Bay 12 Games Forum

[6] You gain a very pretty waifu. Like, seriously, she's hot. You even get one of those body pillows. However its waifu is too much and you become a severe neckbeard! You now must spend at least 22 hours a day watching anime and/or My Little Pony.

Regain my limbs

[5] They are at perfect right angles. Like seriously perfect. God could not make more accurate angles.

I attempt to become God.

Alright, I'll check it out. Give me a sec.

5 May, Anno Domini 900

I plan to implement Tanistry. I have about 8 elector titles, so it really shouldn't be a problem getting the heir I want, and it should prevent some rebellions. In other news, I betroth my granddaughter, Mihangel's daughter, to the nephew of the King of Mercia.


Vikings are slapped. Also, the soldiers are going to look different because I just picked up Charlemagne, which comes with a bunch of clothing packs.

I talk to Count Owain in an effort to resolve our differences.


He tells me to go do anatomically impossible things to myself. Violently. I guess the plot to kill him is still on, then.


HOLYSHIT HOLYSHIT HOLYSHIT (literally)

At some point when I wasn't looking, the Umayyad hordes took part of France. Charles Martel rolls in his grave.

But there is hope.

Holy knights take their vows and prepare for battle.





But apparently the Pope has not found the balls to launch a crusade.


I give the German fanatics the pagan county we picked up. All that work, and just to give it away to a bunch of Germans when the Pope asks. Goddammit. Wait, I should be quieter saying that. The Germans might hear me and purge me for my sins.

Ah, finally. Let's go help my son-in-law, Gross Neckbeard Frenchie get his kingdom back.


DEUS VULT!

Of course, I have no boats and I'm not getting anywhere near seven and a half thousand kebabs.

PROGRESS TODAY: DEUS VULT! We lost the county we spent 4 years of war getting to angry, zealot, Germans.

STATUS:
Cash: 210
Prestige: 1696
Piety: 566
Ruler age: 51
Heir age: 24
Vassals: All good except Tewdwr and Owain. 3/5 Bishops pay taxes to me.

Lawyers are bourgeois, and are to be shot or deported SENT TO WONDERFUL VACATION FUNTIMES, WHERE SOMETIMES IT IS SO NICE THEY STAY FOREVER on sight in the Glorious Blazecook Union of Socialist Monarchies.

Quote from: Cthulhu_Pakabol on May 22, 2016, 01:01:42 am

Quote from: Glass on May 21, 2016, 02:48:20 pm

Quote from: Cthulhu_Pakabol on May 21, 2016, 12:56:46 pm

How's Pakabol the dirty coward archer gallant sniper captain doing?

So wait, from now on, "dirty" should be replaced with "gallant", "coward" with "sniper", and "archer" with "captain"? Got it.

Erin Quill would like you to know that our gallant Communist leaders are all snipers.

GULAG TIME Wonderful vacation for you.

谢谢!

Yes, wonderful, all-expenses-paid trip to Dwarven SiberiaWINTER RESORT. Is lovely this time of year. Please, Queen Amperzand's treat. I am Lady-Commander Brassroast of People's Red Army, and am of escorting you to horrible hellhole prison WONDERFUL VACATION FUNTIMES.