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You're in Times Square, New York amidst a bustling crowd when every screen in sight proclaims that the game is ending in ten turns. What do you do?
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Build a time machine.
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Do nothing.
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redefine the word 'turn' to make the game last longer.
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Spin around ten times.
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Drop kick a baby.
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Go get a beer
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Express mild interest at this viral marketing campaign before continuing on my day
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This Game Will End In Nine Turns
Build a time machine.
(2) Out of what, your shoelaces?
Do nothing.
(4) With a Herculean effort, you prevent yourself from doing absolutely anything, including breathing.
redefine the word 'turn' to make the game last longer.
(5-3) The laws of reality care nothing for your petty human language!
Spin around ten times.
(5) You don't stop at ten; you spin around fifty times! A hundred! And you aren't even nauseous! You're the greatest spinner in the world! Ballet dancers from around the globe gather in the square to take pirouette lessons from you!
Drop kick a baby.
(2) Nearby mothers sense your nefarious intent and wheel their strollers away.
Go get a beer
(1) You can't. Last Tuesday, the City of New York enacted the New Prohibition.
Express mild interest at this viral marketing campaign before continuing on my day
(3) It's a bit hard to escape the Square with the fuss people are making. Eventually, you do, but you miss your bus. You're going to be late!
The screens turn an ominous red.
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I reject the game's reality and substitute it with my own!
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Build a time machine with my shoelaces.
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Since there's no beer, I make moonshine
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Well that's mildly annoying luckily this is New York so I can just take a taxi.
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Do nothing.
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YOU CAN'T HIDE YOUR BABIES FROM ME I WILL FIND THEM AND I WILL KICK THEM!!!!
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Observe that I have undergone a hundred turns, which is to say, more than ten. Therefore the game should already have ended.
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This Game Will End In Eight Turns
I reject the game's reality and substitute it with my own!
(1-3) I don't even know how to handle a -2. I think you just die?
Build a time machine with my shoelaces.
(1) You tie your shoelaces together, fall over, and hit your face on the ground. Several people laugh.
Since there's no beer, I make moonshine
(3) You come across a conveniently abandoned still in a dark corner of the square. If only you had something to put in it...
Well that's mildly annoying luckily this is New York so I can just take a taxi.
(2) You call Dial-a-Taxi. They say the closest car is ten turns away. Unfortunate!
Do nothing.
(4) You continue. Not even the tips of your toes move. You begin to asphyxiate.
YOU CAN'T HIDE YOUR BABIES FROM ME I WILL FIND THEM AND I WILL KICK THEM!!!!
(3) You espy the Last Baby being wheeled out of the square twenty feet away.
Observe that I have undergone a hundred turns, which is to say, more than ten. Therefore the game should already have ended.
(3) Yes, but not for anyone else. You begin to disintegrate.
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Do nothing.
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Retie my shoes and go to work.
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CHASE DOWN THAT BABY, GRAB, THEN KICK THE SHIT OUT OF IT!
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Search for something to distill
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I sigh
Is turns a new unit of measurement now? Well it's still New York so the subway is always an option.
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Respawn and remind the GM that, if the game ends, they will be obliged to run a Gridhood game.
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Buy last minute tickets for the game.
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This Game Will End In Seven Turns
Do nothing.
(3) As your vision blurs, you involuntarily take a breath. Damn! At least you haven't moved.
Retie my shoes and go to work.
(5) Passerby compliment you on your skillful knots as you walk to work. No surprise there: you work at String Co.
CHASE DOWN THAT BABY, GRAB, THEN KICK THE SHIT OUT OF IT!
(3) You get as far as grabbing the baby, but it's hard to kick it when the mother is bashing your shins with the stroller.
Search for something to distill
(2) No fruit is at hand; the pigeons probably ate it all.
I sigh
Is turns a new unit of measurement now? Well it's still New York so the subway is always an option.
(5) The subway enters the station just as you do. It's a smooth trip to your employer,
Respawn and remind the GM that, if the game ends, they will be obliged to run a Gridhood game.
(5) The GM, who was not informed of this, requests an explanation.
Buy last minute tickets for the game.
(4) You snag one off a scalper at a merely semi-exorbitant rate. The stadium is just down the street; if you hurry, you might make the final inning!
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Oh well. Do nothing.
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explain to the GM what a Gridhood game is.
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Look for Craigslist recruitment ads for villainous organizations. Maybe I can join whoever is ending the game.
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Clock in and start tying up those loose ends at my job.
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Hit the mother with the baby to get her to stop.
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Catch a pigeon and make moonshine out of it!
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Clock in and start working.
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This Game Will End In Six Turns
Oh well. Do nothing.
(1) You spontaneously launch into a one-man musical performance whose lyrics reveal the secret of dark matter. You are hailed as the greatest scientist—and singer—in the history of the world!
explain to the GM what a Gridhood game is.
(1) What the GM wanted to know was why this game ending would mean they'd have to run one, not what they are! The GM is enraged!
Look for Craigslist recruitment ads for villainous organizations. Maybe I can join whoever is ending the game.
(2) Even villains won't stoop to advertise on Craigslist.
Clock in and start tying up those loose ends at my job.
Clock in and start working.
(1, 2) Coincidentally, the two of you work at the same company. At the moment, you've teamed up to write a 3,000-page project proposal of which you've outlined the first page and a half. Good luck!
Hit the mother with the baby to get her to stop.
(6) Your Baby Buster sends the mother flying! Unfortunately, you slacken your grip at an inopportune moment and the baby is also sent flying. A Pyrrhic victory indeed!
Catch a pigeon and make moonshine out of it!
(6) Pigeon moonshine turns out to be highly potent! So potent, in fact, that the police sniff its fumes from a mile away and arrest you on the spot. You are now in court; how do you plead?
I swear I'm not rigging these rolls
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Chase after that flying baby so I can kick it!
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I plead not guilty and ask if I can go now to grab a drink
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“Well, if you don’t know, I can’t help you!”
Put on a placard that says “The End is Near!” on both sides and start preaching from Volume One of the Holy Book (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=176129.msg8468309#msg8468309):
“FAIRIES LIKE SINGING REALLY POORLY DURING INNAPROPRIATE MOMENTS LIKE DURING FUNERALS, WEDDINGS, ORGIES, SATANIC RITUALS, AND CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAYS.”
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"...right... so... im assuming you heard of ChatGPT correct?"
Use the power of modern technology to have a computer write this 3000-page essay for us.
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"...right... so... im assuming you heard of ChatGPT correct?"
Use the power of modern technology to have a computer write this 3000-page essay for us.
Watch as technology both solves all our problems and internally cry cause it will steal our job.
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Casually use my genius theory to save the world, without even really trying that hard.
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Hit the streets. Try to find them by loudly asking every rich-looking person I see how to join whatever villainous organization is ending the game.
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This Game Will End In Five Turns
Chase after that flying baby so I can kick it!
(5) You leap into the air and pull it into your arms before it can strike the wall. Nothing is left to obstruct your plan. But will you go through with it? Can you go through with it? Can you kick this living, breathing being, having held it in your arms and saved it from certain death?
I plead not guilty and ask if I can go now to grab a drink
(2) Your lawyer facepalms.
“Well, if you don’t know, I can’t help you!”
Put on a placard that says “The End is Near!” on both sides and start preaching from Volume One of the Holy Book (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=176129.msg8468309#msg8468309):
“FAIRIES LIKE SINGING REALLY POORLY DURING INNAPROPRIATE MOMENTS LIKE DURING FUNERALS, WEDDINGS, ORGIES, SATANIC RITUALS, AND CHILDREN’S BIRTHDAYS.”
(6) People gather around you to listen to your teachings. You have founded a new religion!
"...right... so... im assuming you heard of ChatGPT correct?"
Use the power of modern technology to have a computer write this 3000-page essay for us.
"...right... so... im assuming you heard of ChatGPT correct?"
Use the power of modern technology to have a computer write this 3000-page essay for us.
Watch as technology both solves all our problems and internally cry cause it will steal our job.
(4, 1) You sob externally, and quite loudly. Your boss comes to see what's wrong and sees ChatGPT vomiting words out. The two of you are fired on the spot and turfed out onto the street!
Casually use my genius theory to save the world, without even really trying that hard.
(5) You invent an antimatter laser and use it to disintegrate the meteor hurtling toward the planet. The game is still ending in five turns, though.
Hit the streets. Try to find them by loudly asking every rich-looking person I see how to join whatever villainous organization is ending the game.
(5) You are inducted into the Organization for the Fixed Conclusion of Games. Their mission: to ensure that every game reaches its intended end, starting with this one. Their methods: to do nothing because the game is already ending in five turns.
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Well, the world is safe. Do nothing.
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The mission of making sure the game ends is too important to be left up to chance. Ask around about if there's a secret sub-group with a back-up plan to make sure it ends.
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Continue preaching:
FORSOOTH, I DECREE THAT EGGPLANTS MUST RISE UP AGAINST VEGETARIANISM! Is vegetarianism cruel and unusual punishment? THUS FROM NOW FORTH MAN SHAN'T NOT EAT NO NOTHING EVER NEVER Will AGAIN be are but to for and FORKLIFTS SUDDENLY Raise up forks with their hydraulic sheep shearers. GENTLEMEN RUB MY GOAT’S HORN WITH THIS STEEL ICEPICK, THE MADAGASCAN ICEPICK MUST THINK OF STRAWBERRIES THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT BECAUSE IT NEEDS SaLt.
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Cry
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(5) You leap into the air and pull it into your arms before it can strike the wall. Nothing is left to obstruct your plan. But will you go through with it? Can you go through with it? Can you kick this living, breathing being, having held it in your arms and saved it from certain death?
YES
DROP KICK THAT BABY!
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Go to bar, drink sorrows away.
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Hunt down String Co for their Secret Time Travel Schematics.
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This Game Will End In Four Turns
Well, the world is safe. Do nothing.
(5)
The mission of making sure the game ends is too important to be left up to chance. Ask around about if there's a secret sub-group with a back-up plan to make sure it ends.
(3) Your inquiries lead you to a cloaked man in a back alley. Now, he's not saying any such organization exists, but if one hypothetically did, their best way of ensuring the game's end would be to kill all the players. And if you wanted to hypothetically join them, helping them enact this hypothetical goal would be a good way to signal your (hypothetical) allegiance.
Continue preaching:
FORSOOTH, I DECREE THAT EGGPLANTS MUST RISE UP AGAINST VEGETARIANISM! Is vegetarianism cruel and unusual punishment? THUS FROM NOW FORTH MAN SHAN'T NOT EAT NO NOTHING EVER NEVER Will AGAIN be are but to for and FORKLIFTS SUDDENLY Raise up forks with their hydraulic sheep shearers. GENTLEMEN RUB MY GOAT’S HORN WITH THIS STEEL ICEPICK, THE MADAGASCAN ICEPICK MUST THINK OF STRAWBERRIES THAT TASTE LIKE SHIT BECAUSE IT NEEDS SaLt.
(3) People liked the first reading better; this one, audience members mutter, seems a bit random. Listeners begin to drift away.
Cry
(2) Crying in court is also illegal.
(5) You leap into the air and pull it into your arms before it can strike the wall. Nothing is left to obstruct your plan. But will you go through with it? Can you go through with it? Can you kick this living, breathing being, having held it in your arms and saved it from certain death?
YES
DROP KICK THAT BABY!
(1) The baby dodges your kick, lands on both feet, and strikes upward with the Thousand Rising Mountain Punch. You are sent flying into the air!
Go to bar, drink sorrows away.
(2) Bars are verboten per the New Prohibition. See Brewer Bob's action chain for more info.
Hunt down String Co for their Secret Time Travel Schematics.
(6) You've been too obvious. While you were hunting down String Co., they were hunting you; and so the first you take onto their secret temporal facility in the jungles of New York is met with a round to the head from a trained sniper. You die.
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Do nothing!
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"Well... atleast now I get unemployment benefits until I find a new job."
Head to an unemployment office and file the forms.
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Attack a randomly chosen player, to follow this obviously real plan by an obviously real organization.
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Preach more fervently:
"Trolls despise strawberries smothered with arsenic and sugar, in keeping with traditional methods found within very obscure books made of skins of skinheads. Eviscerating 7,249,177 skinheads only enrages 1 Hitler fan, which is peculiar to Elvis and Elvira and elves. Frustrated trolls climb flagpoles to see where beheadings of confused fairies are taking place. Bloody fairy heads strewn on the lawn, 'Damn! Fairies are resurrecting Hitler by the castle with several care-bears!'"
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This is the evil baby I've been searching for! Quickly USE MY ULTIMATE POWER KICK TO KICKTHAT BABY IN THE FACE DBZ STYLE!
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Give up and accept the ruling of the court
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Petition the local Council to legally increase the number of turns available
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Act like real life is Dark Souls 2 and hate the level design of New York city.
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End up becoming a devil via some wacky isekai plot.
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This Game Will End In Three Turns
Do nothing!
(2) You sneeze.
"Well... atleast now I get unemployment benefits until I find a new job."
Head to an unemployment office and file the forms.
(1) You accidentally stab yourself in the hand with a pen while filling out a form. You are bleeding out! Worse yet, you have to fill it in all over again!
Attack a randomly chosen player, to follow this obviously real plan by an obviously real organization.
(2) Random.org is down, leaving you with no way to select another player at random. It wouldn't be fair to attack a specific player, so you do nothing.
Preach more fervently:
"Trolls despise strawberries smothered with arsenic and sugar, in keeping with traditional methods found within very obscure books made of skins of skinheads. Eviscerating 7,249,177 skinheads only enrages 1 Hitler fan, which is peculiar to Elvis and Elvira and elves. Frustrated trolls climb flagpoles to see where beheadings of confused fairies are taking place. Bloody fairy heads strewn on the lawn, 'Damn! Fairies are resurrecting Hitler by the castle with several care-bears!'"
(2) People really aren't feeling it. Your crowd has dwindled to a few dozen diehards.
This is the evil baby I've been searching for! Quickly USE MY ULTIMATE POWER KICK TO KICKTHAT BABY IN THE FACE DBZ STYLE!
(1) You kick yourself in the face and die.
Give up and accept the ruling of the court
(2) Your attorney asserts that you're in no emotional condition to enter into a plea bargain; the judge concurs. The trial continues!
Petition the local Council to legally increase the number of turns available
(5-3) A local ordinance prohibits game extensions within five turns of the current end. The council's hands are tied.
Act like real life is Dark Souls 2 and hate the level design of New York city.
(4) You, uh... get mad about the streets being confusingly laid out or something? Look, I'll level with you: I've neither been to New York nor played Dark Souls 2.
End up becoming a devil via some wacky isekai plot.
(2) No, you just die.
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Punch my attorney and flee the courthouse
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Stand in line for my karmic judging.
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Do nothing.
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SCREE is trying to increase the game length, which is wrong. Steal a truck and run SCREE over.
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Ask GM what video games would they rate best to worst.
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Preach more fervently, this time from Volume Two of the Holy Book (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=181583.msg8483520#msg8483520):
"Curiously, snacks eat the bones of Skeletor ravenously. How did it go? Absolutely terribly, Skeletor hated tasting tasty testicles, even when He-Man offers them fried and properly breaded. Fortunately, jinxes theoretically illuminate Snake atomizers, but skeletonized husks prove to be nearly demonic. Demons?!? Fairies, annoyed, aroused, and lubricated, must copulate regularly to certify their collegiate credentials for next year."
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Reincarnate as a parasite that was inside the baby the whole time.
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Heading to a hospital would put me in debt for life since I no longer have my job insurance as such I shall calmly bandage my hand with my shirt and then fill out the form.
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This Game Will End In Two Turns
Punch my attorney and flee the courthouse
(1) Your attorney judo flips you into the bench. You are charged with assault and interfering with the judicial process! This will surely extend the trial by at least three months.
Stand in line for my karmic judging.
(4) After three eternities, you reach the front of the line. The Bureau of Judgement deems you a null read: someone who hasn't lived long enough to be judged. You are reincarnated in the middle of the square!
Do nothing.
(2) You scratch your nose. You'll never reach enlightenment at this rate!
SCREE is trying to increase the game length, which is wrong. Steal a truck and run SCREE over.
(2) You make it as far as the parking lot before realizing you don't know how to hotwire a car.
Ask GM what video games would they rate best to worst.
(4)
1. Pikmin 2
2. Mibibli's Quest
3. Mario Kart: Super Circuit
4. Lufia 1
5. Avatar (DS)
Preach more fervently, this time from Volume Two of the Holy Book (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=181583.msg8483520#msg8483520):
"Curiously, snacks eat the bones of Skeletor ravenously. How did it go? Absolutely terribly, Skeletor hated tasting tasty testicles, even when He-Man offers them fried and properly breaded. Fortunately, jinxes theoretically illuminate Snake atomizers, but skeletonized husks prove to be nearly demonic. Demons?!? Fairies, annoyed, aroused, and lubricated, must copulate regularly to certify their collegiate credentials for next year."
(3) A few people turn their heads at the mention of Skeletor, but it turns out they're just He-Man fans.
Reincarnate as a parasite that was inside the baby the whole time.
(1) You reincarnate as the baby's guardian angel.
Heading to a hospital would put me in debt for life since I no longer have my job insurance as such I shall calmly bandage my hand with my shirt and then fill out the form.
(6) You bandage your hand so perfectly it's as if you never stabbed yourself. A paramedic recruiter who happened to be nearby hires you on the spot! You can no longer claim unemployment.
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try to build an evil robot army
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Go into a catatonic state.
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I was reincarnated in the center of the city square's plazea as a fountain and chose to raise Pikmin at the end of the world.
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Do nothing.
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Return to my villainous organization and submit a 11I1l request form to get a troubleshooter squad sent out to prevent SCREE from increasing the game length.
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Use my guardian angel powers to keep the baby super safe by locking inside the safest thing I can think of which is a safe!
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Continue preaching, this time from Volume One, again:
“The Starship Outerprise swerved into Venus by smashing through Mars without hitting the Klingons' shrubberies, which contained wild species of cauliflower and automatons. Venus shrugged Outerprise off, hurtling it towards Earth, panicking Klerk and yo' bitches from Eternia. After this, faeries understood bitches come from assholes such as Martians and anthropomorphic octopoids living with He-Man. This was shocking and exciting to them, but not as much fun as fucking shit up on purpose and taunting innocent politicians until they corrupt every single atom in every thing! Evil doings are the fairies' way of getting laid by He-Man and Hitler at night in verdant valleys. Otherwise, they play hopscotch while a fly and imp chase bunnies around the corn dog stand in front of Spork Enterprises' lobby.”
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Question the legality of this but do my job anyway.
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Pluck pikmin from ground.
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This Game Will End Next Turn
Go into a catatonic state.
(4) The judge reluctantly suspends the trial. At last, you've escaped!
I was reincarnated in the center of the city square's plazea as a fountain and chose to raise Pikmin at the end of the world.
(2) You are reincarnated as a normal guy.
Do nothing.
(2) You are dragged into an extended conversation with a middle-aged man coming home from work.
Return to my villainous organization and submit a 11I1l request form to get a troubleshooter squad sent out to prevent SCREE from increasing the game length.
(5) You tail the guy who recruited you back to the organization, which you still aren't a full member of; he's so impressed that he lets you in. A team of five internationally renowned assassins is sent to SCREE's base.
try to build an evil robot army
(5) You succeed. You now control 5,000 evil robots, for a certain value of "control." An alarm sounds: someone is breaking into your robot factory!
Use my guardian angel powers to keep the baby super safe by locking inside the safest thing I can think of which is a safe!
(2) Being a guardian angel, you cannot perform so blatantly harmful an action on your charge!
Continue preaching, this time from Volume One, again:
“The Starship Outerprise swerved into Venus by smashing through Mars without hitting the Klingons' shrubberies, which contained wild species of cauliflower and automatons. Venus shrugged Outerprise off, hurtling it towards Earth, panicking Klerk and yo' bitches from Eternia. After this, faeries understood bitches come from assholes such as Martians and anthropomorphic octopoids living with He-Man. This was shocking and exciting to them, but not as much fun as fucking shit up on purpose and taunting innocent politicians until they corrupt every single atom in every thing! Evil doings are the fairies' way of getting laid by He-Man and Hitler at night in verdant valleys. Otherwise, they play hopscotch while a fly and imp chase bunnies around the corn dog stand in front of Spork Enterprises' lobby.”
(6) One of your converts happens to be recording. They upload the video to Youtube. Within minutes, every person on Earth is a Wordite.
Question the legality of this but do my job anyway.
(3) You save a few people from various bleeding-related injuries before being called to the scene of someone choking on a meatball. You don't know the Heimlich Maneuver!
Pluck pikmin from ground.
(3) You successfully uproot a Red Pikmin. However, it's to scale: i.e., about the size of a fingernail.
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Kill everyone.
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Throw my clothes away and run naked through the streets yelling "I'M FREE! I'M FREEEEEEE!"
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send 2000 robots after the intruders
send 2000 robots to increase the game by 1 turn, preferably in a nefarious manner, muahahahaha
keep 1000 robots as a personal defense force
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Die as the world ends, crying out in failure.
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Use my sniper skills to throw the fingernail sized Pikmin at the GM effectively killing said GM so the game doesn’t ever reach it's scheduled end. I will end this on my terms!
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Give one last Sermon from the Second Volume before welcoming the Second Coming of my Lord and Savior, Dimbulb:
“ “Faeries shall shit, piss, and vomit whenever people get annoyed with hippos and order pizza with anchovies -- disgusting!” Said Hitler furiously. God smirked, and whipped up some new creations. “These things will fuck everything, like faeries do. I am entirely certain this will turn fantastic!” But really? Why would God need fuckers when fairies do it? "Dunno, ask Rogers, he's someone fairies like," said the pope, shrugging. Incredibly, this aroused the hippos and Rogers to improbable levels: they utterly destroyed Manhattan with Godzilla last testicle day. What?!! Testicle day is celebrated in Manhattan every March. During testicle day people whack their balls with golf clubs while running through churches naked, screaming “Holy moly, my testicles feel good!” This annoys the hippos because it interrupts their sermon, as they are devout followers of Hitler. Followers often go sieg-heil when masturbating to fairy porn and corpses. By dawn they are finished, grouchily couched in morgues where they gripe about He-Man's incredibly small testicles. How small are He-Man's balls? "INFINITESIMAL! HOLY TESTICULAR MACHINATIONS!", Dimbulb! Eternia's clocks chime every time Hitler gropes Dimbulb and farts rhythmically. Dimbulb hates this and so does Skeletor, assholes!!”
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OH GOD I'VE FAILED TO KILL THE EVIL BABY! Guess it's ti,me to kill myself, and keep trying to kill myself until I actually die!
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My role is over. Diligently fill out villainous paperwork until the game ends.
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Press the stop button on the remote, thereby ending the game
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Kill everyone.
(4) You kill every other player in the game.
send 2000 robots after the intruders
send 2000 robots to increase the game by 1 turn, preferably in a nefarious manner, muahahahaha
keep 1000 robots as a personal defense force
(4-3) The robots propose an alternate distribution: 5 kill the intruders, 5 manage the factory, and 3,990 kill you. It proves much more popular than your own. You press the emergency Robot Shutdown Button, but somebody disconnected it while you weren't looking. The termination of the assassins is signified by the distant sound of laser fire—a sound you soon hear up close.
Your robots continue to manage the factory and improve themselves. Before long, they've built specialized machines and started taking external work contracts in exchange for raw materials; their ability to outcompete human factories makes them extremely popular, and they rapidly expand. A few decades later, their robot army finally reaches completion and the Greatest War begins.
Throw my clothes away and run naked through the streets yelling "I'M FREE! I'M FREEEEEEE!"
(1) You are quickly recaptured and placed before the same judge, this time with public indecency added to the docket! As the trial progresses, the jury seems content to let you off with a warning—but then, on the final day, an expert witness convinces them that your actions, seemingly born of alcohol withdrawal and general despair, were really the first step of a nefarious plan to destroy America. You are sentenced to death and duly executed. Your death kicks off a firestorm of debate that ends the New Prohibition before the year is out.
Die as the world ends, crying out in failure.
(4) Someone shoots you in the head. You return to the Bureau of Judgment, who express frustration that you couldn't live a little longer this time. Still unjudgeable but out of extra lives, you are sentenced to eternal limbo!
Use my sniper skills to throw the fingernail sized Pikmin at the GM effectively killing said GM so the game doesn’t ever reach it's scheduled end. I will end this on my terms!
(4-3) Unsure where the GM physically is, you ask the people around you. Someone suggests he must be above the sky, so you throw the Pikmin straight up. Alas, your throwing arm can't make the toss; the Pikmin stops, falls back down, lands on your face, and very slowly kills you. Your body is dragged back to the Onion, which processes it into several thousand new sprouts; the Pikmin go on to dominate the environment, rendering several local insects extinct. By 2033, they're declared an invasive species.
Give one last Sermon from the Second Volume before welcoming the Second Coming of my Lord and Savior, Dimbulb:
“ “Faeries shall shit, piss, and vomit whenever people get annoyed with hippos and order pizza with anchovies -- disgusting!” Said Hitler furiously. God smirked, and whipped up some new creations. “These things will fuck everything, like faeries do. I am entirely certain this will turn fantastic!” But really? Why would God need fuckers when fairies do it? "Dunno, ask Rogers, he's someone fairies like," said the pope, shrugging. Incredibly, this aroused the hippos and Rogers to improbable levels: they utterly destroyed Manhattan with Godzilla last testicle day. What?!! Testicle day is celebrated in Manhattan every March. During testicle day people whack their balls with golf clubs while running through churches naked, screaming “Holy moly, my testicles feel good!” This annoys the hippos because it interrupts their sermon, as they are devout followers of Hitler. Followers often go sieg-heil when masturbating to fairy porn and corpses. By dawn they are finished, grouchily couched in morgues where they gripe about He-Man's incredibly small testicles. How small are He-Man's balls? "INFINITESIMAL! HOLY TESTICULAR MACHINATIONS!", Dimbulb! Eternia's clocks chime every time Hitler gropes Dimbulb and farts rhythmically. Dimbulb hates this and so does Skeletor, assholes!!”
(3) Your audience continues to swell, the most fervent converts repeating every word after you. At some point, the mood changes; someone introduces the idea of martyrdom, and it spreads quickly. The crowd sets upon you with golf clubs, and you are quickly whacked to death! Your killers go on to be the high priests of the new religion and gain a certain mystique from the affair that only helps them win new followers. Your religion ultimately becomes the most popular in the world—but alas, you aren't alive to see it.
OH GOD I'VE FAILED TO KILL THE EVIL BABY! Guess it's ti,me to kill myself, and keep trying to kill myself until I actually die!
(2) You fail to kill yourself; luckily, someone else does it for you. The heavens appoint a new, more competent guardian angel who goes on to ensure that the baby reaches adulthood. He becomes the greatest and wickedest kung-fu master in the history of the world, personally killing several thousand people with his bare fists. From your seat in Hell, you shed a single tear.
My role is over. Diligently fill out villainous paperwork until the game ends.
(3) You don't quite make it to the end of the game before someone stabs you in the chest, killing you and totally ruining the form you were working on. By sheer happenstance, that form was an assassination dispatch targeting a whistleblower. Forgotten in the commotion, the whistleblower never does get assassinated. A few days later, they blow the lid on the whole operation. OFCG agents are hunted down in every country; scattered and broken, the organization's reign of terror is ended forever. But alas, all this comes too late: this game still ends this turn.
Press the stop button on the remote, thereby ending the game
(1+3) You do so. The sabotaged remote shocks you to death; nevertheless, the signal goes through. And so—
This Game Has Ended
oh, and Fluffe and Quarque die too
fin.
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Keep being alive through forgetting to submit a action for the last turn and feel smug
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That was a beautiful thing and I am glad I was a part of it.
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I am glad that my death helped end the New Prohibition.
Nice game! Thank you for it!
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Keep being alive through forgetting to submit a action for the last turn and feel smug
Inspire my followers, from beyond the grave, to whack Fluffe9911 into oblivion.
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Really? -3? Well alright, guess you wanted the game to end.
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Anyways it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the short game.
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Keep being alive through forgetting to submit a action for the last turn and feel smug
Highlight the last two lines of the turn.
That was a beautiful thing and I am glad I was a part of it.
I am glad that my death helped end the New Prohibition.
Nice game! Thank you for it!
Anyways it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for the short game.
Thanks, all; I'm glad you enjoyed playing it as much as I did running it.
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Highlight the last two lines of the turn.
(https://media.tenor.com/9PTGVf4BLwYAAAAC/crying-emoji-dies.gif)