress in the shape of a giant dwarf.

Here's a picture of it:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(http://i.imgur.com/J6ZaK.png)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: SAFry on April 15, 2012, 09:30:05 am

"Der be gold in dem dar hills!", the old dwarves of the Iron Hand said as they looked to the east across the plains from the sinister, haunted mountains where they had somehow thrived. As the wagon full of seven hopefuls reached their destination, at the end of the rolling plains to the solitary volcano in the centre of the continent they could see the stories were true. In the sandy earth at the base of the volcano rising steeply like a giant green wave towering over the plain they could see native gold glinting in the sun at the very surface! The group was a soft handed band of bookish types, a skilled architect, an expert trader, bookkeeper and a manager, the group had some skill at masonry and carpentry but little else. In their exuberance they fell up on the gold ore only to find that their poor mining skills yielded little of use. Their disappointment was short lived however as their excavations soon revealed that this was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, this was truly a mountain of gold!

Before long their hold was excavated, it was laid down with spacious halls and room for formidable defence from the start. A steep, dark, seemingly never ending staircase snaked up the spine of the volcano to the surface of the mountain where quickly magma forges dangled hungrily over the brink smelting gold ore day and night. The small terrace of land in front on the main gates was landscaped so it could only be accessed from a singular ramp opposite the entrance, just large enough for the trade caravans from afar to fit up. The only problem they had was that so far they had not found a single scrap of any ore apart from gold. Dwarves can not live on gold alone, or can they? A legendary golden artefact mechanism was crafted by one inspired dwarf which lead the architect to another inspiration, a shrine to gold as the heart of the fortress. The nearby river was tapped and a wonderful well room was constructed, it had gold brick walls, gold brick floors, gold doors, gold tables and gold thrones. At it's centrer was the well made of gold bricks with a gold chain, a gold bucket and to top it off the finely detailed artefact, the gold mechanism. Dwarves were often found wondering the halls ecstatically after having spent a time in this sublime chamber.

(http://i43.tinypic.com/20jpted.jpg)

Despite all this incredible wealth at their disposal the dwarves were not having an easy time of it. Their hold was within the sphere of influence of both a kobold and a goblin kingdom, they were also not far from a necromancers tower. They bought what they could from traders but the ragtag militia were poorly equipped with not even a single one of them owning a complete suit of armour. Their bows had bolts made of bone and the few migrants who had arrived were all largely unskilled in the martial arts. Spaces left for weapon traps and siege engines laid empty as they dwarves awaited traders to show up with the iron they had requested. Only a thin line of cage traps and war dogs tethered by golden chains defended the main entrance.

All the trees near the entrance had been cut down and dwarves wondered far away, down the ramp, to find more timber when one day disaster stuck. The militia had been pretty beaten up by a couple of recent goblin ambushes, a strange giant had been put down with little ado but the construction of a hospital had been sidetracked by the dwarves preoccupation with producing gem encrusted golden crafts. When the 50 strong band of undead showed up only a few brief years after the fort's foundation many of the residents were trapped on the wrong side of the ramp. The ragtag militia came limping out in drip and drabs with half their number still wounded from recent fighting. An unarmed group followed them hoping to pick up their weapons and armour and continue the fight should they fall. The battle was grim, the defences were weak, unfinished, dogs torn apart by zombies, the graveyard quickly filled.

After the fight had somehow miraculously been won the people swore to change their ways. They turned their back on gold and made use of what else they had in lieu of any useful metals. They made traps bristling with menacing green glass spikes and sharp obsidian blades. They fortified the ramp with blocks of obsidian dark as midnight, at the top of the obsidian ramp stood guard their trademark war dogs on golden chains, deadly traps nestled in the brickwork.

(http://i40.tinypic.com/153p5wn.jpg)

When the day finally came, those shuffling hulks were once again spotted on the horizon the well oiled plan sprung into action. Animal were herded into the maw of the mountain, citizens poured into their emergency access tunnels moments before vertical bars of gold dropped down closing off every entrance apart from one. Two dogs strained at their chains defiantly barking at the hoard of undead filtering towards the black ramp. The militia commander levelled his legendary crossbow from the battlements over the entrance, they we still a mismatched patchwork of armours but at least they were in good health and ready for the fight.

One by one then in the twos and threes the undead came up the ramp, the carnage was appalling, glass and obsidian flashed out of holes in the dark stone. The dogs readied themselves but not one, not a single undead made it through that first line of defence to the two dogs. As the whole fort watched over a hundred undead dwarves and elves were sliced to pieces on those black stone bricks.

"Dwarves can not live on gold alone", the mayor said sagely as he started the mammoth task of cleaning up the mess. 

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: vicwarrior on April 15, 2012, 01:44:08 pm

Well i made some security in the hollow adamantite tube leading to hell...Some Sparrow fiends made it to my magma forges and killed some by the time my squad and my champion came in.... Champion VS Sparrow fiend...

(http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/2959/tmesswhitthechampion.png)

Note those were the only 2 moves the champion the sparrow fiend was too busy strangeling the fisherdwarf

(http://img708.imageshack.us/img708/627/killlist.png)

He killed all 3 sparrow fiends that got inside my fortress.

The lesson is: Don't mess whit the champion.

Edit: he didn't even get bruised.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Haspen on April 15, 2012, 08:56:24 pm

Melbilonshen a 40d fort, was a large metropolis, with 220+ dwarves living in it. It started as a small camp, founded on the edge of chasm in foreboding, black hills surrounded by desert of crimson sand. Giant cave spiders, invasion of mole dogs, lack of equipment and goblins, first ten years only made the dwarves living in devote themselves to make the catacombs larger At the 25th year of it's existence, there was twice more dead in the coffins than the living inhabitants. The vishne, four-armed, blue-skinned, steel-clad giants were no longer a threat, the bulk of city army at last well trained and well supplied, the shortages of alloys and steel being filled. The Queen Idem Imcatten also arrived and instilled her iron laws, which allowed for the first prison to be built. Many perished in the prison cells but life has been made better. Traders brought exotic materials and foods, and the dwarves were buying them for lowest of prices, as the miners explored the sides of chasm for it's wealth. The masterwork aqueduct tunnel system was supplying the wells and farms with clean water, then it was going through waterfall-bathroom, to be dumped into the chasm - truly an object of jealousy in the whole known world

All was well... until one faithful day, on the summer 205...

"Hello Mayor Reg! Going outside with children again?" Asked Mosus, the only founder of the metropolis alive at this point - the others taken away by either insanity or wounds received in battles.
"Of course! Nice day to you, Mosus." The Mayor replied, holding a baby in her hands and flock of her other children following. Mayor for fifteen years, wife of Litast, who forged the sword called 'Destruction of Heavens', and he was talented in few other categories as well.

And so Reg took her three children on a trip outside, onto the hills.
"Look, mother! A superior pig tail sock dyed bronze, made from well-crafted thread!" Muthkat, one of the older daughters of Reg, was always a scavenger.

First bolts flew right through her head, killing her instantly, but her mother and her two siblings quickly joined the dead in dwarven Valhalla, if said place exists for dwarves, that's it.

The soldiers at the gate yelled and alerted the others, but it was too late - people whom they loved the most were dead. The soldiers, skilled veterans as well as dutiful, well-trained newcomers, made short work of the goblin menace that killed their brethren. And when they arrived at the fort, well...

"Mayor Reg was killed because you let her go to get a damn sock!"
"Her children where too young to die, why they were allowed outside!?"
"Stop bickering you fools or I will grab my steel pickaxe and then we will talk!"

The proud fortress that managed to withstand forces of nature and enemy armies for 25 years, easily fell prey to the tantrum spiral that erupted after the death of just four dwarves of the most prominent family. The army along with the city guard tried to instill order, but soon they themselves where fighting with others. Five dead, ten dead, fifty dead - the engravings on the walls, the historical images of hardship, bravery and prosperity, were gaining much life with the crimson paint splattering over them in gallons. The rooms were filling up with bodies, and the dining hall was full of bloody appendages, heads, clothes soaked in blood.

From more than 220, to just 6 in, what must've been, 30 minutes by our count? Four of the survivors greviously injured, moaning and weeping amongst their dead friends and comrades. The fifth survivor was a farmer, who hid in artificial cave at the beginning of this, now sobbing and talking to a plump helmet which was his only friend now. And the sixth survivor, where is he...?

No, not the barracks, check the bathroom maybe... no, not there either.

Maybe one of the meeting halls... no, he would be dead by now...

Oh look, he is at the top of his tower, let's check his-

*sounds of loud snoring can be heard*

*more snoring, and then a long yawn*

"Oh, by the love of Shilrar, these brick floors are so uncomfortable. I must get myself a chair or something..." Said the dwarven sentry, stretching a little and checking his crossbow. He felt the natural dwarven thirst, so he began descending his tower, and then, via few tunnels used by the warriors of Melbilonshen, he arrived at the food stockpilles, filled with alcohol barrels and dead bodies alike.

Only when he had his drink and went upstairs to the dining room, he understood what kind of massacre he has avoided by merely sleeping alone (as he had no real friends in the fortress). And then, he said what he thought was the most appropriate at the moment:

"Oh fuck."

YOUR SETTLEMENT HAS BEEN ABANDONED.

PS: First time I managed to write something 'in-character' about my largest and longest of forts. It's downfall occured not a full year ago. And it happened because of the most cliche of reasons - death of a popular mayor and her kids. The two survivors who would really count were a miserable farmer and said crossbowdwarf. The fact that he had no friends and that he was sleeping at the time of massacre in a remote watch tower pretty much saved his skin, I believe.
I saluted him, the fortress, and then abandoned the fortress to let it rest at last. I will always remember it fondly~

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Shoruke on April 16, 2012, 01:02:34 am

((Still looking for stories? Well, whether you are or are not, here you go  8)))

Since my fort is somewhat new, what I did is I dug down to the underground caverns, and then walled myself in, so I could see around, but nothing could get in. And then a Forgotten Beast named Méfaÿo (complete with umlauts) showed up: A gigantic tarantula, with sleek feathers and a nasty, poisonous bite.

It kinda idled around underground for a couple years... and everywhere it stepped, it left a trail of Forgotten Beast ichor behind it. It tracked this grime all over the place, and even polluted the water (which it could apparently breathe, considering it sat in that underground lake for about five months), and when it emerged, dripping wet, it was covered in its own secretions.

Eventually it started to feel sick.
Then it started to feel faint.
Then it died. Alone. And, according to its Wounds page shortly before it died, it was completely uninjured, just faint.

I like to imagine that a GCS found its corpse at some point and thought to itself "Heh, n00b..."


The fortress this happened in is in an part-evil, part-normal biome, and since the corpse is both underground and on the "normal" side of the map, I don't think it's going to spontaneously reanimate... but those mussels sure do. Apparently mussel shell zombies are quite scary (enough to freak my civilians out), even though they have almost no capacity to do damage. I looked at some of their combat logs. Animate mussel shells have two body parts, the body and the shell, but the body is missing. The only attack they ever seem to use is to try to slam into people... with their body. Which doesn't exist. The combat log has a lot of "the attack passes right through!" and such like.

There was also one winter where all the corpses I'd left lying around spontaneously reanimated... no matter how many times I destroyed them. Eventually I sent my macedwarf up there, and he sent zombies and skeletons flying around and bashing into trees so hard that they explode into their component limbs and miscellaneous body parts... all of which reanimated separately shortly thereafter, resulting in a veritable horde of disjointed arms and heads and such trying to harass my woodcutters. That was a ‼fun‼ winter... Because I managed to weaponize the zombies by having the dwarves hide inside my fort and let the zombies harass the goblins when they showed up to invade.  8)

Also, my fortress' current project is to harness the power of wind to pump the fires of ‼the Earth's mantle‼ up a giant tower (made of obsidian, because it just wouldn't be impressive enough if it wasn't made of jet-black stone) into a giant, overground reservoir with hatches in the bottom. The hatches will of course be connected to levers, and have some nice coloured flooring or something directly underneath them to serve as targets for my magma-killsat. I think it's been done before, but I want to do it myself. It sounds so ‼fun‼  :D

And I made a little entryway into my fort out of ice. Just to show off to all the merchants, "hey, look what I can do. I can make ice that doesn't even melt in magma."

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: LuckyLuigi on April 17, 2012, 10:06:01 am

The funniest thing that has ever happened to me was my first encounter with a dragon.

My dwarves all fled inside and I raised the drawbridge. I was amazed it seemed everyone had made it..except for one of the cats. The dragon chased the cat all over the map, finally cornering it at my fort entrance. It unleashed its mighty firebreath incinerating the poor kitty...and the raised drawbridge...and the 10 wooden cage traps behind it.

For a brief moment twenty very surprised dwarves in my main hallway looked the dragon in the eye. Then the carnage began.

I managed to capture the dragon after many dwarves had died. I thought to sell the caged dragon to the elves. Instead of moving the cage my dwarf released the dragon from its cage and promptly panicked. The cage room was located next to my crowded main dining hall. Talk about crashing a party.

Eventually the dragon perished, but my fortress population was decimated and the resulting tantrum spiral was dramatic. I think ten dwarves survived in the end, out of 130.

So much FUN ! :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Shoruke on April 19, 2012, 01:21:31 pm

My first encounter with a dragon was actually an encounter with a skeletal dragon. It could still breathe fire without lungs, natch. I could tell because it lit one of my woodcutters on ‼fire‼.

I had a setup that allowed me to seal my fortress up air-tight, so it decided to take the back door in... by diving into the magma pipe breaching the surface and swim down to my magma smelters/forges. Turns out that skeletal dragons aren't as fireproof as they'd like to think they are, because it died shortly after diving into the magma pool, died, collapsed into a bunch of bones and a skull, and fell to the bottom.

Punk dragon didn't even let me claim it's skull or bones.  >:(

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: ASimpleBoneFarmer on April 19, 2012, 02:22:35 pm

I know I'm past the deadline but I still would like to share this. A child threw a party in the upper leves of my Fort during a siege. I hadn't scrambled the military yet because the traps normally keep everything out, they jammed all of the traps with gore and had gotten in. Attending the party was a ranger, a few random civillians, and a bunch of children. The goblins broke in and stomed the party, everyone started to flee except for the ranger, he calmly turned and shot a gobin through the brain. A few attempted to get down the narrow passage way and he just kept picking them off one shot per goblin. Eventually enough got into the room and surrounded him, the military arrived shortly after and avenged him, He was the only death duing this siege, This crazy bastard who during normal seiges would stand on the roof and shoot at bowmen despite none of the burrows being outside, this crazy  son of a bich who chased down packs of unicorns because the elephants were too easy, The crazy bastard who shot a titan down in an open field before it could reach the fort because he wanted a drink from the well. He will be missed.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: theprofessor! on April 20, 2012, 02:46:48 am

I've just recently started up DF again, having abandoned my last fortress months ago, and after dling the new version and tampering with the raws and inits and whatnot, then spending about 2 hours trying to craft a ridiculous world to my liking and suffering through multiple rejection cycles (this took so long cause I'm on a total shit computer and everything runs slow) I finally started up my epic fortress

I chose a haunted badlands/mountain biome for the site, and there are dense wormy tendrils and eyeballs everywhere, not that you can see them amidst the horrid slime storm that encovers all in grey (I'm using Ironhand's graphics set which has the slime grey, beforehand I used Phoebus' and it kept the slime to a bright pink/purplish, but I feel the grey is depressingly appropriate) My fortress is named "Geshud Shash" which means 'Fortress of Hell' and most of my time so far has been devoted to carving out the main level beneath the ground: a giant ringed pentagram with the very center being a massive staircase downward which I plan on riding straight to the deepest levels of the underground

Unfortunately my biome has no trees whatsoever and I foolishly forgot to bring any on embark (too much rum, alas) so other than the 3 beds I made out of my wagon, I have no barrels or beds or fuel to start smithing. all my non-miner dwarves have pretty much sat around twiddling their thumbs in their asses while we wait for the first caravan to come with much needed supplies and equipment. On the bright side, the natural wildlife has been rather docile, threatening my dwarves with peregrine falcons, barn owls and a porcupine that refuses to go away. my metalsmith has also made enough stonecrafts to probably buy out the caravan, and make her at least adept so far.

I'd also like to mention the mountain I chose is called 'The Tooth of Polish' and although I'm sure the game is referring to the shinier kind of polish, I'm about 2/3's Polish and I cant help appreciate the coincidence. Further, I chose my dwarven civilization solely because they were based on this mountain and ironic to the dark nature of my fortress, they are named the "Net of Angels"

I'm hoping to have a bigger update once the ball gets rolling, and pictures too! hurray!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 20, 2012, 05:19:15 am

Thanks for more stories! We're still working on the art so more stories are always welcome.

We're definitely doing Cacame - who was the originator of that one? I'm not sure I can be 100% sure and we'd like to credit them.

We're going to do the HugoLuman's "adventurer's hand (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=101071.msg3015701#msg3015701)" if he accepts :)

Ps. I need a "like" button! Lots of great stories in this thread, thanks all!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Tiruin on April 20, 2012, 05:45:54 am

Cacame?

The Elf Lord of the Dwarven Realm?

The one who single handedly (with labor), slew a whole army unarmored? With a warhammer? (Though I prefer a Bec de corbin :3)

Originator: Holy Mittens (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=39897.0), who has also made other stories about Cacame.

The thread is in the Hall of Legends. Quick link in my sig[/shamelessadvertising?]

And...great. Just when you think you've posted your story, you check and see nothing. Posting mine soon  :P

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on April 20, 2012, 08:08:53 am

That's the one! Thanks ;)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Kathemenos on April 21, 2012, 03:54:06 pm

I've got one that just happened.  A forgotten beast just showed up just as my miners caused a hole in my cavern wall by mining adamantine.  The creature, Spugac Quulastumeb Bobe Mup, a giant amber humanoid with two straight horns and webs, waltzed right in and within seconds had killed all of the miners and some other dwarves who were carting the adamantine ore away.  Spugac would web them then amble over and punch their skulls in.  He started up the stairwell to the main fortress, where he was intercepted by five of my soldiers.  He broke the upper spine of the first axedwarf, Unib Zonsherik, and started torturing him to death, gouging out both eyes with his horns and then ripping apart his cheek and breaking various bones with wrestling.  The other four, axedwarves and marksdwarves, attacked the beast with everything they had, repeatedly fracturing and chipping its body without even distracting it from shattering poor, broken Unib's toes.  Then, just as I was wondering if I needed to wall off the stairwell down to the caverns, Goden Beraved showed up with one of the two adamantine axes I had managed to make before the attack.  She walked up the beast and bit a chunk of its torso off to get it's attention ("The *Axedwarf bites The Forgotten Beast in the upper body, fracturing it!").  She dodged the one attack the creature had time to make, and then, in three swift motions:

Quote

The Axedwarf hacks The Forgotten Beast in the right lower arm with her adamantine battle axe and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The Axedwarf hacks The Forgotten Beast in the left upper arm with her adamantine battle axe and the severed part sails off in an arc! 
The Axedwarf hacks The Forgotten Beast in the lower body with her adamantine battle axe and the severed part sails off in an arc!

She then calmly went back upstairs for a beer.  My favorite part?  Looking at her status screen I see "She has been satisfied at work lately".  No kidding.  The others have nicknamed her "The Impure Symmetry" and I'm building her a tomb.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: StLeibowitz on April 21, 2012, 11:01:38 pm

So the fortress of Ananumid - Nightfall - is chugging merrily along after the Louse War. The booze is flowing, food is plentiful, the useless immigrants are settling into their new roles in the rigid caste system; all seems well. But it seems that a conspiracy developed amongst the dwarves to depose their expedition-leader-for-life Marsuvees, and was revealed only by a deliberate act of treachery by a lowly farmer.

It started with a wood shortage. One day in the month of Malachite, the lumberjack Helicos was possessed by an unknown woodland entity, and promptly claimed the last log in the whole of Ananumid for his construction.

Three months pass and he still hasn't done anything. Meanwhile, the barrelmakers are clamoring for wood, the brewers are clamoring for barrels, and the farmers are placing one seed into all the empty barrels and preventing the upper-caste brewers from keeping the fortress alive. In desperation, word comes down from above: the axe of Helicos, the only one in the whole fortress (no wood for charcoal, coal deposits undiscovered), must be pried from his fingers and given to one who will use it for the good of society. An unknown (fortunately for him) farmer answers the call.

The farmer takes the axe, heading for the dump pile. As I watch, he passes the dump pile.
Crosses the bridge.
Turns around.
And chucks the only implement capable of chopping wood in a wood-starved fortress into the river.

I can only assume this to be a conspiracy of the farming caste against the managerial, mining and brewing elite, to drive them from the throne by popular revolt once the booze runs dry! This is treachery of the highest order. The bowmen are held back only by their lack of ammo (no wood again) and the fact that I want to avoid a loyalty cascade. The rulers can only hope the next caravan is made of Dwarves or of Men.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TheCoolSideofthePIllow on April 28, 2012, 06:12:33 am

I have just started (well, a few hours of actual play in, but my miners are lazy bums) a new fortress nestled in a nice little mountain here. Got a pretty good natural layout for a great big entrance for later on, but I figured I'd clear the slopes and excess portions off now, so I designate everything to be removed. This was a few hours ago when I first started, mind you.

So now I just get a message that a section of cavern has collapsed. I zoom in to the spot and notice it's just the outside trimming where the miners are channeling out some sand that is overhanging 1-2 blocks (depending on the spot) out over the main entrance. A portion of this had fallen in.

Endok Libadrith, a fisher, was near by (but not on top or underneath the collapsed section) suddenly got the unconscious message shortly after the cave-in. I zoomed in on him to see if he was perhaps fighting a fish and prayed he was not in the water, passed out. To my surprised, he was not. I didn't see any animals around him or anything either, so I checked his thoughts. Apparently, he was knocked out in the cave in. I guess that big puff of dust that comes from such events toss out a rock and hit the poor guy in the head XD

He's pretty stubborn it would seem. He's fishing in a 2x2 spot right next to the edge of the top of the entrance, and refuses to move, even though these small cave ins have knocked him out 4 times now. LOL

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Keldor on April 28, 2012, 06:37:17 pm

Quote from: TheCoolSideofthePIllow on April 28, 2012, 06:12:33 am

I have just started (well, a few hours of actual play in, but my miners are lazy bums) a new fortress nestled in a nice little mountain here. Got a pretty good natural layout for a great big entrance for later on, but I figured I'd clear the slopes and excess portions off now, so I designate everything to be removed. This was a few hours ago when I first started, mind you.

So now I just get a message that a section of cavern has collapsed. I zoom in to the spot and notice it's just the outside trimming where the miners are channeling out some sand that is overhanging 1-2 blocks (depending on the spot) out over the main entrance. A portion of this had fallen in.

Endok Libadrith, a fisher, was near by (but not on top or underneath the collapsed section) suddenly got the unconscious message shortly after the cave-in. I zoomed in on him to see if he was perhaps fighting a fish and prayed he was not in the water, passed out. To my surprised, he was not. I didn't see any animals around him or anything either, so I checked his thoughts. Apparently, he was knocked out in the cave in. I guess that big puff of dust that comes from such events toss out a rock and hit the poor guy in the head XD

He's pretty stubborn it would seem. He's fishing in a 2x2 spot right next to the edge of the top of the entrance, and refuses to move, even though these small cave ins have knocked him out 4 times now. LOL

He's found this wonderful spot for fishing where occasionally falling rocks blast fish out of the water.  Totally worth the hazard.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Shoruke on May 02, 2012, 05:33:36 pm

Quote from: TheCoolSideofthePIllow on April 28, 2012, 06:12:33 am

I have just started (well, a few hours of actual play in, but my miners are lazy bums) a new fortress nestled in a nice little mountain here. Got a pretty good natural layout for a great big entrance for later on, but I figured I'd clear the slopes and excess portions off now, so I designate everything to be removed. This was a few hours ago when I first started, mind you.

So now I just get a message that a section of cavern has collapsed. I zoom in to the spot and notice it's just the outside trimming where the miners are channeling out some sand that is overhanging 1-2 blocks (depending on the spot) out over the main entrance. A portion of this had fallen in.

Endok Libadrith, a fisher, was near by (but not on top or underneath the collapsed section) suddenly got the unconscious message shortly after the cave-in. I zoomed in on him to see if he was perhaps fighting a fish and prayed he was not in the water, passed out. To my surprised, he was not. I didn't see any animals around him or anything either, so I checked his thoughts. Apparently, he was knocked out in the cave in. I guess that big puff of dust that comes from such events toss out a rock and hit the poor guy in the head XD

He's pretty stubborn it would seem. He's fishing in a 2x2 spot right next to the edge of the top of the entrance, and refuses to move, even though these small cave ins have knocked him out 4 times now. LOL

That guy is a true Fisherdorf.
"This is where we fish.
My job is to fish.
So help me Armok, I will do my fishing here."

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Markus on May 05, 2012, 02:59:38 pm

Why not include the time someone wanted to make a fort that wasn't so dysfunctional.

And lost because they got board.

I can't believe I did the above.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FluffyBinLaden on May 06, 2012, 12:32:54 pm

The stage was set, the battle begun. My military was pursuing a Cave Troll at full speed along the top of my medieval castle walls. The Cave Troll had just completed a rampage through my barracks full of sleeping dwarves, caught unawares by the relentless onslaught of merciless destruction as he came barreling through. The brave souls manning the parapets finally cornered the Troll at the end of my wall. No escape, no hope of survival. The valiant soldiers closed in and hacked away at the bastard, rending him to pieces.

Meanwhile, my Mayor was taking a lovely afternoon stroll, and, having just finished banning microcline furniture, was glad to be off work. He stopped by the kitchens, grabbed a snack, and decided to head outside to view the beautiful scenery of the mountainous landscape. He followed the gravelly path that ran alongside the large and rather imposing fortress walls, and was having a fantastic time of it, waving to friends and enjoying his respite.

All of a sudden, it all went terribly awry. The military finished off the Cave Troll, hewing his head from his shoulders in one last mighty stroke! The severed body part was thrown from the battlements and fell down the long walls.

It proceeded to hit my Mayor on the head and kill him. Funniest death ever.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Kaiserr on May 06, 2012, 12:49:16 pm

this happened recently,by recently i mean within the past hour.
Ok,so I ordered my military to jump some human merchants because they had overpriced everything.
They wouldn't even give me a freaking rope reed hood.
So my militia jumped them,killed them all,but suddenly my wrestler got charged by a stray dog.
Our own stray dog.
It bit his foot and he kicked it in the head so hard,it's skull shattered.
One shot,one kill.
Apparently,an armorer saw this and didn't like that.
So,he decided to pick up a shoe and run at him.
Wrestler did a chokeslam on him,really long combat,armorer died.
So I don't know what happened then,he didn't throw a tantrum,he didn't get melancholy or go berserk,but he just ran back to the barracks.
His fellow recruit did so too,and randomly the wrestler woke up.
He started strangling the recruit (and still is...) while he was in bed.
Now everyone is trying to feed him plump helmets for no reason.
WTF.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on May 06, 2012, 10:16:21 pm

Quote from: FluffyBinLaden on May 06, 2012, 12:32:54 pm

The stage was set, the battle begun. My military was pursuing a Cave Troll at full speed along the top of my medieval castle walls. The Cave Troll had just completed a rampage through my barracks full of sleeping dwarves, caught unawares by the relentless onslaught of merciless destruction as he came barreling through. The brave souls manning the parapets finally cornered the Troll at the end of my wall. No escape, no hope of survival. The valiant soldiers closed in and hacked away at the bastard, rending him to pieces.

Meanwhile, my Mayor was taking a lovely afternoon stroll, and, having just finished banning microcline furniture, was glad to be off work. He stopped by the kitchens, grabbed a snack, and decided to head outside to view the beautiful scenery of the mountainous landscape. He followed the gravelly path that ran alongside the large and rather imposing fortress walls, and was having a fantastic time of it, waving to friends and enjoying his respite.

All of a sudden, it all went terribly awry. The military finished off the Cave Troll, hewing his head from his shoulders in one last mighty stroke! The severed body part was thrown from the battlements and fell down the long walls.

It proceeded to hit my Mayor on the head and kill him. Funniest death ever.

I lol'd. Well done.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Friendstrange on May 06, 2012, 10:59:23 pm

An extremely recent attack made me apreciate a single underdog dwarf.
Some background info:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bomrek Bomrekestil was a simple dwarf. He was but a simple fish cleaner, married to a wonderful woman whith who he had two kids.
When he arrived at Blazemarks, the fortress that divided a wild shrubland and a monstrous jungle, he did not know what would become of him.
The fortress was struggling to survive the onslaughts of the undead at the time. Inmediately as he arrived he was drafted into the militia as a hammerdwarf. Taurus, the second in comand helped him hone his novice skills with the hammer and he soon became an asset to the fort.

As the fortress grew, so did it´s challenges. A year after Bomrek had enlisted the first goblin ambush arrived. The militia had been training for this and dealt with the menace swiftly.

They thought themselves invincible. They thought wrong.

The ambush was but a scouting party and soon the fortress was being besieged by goblins. The fortress still had no means to shield themselves completly and the invaders marched forth.
The militia was now a ten-dwarf-thick array of misfits that had managed to survive through iron wills, dumb luck, perseverance and the steel of their weapons. The two evenly-matched forces clashed and a bloody battle ensued.
In the heat of battle, Bomrek lost his right hand, and his silver hammer with it. Unrelentless, he kept batling the goblins with his remaining hand.
After the dust had settled two dwarfs lay dead, three, including Bomrek had lost their dominant arms, and half the goblins had escaped.

As he lay in bed recovering, Bomrek contemplated his future, as did the militia commander. Moldath Komanurdim was the first commander to survive more than a few months and had watched three previous commanders die to the flying undead hordes of the fetid, sludge-covered jungle. He lived on trough sheer luck and skill.
Bomrek´s experience was too valuable to lose. The fortress was still too weak. And so, Bomrek was made the leader of his own squad, the Just Irons, along with the other two maimed dwarfs and a fresh recruit or two.

The following months, Bomrek trained. He did not know what the future had in store for him but he had a role to fulfill, a family to protect and a squad to lead.

The future arrived. The fortress miners had dicovered two caverns and were setting up the means to tame these wild lands.
Now the fortress was one hundred dwarfs stong. Two half-squads of marksdwarves had been fashioned from the hunters. There were three half-squads of melee dwarves, Bomrek´s own Just Irons included. Taurus, the dwarf who had been such good friends to Bomrek, had been made captain of the second squad, the Ashen Irons. Moldath, the militia commander led the original squad of six, The Halls of Sounds.
Because of their injuries, most of Bomrek´s squad didnt use a shield. But they more than made up for it with their martial prowesses.
The fort was booming and the plans of many months were being finished quickly.
But the entrance was still not completely blockable.

This came to the attention of the dwarves when another siege force apeared in the horizon.

The invaders outnumbered the fighting dwarves three to one and were all mounted on giant beasts, some of which were flying giant bats. And they had trolls.
As the civilians hurried inside the fortress three unfortunate ones were ripped apart by the beasts.

The marksdwarves stationed in the courtyard and the three squads of fighters formed a line at the chokepoint that was the entrance into the courtyard. The goblins mounted on Ginat Bats did not waste time and attempted to dive onto the marksdwarves. This has a mistake for the marksdwarfs fired hail after hail of bolts. But this did not stop one mounted goblin to slip into the main entrance of the fortress!
A descision had to be made.
Bomrek´s squad was chosen to go after the goblin.
Just as Bomrek entered the fortress in pursuit, the other military squads clashed against the first wave of goblins and trolls. some traps caught a few of the invaders but the dwarfs were still vastly outnumbered. As the military dwarves fought at the entrance the marksdwarfs managed to position themselves to support them, firing volleys of bolts into the skirmish.
As this happened the Goblin in the fortress had reached a wide open area filled with underground folliage in pursuit of a carpenter. This area was to be the future pasturing grounds for the fortress herds.
Bomrek arrived on the scene. The rest of his squad caught in the skirmish behind. He charged the Goblin Axemanand his great mount.
In the hurry of meeting the invaders, he had forgotten his hammer.
The dwarf punched, kicked, bit and wrestled the Goblin Axeman and his Giant Bat simultaneously. With a swift punch of his remaining arm he knocked ht Axeman´s weapon off and made the Bat fall unconcious, buying him precious moments. The battle raged on in a flury of teeth, punches and kicks.

Aboveground the busy milita had taken many a beast and goblin life with the assistance of the marksdwarves and the war dogs but the battle had been raging for an entire week and the toil and wounds of war were showing. The war dogs started to die, two dwarfs sucumbed to beasts.
But the military made a final push and routed the invaders. As the invaders ran the military divided itself between those too injured to pursue and those who went after the invaders. Of the pursuers two died to last-ditch attacks of the goblins.

Down below Bomrek threw a final punch and shattered the Goblin´s skull. The Giant Bat had fled to the surface and had been skewered by the bolts of the marksdwarfs. There were only five uninjured dwarves.

Bomrek returned for the second time to the hospital bed. He wondered what the future held in store for him.


TL;DR Bomrek is Jackie Chan.

And no, none of the military have anything above Skilled in combat skills. Bomrek somehow became an Expert Fighter and Proficient Wrestler through all of that.
This just happened five minutes ago and Im quite impressed by this guy as hes missing his right arm but managed to take out a mounted armed oponent.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on May 12, 2012, 05:22:52 am

Hi everyone! Thanks for the awesome contributions to this thread. Below is a sneak peek of one of the Tim Denee illustrations that will be in Getting Started with Dwarf Fortress (http://shop.oreilly.com/product/0636920022565.do), a story by imperium3 (Sorry, he isn't credited on this version of the image, but will be in the real one). The book is out in a couple or three weeks! Hurrah! I have some more news about the book as well:

- The book at launch will be current to 34.07. When the next version comes out I’ll update the book. Between waiting for the inevitable first patches and everyone working out the systems I expect it will take four weeks for between the next release and the updated ebook, hence the decision to publish now with the manuscript basically ready to go.

- If you buy the ebook through O’Reilly.com you get free updates as I update the manuscript, which I will do at every major release. If you buy the ebook through Amazon, you may end up paying less than O’Reilly but you don’t get the updates for free. You have to go to O’Reilly.com and pay $4.99 to upgrade to a version where you get the book updates for free. I don’t know why this is the case, publishing is weird.

- If you buy a print book it will be current to 34.07 and not magically update itself to include data on mine carts. If you want a print copy with mine cart info then you should wait until the next version is out. I’ll try and ensure the product page includes information on what version the book is currently at.

- I am passing all this on to try to ensure that those who have pre-ordered through Amazon or O’Reilly aren’t going to get less than they hoped for.


(http://afteractionreporter.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/timdenee_gettingstartedwithdwarffortress1.jpg)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Uristocrat on May 12, 2012, 05:32:36 am

That's a lovely illustration!  I'll have to check that book out.

It's a pity there can't be any minecarts yet, but it's a bit hard to document them before they actually exist.  I even requested a crayon drawing of magma + minecarts + !!science!!

Hopefully we give you something to draw, too.  We're hard at work imagining how best to employ Dwarven railguns.  Magma is a given, but should they be filled with bolts?  Coins?  Bees?

Lead bars?

... Sperm whales?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Tiruin on May 12, 2012, 08:45:01 am

:)) , this was worth the post. Though I did not submit a story, I can't wait to see the rest!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: MaximumZero on May 13, 2012, 12:46:47 am

O_O That's....awesome. Wow. Any spoilers on what else is going in the book?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on May 13, 2012, 05:16:50 am

Would people be interested in a chapter breakdown? I could probably post that - not terribly interesting to read that though :)

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FuzzyZergling on May 13, 2012, 11:52:18 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on May 13, 2012, 05:16:50 am

Would people be interested in a chapter breakdown? I could probably post that - not terribly interesting to read that though :)

I'd read it.
Probably enjoy it, too.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: exolyx on May 13, 2012, 01:33:29 pm

It would be cool nonetheless.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: EmeraldWind on May 13, 2012, 08:37:55 pm

Are you the kind of guy to use flat chapter titles or creative chapter titles?

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Dante on May 13, 2012, 09:41:01 pm

Quote from: TinyPirate on May 13, 2012, 05:16:50 am

Would people be interested in a chapter breakdown?

I would be!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: WillowLuman on May 13, 2012, 10:12:28 pm

Yes!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: feralferret on May 13, 2012, 10:22:28 pm

Edit: I fail at reading. Awesome new cartoon!

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: WillowLuman on May 13, 2012, 10:27:43 pm

Quote from: feralferret on May 13, 2012, 10:22:28 pm

A preview cartoon for the book by Tim Denee just came up on Facebook and I haven't seen a topic for it yet so I thought I'd share (http://afteractionreporter.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/timdenee_gettingstartedwithdwarffortress1.jpg).

Awesome! Now I want to do a desert embark. :P

Check previous page.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on May 14, 2012, 04:41:34 am

OK, let me see.


Table of Contents
Forward by Tarn Adams
Preface
Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Playing God
Chapter 3: First Steps
Chapter 4: Filling Dwarf Bellies
Chapter 5: Merchants and Trading
Chapter 6: Dwarf Resource Management
Chapter 7: Digging Deeper
Chapter 8: Industry
Chapter 9: Justice and Healthcare
Chapter 10: The Military
Chapter 11: Engineering
Afterword: Farther
Appendix

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Nyan Thousand on May 14, 2012, 08:01:41 am

Is there a section on Stupid Dwarf Tricks and Dwarf Horror stories? Hell, I bet you can make an entire book out of Stupid Dwarf Tricks. Still, I really really want to buy this. If only I had a PayPal... and some money... oh well.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on May 14, 2012, 04:08:16 pm

Oh, the book WILL BE .08 COMPATIBLE now.

Also, does anyone have or has anyone seen a Great/funny story involving minecarts yet?????

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Uristocrat on May 15, 2012, 07:25:53 am

Quote from: TinyPirate on May 14, 2012, 04:08:16 pm

Oh, the book WILL BE .08 COMPATIBLE now.

Also, does anyone have or has anyone seen a Great/funny story involving minecarts yet?????

I haven't actually done it yet, but I plan to assault the forces of hell.  With flaming whales.  Yes, you read that correctly.

My plan so far is to create a team:  the fearless leader with lying & leadership as skills, 3 miner/masons and 3 miner/mechanics.  Then max out embark points, stock up on food/booze (no farms/trading/crafts; all energy will go into the megaproject), picks for everyone, lots of raw materials (wood, lead, steel, screw pump components, etc.) and look for some savage oceans.  We'll wall off the fort except for the channel we connect to the sea, where we duplicate parts of that sea serpent harvesting thread to catch whales.  Migrants, if the fort lasts that long, will be left outside.

Meanwhile, we dig like mad looking for candy.  Once the breech site has been located, we prepare a really, really long down ramp and a circular track at the bottom so that the carts keep going in circles to do damage.  We pump part of the magma sea into a ditch at the top of the ramp.  We just want to set the carts, or at least their contents, on fire.

Then all hell breaks loose as the leader opens the circus tent.  Will anyone survive?  I doubt it.  But we'll push every cart we can down the narrow track leading to hell to give them a chance.  There should only be the initial seven, armed with copper picks and whatever they've learned about mining.  In melee, they won't stand a chance.

But at least one crazy dwarf whose only dream was to attack hell with flaming whales should die happy.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TheCoolSideofthePIllow on May 15, 2012, 10:09:55 am

Not really an in-game anecdote, but it is related. While talking to a friend on Steam, I bring up Dwarf Fortress:

Code: [Select]

8:08 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: Shit. Dwarf somehow fell off a waterfall while cutting wood. Now she has a broken leg and will probably drown in the vier.
8:08 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: *river
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: wtf
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: are u talking about
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: whos dwarf
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: My dwarf
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: what waterfall
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: what river
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: in dwarf fortress
8:09 AM - › TriggerHappy: ......
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: I have a fortress built into the side of a canyon with a waterfall in it :D
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: Oh.
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: She died.
8:09 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: dumb dorf.
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: the hell
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: is
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: dwarf
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: forrtess
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: goddamn
8:10 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: :O
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: youre just trying to confuse me
8:10 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: You've never heard of this game!?
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: i googled and all i see is minecraft
8:10 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/
8:10 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: It is like minecraft
8:10 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: but... better
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: THAT
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: WEBSITE
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: HOLY
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: FUCK
8:10 AM - › TriggerHappy: MY EYES
8:11 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: The game is all in text. ASCII graphics :P
8:11 AM - › TriggerHappy: im looking ta screenshot
8:11 AM - › TriggerHappy: i aint playing this shit!
8:11 AM - › TriggerHappy: 1997 games have better graphics
8:12 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: lol graphics shmaphics.
8:12 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: This game has the BEST graphics
8:12 AM - › The Cool Side of the Pillow: IMAGINATION!


Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: FuzzyZergling on May 15, 2012, 06:00:33 pm

Imagination is the most powerful kind of graphics.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: EmeraldWind on May 15, 2012, 11:05:31 pm

Quote from: FuzzyZergling on May 15, 2012, 06:00:33 pm

Imagination is the most powerful kind of graphics.

True that.

The power of your mind far exceeds whatever a computer can do. Dwarf Fortress goes the extra step and gives you more detail for your brain to play with instead of graphics to stare at.

In the hands of creative individuals we get excellent stories as well. Up until Dwarf Fortress, I never heard of a game where you could have just as much fun reading about other people playing it as you can get from playing it. Yeah, you occasionally get the right person to do a good write up of the right game. But DF supplies this in high quantities. Some people don't even play DF and still love it.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: Ombwah on May 16, 2012, 01:39:09 pm

I had built a wonderful vertical colony inside/behind of a massive (like 10 story) waterfall overlooking a huge crater lake. The river and edge of the lake froze every year seasonal-like.

One fine late winter day a couple were walking their dog at the rim of the crater, looking out over the lake. They just happened to be crossing the frozen waterfall when 'whoooops!' goes the dog, right over the edge of the waterfall, past the picture window in the fine dining hall, to explode on the ice below. Followed by its hapless owners (the river melted beneath them) the lake melted in the time it took the couple to fall, so when they hit the water, they lived! Only to be held down by the pounding force of the falling water until they drowned. Sadly, this was before ghosts. :)

but earlier,
There was a time before 3d, when one mined inward, rather than downward. My civilization had crafted a beauteous sculpture garden, on a bridge, over the raging underground river. Beyond this wondrous thoroughfare, luxury apartments housed the posh. These apartments were exquisite in every way, though they lacked a few key amenities. More on this later.

One day, a citizen fell into a foul temper, and in a fit of rage, he smashed the bridge. The bridge had been host to a sizable party that day, no doubt celebrating some sculpture or another, or honoring a decree of nobility, something. Anyway, the party fell into the river, all of em. As did the fishermen all along the other side of the bridge. But that was just the beginning.

The luxury apartments now had no connection to the main body of the fortress, which meant no booze, and no food. Further, the bridge I hastily rebuilt to help ferry the poor survivors back into the fold was nigh instantly smashed by the same, insane, dorf. After that no-one would build there any more. I never could figure out why.

The other nobles all died in their posh apartments, one-by-one. Sadly, also before ghosts.

Also, y'know, carp.

Title: Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
Post by: TinyPirate on May 17, 2012, 03:57:34 am

Hehehe, thanks all.

We've got all we need for stories! Thanks very much - those selected have been notified :)