Bay 12 Games Forum

I'm still proud of coming up with Basementdwellings, colonized by The Fellowship Of Virginity.

OP: I'd bet you're not as creepy or disgusting as you say you are.

Some random thoughts from my own recent experience, in no particular order:

The people that are worth attracting, are attracted to well-rounded folks who are passionate about their interests, and who pursue them in a constructive manner. What are your interests? How can you meet other people who share them, either in person or online? What are some constructive things that you add to conversations with these people? How can you get them involved in something you're doing?

If your objective is to find a significant other, you'll miss out on a lot of great friendships. Dating someone requires a lot of compatibility that takes time to develop. Making friends does not. And people can tell the difference between "This is a person I'd like to know better," and "This is a person who's trying too hard to make me think I'd like to know them better."

I'm getting a very "self-aware meta-thinking" vibe from the OP, for lack of a better term. You're thinking about the best thing to do, instead of doing it. Thinking about the best way to be, instead of being it. Here's an analogy: When you're walking, you're not thinking about how to move your legs and where to each foot should land, right? You're barely even aware of it. You just kinda do it. Likewise, when socializing, try not to be so aware of your objective of making people like you. Just be yourself and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Good things come to those who don't obsess over shit.

That's a pretty blunt way to say it, but there is truth in this. It helps to have a variety of healthy interests, not just one or two obsessions, especially if that obsession is to make people like you so you can date them.

Fake confidence begets real confidence. Try and imagine the person you'd like to grow to become. What is that person thinking? What are that person's mannerisms and habits? Now act like that person. Don't lie, exactly, and definitely don't pretend you're something you're not. Just put yourself in his shoes, and walk around in them for a little while. If that really is the kind of person you'd like to be, you'll get used to it and gain experience.

When talking with someone, ask them open-ended questions (i.e. ones that require more than just a simple "yes" or "no" answer) and listen to what they say. If there are any details they seem enthusiastic about, or any details that weren't part of your question but they added in anyway, that's something they're interested in. Ask more questions about that. Get them to talk about it.

Body language is super-important. Practice in a mirror.

If confidence is a problem, start talking with a somewhat less attractive girl or a girl that you wouldn't really mind giving up if she gets weirded out or repulsed.

This is a bad idea. It's manipulative, dishonest, and counter-productive, and you'd basically be treating people like scrap paper that you can throw out once you're done with them. Seek out people you're really interested in getting to know better, and become friends with them!

The most important thing to remember is not to feel like there's some objective standard of how you're supposed to feel or act. If you feel like you "have" to do or feel something, it might help to take a moment to consider why.

This is a good idea! Do this. In my case, for a long time, I was hung up on the idea that I had a deadline - like if I don't start dating by this age, people will just laugh at me instead of being interested; if I don't start having sex regularly by this age, I won't have the experience I'm expected to have and nobody will want me; and so on. I still haven't completely gotten over it, but once I realized how wrong it was, things picked up immediately.

I've come to the conclusion that LordBucket really is Princess Celestia, whose wisdom and sage advice should be heeded by all.

Goodness, this post has gotten long. OP, I wish you the best of luck.

And this is superior to the Wiki and forums, how?

I tend to get a little too ambitious in new forts. I plan a deep, complex, efficient city, then dig it all out, have migrants move all the valuables out as they're found... and then the traders come, and I realize I haven't actually crafted anything worth trading yet.

Temporary fort with just the essentials for early-game production? Nope, the idea never quite sinks in for me.