Bay 12 Games Forum

So, I'm fighting Ornstein and smough and I've got a build Which hasn't hit its goal point yet, so I'm kind of a weak fighter (besides crossbow hits) once I run out of lightning spears. I kited the two golems at the entrance to death by plunge attack on the stairs and I've got solaire with me, and we managed to kill smough easily enough before sol lost half his health. At this point, I'm out of sunlight spears, so I have to use my crossbow and PRAY that solaire doesn't go down. Well, solaire went down thanks to dunkstein's thunderass, and I managed to get off only a few more shots with the crossbow after that, spending the rest of the time getting impaled between strikes from my weak-ass winged spear. At this point, I'm' hurt, out of estus, and being pressured to hell. Then I notice ornstein's only got a sliver of health, so I rush in for the kill. I swing and get hit hard, thinking that's it for me, but that tiny hit was enough to kill him and I'm left with just 17 hp and no estus, victorious and ready to cap off this build by crafting the dragons layer spear. Words cannot describe how amazed I was.

Pardon me, I just finished choking on my foot.
the joke is that I put my foot in my mouth

If you're the king of puns, can I at least be the bishop

Sorry to burst your bubble, bud, but Isla Dubh is already the bishop.

INCOMING TURN!!!

Make all rolls 5s.

[auto 4]
You invoke the random number gods using a mantra of controlling the random outcome, but you misword it slightly! All actions this turn will be 5's.

Lure some fast breeding enemies so that I can scum for exp (and therefore levels) and items and increase my score

[auto 5]
You increase the force of your presence using a focused power and taunt into the darkness! Suddenly, out pops a cancerous demon! Cancerous demons are fierce little buggers which are small and non-threatening, not much deadlier than a crundle, but they can divide into two cancerous demons very quickly, and then each new cancerous demon will quickly divide into another two cancerous demons! If you're not able to kill them all quickly, you'll be quickly overrun, but if you can survive being overrun, who knows what kind of treasures the little loot spiders will drop!

Be Chaotic bloodmage.
Chaotic bloodmage:

Cast "Summon forumites" a meta destroying blood ritual.
Cast "Sustained Regenerate", A focused power that lasts for 3 turns, healing the user.
Cast "Summon Protagonist" A Blood ritual that requires sacrificing something from outside of the local meta, such as something from beyond the forth wall.
Rest and have tea for a moment
Turn the next posters rolls into 3s.

You are now the chaotic bloodmage, a being created solely to punish the gods by tearing their avatars asunder through ingenious manipulation of the laws of the meta!
[auto 5]
The local meta is torn asunder, and a portal forms linking you to the dark pits of the bay12 forums!
You are now maimed.
The first three people to post who have a character in a forum game on the bay12 forums, with a link to their character, will have their characters inserted into this game to fight little Jimmy. They will have the exclusive right to control their characters.
[auto 5]
You focus your manna, and are immediately filled with relief as your body's natural regeneration overclocks and your injuries heal at a fantastic rate!
You are now wounded.
Your Manna is at 60%
[auto 5]
Across the multiverse, a young man's dinner vanishes from reality, never to be eaten by him that night! Meanwhile, your injuries grow nigh-unbearable, but the ritual seems to be working! A hole is torn in reality, through which a small child is being pulled! Come to daddy, little Jimmy!
You are now crippled.
[auto 5]
While that business is going off, you decide to have a relaxing break and prepare for the upcoming battle. Your relaxation works wonders for your blood magic wounds, and the warmth of the tea energizes you. You feel great!
You are now injured.
Your Manna is at 80%
The chaotic bloodmage resists the twitch curse! No more actions can be taken! You are now little Jimmy again.

Ride the warefrog and EXPlORE!  We're on an adventure

[auto 5]
You mount your werefrog companion and tear about the room, thrashing the horned demon but leaving the cancerous demon completely unharmed! The horned demon's health drops, you can see down to 50% before you break the bonds of the room and begin bounding about the fort atop your mighty steed, trampling demon after demon as the horrors follow at a full sprint!

Projectile vomit acid (because stuff happens)

[auto 5]
You pound your chest, performing a focused power to alter your body's chemistry for a moment, and cleanly projectile vomit a horribly dangerous stream of acid upon a pile of unfortunate demons! The acid quickly melts them down to nearly nothing, leaving their treasure hoard unguarded and yours for the taking! Adventuring is easy!
The child's spirit is quite pleased.

Suddenly, a rift in time and space opens in front of you and you are helplessly sucked through! After a minute of struggling, you lose your grip on this reality and are pulled through to an entirely new meta! Your companions, being so loyal, jump through after you! Not the water buffalo, though. It has no idea what's going on. Its cart, being attached, also stays behind. You and your remaining companions (werefrog, pile of horrors, evil child's spirit) find yourselves standing in the middle of a dungeon, in a room constructed of a smoothed, blood-red stone. In the room with you stands the chaotic bloodmage, apparently having just finished some blood magic, as well as a portal leading somewhere you could never hope to comprehend!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!! DESTROY THIS INTERLOPER, BOY!!! SHOW HIM YOUR WRATH!!!

Life:100%. Magic:35%. Manna:50% Inventory: pants, sword, fake arms, laptop. Companions: obedient werefrog, pile of mostly obedient eldritch horrors, spirit of an evil child. Location: bloodmage's dungeon
You are in combat with the chaotic bloodmage

Why does everyone but me seem to have perfect memory.

((Because this is bay12 forums. "Normal people" is an idea which here is considered dangerous hereticism, and those who even humor the idea of normalcy are used to test new anti-goblin/elf traps, dwarven childcare systems, waste management projects, and archery ranges until they are eventually hammered and then cast in obsidian for their crimes. Their remains are then tastefully arranged in a massive obsidian statue garden, to serve as a warning to all aspiring normal people.))

Oh, I've just realised I still have 2 AP left to spend. Editing Charsheet...
Edit: I've decided against having suplex at this point. Re-editing...

You've been, like, really quiet for a while now. Still thinking?

Right now it's just a 50% boost to all outgoing damage.