Bay 12 Games Forum

I was a good person when I First started reading these forums...I really was.

I like to believe that no matter how morbid or tasteless the humor here gets, each of us still has a good heart. Though some of us might keep ours in a goblin leather bag...

Okay, so after the successful attack on the outlaw camp, I went and got a fourth follower, another swordsman, then went off to kill a Twilight Freak spouse. Her, um, house... was very disturbing. She was a pushover, but then I had three people plus myself piling on her and she'd forgotten her cleaver or something.

So then I got a job to go seek out a noble in a fortress, which sounded fine to me until I checked where that fortress was. Right back where I started, just a little way's north of the first hostile town. Even so, I decided to go check it out. After several days of travel and two random encounters (one against a jaguar, another against a trio of lions), we made it. Said fortress was, of course, not hostile at all. And now the Lady there has given me the task of slaying a "beast from the underground"!

... it's a troll. What a letdown. But I'm going to go kill it anyways.

In order:

Created my Goblin Adventurer, Stozu Arstrukabo (Poison Demonage). Looking at her description, she sounds kind of cute. Talked to a townie who told me to go kill some outlaws. So I go to the nearest one, and it turns out it's some human sword-wielding girl who, as her description says, is "very short and very weak". I cut her down in about four turns and steal all of her clothes and such. Instead of returning to that town, though, I head over to another one because it has a shop.

The exact moment I stepped into the shop, a bolt whizzed by my ear. I panicked and ran from the town with an animal trainer chasing after me. I managed to outrun 'em, but it was getting dark and as far as I knew, the entire civilization had turned against me for killing an outlaw they'd sent me after. Still, I was hopeful and decided to head back to the first town. Night fell about halfway to the town, and They came out to play soon afterwords.

First, I emptied my backpack of everything I looted from the outlaw except her weapon (a silver longsword). Then I ran like hell. Stozu could outrun most of them without all that weight on her, but every now and then one or two would start to catch up on her. Thankfully luck was in my favor, as nearly every time I stopped to attack one, she'd charge at them and knock them to the ground, giving her a few extra turns before they'd start to catch up again. A few times one of them managed to play smart and ambushed me from the front, but I evaded them too.

And then the village came up on the minimap, and I thought I was in the clear. I realized just how wrong I was when I came to the river just east of the actual village itself. The river was actually a very small canyon--two Z-levels deep, but with only one Z-level of water. I didn't give up hope though, and after running south for a while I found a spot where I could safely swim through the river.

It was around this time, though, that I noticed my field of vision had started shrinking. I figured I was either starting to tire out or I'd taken a hit to the eye, but either way I was pretty much blind as far as seeing building was concerned. I still didn't give up hope, though, and continued running, until at last dawn broke, banishing them to the darkest corners of the world or something.

Anyways, as it turned out, the town was still on my side--there were actually two human civilizations in the area, and the hostile one supplied the outlaws which plagued the civilization I was currently allied with. So I took a well deserved nap, took on a pair of peasants (one male, one female) as followers, and set off to kill more outlaws.

It turned out that said peasants were actually pretty competent fighters, since they managed to kill off two outlaw leaders (with my help, of course). In the process one of them sustained a pretty bad hand injury, and I'd taken a nasty hit to my left arm. A short walk on the world map helped a bit, but arm injury was still yellow. A close examination of my inventory revealed that a copper spear was stuck in my arm. Pulled it out, bled a bit, walked it off, etc.

Later on I ended up entering a human town at night. I'd intentionally held it off until then to make sure I could leave without a hassle. No such luck, this town hates me too. So I tried to leave to the north, but a river blocked my way. I decided to head south, but my male follower stopped at the side of the river for some reason. A few turns later, a milkfish dragged him into the depths and began tearing him apart.

I was ready to abandon him, but then an alligator flew in from out of Nowhere, Kansas, and chased my female follower into the river too. I leaped in and the two of us killed the beast, but she took a nasty hit or three to the chest, bruising her heart and cutting open an artery. With one companion dead and the second in her death throes, I ran from the site, hoping that getting back to the world map would mean I could cheatyface my way into saving her life.

No such luck. Now I was without companions, in the middle of the night, and many miles away from safe haven. Ultimately I decided to chance it and head for the nearest town, hoping that it would be safe. I ended up walking 38 tiles before dawn broke, and not once did I run into Them. I took a nap once dawn broke, then bolted to the nearest town just as night fell again. Risky, I know, but I hate being drowsy.

Thankfully it turned out this town was also allied with me, and it had shops, too, so I could finally pawn off the loot I'd been saving (silver weapons from every slain outlaw). I ended up buying a *Bronze Scimitar*, which may or may not be an improvement over my basic Iron Scimitar. I also recruited another peasant girl, Disem Shimmeredsmile, as a follower. Hopefully she won't meet the same fate as my first two followers.

A little elven girl who doesn't fear a cut up, vomit/blood-covered goblin swordswoman who likes to brag about her achievements?

Obviously this child is destined for greatness, and as such will be taken on piggyback rides to various locales and take part in the slaughter therein. I'll try to get her a decent weapon too, I know that flower took the head off that one maceman, but that had to be a fluke, right?

Alternatively I gut her by accident. Don't look at me like that, it's happened before. Wanted to slip under a drunk who was blocking a doorway once, but I ended up chopping his arm off instead. In my defense, chopping arms off is sort of like trying to crawl beneath them.

At one point a few months back I had a Kobold Camp running, and got the following deity worshiped by a few of my little scamps:



Odd choice of deity from a race of thieving lizards.

That is by far the most dwarven bear ever.

So, it's year 2 now. My original miner died from a bridge collapsing incident that resulted in his body going crunch on the frozen canyon river, but since it's Kobold Camp that's not too damning.

Also, just got a migrant wave, one of them is a child. What interested me about her is the deity she worships: Cheebus.

The kobold god of forgiveness, appropriately enough.

Blind Cave Ogres. All building destroyers are annoyances, but BCOs are the worst.

Imagine if a blind man suddenly broke into your house one day, smashed your TV, your computer, your bed, every table, chair, etc. that you have, and then just stood around in your kitchen because he can't see and doesn't know where he is. He found all of that stuff on his own, went right up to it, broke it all, and then stopped in the kitchen and just stood there until you manage to keep your cell phone away from him long enough to call the police.

Gods damn BCOs.