Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Creative Projects => Topic started by: hihi2463 on November 14, 2013, 05:59:33 pm
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It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front.
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It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front.
Something I never got to experience... *begins sobbing quietly*
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Urge to punctuate... rising...
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Urge to punctuate... rising...
Punctuation alone cannot make it conform.
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CONFORMITY IS THE BASIS OF ALL THINGS JAMAL, ASSIMILATE!!!
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What are these 'friends' you speak of?
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...what is this thread? ???
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A life of friends is a book that I am writing I am posting it here to see what other people think about it
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a single sentence is hard to judge
though:
Cocoa a) needs to be capitalized and b) nobody is called that
it's "my sister, my best friend Cocoa and I". Don't put yourself at the beginning of the list.
"quiet street in new york". No such thing. It's new york
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Cocoa is a nick name and there is on the outskirts of New York
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It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire.
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again, not much to judge.
is there a rough synopsis?
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Hey I 'me still working on it and I wasn't looking for an editor I was wanting to know how good it is all my family likes it but I want to know is the public would
It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire. I ran inside to get Cocoa I dashed down her hall then into her room, I found her sitting in the far corner of her room close to the window
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how can we judge how good it is when we only get a sentence at a time?
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1) Fix your formatting and punctuation.
2) Finish the work.
3) Write a synopsis of the finished work after you do a line-by-line pass at editing on your own.
4) Post the synopsis first.
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Look it takes time for one to write and figure out what comes next and I am new to writing and i have dislexea
It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire. I ran inside to get Cocoa I dashed down her hall then into her room, I found her sitting in the far corner of her room close to the window. The window was to high for us to climb out of normally. A handle slid out of the wall right below the window I pulled it down and found stairs I placed the handle on the ground it slid back into the bottom on the stairs and then clicked the stairs into place.
"Hey Cocoa let's get out of here" I said as I walked over to her
"Jess you know I refuse to Go through the window it's so high up" Cocoa said covering her eyes
"Look" I pointed to the stairs below the window " you can get up to the window and out safely ok?"
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huh? so you are writing it on-forum? what did your family judge then when all that is written of it is hee on the forum?
anyway, consider writing a large chunk on word or something and then copy it here, rather than going sentence by sentence.
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They judged the original but I lost that a while ago so I'm going by memory
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I cannot read it naturally. The writing style is far too awkward. When I do manage to read it, it makes little sense.
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Sorry I have dyslexia so I can't write all that we'll but I really enjoy writing so I keep doing it if one of you guys could edit my work then I'll be happy and I know I Saudi that I wasn't looking for an editor but now I see that I really need it
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Well for one, I suggest no posting anything until you have something substantial, content-wise. I admire the fact that you are trying to write despite your dyslexia - and apparent young age? - but posting it sentence by sentence here isn't a positive way of gaining feedback, nor is it a successful way to approach the literary craft.
Write a rough draft. I mean a full, complete rough draft. Write a few thousand words if it's going to be a short story, several tens of thousands if it's novella-length, or a hundred thousand on up if you intend for it to be a novel. Then set it aside for a while. Then come back to it and reread it. Fix things up a bit, whether it be flow, content, or grammar; first drafts are never, ever perfect. The second draft is the absolute minimum needed before it is advisable to seek feedback on anything.
Once you've done that, then that's when it might be appropriate to consider sharing it with the world. But when you do, make sure you're clear up front about what you want from those you solicit; whether you want critique, or are merely sharing it for others. Be forewarned, even if you're not positing it for critique, the internet isn't the most pleasant place. Nor is the world of literature, for that matter. It'll be critiqued and criticized anyway. Also, finding a proper way to distribute the piece is an issue all by itself; the formatting, the method of distribution, etc. are all things you should consider more carefully.
Look at this as subtle encouragement! I'm certainly not discouraging a dyslexic writer newbling from finding their footing in the world of writing, but it seems like there are a certain number of minutiae regarding both writing and activity on forums that you seem unaware of. So, I'll leave you with this advice and say: good luck!
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no, what you need is more than 2 sentences to describe the escape from a burning building. You are just leaving substantial parts empty.
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What does substantial mean?
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big, important. The meat is a substantial part of the burger
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What does substantial mean?
If you type a word into google followed by definition, it will tell you what the word means. No need to ever ask again!
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no, what you need is more than 2 sentences to describe the escape from a burning building. You are just leaving substantial parts empty.
By substantial, I meant 'substantial amount of'; I figured that was understood. :P
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by substantial, I mean that "the author of the thread is leaving substantial parts out", not you; I figured that was understood. :P
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I am the Arthur of the thread
And this is a revised version of my old stuff I think I haven't seen my old work in a while
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There's a life lesson for you here, and it's something important to learn, even if many people end up ignoring it.
You started posting here asking for "real world" opinions on things, and people have been giving you honest, constructive suggestions to help you improve. You're not listening to the advice you asked for, and instead of taking it as a way to improve yourself, you're making excuses because it's not what you want to hear.
We know it takes time to write things, but we're being honest when we say we can't help you much or at all with just one sentence at a time. Please finish a large part of your work and proofread it so we can make a better judgement without having to check back here for once sentence at a time.
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by substantial, I mean that "the author of the thread is leaving substantial parts out", not you; I figured that was understood. :P
...I'm just gonna show myself out now. :P
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Personally, I don't mind what you're doing hihi. Keep on writing! :) Just be prepared for everyone with a four - digit IQ (i.e. 99% of the forum) to tell you how to improve. :P
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I look forward to it i would love too improve my righting
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I look forward to it i would love too improve my righting
Well, since you look forward to it: writing, not righting :P
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ya i tend to do that alot
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Hey guys I found my old draft now Icahn use that to help me right
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Correct :)
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Gerp I ment write
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I love this thread.
Keep writing man, whatever people say. :)
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thanks
It all started when we were five Rachel my twin Cocoa my best friend and i were playing on Cocoa's front lawn. It was quiet in our neighbourhood so our parents weren't to worried about us. They were inside Cocoa's house drinking coffee and tea
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You could say you're righting in your writing. :P
Silly plays-on-words aside, try to take into account the advice you're being given! It's awesome that you're writing, and that you're brave enough to share it with the others; just remember that the vast majority of people posting in the Creative Projects board are offering constructive criticism, not trying to tear you down.
Following what inEquality said, do you want advice, people pointing out specific things to fix, or are you just sharing what you're writing? That's important for us to know if we're commenting on this.