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Most of my characters die after killing no more than one ettin/cyclops/minotaur in a cave, and the minions around it. Fittingly, their descriptions in the legends page are short and boring.
Let's start a thread where people post their successful, funny or otherwise noteworthy legends page entries.

I'd like to try my hand at a community fortress, with the possibility of becoming a succession fortress later on.
The location is a pastoral riverside retreat, and by that I mean a terrifying, hot hellhole of a black sand desert that happens to be next to a river.
My fingers are crossed for some skeletal camels.
Here's some background:
Main Character - Alin Pagedtaxed.
Alin was a reasonably successful trader back in the mountainhomes. He fell in love with a minor noble's daughter. Her parents initially disagreed, but faced with the choice of approving the marriage or having their only daughter run away, they reluctantly accepted, if only to prevent the major loss of face they would endure if the neighbor knew that their daughter had run away from them.
Forced to keep up appearances, they even presented the pair with a dowry- Their very own parcel of land in the southern regions.
The newly-wed couple went to the cartographer's office to find out more about the land they got. They weren't too surprised to find out that it wasn't too much of a find. When he heard the couple enthusiastically recite the directions to their dowry, the cartographer couldn't manage to hold back his roaring laughter. He looked at them and said "Girl, your parents must really hate you. The land is in the middle of a vast desert. The last dwarven feet to grace that place were those of the explorers of old, and those of them who survived came back with terrifying tales of undead beasts roaming the land." The couple looked at the various documents the cartographer put next to the map. A sketch of a skeletal camel and a long list of dead dwarves next to their gruesome causes of death made them realize he wasn't kidding. "By the way, kids, the river is still unnamed. Any ideas?" Alin smiled and said "Bridejoke" and the cartographer added the name. Not too surprised with their dowry, the couple left the cartographer's office. After that day, the land was all but forgotten.
Suddenly, tragedy struck. Near the end of the honeymoon, dwarven police broke into the couple's cabin and dragged out Alin's wife. They shouted something about her proven connection to "the scandal of the King's unfilled fine pewter toy mandate" and handed her over to the hammerer, who quickly made sure she would never have the capacity to to disobey a mandate, or do anything else for that matter.
Alin, robbed of his love, could no longer function. He developed a hammer obsession, and spent most of his free time hitting things with one, vowing to catch the hammerer one day, and strike back. In quick succession, he lost his business, smashed most of his property, became an outcast and started frequenting the bar where all the dwarves who drink way too much even for dwarves hang out.
Shortly before exhausting what little savings he had, Alin found the deed for the desert land in a box. This made him recall the days shortly before and after his marriate, back when his life had a purpose. He decided to make a purpose. He acquired an expedition permit, entered a meeting hall, stood up on a table and started to speak in a tone that he had not heard in his voice since the good days. "I have lost my love, my business, my money and my purpose. All I have left is a deed to a skeleton-ridden desert and the permit to lead an expedition there. I seek dwarves who wish to leave behind their previous lives and go out into the unknown, where we will achieve a new existence of riches, independence and dwarven might, or die trying." Dwarves were used to charlatans who attempted to "sell" people on doomed expeditions, but something in Alin's voice seemed very genuine, and a small crowd gathered.
"Your background or your past in the mountainhomes does not matter. If you wish to join, you are welcome to step forward. I seek dwarves with fighting experience, for we are headed to a dangerous place. Laborers and tradesdwarves are welcome. Supplies will be arranged by me, you need only bring yourself and the will to survive and rise anew."
Alin kept speaking, and soon had six dwarves standing beside him:
1. A male dwarf with a stein of beer in his hand. He likes to try new things and has a strong sense of duty.
2. A female dwarf with two large steins of beer in her hands (she occasionally overindulges, you know) and a smile on her face. She doesn't like to think too much, is self aware and self disciplined.
3. A male dwarf with a bottle of rum in his hand, wearing a frown and not showing a bit of enthusiasm. He's comfortable in social situations, hates authority and tradition and has quite a lot of confidence.
4. A female dwarf with two mugs of dwarven ale in her hands. She seems quite stressed, and you can see she's trustworthy. Interestingly, she didn't show any signs of pity while Alin was telling his sad story.
5. A male dwarf with a dimple cup spawn-glazed chimpanzee leg in his hand, the same dish he's had there for years (he prefers familiar routines.) He's active, loves a thrill and has a profound understanding of his own feelings. He's trustworthy and likes helping others, but lacks confidence. He prefers stability and security, but for some reason decided to join. Perhaps he has a good reason.
6. A male dwarf wearing low boots and holding a mace. He seems calm and comfortable. He doesn't display and cravings or urges, and doesn't seem to have too much style. He admires tradition. He is trustworthy, but often does the minimum he has to do.

Alin turned to the dwarves, took them to a less crowded corner of the meeting hall, and asked them to say their name, tell a little about themselves if they want and specify their work and combat experience.

(Wow, that was a mouthful)

Now it's up to you. Pick a dwarf from the list, name them, fess up a little background if you feel like it and assign them skills. The only limit is that the skills have to make sense for the beginning of the fortress. We're going to need mining, woodcutting, farming, brewing, cooking, masonry, carpentry, etc.. I also like to have a mechanic/building designer with decent experience. Another thing you should keep in mind is self defense. The location is likely to be swarming with undead desert creatures, so it would be useful to work some combat experience into the characters when possible. I'd rather have slow-working but living dwarves than slightly faster but dead dwarves.

Cog Satzasit was the typical expedition leader. A miner by profession, he saved up some gold, went to the Mountainhomes Institute of Trade to learn how to run a fortress for profit and pieced together an expedition to a promising area.
Maps showed a convenient climate, a brook flowing in a canyon and a volcano.
The location they chose was halfway up the mountain, at a safe distance from the volcano and overlooking the brook.
As the wagon made its way across the mountain to the chosen campsite, Bim Serid, the fortress mechanic, noticed junk scattered around the brook, and dozens of kobolds. "Good thing we chose the high ground," he said. "That should buy us some time before we are forced to exterminate them."
Thikut, the expedition's hunter and a close friend of Cog, jokingly suggested that they dig a channel across the mountain and above the canyon, route the lava into it and watch as the kobolds burn. Bim jokingly drew up some plans and verified that the plan was indeed possible. Cog jokingly approved the plan and started digging. He and Bim Zuglarasen, the second miner, spent the next months digging the channel. One day, Cog struck the stone one final time and sent magma oozing through the channel. He ran up, sealed the corridor leading to the channel and ran to the meeting hall, shouting "I've done it! Project DIAF is complete!". Thikut, who spent most of his time outside and didn't know about the dig, spit out his -Dwarven Ale- and the entire expedition couldn't stop laughing.
       

Shortly afterwards, a group of about a dozen migrants arrived. Unfortunately for them, they arrived from a different direction, and were greeted by a legendary Kobold bowman who opened fire on them immediately. The migrants ran like hell for a few seconds, and then turned back and charged the surprised kobold. They weren't even sure why. It was as if some force compelled them to become soldiers.
       

The bowman, Blabatreeldus Usirnursher Kidet Ning, was hardly overwhelmed. The dwarves were no match for his *Copper Bow*, whether he used it as intended or as a blunt trauma delivery device. The sheer numbers of dwarves, not their menacing fists, was the thing that brought him down. Likot Fathkalan, one of the migrants, clocked an exhausted Blabatreeldus and brought the carnage to an end.
       

When the remaining five migrants arrived, the original expedition members, were puzzled at the sight of five dwarves covered in blood and vomit. The new arrivals told their tale, and were immediately hailed as heroes and made into "The Girders of Loving", Diamondwill's standing army led by Likot.

The big dig was over, and the dwarves started to spend more time outside. They soon noticed a group of antmen sitting on a hedge above them, teasing the dwarves who went outside. No work could be done outside the fort, as the dwarves couldn't help running back into the cave whenever an antman peeked over the hedge.
Cog didn't waste any time. He ordered the dwarves to stay inside and began work on two paths leading to the hedge above. The restrictions were then lifted and the Girders of Loving, accompanied by Thikut, were dispatched to eliminate the antmen. It seemed like a walk in the park initially. The ground was soon white with ichor and numerous antman corpses lay scattered on the hedge. Curious dwarves climbed up and looked at their slain tormentors. A victory party was announced for later that day, and the army kept working.
Then, tragedy struck. Likot became stuck, and he soon found out why- he stepped in a concealed web laid by a giant cave spider. What happened next could be summarized as carnage. Not even the outpost liaison, who had just arrived, was spared. Working day and night, the dwarves eventually fled into the relative security of their fort and sealed off the paths leading to that dreaded ledge. Only Cog, Thikut, Bim the mechanic and some other guy survived.
       

Meanwhile, the magma reached the end of the channel and started leaking down on the unsuspecting kobolds.
       
       
       
       

Almost immediately after the spider disaster, even more migrants arrived, this time from the right direction, compensating for the losses. Some of them entered the fort successfully, but others were stuck outside, because the giant cave spider scared them so much that they couldn't even get close to the fortress. Most of them were saved eventually, but at least two died of thirst.
The first order of business was to relocate the entire fort by digging new rooms to the east. The dwarves were far enough from the spider to feel safe, and the fort slowly returned to its normal state.

The lava is still slowly spreading. It hasn't reached the waterline, but it claimed the lives of half a dozen kobolds. The spider continues to roam the ledge, waiting for some more dwarves to digest.

That concludes my story turned plain old description.
I have no idea what to do next. I got indoor farming up and running out of the spider's interruption range, and I'm about to dig out a proper apartment complex for the dwarves. I really want to kill the spider, but something tells me my current military might won't cut it, and the only metal I managed to find was engulfed by the magma when I filled the channel.

Thread updated.

[ December 19, 2007: Message edited by: AlienChickenPie ]

Elephants and jaguars keep interrupting my hardworking dwarves. Hunters don't seem to mind them, and prefer bringing home mountain goats, so I don't really know how to reduce their numbers. Is it possible to:
1. Take out hits on individual animals, to be carried out by soldiers?
2. Instruct a dwarf to cage and bring back a specific kind of animal, or an animal from a specific area?
3. Assign a guard to the problem areas, and instruct him to kill animals on sight?
If none of these are possible, or they're just inefficient, I'd like an effective design for an automated (or at least easily resettable) perimeter defense system that cages the animals that cross the line or throws them alive into a pit where I can decide if I want to breed them, tame them, butcher them, use them in target practice or just keep them in a cage.

I've just finished erecting the giant mold for my 5X5X10 soon to be beautifully engraved monolith, and now I'd like to start building the gigantic pumping tower needed to bring the magma 10 z-levels up and drip it into the mold.
There are quite a few pumping tower designs available, but they don't seem to be magma rated.
The monolith is pretty far from the volcano, so I can implement a long design, and I have plenty of expendable dwarf labor for the pumps. My major problem is a complete lack of iron, nickel or steel, and a severe bauxite shortage.
Would I be able to keep the pumps running for a reasonable amount of time using non-magma safe building materials? I can afford to build one or two floodgate assemblies if isolating and cooling down the magma before pumping is an option.
Regardless of that, can I have some proven magma pumping tower designs?

For some strange reason, when a friend and I try to tempt dwarven fate from the comfort of his home, we can't seem to get any evil wild animals. Terrifying mountain, sinister marsh, some other things, all with no animals, evil or not, on the map or in the unit screen. It happened in more than one version, so I think it's not a problem with his installation, just a bunch of coincidences.
Are there biomes, alignments or biome/align combinations that are known to generate little to no wild animals?

Edit: Sometimes, when I add a hunter dwarf to my starting party, he gets a free crossbow. What skills give you free weapons? Are the skills that give you free armor? How many free items can you get?

[ January 11, 2008: Message edited by: AlienChickenPie ]

In an attempt to cash in on my volcano, I tried to start a magma smelting operation. Magma furnaces need to be above a deep magma tile, so I found a z-level where one corner of the magama vent was significantly larger than the same corner on the levels above and below, creating a shelf above which I could build a furnace. I did, and ended up with a furnace that has 8 out of its 9 tiles right above this shelf. The game doesn't seem to acknowledge the magma, even though it's 7/7 deep, untouched and as connected to the main magma flow as magma can get.
What am I doing wrong?

[ January 01, 2008: Message edited by: AlienChickenPie ]