106
Roll To Dodge / Re: Roll to twitch: a first-time RTD
« on: June 14, 2016, 08:36:43 am »
Put on pants.
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107
Roll To Dodge / Re: Roll for the User above you: Let's get the ball rollin'
« on: June 14, 2016, 08:27:54 am »
[3] You grow a tentacle where your arm used to be.
I attempt to find a pointy stick.
I attempt to find a pointy stick.
108
Play With Your Buddies / Re: Let's Unify Britannia: House Aberffraw (CKII)
« on: June 13, 2016, 08:13:44 am »
Yeah, I started this as "Story of the Crumbling Europe" level drama and then it turned rather quickly into "Knud Knytling Part 2: Welsh Boogaloo"
109
Other Games / Re: Crusader Kings 2 is released.
« on: June 12, 2016, 08:37:26 pm »
My lieges are both morons.
Vassal of Byzantium, pledged fealty as a Serb in Charledate. Planning to eat the ERE from the inside and become Emperor of Serbia. Revolt to lower CA happens, I'm part of it. Somehow the Patriarchate joins our side, this will be important later. So, we have more men than the Emperor, and my liege goes around sieging things. The Emperor smashes the Patriarchy (pun intended) and captures their Constantinople bishopric, for -62% warscore. Even after this, we're at a healthy 75%. We could win the war right then, but my moron liege refuses to capture Constantinople. Like, he is literally sieging everything but Constantinople. Even worse, warscore is capped at 75% for some reason from all our battles AND occupations, even though we should be winning by 150%. I would do this shit myself, but I don't have the men or the money. Eventually, the Emperor gets his shit together and beats the piss out of the revolt leaders army and begins countersieging holdings with impunity. At that point, I just saved and ragequitted. PERUN CHRIST, YOU DUMBSHIT, YOU HAD 6,000 MEN AND YOU COULDN'T TAKE ONE DAMN HOLDING TO WIN THE WAR?!
Vassal of Byzantium, pledged fealty as a Serb in Charledate. Planning to eat the ERE from the inside and become Emperor of Serbia. Revolt to lower CA happens, I'm part of it. Somehow the Patriarchate joins our side, this will be important later. So, we have more men than the Emperor, and my liege goes around sieging things. The Emperor smashes the Patriarchy (pun intended) and captures their Constantinople bishopric, for -62% warscore. Even after this, we're at a healthy 75%. We could win the war right then, but my moron liege refuses to capture Constantinople. Like, he is literally sieging everything but Constantinople. Even worse, warscore is capped at 75% for some reason from all our battles AND occupations, even though we should be winning by 150%. I would do this shit myself, but I don't have the men or the money. Eventually, the Emperor gets his shit together and beats the piss out of the revolt leaders army and begins countersieging holdings with impunity. At that point, I just saved and ragequitted. PERUN CHRIST, YOU DUMBSHIT, YOU HAD 6,000 MEN AND YOU COULDN'T TAKE ONE DAMN HOLDING TO WIN THE WAR?!
110
Play With Your Buddies / Re: Let's Unify Britannia: House Aberffraw (CKII)
« on: June 12, 2016, 11:04:05 am »The Dubiously Competent Adventures of King Anarawd
((Imgur messed up one of my images.))
23 June, 901 Anno Domini
The problem with Andalusia is that it's full of Andalusians.
When we last left off, we were preparing to go Deus Vultin'. After a long series of boat-related shenanigans, I managed to get myself, my long-suffering son Mihangel and the glorious Welsh army to Aquitaine. The plan is to run in, get myself and Mihangel the Crusader trait, and run back out, because there are a lot of Muslims down there and they look scary. If the Crusade looks like it's going well in a couple of months, hell, we might even come back! Wait, I can't say the h word that loud. The zealot Germans might purge me of my sin. Violently.
The French king asks me for an alliance.
Seeing as he gets in a war every other Tuesday, I send him this back.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Back to the DEUS VULTIN'.
Alright, we all have Crusader now, time to go home... Wait what's this?! This battle actually looks slightly winnable! I suppose it can't hurt to have a look- Oh, who am I kidding? DEUS VULT! ANARAWD... ABERFFRAWWWW!
We got there just in time to chase down the fleeing infidels. Everyone thought it was great fun.
This crusade has...changed me. I am no longer the callous, indifferent sinner I once was. The Angry Germans have taught me much in the ways of the Lord. I feel His holy fire burning within me.
DIE KEBAB INFIDELS! IN THE NAME OF THE PRINCE OF PEACE!
Annnd my daughter just died in childbirth. Joy. Gross Neckbeard Frenchie is no longer my son in law.
Excellent.
Less excellent. Now I have to kill his son too, if I want to change the succession laws to something slightly manageable.
It is 29 December, 902.
PROGRESS TODAY: Deus Vulted. Found Jesus for real this time. Killed a count, but got caught. Now have to kill his son.
STATUS:
Cash: 271
Prestige: 1785
Piety: 655
Ruler age: 52
Heir age: 26, and interestingly, he wants to be Court Chaplain. He has a Learning of 3. Mihangel, I'm sorry, but no. You are quite good at killing things for a living, though. Maybe make a career out of that?
Vassals: Still all good, despite me straight-up murdering a guy a few days ago. Except, of course, for Tewdwr the Traitorous Bastard Who Won't Goddamn Die After Spending Like 7 Years In An Oubliette, and the new Count of Glamorgan, Cawdaf. Do I have to murder your entire House? Because I am OK with that outcome. 1/4 Bishops pay taxes to me.
111
DF Community Games & Stories / Re: GLORY TO THE DIGPERIUM
« on: June 10, 2016, 01:02:24 pm »I would like to be dorfed as the bookkeeper/trader/paperwork man as LordBrassroast the Sigillite.
We've got a bookkeeper, but I can easily put you as the broker. (someone needs to make sure we haven't lost any wealth...) That good? (Also, is your profession 'the Sigilite' ?)
That is fine. Yes, Sigillite is the profession.
112
Other Games / Re: Crusader Kings 2 is released.
« on: June 10, 2016, 10:13:53 am »
Well, in my Glorious Pink Viking game, Karl is a nobody commander in East Anglia and some random Pict 10 year old is King of the Franks. Not sure how this happened, Title History just says Inherited.
113
DF Community Games & Stories / Re: GLORY TO THE DIGPERIUM
« on: June 10, 2016, 07:25:23 am »
I would like to be dorfed as the bookkeeper/trader/paperwork man as LordBrassroast the Sigillite.
114
Roll To Dodge / Re: Powered by Mayhem (MV: 9)
« on: June 09, 2016, 09:09:15 pm »
Pursue the fleeing Scot and take all his stuff. If he will not stand and fight in the Highland Way, he does not deserve them.
115
Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: We'll Imagine A Room
« on: June 09, 2016, 06:00:45 pm »
A small dish of food sits in the corner between the blue wall and the one to the right.
116
Roll To Dodge / Re: Powered by Mayhem
« on: June 09, 2016, 01:26:00 pm »
Leave the area before the cops show up. Obtain a kilt and a claymore (the sword).
117
Other Games / Re: Crusader Kings 2 is released.
« on: June 09, 2016, 11:49:36 am »
No, Denmark was a nice red color, but all 3 colors blended to somehow create a light pink.
118
Other Games / Re: Crusader Kings 2 is released.
« on: June 09, 2016, 11:19:08 am »
Never make a custom Empire out of Denmark, Saxony, and Sweden. You will create Fabulous Pink Vikings. That may be some people's thing, but I'm 98% percent sure Vikings weren't often pink.
119
Roll To Dodge / Re: Powered by Mayhem
« on: June 09, 2016, 11:15:58 am »
Shout ALBA GU BRATH and bite someone's face off while singing "I'll Take the Low Road"
120
Roll To Dodge / Re: Roll for the User above you: Let's get the ball rollin'
« on: June 09, 2016, 10:01:28 am »
[1] You manage to give yourself a papercut. On all 4 of your limbs. Severing them. You now have no limbs to write with and you bleed all over the manuscript, soaking it.
I attempt to ascend to full godhood.
I attempt to ascend to full godhood.