3
« on: July 15, 2013, 10:49:58 pm »
Soo, my problem right now is that I'm a very socially awkward kinda guy with very little prospects for the future having very few friends and little confidence in myself. I want to know how to improve myself, since I've sorta lost the ability to really direct myself.
I've thought about this many times, but I think the problem started a few years ago when I moved. Back then, I did have a big group of friends, but my family moved to another town. Unfortunately, my friends and I kept in very little contact. I remember msn chatting with them a few months after we moved. However, things changed and eventually that was dropped. My parents weren't in favor of driving me all the way there to meet up with them. Today, my former friends and I are very distant. I think if I were to hang out with them today, things would be very different because of not only our lack of experiences together, but also my new found social awkwardness.
After moving and going to a new school I found it very difficult to make new friends. In retrospect, I feel that I was a bit snobby when I moved to my new town, looking down on the kids for their different tastes and experiences. Such as things like soccer were a big thing where I came from, whereas basketball was the norm there. Oh, we got along just fine had jokes and whatnot, but I never really developed "good friends" like what I had in my previous town. In fact, it was only this year that I ever went to any of their houses. I think the thing that kept me back was my hope that I would eventually move back to my former town and get back with my friends. Instead, I was in isolation for the most part of 3 years.
Added to that was my own difficulties in the social area. I think I was more outgoing then, but nowadays, I'm very quiet and self-conscience. Among acquaintances (such as at school, or with my parent's friends), I feel I'm often ignored when I do speak up. Usually I don't have anything worthwhile to add to the conversations which revolve around topics that don't interest me or I have very little knowledge in, and saying anything would make me look really silly. I have a slight lisp and a weak voice from lack of use, and when I do speak I usually stagger in my words. I'm in no way charismatic or emotional in how I speak, and I usually speak in a monotone. I feel people find how I talk is very boring. When in conversation, I usually start sweating trying to find the words to say and find I stammer when I do say them. I think because of my lack of experience with life, I find I have nothing to say.
Thankfully, for a couple years I have had one friend who I've hanged out with which has prevented me from being a total recluse. Admittedly, I feel that he is my last friend that I truly, well, "be friends" with, you know, hang out with and stuff like that. I find hanging out with other people becomes very awkward for me and them, since I usually struggle in finding ways to entertain them.
Regarding my confidence that was previously mentioned, this was completely destroyed when I took homeschooling for a year. Which, to say in short, was a complete failure, and I am now spending another year to finally graduate from school. When returning to school, my grades which were usually As or Bs were reduced to Cs as I found priorities in my vain effort to make better friends.
I'm asking for advice how I can improve my life, since I'm kind lost right now on what to do.
