Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Life Advice => Topic started by: PkGamer on November 12, 2013, 06:20:50 pm
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To summarise it I'm lonely. I got friends of course and i meet them everyday.But I'm lonely in the other perspective that I don't have a girl or anything.Like during day it OK when I'm occupied with crap to do but Im one of those people who manage to do all their assainments and stuff at breaks .And I end up with a lot of free time.So I go online trying to fill that hole in myself by playing games watching TV surfing the web.So I manage to get through that fine enough.Then I'm tired and I need sleep.And sometimes it unbearable. I end up hugging the blanket like if it was a real person. You can't live of food(which I'm cutting down on) and websites with naked people....
Like I like a couple of girls and as far as I know from my friends some kinda like me too but I'm too nervous.And the worest thing is rejection I guess.I fear it.I grief it.It is what keeps my machine of madness,lunacy and nakedness going in my drawings and it is what inspires me.I am a f**ced up case to put it in short.
Any suggestions what should I do?
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Man up and talk to the girl. If you get rejected... tough, everyone's been rejected. You move on and try again. Either way, if you don't bother, you'll continue like you are now, forever.
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Bro, put simply: fuck bitches, get money.
Jk, terrible idea... Unless greed is your thing. Anyhoo, maybe you need to spend MORE TIME with your pals, go see a play, or play some tennis. It sucks to be alone and bored.
If it is a girl you wish to ask out, just talk to her and see what happens, there's no easy way about your nervousness, but you gotta struggle through it. Its one of those "the only thing we have to fear, is fear itsself" moments. If you DO get shotdown, it wont be the end of the world.
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What the chaps above me said, basically. I KNOW that feeling of fearing rejection, it is also something i fear greatly, and it's the primary source of my shyness. I also know the feeling of being too nervous; it's like every fiber of your body saying "DON'T DO IT", right? Well, sometimes you just gotta shit on that feeling and do it anyways. The few times i've managed to overcome my absurd nervousity are the few times i've made the greatest steps in my life, and i have a feeling that it'll be so for you as well.
I haven't approached a girl yet, but i am, for the first time in my life, legitimately warm on this girl in class. I know this because i feel super awkward around her, but not in the negative way. One day, i hope to talk to her about it. I know she at the very least considers me a friend, but i fear that if i were to confess that i like her beyond friendship, it'd ruin said friendship. I'm also not sure if i'm ready for a relationship like that yet.
But you? You desire it, so go for it! Regardless of the answer, you'll have closure, and you can move on.
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also for the record, excessive amounts of pornography and pillow-hugging is not the end of the world either, shit that's like my every day bro!
On top of that, if you confess you like her more than a friend, and that ruins your friendship, maybe consider how good of a friend she really is. A real friend would NOT reject you if you felt that way about them even if they didn't feel the same about you.
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To tell you the truth that's not the full story.
Chapter 2:
Now this may sound absurd but I know it happens and I'm just wondering say like I'm not in love.Maybe its just my mind filling in the blanks?Or am I just jealous or want to do better then a friend?
Oh now I remember....I lost my sketchbook...I need to find that and draw some crap...
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I'll save you some time. You don't know the girl, so you aren't in love with her. This is true for any "her" you don't know. With that ground-shaking revelation out of the way... you can move on to actually getting to know someone for a person and THEN make the call when you aren't fawning over some idea that you expect people to meet for your benefit.
Either way, the solution is the same. Stop moping and start fixing the problem. Talk to girls.
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Chapter 3:
I do actually know the girl but not that well.Like I meet her while meeting my friends and there's some small talk and a couple jokes.And my willpower is full of shit.If I can't get up at 7:00 and fall back asleep how am I supossed to as a girl out?
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I'm not sure where the mental break is between talking to someone and talking to someone like this:
"Hi, (name). I was wondering, do you have plans for (date, time)?"
Other than what I've already said. You can wither and wonder... or ask and know. The choice is yours to do as you will and that's all anyone here can tell you.
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A real friend would NOT reject you if you felt that way about them even if they didn't feel the same about you.
With certain caveats. Real friends also know that no means no, and how to respect boundaries in general.
(Not saying you're something awful or something OP, but I've had to drop a lot of people for this reason--and screwed up with it plenty myself)
Try creating something, OP! More stuff. Put your lonely heart into it and let your soul bloom.
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Ok so basicaly the solution is to ask her out?Well ok...But that has more problems associated with it.It has to be the right moment, the right time, the right mood, the right face, the right text, the right line, the right clothing, the right surrounding and other crap like that!How the hell am I supposed to get it right?And then I'd say 99% chance that she will reject and then I need more alone time that I have enough of....In other news I drew a wierd Elvis looking guy in a finnish gasmask form around the 1939...
My will power sucks...
I suck...
The way I look sucks...
What I do sucks...
Everything about me sucks...
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It has to be the right moment, the right time, the right mood, the right face, the right text, the right line, the right clothing, the right surrounding and other crap like that! How the hell am I supposed to get it right?
If you really believe that, I feel sorry for you. Hope those two sentences were just a huuuuuuuuge exaggeration.
Also, confidence is imaginary. If you really believe you suck, you probably do. If you believe you're awesome or at least have the capability to be awesome then, surprise surprise, enough work and you will be.
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Bro, girls aren't robots that'll dismiss non-perfect attempts, they're humans just like you. Suppose that this girl was feeling the exact same way as you are, which is entirely possible. What if she were to ask you in a clumsy manner? Would you reject that? Probably not. Unless you're in the middle of brawling a bear with your bare hands, it's not the wrong time. Unless you're in the middle of a funeral, it's not the wrong mood. Your face will do its jazz on its own, because most facial expressions are subconscious. As for the text? That's not very important. It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. And if you're sincerely trying to express your feelings, you're saying it the right way, even if you're just garbling out something. There's no single definite right way to tell someone how you feel about them, so don't worry too much about that.
Also, for what it's worth, i don't believe that you suck. I mean, you had the cojones to ask us for help, right? I know it's easier on text, but remember, it's still humans on the other side of the monitor, just like the girl you want to talk to. It's not illegal to think good things about yourself in your head, it's in fact encouraged (within reasonable limits of course) and beneficial (higher sense of self-worth). It is very important to feel good about yourself, because remember, you're the one who has to live with yourself forever.
One thing you can try to get away from the toxic mindset of "i suck :c" is to have a little journal for yourself. Try to write in it daily, but don't sweat it if you miss a day or two. And on top of usual journal things, try listing down 3 good things about yourself or good things that happened to you every time. Can't remember who it was, but it was some awesome person on this forum that has mentioned this tactic more than once. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it'll get nice quickly. It's also nice to have a place where you can dump all the feelings you have that you don't wish to share with the entire world.
Edit: VECTOR IT WAS. Our lovely mathematical phenomenon. <3
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Well for now Im making a RP so I'll be focused on that.I'm gonna try and focus on asking the girl.
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99% chance that she will reject .
You know what that is?
A 1% success chance.
Which is greater than the 0% success chance of never trying.
Even if you don't get it 'right', which no one ever does, you've still got more chance than never trying at all.
The other thing I have to say though is that if she says no, accept it. Don't harass her. Just leave it be. depending on the person, it could even get you a new friend if not a girlfriend.
And you only suck as long as you believe you suck. You know why you suck? Because you're making no attempt not to.
Like I like a couple of girls and as far as I know from my friends some kinda like me too
See? Those girls clearly don't think you suck if they kinda like you. That's just you.
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I used to be kinda girl-shy too. To get over it I made a concentrated effort to talk to more women...lots of women, all ages, if I was attracted or not. Just people I'd meet in day to day life. The easiest way to talk to people is to listen well to what they're saying, and ask questions about relevant details.
Confidence will come with more conversation. Never mind rejection, each time you get rejected it hurts less. It actually becomes sortof cool (she may have said no, but you were brave enough to ask). You also learn to guard your heart and not get emotionally invested in someone prematurely. Think about this: it's very very unlikely you'll end up with this girl for the rest of your life, so don't think of it as something you have to perfectly engineer.
Exercise can help you with your willpower, but it can be _crazy_ hard to get in the habit of it.
Oh yeah: quit all the self pity. 100%. Cold-turkey. Right now. At least in the presence of the ladies.
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Can't remember who it was, but it was some awesome person on this forum that has mentioned this tactic more than once.
that would be me
Yeah, OP! Go for it. It might work best if you think "my goal is to make this girl feel good," not "my goal is to make this girl go out with me." It's much easier to do these things smoothly, when you're thinking from that point of view.
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And guess what?Now my brain has suddenly decided that love is a bad thing and being single is better.It has decided that I already have enough crap to do with studying, my hobby and my friends.So it seems my brain wants the easy way out but I still want to get a girl but now that tiny voice is saying LOVE IS EVOL(EVIL) instead of the usual I DONT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT MY LIFE mixed with a bit of GET A FREAKING GIRL.So yeah my mind is now being ripped up into what I could say is like a civil war against my conscience and my subconsciousness and my thoughts and any other crap that may be hiding in there..........
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K. Well when you actually want to sort things out and want to move past the melodrama and rationalizations, my recommendation of "saying hi" still stands.
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Okay... you want to get a girl. What were you planning on doing with her?
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Really?I don't have an idea what I was planning to do with her.I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one.....Hmmmm yeah...It seems that it is in fact a good question....Yeah...Well I met her this weekend.Like always said hi made a couple jokes, she laughed once or twice.Yeah...No progress.Felt pathetic for the rest of the day for not asking her something to...turn friendship into something more....Yeah.I suck.Well I don't suck while I do suck.If you get what I mean.Also wondering.Anyone knows any good cardiac /aerobic exercises that I can do inside without going outside.I go jogging and for hikes now and then but I don't think that's doing it.For quite a tall person my metabolism sucks (must be all the sweets I ate earlier on in life).Not fat but also not fit but also not thin...Basically average but I want to get fit and get a routine or something so I don't end up having a heart attack by the age of 50/60 (I love crisps...more than her sadly).Also on my current fitness I can do a couple of chin ups in a row and also more than a few push-ups.Also being fit is attractive makes you more attractive so that's always a plus :D.
I want her....Even if I don't know what I'm going to do with her....
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I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one...
Nope. Also, I don't know what you're saying you want it to just "roll along to."
OP, romance is something personal, though our culture keeps trying to tell us it's something universal. Something you should have a good idea of before you get in relationships--whenever possible--is what the relationship constitutes. Just saying "okay, now more than just friends" doesn't mean anything, you know? If you mean "I just want someone to kiss on," then that's one thing, and if you mean "I just want someone to write romantic poetry to," that's another thing--and both of these can constitute relationships. Part of maturing into relationships is getting yourself a really clear idea of what you're looking for.
A lot of friction in relationships is caused by a lack of communication about what people want, often because they're feeling hopeful and they don't want to discover, right off the bat, that things won't work out for them. I've declined multiple men because I won't go out with someone who doesn't have any other friends, period. Another man I broke it off with because he was looking for a year of fun before going back to his old girlfriend, and I sincerely loved him. Another because we saw each other every day and he made his declaration via email. I've got little tolerance for cowards. Other women think they're cute. There is no formula to love but to love.
This isn't something where you need to find the right combination of behaviors, like the perfect key to a lock. You be you, and find someone who wants that, and who you also want. If you've got some unhealthy shit going on, then you should probably work on that--like, I dunno, being abusive or dishonest or manipulative. But otherwise, folks are diverse in their needs and desires, and that's part of the beauty of it.
If you want a girl, then you've got to know what that particular girl wants, and whether you sincerely want to be that person--or better yet, already are them. Not all women like muscly men. I, for example, prefer men on the androgynous/feminine side and find men who are into muscle-building a gigantic turn-off. You be the best you that you can be, and then worry about attracting the wimmenz.
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I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one...
Nope. Also, I don't know what you're saying you want it to just "roll along to."
OP, romance is something personal, though our culture keeps trying to tell us it's something universal. Something you should have a good idea of before you get in relationships--whenever possible--is what the relationship constitutes. Just saying "okay, now more than just friends" doesn't mean anything, you know? If you mean "I just want someone to kiss on," then that's one thing, and if you mean "I just want someone to write romantic poetry to," that's another thing--and both of these can constitute relationships. Part of maturing into relationships is getting yourself a really clear idea of what you're looking for.
A lot of friction in relationships is caused by a lack of communication about what people want, often because they're feeling hopeful and they don't want to discover, right off the bat, that things won't work out for them. I've declined multiple men because I won't go out with someone who doesn't have any other friends, period. Another man I broke it off with because he was looking for a year of fun before going back to his old girlfriend, and I sincerely loved him. Another because we saw each other every day and he made his declaration via email. I've got little tolerance for cowards. Other women think they're cute. There is no formula to love but to love.
This isn't something where you need to find the right combination of behaviors, like the perfect key to a lock. You be you, and find someone who wants that, and who you also want. If you've got some unhealthy shit going on, then you should probably work on that--like, I dunno, being abusive or dishonest or manipulative. But otherwise, folks are diverse in their needs and desires, and that's part of the beauty of it.
If you want a girl, then you've got to know what that particular girl wants, and whether you sincerely want to be that person--or better yet, already are them. Not all women like muscly men. I, for example, prefer men on the androgynous/feminine side and find men who are into muscle-building a gigantic turn-off. You be the best you that you can be, and then worry about attracting the wimmenz.
One of the best pieces of advise I got.I think I should just...tell her what I feel....................................yeah.
Tell her what I feel.That's...a..good idea I guess.Yeah...I already know I'll fail once and once again in asking her...Probably meaning to ask her but instead making small talk and stuff...Well...thats life...And I gotta live it...So...
I cant do this.Crap.Freaking self pity......I should just get a hang of myself and just ask her.....Yeah this is gonna suck...
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Oh for fuck's sake.
PkGamer, focus on what you know about this other person. You do know things about this person, right? Focus on an interest you both may have in common. Use that as conversation starter. Go from there.
"I see you're reading 50 Shades of Grey. I love that book too! What do you think about character so-and-so ... etc."
There you go, foot in the door. Use that as a way to find other potential interests in common. If you find that you have very few interests in common, or that the interests that you both hold in high regard the other doesn't care for very much, then any relationship will very likely not last long or be terribly happy.
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Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
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Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
We cannot give you any concrete suggestions unless we have intimate knowledge of your area, but I think a cafe or an inexpensive (but not cheap and unhealthy, i.e. McD's) restaurant wouldn't go amiss.
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Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
Someplace where you think she would like to go? She likes art, go to an art exhibit. She likes nature, go to a nice park/garden/etc. Any festivals/local events going on? Museum?
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Well thanks.Chances are I'll never same her.But there's still that 1% chance when I feel the moment is fine.....
Thanks, your pathetic friend PkGamer...
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i'm just going to chime in to say i am both surprised and lightly nonplussed that no daki or anything alike has been suggested thorough this entire thread
carry on