Bay 12 Games Forum

Finally... => Creative Projects => Topic started by: Fniff on April 14, 2011, 04:51:56 pm

Title: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Fniff on April 14, 2011, 04:51:56 pm
I knocked up some very basic poems about zombies. Tell me what you think.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: bowdown2q on April 14, 2011, 05:49:28 pm
heh. Entertaining.

one note though: you seem to be trapped in the hell of poetry: rhyme scheme. Not all poetry needs rhyme, and in a few cases here you're stretching for rhyme and it's killing the rhythm.

You've got a very... non-repetitive rhythm. something like
' ' ' _
' - - - - - - ' - - -
' - '
- ' - '
- ' - - - - - -
' - '
(etc)
(i think. it depends on how you say it, but still)

It's very irregular, and the varying line lengths are weird. They work, but they'd work better with some regularity. e.g. long short long short, or long long short, long long short, or even L s L s L L s.

The last line of the first one feels sort of... like it's missing another line. It doesn't have any of the rhyme, rhythm, or even length that the other lines do; it feels too short.

It's certainly interesting, and a hell of a lot better than a lot of what I've seen in creative writing classes >>.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Fniff on April 14, 2011, 06:09:22 pm
Hmm. Maybe instead of just making rhyme,
I should do something like finding time
to subcribe to a certain type of poem,
because, as they say, when in Rome!

...

That was horrible, I apologize.

Yeah, I should use limericks/haikus/whatever instead.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: bowdown2q on April 14, 2011, 06:15:22 pm
Well, there's nothing wrong with free verse... provided it's not trash.

You don't need to stick to an established form, mind you. Just remember that poetry should sound good when spoken aloud. If its awkward to say, it's probably lousy poetry.

That being said, you've got some good couplets going on; just tweak them so they have less crazy rhythm, and it should improve it a few hundredfold.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Fniff on April 14, 2011, 06:27:23 pm
Can you say what ones are good and what ones are bad? I am still on a creator's high.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: bowdown2q on April 14, 2011, 06:34:25 pm
Eh. they're all pretty mediocre. the first one is probably the worst, and I think the last one is the best of the three. They all need some revisions tho.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Fniff on April 14, 2011, 06:35:35 pm
Hmm. OK then.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: alden5jesus on April 16, 2011, 01:09:40 am
Your poem is nice Fniff. Among three I like poem "Getting A Signal". It  touch to heart and remember the childhood.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Psyco Jelly on April 16, 2011, 01:52:28 am
I sincerely believe that you
Have a problem with rhythm too
So stick to limericks
And it will fix
All of what the poets do.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Neonivek on April 16, 2011, 03:11:36 am
Interesting Poems. I have one too

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Anyhow, the Poems oddly enough sound a lot more like song lyrics.
Title: Re: Zombie Poems!
Post by: Supermikhail on April 16, 2011, 08:07:55 am
I think it should be rigor mortis.