April 1, 2011
Well, I suppose it's time to write down my report for the first quarter of 2011. Things have gone by so fast, really - three months really is a short period of time. Lots of conservative killing, kidnappings and the lot, I've also dedicated myself to become a greater Liberal as possible, in hopes that my beacon of light shall further pierce this darkness called conservatism. I don't know whether it'll be done in my time, or whether I will simply fall and be captured, killed or brainwashed into conservative robots like the rest of them, but I believe, and know that one day, more like me will arise, and one day, they will overthrow this rotten society and forge a new, glorious Liberal utopia. One day..
Well, in any case, let's stop with the depressing talk and start filling out the report properly. When I woke up three months ago, I was surprised. Seriously surprised. I had a headache and I couldn't remember anything. I just looked around me and I saw a nice shiny AK47, and that was it. And then, I found a diary in the desk and as I read it, I began to remember everything... And then I spent a few more hours in disbelief.
Of course, it wasn't at my violence or terrorism of this vile conservative society - no, it was rather that... Well, let's just say, I didn't seem quite same. I remembered, I knew what I did... but... seriously? I called myself Ryan McAwesome? The slogan was *BEEP*? What? What was I thinking? That's, that's.. that's what INSANE, MENTAL LUNATICS call themselves, not a proud liberal revolutionary of society! Gosh, I felt so offended by myself and ashamed of my past. What was my past self thinking? (And who's this ryan, eh? I don't know any ryans... er, do I?)
At any case, I quickly decided to change my code-name to Liberty and the Squad's slogan to "Give me Liberal or Death!" to show that we were sophisticated intellectuals. Of course, it would confuse those conservative dogs in regards to what to call me, but it's not like I cared about conservatives anyhow.
So, quickly recovering my temporary mental shock and as my memories came back, I immediately decided to take action. First, using my awesome tailoring skills, I quickly made myself a ninja suit. It apparently made me stealthy, and as my common sense decided to question the idea, I quickly pushed it away and stomped in it. I'm a liberal after all, and common sense is what those conservative dogs defer to not proud revolutionaries like myself. After creating my suit, I immediately put it on, took my AK47, and immediately set out to kill some conservative scum.
My first target, one of many, was the Halls of Ultimate Judgement. I quickly went in, and I quickly blended in with the many people with Assault Rifles and SMGs in hand. I quickly stealthed through its corridors, but I didn't know where I was going, and while stumbling like that, I found an evil conservative judge in the hallway. Alone. Oh, and how did I know he was conservative, do you ask? It's my Liberal senses tingling, of course! Everyone knows that!
I quickly closed in on the judge, and when the judge looked suspiciously at my ninja suit, I quickly put my AK47 to his head and hissed at him to be quiet. The scum quickly trembled in fear and shut his mouth when he felt the cold steel glistening at his back. I then forced the man to lead me through the corridors, where an important case was happening. I quickly went with him to the jury's stands and then I interrupted the trial to convince the jury of liberal goodness and that they should support a liberal ruling in the trial, whatever it was. However, apparently, some of them noticed my keeping the judge as a hostage, and the fact that I don't know anything about law at all ticked them off and they started to throw stones at me.
Bloody conservative bastards - I shot them all and started making my way through the hallways before the police caught up to me. Many people went and came, the police, and the gang units all rushed through the corridors, trying to find the intruder, but with my awesome ninja suit, none of them ever noticed me. When I was at the entrance, I made sure to shout the glorious Liberal slogan, just to let them know who it was that killed the jury and desecrated the trial. Which alerted them and they all came with cars and guns, so I had to bail out and run. It was really tiring - our hostage was quite fat, after all.
Back at the factory, I spent a few days tying the man up on a chair and started lynching him as best I could, while playing some horrible documentaries on screen and screaming liberal slogans. I kind of brutalized him bad, left him with a few broken bones here and there, but eventually, the man broke and learned the glorious ways of Liberalism. I quickly congratulated him and sent him back home, having gained a mook that I can call up at any second and force him to do my Liberal bidding.
Having learned the great joys of sadism and a great way of stress control, I went back to the Halls of Ultimate Judgment, grabbed a few more conservative judges, disrupted a few more trials and let a few piles of dead jurors who refused to listen to my insane and ridiculous Liberal arguments. By mid-February, I had already gained myself a bunch of judges, lawyers and the like under my control.
However, after that I stopped with the kidnappings. Why? Because I was bored. I mean, I already tried burning them alive, spanking them, whipping with a nine-tails, drowning, *beep*, *beep* and *beeeep* - and they all broke too easily. They started off adamant, then screaming, then begged me to kill them, and a few days later, they were pale, stuttering and obedient to my every word. It grew to more of a chore than anything, so I said "Screw this" and stopped.
But it wasn't like I was going to stop my glorious, liberal crusade. For my next course of action, I felt that I really wanted to learn some medicine. I didn't have the time to go to a university and learn it properly though, so I thought of a great idea! To grab some oppressed child workers from the factories, bring them out and let conservatives shoot them, and I'll get myself a knife and scissors and try to poke their intestines and, er, *heal* them! Of course, I can throw their bodies into the streets once I'm done with them, and use them as propaganda about how cruel those conservative bastards were, and that they killed all those who opposed them, even children. It was a perfect idea, and I immediately put it into action.
The children really were brave. They grabbed their chains and swung at conservative gang units, who promptly shot them down, and to my annoyance, killed most of them. Those whom they didn't kill however, I had lots of fun, er, having some practical medical training. Very practical indeed. I also took the chance to kill a few conservative scum myself. With a proper AK47 of course - I'm a great Liberal revolutionary! I wouldn't step so low as to use bare hands or some rubbish to fight the conservative scum.
The rest of February passed by, with me killing, and healing my beloved children. In the end, they all died though, whether by conservatives, or the wounds the conservatives game them and I had none left by March. It was a good thing, as the lack of whiny brats to care for left me so bored that I had actually brought myself to watch television. And to my utter shock, I realized that the congress had some more Conservative laws, including ones that empowered the police even further, reinstating the fearsome DETH squads.
I couldn't believe the news. I wondered, why, why, why? I disrupted trials, killed jurors, and went on a killing spree afterwards. I "liberated" children, then left them to die and after I was done experimenting with them, I threw out the window to let their bodies rot in a dump. Why? Why couldn't the masses understand all I had done for them? What had I possibly done wrong to make them betray me like this?
I burned with rage and anger, and I swiftly turned the TV off - it was time to have some Liberal vengeance. I immediately grabbed my AK47 and went to the police station, and started shooting everything in sight. Conservative scum fell, one by one, and after a few hours of rampaging, I grabbed an injured DETH squad member and dragged him to my house - some Liberal education was in order. A week later, I added one more to my mook count, and I managed to relieve a lot of stress through the experience. Nothing like some sadistic torture to help you get through your day.
The police station having been shut down from my recent raid, I drove my car to the CEO's mansion, and this time, I advanced carefully in and found the CEO's study. He looked surprised when I pointed my gun at him. A few seconds later, he was spurting blood and I quickly left the room... - after having robbed his safe, of course. From there, I began another killing spree, killing everything in sight - dogs, mutants and all. I laughed maniacally as I pounded them with bullets. Man, killing was fun.
My next target on my hit list was the Halls of Ultimate Judgment, once more. I began another killing spree right away, and I also grabbed another evil DETH squad member on my way home. However, I got shot in my right leg on my way back, and although I shot the fool back, I was injured so that I couldn't go out on raids anymore - at least for the time being.
I spent the rest of March bringing the poor man to the side of Liberalism and after that, I decided to take a few courses at the University to help me prepare for some more Conservative killing that would follow after.
Days passed by, and now it's April 1st, 2011. My body has healed up and is now urging me to fight again. I now wonder at what my next course of action will be... Whom I'll kill next, and which place I should terrorize with my beloved AK47. The possibilities seem endless and a Liberal utopia very near....
But first, I'm having a really bad headache. I wonder what it is... ugh... Oww.... my vision, it's fading...