Using the Pantshelm-Jorundr rule set, which states that gentlemen don't have to use barons and baronesses.
Now, in this game, I want real tacticus players. The rules, other than the standard Pantshelm edition, go out like this:
1. Gentlemen do not have to use barons and baronesses.
2. No TV or movie references.
3. No walking over hot coals with a duck on your head while whistling a Dixie song backwards while you paint a picture and neuter a dog.
4. No card-oriented gameplay. Please. Dice is permitted.
'Cite new rules anytime' ruleset goes.
PLAYERS:
-Languidiir
-Duke 2.0
-Qmarx
-Dasleah
AUDIENCE:
-LASD
-A_Fey_Dwarf
-Lord_Frodo
BETS:
-LASD [bet lost]
-A_Fey_Dwarf [bet lost]
-Lord_Frodo [bet: pig tail bag that menaces with iron and mule bone spikes ; spy dwarf dies before waking]
--WATCH THIS POST FOR UPDATES--
To start, I cart up my Bronze Colossus to the front of the fortress in a cage. The wheelbarrow is not crushed because it's made of adamantine.
Meanwhile my sneaky spy dwarf sits on top of the mountain, asleep.
code:
.....................z.....
#...####............z....##
##.##||####.......#.@.####,
,###,,,,,,####..#######,,,,
,,,,,@[C],,,,####,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,| - fortress gate
# - cliff face
. - rock surface
, - grassy surface
@ - dwarf
[] - denotes caged creature
C - colossus
I don't ask that you draw maps, but I did just for the hell of it.
Your turn, gentlemen!
[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
code:
###############
#...WWW########
#.B.WWW##.k.###
#...WWW###kok##
###.####.k.k.##
...............
##.############
##.############
Let the fun begin!
code:
##||###
,~~~,,,
,~@C[],Urist Cannonfodder cancels Run: Interrupted by Colossus.
Urist Cannonfodder has been struck down.
Oh well.
code:
###..####
###.C####
###..####
###..####
###||####
The Colossus enters the fort.
[ May 16, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
quote:The rules are fairly simple to learn. Dwarf > elf > goblin > kobold. Humans are something of a wildcard, depending on their weapons and armor. The twists come when you factor in exceptions, like kobolds in sneak mode, goblin master thieves and tantruming dwarves. Points are allocated according to fortress wealth, stockpiled booze and defaced engravings. Fortress wealth depends partly on caged goblins, goblin cages, and points.
Could someone tell me what the heck is TACTICUS and how is it played?
quote:
Originally posted by InquisitiveIdiot:
<STRONG>The rules are fairly simple to learn. Dwarf > elf > goblin > kobold. Humans are something of a wildcard, depending on their weapons and armor. The twists come when you factor in exceptions, like kobolds in sneak mode, goblin master thieves and tantruming dwarves. Points are allocated according to fortress wealth, stockpiled booze and defaced engravings. Fortress wealth depends partly on caged goblins, goblin cages, and points.</STRONG>
What a succinct and wildly innacurate description of Tacticus! I applaud you!
Speaking of that, you're free to bet on the Tacticus game if you're just here to watch.
Example:
"I bet fifteen longnose gar leather codpieces that Urist Forumgoer is going to totally own that elephant."
I'll be keeping a list of contestants and registered watchers (just say you'd like to watch.)
[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
I hope that clears things up.
I also bet my hydra leather backpack containing mule bone greaves (30 hydra bones, 5 mule bones) that the colossus will die in a confusingly stupid way involving 5 sliced and diced kobolds.
Now for the wager:
Ill bet 2 green glass mug's studded with spikes of green glass that the colossus will not "die in a confusingly stupid way involving 5 sliced and diced kobolds". The colosus will in fact be involved in a chasm orientated cave-in trap.
Plans NOT TO SCALE
Lower level:
code:
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
777777777777777777
Upper level
code:
##################
.................#
.................#
.................#
.................#
.................#
.................#
.................#
##################
[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Qmarx ]
[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Qmarx ]
*rolls Dice, draws Card*
Hmmm, interesting. I place one card face down, in attack position, and discard another to the Stone Stockpile. I then play the Marxist Revolution card, that forces all Nobles in play to be renamed to Bourgeois and suffer a -5 penalty to their Filthy Upper Class Cowardice checks.
I end my turn by activating an Axedwarf, but since the Balls Up rule is activated due to the current Nonsense Level, he picks up a Hammer instead and wanders off to fish.
Oh, and I have my remaining two kobolds wander around the fortress to cause havoc with levers.
My Colossus wanders over to the booze stockpile. According to the 23rd Ironback material rulebook edition, rule 1523 addendum 4c footnote states that bronze is a source of ignition.
code:
#####.#####
#....C....#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%%%%%%#
#%%%%@%===#
###########Urist Drunkface cancels Drink: Interrupted by Colossus.
[Continue to watch first post for players, watchers, bets, and rules.]
[ May 17, 2008: Message edited by: Languidiir ]
:p
Seeing as the Almighty Rule Number Four has been played, I remove all current cards from play and immolate then in the nearest ignition source.
However, as the Expanded Grumbletops Revised Platnium Edition (3rd Printing) rulebook states, I now get to roll and an equal number of dice and compare my tally to the Introduce Gameplay table. I substitute my first eleven rolls to force selection of Proficiency: Monocles for all creatures in play.
*rolls dice, adds tally, looks up on chart*
Aha! Armok is with me (as implied under the Jefferson - Immanuel ruling during the Southern Hemisphere World Championships of '88)! I am able to introduce the Ooooh! Shiny! Rule to all Peasants in play not currently getting murdered or indulging in a spot-of-tea. This allows me to attach a Level 10 Attraction bonus to the Bronze Colossus currently in the bronze stockpile. As such, he is now irresistable to the Peasants, who - *rolls dice* - having failed their Resist checks by 5 and a kitten, begin to wander towards him, entranced by his splendorous hide.
Back to my Axedwarf fishing with a Hammer, he manages to pass his Identify: Eminent Underwater Menace roll, but fails on his Recognition check, and so believes the unbreathing Kobolds to in fact be a rather nice !!Door!!, which he admires, giving him a +5 Admiration bonus to his morale. However, he fails his Paradox check to determine whether he can handle a flaming door underwater, and so he begins to drool, which, under the Excessive Consumption of +Wine+ rule, is a flammable substance.
I end my turn.
It is unfortunate that one of these kobolds was just discovered by a peasant, and given a proper beat-down. The peasant, being a poor fellow, instinctively grabs any nearby item not currently owned. Lets see...
*Rolls dice*
Ha! He fails his ignition check! His shirt goes up in flames. Although I wonder, where are all these peasants going towards?
It seems the axedwarf is in the no-drool zone. Due to rules in the Confederate Rulebook of Lesser Elven Shady Nations, I am granted one token of Underground Feature. Of course, due to rule 34F.T section T17; I can only play this token on squared to be mined in the future. In which case, the miners will soon find a chasm underneath their main hall.
code:
#####!#####
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!C!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!@!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
#!!!!!!!!!#
###########Bronze Colossus cancels Love: Interrupted by explosion.
Urist Drunkface cancels Love: Interrupted by explosion.
Urist Drunkface has been struck down.
The Bronze Colossus has been struck down.! - fire/explosion
Hmmm.
Looks like both the Watchers lost their bets.
*rolls dice*
So, screaming "Fire in the Mines! Why didn't the canary warn us?!" the Miners under the Main Hall, in their quest to find that Chasm, activate and move in the Stampede Phase (before woman and children, as stimuplated in sub-paragraph B, section 12r, of the Weldbug Magnetite rulebook) It appears, however, that one of the Miners has the fortune of having 3 points in his Rapid Escape: Pennyfarthing skill set, and so he gains a +3d4 + (x + y) / z bonus to his movement in peggles.
*sigh* My drooling Axedwarf, due to the Pradox Confusion continuing into this round, rolls against the Activity: Mindless table in the Lesser Barking Toads and How They Make You Crazy Rulebook (Hotpants Publishing, 1744)
*rolls*
It appears that the Paradox is losing its grip, as he failed the roll by 11 and 4/5ths (and so I get to remove 5 Cer-Azy tokens from play), but nevertheless his mind is still broken. Thus, because of Dramatic Device: Advice Plot rule (as most famously enacted in the Uzbekistan LARP ruleset, 2nd printing, Hindi translation, revised) he suffers a Fey Mood!
He demands... *rolls* bronze, *rolls*, kitten shells, *rolls*, and a portrait of Her Royal Highness in *roll* a suit of Woolly Kobold Wool Armour.
I reset the appropriate tokens, resorting all Monocles and Stiff Upper Lips to their respectful positions, and end my turn.
[ May 19, 2008: Message edited by: eldar ]
The spinning hydra leather backpack containing mule bone greaves and 2 green glass mug's studded with spikes of green glass appear on the top of the mountain. They fall down and collide with the sleeping spy dwarf. Acknowledging the fatality of projectiles, this could be... well, fatal. But as a watcher I can't roll a die (or dice) to determine what will happen because of the rule known as "Watchers are losers and shouldn't be allowed to do anything fun". This rule is under heavy debate, but because players are more important than watchers the rule still stands in the Age of Demon and Titan in 1051. Someone else has to do the roll.
EDIT: Oh my, I forgot to make a bet. *polishes monocle*. So, hereby I bet my (well, of course not mine as in I would use them) Dwarf leather thongs that at some point a dwarf will make thongs similar to these in a fell mood.
[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: LASD ]
[ May 18, 2008: Message edited by: LASD ]
Basically, if I fail this roll:
*Rolls dice*
Then I can steal any number of items within that pack mid-air.
*Rolls dice*
Of course, due to bad roll here the pack itself is not stolen.
Now for continuity sake, I add more kobolds to the top of the mountain. They are now harassing wildlife, stealing their wallets and setting up rigged gambling rings.
code:
.......k..c..
...k.........
......k......
#########..@#
,,,,,,,,##.##
,,,,,,,,,###,
[],,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,],,
,,,,,,,,,,U,,The liaison has been struck down.
k - kobold
c - cat
] - article of clothing
U - human
Looks like we won't be getting supplies from the human caravan this year.
Meanwhile, my miner, Tekkud Minepants, is digging around for a chasm.
code:
████████£█
████..@££█
████.█████
████.█████
████.█████Praise the miners! We have discovered adamantine!
£ - metal
█ - stone
This doesn't bode well.
For example, I place a bet that the aforementioned Tekkud Minepants will wet his famous pants in accordance to the "Holy Shit Adamantine" rulebook, wherein is contained the Urinal Incontinence rule under Section 56b, subpage 35.
My bet collateral will be a shiny masterwork gold ring with Elven writing decorating it in compliance to the "Weird Elven Artifacts and their Consequences" rule under section 3 of the "Stupid Hippy Elves" article in The Official Tacticus Biweekly Magazine.
[ May 20, 2008: Message edited by: Snoopicus ]
I bet seventeen barrels of elf tallow bisciuts, fourteen crystal glass goblets that menace with spikes of pitchblende and are encircled with bands of hoary marmot bone, and eight tower-cap barrels of sewer brew that the "Oh SHIT, there's something in there!" clause (As cited in the November 1989 issue of "Poor man's TACTICUS: House Rules for Dead-Beats", in an article by Uja Lalgiesme), which states that all dwarf-type units in proximity to exposed adamantine recieve -5 to their "Flee, damn you, FLEE" rolls will come into play.
[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: Impending Doom ]
And of course, I reserve the right to join or interfere with the game, in accordance to rule 1 of "The only rule that really matters in Tacticus betting; A Complete Idiots Guide."
The Captain, brandishing his cabinet of course, gives the dragon one chance to flee before taking any other action. Also, according to the "You think he cares about kobolds?" rule (Nist Akath expansion, page 27 subsection B) kobolds are the only unit that the Captain doesn't cause terror in (megabeasts included), and that's only because the Captain wouldn't waste his time on kobolds.
[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: dresdor ]
First, things first, faction. The fortress faction of this game seems to be getting downplayed a little, so I'll be helping them. Of course, in accordance with the Pantshelm rules this gives me access to workshops but limits me to dwarves. It also forces the "Mind-numbing stupidity" rules (Pantshelm rulebook, chapter 14, section 37e, just below the picture of the burning kitten) onto all of my peices. Also, in accordance with the Pantshelm Revision: fortress rules revision all of my dwarves will suffer from minor psychosis and extreme manic depressiveness.
I'll place my 1st dwarf - a proficient brewer - to work in the brewery making dwarven beer. My second dwarf - a novice woodcutter - will be placed just within the forts entrance. However, I am exchanging his starting axe for an immediate Strange Mood.
**Rolls 5d8**
Ah, he seems to have a fell mood to create a weapon (as in accordance with the Random Mood Chart of Insanity in Pantshelm, chapter 57, section 879.34g
Also, as a side note the addition of a working fortress faction to the game makes all dwarves and kobolds in play completely attracted to any burning clothes currently in play. Since I beleive the booze stockpile is currently full of burning drunk (and his clothes), that forces a "Why the hell does he want a burning sock?!" roll on all dwarves and kobolds.
Of course, due to some of the cheaper rules regarding fire and the effects of which, my kobolds become un-stealthed and rush the fortress entrance in a grand zerg-rush.
I guess I should enforce the "Kekekeke" rule of "More is Better then Few" rule section charter SC. My kobolds are suddenly faster, hold twenty more gallons of blood, and rush any larger-sized opponent with ten units or more.
Sure I loose a few kobolds to mad axe-wielding butterflies, but thats a small price to pay for the horde!
Also, I have my grizzly down some drinks in the brewery and start to hide behind the still.
quote:
Originally posted by Bricktop:
<STRONG>Pantshelm</STRONG>
I thought you were playing the Pantsheim, Version 101 C, Kodor Datannazush-edition, seeing you can get away with the blatantly overpowered opening move as made in the final of the WTC of 1986, that ended, as we all know, in the explosion of Chernobyl's nuclear power plant.
quote:
Originally posted by Kidiri:
<STRONG>I thought you were playing the Pantsheim, Version 101 C, Kodor Datannazush-edition, seeing you can get away with the blatantly overpowered opening move as made in the final of the WTC of 1986, that ended, as we all know, in the explosion of Chernobyl's nuclear power plant.</STRONG>
haha! noob! Every true Tacticus player knows that it was the Urist Gambit being countered by the only use in history of the Komi non-alcohol dependant dwarf reverse gambit, the rules of which are so confusing and specific that the rule only every appeared in the Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus Rules (which upon completion of the final page, collapsed into a black hole by it's own weight) and in the Abridged Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus (The only copy of which was used in the First Annual Cherobyl Tacticus Championship).
A true Tacticus Player would also know that the force of Russian Tacticus player Cherskolsky slamming the cover in defeat caused the reactor to go critical.
quote:
Originally posted by dresdor:
<STRONG>haha! noob! Every true Tacticus player knows that it was the Urist Gambit being countered by the only use in history of the Komi non-alcohol dependant dwarf reverse gambit, the rules of which are so confusing and specific that the rule only every appeared in the Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus Rules (which upon completion of the final page, collapsed into a black hole by it's own weight) and in the Abridged Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus (The only copy of which was used in the First Annual Cherobyl Tacticus Championship).
A true Tacticus Player would also know that the force of Russian Tacticus player Cherskolsky slamming the cover in defeat caused the reactor to go critical.</STRONG>
Well, that is why I'm only a Watcher... All of this happened even before I was born. I never had the chance of reading either books. But this does explain why they did the Anti-kobold Incendiary Double Stratosphere in the 68th move of the 3rd round, just right after the Hidden Interpolation of Vanity. I mean, who in their right mind would do this when the Pantsheim rules are applied? Unless version threepointfiveandthreequarters was used, it would take a fool or a genius to try and do that move.
A mysterious masterwork bauxite lever appears in the the middle of the farming room. The scorched marks on its red handle, vaguely in the shape of fingers, call out for those who would activate it.
Sadly, according to rule 28 of "Awesome things in Tacticus" all awesome things attract each other first, and so the first target for the pull lever job of the mythical Boatmurdered lever is Captain Ironblood. That means that he immediatly heads for the lever, and, being Ironblood, reaches it this turn.
Fortunately, due to the unique nature of the "F*ck the World Device" it requires another unit to be present to activate it and flood the map with magma. The call goes out to the second most awesome unit on the board, the dragon in full plate. (According to rule 28 Section A of "Awesome things in Tacticus: When Awesome things collide")
Ooh, and now they stumbled upon the armory! Steel large daggers for all!
#2- Is it too late for me to join this game? I find it quite amusing.
If so...
code:###E E###
###E E###
### EE###
### EE###
###EE ###
According to the 1050 Revised Edition of the Pantshelm-Jorundur rulebook, section XVI, subsection BB, addendum 198 A, if two or more megabeasts have been in play at some point, I may spawn a herd of any large animal at the entrance to the fort. If I spawn any animal the size of an elephant or bigger, I must do an undeath check. How convennient, for I wish to spaewn a herd of elephants. *rolls dice*
Failed. A herd of Zombie elephants tromp into the fort's entrance and promptly begin angrily stomping about and trumpeting, rocking the fortress and forcing any living thing to do a sound resistence check. Those kobolds better start rolling. :)
[ May 28, 2008: Message edited by: Kilowatt ]
1. Elven traders have arrived
2. Goblins are sieging the fort
or
3. A herd of elephants (any type) is breaching the gate.
Since the third exception is now in play, Captain Ironblood pulls the lever, and magma surges through the map (note, this is magma according to rule 99 of "The 2d Tacticus Handbook" so it fills the entire map during my turn).
Since Ironblood has a toughness over 10, he gets to make a save vs. the magma's heat instead of just being vaporized (page 28 "Damn that's hot" magma expansion ruleset). And *rolls* luckily I save by a whole 3 points. So Ironblood is now swimming in the hot magma, and even though his clothes and non-steel armor has been burned away, he is still perfectly alive.
Oh dear. Can you say "Aerosolized Zombie Virus?" Oh dear.
Meanwhile, deep underground...
code:
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
#### :confused:#####
#### #####
#### #####Urist Wetpants has canceled digging: reached ocean, and is now running like hell.
Oh dear.
I play an 2 space adamantine canoe Which I fill to the brim with female dwarven gemsetters. According to the Spacial rules in the Quantum Space and how to Fuck with it Booklet released in 1934, There can be any number of dwarves in a single space, there fore, I now have an unlimited supply of Cannon fodder.
I send the first dozen or so to jump into the magma for the enjoyment of all.
quote:
Originally posted by xpCynic:
<STRONG>And I'll place a bet of an artifact cow bone toilet seat that as a result of rule 524434.8, paragraph 667 of Brain-Bruisingly Impossible Exceptions will allow for a single one of them to, instead of melting in the magma, become encased in ice due to an extremely lucky roll. Oh yes, I'm a risk-taker, all right.</STRONG>
Seems you already won THAT one. Man, these rolls are crazy. According to the stats:
89% of my forces were incinerated
3% were trampled by elephants before the great flood of fire.
4% drowned. Somehow.
One of 'em exploded in a cloud of gore. He was at the corner of the map before the magma reached him.
Another one somehow turned into a vermin. Thankfully, I had him warp into a room sealed from the outside chaos.
The last little bugger got encased in ice from a freak roll with the Quantum Space and how to Fuck with itBooklet. Damn you, 1dΞ - ϖ!
To save my forces, I have my kobolds mess around with levers as their last act of defiance. This causes a number of things, ranging from releasing the irrigation waters to combat the lava and saving my kobolds in the farm rooms to causing the Dining Room to collapse into the chasm.
code:##########
####SS####
####SS####
####~~####
####~~####
####~~####
The water from the sea rises up the tunnel and into the main entrance, cooling any magma in its path- OH NO!
I'm sure you all recognise this as a situation outlined in the Pantshelm-Jurundr 1054 supplement Kittens, Kittens and More Kittens: They're Coming Out of the Walls!, specifically from Table 32(c) ('Quantum Catsplosion Effects, with Special Attention to Interaction with Fluids') on page 263. That one always intrigued me.
*Rolls*
This one Did.
It seems bringing this Icy kobold onto the Canoe has made the side I brought him onto Reach critical mass due to the Closeness of Solid Koboldium to Excess Amounts of Dwarfinium, as Described in the Even More Minerals Online Rule Blog.
*Rolls 20d8*
Well, that's not Good...The entire left Side of the Canoe is Incinerated, Causing the Ice cube to Fly into the air and begin falling right over the yet to be magmized hilltop where the dwarven spy is. What is even more strange, is, by a freak roll, he wasn't even on the side that exploded. Ohh well, That's Physics for you.
[ May 29, 2008: Message edited by: Donnigan ]
Unfortunately, the rule also stipulates (in accordance with rule 238 of the compendium, Clauses: We Have Too Many of Them!: "If a new player is to enter the game with any noble dwarven character, his demands must be met within 3 turns, or the noble will throw a tantrum. Use Tantruming Noblesfor specifics regarding tantruming nobles") that the second dwarf, brought along with the Dungeon Master, has no appreciable skills...
*Rolls 3 of the letter dice from Boggle*
...In this case, Professional Fish Dissection...
...and must be the dwarf to prepare the Dungeon Master's wishes.
Urist McPoorchap starts carving a descending staircase into the ground (with his bare hands, as allowed during the 2003 Oklahoma regional competition) while the Dungeon Master looks smug.
I've equipped him with the sword, but he can't go anywhere now as the corridor outside the food preparation area is full of magma. If anybody wants the sword, they'll have to mine in here and kill the dwarf (who is now a legendary bone-carver).
code:#~######## @ is my dwarf
#~#..###.# # is either wall or workshop
#~#.@###.# . is floor
#~+..###.# ~ is burning magma of death
#~#......#
#~########
EDIT: Also, a note for anyone attempting the Melbil Gambit (as seen to great effect in the InkyRipeness tournament of 2003) that using a Super-Awesome Dwarf to swim through the magma won't work, as opening the door will let the magma destroy the sword (so sending Ironblood down there won't get you the artefact).
[ May 30, 2008: Message edited by: Bricktop ]
code:[too long is 6 turns- one turn = 1 post]
#~##ooooo###
#~################
#~+.w&&.......mmm#
#~+..??..###..mmm#
#~#..//..###..mmm#
#~#..SS..###sssss#
#~##########sssss###
#~##########sssss.I#
#~################### is the wall
s is stone
. is the floor
~ is magma
w is wardog
& is myrmidon
? is diggers
S is snipers
+ is a floodgate
I is a lever- linked to the floodgates
m is a mechanic`s workshop
o is the part of the room established in bricktop's postAll clockwork can remain in magma for a duration of time (but not too long)
I give carp the [FIREIMMUNE] tag.
1. A kobold stumbled upon the magma lever, and due to the "More Ways to Kill a Fortress" guide 3'rd edition 3D version blue series, pulls it despite whatever dangerous problems happen to it. Thus magma, demons, curses and badass archaeologists cannot stop the kobold from turning off the magma flow.
2. Another one found a secret staircase to a tower at the top of the mountain. I lead twenty survivors up there, but they get detected by a cat on the way up. Thanks to how cowardly these guys are, they run in the opposite direction down into the fortress. Right into some magma.
3. Due to some odd rolls, a kobold got a strange mood and stole a sheet of paper. "Kobolds and their treasure" handbook by Mr Adom states that kobolds get random loot instead of an artifact for their strange moods. I have the kobold throw the paper away, the worthless thing. Of course, it was no ordinary paper. It was a scroll of genocide. It hits a door, and thus all doors are gone.
4. Three fell down the chasm. They found other kobolds plotting an invasion of the overworld, but convinced them to stop. All thats up there is magma and death. They go down and make a grand city in the deep. They construct homes for dwarves that fall down deep chasms.
5. Another kobold is encased in ice.
6. Another one can now breathe fire. Lacking the fire immune tag, he is more of a bomb than a maga-pest.
*Rolls*
And he also failed his fortitude save. According to Lethal Contagions and Why You Care, when any bipedal being becomes infected with something, it can automatically choose to die from it, rather than suffer the embarrassment of getting everyone sick, which this one does. Unfortunately, he died into the local river. Zombie Virus Checks for Everyone!
Meanwhile, a soltary giant clockwork Eagle, with a clockwork spider riding on its back, alights on a cliff just above the main entrance.
code:#####..#########
#####..#########
##........######
#######.ES......
################
######///#######
######///#######/ is the entrance
. is the flooor
E is a giant clockwork eagle
S is a clockwork spider
# is stone.
*rolls*
...0 flab points! This means I now have a King Quadgremlin skeleton with chunks of meaty flesh dangling off it, giving one point of ewwwwww damage to all within range.