Bay 12 Games Forum

I assume you're planning on sending armies of children wielding toy axes against a dragon?

What about wrestling? I know the AI can't do jack without a weapon, but I've heard a player-controlled adventurer can be very effective with the options unarmed combat provides (such as disarming, throws, and strangulation)

Well, better see what's going on in the fortress...
How the hell did that kid get injured? Maybe he was in that accident earlier and didn't pass out fast enough to be in the first round of wounded... I'll be honest, I feel a little out of it...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Have you been drinking properly? We can't have our mayor getting lazy because he refuses to grab a barrel of longland beer
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I miss having mead, but there's no more space on the side of the screw press to write requests for more honey... Wait, didn't I hire a manager earlier? Maybe she could get the order through...
order placed, now we wait for it to be finished, then lovely mead will flow once more!
Oh, that's just amazing timing, I'm sure this gem cutter will give us a very useful item
Well, that workshop won't be available for awhile, but at least construction started immediately
Apparently whatever this guy is building only needs a single chunk of lapis lazuli...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

They must've heard your prayers that the moody dwarves don't eat up all the fortress' resources to make useless trinkets, they're only taking a little bit to make useless trinkets!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

The thought fills me with hope and horror in proportional amounts
The clothier has been working tirelessly for almost a week now, and is still empty of clothes, I can only assume because they keep getting snatched up by the endless supply of dwarves in need of new clothes
We've got loads of quivers though
Dammit manager, you have ONE job, can you put off drinking for one minute to tell some other dwarves to do their jobs?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

No, I've been hauling stone for two years and NOW you want me to do legislative work? Let me ease into this... Also, my name's not "manager"
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

Fine, fine, but get to it after that drink
I knew dimple cup spawn were small but I didn't know you could fit 20 of them into a single dish, especially considering the cooks can only fit a maximum of four anchovies into one of those roasts...
Our baroness now has everything she needs to sit around and demand shoes like a true noble
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Not fair, you know dwarven nobles do as much work as any other dwarf... exactly the same amount of work for much higher demands...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

The crafting is done, it has made... a spiked grate... well, at least it's something we could theoretically use...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

See? all your prayers have been answered! Now, I've got to get back to chasing these ravens you keep telling my squad to get rid of...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Sure, you do that
The doctors have finally seen fit to examine this kid's broken arm, here's to hoping he doesn't die of infection
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Oi! I'm getting to writing this work order, how do you spell "honeycomb"?
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

It is literally written in front of you, how do you not know?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but it's a little dark in this one-by-one hole you gave me as an office... and done, the workers should get started soon...
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

Excellent... Oh, that's just great
A new epidemic among the livestock, from the makers of "homicidal horses" comes "starving buffalo," well I'm not letting this one become terminal, I'm issuing orders to slaughter all of them...
Dammit... apparently that fishing chamber Ulolbesmar ordered built so long ago has finally killed her...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I guess I'm the new comic relief then... would saying "The floodbringer strikes again" be considered crass?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Dammit, I really need some mead right now
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

What about "all your prayers have been answered!"?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Press faster dammit!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

R.I.P.
"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Wait, what is this?
Apparently this Cerol Beristrath predicted the Minotaur's arrival... let's check some other works to see if we can predict future events...
Nope, nothing else particularly interesting...
Unless we get destroyed by a giant fire breathing snail...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

It would be the most appropriate way for this place to fall, unless you feel like flooding it yet again... Anyway, if you talk to Cerol:
She's still alive and well, currently doing menial tasks because we haven't ordered 500 statues made yet
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Maybe I will, but right now we've got other things to do
Well, the caravan has finally packed up all the stuff we sold them and is on their way
This giant hole over the reservoir is a safety hazard, we should cover it...
The beach flooding was getting a little out of control, but that should help
Oops, dammit, I hope that doesn't cause any problems
Dammit, the reservoir is emptying into the base
Oh come on, two floors?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

THE FLOOD BRINGER STRIKES AGAIN!!!!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

At least you haven't gotten kicked out over your incidents...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

I'll get that cleaned up soon... oh great:
A boar has gone wild in the middle of the base, this needs to be dealt with before it starts affecting production...
Granted, pulling our elite soldiers on a lone boar was probably overkill, but it worked...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I found a rat in the residential area, should we alert the elite guards?
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Oh, shut up
The first death in our fortress that wasn't due to an accident or violence, truly this is an event worthy of song... And it appears the production requests are coming through:
They want us to make tools, backpacks, and cut gems... well we can do that, we'll be flooded with honeycomb, jars of royal jelly and cut gems by the time the next caravan comes by...
With the cloth from the last caravan, we've begun full production of clothes
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

We don't have to wear these tattered old rags we were wearing when we moved to the fortress anymore? HUZZAH!!!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

In other news, we've dug a deep death pit to slay beasts with the power of gravity, but it must be tested
Another homicidal horse gives its life for !!science!!
Success, we have removed all the limbs and the head
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

If you want to kill the horses so badly, just butcher them, save the death pit for stuff we can't butcher, like say Vampire dwarves...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

We've finally been declared a barony, with Zuglarrulush as Baroness
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Cool, where's my free stuff for being a noble? And when do I start running the fortress
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

You don't actually run the fortress, but you can make mandates and bans of export to make stuff you like, like say backpacks...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

In that case, no more exporting high boots!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Sure, anyway someone JUST made a SHOCKING DISCOVERY
After carrying the severed head all the way to the stockpile, they figured out that the horse was dead... but that hauler will have company in incompetence:
Dobar is going to feel like such an idiot when he realizes the track was finished ten seconds after he started carrying that cart to the 36 staircases reaching the bottom of the death pit...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

If you're going to move it indoors, make sure it actually goes indoors (inside, dark, subterranean) because freezes reach anywhere light reaches (learned that the hard way). If you're moving water from a sea or murky pond, make sure it gets pumped at least once before reaching the reservoir to filter it.

Getting clean water into my base always becomes a grand construction because I f***ing love aqueducts...

Actually shattering the skull and driving bits of bone through the cortex is surprisingly rare.

Not in dwarf fortress, that's how at least 2/3 of the battle logs end when the combatant is killed in my games, but I can see how that is true in real life

A fey mood has begun! Surely this one will prove worthwhile!
Craftsdwarf workshop, well it can be fun to hope...
What the hell? Why do we still have this wagon? All the wheels are broken and it is just sitting there
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Feel free to remove it if you want, I just never had a reason to tear it apart
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Meh, it's fine, just curious...
It appears that someone woke up their spouse with a bucket of water...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Are things really that boring that you're writing down that you found a bucket of water in someone's room?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Yes, I also got some new engravings in my throne room:
I'm not entirely comfortable having that engraving staring at me when I'm holding meetings...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Now you know how I feel about those statues!
-Urist Kivishsezuk, Woodcrafter

Why don't we just invite the entire fortress into my office while we're at it? I'm joking, don't actually bring everyone in here
The caravan's here, we shall get all the goodies
Also, it's an excuse to get rid of all these honeycombs and stoneware hives we have lying around... plus a few barrels of prepared food... I'm actually wondering if they have enough stuff to buy all of our wares
Wait, wasn't there some kid having a fey mood?
Oh, he needs bones. As it happens, we have a homicidal horse or two we're not using right now...
Now lets check up on what else is-
Oh dear...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Vampires, weretapirs, minotaurs, the mythical creatures are coming out of the woodwork to attack this place...
Should I list this as "murder" or "theft of blood"? I'll go with murder...
Oh hey, we already have an accusation...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Better appoint a hammerer and set up a jail area
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Aw, she's got a husband and 4 kids... And I'm not sure sending a legendary hammerdwarf with a silver warhammer is the proper punishment for a first offense... Jail time it is!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Really? Well, you're the captain of the guard, so it's your call...
Oh come on, we just found out about the vampire, but apparently the caravan knew they were here months ago, look at all these barrels of blood! I think vampires prefer their blood warm, but maybe next time...
And done, got about three tons of cloth and silk, metal, and a couple of bags which we seem to be low on constantly
Oh, the artifact's done now:
It is an amulet with a picture of itself on it... Is that kid sober or something?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor