Bay 12 Games Forum

http://dffd.bay12games.com/file.php?id=13001
I don't feel very well, so roleplay will be minimal
So, that fire incident I mentioned, a fire imp got into the caverns and set it on fire, lost a few unimportant dwarves but forgot to get pictures
Now, to the post
So, I appear to have been selected to be overseer for a year, good.
The first thing I did was re-work the military stuff, as we don't all need to be on squads alternating training, it leads to the normal military being less skilled at fighting and the rest of us less skilled at what we need to do, which is bad


I then designed some rooms to shut the nobles up


oh

the military took care of this without a single injury

and then I did this


and then this happened



Interesting.....

After the cavern finished burning, I found this


I also saw a child beating to death a giant olm, before the child decided to leave to go to sleep, it ended up looking like this


A bunch of other boring stuff happened and then this





and then later on a group of dwarves mauled a cave crocodile, with this being the highlight


The elves came, nothing too interesting, although I heard a rumor about elephants....
the most interesting things I got from them were these

we now have a spider monkey breeding program

and then this


while this was going on, I heard reports of a giant turtle being attacked (unsuccessfully) and sent an archer squad to go check it out

Two dwarves got bit, who I'm now trying to get locked away before they turn



and that finishes up my year, A few notes:I wasn't able to hook up all the captured untamable creatures to the lever, so someone should do that, the dwarves are mining around the magma pipe/sea to find it's shape, we are mass-producing gabbro mechanisms and the hospital has been temporarily designated to that room I was trying to lock the weres in before they turn and PLEASE DON'T RENAME THE SQUADS, they have wonderful surprise reference names. I also locked dogs into cages along with various other animals, Dogs because they were fighting each other in the pasture because it was too small, the others because they kept claiming the nest box I was trying to get the giant cave swallow to lay eggs in, we now have a road, and someone should find a way to remove the captain of the guard because they keep beating dwarves.... I also made a noble killing lever if anyone wants to use it. I also removed the weapon traps and replaced several with cage traps because weapon traps have that crash bug

We'll be back in 2 years when the next update happens

woah

I'm ready if snow dwarf isn't

the ocean is empty, overfishing is real confirmed

O.O I've been quoted out of context

Today my dwarves elected a mayor that "has a poor ability to manage or understand social relationships" and "quite poor focus".

Good use of democracy, Urist McFuckwits.

I want you to imagine someone seeing a bird, saying "oh s**t a vulture" and climbing a three story building.

I suppose that's where the limits of the simulation finally come up: Dwarf Fortress will track the weight of an unborn fetus, but not the weight of the clothes he's wearing.

Great. The prince is only a year old and he's already an egomaniac.[/spoiler]

holy shit maybe we don't do exposé on the hungry dead what the fuuuuuck territory.

I was thinking more like a raven crawls out of your skull leaving most of a human corpse behind.

Well played you glorious scumbag.

Every once in a while the game makes somebody with insanely high stats for no apparent reason other than "why not." This sounds like one of those cases.

Then they'll jump into magma for no fucking reason at all.  Fuck you, dwarves.

They choked on their own vomit due to drinking too much, most likely. I have had that happen, but I saved that dwarf through cheating: using the dfhack command clean all removed the vomit from her lungs and she could breathe again. And went right back to drinking.

Life is just a long series of broken dreams and abandoned forum games.

Do not try to clear your sinuses with fresh jalapenos, it just lights your mouth on fire and then you have a cold and are also on fire.

No, Sheb, I refuse to be sigged yet again.  I think there's three people running around with me in their sigs, I don't think I could take the stress of a fourth.  My skin crawls just imagining it...

I love kidnapping puppies.

I've spent all day trying to free up space on my computer, no matter how much I deleted it never seemed to help. Then switched to my second desktop and realized my audio editing software was open and I'd been recording for 60 hours.

fuck periods, all ideas can be grouped into the ultimate sentence.

Meshes even better with everyone getting themselves horribly murdered all the time. Free orphans for everyone!

Quote from: Enemy post on November 17, 2017, 07:06:45 pm

Quote from: Paxiecrunchle on November 16, 2017, 07:12:22 pm

How do these ''politicians'' behave in game

Quote from: MottledPetrel on November 16, 2017, 07:18:13 pm

They kinda act like a less effective but more interesting and evil form of humans.

Realism?

I so badly want to sig this, but I would be quoting myself and that feels pompous.

I think Scourge just created the artifact that will one day inspire the Internet.

-snip- I would also like to report that I "accidentally" made the fire breathing snakes have arms also made out of fire, as well as having those arms come out of their eyes. Whoops. It doesn't really work, so I'm going to try to fix it. -snip-

DAMN IT! I have been spending years and years tripying to be sigged! Every single metric ounce of my fibre is dedicated to nothing but one day making my way into someone's sig! THEN WHY DOES SOMEONE NAMED BLARG POURING SMALL POTATOES ON PEOPLE GET INTO A SIG!!!!!!!! FUCK POTATOES!!!!!!!!

Quote from: King Zultan on May 30, 2018, 10:42:37 pm

Blarg creates a big stinky pile of shit on E2.

Snag stares blankly for a while and then declares that Mexico.

Pathos knows the gate.
Pathos is the gate.
Pathos is the key and guardian of the gate.
Past, present, future, all are one in Pathos.
He knows where the Spambots broke through of old, and where They shall break through again.
He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread.

Because really, who wants to live in a universal plane of reality without good old BoatMurdered?

Now a siege has came, but there are so many corpses in my fort that the retreating goblins are haggard, one is throwing a tantrum and the other one has slipped into depression.

...because they know what players can do with bridges when displeased.

When has killing people randomly ever been a bad thing?

Quote from: RedKing on March 26, 2013, 11:03:19 am

Quote from: Xantalos on March 25, 2013, 10:46:43 pm

Quote from: Vector on March 25, 2013, 10:00:02 pm

It's called "the average woman chasing after the stereotypical man."  You don't become a breadwinner by virtue of having a lot of time.  I would posit that chasing after the perpetually unavailable is, for many people, just the way things is.

See Wile. E. Coyote.

This is why most of my dates tend to involve rocket-packs or large boulders being dropped off cliffs.

Note to self: get Acme Luck if ever on date.

Don't listen to him guys, women can smell your fear and their nails are razor sharp.

Quote from: Zrk2 on March 29, 2013, 12:31:06 am

Because feelings are generally stupid and irrational. Your brain is like get over it, but your heart brain is like NEVER, and the rest of you just wants those two to get their shit together.

Scumbag brain.

We could just clone toady and in force his soul into the new body via some ancient dark ritual.

We could even use the pyramid for its intended purpose violating the most fundamental laws of nature and man

I imagine df and dfhack would merge into a huge monster that would be fueled by babies and pupies and souls of the damned. Though bugfixes would be guaranteed.

Well it was on page 7 or something.  It's not like I pay attention to dates?  What's an August?  It's Malachite of 112 here.  You're weird.

Wearing sports jerseys = Cosplay

magical ghosts actually have a normal part in the ecosystem that we've created

Quote from: Girlinhat on August 28, 2011, 12:32:33 pm

Do you WANT a tantrum spiral where the worst offenders are ungodly monstrosities who wear steel not to protect themselves, but to hide their scarred and desecrated body from civilians?

Yes. It'd be beautiful.

This guy gets it, the problem with the child torture dungeon is that they weren't set on fire first.

While interesting I assume, it doesn't -really- contribute to the work of destroying young children's minds and bodies to reforge the scraps into hardened horrors.

Man. I can't remember if I've ever been sigged before. So close!

I hope the lawnmower uprising more than makes up for it.

My taste for the blood of children has gone unsated

Still feeding children to badgers is what science is all about so it bears testing.

if you put 10 kittens into a room with a FB 9 will die and the other one will become a legendary fighter and kill it.

You are objectively the worst person in the history of forever.

I love you, have my babies and train them to be implacable killing machines via this method.

"Well, Mr. Urist, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that your spine had only mild bruising. The bad news is that our intern took your legs off anyway."

Oh yes, I remember the tales of Mormund the Vicious: The greatest warrior who fought with twenty-five arrows and a ballista bolt hanging out of him.

PETA are modern-day elves. Fuck them.

Urist McUnfriendlyDoctor the Butcher of Patients: 17 notable kills

Urist: Hi doc, just here for my checkup.  If all is good I'll go back to work.
Urist:Ok Urist, lemme just take a quick look see here...  CANCER!  You have cancer!
Urist: I have what?  How can that be? I feel fine!
Urist: Nurse Urist, please remove this dwarf's heart to prevent his blood cancer from spreading.  Next patient!

I think I would be caught up on a cabinet of raven teeth. Loads of sharp edges, I expect.

We're terrible people.

What is a good thing.

[CE_NUMBNESS:SEV:30000:PROB:100:BP:BY_CATEGORY:ALL:ALL:START:0:PEAK:60]
The syndrome code above will make the afflicted victim feel no pain, permanently.
Tested this in arena mode, the UberDorf was able to keep fighting, even with lots of broken bones.

The syndrome code below will permanently disable eyes, making for excellent siege operators:
[CE_IMPAIR_FUNCTION:SEV:30000:PROB:100:BP:BY_TYPE:SIGHT:ALL:START:0:PEAK:60]

This last syndrome kills anything that bleeds within a few steps:
[CE_BLEEDING:SEV:30000:PROB:100:BP:BY_CATEGORY:ALL:ALL:START:0:PEAK:60]

Holy necropost batman

I just want to know if demons are butcher-able, and edible.

Urist McGeneral: Fear not the goblin hordes in that dark tower! For tonight, WE DINE ON PLUMP HELMETS IN HELL!
Urist McSpeardwarf: I've actually done that.
Urist McGeneral: Come again?
Urist McGeneral: I've eaten a roast made of plump helmets grown in Hell.
Urist McGeneral: Who, here, in the what now?
Urist McSpeardwarf: My cousin owns a little restaurant the next fort over that's actually in Hell. The back wall is slade and everything. A demon even came in while I was eating and started roaring at us. Some minor named Urist stared at it for a second, set his biscuit down, and jammed his pick into its brain.
Urist McSwordsman: You're putting us on.
Urist McSpeardwarf: Heck, I've got its skull right here in my backpack. Check this out.
Urist McGeneral: SWEET MERCIFUL ARMOK!
Urist McSpearfwarf: RARRR... I'm a big bad Falcon Demon named Murray who doesn't know what a Legendary Miner is. I'm a MONSTAAA! RARRRR! Oh, oh, pick in my brain. Down I go.

Quote from: KillerClowns on August 30, 2010, 09:41:00 pm

hell-cannon that shoots demons

I just had an evilgasm.

My brain just burst... THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! You are Armok incarnate!

To the OP:

You... you just... you beat the game. You, sir, have beaten the game at a level no one has done before. How does it feel?

BREAKING NEWS - Physicist Stephen Hawking declared that the flow of time in the vicinity of Earth may be slowed by the recent demographic explosion of cats. More information later.

MasterLagoz Lizard Moveset Guide
I think lizard players are just going through the signature move list to find a mythical game breaker move. It might not even be there, but gosh darn it, they are going find it.

Skymin Slash Stream BabyPyroshark
as long as the curiosity rover doesnt join your match you should all be fine

17:542: CONTROLS ARWE A CONSPIRACTY

17:47: Trip to bathroom interesting expertience.  I have spider in my bathroom, will name Mr. Samasa.  Nased black widow that once.  Can't stay straight oh god so much vodka.

DreaDreamer RTgames having a chill build day stream

If you see something, say something. Don't tolerate upheaval of the regime in your friendly neighborhood diner!)

LindyBeige Tanks of the future

If, in the future, we still live in a world which has things like mass and, momentum in it a-and I-I think that's likely to be the case

Call me Kevin Sims 4 but the grim reaper moved in next door agardner99

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Jim the Pickens? It's not one the living would tell you. He brought Death upon others to prolong his own existence, but eventually fell for Him himself. Ironic.

You're all terrible, awful, terrible, terrible hilarious people.   And we're building up the east wall.

Alright, enough's enough.  As for the wall, I lost a mason.  He went berserk when he didn't get the stuff he wanted for a mood, so one of the Earthen Quills got to use him for target practice.  By target practice, I mean he beat his head in with his crossbow.

Those demon spawn traps of Oaktree's have actually worked better than expected so far - I've only had a single demon attack since i set a few up.  They generally either spawn well away from the current building site, or inside one of the traps.

Congratulations Oaktree, you broke the random demon spawns of hell.

SLAVE LABOR!
SCORE~

Damn dorf fortress, you scary.

Damn uppity slave labour, I swear...

THE WORLD SHALL KNOW THE POWER OF MAGMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This was a triumph
I'm making a note here - ‼HUGE SUCCESS‼
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
Dwarven ‼Science‼
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead

But there's no use crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying 'till you run out of slade
The clown car is lame
So you make a neat game
For the dwarves who are still alive

I'm not even sorry
I'm being so sincere right now
Maybe they'll find someone else to torment
Maybe Boatmurded
That was a joke, haha, fat chance
Anyway this Hell is great
It's so spooky and dark

Look at me still talking when there's ‼Science‼ to do
When I look up there it makes me glad I'm not you
I have clowns to catch
There's obsidian to be cast
From the demons who are still alive

And believe me, I am still alive
I'm doing ‼Science‼ and I'm still alive
I feel ecstatic and I'm still alive
And while they're dying I'll be still alive
When they're dead I'll be still alive
Still alive
Still alive

Can anyone else feel Toady's burning glare hating Aussie and furiously fixing the Clown's pathing and behavior so players need to come up with more elaborate and fantastic methods of screwing them?

Hell has been properly, pwned, tea-bagged and trolled.

ooOOOooOOOOooOOOOO!

I just plump helmeted my pantaloons.

I like to think of it as dealing with the devil and winning the deed to his property.

‼LEATHER‼

There's no troll like a trollollo trolollllololollllllol

Quote from: Necro910 on November 02, 2011, 11:18:21 am

Quote from: Loud Whispers on November 02, 2011, 11:05:29 am

HAPPY FOR THE HAPPY GOD!

JOY FOR THE JOY THRONE

And so they lived happily ever after, and nothing voilent happened.

Quote from: peskyninja on October 23, 2011, 06:20:23 am

LOL, banana wins.

BANNANA ALWAYS WINS

shinies precious i need shinies to make my best creation ever all will adore it and love me but i need shinies right now SHINIES!!!!!!!!!!

Quote from: Necro910 on October 23, 2011, 04:24:57 pm

Quote from: Girlinhat on October 23, 2011, 04:20:22 pm

No no no, you're getting that confused with family game night.

Life's a party

And now death is as well!

HEY GUYS!! LOOK AT THIS DOOR!! THIS F***IN DOOR MAN!!! OH MY ARMOK JUST LOOK AT IT!! I COULD STARE AT IT ALL DAY!

Quote from: khearn on October 25, 2011, 05:58:17 pm

Has Doren ever had a strange mood? If not, she's doomed, DOOMED I SAY! We're all DOOMED! DOOMED to a life with no leather! Woe! Woe!

Someone didn't eat their Cheery-o's this morning.

Forest Gremlin - A thieving little shit found in both temperate and tropical forests, as well as wetlands.

Ghost babies are haunting everyone, which is to be expected given the quantity of dead baby.

[consolidated with prior posts]

BADGERS ARE MADE OF PASTA

So, let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a dwarf.

He totally beat the shit out of everything near him for no reason.

THE END.



By "The End", what I really meant was "is surrounded by a continual nightmare of horror"/ Which, when you think about it, is basically the same thing.

Yeah, the fortress is flooding. I probably should have mentioned that.

Magma is peace
Happiness is slavery
Berserk is strenght
-The Ministry of Urist slogan

Also: There is a bull skeleton inside of the screw pump. Because if there were a deadn bull, who WOULDN';T wedge its rotting corpse into the nearest piece of machinery?

Could you NOT kill someone? Like, once? Maybe try it on, see if it fits?

Some asshole has gone berserk because of COuRSE he did. Zugklar? Does Zuglar mean anything to anyonje? Because I';mm  pretty sure he's an asshole

Just for the record? Scruffty is a FUDKER. I think there are ore ghists than dwarves. We're all going to die.

Peach-faced loverbird man sounds like a homophobic slur. Soem years ago I learned that a mocking bird is a real bird too, so now this is merely strange.

Multilingual Drunk Fortress? My entertainment just got educative!

posted edit. don't know why im posting right now other than Im drink

Humans seem like perfect strawmen to illustrate some greater being's fallacious point in a divine argument.

You see? We don't need to worry about the influx of newcomers from the Steam release... We're perfectly capable of ruining the forums all on our own!

Welp, there is absolutely no sign that this area can support life in any capacity. Time to strike the earth!

I bet you 10$ if you managed to insult Trump's inability to produce a Harambe rap he'd do it within a day. Within an hour, maybe. During a staff meeting.

Quote from: wierd on September 16, 2019, 06:17:57 pm

Little Baby Meatshield(tm)  does not perform as well in recent versions of the game though.

"Why isn't this baby blocking all these hits, it must be defective."

So it's basically a cage, but you can put babies into it?

Break that vicious cycle of boxiness! Be proactive! Choose cremation.

Being Human, a Guide;

Step 1: put everything in boxes.
Step 2: put the boxes in boxes.
Step 3:
Step 4: have an existential crisis when things inevitably don't fit neatly in the boxes you made for them. Get drunk and cry.

It's time-honored Bay12 tradition to pick apart threads like this! We use the discombobulated ramblings of the OP as a base on which to build our own discombobulated ramblings.

Quote from: IonMatrix on September 08, 2019, 08:29:04 am

Is that sarcasm?

Nope. Hallucinogenic mushrooms really is the best explanation we have for this thread's existence.

Frequent frogs are the best. This poem makes solid sense! They almost match my mad fantasy world from where my very avatar and username come from...

Quote from: grace_acebedo on September 17, 2019, 02:53:31 am

guys.. just a quick question here. what are the advantages and disadvantages of getting a peloton bike? i am getting one from https://www.used.forsale/peloton-bike. what are your thoughts on this?

Well for one thing they make sure your spambots are in really good shape

That furthers my childish dick joke on so many levels

I prefer the mental image of a dwarf struggling against a beak dog or something, getting hungry, and just swallowing it whole before rejoining the fight.

EDIT: I missed that there's a fifth and sixth volume in the series. Now to check that I didn't somehow miss a volume 7 of the Game Of Thrones of butt-pounding fiction.

Quote from: hector13 on July 10, 2018, 01:06:47 pm

Quote from: KittyTac on July 10, 2018, 10:32:25 am

Forgot about Terraria. Terraria is good enough.

A rousing endorsement if ever there was one.

I'm pretty sure my 600-hour Steam review says "It's okay."

Quote from: heydude6 on July 10, 2018, 11:11:33 pm

You ever get those moments as an atheist, where it feels like the world is desperately trying to convince you to believe in a higher power? Because this entire week has been filled with string after string of non-stop coincidences.

From search algorithms giving recommendations that seem tailor made to a private conversation I had in person, to someone on an English reddit thread providing a link to a video in the foreign language of the region I just happened to move into a week ago, it’s all just too much! I know statistically speaking, coincidences our bound to happen but there are just so many!

Ah well, it will stop soon enough. The dice are bound to fail eventually.

Once is chance, twice is a coincidence, thrice is enemy action, and fice isn't a word.

0.1% habanero. A tenth of a percent. This is some goddamn homeopathic cuisine right here.

Sever part containing insufficient blood. Find healthy human. Cannibalize for parts.
Blood shortage solved, no need for transfusion.

Side effects of this strategy include being unable to date pisskop

Bloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodblood

did repeatedly punching a giant bronze monstrosity give my dwarfs the incredible insight to observe that it wasn't really doing much?

- I observe that punching the bronze colossus shattered every bone in my arm.

- Legend!

I have a feeling that having the eggs naturally hatch, even if it WAS possible, would be a BAD idea, because lag