Is there anyway to make them attack me, so that I'm defending myself, and am not the aggressor?
Nope, never.
You will always be a killer, no matter which person you've slain.
In the case of vampires you also will be an aggressor due to a simple bug:
It's not you who accused the vampire.
Therefore he will never get hostile towards you (exceptions are the roaming vampires in the wild who attack on sight - but there you also will be a killer and murderer since the vampire is part of a normal entity).
You can check this for yourself:
Accuse a vampire and kill him (or just remember his name).
Retire or make a copy of your save and retire in this.
Go to Legends.
Search for the vampire and look who accused him.
Search for said person.
And you will get the problem in 40.XX with vampires.
What you can do to minimalize the spitting:
Put your weapons away and start a fistfight with the vampire.
Lure him out where nobody can see you and nobody is in immediate range (i.e. not only out of the building but out of the site - this can be tricky).
And then slay him.
And never talk to anyone about this vampire again.
Vampire dead - you'll gain some stats - you will know the truth (kind of batman of DF).