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Messages - TrickleJest

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Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Conductor's Jubilee

« on: August 15, 2019, 01:58:19 pm »

Scene V - Seeing in Eights
////(oooo, _ ,oooo)\\\\\

Quote from: King Zultan on August 11, 2019, 07:38:14 am

Now I need to use some of the souls to give my self more health, then use my super donkey powers to punch the speakeasy to death!

You gain 4 more points of HP at the cost of 100 souls! Hey, health doesn't grow on trees. You do, however, fail to kill the speakeasy due to the fact that it was constructed out of the wood of a health tree, and as such exhibits unnatural regeneration. Its ire is earned, and it unhinges from within the ground, hovering over the air, and launches itself at you! You'd better move away if you don't want to be smashed to pieces.

Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 11, 2019, 07:56:02 am

”what do you mean by lazy reality? Do you need help from those webs? The building tipped over”
Amplify my voice so everyone can hear me say the following
“Why is everyone fighting? I died from a fight here and don’t want others to suffer my fate”
Exit the radio and possess a random entity that is currently fighting and lead them out of the Speakeasy, then give back control of their body and observe their reaction

"What do I mean? I'll show you what I mean." he pulls his arm out from the table in a swishing motion, and snaps his fingers. A few cracks materialise in the fabric of reality itself. "It's always trouble when a buncha reality benders gather in one spot. The old thing just can't handle it. Yeesh, and I thought it was bad back in my time. There's gotta be like ten of you chumps here at this point. No surprise that all this spontaneous trickery keeps popping from outta nowhere." he frowns, and shrugs, and continues hiding under the desk.

You possess Bobo. Bobo exits the speakeasy, and then you exit him. However, you find that he immediately disappears, and appears behind you inside the speakeasy. Perhaps you should be more precise with the creature you're possessing. Bobo is simply too powerful.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on August 11, 2019, 09:27:05 am

Having reanimated after what seems like an age of waiting for the next action, shake off the lethargy.

shrug at the malefic girl regarding cults, saying that some of them are, but most just try to destroy the world, which isn't. Point out the spider thing inside the speakeasy, which seems fairly unusual and thusly of interest considering her dad’s status as a reality bender.

"Oh, that thing? Yeah, I've honestly got no idea about that. Probably a result of some horrifying experiment. Reality bending's kinda vague anyway, the stuff I can do is different from the stuff all of you can do, and then that's-- Oh. I probably shouldn't ramble on about that. Someone might be watching. You never know who's watching! That's rule one. Always on your toes." she states, then flashes a smile. She marches on slowly to the speakeasy, attempting to observe the spider.

Quote from: Rockeater on August 11, 2019, 10:53:01 am

I am going to the town, stopping a robbery with my superpower of a sowrd for a hand, proving I am a vigilanty superhero!

Heading off into town, you notice a young dame harassed by a masked assailant. Your goal is clear - prevent a robbery. So you murder the lass in cold blood, and nod to the masked gentleman, good lad, and watch him run off with her belongings. Hey, it's not a robbery now - this way, he was just looting her corpse. You thus prove your status as a vigilanty[sic]!

Quote from: IndigoFenix on August 11, 2019, 01:30:20 pm

As the speakeasy tips over, I slide out of the bathroom, grabbing the gun from my shadow as I fall past it. Tumbling through the air, I shoot the spider.

Somehow, the spider writhes in agony ten seconds before you shoot him. Confused, you fire the gun regardless (+10 points for style!). The bullet spirals across the plummeting speakeasy, bounces off Naturegirl1999's radio antennae, then into the crack in reality generated by the Godfather. From this, you can only conclude that it traveled back in time. You land on your feet in a feline fashion, phew.
The spider takes 5 damage!

Quote from: MedievalParadox on August 11, 2019, 01:54:44 pm

as the Speakeasy flips over, I panic and grab onto the nearest table to use it as a shield. bashing the poor soul who happens to be below me.

You bash Bobo, but then realize that you're not drunk enough to see Bobo, and instead fall into the Godfather's reality crack! You end up in the space outside of space, spiralling into infinite speeds, and you only manage to reach the speed needed to burst out at the end of the update!

Quote from: KitRougard on August 11, 2019, 05:43:10 pm

Inhale as much of the drunken haze as possible, to get stupid drunk as possible. This is beneficial for four reasons!
1: It's easier to bend reality when you barely understand it's current form.
B: If Bobo relies on the drunken haze to exist, then by becoming a source of the drunken haze, Bobo has a reliable existence. And if Bobo is always behind me, then our trust in one another means he always has my back. Bobo is inevitable.
And least, but not last: Becoming one with the haze will confer immunity to the haze! I might have a hell of a hangover if the haze dissipates, but for now?

DRUNKEN BENDING!

Ooh, boy, looks like I've already gotten somewhat drunk. Did I say 4? I meant half of 8. Like, vertical half. The, uh... left side? Yeah, but flipped.

Since you conceive of the "vertical half of 8, flipped" reasons why being drunk is beneficial, 8 flips on its side, becoming infinity, and as such, you now have the vertical half of infinite reasons.
Overcome with drunken energy, you hear footsteps from behind. They seem to be... getting louder? Tap, tap, tap, tap. They're almost inhuman. They're almost inhumanly loud. TAP, TAP, TAP. IT'S COMING FROM YOUR HEAD. BOBO IS ALREADY HERE.

Quote from: TheBiggerFish on August 12, 2019, 11:20:09 pm

An anonymous lady wanders onto the scene.

"Well, this is chaos. About as much as expected, given the freeform nature of this place and the nature of the place surrounding it..."

The lady throws a lit lighter into the spiderwebs! "Now let's have some !!FUN!!."

Welcome to the game!
Unfortunately for you, the spiderweb seems to be a literal lattice of interconnected spider babies instead of a web generated by a spider. The spiderlings shriek in agony. The abominable spider shrieks alongside his children, letting out a terrible screech heard from the inside of your head. The remaining spiders engulf the fire, leaving only a small patch of themselves. Said patch is also chasing you down!

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on August 13, 2019, 08:40:43 am

Mitch have you got news?
any juicy riddles or
some other intel?

you're here as our spy;
put here as an inside man.
by our family.

"the godfather's strong
like some half-baked superman.
find his kryptonite!"

that there was your job.
have you fulfilled any part
of the task at hand?

"Although our people,
Only speak in poetry,
I indeed fooled him.

Of me he thinks well,
A comrade he sees in me,
Gullible buffoon.

Mighty on his perch,
Yet he errs for he is man,
Which I have observed.

Brother, hear my words,
His weakness lies in the fact,
That-"

Mitch suddenly vanishes in a fashion not dissimilar from a hologram. Clapping is heard from the distance, and then a figure seen from within the shadows. Clad in a suit top to bottom, hat completing the look, he enters the domain of light, and you see the smirk across his well-groomed yet child-like face. "Checkmate." he grins. You recognize this man to be multiple-time chess world champion and one of the most prolific chess players of all time, Magnus Carlsen. He shouldn't even be born yet, and even still, he stands before you.

Quote from: JOEBob

I call death to try and buy this chunk of disconnected reality, like, officially. I have some malefic girl hair, and malefic girl was from another reality, right? so by the past prices this price should purchase the purpose of my purpose.

You can't buy this chunk of disconnected reality, because prices work differently here, duh. It doesn't work the same across... disconnected realities in other games! Point is, just try to do something at least somewhat tangential to the game?

The abominable spider watches over all of you carefully. The spider's webs, which turned out to be actual webs made out of spider babies, were burned down thanks to the efforts of TheBiggerFish. The spider doesn't find this very appealing. What it finds even less appealing, however, is that due to King Zultan's action, the entire speakeasy is tumbling down the street. Tables and desks and chairs and everything in between is flying into the air - except for the spider, which was somehow unaffected due to the adhesive properties of its limbs. If you wish your action to be uninterrupted, find a way to work around the chaos. Perhaps you may even stop the speakeasy.

The spider prepares to shoot more spider-webs, but suddenly, MedievalParadox flies off from a nearby crack and jams its spinnerets! The webbing explodes, sending MedievalParadox flying, and coats the alcohol on the floor with tiny spiders. The spider takes an additional 3 points of damage from this. Luckily for the Malefic Girl, she managed to hold onto the speakeasy before it started running down the alleyway, but is barely hanging on to it. Finally, there appears to be some sort of commotion in the basement of the speakeasy, which remains attached for unknown and nonsensical reasons, with atrousCosmocrat and the world chess champion.

The Godfather is exposed from the safety of his desk thanks to the desk flying off into a nearby wall. Now's your chance to get him!

Speakeasy (Tumbling down the street after King Zultan)
Mobster Godfather: 46/50 HP. Naked and afraid! Target him!
Abominable Spider: 8/16 HP. Impervious to the tumbling. Generating more webbing!

Alleyway
Donkey of the Rising Sun: 10/10 HP. Souls remaining: 100.
Malefic Girl: 5/5 HP. Hanging on to dear life!

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Conductor's Jubilee

« on: August 11, 2019, 07:11:21 am »

Scene IV - Alcoholics Autonomous
Drink up, drink down, drink left, right, and into the fourth spatial dimension. And if you even think about bringing up time, reality will slaughter you.

Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 05, 2019, 08:19:27 am

Unknown to the mobster, a ghost haunts this place.
Possess a radio in the speakeasy and say “hello, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to talk, people don’t like it when I use their bodies, so I’m using this radio instead”

Welcome to the game! The radio suddenly turns on, and the Godfather jerks back slightly, startled by the noise.
"A ghost? Reality must be getting real lazy. What's next? A vampire?" he scoffs.

Quote from: IndigoFenix on August 05, 2019, 08:55:38 am

I freeze, but while he is distracted my shadow sneaks around behind him and grabs the gun from his shadow. It then points the gun at the guy.

"Who sent you and why are you here?"

Your shadow swiftly swipes the gun from the man. He stumbles back against the wall, and raises his arms stiffly into the air. "S-so it's true, then. Reality benders really do exist. Damn, I thought, we all thought it was a bunch of bullshit the feds made up for a cheap n' easy excuse to not bother with the Mob. But, I guess it really was too outlandish to be an excuse." he says reluctantly, taking deep breaths.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on August 05, 2019, 10:51:11 am

I use my telepathy to read the mind of the mysterious figure while heading for cover Incase The Godfather try’s to use his whiskeymancy on me again.

”I can’t get to that dastardly fiend with that that dastardly fiend walking around, let’s see what I can learn about him.”

I mutter to myself.

You use telepathy on the figure in the shelves!
...It seems to be... a tad bit difficult to read. Perhaps if you... concentrate harder...

"Flesh flesh flesh flesh..." "Do I hear buzzing? Buzzing... buzzing... Not good." "Prepare web. Shoot at evil men." "One two three five four... One two three four... Four five..." "Buzz... buzz... Buzz bad! Delicious fly flesh bad. Protect. Protect." "Protect man to live, live to protect man." "Bathroom... Strange man. Foreign man. Not good." "Stop thinking. Someone in mind. Mind not safe." "One two one two one two one two." "Bad thing happening. Radio - not safe. Strange men around. Protect." "Someone in head. Not good. Not good. Not good."

Ah! Reading this creature's thoughts seem to give you a headache. Whatever it is, it's not good news.

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on August 05, 2019, 12:22:04 pm

Watching paint drying is an arduous task;
to not faint while trying, take a sip of this flask.
The liquor inside it hides many a wonder:
answers to question like "will this paint dry much longer?"
While slurring his words, the liquor spoke so:
"Can you be much thicker?! It dried long ago!"

So spoke the liquor and lo, it is true.
An astute observation from this wise and aged brew.
With that done and dealt with, I talked to the man
whose mission was over; he now had no plan.
"Mitch, It's your brother, and I need your aid.
Let's kill the godfather, don't make me wait."

I am reality, and my words are as such:
Your liquor pollutes me, perhaps you've had too much.
But alas, my dwellers have for long come to think,
That I'm not good enough, and as such - they will drink.

Mitch ascends from the basement of the speakeasy. Brotherhood is a bond stronger than half of all other bonds.

Quote from: King Zultan on August 06, 2019, 12:22:52 pm

Use the 200 souls I consumed to make my self into the most powerful donkey ever, then punch the speakeasy and see what happens.

You have become the Donkey of the Rising Sun. You punch the speakeasy, and the speakeasy shrieks in pain! It topples over, flipping upside down. Bottles of alcohol smash across the floor. The toxicity levels of the speakeasy spike up yet again.

Quote from: Rockeater on August 06, 2019, 11:42:40 pm

I get a knife and uncompress myself, turning the knife to a huge sowrd, maybe.

You attempt to decompress with the knife, but the enlarged knife fused into your hand in the process! You now have a sword for a hand.

Quote from: Con Air on August 07, 2019, 06:40:13 pm

I spontaneously appear and bash the enemy over the head with a basin.

You attempt to smash the Godfather, but accidentally stick yourself to the webbing around him. Whoops.

Quote from: Naturegirl1999 on August 07, 2019, 06:45:32 pm

Quote from: Con Air on August 07, 2019, 06:40:13 pm
I spontaneously appear and bash the enemy over the head with a basin.
I think actions need to be bolded

Actions don't, in fact, need to be bolded. It's a thing people do for aesthetics, but I accept actions regardless.

Quote from: JOEBob

I take very ordinary knife, and carve the ground of mansion out. I continue carving at the very unreality of the mansion I've bought, gradually seperating it from the rest of the world, until the whole place is disconnected. How do I do it with an ordinary knife? Well, the knife is so ordinary that,even though it's in a bootleg reality, it acts like it's real! this lets it cut through unreality like an ordinary knife through unreality.

You know what? Sure. Your mansion is now disconnected. What next?

Judging by the telepathy conducted by MedievalParadox, the creature in the shelves appears to be inhuman. Hmm, perhaps you'll have to dig deeper to find out what it really is- No, wait, it just crawled out. It's a giant god damn spider abomination. Welp. "Flesh flesh flesh flesh..." it screeches from its abyssal mouths. To make matters worse, the Donkey of the Rising Sun has just tipped the entire speakeasy over. Alcohol toxicity levels rise again, and you'll have to avoid the fumes if you want to make it out alive! Bobo begins materializing in the process. Bobo always returns.

The Malefic Girl rolls around the ground, waiting for her allies to return. Some day!

Speakeasy
Mobster Godfather: 46/50 HP. Protected by sticky webs! Under the protection of the spider.
Abominable Spider: 16/16 HP. Protecting the Mobster. Impervious to the fumes!

Alleyway
Donkey of the Rising Sun: 7/7 HP. Souls consumed: 200.
Malefic Girl: 5/5 HP. How's the cult coming along?

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Conductor's Jubilee

« on: August 05, 2019, 06:37:58 am »

Scene III - Back on Air
It turns out the folks at channel 13 adore us enough to un-cancel the spectacle. This time, it's going to be done right.

Quote from: TricMagic on May 06, 2019, 02:59:15 pm

Using the Dreamland Power to restore myself, offer my services to the Malefic Girl's Cult.

The Power of Dreamland has already met a flashy and fiery end in the donkey's mouth! However, the Malefic Girl seems to know better. "Oh, that? That's nothing! Trust me, I've seen worse." she giggles, sketching away a set of arms, and you suddenly manifest limbs of graphite! Not sure how useful they are, but it's something.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on May 06, 2019, 04:12:17 pm

I enter the Speakeasy and take a deep inhalation of the fog to steady my nerves as I approach The Godfather.

”Alright you no good bootlegger, surrender now and uh, nobody has to die...and by nobody I mean you.”

I say as I shakily hold up the gun to face The Godfather, preparing myself to shoot him if needed, or if I must do it, k-kill him. I try to stop my stutters from entering my thoughts, and focus on my goal of bringing The Godfather to justice.

"Shoot me? I'd like to see you try, kid. If bullets could stop me, I wouldn't be the god damned Godfather." he places his left hand in his left pocket, as is usually done, and idly twirls his index finger with the other. A bottle of alcohol flings up into the air, coated by a green aura! It flies right by your head, almost like a bullet.

Quote from: IndigoFenix on May 06, 2019, 04:17:23 pm

Though slightly confused at the recent events, I ride my Donkey of the Night to the speakeasy and display WyrdByrd's ID - that is to say, my ID - thereby proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am definitely a person and not a flock of birds. That fact being established, I enter the bathroom in search of a coherent plot.

The kind folks at TrickleJest Inc remind you that a coherent plot is currently scheduled to occur after the heat death of the universe. Hey, we've got our priorities.
You enter the bathroom, where you are greeted by the shady man! "Freeze, chump!" he yells out, pulling a gun on you! He looks official-looking, and you can tell thanks to the brown coat and important-looking files stashed in his other hand.

Quote from: WyrdByrd on May 06, 2019, 05:17:57 pm

Get to a phone, and report identity theft. It's annoying that someone ended up stealing up an ID card. After all, I wouldn't want my actions attributed to someone else.

Fortunately, I was able to keep my other form of identification: A passport. That should measure up for any background checks.

You attempt to get to a phone-box, but then realize that you lack money! Damn it. Luckily, there's a fat and sweaty man wearing a top-hat around ten meters away from you, holding a conveniently large sum of money! Do you dare stoop down to petty thievery to prevent petty thievery? Reality is testing you, it seems.

Quote from: KitRougard on May 06, 2019, 07:02:49 pm

"Pfft- Why stab someone yourself, when you've already stabbed them a few dimensions over?"
Kit pulls out an ornate knife, glimmering with poison.
"Like that copper who's bugging you, somewhere I've planted this knife between his eyes. And now, these realities are one!"
He String-Crosses, causing a well-thrown knife to materialize in the policeman's frontal skull. The knife of this dimension vibrates dangerously, as its clone appears.
"And get this - the same item from two dimensions don't mix. So what do they do when they touch? Explode!"
He then throws the knife at the knife, and they violently delete one another, and the face they embedded in.
"Impressed?"

The Godfather turns around for a split second, as if trying to hide the fact that he's impressed, or perhaps he's not impressed at all, and just feels like turning around. "Good on you, kid. Now deal with the others." he gives you a faint smile.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on May 06, 2019, 10:48:56 pm

inquire about the Maleific girl’s attempt to form a cult, what she remembers before hell, and why there is an angry intern and a guy who looks suspiciously like her father dressed as a mafia member.

"I'm not an amnesiac, am I? I remember stuff. There was a bunch of fighting involved, and- Dad! Damn, where is he? Is he here? Did we leave him behind? He can't be dead! He's, you know. He's a reality bender! Not some sorta chump." she looks solemnly at the ground, and then springs back up, as if shoving the prior thought aside. "I dunno anything else, though. And cults are always fun, right?" she clasps her hands together, and sneaks by next to the speakeasy entrance.

Quote from: MeimieFan88 on May 07, 2019, 07:39:18 am

Try and sneak towards the bathroom to look for the figure. Keep an eye out for the other figure, as well as the other other figure, and don't let the suspenseful background music distract me too much. Also make sure Bobo isn't behind me.

You sneak towards the bathroom, avoiding the figure watching you from the highest shelf of the speakeasy (behind the premium Chardo-whatever bottle of what seems to be wine), and the one watching paint dry in a room located far enough away from you where their paint-watching will not be interrupted. Bobo is always behind you. Bobo is inevitable.

You enter the bathroom, where you see someone claiming to be WyrdByrd, and the man you saw prior! He has a gun pointed at WyrdByrd, for reasons that you may find above. (Or not).

Quote from: Rockeater on May 07, 2019, 07:42:08 am

The fact that I am compressed means my actions take space, so I can do two actions, so my action is that I punch the mobster in the face

You punch the Mobster Godfather in the face, but you are too compressed to hit him for some odd reason! It seems that if you want to hit him, you'll have to decompress.

Quote from: Rockeater on May 07, 2019, 07:42:08 am

The fact that I am compressed means my actions take space, so I can do two actions, so my action is that I don't punch the mobster in the face

You don't punch the Mobster Godfather in the face! The Godfather gets a headache, dealing him 2 points of damage!

Quote from: King Zultan on May 07, 2019, 07:59:06 am

Sense I'm the donkey now I'm gonna get rid of this guy that's riding me, then go and eat one of the PETA people sense they can't hurt me as I'm an animal.

You ditch the man claiming to be WyrdByrd, and devour all of PETA! They're powerless to stop your carnage. It simply goes against their rules.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on May 18, 2019, 10:38:16 am

Say hi to my dear friend, Erwin the Fascist Intern. Then, seize the Caucasus and get the Mobster Godfather to drink some tasty oil.

The Fascist Intern does a little jig. It's disgusting. Don't look. He decides to follow you to the ends of the earth.
The Caucasus has been blown up in this realm, by a particularly saccharine explosion! The Godfather tries to drink oil, realizes there is none, and takes a point of damage thanks to dehydration.

Quote from: JOEBob

I give them 8 souls- gotta make sure to tip well- from other microbes in my body like the one i summoned them with, then tip-toe over to malefic girl. Then, I make dramatic wind, blowing some flesh bits or hair or something off them. This stuff comes from another reality! That means I can officially give it to death to get my own reality, i think! To test my theory, I disconnect the chunk of reality my mansion-that-i-now-own-because-nobody-defined-human-souls-as-opposed-to-microbes inhabits from the rest of reality, calling my reality-rending soul-sword to me across realitys, universes, continuities, and Norway to do so. perfecshubluib.
I also wonder why i keep having a typo in the important parts of my posts.

You cannot travel back to your reality, for reasons that involve reasons! You do buy the mansion, however. It's a nice mansion. Large. Pretty cool.

The Godfather realizes that he is being targeted even in the speakeasy! The effects of the speakeasy's aura of toxic liquors seep into the minds of those inside of it. Thanks to the efforts of MeimeFan88, three figures become visible, one hiding carefully in the top shelf of the speakeasy's grand alcohol wall, or perhaps they're a side-effect of the temporary drunkenness? It watches over the players with dangerous and gleaming eyes. The second figure watches paint dry in a distant room of the speakeasy. As for the third, Bobo... Well, Bobo is behind you. Bobo is behind everything.

The Godfather takes this opportunity to hide behind one of the tables, and frantically whistles. The figure from the top shelf suddenly begins shooting webs at those in the speakeasy! He surrounds the table that the Godfather is hiding under with sticky webs, which the Godfather seems to be slightly annoyed at, but should prevent anyone barging in directly.

While the Malefic Girl begins assembling her cult, others flock to the bathroom of the speakeasy to check the commotion, where a shady man has his gun pointed at a man claiming to be WyrdByrd. The Donkey of the Night, who now happens to be King Zultan, has just consumed over 200 people. His rampage knows no bounds, except the bounds of my erratic updating schedule! The fascist intern takes a lesson from his future ideological leader, and shoots himself.

As the drunken haze dissipates, Bobo begins fading away, letting out a small whimper before vanishing. Farewell, my dear child.

Speakeasy
Mobster Godfather: 46/50 HP. Protected by sticky webs! Under the protection of the figure in the shelves.
Figure in the Shelves: Unknown. Watching, quietly.

Alleyway
Donkey of the Night: 7/7 HP. Souls consumed: 200.
Fascist Intern: Dead. Will not be missed.
Malefic Girl: 5/5 HP. How's the cult coming along?

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: 2D? Chess

« on: May 20, 2019, 01:54:19 pm »

King captures? If I understand this right.

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Conductor's Jubilee

« on: May 06, 2019, 02:56:43 pm »

Scene II – Splitscreen
We now interrupt your regular broadcast with… Other Things™! Kinda.

Quote from: TricMagic on April 24, 2019, 03:18:01 pm

Boom.

The Power of Dreamland explodes inside the donkey’s mouth! His jaw is blown off, and his body jolts back, letting out a sad howl of mistreatment. Where did it all go wrong? The Mobster Godfather mourns the death of the donkey. You mourn the death of your hand. It’s looking pretty bad. You should probably fix it. An assortment of spirits, liquors and liqueurs (you don’t actually know the difference) stand before you in the speakeasy.

Quote from: Rockeater on April 24, 2019, 03:22:51 pm

Ah ha, reality is still somewhat broken, I can use that.
I do a repetitive action until reality decide to compress me, I use artifact from that to gain superpowers.

Reality compresses you! Your superpower is just that – being compressed. You guess you can fit through smaller places now? You aren’t actually sure how compressing a living, solid being works. It probably works just as you want it to work.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on April 24, 2019, 03:52:22 pm

...As I noticed what I was doing I facepalmed internally, I assumed I grew past that phase already. Anyways before I go after the Godfather I go over to do a quick check on the Constable (AKA the Police intern) to see if he's dead. Seeing as he is I grab his gun and check it for damage I also check my 3 stats, Vim, Imagination, and Pulchritude to see where they stand at the moment.

"A, Speakeasy huh...well uh, that'll be a good place to increase my Imagination."

I say uncertainly as I start to approach the Hole in the wall.

The Constable (better name, thank you) is, indeed, dead! You pilfer his gun with your quick and roguish fingers, and it appears that the gun actually runs on bullets made of liquor candy, of which there are currently three loaded. Great. The police department doesn’t really have the money to supply every intern with a proper gun.

You check your stats, but notice that you do not currently have any VIM, PULCHRITUDE, or IMAGINATION! You instead inspect your REALITECH, HEXACIOUSNESS, and your own personal third stat, TELEPATHY!

[Insert intricate chart of stats that is too confusing to understand, and which I was too lazy to make.]

As you approach the speakeasy, you notice a slight spike in your HEXACIOUSNESS! It appears that something is influencing it from the inside. You feel a little bit more compelled to kick a certain Mobster’s ass.

Quote from: KitRougard on April 24, 2019, 06:06:13 pm

Aw...
Hug the goat back, and try to use the healing power of HUGS on its wounds.
Then he looked around, and well, he liked this Godfather guy and could probably do with a drink.
"Hey, I'll take that drink!" he says, going with the Godfather into the speakeasy.
Maybe they had clothes that fit in there.

You hug the dead donkey. Suddenly, from beyond the seven abysses, his soul returns to his body! He slowly rises from the ground, looking twice as tall as before, and a thousand times as mighty. His mane, the very same that limply flailed in the weak winds of the city, now spreads as a flame kindled from the ashes of a phoenix, bursting and shifting with nothing but pure might. He looks straight into your eyes - no, deeper yet - he looks into your very core.

“My soul shimmers with the power of your mighty hug. Imbued with the boiling warmth of the hottest pools of magma deep in the core of this forsaken land, and the purest love felt by a billion mothers to their newly born children all in unison, I have been dragged back to impose divine justice. I see it now, the world moving together as one, my thoughts running deep like roots to every corner. Thank you.” His voice resonates through every bone in your body and every crevice in your mind. You can’t muster any words. He nods understandingly, and lets out one last triumphant hee-haw. You have no doubt that you will remember it for eons to come.

…

Then you snap out of it. Whew. That was something. You walk into the speakeasy. The Mobster Godfather quickly turns around and grabs a drink, trying to look as cool and mysterious as possible, but seeing as how the speakeasy is deserted, only appears to look goofy. “Hey, you said you need some clothes? Fine. Guess I’m recruiting. You lot are a lot more trouble than I thought.” he frowns, and hands you a shirt and a hat. Both are too big. Way too big. You guess that you’re just cursed in the clothes department. Oh well, the Godfather is watching intently, and it would feel really awkward to just walk away. You reluctantly put both on, and- wait a second. You notice that “I <3 MG” is emblazoned in big and bold letters on both the shirt and the hat. You assume MG stands for Mobster Godfather? God, this guy really likes to lay it on thick. “Now go stab someone or somethin’, I don’t know.” he commands you.

Quote from: MeimieFan88 on April 24, 2019, 07:22:42 pm

I watch in horror as the noble apprentice lawman is trounced by the savage donkeybeast. I crumble to the ground, covering my eyes and repeating prayers of light and justice as fast as the words would come to my mouth.

Hesitantly opening my eyes again, I see the fuzzy outline of a mysterious figure hover briefly over the fallen lawman, before going after the donkeybeast and its unholy rider into the dark crypt ahead. Another lawman?... or perhaps someone else?... I can only hope that the same fate does not befall them. Gathering my courage, I follow after the brave soul, careful not to be spotted by any of the crypt's lurking residents, most especially the donkeybeast.

A figure? Surely, there is no figure! It’d be absurd for there to be someone who was unaccounted for, especially when- wait, what is that sound? You swiftly spin on your heel, and catch another glimpse of a figure in a trench coat! He appears to have just entered the bathroom of the speakeasy. The donkey and the Godfather both are standing idly in the very center of the establishment. Getting past them will be tricky indeed.

Quote from: WyrdByrd on April 25, 2019, 10:06:21 am

Steal WyrdByrd's identity. My actions will now be regarded as WyrdByrd's, and WyrdByrd's actions are attributed to a nameless non-entity.

Charge into the fray. Use my shadow-puppet abilities to give the flock of birds extra legs, and make the legs kick all the carnival-goer's asses./b]

You… successfully pull that off, somehow! Seeing as how you now have access to WyrdByrd’s- Uh, I mean, your shadow-puppet skills, you successfully hop on the (now revived) donkey’s back! You are now the rider of the night. What you do with your newfound steed?

Quote from: King Zultan on April 25, 2019, 07:35:20 am

Mindmeld with the donkey and become the donkey, then bite off TricMagic's arm.

You are now the donkey of the night, and atop you sits your newfound rider. However, you have a mind of your own, a mighty mind at that (especially after dying and being revived with the power of HUGS) and your will won’t bend! You charge straight at TricMagic and bite off his remaining hand, seeing as how the first one already exploded in his post. What a shocking turn of events!

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on April 25, 2019, 07:36:19 am

In F or F, you chose for flight, much to my dismay
You dissapointed everyone by attempting an entree
into the speakeasy, that foul and vile, accursed place.
Therefore and thus, you must be stopped with violence to your face.
I'll knock the teeth right out your jaw, tear vocal chords from neck.
because you miss the means to speak, you'll never pass their check.
They won't admit a mute like you; it's really for the best.
for if you can't speak easily then there you cannot rest!

You use the fabled powers of PUNTECH to prevent the Godfather from speaking! As such, the speakeasy becomes the speak-difficult, and the Godfather takes 2 damage from the torn vocal chords! His vocal chords, however, seem to be able to talk on their own! “Hey, it’ll take a lot more than that to make someone with a mouth as big as mine shut up for good!” his vocal chords laugh, and then tangle themselves across your arm in some sort of weird tentacle-esque hold.

Quote from: WyrdByrd on April 25, 2019, 10:06:21 am

Steal WyrdByrd's identity. My actions will now be regarded as WyrdByrd's, and WyrdByrd's actions are attributed to a nameless non-entity.

Charge into the fray. Use my shadow-puppet abilities to give the flock of birds extra legs, and make the legs kick all the carnival-goer's asses./b]

You re-steal your identity! The other WyrdByrd, formerly IndigoFenix, is now attributed as the Nameless Non-Entity, at least until he finds some other identity. The post above is not impacted, however! Nevertheless, you find that even though you technically submitted two actions in this round (one action being performed by IndigoFenix with your identity), the game registers them anyway, considering there was never a rule prohibiting more than one action, or any rules at all, for that matter.

You do not have access to the skill that allows IndigoFenix to assume control of a flock of birds, seeing as how you are WyrdByrd. IndigoFenix’s power is still attributed to his identity, even if nobody on the field currently assumes it! You do manage to conjure up some stray puppet legs to kick a few asses in the carnival, and take delight in the plethora of sad hee-haws generated from this mischievous act. Suddenly, you see a hysterical mob conflating from within the carnival, torches and pitchforks and all. Oh my god. They’re wearing PETA shirts. It seems as if excessive asskickery has summoned the rage of PETA! You should be careful if you don't want them to destroy you. The power of angry activists trumps all in this miserable little world.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on April 26, 2019, 04:47:05 pm

Well, it seems like you want a war! Call the Wehrmacht to my aid, and Albert Speer the donkey through its behind.

You dial 1488. Unfortunately, it is most likely that the local fascists are too busy jamming out at the yet-to-be-manifested caverns of the vast abyss, seeing as how this game takes place in some sort of weird amalgamate of America in the 20s! An intern is sent instead. Yes, somehow, even the Nazis have interns. "HALLO. GIBST ES EIN PROBLEM?!" he shouts in a horrid and raspy voice fit for Lovecraftian abominations. Even by just standing there, he releases a vile and malicious BRAINWASHING HYPERMAJYYK that you can only infer to be a healthy supply of the infamous FRAME stat. “Crap! The Gestapo!” the Godfather yells hysterically, and jumps under one of the speakeasy tables.

You suddenly realize that you have been caught in a classically TrickleJestian callback via a crappy rendition of the response to MeimeFan88’s post in the first update. This revelation is so groundbreaking that you fail to Albert Speer the donkey. Definitely not because the GM doesn’t know who Albert Speer is or what he did. Did I mention how great my knowledge of history is?

Quote from: Dustan Hache on April 26, 2019, 06:02:56 pm

somehow reappear from the shattered reality with the Malefic Girl from that reality. Attempt to cast resurrection on her!

You reappear, dragging the corpse of the Malefic Girl. Somehow, through the bullshit magic of cross-universal hyper-bullshit travel, the Malefic Girl is revived! “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” she shrieks, her body suddenly jolting awake. “Oh my god. I-I swear I just saw a pool of lava, and-and a bunch of, like, little red people with horns and shit! They were walking around with knives and stabbing each other and shit! Fucking knives! Really sharp ones! Oh god… Oh my god… I was in Hell!! I… I actually literally went to Hell! Holy shit! No, no, there’s no way that I’m actually- I mean, Hell’s for, like, Nazis and stuff! There’s no way I’m that bad!” she gasps, panting for breath. She runs one hand through her hair, which looks a bit disheveled from the ride here, and takes deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out. She exhales deeply one last time, and places both of her hands on her knees. You look at her a little puzzled.

“I… I need to turn my life around! Yeah. I can’t go to Hell again. I need to, like, do virtuous stuff, like giving hair to cancer charities and feeding orphans. Damn it! Why is being not malefic so hard? Where are we, anyway?” she stands up, frowning slightly, and brushes off some dust from her shirt. “My dad always told me that if I get stranded, the first thing I should do is start a cult. We should totally start a cult. WAIT! Are cults evil? Not all cults, right? Religion is practically a cult! You know, I’m sure it’s fine. They’ll probably give me a pass anyway.” she looks around, and starts heading in the direction of the speakeasy. You shrug and follow behind her.

Quote from: JOEBob

seeing the Mobster Godfather's hostility, I hurriedly explain that no, I just don't have a clue what a speakeasy is -is it even a word? i feel like that's spelled wrong-, and was a bit distracted from it. If he has any idea how I can buy myself a realty- bootleg or otherwise- I'd love to do business with him.
Otherwise, i'm mostly here to watch. bound to be amusing!

While explaining this, I kill one of the microbes in my body. naturally, it has a soul, and Death comes to pick it up. without moving an inch, I smile and wave at Death. I ask it what the price is for a pocket reality around here. one quid? two grand? something without an ambiguous or esoteric currency-related term? I'm listening, mate. Gotta talk to the competition, you understand! helps keep prices low.

“It ain’t spelled wrong! And who the hell doesn’t know what a speakeasy is?!” he shouts at you. It seems that timeframe shenanigans make certain words appear completely alien to you, while the Mobster Godfather treats it as an everyday occurrence. You ask him how you can buy “realty”, and he looks at you with a bit of a puzzled expression. “I guess… I guess you’d need a real estate agent for that? Not really sure why you need realty, but whatever floats your boat.” he says.

You try to summon death, but instead summon a real estate agent! He explains to you that there’s a mansion you can buy just across the street for the whopping price of seven souls! Realty is expensive these days, you know.

The Man is still patrolling the speakeasy! His revived donkey (mind-melded with KingZultan), back from the gaping abyss, stands beside him. A shady man appears to have snuck by into the bathroom of the speakeasy. From the impacts of the battle, smashed bottles of alcohol create a horrid stench on the now-shard-littered floor of the shady establishment. It almost creates a thick fog of drunkenness, difficult to maneuverer in, and harder yet to escape from! The Mobster Godfather appears to be impervious to these effects.

The players aren’t looking very hot, either. Both of TricMagic’s hands have been lost to the deadly grip of the donkey. WyrdByrd and IndigoFenix appear to be having a metafictional showdown of wits! Also, fascists! Yes, you heard that right, there’s literally a Nazi intern on the field. Reality appears to be grumpy, and frowns in a curmudgeonly manner at the variety of FUN and EXCITING options, pointing at the Mobster Godfather with a huge and vile finger. Reality can really be a killjoy at times.

Suddenly, reality pauses in its tracks, noticing the Malefic Girl, alive and well! After a good few seconds of dramatic pausing, it stares at Dustan Hache in a “what have you done” sort of manner! Dustan appears oblivious. Reality would scream, but it has no mouth, and no actual features for that matter, aside from the ones ascribed to it by the author of this miserable tale. What a travesty to the balanced and non-conflicting order of universes!

Speakeasy
Mobster Godfather: 49/50 HP. Currently patrolling the speakeasy!

Alleyway
Donkey of the Night: 7/7 HP. He is the one who kicks.
Fascist Intern: 5/5 HP. I’d rather not comment on this one.
Malefic Girl: 5/5 HP. About to start a cult!

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Conductor's Jubilee

« on: April 24, 2019, 02:59:14 pm »

Scene I - Redoings
I seem to be running a little late. Hopefully, you can excuse my tardiness. Things are busy in the afterworld.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on April 18, 2019, 02:59:29 pm

"Oy, mate. Nice gang. Can I join?"

The man's body jolts upright, like a limp marionette whose strings have just been suddenly tightened. He fumbles around a bit, popping out of the otherwise stationary and uncaring backdrop of the abandoned alleyway. Now you can see he's there. "Oy yourself! Frankly, I don't know what in God's name you're blabbering on about! I ain't got a gang! You're tooting up the wrong ringer, pal!" he says. His voice is gruff and gravelly, but the frantic nature of his retorts knock his words off their direct course to your mind. Instead, they swivel and spin in the air, descending lazily down upon you. Something's off.

Quote from: Rockeater on April 18, 2019, 03:02:55 pm

"It was done, the man and his daughter are dead, now, can you tell me who the fuck they were?"

"D-daughter? Oh, is that what this is all about? Real funny! You some sorta hired guns? Does the name D ring a bell?" he yells out. Some of you flinch, naturally. A light smirk forms on his otherwise rough and jagged face. "Thought so. Guess there's no need for further talk, eh?" he chuckles, pulling out an oddly familiar knife from under his coat as mechanically and gracefully as a swordsman unsheathing his blade. He wields it calmly, his hold strong yet not too strong, as if confident in his current power.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on April 18, 2019, 03:10:37 pm

Quote from: Rockeater on April 18, 2019, 03:02:55 pm
"It was done, the man and his daughter are dead, now, can you tell me who the fuck they were?"
context
"Yeah, those two... three? were weird. Did they hurt you? Point to where they touched you on the doll."

The man suddenly appears beside you. He flails his knife in the air with the technique of a professional cook slicing vegetables for a salad that is about to be appraised by a Michelin inspector (of course, he does not know that the inspector is a Michelin inspector, since Michelin inspectors are known to be extremely elusive and highly anonymous). His knife touches neither the doll nor you, but in a split second, he ceases suddenly, his knife still in mid air. You blink. He doesn't move. The outer skin of the doll peels off. You feel a slight droplet of blood run down your cheek. Good thing you don't have an HP bar.

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on April 18, 2019, 03:17:21 pm

Teehee teehum!

joy is me and joy shall be you!

In these days of mirth and merriment, it shall be forbidden to grump and grouch!

Will you join these good folk in their festivities or must I coerce you with threats of piscine punishment?

I am afraid this is your last chance to avoid the karmic carp...

Still not even the slightest of smiles? Well then!

I shove a day-old fish into the man's windpipe.

Your fish puns do not go unappreciated, as the man chokes on them, your genius falling flat on his plebeian mind. Or maybe it's because he has other things to worry about, like a fish stuck in his windpipe. Carp-ma from another life allows you to miraculously strike one point of damage. Nobody escapes the cycle of salmon-sara. The man coughs the fish up, still somehow flopping mindlessly. The man, I mean. It's very disconcerting.

Quote from: King Zultan on April 18, 2019, 03:39:08 pm

"Whats everyone doing standing around this guy, aren't we supposed to be kicking his ass?"

The Mobster Godfather's pet donkey hee-haws, releasing his pent-up concern. He's wearing a hat that says "don't kick the ass".

Quote from: TricMagic on April 18, 2019, 05:08:30 pm

Come from the previous game with the Power of Dreamland in hand. Kick their asses, all of them.

You arrive with the Power of Dreamland in your hand! You kick the Mobster Godfather's pet donkey (his glorious debut documented one post above) and deal 2 points of damage, and then kick the donkeys of multiple other bystanders. Furious, the Mobster's donkey points at his hat, and then momentarily charges at you, soaring through the air with the grace of a ballerina, and lands teeth-first into your arm. It appears to be almost entirely in his mouth, and boy does it hurt. Worse yet, this is the hand that you had the Power of Dreamland in! While the donkey is biting into your arm, you are unable to access it.

Quote from: KitRougard on April 18, 2019, 05:32:07 pm

Huh, I'm here now, with a savagely adorable wolf-dog-pupper on a leash. He is my wolf-dog-pupper, after he got jacked from another dimension and his owner here died.
Poor wolf-dog-pupper.
...
JESUS MY CLOTHES ARE STILL TIGHT.
Cross realities with one where I have clothes that fit properly, my gods!

You attempt to cross realities, but your REALITECH is lacking from the trip here, and the REALITY CLIMATE seems far too STABLE in this particular area to perform such a feat! The Mobster's donkey offers you a hug of pure unadulterated empathy.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on April 18, 2019, 10:01:57 pm

”.....”

As I look around at the others, with two of them coming back from a job from The Godfather and one of them wanting to join his crew, and the one guy trying to choke him with a fish, of all things, I realize that I might’ve gotten mixed up in the wrong cores while looking for some downtime, anyways I stay quiet and decide to use some Telepathy to get a read on The Godfather, while trying not to look too out of place.

Your telepathy yields you the Godfather's name: "Charles Jay", apparently. You tilt your head a bit to the side, your expression still a bit confused. It almost seems too easy. Aren't names of diabolical villains supposed to be shrouded in thirteen layers of mystery, or something like that?

You try not to look out of place, but your telepathy technique basically makes you strain yourself so hard that everyone around you knows something suspicious is happening. That, or you're just trying to unload a dump right in front of them. Unfortunately, the Godfather seems to have picked up on your ability, and somehow manages to use it as a two-way link to his advantage. It appears that he was able to read your mind as well! "So you can bend reality too, eh? It's been a while since someone like you was hired to make me croak." he says.

Quote from: The_Two_Eternities on April 19, 2019, 12:36:47 am

Offer the Mobster Godfather a shave.

You stare intently at the Godfather's stubble, holding out a razor in your hands. "Uh...uhm... S-sure, I guess?" he gulps.
After an overly intimate (and at times vaguely unsafe) half hour, you pull back. The kerchief wrapped around the Godfather drops down, as if a baptized child brought up from within his wrappings, and his cleanly shaven face rises like the morning sun in the face of the dreary night sky. It's... it's almost beautiful. You wipe away a tear with your vacant hand. The other still clutches the razor. "W...wow. I mean, it's hard to mess up a shave, but, this is somethin' else!" he looks in awe at his face, gleaming at him from a pocket mirror. This is why you get out of bed in the morning. This is it. This is your true life calling.

Quote from: MeimieFan88 on April 19, 2019, 03:03:36 am

Report these suspicious activities to the local authorities!

You dial 911. Unfortunately, it is most likely that the authorities are too busy jamming out at the carnival! An intern is sent instead. Yes, somehow, even the police have interns. "'Ello, is there a p-problem?" he stutters, and then looks to the right. His eyes widen, pupils dilate, a drop of sweat rolls down, his body jerks back, and then he steps two steps forward, puffing his chest out, and pulls out his gun, fumbling through it. For some reason, he doesn't think to actually aim it. It seems, however, that even this pathetic display is enough to scare the Godfather off. "Crap! A cop!" he shrieks, and cowers behind one of the many barrels scattered around the street, much like a scared critter.

Quote from: IndigoFenix on April 20, 2019, 12:35:54 pm

A vague presence or spirit of curiosity flits like a ghost through the mind of every bird in the city. Combining the mental capabilities of several subjects at once, it approximates something not entirely unlike a human mind. It can just barely remember something about a fight with a strange man and his daughter, and rifling through the contents of a scattered mind...if it was not just a dream.

For now, it decides to rest and let its avian hosts take control.

Be a bunch of birds. Try to steal food and shiny objects and keep an eye out for anything suspicious or interesting.

You are now a bunch of birds. You flock in search of something shiny, and make your way to the carnival of shadows. You pocket a few breadcrumbs - it's almost unnavigable in this commotion, but you manage to steal the wallet of an unsuspecting man. Not only is he an unsuspecting man, but he is, in fact, the player right below you. It seems as if even in a stabler world, traces of reality screw-ups and reach-arounds still persists.

Quote from: WyrdByrd on April 21, 2019, 10:12:54 pm

Dance, and enjoy the Carnival of Shadows.

You enjoy the carnival of shadows, and make your way through the spirits and souls that inhabit fleshy vessels. You almost walk through them. It's warm, huddled in like this, and yet as cold as it ever was, in this carnival, secluded, the rest of the gray and lightless city surrounding you. It feels like you're missing something. You stare out in the night sky, and it dances along with the carnival - a dance of emptiness. Suddenly, a flock of birds steal your wallet! You are snapped out of your trance. The birds are, in fact, the poster above you. It brings towards you a familiar feeling, and yet you must still get it back!

Quote from: JOEBob

this is mm2 right then i can post here yes totally
I point out that bold hair is the same colour draco malfoy had, which is a person who was dumb enough to cast a cursed, person-seaking, super-destructive, magic-breaking fire he couldn't control in a magically expanded space full of possibly-explosive magic items when there's a war going on just to catch a single teenager when a sleep spell would suffice.
This will lower his intelect until he sufficiently differentiates him from Draco Malfoy for it to be invalid. for example, he can become a poor, humble, brown-haired person. if he's humble enough to do such a deed.

You try to turn the Godfather into a poor and humble brown-haired person! However, you point out the wrong color, using "bold" instead of "blond"! This causes the Godfather to go bald! He looks in despair at his fallen hair, and then covers his head up with a fedora.

The Man looks up at you from within the barrel. "Alright, I see now that I misjudged you! How's about we settle this like a group of respectable men? I own a speakeasy right around here, if you want, I can treat you all to a drink...?" he puts his knife in his coat and slowly stands up, backing out. Total silence. "Fine, then! If it's a war you want, then it's a war you'll get!" he suddenly lunges towards his donkey, who lets out a despondent noise under the weight of his jump. He points towards one of the buildings, and the donkey gallops towards it, still carrying TricMagic's arm, making him skid down across the ground.

The donkey runs over the intern, who doesn't actually get injured from it, but dies from fear as the donkey approaches him. A tragic and heroic death. The donkey then crashes into the building it was directed to, a loud bang, hee-haws of pain from the donkey, and splinters flying through the air, and a cacophony of colors, lights and alcohol spill out from within the Godfather's speakeasy. Especially alcohol.

Mobster Godfather: 49/50 HP. Currently retreating into speakeasy!!
Godfather's Donkey: 3/5 HP. Don't kick him, please!

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Malefic Minds

« on: April 18, 2019, 02:54:38 pm »

Thanks for the suggestions! And thank you VERY much for playing. I'll probably type up something more profound tomorrow when I'm less tired, but honestly, really, thanks a lot for sticking through even if I couldn't update with a rational and balanced schedule. But I promise to at least try and do better! For now, a new thread is posted, and a new adventure begins. I'd love to react to some of your commands here, and I might get around to typing an actual conclusion involving those a bit later, but if you voted for New Game+ (which it seems all of you did), please find the new thread HERE.

Happy murdering!

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Conductor's Jubilee

« on: April 18, 2019, 02:51:43 pm »

Conductor's Jubilee: Seven Years of Void and Zilch

The city is enjoying a carnival. As with any carnival, masked faces and listless expressions, almost apathetic to the going-ons around them, shift through a flurry of colors and lights and emotions. You slip out with a group of people in the midst of the climax. Sometimes, not even you can handle losing your identity to a few cheap laughs and more than a few drinks. The rest of the city feels cold and despondent, almost made to contrast the warm and slightly flaming feeling that the center radiates. The air here is musty and the ground - slightly wet, but it’s a familiar feeling, and above that, a nice change of pace.

You pause for a moment. A man sits alone on a rusty orange pipe, sticking out from the ground like a sickly tree. The pipe stretches out, traveling far and beyond the city, as if a spider’s web, the city all within its grasp. If memory serves you right, this man is the notorious Mobster Godfather. Why would he be sitting out here alone in this hour? It must be him, he looks just as the rumors say: blonde hair, shaggy, wearing a long overcoat, and very menacing. He and his petty gang of mooks swindled you out of your money on more than one occasion. Yes, you have determined it to be him, and you will make sure that your fist of justice lands into him, face-first.

Mobster Godfather: 50/50 HP.

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Malefic Minds

« on: April 10, 2019, 01:01:35 pm »

Episode 11 - My Personal Sweet Release™ Kit: To the Abyss, and Beyond!
Today, I tower over the abyss. Tomorrow, I will be one with it.

Quote from: JOEBob

I use my ownership of the pocket to increase my power on the pocket, then use that power to raise the quality of reality, making it less bootlet. After casting a time-speedup-spell, I repeat this cycle exponentially, then bend space in my pocket of reality to make it not small. Then, I take the sword I used to cut the reality off in the first place, and toss it back into bootleg reality so it'll glitch through the floor and appear in the Malefic man's chest.
Lastly, I set up a scanner to locate the Reality window/seam MM spoke of here:
"I saw it with my own two eyes(...) I saw him. Me. Only for a short while, when reality was at a bad point, there was a teensy tiny little window into something bigger. I could feel it, that place - It was magnificent. I was there. I was the main character! And everyone else? Just extras. Standing below my feet! I saw myself, I saw myself and I was perfect. They tried to kill me for, what, a year? They chased me down for a year and they couldn't even know me down! "

This section of the multiverse seems like it's having trouble, and since I don't know what happens when a universe explodes, I'd rather not be around when it ends.

Your power increases! It doesn't really matter, though. The universe is crumbling as we speak.
You locate a seam. It brings you to the very bottom. The very bottom of this post, I mean. You are presented with an opportunity.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on April 02, 2019, 02:04:25 pm

yes lol
Shoot both of them.

Your fingers curl into position, as if holding a spoon, or a pencil. They remember the anatomy of the gun, and almost sink into it. Your hands grip the handle, holding it firmly, a bit hard, not hard enough to go numb, or to shake, but hard enough where if someone tried to grab it, you'd be able to resist just long enough to pull the trigger. One finger on the trigger. You pull it. It makes a satisfying snap- no, more like a crack, and jerks back. God, you feel like such a badass.

Quote from: IndigoFenix on April 02, 2019, 02:08:35 pm

"Wait! We shouldn't kill them at least until we know what's going on."

Block the bullets with birds. Also block any other attack that can be plausibly blocked by a small number of birds. Meanwhile, peruse the papers and try to figure out what's going on.

You direct one of the birds to block the shot. A courageous avian soldier, chosen by the dark and dreary hand of death itself, charges at the bullet. Unthinking. In the span of a nanosecond, his entire bird life flashes before his eyes. And yet he does not think.
Splat. Smells like fried chicken.

The notecards suddenly start flashing. It looks like the Malefic Man is gripping on to life with his last bit of strength. You run at the giant pile, and the wind carries a single stray piece right into your face. You pause, taking and reading it. "This message will only appear if I'm dying. The rest of the messages will soon wither away. Listen carefully. If you want to know more, there is still hope. Find another me." You stand there, staring into it. Another me. Another... me... You read the words over in different voices. Again, and again, and again. And yet they still don't make much sense at all.

Quote from: Rockeater on April 02, 2019, 02:17:13 pm

I use the needle I think I have to go back to reality

You go back to reality, where you are faced with two corpses. Yeesh. Unreality seems great in comparison.

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on April 02, 2019, 02:29:37 pm

To all but fools it is obvious that this is trickery, merely jest. It matters not whether mr. and ms malefic maintain their malformed existence on this plane or on the malebolge. these two are puppets, stuffed animals to have ultra-violent tea-parties with. Nevertheless, i have developed true loathing for the underage succubus (is this what the degenerates call a loli?) and thus i must stab her, truly and rightiously.

no matter the state of her life or unlife, no matter what she is doing or what is being done to her (yes, even if dustan has plunged his metaphorical dagger into her), i submerge the blade of my non-metaphorical dagger into her accursed flesh.

the male adult on the other hand may prove useful to me, so again i strike the core of the thing with my dagger. Afterwards i slice him open, and flay him, and wear his skin.

He who wears the malefic becomes the malefic.

I do thus I am.

Crshhh. Your knife slides smoothly into her skin. Like butter. Her clothes are soon soaked, and the ice beneath her turns red.
You wear the Malefic Man's skin. You suddenly become Malefic... Not because of some weird properties with the skin, no - It's just because you sliced a guy open and stole his skin. Sounds pretty Malefic to me. The Malefic Man dies.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on April 02, 2019, 04:09:47 pm

I approach the tablet in curiosity. “Well while my physical form is hyped on adrenaline, I might as well use this to the best of my considerable mental powers, and telekinetic powers if applicable.”

Your powers allow the tablet to be reconstructed in its entirety! You now possess a perfect replica, including what's on the back. So you look at the back.
It's a picture of the Malefic Girl with wings. You are slightly disappointed, but unsure of what else could have actually been there. Your adrenaline-hopped mind puts the pieces together - It appears the Malefic Girl's power is to make drawings become reality, but only unless she is the only one who has seen those drawings. Nevertheless, destroying them will also similarly reverse the effect. Pretty simple.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on April 02, 2019, 04:53:44 pm

”Nonononono-“
Attempt to shield the malific girl from harm with my critcially damaged body and cast the most powerful healing spell i know on her!

You shield the Malefic Girl from damage! She miraculously survives the stab wound, but as you specified that you are critically damaged, you end up dying while shielding her. A valiant death.

Quote from: TricMagic on April 02, 2019, 05:03:39 pm

Dream the Dream. Pull their mind and soul into unreality and give them life once more with the Power of Dreamland.

Together, we are the Boss now, let's crush them within Unreality!

You dream the dream. Unfortunately, both the Malefic Man's mind and soul has already been destroyed. The Malefic Girl is alive, but pulling her mind and soul out would kill her. Truly a dilemma. The dream sighs along with you.

Quote from: King Zultan on April 03, 2019, 04:00:04 am

Beat the malific girl' head in the with a crowbar.

Whup. You raise the crowbar up, 90 degrees, and it hovers for a second or two, just for a bit, almost standing in the air, high and mighty, controlling life itself, before... Smash. It slams right into her head. Her body twitches slightly. It leaves behind a nasty dent, like on an old car. The Malefic Girl dies.

Quote from: Leodanny on April 03, 2019, 10:14:09 am

Wait it updated? Clearly this is some sort of black magic. Totally wasn’t me.
I block the birds before they can block bullets, and kick the two Malefic people for safety.
“Ow! Dustan, no biting. Also, you can’t speak, silence backfired, remember?”

You block the birds! Really, this only means you get shot yourself, since the birds were blocking the Malefic Man but no matter - your mission is successful. The Malefic Man and the Malefic Girl are dead.

Let's have a brief status overview.
Malefic Man: -1 from anaphaxeton, +1 from IndigoFenix, -1 from atrousCosmocrat, -1 from LeoDanny (for good measure). Final status: Dead.
Malefic Girl: -1 from anaphaxeton, +1 from IndigoFenix, -1 from atrousCosmocrat, +1 from Dustan Hache, -1 from King Zultan, -1 from LeoDanny (for good measure). Final status: Dead.

11 episodes, a whole bunch of anachronism, a handful of reality-bending, and a good few weeks between each update due to the absence of a proper schedule on my end, the adventure is over. Thank you so very, very much for playing my game. It really is just a silly back-and-forth, trying to stab this imaginary text guy, and then unstabbing him, and going all the way over. Really, I'm surprised anyone tried unstabbing him. I did mention murdering him as the main point of the game. But isn't that what's so great about this? Anything can, and usually does happen.

You voted to kill the Malefic Man and the Malefic Girl. Long live democracy. But if the UK can advocate to override votes, why can't you? Democracy is dead. Democracy died a long time ago, but takes victims long after its death. And if it can cheat death, so can we.

You are presented with an opportunity.
New Game+. A longer and more fulfilling game, hopefully more effort on my end, maybe more effort on my end- eh, who am I kidding.
End it. It's been fun, but back-and-forth stabbing gets old after a while. An unsatisfying end, but an end nonetheless.

No back-and-forth bullshit here, I promise. I'll tally up the votes, nice and fair, and come to a conclusion. So decide! You have all the time in the world. Which, according to my estimates, is a few days.

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Malefic Minds

« on: April 02, 2019, 01:59:21 pm »

Episode 10 – Malefic Minds
It’s plural this time. There’s a difference. I promise.

Quote from: JOEBob

I follow rockeater in a manner so stealthy, they figure out I'm following them before I even start. then, once they look, and discover i'm not currently following them, I begin to actually follow them, but they assume its a false alarm from last time. In this manner,I arrive in the new reality they're going to, and, completely unnoticed, fill a bottle with some air from said reality, which I condense into a solid, making it an object, before returning to my pocket reality and making it my pocket reality.

Congratulations! The Grim Reaper allows you to take control. What will you do now?

Quote from: TricMagic on January 17, 2019, 09:46:11 am

Turn the Air into Solar Plasma! And slip back into unreality as I do so.

The air has become solar plasma! It erupts viciously and clears a nice and clean patch in the ice, hopefully allowing your teammates to take refuge within it, and it does so in a very unscientific way at that, but the plasma doesn’t care, because it’s plasma, and everyone knows that plasma does as plasma wants.
You slip into unreality! The Power of Dreamland is yours. What will you do with it?

Quote from: King Zultan on January 17, 2019, 10:27:05 am

Cut open Dustan Hache's stomach and get the tablet out and read it.

Dustan Hache’s stomach has been penetrated! He fails to react in time. You read the tablet’s front, and see an image of the Malefic Girl, as stated above. You do read the front, but fail to specify to read the back, and as such, the tablet, covered in all sorts of gooey stomach bits, slips out from within your fingers and back into Dustan’s stomach. If only you had more time.

Quote from: IndigoFenix on January 17, 2019, 10:47:04 am

Open up a portal between the inside of the Malefic Man's mind and the half of my flock still left outside. Break up my flock into a bunch of individual birds which set upon the papers and carry them away through the portal. Devoid of his memories, the Malefic Man will be a mindless vegetable. We can sort through the pages when the battle is done.

The Malefic Man has slipped into a vegetative state! The Malefic Girl looks unfazed. “Ugh, is he taking a nap again or something? Do people his age even take naps like that? Eh, whatever. Old people.” she groans. This just took a turn for the severely morbid.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on January 17, 2019, 11:30:02 am

Conjure a magical barrier around myself to prevent the others from attacking me or getting the tablet! Also, cast healing magics on the malefic girl!

You create a barrier! The tablet returns to its previous state within your stomach. The Malefic Girl regains 2 HP! She smiles and waves at you from the sky. The Malefic Man, now in what seems to be a memory less coma thanks to IndigoFenix, is too busy being in a coma to notice.

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on January 17, 2019, 05:34:14 pm

Canto I

In this world of gods and men, one should trust all but themselves. Too many have been hurt self-sacrifice, intended or not. The leading cause of this fatal sickness plaguing society itself, of course, is love; Love for their spouse, their kids, their friends, family, their city, country humanity or even mother earth herself. Apart from the contagion of so called righteous self-sacrifice, foolishly acting on the idea that other living breathing, sentient beings exist who need their life and health more than you do, love has created another pandemic: Loss.

Canto II

loss noun
\ ˈlȯs \
Definition of loss
1 : DESTRUCTION, RUIN
to save the world from utter loss
— John Milton
2a : the act of losing possession : DEPRIVATION
loss of sight
b : the harm or privation resulting from loss or separation
bore up bravely under the loss of both parents
c : an instance of losing
His death was a loss to all who knew him.
3 : a person or thing or an amount that is lost: such as
a losses plural : killed, wounded, or captured soldiers
His regiment suffered terrible losses.
b : the power diminution of a circuit or circuit element corresponding to conversion of electrical energy into heat by resistance.

Loss is pain. Loss is Anguish. Loss is agony.

This so called heartache, achieved by losing something or someone that was once yours, would without a doubt not exist without love.

Loss has caused many atrocities, suicides, homicides, and within the unseen trenches of the heavenly war none know of, yet all act in, even deicide.

Thus we, collectively, must come to the conclusion that love has caused all ill that exists withing this world.

One might object: What about all those wars caused by a meriad of things, Greed, Religion, Revenge? Well, all things listed are just other aspects of love. Greed is obvious: a love of wealth, possession, money. Revenge, too, is easy to pin down: To be vengeful, one must have something to avenge, something they loved, something they lost. Religion is trickier, but rest assured, it can be done: wars fought over religion exist in two types, those fought for zeal and those fought for protection of the religion. Zeal is naught but an extreme love for a fictional father figure, a pale imitation of their idea of a real paternal parent that destiny did not deliver. This love is strong enough that in the long term the initial love is forgotten and replaced with an associated identity that permeates the culture of fatherless losers. This culture, in turn, is what drives the masses towards the holy land, in the hope of reclaiming the mythical origins of their culture, a thinly veiled attempt to regress back into the love, from the culture.Wars for protection are the opposite, the same culture, the same spread out love, will drive a defending culture to sacrifice themselves for meaningless morals and vapid values.

Thus love is evil.

Canto II

A close, yet shallower, sister to love, lust, Could be argued to be even worse. All crimes love has caused were merely violent, not violating. Lust on the other hand, does both. Rape, sexual assault, etc. are often depicted as the most despicable acts a human being can commit. I'm inclined to agree. Furthermore the self-contradictory fetishization of sexual and general purity has caused countless violations of human rights, worst of all, the perpetrators argue the opposite, that those measures exist to protect their victim.

This behavior without a doubt is nothing but perverse decadence. The zeitgeist invoking a sentiment of entitlement, all too common in the minds of the privileged elite. apart from despicable acts of a sexual nature this atmosphere and the depraved fixation on immaculacy has provoked plenty other injustices, often misattributed as based on love of oneself and those like him. White nationalism, Trans-exclusionism, etc. all fetishize platonic ideas of the groups they claim to love, and commit grave sins because of it.

thus lust, too, is evil.

Canto L

While I do not know which of the two is the main contributor for the despicable flirtatious behavior between the malefic girl and the so-called dustan hache, I do know that to let this continue would be immoral. Therefore I, unfortunately must assign myslef the task of dismanteling the malefic girl, even if it means void for her tainted soul.

while i strongly suspect this might be nothing more than mere manipulation on MG's part, to make dustan's heart and make it cold and emotionless forever, I still must undergo this herculean labour.

Now, As pygmalion learned to despise Galatea due to her no longer being a pure, platonic ideal, so too must Dustan learn to despise MG. I recognise part of the problem is that MG looks a tad bit angelic at this moment, which might fool a fool into thinking of her more than the wretched seductress she is. Threfore i miust somehow clip her wings. As Icarus fell into the sea after seeing the supreme radiance of helios himself, his hubris shattered due to knowing he was nothing compared to the sun itself, so must the malefic girl yield to a supreme being that none could ever challenge. Such a being isn't easily found, yet when looking at the top of the pecking order it is clear what must be done. I call upon He to show Himself and show the malefic girl the folly of her ways.

In this process, one with an Ego as large as MG's will initially not recognize their absolute inferiority, and attempt to face and perhaps even outshine Him. This attempt to metaphorically rise above Him, goes hand in hand increasing their altitude physically, thus, when the Malefic Girl finally sees and grasps the truth, her wings of hubris finally molten in the light of Him, she will crash from the highest point in the heavens down to the lowest ocean below. Plunging into the dark waters of depression, self-loathing for even thinking one could match Him, and finally: Death.

When she finally reaches that very lowest point, I punch the Malefic Girl.

Wham.
4 damage.

What does it mean to be human?

Those who do not share the crushing feeling of the human struggle – holiest of seraphim, foulest of fiends, it matters not – those whom humanity does not curse with its touch, exempt from its grasp, know not of the boundless malice that humanity must bear and that bears humanity itself.

The immaculate dream of it, their sleep inhabited by the thoughts of those who live beneath them. The demented know of it, they bear the repercussions of the actions of those who live atop them. And yet, they do not bear it.

That is what it means to be Malefic.

Quote from: MedievalParadox on January 17, 2019, 07:37:34 pm

Still suffering(?)from the Adrenaline rush I start to use my Psychic powers on Dustin and the Malefic Girl. Why you may ask? well it's simple, because I with the state my mind is in it'll take another person hopped up on ten rounds of Adrenaline just to match me in brain hurty powers. also I inject myself with more adrenaline.

ADRENALINE OVERLOAD! However, you use the wrong psychic powers. Instead of using telekinesis, you instead accidentally read Dustan’s mind! You know, like an actual psychic.

In Dustan’s mind, you find a huge wall, with images of the Malefic Girl pinned towards it. They trace back to… a few hours ago in in-game time, and a few months ago if we’re going to break the fourth wall. Which we’d rather not, considering there’s only one wall there, and it’s creepy enough as is. On the floor is a velvet pillow, and on top is the tablet. This isn’t a perfect replica, far from it. This is just what Dustan remembers it being like. Do you approach it?

Quote from: crazyabe on January 17, 2019, 10:57:36 pm

I Draw up a Lipstick pentagram around a payphone and sacrifice A large wad of cash to summon forth a call to a greater evil: Malefic Man's mother in law.

The Malefic Man’s mother-in-law, or more accurately, the Malefic Girl’s grandmother, is currently in Thailand. As she is a citizen of it, you doubt that she would even speak English. And yes, I did just insinuate what you probably think I insinuated. The lack of a ring on the Malefic Man’s hand should have probably clarified that he isn’t currently married, but his general murderous tendencies should have probably clarified that he was never married in the first place.

Quote from: anaphaxeton on January 19, 2019, 08:03:20 am

I post, ensuring Trickle suddenly develops a schedule.

Sche…dule? Is that like, what, a German word?

Quote from: Leodanny on January 22, 2019, 01:43:38 pm

“Dustan!”
honestly what do we do when dustan uses magic? It’s obvious, cast dispel magic. Perform the heimlich on dustan and draw genitals all over the tablet.

Magic dispelled successfully! Dustan attempts to cast silence on you – however, you will soon learn (and by soon, I mean, by reading the response below) that it will backfire, and he will end up covering his own mouth instead! This means that the Heimlich manoeuvre is simply not possible. You do still somehow draw genitals on the front of the tablet from the inside of his stomach, but it seems to do no good!

Quote from: Dustan Hache on January 22, 2019, 02:32:58 pm

”Stop it you!”
cast silence on leodanny before he can cast dispel magic, so as to stop him from dispelling my barrier!

You try to cast silence on Leodanny, but it backfires, and you end up silencing yourself! Your barrier is gone, but the tablet is safe – as you are silenced, the tablet cannot be removed. Totally logical.

Quote from: KitRougard on January 22, 2019, 07:50:29 pm

You know what, I like the idea of teaming with the Malefic People. Or maybe these tight clothes are giving me a headrush. Oh well.
Bend realities so that this one intersects with one where the Malefic Girl has a pet wolf. And he is the most adorably bloodthirsty demonic wolfie you have ever seen.

You bend realities, and a pet wolf emerges! However, this Malefic Girl isn’t the Malefic Girl he was used to, and as such, ends up just barking incessantly at everything instead of following commands. Well, you can at least try to tame him!

Quote from: WyrdByrd on February 11, 2019, 11:22:34 am

With a brief apology to Dustan, I remind the tablet that it is an object too, thus making it beholden to my commands. Due to its last order being to destroy the Malefic Man, and with the Malefic Girl aiding the Malefic Man, the best way for it to fulfill this goal would be to destroy itself. Violently.

Can’t argue with that. The tablet follows your command, and explodes, leaving a huge gaping hole inside Dustan. Dustan, of course, still survives, because why wouldn’t he? The Malefic Girl’s wings evaporate, and you never do learn her secret – a shame. Anyway, I digress. “Damn it! I hate people who abuse reality-bending! I also hate hypocrites! I also hate people who say two hypocritical statements in the same sentence! And that doesn’t include me because I said three!!” she shouts out. The Malefic Girl proceeds to fall rapidly, approaching the icy terrain below.

In a last-ditch effort, she throws the vegetative Malefic Man into a puddle of ice-cold water created by TricMagic’s hole. The Malefic Man survives the fall, while the Malefic Girl plummets unceremoniously into a glacier, left with 1 HP.

Quote from: Leodanny on February 11, 2019, 08:48:32 pm

Before Dustan casts silence I just sort of shush him by mashing my finger in his face.
“Shhhhh... sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-ush, science must be done”

You… do that.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on February 11, 2019, 10:03:38 pm

Quote from: Leodanny on February 11, 2019, 08:48:32 pm
Before Dustan casts silence I just sort of shush him by mashing my finger in his face.
“Shhhhh... sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-ush, science must be done”
bite the finger while continuing to cast silence.

You also do that! Wow. These posts sure are looping around each other.

Quote from: kickingbottom on February 13, 2019, 04:19:07 am

dustan is hungry.... so suddenly appear at the realities Italian restaurant with a huge bowl of spaghetti on a table for two. Throw the complementary invites for dustan plus one to dustan back at the start of the episode. /b]

Dustan is automatically invited! He sits down to eat spaghetti. That sure is some nice spaghetti.

Mhm… Spaghetti…

And now, for our bi-yearly (in this case meaning “twice a year” and not “once every two years) haiku recap segment:

A dark angel falls,
God himself disgraces her,
Now she’s one with ice.

The spell still blossoms,
Objects serve, but are we not,
All objects as well?

Explosions befall,
Too warm on this chilly day,
Warm enough for death.

But she still hangs on,
Life is nothing but a ride.
Why would we get off?

Tons of the Malefic Man’s memory papers scatter across the battlefield, still somewhat icy, albeit less so after the numerous explosions. Things are getting warmer. The Malefic Man has 1 HP, and seems to be in a coma of sorts, floating in a puddle. The Malefic Girl has 1 HP, and is in a crater caused by her fall.

Here’s an easy question.

Do you kill a crippled man and an almost-dead 15 year old girl?

This game isn’t made to test you, or to see how violent humanity is. I’m not about to berate you for knocking an adult man and a little girl around repeatedly, considering this is all a text-based forum game, and I won’t mock you for either choice, whether you kill them or not. It’s been a trend in games of all kinds lately, to scoff at the players for engaging in acts of violence, when the creators encouraged them themselves. But I promise that this isn’t what’s going on here.

It takes everyone to leave them alive, but it only takes one person to kill both of them.

This should be easy.

Malefic Man: 1/10 HP.
Malefic Girl: 1/10 HP.

Roll To Dodge / Re: Odyssey - Team Based Space Exploration RTD [5/6]

« on: February 27, 2019, 12:35:14 pm »

Name: Pylo XIII

Appearance: A giant blob monster of a sickly green color. Doesn’t look too appealing - in fact, it’s surprising he can keep himself in one pile in the first place. Vaguely humanoid, with a conductor’s hat on his head and a long trench coat, probably to keep himself from falling flat on the floor. The coat extends to halfway across his face, with the hat covering everything else on it except one pristine white eye amongst the endless blobs of trash.

Species: God Knows
~Able to melt down and seep through surfaces.
~Items can melt into him, then when he melts down, the items will remain inside him, even if the chunks he melts into are too small to individually hold each item. Basically, nobody knows where they go.
~Smells like utter garbage. Nobody can stand to be anywhere near him.
~Not very good at socializing, or maybe he just can’t do it in the first place.

Inventory: -Rusted wrench
-Dead pigeon
-A handful of twigs
-Flashlight (surprisingly useful?)

Background: Probably crawled out of the sewers. Doesn’t care about details, his past, or how he came to be. Can he even talk?

Roll To Dodge / Re: Ultra-Minimalist Superhuman Fighting RTD [no character limit]

« on: February 24, 2019, 11:04:58 am »

Name: Pylo XIII.
Appearance: A slender and tall blob of some sort of green oozing liquid. Vaguely humanoid, as stated. Tall long-coat reaching up to where his nose should be, and the top of his face is covered by a large conductor hat. You can see one eye poking out of it, purely white with a small black iris, pristine amongst the goo that surrounds it.

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Destroy the Godmodder 13

« on: January 19, 2019, 08:02:21 pm »

SEPHARVAIM has been sleepy and doing jobs for the European Union. However, we I, SEPHARVAIM, have returned.
Canto VIII: Cash-Money the Godmodder

Quote from: scourge728 on January 14, 2019, 05:59:36 pm

Hit the moon back at the godmodder

The Godmodder hits it back!

You are now playing Moon Tennis with the Godmodder. The winner will get nothing, unless they're the Godmodder. Then they'll get your soul. The loser will have a moon dropped into them. I don't think that's survivable.

Quote from: Glass on January 14, 2019, 07:54:01 pm

Quote from: atrousCosmocrat on January 14, 2019, 05:57:10 pm
一个聪明人曾经说过，你的家永远不会离开你的心。对于Godmodder房子来说也是如此：当你的胸部爆裂只是为了显示整个房子时，你会注意到这一点。
你被埋在地下。
That’s all nonsensical, so it obviously didn’t happen. Obviously, I’m five blocks away by this point and perfectly unharmed.

EDIT: Just so that we’re clear about the fact that yes, I know what you said and am not just dismissing it out of hand: you claimed that your house burst out of my chest, which is self-evidently stupid.

You, a logical man, know that Godmodders are real and self-evident threats, unlike houses bursting out of your chest. You manage to escape, five blocks away from the Godmodder's house.

"You're sane and reasonable, correct? I, Benjamin Shapiro, would like to recruit you. Your skills will help us defeat the liberal menace, for one. Anyway, you can't refuse. Get in the van."

Quote from: Rockeater on January 15, 2019, 01:06:55 am

I convince the Godmodder that buying gold with all of his money is a good idea, wait to after he does, and then pull out tons of gold from the empty set reducing it value to nothing

The Godmodder buys tons of gold with all of his money, causing him to lose five Euros. You attempt to make his money worthless, but find that you pulled out 'Bitconnect coins with value' from the empty set. Because everything has its price, which the Godmodder sets, you quickly find that you're actually just buying Bitconnect coins, and you're bankrupt.

Quote from: Imic on January 15, 2019, 03:17:24 am

Just call it Cent. Yanks say Cents, other people say Cent. Like Sheep, but no sheeps.
Use the power of logic to steal a tenner from the Godmodder’s stash. Spend five Euro of it on a slice of smelly cheese. Shoot Cheese out of cannon at Godmodder. Leave it for a sec, then shoot him with bombs and torpedoes and missiles again.

Whatever you say for cents, it's definitely euros in English. The correct plural of cent is centa, anyway. If you aren't using Latin plurals for everything you can, you're going to Super Guantanamo Bay.

"You clearly aren't logical enough," Benjamin Shapiro says from down on Earth. You feel your logical faculty fade away, and you only manage to steal quinquaginta centa from the Godmodder. You go to the cheese shop, who begrudgingly accept your underpayment, but give you the worst cheese possible. Feeling very poor, and therefore very hungry, you eat the cheese and begin bleeding from your orifices. While in this miserable state, your fleet bomb the Godmodder.

Quote from: King Zultan on January 15, 2019, 03:43:55 am

Start throwing zebras at the godmodder.

The Godmodder rearranges the zebras into a zebra stack, all riding each other simultaneously. What an abomination.

Quote from: CABL on January 15, 2019, 09:16:17 am

Use these 100 beings' talents to create black hole guns, then declare war on EA: Let's see how those capitalist scum will try to return back my debt to them.

You declare war on EA, who check their records, and wonder what debt you're talking about. Didn't they steal cash money from 0rca? Whatever. EA are always happy to establish a fascist regime to kill pinkos like you. They spin the Wheel of Fascist Fortune, and revive the... Spanish State!

It's the Spanish Civil War, in Space.

Quote from: KitRougard on January 15, 2019, 09:23:32 am

Hm, I currently have a bank account of -28,266 Euros. That implies I'm in debt, to have a negative amount. But at the same time, I am undebt! Undebt means that all my debt gets flipped on its head, right? Basically, undebted debt = normal money?
Well, my bank account sheds its negative symbol (The "-") and blasts into full glory as a grand total of 28,266 Euros.
I'M BACK IN THE BLACK BABY

Who knows what being undebt means? SEPHARVAIM doesn't know, really. I don't think the Godmodder knows either. Still, you're back in the black!

The Godmodder throws the void into the void, then the Jack-Out-Of-The-Closet into the void-void. They're all void-voided. He then decides that half of the X-Wing Fleet doesn't bring him joy. That's void-voided as well.

Fused Lucas, God of Star Wars: 10 Health Is Greatness
X-Wing Fleet: 4 x 9 Health.
scourge728: 942 Health. Dirty thief.
KitRougard: 28,266 Euros. Undebt.
Rockeater: BANKRUPT.
Joined Organisation for Extermination: 100 Members, 9000 IQ.

0rca_tr0per: -99,975 Euros. Undebt.
Estado Español del Espacio: At war with CABL.
EA: 80,000 Purple Arrows. Paywalled half of 0rca’s euros.

The Godmodder: 84.51 Euros. Undebt.

Neo-Amsterdam.
Benjamin Shapiro: Kidnapping Glass.
Glass: Being kidnapped.

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Malefic Minds

« on: January 17, 2019, 09:08:47 am »

Episode 9 - Malefic Mind
Yes, this still exists. Surprising, is it not?

Quote from: MedievalParadox on December 20, 2018, 06:05:06 pm

I injected myself with 10 doses of adrenaline and then quickly shoot at the Malefic men with two Rifles with bullets that have been covered in poison.

Adrenaline rush! However, even adrenaline can't help you resist the blinding properties of the steam. You miss your shots, but manage to stay awake!

Quote from: The_Two_Eternities on December 20, 2018, 06:52:10 pm

Ocean air... so... c-cold... body temperature... returning to normal...

The Malefic Man, of course, is also affected by the ocean air, likely causing him to wake up and lose the advantage coming from being asleep.

You manage to stay awake, and the Second Malefic Man springs awake. "Eh? Wh... Shit, I was dreaming about killing you! You can't just wake me up like that! That's illegal!" the Malefic Man says, and wobbles a bit on the roof tile. He's still on it, but losing balance! You manage to stay awake.

Quote from: Rockeater on December 21, 2018, 04:39:12 am

Ok
Trow TricMagic at the half of the Malefic Man in a way they both get out of unreality

You somehow manage to poke TricMagic and the Malefic Man through unreality and get them out! You fall asleep in the process.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on December 21, 2018, 06:33:35 am

Cast dispel sleep on everyone (you’d be surprised how many monsters use that trick) and do not let anyone look at the back of the tablet.
also, tell the (second) Malific man that I want to ask her out on a date, preferably without animosity from or to her father(s). It’s better to have a polite discussion now than it is to have a resentful in-law later, if it gets that far.

"I don't understand! I really don't get it! I'm stuck here with you, and somehow I'm less insane than you lot! Everything's a mess, my life makes no sense, and we're stuck in some sort of ripoff world! How am I supposed to react to this? What am I supposed to say? I don't know how to do dad shit! I stab people! That's what I do!" the Malefic Man yells. You try to speak politely, but he just has a mental breakdown. You cast dispel sleep on everyone! It... works???

Quote from: IndigoFenix on December 21, 2018, 06:46:54 am

Open a portal to the Second Malefic Man's mental world and attempt to extract secrets from his subconscious, in particular anything that can be learned about "D". Only half of my birds will invade his mind, the other half will attack him from the outside in order to keep him distracted.

While the Second Malefic Man is distracted with a mental breakdown, you slip into his mind!

...Dear god. It's an absolute mess. You find yourself in a room, a large room, with a small mahogany wood table before you, a velvet couch, and a little note on the middle of the table. In fact, the entire room is filled with notes. Notes upon notes upon notes, anywhere and everywhere. You decide to look at the first note. "Hello, and welcome to my mind. I hope you have a good time sorting through the myriad of secrets that I have stacked here. Most of them are probably irrelevant." the note reads. You put the note down and walk up to the pile of notes, picking one at random. "When I was 13, I once pissed my pants while I was sleeping, but nobody noticed." It turns out that even maniacs have a lot more "normal" secrets than actually useful information.

Quote from: TricMagic on December 21, 2018, 08:23:10 am

Gain the Power of Dreamland. Then finish off the Last Half of the First Malefic Man and emerge from Unreality.

You've already been pulled into reality by Rockeater! You try to gain the Power of Dreamland, but unfortunately, you can only gain it in unreality.

Quote from: King Zultan on December 21, 2018, 09:32:40 am

Shove Dustan Hache into the water and take that tablet and read the back.

You shove Dustan Hache! He eats the tablet before you can take it.

Quote from: Dustan Hache on December 21, 2018, 10:15:10 am

Quote from: King Zultan on December 21, 2018, 09:32:40 am
Shove Dustan Hache into the water and take that tablet and read the back.
Do everything in my power to prevent him from doing so, short of destroying it!

You eat the tablet! Hey, that's not destroying it.

Quote from: crazyabe on December 21, 2018, 04:26:33 pm

I Reach into the universal UI and set Nature's thermostat to Absolute zero, That should cool off that steaming issue.

You set the temperature to absolute zero! However, nature's thermostat runs on celsius, and for some reason, doesn't understand what "absolute zero" means, so it defaults to zero Celsius. The steam condenses and freezes, as well as the water itself, creating a large arena of ice.

Quote from: Leodanny on January 10, 2019, 12:07:14 pm

Stick some ground coffee into the steaming water and drink it, to stay awake. Stain the Malefic Girl’s art with the extra.

The water is no longer steaming, thanks to Crazyabe, but you do manage to get some cold brew to energize yourself! The Malefic Girl's art is currently in Dustan Hache's mouth, so you spill it on him, and he drinks it.

Quote from: Blood_Librarian on January 16, 2019, 09:46:04 pm

shoot self in foot

The shadows question this move, but figure it must be some sort of sacrificial ritual.

Quote from: WyrdByrd on January 17, 2019, 12:12:36 am

Would steam be considered an object? If so, I've got nothing to worry about. Try to make the rest of the Malefic Man's body dissapear through the power of shadow-puppet realism, and not think about my temporary absence from reality, in order to prevent myself from sleeping.

...Steam is probably an object. Fair point. The Malefic Man's body somehow starts to disappear! "Mr Byrd, I don't feel so good!" he yells out.

Quote from: JOEBob

I use a time travel and go back to when unreality was easy to enter, then I enter it. unreality is another reality, so I grab a goose from there. multidimensional item get! I then return to my pocket.

Unreality isn't a reality! Therefore, the object is not from another reality, it's from no realities.

Quote from: ThatOtherGuy

I don't bother questioning how the Malefic Man got into the store. Instead, I just channel the adrenaline brought on by holding a tool to end lives in my hand to stay awake and end the life of the Malefic Man.
He survives having his life ended, presumably, but not without the scars of having been severely beaten by a man with a gun, who then proceeds to loot his near-corpse for bullets.
(the man is me, in case that somehow flew over your head)

You beat the shit out of the Malefic Man! How? Through the power of adrenaline, bullshit, and christianity! You basically go on a goddamn crusade against his ass. You loot him for bullets, and find a bullet in his armpit. Weird, but hey, it's loot.

The battlefield is covered in ice! The_Two_Eternities wins the floating contest by default! The Malefic Man's morale drops, crying over his loss. His tears freeze. The Malefic Girl continues her rampage, flying around, and her tablet is stuck in Dustan Hache's digestive system.

Half of the First Malefic Man looks around, confused. The Second Malefic Man, fading away from WyrdByrd's attack, only half of him left, panics, and jumps at the First Malefic Man. Somehow, through bullshit synchronization, they fuse together, creating... Yep. The Malefic Man. At 1 HP! "It's... me! At last! Wait, fuck! I'm almost dead?! Shit!" he says. "Hey, sweety! Do you think you can, uh, help me not die?" he yells up to the Malefic Girl. "Seriously? You're almost dead, again? What a hassle..." she sighs, soaring down and grabbing the Malefic Man, and winks at Dustan Hache. The Malefic Man pretends not to notice.

Everyone looks over at Dustan. Welp. Get the tablet, and you take the Malefic Girl down.

Malefic Man: 1/10 HP. Final hit.
Malefic Girl: 3/5 HP. Winged rampage!

Forum Games and Roleplaying / Re: Malefic Minds

« on: December 20, 2018, 10:15:15 pm »

Quote from: Rockeater on December 20, 2018, 06:09:21 pm

I thought that the surviving half of th Malific Man is in unreality

Oops. Fixed.

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