Trick villagers into opening me to eat them and become stronger.5
Start spreading rumors of the mystic chest that grants you anything you want to lure tasty adventurers to consume.1
Open up and enchanting shop.4
Sell my adventuring goods to any characters that come into my shop with a usual line of "What do you need?"3
Mh hmn. Sounds like I need to sell better goods, and to do that, I'll need better enchantments.[3]
And to get better enchantments, I'll need to find some new enchanted items.
Dungeon expedition time!
(Note: all objects are to be prodded with a sword, pole, or other such tool prior to contact, so as to not get jumped by magically disguised enemies and monsters)
Damn. Find a dungeon and hide on it, waiting for adventurers to search it for loot and be consumed by me.[2]
Find some food.[6]
Get my old sword and armour and go dungeon expedition, i wont let some random guy take over my bussiness[2]
Search for an adventurer to pester.[5]
Break out the Thieves' Tools set and take out the lockpicks. More effort is more worth it. Let's open that door.[6]
Return to the village and try to paint myself yellow to avoid people identifying me as the talking chest. Eat more unsuspecting villagers to recover my strenght.[2]
GRIND IN THE SEWERS/TAVERNYou unfortunately have not posted a character sheet, so no.
Try to pickpocket him after he gets drunk, pretend to drink from my mug.[1]
Break into people's houses and eat all their bread.[6]
Mindblast random villager and suck his brain out.[1]
Laugh as cartoon villain.
This is my brand new minimalist rtdSUE GM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING
It started that way, but it's starting to unfurl into something a bit more complex. It wasn't deliberate.This is my brand new minimalist rtdSUE GM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING
USE LEGAL WINNINGZ TO RETIRE TO SUNNY CZECHOSLOVAKIA OR SOME SHIT
*facepalm*You rolled a 6, it took me several minutes to come up with some bad stuff.
Well, I wasn't going to just stride in the damned door.
Go back to the door, which should act as a bottleneck, and start sniping down goblins and other nasties with my firearms.
mindblast guards and eat their brains[3]
[2]This is my brand new minimalist rtdSUE GM FOR FALSE ADVERTISING
USE LEGAL WINNINGZ TO RETIRE TO SUNNY CZECHOSLOVAKIA OR SOME SHIT
Wield my grace-of-a-bread-crazed-duck as a diplomatic tool and diplomacy them until they make me mayor.[2]
Go back to the door, which should act as a bottleneck, and start sniping down goblins and other nasties with my firearms.[1]
Quickly try to find the fattest villager around. Revealing my true form (https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/darksouls/images/4/47/Tumblr_lt8n59tMwH1qaavgho1_500.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120118034613), run, grab the villager with my arms and consume them as quickly as possible.[5]
Pull the murderhobo card and try to trick the other villagers into mobbing him.[5]
[I apolagise that the quality of updates is low, I'm cery tired right now, and I spent all of yesterday driving. If anyone mentions this, they are rolling a 1 next turn.]((What are you talking about? The updates are awesome quality!))
Plead not guilty and convince the people that the Duke is a demon and only by the will of the people and duck can he be slain.[5]
Cast invisibility, they can't lynch thing they can't see[2]
>HEAD TO TOWN SQUARE, ELOQUENTLY PRESENT MY CASE AGAINST THE GM BEFORE THE DUKE HIMSELF[1]
DEMAND COMPENSATION FOR THE MOST INJURIOUS INCONVENIENCE CAUSED TO ME BY GM'S FALSE ADVERTISING IN THE FORM OF EITHER AKINGS RANSOMWAIT, POOR CHOICE OF WORDS... UH, ONE THOUSAND (1,000) GOLD PIECES/DOUBLOONS/REALES/PIECES OF EIGHT/ [INSERT MOST-VALUABLE LOCAL CURRENCY HERE], ONE (1) SIGNIFICANTLY POWERFUL MAGICAL ITEM OR NO LESS THAN THREE (3) MINOR ONES.
OR, Y'KNOW, AN OUNCE OR TWO OF YE OLDE PIPEWEED. I'D SETTLE FOR THAT, TOO.
...[5]
Inconspicuously get untied.
Randomly stalk and eat people in the town square until I become more powerful. Gain monster experience levels for eating villagers.You come out of the alley, ready to devour all that oppose you, but once you come out, there is literally no - one there. They're all off at the castle yelling and rioting. You can't quite see what's going in, but you din't seem to be required. Your immediate thought is to go and eat the rioters, but there are a lot of guards with large weapons. This is a bit of a conundrum.
You run iver to the first lynch mob you see, but a second ine runs past you, and you suddenly find yourself flattened and on the floor with a lot of people walking on top of you. After you get up, you seem to have broken every single bone in your body. You try to get up, but to no avail. The mob is still there, though, so at least that worked out.[I apolagise that the quality of updates is low, I'm cery tired right now, and I spent all of yesterday driving. If anyone mentions this, they are rolling a 1 next turn.]((What are you talking about? The updates are awesome quality!))
Join the lynch mob.
Use sheer willpower to repair myself.[3]
(Can I get a +1 to feats of inconspicuousness and rougery once I've done and succeeded at enough of them?)[5]
Quietly acquire a weapon, and start taking out goblins without the others noticing.
Make some of my new subjects check if the duke is really dead. Meanwhile, raid his stash.[2]
Okay then. Raid the abandoned shops for loot to use as bait. Gold, food, scrolls, gems, potions, books, etc.[3]
Attempt to crawl away to safety using tentacles. Play dead in case of danger.[5deargodyoueldritchabomination]
Find where they put my stuff.Sorry, I meant you to find it, it reloaded and that wasnnt in it. I'll edit it back in.
Thanks.Find where they put my stuff.Sorry, I meant you to find it, it reloaded and that wasnnt in it. I'll edit it back in.
Take the money and the good spear, then try the locked door.[5]
Go to the Shop street and raid the shops there for generic chest loot. Avoid anything too big like metal armor or big weapons.[4]
Attempt to psionically fix broken bones.[1]
First Action: Land on top of Duke's castle and calmly inquire about the location of the nearest volcano.[1]
(There's absolutely no way this is going to work, but why not?)
I NEEED MY BRREAAD!!! RAISE TAXES SO THEY CAN'T PAY! LIFT THE VALUE OF BREAD ABOVE ALL ELSE SO THEY'LL BE FORCED TO PAY WITH BREEAD![5]
Gather at least 175 warriors, then prepare our ships for sailing towards so-called 'RPG town'.[2]
Use my tongue to draw healing glyphs on the ground to heal my broken bones.[1]
AWAKEN. SHOVE THE WHORES OUT OF MY DUKELY BED.You awaken to the unmistakeable sound of collapsing tower. You remember the fool you left in your clothes lest night with orders to pretend to be you, and decide to go check up in the auld idiot. You go into the throne room only to discover several things.
ARISE FROM MY MANY PILLOWS AND STRIDE OVER TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW - DETERMINE IF ANY GOVERNANCE NEEDS DOING AROUND TOWN TODAY
DEFEND AGAINST THIS SLANDER BY POINTING OUT HOW TASTY HUMANS ARE, ESPECIALLY THE NOBILITY SINCE THEY GIVE BONUS STATS IN CHARM FOR EVERY ONE YOU EAT.OH SHIT! THE DUCK HUNGERS FOR HUMAN FLESH! IT SAID SO ITSELF!
"ERM. WELL. BY THE HAIRY LEFT BUTTOCK OF [LOCAL DEITY], I AM GLAD I SLEPT IN!"DEFEND AGAINST THIS SLANDER BY POINTING OUT HOW TASTY HUMANS ARE, ESPECIALLY THE NOBILITY SINCE THEY GIVE BONUS STATS IN CHARM FOR EVERY ONE YOU EAT.
WAIT - ANGRY MOB IN THE THRONE ROOM, OR STILL APPROACHING THE CASTLE??
EITHER WAY, SCRATCH MY HEAD AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, THEN STROKE MY BEARD AND CALMLY POINT OUT TO THE APPROACHING MOB (THROUGH A WINDOW IF THEY OUTSIDE) JUST HOW VERY TASTY DUCK IS, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO CHICKENS, QUAILS AND THE VARIOUS GAME BIRDS USUALLY AVAILABLE FOR MEALS AROUND HERE
BEGIN TO GIVE A TANTALISING DESCRIPTION OF SOME OF THE EXOTIC METHODS OF DUCK-PREPARATION I HAVE ENCOUNTERED DURING MY TRAVELS THROUGH NEIGHBOURING KINGDOMS - YOU KNOW, DOING IMPORTANT, MIND-EXPANDING NOBLE-TYPE STUFF WHAT MAKES ONE BETTER AND MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE RULER - WHERE DUCKS ARE CONSIDERED ONE OF THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE DELICACIES
THE BEST WAY TO TURN THESE DAFT PEASANTS AGAINST SOMETHING IS GENERALLY TO TELL THEM HOW DELICIOUS IT IS, AFTER ALL.
IF THAT SOMEHOW NOT WORK, HASTILY GATHER ANY REMAINING LOYALIST GUARDS/SERVANTS/ADVISORS AND RETURN TO LOCK SELF IN ROOM I WOKE UP IN.
ASK IF ANYONE HAS A PLAN
Eldritch horror? Try to eat it, it's probably better than peasant meat.[4]
Try to become a evil spirit from this unfortunate turn of events.You begin the ritual to turn your mind into spirit form, when a large talking yellow chest with legs and arms runs up to you and eats you whole. As you are slowly digested, your soul gets ejected from your body, but you look back only to see your body munched and chomped on. The ritual was incomplete when the chest ate you, and as a result, you have been truly killed, after a long game filled wuth bad rolls and DM sadism.
Fly away from the river to somewhere safe.[4]
Take the torch and toss it into the dark room. Take cover, in case it's the storage area for gunpowder, booze, or some other explosive substance.[2]
"ERM. WELL. BY THE HAIRY LEFT BUTTOCK OF [LOCAL DEITY], I AM GLAD I SLEPT IN!"[1]
WAIT - ANGRY MOB IN THE THRONE ROOM, OR STILL APPROACHING THE CASTLE??
EITHER WAY, SCRATCH MY HEAD AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, THEN STROKE MY BEARD AND CALMLY POINT OUT TO THE APPROACHING MOB (THROUGH A WINDOW IF THEY OUTSIDE) JUST HOW VERY TASTY DUCK IS, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO CHICKENS, QUAILS AND THE VARIOUS GAME BIRDS USUALLY AVAILABLE FOR MEALS AROUND HERE
BEGIN TO GIVE A TANTALISING DESCRIPTION OF SOME OF THE EXOTIC METHODS OF DUCK-PREPARATION I HAVE ENCOUNTERED DURING MY TRAVELS THROUGH NEIGHBOURING KINGDOMS - YOU KNOW, DOING IMPORTANT, MIND-EXPANDING NOBLE-TYPE STUFF WHAT MAKES ONE BETTER AND MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE RULER - WHERE DUCKS ARE CONSIDERED ONE OF THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE DELICACIES
THE BEST WAY TO TURN THESE DAFT PEASANTS AGAINST SOMETHING IS GENERALLY TO TELL THEM HOW DELICIOUS IT IS, AFTER ALL.
IF THAT SOMEHOW NOT WORK, HASTILY GATHER ANY REMAINING LOYALIST GUARDS/SERVANTS/ADVISORS AND RETURN TO LOCK SELF IN ROOM I WOKE UP IN.
ASK IF ANYONE HAS A PLAN
EDIT:DEFEND AGAINST THIS SLANDER BY POINTING OUT HOW TASTY HUMANS ARE, ESPECIALLY THE NOBILITY SINCE THEY GIVE BONUS STATS IN CHARM FOR EVERY ONE YOU EAT.OH SHIT! THE DUCK HUNGERS FOR HUMAN FLESH! IT SAID SO ITSELF!
POINT THAT OUT TO PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T LISTEN TO ME INITIALLY!
DEFEND AGAINST THIS SLANDER BY POINTING OUT HOW TASTY HUMANS ARE, ESPECIALLY THE NOBILITY SINCE THEY GIVE BONUS STATS IN CHARM FOR EVERY ONE YOU EAT.((The DM wants to take this time to say that he did not rig that, and that he's extremely spooked, since he's never gotten a one and a six in succession like that before.))
Attempt to transfer mind in some random peasant.[4]
"We're heading to the Nordinsel, the outpost of the wimpy knights from the South! We will besiege and loot it for food, then we should get reinforcements! Anyway, set sail for Nordinsel!" Spoke King Varg to his men. When he stopped speaking to his warriors, he wrote a letter about needing reinforcements and ordered a delivery raven to deliver it to the Northlands.You sail cdor the Nordinsel, but it goes terribly. The knights have learned from the past, spand their fortress has been fortified more, and is now armed with large and powerful ballistas that take down your ships before they even reach the docks. Your remaining warriors turn the ship around without even asking you, and start to riot once you are far anough out to sea.
Sail for the Nordinsel! When we arrive, we should land and engage the heathens!
Offer duke duck my service as advisor.LET THE DICE DECIDE THE RESULT.
Puppyguard is dead!Curses!