Bay 12 Games Forum

Finally... => Forum Games and Roleplaying => Roll To Dodge => Topic started by: Sl4cker on October 25, 2017, 09:35:43 pm

Title: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 25, 2017, 09:35:43 pm
Let these first few paragraphs be of use in order to disambiguate some inaccuracies and misunderstandings.

You have been given many epithets and monikers over the course of your career. Death, the Grim Reaper; this one is among the most prominent. Others include Thanatos, King Yama, and Marzanna (Of note is that skeletons do not have overt gendered features and neither should you). All of these names are an accurate one-to-two-word summation of the nature of your existence, your profession, and the dominance you hold over the fates of mortal men. But you'd really prefer if people more often called you by your real name: "Sam". Simple, short, personalized. No one's gonna make much of a fuss at a skeleton in torn bath robes named "Sam". You'd also accept "Michael". But you digress.

Another misconception of note is the concept of the psychopomp. You know very well where to go in order to reach Hell from Earth and back, but your main duty is not to eternally cart the deceased back and forth like a particularly malnourished wandering wheelbarrow man. Oh, sure, maybe you get stabbed thirty-six times in the throat. No physical object can cut up and destroy a mortal's soul in such a manner. That is your duty. That is why you have a bone-white scythe of infinite malevolence in the first place. You are the REAPER.

The third and final misconception that you will be addressing for now is that, as humans are wont to do, caught up in the broiling and turbulent nature of their own messy Life, many mortals believe that Death, eternal, inevitable, powerful and poignant all in one, would be altogether a much cleaner, better-managed affair.

You should probably apologize.

Within the past century, the human population has skyrocketed to an unprecedented level. With more people being born, there comes a deluge of people on the precipice of death. Bleeding, broken, shut down, yet with that persistent blue-white wisp known as a soul still keeping them in spiritual comatosis. You don't know why the Boss gave humans those things in the first place, especially with all the problems it causes during a surplus. They'd surely be much happier being able to comprehend their own brains, too, without all that pesky emotion getting in the way.

Again, you digress. A lack of focus is probably what is causing this problem in the first place.

In essence, your own imperfection is catching up with you. You used to be powerful, worthy of infinite respect for being that ominous figure that awaits all Life at the end of the road. But now, you are currently one billion, five-hundred and twenty three million, four-hundred thirteen-thousand, eight-hundred and ninety-one souls behind. Ninety-two, now. Ninety-four.

Physically, you're hunched over your ivory-made desk and watching the papers float on by to land on the neat stack of them currently taking up a completely incomprehensible amount of space. You'd pity yourself more, but that's really what you've been doing for the past hundred years.

You need to fix this before your bones rattle into another plane of existence.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 25, 2017, 09:39:23 pm
Retrieve humerii, ulnas, and radii from drawer
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 26, 2017, 09:32:46 pm
Quote from: Cinder on October 25, 2017, 09:39:23 pm
Retrieve humerii, ulnas, and radii from drawer
[6]

Snapping out of your stupor and standing up, you resolve to make something of yourself, heaving your grim form towards a tiny wooden drawer (made out of dead wood, of course) and opening it up, intent on pulling yourself together in a literal fashion. You are instantly beset by a deluge of bones, not only of those forming the arms, but an entire legion's worth of skeletons cascading onto your form like an ocean of spook. Your office is now covered with bones. Your papers are intact, however, owing to their spiritual nature. You are currently swimming in the newly-created dead sea.

HUMERII, ULNAS AND RADII LEVELS: OVERWHELMING SURPLUS
SOULS BEHIND: A LOT
BONES: MORE RATTLED THAN PREVIOUSLY
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 27, 2017, 02:31:34 am
Assimilate all the bones. All of it. Become bonelord.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on October 27, 2017, 04:11:42 am
Purchase a Dell OptiPlex 3050 Micro, install Microsoft Office Professional Plus, and paradigm shift your in-file list into digital form, emails perhaps.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 27, 2017, 04:16:14 am
Quote from: NJW2000 on October 27, 2017, 04:11:42 am
Purchase a Dell OptiPlex 3050 Micro, install Microsoft Office Professional Plus, and paradigm shift your in-file list into digital form, emails perhaps.
Oh because that turned out so well for Bruce Almighty.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: killerhellhound on October 27, 2017, 07:08:20 am
Quote from: Cinder on October 27, 2017, 02:31:34 am
Assimilate all the bones. All of it. Become bonelord.
Become real fucking Nito
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on October 27, 2017, 07:04:34 pm
Look through the souls you're behind on, and hire some of them on as assistants. They're kind of responsible for this mess, so they should help fix it.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 27, 2017, 07:46:10 pm
Quote from: killerhellhound on October 27, 2017, 07:08:20 am
Quote from: Cinder on October 27, 2017, 02:31:34 am
Assimilate all the bones. All of it. Become bonelord.
Become real fucking Nito
[1]
After shuffling yourself out of the mess, you prepare to achieve maximum bone mass. You don't deign to introspect on the reason behind why you opened up a sea of skeletons and proceeded to attempt to realistically cosplay, perhaps to an overblown degree, as a videogame character that you are admittedly quite fond of, as you assume your motives should be quite obvious.

Stress-based neurosis.

You find yourself ankle-deep in skeletons. You bend over and pull out an arm, attempting to fit it onto your current one. It actually works, giving you an incredible forearm-arm-hand-arm-hand limb structure. You continue in this manner, accumulating longer and longer bones, until you reach a point where maybe a whopping half of one percent of the skeletons are attached to yourself. You fail to compensate for structural integrity, however, and collapse at once into a particularly gloomy pile of brown-tinted, dark-cloak-blanketed disappointment. You scream.

BONELORD STATUS: TOTAL OF ONE RIBCAGE AND ONE ANGRY SKULL
WORK STATUS: YOU MAY NEED A VACATION
RATTLE STATUS: YOU DEFINITELY NEED A FUCKING VACATION
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on October 27, 2017, 07:49:09 pm
Use bones in profane ritual to clone self repeatedly. More reapers couldn't hurt if we want fix this backlog right? Maybe you could even take a vacation while one of the others does your job.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on October 28, 2017, 03:57:18 am
Quote from: Person on October 27, 2017, 07:49:09 pm
Use bones in profane ritual to clone self repeatedly. More reapers couldn't hurt if we want fix this backlog right? Maybe you could even take a vacation while one of the others does your job.
+1. Or if cloning doesn't work, just reanimate them.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 28, 2017, 08:26:55 pm
Quote from: NJW2000 on October 28, 2017, 03:57:18 am
Quote from: Person on October 27, 2017, 07:49:09 pm
Use bones in profane ritual to clone self repeatedly. More reapers couldn't hurt if we want fix this backlog right? Maybe you could even take a vacation while one of the others does your job.
+1. Or if cloning doesn't work, just reanimate them.
[6] ((haha holy shit what are these rolls))

Limbless, laying down on a pile of your own bones in turn lying on a sea of all of your spare bones (you think that's why you have this many inside a drawer anyway), you aren't exactly in a position for arcane ritual magic, but you try anyway.

You let out another shriek, though this time it is not one born of frustration. This is a scream that emanates with a profoundly wrong energy - a scream carrying with it the pure unjustness and evil that, though not synonymous with it, seems to always follow close to Death. Were a mortal able to hear this scream, they would surely go mad, or perhaps even shrivel up and die on the spot - and the dead, the pristine dead, their eternal slumber... well, with such a scream calling upon their very being, who could even resist risin up once more? Such is the profound profanity held within the Reaper's Deathly Wail.

At once, the sea of bones begins to flow and crash against itself, awakening from stillness and lifelessness into a typhoon of awakening dead. You, without your requisite limbs, are caught in the whirlpool with no way out, and thus are forced to watch as the sea seems to sink towards the bottom, as if collecting to a specific point...

You are faintly aware you are suddenly rising, before your torso and head, once again, drop. This time, however, you drop back onto the marble floor of your office, curiously. You roll around, to see that the skeletal mass is not coalescing into several skeletons, but one giant bonelord skeleton - an abomination composed of hundreds of haphazardly stuck together bones, though, unlike a certain other character you were attempting to recreate previously, it is not covered in a cloak, and looks to be quite dumb, staring around the infinitely tall office with quick, repeated glances reminiscent of a weasel.

You open your mouth to speak, before the Skeleton Giant suddenly crashes through a wall, running off into the depths of Hell, seemingly about to cause all sorts of havoc. Well.

ALIGNMENT STATUS: LEANING MORE TOWARDS CHAOTIC NEUTRAL THAN EXPECTED
LIMB STATUS: PART OF A GIANT SKELETON'S LEFT SHOUlDER/UPPER ARM
STATUS IN GENERAL: ABSOLUTELY LIVID
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 28, 2017, 08:39:20 pm
Retrieve bone with magic. You have a spell for this, right?
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on October 28, 2017, 08:45:09 pm
(Rolls are 616 so far, this is genuinely hilarious. Game is off to a great start.)

Kill the skeleton giant and take control of it. You're death, and no other skeleton is going to one up you.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: crazyabe on October 28, 2017, 09:03:32 pm
TAKE A VAC-FUCKING-CATION TO EARTH
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 29, 2017, 11:21:41 pm
((Rolled for which command to take))
Quote from: Person on October 28, 2017, 08:45:09 pm
Kill the skeleton giant and take control of it. You're death, and no other skeleton is going to one up you.
[3]
You feel indignant at your own creation, the mindless brute you fostered from your own spare bones and not-so-spare bones. Only the essence of death is what is keeping the Giant moving - it should sustain itself by killing, seeking you, the End of Life. The only problem is that without a proper mind it would kill indiscriminately, not caring for things like "established lifetimes" and "somatic thanatosis" and "making sure the Boss doesn't smite your bony ass for not doing your job properly". Once the giant is done swiping at already-dead spirits and ignoring the soulless demons of Hell, it's going to make a bee-line for Earth, and giving you more work is the exact opposite of the dumb bonelord's intended purpose.

You are still just a ribcage and skull. Despite being Death, you do still need legs to move. You roll onto your side, before rolling again, barrelling into where your scythe, knocked out of frame by the torrent of bones, has fallen onto the floor, resting with a familiar reaping energy. Having no arms to wield it, you merely roll again onto it, biting the handle, and using it to lever yourself into a relatively stable "standing" position. You can finally see that demons are already beginning to crowd around your office, scratching their chitinous heads. The giant is far from dead and will probably be far from you by the time you can chase the bastard.

BONE GIANT: NOT LOCATED, STILL AT FULL BONELINESS FOR ALL YOU KNOW
YOURSELF: LOW BONELINESS, SCYTHE ACQUIRED
RATTLE: YES
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on October 29, 2017, 11:54:22 pm
Okay I guess that wasn't a good idea. Maybe I thought we were attached to it somehow? Dunno.

Restore physical condition to optimum.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on October 30, 2017, 02:53:34 am
Quote from: Person on October 29, 2017, 11:54:22 pm
Okay I guess that wasn't a good idea. Maybe I thought we were attached to it somehow? Dunno.

Restore physical condition to optimum.
+1. Leg and arm bones of Ajax the Greater.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 30, 2017, 05:03:52 am
Levitate through pure rage
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on October 31, 2017, 09:14:13 am
Quote from: NJW2000 on October 30, 2017, 02:53:34 am
Quote from: Person on October 29, 2017, 11:54:22 pm
Okay I guess that wasn't a good idea. Maybe I thought we were attached to it somehow? Dunno.

Restore physical condition to optimum.
+1. Leg and arm bones of Ajax the Greater.
[6] ((holy fucking shit dice stop))

Usually, people wouldn't attempt to obtain the bones of such an elusive figure. Were they in your position, knee-deep (or, you suppose, neck-deep now) in shit, a giant skeleton running around on the loose, surely they'd settle for a haphazard replacement until the original bones from the skeleton were returned to you without fuss. Surely, to obtain the bones of such a magnificent warrior of antiquity would prove too difficult in your weakened state. Though you cannot die, you can be incapacitated, and thus risk letting the Giant Skeleton free. It would be foolish, difficult, and time consuming.

Fuck them. You're Death.

You tightly grip onto your scythe, waiting for a few confused demons to come check in on your rather bland office to see what had happens. When one flies overhead, you suddenly swing the malevolent tool upwards, impaling the red-skinned denizen of Hell through the abdomen. It screeches - nothing on the level of your Deathly Wail, but still annoying to the auditory ossicles - flying about haphazardly with pained curses. You drag the demon to fly past its friends and through Hell, second law of motion be damned, towards where you think Ajax' skeleton is.

It takes you six hours flying through desolate landscapes and seas of flame to get to where the Giant Ajax is, as it turns out you have to travel quite far to get to people born circa 1100 BC. You find the Trojan warrior, armor and all, sitting on a rock all sullen-like. You drop to the sulphurous ground suddenly as the demon gives its last measly breath. Oh well. That's what an abdomen wound does to you. Ajax looks up. You lift your torso up and hit the deceased warrior right in the chest, shattering his armor and the ribcage underneath. And then the skull. And then the- fuck wait no not the limbs you needed those,

Well.

You just rode a demon on a scythe to death for six hours just to shatter fucking Ajax the Greater for no reason. This will result in tremendous amounts of paperwork and you're now ridiculously far from where the Giant you actually WANTED to kill is. You are currently stranded on the section of Hell reserved for the deceased of antiquity, and unless some buttfuck demon flies overhead again, you're stranded there.

GIANT STATUS: THREE-THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED MILES AWAY AND BONELY
YOU STATUS: >:(
AJAX STATUS: SHAME HE DIDN'T WORE THAT DIVINE ARMOR, HUH
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on October 31, 2017, 09:20:56 am
Try to become bone jelly with the bone shards
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: crazyabe on October 31, 2017, 11:16:21 am
Fuck work, this is a vacation.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on November 01, 2017, 06:04:53 pm
Salvage bone shards. If this fails, try again with Achilles.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 02, 2017, 01:01:49 am
((rolled again for which command to pick - the dice love person i guess))
Quote from: Person on November 01, 2017, 06:04:53 pm
Salvage bone shards. If this fails, try again with Achilles.
[5]
Fuck it, you're taking this. You sweep up all the shattered bits of Ajax through anger alone and slam them into eachother to rebuild him. Or more specifically, his limbs - the (nominally) less shattered remains of the giant clicking together to form two pairs of arms and legs. It actually works - a set of perfectly workable skeleton limbs lay before you, ready to become your perfectly workable skeleton limbs. You even managed to make the bones appropriately sized for you, instead of having a tiny skull and ribcage with BIG MACHO ARMS.

Your boneliness is restored to full. You are still stranded, with Hell of a way to go to get back to your office. Literally.

STATUS: TOOK LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE SOMETHING GO RIGHT
AJAX STATUS: rest in pieces
GM STATUS: RUNNING OUT OF JOKES TO MAKE FOR STATUSES
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 02, 2017, 01:50:17 pm
Let's repair Ajax and then get that bone giant! And then libreoffice. Because budgetary reasons.

((Ah, minimalism.))
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: crazyabe on November 02, 2017, 01:51:58 pm
Vacation, Now.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Secheral on November 02, 2017, 02:29:19 pm
Call the one in charge of Life and convince him to take care of the mess. Then vacation.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 02, 2017, 02:40:57 pm
Slam scythe into the hell-soil on the ground, splitting it open and creating a hellportal to hell, specifically to the giant skeletal we need to slay.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Person on November 02, 2017, 10:09:10 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 02, 2017, 02:40:57 pm
Slam scythe into the hell-soil on the ground, splitting it open and creating a hellportal to hell, specifically to the giant skeletal we need to slay.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 02, 2017, 10:17:20 pm
Quote from: Person on November 02, 2017, 10:09:10 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 02, 2017, 02:40:57 pm
Slam scythe into the hell-soil on the ground, splitting it open and creating a hellportal to hell, specifically to the giant skeletal we need to slay.
+1
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 03, 2017, 08:47:08 am
Quote from: Madman198237 on November 02, 2017, 10:17:20 pm
Quote from: Person on November 02, 2017, 10:09:10 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 02, 2017, 02:40:57 pm
Slam scythe into the hell-soil on the ground, splitting it open and creating a hellportal to hell, specifically to the giant skeletal we need to slay.
+1
+1
[5] ((rerolled for this one and got the same result :U))

Invigorated by your fresh success, you raise your scythe high into the air with a ferocious roar. Nearby, the shattered bone shards of Ajax not part of your limbs poof into fine powder. Spinning your scythe like a baton, you slam it into the brimstone making up the ground, slicing apart not just the soil but the fabric of reality itself, letting you drop through space and time to end up back where you began in what is surely a trippy sequence reminiscent of a certain popular british television program. (You're not so fond of that one. Main character keeps reviving.)

Appearing at once back at your office with a dynamic entry, the sound of your rage making the spines of all around you shiver, regardless of the actual status of their vertebrae. Around you, you see the same boring-ass hellscape as usual, but what is undoubtedly the giant skeleton-amalgamate, currently crunching up a red-chitin-covered pair of demonic legs. More demons seem to be surrounding it in a circle, and judging by the giant's scorch marks, they seem to be trying to attack it. Judging by the bits of wings and unholy bones surrounding your creation, they're being very ineffective.

The bone giant releases the pair of legs with a spurt of black blood, the demon that you assume used to own them having... "disappeared" from the waist up. The giant rushes at you, and you prepare to end its measly existence with a single swing, when it crashes on the blood-soaked dirt in front of your newly replaced feet. You can tell the action is deliberate - the Giant is prostrating itself before your form.

RIGHT HAND: READY TO SLAY
LEFT HAND: NOT AS READY TO SLAY
COCCYX: VESTIGAL
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 03, 2017, 09:08:39 am
Place a boney hand on the main skull of our creation, and with a burst of power upload some new directives.

1: Don't kill living humans.
2: Prefer killing dead humans to killing other things, but killing other things is still allowed.
3: Absorb any spare skeletons you find to become more powerful and efficient.
4: If any living humans see you, just tell them that you're fixing the whole "too many dead folks" problem they made, and will be moving along just as soon as we're caught up.
5: No betraying your skelelord Death.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Glass on November 03, 2017, 09:16:45 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 03, 2017, 09:08:39 am
Place a boney hand on the main skull of our creation, and with a burst of power upload some new directives.

1: No betraying your skelelord Death.
2: Don't kill living humans.
3: Prefer killing dead humans to killing other things, but killing other things is still allowed.
4: Absorb any spare skeletons you find to become more powerful and efficient.
5: If any living humans see you, just tell them that you're fixing the whole "too many dead folks" problem they made, and will be moving along just as soon as we're caught up.
FTFY. Let's make sure that not betraying us is higher-importance than other stuff...
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 03, 2017, 09:58:51 am
Quote from: Glass on November 03, 2017, 09:16:45 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 03, 2017, 09:08:39 am
Place a boney hand on the main skull of our creation, and with a burst of power upload some new directives.

1: No betraying your skelelord Death.
2: Don't kill living humans.
3: Prefer killing dead humans to killing other things, but killing other things is still allowed.
4: Absorb any spare skeletons you find to become more powerful and efficient.
5: If any living humans see you, just tell them that you're fixing the whole "too many dead folks" problem they made, and will be moving along just as soon as we're caught up.
FTFY. Let's make sure that not betraying us is higher-importance than other stuff...
+1 to fixed order
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 04, 2017, 08:52:53 am
Quote from: Madman198237 on November 03, 2017, 09:58:51 am
Quote from: Glass on November 03, 2017, 09:16:45 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 03, 2017, 09:08:39 am
Place a boney hand on the main skull of our creation, and with a burst of power upload some new directives.

1: No betraying your skelelord Death.
2: Don't kill living humans.
3: Prefer killing dead humans to killing other things, but killing other things is still allowed.
4: Absorb any spare skeletons you find to become more powerful and efficient.
5: If any living humans see you, just tell them that you're fixing the whole "too many dead folks" problem they made, and will be moving along just as soon as we're caught up.
FTFY. Let's make sure that not betraying us is higher-importance than other stuff...
+1 to fixed order
[5] ((next turn i'm gonna use real dice :U))

You place your boney left hand on the thing's skull. One of it's skulls. A skull that is part of the conglomerate macro-skull. You touch the skeleton and telepathically give it grim commands, befitting its nature. With every skeletal finger, you input more directions and rules into its death-infused mind, animal-like in nature, yet, for a being such as yourself, manipulable. It seems to nod at each command, except for the last one, where it sits up, confused, pointing to its upper ribcage. Ah, for both the dead and the abomination, they lack a throat with which to communicate. You are able to because you are A MAGICAL SKELTAL but your creation does not seem to have such a luxury. With a wave of your hand you make it so.

The Giant (you could probably name it by now) blinks once and then twice with its many eyes, staring at you. DADDY, it says, obviously referring to you. "Aww," intones the demons. The giant glares at them, though for now, it doesn't seem to be utilizing the explicit command of "killing other things are allowed". It turns back towards you, seemingly awaiting orders.

YOU: DEATH, MASTER OF BONERS
GIANT: LIKE A PARTICULARLY SPOOKY PUPPY; MAY WANT A NAME
DEMONS: YOU SUSPECT MANY ARE DEAD, BUT WHO THE HELL GIVES A SHIT? SATAN?
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on November 04, 2017, 08:59:12 am
Release the Leviathan! That should keep things in check for a bit, with it stomping out the should-be dead.

Clearly, the problem is too big to actually deal with ourselves through hard work and long office hours. Time to call up our Hell's Angels buddy pestilence, see if he has any ideas for a ghost-plague.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 04, 2017, 11:58:33 am
Quote from: NJW2000 on November 04, 2017, 08:59:12 am
Release the Leviathan! That should keep things in check for a bit, with it stomping out the should-be dead.

Clearly, the problem is too big to actually deal with ourselves through hard work and long office hours. Time to call up our Hell's Angels buddy pestilence, see if he has any ideas for a ghost-plague.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 04, 2017, 04:23:42 pm
Hire an intern from a small Midwest liberal arts college to help with the paperwork. Maybe 2.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 04, 2017, 09:21:48 pm
ptw
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 05, 2017, 07:22:51 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 04, 2017, 11:58:33 am
Quote from: NJW2000 on November 04, 2017, 08:59:12 am
Release the Leviathan! That should keep things in check for a bit, with it stomping out the should-be dead.

Clearly, the problem is too big to actually deal with ourselves through hard work and long office hours. Time to call up our Hell's Angels buddy pestilence, see if he has any ideas for a ghost-plague.
+1
[1]
You prepare to unleash another portal to Hell, spinning your scythe once again as the rather incompetent demons around you watch warily. You slice up the underworld's soil beneath the "Leviathan", and it falls through - it falls through about one inch lower, that is. The giant looks at you, confused. You stare at your own scythe in frustration before trying to cut up the soil again. And again. You initiate a vengeful series of slicing and dicing against the red dirt, which, while cathartic, accomplish nothing except accidentally shaving off your Giant's legs from the tibia down. The remainder of its legs now stands, wavering, on a newly created slight divot in the soil. It looks at you with pure confusion. Looks like Hell doesn't appreciate the hell portals in Hell so you can have a Hell in your Hell anymore.

The demons snicker. You boomerang your scythe at one and decapitate it instantly, your tool boomeranging back to your hand with a sharp slap. The remaining demons flee as you place a thoughtful finger on your jaw with a sigh. Now you need to get the Giant to earth WITHOUT magic portals.

SCYTHE STATUS: KILLING GOOD
HELL STATUS: DOESN'T LIKE YOU FORCING YOUR BONES THROUGH ITS HOLES YOU GUESS
GIANT STATUS: TIBIA EXPECTED
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 05, 2017, 08:49:20 am
We should fix the giant's leg.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 05, 2017, 12:44:04 pm
Put the giant back together, and take this as an opportunity to teach it how to repair itself. In case the humans try to blow it up or something.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: SamSpeeds on November 06, 2017, 12:21:08 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 05, 2017, 12:44:04 pm
Put the giant back together, and take this as an opportunity to teach it how to repair itself. In case the humans try to blow it up or something.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Dustan Hache on November 06, 2017, 05:17:54 pm
The giant isn't damaged. We can't fix it if it isn't broken.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 06, 2017, 05:18:49 pm
...

It's missing its legs.

That's pretty 'broken' if you ask me.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 07, 2017, 06:47:16 pm
((a moment of apathy was had, but watching the anime "Overlord" has helped me get back into the BONE ZONE))

Quote from: SamSpeeds on November 06, 2017, 12:21:08 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 05, 2017, 12:44:04 pm
Put the giant back together, and take this as an opportunity to teach it how to repair itself. In case the humans try to blow it up or something.
+1
[6]

With another wave of your dreadful hand, the Giant, legs stuck firmly within the hell soil, suddenly shifts, raising up above you (well, more above you at any rate) as your dark magics grant it new material with which to feed its existence. Bones are created from nothing as the giant groans with a sound not unlike the creaking of an abandoned door. It stands on two legs once again, but, at once, kneels down immediately after. You see why - the being's already top-heavy figure got even heavier with your spell, packing its bones even denser, and adding several new ones, to boot. The Leviathan staggers, virtually dragging its own body up. It can move like this, sure, but you're pretty sure it won't be able to get much killing done, unassailable abomination of death or not.

SOULS: AT LEAST ONE BILLION, FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY THREE MILLION AND FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND BEHIND
DREADFUL HAND: SPREAD ACROSS YOUR SKULL IN A FACEPALM
GM STATUS: WEEB
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 07, 2017, 06:49:30 pm
Fix this mess---use DEATH MAGIC to compress it into an avatar of Death (Yes, an avatar of you), roughly your size with proper proportions and all that jazz. In other words, make it READY TO KILL.

Oh, and maybe give it a nice SCYTHE, for those souls that don't want to be reaped.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 06:51:53 pm
TIME: TO REAP
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 07, 2017, 06:53:14 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 06:51:53 pm
TIME: TO REAP
-1
Only the GM gets to update the time, you worthless cheat.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 07, 2017, 08:43:28 pm
This is clearly a weak minion. Let's speed things up! Reshape the beast into a hound and escort it to the world of the living. REAP!

I submit to majority rule.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 07, 2017, 08:47:41 pm
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 07, 2017, 08:43:28 pm
This is clearly a weak minion. Let's speed things up! Reshape the beast into a hound and escort it to the world of the living. REAP!
I think this received an automatic -1 because it directly opposes my suggestion of turning him into something else.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 08:58:00 pm
Oh come on. Just increase the weight in its legs by adding more skelebones and move on. No need to get super convoluted here.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 07, 2017, 09:07:50 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 08:58:00 pm
Oh come on. Just increase the weight in its legs by adding more skelebones and move on. No need to get super convoluted here.

+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 07, 2017, 09:09:10 pm
That's what we did LAST time, and look how well THAT turned out.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 07, 2017, 10:20:23 pm
Do it better this time
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 08, 2017, 10:22:13 am
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 07, 2017, 09:07:50 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 08:58:00 pm
Oh come on. Just increase the weight in its legs by adding more skelebones and move on. No need to get super convoluted here.

+1
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 08, 2017, 10:22:46 am
And the definition of insanity is?
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 08, 2017, 10:29:22 am
Says the one literally named madman.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 08, 2017, 10:38:19 am
So you admit I am uniquely qualified to pass judgement on what counts as insane?

How nice of you!
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 08, 2017, 10:41:44 am
Is someone with a bullethole in the skull an expert in brain surgery? ;P
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 08, 2017, 10:42:21 am
NOW NOW, CHILDREN
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 08, 2017, 10:43:11 am
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Glass on November 08, 2017, 10:51:51 am
Please don't.

 o  o
____
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 08, 2017, 10:54:09 am
Quote from: scourge728 on November 08, 2017, 10:43:11 am
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!
Only if we get swords. Dueling with words is boring.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 08, 2017, 11:27:04 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 08, 2017, 10:54:09 am
Quote from: scourge728 on November 08, 2017, 10:43:11 am
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!
Only if we get swords. Dueling with words is boring.
Swords? Stay on theme here. SCYTHES!
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 09, 2017, 04:54:37 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 08, 2017, 10:22:13 am
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 07, 2017, 09:07:50 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 07, 2017, 08:58:00 pm
Oh come on. Just increase the weight in its legs by adding more skelebones and move on. No need to get super convoluted here.

+1
+1
[6] ((i'm using three different methods to roll dice and i'm still getting mostly six mates))

Clacking your teeth in frustration, you wave at the Giant once again. You grind your teeth, however, when it doesn't seem to be getting up. You wave again and again, flicking your bony wrist at the thing as if swatting a particularly impish bee, hoping that eventually the skelelord will be able to get up. You stop when you notice the giant sinking into the ground, shivering, before collapsing slightly, thick conglomerates of bone matter detaching underground as the Leviathan tumbles over. You seem to have made its legs too heavy for it to move about. You groan.

Perhaps Death shouldn't wander too much into the sphere of Creation. Then again, you probably don't care.

JOKE: GROWING KIND OF STALE
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: hops on November 09, 2017, 06:45:57 am
Tell it to go find Life and get her to fix its shit for you. She owes you a favor, anyways.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: crazyabe on November 09, 2017, 08:59:04 am

Send a few fliers to earth, stating that you are looking for mostly unpayed interns who will receive valuable work experience
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 09, 2017, 10:14:17 am
Try and make the giant stronger, so it can pull its self out of the ground.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 09, 2017, 10:31:30 am
Quote from: Cinder on November 09, 2017, 06:45:57 am
Tell it to go find Life and get her to fix its shit for you. She owes you a favor, anyways.

Quote from: crazyabe on November 09, 2017, 08:59:04 am

Send a few fliers to earth, stating that you are looking for mostly unpayed interns who will receive valuable work experience

+1 to both
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 09, 2017, 05:12:04 pm
Just build a giant skeletal cat
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 09, 2017, 05:18:33 pm
Just strip the excess bones and make it human-sized. Or possibly Death-sized.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on November 09, 2017, 05:25:55 pm
Quote from: crazyabe on November 09, 2017, 08:59:04 am

Send a few fliers to earth, stating that you are looking for mostly unpayed interns who will receive valuable work experience
+1 to this.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 09, 2017, 06:09:21 pm
Add struts and boosters until it works.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Glass on November 09, 2017, 07:03:12 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 09, 2017, 06:09:21 pm
Add struts and boosters until it works.
+1 and name him Jebediah Kerman.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 10, 2017, 11:11:22 am
Quote from: NJW2000 on November 09, 2017, 05:25:55 pm
Quote from: crazyabe on November 09, 2017, 08:59:04 am

Send a few fliers to earth, stating that you are looking for mostly unpayed interns who will receive valuable work experience
+1 to this.
[5]

You groan in exasperating, tapping the butt of your scythe into the hellsoil. You turn around with an indignant huff, leaving behind you the skeletal Giant who at this point looks more like a block of bone matter than a Giant. What a waste of your time. DAAADDYYY, comes the beast's deep rumble, leanin towards you and collapsing further in the process. You're not listening, already walking back into your office.

Arriving at your place of safety, you sigh the sort of sigh usually reserved for the last gasping breath of freezing mortals accepting of their own chilly demise as you seat yourself once again. Feels good to relax after a six hour flight on a bleeding demon. But relaxing won't get work done, and you're nothing if not diligent (for now, at least). You lean forward on your desk, bony arms folded in front of you. Opening up a drawer, you take out several sheets of paper, a quill, and your skull-designed bloodwell. (A bloodwell is like an inkwell that uses a more common resource in the depths of Hell.) At once, you set to work, drawing (literally) on the powers of calligraphy in order to craft the perfect flyer.

INTERNS WANTED

ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA
- Must not have strong aversion to blood, viscera, sickness, suicide, murder, sappy romantic comedies, etc.
- Must have combat experience up to 6th dan in karate or equivalent martial art/some form of ability with dagger, sword, rapier, scythe or other piercing/cutting weapon OR handgun
- Must be willing to kill a bitch
HOW TO APPLY
- Craft a demonic pentagram with your own blood (can be any size), surround points with candles and sell soul to Death (NOT Satan)
NOTES
- Yes you're going to have to murder zombies
- Yes I am Death
- If you don't believe I am Death then I dare you craft the circle anyway so I can slap your shit

You nod vigorously, clicking your fingers to duplicate the scroll several times before giving all the copies sentience. The unholy abominations screech with primal fury, flying upwards into a newly created portal to Earth you made, fully intent on advertising themselves to willing mortals. This has been the best plan you've ever made.

DEATH: COMING
FLIERS: FLYING
GIANT: CRYING
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 10, 2017, 11:18:03 am
Mortals aren't good enough, unleash the power of Death and convert your giant into a usable Death-sized humanoid.

This way, we don't have to walk to go get those pesky mortals who can't get collected by regular mortals.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on November 10, 2017, 12:11:18 pm
Create the perfect introductory brochure and instructionary leaflet for the new interns. Send out even more fliers.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 10, 2017, 02:10:25 pm
Quote from: NJW2000 on November 10, 2017, 12:11:18 pm
Create the perfect introductory brochure and instructionary leaflet for the new interns. Send out even more fliers.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 10, 2017, 02:21:30 pm
Split the giant in to multiple human sized creatures, so we can send out a small army of them.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 10, 2017, 03:30:58 pm
Ugh, how tiring. After all that complicated planning stuff, it's time to take a short  break. And being Death, what we do to relax is stabbin' folks. Head to Earth and engage in some relaxing bloodshed. It won't actually help, but it should relive some stress.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 10, 2017, 05:29:27 pm
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 10, 2017, 03:30:58 pm
Ugh, how tiring. After all that complicated planning stuff, it's time to take a short  break. And being Death, what we do to relax is stabbin' folks. Head to Earth and engage in some relaxing bloodshed. It won't actually help, but it should relive some stress.
Wouldn't that make the problem worse?
......+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 10, 2017, 05:32:26 pm
No silly, we'll be stabbing the humans that are already dead. Probably. Maybe. It doesn't actually matter, because it'll be a drop in a quite large bucket either way.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 10, 2017, 05:36:01 pm
We need to go murder living people
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 10, 2017, 06:00:21 pm
Why?

I mean, I'm fine with it, but it might upset the boss if we made a habit of it.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Xantalos on November 11, 2017, 05:58:30 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 08, 2017, 10:41:44 am
Is someone with a bullethole in the skull an expert in brain surgery? ;P
*glances at Fallout New Vegas*

Just shave the excess weight off the giant's legs. Like making a sculpture! Sorta.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 11, 2017, 06:05:41 am
> Xantalos
o shit
my skeleton memes have attracted an elder god
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Maximum Spin on November 11, 2017, 06:22:27 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 10, 2017, 02:21:30 pm
Split the giant in to multiple human sized creatures, so we can send out a small army of them.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 11, 2017, 11:38:08 am
Quote from: Maximum Spin on November 11, 2017, 06:22:27 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 10, 2017, 02:21:30 pm
Split the giant in to multiple human sized creatures, so we can send out a small army of them.
+1
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 11, 2017, 11:15:47 pm
Quote from: Madman198237 on November 11, 2017, 11:38:08 am
Quote from: Maximum Spin on November 11, 2017, 06:22:27 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 10, 2017, 02:21:30 pm
Split the giant in to multiple human sized creatures, so we can send out a small army of them.
+1
+1
[1] ((xantalos, could you come over and pick your dice back up :U))

With a creaky groan, you lean back in your chair. You might as well deal with the Giant while waiting for the fliers to wrap their unholy selves around the minds and faces of impressionable young interns-to-be. You walk back towards the hole where the Giant was, finding its managed to move a total of two feet since you last saw it. Grinding your teeth dismissively, you bring out your scythe once again and swing at the Giant. But your swing misses - not only that, but in your carelessness you rip open another portal to earth! Green fire yawns open into a two-dimensional hole, sucking in the heavy Giant before you can even react, and before the portal knits closed you swear you can hear the crushing of metal and plastic behind the puff of flame.

With the Giant as it is, it has about as much worth as a particularly large snail. With no ability to move or to attack, anyone who happens to come across it will undoubtedly have to have their memories wiped. You kick the hellsoil in frustration at the increased compounding of work you have to do now.

ANGER: A N G E R Y
FLIERS: PROBABLY ABOUT TO REPORT BACK TO YOU NEXT TURN
HUMANS: OH I DUNNO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK THEM OUT D:<
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 11, 2017, 11:57:46 pm
fucking hell this is why i wanted to relax and not mess with the fucking giant anymore you bastards

Deputize a mindflayer demon to help and head to earth to deal with the damage.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Maximum Spin on November 12, 2017, 12:00:34 am
This is irritating. Wave the scythe vaguely: the giant no longer exists. Also Earth no longer exists. "FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT."
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 12, 2017, 12:04:31 am
Quote from: Maximum Spin on November 12, 2017, 12:00:34 am
This is irritating. Wave the scythe vaguely: the giant no longer exists. Also Earth no longer exists. "FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT."
no
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 12, 2017, 12:06:19 am
Screw this.

Summon your DEATHLY POWER OF REAPING and teleport to wherever the Giant has ended up.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 12, 2017, 01:07:01 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 11, 2017, 11:57:46 pm
fucking hell this is why i wanted to relax and not mess with the fucking giant anymore you bastards

Deputize a mindflayer demon to help and head to earth to deal with the damage.
+1. And destroy the giant when we land.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 12, 2017, 01:26:47 am
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 12, 2017, 01:07:01 am
+1. And destroy the giant when we land.
+1 the giant is holding us back, it needs to go.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: scourge728 on November 12, 2017, 07:30:13 am
Quote from: Maximum Spin on November 12, 2017, 12:00:34 am
This is irritating. Wave the scythe vaguely: the giant no longer exists. Also Earth no longer exists. "FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT."
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 12, 2017, 11:02:03 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 12, 2017, 01:26:47 am
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 12, 2017, 01:07:01 am
+1. And destroy the giant when we land.
+1 the giant is holding us back, it needs to go.

Quote from: scourge728 on November 12, 2017, 07:30:13 am
Quote from: Maximum Spin on November 12, 2017, 12:00:34 am
This is irritating. Wave the scythe vaguely: the giant no longer exists. Also Earth no longer exists. "FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT."
+1

-1, of course, to both.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: bloop_bleep on November 12, 2017, 12:28:55 pm
PTW.
EDIT: As for the dice, have you tried random.org? Maybe there's some subtle way of how you roll dice that rigs the results.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 12, 2017, 07:36:09 pm
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 12, 2017, 12:28:55 pm
PTW.
EDIT: As for the dice, have you tried random.org? Maybe there's some subtle way of how you roll dice that rigs the results.
used that for the past two turns my dude
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: dustywayfarer on November 12, 2017, 10:58:13 pm
PTW
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 13, 2017, 07:36:25 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 12, 2017, 01:26:47 am
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 12, 2017, 01:07:01 am
+1. And destroy the giant when we land.
+1 the giant is holding us back, it needs to go.
[4]

You scream in frustration, your own deathly anger granting you flight as the caves of hell reverberate with rage for like the fifth time since you started this bossawful day. You fly through hell, scythe reaving through the air in wide strokes that slice so finely it creates a brief void for you to be sucked forward through. Your eyes, black and haunting, finally spot a mindflayer demon after some time. You swing your scythe around its neck, interrupting the thing that all demons seem so fond of doing (torturing souls if that wasn't clear) in order to toss it into a newly opened portal to Earth, following it through.

You slam onto the rich, fertile soil of some random, dense forest and have barely any time to sneer at the vibrancy before your blue-skinned, octopus-headed friend gurgles at you as he stands up from the ground, dusting off his black cloak. You give him the Death Glare and he shrinks, yet you can still somehow sense a measure of sarcasm in it. Damn mind flayers. Too smart for their own good, and you know damn well they can read your mind. The mind flayer nods, pointing off in a seemingly random direction in what they telepathically indicate is probably the location of that infernal pet of yours. The density of horror, confusion and panic all give it away.

DEATH STATUS: BUDDING SUPERNATURAL HUNTER
MINDFLAYER STATUS: RATHER PERTURBED
RANDOM CITY IN FUCK-KNOWS-WHERE STATUS: VERY PERTURBED
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: bloop_bleep on November 13, 2017, 02:28:29 pm
Build and install a REAP-O-MATIC 8000 to help you reap the dead souls that you've basically just ignored for the past 10 turns.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 13, 2017, 02:57:41 pm
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 13, 2017, 02:28:29 pm
Build and install a REAP-O-MATIC 8000 to help you reap the dead souls that you've basically just ignored for the past 10 turns.
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 13, 2017, 03:38:18 pm
Quote from: King Zultan on November 13, 2017, 02:57:41 pm
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 13, 2017, 02:28:29 pm
Build and install a REAP-O-MATIC 8000 to help you reap the dead souls that you've basically just ignored for the past 10 turns.
+1
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: dustywayfarer on November 13, 2017, 05:13:47 pm
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 13, 2017, 02:28:29 pm
Build and install a REAP-O-MATIC 8000 to help you reap the dead souls that you've basically just ignored for the past 10 turns.
1+3=4
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 14, 2017, 08:20:07 am
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 13, 2017, 02:28:29 pm
Build and install a REAP-O-MATIC 8000 to help you reap the dead souls that you've basically just ignored for the past 10 turns.
[6]

You are currently in the depths of a temperate forest, employing the reluctant help of a horrific mindflayer demon in order to track down a bone giant which you mistakenly created. You are doing this in order to finally put a stop to all of the troubles it has been causing you, reaching a climax when it smashed directly to Earth, horrifying all involved.

Time to create another aide to your job! Worked so well last time, didn't it?

You set to work immediately, foraging for sticks, stones and grasses with which to build your ingenious machine. No human would be able to create this, but you are able to because fuck dude, you're Death. The mindflayer demon (lets call him Flayguy) takes a look at you, reads your mind, and promptly facepalms his squid head. You ignore this rampant showing of disrespect as you start weaving a basket like some sort of muscular, primitive technomancer. Except you have no muscles because you are a skeleton.

Thirty minutes pass. The REAP-O-MATIC 8000, as nondescript as it is, looks nondescriptly magnificent. The mindflayer demon is pretending to file his nails in boredom, having given up and pointing you towards the horror, sounds of gunfire and explosions, and more horror. You do your thing and bring it to undeath - this would not have worked if the leaves and sticks it was made out of were still alive, but thankfully your touch kills all in its wake. It whirs to activeness, spinning around with a terrible creaking of sticks and rubbing of sharpened stones. It sets to work, intent on destroying all life.

You shuffle slightly uncomfortably as it churns. This isn't what you expected - flies begin dropping out of the air around it as the grass wilts, rots, and disappears entirely, the dirt it was on growing gray and sterile, before being crushed into sand altogether. You seem to be immune to its effects, but the mindflayer has barely enough time to get up before the circle of complete death reaches him and turns the squid-demon into a squid-corpse. And then a squid-skeleton and he's gone. Shit. You think you needed him for something but you can't remember what anymore.

In the distance, you spot a small dot on the horizon that quickly grows into a bloody, leathery piece of parchment that flies towards you. Ah, the fliers are here (you knew the GM didn't forget about them!). They get within a few meters from you before they fall out of the air onto the rapidly growing death-circle and eroding. Whoops. You don't have time to ponder this as a bloody pentagram appears in front of you, flames of red popping out of thin air to rest on the sterile sand. More of these circles appear, and out of them pop bright young men and women (and some less bright men and women), who promptly collapse onto the ground and are converted into more sandy dust, along with the drying up blood and candle flame. You see their souls, bright blue and vibrant, wink out of their bodies and explode in a lightshow in front of you.

This plan may have been badly timed.

UH: YEAH
YOU: CAN PROBABLY GUESS
HOW THE GRIM REAPER IS FEELING: KINDA PERTURBED IF IT WASN'T OBVIOUS
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Maximum Spin on November 14, 2017, 08:30:00 am
Technically this is helping. Or it will be if it goes on long enough. Proceed toward the bone giant while allowing the REAP-O-MATIC to do its thing.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 14, 2017, 09:22:48 am
Destroy the Reap-O-Matic, it's useless and it always will be.
This is why random internet fools should NEVER become the Grim Reaper. It just causes problems.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 14, 2017, 01:47:39 pm
Quote from: Madman198237 on November 14, 2017, 09:22:48 am
Destroy the Reap-O-Matic, it's useless and it always will be.
This is why random internet fools should NEVER become the Grim Reaper. It just causes problems.
+1, take the surviving interns with you to kill the bone giant.

In its defense, it does its job very well.

Also, sig'd.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: bloop_bleep on November 14, 2017, 01:48:19 pm
Fuck it. This game is cursed.
Burn it all down. All of it. It has no meaning anymore.

Quote from: Madman198237 on November 14, 2017, 09:22:48 am
Destroy the Reap-O-Matic, it's useless and it always will be.
This is why random internet fools should NEVER become the Grim Reaper. It just causes problems.
-1 to this. It can still be salvaged!

Attempt to use your DEATHSKILLZ to reprogram the REAP-O-MATIC to reap the souls that are SUPPOSED to be reaped, not go around killing whatever it finds.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 15, 2017, 06:10:33 am
Just go kill the giant and mess with the REAP-O-MATIC later.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 15, 2017, 08:33:55 am
Quote from: King Zultan on November 15, 2017, 06:10:33 am
Just go kill the giant and mess with the REAP-O-MATIC later.
But we need the interns!
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 15, 2017, 10:25:35 am
The interns are dead. If any still survived it's because they haven't used the pentagram and met a faceful of the deathfield yet.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 15, 2017, 10:33:34 am
Quote from: Sl4cker on November 15, 2017, 10:25:35 am
The interns are dead. If any still survived it's because they haven't used the pentagram and met a faceful of the deathfield yet.
Damnit.

Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 14, 2017, 01:48:19 pm
Fuck it. This game is cursed.
Burn it all down. All of it. It has no meaning anymore.

Quote from: Madman198237 on November 14, 2017, 09:22:48 am
Destroy the Reap-O-Matic, it's useless and it always will be.
This is why random internet fools should NEVER become the Grim Reaper. It just causes problems.
-1 to this. It can still be salvaged!

Attempt to use your DEATHSKILLZ to reprogram the REAP-O-MATIC to reap the souls that are SUPPOSED to be reaped, not go around killing whatever it finds.
Changing my vote, +1!
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 15, 2017, 10:35:36 am
Hell no. Destroy this abomination. And fire everyone who thought this was a good idea.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: NJW2000 on November 15, 2017, 11:09:48 am
Quote from: bloop_bleep on November 14, 2017, 01:48:19 pm
Fuck it. This game is cursed.
Burn it all down. All of it. It has no meaning anymore.

Quote from: Madman198237 on November 14, 2017, 09:22:48 am
Destroy the Reap-O-Matic, it's useless and it always will be.
This is why random internet fools should NEVER become the Grim Reaper. It just causes problems.
-1 to this. It can still be salvaged!

Attempt to use your DEATHSKILLZ to reprogram the REAP-O-MATIC to reap the souls that are SUPPOSED to be reaped, not go around killing whatever it finds.
If necessary, through machine learning.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Egan_BW on November 15, 2017, 11:11:01 am
Dammit stop having terrible ideas.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 15, 2017, 11:20:15 am
Quote from: Egan_BW on November 15, 2017, 11:11:01 am
Dammit stop having terrible ideas.
+inf
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 15, 2017, 07:02:13 pm
ROLLING BETWEEN DESTROY (1) AND REPROGRAM (2)
[2]
[5]

You, quite simply and efficiently, bop the thing with the flat of your scythe, hoping that it'll stop freaking the fuck out. It stumbles but churns still, so you backhand it with your Pimpslap of Death. "No," you tell the REAP-O-MATIC 8000, "Bad puppy. Sit. Stay. Make up for what you've done." You move your hands to your hip like a scornful owner.

To your credit, the thing's incessant whirring stops, slows and deepens, as if whimpering before your form. You see the sphere of sandy death stop, recede a bit, and stop altogether. A fifty meter radius around you is now sterile, finely ground desert, but you managed to stop it from consuming the world. This is probably a good thing.

You don't actually know about programming - you're mostly about the whole Death business, so the most of what you've done right now is kill the thing's power. Your own power, mind you, is needlessly inconsistent, which you may have to rectify soon because you'll need a whole lot of it to deal with the paperwork that's going to come out of this entire, shitty day. Whatever. Maybe you should get to work on that Giant, suddenly remembering the reason you took a trip to Earth in the first place. Or you could continue fiddling with the REAP-O-MATIC, since you're here and it's here.

STATUS REPORT UPDATES: BEING COMPRESSED INTO A SINGLE STATUS REPORT NOW, YAAAY
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Doomblade187 on November 15, 2017, 07:09:15 pm
KILL THE GIANT. GOTTA CLEAN UP OUR MESSES
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: King Zultan on November 15, 2017, 10:06:15 pm
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 15, 2017, 07:09:15 pm
KILL THE GIANT. GOTTA CLEAN UP OUR MESSES
+1
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Madman198237 on November 15, 2017, 10:06:47 pm
Quote from: King Zultan on November 15, 2017, 10:06:15 pm
Quote from: Doomblade187 on November 15, 2017, 07:09:15 pm
KILL THE GIANT. GOTTA CLEAN UP OUR MESSES
+1
+1

LEAVE THAT THING FROZEN IN PLACE.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: ATHATH on November 29, 2017, 03:50:07 am
Bump?
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Glass on November 29, 2017, 06:56:59 am
*facepalm*

Dude, you just necro'd death.
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: Sl4cker on November 29, 2017, 07:01:16 am
DEM BONES
Title: Re: Roll to Reaper
Post by: dustywayfarer on November 29, 2017, 09:51:21 am
C'mon, it's only two weeks.