-
Or at least, you think. You're not sure who you are, or why you're here, or even where you are, when you hear a voice. It's pretty loud, and immediately starts getting on your nerves. It begins bellowing something about 'them' giving you one more chance, so long as you do as 'they' please. You can't remember anything, so you have no idea as to what chance this is referring to. You can't even see whatever's making the noise, but you look in its general direction anyways. Not too hard, considering you were already facing that way.
(http://img593.imageshack.us/img593/8466/adventure1.png)
You decide to take 'their' offer - after all, another chance can hardly ever be a bad thing, right? And then 'they' have the nerve - the GALL - to ask you to come up with your own name and identity, and figure out where it is you want to go. You don't even know where it is you CAN go. Assholes. Then 'they' mention - through 'their' loud, booming voice-herald-thing, of course - that 'they' can help you think of one, and your mind suddenly floods with ideas. Ideas of castle and knights, princes and pirates, gears and goblins, cans and toasters. There are so many ideas, you're having trouble deciding on which one.
So who are you, and where are you going?
((I've decided to leave the beginning of this very, very open-ended so I don't end up choosing something stupid and overdone. It is not because I'm too lazy to think of stuff. :P))
-
Our name is Siegfried, and we're going to the knights and castles one.
-
Our name is Randal Ramirez, and we are captain of the pirates who raid hell. Wait, that's probably really hard to do.
Our name is Randal Ramirez, and we are a gangster. An immortal gangster.
-
We are Donald MacShaughnessy, shelf stocker for the Chafeway grocery/department store, formerly located in Langdon, California, but now occupying the space between dimensions.
-
We are joe mcpersonson, and we are heir to the throne in the kingdom of the toaster pirates! Who may possibly live in or raid hell.
Hey, you mentioned toasters. I'm just working with what you gave us.
-
We are Dancing Jim and we will DISCO!
-
We are Samantha Draemer, a tomboy trapped in the world of cartoons.
-
We are Johnny Foxtrot, former police officer trying to survive after demons invade the Earth.
-
We are homeless joe, the bum on the street corner trying to make it to the top.
-
You are now Dancing Joe Donald Siegfried Randal Foxtrot Draemer Ramirez McShaughnessy, and you're an immortal interdimensional disco pirate gangster that raids Hell in a world of cartoo- oh no this is stupid. This is really stupid. You would facepalm, but you have no hands.
(http://img829.imageshack.us/img829/8053/adventure2.png)
You kindly request that 'they' narrow down the options for you and decide on something.
-
Johnny "Dancing" Siegfried, who is a gangster granted immortality but at the cost of unleashing Hell on Earth.
-
You are the Prince of Toast trying to track down a ship of Goblin skypirates who have stolen a huge shipment of canned goods from Toast Castle
-
You are the Prince of Toast trying to track down a ship of Goblin skypirates who have stolen a huge shipment of canned goods from Toast Castle
Eh, you can't really go that far with that plot.
-
You are siegfried the infinitley prolonged. You are immortal, and have been since the dark age, unable to adapt to ever changing times, and are now homeless
-
You are the Prince of Toast trying to track down a ship of Goblin skypirates who have stolen a huge shipment of canned goods from Toast Castle
Eh, you can't really go that far with that plot.
No no that is merely your first objective for the tutorial analogue!
-
You are the Prince of Toast trying to track down a ship of Goblin skypirates who have stolen a huge shipment of canned goods from Toast Castle
Eh, you can't really go that far with that plot.
No no that is merely your first objective for the tutorial analogue!
But it doesn't really have anything to say about itself! The only world you could make is a slightly absurdist fantasy world! Unless the GM wants to get creative...
-
Im sticking with sigfried the infinitley prolonged:1000 year old immortal homeless guy.
-
You are Donald Draemer, a mechanical genius trying to escape from Dystopia. You must use your engineering prowess and street smarts to avoid notice, or if noticed avoid capture. You start out a factory worker in the town of Civilia.
-
I vote for the gangster guy
-
You are the Prince of Toast trying to track down a ship of Goblin skypirates who have stolen a huge shipment of canned goods from Toast Castle
I heartily support this. Also, there are lazorz.
-
You are Jonas White, a Robber in The Great Depression. You dress classy, and carry a Tommy Gun hidden on your back. Unknown to others, You are also a Medium, one who can speak with the dead. You use your Sweet-talking with Bankers and Poltergheists to get things done, and it that doesn't work, you can always use your knowledge of Wards and Tommy Guns to get shit DONE.
-
This is getting worse, not better.
-
Im still with sigfried, 1000 year old bum.
-
This is getting worse, not better.
Welcome to Bay12, a place where most look like junkies high on cocaine.
-
Alright, so I'm reading: Johnny "Dancing" Siegfried the immortal gangster who releases hell on earth, the yet-unnamed Prince of Toast, Donald Draemer the mechanical genius, Jonas White the gangster-thief who can speak with the dead, and Siegfried the Infinitely Prolonged Hobo.
I knew you guys had imaginations, but... wow.
-
I set up a poll for you guys based on what's been said since the Face-stump.
-
You decide to be Johnny Siegfried, the Prince of Toast. 'They' seem to approve of this decision, and give you one thing before they let you go.
(http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/421/adventure3.png)
You got the SHITTY-LOOKING BACKPACK! For all your inventory management needs! It seems to be have a considerable amount of carrying capacity, despite how it looks.
'They' also recommend that before you leave, you decide on a weapon preference. Man, these guys do NOT want to let you leave yet, do they? You're tempted to just hit the road without choosing a damn weapon.
So, what do you do? Pick a weapon, or just go on without one?
-
Hammer. Every thing is better with hammers.
-
Gunhammer
(http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100611192822/monsterhunter/images/thumb/2/2e/Weapon022.png/261px-Weapon022.png)
-
Ohgodyes
-
Gunblade
-
Yes, gunhammer for the prince. It's so beautiful :'(.
Wait, what's our name?
EDIT: Dang, I was hoping to delete that question before anyone noticed it.
-
You decide to be Johnny Siegfried, the Prince of Toast. 'They' seem to approve of this decision, and give you one thing before they let you go.
-
Go gunhammer! It menaces with spikes of diamond and is adorned with hanging rings of dragon bone! Also, this should be steampunk+fantasy.
-
That seems a good fit
-
You tell 'them' that you'd like a Gunhammer.
Then, you awaken from your hammock in the sleeping quarters of the Toast Kingdom's flying flagship, the Breakfast.
(http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/2575/adventure4.png)
Wait... where are you, anyways?
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/6663/adventure5.png)
Oh. Okay.
Anyways, once you wake up and get over the headache from falling out of your hammock, the first thing you notice is the overhead INVENTORY BAR and accompanying EQUIPMENT INTERFACE. It looks really crappy, but what else would you expect from the SHITTY-LOOKING BACKPACK?
(There is no background because I am a sorry person who cannot draw planks. There should be a background or at least a floor or something next update.)
So what do you do now?
-
Take the nails from the hammock and leave the room
-
Take the hammock too.
-
Wtf why dont we just take some planks off the wall too? (im not being sarcastic do it)
-
That's a great idea. Take any planks that won't be needed to hold the ship together.
-
Can we wear the hammock as an awesome cape?
-
Is it a cloth hammock, or rope?
-
Make the planks of wood into armour.
-
We probably have better armor somewhere.
-
You check your hammock for nails on the off-chance that a crewman may have tried playing a prank on you. Nope, no nails. You should've known better than to not trust your crew like that.
Speaking of the hammock, you begin to fondly regard it.
(http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/9455/adventure6.png)
For all its shortcomings and all the times it's dumped you on the floor, it's still been a great hammock. You love your hammock, and would never choose one of the other, cruddy hammocks that your crewmen have to sleep in in exchange for it. You try to take it off the pole it's fastened to, but it's firmly bolted in there. Nope, no chance of getting that off.
You then look around at the walls, and try to rip the planks off. You quickly realize that you can't rip the planks off the sides - this is a form-casted Lightsteel ship, moron!
(http://img829.imageshack.us/img829/8053/adventure2.png)
(Something tells me I'm going to be using that Face-stump image a lot. And huzzah, not having to draw planks!)
-
Lets go get some breakfast. I assume siegfried sleeps in under clothes.
-
First admire view through window.
-
Window, then food
-
Call your personal ninja squad to prepare your breakfast for you, and wear the hammock as a cape. But admire view through window first.
-
Everybody knows ninja cant cook. . . . .silly. Also, the hammock is an indestructible, immovable piece of furniture that is crucial to the safekeeping of the fabric of reality.
-
Everybody knows ninja cant cook. . . . .silly. Also, the hammock is an indestructible, immovable piece of furniture that is crucial to the safekeeping of the fabric of reality.
They're cooking ninjas obviously. Along with being normal ninjas. As for the hammock, forget physics, we're the prince of toast. We do whatever the heck we want.
-
Get your cape and armor
-
Ok, seriously this time. Window, clothing/armor, then breakfast. In that order.
-
Before you go get your morning meal, you take a quick glance out your window.
(http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/2853/adventure7.png)
Nothing but clear skies and smooth seas ahead. No surprise, given the nearby weather control station, really.
You then take a second to ponder your armor situation. Wait, why are we doing THAT? The pirates are DAYS away, and their ship's a lot faster. It's not like we're going to catch them any time soon unless they try doing something really stupid.
At any rate, you run down to the mess hall for some grub.
(http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/9048/adventure8.png)
Yum, swill. God you hate ocean rations. Stupid frickin' pirates takin' stupid frickin' hostages and raiding stupid frickin' villages. You're the PRINCE, you shouldn't have to put up with this crap. But your Dad is still King, so you gotta do what he says. And if he wants his son to take the flagship and hunt down some goddamn pirates, then those goddamn pirates are going to be hunted.
Frickin' pirates.
So, what now?
(Edit: DERP DERP WRONG PICTURE)
-
Join the pirates and overthrow the king!
-
Im at a total loss as to what to do. Maybe we can kill someone and eat the body.
-
Try to get to know the crew better
-
Maybe we could start an evil cult?
-
Theres a piece of sense-new on the ship, we should go and make friends.
-
Ah, I thought we were in an airship :(.
Anyway, we need to meet our crew of sailors with quirky dispositions. And we need a map of the ship, or a mental map.
-
Wow you are so bored. You are so bored, that you even consider meeting some of the crew and forming them into a cult. Of course, that's hogwash, since none of the crew would ever talk to you, and frankly, you wouldn't really want to talk to any of them. They're loyal, and very good soldiers, but to be very honest, most of 'em are pricks. Especially the guys on the flagship - in fact, you hand-picked this crew for their prickishness. Because it's usually the pricks who have the good ideas that save your ass, right? Right?
Anyways, you consult a map out of continued boredom, hoping that maybe staring at a schematic would somehow alleviate it. It doesn't, but it does give you a hearty reminder of where everything is on the ship.
(http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/4575/adventure12.png)
KEY
Red - ordinance zones. This is where they keep missiles, spare ammo, spare parts, and stuff generally used to keep the ship going and your enemies' ships... not going.
Green- Sailor's cabins. This is where the crew sleeps, plays cards, and get drunk of their asses. You're not going anywhere near here.
Blue - Spare cabins and mess hall. This is where you sleep, and where everybody eats.
Pink - Cargo bay. This is where you store stuff that you ferry around - if you don't have any stuff to ferry, then it's usually full of spare parts and stowaways. Not that you care.
Yellow - Control room. This is where you stay in case of attack, since it's the best fortified place on the ship, as well as the place with the intercom lead and all that other nice stuff.
Orange - Engine room. This is where they keep the engines and scant janitorial supplies. You're not going anywhere near here, especially after what happened to Sailor Jones last Friday.
You also remember that you had lifts and bathrooms installed every ten feet in corridors due to certain disease-related incidents which shall go unmentioned.
Well that was usefu- "PRINCE JOHNNY TO THE ROOF, PRINCE JOHNNY TO THE ROOF." blares over the intercom. Hmm, this might be important. You take a lift to the roof, where a sailor is waiting to greet you with a PAIR OF REALLY CRAPPY BINOCULARS, which you take. However, you think you already know what he wants you to look at.
(http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/3010/adventure9.png)
(http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/6527/adventure10.png)
(http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/5173/adventure11.png)
"Ooooooooh shit."
"Waiting on your orders, sir."
So what do you do?
(I think my drawing quality gradually degrades the later I'm awake. And sorry for leaving you guys with nothing to do last update. :P)
(Also....
Ah, I thought we were in an airship :(.
Since when did I say we weren't? :P)
-
UNFOLD WINGS PREPARE FOR ASCENSION BATTLE STATIONS EVERYONE RETRIEVE THY ARMOR AND WEAPONS!!!
-
Run down and grab your *shudderdrool* gun hammer
-
Wait a second... they're in airships. Does that mean we're in a special airship THAT SITS ON A FLOATING BODY OF WATER? Anyway, this ship is going down, and we're going to be captured. We may as well get the gunhammer so the goblins can hide it on the ship we're taken onto. That way when we escape we can solve a puzzle to get our gunhammer back.
EDIT: Oh, and we need to give our useless crew some orders, don't we? We may as well send our magic airship down toward the ground in hopes of landing it and finding a place to hide. Also, for the hell of it, launch tons of weapons at the goblin ships. Best to go down swinging. We might even want to kamikaze them if we get a chance.
Oh, and is my selective boldifying making things easier or harder?
-
Go to armory room and equip you Gunhammer and armor
Armory: Along with your Gunhammer Be full of
Gunshields
(http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00157/Gun_shield__c1540_157914s.jpg)
(http://images.wikia.com/mhf/images/2/2b/Gunlance.png)
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/04/Swordrevolver.jpg)
(http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2008/02/27/apache-the-multi-purpose-revolver_2263.jpg)
..........I'm having way too much fun looking for these things
-
Get your gunshield and gunarmor, and have the crew open fire with the airship's cannons
-
Abandon ship! We're doomed!
-
Gunshield:a shield with a gun for a handle, with a small hole in the middle for shooting. . . .plausible, I suppose, not surd how gunarmor would work though.
-
Barrel in the middle of the armour, trigger in the helmet. Bite down, it fires.
-
Alright then, TO THE RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF GUNMISCELLANEA!!!
-
Do not forget to put on your gunderwear.
-
Also the gunhelm! Can't forget that one!
-
I swear, you guys are more obsessed with gun miscellania than the average Texan. And that's saying something.
Anyways, update coming... soon. If I don't get swept into the flurry of chores and busywork that is the rest of my life.
-
Don't forget to pack some spare ammo. We don't want to use our gunhammer as just a regular hammer, do we?
-
You run back to your room, bellowing orders at sailors to prepare for battle along the way. Once there, you retrieve your LEGENDARY GUNHAMMER OF THE ANCIENTS.
(http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/1968/adventure13.png)
Or at least, you WISH it was legendary. This thing is just something you built out of a bunch of crap you found in your uncle's attic. It's still pretty cool, and it works, so you put it in your PRIMARY WEAPON SLOT, grab some AMMO, and proceed to your section of the control room.
(http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/1880/adventure14.png)
It may not look like much, but from here, everyone on the ship can hear your orders via a series of pipes hidden in the walls. It's useful for diplomatic meetings, too. You like to call the pipe-series the "intercom," but the rest of the kingdom refers to it as the PBCM, or Pipe-Based Communications System. You issue the orders to prepare for battle with the pirate fleet to your crew and can hear the hubbub as they go about loading cannons and preparing the 'main weapon.'
So now what?
-
Brace for impact, cuz were about to be f**cked up pretty badly, from the sound of things.
-
Take the torch. You never know when one of those things'll come in handy.
And don't say we can't remove it. We obviously can.
-
Take the table if possible
-
Get your gunarmor and gunshield, then tell your crew to fire the lazorz. If the main weapon is the lazor, then ignore this, and if the ship has none, make a mental note to install lazorz.
-
Wait, we're a prince. If we're kidnapped, we're going to be put up for ransom. We need a disguise, and a fake name.
-
Wait, we're a prince. If we're kidnapped, we're going to be put up for ransom. We need a disguise, and a fake name.
No no then if things go badly we'd be more likely to be killed. Ransomings can be somewhat comfortable depending on the time period
-
But if we choose a shady persona then we can pretend to join the goblins. Anyway, I just want a fake name.
-
Wait, we're a prince. If we're kidnapped, we're going to be put up for ransom. We need a disguise, and a fake name.
I doubt we will be captured. We have a gunhammer, gunarmor, and a gunshield, and we likely have better firepower and equipment. We are also a prince, so they would probably recognize us, so I think doing that is unnecessary. Besides, that would take too long.
-
You decide to take the torch from the wall and place it in your INVENTORY. The room gets really dark, really fast. Apparently, things in your INVENTORY don't affect the outside world until you use them. Good to know.
(http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/407/adventure15.png)
Crap. Now you can't even find the door. Let's see if it's on the other side of the room, we need to get some armor and shields and OH MY GOD
(http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/9347/adventure16.png)
You think you just lost the battle. A lot.
So what now?
-
Jump across to the other side!
-
Are we above water? Lets free fall all the way down.
-
NOOOOOOOO! The enemy has lazorz! Get to the armory fast and retrieve our gunequipment, then get to the escape pod!
-
Ok, lets get a bit more serious here and try not to kill the damn thread. Info please. How far down to water? If it is land, does this world have parachutes, and, more importantly, does the air ship have any on it?
-
Ok, lets get a bit more serious here and try not to kill the damn thread. Info please. How far down to water? If it is land, does this world have parachutes, and, more importantly, does the air ship have any on it?
~1000 feet to water and dropping fast. The engineers thought it would be better to forget parachutes in order to stuff more weaponry in the ship.
-
Okay, looks like our only option is stowing away on the other ship. If their close enough to be boarding us, we should be able to get on their ship.
-
Jump to the other size and find a way to a lifeboat/escape pod
-
Dang, why didn't we take the gunhammer? Anyway, try to stay far away from the laser's point of impact. It shouldn't spread too far further, else it will disintegrate the entire dang ship. If they're pirates, they don't want that to happen. If it's still possible, we need that gunhammer. Not sure if we should let the prince get captured and held for ransom, or try to disguise him and pretend to join the goblins. If we do disguise the prince, here are some options for you guys to consider:
-Burn face with torch until it is unrecognizable. Obviously not enough to kill the prince.
-Find lots of cloth and clothing and put on ridiculous uniform akin to OOT sheik's.
Also, fake name.
-
We did take the gunhammer. It's in our equipment slot
-
Oh, I thought it was in a jar or under a stool. Sorry.
-
Im sure the pirate ship has somwhere to hide. . .Hide our face with cloth, and try to sneak aboard.
-
To the cargo BAY we should go and see if any of the stowaways has/knows anything we could use to get out of this mess
-
Maybe they could show us some old stowawayer tricks.
-
It looks like they may have bisected the ship - I'm not sure any boarding's going to be taking place.
Time to look for ye parachute.
-
We are over a vast body of water. I doubt a parachute will help us.
-
You attempt to jump the gap to get to the other side, and....
(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/3668/adventure17.png)
....the ship splits in half right as you jump.
(http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/8962/adventure20.png)
You are now a fisherman.
(http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/9954/adventure18.png)
Wait, where is he?
(http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/2254/adventure19.png)
Oh. Sorry to wake you, but it's.... it's your turn.
Fine, fine. I'll get up, just give me a second to get my pants.
Okay. Wait a minute, you didn't have any-
Ah do now!
Oh my eyes. I'm not depicting that, you sick old cretin! Put on something decent!
Fine, fine. Suit yerself, yer the author... grumble mumble stupid-
I HEAR THAT!
So, what's this disrespectful lout's name gonna be?
-
Bartholomew Winnterfree the Third
-
Johnny Siegfried, the Prince of Toast. I for one am not giving up on the former plot. Also, where's our torch?
-
pegleg I think we're just temporarily switching to a different character in the story ala jarring perspective switch. the fisherman is probably gonna have Johny fall on his head or something
-
Winslow Q Gunnerthorpe, esq.
-
Oh... if that's the case then... uh... Henry Humfried? I is no good at names :(.
-
Humpfrey the fisherman.
-
His name is Donald Draemer.
-
Your name is Bartholomew Donald Humfried Gunnerthorpe the Fifth.
Wha... bu... that's RIDICULOUS!
Too bad, you crusty old man. Live with it.
....This is for the pants thing, isn't it?
Yes. Yes it damn well is.
Anyways.
Your name is Bartholomew Donald Humfried Gunnerthorpe the Fifth, but you go by Bart.
(http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/5500/adventure21.png)
You are a FISHERMAN, which is rare for someone of your SOCIAL STATUS in the current society. You wear the periwinkle-and-blue of a retired navyman, and have a hobby of TINKERING. In fact, all your money besides that necessary to keep you, your boat, and your fishing pole going goes to tinkering with a GRAVITY-ALTERING DEVICE that you hide in the hull of your BOAT. You smoke a pipe for no reason other than that it makes you look like a BADASS, and you have a bad habit of being a BIT TOO META. Your boat is your life and your life is your boat - you eat, sleep, drink, and otherwise do everything on your boat. You wear a HAT that you found floating in the OCEAN during your service time as a navyman.
So what do you do?
-
Look Up
-
Ignore the pirate breaching above, but hear the high pitched screaming of the prince.
-
Oh come on, can't you just pick your favorite name instead of splicing them all together?
Admire the beautiful ocean, and take in the calming sway of the boat. Bart doesn't get seasick, right?
-
Eh? Look up? Okay.
(http://img840.imageshack.us/img840/5705/adventure22.png)
Not much besides that Toast Kingdom ship crashing - pity they didn't hear the news, could've spared them a ship - and the pirates that took it down. Not much for me - us? - whatever - to worry about, except for maybe a bit of debris, since the pirates don't really bother ocean ships much. And the GRAVITY MANIPULATION DEVICE should handle the debris once I calibrate it. Speaking of which, time to calibrate it so this poor boat doesn't get ripped to shreds by debris. Who knows, maybe I'll get a nice souvenir.
(http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/633/adventure23.png)
(http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/4609/adventure24j.png)
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/668/adventure25.png)
That... is a lot more than a souvenir. Once he opens his eyes, I'll see who I've really caught here. Might be worth something on the slave markets, but I dunno.
And of course I don't get seasick, pegleg! I'm an EXPERIENCED NAVYMAN, what the hell do you expect? Me to quiver at the sight of water?
So, what am I supposed to do now?
(And no, I can't just pick my favorite name for this guy. He's a meta-jerk, so he gets the worst name possible. :P)
-
Pull out your trusty pistolsword from your navy days and poke him with it until he wakes up
-
Good thing Bart learned how to treat various wounds in navy school (http://firstaid.webmd.com/head-injury-treatment). He shall be our quiet healer.
Anyway, he needs quick treatment. Take some ice out of your beer cooler, wrap it in a wet cloth, and apply it to this soon-to-be-extremely-thankful stranger's wound. Keep it there for 20-30 minutes. If he wakes up, make crude jokes about his situation to put him on edge.
-
Yes
-
Man, do I WISH I had a pistolsword right now. But they take those away when you leave the Syrup Navy - more efficient to give 'em to new recruits than to let us old coots hold on to 'em.
Regardless, I'm going to be going with that other guy's idea and try to wake him up with FROZEN LIQUID from my BEVERAGE COOLING TANK. Now, I could drop it on him in person, or... nah, why do things in person when you can screw with the laws of physics?
(http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/3653/adventure26.png)
(http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/2513/adventure27.png)
(http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/8441/adventure28.png)
Rise and shine, ass-face.
(http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/4352/adventure29.png)
SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY THAT IS FRIKKIN' COLD!
Good, yer awake. Now, let's see yer eyes.
(http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/1795/adventure30.png)
....
Oh. Oh god. Green eyes. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
Wait.... Oh, SHIT.
So who's gonna do what now?
((Also, how am I doing? Besides the fact that the illustrations are horrible crap.))
-
Your name is Bartholomew Donald Humfried Gunnerthorpe the Fifth, but you go by Bart.
(http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/5500/adventure21.png)
...you have a bad habit of being a BIT TOO META.
So what do you do?
Cinnamon Toast Prince: First things first: Fish those ice cubes out of your drawers. Then commandeer the fishing boat in the name of Toast.
Bart: Pirates'll be after this one. Best arm yerself. Specialize in bookfighting and equip your copy of 'The Old Man and the Sea'.
-
Toast: Withdraw awkwardly. Yours eyes are very personal to you.
Bart: Yar matey. This strange land lubber'll be with ya for the whole ride home. Better start on sharin' ya beer grog.
I vote that all of Bart's commands be written in Pirate so as to better distinguish the two types of commands.
-
Prince: back away, and get the ice out of our drawers. Bart: yar, best get this feller hidden. Dont want no pirates down ere
-
Johnny : Demand you be treated with respect and pampering
-
Quickly! Search the seas for where the gunequipment landed before it sinks!
-
((Sorry for not updating for 3 days, guys. But I refuse to let this horrible abomination of horrible art, excessive metajokes, and random oddities sink to its grave without a damn good reason.))
You are the Prince again.
(http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/1076/adventure31.png)
"Ooh, sorry about that. Here, you can hide in the hull until the pirates have completely passed by, then we'll see what to do with you."
And with that, he unceremoniously chucks you into the hull and locks the door. He could've at least turned some lights on. You do, however, take the opportunity to empty your underpants of ice.
(http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/407/adventure15.png)
On second thought, you can hear arguing above deck, and think it may have been a good thing that you got thrown down here when you did. The old guy is arguing with some goblins about the "Ph4t L00tz" that the captain apparently collected from your crashing ship. The goblins seem to want their "F4ir Shar3", which, since they're goblins, constitutes the ship, the old man's hat, skivvies, and anything else on board they take a liking to. You really hope he doesn't lose that argument, or you may actually have to use your hammer.
You are now someone else.
(http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/9484/adventure32.png)
And this someone else needs a name. What a surprise.
So what's her name gonna be?
-
Fran McDiplomat
-
Sonya Hanama
-
Chairty McDoanld.
With the misspellings.
-
(http://img546.imageshack.us/img546/8775/adventure33.png)
Your name is SONYA HANAMA, whenever people decide to refer to you as anything but "Eyeless twit" or some profane variant of it. You were born without EYES and with only ONE ARM, and have been obviously blind since then. Your parents are both dead of a MUTUAL SUICIDE, presumably because their only child would be incapable of fitting into the OCULAR SOCIETAL ORDER. You are currently traversing a SECRET UNDERGROUND PASSAGE to deliver a LETTER to someone, as is your duty as the official message girl of the House of Weldon. You have developed an imprecise version of ECHOLOCATION so as to not need to goof around with a cane. You have also been messing about in all the ARCANE ARTS that a blind girl with one arm possibly can, in the hopes of finding a way to grow a set of eyes and finally fit in and not be subject to INANE AMOUNTS OF RIDICULE by the general populace. This is also, incidentally, why you're taking the secret passage - there's nothing down here to spit on you or call you filthy names save the occasional RAT.
You have nearly reached your destination, when you hear... pirates? They're nowhere near you, but they are in the room that you would come out in should you exit the passageway...
What do you do?
-
The pirates will surely have a way to give you eyes! Go to them!
-
Listen to see what theyre saying.
-
Wait, how on earth did a wrong turn put her on Bart's ship? Oh well, forget about delivering that garbage, bat-girl, and open the door. The three heroes shall join together in their first fight against goblins!
-
A young eyeless girl like ourselves would surely be ravished by pirates! We must avoid their notice with a clever disguise.
Surely, as a practitioner of the arcane arts, we have an athame.
Fashion a pair of eyepatches from strips of our dress, and use a few more to tie the athame to our shoulder as a makeshift hook.
With a disguise this advanced, they'll never realize we're not another pirate!
-
We also have to practice our p1r@te t@lk.
And, known spell list please.
-
You wait in the passageway and eavesdrop. It would seem that the conversation is ending, and has dulled down to just two voices.
I have arranged for the King's forces to be elsewhere during the time of your attack.
V3ry go0d. 4nd wh4t of the Pr1nc3?
He's an incompetent prick, what did you intend for me to do about him?
K1ll him. He ha5 be3n a nu1sanc3 for f4r to0 l0ng and w3 w4nt h1m g0n3. G0N3, D0 Y0U UND3RST4ND M3?!? G0N3!
O... okay. Now, if we could be excused for a moment, there's something of a more private manner I'd like to discuss away from your crew and my guards.
1f you 1n5ist.
Drat, they're moving to a different room. You can't hear much of the conversation, but... You think those were gunshots there, and now there's a great deal of trampling noise over the trapdoor you're supposed to come out of.
What do you do?
((Okay, a bit of exposition time!
First: The pirates are all goblins with purple or green skin. There will be more exposition on this later, but suffice to say that joining them is not going to be an option for a while.
Second: There is more than one kingdom in this world, and neither Sonya nor Bart are residents of the Kingdom of Toast.
Third: Sonya's spell list is rather small, consisting of a small fireball and a weapon-poisoning spell. It's kind of difficult for a blind girl with one arm to read ancient spell-tomes without having someone else read them out loud to her, which typically leads to disastrous results.
Also, I regret the lack of illustration for this update, but I don't really think we need another blurry greyscale picture of the blind girl. And from now on, the illustrations are going to be a bit more scarce so that I can make them a bit less shitty. But fear not, anyone who may derive sadistic pleasure from my shitty art, for there will still be plenty of shittiness inherent in their very existence.))
-
Just wait for the trampling to stop. Run if the door opens.
-
You wait for the trampling to stop, then hear a series of methodical thuds on top of the trapdoor.
Y'h3ar th4t, b0ys? That me4ns th3 01d co0t w45 h1d1ng 5om3th1ng in here. May8e 1t's w0rth 4 lo0k.
You hear the creak of the old plank used to hide the passage being pulled away, and...
(http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/401/adventure34.png)
N0w wh4t d0 w3 h4v3 h3r3?
((Such slow updating, I'm really sorry. Every time I would start work on the next panel, lightning would decide to get rid of it. That combined with my easily distractable nature, and.... yeah.))
-
How well do we know these service passages? If we can get away and run through the pitch black passages fast enough, we should be able to escape the p1r4t3s
-
You lead the p1r4t35 on a merry chase through the labyrinth of secret messenger tunnels.
(http://img.ie/53987.gif)
You think you've lost them; what do you do now?
-
So, are the pirates a major world power, or just little groups here and there?
-
So, are the pirates a major world power, or just little groups here and there?
There are some that are a world power, and some that just use the pirate name to hide their petty schemes behind.
-
Go do something that you were suppose to do
-
If these pirates that attacked are a world power, then we could have a war on our hands, and need to escape ground zero.
-
Talk in random syllables in hopes that one of them is a spell. attempt to ascertain results auditorially.
-
Talk in random syllables in hopes that one of them is a spell. attempt to ascertain results auditorially.
YES. Do this.
This is beginning to feel really similar to MSPA. The 1337sp33k, the constant character changing, and maybe something else. Is it just me or does it seem that way to everyone else?
-
Talk in random syllables in hopes that one of them is a spell. attempt to ascertain results auditorially.
YES. Do this.
This is beginning to feel really similar to MSPA. The 1337sp33k, the constant character changing, and maybe something else. Is it just me or does it seem that way to everyone else?
Well, the style IS a bit of a knock-off of MSPA, but it will be veering in a very different direction soon, I hope. The 1337speak is only to show that the goblins have a really damn weird accent because of.... you'll see. There's only going to be one more spontaneous character change for a bit, and it's coming up soon.
And update once I get off my ass and draw it.
-
You begin spewing random gibberish, in the hopes that some if it ends up being recognized by the universe as a spell of some sort. Lo and behold, you see - no, more like just feel - a set of runes appear behind you, and begin to form something. This is the first time you've ever "seen" anything in color, and it's kind of heartwarming as they begin to form...
(http://img.ie/5ab43.gif)
.....butterfly wings?
You are now someone else.
(http://img.ie/0a1c5.png)
So what's her name?
((OOC: These took forever. That .gif took 3 days of lightning-induced rage. I need to learn to save my stuff more often.))
-
OMGshewentgodtier
Is that a guy or a girl?
-
Is that a guy or a girl?
So what's her name?
-
Harrara Boxerol
-
lomadia. the level -1 healer.
-
Your name is Lament Darknesstide.
...
...
God, your parents were emo.
-
Yay! The prince of toast is back! Our name is sally cupcakebutterflysugar the professional 5-year old hitwoman
-
(http://img.ie/0a1c5.png)
Your name is Lament Darknesstide. Your parents are the most annoying EMO FREAKS you know, complete with costume. You're been working all your life as a FEMALE PRACTITIONER OF THE JUDICIAL ARTS, or in layman's terms, a FREELANCE LADYCOP. The policing industry in BOLGARIA as of late has been REALLY SHITTY, as most people aren't willing to pay you for catching some theiving asshole, and it's pretty expensive to throw people in prison. Your career choice, for which you are WIDELY MOCKED, combined with your societal standing due to your INDIGO EYES has left you as little more than a homeless BUM ON THE STREETS with a CARDBOARD DESK.
Damn it all.
So what do you do?
-
Investigate the garbage for
food clues!
There's gotta be a crime around here somewhere that you can get someone to pay you to solve!
-
Your so depressed you hide in the trashcans.
-
You stand up and begin to walk, leaving your useless cardboard desk behind. You walk by one of the trash cans, and contemplate raiding them for clues or even hiding in them.
(http://img.ie/c7732.png)
You look at it the best you can through your emo-hair that you keep because your parents would flip their lids if you didn't. That can is filthy. You may be a worthless bum living on the street with nothing but her clothes and her honor, but you still have standards. That's just...
(http://img.ie/b2b22.gif)
....best set to use if you set it on fire? It smells terrible, especially with the smoke, but at least you're warmer now.
Hmm. Did you forget to mention your PSYCHIC POWERS in your intro? Oh gosh you hope not, those are pretty IMPORTANT. You mostly manage to SET THINGS ON FIRE when you get ANGRY or EXASPERATED, especially when you're angry at YOURSELF. You probably have a couple other DORMANT POWERS - most violet-eyes do - but you probably can't use them yet.
((I cannot believe I forgot the psychic powers in the intro. Argh.))
-
Go look for trouble
-
Psychic powers? Cool. Let's first spend a few minutes getting as angry at our self as possible, them mug someone and set them on fire.
-
Psychic powers? Cool. Let's first spend a few minutes getting as angry at our self as possible, them mug someone and set them on fire.
This.
Then we can get ourself to arrest ourself.
-
Psychic powers? Cool. Let's first spend a few minutes getting as angry at our self as possible, them mug someone and set them on fire.
This.
Then we can get ourself to arrest ourself.
but we can't afford our rates!
-
The mugged person can!
-
But they wouldn't have any money left after we'd mug them!
-
Yes, because that was an advance!
-
But wouldn't we have to give the money back after we arrested ourselves?
-
You consider mugging people and then arresting yourself in some convoluted scheme to make money off the mugg-ee. But you dismiss it. You're a cop; you're supposed to be above that cra-
(http://img.ie/1ab65.gif)
Hey! Gimme all your money!
What do you do with this shadowy mugger?
-
Get mad and torch his ass.
-
punch him
-
Pay yourself to arrest him.
-
Man. This guy. He is pissing you off something awful.
First, you're obviously walking down the alley, broke as a hobo and bummed as anything. Hell, you even lit a trashcan on fire as heat. Then this... this... UTTER DOUCHE shows up behind you without making a sound and demands all your money.
WELL SCREW HIM, HE AIN'T GETTIN' SHIT.
(http://img.ie/30266.gif)
BURN, ASSHOLE, BUUUUUURN!
So just how much are you going to burn this guy?
-
Well-done
as in steak
-
Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. Make sure hes dead.
-
Threw up a new poll asking what type of updates you guys would prefer.
Because I think that as of late, they've been taking too damn long to make.
-
The not-so-massive masses have spoken. COMMENCE SPEED-UPDATING
You fry his sorry butt. And he dies. WHAT A SHOCK.
(http://img.ie/c73b6.gif)
You dig through the ashes he leaves behind after turning off the psychic flamethrower, and all you can find is this amulet.
(http://img.ie/a13a8.png)
So what now?
-
Take the amulet and wear it, then flame-mug some people.
-
Pay yourself for taking down the mugger
-
1. Take amulet. 2. Sell at pawn shop. 3.??? 4. Profit!
-
You take the amulet as payment for taking down the mugger, and wear it to keep it safe on your way to a pawn shop. That is, in you could find one in this blighted section of the city.
Putting on the amulet makes you feel sort of... strange. You can't exactly place it, but something is definitely different.
(http://img.ie/98429.gif)
Ah well, probably just something you ate... You keep walking in your quest to find a pawn shop.
You are now the Prince again.
(http://img.ie/76a80.png)
Damn it is dark down here.
What do you do?
-
Listen for signs of how tthingds are going upstairs
-
You listen for sounds of activity upstairs. It does not sound like things are going very well, although the goblins haven't taken the "kill him and take the damn ship anyways" route yet.
(http://img.ie/76a80.png)
And it's still really damn dark down here.
-
Take out ye torch
-
See if we have a light in our SHITTY LOOKING BACKPACK.
-
Take out ye torch
Ye can't get ye torch.
-
You take the TORCH out of your SHITTY-LOOKING BACKPACK-BASED INVENTORY SYSTEM...
(http://img.ie/51a19.png)
And promptly drop it. No hands, remember?
Well, now you have some idea as to your surroundings. There's a DOOR behind you, and some sort of MACHINE in front of you.
What do you do now?
-
Use the machine to give yourself hands, then get ye torch.
-
Retrieve hands from secret place you'd rather not talk about
-
Make hands. Hook hands. Out of wood. Or something.
-
Investigate the machine.
-
You attempt to make yourself a pair of hands. You fail atrociously, since there is obviously nothing that you could use to make hands down here! Well, you could try using your torch, but that would just make things dark again, and would probably hurt like hell. No thank you.
Since that obviously isn't gonna happen, you decide to investigate the machine. You kick your torch over near it, then walk over to investigate.
(http://img.ie/1a32b.png)
Hmm. It's pretty obvious what this does... although to you, it seems pretty shoddily built. Then again, you are one of the gifted people who managed to start building machines at the age of three, so hey. Given the ludicrous amount of blue paint, it's also pretty obvious that your 'friend' the captain built it. You think you may be able to use it, although the controls the good captain decided to install are pretty outdated...
So what now?
-
Press. Random buttons until stuff happens
-
Despite thinking you might be able to get the machine to do what you want if you use it correctly, you decide to bang on the controls in a fit of pure, unrighteous anger.
(http://img.ie/02a53.gif)
A few seconds later....
(http://img.ie/7ba36.png)
You are now on the ceiling. That's what happens when you button-mash a gravity-altering device, genius!
So what do you do now?
-
Ceiling dance!
And then, uh, climb what I'm assuming to be a black pipe (unless that's smoke?) back down to the machine and fix the settings. Then determine if we can project reversed gravity elsewhere on the ship. Maybe we can send the goblins into the stratosphere!
-
climb what I'm assuming to be a black pipe (unless that's smoke?)
It's smoke. :P
-
You climb up the machine back to the control panel, where you switch back to normal gravity.
(http://img.ie/a8586.png)
The smoke's starting to get kinda thick, you might want to turn the machine off sometime soon. If you can figure out how, since apparently the captain forgot to label an obvious 'off' button, and your little gravity-reversal escapade has apparently screwed up some of the wiring.
What do you do?
-
Press the big blue button
-
(http://img.ie/19178.gif)
Many years in the future...
(http://img.ie/52ba4.png)
You are now this guy. What's his name?
And I suppose I should warn you, I'm very similar to the Old Captain. So if you pull any bullshit, I can and will punt you into the next 3 realities.
-
Captain Jnr!
-
Hey, this is back! Cool! I have no idea for the name, so I'll wait for a few suggestions and support the one I like.
-
Your name is Junor Captain.
Eh, fine I guess it's better than the shitstain of a name you gave my predecessor. Could be better, though...
(http://img.ie/911c5.png)
Anyways, the author's giving me a bit to give some exposition. What do you guys wanna know before you get back to commanding me to do retarded shit?
-
Why dont you have a neck? and how is that backpack staying up?
-
What happened to your feet?
-
(http://img.ie/519a7.png)
Well, let's see, then...
Why dont you have a neck? and how is that backpack staying up?
First, the anatomy you refer to as a 'neck' has been medically phased out to longer be necessary, as it was previously a huge damn liability in cases of self-defense. Nowadays, children are born, have their brains backed up to these headbands, which then serves as a brain which needs no oxygen and comes with a small levitation unit so you don't have to carry your head around, along with a few other functions which are either obvious or will be demonstrated shortly.
Second, it's not a backpack. These are wings of a sort, which through some sort of goddamn convoluted science I don't understand allow me to levitate, and, in some circumstances, fly. I designed them the same way everyone else designs theirs - through the mandated governmental procedure when I was around seven of your Earth years old. This also, conveniently, answers the third question,
What happened to your feet?
People have been levitating instead of walking for a few centuries now, so feet have slowly become unnecessary. Eventually, they'll all but evolve out of our skeletons. And good riddance, the things are obnoxious dead weight around here.
Anything else?
-
Why you so angstful?
-
Why you so angstful?
(http://img.ie/595c3.png)
I don't know, maybe because I'm the only person around who can actually tell that it's you guys giving the commands? Maybe because for millenia, my ancestor the Captain - may his head rest in peace - and his descendants have been revered as powerful psychics because of you, only for you lot to desert my family line for the past 3 centuries and resurface only when the planet is about to fricking
DIE? For centuries, we've been seen as frauds for our inability to determine future events for the various ruling classes - and not to our own fault, but to those of your world? Yes, I hold a goddamn grudge, and I think it's about time you go give commands to some other poor sap so we can get this stupid end-of-the-world shit on the road.
(http://img.ie/a1c73.gif)
-
So tell me, Junior, what makes you so certain the world's gonna die? We've returned, haven't we?
-
So tell me, Junior, what makes you so certain the world's gonna die? We've returned, haven't we?
I have my sources, and you don't need to know them.
Now go bug someone else before I break something.
(http://img.ie/a1c73.gif)
-
Nonono wait a minute, I ain't fin- Oh well. best go with triangle, then.
-
Break something! Break something!
-
Weird scratchy claw mark on dorsal fin thing.
-
Stop the storm!
-
Stop the storm!
The storm is Junor's symbol. That's the interface's way of saying that picking him right now would be a very bad idea.
-
Ah. Bad as in ooc bad, or ic bad?
-
Ah. Bad as in ooc bad, or ic bad?
Both.
-
You are now the Dreamer.
(http://img.ie/11936.png)
What is your name?
-
Wide Awake
-
As cool as it would be if your name was Wide Awake, complete with red font, it is not.
It's close enough, though.
(http://img.ie/35a99.png)
Your name is Wade Iwake. You have been asleep for the past millenium or so, completing only the tasks necessary to your survival - and even then, you were unconscious. There are many rumors orbiting what will happen when you awake, from every woman on the planet sneezing to a storm of pink elephants wiping out civilization to the apocalypse coming complete with Thirty-Eight Horsemen. You aren't entirely sure which of these are right, if any. Hell, since this is your first time awake, you aren't entirely sure where on the planet you are - if even which planet, really. Regardless, you seem to have a registered ENTITY file with the government and all the benefits that entails, complete with unlimited wireless network access. You are known as DreamDeath on the MANTRANET, for some reason. Gosh, you hope your subconscious didn't do anything weird.
What do you do?
-
Troll the MANTRANET. I have no idea what it is, but it sounds like the internet so you can probably troll it.
-
(http://img.ie/94181.png)
Sure. You just woke up after a millennia of nothing but dreams, let's kick it off by being an asshole to some random person you don't know.
You sign onto the MANTRANET, the government-based internet for psychics, and are automatically messaged by some guy. Probably a system welcoming message.
SA: Hello sir, and welcome to the MANTRANET. May I please have your name, psychic capabilities, and date of birth?
DD: sup nutmunch
DD: name's Wade Iwake, date of birth is some time a thousand years ago, and my psychic powers are Zupdog.
SA: Sir, I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Zupdog as a psychic power. Just what is Zupdo- wait, did you say a thousand years ago?
DD: NOT MUCH, WHATZ UP WIT YO-
DD: oh damn, you killed the joke
DD: and yeah, thousand years or so
DD: that a problem?
SA: Oh shit, you're the dreamer aren't you?
DD: ....maybe
SA: shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshi-
DD has logged off
SA: SHIIIIIIITTTTTTTT
Well that was... pretty much what you expected. Maybe a bit too much swearing on the other gentleman's part, but there's not much you can do about that.
What now?
-
Well, that wasn't very nice of him.
Let's hack him through the MANTRANET.
-
(http://img.ie/35a99.png)
Oh yeah, that was rude. Let's hack his ass.
Because attempting to do a something probably highly illegal through a government-moderated IMing system for petty revenge over swearing is totally a good idea. Besides, you don't even know where to start with hacking - it's not like the millennia-old guy came with a manual or anything.
You try anyways, and your meager attempt at hacking - which involves opening up a command window in your visor and pinging the guy's Internal Placement address over and over and over again - fails spectacularly.
You should probably consider doing something else now.
-
Well, since we've woken up, let's look around and see where we've woken up.
-
Right. Location check. Might as well looks around.
(http://img.ie/70102.gif)
Pretty much the only really interesting thing you see is the city off in the distance - and you're not even sure it's a city.
Sorry such a small update took so long, but I was deciding what location I wanted him to be in, where I want this to go, etc.
-
Head towards The City
-
You begin your trek towards the city. Even though you're capable of hovering at about 20mph, this is still gonna take a bit. Might as well talk to people on the way...
(http://img.ie/20b8a.png)
You sign on to a more widely distributed messenger client, and notice that you already have some people listed as contacts. You recognize the bottom fellow as the same man who greeted you on the MANTRANET system - the other two are complete mysteries. You hope this is due to a system that automatically chooses contacts for you, and that you haven't done anything stupid in your dreams.
So who do you talk to?
-
PillagingPlunder!
-
SuperstitiousArmory :}
-
You decide to talk to the red guy and the green... person, you don't even know their gender yet. So let's try the red first, since we already know we can scare him shitless.
DD is speaking to SA
SA: ...what do you want
DD: nothing much
DD: just YOUR ETERNAL SOUL
SA :oh god shit oh god shit shit shit shit shit
DD: it was a joke
SA: shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
DD: dude chill, just a joke
SA: oh my god don't do that
SA: you scared the shit outta me
DD: you panic way too easily, man
DD: lighten up a bit
SA: not allowed to
SA: im a soldier
SA: dont got time for chillin or relaxin
SA: wouldn't even have time to waste time talkin to you if i werent on greeter duty
DD: bummer, dude
DD: so tell me a bit about these messenger clients, since that's shit you're supposed to do
SA: whaddaya wanna know
DD: well, for one, how come you show up in my list in this one even though I only talked to you through the gov-based psychic net
DD: and for two, who the hell are these other chumps on my list
SA: first one's easy your headband has a default cross-client feature
SA: if ya know someone on a network
SA: itll autoadd them to your list
SA: really handy
SA: as for the second i have no clue
SA: you can only add people manually
SA: so i guess you added them in your sleep
SA: so... youre not gonna like try to release demons or eat my soul or someshit right
SA: becuase thats something a dude should know when meeting people
DD: because I'm definitely just gonna walk up to someone
DD: "hello sir, my name is wade, I'm here for your soul"
DD: "give up, I'm the goddamn dreamer, you stand no chance"
DD: no way, man, no class in that
DD: if I'm gonna steal souls, I do it the old fashioned way
DD: deal with the devil and everything
DD: but I don't actually do that
DD: just a normal dude's been asleep for like a millenium
SA: ok cool
SA: i got shit to do see ya on the other side
SA has left the conversation
Well that was informative, now for the green person.
DD is speaking to pP
pP: O*h hey bab*e!
DD: babe?
DD: please tell me you call everyone that
pP: Nope ju*st yo*u <3
What.
pP: Nope ju*st yo*u <3
DD: so what, I'm your boyfriend or something
pP: Yep! *hic*
DD: so given your name
DD: you're a pirate, right?
pP: Wh*y do yo*u hav*e to as*k, I tho*ght we bo*th knew th4*t
pP: he*hic*hehehe*hic* <3
DD: .......
DD: you're drunk off your ass, aren't you
pP: But o*f co*urse!
pP: Be*ing dru*nk is a pa*rt of pirat*ing!
DD: yeah, call me back when you're not drunker than an irish skunk
DD has signed off
pP: ....<3 *hic*
Well that was fricking weird, and you still have a bit of time before you hit the city. You guess you could try a random call and see who you pick up, or you could talk to the gold person. Or you could try talking some more to either of these two, although you're not entirely sure that would be a good idea.
So what do we do to kill time on our not-on-the-road trip?
-
Talk to the gold guy.
-
You decide that you might as well figure out why the gold person's on your contact list.
DD is speaking to fa
fa: What is it.
DD: what?
fa: I told you not to contact me unless the plan had faulted.
fa: What is it.
DD: what plan are you talking about?
fa: ....Shit, you woke up, didn't you?
DD: no clue what you're talking about
fa: Oh, don't give me that.
fa: I know who this is, and I know most of the legends that surround you.
fa: I also know that some of them are true.
DD: which ones
DD: I mean, I can access databases showing all 'my' legends
DD: but most of this shit is too wild to be true
fa: All in due time, dreamer. All in good time.
fa: For now, do you remember the plan?
DD: what plan?
fa: Apparently not.
fa: How stupid of me to expect you to remember your dreams.
fa: Here's the plan:
fa: You are a key to ending the world.
fa: You are going to help us do just that.
DD: sorry, promised SA I wouldn't do wacko supernatural shit like that
fa: Who's this SA?
DD: greeter on the MANTRAnet, soldier, pretty cool dude from the little I've spoken to him
fa: You accessed the MANTRAnet?
DD: well yeah, was the first menu thing that popped up
fa: You moron, that means they're recording this, as well as any other message you've sent.
fa: Just meet me in-town at the usual park, we'll talk about the shitstorm you waking up has caused then.
Okay? Goodbye.
fa has left the conversation
DD: ....okay, whatever
Well, you're approaching the city, and you should be there by the time you've made up your mind about what to do there.
So what do you plan on doing in the city?
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Find a way to meet up with SuperstitiousArmoury!
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Well, you've had a pretty trying day so far, and ending the world is probably really fricking illegal, so you decide you should talk to the one agent of the law you actually know of. The soldier.
DD is speaking to SA
SA: dude
SA: i know you're mythology and shit
SA: but im doing important stuff you cant just talk to me whenever
DD: you seem to be available right now, though
SA: ....shut up
SA: what is it
DD: I talked to the other chumps on my list
SA: whoop dee do for you
DD: not the time for snark
DD: the green pirate chick said she was my girlfriend
SA: once again, whoop dee do for you
DD: the other said they want me to help end the fucking world
SA: and once again, whoop dee do for yo- wait what
SA: what color were they
DD: goldish? I think?
SA: holy balls that's probably fa
DD: yep that's the one
DD: you know her?
SA: dude
SA: fa is the most wanted criminal in everywhere since the murder case a few years back
DD: no shit?
SA: like id have reason to lie about this
SA: this is important though
SA: what did she mention
DD: some shit about myths and me being a key to the world's end
DD: sounded like a ton of bullshit to me
SA: you were asleep for like a thousand years
SA: anythings possible
SA: anything else
DD: mentioned wanting to meet me in a park in town
SA: which town
DD: still walkin there, hold on there's a sign
DD: 'settoran' or something, paint's pretty faded
SA: settoran really
DD: yep
SA: im stationed there
SA: this is like the biggest coincidental piece of shit that has ever happened
SA: ill try and find you and take you to the park downtown, its the only one in miles
SA: hopefully we find fa there
DD: sounds like a plan
SA: good
SA: sa out
SA has left the conversation
You are now this guy.
(http://img.ie/73762.png)
Commence standard naming procedure:
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Last Scott
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Scottish Axeman
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He's not a scot, though. He's obviously just Axing the Question.
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He's not a scot, though.
How would you know?
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(http://img.ie/719c8.png)
Oh, right. Your name is Scott Axeman.
You are a soldier in the Terran Army, and have recently been stuck on MANTRAnet duty - that is, welcoming new psychics to the government-hosted communications system. You've recently been talked to had the shit scared out of you by a legend come to life, and have agreed to meet him outside of town and visit the park together in hopes of catching one of the most wanted criminals on the planet.
Recent details aside, you're not allowed to have very many interests - partially due to your very busy schedule as a fairly high-ranking psychic berserker, and partially because you decided to replace your hands with axes when you were very young. It's kind of difficult to take up pottery or anything when you can't grab things for fear of chopping them up. It's a huge bonus in the middle of a fight, though, and makes you quite the intimidating person, so you don't really regret it. Despite your axes, you still have managed to accumulate a vast knowledge of myths of origins both urban and ancient. On the various 'nets around the world, you go by SuperstitiousArmory and have no time for caps punctuation or shit like that.
What do you do?