Just popping in to say that I am hoping for the very best outcome for Sam here.
Which is why I'm obligated to (again) recommend professional help. I'm not qualified to assist you, as much as I'd like to. Just remember that the world doesn't have to be good for you to be.
I don't care about this world. I don't need it.
And I don't have intentions to end upp in an asylum.
But it cares about you.
Xvareon came to us three times looking for a way to help you.
NullForceOmega has spent three hours trying to help you.
Three (times two) other people have spent time trying to help, wait for it... you.
if random strangers on the internet don't want you to die, think of how many people in your own town will at least feel a twinge of sadness when they find you in the news.
meaningless suicide (that is, the type brought about by sadness) is seen by most moral systems as the most selfish thing you can do, and I am sure that Princess Celestia would not approve of that.
Oh really? Cares about me? Okay.
People liked to mock, insult and humilate
me all the time I was exposed. Treat
me like a target for mocking or at the very least, like the dirt under feets.
People who mocking ponies and humiliating them, just to have fun or whatever, they hurt
me deeply. And I don't care if they don't know about it. It still hurts like hell, you know.
A friendship that lasted for almost two years, that provided so much goodness and so much tears of joy to me was just destroyed.
I had to beg three times, within several months, asking not to break everything. I did all I could to change things, to make it better. And it's useless. Everything is. Do you know how it feels, when something that is everything for you just... crumbles? I felt it and now I don't want to deal with humans anymore.
The world where friendship does not exists is not for me. I'm too weak for this kind of world.
And neither you nor me have a right to decide for the Princess, what decision she'd make. It's Her Majesty's business, not ours.
@Antsan
I don't know what'd happen here -- I don't want to take any risks.
I don't have an opportunity to move anywhere. But there's no point either -- there are humans living everywhere, so it'd be the same, no matter what.
I wasn't denying that ponies are idealized humans, in the show. But you know what? Humans can act like ponies. They can make a society, similiar to it. But they don't do it. More than that -- they don't want it. Look how much money they spend at war, at useless technology, at other stuff like this. They are ready to tear each other apart, arguing which imaginable friend is better (religion wars). Not to mention other things.
I don't see a future for us. Not for agressive, primitive apes with corrupted, blood-thursty minds.
They can work hovewer they want. It didn't change a thing. And it won't.
@Sam: Let's check this out first from an order of systematic ideas. First note: the idea of psychosis is a guide and not a label, or a hindrance for you--it says that there's something within your method of thought which is--not necessarily wrong, but may be very objective that it may 'blank out' or blind rational thinking.
Before any conclusions are drawn, one major thing I've seen is how far you perceive things--and how you conclude by them. Firstly: You've got the right attitude to combat whatever fears in this world exist; you are unattached towards material goods, and wish the best for people. Appended to that: It's how you go with it and how far you see things as reality, where it may go wrong. There's also the concept of keeping an open-mind when facing scenarios here.
Now analyze this: Where are you looking, that you may conclude upon the whole entirety of the human race, and conclude that you don't belong here? This world is comprised of people, when if theoretically placed in your field of vision, will go beyond the horizon from side to side and even behind your cone of sight. You may be viewing too much of the negative, and latching too hard on it, to let go and proceed with an open-mind to search for other ideas--however, the potential is in you. Meaning: I advise you to look at what you're currently seeing and thinking and let it go for a while, and listen. Query to yourself those who speak and balance out what negatives you say, and ponder if there is any merit to it. Do not generalize.
There were people who tried to make this place better. Lots of them. And where are they now? And where are results of their actions? They are laughed on, mocked, treated like freaks or even turned into monsters from kids' books, like Joseph Stalin.
People who tried to build a better society, or at least improve it are doomed to faillure, as we've seen it in human history.
One problem: What is ideally defined may not work objectively.
Meaning: The idea is right, but how you execute it is where trouble may dwell.
PS: The orange part is one instance which I poke my note of you generalizing, and having an aspect of shortsightedness in. Please do research and seek what is good, before you put forward such a statement.
As in, scour the history books, and find who built a better society--as well as people working towards it and what drives them.
The sentence before the orange part is also a generalizing one--I believe you think of a specific and certain example when you typed that; answer this: Is everyone who tried to do good treated like that, for the entirety of history proceeding their lifespan?
Or is their attitude or whatever else which they did, acted upon or how they proceeded with an idea that made who they are?
They actually were treated like this. And their ideas were doomed to faillure, because human nature goes against good things. We want our 'freedom' so much, that the best social structure for us is an anarchy, where humans will be finally able to stop hiding behind masks and act like animals they are.
Well, I don't think I need to any evidences, anyway. If people are capable to such deeds, there's not hope for them to not just improve the world, but even one community.
Maybe it's an agressive type of humans' nature, because we evolved from apes, which've been known as really agressive animals.
Maybe it's an agressive environment or whatever.
I don't know. But you know what? I don't even want to know. I just see what is happening -- here, there, no matter. And I can tell for certain -- I don't want a tiny bit of it. I'm not agressive. Far from it. Maybe in my case evolution's gone wrong. I don't fit in this world, because I can't be cruel and heartless. I'm too soft and weak for this place.
Here, I poke at the dangers of proceeding upon possibility-treated-as-fact. Leaning towards the most reliant observation or inference and treating it as a causative to form a conclusion is...lacking, at best, in this context.
See the first orange line: It's treating an observation as fact, with emphasis on how the wording is placed (statement in question is underlined for detail). It lacks substance into the background of the observation.
Now view the second portion: Why don't you want to know? Is knowing such details equal destruction? Because if you stop learning--which is paradoxically impossible, given that we learn every day of our lives--then conclusions fall short in the field you're currently basing observations in. Emphasis to the topic at hand--when it deals with your life and what you base your worth upon.
I don't want to know because I've seen outcomes so many times, that you can't call it a simple coincidence.
I don't want to live in this horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.
If you put a pony in here, they'd either die or go nuts in no time. Because of bad things that some people treat as good, and of good things that ponies would treat as barely tolerable at best.
The very thought of living here for decades makes me scared and tired at the same time. I already lived long than I want, 'cause I'm almost 23 now. I want to ponies' world. I belong there.
Poking here, too. There's a solid instance you're thinking behind the [orange statement here] which makes you say so--its a generalizing one, again, but its one of curious value.
What makes you say this world is full of people who are beyond mean? I do hope you took in the idea that the news and general media report negative instances of society to inform, right? That the adage of 'evil shouting louder than good' is valid here?
But to continue: Yes, the very idea of living decades on that world would instill fear and fatigue in anyone. This, however, depends on what you make of it, and what you perceive of it. Are you too focused on the negative to see that there is good in this world, or is there a note that there is severe hostility within your community that is causing that kind of perception?
What exact examples are you thinking that make the world so evil, that you can't see the good in it?
World is full of people beyond mean. Look at wars, crime rates, domestic violence and other nice things like this. And some people treat it like normal.
It's not a kind of perception. I just don't wear pink glasses and see the world as it truly is.
As for examples -- hey, just look around.
Ponies never lived on Earth (thanks Princess Celestia for that). They couldn't even imagine everyday routine humans gone through every day. For them it'd be unbearable. You know why? Because they are different. They aren't capable of doing horrible things. They can be nasty and mean -- but it cannot even compare to what an average human can do. For them it's just... unbelievable.
Ponies can hate, too. They hate unjustice, evil, cruelty. As for dawn, stars and such -- Equestria has all of this. It's not the point. The point is what humans did. Their horrible society. When I will be in Equestria, I'd be able to see dawn, rise, stars, moon, butterflies, birds and such. But I also will know that there are ponies who aren't capable of horrible deeds like humans. And a great amount of them would be happy to help me, if I ever in need. And I'd help me in return. They believe that helping is vital -- but only if you're helping those who deserve it.
And about giving up, see my message. They didn't live in this world, so they can't know how horrible it is.
Why don't you care about this world?
You described it like this:
horrible, brutal and cruel, dream-crushing, humiliating and careless world, full of people who just... beyond mean.
Which I would like to contest. Don't get me wrong - the world is all of those things - but it's also full of wonder, mercy, kindness, and beauty. And people who are beyond selfless.
It all depends on where you look.
Does the bad outweigh the good? Maybe. To me, it doesn't matter. There is good. And I do my best to be a part of it.
So much bad does not outweigh good stuff. And besides, even good stuff it flawed. Beyond measure.
What I see here again are statements borne out of a pointed viewpoint--as in, ideas from one angle of viewing a very broad notion only.
What you see in ponies are the good emphasized by people--they hate unjustice, evil and cruelty, and who wouldn't, exactly? Everyone does. Though there are parts here that signal that you've already judged people--as an entire species or relatively people in general, on very few aspects which...demonize them, all. I'll call upon realization here: what is it that you don't see in this world, that makes you hate it with such severity that you'd want to kill yourself and be off with it?
Who wouldn't hate unjustice and cruelty? Well, maniacs, murders, sadists, rapers, drug dealers, and others like this.
I hate this world so much, because humans are responsible for many of their problems. They make these problems themselves, and then trying to find solutions.
Humans also treat bad things like good and good things like that, and using sophistry and philosophy to justify their animal nature. Hypocrates, liers and just idiots are ruling humans' society. And you know what's the worst thing about it? If we will replace them with anyone else -- it'd be the same. Humans are flawed from the very beginning. Apes' nature and such.
If I die tomorrow, it'd be nice.
You see, the things is -- even good things as you put them, that this life could offer... they aren't good. Like, at all. People could be happy to have them, but not me. I'm not like many of them.
Besides, what good things? Weath? Popularity? Kids? What? I don't want any of that. Not in here.
This world itself doesn't fit me. It's too harsh and demanding. You can't have a decent life just by being kind and trying to help everyone. They will take advantage even on the most innocent and kind help in the horrible way and left you broken. Friends will leave you, even if it's not quite their fault. Circumstances. Surrounding. The world.
Like I said, I don't fit in here. I'm too soft and sappy for this place. I was born in the wrong race, I'm sure of it.
I note a significant amount of certainty in your examples here, though I'm focusing on the orange part.
Is the first sentence in orange treated as a fact--or...have you researched up motivational speakers, and those who are actively being selfless and kind, trying to help everyone explicitly matching that example, and having a decent life?
Like I said, they can't change the nature of humans. They can do whatever they want, but they always will be treated like jesters. Nothing else.
What makes you say that 'you can't have a decent life if [kindness]'? Do note that when I say 'what makes you say x', its more of curiosity than any other thing you may assume. 
Because kind persons are abused and treated like weak. They are tools and legal slves for those who are strong. Simple.
Also the next orange sentence: Who are "they"? And what drives them to do such measures? That is a direct and specific instance, though it is purely situational with lacking foundation as an example. 
They are the people who are you trying to help. They will abuse your help and blame you for not helping enough, or for you help in general. Like, they asked you to do something for them, you did it and they are blaming you, because you had to figure out somehow, that they wanted you to do all their chores, clean their house and wash their car, for example. And they will be always reminding you and tell that you are a bad person who couldn't even take a hint and help.
By far, I question your method of operation (or...like, how you think and view the world: there is the semblance of goodness, but the judgement is very off). You've got the attitude it takes to do good for others, but there are some instances in your foundation and perception//world-view which hinder it.
Query: Why waste your life via suicide when you can use it to make the world better? Because it is futile? What makes it futile?
Because, like I was saying, nobody could change the nature of humans. Neither you, nor me.
I've read up your posts and see that you've got the inherent potential to do a ton better than the superficial denotation of you facing an asylum to preserve yourself--however those ideas come with introspection.
I'm real concerned there, Sam, and I'm wondering what exactly drives you to say these things about a people, as a whole. I mean, reading up all your posts--you're got the potential, positive to the brim, though something seems to have tarnished either that, or how you view everything(?) or everyone else around you.
Edit: Didn't check in on the OP.
...
*hugs Sam*
Now there's a ton more that I'd love to talk about with you in person given the light on backing details...I can pretty much relate (as in understand) the attitude going on and...there's a serious ton of details I'd like to put, but needs more info ._.
So, I was hoping that I could find someone on here who has gone through something like this, or knows of someone who did, and is willing to talk about it.
Pretty much, here.
(also for posterity, the idea of advising you to talk to a psychologist or anyone with certified experience in the field of thought, is to ensure things go smoothly without any bias--while there exists misdiagnoses and miscommunication [ie Personal fears may prevent honest conversation from one side to the other], that is generally a good idea, as in professionalism like that, there is honesty in practice. Both self and client(? unsure of term)-honesty.]
@Shook
I'm sorry, but you don't seem to understand my point. It's my fault, of course, for not being able to explain it better.
Just... seems that since I was abandoned by nearly everyone, nobody understands me. And... I don't really care. I have to be alone, because others would just try to hurt me, no matter if it's out of good motivation or bad.
Kindness and other things like this do exist in this world, but they are extremely limited and have a tendency to burn off fast. Humans can't be kind for too long. It goes against their nature.
P.S. I hate making long forum posts...
