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DF Dwarf Mode Discussion / Re: What's going on in your fort?
« on: September 19, 2023, 12:19:51 am »
So, my current fort had a werebeast attack
Immediately, seeing its close proximity to the entrance castle, I had the gate sealed to ensure the safety of the townsfolk, activated the Burrow, and locked the hatches for good measure. Unfortunately, I was not aware that a Legendary Planter was outside at the time, who had now volunteered himself for the Dwarven Space Program.
The Urist I mission unfortunately ended in failure as our Cosmonaut failed to achieve Exit Velocity and instead landed in the river. It is unfortunate that this happened and we wish we could've saved him, but as Effective Altruists our resources were better spent trading with the Merchants down below in the foyer - One death is a tragedy, but the Certified Pre-Owned Iron and Copper arms and armor we were selling below the surface would save far more lives in the long term.
Meanwhile, below, two Entry Level employees with ten+ years of experience failed to clock in for their shifts, faking sickness by being drained of blood in their Podhomes. Needing to hold someone accountable for this Time Clock Theft the Captain of the Guard diligently proceeded to interrogate the first dwarf he could find with a Dress Code Violation several times until the scum confessed to stealing an artifact a century ago. Captain Lolor had found the worst kind of criminal: A socialist. Clearly one one of Urist Bibaniden's 87,000 new tax-collectors.
Naturally, as Taxation is Theft, this criminal scum was sentenced to 60 hammerstrikes for this horrific crime and mandated to attend a 260 day seminar warning against the dangers of unionization for their role in the truancy of the two workers. Once this rehabilitation has been concluded, HR has determined that this employee will be assigned to Lever Duty for the remainder of their indefinite contract.
Unfortunately, the Teamsters who were handling our Outside Logistics were not fond of the Security Lockdown of the office that had been enacted to protect the workplace from the Werebeast threat outside, and while taking an unauthorized tour of the lower mines, one of them proceeded to take their socks and shoes off and accost a member of his own armed security detail with the footwear. The attempted rioter was swiftly put down by said brave security-volunteer (We back the Steel in this fortress), and the lockdown was lifted to prevent further unrest. Unfortunately however, one of the other merchants tripped leaving the warehouse and drowned in the moat before drainage procedures could be executed, leaving their pack-camel loose which was described now as "running around crazed" in the field.
As a result of this werebeast attack, five dwarves had tragically lost their lives without any combat having been reported with the monster. After an initial disciplinary-investigation by HR into the five terminated employees, it was determined that the werebeast reported outside the fortress had fallen into the river and drowned before the castle-gate was even closed. Following this finding, it was determined that any AD&D Claims pertaining to these five dwarves were not the fault of the company, and as such the claims have been rejected, and pensions and life-insurance policies for the affected have been terminated with-cause.
Fortunately, it was determined that all this quarter's exports had safely exfiltrated from the grounds, and that the two decedent merchants and the loose pack-animal were not carrying any of our product.
Another profitable day in Cobaltmine!
Cobaltmine is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Deep Rock Galactic GmbH, All Rights Reserved
Sure, five dwarves died needless deaths, but we created a lot of value for shareholders.
Immediately, seeing its close proximity to the entrance castle, I had the gate sealed to ensure the safety of the townsfolk, activated the Burrow, and locked the hatches for good measure. Unfortunately, I was not aware that a Legendary Planter was outside at the time, who had now volunteered himself for the Dwarven Space Program.
The Urist I mission unfortunately ended in failure as our Cosmonaut failed to achieve Exit Velocity and instead landed in the river. It is unfortunate that this happened and we wish we could've saved him, but as Effective Altruists our resources were better spent trading with the Merchants down below in the foyer - One death is a tragedy, but the Certified Pre-Owned Iron and Copper arms and armor we were selling below the surface would save far more lives in the long term.
Meanwhile, below, two Entry Level employees with ten+ years of experience failed to clock in for their shifts, faking sickness by being drained of blood in their Podhomes. Needing to hold someone accountable for this Time Clock Theft the Captain of the Guard diligently proceeded to interrogate the first dwarf he could find with a Dress Code Violation several times until the scum confessed to stealing an artifact a century ago. Captain Lolor had found the worst kind of criminal: A socialist. Clearly one one of Urist Bibaniden's 87,000 new tax-collectors.
Naturally, as Taxation is Theft, this criminal scum was sentenced to 60 hammerstrikes for this horrific crime and mandated to attend a 260 day seminar warning against the dangers of unionization for their role in the truancy of the two workers. Once this rehabilitation has been concluded, HR has determined that this employee will be assigned to Lever Duty for the remainder of their indefinite contract.
Unfortunately, the Teamsters who were handling our Outside Logistics were not fond of the Security Lockdown of the office that had been enacted to protect the workplace from the Werebeast threat outside, and while taking an unauthorized tour of the lower mines, one of them proceeded to take their socks and shoes off and accost a member of his own armed security detail with the footwear. The attempted rioter was swiftly put down by said brave security-volunteer (We back the Steel in this fortress), and the lockdown was lifted to prevent further unrest. Unfortunately however, one of the other merchants tripped leaving the warehouse and drowned in the moat before drainage procedures could be executed, leaving their pack-camel loose which was described now as "running around crazed" in the field.
As a result of this werebeast attack, five dwarves had tragically lost their lives without any combat having been reported with the monster. After an initial disciplinary-investigation by HR into the five terminated employees, it was determined that the werebeast reported outside the fortress had fallen into the river and drowned before the castle-gate was even closed. Following this finding, it was determined that any AD&D Claims pertaining to these five dwarves were not the fault of the company, and as such the claims have been rejected, and pensions and life-insurance policies for the affected have been terminated with-cause.
Fortunately, it was determined that all this quarter's exports had safely exfiltrated from the grounds, and that the two decedent merchants and the loose pack-animal were not carrying any of our product.
Another profitable day in Cobaltmine!
Cobaltmine is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Deep Rock Galactic GmbH, All Rights Reserved
Sure, five dwarves died needless deaths, but we created a lot of value for shareholders.
