Bay 12 Games Forum

Similar issues with punching myself, just haven't really gotten mad at others as much as I have at myself, since I'm generally prone to melancholia and I despise it. Thankfully it hasn't happened a lot, only maybe once in my life besides the two episodes I've had since I started taking antidepressants early this year. It didn't scare me too much since I know it's partly because of the meds and I haven't tried/didn't try anything more excessive than bruising and a bleeding nose (high blood pressure or something, not really physical trauma), but of course it worries me. Mainly because I also did it in front of others. While these were people I trust it obviously just made me feel way shittier. They'd give me attention even without me making a scene.

Despite all that, I feel I've gotten more confident in expressing my thoughts and feelings in a constructive way without bottling them up. I'm shy, awkward (stuttering, speaking too quietly and slowly at times, trouble keeping eye contact, I may tremble and hyperventilate in certain situations) and maybe too much of a "bleeding heart" most of the time. While I can live with being quieter than most, I should sometimes allow myself to be more talkative regardless of how annoying and/or brutally honest I might come off as. I don't want to take living too seriously and obsess over every little thing that I feel is wrong, but enjoy even the little daily successes and view things with more humor than normally. I don't need to be embarrassed of everything or feel guilty all the time, if I really screw something up it's not going to end me, I can always try focusing my anger on making things better.

Obviously all that can't be forced, it'll just have to come with time and introspection if at all. Like posting this message for instance, I tend to write walls of texts every time I post but usually just give up altogether because of my super critical inner "editor". I hope this'll be of at least some help or substance despite it being more of a tirade than advice.

So I decided to start my fortress in a haunted region. Digged a comfy little hole on the side of the hill, with the stockpiles on the ground level and the bedrooms, dining hall and workshops underground. Just didn't bother to wall the entrance which I cunningly made wide enough for everyone and their dog/cat to come through at once (well not quite, but you get the idea). Then, a cloud of nefarious ash passed by, huskifying some of the hapless wildlife. Excited and terrified (but mostly excited), I drafted a few dwarves and made them beat the everloving undead shit out of the one that approached them and wasn't covered in anything nasty.

One dorf got his face smashed in and another got sent to bed unconscious from his injuries. Everything seemed fine until an ash-covered kangaroo caught up to a fleeing Animal Caretaker. After he turned he began to rip the kangaroo to shreds above my fortress. I tried (in panic) to make my dwarves wall the entrance with something, which I still had cunningly left wide open in case there was no fun to be had. Nothing happened, until it came from the desert from the hilltop. Luckily I had some dogs to attack their former caretaker. Unluckily it didn't really matter since it eventually proceeded to kill all of the impromptu militia (except the unconscious one), chasing them to the underground dining hall. It returned briefly to the surface to bite my doctor to death, who I also drafted and ordered to die in the name of Armok. At this point, the thing had both it's legs and most of it's arms cut off.

As if this all wasn't like something out of an obscure horror movie already, the nearly limbless husk then proceeded to crawl it's way underground, through a long and dark corridor to the bed of the sole surviving dwarf who was slipping in and out of consciousness, so it could gnaw and shake it's helpless victim like a chewing toy for several pages worth of combat reports. This is why I play Dwarf Fortress.