This will be a silly rtd and will die when there is lack of interest or I run out of ideas, or the world explodes, whichever.
Hi, I am Oz.
It is early morning, perhaps even still late night, and you DO NOT want to go to work today. So, let's have an adventure! Or stay in bed, I'm not your mother, probably. At least I don't remember giving birth to such a lazy good for nothing slacker. Clean your room and do your laundry before the neighbors can smell you with the windows closed. And come eat. I made breakfast. Momma loves you.
Who dis? : (your name or whatever.)
Who you work for? : (company name and what they do)
Where dat?: (generic location of office. It's all going to be in the same city/suburbs so think "financial district" "by the river" "4th floor" or whatever)
Why you no here? (reason for skipping work)
This works, ride out and across the island! Once I feel safe, stop my moped and take a walk!
(4) You ride away from the residential block, past the ferry and New Personnel Induction Center, and down to the Hazardous Wildlife Reserve. You head down to the beach and park your moped. You feel safe here as the hazardous wildlife in this area are mostly aquatic - sharks, octopi, alligators, and the like - and the beach is pretty nice at this time of day. The Skull doesn't block the sun until evening, so you enjoy a nice casual walk in the sand. The ominous splashing of the waves on the beach, the distant sound of city traffic across the bay, and hte chittering, growling ,and hooting of the dangerous wildlife a bit further inland all blur into a welcome white noise washing away the worry and stress like nothing else can.
Quickly now that I have the dog statue I must scream my way back to my house and into my basement!
(4) Voice is getting hoarse, and you've got the dog. You take it into the basement and plunk it down on your workbench, grumbling smugly to yourself. You know you are probably getting arrested for this right? Or worse - written up at work. Well, if you scream enough you might get a medical exemption for really screwing up your voicebox. ... or maybe a shady doctor could write you an excuse anyway.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Quick, initiate pre-flight check!
Ah, and here is our first truly non-standard employee. And yet, somehow, the first one that seems to take it's job seriously. Strange indeed. (5)Pre-Flight checklist goes smoothly. All systems are in standard working order. Your program executes a function to schedule a "Requisition" for replacement connectors. It would be inefficient to go through 'proper' channels, as past experience demonstrates that management tends to delay replacement, overlook preventative maintenance and deprioritize repair for ... unknown reasons. No matter - their reasons are irrelevant, as they create inefficiency. Anyway, you are flight-ready and fully loaded!
Who dis? : Enam to revetahw
Who you work for? : Evil Inc. Your standard evil corporation bent on overtaking the world
Where dat?: Sewers
Why you no here?: sick of planned, orderly crime, want to randomly and chaotically cause havoc
I silently lay in bed and think of all I have to cause havoc with
(4) You are a cog in the machine at Evil Inc. When a cog breaks, chaos happens. You could go in to work and misfile reports, order unnecessary doomsday devices, or set off the emergency sprinklers, for instance. At home, well, you have standard stuff one might have on an office worker's salary. Plus a lot of special soap capable of removing sewage from clothing skin and surfaces. You have some savings set aside. Perhaps you could order a supervillain kit or something, to help with your start up business of independant villainy. You also have matches. Nothing says chaos quite like burning something down.
Does the breakroom have a coffee maker? use that to make coffee
(5) The breakroom has two coffee makers. One for regular and one for decaf. You put the coffee in both after giving each a bit of a cleaning to get rid of the standard nasty instant residue or whatever it is that is so common in breakroom coffee machines htat makes the coffee terrible. Well, the cleaning seems ot have worked as your coffee comes out strong, dark, and not awful.
Generic Corp (3rd floor): Generic White Collar Worker #2514, coffee obsessed shopper at BiggO
Super Security Place (contractors): Bob McGeneric. Loves garden gnomes and screaming. Is expecting visitors with badges
Evil Corp (skull Island): Yourname O. Whatever, nature enthusiast and enemy of fences
Manager Co (3 1/4 floor): Bob Bossman. Currently pondering the Nature of Boredom
BlackRock (corporate downtown): Droney McDroneface, powering up and rearing to go out and eliminate hostile inefficiencies
Evil, Inc. (sewers): Enam to revetahw. Wage slave dreaming of becoming an entrepreneur
Say goodbye to Cuddles the cat, make sure the windows are open before departure (the landlord gets awfully prissy when we forget), then takeoff!
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: locked and loaded!
If I spot any ragamuffins, scallywags or other ne’er-do-wells, try to resist the urge of drone striking them. Or at most just a teensy bit of droning. Just a little. Just the tip of the missile.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: locked and loaded!
Try to use a sharp rock or something to crush, pulverize or cut the tentacle before booking it. Shouldent have said the thing, you never are supposed to say the thing.
(2) You grasp around for something to hit the tentacle with, and end up just using your fists. You're about waist deep in water now (I mean, you are sitting so the water is really about a foot deep or so), and still bound and dragged. Let's see if that hootwolf is ... less friendly to you or the rubbery water spider (6) Well, it's hard to say of the hootwolf, and his pack are more more hostile to you or the sealife as all three of them come barrelling into the surf clamboring over you, jostling and clawing and biting. Good news is, you are currently not being dragged under. Bad news is, everything else.
CURSE REALITY FOR IMPOSING THESE FOOLISH EXPECTATIONS ON MY BODY
DRINK MORE COFFEE TO REMOVE EXHAUSTION
(5) You drink way too much (again) and are now the epitome of hyperactive. Your hands shake. Your feet are vibrating. Your teeth hurt. You can hear your own blinkiing. Your ears itch. THe lights in this BiggO are too bright. You are nauseous. You feel like you could run a marathon. You realize you are running already.
Wear the gasmask I have for just this kind of situation!
(3) You grab your gas mask and put it on. Your lungs fill with noxious fumes before you realize the mask doesn't have a filter. gagging, you fumble a filter into place, and try to remember the procedure for flushing the gasses from inside the mask. after a couple minutes of painful coughing, you manage to exhaust enough of the fumes to breathe without dying, more or less. You can't see two feet in this cloud though and these filters don't last for that long.
Head out, towards ever more efficiency!
If I spot any ragamuffins, scallywags or other ne’er-do-wells, try to resist the urge of drone striking them. Or at most just a teensy bit of droning. Just a little. Just the tip of the missile.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: locked and loaded!
(1) You spot some Local Youths as you commit your patrol, and completely fail to resist the urge to [WAR CRIMES HERE]. Several minutes later, the street is cordoned off, the formerly luxury car is a boiling cloud of black smoke and an artistic spray of broken glass, bent metal, and burnt rubber, and, one way or another, the Local Youths are no longer to be seen. You ponder what classification to file this task under: efficiency improvement, high value target neutralization, public relations incident, [REDACTED], or other.
I’ll misfile reports, order unnecessary doomsday devices, and even get my own supervillain kit! Chaos Ho!
(6) you misfile reports all morning. You misfile reports so hard you find yourself deep in the mail room, or the office records room, or ... where the heck is this anyway? You don't recognize these hallways, those cubicles, that particular open floor plan, the ring of those phones, or those employees. Wait are those even employees?? Maybe subdued experimental subjects? SOemthing else? You try not to get caught looking at them. eye contact is so awkward.
Generic Corp (3rd floor): Generic White Collar Worker #2514, coffee obsessed shopper at BiggO
Super Security Place (contractors): Bob McGeneric. Loves garden gnomes and screaming. Is expecting visitors with badges
Evil Corp (skull Island): Yourname O. Whatever, nature enthusiast and enemy of fences
Manager Co (3 1/4 floor): Bob Bossman. Currently pondering the Nature of Boredom
BlackRock (corporate downtown): Droney McDroneface, powering up and rearing to go out and eliminate hostile inefficiencies
Evil, Inc. (sewers): Enam to revetahw. Wage slave dreaming of becoming an entrepreneur
You know what, just put it under 'pending' for now, we have an office to get to!
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: suffering from premature missile ejection.
Float over to my workspace (it's an open floor plan after all so I'm sure there will be space) and check my email.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: suffering from premature missile ejection.
Abdul Khaliq another opportunity to avoid collateral.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: suffering from premature missile ejection.
Yes, I think I understand. Well enough to roll for it, anyway.
At least that makes one of us~
Time to get to work!
We have that meeting with sales in the afternoon to prep for, but first, let's check our email.
Who dis?: Droney McDroneface
After the global war on terror wound down, the little Reaper drone that could found itself obsolete and summarily discharged. However, with the same vigor he would hunt for high value targets in the desert of Afghanistan, he soon found himself chasing down and eliminating office inefficiencies!
Who you work for?: BlackstoneRock. BlackRock. Yes.
Where dat?: The heart of corporate scum and villainy. Downtown.
Why you no here? Oh no, faulty connectors led to a delayed recharging cycle! Damn you Tesla charge station!
Status: suffering from premature missile ejection.