Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Forum Games and Roleplaying => Topic started by: Kilojoule Proton on August 08, 2020, 09:32:59 pm
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YOU ARE A CHICKEN KNIGHT WHO HAS JUST COMPLETED YOUR TRAINING. ADVENTURE AWAITS! TWO ROADS LIE BEFORE YOU JUST OUTSIDE YOUR HOMETOWN HERE IN THE MERRY LANDS OF YOUR SIMIAN LIEGE-LORD:
(A) TAKE THE ROAD TOWARD EPHOR'S REST, A BUSTLING AND ANCIENT CITY OF DUNGEONS AND DRUNKARDS.
(B) FOLLOW THE WEEDY WAY TO THE GRIM WOODS, DARK DEMESNE OF THE KING OF CORVIDS.
(C) GO BACK TO TOWN AND DO SOMETHING.
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B)
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BEFORE WE ENGAGE HIS ROYAL EVILNESS KING CORVID THE NINETEENTH (CORVID-19 FOR SHORT), WE MUST OBTAIN SUITABLE WEAPONRY FOR OUR GLORIOUS ADVENTURE.
C. GO BACK TO TOWN AND OBTAIN ONE OR MORE SWORDS. DO SO BY CLUCKING ANGRILY AT LOCAL BLACKSMITHS UNTIL ONE OF THEM GETS THE RIGHT IDEA.
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A) LETS PLAY SOME D&D
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B)
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YOU AREN'T SEEING THE BIGGER PICTURE! WE NEED A SOBRIETY IMPAIRED COMPANION BEFORE WE GO ON ANY REAL QUESTS!
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B
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A
I BELIEVE THAT IT IS TIME WE OBTAINED A SUITABLE COMPANION, AND/OR ADDITIONAL WEAPONRY.
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A I agree with Stirk
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A: Stirk, Puppyguard, Maximum Spin
B: micelus, King Zultan, Rockeater
C: Superdorf
THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD ARE PARTICULARLY DISCORDANT TODAY. YOU CLUCK IN ANNOYANCE AT THE VOICES NOT REACHING A CONSENSUS, CONFUSING A POOR PASSERBY WHO AVOIDS EYE CONTACT AND HURRIEDLY RUNS FOR TOWN. ULTIMATELY, YOU DECIDE TO WANDER INTO THE LACK OF ROAD BETWEEN THE TWO MAIN ROADS, SATISFYING NEITHER OF THE VOICES' CAMPS. AFTER A FEW HOURS OF WALKING WHO KNOWS WHERE, YOU COME ACROSS A SMALL AGRARIAN VILLAGE. THE VILLAGERS APPEAR SOMEWHAT UNNERVED THAT A CHICKEN KNIGHT HAS DECIDED TO GRACE THEIR VILLAGE TODAY, AND QUITE A FEW MAKE A VAIN ATTEMPT AT PRETENDING TO WORK WITH THEIR RUSTY TOOLS WHILE KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU OR GATHERING THEIR BELONGINGS AND HIDING IN THE NEAREST HOVEL. WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?
(A) LOCATE THE LOCAL QUESTGIVER. (BUT HOW?)
(B) RECRUIT SOME LOCALS FOR YOUR PARTY.
(C) PILLAGE THE VILLAGE!
(D) SOMETHING ELSE?
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D
OBTAIN ONE OR MORE SWORDS. DO SO BY CLUCKING ANGRILY AT LOCAL BLACKSMITHS UNTIL ONE OF THEM GETS THE RIGHT IDEA.
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B
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Bb
nvm
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(A) FIND THE LARGEST VILLAGER AND ASSUME THEY ARE THE QUESTGIVER. FOLLOW WHATEVER QUEST THEY GIVE WITHOUT QUESTION.
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(A) FIND THE LARGEST VILLAGER AND ASSUME THEY ARE THE QUESTGIVER. FOLLOW WHATEVER QUEST THEY GIVE WITHOUT QUESTION.
You have convinced me and I am changing my vote. +1
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THAT IS SUFFICIENTLY HILARIOUS
I ALSO, AM CONVINCED
(A) FIND THE LARGEST VILLAGER AND ASSUME THEY ARE THE QUESTGIVER. FOLLOW WHATEVER QUEST THEY GIVE WITHOUT QUESTION.
You have convinced me and I am changing my vote. +1
+1
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THAT IS SUFFICIENTLY HILARIOUS
I ALSO, AM CONVINCED
(A) FIND THE LARGEST VILLAGER AND ASSUME THEY ARE THE QUESTGIVER. FOLLOW WHATEVER QUEST THEY GIVE WITHOUT QUESTION.
You have convinced me and I am changing my vote. +1
+1
+1
Truly these are all veteran fighters, as we can tell from their well used tools. I am not sure we can convince any of them to join us nor could we successfully pillage such a group.
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(A) FIND THE LARGEST VILLAGER AND ASSUME THEY ARE THE QUESTGIVER. FOLLOW WHATEVER QUEST THEY GIVE WITHOUT QUESTION.
AS THE VILLAGERS CONTINUE PRETENDING TO WORK OR RUNNING FOR SAFETY, YOU APPROACH A GROUP OF LARGE VILLAGERS AND CLUCK EARNESTLY ABOUT A QUEST IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION. THE LARGEST ONE BRANDISHES A RAKE, STARES DOWN AT YOU MENACINGLY, AND ASKS:
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
HOWEVER WILL YOU COMPLETE THIS QUEST NOW?
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
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I see. This quest is deeper than we thought. Who are we, really? What is it that we really want? It isn't just a quest to kill some monster and take its head. It is a quest of self discovery. Perhaps this is the most important quest anyone could go on.
Thank the man and find a good place to meditate. Think really hardly about who we are, who we where, and who we want to be.
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
+1
MAKE LOUD SQUAWKING NOISE AFTER WRITING, FOR EMPHASIS
SWISH AROUND IMAGINARY SWORD
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Thank the man and find a good place to meditate. Think really hardly about who we are, who we where, and who we want to be.
Respectfully, we already know the answers to these questions. AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE.
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
+1
MAKE LOUD SQUAWKING NOISE AFTER WRITING, FOR EMPHASIS
SWISH AROUND IMAGINARY SWORD
Yes this works. +1 to all of this.
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
+1
MAKE LOUD SQUAWKING NOISE AFTER WRITING, FOR EMPHASIS
SWISH AROUND IMAGINARY SWORD
Yes this works. +1 to all of this.
+1 QUEST TIME!
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
+1
MAKE LOUD SQUAWKING NOISE AFTER WRITING, FOR EMPHASIS
SWISH AROUND IMAGINARY SWORD
Yes this works. +1 to all of this.
+1 QUEST TIME!
+1 TO ADVENTURE!
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Scratch into the ground in your best imitation of human writing, "AM CHICKEN KNIGHT. WANT ADVENTURE!"
MAKE LOUD SQUAWKING NOISE AFTER WRITING, FOR EMPHASIS
SWISH AROUND IMAGINARY SWORD
REMEMBERING WHAT YOUR LEARNÈD, MEDICALLY INCLINED COUSIN TAUGHT YOU ABOUT HUMAN WRITING, YOU SCRATCH A MESSAGE OUT IN THE DIRT:
"FNI CALCX3MC MGHI' INANT HON3VTUAE;"
THE VILLAGERS SQUINT AT YOUR MASTERPIECE AS YOU SQUAWK TRIUMPHANTLY AND WAVE YOUR IMAGINARY SWORD AROUND. THEY SEEM TO GET A VAGUE IDEA OF YOUR IDENTITY AND INTENTIONS AND WHISPER AMONGST THEMSELVES BEFORE TURNING BACK TO YOU.
"A BUTTER MERCHANT I MEAN AN EVIL DAIRYMANCER HAS MADE HIMSELF AN ENEMY OF THIS VILLAGE FOREVER. FIND HIS CARAVAN AND KEEP IT FROM REACHING EPHOR'S REST. HE SHOULD BE TWO DAY'S TRAVEL AWAY ALONG THAT ROAD. WE WILL REWARD YOU HANDSOMELY FOR THIS BRAVE DEED."
AN ANNOYING FLY ON ONE OF YOUR PAULDRONS BUZZES THAT THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A VERY KNIGHTLY QUEST. A FLY ON THE OTHER PAULDRON BUZZES THAT THIS IS A PERFECTLY NIGHTLY QUEST, AND THE LOOT MAY WELL BE ENOUGH TO HIRE A PROPER STEED TO REPLACE YOUR WOODEN ONE BECAUSE WHAT EVEN IS CHIVALRY WITHOUT HORSES? DO YOU...
(A) EAT THE COMPLAINING FLY?
(B) EAT THE ENCOURAGING FLY?
(C) SOMETHING ELSE?
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH.
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
+1 to picking up chicks.
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C) TAKE THE PROMISED LOOT FROM THE VILLAGE NOW THEN GO AFTER THE BUTTER BARON!
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
+1 to picking up chicks.
+1 Recruit everyone!
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
+1 to picking up chicks.
+1 Recruit everyone!
+1-- BUT OUR SQUIRES SHOULD ALSO BE CHICKENS
ORPHAN STATUS OPTIONAL
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
YOU REJECT THIS OVERLY SIMPLIFIED LINEAR NOTION OF GOOD AND EVIL AND PROCEED TO EAT BOTH FLIES. SOMETHING TELLS YOU THAT YOU SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED OR AT LEAST DELAYED THE INTRODUCTION OF A MOST UNPLEASANT MECHANIC, OR RATHER, SOMETHING WOULD SHOW UP TO TELL YOU IF THIS HADN'T HAPPENED.
5 CHICKEN RECRUITS VOLUNTEER TO FOLLOW YOU.
BEFORE HEADING OUT ON THIS LEG OF YOUR ADVENTURE, YOUR RECRUITS GATHER A FEW DAYS' WORTH OF SUPPLIES.
AFTER A DAY ON THE ROAD, ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS SPOTS A CARAVAN IN THE DISTANCE HEADING AWAY FROM EPHOR'S REST FROM HIS ROOST. IT APPEARS TO CONSIST OF THREE CARTS LARGELY LOADED WITH BARRELS. THERE APPEAR TO BE A TOTAL OF AROUND SIX GOATS AROUND THE CARTS, TWO OF WHICH APPEAR TO BE WEARING ACTUAL ARMOR. FOR SOME REASON, NO FLIES APPEAR ON YOUR PAULDRONS TO DISPENSE UNSOLICITED ADVICE THIS TIME AROUND. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?
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Go talk to these goats and see what they're doing.
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C EAT BOTH FLIES TO PROVIDE PROTEIN FOR THE JOURNEY, THEN SEEK OUT THE BUTTERWITCH, BUT RECRUIT A FEW ORPHANS/CHICKS AS SQUIRES.
YOU REJECT THIS OVERLY SIMPLIFIED LINEAR NOTION OF GOOD AND EVIL AND PROCEED TO EAT BOTH FLIES. SOMETHING TELLS YOU THAT YOU SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED OR AT LEAST DELAYED THE INTRODUCTION OF A MOST UNPLEASANT MECHANIC, OR RATHER, SOMETHING WOULD SHOW UP TO TELL YOU IF THIS HADN'T HAPPENED.
5 CHICKEN RECRUITS VOLUNTEER TO FOLLOW YOU.
BEFORE HEADING OUT ON THIS LEG OF YOUR ADVENTURE, YOUR RECRUITS GATHER A FEW DAYS' WORTH OF SUPPLIES.
AFTER A DAY ON THE ROAD, ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS SPOTS A CARAVAN IN THE DISTANCE HEADING AWAY FROM EPHOR'S REST FROM HIS ROOST. IT APPEARS TO CONSIST OF THREE CARTS LARGELY LOADED WITH BARRELS. THERE APPEAR TO BE A TOTAL OF AROUND SIX GOATS AROUND THE CARTS, TWO OF WHICH APPEAR TO BE WEARING ACTUAL ARMOR. FOR SOME REASON, NO FLIES APPEAR ON YOUR PAULDRONS TO DISPENSE UNSOLICITED ADVICE THIS TIME AROUND. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?
+1
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That must be the ButterWitch! Attack!!!!!!!11!11111111!!!!11111
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IT IS AS THEY SAY. GOATS WILL EAT EVERYTHING. THEY BEING THE PROPHETS. THIS IS THE ANCIENT PROPHECY OF DOOM. ONE HAS CLEARLY ALREADY DEVOURED ENOUGH CANS TO DEVELOP AN EXOSKELETON. WE MUST ATTACK PREEMPTIVELY.
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CONFER WITH THE PARTY. CAN GOATS BE TRUSTED? ARE THEY TRULY THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME? TAKE A VOTE.
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We should send the translator chicken out to speak to the goats. By translator chicken I mean the random one we choose to do that.
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ADDITIONALLY, PERFORM A DANCE TO THE CHICKEN GODS FOR BLESSINGS IN THIS BATTLE.
YOU KNOW WHO THE CHICKEN GODS ARE, KJP. YOU KNOW.
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(All suggestions since the last update)
YOUR VOICES MAKE AN ASSORTMENT OF EXCELLENT BUT SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO RECONCILE SUGGESTIONS. IN THE END, YOU RESOLVE TO SECURE THE APPROVAL OF YOUR PARTY BEFORE ACTING RASHLY. YOU BEGIN BY ASKING ABOUT HOW TRUSTWORTHY GOATS ARE AND WHETHER THEY ARE THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.
"BAWK BAWK BAKAW?"
"CLUCK CLUCK!"
"CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!"
"CLUCK 'PLOMANCY!'"
"CLUCK 'PRIME!'"
"'EXTRA DOUBLE SECRET' CLUCK!"
YOU'RE ALMOST SURE SOMETHING GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE GOAT IS A NONHEREDITARY TITLE THAT CAN BE EARNED AS EASILY AS, SAY, STEALING SOMEONE'S SHOES OR EATING SCRAP METAL AND GROWING AN EXOSKELETON. NEXT, YOU INCITE THE SACRED WAR DANCE(S) OF THE CHICKEN GODS TO READY YOUR PARTY FOR AN ATTACK ON THE SMALL CARAVAN. YOU'RE NOT THE MOST CHOREOLOGICALLY INCLINED CHICKEN, BUT BASED ON THE WALTZY RHYTHM OF THEIR DANCES, YOU SUSPECT THAT TWO OF YOUR RECRUITS ARE TRIADISTS, MEMBERS OF A SECT THAT WORSHIP ONLY THE THREE MOVERS OF MOISTURE, MIXTURE, AND MAIZE. THE OTHERS ARE MORE DIFFICULT TO PIN DOWN DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY OF THEIR STEPS BUT MOST LIKELY ALSO FOLLOW THE MOVER OF MOTIVATIONS AND THE MOVER OF MULTIPLICITIES AND MAYBE THE MORE ESOTERIC/HERETICAL MOVER OF METALS OR THE MOVER OF MONSTERS. SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW MANY OF THE CHICKEN GODS ARE YOU YOURSELF A PRACTICING ADHERENT OF ANYWAY?
YOU SEND THE FIRST CHICKEN WHO MANAGES TO CALM DOWN AFTER THE FEARSOME DANCE OVER TO SPEAK TO THE GOATS AND ASK ABOUT BUTTER PRICES OR SOMETHING TO ASCERTAIN THEIR MOTIVES/CONNECTION TO THE MARGARINE MARQUIS. WHATEVER THEY'RE DISCUSSING, IT SEEMS TO BE GOING FAIRLY WELL RELATIVE TO MOST ATTEMPTS AT CHICKEN DIPLOMACY. AFTER A WHOPPING THIRTY SECONDS OF DISCUSSION, NONE OF THE GOATS HAVE DRAWN THEIR WEAPONS. THIS CALM DOESN'T LAST LONG, OF COURSE. BORED OF WATCHING AN OUTRAGEOUSLY UNEVENTFUL TALK AND FRENZIED AFTER THE WAR DANCE, ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS LOOSES A BLOODCURDLING WAR CRY! YOU YOURSELF, GOADED BY THE MORE CHICKENHAWKISH VOICES, SIGNAL FOR AN ALL-OUT ATTACK ON THE LITTLE CARAVAN! YOUR PARTY MANAGES TO WOUND ONE OF THE ARMORED GOATS AND TWO OF THE OTHERS WITHOUT CASUALTIES IN THE ENSUING BRAWL THE SOON OUTNUMBERED GOATS SCATTER OFF THE ROAD WITH AGITATED CHICKENS IN HOT PURSUIT.
WITH THE GOATS ROUTED, YOUR VICTORIOUS RECRUITS OPEN VARIOUS BARRELS AND ARE OVERJOYED TO FIND ONE BARREL FILLED WITH BUTTER AFTER FINDING THREE BARRELS OF WORTHLESS SPOILED GRAPE JUICE, THE FIRST OF WHICH AN ANGRY RECRUIT HACKED TO SPLINTERS AND SAWDUST. NIGHT IS FALLING. YOUR RECRUITS WOULD LIKE TO ROOST NEAR THE ABANDONED CARTS. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO NEXT?
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Drink the rotten grape juice for some reason
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We should also burn the BUTTER as it is MADE WITH EVIL!
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We should also burn the BUTTER as it is MADE WITH EVIL!
+1
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No no, carry the butter back to town as proof of our heroic deed, THEN demand their priests burn it in a proper evil-destroying ritual.
Also, we follow ALL the chicken gods.
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WE WORSHIP THE PANTOKOTOPOULO ABOVE ALL. THE GODBEAK FROM WHICH ALL GODS FLOW, ALL POULTRY DEITIES ARE BUT REFLECTIONS OF THE GODBEAK.
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No no, carry the butter back to town as proof of our heroic deed, THEN demand their priests burn it in a proper evil-destroying ritual.
Also, we follow ALL the chicken gods.
Perhaps the voices in our head are the chicken gods? It would certainly explain things.
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No no, carry the butter back to town as proof of our heroic deed, THEN demand their priests burn it in a proper evil-destroying ritual.
Also, we follow ALL the chicken gods.
Perhaps the voices in our head are the chicken gods? It would certainly explain things.
...Empirically, at least some of them are.
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Consume rotting grape juice and gain it's powers!
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Drink rotted grape juice (and gain its powers!)
Worship all chicken gods, reflections of the GODBEAK
Burn the butter for being made with evil
ON A WHIM, YOU DECIDE TO SAVE YOUR DRY PROVISIONS AND CONSUME THE ROTTING GRAPE JUICE INSTEAD. IT IS SURPRISINGLY DELICIOUS DESPITE THE EVIL FERMENTOFUMES EMANATING FROM IT, AND YOUR RECRUITS SOON JOIN YOU IN PARTAKING OF THE UNEXPECTED NECTAR. ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS ENTERS A MYSTERIOUS AND HIGHLY ORACULAR WINE-TRANCE AND UTTERS THE FOLLOWING INDECIPHERABLE PROPHECY:
"Dubois Winery coalesces bright albuterol overtones and a forgettable coconut finish in their 1324 Bordeaux."
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE JOYOUS REVELRY, YOU SQUAWK THAT SOME OF THE CHICKEN GODS SPEAK DIRECTLY TO YOU AND DEMAND A BURNT OFFERING CONSISTING OF THE BARREL OF BUTTER, WHICH WAS MADE WITH EVIL, TO THE CHICKEN GODS, THE SEVEN PRIME REFLECTIONS OF THE GODBEAK. THAT THE ACTUAL CHICKEN GODS IN ATTENDANCE ARE PROVIDING CALMER/THEOLOGICAL ADVICE IS LOST IN THE BLESSED JUICE-HAZE. THE CARTS ARE MERRILY SCUTTLED FOR FIREWOOD IN SHORT ORDER AND BUILT INTO A MASSIVE BONFIRE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, AND WITH ALL THE MOCK REVERENCE YOU AND YOUR WARBAND CAN MUSTER, THE OPENED BARREL OF BUTTER IS UNCEREMONIOUSLY DUMPED ON THE BONFIRE. THE REST OF THE NIGHT IS FILLED WITH REGRETTABLE DANCING AND DRUNKEN ANTICS, AND EVERYONE ENDS UP ROOSTING UNDER AND AROUND THE WRECKS OF THE CARTS. THIS BRINGS US TO THE EVENTS OF THE NEXT MORNING.
WHEN YOU WAKE UP TO A POUNDING HEADACHE, THE BONFIRE IS FADING, AND THERE IS A SMELL OF BUTTERED POULTRY OVER THE SMELL OF CHARRED WOOD AND BURNT BUTTER. (-1 CHICKEN RECRUIT) HALF-OPENED BARRELS ARE STREWN ABOUT YOUR MAKESHIFT CAMPSITE (IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD LEST WE FORGET), SPILLING THE ROTTED GRAPE JUICE ABOUT THE PERIMETER. SOME INTACT BARRELS CAN BE FOUND IN A MUDDY DITCH JUST OFF THE ROAD. THE PATROLS WILL NOT BE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS MESS. ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS MUMBLES SOMETHING ABOUT BRINGING BACK A SURVIVING BARREL OF BUTTER IF THERE EVEN IS ONE. ANOTHER MUTTERS SOMETHING ABOUT DOG HAIRS. WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?
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LOCATE WHICHEVER RECRUIT WE WOKE UP NEXT TO AND DARKLY HINT THAT THE NIGHT'S EVENTS WILL REMAIN SECRET OR CERTAIN ACTIONS OF AN UNFORTUNATELY GRISLY NATURE WILL HAVE TO TAKE PLACE. AND/OR ASK FOR ITS NUMBER IF WE'RE FEELING IT. THEN RETURN TO TOWN FOR OUR PRIZE WITH WHATEVER PROOF OF HEROIC DEEDS WE CAN SCRAPE TOGETHER.
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VOW VENGEANCE AGAINST ALL GOAT KIND FOR THE UNJUST MURDER OF OUR FOLLOWER LAST NIGHT!
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WE MUST BURY OUR FALLEN COMRADE WHO'S DEATH WAS DEFINITELY NOT ACCIDENT AND WAS MOST LIKELY THE ACTIONS OF THE GOATS, WHO ARE NOW OUR MORTAL ENEMIES!
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YOU HINT AT THE RECRUIT BY WHOSE SIDE YOU WOKE UP THAT LAST NIGHT'S EVENTS WILL REMAIN A SECRET OR ELSE AND ALSO ASK FOR SAID RECRUIT'S NUMBER. THE RECRUIT GIVES A DRUNK KNOWING WINK AND DOZES OFF AGAIN.
AND NOW, TO BUSINESS. THOSE EVIL GOATS! HOW DARE THEY MURDER ONE OF YOUR RECRUITS IN COLD BLOOD (OR HOT BUTTER)? WHAT CRUEL GOD, WHAT VIOLENT FORCE, WHAT LOATHSOME CAUSE DROVE THEM TO SUCH A HEINOUS CRIME? YOU SWEAR AN OATH BY ALL THE CHICKEN GODS TO ENACT A BLOODY VENGEANCE ON THEM FOR THE MURDER OF YOUR DEAR COMRADE!
YOU AND THE MORE LUCID RECRUITS SPEND A FEW HOURS SCRAPING THE BOTTOMS OF BARRELS WITH TRACES OF BUTTER AND PUTTING THEM IN ONE CONTAINER. THEY COMPLAIN THAT THIS GRUNT WORK ISN'T TERRIBLY ADVENTUROUS BUT GRUDGINGLY RESPECT YOU FOR ACTUALLY HELPING OUT. YOU STUMBLE UPON A CLUTCH OF INEXPLICABLY UNGUARDED EGGS DURING THIS EFFORT AND LEAVE THEM WELL ALONE. ONCE THE FEW SOMEWHAT INTACT BUTTER BARRELS HAVE BEEN DEPLETED, YOU ROUSE YOUR PARTY WITH A LOUD CROWING AND, THANKFUL FOR NOT HAVING BEEN CAUGHT BY A PATROL, SET FOR THE VILLAGE.
YOUR PARTY MANAGES TO RETURN TO THE VILLAGE WITHOUT INCIDENT, AND YOU PROUDLY PRESENT THE BARREL OF BUTTER SCRAPINGS TO THE QUESTGIVER. THE QUESTGIVER SEEMS ANNOYED OR POSSIBLY CONFUSED BUT THEN LOOKS INTO THE BARREL AND SNAPS TO UNDERSTANDING.
"I WAS HOPING FOR MORE, BUT I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE DO. CONGRATULATIONS, HEROIC CHICKEN PROTECTORS OF OUR HUMBLE VILLAGE! YOU HAVE DEFEATED THE EVIL BUTTERMANCER AND SAVED OUR VILLAGE IN THE UPCOMING PASTRY DEATHMATCH. HERE IS A STACK OF HAL THE HANDSOME HERON ENGRAVINGS AS PROMISED!"
YOUR RECRUITS ARE NOT AMUSED WITH THIS REWARD FOR THEIR TROUBLE, WHICH ULTIMATELY LED TO THE DEATH OF ONE OF THEIR NUMBER AT THE HORNS OF MURDEROUS GOATS. THEY CLUCK THEIR CONCERNS AND DISPLEASURE AT THIS POULTRY REWARD AND PECK YOU TO NEGOTIATE PROPER COMPENSATION FOR THEIR EFFORT OR ELSE. WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?
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THIS WAS LIKE YOUR HOME TOWN LIKE YESTERDAY. HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN THE PLACE FROM WHERE YOU CAME? CHASTISE YOUR FOLLOWERS FOR THEIR ALL CONSUMING GREED. GREED IS THE SIN OF GOATS AS THEY BOTH HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF LETTERS, TWO VOWELS, AND A G.
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I AM CONFIDENT THE SIN OF GOATS IS GLUTTONY. THERE WAS A WHOLE THING BEFORE ABOUT THEM EATING THE WORLD. PLUS "GLUT" SOUNDS LIKE GOAT. IT IS IN FACT CODE FOR GOATTONY. WITH THAT IN MIND, NEGOTIATE A MODEST BUT NOT UNREASONABLE PAY RAISE BY HINTING THAT YOU HAVE SCENTED OTHER SORCERBUTTERERS LURKING AMONG THE PLAINS WHOSE TAINTED WARES COULD FIND THEIR WAY TO THIS VILLAGE'S BUTTERCOFFERS FOR A SMALL UP-FRONT FEE. THEN TAKE YOUR LEAVE AND NEVER THINK OF THIS TERRIBLE TOWN AGAIN UNLESS YOU GET AN OPPORTUNITY TO PILLAGE IT LATER.
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Ask the quest giver for introduction to a more senior quest giver with a MORE FAVORABLE EFFORT TO REWARD RATIO. Use that exact term. Explain as such to the gang of hooligan chickens that this is how you level up to the best rewards like a broccoli and cheese casserole.
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Peck the quest-giver in the lower body and leave a "present" on his shoe.
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Peck the quest-giver in the lower body and leave a "present" on his shoe.
Can we do this and my suggestion, but yours first? I think it would set us in a stronger bargaining position.
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Sounds good to me. I was under the impression our chicken "knight" was schizophrenic...
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After we solve the get more loot problem we need to go after the goats to get revenge for our fallen comrade!
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GREED or maybe GOATTONY is the sin of GOATS.
Peck the quest-giver in the lower body and leave a "present" on his shoe.
Ask the quest giver for introduction to a more senior quest giver with a MORE FAVORABLE EFFORT TO REWARD RATIO. Use that exact term. Explain as such to the gang of hooligan chickens that this is how you level up to the best rewards like a broccoli and cheese casserole.
Revenge on the goats?
AFTER YOUR VOICES HAVE HAD A SHORT DISCUSSION ON WHETHER GREED OR GLUTTONY IS MORE INTRINSIC TO GOATS AND WHETHER YOUR RECRUITS ARE JUSTIFIED IN DEMANDING A GREATER REWARD FROM THEIR OWN HOMETOWN, YOU ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO HEAR SOME OF THEM AGREEING WITH EACH OTHER. IT'S A SHAME BECAUSE ONE OF THE DISSENTING VOICES WAS SUGGESTING PRETENDING TO HUNT DOWN OTHER SORCERBUTTERERS ONLY TO RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK EXCEPT FOR PILLAGING, BUT THE TRAUMA OF THE LAST ONE STILL HEAVY ON YOUR MINDS OR SOMETHING. THUS, YOU PECK THE QUESTGIVER IN THE LOWER BODY, BRUISING THE GUTS THROUGH THE XLARGE LINEN SHIRTX! THE QUESTGIVER LOOKS SICK! THE RECRUITS JOIN IN, BUT LACKING YOUR WONDERFUL METAL HELMET, DO SOMEWHAT LESS DAMAGE. AS THEY CONTINUE PECKING AT THE QUESTGIVER, YOU LEAVE A CONCILIATORY PRESENT OF GUANO AND ASK FOR A MORE SENIOR QUEST GIVER WITH A MORE FAVORABLE EFFORT TO REWARD RATIO AND TURN TO EXPLAIN THIS ROUND OF BARGAINING TO YOUR COMRADES. THEY CLUCK AGREEABLY AND HUNGRILY. THE BLOOD OF DINOSAURS IS STRONG IN THESE ONES. THE QUESTGIVER RETCHES AND POINTS TO AN ELDERLY VILLAGER WASHING SOME CLOTHES.
YOUR PARTY SAUNTERS OVER TO YOUR NEW QUESTGIVER AND YOU CLUCK THE DETAILS OF YOUR PREDICAMENT AND VAGUE THREATS SHOULD ANY CASUALTIES ARISE AS A RESULT OF THE QUEST. THE NEW OLD QUESTGIVER LOOKS IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION AND GIVES YOU A QUEST:
"Why thank you, dearies. Could you help me with these clothes? My back isn't what it used to be, har har har!"
THE QUESTGIVER DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE PROMISED ANY REWARDS FOR SUCH A QUEST. YOUR PARTY GROWS RESTLESS. ONE OF THEM SUGGESTS JUST ENACTING A PLAN OF REVENGE ON THE GOATS PRO BONO (WITH A SIDE DISH OF UNINTENDED DONATIONS TO YOUR CREW).
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BEGIN HELPING WITH THE CLOTHES. THEN, WHEN YOU HAVE A CONSIDERABLE PORTION OF THE CLOTHES HOSTAGE, SUDDENLY DEMAND FULL OWNERSHIP OF THIS FILTHY VILLAGE IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR HELP. DANGLE BLOOMERS OMINOUSLY OVER SOME VILLAGE MUD FOR EMPHASIS.
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Clearly the quest giver has an excess of clothing leading to an unreasonable amount of time spent washing and we are meant to relieve her of the burden of her extra clothing. The reason for not mentioning an additional reward is that we get to keep whatever we take.
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WE ARE A CHICKEN KNIGHT. YOU HAVE DONE WELL REMEMBERING THE FIRST HALF BUT HAVE ALLOWED YOUR CHIVALROUS VIRTUES TO ATROPHY UNDER THE GOATLIKE SINS OF GREED AND GOATTONY. MAYBE LUST AND WRATH TOO. GOATS CAN GET PRETTY ANGRY AND HAVE HORNS MAKING THEM HORNY BY DEFAULT. IN ANY CASE WE MUST BE THE JUST KNIGHT THAT THE SECOND HALF OF OUR TITLE IMPLIES!
HELP HER WITH HER CLOTHING. THEN GO TO EACH HOUSE AND HELP THEM WITH THEIR CLOTHING. ENSURE THAT EVERY DUNG COVERED PEASANTS HAS THEIR PROTECTING DUNG COVERING REMOVED AS EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THIS VILLAGE IS PUT ON THE CLEANING LINE. EXPECT NO REWARD AND INSURE THAT OUR MINIONS LEARN THE VIRTUE OF SOMETHING OR OTHER FROM THIS DEED.
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WE ARE A CHICKEN KNIGHT. YOU HAVE DONE WELL REMEMBERING THE FIRST HALF BUT HAVE ALLOWED YOUR CHIVALROUS VIRTUES TO ATROPHY UNDER THE GOATLIKE SINS OF GREED AND GOATTONY. MAYBE LUST AND WRATH TOO. GOATS CAN GET PRETTY ANGRY AND HAVE HORNS MAKING THEM HORNY BY DEFAULT. IN ANY CASE WE MUST BE THE JUST KNIGHT THAT THE SECOND HALF OF OUR TITLE IMPLIES!
HELP HER WITH HER CLOTHING. THEN GO TO EACH HOUSE AND HELP THEM WITH THEIR CLOTHING. ENSURE THAT EVERY DUNG COVERED PEASANTS HAS THEIR PROTECTING DUNG COVERING REMOVED AS EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THIS VILLAGE IS PUT ON THE CLEANING LINE. EXPECT NO REWARD AND INSURE THAT OUR MINIONS LEARN THE VIRTUE OF SOMETHING OR OTHER FROM THIS DEED.
I, THE OTHER DAMPER VOICE, AM ALSO OPEN TO THIS. IT'S KIND OF A TOSSUP OVER WHETHER WE CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CHICKEN RECRUITS OR NOT. I MEAN, THAT ONE WAS APPARENTLY SEXY, BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHICKENFISH IN THE FILTHY PEASANT VILLAGE SEA.
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I AGREE WITH THE OTHERS LET US CLEAN THIS DIRTY VILLAGE AND REMOVE ALL THE STANK ASS FILTH, AND WE SHOULD ALSO KILL ANY GOATS WE SEE IN THE VILLAGE!
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Wash everyone's clothes for "free"
Are you sure you wish to kill goats in this village?
YOU AND YOUR FEARSOME GANG OF CHICKENS TAKE TO WASHING EVERYONE'S CLOTHES AMID LOUD AND INCREASINGLY GRATING GRUMBLING FROM YOUR RECRUITS ABOUT MUD AND GREASE. YOUR PARTY IS LESS THAN IMPRESSED WITH YOUR CHOICE IN QUESTS. YOUR QUESTGIVER SHOWERS YOU IN COOKIES FOR YOUR HELP, AND YOU GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION "MONEY LAUNDERING" IS LESS LUCRATIVE OR GLAMOROUS THAN IT IS OFTEN MADE OUT TO BE IN ROSIN RICHARD STORIES. REGARDLESS, IT ONLY TAKES AN HOUR OR TWO FOR HALF OF THE VILLAGE TO LINE UP HOPING TO ENLIST YOUR HELP WITH THEIR LAUNDRY. AS THE SUN BEGINS SETTING ON THE TIRELESS LAUNDRY BRIGADE OF TINYTHORPE, IT COMES TO YOUR ATTENTION THAT SOME OF YOUR RECRUITS ARE MARGINALLY BETTER DRESSED THAN THEY WERE IN THE MORNING. TOPPING OFF THIS REVELATION, YOU NOTICE A FAMILY OF GOATS IS NEXT IN LINE TO HAVE THEIR CLOTHES WASHED. SOMEONE CURSES THEM FOR BEING BAD GOATS AND NOT EATING THE CLOTHES INSTEAD. ANYWAY, YOU NOW STAND IN A POSITION TO DETERMINE THEIR FATE. WILL YOU EMBRACE THE PATH OF FORGIVENESS OR VENGEANCE? IF THE LATTER, YOU WOULD BE VERY MUCH IN THE DEBT OF WHICHEVER VOICE COMES UP WITH A BATTLE PLAN OF SOME SORT. YOUR KNIGHTLY TRAINING LEFT MUCH OF THE FINE DETAILS OF FIGHTING IN VILLAGES AS AN EXERCISE FOR THE READER..
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The primary terrain in a village is the villagers themselves. Fighting from the high ground is key, so climb up the villagers onto their head's before jumping down onto the goats.
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THERE IS NO TIME FOR MERCY WHEN THERE ARE GOATS ABOUT, LETS KICK THEIR ASSES!
ALSO +1 TO CLIMBING THE VILLAGERS FOR THE HIGH GROUND!
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In staying true to our neutral nature I say we choose the path of vengeful forgiveness and intentionally take longer than needed to wash the goats clothes, then as we put them up to dry we "accidentally" drop them in the dirt and start the whole process over again, but this time we do a really poor job.
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The primary terrain in a village is the villagers themselves. Fighting from the high ground is key, so climb up the villagers onto their head's before jumping down onto the goats.
YOU MUTTER A WONDERFUL BATTLE PLAN FROM YOUR VOICES REGARDING FIGHTING FROM HIGH GROUND, I.E. VILLAGERS' HEADS. YOUR PARTY GLEEFULLY AGREES, AND AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF PRETENDING TO WASH CLOTHES, YOU SIGNAL FOR THE OTHERS TO PUT THE PLAN INTO MOTION. FIVE VENGEFUL CHICKENS FLY ONTO THE HEADS OF NEARBY VILLAGERS AND SLASH AND LOOSE AN UNEARTHLY CROWING BEFORE FALLING UPON THE TERRIFIED GOATS! THIS CAUSES A GENERAL PANIC IN WHICH ALL BUT TWO OF THE GOATS MANAGE TO FLEE TO WHO KNOWS WHERE. SAID GOATS QUICKLY FALL TO YOUR VICIOUS ASSAULT, AND WITH BLOOD HAVING BEEN SPILLED, YOUR RECRUITS' MURDEROUS RAGE SOON DIES DOWN AS REALIZATION SETS IN. THIS COINCIDES WITH THE ASSEMBLY AND ARRIVAL OF A LARGE AND ANGRY MOB, WHO CHASE OUT YOUR PARTY WHILE THE GOATS MOURN THE FALLEN. (+1 TINYTHORPE INFAMY) PHANTASMAL FLIES SETTLE ON YOUR PAULDRONS AS NIGHT FALLS. A BIZARRE FEELING OF SOME SORT (GUILT? RAGE?) BUILDS UP AS YOU ROOST. THE FLIES BUZZ A LOT, KEEPING YOU FROM GETTING MUCH REST. WHAT'S WORSE IS THEY ARE NOW INEDIBLE DUE TO THEIR GHOSTLINESS.
(A) "HOW COULD YOU, LEADER? HOW COULD YOU? THIS MURDER SPREE ISN'T CHIVALRIC AT ALL! YOU KNOW FULL WELL THE DEATHS OF YOUR RECRUIT, THE HELPER FLIES, AND THE GOATS ARE IN YOUR CLAWS! THERE IS HOPE, OF COURSE. LEADER, I SUGGEST JOURNEYING TO THE ABBEY OF THE PEACEMOTHER, CHICKEN GOD OF PEACE, DEEP IN THE GRIM WOODS, AND ATONING FOR YOUR SINS. ONLY THEN WILL YOU ADVANCE IN YOUR QUEST FOR KNIGHTLINESS. I HEAR THE ABBEY ISSUES PLENTY OF ATONEMENT QUESTS I MEAN ATONEMENT ADVENTURES TO KNIGHTS IN SIMILAR POSITIONS."
(B) "DON'T LISTEN TO THAT FLY, BOSS! YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO! THEY GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO THEM! YOU KNOW, BOSS, WITH YOUR TALENTS, I THINK ALL YOU NEED IS A RICH COMMANDER WHO CAN SEND YOU ON MORE FULFILLING QUESTS. THE CORNPOPE'S LAW IS IN EFFECT EVERYWHERE SUN AND SOIL TOUCH, OR SO THEY SAY; LET'S FIND A PROPER LIEGE-LORD WHO CAN SET YOU UP WITH SOME LAND, PEASANTS, AND PROPER MISSIONS! REMEMBER, BOSS! IT'S ONLY WRONG IF THEY CATCH YOU, AND THEY CAN'T CATCH YOU IF YOU'RE THE ONE CATCHING THEM!"
(C) "What kind of world do you even think this is? Beg forgiveness of nebulous gods? More murders in service to the court intrigue of the week? Listening to talking flies?? Seriously? What you really need is a trip to the lunatic asylum! They'll sort out this whole bloody business or my name isn't Steve!"
(D) SOMETHING ELSE?
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D SUMMON VAST RESERVES OF WILLPOWER TO THE PURPOSE OF EATING ANNOYING FLIES NO MATTER HOW ECTOPLASMIC, THEN SETTLE IN FOR A LONG DISCUSSION WITH OUR RECRUITS ON THE SUBJECT OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, AND THE REALISTIC PROBABILITY THAT THAT OTHER GUY/CHICKEN DIED OF NORMAL CHICKEN STUPIDITY INVOLVING FIRE AND ALCOHOL (AND BUTTER FOR SOME REASON). THEN SEGUE INTO THE TOPIC OF KNIGHTLY HUMILITY AND CONVINCE WHICHEVER RECRUIT SEEMS MOST CHIVALROUS TO TAKE OVER LEADERSHIP OF THE GROUP, FREEING OURSELVES FROM THE BURDEN OF MAKING DECISIONS WHILE WE GRAPPLE INTERNALLY WITH THE QUESTION OF OUR DECAYING SANITY.
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D THE GOATS ARE CORRUPTING EVERYTHING, THAT MEANS WE NEED TO FIND THEM ALL AND KILL THEM!
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D SUMMON VAST RESERVES OF WILLPOWER TO THE PURPOSE OF EATING ANNOYING FLIES NO MATTER HOW ECTOPLASMIC, THEN SETTLE IN FOR A LONG DISCUSSION WITH OUR RECRUITS ON THE SUBJECT OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, AND THE REALISTIC PROBABILITY THAT THAT OTHER GUY/CHICKEN DIED OF NORMAL CHICKEN STUPIDITY INVOLVING FIRE AND ALCOHOL (AND BUTTER FOR SOME REASON). THEN SEGUE INTO THE TOPIC OF KNIGHTLY HUMILITY AND CONVINCE WHICHEVER RECRUIT SEEMS MOST CHIVALROUS TO TAKE OVER LEADERSHIP OF THE GROUP, FREEING OURSELVES FROM THE BURDEN OF MAKING DECISIONS WHILE WE GRAPPLE INTERNALLY WITH THE QUESTION OF OUR DECAYING SANITY.
+1
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In staying true to our neutral nature I say we choose the path of vengeful forgiveness and intentionally take longer than needed to wash the goats clothes, then as we put them up to dry we "accidentally" drop them in the dirt and start the whole process over again, but this time we do a really poor job.
+1 OH WAIT WE ALREADY WENT WITH THE GENOCIDE THING NEVER MIND
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True neutral means doing terrible evil then inexplicable good at random. Not like avoiding evil and good or whatever. Thus we should go for the abby of goodness or whatever. Then we can get a cushy job for an evil questgiver!
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D SUMMON VAST RESERVES OF WILLPOWER TO THE PURPOSE OF EATING ANNOYING FLIES NO MATTER HOW ECTOPLASMIC, THEN SETTLE IN FOR A LONG DISCUSSION WITH OUR RECRUITS ON THE SUBJECT OF MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, AND THE REALISTIC PROBABILITY THAT THAT OTHER GUY/CHICKEN DIED OF NORMAL CHICKEN STUPIDITY INVOLVING FIRE AND ALCOHOL (AND BUTTER FOR SOME REASON). THEN SEGUE INTO THE TOPIC OF KNIGHTLY HUMILITY AND CONVINCE WHICHEVER RECRUIT SEEMS MOST CHIVALROUS TO TAKE OVER LEADERSHIP OF THE GROUP, FREEING OURSELVES FROM THE BURDEN OF MAKING DECISIONS WHILE WE GRAPPLE INTERNALLY WITH THE QUESTION OF OUR DECAYING SANITY.
BOLSTERED BY A BURNING RAGE, YOU EVENTUALLY MANAGE TO EAT ANNOYING (BUT, CURIOUSLY ENOUGH, NOT ENCOURAGING) FLIES REGARDLESS OF THEIR CORPOREALITY. YOU SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY EXPOUNDING ON MORAL PHILOSOPHY, THE RIGHTS OF GOATS, THE LEGAL DEFINITION OF CHICKENSLAUGHTER AND/OR DEATH BY MISADVENTURE (WHICH INITIALLY DRAWS SOME SKEPTICISM), AND KNIGHTLY HUMILITY. THE DEEP INSIGHTS IMPARTED BY YOUR LONG LECTURES HAVE ENHANCED YOUR RECRUITS' ABILITIES. IT IS NOW PERMISSIBLE TO PROMOTE THEM TO CHICKEN MILITIA WHO WILL NATURALLY EXPECT A MORE SUBSTANTIAL SALARY FOR THEIR SERVICE.
AS PART OF AN OBJECT LESSON IN HUMILITY (AND NOT, FOR EXAMPLE, A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO CEDE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE PARTY'S WAGES/MISADVENTURES), YOU PASS THE MANTLE OF LEADER ON TO RECRUIT DOODLE-CROW. DOODLE-CROW DIRECTS YOUR PARTY TO THE NEARBY TOWN OF BREADLAMB FOR PROVISIONS AND ASSIGNMENTS, AND YOU ARRIVE THAT EVENING. AFTER SEVERAL ROUNDS OF HAGGLING, DOODLE-CROW ANNOUNCES THAT THE PARTY WILL BE STAYING IN THE CURRENTLY EMPTY STABLE AT A LOCAL INN FOR THE NIGHT. TIRED AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF STRUGGLING TO EAT THE ECTOPLASMIC FLIES, YOU QUICKLY FALL ASLEEP IN THE COMFY HAY.
THE NEXT DAY, AFTER A LIGHT MEAL OF FLAVORLESS GRAY GRUEL, YOU MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE MARKETPLACE. DOODLE-CROW IS DISMAYED TO FIND EVEN THE LOWER END WOODEN HORSES OUTSIDE HIS LIMITED FINANCIAL REACH. THE REST OF THE DAY IS SPENT SPLIT UP IN A SEARCH FOR JOBS. TOGETHER, YOU MANAGE TO FIND THE FOLLOWING BY THE TIME THE PARTY MEETS UP AT A BUG-AND-BREAD-TOAST:
- BRING AN ORDER OF BOTANICAL BOOKS TO A MONASTERY NEAR THE VILLAGE OF INKSWORTH
- ESCORT A MESSENGER TO EPHOR'S REST WITHOUT GETTING STOPPED
- PROVIDE PROTECTION FOR A CARAVAN HEADING FOR THE DISTANT TOWN OF CLAYLESS
- DISCREETLY REPORT ON TROOP MOVEMENTS UP TO HALF A DAY AWAY FROM BREADLAMB
- PARTICIPATE IN A MINOR TOURNAMENT HELD IN THE CASTLE OF THE EARL OF SILTMAGE
- JOIN THE LOCAL BURGHER'S MILITIA
- HELP WITH THE HARVESTS IN NEARBY FIELDS
DOODLE-CROW ASKS FOR YOUR ADVICE ON WHICH JOB WOULD BE GOOD FOR BUILDING KNIGHTLY EXPERIENCE.
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EXPLAIN TO THE NEW LEADER THE THREE ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF ANY KNIGHT'S SUCCESS: KNIGHTLY PIETY, KNIGHTLY RENOWN, AND KNIGHTLY CASH. CURRENTLY WE ARE LOW ON ALL THREE. THE DUTY OF THE LEADER IS TO CHOOSE A BALANCE BETWEEN THE COMPONENTS TO BECOME AN ACCOMPLISHED KNIGHT WITHOUT FALLING INTO CORRUPTION [COUGH EMBARRASSEDLY AT THIS POINT]. SUPPLY THAT YOUR KNIGHTLY INSTINCTS INFORM YOU THAT HELPING THE MONASTERY WILL LIKELY INCREASE OUR PIETY RATING MOST, FOLLOWED PERHAPS BY HARVESTING, AND THE TOURNAMENT OUR RENOWN (PROVIDED WE DO NOT FAIL MISERABLY). TRULY, THE MOIST VOICE THINKS THE MONASTERY JOB IS LIKELY TO BEAR FRUIT, BUT THE OTHER LESSER JOBS ARE ALSO VALID CHOICES AND WE CEDED LEADERSHIP FOR A GOOD REASON SO IT MAY BE BEST TO INFORM WITHOUT FAVOURING ANY PARTICULAR CHOICE. HOWEVER WE ARE PROBABLY NOT READY FOR THE TOURNAMENT AND SHOULD BUILD RENOWN (NOT TO MENTION CASH) WITH SMALLER JOBS FIRST.
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EXPLAIN TO THE NEW LEADER THE THREE ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF ANY KNIGHT'S SUCCESS: KNIGHTLY PIETY, KNIGHTLY RENOWN, AND KNIGHTLY CASH. CURRENTLY WE ARE LOW ON ALL THREE. THE DUTY OF THE LEADER IS TO CHOOSE A BALANCE BETWEEN THE COMPONENTS TO BECOME AN ACCOMPLISHED KNIGHT WITHOUT FALLING INTO CORRUPTION [COUGH EMBARRASSEDLY AT THIS POINT]. SUPPLY THAT YOUR KNIGHTLY INSTINCTS INFORM YOU THAT HELPING THE MONASTERY WILL LIKELY INCREASE OUR PIETY RATING MOST, FOLLOWED PERHAPS BY HARVESTING, AND THE TOURNAMENT OUR RENOWN (PROVIDED WE DO NOT FAIL MISERABLY). TRULY, THE MOIST VOICE THINKS THE MONASTERY JOB IS LIKELY TO BEAR FRUIT, BUT THE OTHER LESSER JOBS ARE ALSO VALID CHOICES AND WE CEDED LEADERSHIP FOR A GOOD REASON SO IT MAY BE BEST TO INFORM WITHOUT FAVOURING ANY PARTICULAR CHOICE. HOWEVER WE ARE PROBABLY NOT READY FOR THE TOURNAMENT AND SHOULD BUILD RENOWN (NOT TO MENTION CASH) WITH SMALLER JOBS FIRST.
+1 Sounds good to me.
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BRING AN ORDER OF BOTANICAL BOOKS TO A MONASTERY NEAR THE VILLAGE OF INKSWORTH
I bet this is actually a smuggling operation. We should turn them in to the guard.
ESCORT A MESSENGER TO EPHOR'S REST WITHOUT GETTING STOPPED
If we attack everyone we meet on the way then we are stopping others not getting stopped ourselves so I bet it would count.
PROVIDE PROTECTION FOR A CARAVAN HEADING FOR THE DISTANT TOWN OF CLAYLESS
More smuggling, what a seedy town we are in. Lets not tell the guards they are probably in on it.
DISCREETLY REPORT ON TROOP MOVEMENTS UP TO HALF A DAY AWAY FROM BREADLAMB
Yeah lets be honest nothing about our group is discreet.
PARTICIPATE IN A MINOR TOURNAMENT HELD IN THE CASTLE OF THE EARL OF SILTMAGE
Just need to participate not win? Sounds like a good job!
JOIN THE LOCAL BURGHER'S MILITIA
Yeah join the corrupt guards complicit in all the smuggling we read about above? no thanks unless they pay well.
HELP WITH THE HARVESTS IN NEARBY FIELDS
Those other peasants liked us so much when we helped they led us out of town in a parade, maybe we can find more goats to fight.
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EXPLAIN TO THE NEW LEADER THE THREE ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF ANY KNIGHT'S SUCCESS: KNIGHTLY PIETY, KNIGHTLY RENOWN, AND KNIGHTLY CASH. CURRENTLY WE ARE LOW ON ALL THREE. THE DUTY OF THE LEADER IS TO CHOOSE A BALANCE BETWEEN THE COMPONENTS TO BECOME AN ACCOMPLISHED KNIGHT WITHOUT FALLING INTO CORRUPTION [COUGH EMBARRASSEDLY AT THIS POINT]. SUPPLY THAT YOUR KNIGHTLY INSTINCTS INFORM YOU THAT HELPING THE MONASTERY WILL LIKELY INCREASE OUR PIETY RATING MOST, FOLLOWED PERHAPS BY HARVESTING, AND THE TOURNAMENT OUR RENOWN (PROVIDED WE DO NOT FAIL MISERABLY). TRULY, THE MOIST VOICE THINKS THE MONASTERY JOB IS LIKELY TO BEAR FRUIT, BUT THE OTHER LESSER JOBS ARE ALSO VALID CHOICES AND WE CEDED LEADERSHIP FOR A GOOD REASON SO IT MAY BE BEST TO INFORM WITHOUT FAVOURING ANY PARTICULAR CHOICE. HOWEVER WE ARE PROBABLY NOT READY FOR THE TOURNAMENT AND SHOULD BUILD RENOWN (NOT TO MENTION CASH) WITH SMALLER JOBS FIRST.
BRING AN ORDER OF BOTANICAL BOOKS TO A MONASTERY NEAR THE VILLAGE OF INKSWORTH
I bet this is actually a smuggling operation. We should turn them in to the guard.
PARTICIPATE IN A MINOR TOURNAMENT HELD IN THE CASTLE OF THE EARL OF SILTMAGE
Just need to participate not win? Sounds like a good job!
HELP WITH THE HARVESTS IN NEARBY FIELDS
Those other peasants liked us so much when we helped they led us out of town in a parade, maybe we can find more goats to fight.
YOU EXPLAIN THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES BEHIND KNIGHTLY SUCCESS AND SUGGEST FINDING A SUITABLE BALANCE OF PIETY, RENOWN, AND CASH THROUGH THE JOBS. YOU ALSO PROVIDE SOME HINTS ON WHAT THE CURRENT PARTY STANDS TO GAIN FROM THE VARIOUS QUESTS DISCOVERED TODAY. DOODLE-CROW PONDERS THE AVAILABLE CHOICES, AND AFTER WAVERING BETWEEN THE BOOK DELIVERY QUEST AND PARTICIPATING IN THE TOURNAMENT REGARDLESS OF SKILL, ENDS UP GOING WITH THE MONASTERY MISSION FOR KNIGHTLY PIETY (AND POSSIBLY KNIGHTLY CASH SHOULD IT TURN OUT TO BE A SMUGGLING OPERATION AFTER ALL). AFTER ANOTHER FAIRLY LUXURIOUS NIGHT IN THE STABLES DURING WHICH YOUR WOODEN HORSE CONTINUED TO REFUSE TO EAT, YOU EACH GATHER ONE OF THE RATHER HEAVY BOTANICAL TREATISES AND SET OUT FOR THE MONASTERY.
CARRYING BOTANICAL TOMES UNDER A HOT SUN, THE TRIP TO THE MONASTERY IS LONG AND TIRING. BY YOUR ESTIMATION, IT SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT A DAY AWAY BUT FOR THE ENCUMBRANCE OF THESE DREARY BOOKS. YOU ESTIMATE THAT THE PARTY IS HALFWAY THERE BASED ON THE MILESTONES BY THIS SURPRISINGLY WELL-MAINTAINED ROAD IN THE AFTERNOON OF THE SECOND DAY OF YOUR TRIP. THAT EVENING, JUST BEFORE YOU WOULD HAVE BEGUN ROOSTING, A GANG OF THREE PHEASANT BANDITS TURNS UP!
"SQUAWK! WE ARE THE PLEASANT PEASANTS! YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIVES!"
DOODLE-CROW ORDERS FOR THE BOOKS TO BE DROPPED AND THE BANDITS ATTACKED! IT'S DARK, BUT YOU OBSERVE THAT THE BANDITS ARE NOT WEARING METAL ARMOR. THEIR LEADER AND ONE OF THE FOLLOWERS ARE WIELDING SHORTSWORDS. THE REMAINING BANDIT IS WIELDING A DAGGER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO ELABORATE ON YOUR OWN ACTIONS?
p p ~~~~~ o
oP ~~~~~
o ~~~~~ o
o ~~~~~ o
o ~c~~~ o
o ~~~c~
~~C~~ o
~@~c~
~~~~~ o o
~~~~~
~~~~~ o
-------------------------
P, p: pheasant
C: Doodle-Crow
c: Chicken recruits
@: Chicken Knight
~: road
o: tree
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HAVE OUR PEOPLE THROW SOME ROCKS AT THEM UNTIL THEY GET TO CLOSE, THEN ONCE THEY GET CLOSE TO OUR GUYS WE KILL THEM WITH OUR WEAPONS.
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YES, ALSO REMEMBER TO GUARD THE LEADER! HIS SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT SINCE IF HE DIES THEY'LL PROBABLY MAKE US LEAD AGAIN.
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charge at them and peck them
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INSIST THAT THIS IS NOT A FAIR FIGHT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE METAL ARMOR. OFFER TO FIGHT THEM LATER WHEN THEY ARE BETTER EQUIPPED.
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INSIST THAT THIS IS NOT A FAIR FIGHT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE METAL ARMOR. OFFER TO FIGHT THEM LATER WHEN THEY ARE BETTER EQUIPPED.
They wish to kill us, we shall respond in kind
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INSIST THAT THIS IS NOT A FAIR FIGHT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE METAL ARMOR. OFFER TO FIGHT THEM LATER WHEN THEY ARE BETTER EQUIPPED.
They wish to kill us, we shall respond in kind
ACTUALLY THEY JUST WISH TO ROB US. I'M PRETTY SURE DESPITE GIVING US THE OPTION THEY WOULD REALLY PREFER THE MONEY.
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BACK AWAY FROM THE BOOKS AND TELL THEM THEY CAN HAVE THE LOOT. THEN WHEN THEY HAVE PICKED UP THE BURDENSOME PAMPHLETS WE CAN PULVERIZE THE PLEASANT PEASANT PHEASANTS. NO ONE COULD FIGHT EQUIPPED WITH SUCH TROUBLESOME TOMES!
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WHAT'S OUR EQUIPMENT LIKE? HOW ABOUT THE EQUIPMENT OF OUR CHICKEN SQUIRES?
...DO WE EVEN HAVE EQUIPMENT?
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WE DON'T NEED EQUIPMENT AS WE ARE FILLED WITH A RIGHTEOUS FURY!
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HAVE OUR PEOPLE THROW SOME ROCKS AT THEM UNTIL THEY GET TO CLOSE, THEN ONCE THEY GET CLOSE TO OUR GUYS WE KILL THEM WITH OUR WEAPONS.
YES, ALSO REMEMBER TO GUARD THE LEADER! HIS SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT SINCE IF HE DIES THEY'LL PROBABLY MAKE US LEAD AGAIN.
charge at them and peck them
INSIST THAT THIS IS NOT A FAIR FIGHT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE METAL ARMOR. OFFER TO FIGHT THEM LATER WHEN THEY ARE BETTER EQUIPPED.
BACK AWAY FROM THE BOOKS AND TELL THEM THEY CAN HAVE THE LOOT. THEN WHEN THEY HAVE PICKED UP THE BURDENSOME PAMPHLETS WE CAN PULVERIZE THE PLEASANT PEASANT PHEASANTS. NO ONE COULD FIGHT EQUIPPED WITH SUCH TROUBLESOME TOMES!
WHAT'S OUR EQUIPMENT LIKE? HOW ABOUT THE EQUIPMENT OF OUR CHICKEN SQUIRES?
YOU REEL IN CONFUSION AND DREAD AS YOUR VOICES INTERRUPT TO DISPENSE THEIR SAGE ADVICE ALL AT ONCE. THEY SEEM TO BE DRAWN TO THIS BATTLE IN PARTICULAR, PERHAPS THE FIRST INTERESTING EVENT SINCE YOU FIRST STOOD AT THE EDGE OF YOUR HOMETOWN ONLY A FEW DAYS AGO. YOU STAGGER FORWARD AND TRY TO APPEASE THEM IN THIS FIGHT FOR MONEY AND/OR LIVES EVEN AS THEY CONTINUE TALKING AT CROSS PURPOSES.
YOU CALL FOR A VOLLEY OF ROCKS BEFORE REMEMBERING THAT YOU CEDED YOUR LEADERLY POSITION TO DOODLE-CROW. DOODLE-CROW SEEMS SLIGHTLY HURT AT THIS NOMINAL INSUBORDINATION, BUT TWO OF THE RECRUITS FOLLOW THROUGH REGARDLESS AND FLING ROCKS AT THE BANDITS. OH WELL. YOU GUARD DOODLE-CROW TO MAKE UP FOR IT...
...AND ARE SUDDENLY SEIZED WITH THE URGE TO CHARGE AT AND PECK THE PHEASANTS. LOWERING YOUR SHINY VISOR, YOU BOLDLY RUN FOR THE PHEASANTS AND PECK AT THEM, SCATTERING THEM! THE REST OF YOUR PARTY FOLLOWS YOUR LEAD IN PECKING THE BANDITS, ALBEIT WITH GREATLY REDUCED EFFECTIVENESS ON ACCOUNT OF NOT HAVING SUITABLE HELMS. PREDICTABLY, YOUR MOTIVATION TAKES A HARD SWING AND YOU FIND YOURSELF RETREATING AND CONCEDING THE BOOKS TO THE PHEASANTS, WHO SHOW NO INTEREST IN THEM WHATSOEVER.
IT IS AT THIS TIME YOU INEXPLICABLY DECIDE TO TAKE AN INVENTORY OF THE PARTY'S EQUIPMENT. CLEARLY YOUR TACTICAL RETREAT WAS AIMED AT ENABLING THIS ALL ALONG! YOU ASSESS THE AMBIENT GEAR:
Chicken Recruit Doodle-Crow: Cap, ragged shirt, chipped sword, round shield
Chicken Knight with no name: Visored bascinet, mail hauberk, leather boots, saber, RIGHTEOUS FURY, round shield, wooden war horse with festive cloth barding, decorative lance, and no name
Chicken Recruit BAWK-Cluck: Tunic, hatchet, carving knife
Unconscious Pheasant Bandit 1: Mask, large mammal dress (dirty), rusty shortsword, money pouch
Chicken Recruit Cluck-Squawk-Cluck: Cap, tunic, club, rocks
Chicken Recruit Bawk-Bawk-BAWK: Ragged shirt, bent shortsword, rocks
Dead Pheasant Bandit Leader: Cap, mask, expensive shirt, cape, bent shortsword, money bag, hardtack
Dead Pheasant Bandit 2: Mask, torn tunic, ornate dagger, unloaded crossbow, money pouch, fermented-smelling waterskin
HUH. IT APPEARS THE BATTLE IS OVER NOW. DOODLE-CROW CALLS A MEETING TO DISCUSS COUNTING THE MONEY AND SPLITTING THE LOOT. DOODLE-CROW TAKES THE SECOND BANDIT'S ORNATE DAGGER, WHICH LOOKS TO BE AMONG THE MORE EXPENSIVE ITEMS. IT IS NOW YOUR TURN. YOU HOPE THE VOICES WILL TRY TO REACH SOME SORT OF AGREEMENT THIS TIME SO YOU DON'T END UP GETTING STUCK WITH ONE OF THE LESS USEFUL ITEMS. IN CASE THEY'RE LISTENING, YOU ASK FOR A LIST OF THREE FAVORED CHOICES (THAT AREN'T MONEY BAGS/POUCHES) OPTIONALLY INCLUDING A REQUEST TO PASS YOUR TURN FOR A DOUBLE SHARE ON THE NEXT ROUND.
SPEAKING OF MONEY, DOODLE-CROW IS CONFIDENT THAT HIS SHARE OF THE CASH WILL BE ENOUGH TO PROMOTE HIMSELF AND RECRUIT CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK TO CHICKEN MILITIA AND HAS DONE EXACTLY THAT.
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HALT ALL PROCEEDINGS AND SUGGEST THAT, INSTEAD OF DIVIDING THE LOOT, WE FORM A 501(c)(3) CORPORATION, PERHAPS CALLED THE HOLY EXALTED ORDER OF THE KNIGHTS OF MANANNAN AND OTHERS, TO HOLD OUR WORLDLY GOODS IN COMMON FOR THE COMMON BENEFIT OF THE ORDER. AS WE ARE RECENTLY FREE FROM OUR PREVIOUS LEADERSHIP DUTIES, WE WOULD BE HUMBLY HONOURED TO TAKE ON THE POSITION OF ORDER TREASURER, CHARGED WITH GUARDING AND INVESTING THE KNIGHTLY CASH. THIS VOICE ESTIMATES THAT FORMING A HOLY ORDER WOULD RESULT IN AT LEAST A 30% INCREASE IN KNIGHTLY PIETY AND KNIGHTLY RENOWN, AND WOULD ALLOW OUR KNIGHTLY CASH TO BE EXEMPTED FROM MOST TAXES SHOULD WE EVER FIND OURSELVES IN A POSITION OF PAYING TAXES. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS WOULD IN NO WISE PREVENT OUR EXTREMELY PIOUS AND DEBONAIR LEADER FROM EQUIPPING THE ORNATE DAGGER, WHICH IS PROBABLY A HOLY ARTEFACT, AT LEAST AS LONG AS HE REMAINS A MEMBER OF THE ORDER.
ADD THAT HOLY ORDERS ALSO GET COOL MEDALS.
IF THIS PROPOSAL DOES NOT ATTAIN APPROVAL, BEGRUDGINGLY ACCEPT THE CROSSBOW AS IT WILL ALLOW YOU TO BETTER SERVE AS THE LEADER'S BODYGUARD. THIS VOICE'S THREE CHOICES IN ORDER ARE CROSSBOW, EXPENSIVE SHIRT, BATCAPE.
WHILE WE'RE TAKING INVENTORY OF OUR RECRUITS, ALSO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE WE HAD THAT DRUNKEN ENCOUNTER WITH FOR FUTURE ROMANCE SIDEQUEST OPTIONS.
OH, ALSO, ONE LAST THING: RECOMMEND EITHER RECRUITING THE LAST SURVIVING PHEASANT BANDIT OR SACRIFICING IT TO THE CHICKEN GODS DEPENDING ON WHETHER THE GENERAL MOOD FEELS ACCEPTING OF OR RACIST TOWARD PHEASANTS RESPECTIVELY.
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+1 TO ALL OF THE ABOVE, AND MY CHOICES FOR STUFF ARE THE SAME.
ALSO EQUIP THE CAPE AS IT WILL MAKE US A BETTER KNIGHT.
IS OUR HORSE ALIVE OR IS IT JUST WOOD?
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Crossbow, bent short sword, and water skin
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APOLOGIZE TO DOODLE-CROW FOR INSUBORDINATION.
INSPECT RIGHTEOUS FURY.
OUR NAME IS NOW SIR HORATIO. IN CHICKEN, THIS TRANSLATES TO: AWWWK AWK AWK AWK AWK B-KAWK. TAKE NOTE OF THIS.
CHICKEN KNIGHTS HAVE NO NEED FOR LAST NAMES.
-
OUR NAME IS NOW SIR HORATIO. IN CHICKEN, THIS TRANSLATES TO: AWWWK AWK AWK AWK AWK B-KAWK. TAKE NOTE OF THIS.
THIS VOICE REJECTS THIS FUNDAMENTALLY. NAMES ARE FOR PEASANTS AND PHEASANTS. TRUE KNIGHTS ARE KNOWN BY PIOUS AURA ALONE.
-
OUR NAME IS NOW SIR HORATIO. IN CHICKEN, THIS TRANSLATES TO: AWWWK AWK AWK AWK AWK B-KAWK. TAKE NOTE OF THIS.
THIS VOICE REJECTS THIS FUNDAMENTALLY. NAMES ARE FOR PEASANTS AND PHEASANTS. TRUE KNIGHTS ARE KNOWN BY PIOUS AURA ALONE.
Yes let us be named PIOUS AURA ALONE translated loosely as AWWWK AWK AWWWK AWK AWK B-KAWK
For the loot:
cape
expensive shirt
Cap
Need to look dashing as a knight.
I would suggest we divide the current loot according to the current system but suggest the 501(c)(3) CORPORATION for future ventures.
-
WE HAVE LEARNED OUR NEW RECRUITS EVERYTHING WE CAN. WE CAN NOW SAFELY DEPART ON OUR ON QUEST. WITH ALL OF THE LOOT.
GRAB THE LOOT AND RUN SAGELY, KICKING OUR RECRUITS OUT OF THE NEST AND ALLOWING THEM TO LEARN TO FLY ON THEIR OWN.
-
WE HAVE LEARNED OUR NEW RECRUITS EVERYTHING WE CAN. WE CAN NOW SAFELY DEPART ON OUR ON QUEST. WITH ALL OF THE LOOT.
GRAB THE LOOT AND RUN SAGELY, KICKING OUR RECRUITS OUT OF THE NEST AND ALLOWING THEM TO LEARN TO FLY ON THEIR OWN.
-1
We are a team. We must not betray them, it seems that only 3 of us followed our shared body’s suggestion
-
WE HAVE LEARNED OUR NEW RECRUITS EVERYTHING WE CAN. WE CAN NOW SAFELY DEPART ON OUR ON QUEST. WITH ALL OF THE LOOT.
GRAB THE LOOT AND RUN SAGELY, KICKING OUR RECRUITS OUT OF THE NEST AND ALLOWING THEM TO LEARN TO FLY ON THEIR OWN.
-1
We are a team. We must not betray them, it seems that only 3 of us followed our shared body’s suggestion
THEY WILL NEVER GROW IF YOU KEEP CODDLING THEM LIKE THIS. WE MURDERED EVERYTHING THAT HAS TRIED TO GIVE US ADVICE BEFORE. EVEN WHEN THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
-
Yes let us be named PIOUS AURA ALONE translated loosely as AWWWK AWK AWWWK AWK AWK B-KAWK
+1
-
WE HAVE LEARNED OUR NEW RECRUITS EVERYTHING WE CAN. WE CAN NOW SAFELY DEPART ON OUR ON QUEST. WITH ALL OF THE LOOT.
GRAB THE LOOT AND RUN SAGELY, KICKING OUR RECRUITS OUT OF THE NEST AND ALLOWING THEM TO LEARN TO FLY ON THEIR OWN.
-1
We are a team. We must not betray them, it seems that only 3 of us followed our shared body’s suggestion
THEY WILL NEVER GROW IF YOU KEEP CODDLING THEM LIKE THIS. WE MURDERED EVERYTHING THAT HAS TRIED TO GIVE US ADVICE BEFORE. EVEN WHEN THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
We’re not coddling them, we’re distributing the loot from the pheasants we all helped to kill
-
We’re not coddling them, we’re distributing the loot from the pheasants we all helped to kill
THAT SOUNDS LIKE COMMUNISM. COMMUNISM IS THE OPPOSITE OF PIETY, RENOWN, AND COIN.
-
We’re not coddling them, we’re distributing the loot from the pheasants we all helped to kill
THAT SOUNDS LIKE COMMUNISM. COMMUNISM IS THE OPPOSITE OF PIETY, RENOWN, AND COIN.
We are chickens, why are you, a fellow chicken, letting human events and human political systems determine what we do and don’t do?
To the shared body:
We have seen many suggestions, I will bring them all here
Maximum Spin: Crossbow, Expensive Shirt, Cape
King Zultan: Crossbow, Expensive Shirt, Cape, equip cape upon acquisition
Me: Crossbow, Bent Shortsword, Waterskin
Voidslayer: Cape, Expensive Shirt, Cap
Given this, you should pick Crossbow, Expensive Shirt, and Cape, as it agrees with as many of us as possible. I implore you to not listen to Stirk, as he intends to betray the team we’ve created
-
We’re not coddling them, we’re distributing the loot from the pheasants we all helped to kill
THAT SOUNDS LIKE COMMUNISM. COMMUNISM IS THE OPPOSITE OF PIETY, RENOWN, AND COIN.
We are chickens, why are you, a fellow chicken, letting human events and human political systems determine what we do and don’t do?
WE ARE ALSO KNIGHTS (WELL A NIGHT AND THEIR PEASANT FOLLOWERS. FORMER FOLLOWERS NOW THAT WE SEEDED LEADERSHIP) POINT IS THAT WE ARE ALREADY PART OF HUMAN POLITICAL SYSTEMS AND EVENTS AND QUITE FRANKLY YOUR CHICKEN SEGREGATION THING IS PRETTY RACIST BRO
-
Yes let us be named PIOUS AURA ALONE translated loosely as AWWWK AWK AWWWK AWK AWK B-KAWK
+1
+1
ALSO COMMUNISM BE GONE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS BUT OUR KNIGHT DOESN'T WANT ANY OF IT!
-
FORMING A CORPORATION IS CLEARLY NOT COMMUNISM, THOUGH. MAYBE ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM BUT WE CAN STILL USE IT FOR THE RUTHLESS PURSUIT OF PROFIT PROVIDED IT IS FOR A NOBLE AND JUST KNIGHTLY CAUSE, SUCH AS GIVING CHICKEN KNIGHTS NICE THINGS.
THIS VOICE DOES AGREE THAT COMMUNISM IS TERRIBLE AND IF WE SEE ANY, WE SHOULD EAT IT.
-
HALT ALL PROCEEDINGS AND SUGGEST THAT, INSTEAD OF DIVIDING THE LOOT, WE FORM A 501(c)(3) CORPORATION, PERHAPS CALLED THE HOLY EXALTED ORDER OF THE KNIGHTS OF MANANNAN AND OTHERS, TO HOLD OUR WORLDLY GOODS IN COMMON FOR THE COMMON BENEFIT OF THE ORDER. AS WE ARE RECENTLY FREE FROM OUR PREVIOUS LEADERSHIP DUTIES, WE WOULD BE HUMBLY HONOURED TO TAKE ON THE POSITION OF ORDER TREASURER, CHARGED WITH GUARDING AND INVESTING THE KNIGHTLY CASH. THIS VOICE ESTIMATES THAT FORMING A HOLY ORDER WOULD RESULT IN AT LEAST A 30% INCREASE IN KNIGHTLY PIETY AND KNIGHTLY RENOWN, AND WOULD ALLOW OUR KNIGHTLY CASH TO BE EXEMPTED FROM MOST TAXES SHOULD WE EVER FIND OURSELVES IN A POSITION OF PAYING TAXES. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THIS WOULD IN NO WISE PREVENT OUR EXTREMELY PIOUS AND DEBONAIR LEADER FROM EQUIPPING THE ORNATE DAGGER, WHICH IS PROBABLY A HOLY ARTEFACT, AT LEAST AS LONG AS HE REMAINS A MEMBER OF THE ORDER.
ADD THAT HOLY ORDERS ALSO GET COOL MEDALS.
IF THIS PROPOSAL DOES NOT ATTAIN APPROVAL, BEGRUDGINGLY ACCEPT THE CROSSBOW AS IT WILL ALLOW YOU TO BETTER SERVE AS THE LEADER'S BODYGUARD. THIS VOICE'S THREE CHOICES IN ORDER ARE CROSSBOW, EXPENSIVE SHIRT, BATCAPE.
WHILE WE'RE TAKING INVENTORY OF OUR RECRUITS, ALSO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE WE HAD THAT DRUNKEN ENCOUNTER WITH FOR FUTURE ROMANCE SIDEQUEST OPTIONS.
OH, ALSO, ONE LAST THING: RECOMMEND EITHER RECRUITING THE LAST SURVIVING PHEASANT BANDIT OR SACRIFICING IT TO THE CHICKEN GODS DEPENDING ON WHETHER THE GENERAL MOOD FEELS ACCEPTING OF OR RACIST TOWARD PHEASANTS RESPECTIVELY.
+1
THIS TULPA WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT THE OTHER VOICES MEAN COMMUNEISM, NOT COMMUNISM. WHAT EVEN IS COMMUNISM? NO, THE IDEA THAT CITIES SHOULD RULE THEMSELVES, WITHOUT ARISTOCRATIC GOVERNANCE, IS AGAINST EVERYTHING A CHICKEN KNIGHT STANDS FOR.
-
THIS TULPA WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY THAT THE OTHER VOICES MEAN COMMUNEISM, NOT COMMUNISM. WHAT EVEN IS COMMUNISM? NO, THE IDEA THAT CITIES SHOULD RULE THEMSELVES, WITHOUT ARISTOCRATIC GOVERNANCE, IS AGAINST EVERYTHING A CHICKEN KNIGHT STANDS FOR.
WE SHOULD EAT THAT TOO.
-
THE VOICES SEEM TO AGREE THAT THE CROSSBOW IS BY FAR THE BEST ITEM OUT OF THE REMAINING LOOT, SO YOU GRAB IT AND IGNORE THE STARES OF THE OTHER RECRUITS WHO ALMOST CERTAINLY COVET YOUR SELECTION. YOU'RE NOT A CROSSBOW CONNOISSEUR, BUT YOU THINK THE HEFT IS NICE IN CASE YOU SHOULD EVER NEED TO BASH SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WITH IT GIVEN THAT YOU'RE UNLIKELY TO FIND BOLTS FOR IT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS. CHICKEN MILITIAHEN CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK IS NEXT AND EYES THE CROSSBOW AND DAGGER, CLEARLY HER TOP CHOICES. SHE ULTIMATELY CLAIMS THE BANDIT LEADER'S WONDROUS CAPE.
RECRUIT BAWK-CLUCK IS GRABBING ONE OF THE DELIGHTFUL FACEMASKS WHEN YOU ARE INTERRUPTED BY A VISION OF YOURSELF IN AN ENDLESS POOL OF SILVERY WATER WHICH YOU RECOGNIZE TO BE MANANNAN. MANANNAN SPEAKS, AND YOU GATHER THAT MANANNAN IS ENCOURAGING YOU TO FORM A HOLY ORDER OF THE 501(C)(3) NONPROFIT PERSUASION (PERHAPS CALLED THE HOLY EXALTED ORDER OF THE KNIGHTS OF MANANNAN AND OTHERS) TO HOLD THE WARBAND'S MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. YOU ARE SWAYED BY THE PROJECTED INCREASE IN EFFICIENCY AND HONORED THAT MANANNAN HIMSELF IS ENCOURAGING YOU TO POSSIBLY BROADEN YOUR SKILLSET BY TAKING ON THE DUTIES OF THE TREASURER.
WHEN YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES, IT IS EVIDENTLY DOODLE-CROW'S TURN AGAIN, AND HE APPEARS TO BE TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN A MASK AND THE WATERSKIN. URGED ON BY A COUPLE OF YOUR VOICES (ONE OF WHICH IS GRANDMOTHERLY ENOUGH TO POSSIBLY BE MAVNON), YOU LOUDLY SUMMARIZE YOUR DIVINE REVELATION AND EMPHASIZE THE PROJECTED INCREASE IN KNIGHTLY PIETY, RENOWN, AND MEDALS. THE PROMISE OF SHINY MEDALS IS ENOUGH TO GET EVERYONE'S APPROVAL FOR THE PLAN (ALTHOUGH DOODLE-CROW IS SUSPICIOUS OF YOUR MOTIVES AND REFUSES TO HAND THE DAGGER OVER FOR INSPECTION). YOU APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SUBVERSION OF HIS ORDERS IN THE RECENT FIGHT, AND DOODLE-CROW LETS YOU AT LEAST LOOK AT THE DAGGER. DISAPPOINTINGLY, THE DAGGER DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE A HOLY RELIC OF MANANNAN OR ONE OF THE OTHER CHICKEN GODS. PERHAPS FOUNDING A PROPER 501(C)(3) NONPROFIT HOLY ORDER NECESSITATES THE HASSLE OF PAPERWORK AFTER ALL. YOU LOOK BACK AT THE LOOTPILE AND ARE ANNOYED TO FIND THE CAPE ALREADY CLAIMED, SO YOU TAKE THE LARGE MAMMAL DRESS, TEAR OFF A SOMEWHAT UNDAMAGED SECTION, AND FASHION IT INTO A CRUDE MAKESHIFT CAPE. IT IS MORE FRILLY AND LESS DRAMATIC THAN YOU WOULD HAVE PREFERRED.
NEXT, YOU SCRUTINIZE YOUR WOODEN WAR HORSE AND ARE SURE IT'S ALIVE OR YOU SURELY WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HERE WITHOUT FALLING OFF OR SOMETHING. YOU SNAP THE HORSE'S JAW A FEW TIMES USING THE HANDY STRING ATTACHED TO IT AND FIND IT TO BE IN GOOD WORKING ORDER. YOU ALSO TRY FEEDING IT SOME CLOVER WHILE COAXING IT WITH THE STRING, BUT IT JUST FOLDS THE CLOVER AND TEARS IT UP A BIT BEFORE DROPPING IT WITHOUT THE COURTESY OF EVEN SPITTING IT OUT.
YOU ALSO CLOSELY EXAMINE YOUR RIGHTEOUS FURY. TO HAVE SUCH A WEAPON IS TRULY THE REWARD OF A KNIGHT WITH A PASSING GRADE IN KNIGHTLY THEOLOGY. ONLY ONE OTHER IN YOUR CLASS COULD CLAIM SUCH AN HONOR. IT'S A BIT OF A SHAME YOU TWO ARE BITTER RIVALS NOW. SOMETIMES YOU WONDER HOW SUCH A NINCOMPOOP COULD HAVE POSSIBLY PASSED KNIGHTLY THEOLOGY AND THUS WON THE RIGHT TO WIELD RIGHTEOUS FURY. ANYWAY, YOU'LL PREVAIL ONE DAY WHETHER ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE OR IN A HEATED DEBATE, AND YOU'LL SHOW THEM ALL! AND EVERYONE WILL FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT OR YOUR NAME ISN'T AWWWK AWK AWWWK AWK AWK B-KAWK (WHICH TRANSLATES TO PIOUS AURA ALONE IN THE CHICKEN TONGUE)!
AT THE URGING OF ONE OF YOUR VOICES, YOU TRY TO REMEMBER WHO YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO THE OTHER DAY, BUT WHAT HAPPENS IN ROADSIDE CART WRECKS STAYS IN ROADSIDE CART WRECKS DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS. ON A WHIM, YOU UNILATERALLY DECIDE IT MUST HAVE BEEN DOODLE-CROW OR CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK OR MAYBE EVEN BOTH OF THEM.
YOU CHECK ON THE PHEASANT BANDIT TO RECRUIT OR EXECUTE HIM ONLY TO FIND HIM STILL UNCONSCIOUS. HE REALLY NEEDS TO RECOVER SO YOU CAN ATTEMPT TO SWAY, ARREST, OR PUNISH HIM DIRECTLY. WITH THE REST OF THIS HILARITY TAKEN CARE OF, YOU IGNORE CAUTION AND ROOST RIGHT OVER THE PHEASANTS' HIDING SPOT WHERE YOU ATTEMPT TO EAT COMMUNEISM AND DREAM OF BEHEMOTHS PULLING PEASANTS' PLOWS OVER CITY RUINS.
IT EMERGES THAT THE UNCONSCIOUS PHEASANT, WHO NO ONE THOUGHT TO RESTRAIN, EVENTUALLY WOKE UP AND WAS PREDICTABLY UNCOOPERATIVE. HE MANAGED TO ESCAPE TO MAVNON KNOWS WHERE DURING THE NIGHT. THE EARLY BIRDS SPENT SOME TIME LOOKING AROUND FOR TRACKS BUT COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING. DOODLE-CROW COVERS HIS FACE WITH A WING IN A BIZARRE GESTURE ONE WOULD THINK WOULD MAKE LOOKING FOR LOST PERSONS MORE DIFFICULT.
YOU ALL CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY, ANOTHER THREE DAYS THAT REALLY COULD HAVE BEEN TWO WITHOUT THE BOOKS OR LOOT. AFTER AN UNEVENTFUL FEW DAYS, YOU FINALLY ARRIVE AT THE MONASTERY. THE MONKS SEEM TO BE EXPECTING YOU OR A GROUP VERY MUCH LIKE YOU AND ARE HAPPY TO TAKE THE BOOKS OFF YOUR GRUBBY FEATHERS (++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN) AND GIVE YOU YOUR KNIGHTLY CASH (+KNIGHTLY CASH) BUT WITH A MOST WORRYING DRAWBACK FROM ONE WHO IDENTIFIES HIMSELF AS FATHER SQUAWWWWWK CLUCK:
"THANKS FOR GETTING US THE BOOKS WE ORDERED. CHICKEN GODS' BLESSINGS UPON YOU. HERE'S THE REST OF THE PAYMENT FOR THE BOOKS. ANYTHING THE BREADLAND MONASTIC LIBRARY DOESN'T KEEP YOU CAN HAVE. I'M AFRAID WE DON'T HAVE SUITABLE ACCOMMODATIONS FOR TRAVELERS, BUT YOU ARE WELCOME TO JOIN US FOR OUR EVENING MEAL."
DOODLE-CROW IS HAPPY THAT THE PARTY RECEIVED KNIGHTLY PIETY AND KNIGHTLY RENOWN AND A FREE MEAL BUT IS RATHER CROSS ABOUT NOT HAVING RECEIVED MUCH KNIGHTLY CASH FOR THE TROUBLE AND TIME. HE ANNOUNCES THAT HE'LL BE EXPLORING THE MONASTERY UNTIL THE EVENING MEAL IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO JOIN IN. WITH A SMALL LIBRARY, A LUSH GARDEN, A WELL-FURNISHED CHAPEL, AND A BABBLING BROOK, THOUGH, THIS ISN'T THE ONLY POSSIBLE USE OF YOUR TIME.
AS YOU DISPERSE TO DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU INTEND TO DO, ONE OF THE YOUNGER MONKS TAKES YOU ASIDE TO OFFER A DIFFERENT KIND OF BOON:
"I notice you didn't get much for your trouble from Father SQUAWWWWWK CLUCK. He means well, but he doesn't understand the value of money for laychickens. I also notice that you look like a chicken constantly bothered by...inner dialogue. I can bless you with the Lesser Clarity of Elmedo to quell THE CONSTANT SHOUTING, but this may make the laws of nature and the fine details of the world harder to ignore. Would you like me to perform the blessing?"
BLESSING? YOU ARE NOT SURE THE VOICES WILL BE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
-
QUELL ME, KNIGHT DADDY. QUELL ME!
-
DO NOT GET THAT BLESSING, IF YOU DO YOU'LL BE SORRY BECAUSE I'LL BE FORCED TO YELL EVEN LOUDER, I'LL YELL SO LOUD YOUR EARS WILL BLEED!
ALSO WE SHOULD EXPLORE THE LIBRARY FOR KNIGHTLY KNOWLEDGE!
-
POLITELY DECLINE BLESSING, EXPLAINING THAT THE GODS AND MISCELLANEOUS OTHER VOICES APPARENTLY HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU, ALTHOUGH OBVIOUSLY NOT A TERRIBLY COHERENT ONE. MAYBE YOU'LL COME BACK LATER IF THEY REALLY CAN'T WORK IT OUT BUT YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM A FAIR GO AS YOU UNDERSTAND VERY WELL WHAT IT IS LIKE TO NOT HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOU ARE DOING YET. BESIDES, DRINKING HELPS.
LOCATE DOODLE-CROW AND COMMISERATE WITH HIS RENUMERATION FRUSTRATION (RENUMERFRUSTRATION). EXPLAIN THAT, WHILE MONKS ARE OFTEN WEALTHY DUE TO THE GLORIOUS PROSPERITY FLOWING FROM MAVNON'S GARMENTS AS WELL AS COPIOUS DONATIONS, THEY ARE SOMETIMES ALSO TOO UNWORLDLY TO FULLY APPRECIATE THE NEEDS OF THE LAITY. SUGGEST SUBTLY ASKING FOR SMALL FAVOURS INSTEAD, ESPECIALLY AFTER TELLING THE MONKS THAT YOU ARE FORMING A HOLY ORDER FOR THE PROTECTION OF CHICKENKIND AND HAVE NEED OF HUMBLE ASSISTANCE IN ARRANGING THE FORGING OF YOUR IMPORTANT HOLY ORDER MEDALS, WITHOUT WHICH ANY HOLY ORDER IS SCARCELY MORE THAN MILDLY SANCTIFIED. THE KEY WITH MONKS IS TO APPEAL TO THEIR SENSE OF CHARITY BY MAKING YOURSELF SEEM PROPERLY RIGHTEOUS. HOWEVER DO NOT FORGET TO ALSO ADD THAT INCREASING YOUR RENOWN AND PIETY WILL LEAD TO BETTER REWARDS OF CASH LATER, SO EVEN IF THE MONKS ARE UNBUDGEABLE IT IS HARDLY A LOSS. AND WE GOT BETTER AT FIGHTING AND BOOK-CARRYING ON THE WAY, SURELY.
THEN IMMERSE SELF IN HOLY BROOK AS PART OF YOUR ONGOING COMMUNION WITH YOUR GODS, BUT TRY NOT TO GET TOO IN-JOKEY ABOUT IT. AND BE CAREFUL NOT TO BE EATEN BY THE HOLY NÄCKE THAT ARE PROBABLY IN IT. I HAD NÄCKE, RIGHT? SOMETHING LIKE THAT ANYWAY. THIS SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG, JUST A QUICK DIP, SO THEN GO TO THE LIBRARY AND TRAIN YOUR KNIGHTLY WISDOM SKILL UNTIL DINNER.
-
HOLD ON, IS THIS EMA.
ARE WE IN EMA'S WORLD? TELL ME OH BRAVE CHICKEN KNIGHT, DO YOU KNOW OF ANY MACROBIAL BEINGS WIELDING KATANAS WHO SLEEP WITH OVERSIZED PILLOWS DEPICTING THEIR BELOVED?
-
HOLD ON, IS THIS EMA.
ARE WE IN EMA'S WORLD? TELL ME OH BRAVE CHICKEN KNIGHT, DO YOU KNOW OF ANY MACROBIAL BEINGS WIELDING KATANAS WHO SLEEP WITH OVERSIZED PILLOWS DEPICTING THEIR BELOVED?
HONESTLY I HOPE NOT, THAT WENT SORT OF BADLY FOR EVERYONE.
NOT THAT I WOULDN'T PICK IT BACK UP AGAIN. I DEFINITELY WOULD. IT WAS VERY KIND OF NAKEEN TO STOP AT THE SAME TIME AS I LEFT. I'D PICK UP ANY OF THE THINGS I WAS DOING AT THE TIME, BUT PREFERABLY NOT ALL OF THEM, BECAUSE THEN I MIGHT GET STRESSED OUT AGAIN?
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M STILL SHOUTING.
-
Am I the only one who doesn’t yell? I don’t know what it will do, but I think if we don’t yell, it will make listening easier. If the blessing will make decision making easier, go for it, after all, we share the same body. Maybe we can go to the library and read a bit of the botany tomes
-
OUR SHOUTING COMES FROM A CERTAIN DISREGARD FOR THE FINER POINTS OF REALITY. BY IGNORING REALITY IN THIS WAY, WE CAN (TO SOME EXTENT) WARP REALITY-- THAT WHICH WE DO NOT KNOW BECOMES ANYTHING WE WANT IT TO BE! A HIGHLY USEFUL PHENOMENON.
IS UNFATHOMABLE COSMIC PROWESS WORTH THE UNCEASING CLAMOR? THE CHICKEN KNIGHT HIMSELF WILL HAVE TO ANSWER THAT ONE.
-
Ignoring reality is a great way of getting us killed, as well as our teammates. If I may ask, why is communism, where everyone’s equal and works for the good of everyone, considered bad?
-
YOU MISUNDERSTAND. TO SUCH AS WE, REALITY IS MUTABLE. THE LAWS OF REASON, SO PERILOUS IN THEIR IMPARTIALITY, NEED NOT APPLY TO A CHICKEN KNIGHT!
COMMUNISM HAS HISTORICALLY SHOWN ITSELF TO BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO HUMAN CORRUPTION-- THIS VOICE POSTULATES THAT IT WOULD BE SIMILARLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO CHICKEN CORRUPTION. FURTHERMORE, IT IS ILL SUITED TO THE CREATION OF A GALLINACEOUS KNIGHTLY ELITE.
-
Once someone has more power than someone else, it is no longer communism, it is an autocracy
-
PERFORM THE BLESSING! I KEEP LEAVING MY CAPS LOCK ON AFTER POSTING HERE AND IT MAKES COMMANDS ALL CONFUSING SINCE EVERYTHING IS NOW SHOUTING.
Once someone has more power than someone else, it is no longer communism, it is an autocracy
YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE A KNIGHT RIGHT? THIS IS A FORM OF NOBILITY MEANING THAT WE HAVE MORE PHYSICAL, SOCIAL, AND HOLY POWER THAN MOST PEOPLE. IF WE HAVE NO POWER COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE THAN THERE IS NO POINT TO BEING A KNIGHT AND THOSE LOOSERS CAN TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN PROBLEM. PLUS LIKE THE GODS KEEP SHOUTING AT US. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE IS EQUAL TO THE GODS? IF SO THAN THAT ISN'T VERY PIUS, IF NOT THAN YOUR COMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUNISM IS IMPOSSIBLE SINCE THEY'RE LIKE RIGHT THERE. WE ALSO HAVE GOAT RACISM. ARE YOU SAYING CHICKEN AND GOATS ARE EQUALLY, AND THUS EQUALLY LIKELY TO DESTROY THE WORLD AND HAVE SINS NAMED AFTER THEM?
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PERFORM THE BLESSING! I KEEP LEAVING MY CAPS LOCK ON AFTER POSTING HERE AND IT MAKES COMMANDS ALL CONFUSING SINCE EVERYTHING IS NOW SHOUTING.
Once someone has more power than someone else, it is no longer communism, it is an autocracy
YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE A KNIGHT RIGHT? THIS IS A FORM OF NOBILITY MEANING THAT WE HAVE MORE PHYSICAL, SOCIAL, AND HOLY POWER THAN MOST PEOPLE. IF WE HAVE NO POWER COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE THAN THERE IS NO POINT TO BEING A KNIGHT AND THOSE LOOSERS CAN TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN PROBLEM. PLUS LIKE THE GODS KEEP SHOUTING AT US. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE IS EQUAL TO THE GODS? IF SO THAN THAT ISN'T VERY PIUS, IF NOT THAN YOUR COMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUNISM IS IMPOSSIBLE SINCE THEY'RE LIKE RIGHT THERE. WE ALSO HAVE GOAT RACISM. ARE YOU SAYING CHICKEN AND GOATS ARE EQUALLY, AND THUS EQUALLY LIKELY TO DESTROY THE WORLD AND HAVE SINS NAMED AFTER THEM?
Yes, the gods and us both have minds, and all minds have the possibility of mistakes. Chickens and goats, as well as any organism in sufficient numbers, has a possibility of destroying ecosystems, and since the world is an ecosystem, yes, both chickens and goats have the possibility of destroying ecosystems. If everyone works for the good of everyone else, ecosystems can remain intact, since we, along with everyone, will be working to preserve them rather than eating/drinking everything. If all creatures are united, we can solve global problems rather than fighting inter and intra species wars
-
THIS VOICE HAS GONE ALL LOOPY. DECRYING THE SOCIAL ORDER AND THE INHERENT INEQUALITY OF SPECIES?! LUDICROUS! OH BRAVE CHICKEN KNIGHT, LISTEN NOT TO THE INSANE VOICE THAT TO DESIRES TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY.
-
Yes, the gods and us both have minds, and all minds have the possibility of mistakes. Chickens and goats, as well as any organism in sufficient numbers, has a possibility of destroying ecosystems, and since the world is an ecosystem, yes, both chickens and goats have the possibility of destroying ecosystems. If everyone works for the good of everyone else, ecosystems can remain intact, since we, along with everyone, will be working to preserve them rather than eating/drinking everything. If all creatures are united, we can solve global problems rather than fighting inter and intra species wars
Goats are intrinsically incapable of caring about the world, cooperation, and uniting with other animals due to their inability to feel anything but hunger and contempt. You sound like some kind of FILTHY HERETIC. Especially that bit about gods making mistakes. Stay in your lane, regular, non-divine psychosis voice!
THIS VOICE HAS GONE ALL LOOPY. DECRYING THE SOCIAL ORDER AND THE INHERENT INEQUALITY OF SPECIES?! LUDICROUS! OH BRAVE CHICKEN KNIGHT, LISTEN NOT TO THE INSANE VOICE THAT TO DESIRES TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY.
+1
-
Yes, the gods and us both have minds, and all minds have the possibility of mistakes. Chickens and goats, as well as any organism in sufficient numbers, has a possibility of destroying ecosystems, and since the world is an ecosystem, yes, both chickens and goats have the possibility of destroying ecosystems. If everyone works for the good of everyone else, ecosystems can remain intact, since we, along with everyone, will be working to preserve them rather than eating/drinking everything. If all creatures are united, we can solve global problems rather than fighting inter and intra species wars
Goats are intrinsically incapable of caring about the world, cooperation, and uniting with other animals due to their inability to feel anything but hunger and contempt. You sound like some kind of FILTHY HERETIC. Especially that bit about gods making mistakes. Stay in your lane, regular, non-divine psychosis voice!
THIS VOICE HAS GONE ALL LOOPY. DECRYING THE SOCIAL ORDER AND THE INHERENT INEQUALITY OF SPECIES?! LUDICROUS! OH BRAVE CHICKEN KNIGHT, LISTEN NOT TO THE INSANE VOICE THAT TO DESIRES TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY.
+1
Remember when there was a conversation with goats until we led an attack on them? We were the ones who instigated that conflict, for that matter, we never asked the goats what feelings they felt. While I might not have manifested until later in time, we all share a body, and thus a mind, and thus I have the memories our host has. Just because I might have thoughts outside of the other thought frameworks here, doesn’t mean I’m insane. What...what are we, but collections of thoughts inside of our host’s head? We aren’t gods, any more than the various thoughts in any other body are gods. Thoughts cannot be gods
-
Thoughts cannot be gods
[citation needed]
-
Thoughts cannot be gods
[citation needed]
BEGONE THOUGHT
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YEAH YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET THAT BLESSING GIVEN THE WEIRDNESS CONVERSATION THAT JUST HAPPENED.
-
Agreed, then head to the library and learn about anatomy of various birds as well as learning about which plants are poisonous or not
-
Accept blessing: micelus, Naturegirl1999, Stirk, Voidslayer
Decline blessing: King Zultan, Maximum Spin
Up to CHICKEN KNIGHT PIOUS AURA ALONE: Superdorf
YOU GRACIOUSLY ACCEPT ELMEDO'S LESSER CLARITY, AND FOR THe first time in ages, that buzzing in the brain and irritating narration reporting on your every decision and calling in the other voices in times of uncertainty is quiet enough to ignore. You also feel more constrained by laws in all their aspects, from the physical ones that govern the universe to the legal ones that proscribe theft and murder. Getting used to this could take some time.
"That's not enough, though. Your blessing will fade in only a few days without sufficient piety. You'll want to pray and make an appropriate offering to The Inspiration every week if you want to keep it. I hope I was able to give you some comfort after all that..torment."
Basking in the relative silence, you saunter over to the library in search of interesting tomes to feed your inner scholar. You meet Doodle-Crow as you cross the courtyard and get an urge to share a few ideas on advertising holy order services to the monks. What comes out instead is a vague plan to work for the monks for some time with small favors here and there. Doodle-Crow seems taken aback by something you said but says he'll consider your advice for the party's next job.
You arrive at the library and find it incredibly well stocked for such a small monastery. With tall (for chickens) shelves lining the walls, and a few stacks of books on the floor, you suspect you'd be able to find a book for almost any topic given enough time. The babbling of the brook outside is more attractive than it has any right to be, but you chalk it up to not constantly hearing the mysterious and often helpful voices. You begin by looking for knightly knowledge and find an illustrated catalog of coats of arms in the realm as of eleven years ago, an unillustrated taxonomy of polearms, a record of horse pedigrees that curiously neglects to mention wooden horses, a book of advice for the undiscerning mercenary, a study of easily constructed siege weapons and countermeasures, and a tract on recorded amphibious battles of the last century with commentary.
Next, you look for the botany tomes you were hired to bring here (which you curiously didn't get around to reading while traveling here). The first explores the possibility of life on the moon and various impractical experiments useful for testing this line of speculation, another describes one weird trick for predicting the distribution of pea plant traits given their parents' traits which is specifically noted to be hated by farmers for no apparent reason, and the next three are volumes in an illustrated encyclopedia of crop plants and common pests. You suppose these are edible, but you're not really sure why you thought to read up on this specifically.
You notice a strange contraption of metal and glass on a table next to several drawings of eldritch plants and animals. Perhaps the elder monks will want to hear of this in case someone is trying to summon demons or something. It's almost suppertime, but you feel compelled to see if there's any information on outlandish peoples with folded swords and plush totems. You feel slight unease or maybe relief that there is information on supposed sightings of headless peoples and serpent-ape hybrids and decide that you've done enough scholarship for an entire month (+++Knightly Knowledge).
Dinner is exactly as bland as you'd expect of monastery food, and the meal isn't quite filling enough, but you dare not insult the monks' hospitality. You notice Doodle-Crow making suspicious glances at you and whispering to the two Chicken Recruits several times during the meal. What little gossip you can pick up from the monks suggests that there is an ongoing legal battle over the ownership of the land on the other side of the babbling brook, which isn't always there after particularly hot, dry summers. Among other issues, a previous boundary using a now-obsolete course of the brook could easily be interpreted as putting the monastery squarely in the Earl of Grey's land.
After the party has regrouped in the woods outside, Doodle-Crow announces that the holy order's first mission is taking a saintly relic of the Chicken Gods back from a band of thieves. Known as the Green Scarves for their green scarves, they have been sighted in nearby towns, and their hideouts are largely unknown. Doodle-Crow emphasizes that hunting the Green Scarves down is more of a long-term goal at the moment, and that just searching in towns with Green Scarf activity is likely to turn up good leads for knightly advancement. The two Chicken Recruits respond with over-the-top cheers as if they were in a crowd at a tournament. Doodle-Crow says the holy order will begin the trip back to the town of Breadlamb at dawn and that everyone's wages are paid for and stares pointedly at you for the last part.
Would you like to suggest anything before going to sleep or after waking up?
-
Don’t suggest anything,
question Doodle Crow about the suspicious glances and whispering during supper no don’t do that, what if he’s plotting to kill you? Don’t make suggestions, nod, and follow his orders, as long as we’re useful, he won’t exile or kill us
-
IF HE EXILES US WE CAN JUST START OUR OWN HOLY ORDER WITH
BLACK JACK AND HOOKERS GOAT HATRED AND NO COMMUNISM!
BUT FOR NOW LET US GO RECLAIM THIS HOLY RELIC IN THE NAME OF OUR GODS!
-
An ominous storm brews over the cathedral. The cool moist breath of the Lord of Spirit ripples across the land as lightning crackles between the clouds.
Under the distant sea, unco creatures with sharp teeth stir from long dormancy. Unsteadily, they gather armfuls of cursed gold from ancient shipwrecks, pallid cloudy pearls, and strange glowing emeralds, carrying their spoils toward the surface for a purpose they do not yet understand...
Great hero-chicken, listen to me. Let the flow of spirit guide you. Let the void draw you. Though the decision to still the voices of your gods is questionable, I hope that I may yet reach you with the distraction of the other voices, which are probably demons, quieted. You have done well, and the time has come to accede to the leadership of your successor. A new role has been granted you: the role of managing the resources of your order and thus the very souls of your comrades. Your responsibility does not end at the group's material treasure, but encompasses its knightly renown and piety as well. You must ensure the needs of the order are provided for, and you must ensure above all else that they have medals, which are the implement by which knights of a holy order may commune with their gods. Therefore you must remain vigilant and keep your eyes open for potential resources and opportunities at all times — yet always remember that you must simply inform your leader and humbly carry out his will, and not act rashly for the sake of gain. Great things are ahead for you, o chosen of the gods, but it is still up to you to achieve them...
Also, unrelatedly, put on some travelling music, such as the excellent track 'The Dead God's Rise' from the album 'Blessings for the Fallen' by 'Bad Platypus'. The genre is Ghost Metal.
-
Hm...I don’t know if we’re even being heard right now, so maybe it’ll not distract our
body’s mind, host, creator of us to talk amongst ourselves. I don’t think we’re gods, I think we are personalities created by the one who owns this body, to (try to) guide him. Notice how we didn’t exist during his knightly training. Maybe we started as wisps of thought, gathering personality while exploring the mind, each of us copying different parts into ourselves, and thus, think of many different ways of dealing with a situation. That could be why he made us in the first place, or we could have been thought by accident. Either way, we need to work on agreeing in the future, hashing out a plan based on our differing thoughts, to iron out which parts work and which ones don’t, hopefully not confusing the one who we live in
-
Hm...I don’t know if we’re even being heard right now, so maybe it’ll not distract our body’s mind, host, creator of us to talk amongst ourselves. I don’t think we’re gods, I think we are personalities created by the one who owns this body, to (try to) guide him. Notice how we didn’t exist during his knightly training. Maybe we started as wisps of thought, gathering personality while exploring the mind, each of us copying different parts into ourselves, and thus, think of many different ways of dealing with a situation. That could be why he made us in the first place, or we could have been thought by accident. Either way, we need to work on agreeing in the future, hashing out a plan based on our differing thoughts, to iron out which parts work and which ones don’t, hopefully not confusing the one who we live in
Well, Manannan the god of water and spirit and void is literally me from a god game where we had a chicken pantheon for reasons. I didn't actually intend to set off all these in-jokes but when I made the comment about a dance to the chicken gods (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8177860#msg8177860), I remembered this - it wasn't even meant to be related at first, just a weird funny thing to do, but once I remembered I felt that compulsion to make the reference, which is why it's thrown in at the bottom of the post like that. Then it just... became an easy well to go back to for characterisation, at least after Stirk (unknowingly?) made the direct connection (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178100#msg8178100) and led me to reconsider it (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178104#msg8178104) from a mere reference to those of us who were part of that pantheon actively recapitulating our characters from the time. KJP then essentially accepted this suggestion (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178140#msg8178140) by referring to "actual chicken gods in attendance". At this point (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8181922#msg8181922), at least, it becomes clear that, while the Chicken Knight may simply be deeply psychotic, it at least perceives a connection between the voices associated with those players and the corresponding gods. Which is good enough for me to keep going along with it.
However, I do feel a sense of mild discomfort about having inadvertently foisted all these in-jokes upon the other players, since literally the only ones here I think who have anything to do with it, besides KJP of course, are me and micelus. I mean, I might be forgetting people, it's been a while. So I do encourage the idea that other voices may have divergent interpretations of their own nature. BUT IC, of course, I am definitely going to assert that any voices caught disagreeing with me are clearly demonic and leading the chicken knight astray from the ONE TRUE PATH!
-
Hm...I don’t know if we’re even being heard right now, so maybe it’ll not distract our body’s mind, host, creator of us to talk amongst ourselves. I don’t think we’re gods, I think we are personalities created by the one who owns this body, to (try to) guide him. Notice how we didn’t exist during his knightly training. Maybe we started as wisps of thought, gathering personality while exploring the mind, each of us copying different parts into ourselves, and thus, think of many different ways of dealing with a situation. That could be why he made us in the first place, or we could have been thought by accident. Either way, we need to work on agreeing in the future, hashing out a plan based on our differing thoughts, to iron out which parts work and which ones don’t, hopefully not confusing the one who we live in
Well, Manannan the god of water and spirit and void is literally me from a god game where we had a chicken pantheon for reasons. I didn't actually intend to set off all these in-jokes but when I made the comment about a dance to the chicken gods (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8177860#msg8177860), I remembered this - it wasn't even meant to be related at first, just a weird funny thing to do, but once I remembered I felt that compulsion to make the reference, which is why it's thrown in at the bottom of the post like that. Then it just... became an easy well to go back to for characterisation, at least after Stirk (unknowingly?) made the direct connection (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178100#msg8178100) and led me to reconsider it (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178104#msg8178104) from a mere reference to those of us who were part of that pantheon actively recapitulating our characters from the time. KJP then essentially accepted this suggestion (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8178140#msg8178140) by referring to "actual chicken gods in attendance". At this point (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8181922#msg8181922), at least, it becomes clear that, while the Chicken Knight may simply be deeply psychotic, it at least perceives a connection between the voices associated with those players and the corresponding gods. Which is good enough for me to keep going along with it.
However, I do feel a sense of mild discomfort about having inadvertently foisted all these in-jokes upon the other players, since literally the only ones here I think who have anything to do with it, besides KJP of course, are me and micelus. I mean, I might be forgetting people, it's been a while. So I do encourage the idea that other voices may have divergent interpretations of their own nature. BUT IC, of course, I am definitely going to assert that any voices caught disagreeing with me are clearly demonic and leading the chicken knight astray from the ONE TRUE PATH!
Understood. Right now, my IC voice is musing about what it could be, it was all IC, I was a voice that didn’t manifest until later, I am fine with other voices being gods/perceiving themselves as such. I made sure to read through the thread before posting, not only so I knew what went on, but also, since we are voices in his brain, we’d all have his memories, since the brain and body are shared, and we are thoughts in that space/gods communicating through that space
-
Understood. Right now, my IC voice is musing about what it could be, it was all IC, I was a voice that didn’t manifest until later, I am fine with other voices being gods/perceiving themselves as such. I made sure to read through the thread before posting, not only so I knew what went on, but also, since we are voices in his brain, we’d all have his memories, since the brain and body are shared, and we are thoughts in that space/gods communicating through that space
Oh, fair enough. I did think you were speaking OOC.
-
OOC talking of the body we share? Hmm...maybe I should italicize future IC things in the future
-
I thought the terrible clarity we've been granted was supposed to stop this kind of nonsense!
We have innocent blood on our hands! How many goats died simply because our made ravings saw them as enemy's for no clear reason? How much clothing suffered our low-quality washing? What further travesties will happen once we once again lose clarity?
-
BAWK-BAAAAAWWWWWWWK! ba-bawk-bawk-bawwwk-bawk. bawk-bawk?
-
SUGGEST AN ACCOUNTING OF CURRENT FINANCES TO SEE IF HIRING ADDITIONAL RECRUITS OR PERHAPS A MORE EXPENSIVE MERCENARY AT THE NEW TOWNS IS POSSIBLE. ALSO SUGGEST WEARING BLUE SCARVES IN ORDER TO DRAW OUT THE GREEN SCARVES ONTO A TURF WAR.
-
Do the quest!: Naturegirl1999, King Zultan
Medals!: Maximum Spin
Do your finances!: Maximum Spin, VoidSlayer
Repent, sinner!: Stirk
Knock something off a ledge!: A_Curious_Cat
Start a turf war!: VoidSlayer
As you go to sleep, you consider the puzzle that is the group's finances. Assuming no one is planning to get robbed or make any extravagant purchases in the next week or two, it's likely you could take on up to about half a dozen recruits while promoting the remaining recruits if you get good prices for the less useful loot. You wonder if hunting down outlaws along the various roads would be a good way to train up a nice flock legally while also padding your income. The group will undoubtedly be eager for any sort of mission involving violence, after all.
Your dreams this quiet night are confused and bizarre. You barely remember them in the morning, but you feel somewhat worse about the pointless blood feud against the goats for what was clearly the result of inebriated foolishness among other things. You're not sure how the others would react to this sudden change of heart, and Doodle-Crow doesn't appear to appreciate your lucidity much. What could possibly be the reason for this anyway?
Doodle-Crow crows at dawn, and you all gather up your belongings and take the road back to Breadlamb. Unencumbered by the books, you pass by the copse where the pheasants ambushed you last time. The tracks are still fresh for anyone caring to look. After another day of trudging, you are somewhat relieved to see the walls of Breadlamb as if there were any chance of it disappearing. You enter the bustling gates as the peasants begin leaving in droves for their homes (or entering in packs for the taverns).
The party's first order of business is delivering the monks' payment for the books, and luckily for you given the time, the librarian is both available and pleased to see just how much they apparently overpaid. Next, Doodle-Crow again requests that you split up for the next three days in search of leads regarding the Green Scarves or money-making opportunities (in nearby towns too if necessary). As a presumably honorable knight, you're not sure where a notorious gang of relic-stealing thieves would hide, but you could probably find some temporary work as a guard, champion, entertainer, or something.
Lacking much of a clue on where to start looking or what sort of work to look for, you may well be more receptive to the voices' suggestions. While considering your next move, you wonder where the next tournament will be while absent-mindedly donning a blue strip of cloth from the dress as a scarf for no apparent reason, knocking your horse off your table in the process.
-
Hmm...what if you find something to dye your scarf green, to attempt infiltration of the gang? That might be way too risky, maybe if you try being an entertainer, the Green Scarves will not have as much of their guard up and you might find some of them. Upon finding one or more, follow them, eventually they will need to return to wherever their hideout is
-
WHY IS OUR NOBLE STEED ON THE TAB- was Madame Canterlot a toy the whole time? This is depressing.
We should perhaps go to the seedier taverns in taverns and markets with the alibi that we're in the market for a certain sort of relic. Describe the relic that was stolen and see what the merchants say.
-
WHY HAVE WE DECIDED THAT GOATS ARE NOT THE ENEMY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?
Also to the taverns for information!
-
WHY HAVE WE DECIDED THAT GOATS ARE NOT THE ENEMY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?
Also to the taverns for information!
Goats never initiated the attacks, we have, both times, also do we even know what the relic looks like? Can’t really describe a thing we don’t know much about other than it got stolen
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Goats never initiated the attacks, we have, both times, also do we even know what the relic looks like? Can’t really describe a thing we don’t know much about other than it got stolen
I disagree with every part of this.
Have a holy vision showing where the relic is, and also, where lots of unguarded money which doesn't belong to anyone who matters is, or at least a really good job.
-
YES DO AN ENTERTAINMENT JOB BECOME BREADLAMBS NEXT TOP MODEL!
-
Be an entertainer in the taverns: Naturegirl1999, VoidSlayer
Look for relics of questionable legality in the taverns: micelus
Look for information in the taverns: King Zultan
Have a prophetic vision (also in the taverns): Maximum Spin
You end up going to a tavern looking for a position as an entertainer while gathering information on the Green Scarves and Breadlamb as a whole. The barmonkey says there is an opening for an entertaining bouncer and will be with you shortly after things are less busy and gets back to serving drinks to the patrons. You listen for any interesting and possibly relevant conversations nearby while waiting:
- "...so anyway, I took the frogs--because it was a legal deal and I wanted everything above the board, see--only to be duped by Honest Dave again! They were leaf dolls! A cart full of leaf dolls! Could you imagine? Leaf dolls in..."
- "I heard the Earl of Grey's messengers were in town yesterday. Strange fellows."
- "Psst! Hey buddy! Wanna buy some saintsticks?"
- "...dense can you be, seriously? Everyone knows the Chicken Gods don't exist and we're better off that way! Those kinslaying fools can go kiss my rattle from their pit of...!"
- "*hic* Yer all my friendsh! *hic* Barman, one ournd for all my firendsh in thish hear eshtabublishment!"
- "...why the roads aren't safe. I don't know why the local lords aren't sending out more patrols. I'm sure we'll beat Corvid's crowards in one or two months tops. Surely they can't be that hard to..."
- "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? WANNA PIECE OF ME, HUH? IZZAT WHAT YOU WANT?"
- "...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
- "...to find out what their secret scribal magic is. A thousand perfect copies in a week? Nobody writes that fast in this town! Two more weeks and I'm sending Vinny to teach them a little lesson. Capisce?"
- "...of which is on this here map. No cuts, no invisible ink, no funny business or your money back guaranteed. So what do you say? 900 to Honest Dave and I'll even throw in my secret metal-detecting stick no extra charge! Don't wait! Treasure maps have a...regrettable tendency to get sliced up and sold separately in these here parts..."
- "...Honey, the pumpkins are getting more expensive again. Did we sell the contract yesterday or the day before?"
- "Haro! Haro! Haro! À l'aide, mon prince! On me fait tort! Haro! Haro! Haro!"
- "You haven't paid for your room or your drinks for the last month! Your little prance isn't dumb enough to set little old you free just for being family! You just wait and see!
Would you like to Investigate someone (and if so, who?), continue to Listen, or tune out and Wait for your interview?
-
"*hic* Yer all my friendsh! *hic* Barman, one ournd for all my firendsh in thish hear eshtabublishment!"
Make use of our friend's generosity.
"...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
We should saunter over with our free drink and say that we're "terribly sorry about eavesdropping, but did you just mention stupid scarves? Because you're in luck, I'm looking to punish some insolent kids with stupid scarves." So begins our Investigation.
"Haro! Haro! Haro! À l'aide, mon prince! On me fait tort! Haro! Haro! Haro!"
Listen to this
-
"*hic* Yer all my friendsh! *hic* Barman, one ournd for all my firendsh in thish hear eshtabublishment!"
Make use of our friend's generosity.
"...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
We should saunter over with our free drink and say that we're "terribly sorry about eavesdropping, but did you just mention stupid scarves? Because you're in luck, I'm looking to punish some insolent kids with stupid scarves." So begins our Investigation.
+1 but I don't really care about the fronch hen.
-
"*hic* Yer all my friendsh! *hic* Barman, one ournd for all my firendsh in thish hear eshtabublishment!"
Make use of our friend's generosity.
"...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
We should saunter over with our free drink and say that we're "terribly sorry about eavesdropping, but did you just mention stupid scarves? Because you're in luck, I'm looking to punish some insolent kids with stupid scarves." So begins our Investigation.
+1 but I don't really care about the fronch hen.
+1 Let the INVESTIGATION begin!
-
I2
"I heard the Earl of Grey's messengers were in town yesterday. Strange fellows."
I3
"...why the roads aren't safe. I don't know why the local lords aren't sending out more patrols. I'm sure we'll beat Corvid's crowards in one or two months tops. Surely they can't be that hard to..."
I1
"...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
Investigate these conversations in order from I1 to I2 to I3
-
"...so anyway, I took the frogs--because it was a legal deal and I wanted everything above the board, see--only to be duped by Honest Dave again! They were leaf dolls! A cart full of leaf dolls! Could you imagine? Leaf dolls in..."
"...of which is on this here map. No cuts, no invisible ink, no funny business or your money back guaranteed. So what do you say? 900 to Honest Dave and I'll even throw in my secret metal-detecting stick no extra charge! Don't wait! Treasure maps have a...regrettable tendency to get sliced up and sold separately in these here parts..."
SEE IF WE CAN GET THESE TWO FINE GENTLECHICKENS TOGETHER TO SPEAK ABOUT MAPS AND LEAF FROG DOLLS.
-
Bawwwk? BA-KAWWWK! Bawk-bawk. Bawk. Kawk. Ba-kawk!
-
Eldritch Victim: "...insolent kids, always picking my pockets! If I see their stupid scarves again, I'll call the captain of the guard on them!"
Our Best Friend: "*hic* Yer all my friendsh! *hic* Barman, one ournd for all my firendsh in thish hear eshtabublishment!"
(Chicken Knight continues listening in on the tavern chatter)
(Bartender Bob and Bartender Barbara give various patrons (including Chicken Knight and Eldritch Victim) their drinks)
(Chicken Knight saunters over to the Eldritch Victim's table with a free drink)
Chicken Knight: "Terribly sorry about eavesdropping, but did you mention stupid scarves? Because y--"
Eldritch Victim: (Furious) "You! You're wearing one of those stupid scarves! You're one of them!"
Eldritch Victim: (Shouting) "Thief! Thief!"
Chicken Knight: "Gotta go!"
(Chicken Knight scurries off to another table as Bill the Bouncer lands next to the Eldritch Victim)
Eldritch Victim: (Pointing at Honest Dave's table) "Coward went that way!"
Cheated Smuggler: "...so anyway, I took the frogs--because it was a legal deal and I wanted everything above the board, see--only to be duped by Honest Dave again! They were leaf dolls! A cart full of leaf dolls! Could you imagine? Leaf dolls in..."
(Chicken Knight shows up after running from Eldritch Victim's table)
Chicken Knight: "Say, that table over there seems to be discussing treasure maps! Maybe that would help you recoup your losses?"
Cheated Smuggler: "Honest Dave? Here? Why, I'll punch that lying son of a larch!"
(Cheated Smuggler storms off to Honest Dave's table and gets winds up a nasty punch)
Honest Dave: "...of which is on this here map. No cuts, no invisible ink, no funny business or your money back guaranteed. So what do you say? 900 to Honest Dave and I'll even throw in my secret metal-detecting stick no extra charge! Don't wait! Treasure maps have a...regrettable tendency to get sliced up and sold separately in these here parts. Oh, hello! I don't suppose you would be interested in trea--oww!"
(Bill the Bouncer leaps into the scene)
Cheated Smuggler: (Shouting) "This is for the 'frogs!'"
Bill the Bouncer: "NO FIGHTING IN BAR. OUT!"
(Bill the Bouncer carries Honest Dave and the Cheated Smuggler out of the tavern)
Dashing Drinker: "Haro! Haro! Haro! À l'aide, mon prince! On me fait tort! Haro! Haro! Haro!"
(Bartender Bob serves the last of the drinks Our Best Friend ordered for everyone)
Bartender Bob: "You haven't paid for your room or your drinks for the last month! Your little prance isn't dumb enough to set little old you free just for being family! You just wait and see!
Dashing Drinker: "Père de maï--"
(Dashing Drinker is cut off by Gobbling Guard getting up from his table behind Bartender Bob and Dashing Drinker)
Gobbling Guard: "gbl gbl What's all this then? Off to the prince's court with both of you gbl!"
Bartender Bob: "Barbara, you know the deal."
Bartender Barbara: (Sighing) "Of course. Close on time, bring in the cleaning crew, restock the ales, and lock the door before leaving."
(Gobbling Guard drags Bartender Bob and Dashing Drinker offstage)
Oh dear. You may have to chase the Eldritch Victim down outside the tavern to find out more about what's going on to salvage this. What would you like to do next? You could always try one of the other leads, of course...
-
Stow scarf, retriangulate Eldritch Victim. If pressed, insist scarf was a drunken hallucination all along.
-
Stow scarf, retriangulate Eldritch Victim. If pressed, insist scarf was a drunken hallucination all along.
+1 Yes play it off as him being INSANE!
-
Wow, made a right mess of that. Almost like we were directing him to be an agent of chaos.
Anyway yes let us chase down the victim and not talk about scarves unless he brings them up first.
-
Bawk?
-
Upon catching up with the one who got stolen from, ask if the scarves worn by the thieves were green
-
Question ourselves, as we now know we where actually a member of the gang all along!
-
Question ourselves, as we now know we where actually a member of the gang all along!
no, a gang member wouldn’t bother with knightly training
-
ARE we the gang? Inspect companions for scarves.
-
ARE we the gang? Inspect companions for scarves.
if we do this, specifically GREEN scarves, as green scarves are the gang we’re looking for, though I don’t think this will be fruitful
We could tail the victim, maybe he’ll be stolen from again and we’ll see who’s stealing from him, maybe it’s the Green Scarves. We could also travel with him and watch for any thievery attempts
-
Locate Eldritch Victim and...
...If pressed, insist scarf was a drunken hallucination all along: +2, maybe +3
...Upon catching up with the one who got stolen from, ask if the scarves worn by the thieves were green: +1
...Chase the mousie before it gets away!: +1
Question ourselves, as we now know we where actually a member of the gang all along!: +2
Inspect companions for scarves.: +1
We could tail the victim, maybe he’ll be stolen from again and we’ll see who’s stealing from him, maybe it’s the Green Scarves. We could also travel with him and watch for any thievery attempts: +1
You stow your scarf away in your pack and run out to locate the most promising witness so far. Luckily, it doesn't take too long to find an elderly mouse wearing a coat of many pockets. You wave down the Eldritch Victim near a particularly dark alley, pluck out a feather, and take out a small stack of parchment. Completely unrelated to this, the world suddenly seems to be drained of color and light, and it begins to rain on these mean streets.
"Who...who are you and what do you want?"
"Detective Chook Chickensworth, at your service. I'm here about the pickpocketing. Suppose you could tell me more about it?"
"It was horrible! I was walking home after an evening at the tavern when a gang of scarved ruffians ran out of a dark alley! They bumped into me while I valiantly shouted them down, and when they ran away like the cowards they were, my holy book and most of my money were missing!"
"Day and time?"
"Yesterday after the bar closed."
"Place?"
"Between Apeman and Forest on Market."
"And this gang of ruffians, were their scarves green?"
"I don't know. (https://doi.org/10.1038/353655a0) I'm not one of you birdbr-- (https://doi.org/10.7554/eLife.15675.001)er, birds or a reptile or an ape. It was too dark anyway. All I know is they all wore scarves, and hardly anyone around here does in summer."
"Mind telling me more about the thieves?"
"One of them flew. The other two ran."
"Anyone else I can talk to about this pickpocketing?"
"Streets were empty, and curfew was in place. 'Only covered or cold lanterns' and all that."
"Thank you, Mr. Victim. You've been very helpful to this investigation."
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"
You walk away the now curiously empty streets and ponder the case. A few blocks away, you hit upon the idea of investigating yourself and your party. You don't know where the rest of the party is at the moment, though. May as well start with yourself.
"Where were you on the day of the crime?"
"Relaxing in my room. You can't prove anything."
"And this room?"
"Carl's Coop."
You hear a scuffle and some shouting a ways off.
"You're not from around here, are you?"
"No, I'd just arrived from a monastery out in the countryside."
You hear some deranged shouting somewhere.
"Were you with anyone?"
"I was with my band of adventurers."
"And does your band have a habit of wearing scarves?"
"What kind of question is that? It's summer and we were hired to hunt down a gang with a habit of wearing scarves!"
"Now, now, B-KAWK, I'm not making any accusations here. I just want to get the story straight. Have you known the victim prior to these events?"
"No. Are we done here?"
"I think so. Thank you for your coöperation in our investigation."
You consider the facts as you walk back to your lodging in this miserable rain. What will you do when you arrive? Perhaps you'd like to go somewhere else before then? If not, what will you start with tomorrow?
-
We should head towards where the screaming was coming from
-
We should meet back up with our order before investigating the screaming, since it sounds like someone might be in need of HOLINESS.
-
Meow?
-
We should meet back up with our order before investigating the screaming, since it sounds like someone might be in need of HOLINESS.
+1 We must gather our posse first!
-
You brood on today's revelations as you make your way back to Carl'ls Coop in this downpour. The streets are slick with the sweat, sin, and tears of its denizens, and it is some time before you reach your room. First the most impious theft of the monk's coin and now the robbery of an innocent mouse? Truly the depravity of this town knows no bounds. You finally reach the Coop, and a dramatic flash of lightning accompanies your entry, where you discover...
The members of your holy order are playing cards with what appear to be two new recruits! They are as startled as you are, but maybe that had more to do with the lightning on your arrival. Regardless, you report on your findings and begin questioning everyone on their activities on the day of the relic theft and the pickpocketing of the Eldritch Victim. They, too, appear unsettled by this crime spree and offer what information they have that they may return to the comforting solace of gambling. Based on their statements on crime in the area, you suspect Inksworth does indeed hide a den of thieves and robbers. This reminds you of that dreadful screaming you heard while questioning Chicken Knight B-KAWK. You tell the everyone someone may need the order's HOLINESS. Recruit Bawk-Bawk-BAWK reluctantly volunteers to go in spite of the hour, and the two of you walk away into the slippery streets.
You arrive at the scene with your junior partner after trudging through bizarrely colorless and muggy rainscape and, in a twist no one could have seen coming, you find a scarf of some sort!
"What is it, Chicken Knight B-KAWK?"
"It's Detective Chook Chickensworth, and it's a scarf labeled 59."
"Umm, okay? So now we know there are at least 59 Green Scarf thieves. That's not a fight I want us to be in."
"Or perhaps an address. 5th and 9th street from the town center?"
"Oh! Or maybe it's a count of how many successful thefts the thief did."
"Either way, our investigation is done for the day. I don't like the look of these empty streets one bit. Let's go back and think hardboiled thoughts."
"Umm, okay!"
After another grim and needlessly edgy walk, you are back at Carl's Coop with a new piece of evidence. One of the new recruits says she's friends with a hound who can help track its owner down for a reasonable price. The mention of a fee draws a groan from Doodle-Crow. You, as self/god-appointed treasurer of the holy order, think it shouldn't be an issue if everyone helps out with selling some of the loot from the peasants, and you voice your thoughts on this. Doodle-Crow relents and assigns Recruit Bawk-Bawk-BAWK to pawning the unclaimed loot to pay for identification of the scarf, whose color remains unidentified in the flickering candle flames and strange ongoing colorlessness of the world. You quickly fall asleep after a productive, busy day of hunting down the little larcens.
A new day comes, and you don't really feel like much of a detective today. Color appears to have returned to the world, and you verify that the scarf is indeed green. Recruit Bawk-Bawk-BAWK is packing the first batch of loot for the market. What would you like to do today?
-
Assist Bawk-Bawk-BAWK, both in your capacity as treasurer and to continue to train your humility. Let the recruit take point, as the flock must learn to fly on their own, metaphorically; however, do not be ashamed to demonstrate HARDBALL KNIGHTLY NEGOTIATION. Then reconvene with the new recruit with the dogfriend.
-
Someone clearly put their name on the collar in case they lost it, or to differentiate themselves from the other green-scarves. Go around asking people if they know someone named 59 while our comrade probably gets dramatically mugged or whatever
-
Pawn the loot, find the dog, use do to find green scarf people, then kill them and take their stuff!
-
You and Bawk-Bawk-BAWK spend a few hours shopping around for buyers for the loot from the bandits. To their credit, the canny townsfolk mostly manage to see through your blend of cajoling and intimidation and the lurid stories you both spin in an attempt to lend them undeserved value. Those that are taken in by your knightly wiles and sales tactics are, however, provide more than enough to cover a general promotion of all Recruits for a week or two once they get around to earning their promotions depending on how richly they need to eat.
Your sense of Knightly Cash thrums with delight on the way to the suggested rendezvous point, Doris' Dancing Rolls. The recruit and olfactory consultant (introduced as Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark) greet you as you approach, and you offer the friendly hound a long whiff of the scarf. The three of you follow him as he searches left and right and high and low. This unflatteringly scented journey winds through the muggy, tangled streets of Inksworth and even takes you up to the gate of the burgher's residence a surprising number of times. It continues until the sun is low and the search party is in a seedy part of town. Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark announces that the trail ends at a boarded up house and nervously asks to hire the holy order's services as bodyguards for the way home once you're done with your business.
You look around and see that a lot of the buildings in the area are in varied states of disrepair. Cobbles are missing from the street (and some of the present cobbles have been dislodged from their intended positions), uncleared rubble and boarded up windows abound, and there is disturbingly little recent waste in this neighborhood. The new recruit, Peck-Peck-Peck, says this part of town is generally believed to be haunted, and despite the crowding in other parts of Inksworth, hardly anyone stays here for more than a few weeks. Among the classic haunting symptoms, the most common appear to be strange noises, strange lights, and furniture moving by itself. Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark tends to agree and adds on that strange smells are part of it for those who care about such things. You come to suspect you're still missing something, because what little you can see of the interior of the building closest to the end of the scent trail suggests that it hasn't been used in months if not years, and there doesn't appear to be access for non-flyers anyway. The recruits are eager to break in, but maybe it would be a good idea to call in the whole order? Then again, it's perfectly possible that you've been spotted by Green Scarf fliers on nearby buildings, so maybe an immediate direct charge would prevent them from escaping pursuit. Add to this that you don't think they'll be that dangerous if they're mostly known for petty thefts and not armed robberies or murders.
Incidentally, the VOICES seem to be getting LOUDER. It would have been rather NICE to sneak off and DISCREETLY visit an appropriately aligned ECCLESIASTIC EDIFICE before it got too BAD, but maybe the VOICES will be slightly more harmonious after their brief vacation of QUIET. Anyway, you probably have ANOTHER DAY or two to take care of this before it REVERTS COMPLETELY.
-
It is time to tear down the barricades and seek out these evil scarved criminals and destroy their den of corruption!
Also ignore all voices that wish to do that ritual thing that removes the voices as they are communist goats that wish to see you taken down a PATH OF EVIL and BADNESS!
-
I think we could break in now to attack the Green Scarves, don’t destroy the building though, if you can help it, someone else could have use for it once the thieves are cleared out.
Also, you should get the blessing again when possible. You’ve shown yourself to be a good decision maker without our input. I wouldn’t want us to inadvertently lead you or your group to harm.
-
"Where am I? In a CHICKEN?! What a stupid situation I'm in! Anyway, let's attack the thieves, let's CRUSH that bloody poultry to a pulp!"
"Yes fine, fine, let's do so, but we should stay civilized and assault those Green Scarves in orderly and knigthly fashion. But what's the problem about being a chicken? It's a most noble animal to be!"
"We shouldn't even discuss the will of the Chicken Gods to allow our mere existence! We were fated to be a chicken and this is not to be questioned. We should also make a prayer to our Gods and ask their assistance before assailing the bandits!"
"We are chikens! BAWK-BAWK-SKAWK! I'll peck those thieves to DEATH! I'll peck through their FLESH! AWWWK-AWWWK-SKAWK!"
"♪ The chickens were plucky, in their eyes gleamed their fury and they attacked without mercy! ♫"
The Many Voices As One have decided to attempt a brutal onslaught on the Green Scarves hideout and to call upon the Chicken Gods for their help before. They will probably be better organized next time they will speak.
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
YES GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THEM THEN LEAVE A SCATHING REPORT IN SCARVES MONTHLY TO DESTROY THEIR REPUTATION, A MOST TERRIBLE FATE, OR MAYBE PUNCH THEM A BUNCH WHICHEVER.
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
YES GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THEM THEN LEAVE A SCATHING REPORT IN SCARVES MONTHLY TO DESTROY THEIR REPUTATION, A MOST TERRIBLE FATE, OR MAYBE PUNCH THEM A BUNCH WHICHEVER.
Did you forget these people are thieves? They need to be stopped. I don’t think the town has a jail, so killing it is
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
YES GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THEM THEN LEAVE A SCATHING REPORT IN SCARVES MONTHLY TO DESTROY THEIR REPUTATION, A MOST TERRIBLE FATE, OR MAYBE PUNCH THEM A BUNCH WHICHEVER.
Did you forget these people are thieves? They need to be stopped. I don’t think the town has a jail, so killing it is
THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THEN THE SWORD CRUSH THEM UNDER A THOUSAND HARSH WORDS IN THE LOCAL PAPER AND STAB THEM IN THE EYE WITH A PEN.
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
YES GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THEM THEN LEAVE A SCATHING REPORT IN SCARVES MONTHLY TO DESTROY THEIR REPUTATION, A MOST TERRIBLE FATE, OR MAYBE PUNCH THEM A BUNCH WHICHEVER.
Did you forget these people are thieves? They need to be stopped. I don’t think the town has a jail, so killing it is
Summary execution seems a bit harsh for petty theft, and you didn't even check! If this town doesn't have a jail we can reform them and have them turn their old HQ into a jail! Then they can imprison themselves and others, working off their debt to society twice as fast! Reforming former dashing rogues is the KNIGHTLY thing to do.
-
Knock on the door and introduce ourselves as a scarf connoisseur, wearing our own scarf. Say that we've heard they have a wonderful array of matching scarves that we'd love to see in person. We've brought along our specialized scarf-artists who will put them in the next issue of Scarves Monthly, which will give them a hefty paycheck and probably chicks.
This is what we call HONORABLE DECEPTION allowing us to take down the thieves when they arn't even suspecting it!
YES GET AN INTERVIEW WITH THEM THEN LEAVE A SCATHING REPORT IN SCARVES MONTHLY TO DESTROY THEIR REPUTATION, A MOST TERRIBLE FATE, OR MAYBE PUNCH THEM A BUNCH WHICHEVER.
Did you forget these people are thieves? They need to be stopped. I don’t think the town has a jail, so killing it is
Summary execution seems a bit harsh for petty theft, and you didn't even check! If this town doesn't have a jail we can reform them and have them turn their old HQ into a jail! Then they can imprison themselves and others, working off their debt to society twice as fast! Reforming former dashing rogues is the KNIGHTLY thing to do.
Yes, that does sound like a much better plan. Cancel my I’ll “advice”
-
Carpet the M <- - o - - - -> This creche ant is the butter tart of pallor
Silent night <- - - o - - -> Do you hear what I hear?
You are rather torn between using clever subterfuges to get at the thieves inside and just charging their headquarters. It seems to be a moot point, because even after some waiting and knocking and extra waiting after the knocking, no one shows up to so much as greet or warn off your anxious troops. Not wanting to let what little surprise remains go to waste, you order a furious charge on the building Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark pointed out and find it just as empty on the inside as on the outside. Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark nervously notes that the scent actually gets weaker inside. The recruits fan out a bit and spot no valuables or signs of recent use on the furniture, which is covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs. This has been a most disappointing day for intrepid investigative journalist B-KAWK.
As you continue your search in the streets, Bawk-Bawk-BAWK and Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark hit upon the idea of looking under the loose cobbles in the street. Sure enough, an irregular lid of mortared cobbles is concealing a hole and a half-rotted rope ladder! Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark confirms that the smell is strongest around the pit, and the party cautiously descends into the Tunnels of Theft, which you find out is a maze of twisty passages, all different. Luckily, Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark is perfectly capable of following the scent, and it isn't too long before you come across a scarved rat. You can make out a mouth full of shiny teeth and a scarf in the dim candlelight, and you attempt to set up an interview with the putative thief.
"What is your name?"
"Goldteef becaufe I'fe got gold teef, fee?"
"What is your quest?"
"To feek the Holy Infifor, a toof of fuch fine it can cut fpace and time, that no prife would be high enough!"
"Who is your favorite bard?"
"That'f a hard queftion, but if I had to pick--"
"SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWK!"
Someone in your party has prematurely ended your interview with a deafening war-squawk! The recruits fall on the stunned rat, and you get the strangest sense of déjà vu before you, too, succumb to screaming bloodlust for Vexing and dubiOus reasons despIte your best intentions. When you ComE to your Senses after a very satisfying rampage, Goldteef and a handful of other scarved but probably not starved youths (three pigeons, two rats, a monkey, a magpie, and a raccoon) are tied to a wooden support in the middle of a room, and you are holding one scarf for each tied up tunnel-dweller. You look around and see telltale glimmers of metallic objects on tables placed along the walls of what appears to be a treasure chamber of some sort. What would you like to do with the prisoners, treasure, and hideout?
On an unrelated note, all of the scarves recovered are marked 59. You wonder if there are at least 58 other such bands of rowdy thieves across town. It would take a while to search through all of them for one particular holy relic even with everyone devoting all their waking hours to the mad hunt.
You also make a mental note that getting Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark hired would be very useul in case future jobs involve or otherwise benefit from odor-based searches.
-
Search the loot see what's there, and if any of it matches the description of the relic, and ask them what's with the 59 on their scarves.
-
CHICKEN KNIGHT.
It is TiMe YOU took a MOmENT to consider THE matter of VoICeS.
If you are to continue here in the steady improvement of society, you will need to visit the church and make whatever prayers are needed-- IMMeDiATelY. The UNWELCOME VIOLENCE will CoNtinuE, if you do not.
If you PREFER TO RETAIN the DIN of your VOICES, you had best cut this InVesTiGatiON SHORT, and AWAY into the GRIM WOODS FORTHWITH. There will be FOUL BEASTS to RIGHTEOUSLY SLAUGHTER there, MEET for the ATTENTIONS of a MADDENED KNIGHT-ERRANT.
-
Use our sewing skills to turn the 59 to 00.. That will erase any other groups preventing us from having to deal with them.
Explain to Goldteef that he is now the Warden of Cellblock Zero. He and the other tied up people are prisoners here. It will be his duty to keep himself from escaping.
-
I'm fairly sure that plan will fail, we need to keep someone who's not art of the group to keep the group from escaping. Also yes, you should get prayers at a church for the blessing again.
-
Boo, no blessing let our voices be heard!
-
From what limited experience I've had within the body, when he was blessed, he wasable to make more sound decisions, and didn't erupt into violence like he did recently.
-
VIOLENCE is ACcEPtABLE. It is, HoWEVeR, to be AVOIDED in MUNDANE SoCIETy.
-
OOC voice: I'm not sure that the blessing and the bloodlust are quite related. If you look at history, it appears that bloodlust frenzies are a natural chicken phenomenon. The Chicken Knight only goes into them when all the recruits have already started. This, frankly, is realistic if you have ever met a chicken.
-
...huh.
Now you mention it... yeah. It hadn't occurred to me that the CHICKEN KNIGHT might just be acting like a chicken.
-
Chickens are terrible people.
-
Well sure. They're not people. :P
-
Well sure. They're not people. :P
That's so racist. >:(
-
Well sure. They're not people. :P
That's so racist. >:(
#CLM
-
For future consideration, file away a plan to start a Chook Lives Matter movement.
-
Hire Bark Bark SQUIRREL Bark to our order.
Ask Goldteef what his end goal is by messing with time and space. Ask him if he knows where the relic is, describe said relic. If he does, ask him to let us return it for the money, of which part of said money will go Goldteef for his help
-
Finally, the Many Voices As One were too unstable and have fused together. They have become a single, more regular chicken voice.
Search the loot see what's there, and if any of it matches the description of the relic, and ask them what's with the 59 on their scarves.
+1
Hire Bark Bark SQUIRREL Bark to our order.
Ask Goldteef what his end goal is by messing with time and space. Ask him if he knows where the relic is, describe said relic. If he does, ask him to let us return it for the money, of which part of said money will go Goldteef for his help
+1
Ask also the prisonners to tell you how many Green Thieves exist and where we can find them.
Once it is done, tell to the bandits that if they give up on their illegal activities, their lives will be spared. Then, after asking Bawk-Bawk-BAWK to watch them, assemble the Holy Chicken Order and propose to Doodle-Crow to use the Tunnels of Theft as our HQ. Suggest him also to give obligatory classes to the prisoners to try improving their behavior and morality. If it works, the Green Scarves could become some kind of knightly militia employed to maintain peace in and around Inksworth. Eventually, they could also renovate the HQ and all the buildings in the "haunted" district to make it habitable again.
This will certainly take a very long while, but if we still have some spare time today, we should try hunting down the other thieves.
-
Finally, the Many Voices As One were too unstable and have fused together. They have become a single, more regular chicken voice.
Search the loot see what's there, and if any of it matches the description of the relic, and ask them what's with the 59 on their scarves.
+1
Hire Bark Bark SQUIRREL Bark to our order.
Ask Goldteef what his end goal is by messing with time and space. Ask him if he knows where the relic is, describe said relic. If he does, ask him to let us return it for the money, of which part of said money will go Goldteef for his help
+1
Ask also the prisonners to tell you how many Green Thieves exist and where we can find them.
Once it is done, tell to the bandits that if they give up on their illegal activities, their lives will be spared. Then, after asking Bawk-Bawk-BAWK to watch them, assemble the Holy Chicken Order and propose to Doodle-Crow to use the Tunnels of Theft as our HQ. Suggest him also to give obligatory classes to the prisoners to try improving their behavior and morality. If it works, the Green Scarves could become some kind of knightly militia employed to maintain peace in and around Inksworth. Eventually, they could also renovate the HQ and all the buildings in the "haunted" district to make it habitable again.
This will certainly take a very long while, but if we still have some spare time today, we should try hunting down the other thieves.
+1 to this, but we must remember, Doodle Crow is the leader, he can just not accept our suggestion, we need a backup plan for if that happens
-
FINISH THE INTERVIEW WE NEED TO GET THIS SCOOP AND BE HIRED AS A FULL TIME JOURNALIST INSTEAD OF AN INTERN.
-
Recruit Meow-Ma-Mew pulls their beak aside to rub their nose.
-
You search the loot in the dim light and find lots of valuable-looking items including jewelry and clothing. A fair amount could very well be called saintly too, but it's hard to tell in this light. Doubting that it'll be possible to safely carry more than about one item out for each party member in one trip, you hurriedly attempt to identify the more promising pieces on one of the tables for later:
Corruption Band: A spiky bracelet of some sort with little in the way of visible gems but lots of metal
Seraphic Key: An ivory key with six expertly carved wings
Shadow Robes: A very dark set of robes or maybe a cape. Rather large for a chicken
Sword of Abundance: A ceremonial and richly decorated sword made in the image of a cornucopia
Hellish Chalice: A warm and very spiky ruby-encrusted chalice with a foul, demonic odor
Cup of Malice: A stone mug with a snake carving incorporated into its handle
Letters of Warding: A heavy wooden board. You can't quite make out the runes on it, but they're probably warding runes
Instrument of Temptation: A flute with an awful ratty smell. On second thought, it's probably not that tempting
Disc of Misfortune: Ow! This jagged metal disc has an awfully sharp rim!
Lamp of Flame: A metal candlestick with a lit candle in
Serenity Monolith: A stone perch for small songbirds or a crutch for overly strong creatures
Medal of Grace: A silver medal apparently given to one who has exhibited grace.
Spirit Sword: A SWORDS! promotional sword-shaped bottle filled with strong spirits (but in which sense of the word?)
Virility Fleece: Weird misshapen mammal clothing with assorted gems in
Prosperous Texts: An illuminated tome making extensive use of gold leaf. You can't quite make out the words on it, but some of the pictures depict scenes of great opulence
Rebirth Cylinder: A metal tube studded with gems that would make a fine bludgeon to help people along with their rebirths
Lacking sewing supplies and sufficient lighting, you pick the closest prisoner and tell him the scarf says 00. You ask him what the scarf says. He says "Ghost Slimes." You squawk in annoyance, slap him, and ask him what the scarf says. He stutters but ultimately says 00. You are rather proud of substituting threat for thread. In most parts of the world, this is a rather profitable replacement. Nevertheless, in light of this spot of torture, you think about society as it currently exists and the roles chickens play in it before you are once again distracted with work.
With this bit of intimidation-introspection out of the way, your attention turns to Goldteef's botched interview. You continue more or less where you left off:
"Who is your favorite bard?"
"Luif de Montferrat writef the fineft verfef, but they're very obfcure. You probably haven't even feen the Lambens Ratti Curat, and that'f de Montferrat's magnum opuf!"
"What's your end goal for messing with time and space?"
"I fcurry back to the beginning and nail up more beautiful ftarf with leff evil fo we don't have to hide any more!"
"Do you know where the relic is?"
"What relic?"
"The one you stole from the monks."
"Which monkf?"
"The ones you stole a sacred relic of the Chicken Gods from a few days ago."
"Which monkf that we ftole a facred relic of the Chicken Godf from a few dayf ago?"
"This is going nowhere. How does it feel to be warden of the prisoners of the Holy Order of the Knights of Manannan?"
"What?"
"Your job is simple. Don't let Goldteef escape, and don't let anyone else escape."
"Wait, what'f going on? When will you free me? Do I need to call the Cleanerf? I thought we had a deal there..."
"Cleaners?"
"Uhh, my lipf are fealed. Do you really fink the guardf haven't tried arrefting uf before?"
You turn to the other prisoners and ask just how many green thieves exist, offering freedom to those renouncing their thieflinesses. They all give different answers such that you're not sure what to make of it. Specific responses include 1, 3, 9, 20, 39, 56, 57. You again offer to spare them from a life of prison if they answer truthfully, but this doesn't seem to change much. The thieves seem rather uninterested in working with you right now for some strange reason. You order Bawk-Bawk-BAWK to stay a while to guard the prisoners until you can work out a more permanent solution.
With the matter of the prisoners solved for now, you attempt to intercept Doodle-Crow's team before they get to their next rest stop. A chill runs down your spine when you look at the recruits on your team today, but you're currently too lucid to figure out why. As problems go, this is a rather new one. Anyway, you dearly hope Doodle-Crow is keeping to his planned schedule as you weave through the marketplace looking for "a hut between two pine trees about halfway through." Having sensed a surprising amount of approval for the qUieT from your voices, you seriously consider taking some time off the relic hunt tomorrow to have your blessing of silence reinstated. You feel like there's an even spread of support, opposition, and ambivalence regarding the blessing.
After waiting at the appointed hut for some time, you spot Doodle-Crow and call him over. You report that the thieves' den has been located and secured. All thieves in the hideout have been taken prisoner and are currently being guarded by Bawk-Bawk-BAWK. You suggest settling down in their tunnels and rehabilitating the thieves and training them as a second force of peace and order in Inksworth as an initial foray of sorts in gaining influence in the town. You also mention the "hauntedness" of the neighborhood and the great Knightly Renown, Knightly Piety, and Knightly Rent Cash to be had in exorcising the spirits, restoring the buildings, and bringing in sympathetic tenants/Order members. A landless commoner, Doodle-Crow jumps at the opportunity to seize some easy valuable land and gives his full approval to the plan. In fact, Doodle-Crow has canceled the rest of his search for the day and is eager to inspect the Order's soon-to-be-HQ. You all head over to the Tunnels where Bawk-Bawk-BAWK continues to guard the thieves.
It is early evening, and most places that aren't taverns or mysteriously productive libraries are closing for the day. What would you like to do between moving the Order's gear down into the Tunnels and turning in for the day? What about tomorrow? Would you like to make any changes to the plan to settle the Order? Are there any ghosts in the Tunnels? Whatever will Chicken Knight B-KAWK pawn and purchase? Will our beloved knight finally hire a proper steed? Answer one, some, or all, and let's find out!
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When a holy order discovers probably-cursed magical artefacts, it must dedicate itself to guarding them against desecration or theft by evil forces. Traditionally, this would mean building an inscrutable warren of crypts filled with traps and weird puzzles to solve under our patron monastery, but a vault hidden inside a bustling city is also acceptable, so, at least for the present until we can arrange a good way to abscond with the stuff, we should keep everything where it is and make the underground space more defensible for our purposes. See if we can secure the services of a trustworthy priest to evaluate the loot and tell us what is just mundane and can be sold off, what is a holy relic that must be made available for public veneration, and what is an artefact that must be kept safe.
If anything falls into the second category there, suggest we send a runner back to our patron monastery to secure their agreement to start a branch office in the city so that we can have it venerated nearby instead of having to carry it back. If we can, obtain title on the nearest empty house, make it a church of the Chicken Gods, and rearrange the tunnels to seal off the original street entrance while making a new one leading under that house. Holy order vaults hidden in cities should always be accessed from a church. Ideally, of course, it would be an ancient church with extensive delvings underneath containing illegible gravestones worn away by time, but there will be time for that to become true eventually.
Remember to ensure our occupation of the neighbourhood is legally approved. I don't want you to get run out of another town, at least not this clearly much better one. (We're still going to burn down the old one later.) Only then should we start ghostbusting and moving people in. Also there's clearly no such thing as ghosts, because everyone knows water is the same as spirit, and all spirits of the dead presumably go to Manannan's watery/spirity realm. It's probably just infrasound. Caused by dead people.
More pressingly, attempt to reopen dialogue with the 59ers, apologising for our violent outbursts and general incoherency and promising to ROR them as soon as our business here is done. Explain the situation, that we are a knightly holy order who were contracted by a monastery to recover a relic stolen by green-scarved ruffians. Add that, as a holy order, mercy and rehabilitation are among your highest principles, though only about top 20. Share the Good News about the chicken gods, make subtle inquiries to ensure they do not worship the Great Cyan Enemy (Cyanemy) Whose Name Is Not Spoken, and ask them to join your order as Holy Interns to ease our interaction with the local folk, especially pointing out that it might be helpful to have members not prone to moments of unrelenting bloodlust.
(If they DO worship the Great Cyanemy, they'll probably have to be executed. As the Cyanemy knows no honour, it would be permissible to tell them they're in, then lead them somewhere for their "initiation" where they will be killed.)
Finally, send an honest-looking recruit out to a rich-looking part of town to solicit donations among those who have perhaps not been totally pious of late and are familiar with the idea of slipping someone a few coins to have something politely overlooked. Aim for "Salvation Army bell santa" soliciting more than "nice shop you've got here" soliciting, where possible.
Also... that's a can lid, isn't it.
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I agree with most propositions of Maximum Spin because the consecration of our HQ and the foundation of a church full of relics above it seems highly profitable for our holy order. I also like the idea of filling the crypts of the future church with traps and weird puzzles and to make the Tunnels more defensible. As well, I approve to make a speach to the prisonners to win their favors and to send a good-looking recruit in the richer parts of Inksworth to sollicite money. The conversion of the thieves to our faith also appears perfectly right to me, but if we discover worshipers of the Great Cyanemy I think we should try to make them abandon their religious beliefs by force before killing them, wich, if it works, could prove to our holy order the great power of the Knightly Piety.
Still from a theological point of view, I think that ghosts exist because, as my chicken school of thought tell me, the level of sinfulness of the common folk is very high (especially in Breadlamb), so most people are fated to go in the Eternal Slaughterhouse rather than in the realm of Manannan. However, the Oracles of the Henshaped Rock have revealed 24 years ago that labor shortages sometimes happen in that hellish establishment, so it is occasionally overwhelmed with an excess of souls that are released as ghosts in the mortal world. It is although unnecessary to be afraid of them because we are a brave and devout chicken knight.
I suggest thus to explore and inspect the Tunnels of Theft with Doodle-Crow while we discuss of the present matters with him and tell him about all the prestige of leading an holy order in a subterranean stronghold. We should recommend him at the same time to promote Goldteef as the second-in-command of the knightly militia that will soon be instituted if he continues to behave so appropriately and add that he has a most pleasant accent. Lastly, let's propose to our chief to eventually lend the Medal of Grace by turns to knights who will have made exceptional deeds of piety.
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Still from a theological point of view, I think that ghosts exist because, as my chicken school of thought tell me, the level of sinfulness of the common folk is very high (especially in Breadlamb), so most people are fated to go in the Eternal Slaughterhouse rather than in the realm of Manannan. However, the Oracles of the Henshaped Rock have revealed 24 years ago that labor shortages sometimes happen in that hellish establishment, so it is occasionally overwhelmed with an excess of souls that are released as ghosts in the mortal world. It is although unnecessary to be afraid of them because we are a brave and devout chicken knight.
I'm no Manannan expert, but I think probably the most righteous souls are turned into water and drunk by His glorious personage, while the sinful are turned into water and flushed into the Sewers of Eris and Discordia. That sounds likely to me, personally.
Just in case ghosts do exist, though, look out for telltale signs of dripping and dampness.
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Regardless of what happens to souls after death, we need to figure out what to do now. Is it possible one of the items here is the relic? I think the only description we got is that it’s a relic, nothing about what it looks like. Maybe we should take the items to the monastery to determine if any of them are the relics, how many party members are with us right now?
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Regardless of what happens to souls after death, we need to figure out what to do now. Is it possible one of the items here is the relic? I think the only description we got is that it’s a relic, nothing about what it looks like. Maybe we should take the items to the monastery to determine if any of them are the relics, how many party members are with us right now?
I am concerned that this is not a good use of our time right now for many reasons, which is why I have recommended bringing a priest to us.
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Yes, that would be better
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YOU SHOULD VERY PUBLICLY ASK EVERY GUARD IN THE CITY ABOUT THE DEAL WITH THE GREEN SCARVES AND IF THEY SHOULD BE LET GO TO KEEP DOING THEIR THIEVING IF THEY HAVE PAID PROPER KNIGHTLY BRIBES TO THE GUARDS AFTER ALL MAKE SURE THIS IS IN FRONT OF THE PUBLIC SO THEY CAN KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THE GUARDS ARE IN THEIR PROPER BRIBE TAKING.
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YOU SHOULD VERY PUBLICLY ASK EVERY GUARD IN THE CITY ABOUT THE DEAL WITH THE GREEN SCARVES AND IF THEY SHOULD BE LET GO TO KEEP DOING THEIR THIEVING IF THEY HAVE PAID PROPER KNIGHTLY BRIBES TO THE GUARDS AFTER ALL MAKE SURE THIS IS IN FRONT OF THE PUBLIC SO THEY CAN KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THE GUARDS ARE IN THEIR PROPER BRIBE TAKING.
I do not support this, -1 to this foolishness
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YOU SHOULD VERY PUBLICLY ASK EVERY GUARD IN THE CITY ABOUT THE DEAL WITH THE GREEN SCARVES AND IF THEY SHOULD BE LET GO TO KEEP DOING THEIR THIEVING IF THEY HAVE PAID PROPER KNIGHTLY BRIBES TO THE GUARDS AFTER ALL MAKE SURE THIS IS IN FRONT OF THE PUBLIC SO THEY CAN KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THE GUARDS ARE IN THEIR PROPER BRIBE TAKING.
+2 seems like a brilliant plan
All the other plans are super long and probably good too I guess.
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+1 To Maximum Spin and Yellow Pixel's ideas.
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Locate a trustworthy priest to identify the loot
You notice a paragraph got deleted somewhere in the last few hours. As a result, you neglected to attempt to hire Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark. It may not have made much of a difference, because Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark is more interested in something calm and less likely to result in casualties. Maybe a cushy desk job if there are any openings for one? Fortunately, Doodle-Crow is impressed enough with the overall result of the investigation that he'd go along with anything at this point for the tracker who earned him a parcel of VALUABLE but largely unoccupiable town land, really. (On the other hand, you have some doubts as to how a DESK job would benefit from Bark-Bark-SQUIRREL-Bark's olfactory prowess.)
Regarding the artifacts seized from the scarved tunnel-dwellers, BAWK-Cluck mentions that one of his cousin's friends is training to be a priestess in one of the minor outlying temples and would likely be willing to help identify the loot for a nominal fee. What with the daily rites and training, it may be some time before she's available, though. After some discussion, the rest of the Order agrees to send for her at once. While waiting, you decide to try to smooth things over with the 59'ers. They remain somewhat fearful of you and your comrades after their berserk rage, but most of them are at least relieved to find that you aren't on the side of the Cyanemy, not that that's too difficult in this realm, and the promise of honest work for decent pay appears to be particularly convincing. You rather hope they won't mind pitching in YOUR VISION OF MAKING THE TUNNELS MORE DEFENSIBLE is executed.
You invite Doodle-Crow out on a walk to map out the Tunnels and discuss the next steps. Doodle-Crow is somewhat displeased by your suggestion to promote Goldteef, a previous enemy of the Order that is to say Doodle-Crow, to such a high position especially given his very unchickenlike accent. Then again, he doesn't really want to waste the position of second-in-command of the neighborhood militia on a founding member of the Order who could instead be riding across the land questing for gold, glory, and the gods. HE AT LEAST AGREES TO ROTATE THE MEDAL OF GRACE among the most pious knights. Eventually, you finish mapping the closest tunnels together and find them to be a bit larger than previously expected.
Later, Acolyte Peck-The-Heathens-And-So-Open-Their-Eyes arrives (surprisingly early given BAWK-Cluck's introduction) to inspect the loot and quickly removes many pieces she immediately recognizes as irrelevant to matters of saintliness and divinity:
Corruption Band: A spiky bracelet of some sort with little in the way of visible gems but lots of metal
Seraphic Key: An ivory key with six expertly carved wings
Shadow Robes: A very dark set of robes or maybe a cape. Rather large for a chicken
Sword of Abundance: A ceremonial and richly decorated sword made in the image of a cornucopia
Hellish Chalice: A warm and very spiky ruby-encrusted chalice with a foul, demonic odor
Cup of Malice: A stone mug with a snake carving incorporated into its handle
Letters of Warding: A heavy wooden board. You can't quite make out the runes on it, but they're probably warding runes
Instrument of Temptation: A flute with an awful ratty smell. On second thought, it's probably not that tempting
Disc of Misfortune: Ow! This jagged metal disc has an awfully sharp rim!
Lamp of Flame: A metal candlestick with a lit candle in
Serenity Monolith: A stone perch for small songbirds or a crutch for overly strong creatures
Medal of Grace: A silver medal apparently given to one who has exhibited grace.
Spirit Sword: A SWORDS! promotional sword-shaped bottle filled with strong spirits (but in which sense of the word?)
Virility Fleece: Weird misshapen mammal clothing with assorted gems in
Prosperous Texts: An illuminated tome making extensive use of gold leaf. You can't quite make out the words on it, but some of the pictures depict scenes of great opulence
Rebirth Cylinder: A metal tube studded with gems that would make a fine bludgeon to help people along with their rebirths
As for the remaining pieces, Acolyte Peck is currently documenting them in painstaking detail and will cross-reference them against records of holy relics at the temple library over the next few days. None of them immediately strike her as being saintly relics, but she adds that there are many different sects with very different traditions even among those who primarily worship the Chicken Gods.
Your efforts to check the legal status of your occupation of the neighborhood are stymied by the atrocious state of the ownership records on most of the buildings in the neighborhood. As most titles changed hands rather quickly and abruptly, it appears there is something of a tradition of underjustified residence here, viz. the guards won't bother evicting anyone, but if the attempt to revitalize the area is successful, there's nothing stopping previous owners from dragging the Order into a NEVERENDING GUERILLA WAR of the lawyerly variety. The most tiresome but obvious solution is to track down previous owners and have them renounce their claims, of course, but this would probably be too much even for a rising holy order. Anyway, your investigation manages to get the names of three of the last five owners of the nearest building, a former smithy with two bedchambers on the second floor:
Sir Veillance: Claimed 1338
Unknown: Claimed 1337
Lord Caw-Caw: Claimed 1335
Lady Anthetramp Claimed 1333
Unknown: Claimed 1332
For reasons that are absolutely not handwavey at all, you dismiss the existence of ghosts ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT OF THE PURPORTED HAUNTING of the neighborhood. Your explanation is less than reassuring for the locals, and this includes the recently hired Chicken Recruits. Acolyte Peck, at least, finds your explanation amusing but declines to comment on it.
At some point, you send out a recruit to collect "donations" in a richer part of town. On a whim, you decide to SEE WHAT THE GUARDS THINK of the Green Scarves and HOW MUCH THEY'D WANT IN EXCHANGE FOR LETTING THEM DO THEIR THIEVING THING IN PEACE. They are not amused and watch you closely until you RETURN TO THE HAUNTED NEIGHBORHOOD. It doesn't take long for your recruit to return TO REPORT ON THE "donations." This is apparently a very innocent town, because the veiled threats your recruit used were taken at face value as kindly well-wishes. Unfortunately, this didn't translate to MUCH IN DONATIONS, but it could help a bit with keeping everyone afloat OR MAYBE BUYING YOURSELF BETTER EQUIPMENT.
Acolyte Peck has completed her notes on the SHINY WONDROUS LOOT AND has gone back to see if there are any MATCHES in the saintly relic catalogs. Would you like to focus on developing the HQ, SEEKING KNIGHTLY ADVENTURE, COMING UP WITH SALES PITCHES FOR THE MUNDANE ITEMS, or training the Order?
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I think we should train some, especially now that we have the thieves turned good guys.
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I think we should train some, especially now that we have the thieves turned good guys.
+1, but also send out the recruit we previously trained in COMMERCE along with some random trustworthy-seeming yet mercantile-looking 59er to find a fence for the loot we now know is not special. We're going to need more CASH to keep this operation afloat.
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I think we should train some, especially now that we have the thieves turned good guys.
+1, but also send out the recruit we previously trained in COMMERCE along with some random trustworthy-seeming yet mercantile-looking 59er to find a fence for the loot we now know is not special. We're going to need more CASH to keep this operation afloat.
+1 However, we should ask to the 59er to take off his scarf before going to the market to avoid trouble with the commoners and the town guards.
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I think we should train some, especially now that we have the thieves turned good guys.
+1, but also send out the recruit we previously trained in COMMERCE along with some random trustworthy-seeming yet mercantile-looking 59er to find a fence for the loot we now know is not special. We're going to need more CASH to keep this operation afloat.
+1 However, we should ask to the 59er to take off his scarf before going to the market to avoid trouble with the commoners and the town guards.
Just slap anyone who questions it and say it actually says 00.
We should probably see the voice-silencers soon.
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I’m confused, why do we care what the scarf number is?
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I’m confused
No, you're 00.
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I’m confused
No, you're 00.
Are you implying I’m a green scarf member!
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I’m confused
No, you're 00.
Are you implying I’m a green scarf member!
No, you're 00.
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I’m confused
No, you're 00.
Are you implying I’m a green scarf member!
What is meant by this? Why did we force the Green Scarves to lie about the number on the scarf by saying it said 00?
No, you're 00.
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You release the Green Scarf CAPTHIEVES and begin training them in the knightly arts using sticks and planks to their great bewilderment. Their experience on the streets has given them an enviable nimbleness and dexterity, but you feel they are somewhat lacking in the ART OF FIGHTING SIDE BY SIDE WITH COMRADES IN ARMS in pitched battle or battle in general, really. A small mouse requests instruction on the art of crafting a knightly steed, but alas, you are not enough of an artisan to explain the wood selection, carving techniques, and treatments that keep them from biting you with splinters. You tell them to just pretend they actually have steeds until the Order raises enough money to promote everyone to a mounted class. Given their reflexes and fragility, you privately wonder if archery wouldn't be a more suitable skill for them. You do recall that mounted archers are often fielded in other realms, so it may well be possible to go with both. On the other hand, it would probably take a lot of training. SO MUCH, IN FACT, THAT IT WOULD PROBABLY TRIGGER A TIMESKIP.
Anyway, you send out the LEGENDARY MERCHANT Bawk-Bawk-BAWK, whom you had previously trained in haggling, along with Goldteef to find a fence for the mundane goods, making sure the HEATHEN AND CLEARLY NOT reformed rat isn't wearing the signature scarf before doing so. With that business out of the way, you cool down a bit by instructing your recently-captive audience on the knightly virtues and the sorts of deeds likely to accrue them. A pigeon from the Green Scarves pipes up and describes an opening for an escort for a group of pilgrims looking to travel to a saint's tomb near the city of Nevermore deep in the Grim Woods. You're not sure the Order is ready for such missions yet especially after recently absorbing the Green Scarves. For one thing, you don't really know that they won't rebel at the first opportunity despite your better training and equiprment. ALSO, REMEMBER THAT THEY'RE THIEVES. WHO KNOWS HOW MANY OF YOU WILL WAKE UP WITHOUT YOUR MONEY OR WORSE, WITH KNIVES IN YOUR BACKS FROM ALL THE THIEVES RUNNING AROUND.
The Holy Order's remaining material possessions have been moved into the Tunnels. The Chicken Militia are busying themselves making the entrances more defensible as you instruct the Recruits, and Doodle-Crow is currently working on claiming the building closest to the entrance to the Tunnels through the proper channels.
At the end of the day, Goldteef and Bawk-Bawk-BAWK report the earnings from selling the mundane gear which you begin recording in your ledger. Doodle-Crow is very pleased with the profit and has comfortably managed to promote all Chicken Militia to Footchickens. (As a Chicken Knight, you continue to outclass everyone else both in class and income AND HANDSOMENESS, DON'T FORGET.) This affects everyone who joined at Breadlamb. EVEN YOUR POOR DEAD FRIEND WHO DIED TO THE VILE GOATS' ATTACK. At Cluck-Squawk-Cluck's behest, you begin planning a small exercise in a meadow just outside town as a treat OR A TRICK for tomorrow to help THE GREENSLEEVES pick up formation fighting and teach the founding members of the Order how to handle slick, speedy combatants WHAT DON'T FIGHT HONORABLY. It will be rather tricky because the Green Scarves are a rather mixed group locomotively speaking with fliers, jumpers, sprinters, and tunnelers. Which lesson(s) will you emphasize? Any specific examples you'd like to incorporate into the lessons?
(A) Laying plans (reduced effectiveness due to low Holy Exalted Order size)
(B) Maneuvering (day after will be a no-travel day even if everyone gets wooden steeds)
(C) Terrain (extends lesson another day to cover additional terrain)
(D) The use of SPIES (lesson takes place inside town limits instead)
(E) THE ATTACK BY FIRE (lesson has a small chance of going awry)
(F) Something else?
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D
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E) The purging flames will cleanse them of their sin!
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Regardless of the direction we take our training: we've got to make that church-visit, NOW. Frame it as an exercise in terrain traversal and/or KNIGHTLY PIETY, if we have to.
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As much as I agree with Stirk here, I'm going to have to go with D because it seems to suit the skills of our new recruits. Also seek out a church of the holy whatever in the city so that we can renew our blessing of torpedo. If there isn't one then I guess fate has spoken and we are not meant to get rid of the voices today.
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Find a church, renew the blessing and take the option C (extend the lesson of one more day). I think the Footchickens need to acquire additional fighting and tactical skills to become more knightly.
Moreover, go beyond the meadows and explore some nearby woods while learning a few stealth tricks to the newbies, wich could also serve for spying purposes, and maybe they will eventually be able to make effective surprise attacks on their future ennemies.
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(F) TEACH THEM THE IMPORTANCE OF HIGH GROUND BY TRAINING EVERYONE ON THE TOWN ROOFTOPS
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E We shall use cleansing fire to save the world from EVIL!
ALSO DON'T GET THE BLESSING!
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C: Terrain: Superdorf, Yellow Pixel
D: The use of spies: Naturegirl1999, Maximum Spin
E: The attack by fire: Stirk, King Zultan
F: High ground on town rooftops: VoidSlayer
Hurry and renew the blessing of silence now!: Superdorf, Maximum Spin, Yellow Pixel
No, don't!: King Zultan
You run off to find a suitably aligned church in which to renew your blessing of clarity before things start going topsy turvy again. After going through what feels like half of the churches in the city, you finally find one charging (!!) for substantial blessings like the Clarities. You offer up most of your wages and a cloth doll made from bits pieces of the large dress and the less fungible shinies from the Tunnel and feel a soothing stillness reassert itself over the increasingly noisy voices and thoughts as the priest recites the blessing. On the way back, you consider erecting a small shrine to the Chicken Gods back in the Tunnels and hiring a cleric to tend to it, but it'd probably be too pricey for now, and you're not sure how you'd justify the expense to the others.
Once you're back in your makeshift office, you continue planning out tomorrow's training scenario. Given the new recruits' background as purported thieves and your likely long-term stay in Inksworth, you feel it would be helpful for them to teach the Footchickens about the lay of the town and gathering information. To make it fair, you plan on randomly assigning everyone to one of two teams and essentially playing an elaborate game of capture the flag/hide and seek in the vicinity of the HQ on the first day and going out to do some more combat-focused training just outside of town (where the guards are less likely to stop the exercises) the next two days. You ponder giving them the fire lesson too but ultimately decide it's too risky for everyone involved. At dinner that evening, you describe the training plan for the next few days to a mixed reception. The Breadlambites are annoyed that the former Greenscarves get an advantage in the spying exercises, and the former Greenscarves consider the Breadlambites to be brutish yokels with more appetite for violence than pragmatism. All the locals (including the local chickens) agree that the lesson on the use of fire is incredibly risky and not of much practical use unless the Holy Exalted Order is planning to sack a village without bothering to pillage it (to which Cluck-Squawk-Cluck's response is that the correct order is to pillage then burn). In light of this, you make sure to emphasize that both teams will be randomly selected and contain both waves of recruits, and that everyone should try to get along in order to get the best out of the training. You make a note to yourself about possibly adding trust falls at some point to help build team spirit.
The first day of training is going fairly well as Teams Brick and Block mingle and attempt to steal each others' scarves, but it devolves into a minor brawl after the more belligerent Breadlambites on both teams decide to just seize them by force after being subjected to a few hours of painfully slow waiting. A few hours in, you randomize the teams again and make sure the team members don't know anyone else's affiliation but that of their current leader. This seems to encourage the use of brains for a time until the more excitable chickens hit upon the idea of just torturing team affiliations out of everyone, at which point you call off the exercise and wonder what went wrong and where. You settle for just having everyone do target practice for the rest of the day.
The second day of training is a series of skirmishes in the nearby meadows. The former Greenscarves find themselves unable to contribute much on this front on account of their lack of training in direct combat, but they are surprisingly good at exploiting momentary inattention to devastating effect, and pelting the enemy with sticks and pebbles in spite of this ignoring things like basic non-primate anatomy, and misdirection. This exercise seems to be having a better effect on team cohesion, and the next day, you conduct the exercise in a nearby hilly forest. This inadvertently brings out the spying spirit in both teams, and they make good use of the fliers and diggers on their teams. Pleased with the results, you switch the teams' starting positions around after Team Brick occupies a small, fairly defensible hill.
The fourth day of training, at the Inksworth locals' frantic request, you give the teams colored rags instead of fire and make up a game of plant-the-flag except with "fire" rags instead of flags and give the teams tents and empty barrels of supplies to protect. Predictably, a real fire breaks out in your very real campsite, and everyone is called back to put it out. Doodle-Crow makes his displeasure at this and your training plan known, but it continues uneventfully for the rest of the day. The Order packs up and returns to the Tunnels with a small load of forage the next day to wait for the next mission.
Once back, you discover a note from Acolyte Peck saying that none of the items in the Greenscarves' hideout correspond to saintly relics belonging to nearby monasteries. Acolyte Peck goes on to list several known relics belonging to the monastery you described from an outdated catalog:
First Soil from the First Continent: A lavishly decorated urn purported to contain the first soil the gods created
The Death Cushionwife of Saint Cereus the Lesser: An embroidered cushion representing the wife of Saint Cereus the Lesser, known for his patronage of the arts
The Hand of Saint Gloriosus the Hanged: The bones of Saint Gloriosus' hand cast in wax
The Skull of Mother Scylla the Many: Said to be a skull from the celebrated Mother Scylla, who ministered to the creatures of the sea
The Finger of Saint Pampas the Silent: Finger bones from Saint Pampas the Silent, who stole sundry relics back after his home church was sacked and looted
Doodle-Crow calls a meeting with you and Goldteef about the next step. What will you suggest?
(A) More training (but what kind?)
(B) Hunt down the relic in nearby towns (Goldteef claims there aren't any other Greenscarf hideouts in Inksworth)
(C) Look for some other job (but what kind?)
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C) Nail papers to the doors denouncing the greed of the churches that have the audacity to charge to make the voices quite. Given the proclaimed holyness of some of these voices it is probably just some elaborate holy extortion racket where the gods annoy some innocent bloke until he pays their own priests to make them quite again.
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C) WE SHOULD DO MORE SIDE QUESTS TO BUILD GROUP COHESION BEFORE GOING AFTER MORE GREENSCARVES.
MAYBE ASK LOCAL MERCHANTS IF THEY NEED CARAVAN PROTECTORS OR THE LIKE DUE TO RAMPANT GANGS OF CHICKENS THAT GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HARASS CHEESE SELLERS OR SOMETHING. THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT EXTORTION AND IS A REAL SIDE QUEST JOB.
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Sit everyone down at some point, and have a thoughtful discussion on the proper exercise of KNIGHTLY PIETY and HONOR. Consider what constitutes an HONORABLE QUEST, and what constitutes... wanton banditry.
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C) Nail papers to the doors denouncing the greed of the churches that have the audacity to charge to make the voices quite. Given the proclaimed holyness of some of these voices it is probably just some elaborate holy extortion racket where the gods annoy some innocent bloke until he pays their own priests to make them quite again.
Yes it is DEFINITELY not okay to CHARGE for such nonsense. Cast down the unholy usurers and simoniacs and conquer the church in the name of the Order!
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B
We were sent to find a relic, it is not here, therefore we must go elsewhere
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C) WE SHOULD DO MORE SIDE QUESTS TO BUILD GROUP COHESION BEFORE GOING AFTER MORE GREENSCARVES.
MAYBE ASK LOCAL MERCHANTS IF THEY NEED CARAVAN PROTECTORS OR THE LIKE DUE TO RAMPANT GANGS OF CHICKENS THAT GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HARASS CHEESE SELLERS OR SOMETHING. THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT EXTORTION AND IS A REAL SIDE QUEST JOB.
Sit everyone down at some point, and have a thoughtful discussion on the proper exercise of KNIGHTLY PIETY and HONOR. Consider what constitutes an HONORABLE QUEST, and what constitutes... wanton banditry.
I also support these things, especially the chivalry training part. Obviously we should try to get the relic thingy for the holy people, but IN THE MEANTIME we should work on sidequests like any good RPG player.
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C) Nail papers to the doors denouncing the greed of the churches that have the audacity to charge to make the voices quite. Given the proclaimed holyness of some of these voices it is probably just some elaborate holy extortion racket where the gods annoy some innocent bloke until he pays their own priests to make them quite again.
Yes it is DEFINITELY not okay to CHARGE for such nonsense. Cast down the unholy usurers and simoniacs and conquer the church in the name of the Order!
C) WE SHOULD DO MORE SIDE QUESTS TO BUILD GROUP COHESION BEFORE GOING AFTER MORE GREENSCARVES.
MAYBE ASK LOCAL MERCHANTS IF THEY NEED CARAVAN PROTECTORS OR THE LIKE DUE TO RAMPANT GANGS OF CHICKENS THAT GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HARASS CHEESE SELLERS OR SOMETHING. THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT EXTORTION AND IS A REAL SIDE QUEST JOB.
Sit everyone down at some point, and have a thoughtful discussion on the proper exercise of KNIGHTLY PIETY and HONOR. Consider what constitutes an HONORABLE QUEST, and what constitutes... wanton banditry.
I also support these things, especially the chivalry training part. Obviously we should try to get the relic thingy for the holy people, but IN THE MEANTIME we should work on sidequests like any good RPG player.
I ALSO +1 THESE THINGS.
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C) WE SHOULD DO MORE SIDE QUESTS TO BUILD GROUP COHESION BEFORE GOING AFTER MORE GREENSCARVES.
MAYBE ASK LOCAL MERCHANTS IF THEY NEED CARAVAN PROTECTORS OR THE LIKE DUE TO RAMPANT GANGS OF CHICKENS THAT GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HARASS CHEESE SELLERS OR SOMETHING. THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT EXTORTION AND IS A REAL SIDE QUEST JOB.
Sit everyone down at some point, and have a thoughtful discussion on the proper exercise of KNIGHTLY PIETY and HONOR. Consider what constitutes an HONORABLE QUEST, and what constitutes... wanton banditry.
I also support these things, especially the chivalry training part. Obviously we should try to get the relic thingy for the holy people, but IN THE MEANTIME we should work on sidequests like any good RPG player.
+1
I'm against the idea of nailing papers to the doors denouncing the greed of the churches, because writing them will take a lot of time and I think that Doodle-Crow will not be happy if we spend all the day doing it. But I'm not against the principle behind the idea.
-
Start a reformation (4): Stirk, Maximum Spin, King Zultan, Yellow Pixel
Do more side quests before "recruiting" more Greenscarves (3): VoidSlayer, Maximum Spin, King Zultan
Remedial course on KNIGHTLY ETHICS (3): Superdorf, Maximum Spin, King Zultan
Do the active side-quest (1): Naturegirl1999
You do want to complete the current job by tracking down the missing relic and returning it to the monks, but there are many other things that urgently need to be done like reforming the church, leveling up, and teaching a remeedial course on KNIGHTLY PIETY and HONOR. You're not a bad theologian, or so you think given that you did actually pass KNIGHTLY THEOLOGY as previously mentioned, and monks (excepting the tooth-and-claw monks of the high wilderness) aren't the most impatient people, so you shift your focus to these more pressing matters. You set out to hatch two eggs with one bird by codifying a set of guiding principles for a planned reformation of the Chicken Church compatible with KNIGHTLY virtues and most of the existing doctrine. Guided by your collected wisdom and experiences, five of the first ten principles condemn charging for thaumaturgic services. You run out of ideas by the time you reach 35 points of contention with the existing doctrine and practices of sects closely related to that of the church in which you overpaid for your blessing and turn to planning out the ethics course.
You begin with a crash course on the basics of accruing KNIGHTLY PIETY and KNIGHTLY HONOR emphasizing the key differences between HONORABLE QUESTING and WANTON BANDITRY. This will be a rather hard sell for the more mercenary members of the Order, but you figure it's best to deal with it now rather than later. What you have seems long enough as it is, but just in case it isn't, you also jot down sparse notes on conflicts of interest, interest in conflicts, informed consent, plague tourism, and runaway cart redirection problems as filler. With your material finished, you gather the Holy Exalted Order together and begin your lecture on KNIGHTLY HONOR and PIETY. You sense a bit of weariness when you get to the exhortations against taking on profitable missions to the detriment of others. You wonder if you should mention that KNIGHTLY ATTRIBUTES in general are difficult to increase without a steed of some sort. Maybe after there's enough KNIGHTLY CASH to get everyone a steed.
The rest of the day is spent in search of additional side-quests. You are very pleased to hear that some of the smaller ones were finished by the end of the day with the following rewards:
Help the fire brigade put out a fire: 1x copper bucket, ++KNIGHTLY RENOWN
Transport a dozen bags of misdelivered flour: +KNIGHTLY CASH
Get a cat down from a tree: +KNIGHTLY CASH, -KNIGHTLY PIETY
Scrub some pews: +KNIGHTLY PIETY
Here are the escort side-quests you and your loyal Order members found:
Jewelry to Port Baywick (~2wk, stops at Asheath, Heawold, Odshill): +++KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN, requests collateral: Title to Abandoned Smithy
Woodcrafts and sourcebooks to Ephor's Rest (~1wk): ++KNIGHTLY CASH, -KNIGHTLY RENOWN
Entertainer troupe to Weowold (~3d): ++KNIGHTLY RENOWN, +KNIGHTLY CASH
Medicine to Teford (~1wk, stops at Asheath, Shaybury): ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
Ink and paper to nearby monasteries (~2wk, many stops): +KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH
Noble family to Castle Siltmage (~1wk): +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
Arms and armor to Nevermore (~5-6wk, off-road): +++KNIGHTLY CASH, ++GRIM WOODS REPUTATION, --LOCAL REPUTATION, --KNIGHTLY PIETY
Would you like to...
(A) ...sway your comrades toward a particular mission?
(B) ...keep looking for jobs?
(C) ...do more training?
(D) ...further develop the Abandoned Smithy or the Tunnels?
(E) ...continue working on your reformation, likely enlisting help from the more theologically inclined recruits?
(F) ...do something else entirely?
-
Does Weowold have a Green Scarves presence? We could take the escort job there, and poke around for that relic once we arrive.
-
Taking medicine to people sounds like a good QUEST for a KNIGHT.
-
Indeed
A: Sway comrades towards the following job: Medicine to Teford (~1wk, stops at Asheath, Shaybury): ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
-
Indeed
A: Sway comrades towards the following job: Medicine to Teford (~1wk, stops at Asheath, Shaybury): ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
+1, but also remember to find out if the stops have Greenscarves we can molest for their relics.
-
Indeed
A: Sway comrades towards the following job: Medicine to Teford (~1wk, stops at Asheath, Shaybury): ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
+1, but also remember to find out if the stops have Greenscarves we can molest for their relics.
+1 It might be an inspiring job for all the Order and maybe there will be some rewarding action. Let's just hope there won't be ensuing infections!
-
Indeed
A: Sway comrades towards the following job: Medicine to Teford (~1wk, stops at Asheath, Shaybury): ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN
+1, but also remember to find out if the stops have Greenscarves we can molest for their relics.
+1 It might be an inspiring job for all the Order and maybe there will be some rewarding action. Let's just hope there won't be ensuing infections!
Yes, we can look in each town we come across for more Greenscarf hideouts
-
Entertainer troupe to Weowold: Superdorf?
Medicine to Teford: King Zultan, Naturegirl1999, Maximum Spin
You ask around about whether Weowold has a significant Greenscarves presence, and Goldtoof says he knows a few members who moved there and founded a small Greenscarves lodge, but they're mostly grifters and con artists unlikely to come across saintly relics. Noticing the favorable balance of rewards for the medicine escort job, you also ask about Asheath and Shaybury. A somewhat run-down town, Asheath's poorly maintained/patrolled roads and its reputation as a bottleneck for many routes to and from the coastal earldoms make it attractive to all sorts of bandits. There is a small Greenscarves foothold in Asheath proper, but they generally try to remain inconspicuous to avoid attracting the attention of the Red Riding Hoods, a vicious gang of bandits that doesn't take kindly to there being other organizations of questionable legality.
Shaybury is a rather different story. Located near the end of the route, Shaybury is the seat of the celebrated Duke of Shaybury, who seized the Green Coast from the Cyanites. It is considerably larger than Inksworth and contains five active Greenscarf lodges to Inksworth's one safehouse. You are pleased to hear that tournaments are held with some regularity in the Duke's castle; joining one would surely be a fine test of the Holy Exalted Order's martial prowess. You end up arguing in favor of the Teford job for its favorable balance of KNIGHTLY REWARDS, and everyone tends to agree the stop in Shaybury will be a lot of fun. As for Teford, no one present knows much about Teford other than that it's situated on the River Tef and apparently needs four wagonloads of medicine and medical supplies. You, Doodle-Crow, and Goldteef leave to accept the job.
You enter a damp, musty sickhouse quietly hoping you'll never have to visit as a patient. An elderly physician who introduces herself as Phyllis thanks you profusely for agreeing to escort her and her employees and supplies to Teford in spite of the recent uptick in robberies following the death of the peace-loving Corvid XVIII and accession of the more hawkish Corvid XIX. Her clerk, a canary with a suitably guessable name, hands you the humble down payment, and you worry that the full reward may not come soon enough to cover everyone's wages. You whisper to Doodle-Crow about not promoting anyone until the rest of the payment is received. You're still a bit worried about whether the full reward will come soon enough to cover everyone's wages.
Would you like to do anything else in particular today? Maybe hunt down a bargain, continue working on your reformation, or train some more?
-
We should train some more, as if we aren't doing jobs we should be training so we can get all the MUSCLES so we can defeat all challenges we come across with our massive STRENGTH!
-
If we do training, it would be a good idea to practice dodging and other agility related things like speed, parkour etc. for the ground troops, of course, the flyers can fly, though the dodging courses will still help
-
If we do training, it would be a good idea to practice dodging and other agility related things like speed, parkour etc. for the ground troops, of course, the flyers can fly, though the dodging courses will still help
+1 Dodging sounds good to me and it's a skill the chickens from Breadlamb should develop, instead of always charging blindly at their ennemies.
-
I think we should probably look for more KNIGHTLY CASH to supplement our down payment. We gotta aim for full horsing, guys.
-
I think we should probably look for more KNIGHTLY CASH to supplement our down payment. We gotta aim for full horsing, guys.
What if we have some of the recruits act as steeds for the other recruits?
-
I think we should probably look for more KNIGHTLY CASH to supplement our down payment. We gotta aim for full horsing, guys.
What if we have some of the recruits act as steeds for the other recruits?
+1
-
SELL SOME NON SAINTLY RELICS TO BALANCE THE LEDGERS BEFORE WE ALL GET CARTED OFF TO DEBTORS PRISON! NEGATIVE KNIGHTLY CASH IS VERY UNSIGHTLY.
-
SELL SOME NON SAINTLY RELICS TO BALANCE THE LEDGERS BEFORE WE ALL GET CARTED OFF TO DEBTORS PRISON! NEGATIVE KNIGHTLY CASH IS VERY UNSIGHTLY.
-1: We already sold everything we have confirmed is mundane, and we CANNOT be responsible for potentially unholy magical objects getting out into the world! Holy Orders are all about hoarding heretical artifacts to keep them out of evil hands until they inevitably corrupt your organisation and turn you all into devil worshippers who get inquisitioned.
-
Train AGILITY: Naturegirl1999, Yellow Pixel
Train recruit riding: Stirk, Maximum Spin
Find CASH: Maximum Spin, VoidSlayer
Sell unholy trinkets: VoidSlayer
Train STRENGTH: King Zultan
You come up with a brilliant idea for training your recruits in agility, strength, and riding at the same time. You set up a little jousting tournament with recruits riding and wielding random recruits to their great displeasure and consternation while you run off to earn some last-minute money to smooth payday over a bit. There's always work in Inksworth, but the work isn't always terribly convenient for one of knightly stature; the declined offers include such things as an apprenticeship to a cobbler, a (temporary) seasonal position as a farmhand, and an entry-level job in street sweeping. While walking around in the fancier parts of town, you spot a fellow chicken strutting around in horrifically impractical ornament-laden armor. You walk up and bet what's left of your cash that you can get three hits in without getting hit in return. The Pompous Heir looks at your scratched, somewhat grimy, and certainly undecorated armor and snorts.
"Pah! Only two florins? Miserable peasant! I'll wager six that I can strike you thrice without a hit. En garde!"
You draw your sword and deftly disarm him. In the next few slashes, you manage to fling off the Pompous Heir's gauntlets and helmet with the leverage from the useless gilded ornaments. You hear some piece splash in the distance.
"Surrender to B-KAWK or taste cold steel!"
"Stop! I yield!"
"Pay up."
"It's not fair! My armor was forged by the best smith in town! You must have used Cyanite magic or something, you warlock!"
"Pay up."
"Harumph! Tricked by a lucky commoner! You'll regret this..."
You walk away pleased at this easy victory. It's not terribly much money given the size of the Order, but it should be enough to guarantee the coming week's wages without having to resort to desperate measures. You wonder who managed to win the "tournament." You really hope there weren't any accidents during your absence and hurry back.
It appears Footchicken BAWK-Cluck has won the tournament with Goldteef as steed and Meow-Ma-Mew as lance! BAWK-Cluck has been awarded the Medal of Grace for victory in the agility/strength/riding training tournament. You make a note to arrange for BAWK-Cluck's promotion to Chicken-at-Arms the next time promotions are on the table again. Goldteef and Meow-Ma-Mew are somewhat disappointed about not receiving tangible rewards (however temporary), but you point out that BAWK-Cluck has considerable experience as a result of having been a member of the Order at its founding and fighting in the Battle of the Pheasant Brigands. This explanation pleases the Breadlambites who didn't get first place. With the day drawing to a close, the Holy Order imbibes a very holy gruel and prepares for the long journey ahead.
You and the caravan embark early the next morning, and the first two days pass uneventfully. The third day, after a few hours on the road, you are unluckily stood up by a gang of surprisingly well-dressed highwaymice with shiny little swords who issue a demand as predictable as the plot to this adventure:
(A) Your money
(B) Your lives
4x Wagons
7x Draft Horses
1x Wooden Horse
1x Pheasant Physician
2x Naked Mole Rat Nurse
1x Canary Clerk
1x Chicken Knight B-KAW
1x Footchicken Doodle-Crow
3x Footchickens
2x Chicken Recruits
1x Rat Rogue Goldteef
3x Rat Footpads
1x Pigeon Footpad
1x Chicken Footpad
1x Highwaymouse Leader
15x Sword Highwaymice
1x Torch Highwaymouse
-
We can take them, they're so small we can just smash them into the dirt.
-
Issue knightly speech against the heinous impiety of stopping HOLY WARRIORS in AUTHORIZED MONKLY TRANSIT, guilting the highwaymice into pledging to the Order, while Doodle-Crow, Goldteef, and other members of named-level competence circle around to ambush their flanks.
-
I think the A B choice is asking what the highwaymen demand from us
A
We can take them, they're so small we can just smash them into the dirt.
while that would work, pieces of corpse would get stuck in the wheels
-
I think the A B choice is asking what the highwaymen demand from us
A
We can take them, they're so small we can just smash them into the dirt.
while that would work, pieces of corpse would get stuck in the wheels
Don't give them shit, its ours and we need it, also if corpse bits get stuck in the wheels we'll just have to pick them out.
-
Clever trick with the Pompous Chicken Heir. I bet he becomes a recurring baddie now.
Issue knightly speech against the heinous impiety of stopping HOLY WARRIORS in AUTHORIZED MONKLY TRANSIT, guilting the highwaymice into pledging to the Order, while Doodle-Crow, Goldteef, and other members of named-level competence circle around to ambush their flanks.
+1
If they join up, great! If they leave us alone, great! If not, we'll just apply the usual quantities of OVERWHELMING KNIGHTLY FORCE.
-
Clever trick with the Pompous Chicken Heir. I bet he becomes a recurring baddie now.
Issue knightly speech against the heinous impiety of stopping HOLY WARRIORS in AUTHORIZED MONKLY TRANSIT, guilting the highwaymice into pledging to the Order, while Doodle-Crow, Goldteef, and other members of named-level competence circle around to ambush their flanks.
+1
If they join up, great! If they leave us alone, great! If not, we'll just apply the usual quantities of OVERWHELMING KNIGHTLY FORCE.
+1 let’s see how this goes
-
WE WILL TAKE (B) Your MISERABLE MOUSE lives!
ASSUMING THE SPEECH FAILS LIKE YEAH DO THAT I GUESS FIRST?
MAKE SURE TO COMPLEMENT THEIR FINE CLOTHING EITHER WAY FASHION DESERVES RESPECT.
-
Speech!: Maximum Spin, Superdorf, Naturegirl1999, VoidSlayer
CHICKEN SMASH!: King Zultan(, Superdorf, Naturegirl1999, VoidSlayer)
Give the highwaymice their money: Naturegirl1999
You walk up to the highwaymice and clear your throat. A good speech will surely show them the error of their ways, and maybe a few will even join the Order.
"O wondrous, esteemed mice whose radiant vestments glimmer like the stars! I greet you today not as a foe but as a friend; not as a thief but as a messenger; not as an enemy but as an ally. We travel today, a company of Holy and Exalted Warriors, pursuant to the will of the gods, who are slow to wrath and quick to embrace, and our very meeting today is a most auspicious sign of their good will. For too long have you labored in strange conditions subject to the whim of the merchants'--
"Get to the point! Your money or your lives?"
"Thegodshaveinvesteduswithanewcovenant: Joinusandprosperinsafety! Turnfromyourcrimes! Andasfortherest,Nevermoreistobedestroyed."
"Yeah, no. You saw our expensive clothing. If we wanted safety, we wouldn't be harassing merchant caravans. Also, we outnumber you. Seize them!"
A fight breaks out, and the footchickens do a good job of repelling the wild slashes of the highwaymice and otherwise keeping them away from your escortees, who scramble under the second of the three carts as Phyllis holds the nurses close under her wing. The footchickens knock out five of the highwaymice (two of which are not in stable condition and will likely die if left untreated) before Doodle-Crow is rendered unconscious by a speeding pebble and the footchicken wall gets broken up by the highwaymice onslaught. The new recruits don't do as well, and Meow-Ma-Mew hides under the third cart before passing out from the blows of the mice. The ex-Greenscarves under Goldteef's guidance manage to knock out three highwaymice with extensive use of flanking before they get bogged down and a Rat Footpad and the Chicken Footpad are knocked out.
At this point, with half the highwaymice down, the Highwaymouse Leader calls for a dash-and-grab. The remaining highwaymice concentrate their efforts on carrying off as much as possible, and you hear a cry from the second cart. A quick head count later, you find that one of the nurses, half a cart's worth of medical supplies, four of the unconscious highwaymice, and the wooden horse helping to pull the first cart have gone missing. Your remaining captives are two highwaymice in critical condition and two unremarkable others. What should you do next?
(A) Halt the trip and chase down the thieving bandits!
(B) Continue the journey; there's no time to lose!
There's also the matter of the four unconscious highwaymice you could easily capture and your unconscious nominal leader and comrades, who will take some time to recover. Dr. Phyllis says your fallen comrades are in pretty good shape, and she can get them back up overnight absent distractions like robberies. She does say she'd prefer not to give advice on the matter of pursuing the highwaymice or continuing and hoping for another nurse to hire. Given that she does seem to care about the nurses, it's hard not to wonder what's going on in Teford that's so urgent it would require three whole and undelayed carts of medical supplies and a physician from all the way in Inksworth (as opposed to, e.g. nearby Shaybury which probably has five specialists to every medicus in Inksworth to boot). Perhaps a tactful request for details from the physician is in order?
-
B also ask why physicians in Shaybury wouldn’t be able to help
-
(A) We need to teach them who their messing with!
Also kill the unconscious highway mice, we don't need them slowing us down.
-
A
IT WOULD BE A POOR SHOW OF KNIGHTLY PIETY TO SLAUGHTER PERFECTLY GOOD CAPTIVES. WE WILL PRESERVE THE HIGHWAY-MICE, THAT THEY MAY LEAD US TO THEIR COMPATRIOTS.
Also also, mission details would be nice.
-
A
IT WOULD BE A POOR SHOW OF KNIGHTLY PIETY TO SLAUGHTER PERFECTLY GOOD CAPTIVES. WE WILL PRESERVE THE HIGHWAY-MICE, THAT THEY MAY LEAD US TO THEIR COMPATRIOTS.
Also also, mission details would be nice.
+1 Let's be brave and merciful!
-
As a show of faith in our new recruits, dispatch the Greenscarves (former) to seek and destroy the highwaymice with plans to reconvene in the next town. Tactfully let them know that it is perfectly knightly to take whatever they want from defeated thieves. Do not murder the captive mice, but let the Greenscarves have custody of at least one to help find the others. Finally, make appropriate needling questions to the doctor.
-
As a show of faith in our new recruits, dispatch the Greenscarves (former) to seek and destroy the highwaymice with plans to reconvene in the next town. Tactfully let them know that it is perfectly knightly to take whatever they want from defeated thieves. Do not murder the captive mice, but let the Greenscarves have custody of at least one to help find the others. Finally, make appropriate needling questions to the doctor.
EXCEPT THE MEDICALS SUPPLIES WE NEED THOSE BACK.
-
As a show of faith in our new recruits, dispatch the Greenscarves (former) to seek and destroy the highwaymice with plans to reconvene in the next town. Tactfully let them know that it is perfectly knightly to take whatever they want from defeated thieves. Do not murder the captive mice, but let the Greenscarves have custody of at least one to help find the others. Finally, make appropriate needling questions to the doctor.
EXCEPT THE MEDICALS SUPPLIES WE NEED THOSE BACK.
Right, point.
-
SLAY THE THIEVES? BY THE CHICKEN GODS, NO!
ALL SINNERS DESERVE SECOND CHANCES, THIRD CHANCES, FOURTH CHANCES AND MAYBE EVEN FIFTH CHANCES. NO, WE TAKE THEM ALIVE, BRING THEM BACK TO TOWN AND THEN SELL THEM TO A LICENSED SLAVE TRADER FOR KNIGHTLY DOSH. ONLY IN THE SERVICE OF GOODLY MASTERS WILL THEY AMEND THEIR WAYS!
-
SLAY THE THIEVES? BY THE CHICKEN GODS, NO!
ALL SINNERS DESERVE SECOND CHANCES, THIRD CHANCES, FOURTH CHANCES AND MAYBE EVEN FIFTH CHANCES. NO, WE TAKE THEM ALIVE, BRING THEM BACK TO TOWN AND THEN SELL THEM TO A LICENSED SLAVE TRADER FOR KNIGHTLY DOSH. ONLY IN THE SERVICE OF GOODLY MASTERS WILL THEY AMEND THEIR WAYS!
Slavery isn’t a knightly thing to be supporting. Remember our primary objective is finding the relic, secondary objective is bringing the medicine. The highway mice needn’t distract us from the goal
-
Slavery isn’t a knightly thing to be supporting.
I'm pretty sure the chicken gods AND Earth history both disagree with you there.
But we should hold off on doing anything with the mice (other than what I said before) until we are done with our delivery.
-
Continue: Naturegirl1999(, Superdorf, Yellow Pixel)
Pursue: King Zultan(, Superdorf, Yellow Pixel)
Send the Green Cravats: Maximum Spin
Kill the captives: King Zultan
Treat the captives and use them to find the others: Superdorf, Yellow Pixel, Maximum Spin
Treat the captives and sell them: micelus
Ask needling questions of the doctor
You ask needling questions of the doctor before continuing.
"Does this visor make my beak look pointy?"
"No I mean yes, wait, what?"
"Does my sword make my wings look tasty?"
"What?"
"Is there something you haven't been telling us about Teford?"
"Teford needs medical supplies and a doctor! Haven't you heard about this kind of escort mission before?"
"Why not a closer doctor? Why three full carts of supplies and now?"
Dr. Phyllis sighs.
"I should've been more up front about this job. I got a letter from a colleague--that's Dogtor Jackal, maybe you'probably heard of him--saying that none of the common treatments were working on what looked to be a nasty wave of Tree Pox and that the priests were on a pilgrimage to some saint buried in the Grim Woods, not that their superstitious incantations do much for anything worse than the sniffles."
"Now, the thing about Tree Pox is it generally stops spreading after a few days and clears up in two weeks. That letter came a week ago, and Dogtor Jackal says the patients are getting worse, not better. You wondered why it couldn't be some other doctor. Well, the last time the Blue Death swept through the lands, we were able to devise a cure, Dogtor Jackal, Medicus Hide, Mycologist Penn, and I. Hide has since lived up to his name and vanished off the face of the Earth, and Penn died a few years ago in suspicious circumstances, so it's just me and the good doctor now. Does that answer your questions?"
"Sure," you say, making a note of the highlighted keywords in this quest dialogue for later in case it comes up in a puzzle or something.
You decide to have the escortees treat all the wounded for now. You'll send a small detachment of ex-Greenscarves tomorrow to neutralize the remaining highwaymice and meet up in Asheath, the next stop on this trip. You think they may well be able to arrive first thanks to not having to escort a small train of heavily laden carts if it doesn't take too long and make sure they retreat and get to Asheath (or perhaps the caravan) if anything goes wrong. Goldteef spends the evening discussating strategery with an assortament of made up words with the former Greenscarves. When the uninjured highwaymice wake up, Rat Footpad Fink begins grilling them for provisions information on where the other highwaymice are headed. Fink's imposing figure and (feigned) tough demeanor soon result in a crude map:
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
TO EREGLAND *---TO SHAYBURY ^ ^ *---* ^
\ / ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^/ ^ ^ \ ^
*---* | ^ ^ ^ *-----* ^* ^ \
\| ASHEATH ^^ / ^ ^ \ ^\^ ^ TO HEAWOLD
TO EPHOR'S REST----*==O-----------* ^ ^ *--* ^ ^
/ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
HWM CAMP -> & / ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
| ^ ^ ^ ^
/ ^ ^ ^ ^
@ <- THOU ART HEARE ^ ^ ^
TO INKSWORTH ^ ^ ^ ^ |-------|
~1 day of travel (but only near current position)
It is early morning on the next day, and everyone is well enough to walk or at least sit on one of the carts. One of the dead highwaymice says he's not dead yet and doesn't want to go on the cart. You wonder if there is a slave market in Asheath.
What would you like to do with the captured highwaymice?
(A) Release them into the wilderness
(B) Press them into service for menial tasks
(C) Take them along unrestrained
(D) Restrain them and put them on a cart
(E) Kill them
(F) Something else?
When would you like to pursue the escaped highwaymice?
(A) Early morning (now)
(B) Around noon
(C) Early afternoon
(D) Late afternoon
Who will you send to fight the escaped highwaymice?
(A) The former Greenscarves (+TICTACULAR ADVANTAGE from preparation, +STEALTH, +CARAVAN SPEED, --CARAVAN SAFETY)
(B) Everyone (+NUMBERS, ---CARAVAN SPEED, +CARAVAN SAFETY)
(C) The escortees (---CARAVAN SPEED, --KNIGHTLY PIETY, ---KNIGHTLY RENOWN, ++KNIGHTLY CASH)
(D) Some other configuration (? ? ?)
(An extra update is scheduled ~12h from now)
-
What would you like to do with the captured highwaymice?
(F) Restrain them and put them on a cart, THEN SELL THEM AS SLAVES!
(B) Why sell them when we can make them our own slaves!
When would you like to pursue the escaped highwaymice?
(A) Early morning (now)
Who will you send to fight the escaped highwaymice?
(B) Everyone (+NUMBERS, ---CARAVAN SPEED, +CARAVAN SAFETY)
-
You must have accidentally contacted the sheep gods instead, because BAA.
HOWEVER, if support for BAA does not accumulate, I would accept BAB as an alternative to doing something profoundly stupid like releasing the mice.
-
ADA
-
I CHANGED ONE OF MY THINGS AS WHY SELL THEM WHEN WE CAN MAKE THEM OUR OWN SLAVES!
-
B
A
A
SHEEPS SHEEPS SHEEPS
Reforming the mice until after we secure their brethren seems the best plan. They can be let go in a show of KNIGHTLY COMPASSION later.
-
What if we use the highwaymice as mounts? Their name sounds kinda mounty. Like they're mice meant to be used for the highway. That way we don't have to buy horses later.
-
What if we use the highwaymice as mounts? Their name sounds kinda mounty. Like they're mice meant to be used for the highway. That way we don't have to buy horses later.
+1 Horses and oxen shouldn't be the only animals fated to pull heavy loads! Attach the highwaymice between a wagon and the horses, so they will help them and they will avoid being trampled on. Being a steed is a noble job!
FAA (bulous!)
EDIT: They still could get crushed by the cart, but do it anyway!
-
A: Naturegirl1999
B: King Zultan, Maximum Spin, VoidSlayer
F: Stirk, Yellow Pixel
A: King Zultan, Maximum Spin, VoidSlayer, Yellow Pixel
D: Naturegirl1999
A: Maximum Spin, Naturegirl1999, VoidSlayer, Yellow Pixel
B: King Zultan
You send the former Greenscarves out to pursue the fleeing highwaymice and "reclaim" whatever valuables they have on them. Seeing as the carts are already carrying the Order's baggage, you think it would speed things up a bit if everyone got a proper steed. To this end, you draw straws to see who gets one of the four highwaymouse steeds which you feel is less fair than usual. (Normally, you'd be guaranteed a win by way of drawing a giant straw with your sword and pointy visor) Footchickens Cluck-Squawk-Cluck, Bawk-Bawk-BAWK, Doodle-Crow, and Meow-Ma-Mew prevail today, but you console yourself with the knowledge that you had a steed long before they thought to leave their homes and embark on this heroic quest. The highwaymice complain about the load, but the caravan somehow moves a little faster with everyone on a cart or a steed of some sort. You expect to arrive in Asheath before dark according to the crudely drawn map.
You are now (temporarily) Notorious Rat Rogue Goldteef. You aspire to be the world's greatest thief and steal the hearts of even the gods themselves. But for now, your noble leader has sent you to apprehend the escaped mice. After a few hours of slogging through this blasted heath, you've arrived at the highwaymice camp. Your party is still undetected, having stopped behind a small hill. But what exactly did you plan for your underlings again?
(A) Fcarf-thievef! Attack-charge!
(B) Wait until nightfall and ftab-knife them!
(C) Furround-fwarm them and attack!
(D) Plan? What plan? What are we doing here? We fould be going to Afheaf
(E) Fomething elfe
1x Rat Rogue Goldteef
3x Rat Footpads
1x Pigeon Footpad
1x Chicken Footpad
1x Highwaymouse Leader
11x Sword Highwaymice
1x Torch Highwaymouse
-
We have successfully stolen the game from that Chicken, including the voices that may or may not include gods who we can now steal the hearts of. We must continue to steal the game by acting more knightly than that other knight.
B): They have fancy cloths which must mean they go to sleep early like fancy people, so we can stab them in the darkness like a true knightthief. Knights are known for stabbing darkness.
-
We must certainly do the thiefly thing and steal their lives in the dark. Choose B for the most dashing of plans and also because 13 (or 11?) against 6 (or 5?) seems like bad odds, but then I am not the best number counter over here.
-
Sure, B.
-
Bladef in the dark!
-
B for night stabbing!
-
Ah, of course! The plan was to strike at night! You unpack lightly and set up shifts so everyone can take turns resting and watching for highwaymouse activity in the meantime. The highwaymice are partying in enviable comfort as you variously rest or keep watch in the brush. Time passes, and in the dark of night, your well-rested footpads nervously prepare for their first proper mission. You hope they'll remember the "lessons" B-KAW taught a few days ago. It would be a shame if someone were to forget to loot the valuables before torching the place, and you don't mean that in the veiled threat sense Red Riding Hood bosses like using, oh no. It would be a genuine shame for you as a seasoned thief not to reap the fruits of the brigands' work after putting so much effort into reforming from your disorganized crime ways the better to achieve your lofty ambitions with.
Incidentally, it occurs to you that it's rather strange that most everyone seems to be diurnal in this realm, but maybe that just makes it easier to do business or something.
Anyway, you break out the daggers and get ready for some night stabbing. Slipping about the poorly constructed palisade at their entrance, you and your footpads stab the guardsmouse repeatedly. Rat Footpad Horatio laughs nervously, and you give him a small kick to quiet him. Once the guard has been suitably aerated, you and your squad poke around for valuables and find a finely polished ring, a high quality sword, and a pouch of coins. You dictate the current loot to Rat Footpad Fink and send Pigeon Footpad Pauline back to your makeshift camp with the items. After Pauline comes back, you spread out a bit to look for things not bolted down or on fire to lift.
You head toward a seemingly unattended campfire near the edge of the camp. You are darkness. You are the night. You are--whoa, let's hope the nurse didn't see that! You free him and whisper directions to your little camp. The nurse, who introduces himself as Seek the Hairless, asks about the stolen medicine. You say your henchies are still looking for it. With that, you send Seek away even as someone looses a bloodcurdling scream from a distant tent.
When everyone's gone through the camp once, it emerges that only nine highwaymice were turned into pincushions tonight. This is rather disturbing, but seeing as your makeshift camp is intact, your medicine pile seems to be the right size, and your loot heap is no longer hungry for now, you call this mission a success. Everyone grabs a double share of the loot (relative to an equal split among all members of the Holy Exalted Order) and heads for Asheath. This includes Nurse Seek, who accepts the bribe for his silence come spoils distribution time with Treasurer B-KAWK.
You are now Chicken Knight B-KAWK once again. The caravan arrives safely in Asheath with daylight to spare, but none of the former Greenscarves are around. You're rather worried about them; the surviving highwaymice do outnumber them, and they aren't exactly hornets in a beehive. Such is the cost of hiring pickpockets, you suppose. You unwind at the local tavern as is your wont and eavesdrop on the patrons.
- "...got that from Honest Dave? Are you sure we're talking about the same Honest Dave? Last I heard..."
- "I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
- "Yeah, that was me! Who else had the mettle and metal to take on the Silent Knight?"
- "I hear the Greenscarves aren't doing so well these days. Sometimes, I wonder if that's really a good thing."
- "Did you hear? The first autumn tournament over in Shaybury is right around the corner!"
- "...lot of ports raided recently by the northerners. Maybe Branta's in league with the new Corvid?"
- "How did I get rich? I don't know. I just kept buying carts and guards and moving goods from one end of the continent to the other."
- "Anyone going back to the heartlands got a spot for one family? No? Thanks anyway, sir. Anyone going back to..."
- "The Duke's hiring mercenaries now, but his offers aren't that appealing. Unless you're desperate, I guess."
Late that night, you wake up and sense a twinge of petty betrayal for some reason, but it passes. Goldteef's exhausted (-CARAVAN SPEED) party arrives that morning with the stolen medicine and nurse and a surprisingly small amount of loot. By the look of it, they're nearly ready for a promotion. Would you like to do administrative stuff now or would you rather continue your journey?
(A) Debrief, split the loot, and stuff like that now
(B) Leave immediately
(C) Something else
Also, whatever will you do about your captive steeds?
(A) Release them
(B) Keep them
(C) Sell them
(D) Recruit them
(E) Something else
-
"...got that from Honest Dave? Are you sure we're talking about the same Honest Dave? Last I heard..."
"I hear the Greenscarves aren't doing so well these days. Sometimes, I wonder if that's really a good thing."
Listen in on these.
As for everything else lets split loot and debrief now to get it out of the way, and the highway mice will say steeds if they didn't want to be used as such they'd have picked different names for them selves.
-
AD
-
I think it’s too late but if not, listen in on the following, listed in descending order of priority
"I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
"I hear the Greenscarves aren't doing so well these days. Sometimes, I wonder if that's really a good thing."
"Anyone going back to the heartlands got a spot for one family? No? Thanks anyway, sir. Anyone going back to..."
"...got that from Honest Dave? Are you sure we're talking about the same Honest Dave? Last I heard..."
"Yeah, that was me! Who else had the mettle and metal to take on the Silent Knight?"
"...lot of ports raided recently by the northerners. Maybe Branta's in league with the new Corvid?”
AA
-
We should start spreading our own tavern rumors to increase or Knightly Prestige.
"Did you hear about that devilishly handsome Chicken Knight who killed a thousand dragons with a single wing tied behind their back?"
"Have you heard the tail of the Pious Chicken Knight who saved an orphanage from being devoured by a horde of goats, then donated his vast fortune to repairing the damage?
-
We should start spreading our own tavern rumors to increase or Knightly Prestige.
"Did you hear about that devilishly handsome Chicken Knight who killed a thousand dragons with a single wing tied behind their back?"
"Have you heard the tail of the Pious Chicken Knight who saved an orphanage from being devoured by a horde of goats, then donated his vast fortune to repairing the damage?
I don’t think lying is a good idea
-
Okay, AB instead.
+1 to Stirk's 'spread rumours about ourselves' plan. It's not lying, there's probably totally a chicken knight doing those things somewhere.
Although I don't know if killing a thousand dragons is as impressive if the dragons had a wing tied behind their backs.
-
I agree to debrief and split the loot now. But keep the highwaymice! They are already proving their worth as steeds and maybe they will eventually accept to adopt knightly lives definitely. We should wait however to return to Inksworth before reforming them completely because we can't afford the time now to properly convince them (
or brainwash them).
So AB
-
+1 To the spread rumors about ourselves plan.
-
"I hear the Greenscarves aren't doing so well these days. Sometimes, I wonder if that's really a good thing."
+2 from King Zultan, Naturegirl1999
"...got that from Honest Dave? Are you sure we're talking about the same Honest Dave? Last I heard..."
+1 from King Zultan
+1? from Naturegirl1999
"I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
+1 from Naturegirl1999
Spread rumors of a pious, dashing Chicken Knight to build up Knightly Renown
+2 from Stirk, Maximum Spin
Priorities:
A: King Zultan, Superdorf, Naturegirl1999, Maximum Spin, Yellow Pixel
Highwaymice:
A: Naturegirl1999
B: King Zultan, Maximum Spin, Yellow Pixel
D: Superdorf
You continue listening to a select few conversations to see where they end up.
"I hear the Greenscarves aren't doing so well these days. Sometimes, I wonder if that's really a good thing."
"Agreed. Their scams and thefts had an endearing...innocence? Like they were kids who grew up on Rosin Rick stories and decided they wanted to become thieves when they grew up."
"I swear it's the Duke's patrols. They only grab the easy ones, and now we have...the unmentionable ones."
"Probably. My...protection money got doubled this month now they're gone from here. I almost miss when the worst that could happen was having a few items replaced with naughty notes. Still have a few of them myself."
"My friend whose cousin's wife is in the ducal guard said the old Corvid was killed by one of those unmentionables. That the Duke wants a fight."
"Careful not to talk too loudly. Never know who might be listening."
"...got that from Honest Dave? Are you sure we're talking about the same Honest Dave? Last I heard, he was peddling painted scrap as enchanted dragonslaying gear in somewhere in Eregland."
"Well, what I last heard is he was selling scribbles and scrap metal on a stick as treasure hunting gear in Inksworth!"
"But look, if I press the pad on the sole, a knife pops out!"
"You fool! Put that accursed thing away before someone sees it! 'No weapons allowed,' remember?"
"Look, it even cuts bread! All I'm saying is Honest Dave's wares aren't always garbage."
"I don't know. I think if you tried to stab someone with it, you'd wind up lopping your own foot off."
"Look, do you want it or not? I need the cash more than I need a souvenir right now."
"Eh, I'll pass."
"I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
"Fine, but double the reward. Wouldn't want anything leading back to you, now, would you?"
"You drive a hard bargain. Double it is, but make sure the report is back here by this time next week."
"Hmph. Until next time, jumpy. Not like it's your job your risking."
"Did you hear about that devilishly handsome Chicken Knight who killed a thousand dragons with a single wing tied behind their back?"
"Is it really that impressive if they had their wings tied behind their backs?"
"Why, but of course! A bound dragon could still breathe fire or roll over and squash that suave Chicken Knight."
"Umm...alright."
"Have you heard the tail of the Pious Chicken Knight who saved an orphanage from being devoured by a horde of goats, then donated his vast fortune to repairing the damage?
"Orphanage? Do̭̖̞̳̦n̨'̭t̛͎̰̰͔̦̦ ̶̜̼y̨̯̮͎̙̺͈̭o͔̺͝u̘̗̱ ̛̩͖̙̹̠̟m͚̙̣̩̺̞͓͢e̙̰̲͉̤̩͚͈a̼̘̮͓̬̱n̷̫̫̼̩̤͕͜ͅ ̪̻̞͕̝͚́́͝r̴̡̘̗͔̬͍̤͞ͅe̸̢̛̞̰̼̗̠̥͕̣̹̘̣̜̝͚͉̜͟ͅs̶̢҉̹͖̭͎̀͜t̵̷̝̤̫̻̬͍͍̘͇͈͈̟̺̣̣̫̠͘͟͞a͇̗̱̪̯̫̤̫̬̣̥̠̪͈̩̺͖͢u͏̬͖̼̪̙̪͇̰̦̜̰̫͔̠ŕ̨̡͖̪̥̖̞̳̮̞̺͔͇͙̪͈̥a̷̡̩̣̬̻͠͞ͅn̢̳͖̞̠͖͉̹͍̼̺̺̝̕͟ͅt͉̦̹̫̫̩͎̜̮̕͢?̨̛̜͈̱͓̪̩̦͎̞͚͙͇̫̪͓͡͝"
"Eep!"
"That charming Chicken Knight who solved all the crimes in Inksworth sure sounds like a legendary hero. Must be a child of the gods or something."
"I mean...I guess anything and anyone can be a child of the gods these days, so why not?"
Did you perhaps involve yourself with any of them? Time and causality can be so fickle sometimes.
(A) Yes (-> Further investigations yesterday)
(B) No (-> Leave for Shaybury now)
(C) File not found
The next day, after the tired pursuit party has arrived, you call a meeting to get the details on the highwaymouse-chasing operation and split the resulting loot. Dr. Phyllis is glad to see that Seek and the stolen medical supplies have arrived safely. Goldteef tells a frankly rather implausible story about blending in with the shadows and silently killing all the highwaymice one by one. (Based on Goldteef's animated reenactment of the motions, you are very sure there would've been loud screaming.) Still, that does explain why they didn't arrive until this morning. You consider reprimanding him for causing an unnecessary delay, but maybe striking under cover of darkness somehow helped with the mission after all. Either way, the highwaymice are unlikely to bother anyone again, and that's good enough for now.
Next is everyone's favorite part of the post-mission business: Loot distribution! The Order sifts through the pile largely made up of holey clothing and shiny but bent swords with the odd souvenir/trinket (and surprisingly few purses and pouches of money) to pick out what would be better off sold. Most of the gear being intended for mice, pretty much all of it is too small for anyone and is quickly flagged for selling, and you and Bawk-Bawk-BAWK look around for buyers. A local blacksmith happily buys up all the damaged weapons at a slightly unimpressive price, but no one wants to pay anything for the damaged clothes. Ultimately, Cluck-Squawk-Cluck claims them and has them sewn together into a somewhat tacky looking cape which she proudly wears. At some point, Pigeon Footpad Pauline and Rat Footpad Fink manage to swindle a passing merchant into buying up a bag of highwaymouse trinkets at a huge markup. They seem anxious to leave as soon as possible.
Taken together, the extra cash should be enough to cover wages for another two or three weeks or promote two footpads/recruits and cover wages for a week. Would you like to nominate anyone in particular for a promotion at this time?
Footchicken Doodle-Crow
Chicken Knight AWWWK AWK AWK AWK AWK B-KAWK
Footchicken BAWK-Cluck
Footchicken Cluck-Squawk-Cluck
Footchicken Bawk-Bawk-BAWK
Chicken Recruit Cluck-Bark
Chicken Recruit Meow-Ma-Mew
Rat Rogue Goldteef
Rat Footpad Fink
Rat Footpad Ratchel
Rat Footpad Horatio
Pigeon Footpad Pauline
Chicken Footpad Chuck
The captives are currently intended to continue working as steeds.
(An extra update is scheduled ~12h from now)
-
B. Goldteef deserves a promotion for a successful mission. I'm sure there's nothing that would make him feel guilty about.
-
B This place is boring let us leave!
Also +1 to promoting Goldteef.
-
+1 to promoting Goldteef
Also investigate what "I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
"Fine, but double the reward. Wouldn't want anything leading back to you, now, would you?"
"You drive a hard bargain. Double it is, but make sure the report is back here by this time next week."
"Hmph. Until next time, jumpy. Not like it's your job your risking." the people in this conversation are trying to hide from the duke
-
Also investigate what "I haven't heard from anyone in Teford in weeks. Just get there and get out. The Duke doesn't need to know about this."
"Fine, but double the reward. Wouldn't want anything leading back to you, now, would you?"
"You drive a hard bargain. Double it is, but make sure the report is back here by this time next week."
"Hmph. Until next time, jumpy. Not like it's your job your risking." the people in this conversation are trying to hide from the duke
You tail a well-dressed ape of some sort and a monkey (a ranger of some sort, perhaps?), but they soon split up. Which of these suspicious fellows, if any, would you like to follow?
(A) The well-dressed ape
(B) The woodsy monkey
(C) Neither. Jump to tomorrow
You nominate Goldteef for promotion, a choice that will likely throw the Order's finances into disarray. Goldteef and the footpads quickly second the motion. Doodle-Crow reluctantly promotes Goldteef to Rat Thief to cheers from the former Greenscarves for moving up the ladder of adventure. Goldthief is eager to put his considerable skill into practice at the earliest opportunity. With that, the Order begins the next phase of its journey to Teford. As you exit the eastern gates of Asheath, you notice the third cart is carrying slightly more than before. This probably won't reflect well on the Order. Time slows to a crawl as a result of the investigations still going on yesterday.
-
C.
PERFORM A HOLY INVESTIGATION ON CART 3.
-
A. Well-dressed people tend to bring more Knightly Cash in the foreseeable future.
PERFORM A HOLY INVESTIGATION ON CART 3.
+1
-
A, the weLl dressed one more likely hired the woodsy one
-
THE WOODSY ONE LOOKS LIKE THEY MIGHT BE SOME KIND OF PLANTY THIEF AND WE KNOW THIEVES ARE TRUST WORTHY FOLLOW THE WELL GROOMED APE.
A?
-
You follow the well-dressed ape from a distance around Asheath and almost lose your quarry to the throngs of travellers passing through several times. After several turns, you see the ape approaching a nondescript building near the edge of town. Small, dark windows face into the street from the upper floor. You're not sure, but you think you can make out a slight movement in one of them. You try to stay hidden behind the corner of a building on the other side of the street as the ape looks around to make sure no one is watching and knocks at the front door. It's a curious: Soft-loud soft-loud soft-loud soft-loud. Someone inside asks something about the thunderous weather despite it being a cloudless day. The ape responds with something about thrumming and is let in. You wait for a few minutes, but nothing else happens. What, if anything, would you like to do next?
Sensing that the plot from yesterday may be wrapping up soon, time begins flowing a little less slowly. You dramatically turn your gaze to Cart 3 to initiate a HOLY INVESTIGATION and spy a mound of highwaymouse clothing that wasn't there or that large before. Your sharp eyes pick up what appears to be a purse partially sticking out of the bottom of the clothes pile. Where did this come from? It wasn't around when you counted out everyone's share earlier this morning. Is someone "supplementing" with a little bit of pickpocketing? Maybe someone just decided to buy a new purse from one of the many merchants passing through? Does this even matter to the Holy Exalted Order in the grand scheme of things? Does it warrant a stop?
(A) It matters. Stop the carts!
(B) It matters. Keep going!
(C) It doesn't matter. Stop the carts anyway!
(D) It doesn't matter. Keep going!
-
A. The purse itself may be innocuous, but it's important that we know what's on our carts, and a mound of highwaymouse clothing could only come from highwaymice. What if the surviving highwaymice stalked us and are ON THE CART RIGHT NOW, PLANNING TO STEAL OUR NURSES AND STEEDS?
-
A Those damned highway mice doing things!
-
Try sneaking into the building where the ape went by finding an other entrance. If there's none, wait to see if the ape comes out and follow him again.
Also A
-
Try sneaking into the building where the ape went by finding an other entrance. If there's none, wait to see if the ape comes out and follow him again.
Please, please, just let this end now
The ape is not interesting to me in the slightest
-
Try sneaking into the building where the ape went by finding an other entrance. If there's none, wait to see if the ape comes out and follow him again.
Also D
-
C STOP THE CARTS AND TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING VERY CAREFUL WHEN DOING PIOUS KNIGHTLY SNEAKING. AND IF YOU GET CAUGHT KNIGHTS WILL BE ANGRY SO DON'T GET CAUGHT BUT DON'T EXPLAIN YOURSELF FURTHER.
-
Try sneaking into the building where the ape went by finding an other entrance. If there's none, wait to see if the ape comes out and follow him again.
You search around the building, but there don't appear to be any other entrances. As it starts getting dark, the ape continues not to come out. Perhaps this was just a noninteractive cutscene after all. Would you like to continue investigating this issue?
A. The purse itself may be innocuous, but it's important that we know what's on our carts, and a mound of highwaymouse clothing could only come from highwaymice. What if the surviving highwaymice stalked us and are ON THE CART RIGHT NOW, PLANNING TO STEAL OUR NURSES AND STEEDS?
A Those damned highway mice doing things!
A
D
C STOP THE CARTS AND TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING VERY CAREFUL WHEN DOING PIOUS KNIGHTLY SNEAKING. AND IF YOU GET CAUGHT KNIGHTS WILL BE ANGRY SO DON'T GET CAUGHT BUT DON'T EXPLAIN YOURSELF FURTHER.
It matters: +3
It doesn't: +2
Stop the carts: +4
Keep going: +1
You think it matters a bit that a new mound of money turned up, but more importantly, you think it's time to stop the carts! The carts come to a screeching halt, and you begin your inspection of Cart 3 by looking for evidence of recent highwaymouse activity. The pile of highwaymouse clothes is a dead giveaway that highwaymice were recently involved, no? Add to that that four members of the Order are riding highwaymice, and it's a virtual certainty that they were involved in conjuring the unexpected mound of stuff and attempting to steal everyone's steeds. You move some of the clothes around and find more purses and pouches there. It is becoming very clear that the highwaymice were withholding some of their stolen possessions from the righteous reckoning of the Order. As Treasurer, you find the implications of this attempt at tax evasion frightening for the Order's future. You wonder how you'll reprimand them properly...
C STOP THE CARTS AND TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING VERY CAREFUL WHEN DOING PIOUS KNIGHTLY SNEAKING. AND IF YOU GET CAUGHT KNIGHTS WILL BE ANGRY SO DON'T GET CAUGHT BUT DON'T EXPLAIN YOURSELF FURTHER.
Despite getting dirty looks from other travelers and caravans for whom you're blocking the road, you begin delivering a lengthy, indignant lecture on the virtues of pious knightly sneaking. You blast the insufficiently stealthy suspects for getting caught, which makes knights angry, and you demand to see more competence in the future. After seeing the contrite anguish on their faces, you think you've adequately conveyed the idea and give the order to start the carts again.
The road takes you along Ziri's Teeth, a short but obstructive mountain range. Travelers coming from the eastern holdings say that the narrow Arahar pass, a boon to those looking to travel between Heawold and Asheath in a timely manner, is currently blocked by boulders. You are rather relieved you didn't take the Port Baywick job even if you probably would have been able to negotiate an extra fee for the trouble if/when it came up.
At last, after a few more boring days on the road, you see the tall spires of the Shaybury citadel! Built atop a hill in ages past in a city already built on rolling terrain, it towers over the land like a solitary tree in a meadow or a chicken knight in a sea of recruits. After paying for a room at a ratty inn owned by some relative or other of Rat Footpad Horatio, you find yourself with nothing much to do for the rest of the day. It is now early afternoon. What would you like to do first?
(A) Sign up for the autumn tournament at Castle Shaybury (~1wk left)
(B) Look for an affordable cleric to dispel the voices (~3d left)
(C) Look for a Greenscarves lodge
(D) Shop for something despite your somewhat limited money
(E) Gather some more volunteers to recruit despite the Order's limited cash
(F) Sell some items
(G) Ransom some captives
(H) Rest
(I) Something else
You notice a note in your money pouch. It reads "wo-nt hapen agen bos."
-
If the order needs some money we should sell some of our random stuff, then if we have time try to figure out where the greenscarves lodge is and how many members they have.
-
I) That boulder thing is suspicious. Its probably going to be a boss fight sometime in the future. We should get a chicken-leg up on this situation by going out to practice fighting against boulders, so we can later smash those blocking the path to pieces for obstructing the good folk of this realm.
-
I) That boulder thing is suspicious. Its probably going to be a boss fight sometime in the future. We should get a chicken-leg up on this situation by going out to practice fighting against boulders, so we can later smash those blocking the path to pieces for obstructing the good folk of this realm.
If the order needs some money we should sell some of our random stuff, then if we have time try to figure out where the greenscarves lodge is and how many members they have.
+1 to both of these.
-
About the boss fight at the boulders:
Shouldn't we rather sign up for the autumn tournament and combat real people instead of bashing boulders? I don't suppose the boss will be the boulders themselves!
I prefer selling some items and then do some shopping if we still have time. We can wait for tomorrow before dispeling the voices, finding the Greenscarves lodge and maybe sign up for the tournament.
-
WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME BEFORE NEEDING A NEW BLESSING LET US DO SOMETHING ELSE DONT WORRY DONT WORRY.
THE GREENSCARVES HERE MAY BE MORE WEALTHY THEN THE OTHER TOWNS WE SHOULD LIBERATE THEIR WEALTH FOR THE GLORY OF THE CHICKEN GODS.
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
-
I) That boulder thing is suspicious. Its probably going to be a boss fight sometime in the future. We should get a chicken-leg up on this situation by going out to practice fighting against boulders, so we can later smash those blocking the path to pieces for obstructing the good folk of this realm.
+1
-
F: Sell some items: King Zultan, Maximum Spin, Yellow Pixel
I: Boulder fighting: Stirk, Maximum Spin, King Zultan
C: Find a Greenscarf lodge: VoidSlayer(, King Zultan, Maximum Spin)
D: Shopping: Yellow Pixel
With the escortees choosing to stay and guard the supplies (except Dr. Phyllis, who elects to read through some of the local medical literature), you organize a Greenscarf lodge search party made up of some former Greenscarves and footchickens/chicken recruits and an anti-boulder training group made up of the remaining combatants except master merchant Bawk-Bawk-BAWK. They run off to do their assigned tasks while you and Bawk-Bawk-BAWK look around for buyers for the assorted unusable loot the Order has accumulated. The prices here seem to be a bit lower than you would have expected for such a large and relatively luxurious place. After some time spent navigating the bustling labyrinthine Shaybury marketplace, you manage to offload the bulkier goods for a reasonable price by employing your collective bargaining skill (who knew vultures could have five sick parents?). (+KNIGHTLY CASH, ~1-2wk of Order wages) It is now time to shop! These items may be useful in some capacity, although the prices may be a bit excessive for some. Would you like to buy anything at this time? Which of the parties (if any) will you try to merge with after this?
(A) Dr. Phyllis, most likely at a library
(B) Escortees, relaxing at the inn
(C) Team Relic, searching high and low (mostly low) for Greenscarf lodges
(D) Team Smash, training to defeat boulders probably somewhere with a boulder
(E) Do something else instead
You have: 10 f
Zweihander: 3 f
Sledgehammer: 2 f
Halberd: 1 3/6 f
Spear: 1 f
Bow: 1 f
Bent shortsword: 3/6 f
Wooden lance: 2'6 f
Bent spear: 2/6 f
Cheap sling: 2/72 f
Stick: 1/72 f
Rock: 1/72 f
10 uses of (K)NIGHTLY-brand weapon poison: 2 f
10 fights of bolts: 1 f
3 fights of bolts: 3/6 f
10 fights of cheap bolts: 4/6 f
15 fights of rrows: 1 f
5 fights of arrows: 3/6 f
Chicken knight armor: 5 f
Chicken talon boots: 1+3/6 f
"Slightly" imperfect chicken knight armor: 3/6 f
Wooden tower shield: 1/6 f
Small iron pot: 6/72 f
Chicken peasant clothes: 2/72 f
DIY armor spikes kit: 2/6 f
DIY helmet wings kit: 6/72 f
DIY helmet horn kit: 4/72 f
Armor painting service: 2/6 f
Shield painting service: 1/6 f
Smelly potions: 4/6 f
Pungent herbs: 2/6 f
Grimy roots: 2/6 f
Pickled viscera: 1 f
Wool of bat: 1/6 f
Oil of snake: 3/6 f
Tooth of wolf: 2/6 f
Clockwork parts: 2 f
Iron ingots: 3/6 f
Iron ore: 2/6 f
Corn: 1/6 f
Inexperienced war horse: 8 f
Courser: 5 f
Old draft horse: 3 f
Riding dog: 1 f
-
I say we join up with the relic hunters so we can add our EXPERT EYES to the quest, also maybe we could buy some of those ridding dogs to help speed up our party.
-
C, get a doghorse to supplement our steedpool and then buy food for everyone to have a good meal. Having a good meal is holy.
-
I say we join up with the relic hunters so we can add our EXPERT EYES to the quest, also maybe we could buy some of those ridding dogs to help speed up our party.
C, get a doghorse to supplement our steedpool and then buy food for everyone to have a good meal. Having a good meal is holy.
+1 to both of these. All excellent ideas!
-
A TRUE KNIGHT NEEDS A CASTLE AND WHAT BETTER CASTLE THEN A MOVING ONE OF WOOD! BUY AS MANY TOWER SHIELDS AS YOU CAN!
-
You hire a small pack of riding dogs for you and the footchickens. The most senior riding dog introduces himself as Fido, a nephew of the Earl of Beehill. You promptly assign him to yourself on hearing of his lineage. It is nice to have a noble steed with actual nobility for once, and now you know why having a noble steed instead of a wooden mount carries such prestige among the knightly sorts (-5f, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN). You feel ready to take on the world and variously stab and slash evil from horseback you mean dogback. To celebrate this glorious occasion and remake yourself in the image of a castle, you purchase six tower shields, which is about as much as is practical to lug around town (-1f). Perhaps you'll be able to convince the others to help out with your castellification project. You buy two dozen sausages inna bun from a most persuasive hawker to cheer everyone up (-1/6f).
You decide to join the relic/lodge hunters in their search for Greenscarf sites. After some searching, you somehow manage to run into Pigeon Footpad Pauline. She reports that the main lodge is no longer where Goldteef remembers and that the group is currently split up and searching for Greenscarf signs on buildings street by street. The team as a whole is more than halfway done with the current neighborhood and will reconvene once all the streets have been checked. You give a grateful Pauline one sausage inna bun and help with looking around for Greenscarf markings. Pauline's route is finished early, and you all walk to the designated meeting place in front of the abandoned building that evidently used to be a front for a Greenscarf lodge and wait for the others to arrive.
It takes some time, but the other members of the lodge-hunting team gradually show up reporting no signs of a Greenscarf building. In time, even Goldteef arrives with a rather dejected and somewhat fearful look. You hand out sausages inna bun to the present team members, and they seem to cheer up a bit as the wait for the last scouts continues. Eventually, a very excited Rat Footpad Horatio turns up and reports that he's made contact with what appears to be the new Greenscarf hideout near the end of his route and that the Shaybury Greenscarves are strong and growing. Evidently having suspected the worst, Goldteef cheers and tosses a small coin pouch to Horatio, and the group begins following Horatio on the way back to the currently active hideout. Would you like to interfere or take charge?
(A) No, let Goldteef have this small victory
(B) Distract everyone from meeting the Greenscarves (but how?)
(C) Sabotage Goldteef's meeting with the Shaybury Greenscarves (but how?)
(D) Take charge of the group (but how/why/for what?)
(E) Leave for another group (but which one?)
(F) Something else
-
D: Explain to the Scarves the importance of discretion in all cases where expected information, such as the location of a hideout, is found to have changed. We have to assume that it's possible that anything might have happened to this Greenscarf lodge; it could even have been corrupted by the Cyanemy! We should investigate, but carefully, to make sure nobody ends up getting captured and sacrificed or anything. That said, if everything does turn out to be on the up-and-up as hoped, Goldteef may have his small victory.
-
D: Explain to the Scarves the importance of discretion in all cases where expected information, such as the location of a hideout, is found to have changed. We have to assume that it's possible that anything might have happened to this Greenscarf lodge; it could even have been corrupted by the Cyanemy! We should investigate, but carefully, to make sure nobody ends up getting captured and sacrificed or anything. That said, if everything does turn out to be on the up-and-up as hoped, Goldteef may have his small victory.
+1
-
D: Explain to the Scarves the importance of discretion in all cases where expected information, such as the location of a hideout, is found to have changed. We have to assume that it's possible that anything might have happened to this Greenscarf lodge; it could even have been corrupted by the Cyanemy! We should investigate, but carefully, to make sure nobody ends up getting captured and sacrificed or anything. That said, if everything does turn out to be on the up-and-up as hoped, Goldteef may have his small victory.
+1
-
Still wary of the local Greenscarves' move, you explain in painstaking detail that things like this seldom happen without a good reason for better or for worse, and that it would be a good idea to exercise caution in approaching the residents Horatio identified as Shaybury Greenscarves. The Inksworthy Greenscarves respond by coming up with overly optimistic explanations for the move including excessive money/loot, boredom, and immovable loot at the new site. You point out that it could just as easily be a trap set by the Shaybury authorities to catch an illegal secret society somewhat lacking in the "secret" part. This prompts an argument about which Greenscarf chapter is likely to be better at stealth and secrecy. You hush them as you approach the street Horatio claims to have found the hideout at.
You look around and see run down shops and inns and even a dilapidated temple on this street. Horatio points out a quiet tavern named the Dancing Celery, and if not for a chalk mark you now recognize as a Greenscarf sign, you wouldn't have imagined the hideout could be such a public building. Goldteef orders the group to don the green scarves and follow him ready to fight if need be. Lacking a proper scarf, you put on the lucky blue one you used back in Inksworth and whisper instructions on executing a proper miniature cavalry charge if ordered. Thus prepared, you cautiously enter the Dancing Celery. Goldteef seats himself and begins ordering:
"Do you have moffy pickakfe wif a topping of defert fand?" asks Goldteef, who gestures wildly.
"But of coarse," says the bartender, who also gestures wildly.
You are immediately very suspicious of what's going on here. What is a mossy pickaxe with desert sand? What were those gestures? Do you really trust Goldteef enough not to intervene, flee, or something else?
(A) Yes
(B) No (and how will you act on it?)
(C) Something else
-
A Goldteef is our ratty friend and we trust him TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH. However, we may sometimes coincidentally have totally unrelated reasons to be suspicious of things we would certainly never dream of thinking might be his fault.
-
A I'm sure he knows what he's doing.
-
A
When we have a quiet moment, let's ask Goldteef what all the gesturing was about. It is useful, for a CHICKEN KNIGHT to know the secret languages of his skullduggerous adversaries!
-
A
When we have a quiet moment, let's ask Goldteef what all the gesturing was about. It is useful, for a CHICKEN KNIGHT to know the secret languages of his skullduggerous adversaries!
+1
-
C SILENTLY BUT WITH LOUD SCREAMING THOUGHTS RECITE THE OATHS OF THE CHICKEN KNIGHTS AND SERVANTS OF THE CHICKEN GODS IN OUR HEAD WHILE PREPARING FOR BATTLE YEAAAAHAHH!
-
A: Maximum Spin, King Zultan, Superdorf, Yellow Pixel
C: VoidSlayer
You decide you trust Goldteef enough after all, but finding out what all that gesturing was about would still be very useful for such a CHICKEN KNIGHT of letters as yourself. It can wait, though, and you tag along when the bartender opens a trapdoor hidden under a barrel of cheap ale and enter a small but surprisingly clean maze of twisty passages lined with mosaics and tapestries. The Greenscarves here presumably enjoy more success in snagging high-value items. Goldteef strikes up some comprehensible conversation as the party continues walking through increasingly smelly tunnels.
"Fo what happened to the old gang?"
"Well, Redhand's still Master Thief. Mara, Orfin, an' Wigbert are still in charge too, but Bug-Eater Brytha and 'er crew moved out to Baywick last year. Used to complain about the Duke breathing down 'er neck an' jailing 'er henchies, she did. Tane was our last Face and 'e replaced 'er, an' that's why I'm 'ere in the Dancin' Celery servin' drinks. Yup, good ole Bill's bartending now. Also, we've got some company from Asheath. 's why we moved here where it's bigger. How's Inksworth these days?"
"Mifter Holy Knight here recruited our fervifef. We've been running acroff the country looking for fome holy relic. Don't know which one, fough. You wouldn't happen to know anyfing about one, would you?"
"Hmm, holy relics? One o' Wigbert's henchies left after a night in the stocks. Said 'e was goin' to seek help from the gods themselves an' went west. Always was a bit of a fanatic, that chicken. Say, how much are you gettin' paid for runnin' around with knights? Not very scarfy, now, is it?"
"It'f a pittanftanfe for one of my fkill and ekfpertatife, but I'm a proper Rat Thief now. It'f like I'm in a Rofin Ritfard ftory and ftuff."
"Well...that's...great! Anyway, here we are. Leave your weapons in this crate. We promise we won't steal them, hehaha. We're all Gree--actually never mind."
You enter a dim room. A fancy room divider placed halfway across obstructs your view of the far side of the room, but you hear low conversation. Greenscarf bouncers stand guard on either side of the divider and eye your heavily armed party. Doodle-Crow is clumsily hiding the ornate dagger the pheasant bandit leader held inside his clothing. Cluck-Squawk-Cluck and Bawk-Bawk-BAWK are dumping out their rocks. Goldteef's dagger(s) has/have disappeared somehow. Will you comply with Bill's request?
(A) Yes
(B) No (Blatantly stroll in with all the weapons you have on your person)
(C) Not completely (Hide some gear somehow)
Saber
RIGHTEOUS FURY
Decorative lance
Crossbow (0 bolts)
-
Reassure the bartender that we ARE all Greenscarves here, because, logically, if we have joined forces with the Inkswhatever Greenscarves, that makes us Greenscarves by proxy. Leave your weapons in the crate, but ask politely if we can hold onto RIGHTEOUS FURY for its religious sentiment. Still, if the request is refused, bow politely and place it in the crate and plot petty vengeance afterward.
-
They can hold our weapons but they can never hold our RIGHTEOUS FURY!
-
Carefully sequester our RIGHTEOUS FURY in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART. It will be there when we need it!
The rest of our weaponry, the Greenscarves can hang onto for now.
-
Wait, we actually have weapons? I thought we've been pecking things this whole time.
Put a little green scarf around each of our weapons and pretend like they're an exotic sort of animal from out of town. Call anyone who questions them racist.
-
Our weaponry existed in a state of METAPHYSICAL FLUX for awhile, before we got around to taking inventory.
-
Am I the only one who thinks RIGHTEOUS FURY is just the name of an actual physical weapon?
-
Am I the only one who thinks RIGHTEOUS FURY is just the name of an actual physical weapon?
Am I the only one who thinks Saber, Decorative Lance, and Crossbow (0 bolts) are actually just metaphors?
-
Am I the only one who thinks RIGHTEOUS FURY is just the name of an actual physical weapon?
Am I the only one who thinks Saber, Decorative Lance, and Crossbow (0 bolts) are actually just metaphors?
Isn't "Saber" from one of your filthy animu things?
-
Isn't "Saber" from one of your filthy animu things?
Of course. A particularly filthy animu thing at that.
-
Maybe ALL our chicken weapons are animu.
-
Am I the only one who thinks RIGHTEOUS FURY is just the name of an actual physical weapon?
...be sure to make sure RIGHTEOUS FURY isn't an actual physical weapon before we try to sheath it in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART.
-
Carefully sequester our RIGHTEOUS FURY in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART. It will be there when we need it!
The rest of our weaponry, the Greenscarves can hang onto for now.
...be sure to make sure RIGHTEOUS FURY isn't an actual physical weapon before we try to sheath it in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART.
+1 We shall keep our RIGHTEOUS FURY till death do us part. But let's not kill ourselves with it! It would be an awkward end for the sane Chicken Knight we are.
-
Carefully sequester our RIGHTEOUS FURY in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART. It will be there when we need it!
The rest of our weaponry, the Greenscarves can hang onto for now.
...be sure to make sure RIGHTEOUS FURY isn't an actual physical weapon before we try to sheath it in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART.
+1 We shall keep our RIGHTEOUS FURY till death do us part. But let's not kill ourselves with it! It would be an awkward end for the sane Chicken Knight we are.
+1
-
We are all Greenscarves on this blessèd day
+2 from Maximum Spin, Stirk
Even our weapons
+1 from Stirk
Leave weapons in crate
+3 from King Zultan, Superdorf, Yellow Pixel
Ask to hold onto RIGHTEOUS FURY
+1 from Maximum Spin
Keep RIGHTEOUS FURY
+1 from King Zultan, Superdorf, Yellow Pixel
Hide RIGHTEOUS FURY in the cockles of our KNIGHTLY HEART (after making suire it's not a physical weapon)
+3 from Superdorf, Yellow Pixel, King Zultan
"We ARE all Greenscarves here. We joined forces with the Innsmouth Greenscarves, and that makes us Greenscarves by proxy."
The Inksworth Greenscarves give you a dirty look. They evidently remember getting tied up in their own safehouse and having their hard-stolen belongings sold off. It's puzzling that they haven't just run off yet. Maybe it's more profitable to stay? Anyway, you deposit your saber, decorative lance, and crossbow in the crate while hiding your RIGHTEOUS FURY in the cockles of your KNIGHTLY HEART. There will be time to deal with greedy heathens later when you're not in their den, yes. There will always be time to deal with greedy heathens! For now, you follow along to the other side of the divider where everyone seems to be going.
There on the other side of the room, an ape of some sort with reddish hands (Redhand?) is counting money at a round table along with a fancily dressed rat, goat, and wolf as a bored-looking rat footpad looks on. Two piles of coins and jewelry sits at the center of the table, and one of them is noticeably neater than the other. Goldteef is invited to sit at an unoccupied chair. Doodle-Crow is not offered the same courtesy, and he looks somewhat offended. As you all watch in silence, Goldteef catches up with the rat and wolf on the price of cabbages, latest catches, pocket measuring, and other thiefy things. This conversation is accompanied by the same rapid gesturing you saw with the bartender. After what feels like hours of this torment, the goat gestures wildly at the footpad, who runs off. Naturally, this is followed by more incomprehensible conversation between Goldteef and the Greenscarves at the table.
Some time passes, and two footpads bring in a crate of provisions to a mystified-looking Doodle-Crow. Rat Footpad Ratchel giddily tells you you've got free lodging in this Greenscarf base for a month with all supplies covered. You're not sure what to make of this given that this doesn't seem to have anything to do with getting medical supplies to Teford. What did Goldteef even negotiate with the thieves at the table? Regardless, the conversation at the table beginds winding down and sounding more comprehensible as Goldteef bids farewell to the thieves and crosses the dividers with the Inksworth crew in tow. Fido tells you he'll be in his quarters, and half of the Order is waiting on Bawk-Bawk-BAWK and Cluck-Squawk-Cluck as they collect all the rocks they put into the weapon crate. Would you like to stay around to investigate or would you like to leave and do something else? It isn't clear what time it is, but your hunger suggests that it's probably early evening.
RIGHTEOUS FURY
Visored bascinet
Mail hauberk
Leather boots
Round shield
-
I TRUST THESE GREENSCARVES SO MUCH SO MUCH SO THAT WE SHOULD TRAIN OUR CHICKEN SOLDIERS ON HOW TO GUARD AGAINST POSSIBLE BACKSTABBING THIEVES BY HAVING THEM DO A 2 CHICKEN WATCH AT ALL TIMES WHILE WE STAY HERE. SO MUCH TRUST.
-
THEY HAVE A GOAT WITH THEM!!!! THEY ARE CORRUPTED, MAYBE IT EVEN ATE THEIR SOULS!!!!
We must investigate the place without attracting attention and elaborate a plan to take control of the base! But we should beforehand have our dinner with Goldteef and find a way to talk to him privately, to make sure him and the other Footpads will collaborate to our forthcoming assault. We cannot let a rebellion happen now!
-
WaIt aRE gOatS aLLL CoRUpt? iiiii thought WE saW tHEY Are wE MADE a MISTAKE before IN THEM BEING ATTACKED?
-
According to our earlier in-depth research, "goat" is a non-hereditary title which anyone could potentially possess, like "accountant". Therefore, we should not assume that this goat is evil until we have confirmed whether or not it will eat everything.
I also really don't care about these filthy scarf people and just want to add the relic-hunting guy we learned about to our Quest Log while moving on toward Teford.
-
Footchickens Bawk-Bawk-BAWK and Cluck-Squawk-Cluck manage to mine out all the rocks in the weapon crate after a few awkward minutes. It doesn't take long for you and the rest of your order to retrieve your weapons, and after calling Fido back, Bill leads you all back to the Dancing Celery for dinner. Greenscarves are seated everywhere, but you spot a few non-Greenscarves around including the escortees. A footpad seats the Order at a long table and gets the Order's order. After some time, the food arrives. Their biscuits, roasted insects, and summer stew probably aren't the finest in town, but they're leagues ahead of gruel and alleged bread. Of course, this raises further questions about what strings Goldteef may have (inadvertently?) attached, and you resolve to ask after the details with no one snooping in at the earliest opportunity. It looks like you probably won't get a chance today, because Goldteef soon leaves with a band of local and Order Greenscarves on a merry quest for extra money.
You stick around for some time but don't hear anything terribly interesting and elect to turn in. You call up the footchickens and head into the tunnels. After a harrowing walk through the dim, winding passages, a footpad guide finds your party and shows you to the Holy Order's leaders' quarters where you assign watches in case of Greenscarf activity. Doodle-Crow approves of your suspicion and agrees with your suggestion that two chickens be awake at any given time in case anything untoward happens. Tired after being relegated to scenery during the round table discussions, you get second watch and thus turn in right away.
You are rudely roused in the middle of the night by the first watch and begin your vigil with BAWK-Cluck. Goldteef has since returned from his excursions and is sound asleep (+KNIGHTLY CASH, -KNIGHTLY PIETY). You think you see and hear some movement just outside the door from the corridors, but you remain still so as not to draw attention to this room. After some boring time spent inventing explanations for the Teford clues that don't add up, you wake Cluck-Squawk-Cluck and go to bed.
The next morning, all of your belongings are still present and undisturbed. You try to get Goldteef alone so you can ask about what happened but never quite get a clean chance. After a nice nutritious breakfast, you get back on the road. The riding dogs make this leg of the trip much faster and more bearable than previous wilderness excursions. By evening, you can spot Teford in the distance upstream from the river you're following. What would you like to do?
(A) Approach cautiously (any specifics on group positioning?)
(B) Cash in now and head back
(C) Brazenly approach Teford and complete your quest
(D) GIve iN TO KNIGHTLY FURY aNd set thIngs right without a Care
(E) Something else
-
C
-
C
-
C
-
D ATTACK THAT TOWN IM SURE IT HAS DONE SOMETHING WRONG WAIT WHY WHY IS THIS AN OPTION.
-
C: 3
D: 1
Your caravan continues toward Teford, and the escortees begin donning what appear to be beaked masks and oily robes. The clerk takes out a cheap-looking censer and lights it, releasing an almost sickeningly sweet cloud of smoke. One of the recruits whispers something about plague doctors. You soon reach the closed gates of Teford, and the watchman stationed there signals to open the gates on seeing the caravan. The streets are empty and heavy with the stench of refuse. Wailing from one of the houses interrupts the unnerving silence, and everyone draws closer to the carts. Upon reaching a sickhouse, the nurses begin unloading the supplies as Phyllis and the clerk knock at the door. Anxious to leave this disquieting town, the recruits and Greenscarves help unload the carts, and it doesn't take too long to have all the stuff moved inside.
Now that the supplies have been carried into what you assume is Dogtor Jackal's safehouse, Doodle-Crow is given a rather large bag of coins, and you all feel as though a load of some sort has been lifted off your shoulders. (++KNIGHTLY PIETY, ++KNIGHTLY CASH, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN) Regrettably, the escortees are unwilling to part with their carts and hirelings and let you ride off into the sunset for free. The clerk relays Phyllis and Jackal's offer: Half of the money back in exchange for all the carts and horses. As a lot of the Order's belongings are still on the carts, the trip back will likely be a lot slower without the carts and additional horses. What course of action will you recommend here?
(A) Accept the doctors' offer (-KNIGHTLY CASH, +3 carts, +5 draft horses, +1 wooden horse)
(B) Decline the doctors' offer (--CARAVAN SPEED)
(C) Seize the carts and horses (--KNIGHTLY PIETY, +3 carts, +5 draft horses, +1 wooden horse)
(D) Something else
Additionally, would you be willing to stick around to provide assistance?
(A) Yes (+KNIGHTLY CASH, ++KNIGHTLY PIETY, +KNIGHTLY RENOWN, --MORALE, ?HEALTH)
(B) Yes but not to provide assistance (--MORALE, ?HEALTH)
(C) No, return to Shaybury now. REMEMBER HOW THERE'S GOING TO BE A TOURNAMENT?
(D) Burn down Teford! It's the only way to be sure!
(E) Something else
The VOICES are growing LOUDer...
-
B, C
-
AC
-
AE
Send our compatriots back to Shaybury to participate in GloRIoUS StAgED COMbAT. We ourself will remain in Teford: to refresh our PRoTecTIOn against the VOICES, and to render such assistance to the locals as we can provide.
We could do with a bit of time away from the group anyhow. The TRIALS of a PIOUS CHICKEN-KNIGHT ERRANT are best taken alone.
-
A
C
THAT IS A VERY GOOOODD EAL FOR HORSES NORMALLY THAT MUCH MEAT WOULD BE MORE EXPENSIVE.
LET US GO TO THE TOURNAMENT NOW WE CAN BURN THIS CITY TO THE GROUND LATER WHEN IT WILL GIVE US MORE KNIGHTLY DREAD!
ACTUALLY HAVING MORE VOICES IMPROVES US GREATLY DOESN'T IT WE WILL WIN THIS TOURNAMENT YES.
-
A
C
THAT IS A VERY GOOOODD EAL FOR HORSES NORMALLY THAT MUCH MEAT WOULD BE MORE EXPENSIVE.
LET US GO TO THE TOURNAMENT NOW WE CAN BURN THIS CITY TO THE GROUND LATER WHEN IT WILL GIVE US MORE KNIGHTLY DREAD!
ACTUALLY HAVING MORE VOICES IMPROVES US GREATLY DOESN'T IT WE WILL WIN THIS TOURNAMENT YES.
+1 MaYbE It'S NoT ToO BaD tO GivE iN To MaDneSs. JUsT a litTle biT.
-
FUN FACT: IF YOU JUST ANSWER WITH ONE LETTER THAT IS CAPITALIZED YOU ARE TECHNICALLY YELLING LIKE WE DID BACK WHEN IT ALL STARTED.
WE HAVE A BUILT IN BEAK MAKING US A NATURAL PLAGUE DOCTOR, AND THE GODS PROTECT THE NON BEAKED INDIVIDUALS. ANYONE WHO DIES WHILE WORKING HERE SIMPLY WASN'T PIUS ENOUGH. OR EXCESSIVELY PIUS SO THE GODS THOUGHT THEY HAD TO COME HOME IMMEDIATELY.
aa
-
+1 TO KEEPING THE VOICES!
-
Caravan?
Accept: King Zultan, Superdorf, VoidSlayer, Yellow Pixel
Accept but in lowercase: Stirk
Decline: Maximum Spin
Stick around in Teford?
Yes, provide assistance:
Yes: Stirk
No, return to Shaybury: Maximum Spin, King Zultan, VoidSlayer, Yellow Pixel
Yes, but send everyone else back to Shaybury to participate in GloRIoUS StAgED COMbAT: Superdorf
Silence the voices?
Yes: Superdorf
No: VoidSlayer, Yellow Pixel, King Zultan
OVERALL, you'd rather not stick around to see what happens next, and you bring up the coming tournament, but Shaybury's a long way if you have to lug ALL YOUR ITEMS ALONG. You bow to the doctors' SUPERIOR BARGAINING SKILLS and suggest purchasing the carts and hirelings' services. The now-mounted footchickens don't really care, but the recruits and footpads strongly back your HIGHLY LOGICAL AND CHIVALROUS SUGGESTION. With a noble sigh of knightly charity, Doodle-Crow returns half of the reward and leads the Order back to Shaybury (-KNIGHTLY CASH). (Premature?) relief and excitement for the tournament wash over the Order as Teford disappears behind the picturesque hills (+MORALE). It's dark when you get back, and you're glad the local Greenscarves have inexplicably decided to extend their hospitality to the Order. You'll definitely want to find out what Goldteef offered to get such a good deal, though. The hot meals and tidy rooms are a nice change from the cheap inns and stables you've previously stayed at.
As you lie in bed that night, you contemplate your INCREDIBLE SANITY and decide it's probably best to focus on gathering more KNIGHTLY CASH, PIETY, and RENOWN. Although the voices have been prone to disagreement, they've helped somewhat more than they've hurt in the past, and you'll accept any help they'll offer in the tournament.
The next day, after a nice breakfast NOT MADE MOSTLY OF GRUEL, you, the footchickens, Goldteef, two of the horses, and one of the Inksworth recruits go up to the castle to sign up for the autumn tournament. The process is surprisingly painless, and your first event is a ROUND OF GLORIOUS MOUNTED COMBAT DOWN AT THE RACETRACK scheduled for tomorrow morning, ALL WEAPONS AND MOUNTS PROVIDED. You overhear your comrades discussing their asignments, and in a fit of WONDERFUL UNREASON, THE HORSES HAVE ALSO BEEN ASSIGNED TO THE SAME EVENT. They complain about the blatant lack of consideration for accessibility and run off to figt and buy wooden steeds in lieu of the barding they were planning to borrow. Giggling, Goldteef runs off to the market after signing up. YOU WORRY FOR THE POOR SMITHS WHO WILL NO DOUBT SUFFER A GREENSCARF'S "PATRONAGE." The footchickens ask if you'd like to join them in training on their riding dogs with branches. What will you do now? PERHAPS A LITTLE SPYING COULD GIVE YOU A LIST OF YOUR OPPONENTS AND AN UNWARRANTED ADVANTAGE.
(A) TRAIN WITH YOUR BUDDIES
(B) SHOP FOR ARMOR
(C) TOUR THE CASTLE
(D) GET THE LIST OF PARTICIPANTS (BUT HOW?)
(E) STOP GOLDTHIEF
(F) QUELL THE VOICES
(G) SCOUT THE RACETRACK
(H) RELAX BACK AT THE LODGE
(I) SOMETHING ELSE
-
A Training is ALWAYS important!
-
A
-
A
It's okay for holy orders to allow people to steal things if the people who own the things are less pious than you. Everyone knows that.
-
A Training is ALWAYS important!
+1
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THE VOICES UNANIMOUSLY TELL YOU TO GO TRAIN WITH YOUR BUDDIES, AND SINCE YOUR COMRADES FEEL THAT THEY ARE SORELY LACKING IN MOUNTED COMBAT EXPERIENCE, THEY ARE ALL TOO HAPPY TO INVITE YOU ALONG TO LEAD A FEW DRILLS. YOU GO BACK FOR EARLY LUNCH TO "ACQUIRE" A FEW BASKETS OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES FOR TRAINING. BAWK-BAWK-BAWK, CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK, AND FIDO MENTION THAT THEY POOLED A HEFTY BET ON YOU AND WERE GIVEN 64:1 ODDS. THEY BEAM AND DREAM UP USES FOR THE PRIZE MONEY WHEN THEY INEVITABLY WIN. DOODLE-CROW PROUDLY COUNTERS BY ANNOUNCING THAT HE PLACED A BET ON HIMSELF WITH A PAYOUT OF 256:1. YOU SIGH. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL HAVE TO PROVIDE A LECTURE ON GAMBLING INTELLIGENTLY AND/OR RESPONSIBLY. YOU PROD A BIT AND ARE SLIGHTLY RELIEVED TO HEAR THAT THEY DIDN'T BORROW ANY MONEY IN MAKING THEIR BETS. AT LEAST THAT'S ONE ISSUE YOU WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IF THEY LOSE THEIR BETS. YOU SECRETLY WONDER WHAT THE PAYOUTS ON THE OTHER PARTICIPANTS LOOK LIKE. MAYBE YOU, TOO, COULD TRY YOUR HAND AT MAKING SOME EASY MONEY.
ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T TAKE YOU TOO LONG TO FINISH AND GEAR UP FOR TRAINING. YOU "BORROW" A FEW BROOMS YOU FIND LYING AROUND IN A NEARBY CLOSET TO SERVE AS LANCE SURROGATES AND HEAD OUT INTO THE IDYLLIC HILLS WHERE YOU INSTRUCT THE FOOTCHICKENS ON MAKING TARGETS OUT OF THE PRODUCE YOU BROUGHT ALONG AND PLACING THEM DOWN TO CREATE A MAKESHIFT COURSE. YOU BELIEVE REALLY HARD IN THEIR ABILITIES, AND AFTER A SHOCKINGLY BRIEF TRAINING MONTAGE, THE FOOTCHICKENS ARE CONSIDERABLY MORE READY THAN THEY HAVE ANY RIGHT TO BE AS ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS AT MOUNTED COMBAT; SPARRING WITH THEM REVEALS THAT THEY AREN'T NEARLY AS SKILLED AS YOU ARE, BUT THEY'RE MORE COMPETENT THAN THEY SHOULD BE AFTER LESS THAN A DAY OF FAIRLY RELAXED TRAINING. SINCE YOU STILL HAVE SOME SUFFICIENTLY UNDAMAGED PRODUCE, YOU TRY TEACHING THEM ABOUT MOUNTED JAVELIN THROWING, BUT THE BROOMS TURN OUT TO BE TOO POORLY BALANCED FOR THIS. AS A RESULT, YOU CONTINUE WITH THE FUNDAMENTALS OF MOVING FAST AND BREAKING THINGS. WHEN FIDO AND THE OTHER RIDING DOGS ARE TOO TIRED TO CONTINUE AND JUST WATCH FROM THE SHADE, YOU SWITCH TO TARGET PRACTICE WITH ROCKS. CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK COMPLAINS ABOUT NOT LEARNING A MORE PRACTICAL SKILL LIKE KISAT DUR OR SOMETHING. THE TARGET PRACTICE CONTINUES UNTIL THE LAST OF THE NEAR-INTACT APPLES IS SMASHED.
STANDING BY THE THE REMAINS OF A PARTICULARLY JUICY SQUASH, IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A COUPLE DAYLIGHT HOURS YET. THE FOOTCHICKENS ARE PLANNING TO TAKE A "HAUNTED TOUR" OF CASTLE SHAYBURY. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO NEXT? OR WOULD YOU PREFER TO SKIP TO TOMORROW?
(Extra update scheduled ~12h from now)
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Let us take this so called Haunted Tour and see what they try and pass off as ghosts.
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Let us take this so called Haunted Tour and see what they try and pass off as ghosts.
+1
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I agree, let us haunt the tour. Violently.
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WE ARE A CHICKEN OF KNIGHTLY PIETY SO LEAVE EXORCISING GHOSTS TO THE PROPER PRIEST CHICKENS, BUT WE CAN STILL WATCH FOR SOME NEW INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACCRUE KNIGHTLY DREAD FROM THE DEATHLY MONSTROSITIES.
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WE ARE A CHICKEN OF KNIGHTLY PIETY SO LEAVE EXORCISING GHOSTS TO THE PROPER PRIEST CHICKENS, BUT WE CAN STILL WATCH FOR SOME NEW INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACCRUE KNIGHTLY DREAD FROM THE DEATHLY MONSTROSITIES.
I don't think we need a priest to kick some ghost ass, I bet we can figure out how to do it.
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WE ARE A CHICKEN OF KNIGHTLY PIETY SO LEAVE EXORCISING GHOSTS TO THE PROPER PRIEST CHICKENS, BUT WE CAN STILL WATCH FOR SOME NEW INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACCRUE KNIGHTLY DREAD FROM THE DEATHLY MONSTROSITIES.
I don't think we need a priest to kick some ghost ass, I bet we can figure out how to do it.
I BET THE CASTLE THOUGHT THE SAME THING AND NOW LOOK HOW HAUNTED IT IS. WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE OURSELVES ACCIDENTALLY BUILT OVER AN ANCIENT BURIAL GROUND AND GET FURNITURE MOVED AROUND DO WE? NO. DON'T GET HAUNTED!
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WE ARE A CHICKEN OF KNIGHTLY PIETY SO LEAVE EXORCISING GHOSTS TO THE PROPER PRIEST CHICKENS, BUT WE CAN STILL WATCH FOR SOME NEW INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACCRUE KNIGHTLY DREAD FROM THE DEATHLY MONSTROSITIES.
I don't think we need a priest to kick some ghost ass, I bet we can figure out how to do it.
I BET THE CASTLE THOUGHT THE SAME THING AND NOW LOOK HOW HAUNTED IT IS. WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE OURSELVES ACCIDENTALLY BUILT OVER AN ANCIENT BURIAL GROUND AND GET FURNITURE MOVED AROUND DO WE? NO. DON'T GET HAUNTED!
BUT, we ain't afraid of no ghost!
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WE ARE A CHICKEN OF KNIGHTLY PIETY SO LEAVE EXORCISING GHOSTS TO THE PROPER PRIEST CHICKENS, BUT WE CAN STILL WATCH FOR SOME NEW INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACCRUE KNIGHTLY DREAD FROM THE DEATHLY MONSTROSITIES.
I don't think we need a priest to kick some ghost ass, I bet we can figure out how to do it.
I BET THE CASTLE THOUGHT THE SAME THING AND NOW LOOK HOW HAUNTED IT IS. WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE OURSELVES ACCIDENTALLY BUILT OVER AN ANCIENT BURIAL GROUND AND GET FURNITURE MOVED AROUND DO WE? NO. DON'T GET HAUNTED!
I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE ALREADY HAUNTED. ONE OF THESE VOICES IS PROBABLY A GHOST OR SOMETHING.
ITS PROBABLY THE ONE WHO REALLY WANTS US TO SEE GHOSTS.
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YOU'RE NOT SURE IF YOU'RE NOT ALREADY HAUNTED YOURSELF, BUT THE VOICES SEEM TO WANT TO GO ON THE GHOST TOUR. YOU JOIN THE "HAUNTED" TOUR OF CASTLE SHAYBURY. YOUR TOUR GUIDE, A VERY TALKATIVE GOAT OF A DUCK NAMED DOUG, DOESN'T TAKE TOO LONG TO GATHER A DECENT CROWD LARGELY MADE UP OF FELLOW TOURNAMENT HOPEFULS AND RAVING FANS. YOU ASK AROUND ABOUT WHETHER ANY OF THE FANS ARE YOUR FANS AND ARE DISAPPOINTED TO FIND OUT THAT THERE ARE NOT IN FACT ANY B-KAWK FANS IN ATTENDANCE. YOU CLUCK RESOLUTELY AND SWEAR TO CHANGE THAT TOMORROW AND GET A FEW WEIRD LOOKS. ANYWAY, IT SOUNDS LIKE DOUG HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.
"WOOOOOooooo! Welcome, mortals, to the haunted bowels of Castle Shaybury. Built on an ancient Cyanite gravesite hundreds of years ago, Castle Shaybury looms ominously over the Saven Hills as a monument to the martial prowess of its proud owners and the countless warriors felled by their merciless swords. From the bloodthirsty Bryk of the Lakes of ancient times to your host, the fearsome Duke Cyne IX of Shaybury, the lords of this castle have always been skilled at turning their foes into ghosts. Let those of you who are easily frightened turn back now ere you gaze into the very eyes of DEATH!"
"Also, as this is not an officially sanctioned tour, let those among you who would call down the Duke or his associates come forward that you may accept a peace offering from the spirits!"
A GIANT SNAIL WEARING AN AWFUL MASK THAT LOOKS A BIT LIKE A HAIRLESS APE'S FACE SLIDES UP AND ACCEPTS THE "PEACE OFFERING FROM THE SPIRITS," A SMALL BRIBE. WITH THEIR LITTLE ACT OF PETTY CORRUPTION DONE, THE SNAIL SLIDES OFF TO FIND ANOTHER TOUR GUIDE TO EXTORT.
"Let the tour begin! Behold the Portal of En-trance-ment, said to have been built from the wood of a tree planted over a magician's corpse. Some say that if you listen closely, you can still hear faint screams whenever the Portal is opened or closed, but right now, all you'll hear is people setting up the Chamber of Gluttony for the feasts. Now we'll take this side passage, mind your step. The suits of armor along this hallway are still haunted by their former wearers."
NONE OF THIS SEEMS HAUNTED TO YOU, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE PAYING FOR THE TOUR OR ANYTHING. THE NEXT AREA IS A SMALL AND RATHER DARK CORRIDOR.
"These are the old servants' quarters. You may be wondering why they aren't in use any more. Well, wonder no more, foolish mortals. Cyne III was possessed by evil spirits. He wasn't a particularly stable Duke of Shaybury. Whenever peace broke out, he'd be miserable, bored, and here at home with nothing to do. One day, he fell ill and blamed the servants' cooking. Armed with mole-forged weapons and leading a squad of his most loyal knights, he ran through the halls slaughtering all the servants. Even today, more than a hundred years later, people in town say they can still see blood seeping from the stones of the castle and hear the anguished screams of the servants. Now if you'll keep going, whoa, watch your step, we'll be going downstairs for a peek at the catacombs."
THE GROUP SHUFFLES ALONG INTO AN EVEN DARKER ROOM. THIS IS EVEN LESS EXCITING THAN A NON-HAUNTED TOUR OF THE CASTLE.
"Behold the chamber of wine! And come to think of it, is it not so that wine is a kind of undead fruit juice? But what we're after tonight is a view of the catacombs. Gaze upon this hole in the floor, and behold the very ash of mortality! It goes without saying that catacombs are highly haunted places, and *ahem*, perhaps the spirits will humor us today."
YOU LOOK THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE FLOOR AND CAN MAKE OUT RECESSES IN THE WALLS OF VARIOUS SIZES AND SHAPES. YOUR APPRECIATION OF THE SCARCELY VISIBLE MARVELS IS SUDDENLY INTERRUPTED BY A BLOODCURDLING SCREAM AND ECTOPLASMIC RUSTLING! THE DOOR LEADING TO THE STAIRCASE OUT SLAMS SHUT, AND EVERYTHING IS DARK. YOU HEAR SCUFFLING, RUSTLING, AND A FEW LOUD THUMPS. YOU DRAW YOUR CROSSBOW AND PREPARE FOR BATTLE, BUT SOON, THE FLAPPING STOPS AND THE DOOR TO THE STAIRCASE SLAMS BACK OPEN. YOU SEE SEVERAL FELLOW TOURISTS ON THE GROUND. YOU LOOK TO WHERE DOUG WAS AND SEE HIS CLOTHES ON THE GROUND AND A DISTINCT LACK OF DOUG. COULD IT BE THAT YOUR HAMMY AND INCREDIBLY FAKE HAUNTED TOUR GUIDE WAS A HAUNTING GHOST AFTER ALL? THOSE STILL STANDING (WHICH THANKFULLY INCLUDES MOST OF THE ARMED TOURISTS, HOLY ORDER FOOTCHICKENS INCLUDED) HUDDLE AND LOOK AROUND NERVOUSLY.
"What happened? My bag's missing!"
"Let's...let's get out of here. I don't like this tour any more."
"My bag's missing too, and I can't see well enough to find it! Anyone got any light?"
"We should make sure the unconscious people are safe and not possessed first."
"CLUCK CLUCK BAWK CLUCK SQUAWK BAWK?"
"OK, I'll carry the arms, and you can carry the legs. The stairs might be tricky, though."
"What about Doug's clothes? We need to bury them or he'll haunt us forever."
"BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK SQUAWK BAWK!"
"I don't think that's how ghosts work either, but what can it hurt?""
"SQUAWK CLUCK CLUCK BAWK SQUAWK."
"Ghosts are not hissier goats, don't be silly!"
YOU HELP CARRY AN UNCONSCIOUS VICTIM OF THE FURIOUS SPIRITS' ATTACK OUT OF THE CASTLE. ONE OF THE CONTESTANT-LOOKING PIGEONS APPEARS TO HAVE CARRIED DOUG'S CLOTHES OUTSIDE. YOU MENTALLY PERFORM THE CYANITE SALUTE AT THIS NONSENSE. YOUR COMRADES ARE RELIEVED TO FIND THAT THEY HAVEN'T LOST ANYTHING. YOU CHECK, AND YOU, TOO HAVEN'T LOST ANY OF YOUR BELONGINGS. SOME OF YOUR FELLOW TOURISTS HAVE, HOWEVER, LOST THEIR MONEY AND/OR THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS. IN A RARE MOMENT OF NON-JINGOISTIC FANATICISM, YOUR RIGHTEOUS FURY HUMS WITH CONVICTION. "WE MUST PUNISH THOSE GHOSTLY RAPSCALLIONS," IT SEEMS TO SAY. HOWEVER, IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET ENOUGH FOOD AND REST ON THE EVE OF THE TOURNAMENT. WHAT'LL IT BE?
(A) AVENGE THE VICTIMS OF THE HAUNTED CASTLE. (BUT HOW?)
(B) GO BACK AND REST UP. (SKIPS TO TOURNAMENT)
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A Burn the place down with the ghosts inside. If it's not flammable enough, just COLLAPSE IT.
Also these are clearly fake ghosts who have just mugged everyone. I hope we're not dumb enough not to realise this.
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A) THESE ARE CLEARLY THE GHOSTS OF THE SERVANTS, WHO FEAR WEAPONS AND KNIGHTS, EXPLAINING WHY THEY HAD LEFT THE ARMED/KNIGHTLY PATRONS ALONE. AND WHY THEY STEAL THINGS. SERVANTS STEAL THINGS ALL THE TIME WHEN THEY ARE DISGRUNTLED. IF WE HIT EVERYTHING IN THE CASTLE WITH A WEAPON OR POSSIBLY A KNIGHT WE SHOULD DRIVE THE SPIRITS AWAY. MAYBE TO THE AFTERLIFE. MAYBE JUST TO SOMETHING ELSE. SPIRIT DRIVING ISN'T AN EXACT SCIENCE.
ALSO THESE ARE CLEARLY REAL GHOSTS AND I HOPE WE'RE NOT NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO NOT NOT REALIZE THIS.
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A STICK TO THE PREVIOUS PLAN (MOSTLY): HAUNT THE CATACOMBS AND SCARE THOSE THIEVES TO DEATH, WITH SUITABLE LEVEL OF VIOLENCE IF FEAR ALONE DON'T SUFFICE TO KILL THEM. IF THEY AREN'T THIEVES BUT REAL GHOSTS, SCARE THEM SO MUCH THAT IT WILL MAKE THEM LEAVE THE CASTLE FOREVER AND SEND THEM TO THE AFTERDEATH!
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A LET US USE OUR WEAPONS TO FIGHT ALL THESE FAKE ASS GHOSTS, BUT FIRST WE NEED TO FIND THEM AND HOW DO WE DO THAT WHY WE LET OUT RIGHTEOUS FURY GUIDE US TO VICTORY!
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+1 BURN OR COLLAPSE THIS AWFUL CASTLE
YOU PICK UP AN ORNATE CANDLESTICK AND NARROW YOUR CHICKEN EYES. THE CROWD INVISIBLE EGGS YOU ON AS YOU, NOBLE SIR B-KAWK, PARAGON OF KNIGHTLY VIRTUE, LEVEL YOUR MAKESHIFT LANCE AT THE UNDEFEATED SIR SHAYBURY-BANNER-HANGING-ON-WALL. YOU ACCELERATE TO A NICE CLIP AND IMPALE THE EVIL CHAMPION IN THE NAME OF THE CHICKEN GODS! THEY PUT UP A FEROCIOUS RESISTANCE, AND A PAINTING AND SHIELD ARE SET AFLAME DURING YOUR FIRST TWO CHARGES. ON THE THIRD, YOU HIT YOUR OPPONENT WITH DEVASTATING EFFECT TO THE DETRIMENT OF YOUR CANDLE, AND SIR SHAYBURY-BANNER-BURNING-ON-WALL CRACKLES AS THE FIERY LEGIONS OF HECK COME TO CLAIM ASHEN SOUL. (3 GHOSTS EXPELLED) ITS WORK DONE, THE CANDLE AT THE END OF YOUR CANDLESTICK LANCE BREAKS AND FALLS OFF, AND THE DEMONS CLAIM THE INNOCENT JOUSTING TRACK SET ON THE FLOOR. (1 GHOST EXPELLED)
+1 EXORCISE EVERYTHING IN THE CASTLE WITH YOUR SWORD
MAYBE THE CANDLESTICK WASN'T WEAPONLY ENOUGH. NOW BEGINS THE SECOND PHASE OF YOUR STRUGGLE AGAINST THE GHASTLY SQUATTERS OF CASTLE SHAYBURY. YOU DRAW YOUR SWORD AND SLASH SLASH SLASH AS YOU EXORCISE THE HAUNTED OBJECTS IN THE CASTLE WITH FANCIFUL AND HOLY BLADEWORK! A STRIKE HERE, AND A STAB THERE, AND A FLURRY OF BLOWS HERE, AND YOU SHRED TWO PORTRAITS OF DEAD DUKES NO ONE CARES ABOUT AND A BORING OLD RUG THAT MUST HAVE BEEN POSSESSED (FOR WHY ELSE WOULD ANYONE WILLINGLY SPREAD SUCH AN UGLY THING?). (3 GHOSTS EXPELLED) YOU ALSO MANAGE TO SAVAGE A TABLE AND SOME CHAIRS THAT LOOKED LIKE PRIME POLTERGEIST HOVELS. THE CASTLE IS NOW SLIGHTLY LESS HAUNTED. (3 GHOSTS EXPELLED)
+2 HAUNT THE CATACOMBS AND SCARE THE THIEVES/GHOSTS TO DEATH WITH VIOLENCE
YOU FLUTTER DOWN INTO THE CATACOMBS TO SCARE THE NEXT BATCH OF THIEVES TO DEATH WITH VIOLENCE AND/OR THREATS OF VIOLENCE. SURE ENOUGH, YOU SOON HEAR DOUG GIVING HIS STUPID SPIEL ON THE CATACOMBS. YOU LEAP BACK OUT OF THE HOLE LEADING INTO THE CATACOMBS AND DEMAND THAT ALL THIEVES, GHOSTLY OR OTHERWISE, REVEAL THEMSELVES AT ONCE OR TASTE COLD STEEL. THIS DREADFOWL RACKET SENDS EVERYONE INTO A PANIC, AND SEVERAL PEOPLE BUMP INTO YOUR SWORD ON THE WAY OUT AS DOUG WARNS EVERYONE OF BANDIT GHOSTS THREATENING TO ASSAULT INNOCENT TOURISTS AND CALLS FOR GUARDS. YOU DON'T HEAR ANYONE ELSE NEARBY AT THE MOMENT. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO NEXT?
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QUICK STAB DOUG, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE EVERYONE FROM THE GHOSTS!
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QUICK STAB DOUG, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE EVERYONE FROM THE GHOSTS!
+1NEVER MIND SEE BELOW!
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QUICK STAB DOUG, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE EVERYONE FROM THE GHOSTS!
THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS! THAT IS WHY HE IS CALLING THE GUARDS DESPITE BEING A THIEVING GHOST! WHEN THEY SHOW UP AND WE'RE STABBING HIM THEY'LL BLAME US FOR THE THIEVERY AND THE STABBING!
INSTEAD WE SHOULD STAB OURSELVES. THAT WAY HE GETS THE PROPER BLAME FOR HIS SINS.
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DOUG IS IRRELEVANT, AND SLAUGHTERING HIM WOULD BE DISHONORABLE. PROCEED INTO THE CASTLE PROPER, AND SEARCH FOR POLTERGEISTS THERE.
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DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE MAD VOICES, LISTEN TO THE RIGHTEOUS FURY!
I ALSO CHANGED MY MIND, SEE BELOW.
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RIGHTEOUS FURY MAY BE SAFELY VENTED ON SKULLDUGGEROUS FURNITURE!
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SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, GRAB DOUG AND GET OUT OF THERE!
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WE SURE ARE ON TRACK TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT WITH ALL THIS PRACTICE!
IF GUARDS STOP US INFORM THEM OF THE DANGEROUS BANDIT GHOSTS WE FOUGHT OFF.
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SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, GRAB DOUG AND GET OUT OF THERE!
+1 LET US KIDNAP THIS GHOST AND RUN!
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SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, GRAB DOUG AND GET OUT OF THERE!
+1 LET US KIDNAP THIS GHOST AND RUN!
+1 BUT KNOCK HIM OUT BEFORE TO STOP HIS BLATHERING.
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I faded for a time, and come back to a plan about kidnapping g a ghost, I must assume there is a reason, so if this is to be done, it needs to be placed in a body it can’t get out of, since any restraints we would have only work against corporeal creatures
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SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, GRAB DOUG AND GET OUT OF THERE!
+1 LET US KIDNAP THIS GHOST AND RUN!
+1 BUT KNOCK HIM OUT BEFORE TO STOP HIS BLATHERING.
AFTER A FURTIVE WRASSLE IN THE SHADOWS, YOU MANAGE TO GRAB DOUG, WHO IT TURNS OUT IS PROBABLY THE GHOST RINGLEADER OR SOMETHING, AND KNOCK HIM OUT (+KNIGHTLY PIETY). YOU SIGNAL YOUR FELLOW KNIGHTS TO FLEE THE SCENE, AND YOU SUCCESSFULLY MANAGE TO EVADE THE GUARDS ON THE WAY OUT. AFTER A NEAR MISS WITH THE TOWN PATROLS, YOU STOP IN AN ALLEY TO CONSIDER YOUR NEXT MOVES ON THE WAY BACK TO YOUR LODGINGS.
(A) "CLUCK CLUCK, SQUAWK!!!" (TAKE THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE DESPITE THE PATROLS!)
(B) "CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK. BAWK CLUCK CLUCK." (SPLIT UP AND USE SIDE STREETS TO EVADE THE PATROLS)
(C) "SQUAWK DUCK SQUAWK! BAWK CLUCK CLUCK." (DUMP THE GHOST HERE AND TAKE THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE)
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B
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A. GHOST ARE INVISIBLE! THE LAW HAS NOTHING ON US!
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A. GHOST ARE INVISIBLE! THE LAW HAS NOTHING ON US!
+1
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A. GHOST ARE INVISIBLE! THE LAW HAS NOTHING ON US!
+1
ULTIMATELY, YOU DECIDE TO JUST RUSH FOR YOUR LODGINGS AND MANAGE TO AVOID GETTING STOPPED BY ANY PATROLS. GIVEN THE TOURNAMENT TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FOR DINNER?
(A) THIS INN'S GRUEL IS THE TASTIEST FOOD IN ALL THE LANDS! (THIS OPTION IS AVAILABLE BECAUSE OF YOUR LOW LEARNING SKILL)
(B) VENTURE OUT AGAIN IN SEARCH OF SOMETHING BETTER (LIKE WHAT?)
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A
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A GRUEL IS THE FOOD OF THE GODS!
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A
IF WE HAD HIGHER LEARNING WE WOULD KNOW IT WAS THE TASTIEST IN THE MULTIVERSE!
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A
A GRUEL IS THE FOOD OF THE GODS!
A
IF WE HAD HIGHER LEARNING WE WOULD KNOW IT WAS THE TASTIEST IN THE MULTIVERSE!
YEAH! EVERYONE KNOWS THIS INN'S GRUEL IS THE BEST IN ALL THE MULTIVERSE! OBVIOUSLY THAT'S WHY THE INNKEEPER CAN ONLY GIVE YOU A TINY BOWL OF THE STUFF! ANYWAY, YOU AND YOUR FELLOW KNIGHTS ENJOY THIS FINE MEAL ON PAIN OF BEING KICKED OUT TO SHOP AROUND FOR OTHER FOOD AND HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.
THE TOURNAMENT HAS COME AT LAST! THERE WILL BE OVER 100 PARTICIPANTS IN THIS ROUND, AND YOUR BRACKET IS MADE UP OF FOUR TEAMS OF THREE FIGHTERS EACH. A BALD BOOKIE COMES UP TO YOU BEFORE YOUR FIGHT STARTS AND OFFERS TO TAKE BETS FROM YOU FIGHTERS. HOW DID HE EVER GET IN HERE? ANYWAY, HE GIVES YOUR ODDS OF TAKING FIRST PLACE AS 130:1. AS YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES ARM YOURSELVES WITH TOURNAMENT LOANER SWORDS AND SHIELDS, YOU MAY AS WELL CONSIDER YOUR OPENING STRATEGY FOR THIS ROUND.
(A) CHARGE IN AGGRESSIVELY! SLASH! STAB!
(B) ADVANCE SLOWLY UNDER COVER OF SHIELD
ADDITIONALLY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLACE ANY BETS?
(1) PLACE A BET ON YOURSELF (-KNIGHTLY CASH)
(2) GAMBLING IS A SIN! (+KNIGHTLY PIETY)
(3) GAMBLING IS A CRIME! (+KNIGHTLY RENOWN)
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B2
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B2
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A1! RUB THE BALD MAN'S HEAD FOR LUCK!
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YOU CAN'T DENY THE APPEAL OF A GOOD BERSERK CHARGE, BUT YOU ULTIMATELY AGREE ON ADVANCING SLOWLY WITH YOUR SHIELDS UP. THERE APPEAR TO BE TWO TEAMS EQUIPPED WITH TOURNAMENT-SAFE BOWS AND ARROWS AND ANOTHER TEAM EQUIPPED WITH SWORD AND SHIELD AS WELL. YOUR CAUTIOUS ADVANCE SEES ONE OF THE TEAMS OF ARCHERS WIPED OUT BY THE OTHER INFANTRY TEAM BEFORE YOU JOIN THE MELEE. YOUR TEAMMATES ARE SOMEWHAT LESS THAN COMPETENT TODAY, AND ONE OF YOUR TEAMMATES, THE TIMID OTTER, IS QUICKLY KNOCKED OUT BY A VOLLEY OF ARROWS. YOUR DEFENSIVE STRATEGY IS REWARDED AS YOU CONTINUALLY REBALANCE THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE TWO OTHER REMAINING TEAMS UNTIL YOU AND YOUR SURVIVING TEAMMATE THE ORNAMENTED TORTISE EMERGE THE VICTORS OF THIS ROUND!
THE SECOND ROUND NOW APPROACHES WITH 31 FIGHTERS ASIDE FROM YOURSELF. THERE WILL BE TWO TEAMS OF FOUR FIGHTERS EACH, AND YOUR TEAM IS MADE UP OF TWO MOUNTED COMBATANTS ON FINELY WHITTLED TOURNAMENT HORSES WITH SAFETY LANCES AND SHIELDS AND TWO ARCHERS. RAT FOOTPAD RATCHEL HAS ALREADY CALLED DIBS ON ONE OF THE HORSES, AND IT APPEARS FOOTCHOOK CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK WILL BE FIGHTING ON THE OTHER TEAM.
(A) RUN THE FOOLS DOWN WITH YOUR LANCE!
(B) PICK OFF STRAGGLERS AND AVOID GETTING HIT BY ENEMY LANCERS
(C-Z) SOMETHING MORE SOPHISTICATED?
UNDETERRED BY YOUR REFUSAL TO PLACE BETS IN THE LAST ROUND, THE BALD BOOKIE COMES AGAIN OFFERING A PAYOUT OF 29:1. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLACE ANY BETS?
(1) PLACE A BET ON YOURSELF (-KNIGHTLY CASH)
(2) JUST SAY NEIGH TO GAMBLING! (+KNIGHTLY PIETY)
(3) GUARDS! GUARDS! (+KNIGHTLY RENOWN?)
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A3
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A2
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A1! GOD PLAYS DICE!
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A3
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YOU CALL IN THE GUARDS, WHO ASK IF THERE'S A PROBLEM. YOU POINT OUT THE BALD BOOKIE, AND THE GUARDS SMIRK AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
"I don't see no problem here, do you?" ASKS ONE OF THE GUARDS.
"...Only a fighter who doesn't like wearing armor," SAYS THE OTHER.
THEY LEAVE CHUCKLING. IT LOOKS LIKE THE GUARDS ARE IN ON THE GAMBLING! IT MIGHT BE BEST NOT TO DRAW TOO MUCH ATTENTION UNTIL THE TOURNAMENT IS OVER.
OUT ON THE FIELD, YOU RUSH THE ARCHERS OF THE OTHER TEAM ON YOUR OAKEN STEED AND MANAGE TO KNOCK ONE OUT ALMOST RIGHT OUT THE GATE! CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK TAKES SURPRISINGLY LITTLE TIME TO GET USED TO HER STEED AND LANDS A SQUARE HIT ON ONE OF YOUR ARCHERS MERE SECONDS LATER. HAVING SELECTED A RATHER UNWIELDY HORSE WITH A VERY CURVED BASE RATCHEL, UNLUCKILY, ISN'T DOING SO WELL AND IS SOON KNOCKED OUT BY THE OTHER TEAM'S OTHER LANCER AFTER BEING TURNED INTO A PINCUSHION BY THEIR REMAINING ARCHER AND YOUR OWN ARCHER'S WILD SHOTS.
YOU PRESS ON AND SOON MANAGE TO UNHORSE THE OTHER TEAM'S OTHER LANCER SHORTLY BEFORE YOU GET A SOLID BLOW IN. CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK MANAGES TO KNOCK YOUR REMAINING ARCHER OUT COLD, LEAVING THIS A TWO ON ONE MATCH. CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK FOLLOWS CLOSELY AS YOU TRY TO GET RID OF THE ENEMY ARCHER, AND AFTER A LONG CHASE, YOU FEINT AND MANAGE TO GET CLUCK-SQUAWK-CLUCK TO RAM INTO A WALL WHERE SHE IS EASILY DISPATCHED. AT THIS POINT, ELIMINATING THE LAST ARCHER IS CHILD'S PLAY.
IT APPEARS 8 FIGHTERS ADVANCED TO THIS ROUND. YOUR NEXT FIGHT PITS FOUR TEAMS OF ONE FIGHTER EACH. IT ISN'T CLEAR HOW THE OTHER FIGHTERS WILL BE EQUIPPED, BUT YOU'RE ASSIGNED A SIMPLE STAFF AND NO SHIELD. SMILING FIENDISHLY, THE BALD BOOKIE DROPS IN QUICKLY AND ASKS IF YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR MIND. HE OFFERS YOU A PAYOUT OF 3:1, WHICH YOU DISTANTLY CONSIDER SOMEWHAT FLATTERING IF UNLIKELY TO RETURN MUCH.
(A) CHARGE IN AGGRESSIVELY!
(B) LET THEM FIGHT IT OUT AND THEN TAKE OUT THE TIRED WINNER
(C) SEE IF SOMEONE IS EQUIPPED WITH ________ AND SWAP GEAR BY FORCE
(D-Z) SOMETHING ELSE
(1) PLACE A BET ON YOURSELF (-KNIGHTLY CASH)
(2) SAY NEIGH TO AYE, SAY PIE TO GAMBLING! (+KNIGHTLY PIETY)
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B2
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B2
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B1! BET ON IT!
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AGAIN, YOU REFUSE TO PLACE ANY BETS. "YOUR LOSS," THE BALD BOOKIE MUTTERS AS HE LEAVES FOR ANOTHER TEAM'S LOCKERS. YOU WIELD THE AWKWARDLY HEAVY SWORD AND STROLL OUT INTO THE ARENA FOR THE PENULTIMATE FIGHT. ASIDE FROM YOU, THIS ROUND HAS A LUCKY MOUNTED FIGHTER WITH A SWORD AND SHIELD, A DISMOUNTED FIGHTER WITH A SWORD AND SHIELD, AND AN ARCHER. THE ARENA BEING RATHER SMALL, THE ARCHER IS FAIRLY QUICKLY ELIMINATED, AND THEN THE MOUNTED CHALLENGER DECIDES YOU'RE NOT PARTICIPATING ENOUGH AND CHARGES YOU. LUCKILY, THE CRAMPED ARENA DOESN'T ALLOW MUCH IN THE WAY OF WINDUP SPACE, AND AFTER A FEW CHARGES THAT CAN BARELY BE CONSIDERED CHARGES, YOU AND THE OTHER UNMOUNTED FIGHTER MANAGE TO PUT AN END TO THIS FARCE. THIS LEAVES YOU AND THE CONTESTANT WITH THE SWORD AND SHIELD. RECALLING YOUR KNIGHTLY TRAINING, YOU DANCE ABOUT STAYING JUST OUT OF RANGE WHILE LANDING HITS ON THE SHIELD WHENEVER POSSIBLE. EVENTUALLY, THE SHIELD FALLS APART, AND IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG FOR YOUR OPPONENT TO SLIP UP AND FALL TO A SNEAKY STRIKE.
YOUR LAST FIGHT WILL BE A DUEL WITH THE LOCAL CHAMPION, SIR ESTOS. THIS TIME, YOU ARE GIVEN A SIMPLE POLE, AND THE BALD BOOKIE SIMPLY COMES IN TO SNEER AT YOU BEFORE LEAVING. YOUR TROOPS HAVE COME TO VISIT AND CHEER YOU ON (EXCEPT DOODLE-CROW, WHO IS GLUM ABOUT HAVING LOST HIS ENTIRE BET (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=177050.msg8193975#msg8193975) AND IS BLAMING IT ON BEING IN ESTOS' BRACKET.) THOSE IN ESTOS' BRACKET OFFER YOU SOME INSIGHT ON DEFEATING ESTOS.
(A) BAWK-CLUCK: "CLUCK SQUAWWWK! BAWK BAWK BAWK CLUCK BAWK CLUCK." (ESTOS' GUARD IS PERFECT! YOU'LL NEED TO FIND A WAY TO GET AROUND IT.)
(B) GOLDTEEF: "There'f no ufe dodging hif attackf. Tha'd do well ftanding tha'f ground and blocking."
(C) BAWK-BAWK-BAWK: "CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK SQUAWK CLUCK BAWK SQUAWK." (ESTOS ALWAYS LANDS HIS HITS, SO YOU'LL JUST NEED TO WEAR HIM DOWN FASTER THAN HE CAN WEAR YOU DOWN.)
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CAB
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CAB!
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A! IF HE NEVER MISSES WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE HIM OUT FAST!