Characters:
Man
Woman
Tourist
Plot:
Man and Woman meet at a landmark. They talk.
Tourist talks to them, asks man for a photo of tourist.
Really it was an elaborate plot to take a sample of the mans dna from a sampler in the camera button.
Tourist turns himself into a physical doppelganger of man (using genetic material)
Tourist steals life of man. Do something interesting with the original man.
Woman doesn't notice the difference.
Man and woman meet at landmark. They talk.
There you go, you can have that one for free.
That sounds like an awesome school project. if I was on it i COULD do stunning CGI for you, but I'm not.
You completely missed the time constraint there. Good luck introducing characters and fleshing them out whilst still maintaining that elaborate linear storyline that is really unworthy of a script.
Did I mention I have fake science? You can't use someone's DNA to turn yourself into a physical copy of them!
You completely missed the time constraint there. Good luck introducing characters and fleshing them out whilst still maintaining that elaborate linear storyline that is really unworthy of a script.
Did I mention I have fake science? You can't use someone's DNA to turn yourself into a physical copy of them!
Ok, first things first, my post was not flippant, contrary to the tone implied by your reply. I do however have no experience in this field, so listen to me at your peril.
I'll try and answer your cleverly hidden questions, and explain to you my thought process, as I genuinely believe there is some mileage in my idea. Whilst it may not be what you are looking for, I feel compelled to explain this out.
1. "Introducing characters and fleshing them out" - Personally I wouldn't really worry about 'characters' as you only have fifteen minutes. I would have thought three figures would have been ample.
2. "Elaborate linear storyline" - You only have fifteen minutes. Elaborate storylines will not work very well, in my opinion.
3. "Fake Science" - This is a metaphor for the lengths the guy will go to to replace the life of the other man. Easily done with no effects. Can just abstract this out with some bandages whilst he sleeps, or preferably some other, better idea.
Do you feel confident with dialogue? When it's not done well it can be really bad. I tried to avoid a dialogue heavy situation.
Some issues to cover and possibly explore that I can think of, and some that I did think of whilst posting first time round. Maybe they would even add some sort of depth to the idea (but I thought that was what you were going to do ;)):
- The two scenes, outside at a landmark and inside in the tourists house / flat would be the key scenes. This gives a great opportunity for exploring different lighting options (natural and artificial). Also get some good shots of people vs. landmark. Play with focus, pan through crowds etc. Get a knackered flourescent tube to introduce the old buzzing / flickering light in the apartment corridor.
An exercise in continuity would also be to shoot the first scene in the morning, have the film last a day, and shoot the last scene in the evening. Will give some excellent varying colors with the natural light, and perhaps show an attention to detail which may be appreciated by your teacher.
- Why does the tourist obsess about the woman?
- What about the life the tourist is happy to leave behind? Some clues could be introduced in to the script, maybe have him answering his answering machine when he gets back in to his flat, deleting all the messages after a cursory listen?
- Why does the tourist see the woman as 'property'?
- Why is the woman happy to take on the new man as hers? Clearly he would have a totally different personality, maybe the woman is insecure? Why? Commentary on loveless / empty relationships?
- Strangers could be thinking all sorts of things about you, maybe try and make the viewer paranoid?
- What about the mans life? maybe nobody misses him, and some visual (or otherwise) cue implies that the tourist is actually the 'Hero'?
uh ... I can't think of any more.
Maybe this helps anyway. If not, ah well, I had fun analysing my own stupid two-bit idea for some semblance of depth.
It was, to put it bluntly, terrible for a short script. It would make a good movie, a good book, novel, whatever. But not a short movie.
Do take note that I am unable to give credit to you, as you are not somebody ANYONE in my school knows.
Like I said. If this turns out to be the best idea, I'll use it.
It was, to put it bluntly, terrible for a short script. It would make a good movie, a good book, novel, whatever. But not a short movie.
Thats ... just ... your opinion, man.
In all seriousness I think even the worst idea can be fleshed out in to a decent one of any of the above with good writing.
If you can read between the lines of a stupid little plot in the right way, you can come up with an interesting story.
I AM FILLED WITH GENIUS:
A man and his family are going on a vacation to a place. The man is visited by a GHOST that warns him not to go on the vacation. This leads to the man contemplating if he should go on the vacation or not. He decides to go on the vacation. His family has a great time.
Setting: Inside an appartement or house, preferably a bland urban one. The more rundown the better.
A man, preferably one who looks a bit depressed, tired and dirty, knocks on a door ( preferably, in the case that he is at a house, while it's morning ).
A cheerful looking ( until she sees the man ) woman opens the door. The two stare at eachother for a few seconds before embracing eachother.
The man enters. Both sit down and start to talk. Out of the discussion, the viewer can derive that the man is the ex boyfriend of the woman. He ended the relationship for a career in a far away city/country/... but he never stopped loving her. Because of unfortunate events, he has lost all what he chose above her and now he has returned. He asks if she can forgive him for giving up their relationship, perhaps hinting at starting anew. The women makes it clear that she is in love with another man now, and that she cannot start anew. She pities him and gives him back a trinket/jewel ( a fake one seeing you have that budget ) he once gave her. The man is clearly shaken and leaves the appartment almost bursting out in tears.
He wanders around in a park ( it's getting late ). Possibly have him carrying a empty bottle of booze to imply he has been drinking between the conversation and this scene. He comes across a bench. A flashback can be seen in which the man and the women can be seen flirting with eachother on said bench. He sits upon the bench while holding the trinket in his palms. You can hear him crying. Possibly, teardrops falling upon the trinket/jewel for dramatic effect. The screen becomes black. A shot of the ground now. The trinket is lying on the flour/ground. Slowly, the camera goes up and you can see the man's feet hanging motionlessly in the air ( so that the viewer gains the impression that he hanged himself, but does not get any tangible confirmation ). The end!
Time frame is a day. With the encounter between man and women happening at day, the park scene at night.
This might be too much written out already, too stereotypical or just plain bad, I don't know, but in any case I hope you are something with it.
I admire your effort, but to be as bluntly honest as I can be, In fact, it's quite terrible. You suck at life and everything. I sincerely hope you die.Hehe, I suspected you'd reply something like that. I know, it's a pretty shallow story, but I just came up with it and was interested in what you were going to say about it. Might have another go at it later.
Man sees woman being mugged. Saves woman and beats mugger intensly. Story follows the mugger who turns out to be a single parent struggling to make ends meet. Woman is actually an abusive, dominating wife and mother. Teaches us that everything is relative. Call it "What would you do for her?"
Man sees woman being mugged. Saves woman and beats mugger intensly. Story follows the mugger who turns out to be a single parent struggling to make ends meet. Woman is actually an abusive, dominating wife and mother. Teaches us that everything is relative. Call it "What would you do for her?"
This is such a great idea.
Man sees woman being mugged. Saves woman and beats mugger intensly. Story follows the mugger who turns out to be a single parent struggling to make ends meet. Woman is actually an abusive, dominating wife and mother. Teaches us that everything is relative. Call it "What would you do for her?"
This is such a great idea.
A good scriptwriter writes a good script. A great scriptwriter writes a good movie.And combined with a good director you get a great movie. Need someone with vision, not just writing skills.
A good scriptwriter writes a good script. A great scriptwriter writes a good movie.And combined with a good director you get a great movie. Need someone with vision, not just writing skills.
Have you considered doing stop motion? Unless you have a local group of very adept actors at your disposal it won't matter how good your script is, the delivery will undo it. I had the most fun doing school projects using stop motion, using legos for broad shots, and adjustable action figures for closer shots. This will allow you to put it into a larger variety of settings as well, depending on what you've got for action figures.. Also using legos allows for more dramatic landscapes, a patch of sand becomes a desert, a half buried rock a cliff face.
Also, as with short stories, IMO the best stories are the ones that have some sort of unforseen twist (unforseen either to the reader, or to the characters(Nightfall by Isaac Asimov)) only revealed at the end, rather than a slow exploration of a lesson to be learned. (especially if there were clues along the way, that the reader dosen't pick up on, but in hindsight all of the clues fall into place(The Lurking Fear by H.P. Lovecraft)
Yanlin: Not much of a script. I gave you setting, plot, characters, and a few snatches of dialogue. Glad to hear you think it's passable as a script as is. Me, I would have wanted to refine it a lot more.
Seems you really won't be satisfied by anything posted, after looking over the topic--I'd recommend making your own script from scratch, rather than asking for help.