Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Life Advice => Topic started by: Thundawich on January 02, 2011, 02:29:38 am
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There is a girl in my life that i have feelings for. I have had these feelings for a little while.
I recently approached her about my feelings, but was bitterly dissapointed when she said she had feelings for another guy.
Since then iv been feeling kind of empty inside and lonely, even though we still talk a fair bit.
I'm just asking if anyone has any advice to help me get through..... ive never been in a situation like this before so i dont know what to do.
Thanks......
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Ah yes, this most age old of topics.
She isn't into you. This is your chance to prove your a man by respecting her wishes. You took a swing, you missed, now move on. Maybe there is another cute girl out there you might want to ask out? I'm sure after a date or two, you will find moving on a little easyer.
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I feel for you, man =/
I generally watch a lot of violent movies or indulge in other guilty pleasures--crime novels, Chinese opera, cooking, whatever. Anything I can do to get my mind off it. I also write a lot in journals and stuff to get my feelings out, because even if you don't want to let the entire world know how you feel it can help a lot to just write it out somewhere.
What else do I do... comfort foods, like gelato and pie in my case. But mostly, I think what helps is getting a project, something you can throw yourself into, and something you work on even when you don't really want to. In my experience, that's the single thing that helps most. Try something you'd never do usually, just to give yourself something new to experience and pay attention to.
On the other hand, I've never asked anyone out, but I've experienced similar hurts--so don't take my advice like I was some sort of veteran getting-turned-down dude. There may be better specific advice from someone else on here.
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I've been trying to take my mind off her.... but i cant do it. im scared that she'll get hurt again. lately iv been watching movies and thats kinda helping, but im just about out of decent ones.
Shes the first girl iv had feelings for, so i just dont know...... but its not like she hates me or anything so i spose thats an upside
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Well, if it's really your first one, then I'd say... really don't worry about it. You're young. You've got lots of time to enjoy ahead of you =)
And it's not so much "getting your mind off it" that matters as "not obsessing." Think about it, but don't let it dominate you. If you don't think about it, you won't learn anything. If you let it dominate you, you'll learn the wrong stuff to such a degree that it's not useful. So, just... do what you can to enjoy life, I guess. That's all you can do. And while you're healing, we're here for you.
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Thanks vector =)
i wouldnt say im obsessing, but it does get me down a fair bit, although just typin this kinda stuff out seems to help =)
im 17, and like i said before, im not a real socially active person. never been into the whole school thing of date whoever looks at you.
but thanks, feelin better about it sorta, =)
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Listening to sad music helped me, when I felt down about the whole relationship stuff.
Might not be for everybody though.
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I go to the gym when felling down. Running around aimlessly and lifting some weights has always made me feel better.
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I go to the gym when felling down. Running around aimlessly and lifting some weights has always made me feel better.
+1
Try to do exercises and get yourself occupied with stuff, which needs your full concentration. Do not watch TV or that things because then your mind drifts away (at least this is the case for me).
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Make sure to keep in mind that this is simply a brief thing. You may not be able to get her out of your head, you might find your mind constantly drifting to what she's currently doing or what she might have been doing earlier, but this is simply just you being infatuated. Accept that your mind drifts to her, then ignore it. Eventually the infatuation will fade and everything will be same old same old. If you're sad, feel sad. This is one of those things where time really is the best cure.
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Like others said, physically exhaust yourself and once you get to feeling like taking a nap, force yourself to read a good book.
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Just ignore her.
Women love guys that ignore them.
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I know I do...
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Watch as I do not pay attention to the woman.
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Watch as I do not pay attention to the woman.
... Doesn't posting to her in reply imply that you're, you know, paying attention to "the woman?"
Man. You've got to get better at this "ignoring chicks" thing or you're never going to get one.
In more seriousness: going for women who hate being ignored will only net you a woman who hates being ignored. I imagine the novelty will wear off for you pretty quickly. I.e., as soon as you actually catch one of these fabled "women" things we don't get to see very often from the comfort of our computer chair.
Sorry for being mean. You're annoying me.
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Just ignore her.
Women love guys that ignore them.
I never understood the logic behind that, I mean honestly it is the most ridiculous thing in the universe to assume that all women are the same and all act positivly towards neglect.
Sad to say, a lot of the time this is true.
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I believe the basic idea is that those who get all dolled up in an effort to attract male attention will, in being ignored, try harder to get his attention, and then you've got a girl who's obsessed with dressing up and attracting male attention.
I wouldn't say it's "generally" true. I'd guess that you just notice women who are trying to attract your attention more than you do those who aren't trying to get your attention--kind of obvious, right? So then you don't notice the vast majority of the population, who are not in fact intrigued by men who don't have anything to do with them.
Not all women are desperate, you know. Not even most. It's that old problem of a small, vocal minority outshouting the majority--and who wouldn't listen, when what they're shouting is "come procreate with me?" It's a much more pleasant message to hear than "fuck off, I'm finishing my engineering problem set." Or even "if you're trying to ignore me, you need to do a better job of it because you're disturbing my scrapbooking."
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My wife obsessed over me for years before I first noticed her. What does that mean, Vector?
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My wife obsessed over me for years before I first noticed her. What does that mean, Vector?
For years you were a dabbling observer. :P
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My wife obsessed over me for years before I first noticed her. What does that mean, Vector?
For years you were a dabbling observer. :P
I wanted to double over in rib-cracking laughter but I just couldn't. Still, that's pretty much what happened.
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when you say obsessed, what kind of obsessions do you mean?
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I obsessed over my boyfriend for about two months before he got the picture.
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I obsessed over my boyfriend for about two months before he got the picture.
Addicted even? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwGGLrDvfE)
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i can't ignore people, drives me nuts (which is a contradiction to my aspergers)
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"fuck off, I'm finishing my engineering problem set."
Somehow, when I read this, my first reaction is 'What's the problem set?'
on-topic: if she's not into you, she's not into you. sorry, buddy.
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yep, i know that, i just asked for some advice on how to cope with it. And thanks guys for ur advice =)
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Copeing is easy, atleast for me. Throw yourself into something you love for a short time, while looking for other girls. Ironicly it's cheesy and not-so-cheesy romances that help get my mind off such things.
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My wife obsessed over me for years before I first noticed her. What does that mean, Vector?
It means there's a difference between "women think it's sexy when guys intentionally ignore them" and "sometimes women are attracted to guys who haven't noticed them yet."
For example, take all the women out there who think certain fictional characters are hot. They are not hot because they will never know the woman exists, or because they are intentionally ignoring her. They are attractive for other reasons.
... I mean, do you seriously think that your wife was swept off her feet by your superior ignoring-skills? If she was, then I need to take lessons from you. I'm not the best at just letting things go.
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I'm with vector, i dont think ignoring women will be benificial for most peoples
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Well the female species is most strange. Something even Darwin himself had trouble understanding!
Simple answer is: Don't be a jerk, if you like a girl, and she likes you, go out with her rather then leading her along. That way, your more likely to end up with a nice girl that is suited to you, and you are suited to her, rather then somebody who was just interested in you because she didn't know enough about you.
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People are a lot more complex than that.
Their isn't some magic formula, on how to win someone over.
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My wife obsessed over me for years before I first noticed her. What does that mean, Vector?
... I mean, do you seriously think that your wife was swept off her feet by your superior ignoring-skills? If she was, then I need to take lessons from you. I'm not the best at just letting things go.
I ignored her so well we ran two years of cross country on the same team with her constantly right behind me without noticing her.
No I don't think I swept her off her feet with ignoring skills.
Anyway, the best way to address any relationship problem is to talk to the person you're in a relationship with. I wish I could offer advice on getting a girl, but I kind of know less about that than you guys do. I just know how to keep one.
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Nikov, perhaps she intentionally stayed behind you? I don't know your wife but maybe she liked the view.
And yes, there is a magical victory formula in the form of talking. I've had a lot of ruined relationships from when I tried to be the suave dude and be a pickup artist and crap. I've had other, better relationships, where I was strange and awkward because I put myself out there and was honest, even when talking was embarrassing and awkward.
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I just deleted some derail and nasty business (Grakelin muted for 3 days). Please try to be helpful and on-topic.
edit: didn't apply the mute until around 8:10am forum time
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Here's my advice about women and dating:
Any woman worth dating wants a man that, to some degree, shows maturity, loyalty, faithfulness, trustworthiness and stability.
Beyond that, the entire dating process is entirely random and unpredictable, so as long as you have a good head on your shoulders, you shouldn't worry about anything because you have zero control anyway. Go for it.
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Dude, sorry you got a no from the girl you're interested in.
But!
Can I just say props to you for going for it and letting her know how you felt in the first place? Too few guys and girls do this. Just keep being awesome, be honest about your feelings and you'll find someone awesome soon :D
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I used to get depressed when the girl I liked rejected me/went for another guy/etc.
Then I realized I was going at it all wrong. Since I've listened to my shower philosophy (I came up with it in the SHOWER, as with all of my good ideas) I just look at multiple girls. One doesn't like me; so what? There's three others I'm interested in.
I'm not so depressed because of girls anymore.
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Well, if it's really your first one, then I'd say... really don't worry about it. You're young. You've got lots of time to enjoy ahead of you =)
For some reason I find this to be a really pessimistic attitude, but I guess it might work differently for different people.
Good job at least trying, Thundawich. I hope you do better in the future.
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I have been there. The best thing I can suggest is build a friendly relationship with her. I talk to my crush a lot (she currently has a boyfriend) but it still is somewhat cathartic.
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There is a girl in my life that i have feelings for. I have had these feelings for a little while.
I recently approached her about my feelings, but was bitterly dissapointed when she said she had feelings for another guy.
Since then iv been feeling kind of empty inside and lonely, even though we still talk a fair bit.
I'm just asking if anyone has any advice to help me get through..... ive never been in a situation like this before so i dont know what to do.
Thanks......
Feelings can change, it's fairly common.
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No guarrentees, but don't give up immediately just because she has feelings for some guy.
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(comments related to deleted portions removed)
To bring us back on track- Dude, if a girl doesn't like you, then that's all you can do.
But, if you at least get to know her, then you might get a chance later. Later being, when she gets to know you better, and finds out she knows you better than her secret crush.
But don't rush it. That's just going to cause problems.
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I would say befriend, and then re-evaluate whether you wish to continue, if you do, then go for it!
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(trolling removed, vipre01 banned)
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(trolling removed, vipre01 banned)
Thank you.
Well, if it's really your first one, then I'd say... really don't worry about it. You're young. You've got lots of time to enjoy ahead of you =)
For some reason I find this to be a really pessimistic attitude, but I guess it might work differently for different people.
Hmm... to me, it actually feels optimistic. "Well, if it doesn't work then you have plenty of time, and if it does work, then you're ahead of the game :D"
In any case, I think that Thundawich is off to a good start.
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Well, if it's really your first one, then I'd say... really don't worry about it. You're young. You've got lots of time to enjoy ahead of you =)
For some reason I find this to be a really pessimistic attitude, but I guess it might work differently for different people.
Hmm... to me, it actually feels optimistic. "Well, if it doesn't work then you have plenty of time, and if it does work, then you're ahead of the game :D"
In any case, I think that Thundawich is off to a good start.
I first thought that you were implying this. "Your first one was bound to fail anyway, just keep trying." I can see how it's optimistic in the future, but the message is none too happy in the present.
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