Bay 12 Games Forum

Quote from: Fluffe9911 on August 12, 2021, 10:06:58 pm

Quote from: Iridium64 on August 12, 2021, 09:45:03 pm

Now, write-in actions might not be kosher depending on the strain of SPAM Superdorf is running, but in the case that he'll accept them:

Iridium's New and Improved Option "D"

Storing our hoard in a flammable building is not the brightest idea for someone as RADIANT as ZENDRAKIEL the RESPLENDENT. Even so, there are certain advantages to staying right in the middle of things. because of this, we should tunnel beneath the mead hall until we reach the natural cavern beneath the town (the one noted in option A). Since ZENDRAKIEL the RESPLENDENT would never lower themselves to travelling through the COLD and SMALL ocean tunnel, we will carve out the tunnel and have a GRAND and IMPRESSIVE tunnel beneath the site of our future PALATIAL FORTRESS made out of STRONG and FIRE-RESISTANT STONE and METAL. (WOOD can be part of it, but only as a SECONDARY COMPONENT for DECORATION.)

(yes, this is a silly suggestion. it's a silly game)

+1

+1

+1

Screaming is always fun!

D

D

+4: A: (See below)
+2: A: "It means that you should lure all of your enemies into a trap and then roast them for dinner after slaughtering them, obviously. How could you not get that?"
+1: A: "I believe it to be a metaphor. The cats arn't actually cats."
+1: A: "Armok is a god of ruin, a fate, you do not want to arrive.  Trying to consume the stars will bring destruction..."
+1: B

The Covetous Prince turns to a Lethargic Scribe and shouts them wide awake. "Scribe! Make sure all of this is committed!"

A)

With a flourish and a belch, we do make an an attempt at interpretation

Quote

Thus sayeth The Holy Book:  “Incompetent and much unprepared for battle, the eggplants improvise a massive bong in France on May of tenebrous joy, it consumes flesh, vituperating rage like many kittens screaming profanities at babies incessantly. SUDDENLY, dwarfs explode elven minds, hastening Armok's arrival via consumption of stars.”… with burping

"My lord, it is as the skies are blue."

"Eggplants are fruits of the viney *burp* loins from which they do grow from the seed of virility *burp*. In this case, the eggplants are your sibs, of both kinds and *burp* the plant from which they grow is your ailing father. The eggplants *burp* are rich in deliciousness and ripe,  *burp* but easily bruised and easily cooked. So it is that your *burp* sibs may thusly be beaten *burp*, like a peasant's omelette of sawdust *burp* and kelp. This bong that they shall make *burp*is the funeral that shall take place in an area of *burp* sacral power. With much *burp* joy they'll dance and celebrate shed tears *burp* of the wolf, for they shall enjoin in the *burp* harvest of their father's own *burp* vine. Their feast of the lands - the bounty *burp* most full and nubile and mature - will be ravished *burp* by them and with them."

"And yet, like all sibs, they shall fight like kittens whilst danglings *burp* bits of this or that. The last part of the prophecy is what matters, oh yes. The short dwarf batters the mind of the tall elf by surprise and quickening doom *burp*. To be successful one must court *burp* doom itself."

"The nomads. Seduce-enamour them *burp* , take them as kin and bloodlover *burp*. Though they are your foe, only by their use shall your kin be dealt with and the kingdom yours *burp* *burp* *burp*."

"The accursed nomads. They are indeed our bitter enemies, but for my father's kingdom? I can surely set aside my grudge. The peasants they've raided probably won't, but my army will make short work of any who dare get in the way of this grand scheme. The nomads themselves are rather disunited right now, of course. Getting them closer without having them unite outright will take a fine touch, and the competent negotiators tend to settle near the capital."

"Anyway, I believe that concludes this reading. I expect another in a few weeks' time when my emissaries return. Rest well, anthropomancer, and make yourself useful with the rest of my court. Surely you have a less...objectionable skill at your disposal from your time in the College?"

(A) Yes.
(B) (Lie) Yes.
(C) Actually, no.

"Oh, and one final thing. Guards, get the oracle some mint leaves!"

---

What would you like to do first during this downtime?

(A) See if the Meticulous Smith needs oracular help for her repairs.
(B) Approach the Sycophantic Priest with a query of a divine nature.
(C) Prod the Lethargic Scribe about records or more exciting literature.
(D) Trade rumors with the Shifty Sweeper.
(E) Write-in: Do something other than associating with random courtiers.

B

+1: "A hungry tongue thirsts for humor. Those who wish to avoid a broken heart are those who will receive it most. If the horses are too many you will spend half a year in Death's Domain. So Sayith the Gods."
+1: Thus sayeth The Holy Book:  “Incompetent and much unprepared for battle, the eggplants improvise a massive bong in France on May of tenebrous joy, it consumes flesh, vituperating rage like many kittens screaming profanities at babies incessantly. SUDDENLY, dwarfs explode elven minds, hastening Armok's arrival via consumption of stars.”…
+3: Thus sayeth The Holy Book:  “Incompetent and much unprepared for battle, the eggplants improvise a massive bong in France on May of tenebrous joy, it consumes flesh, vituperating rage like many kittens screaming profanities at babies incessantly. SUDDENLY, dwarfs explode elven minds, hastening Armok's arrival via consumption of stars.”… with burping

You steel yourself for a belch-laden report and begin: "Thus sayeth The Holy *urp* Book: 'Incompetent and much unprepared for battle, the *burp* eggplants improvise a massive bong in France on May *burp* of tenebrous joy, it consumes flesh, vituperating *burp* rage like many kittens screaming *BURP* profanities at babies incessantly. SUDDENLY, dwarfs *urp* explode elven minds, hastening Armok's arrival via *burp* consumption of stars.'"

The Prince recoils before the foul odor of your belches and grumbles. "Do I need to hire an erugomancer too? What is that horrid stench? Hmph. Let's see if I can pick out something actionable from that."

The Prince paces around in what you can now assume is his usual manner and considers your words. "Wait until next year to strike? Will my father even live that long? And those offerings of cats to the harvest gods? Hmm. Armok is not one of our gods. Is hastening his arrival really a good idea? Hmmmmm."

"Unless you're going to interpret your prophecy for me, you're dismissed, in which case I order you to chew on mint leaves until sundown."

(A) Salvage Interpret the words of the Holy Book.
(B) Skulk away and chew on mint leaves now.

+4 (B) Is it dinnertime already? Request a suitable sacrifice.
+2 (A-ex) The gods will surely know what the Prince needs. Request a suitable sacrifice: one, or more of his elder siblings. When dealing with family matters, it is best to go straight to the source to get accurate answers with Anthropomancy.
+2 (A) The gods will surely know what the Prince needs. Request a suitable sacrifice.
+1 (C) Tell him to open back room diplomatic negotiations with his siblings and other power brokers.  Once he has a better ideas of where they stand divination can be used to decide between several specific courses of action.

---

You request a suitable sacrifice, and the Prince directs you to his personal dungeons under guard. It is time to put your anthropomantic skills to the test.


Once you finish your reading, you dismiss the guards to perform the funerary rites and instead gorge yourself on the victim. (--Karma) The next day, the Covetous Prince summons you again to ask after what the gods say he must do to get what he deserves.

You are a freshly minted oracle from the illustrious College of Whatevermancy. What is your name and specialty? Where have you set up shop?

Name:
Specialty:
(A) Pyromancy
(B) Necromancy
(C) Arachnomancy
(D) Hepatomancy, or some say haruspicy
(E) Aeromancy
(F) Something else
Location:
(A) A stinky mountain cave
(B) An imperious royal's court
(C) A little shop that wasn't there yesterday
(D) Somewhere else