Bay 12 Games Forum

Quote from: Tawarochir on May 25, 2014, 07:34:36 am

Quote

The Waxy Torch

DARNIT WHY DO ARTIFACT NAMES ALWAYS SOUND LIKE INNUENDO

I recently got two consecutive artifacts from two now-legendary leatherworkers:

- "The Memory of Fondling", a goat leather left mitten and
- "Purgeloves", a grizzly bear leather short skirt.

I should be paying more attention to what my dwarves do on their free time...

Recent dwarven baby boom?

Well, you can make 500 of them from one bar of metal, but only need 10 coins to make a single bar of metal, so presumably they are some kind of 4th dimensional objects...

Maybe your brain is exposed after your skull got damaged? It still doesn't explain how you can drink off your brain though...

Dwarven drinking straws

I'll be honest, I got bored with the fortress, but I didn't want to just leave the story with no ending. Thus, water has caused more deaths than cave-ins (no lethal ones), starvation, drought, monsters, and murder combined.

Let's see what fun adventures await our fortress today!
Siome kid went into a mood, this will be... dull
Apparently we're missing something... let's see, wood, stone, bones, we should have plenty of those... Oh, we're out of leather...
Who will be sacrificed for the glory of artificing?
Let's mix it up, instead of a horse we'll send this mule to the slaughter... It's not like he's contributing anything else to the fortress
It's an oak figurine... Apart from the enormous amount of materials put into it, it seems to be pretty standard for artifacts around here... wait a minute...
This kid's two years old! How does she know about all these events? They happened before she was born!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well, some of us actually talk about the past, unlike you who just writes it down and never mentions it again unless something almost exactly the same happens!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

It's just the creation of the fortress and ascension of the king, I'm pretty sure everyone capable of speech knows those happened
-Zaneg Domasasrer, Dwarven child

That doesn't explain how you know the monarch's name or about the amulet made shortly after you were born...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I'm not a vampire, if that's what you're implying
-Zaneg Domasasrer, Dwarven child

Whatever, this report's starting to veer too far off topic, Floodbringer signing out
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Okay, replaced the captain of the guard, having no justice system doesn't seem like a good idea... He's just some random farmer...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Excuse me, mayor, but the uniforms on these soldiers are atrocious
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

What?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

They look like a bunch of civilians with weapons and shields, we need to get them some proper equipment, I'm getting on that now
Nautilus shell gloves and boar bone boots might not save them from much, but it's better than having them losing their hands and feet
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Well then... I guess I'll leave you to that... Oh dear...
Looks like the vampire has gotten out, we can't just let her wander around, she'll eat ten people after being stuck for so long!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Don't worry, we'll deal with it
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Fine, lets see where she's going...
Look, she just ate someone!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well, we already know she's guilty so we can just convict her now...
Now to come up with a proper sentencing... 200 days in prison sounds about right
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

WHAT? NO! UNACCEPTABLE!!! SHE MURDERED AT LEAST TWO DWARVES!!!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Fine, 201 days
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

That's it, I'm going to have to play dirty aren't I?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Excuse me mayor, I'm wondering why my throne room is a glorified storage closet in the back of the residential hall while you have a grant artifact throne with a statue lined entryway...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Hold that thought, Baroness
Locked into a tiny room, nothing to  worry about little vampire
Pardon me, sir, could you pull that unlabeled lever in the memorial chamber?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Mayor, I'm not sure whatever you're doing is within your jurisdiction...
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

BAHAHAHAHA!!!! TAKE THAT, BLOODSUCKER!!!
Looks like she managed to get one more victim before I trapped her, but she's dead now...
What did you say, Baroness?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Nevermind, it's not that important...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

We've been digging a bit...
It appears Ulolbesmar wasn't that crazy after all... well, she was crazy, but she wasn't wrong...
Better get an outpost going here, nothing like an underground archer tower to make you feel paranoid; Wait, why is that guy hauling stone from all the way down here? It's like 100 z levels underground, can't you just grab some stone from the stockpile right next to your masonry workshop...
Some kind of weird moss growing on the sand now...
someone finally found the dead captain, apparently "Nobles never die" is enforced by demoting them into pawns upon their deaths...
There's plenty of water in this cavern... but we already have tons of water
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

All the better to flood the base with
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Ah forget it, this report's done, I'll write a new one if we find anything interesting here...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor