Bay 12 Games Forum

I had two hunters outside the walls of my fort trying to kill an elephant for days, running out of bolts and having to go back for more repeatedly. They must have hit the elephant hundreds of times before I decided to give them metal bolts to work with, then they spent another two days trying to kill what was essentially a walking pincushion at this point. I finally decided to order a squad to finish it, and in the ensuing fight, the elephant fell into one of my many cage traps as it fled ten angry hammerdwarves. We now have hellraiserphant in a cage awaiting training.

I'm not really sure what to think of this...

So, I've gotten into the game again recently, and was messing around with a few of the latest Masterwork mod settings. One of the DF Therapist options allows assigning labor to children.

Now, for a bit of background, from an ethics standpoint I am against both cheating in a video game, and child labor - however, being the dirty capitalist and efficient fortress manager that I am, I could not turn down the opportunity to squeeze a little profit out of the little snots. The trick is to make it seem like a game! Lost a finger? Go dive in that stockpile and find it! Make sure you grab any rats you see in the process, dirty bastards.

I digress. It seems that one of my newly enslaved hired laborers has decided to follow the illustrious career path of "murderous little piece of shit" and in the process took the lives of three of my peasant military drones. Granted, they were a far-cry from the slotted-spoon-wielding elite guardsmen who followed our (former) expedition leader and only grumbled occasionally. They -have- been grumbling a bit more now that Uzol has assumed the new position, in place of the freshly deceased (and quite overly-perfumed) former expedition leader.

Our diagnostician, recently appointed after a quick study of "Basic Anatomy for F*#@ing Dumbf*#$s" mentions some nonsense about a "Strange Mood". We just think it's the plump helmets. Worst form of mind control the Dwarven Empire has ever developed.

So this really isn't a Dwarf Fortress Facepalm, but I read yesterday's (11/29/12) dev log update, and I was somewhat tired, so I just skimmed through it at first, and my eyes caught the part that said "They've acquired Dwarf Fortress." and I almost died xD. I then realized that Toady was referring to a museum exhibit. Well played.

(As a side note, how incredible is it for Dwarf Fortress to be included alongside classics such as Pac-Man, Tetris, Myst and... Katamari? Still pretty amazing xD)

 

Meanwhile, in Dwarf Fortress...

Edit: And just in time, I topped my own facepalm. Elves just saved my fortress from an invasion. After my military was somehow obliterated, the elven caravan guards just murdered every last goblin without breaking a sweat.

I think I'll retire as overseer now.

I just finished outfitting my military, when a few snatchers stopped by. The first one was torn apart by a serrated disc, the second was caught and later dumped into my killing pit. The last one, however, was shot nearly to death by a hunter who just happened by, but unfortunately, fell asleep after scoring only two hits, and ended up being stabbed in the gut for it.

Hm, actually, the idea of a vampire asylum sounds more interesting now. Medical vampirization, of course. Imagine the torture endless weaponization testing sane and fair dwarven research possibilities..